Michael Sheen 💕

I’m too short to take bathroom selfies so I have to go on my tiptoes

Hi finnie! I hope you're having a good timezone ^^

I was wondering if you'd do a headcanons post for the riddlers reacting to a fem!reader they have a crush on accidentally sending them spicy photos (nudes or lingerie, chefs choice lol)? I was gonna ask for rogues reacting but that's just cause I also wanted to ask for scarecrow, mad hatter and daddy ozzie but I feel like that might be asking a lot ><

Feel free to ignore this or just do parts of it if you're feeling up to it!!♡

- E.F.

Accidental Nudes

Riddler Headcanons (with some Daddy Oz and others) ok but effy i just got off work for almost two weeks so i am in a perfect mood to do all the riddlers and the other little scruffs too! request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw for nsfw stuff: suggestive stuff

gotham

*very cute pic of you standing up from behind*

he's not sure you meant that for him but he's double checking anyway

that you meant to send it! not the picture

although he has been staring at it without blinking since you sent it

cheeks red completely

sweat on his forehead

mouth suddenly very dry despite the fact that he's sure he's drooling out the corner of his open mouth

if you ask about it, he'll pretend he hasn't seen it

to save you both the embarrassment

arkham

*"how about this?"*

*lingerie set pic*

*"fuck. shit. please ignore and delete all messages ed"*

*"meant to send to a friend"*

*"ed seriously pls"*

buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz omg

he's told you about the multiple texting thing before just send it in one easy to ignore paragraph

and why are you texting him when he specifically said that he was busy working on- OH

ok less annoyed at you now

because this was worth the interruption

and fighting the temptation to tell you that it looks good

he kindly deletes the messages

but he has a photographic memory

and he'll be grinning like an idiot next time he sees you in the flesh

capullo

*tit pic*

*"oh shit, here we go"*

OH OH OH OK

so you said, and you were very clear

that unwarranted dick pics were not appropriate!!

so how come you get to send nudes???

i mean not that he's complaining

but uh... tit for tat you know

now if you're open to requests

how about taking one with a lower view... are you wearing anything on the bottom half?

or are you completely nude?

WHAT!? SO HE CAN'T EVEN ASK!?

unburied

*flirty just out the shower pic*

*"sorry, not meant for you, but enjoy!"*

well that's infuriating

because first of all maybe he was enjoying it

but he definitely will be trying not to now out of spite

then again... you do look wonderful

and it is a complete tease to send him a picture meant for someone else

although that might just be a clever trick

either way, saved to camera roll for later

but he won't be telling you that

telltale

*top half bare, bottom half in panties pic*

*"edward! please delete the last message, i am so sorry"*

disappointment immeasurable

you're the kind of person who sends pictures like that over messages?

he was right to think he shouldn't have given you his number

but also

if this was indeed an accident

that means you didn't intend to send it to him

which means this gratuitous display of your body was meant for someone else

and as soon as he finds out who you might find them uncontactable

dano

*exceptionally good butt pic with panties*

he doesn't get it...

OH! that's... you! oh my...

of course he'll delete it!

but... who did you mean to send it to?

you're just taking it for yourself? oh ok

that's nice! he's glad!

glad that you were... appreciating yourself, not glad that...

that you weren't sending it to someone else, because that would make him jealous and he's not jealous at all

because he doesn't... you don't like him like that so it's fine

it's whatever

he's going to go lie face down on the floor for a while now

with his phone on silent

twojar

*topless selfie*

*"ooooooh... sorry"*

don't be sorry, nothing he hasn't seen before

do you know how many women send him shirtless pics

he's inundated with them, frankly

it's a nuisance yes, but at least you didn't mean to send it

you... didn't mean to send it, right?

right! just an accident! of course!

why would you ever mean to send him those pictures

you're not interested in him in the slightest

and that... that doesn't drive him mad at all

that doesn't make you one of the few women to turn him down

which doesn't make him want you all the more

especially now that he's had a glimpse of what he's missing out on

young justice

*teasing selfie with your hands over your boobs*

*"oh gosh, ed! so sorry!!*"

he hasn't even seen the second message

because when he opened the first one, he threw his phone across the room

is it possible to get that hard that quick?

because he is and he did

he barely even got a look at you, and there was barely even anything to see

but it was enough to send him over the edge

genuinely close to tears over how hot you are

and how pathetically desperate he is for you

don't expect to get a reply

and he'll also be hiding from you for at least three weeks

AND THE BONUS BOYS <3

penguin

*showing off your new lingerie*

*"uh... sorry, mr cobblepot... finger slipped"*

hey you know what, that's ok, these things happen

but uh... your finger ever takes a fancy for slipping again

he wouldn't be complaining

also, it looks good on you kid, you should be sending that to everybody you know

looks good enough to sell the stuff

which speaking of, how much was it

maybe as a thank you for lifting his spirits up he can send you the cost, a treat

maybe you spend that money on something new

make sure to show him that as well

scarecrow

*nude selfie*

*"good god in heaven jon please don't look at that picture"*

you could have just found him and deleted it yourself in the time it took for him to see the message

his phone is always on silent and he never knows where it is

perhaps the cracks on the screen shielded most of you

either way, when you see him next, flustered and embarrassed, he can't help but revel in your nerves

he won't tell you he saw it

he won't even acknowledge it

but now he can finally pinpoint the reason he doesn't mind being around you

mad hatter

*sweetly posed picture of you topless and smiling

gosh golly, he almost dropped his phone into his cup

verbal and visual example of a keyboard smash

cheeks are bright pink, eyes are WIDE

should he send one back? express his apperciation?

surely you can't have meant this for him

perhaps it would be best, most polite, to delete the images

but now that he knows what's hiding under your shirt

and how sweet your smile can look even in the most...

intimate circumstances

it's going to be harder to hide his crush

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i AM NOT SURE WHAT TYPE OF HOOFBEAST i AM HALF OF, bUT IT IS STRIPY,,,

What would be your ultimate dream Oliver thirst post pic?

i've thought about this WAY too much throughout the day. i want sweaty curls FOR SURE, and i want abs/shoulders/biceps/butt but its hard to get the booty in there with the first three so what i really want is like a three part insta story - mirror selfie rockin' the sweaty curls, abs & arms poppin' (he's pretty good at these), a video of him squatting HEAVY bc i'm a slut for that, and then some like gratuitous giant tire flipping but shirtless bc obviously. a redo of the ropes in the rain would also be *chef's kiss* but TAKE YOUR DAMN SHIRT OFF. you know i like it when they #keep it wet. oooh wait i'm also a whore for like a HEAVY dumbbell chest press or bench press video. okay i want like 25 minutes of insta story gym thirst, i guess. oops.

ask grace

While the rootlings are away, the ‘shrooms will play! Now that colder weather is here, the mushroom friends of The Roots & ‘Shrooms Gang are living their best lives. They like the cold, and most of all, they like Fall leaves. I apologize for the gratuitous butt shots in the final photo, but... well... they dove in at the last minute and I snapped a pic at the wrong moment. ‘Shrooms will be ‘shrooms! XD

Episode 6 was AWESOME. Finally it really and truly felt like Digimon Adventure!!

This episode plus the last one makes me eat my words of despair over the blandness of episode 4. I’m counting that one as just a miss. I’m hoping that it doesn’t bode for the tone they’ll take with all Sora episodes though. Sora’s easy to overlook because she’s already kind, brave, and responsible - the main things the other kids need to work on. Still she never bored me in old Adventure. I only ever wanted more of her and that was my hope for 2020 Sora. Her intro episode wasn’t a great start, but guess what, she got to be pretty darn cool in this episode, and overall the tone of this ep was such an improvement on ep 4 that I’m back to thinking we will absolutely get a modern, cool girl Sora who rocks her spotlight episodes in the future. Pray with me friends.

By the way we finally got some decent animation in this episode. So I took gratuitous Taichi pics and I’ll post a couple to start us off bahahaha

Okay, so this was the much-awaited MIMI episode. Heck yeah. It’s called “The Targeted Kingdom.” Who is the queen of the kingdom, I’ll give you three guesses, eh what’s that Mimi? like WOW you got it on the first try!

More below!!

^ So I’m not quite sure what’s going on here. I think Sora is standing on Taichi’s back and Piyomon is helping lift her (them?) up into the trees so Sora can look around? They are trying to find the way to the ocean. This seems like the most awkward way possible to go about it but you do you kiddo...

