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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 10 months

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i can’t really figure out how to say this but there’s this theme in MCR’s music where like, they’re always kind of telling a story and acting it out through their lyrics, they’re always writing concept albums and things that weave a narrative, but there’s this one story they tell over and over about love like so much of their music is and it’s one person saying to the other, you’re my priority. it’s Vampires Will Never Hurt You, if they get me then put this spike in my heart. and what’s unspoken there, or rather, is spoken primarily through the title intertextualized with the narrative of the song, is the idea of, if they get me, they’ll get you next. I’ll get you next. vampires will never hurt you even if they’re me because i won’t let them and that means you have to kill me. i don’t want to hurt you i won’t let them hurt you through me i won’t let you let them put this spike in my heart. Save Yourself, I’ll Hold Them Back. save yourself. save yourself. you’re all that matters to me. give me all your poison, give me all your pills, give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill. give it to me. save yourself. put that spike in my heart. in any world in any story in any timeline i will die for you i need to die before you, if one of us has to go it has to be me at any cost when i’m here no longer you must be stronger because you have to be the one to live. you have to be the one who keeps the light behind your eyes. if you just stop breathing i’ll stop my heart i’ll stop breathing too honey if you stay i’ll be forgiven, you have to stay, save yourself, save yourself, save yourself

#idk where i was really going with this post but this is literally tugging on my heart so so much #this is why i will look at any mcr song and go this is fricking platonic and then i’ll fight a war and die on that hill #i heard famous last words and i heart brother and i said this is what this is all about. this love right here is at the heart of EVERYTHING #it’s the stories it’s ‘’honey’’ and i’m going to hecking sob about it!!!!! SAVE YOURSELF!!! GET UP COWARD!!! STAY!!!! STAY!!! STAY!!!#IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THIS IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THEM IT’S ALWAYS ABOUT THIS!!! STAY!!!#SHAKINNG SOBBIGN THROWING UP #Lu rambles #music #meta finding tag #mcr #i reallly. really cannot get over how hard ‘’honey’’ in famous last words absolutely breaks me. wrecks me. i am in PIECES #my chemical romance

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bomberqueen17 · 1 year

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not to be crabby but whatever happened to people tagging for fucking gore

i have the tags for several shows blocked so i should not be seeing their gifsets anyway but if you're going to post a gifset of someone graphically slitting another person's throat i feel like it should be tagged with

literally anything

like i don't feel like that's a weird hangup on my part

if it were tagged with the fandom i would not have seen it and if it were tagged with something about the gore then i probably still would see it but at least that would be on me but to not fucking tag it at all is pretty fucking wild to me but i have now seen several gifsets of this incredibly violent scene from a fandom that i have blocked every iteration of the tag of and have had blocked for years so like

well that sucks and i don't want to see that and i'm cranky about it.

FUCKING TAG SHIT. Thanks.

#it's not exactly a trigger #but it does bad things to my brain #to watch people's jugular veins get punctured #and blood gush out #like wildly spurting #it's a thing i don't like #and try to avoid #and how the FUCK #am i supposed to AVOID IT #if you don't tag shit AT ALL #the easiest is that i find out what media includes that sort of thing and block the shit out of that #but GUESS WHAT #y'all fucking savages don't even tag what FANDOM shit is from #this post had ZERO TAGS OF ANY KIND #nor did it have ANY TEXT anywhere within it indicating what fandom it belonged to nor what it contained #so there was nothing for any of my filters to catch #THROW ME A FRICKING BONE HERE #AND LET ME NOT WATCH THROATS GET CUT #I DON'T THINK THIS IS A CRAZY THING TO ASK FOR

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gazelessmenagerie · 2 years

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What would you say is your favorite thing about writing your character? Is it their characterization, their development so far, or would it be something else entirely? Are you proud of how far they've come since you started your blog? Is there anything you'd do differently if given the chance?

( Ayyy, thanks for the question. It’s been on my mind for a while now since I got this but whooo boy. its a lot tbh )

( I think its just the possibilities and fun I enjoy the most about writing any of my muses and how they range/differ from one another in mannerisms, tone, characterization and ideas that can happen or character developments that occur. No one muse is ever static in my view and even then, I can play with their internal battles, their thoughts, their demons or principles. What I enjoy most tho is the relations they forge with other muses and see how it plays out. Positive, negative, toxic, anything in between as long as both muns are having fun and communication is there. )

( I’m pretty proud of how far they come, esp for new muses that I just had no idea what to do with but they began to shift and shape into something as time goes on and I write them more with folks. Spend entire nights rewatching their scenes, talking about their motivations and things we don’t ‘see’ on screen, going on entire tangents that may just be entire fabrications but damn if it doesn’t feel fun as all hell just to read over on them and pick out the juicy bits. Things just keep changing and they can be adapted, changed, or chucked out altogether if they don’t fit as well as they did at like 4 am in the morning. )

