#FUCK IT I'M NOT RENAMING HER
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i started playing clangen the past few days and my clan took in a paralyzed kit cause her mom couldn't take care of her anymore
she turned 6 moons old and she decided she wanted to help around camp and such so she lives in the elder's den now instead of becoming a warrior, but she was given a warrior name
morningrunner
the game named the paralyzed cat MORNINGRUNNER???
#the names are randomly generated so this is completely rng so it's SO FUCKING FUNNY LMAO#i'm gonna rename her to something more appropriate but i had to share lmao#also i think i'm gonna make her a medicine cat or mediator#because that's the only way to get her out of the elder's den and it just feels so weird to me to have a 6 moon old cat be an elder
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what if I renamed Storm as Zephyr instead. what if I renamed myself Zephyr. hmm. hmmmmmm.
#nothing permanent decided just yet of course#but I was just reminded that the word exists and hit damn. it sure does have a certain pull to it#if I do rename Storm then like... 'Storm' would definitely still stick around as a nickname at the very least#but like. I'm honestly considering it for my own name. I've been looking for a better one#my birth name is just ehhhh to me. I don't feel a ton of connection to it really#and Color is fine for online spaces/with people who know this side of me. but it's not really something I tend to introduce myself as irl#I mean to be fair Zephyr might not be taken much more seriously either but it does have a certain feel that I like#eh. if it doesn't really really stick with me then maybe it'll end up as the name for an alternate Storm form or something#like that angel design I made for her yeaaaaars ago#ironically it's about this time of year that I decided to change her name from Color to Storm. that was back around new years 2017...#holy FUCK how is that SEVEN years ago#I. huh. what .. what the fuck. yeah it was winter 2016/17 I'm pretty sure? if not then it was 2015/16 which means eight years and. man. huh.#okay checking old refs it was in fact 2017 when she officially became Storm#wild.#anyway that's tonight's 2:30am thoughts#the snowjag speaks
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i can't believe i missed like the most obvious solution to a character development conundrum i've been working with and around for over a year, only to figure it out at 8 fucking AM when i'm hungry, restless, sleepless, and brain still full power on (well that's debatable by how long i've been awake) while im trying to get to sleep.
#rubia speaks#'how am i going to maintain the identity of this character while non-negotiably giving her a new name'#you make her initials. literally her old first name. i can't believe i didn't think of this before#what this means though is i might have to rename the character she plays in a dramatic production so it's not too similar#but. that's fine. right now i'm over the fucking moon
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kinda weird to me how basically every other language gave all of megamix's sequels unique names and then the english version just didn't bother for 90% of them-
#puppy rambles#rhythm hell#megamix#hole in one 2's japanese name in megamix is hole in one lady and that's funny to me#also ''every'' is probably a slight exaggeration. i'm gonna check real quick actually-#the german and italian versions don't have unique names for snappy trio. or fan club 2. or figure fighter 3- okay i think i see a trend her#jungle gymnast does get a unique name tho#the french version gave tap trial 2 a unique name why didn't we get that. IT IS TURBO TAP TRIAL FUCK YOU MEGAMIX#jumpin' jazz doesn't have a unique name in french though it is still different from in ds#only the japanese french and korean versions renamed hole in one 2. in french it's women's golf apparently-#super samurai slice 2 uses roman numerals in japanese so that's neat#cosmic dance gets unique names in every language good for it#as does cosmic rhythm rally therefore ofc#rhythm rally seems to be one of the few instances of the korean version not basing its names off the japanese names#its korean name is still rhythm rally interestingly enough. anyways#working dough 2 doesn't have a unique name in most languages. aside from japanese french and korean#and karate man senior isn't a sequel technically-#thanks for coming to my tedtalk /hj
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okay but theres that place in england that's called "maidenhead' and apparently that name for it is p damn old so was the virginity-euphemism/innuendo because someone saw the placename and went 'LOL' and how did that poor town cope with the several centuries (?) in which people they met would be all "you're from WHERE????"
#history stuff#'oh hi i'm from the town of Hymen yeah people do tend to do that face you're doing right now when i tell them that'#at least Scunthrope was okay until the invention of online autocensors u kno?#first time i saw talk of 'her maidenhead' in a book i was like wait what about the place-name??#Visit Sunny Virginity-Town i guess???#this is even more awks than 'hi Your Maj yeah so we named the colony after the fact that's you've never fucked that's okay with you right?'#'we were thinking if you do get married after all we can just rename it to She's-Had-Sex-Now-Land what do you reckon?'
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Tried to read "Jane Eyre" but ...
I just can't with whiney victim mentalities. I got through three chapters and I want all that time back. Sometimes I do a double take on what society considers classics and then I remember people choose to still eat at Chic-Fil-E so... I guess you can't trust the general public. Even in book reviews.
I also read "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" and enjoyed that very much. Maya Angelou is a bad ass.
#i can't stand jane eyre#i'm so bothered#jane eyre should be renamed “another white girl being fucking whiney and annoying”#Or you could call it “caucasians being unceremonially petty to each other”#Or you could call it “a house of shitty temporarily embarressed millionaires”#Or... idk... just fucking call it “white people twitter ca. 1847”#it's a very “little house on the prarie” meets “anne of green gables” story#big time battered wife syndrome energy#charlotte bronte is not for me#i identify more with the strong black girl in a time where she'd have been killed for standing up for herself#i do not identify with whiney little white girls who could leave but would rather be all up in their heads romanticizing their victimhood#margarite would've beat the shit out of everyone in jane's governess's house and been alright with taking off even with no where to go#margarite wasn't waiting around for some asshole to save her - she saved her own damned self#be more like maya angelou#do not be like charlotte bronte or her nauseating damsel in distress characters
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another funny thing my friends have done that i simply will never forget is them telling me to not name my djungelskog teddy bear Otis (like my favourite bear from a national park in Alaska) because "naming a plushie that is lying in my bed after a celebrity is kind of weird and problematic" sdjkfjksdhfjksdhfkjsdhk
#celebrity hdjsgfjhsdgfjhsgdfjhsgdjhf#p#they're the funniest ppl in the world <3#now her name is bearbel (like the geman name bärbel) but i'm thinking of renaming it paddington just to fuck with them
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The year is 2030.
At the Cincinnati stop of her "world tour", Taylor Swift ends her set. As she walks off the stage, she leans into a nearby mic and says "oh by the way, I'm lesbian".
She's still milking a public relationship with a man named Chett Whitesman, so this is met with a combination of cheers and confusion. Immediately, the media mobilizes. They have to intercept her before she gets onto her private jet, and ambush her for an interview. Luckily, this has become much easier these days. Since the release of her 2027 album, "The Carbon Emissions of my Heart", T Swizzle has performed a ritual sacrifice of an endangered species on live camera every time she boards her jet, a #girlboss way of saying that her emotional pain can only be healed by the tortured screams of drowning polar bears.
(Since this practice started, a devoted faction of Swifties have started a carbon negative algae farming commune, with the express intent of negating taytay sweezie's contributions to climate change. Apparently "her tortured soul deserves to pollute without guilt". They haven't even come close to their goals.)
Taytor Twift is intercepted after this ritual, as she's walking up the steps of her plane. When asked what the lesbian statement was about, she nonchalantly says "oh, I thought it was clear that was a joke. Anyways, G T G!" , before biting into the still beating heart of an emperor penguin.
During her flight, discourse on the newly renamed twitter-X-ElonIsExtremelyVirile Corp goes nuclear like it never has been before.
There's a camp of swifties thoroughly convinced that her relationship with Chett is all a beard so that she can still keep touring in the New Christian Republic of Florida, and the interview at the plane was deepfaked.
A different camp of Swifties feels insulted and betrayed that she would be anything less than a paragon of allyship. To them, this is the worst slight the queer community has ever experienced.
A third camp of Swifties insists that she *is* dating Chett, and is also a lesbian. They get insulted that anyone would police Taylor's labels. Comparisons to the Boulder, Colorado shooter are made.
A group of non Swifties tries to point out that everyone is fucking insane and that 'ole taytay regularly tear gases pride rallies to make way for her promenade to stadium venues, and who the fuck cares about this shit and point out that what a billionaire celebrity does for five minutes of PR is not worth your attention or discourse, nor does it warrant harassing other people for the labels *they* use, and isn't it really fucked up that Taylor is making a joke of how people describe their identities? They are promptly doxxed, harassed, and banned.
Bi lesbian discourse is off the charts. Nothing Taylor said has anything to do with it, but it happens anyways.
A lone transsexual who actually goes outside once in a while tweets "hey guys isn't it kinda fucked up that 2.4 billion people have been displaced by mega storms this year that her jet contributes to and is also specifically designed to fly over" and is promptly doxxed and harassed off the platform.
After an exhausting 9 minute plane ride, Tailing Swiffer lands in Columbus for the next performance of her world tour. She unveils a new single that contains the line "ride my horse after dumping him, stepping up onto my SAD dle".
All is forgotten. All is quiet. The Swifties continue as usual, moving on to the next discourse about these lyrics.