See, Adventure Taichi would be making jokes while this is happening. 2020 Taichi is thinking about The Big Picture, at least as much of it as he knows of. He’s turning into such a pensive type. Yamato’s gonna have to work hard to keep his lead brooder status.

Also I was thinking... there’s a few times in this ep, and more in others, where I feel like the animators don’t show us enough... Idk what to call it, movement? The fall out of actions? Like why don’t we see them climb into the tree? Why are we zoomed into so close when they fall out? Later during the big fight scene, there’s stuff going on that could definitely be shown in a clearer, and also cooler to watch, way. My theory of course is it’s all budget issues but what a bummer.

The kids’ first intro to the bottomless pit that is a Digimon’s stomach. They have no food (seriously? in that pack of emergency supplies Sora brought by pure happenstance there is NO food??) so they go... steal some. But they don’t know they’re stealing.

Not that SHE cares.

Mimi: Bahaha... you’ve fallen into my trap! *cutest maniacal laugh ever*

^The trap

There is another trap that comes later in the ep and I’ll just say here. It’s some Jessie & James level shit. Way to go Meems!

ugh soooo cuuuute I want twenty

Introducing... Queen Mimi! Yes, Queen. They’ve upgraded her!

Honestly, I love how she’s introduced as royalty, but she’s dressed as a cowgirl. No one would ever ask Mimi to pick just one theme. Like her kimchi fried rice with whipped cream and strawberries, Mimi is not afraid to mix genres!

Like I said, the animation in this ep is a cut above what’s it been recently, which is a relief. And everyone’s appearance is so much like Adventure that I wonder why they changed anything xD But I’m just so grateful everyone kept their unique eyes. It was the one thing I missed in the animation of Tri, even though I wouldn’t have wanted high school kids to have baby eyes. But the eyes really highlighted each character’s individuality. Glad that’s still a thing even if not every animator pays attention to it.

Taichi & Sora: Were those your fruit trees? Uhh sorry? My Digimon was close to death and we were starving...

Mimi: You will starve again unless you learn the meaning of the law!

that’s a little les mis interlude for ya youre welcome

So Mimi arrived in the digital world, separated from the others, and immediately became Queen of the Tanemon. I SENSE A TREND.

Mimi doesn’t come across as ditzy and selfish as she did in early Adventure. I am not sure if that side of her’s been erased in favor of simply making her reluctant to fight because she’s soft-hearted, or if we’ll see her self-centeredness appear later on. I hope so. Right now the 2020 story is very focused on the plot and not on the children’s growth, which is a huge departure from Adventure, but I don’t think it will remain that way. I hope not at least. But I do think it’s possible that they’ll rewrite Mimi to be a bit less self-centered and/or airheady, and I’m not exactly against that. After all, post-Adventure Mimi showed her cool side more when she was willful or opinionated, and I’m on board with more of that in the 2020 show too. A better balance would definitely be a good thing in Mimi’s case.

She kind of made me think of Sailor Moon in this episode, lol

GASP! We are all Chosen Children! Mimi immediately says NOOO WAY i’m queen of the Tanemon!! But not because the Tanemon are catering to her every whim (they’re not, as far as I can tell! Though they did make her a throne!). Because she honestly feels a responsibility to look after them. Again, pretty different from old Adventure.

Pocket Koushirou returns and Taichi tries to absorb him into his brain!!

Taichi: *grunting* HNNNNGGGG!! Give me me your curiosity!!!

Koushirou: Are you Vademon!?!?!

Koushirou shows video footage from the human world that shows the effect the power outage is having. Though it’s not a complete blackout yet, some places like hospitals have already lost power and are in trouble. 

Mimi sees her grandfather, the president of Tachikawa Industries, on the TV helping people in trouble. VERY DIFFERENT. VERY COOL. I approve

Koushirou also points out that there is INDEED a time lapse between the human and digital worlds. I’m not exactly sure how different the time lapse is from old Adventure. At first, I thought it was much smaller, but thinking about it... given how slow the video from the human world was moving, it might be sizable. But I don’t think it’s as big as old Adventure. At any rate, Taichi and Sora figure out this means Mimi was on her own with Palmon and the Tanemon village for longer than they realized.

Also makes me wonder just how much time Yamato’s spent in the digital world...

Mimi feels torn between wanting to help her grandfather and needed to protect the Tanemon village! Naturally Taichi suggests they work together!

And a Tanemon rudely kicks him in the face!! Just kidding. But it was too cute not to cap

Mimi brings the waterworks like three or four times this episode.

Mimi: Alright! You work for me now!

Taichi: ...??? Okay I guess????

Yes, Princess or Queen, Mimi is still Mimi <3

So they join up and uhh... get ready for war I guess??

I MEAN HOW CUTE IS THAT

So this is the second Team Rocket trap, a giant hole in the ground. How did they dig it? How did the build that raft two eps ago?? Inquiring minds want to know

Greymon is surprisingly limber for a chubby dinosaur.

Taichi does what he does best in battle scenes: stand in immediate danger and look up a dinosaur’s bum.

OGREMON MAKES HIS BIG APPEARANCE IN A MIMI EP. I totally called it last week. Okay, technically he already appeared in episode 5... but we barely saw him okay! He uses Soundbirdmon (who may indeed not be sentient?) to mind-control other Digimon to find and apparently kill?? the children. Ogremon honestly sounds kind of mind-controlled himself but not sure. If he is, it’s a different kind of control. He may just talk like that because he’s an ogre and not very articulate...

I guess I capped this because CUTE CUTE CUTE

So speaking of rushing into immediate danger... Not only is Sora right in the middle of the right, she’s HANGING OFF BIRDRAMON’S LEG. This show is SO not promoting child safety hahahhahaha

Cute Taichi. Cuter still - Taichi and Sora tag teaming it. PLEEEEEASE give me more of this!! I want nothing more than for Sora to join Taichi and Yamato as a heavy-hitter. I always headcanoned her that way growing up. Let Sora kick ass 2020!!

^Palmon’s method of rescuing Mimi... effective, yet questionable

Capped because Cute.

Sora and Birdramon take down the blue bird digimon (sorry... forgot its name... will likely forget the name of every other Digimon not from old Adventure as well. i am a senior citizen). Taichi cheers for them and says “You nabbed the best bit from me!” SO CUTE. Come on, they are the best team!!

Meanwhile, Palmon: *screams bloody murder*

Mimi: Palmon! Noooo!

Episode 6: Palmon friggin DIES

I mean she is like glitching in and out. So it totally FIGURES it would be a Mimi ep that tells us “yeah kids we’re not Pokemon!” I mean. Keep watching...

Mimi recalls being all alone in a strange world when she meets Palmon. Btw they totally revamped the Pyokomon Village for this Tanemon village, I dig.

EVOLUUUUUTION!!

Boxing!!! Cactus!!! Eat this Precure!!!!

While Togemon takes out Drimogemon, Greymon rushes in to protect the kids from Ogremon...

... AND FREAKING SAWS HIS HORN OFF.

Like I said. THIS AIN’T POKEMON, KIDS.

Isn’t this actually darker than old Adventure? I mean I guess at least no one dies (I think? uhh...) and I suppose that’s less dark... but sawing off body parts... Idk man... I’m down with it, I just don’t know that it’s any nicer than old Adventure... hahahaha

POW! Err, Drimogemon’s drill ain’t looking too good either...

More waterworks as Mimi tells Palmon she loves her, and Palmon says it right back. Foreshadowing for Mimi/Koushirou tiffs in the future!? It was lit last ep that Koushirou tried to say he loves his partner and choked on it. Something tells me these two are gonna butt heads again ;)

Ugggggghhhh so cute I can’t staaaaaaand ittttt

Mimi decides to go with Taichi and Sora and leave the Tanemon village, Idk, I guess they’ll be safe now???  at least they won’t be targeted for having a human child among them.

Also I like her leaf bag. The Tanemon totally made it for her.

We end with Ogremon gripping his broken horn and fricking sobbing. This... does not bode well.

I want to hug him

so cast your votes, who gets the first hurt/comfort scene with Ogremon? Will it be gentle chastisement from Mimi while she patches him up with stuff from Sora’s pack? Or will it be Jou and the toilet paper you know he brought even if it makes no sense?!? hahahaha

I give this ep a 7/10 WELL DONE. That’s what a Digimon episode should be. Very close to VERY VERY GOOD.