( Ohh HM... I’m not sure if I ‘d change anything at first, it just feels like part of the process to stumble over things, post dumb things, play it out, rethink it, change it, etc. I mean I’d probably change my tags to have more pizzaz but that’s bc I suck at like making up snazzy terms or the lyrics don’t hit me till im listening to a song and then realize ‘ oh shit, this is some X MUSE vibes! ‘ )

( Maybe one thing is to just have the chance to have other positive relations to some muses bc they are adored but they are associated with my ex and just.. idk man. its like I want to write them again but there’s still that lingering ‘residue’ like idk how to explain it. Other than that, I’m pretty content with things bc its just part of the creative process in my head and I’m trying to not be as ‘caught frozen’ when it comes to new muses and developing them from stage 1 when I have no idea what they’re doing, what’s their story, what am I doing with them story-wise in relation to interaction with others, etc, etc. )

#|| Tag: OOC #|| Tag: Kuro the Eternal (Bastard)#( let me tell you this has been on my mind but i just haven't had any chance to sit down and spill my thoughts )#( and im still not sure if that's all of it but shh. )#( just so far whats on mind rn. )#( but yeah. I don't think i can ever play a strictly good or evil muse. i enjoy the chaos of grey morality )#( or being dominantly one side but having the capacity for the opposite due to circumstances or development. )#( its just nice to play around with that. or deal with their internal battles vs external ones. )#( delving into their thoughts. their motivations. their backstory. everything. )#( tho i will say sometimes there's some dry spells bc i dont know what im doing or i dont feel like im providing enough material )#( but frick man. )#( i dont bite. i just suck at initiating things so if theres anything anyone wants to throw at me. just throw a brick at me. )#( i'll take a few ages bc work and stuff but i'll try to get back if discord/tumblr im's aren't being a cuck to me. )

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squirsquirrel · 2 years

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I'm having trouble with my thoughts where I have something to say and I want to talk to someone about them but I can't for one particular reason. Now, the thibgs I want to say aren't nice to me and they relate to that one reason I can't tell others.

I would be really sad or anxious about something. I would be struggling to stop. I struggle to go into detail because of that one reason stopping me from telling others.

And the worst part is I can't elaborate on that reason because doing so goes against it and explains what trouble I'm having with saying anything and it goes further than telling a friend about it all. I can't tell family because they're unreliable in my opinion. I've thought about a professional but that one reason still affects them. May affect them anyway and I won't know for sure unless I tell someone but by telling them I've broken that reason and I've set them up for being held back by the same reason too.

Even in that sentence I've kind of explained what's wrong in my head. I'm bound by something thar I can't explain to anyone else because they may believe in the same reason as I have this whole time.

And in saying that, I shall keep silent for my entire life. Screw my brain, I don't want to think about it anymore.

#squir spiels #Adding the tag just so I can go back and laugh at myself #Doesn't matter if you say you won't be affected or if I can trust you #My mind has gotten so messed up into believing I can predict what others think and react that as much as I trust you to do different #The possibility of you doing what I think and know you'll do stops me #And that part of my brain is the part I want cut out #But can't because for whatever reason I've been condemned to a lifetime of a vow of silence #Until the day I die I cannot and will not speak a word of this except now because I am extremely frustrated with myself #And I just want to sleep and cry and forget everything and my brain #I'm not sorry for saying all this but don't feel sorry or worried for me either because you're not going to get an answer for any of this #I'm stubborn because of this reason and I fricking hate it #This is possibly the most stubborn I'll ever be in my life #Family don't care. They won't care.#Friends I can't bear the thought of burdening with whatever stupidity happens in this noggin #And anonymous people go for the same as friends. It's not fair #I probably need a big positive change in my life or something but at the moment I just need my brain to shut down for 20 years and maybe #I'll start feeling better #Most likely not though #I feel alone

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openingrandomdoors · 1 month

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My favourite thing in the world is when I get to my point of "rebirth", or rather like, the moment when I am so fucking tired of everything I do, that I spend like a week in the blank state of nothingness...

...after which I once more read/watch things I read/watched long time ago, and I'm reminded on what emotions, and beauty is.

It's so fucking good, I feel like a child every time, and every time I go back to being a miserable adult, and every time I go into a blank state, and end up feeling like a child again and...

#rebirth #but like theoretical rebirth #childhood #happiness #sadness #depression #blank #I have no clue what else to write here #like really #tags are cool and all #but why use them?#i guess If I write enough tags unrelated my posts will blow up for no reason #like those weird youtube videos with a fricking dictionary instead of a description

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bluebeary-jay · 8 months

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Damage done

Pre/No-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!Reader

Summary: during a fight with Joel, he unknowingly sends you into a panic attack caused by your previous experiences. he deeply regrets it. (based on this wonderful ask!)