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Lyanna Stark naming Jon Snow after his dead brother is just... oof. Maybe I'm just attached to my oc, and maybe the trauma of hearing her uncle Oberyn telling her how her cousins were butchered by the Lannisters got to me, but like... Elaena would flip her shit if she heard that bullshit from Bran/Sam/Jon.
#hi hello I owe a bio for my oc and I'm writing it at the moment#and I'm getting stuck in my thoughts about aegon and rhaenys#which means I'm saying fuck canon and Jon isn't named Aegon because a bitch doesn't need or want that conflict#I'm renaming him Jahaerys#fuck it#dumb ramblings#her mother is a martell so big oof#and I took that personally
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i think one of my main quibbles with a lot of sansa takes i see is the one that goes "she thinks that she's a character in a story, but this is real life, and she's fucked" when what's so interesting to me is the fact that she is doomed to be a character in a story!! just not the story she thought she would be in. she thought she was in an epic poem, and instead she's in a gritty high fantasy series that doesn't reward goodness in the same manner as a a bard's song. poor sansa is trapped!! she's trapped, and she's trapped in other people's stories. she spends so much of her time as a pawn of the tale. cersei's pawn, petyr's pawn. petyr literally renames her, turns her into a character within a character, fucks with her identity so hard that the physical structure of the story we're reading changes (her chapter headings). i realize i'm conflating sansa being grrm's character and sansa being other characters' character, but to me they intertwine. it's fiction all the way down
#sansa stark#valyrianscrolls#i just posted the same thing but in different words#but i'm rewording it now bc like#whatever#unlimited posting#until u hit 250 but i'm not gonna do that#asoiaf meta
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hazbin hotel redesigns wooooooooo
okay so. i'm gonna discuss my thoughts about them n shit, putting under a readmore bc it's gonna get long and rambley. sorry in advance for the shit formatting, i'm on mobile </3
just some general shit about how i would rewrite it. i think the premise of redeeming sinners is entertaining but is executed horribly. i also am a fan of the "heaven isn't great either" idea but again, executed horribly. i'd make the hierarchy of angels more accurate because it's cool as hell and i have autism about it. the characters from hell would swear still (albeit not as much), but the angels would outright refuse to swear or make vulgar jokes ever. this would be partially to further the gap between heaven and hell and make the differences more stark.
hell would also be more like dante's inferno (again because i think its cool). the ars goetia would get a full redesign and would be more prevalent in demonic society.
now for the characters!
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VAGGIE VALTIEL:
starting off with vaggie, or Valtiel as i've renamed her because let's be honest her original name sucks. Valtiel (Val for short) was an aspiring power angel who wanted to be an exorcist. she looked up to lute and thought the idea of killing demons was really cool and badass. however when she actually was on the field for the first time she discovered how awful this actually was. she tried to help a few demons but lute figured it out and felled her right then and there. the rest of her story is relatively the same. personality wise she's more stoic and less prone to all-out aggression. she still get angry, sure, but it's in a quieter and more menacing way. you DO NOT want to fuck with Valtiel.
CHARLIE:
next up is charlie! i had two ideas for her. the first one (unsettling drawing) has her as a mannequin/doll type demon. lucifer and/or lilith was unable to conceive and as such they built a kid from scratch. she's overall similar to og charlie personality wise, very kind and cheerful despite her unsettling appearance. she struggles with empathy sometimes but really does mean well. her motive for rehabilitating sinners is so they get to see their family again. being able to see heaven from where they are in hell must make them sad, so she wants to help make them happy again!
the second idea for charlie has her as an angel. specifically i casted her as a dominion angel due to their reputation as holy judges. she was once a demon but has been rehabilitated and has risen into angelhood! she now wants to help her former kin do the same and redeem themselves in heaven's gaze. again, similar cheery personality, but a bit more prudish in this rendition
tangent time!
as a side tangent, valtiel and charlie would have a different relationship in this rewrite. their relationship felt shoehorned in in the original show, like it was just there for the hell of it. we didn't see much development between them and it just felt kinda bland. so in my rewrite, charlie and valtiel are amiable exes. they tried dating when valtiel first fell (when charlie was still a demon in the charlie-angel version) but realized their feelings for each other were much more platonic than romantic. they ended things off on good terms, deciding they were much better as friends. they are still besties to this day! later charlie ends up with emily (or 'ellie' as i plan to rename her)
back to the characters
Alastor:
note: i made alastor mixed-race, which could be seen as bad by some due to vivzie saying he's black. however, as many have pointed out, he has no ethnic features whatsoever and i honestly wouldn't be surprised if she said that just to get away with using voodoo symbols (a closed religion) in his imagery/design. like viv, i am incredibly white and have little to no knowledge of voodoo, and even if i did i would not use it for something like this anyways due to the stigma the religion already has and (again) it being a closed practice. as such i removed it from his concept altogether, but made him mixed race (white passing) because.. why not i guess, i forgor my actual reasoning
with that being said...
alastor is by far my favorite of the redesigns and i'm honestly tempted to turn him into a legally distinct oc. i imagine he's somewhat reserved, along the lines of norman bates albeit a bit more extroverted. during his life he was a serial killer with a day job as a radio announcer. he took pleasure in reporting about his own murders on the radio, but that is eventually what got him caught (ie accidentally letting slip info that wasn't released to the public). as a result he was sentenced to death. upon arriving in hell, he quickly rose through the ranks to borderline overlord status and is a feared presence by demons and sinners alike. why is he bothering to assist in the hotel project? who knows... his motives are a mystery, like the rest of what he does
(he isn't actually alastair crowley i just thought the naming convention was ironic. however he may have also dabbled with satanic magic in lifetime..)
Angel Dust:
TW: brief discussion of SA
this is definitely my second favorite redesign. i loooove insect themes and wanted to do more than just Extra Arms, so he now has fucked up legs and a lot of eyes too! story-wise, angel used to be a criminal mastermind, hated by both the mafia and the feds. he was a gentleman thief, arranging massive heists under the cover of night while also partaking in the occasional drag show. he ended up a cocaine addict later in life, which caused his work to become sloppier. eventually he was killed in a heist gone wrong, specifically shot by the police.
i'm not gonna go too in-depth on the SA part of his story, but he is hypersexual due to being assaulted in both his life and afterlife. it would be something he'd be working on in the rewrite. his reason for coming to the hotel in the first place may have even been for help with this trauma. underneath his sultry exterior is a broken guy who really just needs someone to care about him for who he really is and not for what his body can do.
LUTE:
so lute and adam are some of the characters i have the most gripes about. the biggest one being why viv chose adam as the leader of the exorcists in the first place. if she wants a biblical figure tied to demon killing, Archangel Michael is RIGHT THERE, aka the one destined to kill satan during the events of Revelations. if she wants the first human to die, that would be Abel, not Adam. and i kinda doubt abel would want to do the stuff that HH!adam has been doing. if she wants an angel related to torture, Dumah is her guy! an angel that rules over wicked souls and tortures sinners every day except sabbath. so many better options...
with that out of the way, Lute is still the lieutenant of the exorcist, who are a specially chosen group of powers sent to purge hell once a year. think navy seals. she's pretty much the same as in the show, albeit more muscular and visually different from other exorcists (seriously why do they all look exactly the same?????) she's a very repressed lesbian who hasn't had time to work on that due to her duties
i also redesigned the exorcist uniform/armor because those LED purge masks are fugly as hell and their clothes don't even look remotely like armor.
Adam + Final Thoughts
i did start a redesign of adam but got bored of it. regardless, i think he'd be the head of C.H.E.R.U.B. instead of the exorcists. he doesn't want his children to make the same mistakes he and eve did, so together they started C.H.E.R.U.B. to help lost souls stay out of hell
final thoughts uhhhh i'm tired. show sucks, it had so much potential but viv ruined it by being a shitty writer and an even shittier person. the designs are fine i guess but they all look exactly the same and are in desperate need of variety. the humor is dogshit, saying dick and balls and penis over and over and over again doesn't make it any funnier than the first three times you made that joke. anyways that's it, i hope you liked my inane ramblings. gonna go vanish for another forty years or so, adios
#am i gonna do more? idk. we'll see#oh boy sorry about the seventy million tags#i eat bees#artist#oc artist#artists on tumblr#artist on tumblr#hazbin hotel#hazbin critical#hazbin redesign#hazbin rewrite#hazbin hotel critical#hazbin hotel criticism#hazbin hotel critique#hazbin hotel redesign#hazbin hotel rewrite#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin vaggie#hazbin hotel charlie#hazbin charlie#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel angel dust#hazbin angel dust#hazbin hotel lute#hazbin lute#hazbin art#hazbin hotel art
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It's Eurovision week, and for the first time in over twenty years, I won't be watching or engaging.
As you probably know, the global BDS (Boycott, Divest, Sanction) movement has called for a total Eurovision boycott due to the EBU's refusal to ban Israel.
The ESC has been a beloved part of my spring since I was little, and it's really fucking upsetting not getting to enjoy it this year - but that's just it. I know it won't make any difference whether one person chooses to watch or boycott, and that my watching it wouldn't even be registered as a view if I just watched the TV broadcast instead of the stream, but I can't imagine any set of circumstances in which I would enjoy it.
