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laladellakang · 1 year

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insecurities

masterlist | wattpad

italics dialogue = english

della doesn't let most hate get to her, but that doesn't mean she's impenetrable

contains: angst, insecurities (anxiety), unintentional self-harm. just dark stuff.

i've been through it lmao. sorry it's really triggering. a few of you requested angst and i'm not really good at that so i bring forward stuff that's inspired by what i've gone through (altered because della's problems are different from mine)

after 'we missed you'

"Guys! Come out!" Jake yelled out. "Gather in the living room! Everyone!" he made his way to the couch while holding Della's hand.

"I'm scared..." she told Jake timidly.

"It's okay. Just get it done and we'll go back to normal in no time," he didn't want to tell her that it would go well, as he himself won't know just how angry his other members will be. "Good luck."

Besides, she was greatly at fault.

Jake could see the amusement and relief on the guys' faces as they slowly came to the living room. On the other hand, Della only stared at her lap with wide eyes, trying to hold back tears and a potential panic attack..

"What is it?" Jungwon asked, closing the master bedroom door behind him.

"Della has something to say," Jake leaned back with crossed arms. "Lala?"

"I-" she took a few deep breaths. "I'm sorry for ignoring all of you," short and simple.

The seven men stayed quiet while patiently waiting for an explanation, yet the girl was as still as a rock.

"Is that it? Tell them what you told me," the sternness in Jake's voice was evident, though not to the point of being mistaken for anger.

"A.. sasaeng- a crazy fan got a hold of my Katalk contact and they said some things that really got to me," her eyes were starting to tear up again.

"She didn't report to the company or to us," Jake added.

"It was so fucking dumb. I was hoping that I could have you guys hate me and eventually break up with me so you can move on and get proper girlfriends who's not shitty and fucked like me and have them all to yourselves-" Della suddenly went on and on.

"Della stop," Jay cut her off.

"But at the same time, I don't want that at all and I want to keep things as they are-" Sunghoon called her name next, yet she still kept going. "But then that's incredibly selfish of me because who the fuck has more than one lover and just lets them share?"

"Kang Della," even Heeseung resorted to her full name.

"It's incredibly dumb and I should've just talked to you guys about it if it really bothered me that much but I was just thinking that getting you all to hate me was best for you to move on but then I didn't consider our group dynamic and-" that's when Niki had enough, so he shut her up with a kiss.

'Shit- I was about to do that," all six remaining boys thought.

"Della, listen.." Niki pulled back to let the girl focus on Jungwon's words. "I'm not going to lie, what you did was really shitty. All of us just felt like shit for the past few days," anyone could tell the leader was mad and serious.

"None of us will blame you for getting hurt over some stranger's words or for having insecurities. It's more about how it doesn't seem like you trust us enough," Jungwon continued sternly. "You have one, two, three, four, five, six, seven boyfriends. We're your members and best friends, you can tell us anything."

"Jungwon-ah," Sunoo shook his head at the leader.

"Look, I don't want to make you feel worse or anything but we gotta make that clear first," Jungwon continued. "We love you, Della! We won't leave you that easily! You can ignore us for months and we'll still come back to you," he pulled her head into his stomach (as he was still standing in front of her) and caressed the sobbing girl's hair.

"Don't do that again, okay? You trust us, right?" Heeseung rubbed her back, and the girl could only nod in response. "I don't wanna add fuel but doing that is never going to work. All it does is just hurt us- hurt all of us including yourself."

"I'm sorry," Della kept sobbing into Jungwon's shirt. "I'm so sorry."

"Anything else? The ones who didn't speak?" Heeseung looked at the other members.

"I just want all of this to be over and done with. Don't ever do that again please. That's a stupid reason to break up," Jay had his arms crossed and let one hand go to stroke her hair for a bit.

"That's right. Della don't do that ever again please, just talk to us. Any one of us," Sunoo just stared at the many hands comforting her. "You're not fighting this alone. This hurts. It really does."

"I have nothing else to add. I just want this done," Niki managed to sneak an arm to her thigh to gently rub up and down.

"Ack! That tickles," Della's thigh suddenly shoots up, causing the members to chuckle.