Tags: heavy ANGST, hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending (there's also fluff), established relationship, petnames, soft!Joel (he's trying his best fr 🥺). Several years pre outbreak. please read the warnings carefully

Warnings: fighting, talk and mention about previous abusive relationship, panic attack, emotional distress, self-destructive thoughts

Word count: 4K

A/N: i wrote it partially based on experiences with my own panic attacks, but i know everyone's is different. if there's a warning i missed, please let me know. also i want this man to take care of me so much 😢 anyway, stay safe, darlings, and as always: happy reading and i hope you'll enjoy!! 💕 comments and feedback are greatly appreciated 😌

It had been a rough couple of weeks. Things at your work were rocky to say the least, what with your boss firing several people every week and cutting your salary. Joel didn’t have it much better – from what you understood, two clients suddenly canceled their order, and Tommy got himself thrown into jail, again, breaking his longest record to date. On top of that, little Sarah went down with some kind of flu that was raging in schools recently, and for the last two weeks one of you had to be home with her almost all the time.

So it was probably no wonder that the tension and stress became too much at one point, and you both snapped.

It was about the play at Sarah’s school.

“You promised her, Joel! She was talking about it for the entire week.”

“It’s not my fault we have to go out of town on this date,” he answered through clenched teeth, pinching the bridge of his nose and not looking up at you. “I tried to reschedule, but the commissioning party refused. I can’t help it, for fuck’s sake.”

You were glad Sarah wasn’t home right now to listen to your fight. You dropped her off earlier at her friend’s house because she wanted to practice lines for the play they were doing next week. The play that Joel was apparently planning to miss.

You adored Joel – god, you loved him with all that you had – but he could be so stubborn sometimes, it was driving you up the fricking wall.

“It’s your kid, Joel–”

“Yeah, it’s my kid!” he raised his voice, only now lifting his head. His stare was cold and hard, so unlike how he usually looked at you. “Not yours.”

“Are you kidding me?!” you shouted, hurt by his words and the tone he used. “I’ve been taking care of her, loving her– She is like a daughter to me!”

“But still not yours,” he repeated harshly. That was a low blow, especially when he told you so many times that you might not be Sarah’s biological mother, but it’s obvious you love her like she’s your own blood.

“You’re only saying that ‘cause you know I’m right,” you snarled angrily, and Joel huffed a humorless laugh.

“Of course. You always know better, dont’cha?” He stood up, towering over you, but you didn’t back down. If anything, it only made you more mad, as if he was doing this to intimidate you. “I’m sorry I’m such a terrible father in your eyes, but I have to think about earning money. Especially since it’s only a matter of time ‘till that asshole boss of yours will fire you, too.”

“What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?! You really think so lowly of me to say it won’t be long until I get fired?”

“I don’t– Christ, you’re puttin’ words in my mouth again.”

“Again. Of course.” You spat out and took your sweatshirt from the couch, done with him and this conversation. “I’m going to my home,” you told him dryly. Joel’s nostrils flared and he took a step forward.

“No, you’re not.”

“Fuckin’ watch me,” you muttered under your breath, but loud enough for him to hear.

“We are not finished!!” Joel screamed, his booming voice echoing throughout the house.

It felt like a slap. In one second you froze, all your muscles seized up and a feeling of coldness gripped your heart and throat, sending panic flooding your veins. The sweatshirt you were holding slipped out from your stiff fingers.

Joel has never raised his voice at you like that. Never with such anger and fury. There was a bite to his tone that you couldn’t explain, but which you knew very well – the telltale sign that you went too far, and the other person’s patience was at an end, that now you were going to pay for it.

Your previous boyfriend taught you what it means. It meant bruises and split lips, and screaming when you started crying…

Joel noticed the shift in your behavior right away, and his anger immediately ebbed, replaced by confusion and concern.

“Darlin’?” he murmured the pet name, though it rolled off his tongue heavily and with difficulty.

He was still furious at you and your refusal to understand what he was going through, but it all died down when he saw how wide, how empty your eyes were. Your knees buckled, and you looked like you could fall down at any moment.

Joel didn’t have any idea what was happening with you – but knew that whatever it was, it was his fault.

You, in the meantime, felt like you couldn’t breathe. The man in front of you – you weren’t even sure anymore who that was – took a step forward with his hand lifted, and you quickly backed away, stumbling in the process.