Back when the contest was held in Tel Aviv, I "bought myself a license to enjoy it" by donating to the UNRWA multiple times what I would've normally spent on voting, but no amount of donations would be enough to do that now. Not when every artist will be styled using the products of an Israeli beauty brand (Moroccanoil, a major ESC sponsor and likely a major player in why the EBU wouldn't even consider a ban), and when Israel itself has made its participation a political statement. The only reason their public broadcaster KAN agreed to change the lyrics of their entry, which originally referenced the Hamas attack and is still was called "October Rain" but has now been renamed "Hurricane", was this:
The president [of Israel] emphasised that at this time in particular, when those who hate us seek to push aside and boycott the state of Israel from every stage, Israel must sound its voice with pride and its head high and raise its flag in every world forum, especially this year.
(The Guardian, 07 March)
Singer Eden Golan has also said that she believes her "participation is part of a very important mission for the country" and that she expects to begin her compulsory military service soon after the contest:
I still haven't enlisted in the army, and when I return from Eurovision, I'll report for my first call-up. In the first year as a returning resident, they don't call you, but that year passed and I was summoned – and my draft was postponed because of Eurovision. Doing army service is a mission, and I want to take the auditions to the military bands.
(Israel Hayom, 22 April)
Yes, really. It's more likely she'll be some kind of PR ambassador for the Israeli army than be sent to Gaza with a gun, but still.
Many people are also upset about Palestinian flags being banned from the arena, and I'm not happy about it either, but I do think it's more or less understandable. The arena is a closed space, and any kind of altercation that might be sparked by those flags would be a big security risk. And at least if we are to believe executive supervisor Martin Österdahl, they haven't actually changed the rules; signs and flags with political messaging were always banned, and in this time, the Palestinian flag does send a powerful political message.
Then there's also the security risk associated with the event itself. Malmö is one of Sweden's most diverse cities, which also has both Jewish and Palestinian communities. According to a survey published on 4 May, 47% of city residents intend to avoid crowds during Eurovision. Mass protests and counter protests are expected. Events such as Quran-burnings by right-wing extremists are still allowed in the name of freedom of expression, even though the terror threat level in Sweden had to be raised to 4 out of the maximum 5 last year/this past winter due to precisely these kinds of provocations, and tensions will be running high. So even if the event itself manages to look as glitzy as always on TV, it will still be shadowed by what might be happening outside. Will there be unrest? Violence? How will the police respond?
There's no enjoyment to be found in any of that, no being "united by music" (the ESC slogan, which is a joke at this point). At least for me.
That being said, I do not judge you if you plan on watching. I understand that it's a huge annual tradition for many of us, and in these times, we need all the joy we can get. I also understand that it can feel like empty virtue signalling to boycott something when millions of others will tune in regardless - although it is good to keep in mind that this isn't some silly boycott started by social media activists on Xitter. It's a serious effort by the BDS movement.
I would challenge you to think about how you engage, though. If possible, watch it on TV instead of on stream, so your view won't be logged. (You could even consider waiting until the show gets posted on Youtube instead of giving views to the official stream, but I get that you probably want to see it live.) Try to abstain from hyping the contest or your fave entries on social media, and also from voting. Consider donating what you can afford to a charity that provides aid to Gaza instead (here's one list I found with a quick search).
And finally, spread awareness of the flip side. Don't be lulled into complacency by the claims of "Eurovision isn't political" when Israel itself has made it very clear it is - and do not make fun of people who want to sit the contest out this year or belittle their efforts.
#as a finn i am now incredibly glad we didn't win last year#my condolences to sweden for having to be at the centre of it all#eurovision#esc#eurovision song contest#esc 2024#boycott divest sanction#boycott eurovision#euroviisut#not yr
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the one where YN is a rising star in 1940's Hollywood, and Harry sets his eyes on her even though she's married.
author's note: two posts in two weeks? who am i? so thankful for all of the love on Desire i'm so glad you enjoyed it, and i hope you enjoy Glitz and Glamour just as much. posts are probably going to slow down again (very sorry just have a lot on plate going back to work, ugh) but imma promise that i'm not going to be gone for long, and there may even be a new series in the works ;) love ya lots!
word count: 10k of glitz, glamour, smut, fluff, angst and everything in between. (don't forget harry being a sexy rock star)
let me know what you think of Glitz and Glamour here! mwah <3
Hollywood, 1946
“I told you, Marshall, I’m not doing it.”
YN sat in her husband’s office; the pinstripe pencil skirt suit she had on giving her a sense of confidence to say what she really wants to in front of her husband. It wasn’t that she was usually a pushover in front of her husband – but his power scared her.
YN had met Marshall Miller when she was twenty-one, and she had just moved to Hollywood with nothing but a small suitcase full of all her personal belongings and a dream on her shoulders. It was at a scouting audition that she’d first met him, and YN knew that there were two things that were working on her side. The first was that she had a strive and a power to be the best actress that she could ever be, and the other was that she knew how to have men in the palm of her hand.
From being cast in her first film that day (even if it was only a minor role) she had Marshall Miller in the palm of her hand and she was holding on tight. She was in three more Marshall Miller films across the next three months, and in the fourth month of living in Hollywood she was married to one of the most influential directors in the business.
Obviously, YN had never planned for her marriage to be a business move (it was from her opinion, she didn’t know about Marshall), but she had to roll with the punches that this town gave her. She knew she would never love Marshall, but she couldn’t lie and tell herself that she didn’t appreciate the opportunities that he bestowed upon her.
That included this one – the first time that she was going to be a leading lady in a film that wasn’t just the wife of an important male lead. However, things weren’t exactly working to her plan when she received a revised version of the script which included a slightly more sexual scene (fine, whatever) but that also included her being nude.
This was the one thing that she had discussed with Marshall when she was first scouted – that she would do everything that she asked to, but she wouldn’t get nude in any scene she did. That would change the game for her acting – any last hopes for her to be known as an acting force in this life would be out of the window and she would be renamed as a ‘sex-symbol’ which wasn’t the life that she was looking for.
“I’m sorry, YN but you don’t have a choice.”
“I do have a choice, Marshall,” YN stood her ground, leaning forward in her chair and tapping her red-painted nails on top of his desk, “This is my body, Marshall, and I don’t want it recorded for everyone to see.”
“I think you’re forgetting something, YN,” He leans back in his chair and sparks up a cigarette, a look on his face that scares her and angers her all at the same time, “We’re married, you signed a contract to these studios – I own your body and what we want you to do with it.”
YN didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know whether to scream, cry or laugh her way out of the room. Instead, she stood up and spat, “Fuck you, Marshall,” at him and stormed out of the room.
There was no way in fuck that she was going back to work right now, and there was equally no way that she was going home where she may have to deal with the backlash of her actions towards her husband today – so she went to the next best place.
YN had found out about the bar that she had just walked into through some of the girls at the studio. It was a bar that many of the elite in Hollywood came to, mainly because it was underground and normally anything that happened there was kept under wraps by everybody there. It was an amazing bar, and YN loved it so much. She also knows that Marshall knows nothing about the bar, so she was completely safe.
Walking towards her normal seat at the bar, she sees that her favourite bartender in the entire world wiping a glass behind the bar. Once Bruno saw her, he beamed a smile in her direction and motioned for her to sit down. He immediately started making her a Manhattan, her favourite drink, and giving her an extra cherry because he knows she loves them.
“Haven’t seen you in a while, darling,” Bruno leans against the bar with a smile on his face, watching as she probably took a larger-than-ladylike gulp of her drink, “Rough day?”
“You know it,” She smiled at him as she slipped one of cherries off the stick and placed it into her mouth, “Thanks for this, Bruno.”
“Anytime, darling.”
To the watching eye, it would’ve been a sad sight to see YN sat by herself having multiple drinks, but it was what she needed. She didn’t know what she was going to go home to tonight and in the few months that she had been married to Marshall she knew that she could be walking into anything.
The last time that she had dared stand up in front of Marshall was a few weeks into her marriage to him, and it had ended up with him smacking her across the face. She didn’t know whether it was because he didn’t know what he signed up for when marrying her and thought that she was just going to be this perfect little wife that took everything that he said with a smile. That wasn’t the case, and YN really received the brunt of that.
That was the only singular time that Marshall had laid his hands on YN, but that was mainly because YN was strategic the next times that she said anything and made sure that she had an escape route planned so that she wouldn’t have to deal with anything like that again. Knowing that if she hadn’t left that office when she did, she would probably have had to endure something that scares her to death – but these were the games that she had to play.
YN didn’t know how long that she had been sat at the bar, but she knew that she had downed three Manhattan’s and Bruno was just placing down her fourth. She smiled at him, but he seemed to linger.
“What is it, Bruno?”
“You seem to have an admirer, Mrs. Miller.”
YN was confused by his words, but she knew that he obviously meant something. What YN didn’t expect was for probably the most handsome man she’d ever seen in her life. He was wearing a pinstripe suit, similar to her own but it was white and grey. His hat rested on the table next to him, and he had a drink which she could guess was whiskey in his hands. The second that he lifted up his drink to his lips, never breaking eye contact with her so she had to.
The second she looked away YN felt a heat rising right up her body. She pressed her hand up to the back of her neck, hoping that her hands were cool enough to spread through her body.