I missed the trailer for next week so have more gratuitous Taichis instead.

DWTS Live Tour Recap 2020

Whew....this day has been a doozy between lack of sleep and a weird ass day at work.  This years tour was a vastly different experience than in the past because Mother Nature is a raging beeotch.... but it was still so amazing!  Details below the break to save y’alls timelines some grief. 

We started off our day at work and school.  I had known, and bitched extensively, about the 100% rain outlook but it was pretty sunny all day.  I picked Abs up at early release and I swear to you...the second the car door shut, the sprinkles started.  Because of course it did.  We got ready and went for some lunner only to be caught in INSANE traffic.  Fun fact, Floridians can’t drive in the rain and there was a fatal accident on a major bridge that shut it down and made traffic a nightmare.  No biggie though, because it was nasty out and we knew they weren’t just going to be wandering downtown so we were in no rush.  We got downtown about 4 and we started wandering. 

(Gratuitous bus pic)

We stopped and chatted with the nicest security lady who, bless her heart, was sitting there between the buses huddled under a golf umbrella.  She said she hadn’t seen anyone in quite a while (probably because they were inside teaching the show to Keo) but that if we had been there at 7am they were all outside chillin and going to work out and such.  We did a lap then stood under the awning at the front of the arena for a bit. 

(Why is she so weird?)

During our laps we saw Keo (who was limping something fierce...like I wasn’t sure he was going to make it up the steps to the arena limp...looked like he pulled a hammy) but due to the sprinkling and the running buses he either didn’t hear us or pretended to not hear us.  We also saw Val, possibly Jenna (hood was pulled over her to her eyes), Daniella, and Wit.  Everyone but Wit was doing the mad dash into the arena from the buses.  Wit was in full hair and makeup and talked to Abs for a second as she was entering her bus...Abs didn’t ask for a picture because Wit clearly wanted to get into the dry and not mess herself up.  We did a couple more laps then standing under the awning loops then met up with @loveisstatic​. 

(Poor sweetheart bore witness to Savage being savage most of the night.) 

We decided to take a lap but didn’t see anything....sigh.  After a pretty epic battle over the fact that Haley said she also “liked” Alan....as in, he’s a good dancer, which “someone” took as “Imma steal your man”. 

We went in the arena and went to the merch table where Abs refused a tour tshirt because Hannah was on it...lol.  I was trying to get a cute pic of Abs and her 10 paddle....but home girl was trying to make sure she wasn’t standing next to Hannah ffs....

Then we went to get drinks (ha for Haley) and were very quickly let in to our seats.  Haley was actually only a couple rows in front of us, so we were able to chat before the show and during intermission.  The show is, of course, absolutely amazing!  It has a cute “theme” of driving the bus on tour and the voice overs were cracking me up.  After the Magic Mike number, Jen talks to the lady rubbing up on Val.  The poor lady clearly either has zero idea who the two of them are or has lost her senses due to all the testosterone filled sweat on her person.  Jen “You know, I recently got married”  Lady “Oh, congratulations!!!”  Jen “Yeah, that man you were just grinding and rubbing and smacking on....that’s my husband”  Lady “OMG!”  Jen “Yeah, his name is Val.  I’ll let it slide this time (then whatever the script is)”.  The lady was so embarrassed.  It was funny.  There was the absolute cutest little girl in the front row that Val came out and talked to.  She’s on the DWTS Tour story.  That section of the show was pretty awesome, actually.  I loved his speech about breaking the tv barrier and coming to do shows live to all of us who were gracious enough to invite them into our homes every Monday night.  Abs fave dance was Daddy Shark (I’ll steal her video and post it later....we can’t have enough reposts of that gem) and anything that had Alan and mine was the entire Hero section at the end where they’re wearing white (for the dancing) and Dream On (for the music).  Actually, the dance where they’re passing the key to the tour around was pretty awesome, too.  Then, it comes to intermission and Abs starts bitching about being hungry.  I told her sorry (she’s not a popcorn or nut fan and that’s all they really had) and she starts made some wildly and embarrassing comments about want candy...Alan’s candy complete with eyebrow waggles and cackling.  I think that it was at that point that our new friend decided that kid is a hot damn mess.  Jenna’s swan dive is absolutely amazing in person....mostly for the reaction it causes.  I, of course, knew it was coming but the lady next to me literally slap/grabbed her husband and whisper yelled “OH SHIT!”.  After the show, the adults in the group had to pee.  The teenager in the group just bitched that we were going to make her late to the buses.  (This is a very important fun fact for later.)  They have some weird ass security dude on tour this year who had some rule where the crowd standing (couldn’t have been more than 20 of us) had to scrunch into the space of 2 of those metal fence things as opposed to the other 57000 of them lining the buses.  Every 5 min or so, he’d waltz out and yell at us to “get on this side of the line.  No one can be between the buses”...except none of us moved after the first few times.  He was intense and a good time fun ruiner.  Kept trying to tell us that the police were going to see us standing at his one of his non approved fences (the same ones we’ve stood at for 2 other tours) and “shut the whole thing down”.  Sure, Stan.  Evenutally, he stopped fussing and Kate came out. 

She is a gem, honestly.  Super sweet and funny as hell.  Love me some her.  After Kate went in, it was cold and SOMEONE in our group had to pee (remember that fun fact....ha).  Val came out and got into the runner van and scooted off to the airport.  There was much discussion of how we knew it was him and how we knew where he was going.  Sasha came out and we talked to him and got pics. 

(Not all his selfies are hysterical gems that will be reused for all of eternity)

I gave him all my notes and Glebs drugs because we thought we were going to have to leave.  He said he’d pass them out for me.  We were deciding to leave when Emma popped out of the bus all “Which one of you gave the Benadryl to Gleb?  That was bloody brilliant!”.

We took pics with her and decided to stick around for a bit more because Abs needed  wanted to see Alan.  Thankfully, he came out shortly after and turned on the front camera flash I didn’t even know I had. 

(He also has very long arms for a good selfie angle)

After Alan came Wit and Daniella and thankfully that was it.

The grumpy security dude told us all to leave and I think everyone was ready.  We were stacked like 6 people deep having to shove up to the front for pics as the pros were like “WTF is wrong with these weirdos in Jacksonville and why aren’t they standing over at all these other perfectly decent fences”.  Like, they’d move over to the fence to the left to take pics and we’d all be like “NO!  We aren’t allowed!”.  It was cold and it was a week night and everyone was pretty much over the foolishness at that point.  What was cool about the night was I got to not only meet up with a fun tumblr friend, but there were a few of us at the buses that have started recognizing each other from other tours.  The girl Brandon pulled on stage recognized Abs and me and then I recognized a dude we’ve seen each year.  Funny story, the girl (who is a huge Derek stan) and I were talking about how pretty Gleb is (after the Benadryl thing) and she was talking about Brandon and having to touch his butt on stage.  She’s all “I mean, it’s a nice butt, but he’s just too cute to rub up on”.  She’s not wrong, he is just the cutest thing in person....just not in a sexy Daddy Shark type way.  Anyways, another tour down.  Plans to see MVPJ with a new friend and bus stalk at the “next tour” with the other bus stalkers.  Can’t wait till next time! 

Gaius/Ahru please thank you-

Thank YOU, darling dearest. Shoving the bulk of it under a cut to spare you all the gratuitous length of it.

(Ultimate Ship Meme)

General:

Rate the Ship -  Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - Depends on the verse, but hopefully a “til death do us part” deal. 

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - Sloooowburn. A lot of reluctance and coming to terms, but once it starts it catches like a wildfire. 

How was their first kiss? - Quiet, with white knuckles pressed into dirty clothes; frustration and desperation barely held in check, the glow of anger and reluctance slowly easing into something gentler, and a little sad. 

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Gaius. Ahru’s not opposed in the least but it’s the furthest thing from her mind both because it “has to be” and because she wants it to be. He isn’t wont to beating around the bush though, so he’s very straightforward and blunt about it. She playfully whines that he could be more romantic about it, to which he, with no trace of humor, asks if she really expects something like that from him. She laughs and shrugs, but nearly jumps out of her skin when he actually gets down on one knee. 

Who is the best man/men? - Theirs would likely be a quiet, and private, wedding. But in the event of there being guests and some level of fanfare, most likely Arshadaya, Alphinaud, maybe K’jhir. 

Who are the bride’s maid(s)? - Fianah, Dreyll, Yulania.