“No! N-no, no, please, I’m sorry–” you started blabbering and sobbing, wrapping one arm around your middle to protect all the main internal organs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to–”

“No, you didn’t…”

“Please… I’m sorry, I swear,” you cried, trembling at this point, but not daring to escape the room. “I’ll be better, just don’t… Please, don’t…”

Joel’s heart broke when he saw you bursting into tears and trying to make yourself as small as possible. All his anger disappeared in a cloud of smoke, replaced by the overpowering need to comfort the girl he loved.

But you seemed so scared when he wanted to come closer… And he didn’t know how to proceed.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he repeated in an even softer tone, his eyebrows scrunching in worry. “Sweetheart… M’not gonna hurt you.”

He took another slow step forward, but that seemed to already be too much, because the trembling intensified and you practically slumped against the wall, one arm around your stomach, and the other squeezing your throat tightly. Joel feared to know the reason why you would do that to yourself.

“Stop, plea– I can’t– I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“No, it’s okay, my baby, it’s alright…”

He fell down to his knees next to you and reached to take you in his arms, but you started shaking your head violently, backing away and squirming out of his reach.

“No, no, please, I’m sorry! Don’t– don’t touch me!!”

A bile rose up in his throat, and he retreated his hands, holding them low in front of him to show he’s not going to do anything.

“It’s alright, babygirl,” he muttered chokingly, feeling completely helpless and lost about what to do. “You… you’re safe.”

You were crying uncontrollably now, though it seemed like you tried to stifle the never-ending sobs and tears flowing out of your eyes, in result making your entire body shake. You flinched – actually flinched – when Joel opened his mouth, and your fingers around your throat tightened their grip.

“No,” Joel said decisively, breaking your wish and grabbing your wrists, moving them away from your neck where red crescents started to form. “Baby, please, don’t.”

“Let go!!” It was hard to distinguish the words from between your cries, but the message your body language was conveying was clear as day. “No, don’t… me…” You sobbed again, quickly weakening despite your efforts. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Come ‘ere,” Joel whispered in a voice full of pain, carefully shifting closer and wrapping his arms around you, though being careful not to make you feel too crowded or trapped. “Shhh… it’s Joel, darlin’, m’here.”

Surprisingly, you let him hold you – maybe it was just because you didn’t have strength to resist and fight back anymore, Joel thought, but maybe you recognized him. Maybe it was both. But the tears didn’t stop. No matter how gently he stroked your back or whispered reassuring words, you couldn’t seem to stop crying.

Several times in the next couple of minutes you tried to grasp your neck or arm again, but every time he delicately, though firmly, moved them away. You still babbled half-intelligible apologies and pleas, and each time your voice broke or hitched on another fearful word, Joel’s heart was shattering into a million pieces all over again.

“I’m sorry…” you sobbed again, trembling in his arms. “I’m sorry, don’t hurt me, p-please–...”

“My darlin’...” Joel held you closer and more securely in his arms, rocking you back and forth. “Sweetheart, my sweet, sweet girl… I’m never gonna hurt you, I swear.” He planted soft, delicate kisses on your hair. Even though he wanted to hug you tightly, to show you how much he loves and cares about you, he restrained himself and tried to keep his touch as gentle as possible. “I swear, my babygirl, m’sorry, so sorry for screamin’... Didn’t mean to.”

You were still crying, albeit weaker now, in his arms, clinging to him like your life depended on it. Joel could feel your nails digging themselves into the skin of his back, but it was the furthest thing on his mind – hell, he could start bleeding and still it wouldn’t be as important as comforting you at this moment. Better him than you.

“I love you s’much, my babygirl, my life,” Joel continued murmuring into the top of your head, feeling close to crying himself when your tears seemingly couldn’t stop flowing. “M’so sorry. I won’t ever hurt you like that again, I swear…”

His words, though full of love and compassion, rolled off you like water off a duck’s back, and you still couldn’t locate yourself, couldn’t tether your being to this world and make sense of the difference between what you knew should happen, and what was actually happening.

Your whole body was hurting, yes, but it wasn’t the pain of being repeatedly hit. You could barely hear your own cries, but it wasn’t because of vicious and cruel words being thrown at you. You knew it was Joel you were clinging to, and he never hurt you in this way, but… but you also were never so angry at each other. You never fought like this – and experience taught you that crossing that invisible line will carry certain consequences.

You weren’t angry now. You were scared. And confused.

“Joel,” you whimpered between gasps, struggling to breathe through your rapid sobs. “I’m sorry. Please, don’t– don’t go.”

“M’not leavin’ ya, babygirl.” He spoke into your hair, closing his eyes. “M’not goin’ anywhere.”

You were calming down a little now, the sobs wrecking your body and breaking Joel’s heart dying down, though you were still shivering. Joel continued to hold and soothe you the best he could.