YN knew that she could attract men, but the circle that she was now in (especially being married to Marshall) meant that men sort of avoided her at all costs. However, right now Marshall was nowhere to be seen and every though she was in a place where some people she knows would be, there weren’t any here now. Even though that she could have some fun, she still had to remember that she was married.
That was a little bit difficult when she realised that he was no longer across the room from her but actually stood right next to her. Bruno looked at her once with wide eyes before turning to the stranger that had just invited himself to sit next to her.
“Another drink, Mr. Styles?”
“Please,” He nodded his head, placing his now empty glass on the bar in front of them, “And another one for the lady, on me.”
YN hadn’t notice that she had finished her drink, but once she had placed it down and took one fleeting glance in the stranger’s direction, she found herself heating up all over. She had definitely not expected a British accent. Even though she had quite a few drinks, she wasn’t drunk – maybe just a little tipsy.
“That really isn’t necessary, sir,” She placed her glass down, offered him a small smile and shook her head slightly.
“I think it is,” He nodded, “A beautiful girl shouldn’t be sat alone, paying for her own drinks.”
“Well…” YN had no idea what to say, and that wasn’t a state that she found herself in a lot, “Thank you, sir.”
“No problem,” As he leaned on the bar, turning on his side slightly so that he was looking directly at her she couldn’t help but look, even though every rational part of her brain was telling her not to, “It’s the least I can do.”
When both of their drinks were placed down in front of them, YN made it pretty obvious that she was married by picking up her drink that had her rings on it, and they weren’t rings that anyone could miss. It was Marshall’s second marriage, but he wasn’t sparing any expenses on his much younger bride.
YN watched his face as he realised, a light scoff of a laugh escaping his lips as he picked up his own drink.
“That’s a lovely rock you’ve got on your finger there.”
“Oh,” She extended her hand out in front of her, “This old thing?”
He laughed at her attempt at a joke (which seemed to work) and she couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. The way his face lifted when he laughed, and the dimples that he showed, and don’t even get her started on his hair.
“I must say, I am a little surprised to see a married lady in here without her husband to accompany her.”
“What’s to say he isn’t here? Or that I’m not waiting for him to come?”
“If you are waiting for him, he’s an asshole for making you wait forty minutes.”
The stranger had caught her there, but she made sure that her face was set so that he couldn’t see that he had shocked her.
“Oh, so you have been stalking me now, sir?”
“No, I wouldn’t say stalking,” He laughed, running a hand through his bouncy curls, “More so that I can admire beauty when I see it.”
YN couldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t enjoying the attention that she was receiving – because she very much was. This were the years that she was supposed to be in her prime, and the second that this handsome stranger took one look at her she should have had him in the palm of her hand. That wasn’t the case, as she always had Marshall lingering in the back of her mind.
Even though she knew that Marshall had been unfaithful to her (He was a director in Hollywood, for Christ’s sake) she didn’t know whether she could stoop to that level. There was also the slight issue of what Marshall would do to her, and the other person that was involved. There were so many moving parts to a marriage that was a business action, YN had quickly noticed.
“Anyway, who is this husband of yours? The one who doesn’t even come out for a drink with his wife?”
YN scoffed, slightly taken aback by audacity of this man to ask such a question when he hadn’t even told her his name, “Why would you like to know?”
“Maybe I know him,” He shrugs, “Know a lot of people around her, and I also wouldn’t be opposed to telling him how he’s supposed to treat a beauty like yourself.”
YN couldn’t believe what she is hearing, “Sir, what makes you think I��m just going to tell you my husband’s name and I don’t even know yours.”
“Harry Styles,” He holds his hand out for her, which she accepts with her ring clad hand.
“YN Miller.”
“Miller, that’s right,” He laughs, “I knew I recognised you. I do know who your husband is, Marshall Miller.”
Well, shit. That didn’t exactly go the way she planned, but at the end of the day everyone knew about her and Marshall. From the first time that they had been spotted outside the studio together, to the day that they made their red-carpet debut as a couple – everyone was reading about them.
There were times that it annoyed YN more than she could explain that every time she read an article about herself, the mentions of her acting came second every time to her marriage to Marshall. The marriage gave her the roles she wanted, but not the attention. The role in the new movie would give her the right attention, but if she followed through with the nudity she would be finished as an actress – that’s for sure.
“Of course, you do,” She smiles, “Thank you for the drink, Mr. Styles, but I think I may be off now.”
She grabs her purse and stand ups. As she turns to walk away, she feels a hand grab her wrist. It wasn’t harsh, but just a soft grip to keep her still.
“Look, I may know who your husband is, but my point still stands,” He offers her a smile, “And if you feel like this in the future, my band’s playing at Ciro next week and I’d love to see you there.”
When YN walked into the house she lived in with Marshall, it was eerily silent. YN knew that he was here, because her car was on the driveway, it was just finding him that would be the main issue. YN knew that she wasn’t up for a fight, and that was why she decided to just kick off her heels and make her way upstairs.
Growing up in a small town, in a flat in New York that was as big as the bathrooms in this house meant that there was a lot for YN to get used to. The fact that sometimes she wasn’t even allowed to make her own food, or just clean if she wanted to really got to her. There were small domestic things that she grew up with that she missed, but it meant that she appreciated the people who did even more and treat them much better than Marshall ever did.
As she made her way upstairs, she beelined through the bedroom and into the closet where she knew that Marshall never went. So, imagine her surprise when he was sat there with his tie a mess and his shirt unbuttoned. To say that her husband was twenty years older than her, she couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t handsome. The problem wasn’t his looks, or even his personality on his good days – but the way he treated people, YN included.
“You’re late,” He muttered into his glass as he lifted it up to his lips, “Where have you been?”
YN didn’t stand and look at him any longer. She started unfastening her necklace and walked over to her dressing table. Unfortunately, the way that the mirror was angled she could still see him staring at her.
“Sorry, I went out,” She placed her jewellery neatly on the side, “I was with Rosie and Sally. You know what it’s like when we get together – the time just runs away with us.”
“Huh,” He scoffs into his glass.
YN felt as though she had been caught, “What?”
“It’s just funny, that’s all,” He leant forward, placing his elbows on his knees, “Because just after you stormed out of my office, I went to find Rosie and Sally to ask where you were, and they hadn’t seen you.”
“I went to the bathroom first, if you really want to know,” She sighed, turning so that she was looking at him, “I went to the bathroom, for a while because I couldn’t believe that my husband was such an asshole and needed to get myself together before I went to find them.”
YN couldn’t believe sometimes that she was such a good bloody actress, on screen and in her daily life. It wasn’t like she couldn’t tell Marshall that she had gone to a bar on her own, but the lingering thought of Harry in the back of her mind and knowing that she didn’t know how well she would have been able to cover that up meant that she had to think on her feet.
Deciding enough was enough, she stood up and started to remove her clothes as she walked into the bathroom ready to take her makeup off.
“Don’t you walk away from me, YN!”
“It wasn’t like you were saying anything, Marshall!”
As she made it into the bathroom, she leant forward on the counter with her hands and sighed. She knew that he wouldn’t be too far behind her, so when he walked in and grabbed her shoulders, tightly and turning her so that she was facing him – she wasn’t that shocked. However, the feeling of his nails pressing into her skin did have her wincing a little bit.
“We didn’t finish our conversation,” He says, and she can smell the alcohol so strong on his breath.
“It sounded like we had, Marshall,” She responded, trying to ignore the feeling of her on his skin.
“I’m not talking about that bullshit in there,” He spits, “I’m talking about the conversation in my office earlier.”
YN prided herself on the fact that not much in this life scared her, but Marshall was the one thing that scared her continuously.
“I told you, Marshall,” Her voice came out a little meeker now, “I’m not doing it.”
“It’s not up for discussion, YN,” He lets out a deep breath, “Think of all the money we’ll get. People want to see you, I mean, who wouldn’t?”
“I’m not doing it Marshall,” She shakes him off her and he stumbles back. He runs a hand over his face and starts to walk in a circle, “I told you; I’m not parading myself just because it’ll get your rocks off seeing me naked on the big screen. I don’t care about the money.”
He stalked closer to her, so that they were almost nose to nose and lifted his hand up and placed his thumb and pointer finger together, “You’re this close, YN. This. Close.”
He was pushing her further and further towards the counter, so that her back was painfully pressed against it, and she couldn’t breathe properly. She knew that there was only one way that was going to be fixed if she didn’t think on her feet.
“Look, Marshall, I’m not going to get fully nude – I won’t,” He let out such a deep breath that his nostrils flared, and she was bracing for impact, she even lifted up her hands, “But that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything.”
He dropped his hands away from her and took a step back, “What do you mean?”
“Why don’t you do what the French are doing, eh?” She shrugged her shoulders, watching as he started to pace, “Why don’t you tease it?” He wasn’t saying anything, so she continued, trying to regulate her breathing as she did so, “The scene, yeah? She’s taking her robe off for him in their bedroom, how about the camera isn’t on her front, but it cuts to her back. And it stops, so it’s teasing her without fully showing everything. It can just be the top of my arse, Marshall.”
When he continues to not say anything, she moves towards him slightly so that he’s stood in front of her.