Heeseung noticed that one member remained silent and was physically further away compared to the others.

He focused his gaze on Sunghoon and saw that the guy looked really angry, more so than the leader, who immediately let out his feelings. He was spaced out and had his jaw clenched. It was clear that he had a lot on his mind.

The younger seemed to feel the pair of eyes on him, for he snapped out of it to meet Heeseung's stare. The two stayed that way until Jungwon eventually broke it.

"Sunghoon-hyung?" Sunghoon looked over at everyone else. They were all (including Della) looking at him.

He sighed before opening up his arms for Della to enter.

"I'm gonna be honest with you, I'm really angry right now," he whispered into her ear. "I thought that you trust me, trust us- any of us. I wouldn't be mad if it wasn't a big deal but it is and you brought seven other people down with you. You shouldn't do that," he could feel Della's tears soaking his shirt.

"You trust us, right?" he continued. The girl could only nod frantically. "You love us, right? We're not just members, are we?" she nodded again with an additional whine. "Don't do that again, okay? Talk to us. You always said communication is key. It'll save everyone the heartbreak and emotions, yeah?"

"I'm sorry, oppa," Della hugged him tighter. "I'll try my hardest," Sunghoon let out a sigh.

"Honestly, I would have probably asked for some space right now but since you already gave me- gave us that, I just want things back to normal. Make it up to us, I'm sure they're also still pissed. They just miss you too much to admit it," he stroked her hair. "Alright?" she let out a small 'okay' "Okay. Let's stop crying. Let's talk or something. Go cuddle with someone," he kissed her head before pulling away and directing her back to the couch.

"Can we see the texts?"

[kdl]

2023 is shit already.

I hate myself.

I hate myself so fucking much.

No matter how many negative comments I get, no one could ever hate Della as much as Della herself.

It's true that hate can barely get to me, though that doesn't mean I'm immune to everything.

Why is everyone so adamant about the guys dating Aespa?

And suddenly with the slightest curiosity, my Tiktok for-you-page is now filled with the boys' ships.

I was mostly fine with them. Obviously, since idols aren't (mainly) in control of that. Yet I just can't help it at times. The images of how good they look together constantly cloud over my mind- I'm sick and tired of it.

There's a reason why I can't seem to get too close with certain girl groups or members.

It pains me to distance myself from the girls of Aespa or Stayc or heck- even some of the Ive girls just because of my dumbass insecurity. They seem like such lovely people but I can't even look at them in real life without thinking of the fucking ship contents.

Fuck, don't even get me started on the ones with my actual friends.

Unbearable anxiety keeps creeping into me whenever Wonyoung or Yuna apologises for shit they're not even responsible for. Most of my texts with (half of) the Le Sserafim girls are their long-ass apologies.

What if they don't want to be my friends anymore? What if they're uncomfortable with all of this?

Wouldn't have happened if you didn't catch feelings, dumb fuck. You should've known not to fall in love. This is what you get.

I'm going through all this personal stuff already and guess what's the cherry on top of this shit sandwich.

The hate is worse than ever before. A lot worse than when Enhypen first started- and that's saying a lot.

There are hundreds- maybe thousands (okay that's an extreme exaggeration) of videos, comments, and posts that hate on every single fucking thing I do.

I noticed that it started from me getting a bit touchy with the guys during award shows. By touchy, I mean by holding their hands when I start to get really anxious. Apparently, it was seen as 'pick me behaviour' since I wouldn't let peoples' ship moments happen for long.

Then it spiralled into people compiling all the moments where I acted really 'territorial' or 'pick me' around the guys. Then it just went to everything. My singing. My dancing. My rap. My clothes. My mannerisms. My habits. The way I talk, eat, walk, look at people- everything.

What's worse is that even some of my fans are starting to agree.

I could usually cheer up a bit if I focus on the positive posts but even Engenes are saying stuff like 'I love Della but she's...' 'Della's my girl but...' 'I don't wanna hate on Della but...'

It wouldn't stop. It came to the point where I had to avoid all social media, including Weverse, just so I can have a chance to breathe. Even then, I still have this shit anxiety to deal with.