Who did the most planning? - If it was a wedding that required such (for some big bells and whistles wedding, it’d likely be of SOME level of political necessity), probably neither of them tbh - but Ahru would actually get more interested and involved than she’d ever readily admit to.

Who stressed the most? - Ahru. Big time. Is she happy? Sure. Terrified and confused? Abso-fucking-lutely.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Ideally, not at all. Quiet and simple, it would actually more of a simple exchanging of vows between the two in a special place (which could vary depending on timeline/AU). At the height of political arrangements though, we’re talking Rasler & Ashe levels of fance.Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Solus. Lahabrea is the guest of honor who essentially brought them together and gives a lovely toastfajwoege. I’m fucking joking.

Sex:

Who is on top? - They typically switch things around quite a bit, actually. They can both be pretty… ‘dominating’, but Ahru is a HARD switch and Gaius likes the view just fine when she’s on top.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Usually Ahru, but he’s been known to catch her by surprise.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - Man what a question. Depends on how hot and riled they were, or just what exactly they’re -doing-. Is “as long as it takes” a valid answer? Unless it’s a quicky between the bookshelves, I’d say half an hour is the absolute minimum but honestly there are so many variables here.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - And then some. IoU’s in the form of oral and… ‘handiwork’ are also valid.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. (they’ve got the full range going on. dirty talk isn’t unheard of, but super rare)

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Two; a son, the elder, named Alphaeus and a daughter named Valeriana. 

How many children will they adopt? - One; a Garlean boy orphaned as an infant who all but immediately bonded with Ahru - they named him Anastasius. 

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - I’d say it’s fairly even but the methods are very different; Gaius is unflinching, Ahru is whining or making faces the entire time.

Who is the stricter parent? - Oh come on, have you met Gaius? He does have a somewhat surprisingly soft side though that’s probably come with age and just time and life in general. It’s true with all of his children, but perhaps especially so with Valeriana, whom he spent a lot of time with during her youth which was often spent in and out of infirmaries. Not that everyone else was absent, but… well this answers already getting long and off-course. It’s still Gaius.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - Either or, but Ahru will show them an even cooler way to go about it.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - Gaius wouldn’t forget, but Ahru is surprisingly really into it. She loves making lunches for everyone - if she forgets, there’s something wrong.

Who is the more loved parent? - -scrunches up face and frowns at this question in it’s entirety- 

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? Gaius. Ahru WILL, but she’d just really rather not, and he’s much more suited for it. He seems to almost find it fun passively (or not-so-passively) intimidating particularly rude teachers.

Who cried the most at graduation? - Gaius might have had a glean in his eye - one that Ahru kept peeking at in anticipation of a tear finally falling - but really it just ended up making her even more weepy to the point she finally lost it.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Depends… on the situation. If we’re doing this legit, Gaius. If we’re busting them out, Ahru.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Both! Well, Ahru technically, but Gaius lends a hand often.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - They both have their nitpicks, Ahru is fairly adventurous, but if she doesn’t like something she’s basically got a grudge against it in all forms. Gaius is silghtly less adventurous, and likes to know specifics and details about new foods before he decides whether or not he’ll try it.

Who does the grocery shopping? - They rotate, but generally Ahru has a (surprisingly?) easier time getting in and out of markets quickly and efficiently. Going together is most ideal though.

How often do they bake desserts? - O f t e n. Gaius has a surprisingly sweet tooth and Ahru… a less surprising one. Couple with this with Ahru’s fondness for making sweets/desserts and making -him- food and you’ve got a recipe for… a lot of desserts.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Meat lovers, hands down, but they wouldn’t shy from some greens.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Gaius. Ahru wouldn’t necessarily FORGET (though sometimes she might get busy and yeah… forget a little bit), but Gaius? Absolutely on top of it, and he knows she’s been busy (lbr he probably is too but he wouldn’t hold it against her) and will get some slightly sadistic satisfaction out of seeing her flail about when she realizes. 

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Ahru, she hears about plenty of new restaurants and places in her travels. On top of that, Gaius knows she doesn’t LIKE going out generally, so except on rare or special occasions, he’d leave it up to her. When he DOES suggest something, she’s generally become more and more open to it, trusting his judgment.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidentally while cooking? - Also Ahru. She’s a very adept culinarian, but she’s slightly more likely to get distracted or forget about something.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Gaius; Ahru will, but she’s often a bit more careless and scattered, or hurrying off to safe the world again.

Who is really against chores? - See. Ahru. But listen… when it’s the right person (see: Gaius)… Ahru actually really likes being told what to do. You can throw that in with the dirty laundry.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Ahru, as they’re mostly hers she takes full responsibility, but Gaius is not opposed to helping, or teaching Caesar new tricks.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Before Gaius, Ahru absolutely. Nowadays she’d sigh and, not wanting to disappoint him, refrain from half-assing it.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Ahru, though only marginally - albeit once again depending on the who and the why of it. 

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Gaius, and he’s keeping it for himself too.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Ahru - it’s a place to hide away and just relax. Gaius is more of an ‘in and out’, clean up and move on sorta guy. The longest, however, are when they share a bath, which is at least a weekly occurrence - so long as they’re not on opposite sides of the world.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Caesar accompanies Ahru on a number of her travels, both the more adventurous and mundane, but if she’s got down time, Gaius will usually take him out, or they’ll go together.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Ahru is usually pretty festive, and enjoys researching new and foreign holidays, too. So fairly often, but she gets tired and lazy about it from time to time as well. Gaius isn’t particularly interested in these things, or the superstitions and beliefs that permeate them, but enjoys Ahru’s enjoyment. Which in all honesty, is usually just about shiny lights and pretty or cute decorations, or the general spirit of kindness or whatever else a holiday is about, as opposed to anything remotely rooted in religious beliefs - for the more religious-leaning holidays at least. 

What are their goals for the relationship? - Peace, almost hilariously enough. “Together we will usher in a lasting peace,” were the words uttered once from a conquerer to an adventurer, and though they’ve taken on a very different meaning, that’s more or less the heart of it; A gentle peace that they can find with one another even when the world is going mad.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Ahru, 1000%.Once it annoyed him, but he’s come to understand and be grateful for the fact that she -can- sleep these days.

Who plays the most pranks? - Good god, Ahru. Ahru ever and always. But Gaius is catching on, and applying a lifetime of tactical and warfare prowess…

Kpop Production Notes: AOA — Good Luck

This production note series is a means of recording things I thought worked or didn’t work in Kpop MVs from a production or artistic point of view. It is not meant to be a review or a critique — just thoughts.

Before we begin, please keep in mind: budget does not equal a good MV. Budget can help make a good MV, but you can have an expensive & bad MV just as easily as a low-budget & engaging MV.

Second up: AOA’s 2016 banger Good Luck.

- I heard that this MV got a lot of flack for its product placement. Maybe that was controversial or something at the time but these days we see it all over the place in music videos (just off the top of my head, Itzy’s Dalla Dalla and Gfriend’s Fever, both using cars) so I really don’t care about it all that much. And anyway, compared to the aforementioned MVs, Good Luck is actually kinda less in your face about it, incorporating its products in a slightly more natural way because of course you’ll drink Sprite on the beach and use LTE phones when you’re out with your girls..... right?