And wondered who must’ve hurt his darling so much that you’d react so badly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered after a while, sniffling into Joel’s chest, but trying not to get snots on his shirt. Joel sighed sadly, but his hold on you just tightened.

“No, babygirl, my darlin’...” He pressed his lips to your hairline, stroking your back with his other hand. “You have nothin’ to be sorry for, I swear. It’s okay.”

“It’s not,” you whimpered pitifully, unable to stop another wave of tears from falling. “I’m sorry I reacted like that. I know… Joel, I know you won’t hurt me. Baby, please.” You took his head in your hands, searching his eyes with fear painted across your face. “I’m so sorry, wasn’t thinking and…”

“Hey. Love, it’s fine.” He placed his own hands on your cheeks, stroking lightly your damp skin with his thumbs. “Don’t say that. M’not angry at you and would never be because of that. It’s… it’s okay.” He petted your hair, trying to relax for your sake, but his chest remained tight. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise.”

You nodded weakly, though you weren’t sure if you believed him. Joel swallowed heavily and nodded after a while, too.

“Okay. I… I’ll run you a bath,” he whispered, but you held his hand tighter and shook your head with tears gathering in your eyes again.

“No, no! Just s-stay with me, please.”

Joel took your face in his hands, but you closed your eyes, feeling too vulnerable and exhausted to even try to maintain eye contact.

“I’m here, baby. C’mon, just hold onto me.”

He waited until your arms were around his neck before slowly standing up and tucking you securely in his arms. You hid your wet face in the crook of Joel’s neck, breathing in his soothing smell and trying to calm your breathing, which you still found difficult.

Neither of you said anything when he took you to the bathroom, sat down on the toilet seat and started to fill the bathtub with water and soothing oils. You just watched him, wiping your nose every once in a while.

Still remaining silent, Joel extended his hand and helped you stand up. Then, almost with fearful hesitation, he touched the hem of your shirt, sending you a questioning look. You just nodded, not having strength to undress yourself, and lifted your arms, letting him take your clothes off.

You didn’t let go of his hand even after he guided you to sit in the tub. You couldn’t bear being alone with your thoughts right now, and Joel, being as wonderful of a man as he was, stayed by your side as the warmth from the water seeped through your tired bones.

Another several minutes passed before he finally asked the question that was gnawing at him since the very beginning. You must’ve subconsciously known it was coming, cause it didn’t even surprise you.

“Who was it?” he asked quietly. His hand was still caressing your palm with the gentlest of touches, but his eyes were like ice, full of hidden rage and hatred. “Who did this to you, darlin’?”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, not sure whether to answer or not. Ever since you got to know him, Joel has been nothing but kind and understanding, never pressuring you into doing or saying something you didn’t want… but you had a feeling he wasn’t going to let the matter drop.

And honestly, you were afraid to tell him. To admit how your previous relationship looked and what exactly happened to make you act so strongly about something so small. Because… what if he’ll realize how broken you are, how much effort it’d take to put up with you, and he’ll leave? Even if he was willing to take care of you, it was really unlikely that he’d stay – even if he says that now.

You were doing good until today. You managed to hide the issues you had with yourself and all the pain you carried inside, never letting Joel know that something was wrong with you. But now he… he will…

You didn’t want him to leave. He made your life so much better and you loved him to pieces with all your heart, as weak and broken as it was.

You couldn’t lose him.

“Oh, baby…” Joel’s hands cupped your cheeks so carefully and lovingly that you almost started weeping again. “M’not goin’ anywhere. I love ya so much. You’re never gonna lose me.”

You didn’t realize you said those words out loud, but even so, somehow his affirmations didn’t make you feel any better. You wanted them to comfort you, but if anything, they just made you feel sick.

“I’m afraid you’re gonna leave someday,” you whispered hoarsely, keeping your eyes on the slowly disappearing bubbles. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want you to. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Joel. I…” Tears spilled from your eyes again and you shook your head. “I know I’m too much. And… and broken. And I know it sounds like I wanna guilt-trip you, but I’m not, I’m just–” You choked on a sob, and wrapped your arms tighter around yourself, hugging your knees to your chest. “I don’t– don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Sweetheart, look at me, please.” Joel’s hands were rough to the touch, but so incredibly gentle when they guided you to meet his eyes, and a big pit formed in your stomach when you saw how they shone. He was on the verge of tears, too. “Don’t say things like that. Nothin’ is wrong with you. Who…” He sighed again. “Who made you believe such things?”

You didn’t answer at first, but Joel kept staring at you, and – finally – you relented.

“My previous boyfriend. The one I didn’t want to talk about. He– Look, I know he was a horrible person.” You let out a short laugh, but without any joy – or emotions altogether – in it. “And I hate him so much, but he… he was right. About some things.”