The boys, my friends, my family, the loyal fans, the concerts are all there to distract and comfort me. I've been very vocal to the guys and I'm actually attending weekly therapy.

It worked, of course, but it's not permanent. Over a month has passed, yet the anxiety keeps coming back.

It got so bad that my therapist advised me to go see a psychiatrist for medication options, which I would gladly do. The company disagreed though. Something about how antidepressants make people gain weight.

I'm exhausted. Physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't want to pretend to be happy anymore. I just want to disappear.

I hate how I have anxiety. I hate how I'm not good enough. I hate how I can't be happy. I hate myself, I just hate Della so much.

"DELLA, NO!" Niki abruptly grabbed the grater from me and hugged me tight. "STOP. STOP. SNAP OUT OF IT!" he shook me a little. What?

"Huh?" I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"HYUNG, GET A TOWEL!" he pointed to a towel nearby. What?

"Holy shit- JAY-HYUNG! GET A FIRST AID KIT!" Sunoo wrapped the towel around my right hand.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" the other guys apart from Jay came into the kitchen frantically.

"Della- Lala was grating and- and she grated her hand," Sunoo looked at them with wide eyes. Huh?

"Holy fuck- why is there so much blood?" Jay entered with the first aid kit.

Suddenly I felt a terrible sting on my palm. I turned my attention to the hand Sunoo was holding and could see the heavily red-tinted towel.

I was grating potatoes. I was getting close to the end of it so I held it with my open palm, as I usually do... and then I guess I zoned out.

Oh shit, the potatoes.

"The- the potatoes," I looked at the most recently grated ones. They were unusable. They were completely red.

"DELLA, FUCKING SNAP OUT OF IT!" Niki shook me again.

"How did you not feel that?!" Jake yelled.

"I... I..." I didn't know what to say. It was painful, yet familiar. "I- potatoes- dinner."

"DELLA PLEASE!" Sunoo screamed out, hanging his head down.

"PLEASE, STOP!" "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT" I could hear the others yelling too.

"Let's sit her down. Niki, bring her to the living room," Jungwon instructed shakily. "Come on, Lala."

"My- my hand," it hit me. My hand was completely fucked. It wasn't even a small injury like how it usually is.

"It's okay. It's okay. Look, Jay's treating it," Sunghoon tried to calm my building-up panic attack, even though his voice was also filled with nerves.

"I'm sorry," yet I couldn't help it. My eyes brimmed with tears and my voice started to shake. "I'm so sorry."

"Stop, stop. It's getting treated right now, it's okay," Heeseung pat my head with a sniffle.

"This is gonna sting. I'm sorry, Della," Jay's voice sounded like he had a lump in his throat. "One, two, three."

Now this familiar feeling, I hate. Treating the wounds hurt so much.

I hissed loudly at the pain, while the members tried to calm me down by saying reassuring words. Their voices overlapped one another's, but it was mostly 'shhh's, 'it's okay's, and 'just a little bit more's.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SO SORRY!" I screamed in pain. "I didn't mean to, I swear!" I cried out.

"We know, we know," Niki rubbed my shoulder. I was sat on his lap as he was still holding me.

"Almost there," Jay croaked out. "Just gotta wrap it."

"I hate myself so much, I don't know what to do," I sobbed into Sunoo's arm. I talked to the boys, I talked to my therapist. I did it right this time. So why am I still like this?

"I'm sorry, Lala," Jungwon held my uninjured hand. "I wish we can take this away from you."

"Do you want to have a break? A hiatus? We can talk to the company together," Heeseung offered.

"Noo, not now," I managed out. "The- the tour, the comeback, fashion week-"

"Don't worry about it. You need to have some rest, Della," Jake ran a hand through his hair.

"The company-" I was cut off by a chorus of 'we'll help's and 'we'll talk to them's.

I was the only member of Enhypen who is not allowed to have a hiatus. If I had to go on one, the whole team does too. The company said they can't have Enhypen look like a boy group or people would get used to it and say it looks better that way.

"No! Please! Give me one more chance- I'll get better, please!" I can't be selfish. I can't be selfish.

"You're not being selfish, Della, please," Sunghoon pleaded.