Highs

- Strong start with the electric guitar and kinda-fake long takes introducing each member and overall concept. Yeah you laugh a little at how overly sexy some of it is supposed to be but if nothing else the outdoor locations and engaged camerawork offer some promise to the overall production and effort from the team

- Oh word they shot this in Guam?? Sexiest part of this MV

- LIGHTING. We get so many different textures throughout the MV thanks to the progression from day to night, not to mention the use of natural versus staged lighting, and it all works so well. From bright blue skies to sexy sunsets to dimmer party lights it all works so well and, most importantly, is shot so well

- I also love the silhouette shots. I admit it, I’m an absolute sucker for them. Silhouette shots are very popular these days (IZ*ONE’s Violeta, GOT7′s Eclipse, DAY6′s Time of Our Life) but I don’t think I saw them too much in pre-2019 stuff? Not to say they never popped up but just not as frequently. Anyway, AOA out here ahead of their time as always

- The hand camera/”shaky cam” parts are swaggy. Combined with some clever camera placement (esp during party scenes) it gives off a more sort of intimate feeling, like we’re being included, being cool and hanging with our friends too

- I appreciate the gratuitous dolly shots. They said they’re gonna make the MOST of this product placement budget. Works especially well with Hyejeong’s fire truck scene and also the group choreo

- Focusing effects are sexy. Choa and Jimin’s closeups stand out for that, but also the racking during Yuna and Mina’s shot working right on beat with the music? h o t (this MV should be in 4k or something because 1080p is not doing it for my screenshots)

Lows

- Sometimes they had a little too much fun with the lighting effects to the point that it looks kinda stupid in some shots (they really tried to ruin that silhouette shot for me with a pulsing sun)

- There was this really weird and kinda awkward transition between two different locations using Seolhyun’s butt shake as the anchor so that was :/ (not gonna add a pic because i respect my girl)

- Gratuitous high-speed effects. They’re cool at certain places (transition from beach to party scene, for instance) but also definitely get to a point where they feel overused 

Overall

- I’ll never forgive Korea for letting Good Luck be the start of their downfall in popularity 

- Outdoor shoots, insanely smooth editing, great styling, the cinnamon topography... what more can I ask for

- A lot of care and detail went into this and it paid off because this is really by far my favorite of all of AOA’s MVs (runner up Bingle Bangle is impressive for entirely different reasons, and third place Heart Attack is just goofy fun)

- Not as overtly silly or sexy as a lot of their previous stuff. I mean, it’s obviously still sexy, but kind of in a more powerful, confident way? It should’ve marked the start of a great new era for AOA tbh

- It’s not too late for that though! Stan AOA

I can’t quite believe it’s nearly October – where did the summer go? And on top of that, where did September go?? That said, I’ve been glorying in the weather here in New York this past month. We’ve still been flirting with temps in the 80s during the hottest parts of the day, but it’s much breezier and less humid, and once the sun goes down the temperature drops quite comfortably into the 60s. Much nicer than the sticky humidity and 90+ degree days and nights of August! (We’re still not quite to my ideal fall temperatures, but soon… soon…)

And with cooler temps come thoughts of fall-appropriate sewing – that is to say, things with sleeves. I didn’t do this consciously, but looking back at the projects I completed this summer, there wasn’t a single sleeve in sight! These arms demand freedom in the heat of a New York City summer, what can I say. Hindsight being 20/20, this actually may be the reason I procrastinated so long on the make I’m ever-so-slowly building up to. Minds are weird and wonderful things, aren’t they?

At the beginning of August, the Instagram sewing community blew up with sewing challenges – the ones I saw the most were #alteritaugust and #BRAugust2019, but there were any number of others. Not sure why August is the hoppin’ sewing month, but it made for a flood of inspiring Instagram pictures so I wasn’t complaining! However, I wasn’t really in the mood to commit to a sustained month-long challenge. The lure of getting in the sandbox to play with my sewing community beckoned, but it wasn’t quite clicking – until I saw someone posting about #sewcialmashup and a little bulb went off in my head. The concept was simply to mash up two (or more!) patterns and share pictures of the result during the month of August, with weekly prize drawings and some big grand prize options at the end of the month, and my mind immediately flashed to a mashup I’ve had brewing since before the new year. What a great opportunity to get my rear in gear, join the fun, but also not overwhelm myself! One project, one month – easy peasy!

(And then I procrastinated for the whole month and only worked on it the literal last three days of August… and then I started writing this blog post the first week of September and only just now got around to finishing it… Shhhhhh… I blame it on the heat. Yeah. Also, big shoutout to Girls in the Garden and Inside the Hem for hosting such a fun challenge!)

Like a lot of sewists, I was entranced this winter by the release of Friday Pattern Company’s Adrienne Blouse. A simple top designed for knits, it majorly brings the drama with sleeves that are literally the largest pattern pieces on the sheet, gathered at shoulder and cuff with 1/2″ elastic, and is a terrifically drafted pattern and easy to sew to boot. The minute I got my grubby little hands on it, I was dreaming of wearing it tucked into high-waisted pants and skirts, which gave me a moment of pause. I don’t like tucking knit tops in – I feel like they often bunch and shift under a fitted waistband, plus I’m very tall with a long torso, which can be trying when it comes to keeping tucked-in shirts in place. The Adrienne is drafted with negative ease through the body, which meant the bunching was unlikely to be an issue, but it is also self-described as “slightly cropped with the hem hitting just below your bellybutton”. How much length was I going to have to add to make this wearable?? (The answer is none – I actually find the length of the torso fairly spot-on for me. Were I looking for a cropped top I’d be disappointed, but as it is I’m pleased as punch!) Then I had a surge of brilliance – I’ve posted here before about my love affair with the Nettie bodysuit from Closet Case Patterns, and one of the things I love most about it is that it provides me with close-fitting knit tops that are un-untuckable. Why couldn’t I just whack the bottom of the Nettie onto the Adrienne, joining the practicality of the bodysuit with the swoony romanticism of the blouse’s sleeves? Both patterns are very simply drafted with similar ease and stretch requirements. Only one thing to do, and that was throw it at the wall and see if it stuck!

Despite the incredibly long incubation time on this idea (I mentioned it for the first time all the way back in January when I was drafting my Pick Nine selections for 2019), once I pulled out the patterns the whole thing came together really quickly! My copy of the Nettie has an inch of length added to the front pattern piece at the lengthen-shorten line (I chose to fold out that extra length from the back piece to try and reduce extra fabric at the small of my back, which has been an issue before), so to make sure I included that I simply lined up the Nettie’s top lengthen-shorten line with the waist notch on the Adrienne. Above that point I traced the Adrienne, below it I traced the waist and hip curve on the Nettie, shifted the pattern pieces a little so the edge lined up with the fold of the fabric, and traced the leg opening with some creative fudging to make up for a little added width through the hips. Same process for the back (while Adrienne uses the same pattern piece front and back, the Nettie has differently shaped pieces to accommodate your crotch and your butt) and I was in business! Since I didn’t change anything about the armscye or neckline of the Adrienne, I could simply use the sleeve and neck binding pattern pieces as drafted, and while the leg opening did end up slightly cattywompus from the original Nettie, Heather very thoughtfully includes in the pattern instructions that the bands (which you self-draft anyway) should be 90% the length of your leg opening, so I just had to do a little measuring.

Cutting it out was simple and mostly notable for how often I had to stop to pet my fabric – I’ve never worked with double-brushed poly before, so I don’t know if it’s all this soft and kitten-like and delicious or if LA Finch Fabrics just has the absolute best DBP in the game. Either way, it’s divine, and I got 1 1/4 yard for a steal of a deal because it was an end-of-bolt piece (so no more for you, sorry, it’s ALL MINE!), which was the perfect amount to cut out my “Adrettie” without any hassle and still have some silky-soft scrappy pieces that I think I can squeeze a panties-and-bralette set out of (#sustainablesewing!!! Use up those scraps!). Construction was likewise simple and straightforward; while I own a serger it hasn’t been threaded in a few years and I have sewn everything from lingerie elastic to swimsuit lycra to chunky sweater knits using the zigzag stitch on my ever-loving Joni, so all I had to do was sit down at my machine and sew. An hour or two later, and it was SLEEVE TIME!!

I’m seriously in love with these sleeves. Paired with my buzz cut, they make me feel like I’m Fantine from Les Mis – and who doesn’t want to go about their daily life feeling like a 19th-century factory worker tragically forced to sell her hair, teeth, and body to support her beloved but illegitimate daughter by a man who took advantage of her and then abandoned her to a life of poverty??? (Fantine is one of my dream roles, y’all. I dreamed a dreeeeam in time gone byyyyy…)

Okay maybe that’s just me.

I’m slightly less in love with how far down the cut of the leg opening falls in the front – the back coverage is perfect, and one of the reasons I love the drafting of the Nettie so much, but I might go back in and carve out some of the side and front so the band sits more comfortably in the crease between my thigh and my pelvis.

I paired Adrettie with some Old Navy shorteralls, and while I’m liking the effect I’m not a huge fan of the blue-on-blue – I love a good dress-like-a-crayon moment, but I prefer a little more dynamism and contrast between shades. Still, I wore the ensemble out to a friend’s birthday and really enjoyed it, so I think the answer is clear: I need to make more Adretties to wear with my blue denim shorteralls, and I need to make some other shorteralls (and full-length overalls for the colder weather) that I can wear with this blue one! I’ve got a pair of golden-yellow thrifted jeans that I was thinking of refashioning/altering, and while they were intended to become another pair of better-fitting pants, I’m sorely tempted to chop off the legs and use the extra fabric for straps and a bib… we shall see! I also think the sleeves would look darling under a pinafore, especially as the fall weather begins to make layering more of an option again. And then of course there’s the high-waisted pants and skirts I originally envisioned this hack with!