“He’s not.” Joel didn’t back down, feeling despair growing inside his chest as he saw the girl he adored with his whole heart put herself down like that. “You’re… fuck, you’re perfect, darlin’, and you didn’t deserve to be treated or talked to this way. M’so sorry it happened to you.”

He brushed some of your hair to the back and sighed silently. He seemed so lost and sad, it made you feel even worse.

“What can I do?”

That stopped the train of your thoughts, and you looked up.

“What?”

“What can I do?” he repeated softly. “To prove t’you that I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

Your lips parted, and you were unsure what to say. Joel took your hand in his, delicately tracing patterns on the back of it.

“Babygirl, listen to me. You’re the most precious thing t’me. I don’t care what this asshole told you, but… but none of this is true. And it’s not gonna drive me away from you. Nothin’ is gonna make me leave,” he repeated more firmly, never taking his eyes off you. “Because I love you. More than anythin’ else in the world”

Joel sounded so sincere and desperate, tugging at your heartstrings with his gentle, sad eyes and loving words. The water became cool some time ago, but your insides felt like they were on fire – as if the next breath you were about to take would be your last.

“I’m sorry for everything I said.” You took a shaky breath, trying to keep your voice steady. “I don’t think you’re a bad father. I think you’re the best and most amazing dad Sarah could ever ask for. I didn’t want…” You sniffed and your shoulders started to shake again with silent cries. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I’m so sorry, I didn’t–”

The sob that you tried to stop with all your might suddenly escaped you, and Joel’s forehead scrunched in worry. He pulled you closer, leaning over the edge of the bathtub. Neither of you concerned yourself with water dripping off your skin, only feeling relieved from each other’s closeness.

“I know, babygirl. M’not mad.” Joel left a lingering kiss on your tearstained cheek, and then a second one on your forehead. “I’m sorry, too. For how I acted and for–” he sighed heavily into your shoulder, “for shouting at ya.”

“You couldn’t have known,” you mumbled, but he shook his head.

“That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t ‘ave done it in the first place.” He relaxed in your arms, and somehow it made your muscles less tense, too. “I’ll see what I can do about that job. So that I can see Sarah’s play.”

You nodded and let your eyelids drop, giving in to the feeling of calm and security that always came with being with Joel.

“Can I sleep here tonight?” you asked quietly. You still were a little afraid that he’s going to turn you down after what happened, but you really didn’t want to stay alone. “With you?”

“‘Course you can. D’ya want to go now?”

You nodded again. Not bathing seemed like a big waste of water, but you didn’t feel strong enough to actually wash your body. And Joel didn’t pressure you – he just bent over and wrapped his strong arms around you, practically pulling you out of the tub by himself.

His clothes were completely soaked when he put you down and reached for the fluffiest towel you had, wrapping it around you like a little cocoon. He got rid of his wet shirt, kissed your head gently and, without a word, scooped you up into his arms again.

“I can stand,” you offered when he started walking towards the bedroom, forcing you to wrap your hands around his neck for support.

“I want to take care of you.”

“But your back pains…”

“I’m not that old yet, sweetheart,” he answered with a half-smile, slowing down and gazing into your eyes softly. “Let me take care of you.”

You brushed his cheek with your fingertips tenderly, eyes flickering across his face. “But you’re always taking care of everyone, Joel.”

His throat bobbed and he almost immediately looked away. It was clear what he was thinking – that according to himself, he wasn’t doing a good enough job. Because you got hurt. Because he was the one who unintentionally hurt you and sent you into a panic attack.

He was silent when he put you down on the bed with care, turning around to fetch one of his shirts from the closet. During this whole time you didn’t say anything, either. Your mind was still a little closed off from when you tried to separate yourself from the painful memories that started to haunt you, and despite Joel’s efforts, it was still difficult to move past the experience.

But your head snapped up when Joel, after helping you put the shirt on, knelt in front of you, took your hand in his and leaned forward to kiss your knee gently.

“M’sorry,” Joel whispered with pain tinging his deep voice. “I’m sorry for sayin’ all those things about you and Sarah. I know you love her.” He pressed his lips to your knee again, and lifted his head, revealing how misty his own eyes were, which in turn made your heart ache even more. “My sweet girl. I swear I won’t ever hurt you again.”

“You didn’t hurt me,” you answered quietly, but Joel shook his head and took a deep breath.

“What can I do?” he repeated his question from earlier, and this time you knew exactly what you needed him for.

“Can you… can you hold me?”

Without missing a beat, Joel raised from his position and enveloped you in his embrace, making you feel safe and protected like never before. You sighed heavily, breathing in his scent and feeling like just by touching you with such love that only he was capable of, he helped you to lift some invisible load from your shoulders.

Despite the headache from all the crying and your chest still tightening with every shallow breath you took, you felt a little better now. You didn’t feel alone.