"NO! PLEASE! JUNGWON PLEASE!" I turned to the leader. If I can convince him, everyone will follow. "Please... One more chance. Please."

"But Lala.. You-" his eyes glossed over the state I was in. "Look at you! We can't let you move on like this!"

"Psychiatrist!" Niki spoke up. "She can take the medicine," he tried to somewhat defend me.

"I-" I wanted to protest but I knew I had to agree. Look at your boyfriends, Della. You fucking hurt them. Again.

And again.

And again and again and again-

Shut the fuck up.

"Yes! Try the medication, please, Della," Jake sounded desperate and lost.

"What if it doesn't wo-"

"IT HAS TO!" Jay yelled, causing all of us to flinch. "IT FUCKING HAS TO!"

"Jongseong-ah," Heeseung tried to calm him down.

"If it doesn't work then hiatus! Leave the group! Anything! Just please-" his voice cracked again. "Just come back. Get better, please."

No. Anything but leaving the group. I can't let something as dumb as my insecurities get in the way of my dreams that I worked so fucking hard on. Both the career of my dreams and the relationship of my dreams.

And after going through so many member departures, I know how heartbreaking it is for the fans and members.

This anxiety has to get better. It has to.

"Either way, we piss off the company, right?" I joked with a small chuckle. "Might as well choose the option that'll make me look hotter."

My aim was to make them laugh a little. Instead, I got them crying even harder.

"I love you all so much. I'm so sorry you have to deal with m-" Sunoo managed to speak through his tears and cut me off.

"We're not dealing with anything, Della. We'll go to the ends of the planet to find a cure for you."

happy birthday month to della and i. happy anniversary month to della and the guys 🤍 i'll try to update as much as i could. starting things off a little dark..

requested:— we missed you pt. 2— angst— della regarding enha x aespa— della hiatus (though it's only talks of it)— della gets into an accident (though not as extreme as a car crash)

taglist! @afiaaaa19 @riikiblr @one16core @toriluvsfics @i90snoo @danyxthirstae01 @seulgifted @cla-iii @hiqhkey @nichmeddar @jiwlys @duolingofanaccount @nvmbheart @studioreader @sarang-wonie @fairydosii @hoonstrology @jaetint @4sahii @8-itsmee-8

#kang della #enhypen female addition #enhypen oc #enhypen female member #enhypen 8th member #8th member of enhypen #enhypen ff #enhypen reactions #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x oc #enhypen added member #enhypen eigth member #kpop added member #kpop oc #enhypen female oc #enhypen imagines #enhypen poly fic #enhypen poly

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caseopened · 1 month

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I've been thinking about the ways in which we see the trio become protective of one another, and how it fits with their characters so well.

Della can be fiery, both in her movements and with her sharp tongue. She is quick to display visible anger and expressive movements, and even quicker to call someone out for threatening either Paul or Perry. I have always seen her expressions as the embodiment of releasing years of her own (as well as inherited) rage against societal expectations for her (and all women)--- the kind of expectations that demand her to absorb behavior quietly instead of expressing it outwardly. In other words, in a world that demands her to smile and be polite, Della is quick to remind others that she will not go quietly when someone is committing a wrongful attack or accusation. And when it comes to protecting her boys, Della doesn't hold back. It really blends well with the way Della always makes a path for herself as she defines it, and not how others define it.

Paul almost has this lethal calm to him. While Della is full of movement in her protectiveness, Paul becomes a foreboding rock. He will stand up (if not already standing), square his shoulders, and give you a look that could kill, but he will remain resolute and calm throughout. It goes back to Paul being so unflappable, calm, and collected (see here), even in the face of a threat. And while he absolutely can and will disarm someone, Paul only resorts to such defense when the threat becomes physical (i.e. someone lunges at Perry, and Paul throws that person to the ground). Everyone can see that Paul would be a physical threat-- he's a big, strong person!-- but I think the fact that he will just stare you down in this collected way that suggests 'don't you even try' speaks to the detective in him. He sees you-- he's clocking you-- and he's certainly not going to let you get away with threatening or attacking Della or Perry-- but he's putting the ball in your court. If you want to make a move, then he'll be right there, but his stance alone makes people think twice.