“Think about Marshall, when everybody knows that may get to see me nude, but they’re teased with it,” She places a light hand on his back, and he turns to look at her, “The money will be even better than if we did show my whole body, because people will be wanting more.”
He nods his head and looks at her with a beaming smile on his face. She squealed slightly as he placed a hand under her thighs and lifted her up, so she was sat on the counter.
“Knew there was a reason I married you,” He smiled, leaning to place a kiss to her neck, “Not just a pretty face, are you?”
Even though she should have been enjoying herself in the company of her husband at this point, the fear that she had felt earlier was still there and for some reason, all she could think about was the curly haired man that she had met earlier.
YN had really debated going to Ciro the following week. There were pros and cons to going, but all she could think of was the shit that her husband had put her through during the week and how she could feel like a young woman if she went and saw the man, she had met the prior week.
It didn’t take long for that decision to be made for her when she had been speaking to Rosie and Sally earlier and it had somehow been brought up in conversation that she had received an invitation by Harry Styles himself to watch him in Ciro and the two of them had almost burst in excitement at that revelation.
That’s what lead YN to be stood outside the queue of Ciro, Sally and Rosie in tow as she finally made it towards the front. The was a man stood outside the door with a clipboard, and the largest man that YN had ever seen in her life.
“Name?”
YN had no idea that she was supposed have her name on a list, and she knew it was probably very unlikely that her name was on the list.
“Uh, YN Miller.”
“Oh,” The man with the clipboard seemed shocked when he looked up to see her stood there, “I’m very sorry, Mrs. Miller. Mr. Styles has reserved a table for you. I’ll show you there now.”
Even though YN was a little shocked and surprised, with one fleeting glance and Sally and Rosie she nodded and followed the man into the club. This wasn’t her first time in Ciro’s, but it was the first time she had been, and it was so packed. YN was convinced that they had even put extra tables in.
“This is for you, Mrs. Miller. The best seats in the house,” He smiled and pulled her chair out for her.
“Thank you,” She smiled politely.
“Please let us know if we can get you anything,” He smiled, “Mr. Styles has left a bottle of champagne for you and your guests.”
“Thank you.”
When the man walked away, and a waiter came over to open the champagne she couldn’t believe what was happening around her. Rosie and Sally looked as though they were going to burst (for the second time that day). Once the glasses were poured and the waiter had moved away, YN turned to her friends with wide eyes.
“I had no idea that this was going to happen,” She laughed, picking up the glass in front of her, “But I’m not complaining.”
“How did you even meet this man?” Rosie asks, picking up her own glass.
“I told you!” YN laughs, “I met him at Bruno’s. I was sat on my own and he joined, that’s it.”
“You must have made a lasting impression to receive a reserved table, and a bottle of champagne, YN.”
YN laughed, “I honestly didn’t. I forgot that it had happened until you mentioned him earlier.”
That was a lie, and a big one at that. YN had spent the last week toying with herself. Every time Marshall was nice, she felt guilty for even considering it, but the second he went back to his own ways she wanted to go even more. Today they had filmed the scene that had caused all those arguments and if that hadn’t made her completely sure that she was going, then the conversation with Sally and Rosie earlier surely did.
What YN hadn’t realised from their conversation was that Harry was just as famous as she was in Hollywood, and probably the world. YN even knew some of his songs (Sally and Rosie were big fans), but she had never seen his face or known his name so she couldn’t correlate the two together.
“I think you forget that we know you, YN,” Sally adds, “And we can tell that something has been on your mind.”
“It was nice, okay?” YN shrugs, “That was it. Nice to feel like I wasn’t a twenty-two-year-old married woman for once, and that someone was interested in me. Now shut up so we can watch the show and enjoy.”
YN knew that Harry was talented just by the few songs that she had heard, but nothing could have prepared her for hearing him live. The way that Harry commanded the stage, and how everyone in the room was just mesmerised by him when he opened his mouth was something that nobody could prepare her for.
YN didn’t know how long that he was singing for, but she didn’t look anywhere but him. It was about halfway through when he noticed her, and even had to do a double take just to make sure that she was actually there. It made her laugh, and he couldn’t hide her smile. He didn’t stop though; it was as though he was born to be on that stage, and everybody was eating it up.
Just before the end of his set, he called one of the waiters over to the bottom of the stage and whispered something in his ear. YN couldn’t help but be intrigued at what he had said, but the ending of his and the standing ovation ended that quickly.
“Thank you everyone, and thank you Crio for being lovely hosts,” He smiles, pushing his hair back of his face, “I’m Harry Styles, and we’ll be here for the next few nights if you’re interested in coming again. Thank you!”
As he and his band left the stage, YN couldn’t help the beaming smile that was on her face. All of the worries that she had in the world didn’t matter at this point, because she had one of the best nights of her life.
“Sorry, Mrs. Miller,” YN nodded and leaned closer to the waiter so that she could hear him over the chatter in the room, “Mr. Styles has invited you and your party backstage.”
“Oh,” YN looked at Rosie and Sally to see their opinion on the matter, and their beaming smiles suggested that it was maybe a good idea, “Thank you, yes.”
The girls picked up their purses and followed the waiter through a side door, and down a long corridor until they were stood in front of a door that said ‘H.Styles’ on it. He knocked twice before opening the door, revealing Harry and his band sat on the sofas with drinks in their hands.
“Mr. Styles, your guests.”
As Harry realised that it was YN walking in, he immediately stood up and made his way over to her.
“Mrs. Miller, a pleasure,” He placed a kiss to her hand, which had her biting her lip. He then turned to the waiter and thanked him before turning back to her, “Thank you for joining me, and I’d like to thank your guests for coming too.”
Once introductions had been made throughout the entire group, Rosie and Sally found them conversing with Harry’s guitarist, Mitch, and drummer, Sarah. YN was sat on a sofa with the man himself, a Manhattan in her hand that Harry had ordered without a blink of his eye. YN had almost known Marshall a year and he still couldn’t get her drink right. He had even remembered the extra cherries.
“So,” He smiled, sipping his own drink, “Did you enjoy the show?”
“I did,” She laughed, “Who know there was so much talent hiding behind all that hair?”
He laughed, and YN couldn’t help but joining in. There was an ease about talking to him, as though she didn’t have to worry about anything that she said because she knew that there wouldn’t be a single repercussion.
“But in all seriousness, Mr. Styles,” She smiled, “Thank you. It was an amazing show, and you were ever so generous to us.”
“No need for the Mr. Styles here, Mrs. Miller,” He shook his head, “Please just call me, Harry.”
“Only if you promise to call me, YN,” She smiled, “Mrs. Miller makes me sound so old.”
He laughed, shaking his head, “I don’t think I should comment on that.”
“No, I don’t think you should either.”
The conversation just flowed between them. They discussed their childhoods – when YN realised, she wanted to be an actress, and when Harry realised, he wanted to be singer. There was never a lull in the conversation, and she laughed in a way that she hadn’t for a while. Not only was this man handsome and talented, but he was funny as well? It was as though YN couldn’t catch a break.
“I’m going to go out for a smoke,” He placed his drink down and stood up, “Would you like to join me?”
YN didn’t even hesitate before agreeing. She stood up and followed the man outside, watching as he lit his cigarette and blew it out in such a way that she was almost having to cross her legs. YN wanted to feel guilty, she really did – but she just couldn’t.
“Should you really be doing that?” She asked, accepting the cigarette from him, “Doesn’t it ruin your voice?”
“I probably shouldn’t,” He shrugged, and YN couldn’t help the butterflies in her stomach as she wrapped her lips around the cigarette where his own had just been, “But, as they say, it’s easier to start them then stop them.”
YN laughed and passed it back to Harry. She leant against the wall, moving a rock around lightly with her shoe. There was one question that she had wanted to ask Harry since getting her, but she just hadn’t had the nerve to until now, since he was alone with just her.
“Harry?” She asked, looking up at him as he hummed and nodded in her direction, “Why did you invite me here?”
“What do you mean?” He shrugged, moving closer to YN so that he was stood leant on the wall near where she was stood.
“Well, you could’ve invited anyone to come and watch you. It isn’t as though your limited on options,” YN shrugged, “It isn’t as though there’s a romantic element between us, seeing as though I’m married.”
“There isn’t?”
“Excuse me?” YN couldn’t help the furrow in her eyebrows at his words. She truly had no idea what he was getting at by saying what he did.
“I’m just a little confused by you saying that there isn’t a romantic element between us,” He shrugs, dropping the cigarette on the ground and stubbing it with his shoe, “I’m just a little confused, married or not, why you would come if you didn’t feel anything.”
“There is such thing as a man and woman being friends, Harry.”
“Is that all this is, YN?” He asks, and YN has to ignore the flips in her stomach as he walks towards her, stopping just inches away from her, “Friends?”
“Harry –”
“If friends are all you see this as, then friends are all we’ll be,” He says, not taking his eyes away from hers, “But I can’t lie and say that I don’t really want to kiss you right now.”