You knew you were safe with Joel.

It took some time for you to fall asleep, but even when you did, Joel could not find peace in the silky darkness of the evening.

Before you dozed off, Joel vowed again and again how much you mean to him, how you and Sarah are the best things that ever happened to him, and how he’ll never let anything happen to any of you – and he could clearly see that you believed his every word, and that you weren’t mad at him. You weren’t flinching when he rocked you back and forth, or later when he pressed small kisses to your forehead.

But you still were quiet and your face miserable, and several times Joel tucked you in closer to himself when he felt you shaking and sniffing. There wasn’t anything else he could do but hold you and whisper soothing promises into your hair. Once your eyelids started to drop, he began humming a familiar melody he knew you liked, and you nuzzled your face into his neck, curling up in his embrace.

And you whispered ‘I love you’ before you drifted off to an uneasy sleep in his arms. And before he could even answer, you thanked him for loving you.

When he heard it, he had to keep himself from breaking down with the last bit of his strength.

“You mean everythin’ to me, love. Everythin’,” he murmured after a couple of seconds, not even knowing if you were still awake. The guilt in his chest made it hard to breathe, but he pushed through it, and then he softly kissed your forehead, making a promise to himself.

He will find time to go to Sarah’s play with you. And he’ll make it right.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #the last of us #joel miller x y/n #tlou hbo #young joel miller #sarah miller #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller angst #joel miller fluff

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elryuse · 7 months

Text

IMPREGNATING MY ROOMATE

SOHEE X MALE READER

TAGS : Noona, Naughty, Roomate, Dirty talk, Impregnation, Creampie

You were just working on some of your unfinished projects before finally finishing it just right about the deadline. Being a college student is not an easy task, just like what you think it would be. In reality it's fucking tiring.

But there is always someone who would brighten up your day. She is none other than your doorstep roomate named Sohee. Even though she is older than you, you always felt like your chemistry with her is just amazing. She always cared for you, and maybe that's why you always think of her as an older sister figure.

But lately, You started to feel something that you can't understand. Something more than just an older sister figure type of love. Not to mention the way she started to dress nowadays is getting more and more revealing than usual. But knowing that you don't want to ruin this beautiful relationship, you tried to keep it away for now.

Finally you went back to your room after finishing the torture amount of work. But what you didn't expect was Sohee standing in the kitchen cooking some delicious food. She was wearing a tight and small grey colored Calvin Klein Crop Top. With some tight training pants as well. It perfectly fits her petite body and she just looks gorgeous tonight.

"Y/n....come on... I made some 김치 찌개 (Kimchi Jigae) ".

"Wahh daebak... Thank you so much Sohee Noona".

" *chukle* Of course... Come sit here... I'll get the Rice ready".

You were totally not expecting this tonight. Sohee would usually buy some delivery food instead. Not to mention her drinking habits as well. I mean last night, she'll get 2 boxes of fried chicken and a whole box of beer. You'll probably think that she'll never finish all of them. But boy you're wrong. And what's left from that was a drunken Sohee.

"I made this because you already helped me a lot last night.... I was so fricking drunk... :cc".

"Aww that's okay Noona.. This is too much.. But thank youu".

" *chukle* No I really mean it. I always loved your company Y/n... It means a lot to me.. Having someone like you".

"T-thanks Noona".

"Well go on then Enjoy the food".

"Alright then... 잘 먹었습니다 (Thanks for the meal) Noona".

"So how is it? Is it much to your liking"?

"Noona.. This is so fucking good. If some guy decided to marry you... I bet he'll get to eat this delicious meal every day".

" *chukle* Aww that's sweet... But what if that guy is you"?

Hearing that statement you immediately spat out some of your drinks in your mouth. Earning a huge laugh from Sohee.

"Noonaa you can't joke around like that".

"Ahahhaha it's just funny Seeing you like that".

"Ughhh fine fine... But look.. The floor is wett 😭".

"Just like me".

"Eh"??

Sohee immediately laught it off, saying it was nothing. But deep down... You kinda feel something was off. Not to mention the way her legs are slowly rubbing your own leg underneath the dining table.

"Don't you want to have a girlfriend Y/n"?

"W-well.. I-i do... It's just.. ".

"Just what"?

"I haven't really found someone that is interested in me".

"Aww that's sad.. What a poor baby :c *pout* ".

"Noona stop doing that".

"Stop doing what? You don't like it"?

"N-no.. It's not that... But".

"But what"?

Sohee immediately stood up from her chair. Before walking slowly towards you. Her eyes were filled with lust and glimmer of hope. She then wrapped her hand all over your broad shoulders before quietly and carefully whispered something on your ear.