Gratuitous cat pic!

One thing I will be doing, though, is going back and opening the crotch seam to add snaps – all this talk of layering something that I have to take off in its entirety to go to the bathroom is giving me the cold sweats, and the thought of sitting on a toilet shivering as the weather gets colder does not appeal! The mood for this autumn is dress smarter, not harder, y’all.

  We Love A Statement Sleeve I can't quite believe it's nearly October - where did the summer go? And on top of that, where did September go??

OCD Marvel Costume Series: Black Widow

Ever since I did that post about Captain America’s theoretical onesie and the evolution of his costume, I’ve gotten a lot of requests to do a similar OCD breakdown analysis about Black Widow’s.

After Cap and Bucky, Widow’s easily my favourite MCU character, so I am all too happy to break it down. But just know this required me to wade through so many disgusting male comments about her costume and body that I wanted to flip my desk and set it on fire. Repeatedly. You’re welcome.

Here are the six costumes I’ll be looking at from 2010-2018.

From L to R: Iron Man 2, Avengers, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Captain America: Civil War, and Avengers: Infinity War.

Putting the rest under a read more because shit’s gonna get long.

Let’s begin: Iron Man 2.

This is the first time we meet Natasha in the MCU franchise, and I don’t know about you guys, but I remember there being a LOT of hype surrounding Scarlett being cast in a totally non-objectifying way. <_<

Just kidding. Here’s actual footage of every straight man watching/starring in Iron Man 2 when Nat’s on screen:

This, I think, is a good place to add a caveat that it’s difficult to address Natasha’s looks and clothing without sounding like I’m criticizing her appearance and sexuality, including her ability to weaponize those things or the fact that she is entitled to enjoy them in any way she likes. As a character, certainly she is, and to me that’s one of the really interesting aspects of her personality and an incredible skill. As a woman, those are things not worthy of criticizing, IMO. But the films present a grey area because they are all directed by men, and to a large extent for men. So it’s hard to find the line between what is meant to entice audiences and what is meant to tell us something important about who Nat is, and to what extent the latter is the original intent of the costume choices. How do you extricate the character from the male gaze when the male gaze permeates so much of comic book culture, and by extension the MCU? Let’s not forget how many gratuitous ass shots there are of Natasha in a given movie, although the Russos generally do a good job of evening the playing field by liberally sprinkling in plenty of Cap ass shots too. The Russos are like the salt baes of equal-opportunity and gender-neutral ass shots.

But back to Natasha. In Iron Man 2, she spends most of the movie in sexy wiggle dresses or low-cut blouses, presenting herself as an object of desire for all the men in the film (possibly some of the women) and a thorn in Pepper Potts’s side until they join forces against Tony. (Obviously her intention, since Natasha weaponizes everything about herself, but it was also pretty clearly for audience titillation as much as the character never does anything by accident.)

But then, surprise! It’s revealed she’s the Black Widow and capable of kicking more ass than just about anyone else in the film/on the planet, and can even do it in a skintight catsuit and crazy hair flying in her face at all times!

Natasha’s suit is probably the least functional in this movie because it’s designed to look like a sexy female comic book hero costume, not something a real agent would wear in a believable conflict situation. Or maybe they would, I don’t know. I’m not a spy. But objectively speaking, she has a totally useless belt with the Black Widow symbol around her middle, then the tactical belt, holsters, etc. The fabric looks shiny and stretchy but isn’t leather. That being said, you can’t get much more spot on in terms of the visual interpretation, if you look at how she’s drawn by J Scott Campbell. I am not positive whether IM2 Widow is an interpretation of this artist’s illustration or vice versa, but either way, she translates from film to comic and back again pretty flawlessly.

Just don’t even get me started on the hair because w h a t. Tell me you can’t hear it crackling when you look at this gif. Go on, I dare you.

No wonder ScarJo switched to wigs after this movie.

Ironically, even though this costume is pretty ridiculous in terms of offering any kind of practicality or protection from bullets/knives/explosions, I have to point out that Iron Man 2 is the only movie where Black Widow actually wears practical footwear.

Look at those things. Those are flat, FUNCTIONAL boots. You could do all the running, jumping, and punching things you wanted and not feel like your goddamn feet were going to fall off, or worse, plant you on your fucking face because you’re wearing heels into combat. RIP flat Widow boots.

Moving on. Avengers 1.

Much like the other costumes in this film, Natasha’s outfit is still pretty comic book-y, although to a less cartoonish extent than Captain America some. That is pretty much Joss Whedon’s trademark as a director, although shockingly, I felt Widow looked more serious and ready for battle. Alexandra Byrne did the costume design on Avengers and Ultron, as well as Thor and Guardians of the Galaxy (hence the trademark styles in A1 and A2, plus similarities between Natasha and Gamora’s costumes), and she has a distinct touch. Here the nods to practicality include less extravagant hair (though Natasha also has short hair plenty of times in the comics) and the fact that her suit looks like it could deflect a knife (possibly). Even her civilian clothing looks less hyperfeminine than that of Iron Man 2, and it’s here we begin to see that Nat’s outfit of choice is usually some combination of jeans, a jacket, and knee-high boots with a small heel. It always strikes me that this is probably what she’s most comfortable in when she’s not dressed as Black Widow. Even her stance here looks like that of a soldier, less of a stereotypically female pose.

I couldn’t help but feel a lot of this was intentional on Whedon’s part in order to avoid anyone accusing him of sexualizing Natasha and to look like a Real Director Who Takes Female Characters Seriously (TM). So he dresses women more realistically but then just assassinates their character in other ways, as you do. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

As far as her suit is concerned, don’t get me wrong: it’s still textured plastic meant to stretch and allow movement and comfort and cling to certain... assets... and they still haven’t gotten rid of her totally useless Widow belt. But at least she looks a bit more like she means business and less like she’s just there to look hot.

However, in this film they also introduced the infamous heels to her costume. 

In the immortal words of Shuri:

Like Cap’s ab window, this is one of those design choices I begrudgingly understand from a movie perspective--it looks ~sexier and ~more feminine and also reduces the height difference between ScarJo and her male costars (plus other female characters like Agent Hill wear heels too, and so does Wonder Woman in the DC franchise. They appear in the Black Widow comics too), but the reality of someone willingly wearing heels in this type of environment makes me want to facepalm real bad. Sure, you can argue fighting in heels is just one of Nat’s special abilities that makes her better than the rest of us, but--that’s probably not why.

And they don’t go away, even when the movie and writing quality drastically improves. Anyone who read my post on Cap’s suits will probably be able to guess that The Winter Soldier is my #1 Marvel film and had some of my favourite costumes in the MCU, and Nat is no exception there. 

The way the Russos interpret her, through their writing and their vision for the overall look of the film and the way the costumes are designed (Judianna Makovsky did all the costumes for Winter Soldier, Civil War, and Infinity War, which makes total sense in ways I’ll explain in a moment), also reminds me a bit of Phil Noto and Nathan Edmonson’s Black Widow. Plenty of people might be inclined to disagree with me there, I’m sure, but Noto and Edmonson’s series, tonally and visually, is very similar to TWS in the sense that they feel like political thrillers, and the character styling in the film continues that theme. The story and the way the characters are written and styled crosses genres and blurs the line between comic book, thriller, and real life.  

In TWS, Nat looks like a fucking badass, but also somehow more relatable and human despite her perfect hair and flawless skin. TWS was the film where she, for me (along with the rest of the cast, especially Steve), went from being a character to being a person with all the shades of greys, uncertainties, and ambiguities that entails. That’s where the Russos excel, making fictional characters come alive with nuance and layers. Kind of like how you know if they had done a Hawkeye movie, they’d have probably adapted Hawkeye #19. 

Their unique way of finding the humanity in comic book characters and situating them in the real world translates interestingly through the costumes. Even her hair is the most natural-looking shade of copper red than any of the other films, where it tends to looks more dyed. Trust me, as someone who spent 9 years trying to achieve the perfect and most natural shade of copper red possible, I know how difficult it is to get right, even if this is obviously a wig.