Even though YN should be thinking of Marshall right now, her husband, all she can think about is how it would feel to kiss Harry. More specifically, right at this very second. There had never been any attraction (on her part, anyway) between herself and Marshall, but that wasn’t the case between herself and Harry. In all honesty, she doesn’t think she’s ever been attracted to anyone like she is with Harry. It made it so much easier that there wasn’t just an attraction, but an ease when they talked as well – as though she could say anything to him.
“We won’t do anything you don’t want to do, YN, I promise.”
“You still didn’t answer my question, Harry,” She noted, “Why me? Out of everyone you’re seeking out the one thing that you can’t really have.”
“It may be wrong, but I know what I feel YN, and I think you feel the same way.”
Even though YN hesitated before saying the next words, he was right. YN did feel the same way, and even though it was wrong she couldn’t help it. She felt guilty, but maybe if Marshall was nicer to her, she may not have been able to go through with it.
YN nodded her head lightly, whispering, “I do feel the same way.”
Those words were all it took for Harry to lean forward and place his lips on hers. The feeling of Harry kissing her, and his hands on her skin were unlike anything she’d ever felt before in her life. YN couldn’t remember the last time she kissed someone that wasn’t on-screen or her husband, and it felt nice to kiss someone that she wanted to. His hands on her cheek, and she gripped his shirt to pull him closer to her.
YN was the first to pull away, mainly because she was running out of breath, but she couldn’t help the smile that etched across her lips. Harry had one on his too, a boyish smile that she just wanted to kiss off his lips.
She let out a sigh and dropped her head back against the brick of the wall behind her, “Shit.”
The next time YN saw Harry was a week later. Marshall was out at meal with some of his friends, and she had claimed that she wasn’t up for socialising and was just going to go home to bed. What Marshall didn’t know was that she was going over to Harry’s apartment that he rented whilst he was in town.
For about a week after she and Harry kissed against the wall around the back of Ciro’s she had felt ever so guilty. It was only until around halfway through the week that YN walked into his office and his secretary was just leaving and he not only had his tie askew, but he also had lipstick around his face and the entire room smelt of sex. YN decided that the best thing she could do was to ignore it, but that didn’t mean that she hadn’t noticed it.
It meant that she was more excited to see Harry and have an intellectual conversation with him and just enjoy herself. It was nice to feel wanting, and that’s what Harry made her feel.
That’s why she was enjoying herself more than she was going to admit, sitting at his dining table as she watched him flounce around the kitchen making sure that everything was made for their dinner to perfection. It wouldn’t have been the best decision for them to go out, seeing as though anyone could have spotted them so Harry had offered to cook, and YN wasn’t going to say no.
“Just you wait,” He smiled at her as he drained out the water from the pasta, “This is going to blow your mind – the best pasta you’ve ever had.”
“Is that so?” She grinned, “Well, we’ll just have to see. I’ve had my fair share of amazing meals if I do say so myself.”
“Nothing like this, darling,” He grinned, shaking the pasta out, “I promise.”
There was something about watching him in the kitchen that YN could get used to. The little apron he had one, and the slightly flustered state that he was in. She was smiling throughout the entire time he was in the kitchen, and also afterwards when they were eating.
In all honesty, it was one of the best meals that YN had every had. He had made pasta in a tomato sauce with chicken and peppers, and she was enjoying every mouthful. She would never tell Harry that was the case, but by the way she finished her entire plate he maybe had a slight suspicion that was the case.
Throughout the entire meal, the tension that was brewing between the two of them was becoming slightly unbearable. It also didn’t help that she had a glass of red wine (which she doesn’t normally drink) and her cheeks were burning throughout the entire thing.
YN had offered to clean up the plates, but Harry shook his head and took them from her. She thought she was going to have to sit and watch him clean up the plates, but he just placed them in the sink and made his way over to her. It didn’t take long for him to be stood right in front of her and lean down to peck her on the lips.
YN lifted her hands up to wrap around his neck and that was all he needed to place his hands under her thighs and scoop her up, ignoring everything around them as he placed her upon his dining room table. As they pulled away, YN couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. He raised one of his eyebrows at her.
“You laughing at me?” Harry speaks, leaning down to pressed kisses along her exposed neck, “Sure you want to be doing that?”
“I don’t know,” She shrugs, “What are you going to do if I do?”
He tugged her closer to him by her ankles, so that her legs were spread around his waist, “Just you wait and see.”
YN lifts her bum up slightly so that he can pull her trousers and panties down in one swoop. It felt strange to YN to be this bare in front of someone who wasn’t her husband, but the way that Harry was looking at her stopped all of the worries within her head.
Harry knelt down on the floor, so he was exactly face height with her. He placed kisses along her thighs as he made his way towards the part of her that she really needed him at. YN’s chest was rising and falling so quickly that she felt as though she may combust at any moment, but she knew that she had to keep it together. Once he had made it to that delicious spot between her legs, he couldn’t help but lean forward and place a kiss right on her wetness. Even the slightest of touch had YN withering – she honestly couldn’t believe how sensitive she was.
“Please, Harry,” Her back was beginning to arch off the table at how he was teasing her, “Please.”
“Please, what?” He asked, looking up at her with a grin on his face, “What do you want, love?”
“I want you to touch me, please.”
“Your wish is my command,” Without even a single hesitation, Harry leant forward and crashed his mouth right into her.
The feeling of his tongue against her, and his legs pushing her thighs apart, so she was completely exposed to him had her head dropping back in ecstasy. YN felt as though she was flooded down there, and he seemed to lap ever drop up with no complaints. It wasn’t until he started to swirl his tongue around her clit that she truly felt shock-waves throughout her body.
YN physically couldn’t arch her back off the table any further, and her head drops back with quite a heavy thump but all she could think about was the feeling of him along her sensitive nerve. He continues to flick her clit over and over, making sure that no matter how much she wanted to close her legs that she couldn’t. Not knowing what to grab, she reached forward and thread her fingers through his hair. Her mouth parted, and her breathing started to become more and more heavy, and her heart was beating faster than it ever had before.
YN had never felt anything like this before in her life. Obviously, her and Marshall have had sex in the past, but it was all about him and never about her. YN had never had somebody lick her there before, and in all honestly, she could get used to it more often.
“Oh, God, Harry!” He continued to attack her clit, and as he quickened the pace of his tongue, she knew that she wasn’t going to last much longer. YN had never felt so turned on in her life, and this wonderful man in between her legs was who she had to thank for that.
Harry is indicated that YN is close by the way her thighs started to tremble, and he tried his hardest to keep them still with pressure on them. Knowing that she’s so close, he works harder to make sure that she gets there. He switches between licking to sucking to then even flicking her clit quickly with his tongue. YN is fully pushed over the edge when he sneakily pushes one of his fingers into her, not stopping his attack of her clit.
“Harry!”
The sound of his name tumbling from her mouth only spurs him on further. YN’s orgasm ripples through her body, and her back arches so far off the table until she’s fully sat up. Even though she would want nothing more than to be looking at Harry, she physically can’t, and her eyes are firmly clamped shut. YN was gripping his hair so tight that it must have been painful for him, but she was so out of it that she had no idea.
YN’s body jerks as he pulls his mouth off of her, and slowly removes his fingers. Almost automatically, her weak knees buckle, and she’s propelled forward into his chest. He happily catches her and moves some of her damp hair off her face. When she finally opens her eyes, he’s beaming down at her with a smile on his face.
“Hi,” She smiles, trying to push herself deeper into Harry’s chest if that was even possible.
“Hi, darling,” He laughs, placing a kiss to the top of her head, “That good?”
“So good,” She lifts her head up to look at him and accepts a kiss to her lips, “Never felt like that before, Harry.”
“Well, that’s good, isn’t it?”
“Very.”
The very idea of going home right now was the last thing on YN’s mind. In fact, she would rather do anything else that have to go back to Marshall in all of his glory. There was no chance that YN would ever be as comfortable with Marshall as she is with Harry.
The conversation just flowed so easily between them, and YN felt happy. It was such a shame that she couldn’t just stay and that she did have to go home. That didn’t stop Harry from giving her the hardest kiss she’d ever received before she left, so hard that she could feel her lips tingling from it when she stepped through the front door of her house.
A few weeks later when YN was called into Marshall’s office she couldn’t lie and say that there wasn’t a spring in her step.
The night after her first time at Harry’s, YN had been giggling at the memory at the most random times throughout the day. YN had been fast asleep in bed when Marshall had come home, and he had left when she woke up meaning that she hadn’t had to see him. His side of the bed had been obviously slept on last night, meaning that he had at least come home but she had no idea in what state.
Due to the fact that she had been teased by Harry at the experience of being with him, she wanted to be with him at any chance she got. That meant that whenever YN got any chance to sneak away from her real life and go see Harry, she did. YN was enjoying being with Harry so much, that it started to become so difficult to go home to Marshall who she knew would never make her feel the way that Harry did.
YN had no idea why she was being called into Marshall’s office, but when she saw the set look on his face the smile immediately dropped off her face.
“Take a seat, YN,” This certainly didn’t feel as though this was a husband talking to his wife.
“Everything okay?”
The second she sat down; Marshall slapped a newspaper down in front of her. YN reached forward to grab it and her heart immediately dropped to the put of her stomach at the headline across the main page of the newspaper.
Hollywood’s married sweetheart seen leaving rock-star Harry Styles’ apartment multiple times over the last few weeks.