"I want to fuck you so bad Y/n... And I know you want to do the same. So why don't we make love... ".

"N-noona"??

" *chukle* Come on now... I'll be gentle on you... Noona will take care of you so don't you worry ".

" *gulp* O-okay".

"Really.. You'll do it with me"?

"Y-yes.. I-i love you a lot Noona. I'm just scared of actually telling you about my feelings. I'm scared that you might reject me and we'll be like strangers. I-i don't want that".

"Awww my poor baby... I'm sorry to make you think like that... But don't worry. I'll give you a proper reward for being a good boy... Come here and lay with me on the bed".

With a swift motion her strong arms immediately took you away. She embraced you in a tight hug before smiling at you. She then carried you to the large room before laying down on the soft and squishy bed.

"Don't just stare at me dummy... *chukle* Fuck me".

" *gulp* ".

Hearing that, Your cock immediately started to grow bigger and bigger. As if Sohee have given you a magic spell that instantly makes you Fucking horny. She then helps you remove a piece of your clothes and your pants. She gasped and admired how big your cock was. Sohee smiles before she starts to remove her own piece of clothing.

She started by removing her tight training pants, revealing a white and silky smooth thighs. She can't help but to giggle to your reaction. Piece by piece was removed making her crop top the only thing hanging around. But before she removes that, she asks you a question.

"So if we finally do this. Would you be interested to be mine Y/n"?

"Is that even a question Noona? The answer is definitely Yes.. I've loved you all this time. You've been so good to me... And I-i just can't find another girl that is like you.. ".

"Mmmhm.. Hearing that makes me really really happy.. And because of that.. I'm gonna reward you with something special".

Sohee finally released the tension that is holding her big mounts. The last piece of clothing is finally removed. Her big and perky breasts are what's left. She shyly closed her face before laughing about how awkward this situation is. But you returned the favour by kissing her on the lips. Which suprises her at first. But after a few seconds she finally understood and started to kiss you back.

The kiss was so hot and so sexy. Sohee was very skilled compared to your own. The way she sucked your tounge and started to play with the roof of your mouth was undeniably hot. Not long after that you finally released from the kiss, Earning a small gasp and moan from Sohee.

"More.. Kiss me more.. Baby".

"I will Noona... But I want to do something else".

"Mhmm.. And what would you want"?

You immediately grab her perky breast before admiring them, grasping them as if your life depends on it. After playing around with her breast, you decided that her tits were looking so delicious. So without any hesitation you immediately suck it. Sohee immediately moans.

"Fuck... Aghh.. Mmm".

"Mhmm".

"Don't stop baby... Don't stop... Aghh".

You continue sucking her tits while she playfully gen on top of your crotch before she starts to ride you slowly. The pleasure was immaculate and all you want to do from that point is to do this every fucking day.. All you want to do is to hear her moan after moan.

You finally stop sucking cause now your cock could barely hold it any longer. Sohee knows this and immediately puts your cock inside her warm and wet mouth. The immediate pressure was strong as if your cock was being vacuumed. She gives you a deepthroat and starts to make sensual sounds while looking at you with so much lust.

She smiles before finally releasing your cock from her wet mouth. Using this to her advantage, She immediately prepared herself to put your cock deep inside her pussy. Slowly but surely the length started to shorten inch by inch before finally the whole thing was inside.

"FUCKKKKK AHHHH... SHIT.. IT'S SO DEEPP MHMM".

"N-noona aghh.. You're so tight".

"Mhmmm *moan* I know.. This pussy has been waiting for so long...".

"Fuck fuck fuckkk".

" *moans* Fuck me harder baby... Fuck me like you want to breed me... Fill me up baby.. Breed this Woman of yours".

"Fuck fuck *moans* ".

You immediately did what she asked and started thrusting as hard as you can. You both were screaming in pleasure as the sound of two meat started to clap, indicating a perfect harmony between your bodies. Sohee moans were filling your ears, Immediately enchanting you to immediately give her what she wants. And that is to be your woman and to be pregnant with your baby batter.

After you were about to cum, You immediately told her that you're close. She tells you the same, And before you can cum inside her. Her legs were locking you in a missionary position, to ensure that the insemination rate would be higher.

"I'm close Noona... Fuck... I'm gonna cum".

"Inside me... Cum inside me... I want it.. I want to be pregnant.. I want to be your Woman".

"Fuck fuck fuck".

And just like that ribbon after ribbons of cum were shot deep inside her womb. Your seed immediately found ways to inseminate her eggs as both you and sohee fall to a tight embrace kissing and enjoying the rest of your life together.

You were bleesed with 2 Children. One boy and One girl. Sohee was so happy after hearing the news that she was pregnant, She can't imagine that her long last dreams were coming true and that she is now married to her beloved Y/n.