If you look reeeeal close at the above pic, you can tell she’s graduated from stretchy plastic to something that resembles kevlar or some kind of protective utility material. You can just make out the lines and texture in the fabric. Still stretches and lets her move, obviously still skintight, but upgrades her to a higher degree of real-world believability in the same way the stealth suit did for Cap. 

I find the back of her suit interesting too. There’s a panel sewn over her butt that looks identical to the full-seat equestrian breeches I wear riding, which are meant to offer reinforcement and grip. I’m not entirely sure why Nat needs either of those things in combat, but there you have it. (In all seriousness, it could be because the fabric they used is less stretchy or doesn’t hold its shape the same way, so they had to piece it together differently to allow for movement and shape retention through all the stunts.)

Actually, scratch that. Why wouldn’t you need reinforcement and grip when doing this?

Weird butt panel notwithstanding, Nat’s TWS suit also introduces more protective details like leather and sewn-in kneepads, and her Widow belt actually serves to cinch in the costume instead of just sit there pointlessly, leaving her with just the tac belt. Still the dumb heels too, but I promise I’ll get over it. Maybe.

Next: Age of Ultron. People are going to side-eye the shit out of me for saying this, but... Widow’s costume continues to be less ridiculous than, say, Cap’s. Cartoonish, yes, with a lot of frankly baffling design choices, and visually I liked it the least. But weirdly enough, the construction of the suit and the fabric is less ridiculous than it seems at first glance; it looks like it’d actually offer a pretty high degree of protection in the field. Check it out.

There’s a matte leather and a similar kevlar/utility fabric as her suit in TWS, and the Widow belt and the tac belt have been combined into one so there are fewer pointless buckles. 

I mean, too bad they ruin it by adding glowing blue parts that make her look like she’s about to go cosplay as Tron as soon as she finishes saving the world, and I will never understand why her gauntlets are suddenly red, but a detail that caught my eye is right on the bodice. See those seams under her bust? 

It looks like it could be there just to draw attention to her boobs, but as a former fencer, I can tell you those are almost certainly for a chest plate or removable protective cups. (From a movie costuming perspective, they’re probably to give the bust more definition, as that’s literally an underwire construction. Yes, okay, I realize this. But if we consider the character, a chest plate makes far more sense.) And if you are a woman in a combat situation where you’re getting whacked in the tits a bunch of times, you need a fucking chest plate. She doesn’t appear to be wearing one in the other films, which is as absurd as Cap going into battle without wearing a cup. Have you ever been clocked in the tits before? With a weapon, no less? Because I have, and it’s not fun. It happens to you once, and you’re on Amazon buying a chest plate or protective cups literally the next day. Or, you know, from the toilet immediately after as you sit there crying and cradling your poor bruised boobs.

Another really practical detail is that she has proper kneepads in this costume, which is ideal if you’re sliding around on the ground a lot, or taking hard landings.

BUT WHY DO THEY GLOW IN THE DARK? /despair

Oddly enough, Nat’s suit in Captain America: Civil War was one of my least favourites--initially. But I was wrong to feel that way, and I’ll tell you why. Why didn’t I like it at first? Well, they pick up some of the same details as in TWS and add other more practical things like no-nonsense kneepads, but they also seem to add boning to the bodice of the suit, and lots of piping everywhere on the arms and torso that would probably rub unpleasantly if you were moving around that much. Unnecessary seams=friction. That’s a lesson any equestrian will tell you too.

I also was not a fan of the Farah Fawcett vibe I got from her hair, but that could just be me. Her suit here is functional, overall, but it doesn’t reinvent the wheel or make her look sleek and dangerous in the same way as TWS. It has less... style than her other suits and civilian outfits (which were my fave in this film), and after this many movies, I think we’ve come to associate the Black Widow suit with style and making certain death at her hands/thighs look good. 

But there is a point to her suit looking more tactical, which you can better see here. From this angle, she looks almost military, certainly the most military of any of the other films, and that is intentional and significant later on.

Because much like Cap’s uniform carries over to Infinity War, so does Nat’s. That was a clever segue, in case you were wondering.

This is such a departure from anything else Nat wears in the other films that you kind of have to tip your hat at the designer and the Russos and Judianna Makovsky for having such a sharp eye for detail and a knack for letting costume tell a story. Not only does Natasha change her hair and eyebrow colour, but she changes the colour of her suit too, adding in some green and almost entirely eliminating the sex appeal of the other Widow costumes. But the continuity is most impressive of all.

It’s hard to tell, but just like Steve is wearing the same uniform as in Civil War, minus the star he clawed off with his bare hands, Nat is wearing the exact same Widow costume with a tactical vest on top and some new body armour (shoulder and elbow pads). Remember that piping on the arms, legs, and bodice I bitched about a second ago? If you look closely, it’s all clearly visible in the same spots, and it’s obvious the vest just goes over top. Her kneepads and boots are the exact same too. This girl did a complete 180 on her look with nothing more than a tac vest and an emergency appointment with Guy Tang for some blonde balayage. 

It’s amazing that Steve and Sam think going incognito involves DIY distressing on their uniforms and growing some playoff beards, but Natasha can become an entirely different person just by changing a few key details. Especially the eyebrows. I once wrote a line in a fic about how her lighter eyebrows in Infinity War totally change the shape of her face. I think that’s a detail everyone noticed in the trailers, how strange she looked with those ultrablonde brows. But that’s perfect for this character and something Nat would intuitively pick up on, because it leaves her almost unrecognizable. Just like makeup can subtly change someone’s face shape, so can eyebrows, but she ditches makeup in Infinity War to the same effect. It’s the makeover equivalent of “walk, don’t run.” Kind of amazing to think she is so many steps ahead of everyone else that she can go down Dick’s Sporting Goods and CVS for nothing more than a tac vest and a box of hair dye, respectively, and literally emerge looking like a different person. When she says she’s figuring out a new cover, this is the stuff she means.

So there you have it. I hope this costume breakdown as as fun for you to read as it was to put together, and I continue to be impressed and occasionally stumped by the design choices made by the MCU costuming departments. They really do know their stuff and how important clothing is to the understanding of a character, and Nat, who is a master of tailoring her look for maximum effect, proves this rule more than almost anyone else.

Thanks for reading! I might tackle Bucky next, so stay tuned.

The Best of 2018 (and a few good road trip photos from last year, too)

I’ve been slack - but everything is ok. I moved this year and finished making a short documentary and began a long-term doc project on Divisadero Corridor. I squeezed in some travel, especially back and forth to Detroit for the promotion of my film (shot there from 2015-2017). I found creative ways to fly somewhere, rent a car, and then drive through the width of Pennsylvania three times. I hope you enjoy these pics (none of them are from Pennsylvania lol).

Youngstown, Ohio. Five minutes later I got my first speeding ticket ever. Two minutes after that, I was in Pennsylvania.

This place was closed. Butte, MT.

Desert Hot Springs, CA. Forgotten paradise?

I never get tired of this place. Joshua Tree National Park, CA.

Intrigued by Delano, CA - off Hwy. 99. I would drive back here later in the year. And next time I would stop.

That’s me on Detroit’s famed Eight Mile Rd. after a successful meeting with the theater owner and some other Northeast Detroit VIPs. Confirmed. My short doc, Uncle Frank’s House: An American Dream, would world premiere here in October.

Gratuitous road food delights. In N Out Animal style burger somewhere in California and a Coney Island at Duly’s Place in Detroit (the late Anthony Bourdain’s C.I. of choice).

R.I.P., sir. His death in June shocked the world. They say he had every food and travel writer’s dream job, but it couldn’t last, could it?

Back to Delano, CA in August.

Dang! Tumblr tells me no more than 10 photos per post. Say what!? You haven’t really read this far, have you? More soon.

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Unwrapped

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader

Summary: Reader is feeling a bit frisky in her holiday lingerie. She has no one in particular to wear it for; until she accidentally sends sexy pictures to the wrong person.

Word Count: 1883

A/N: A quick holiday oneshot that @lamthetwickster gave me the idea for. This is unnecessary and I apologize.

Warnings: sexy holiday lingerie, gratuitous flirting

“Send me pictures,” your best friend, Briana, demanded. “I have to see this for myself.”

“You want me to send you pictures of my lingerie?” You asked, narrowing your eyes even though she couldn’t see you.

“Yes, hang up the phone and text them to me.”

“Oh jeez, that’s awkward.”

“Well, your description makes me believe that I need to see it for myself. Besides, who did you even buy it for?”