They had been caught. YN couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t even as though they had been caught by Marshall, they had been caught by the media. YN didn’t know at this point if she would have rather been caught by Marshall and not have the whole world find out about it before she was ready for anyone else to.
YN was terrified to look up at Marshall. She didn’t know what to expect when she looked up at him from behind the paper. The second she did feel the confidence to place it down, YN felt as though anything could happen with the look on Marshall’s face.
“Is it true?”
“Marshall I –”
“Is it true?” The next time he asks he shouts at her, and the loud bang of his fist on his table had her jumping in her seat.
There was no way that she could lie. If she did, he was going to see right through her, and she had no idea how he would react to it. So, she decided to just tell the truth, no matter how difficult it may be.
“Yes,” Her voice came out as a whisper, but the look on Marshall’s face saw that he had heard her. She was so thankful that there was a desk between them because she had no idea what would happen if that wasn’t the case.
“Do you know what this means for us, YN?” He spits at her, “Do you know?”
“I’m so sorry, Marshall,” The tears were starting to collect in her eyes, “I really am.”
“You don’t get to be sorry, YN,” He dropped his hand on the table again, “You’re the one that’s been fucking everything you see.”
“It was one time, Marshall!” YN exclaimed and even though she was crying, there was an anger to her words as well, “Not like you. You’re the one who fucks everything you see, Marshall!”
“This isn’t about me, YN!” He stands up, both of his hands upon the desk, “This is about you, and what you’ve been doing.”
“So, you can fuck anybody that you want to for the entire time that we’ve been married, but the second that I find someone who cares about me and wants to be with me, I’m the worse one in this relationship?”
“You belong to me YN!” He exclaims, “Me! Not the fucking rockstar that you’ve been getting your rocks off with.”
“I belong to you?” She asks, unable to believe what she was hearing, “And do you not belong to me, Marshall?”
“We all known that isn’t the case, YN,” He shrugs, “I’m a director in Hollywood. I’m the best of the best. I can do whatever the fuck I want.”
“Okay, Marshall,” That was all that it takes for YN to stand up, trying not to let him stop her from what she was about to do. Without any hesitation, YN pulls her wedding and engagement ring off of her hand and places it on the table in front of them. YN could see Marshall’s nostril’s flaring and she tried to ignore it but there was no way that she was going to get out of this unharmed, “We’re done.”
“That’s not your decision to make, YN.”
“It is, Marshall,” She shook her head at him, “I’m not putting up with this anymore, and you’re not going to stop me.”
“I think you’re forgetting that you have a contract with this studio.”
“For five films, Marshall,” YN spits, “And what film did we just finish – number five or did you forget?”
The look on his face that he knew she was right was all that YN needed to make her way towards the door. Just as she threw the door open, she was stopped right in her tracks by a glass breaking just by her head. Even though YN knew that the glass had cut her, and she could feel the sting over her body – she couldn’t stop now.
YN only hesitated for a second and she was out of that door and slamming it behind her.
“Get back here, YN!” Marshall shouted so loudly that the entire studio probably heard them, “We’re not done.”
They were, and YN knew that her life now had changed but she was ready for anything that it flew at her. She knew that even though she was now on her own, she wasn’t.
It didn’t take her long to fly home in her car, probably running every red light as she did. Hopefully she wouldn’t get pulled over by anyone but there was the possibility that she could be. The second she got to the house, she rushed up to her closet and grabbed everything that she could. Everything that could fit in her bag that she cared about, including her jewellery from her mother and all of her personal belongings.
The feeling of fleeing with her bag down the steps and out of her house reminded her of when she left home to come to Hollywood in the first place. It was almost a year ago that she moved, and here she was praying that the next year of her life wasn’t like this one.
It didn’t take her long to leave the house and make her way towards Harry’s house. The entire time she cried. It felt as though a part of her life was over, and not only that but she didn’t know how she was going to continue in her career. Her marriage and possibly her career was over in the space of one decision. She was going to have to work in the future, but all she needed now was to find Harry and make everything right.
The second she was outside Harry’s door, knocking on it and he saw her tattered and upset state, with a bag clutched in her hand he didn’t even hesitate before pulling her into his arms.
“It’s okay, you’re safe now,” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head, “I’ve got you.”
The second that Harry had seen her, tears streaming down her face and cuts on her arms and legs he was absolutely fuming. He immediately pulled her into his arms and carried her towards the bathroom where he placed her on the counter with such ease so he could start tending to her.
As he was cleaning up the cuts, he kept looking at her with a nervousness, “Are you going to tell me what happened?”
There was a gap between his question and her response, but when he noticed that there were tears rolling down her face, he decided not to question her further until she was ready to answer all of his questions.
“I left him,” She muttered quietly after a while. Harry had anticipated it, but he didn’t want to pry.
“And he did this?” YN didn’t say anything, but the timid nod of her head gave him everything that he needed.
In all of the time that Harry had known YN, he had never known her so timid in all of his life. It was as though the events that had transpired had really knocked her, and she had no idea how to bring herself back from it.
“I’m going to kill him,” Harry shook his head, surprised by how angry he was at the news that she had just told him.
“No,” She shook her head and clawed at his shirt until he was facing her again, “I just need you with me, please don’t leave me.”
“I’m never going to leave you,” He leant down and placed a kiss to her forehead, “I never will.”
Regaining the popularity that YN had before when she worked at Marshall’s wasn’t as difficult as she thought it may have been. It had turned out that even though she was now divorced and had left the studio that the majority of the people in Hollywood saw as failure in this town, she found a studio just around the corner that was happy to take her.
The difference that YN found was that there was that due to the relationships being completely professional, they actually listened to what she had to say. She even had a clause in her contract that stated no nudity, and it was the best thing that YN had ever seen in black and white in front of her.
Every premiere that she had been to before this was, she had been cast in Marshall’s shadow, but this one was all about her and she was going to make sure that it was known. The dress that she had chosen was a beautiful baby pink with a skirt laced with feathers that had so much movement all she wanted to do was twirl around it.
“You look gorgeous,” Harry had said to her when he had seen her come out of the bathroom, fully dressed, and looking like the most beautiful person on this earth, “How did I get so lucky with you?”
“How did you get so lucky with me? I think that it’s I got lucky with you.”
Ever since she divorced Marshall in the previous year, Harry had been by her side. He hadn’t actually left it. For the first few months they had lived in his apartment before deciding that it was time that they actually bought a house. There had been a few moments where Harry had to leave to go to another state for a show, but he always came back to her.
This premiere for her latest film was the first time that the two of them had been seen out in public together, as a proper couple. It was a little nerve-wracking for YN, and for Harry as this was the first red carpet that he had ever walked but he wanted to be there for her and support her.
This was the last time that they were going to be together for a while, as the next day he was going on tour. YN originally had planned to go with him, but she had been given the script for a new film and there was no way that she was missing out on it. It was going to be the film of the century she believed, that was if she had anything to do with it.
It was strange being with someone who had such a real love for watching her succeed. YN was so nervous when she went home after receiving the script but the second, she had showed him the script and explained to him how excited she was about it, he had grabbed her face and kissed all of the worry out of her.
“You ready?” He smiled at her, lifting her hand up to his mouth to press a kiss to her hand.
She laughed and smiled at his antics, “As I’ll ever be.”
“Good,” He leaned forward and placed a small kiss to her lips, wanting to not mess up her lipstick, “Let’s get this done then.”
He climbed out of the car first and YN could hear the screaming from the second that he opened the car. Even though this was a movie premiere, it was obvious that there were some of his fans in the crowd. Her door was the next to open and she stepped out, waving to the people as she did so. Everybody seemed so happy to see her, and she couldn’t lie and say that she wasn’t slightly nervous about the entire thing. The nerves disappeared the second Harry came to stand next to her, and she placed her arm through his and they started to walk together. It just felt so right, and so natural to be doing this with Harry.
“YN!” A reporter called from across the carpet at her, and with Harry in tow she made her way over to him. YN recognised him (probably from a previous red carpet), “How are you tonight?”
“I’m well, thank you for asking,” She smiled, really trying to remember all of her media training that she had been given.
“You look absolutely stunning tonight, and we’re all so excited to see the movie.”
“Thank you so much, I’m very excited for you all to see it. It’s amazing if I do say so myself.”
“It’s your movie, of course you can say that!” The reporter laughed with her, “But I do just have to mention, in the last year you really found yourself in the backend of the glitz and glamour of Hollywood, are you afraid that’s going to shine over the film?”
YN couldn’t believe how cutthroat the reporter was straight away, but she tried to ignore it to the best that she could and answered the question the best way she knew how.
“It has certainly been a difficult past year for me, but I’m so excited to be working and have this beautiful film for you all to see,” She smiled, basically ignoring everything that he said, “I’m happy, and I hope this film makes some other people happy. Thank you.”
“Thank you, YN.”
YN immediately grabbed Harry’s arm again, and they beelined for the entrance. It was the first time that she had ever spoken of the events of last year, and she was praying that she had done okay.
“How was that? Did I answer it? Should I have said anything else?”
The second that they were in the safety of the building, she really let go of all of the questions that were swirling around in her head. Harry laughed and leaned forward to place a kiss on her lips.
