Every version of the Doctor - 267
Otherfred
A strange yet strangely familiar traveller in time and space, from Paul Hanley's original comic "Warp Hustler." In Paul's own words:
"Any perceived inferrence she's the 69th Doctor, from a far future where the Doctor's become public domain and their own porn parodies are now considered canon by some fans, is totally erroneous."
You should go check out Paul's work, both DW-related and his original creations:
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DR WHO DRAFT
(Moffat Woman Starter Pack)
DARTIS, INTERIOR.
Cara and Mocktor stumble into the DARTIS, slam the door, collapse onto the control panels. Their clothes and faces are smeared with dirt. The Mocktor’s eyebrows are missing.
Mocktor: I think my leg hair’s singed. Is yours singed?
Cara (looks at Mocktor): Do I still have eyebrows?
Mocktor: Two of them
A door inside the DARTIS creaks.
ENTER AILIS (mid-40s, dressed like a wayward Victorian girl with a corduroy fetish): Morning, lovelies.
Mocktor: FOR GOD’S SAKE
Ailis: I like the new look, Mocktor. Very Future.
Mocktor: Thankyou. What?
Cara: Who the hell are you?
Ailis: Cara! I’ve heard a lot about you.
(Cara frowns at Mocktor.)
Ailis (to the Mocktor): Oh! You didn’t tell her about me. Naughty boy.
Mocktor: Don’t make me call security.
Ailis: Now, now, Mocktor. No need to panic. This is a screwdriver, not a sword.
Cara: That dress has pockets?
(Ailis winks at Cara and approaches the Mocktor. She has a limp.)
Ailis: The spare bed is marvellous, by the way. I haven’t slept on a waterbed since last century.
Mocktor: Did you injure yourself, or are ankle monitors heavier than I remember?
Ailis: No boring talk. Mummy’s not awake yet.
(Ailis prods the DARTIS console. A cupboard door opens)
Mocktor (sighs): bottom shelf.
Ailis: thanks.
(She stands with a jar of pickles.)
Ailis (approaches Cara): Look at you. Have you ever had a fringe? You’d look spectacular with a fringe.
Cara (blushes): I’ve thought about it.
Ailis (brushes a strand of Cara’s hair from her face): It’d work.
Mocktor (gestures to his head): her- this-
Cara: My hair.
Mocktor: Is fine. Aerodynamic.
Cara: Maybe I will get a fringe.
Ailis (leans in, whispers): Moxie’s Grotto in the Legan System. Drop my name and she’ll give you growth tonic for the eyebrows.
(Cara giggles)
Mocktor: Am I interrupting something?
Ailis: Yes.
(Mocktor snatches the pickle jar from Ailis and returns it to the cupboard.)
Ailis (to Cara): Here we go.
Mocktor: I need the key to the DARTIS back.
Ailis: I need it a little longer.
Mocktor: I need it now.
Ailis: I need to make copies.
Mocktor: I- copies?
A door creaks within the DARTIS, again.
ENTER BASHFUL OOD.
Ood: ( gibberish Ood noises)
Cara (frowns at DARTIS console): Translator’s down.
Ailis and Mocktor (in unison): It’s not.
Ood (shuffles towards door): works every time!
Cara: Oh.
END SCENE
next scene ideas by meven stoffat
- mocktor enters time vortex to regrow eyebrows, fabric of universe (cotton-poly blend) unravels. Crochet is the answer. Crochet is always the answer.
- Ailis sells keys to the DARTIS on the galactic freeweb- the girl who hustled?? (brilliant)
- Cara eats pickles, dons mini skirt, cuts fringe with kitchen scissors.
- Ailis has been dead the whole time. She was just a memory imprint. The Mocktor brings her back with big science words and a pickle seance
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No-one else is doing it like Doctor Who and the Pirates
Sixth Doctor, spoken: One can almost say that I am the very model of a Gallifreyan buccaneer.
(jaunty music begins)
Evelyn, spoken: Oh no, you are going to sing!
Sixth Doctor, spoken: Well, yes I am!
Sixth Doctor, singing:
I... am the very model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer.
I've information on all things a Gallifreyan holds most dear.
I've linked into the Matrix through its exitonic circuitry,
I understand dimensional and relative chronometry.
I'm very well acquainted too with matters of the Capitol,
I'll give you verse and chapter on Panopticonian protocol,
I've been into the Death Zone and I've played the Game of Rassilon--
(Rassilon? Assilon, Bassilon-- ah ha!)
With pestilential monsters that I got a lot of hassle from!
Chorus: With pestilential monsters that he got a lot of hassle from! With pestilential monsters that he got a lot of hassle from! With pestilential monsters that he got a lot of hassle hassle from!
Sixth Doctor:
I understand each language and I speak every vernacular.
I'll conjugate each verb obscure, decline each line irregular.
In short in every matter that a Gallifreyan holds most dear,
I am the very model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer.
Chorus: In short in every matter that a Gallifreyan holds most dear, he is the very model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer.
Sixth Doctor:
I've tackled shady Castellans with devious behavior.
I've sparred with Time Lord chancellors like Thalia, Goth, or Flavia.
In fact on some occasions I've held office Presidentally,
'though maybe I won't mention I was ousted out eventually.
I know just how it feels to be a wanted man and on the run,
but wouldn't leave the carefree buccaneering life for anyone.
Though sometimes my adventures seem absurdly operatical--
(Operatical? Hatical... patical-- ah ha!)
With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents piratical.
Chorus: With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents piratical! With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents piratical! With ups and down and twists and turns and incidents piratic-ratical!
Sixth Doctor:
I've sailed the seven seas of Earth and all the oceans of the Moon,
my trusty true Type-40 is my Gallifreyan picaroon.
But is this really what the average Galifreyan holds most dear?
I wonder what they think about this Gallifreyan Buccaneer.
Chorus: But is this really what the average Galifreyan holds most dear? We wonder what they think about this Gallifreyan Buccaneer.
Sixth Doctor:
But....
I've defeated evil robots such as Daleks, Quarks, and Cybermen.
I've overthrown dictators from Tobias Vaughn to Mavic Chen.
I've rescued helpless maidens from the devestating Viking hordes.
Vanquished Autons.... Axons... Daemons... Krotons.... Monoids, Vampires, Voords.
I've liberated planets and delivered them from total war.
Saved Earth, Manussa, Dulkis, Skonnos, Earth, Tigella, Earth once more.
In short I know I am the truest Rassilonian legate
(Legate? Decate...Hecate...Hecate? Mm. Not sure if that's canonical... Ah ha, I have it!)
And so to Time Lords all I say remember me to Gallifrey!
Chorus: A sentiment we all agree, remember him to Gallifrey! A sentiment we all agree, remember him to Gallifrey! A sentiment we all agree, remember him to Galli-Gallifrey!
Sixth Doctor:
I'm not content to just observe, I am a bold adventurer.
Though other Time Lords mock this Gallifreyan interventioner.
I know in every matter that a Time Lord really should hold dear
I am the very model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer!
Chorus: We know in every matter that a Time Lord really should hold dear, he is the very model of a Gallifreyan Buccaneer!
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