You can really see both traits in Della and Paul in the gif below:

Perry is, and always will be, in a position of defense. He is first to physically put himself between Paul or Della and whomever is threatening them. His protection will always be sacrificial, in a way, because it is in his nature to put himself out into the fray for others. He does it every day in court, throwing himself fully (and sometimes at his own expense health-wise) into situations that others might deem hopeless. Why, then, would he not throw himself in front of the two people he loves more than anything, even if it meant putting himself into a precarious position?

Of course, below is a prime example of Perry's physical blocking, but you can also note Paul's reaction here-- he turns resolute.

#&. paul headcanons #&. della headcanons #&. perry headcanons #paul has had enough in that first gif #and you know what? he's had enough in the second gif too!#I was going somewhere with this in terms of characterization but I think the real moral of the story is #if you try going after one of the trio... you're going to have to face the other two #paul drake #della street #perry mason

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cetaitlaverite · 9 days

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Why All This Music?

Masters of the Air - Rosie Rosenthal x OC

the last of the christmas chapters </3 but i hope you liked them!!! the masterlist is linked here

14. Kind of Hoping

Freddie was on the phone when Rosie came down the stairs. He knew in an instant she was talking to Millie.

“- tell me everything you get,” she was saying, her wide smile audible in her voice. “Do you want me to tell you what my parents got for you like last year or should I leave it wrapped up for you to open when we get back?”

She paused as she listened to Millie’s reply, then continued, “Yes, me too. It’ll be like having a second Christmas that way.”

Millie said something more which had Freddie giggling, then she was hurrying to say, “Okay, okay, I’ll let you go. Merry Christmas, Mils! I miss you so much!”

Millie said one more thing before Freddie hung up the phone and she turned to face Rosie grinning. “Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas,” he greeted her back, accepting her hug. He was praying she wouldn’t notice the blush he could feel on his cheeks - her ‘pyjamas’, as she’d called them, looked more like lingerie, all lacy and pale pink and clearly expensive, though mercifully she was wearing some sort of silk robe over the top - but he knew she’d noticed when she winked.

Still, she didn’t mention it, and instead called past him up the stairs, “Mum! Dad! You’re running late!”

Her father called something back to her in German which made her laugh before her mother appeared, also in nightwear, at the top of the stairs with him following close behind.

“Morning, Rosie, dear,” Alma greeted as she made her way down. “Wilfrieda, don’t raise your voice so early in the morning, please, we have neighbours on both sides if you remember correctly.”

“Paul and Della won’t mind and there are children on the other side, so I don’t think anyone’s worried, mum,” Freddie replied breezily, hooking her elbow with Rosie’s and leading him into the living room.

“Was it Millie you were on the phone to?” Alma asked as she progressed past them and into the kitchen.

“It was indeed. She sends her thanks for her presents but we’ve decided not to open them until we’re back at the airfield, so I’m sure you’ll get a thank you letter at some point, too.”

Alma smiled over her shoulder at this. “I like Millie,” she said.

Freddie rolled her eyes as she sat on the couch and tucked her legs up beneath her. “More than me I sometimes think,” she said to Rosie as he sat down beside her.

“I’ll let the dogs out, shall I, Wils?” her father asked sarcastically from the doorway between the living room and the kitchen.

Freddie gave him a big toothy grin. “Yes, please, dad, that would be wonderful.”

He, too, rolled his eyes before going to sort the dogs out - letting them outside to go to the toilet and then feeding them.

The dogs all came running in a few steps before Freddie’s parents entered, holding four cups of tea between them. Just as Freddie had predicted, the tea wasn’t a matter Rosie had had a choice in.

“My babies!” Freddie exclaimed as the dogs hurried to greet her. She tried valiantly to split her attention between all three of them evenly but eventually Earnie grew tired of having but one third of her affection and resorted to Rosie’s lap instead.

Once everyone had settled down, Meatball at Freddie’s feet and Bruno at Alma’s while Earnie watched everything happen quite happily from Rosie’s arms, Freddie’s father took a final sip of tea before heading over to the fireplace and unhooking Freddie’s stocking. Just like that, Christmas morning had officially begun.