“You were amazing darling, don’t even worry about it.”
“Oh, I’m so glad you think so, I was so nervous.”
“I know you were,” He laughed, wrapping his arm around her, “Now how about we get some popcorn and go see this fantastic film that you’re in?”
“That sounds perfect.”
And perfect it really was.
#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles au#harry styles angst#harry styles smut#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles x you#harry styles x reader#harry styles x yn#harry styles one shot#harry styles writing#harry styles fluff#harry styles imagine#harry styles
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I've seen you post about will wood before so I wanted to see if you know what "...well, better than the alternative" is about. I've read the lyrics a ton and I'm still lost on it.
Anon I regret to inform you that the explanation for that song is that Will Wood watched Stranger Things on Netflix and related super hard to Eleven and in fact he related to her so hard that he was like "I wish she was my daughter" to the point that at one of his live shows he claimed to have a daughter named Millie as a joke but he liked the idea of being Eleven's dad so much that he just kind of kept the bit going and lied about having a daughter for like a whole year's worth of live shows and interviews, up to and including writing a song called Millie Rolls a Seven about his fictional father/daughter relationship with Eleven from Stranger Things but the thing is that the actual content of the song doesn't really have that much to do with Stranger Things and is more just about Will struggling with the scenario of him being a dad because he feels like he's too emotionally/mentally fucked up to properly support someone else (VERY common theme in a lot of Will's newer songs) so after he dropped the bit about having a daughter he kept the song around and renamed it to ...Well, Better Then The Alternative, which I believe is a reference to the fact that it's a song about the struggles of growing up, cause growing up is hard but the alternative is not growing up i.e. dying lol
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Can you share more about the ableism in warrior cats? I always hear it talked about but I haven't read it since I was a kid so I don't remember.
this is a complicated thing to discuss bc on some level the ableism in warrior cats has its roots in the sheer amount of value this cat society places on physical strength but here are the like. basic bullet points i guess
1. use of ableist slurs
the terms "cripple" and "lame" are used in the books, both of which are insults to the physically disabled, cripple being considered an active slur most physically disabled people agree ablebodied people shouldn't even say. i Have had one person defend this by pointing out that the characters who use the term cripple are using it As a slur: it's meant to be a depiction of jayfeather as a protagonist experiencing ableism
i countered this with pointing out that mentally disabled people do not have to worry about opening up a warrior cats book and having to read the pov character be called the r slur, nor do gay people have to worry about opening up a warrior cats book and having to see the pov be called a faggot or a queer. The issue is not the use of ableist slur itself, but instead the fact that it is the Only instance of a character being called an irl slur or curse word. i should not have to explain why it's not appropriate for books to contain slurs when they're not even allowed to say Fuck. if these were books where real life bigotry and bigoted terminology were used frequently and not only for physical disabilities, i would see no issue with jaypaw being called a cripple by two ableist jackasses
however even with that out of the way there's still the fact that disabled characters are referred to as Lame more than once, not by an ableist character, but by the Narration. that's not a character being a bigot, that's the Books being bigoted
2. disability as a plot device to serve abled characters
the most obvious instance of this is snowkit (who i often call a "walking hate crime" for this exact reason), but it's fairly consistent that disabled characters almost never solely exist for their own sake, but always to say something about the abled people around them or have an impact on those people
snowkit dies to traumatize his mother, his deafness being directly related to his death. jagged peak is made a paraplegic to demonstrate clear sky's cruelty to even his own family. briarlights paralysis is routinely shown through the lens of other people debating or discussing her worth and impact on her. cinderpelt loses movement in her leg both to emotionally impact fireheart and to be yet another person who's life has been impacted by tigerclaw. brightheart is permanently disfigured so that bluestars cruelty towards her can act as yet another step in her progression to madness, and so that firestars renaming of her can establish him as a more benevolent leader (sort of patching up his predecessors wrongdoings).
there are a few exceptions, crookedstar in particular is pretty good.
3. arc one exclusive: disability or disfigurement as a sign of menace
i generally say arc one is the best on ableism simply because it treats disability as a Fact that Will inevitably happen to all warriors (this is why basically Every elder is disabled). but there is one thing that. I think people forget? A Little?
Outside of elders, there are a decent number of arc one cats who are described as being disfigured or disabled outside of thunderclan
if i'm remembering correctly, these are crookedstar, brokenstar, deadfoot, and clawface. only two of these cats (crooked and dead) are intended to actually be Disabled (even though brokenstar has a SCI if you know how cat spines work), but all of them are meant to be visually disfigured, with brokenstar having an obviously deformed tail, and clawface having distinctive facial scarring
it's probably pretty easy to figure out why i'm bringing up broken and claw, since. they're both murderers. but here's something that's easy to miss:
crookedstar is rather consistently antagonistic in arc one and deadfoot is explicitly considered to be intimidating by fireheart. deadfoot is the least egregious, he is a deputy afterall so it makes sense fireheart is menaced by his presence, but crookedstar is very much like. he openly declares he intends to take over windclans old territory along with shadowclan. people tend to forget but riverclan is Mean in arc one, Crookedstar Included.
that's 4/4 of the non elderly disfigured characters in arc one who are meant to be somehow intimidating at best, and menacing, antagonistic, and evil at worst. not great numbers. btw the reason i'm not counting cinder and bright here is because those are previously abled characters who then Become disfigured and disabled, meanwhile these four are introduced as disfigured and/or disabled, which is a bit different from a meta perspective.
4. outside of arc one, a universal perspective that disabled characters cannot be warriors
now, this isn't really a Thing in arc one. there's only One character who is explicitly made to stop being a warrior because she's disabled, and even then it's not that she Couldn't be a warrior: her broken bone healed wrong and warrior duties would be constantly painful for her.
however after arc one there are very few New disabled characters at all, and all of them are medicine cats or elders. longtail is blinded and almost immediately retires (even though that doesn't seem super in character for him), jayfeather tries his best to be a warrior despite the complete and total uselessness of everyone around him but is eventually forced into medicine cat duties by god anyway, briarlight is genuinely just a medicine cat in all but name, and if you count shadowsight (which. honestly i don't think you should) he's also a medicine cat
i just. feel the need to point out that arc one specifically had brightheart get taught how to be a warrior by her abled boyfriend but somehow none of these cats could accommodate Themselves. I guess accommodations only exist if you're Half blind or have an abled boyfriend to save you from your own body
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Ooh, another based "Shellheart gets too much hype in canon" truther? Is it because he actually does shockingly little to stop or protest Rainflower's treatment of Crookedstar as a kit, or something else?
It's a few things honestly, all of them bug me just enough to make me pretty steadfast in feeling like Shellheart is overrated;
Crooked's renaming feels so preventable. Really, Dad Shellheart? You have no say in this? You can't protest this??
You too Hailstar, what the fuck. Leaders are theocratic dictators 90% of the time but TODAY you feel like just letting this woman involve your entire Clan in her emotional abuse?
So it feels like lip service, "Omg Rainflower's being so awful! Don't worry though us powerful men can still be likeable because we don't like this :( too bad our all-powerful hands are tied."
Shellheart wasn't very involved with his children BEFORE denouncing Rainflower, so he does this whole big show of it and theeeeen..... nothing changes.
I'm reminded of how deadbeat fathers will sometimes blow into town with a whirlwind of big talk about doing something big for their neglected family, only to be gone again before Christmas.
Or, worse, the idea that Shellheart ONLY stopped being official mates with Rainflower because he's deputy, and it would look awful if he did nothing at all in the face of such an unpopular situation. Washing his hands of it.
And listen. I know people will staunchly refuse to acknowledge that these aren't real people, they are WRITING CHOICES. But please. I'm begging everyone to stick with me for a goddamn second
Ask yourself these critical thinking questions:
Why have the writers chosen for the mother to be solely responsible for Crookedstar's childhood abuse, whilst portraying Shellheart's solitary big public denouncement as the pinnacle of fatherhood? As he's barely involved in his children's lives?
Do they functionally portray Shellheart as a father who helps his son through maternal neglect? Or are the scenes quite rare? If yes, then what did the author spend their time on instead?
Consider the narrative of Crookedstar's other main antagonist, Mapleshade. Does Mapleshade's backstory have any similarities to Rainflower? Consider the choice to give Crookedstar two cruel maternal figures who act on malice towards him as paternal figure Shellheart goes unexamined.
Is this a pattern that we have seen before? Are fathers typically held to a different standard in Warrior Cats?
I feel strongly that the answer is an obvious yes. So Shellheart, and all the praise and cooing he gets, bothers me immensely.
#and it's extremely common#Gray Wankposting again but he's an awful parent to everyone except Pebble. For like 3 scenes#and not even considered a Real Dad by those children#but he's incredibly popular and it frustrates me#Bramble too. Bramble gets lauded as an Amazing Dad when even before the reveal he was just better than crow#which is a low ass bar#He was still flattered into ALLOWING ASH TO THRASH HIS SON...#meanwhile poor squilf and leaf do absolutely nothing wrong besides try to not let the kittens grow up with halfclan stigma#and get treated like the antichrist for it#bone babble#warrior cats analysis
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