“I bought it for my damn self,” you laughed.

“Pics,” she demanded again.

“Fine,’ you mumbled as you ended the call. You glanced at yourself in the mirror, still very impressed that your new Christmas lingerie looked really good on you. The red satin bra and panty set made you giggle as you adjusted the bows and you realized that you looked like a Christmas gift that was waiting to be unwrapped. You only frowned when you remembered that you were single and your love life was far from eventful. No one would be unwrapping you tonight.

Regardless, buying and wearing sexy lingerie at least made you feel good about yourself; so you held your phone up in front of you on selfie mode, making sure to get just the right angle of your chest. You pucker your lips and snapped the pic and then you decided to be silly and take a picture of your butt that was far from covered by the g-string panties. You made sure to get the bow in the pic, focusing mostly on how great your butt looked.

You laughed as you found the last text that had been sent you, quickly attaching the pictures as you continued to admire yourself in the mirror.

”Waiting to be unwrapped,” you typed as a joke before sending the attachments. You tossed your phone aside, shaking your head at yourself and the fact that Briana wanted pics in the first place. You began to get dressed and ready for the Christmas party that Briana was hosting, already feeling pretty sexy even though no one would be able to see what you were wearing underneath your clothes.

You were already working on your makeup and hair when your phone buzzed. You picked it up to see that Briana had text you and you grinned, excited to hear her reaction.

“Any day now,” her text read.

You frowned, realizing that she was still waiting for the pictures. That was the moment your heart stopped. You searched through your messages to her frantically, finally seeing that you had never sent her the pictures.

“I swear I sent them to you,” you replied.

“Nothing came through.”

“No. I sent them. Omg.”

“Not to me. Who did you send them to?”

You exited the conversation, immediately clicking on the last conversation you had had with someone. You must have accidentally sent the pics to the last person you had texted, which wasn’t Briana.

Your heart dropped when you saw the name, hands shaking as you opened the conversation. Sure enough, your pics were there; along with the flirty message meant as a joke. In the corner of your last text, the dreaded word: Delivered, stared right back at you. You swallowed hard, in a panic as you immediately called Briana.

“What’s going on?”

“Bri, I’ve made a horrible mistake!”

“What happened?”

“I didn’t send those pics to you,” you stated, “I sent them to the last person that I had a text conversation with.”

“Who?”

“Rob,” you stated, still in disbelief that not only had you sent Rob sexy pictures, but he had actually seen them.

“Oh god,” she chuckled, “that’s amazing.”

“This is not amazing!” You shouted. “This is very bad!”

“How? Don’t you pay attention to who you’re sending stuff to?”

“Well, to be fair, you’re in my phone as Briana and he’s in my phone as Benedict… I may have gotten confused because I was busy staring at myself while I sent the pics.”

“Wow, you must look good. Maybe he’ll ignore your texts,” Briana responded, trying to offer you solace, “or maybe he’ll finally admit his feelings for you once he sees how hot you are and then you can admit your feelings too. This could be good for all of us.”

“Briana, focus!” You shouted, “And, it’s too late, he’s seen them.”

“Did he respond?”

“No, he didn’t respond! Briana, I may have not only sent him pictures…”

“What did you do?”

“I sent another text, right after I sent the pics. It was a joke, because of the bows and stuff. I typed ‘waiting to be unwrapped’.”

“Oh Jesus, this is amazing,” Briana laughed.

“Oh god, what do I do?”

“I have no idea,’ she replied, still laughing hard at your stupidity. “I’m curious as to how he reacted though.”

“This isn’t funny!”

“It’s a little funny.”

“Do I text him back and apologize? Or should I wait until the party and apologize face-to-face? Oh god, I can’t look at him after this. He’s practically seen me nude.” You began to speak quickly, frantic now as you tried to come up with some sort of damage control.

“Well, do whatever you think is best. But, try sending me the pics again.”

“Not funny,” you reminded her as you ended the call.

You considered skipping out on the party. You were mortified. Rob hadn’t responded to the fact that you had just sent him sexy pictures; and you assumed that he was equally mortified or maybe even disgusted. You didn’t think that you could look at him now. However, you knew that you needed to do some damage control, fast.

You showed up at Briana’s party, feeling embarrassed before you even ran into Rob. The worst part of it all was that you had a massive crush on him, and it was no secret to anyone else other than him. The last thing you wanted to do was make him feel uncomfortable, and the fact that you had just sent the most awkward man you knew pictures like that; you knew that he probably wouldn’t even be able to look at you.

When you did spot him later in the night, he was across the room from you, drinking and chatting with friends when the two of you accidentally made eye contact. You saw him blush immediately upon seeing you, eyes growing wide as they came into contact with yours.

“This is so humiliating,” you mumbled quietly as you forced yourself to approach him. You were certain that you were just as red as he was; both of you reeling from the shame of the pictures.

“Rob, I need to talk to you,” you demanded, ready to just clear the air right away to avoid further injury to your ego.

“Oh-okay,” he mumbled as you grabbed his arm pulling him away from the party. You led him to an empty bedroom of the house so that you could speak to him privately without anyone else listening in. You closed the door behind you and locked it before turning to face him. He stood there, still wide-eyed and antsy.

“Look, I need to apologize. I know you saw those pictures, and I didn’t mean to send them to you. It was an accident and I am so sorry.”

He looked at you confused now.

“An accident?”

“Yeah, Briana wanted to see this lingerie I bought and I accidentally sent the pics to you instead of her.”

“But… you said you were, ‘waiting to be unwrapped’,” he stated as he threw air quotes up.

“It was a joke. I was messing with her.”

“Do women always send sexy pictures to their friends?”

“Sometimes,” you replied, “it’s nice to have a second opinion- wait, did you say, sexy?”

“Well, yeah,” he blushed, “those were, uh, really sexy.”

“No, they weren’t. I was being an idiot. I mean, I don’t even have a man in my life to wear lingerie for.”

“Oh,” Rob looked down at the floor, “I mean, I really did kinda hope those were meant for me.”

“What? Why?”

“Come on, Y/N. You know I’m into you. At least, I try to make it obvious.”

“You didn’t even respond to them. If you were so certain they were meant for you, why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was freaking out. No one has ever sent me pics like that before. You can imagine that I might be a mess over the fact that someone as gorgeous as you sent those to me.”

“You think I’m gorgeous?” You asked with a smile. You suddenly felt a whole lot better about yourself as he spoke.

“Hell yeah, you are,” he replied. “I couldn’t believe that you were sending those to me, I didn’t know how to react. But, now I know you didn’t really mean to…”

You gave him a playful grin as you moved closer to him.

So, the man was into you. You had always wondered with the way he acted around you. You decided to take this quiet moment between the two of you to let it be known that you liked him too.

You ran your hands up his chest, biting your lip as he he sucked in a breath at the contact. He looked even more nervous now that you were touching him.

“I have to ask,” you began as you fisted your hands into his shirt, “you deleted those pictures, right?”

“Uh…” he trailed off, indicating that he didn’t.

You raised a brow at him as you pulled him closer to you.

“You kept them?” You asked seductively.

“Maybe,” he replied nervously.

“Robbie!” you exclaimed in mock disbelief.

“Well, it’s not my fault you’ve been naughty,” Rob replied with a low growl. The way he said those words, the way he eyed you now… you were immediately turned on. You considered now that maybe having accidentally sent the pictures to him may have ended up in your favor after all. His demeanor changed quickly as you stared at him. He swallowed hard, nervous again as he realized he may be pressing his luck. You only smirked at him before you caught him unexpectedly in a kiss. He froze briefly before melting into it, letting his mouth work against yours almost naturally after a moment. You pulled away from him after a moment, eliciting a small whine from him.

“I’ve been a very good girl,” you insisted. “I wonder though… have you been good?”

He nodded quickly, unable to speak now as your flirting had escalated.

“Good,” you continued. “Now, if only we could think of a way to reward you for being so good… a gift maybe.”

“I can think of something that’s waiting to be unwrapped,” he choked out. Despite his nervousness and awkwardness, he was very bold. The combination of the three turned you on even more. You loved the idea of this man being a mess over the fact that he had seen you in your underwear.

“Oh really?” You replied. “What’s that?”

He ran a hand up your back just then, causing you to catch your breath as the sensation caused shivers down your spine. He leaned in for another kiss, this time taking control as he seemed to have lost his awkwardness.

“You,” he responded with a sly grin.

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