Freddie received various gifts from her parents - dresses and makeup and a new hairbrush, books of poetry and jewellery and new pyjamas. But slipped down the side of her stocking was something wrapped in newspaper which Alma frowned at in unrecognition as Freddie drew it out.

“I don’t recognise that,” she said, and then realisation dawned on her. “Oh,” she said, smirking at Rosie.

Freddie followed her eyes and laughed. “From you?” she supposed.

Rosie shrugged.

“You didn’t have to get me anything!”

Rosie smiled. “Wanted to.”

“I’m impressed you managed to get it in there with no one looking.”

Rosie had to fight so, so hard not to laugh at that one. When Freddie realised what she’d said, she did, too.

Trying not to draw attention to the innuendo, Freddie instead focused on unwrapping the gift and let out a small exclamation of excitement upon discovering what it was. “Where did you get it?” she asked, pulling out a book of piano sheet music and starting to flick through it.

“Managed to slip away from the flak house for a couple hours.” He looked so boyish and charming as he fidgeted under her gaze. She wanted to squeeze him.

“You’ve been holding onto it all this time?” Freddie asked, grinning. He’d been to the flak house in October.

Rosie shrugged again, focusing his attention on Earnie who was only too happy to lap it up.

“It’s wonderful, Rosie,” Freddie said, smiling as she watched him. “So, so thoughtful. Thank you.” She set it down gently on the couch before leaning over to hug him, then rose to hug and thank both of her parents, too.

Rosie opened his gifts with clear embarrassment at the attention but the Leroys forced him to endure it anyway. His gifts weren’t anything terribly personal - jumpers and socks and cufflinks - but he thanked Freddie’s parents so profusely they may as well have gifted him a house. From Freddie he received books, one of which was on American jazz music which she knew he liked. When he asked her where she’d found it she shrugged and looked away, keeping her cards close to her chest.

The gift-giving passed in a blur after that. Freddie’s parents’ gifts were mostly sentimental and occasionally lavish, and they thanked Rosie again for his donation of food and alcohol which he had already passed on the previous day to be stored in the kitchen. Then the dogs got to open their gifts - a personalised collar for Meatball along with some proper dog toys, and Freddie would be taking his new dog bed back to Thorpe Abbotts with her, too. His new personalised stocking would be remaining at home in case he spent next Christmas there again. And lots of treats, of course, for all three of the dogs.

Breakfast was the British staple of beans on toast, which Rosie secretly thought was revolting but declined to mention, and then everyone was back upstairs getting ready.

Freddie put on one of her new dresses, red and festive and more formal than she’d usually wear at home but it was Christmas, and did her hair meticulously, setting it into neat waves down her back. Her makeup was the same as it always was, perhaps a little bit better done because of the better lighting and increased time she had, and she smiled when she took in her reflection.

She wanted to look pretty today. Rosie had only ever seen her in uniform, really, aside from last night, and she didn’t feel it suited her. But dresses like these were where she felt comfortable. She tried not to fiddle as she descended the stairs.

The hours sped by in a blur. Rosie played with the dogs with Freddie and helped Alma with dinner wherever he could. He had a drink - one drink, Alma had warned in no uncertain terms - with Freddie’s dad, who he now knew as Felix, then read one of the poetry books Freddie had received to her at her insistence.

Before he had time to worry about it there was a knock at the door and Rosie knew it would be Daniel’s parents.

From beside him on the couch, Freddie leaned over and kissed Rosie’s cheek. “It’ll be fine,” she whispered to him before she was up and heading for the door.

The greetings at the front door were enthusiastic and polite. Rosie wasn’t sure whether he was supposed to stand or whether that would be too formal. As Freddie led Daniel’s parents into the living room, he stood all the same.

“This is Rosie,” Freddie introduced him as the pair came to stand at the edge of the room. “And Rosie, these are Daniel’s parents, Paul and Della.”

“It’s lovely to meet you, sir, ma’am,” he greeted them, holding out a hand for Paul to shake and hesitating on how to greet Della until she reached for one of his hands and gave it a squeeze.

“Lovely to meet you, too, Rosie,” Della said with a soft smile. Her voice, too, was soft, almost so quiet he felt he might have to lean in to hear her.

The three of them all stared at each other awkwardly until Freddie jumped to ease the tension. “Would you like anything to drink? Tea or water - or we have a bottle of red wine which Rosie brought if you’d like?”

“Tea would be lovely, Freddie, darling,” Della said, reaching over to squeeze one of her hands too.

“Yes,” agreed Paul. “Tea. Thanks, Fred.”

“Of course. And you, Rosie?”

“Oh, I’m sure I can make the tea,” Rosie said, suddenly aware she intended to leave him here with them. “You want some, Fred?”

Freddie quirked an eyebrow at him, suspicious of his tea-making abilities, before she peered past him and saw both of her parents in the kitchen and understood they would likely be making it for him. “Tea would be great, Rosie, thanks,” she told him, smiling softly as she watched him go.

The three of them - Freddie, Paul, and Della - sat down and exchanged pleasantries before the question emerged. “Is he your boyfriend?” It was Della who had asked, as Freddie had expected it would be, and she was watching Freddie closely as she awaited a response.

Freddie sighed. Her eyes fell to her hands in her lap. Almost as if he’d sensed her distress, Meatball came trotting in from the kitchen and laid down on her toes, nudging one of her calves with his nose before he settled.

“Not yet,” she offered, trying to ignore how her heart was racing.

“But he will be,” Della finished for her.

“Well,” Freddie hedged, forcing herself to meet her eyes, “I’ve been kind of hoping he wants the job.”

“And Daniel?” Della asked. There was no real unkindness with which she said it, just curiosity. Maybe a little bit of the defensiveness Freddie had anticipated.

“I’ll love Daniel all my life,” Freddie said seriously. “But I’m also kind of hoping it’ll be a long life. Too long a time to spend alone.” No one said anything, so she pushed on, “Rosie’s good to me. He knows all about Daniel. He’s respectful and he’s attentive and he’s patient. He lets me talk about Daniel with him, lets me cry about him to him, and he never gets jealous or defensive. He knows I still love Daniel and that I always will. But what I feel for Rosie is different. He’s not a replacement.”

“He’s kind to you?” Della asked.

“Overwhelmingly so,” Freddie replied with a watery smile.

“He looks after you?”

“Always. Unfailingly. Even when I’m being difficult.”

“Then I’d like to give him a chance,” Della decided. And her word was final.

Freddie released her breath and all of the pent up tension in her body in one big gust. “Thank you,” she whispered, leaning forwards to wrap her in a hug. “Thank you.”

“We brought the old photo albums over,” Paul spoke up finally. “Thought we might have a look after dinner.”

Freddie beamed. “I would love that. I think Rosie would like to put a face to a name, too.”

Paul nodded his approval. “Good.”

Everything was easier after that. At dinner everyone was jovial, wearing the paper crowns from the Christmas crackers at Freddie’s insistence and chatting light-heartedly about everything they could think of. Then after dinner came more presents as Daniel’s parents showered Freddie in gifts. Rosie supposed she was something like a daughter to them and they had no other children to spoil anymore. For her part, she gave them each very thoughtful gifts in return, blushing under their spill of thanks and affection. Then, as Alma served a traditional homemade Christmas cake for dessert, Paul brought out an old photo album which seemed entirely focused on the years of Daniel’s life he’d known Freddie. Rosie shared the book with her, spreading it across both of their laps, as they turned through the pages, watching Freddie and Daniel grow into adults together.

Freddie didn’t say much as they did but Rosie could tell she was feeling a little bit fragile about it all. She tried to smile and make little comments about the pictures, likely more for Paul and Della than for herself, but her voice kept emerging strained and her finger would shake as she pointed. Rosie didn’t know what to do or how to comfort her under the watchful gaze of her old boyfriend’s parents so he simply rested his free hand on her back where no one else could see it and ran it gently up and down, hoping to remind her he was there.

Alma could see it. And she was hiding her smile behind her mug of tea.

“Oh,” Freddie said suddenly as she turned a page, pointing out another picture. “This was my first day at university.” In the picture, she and Daniel were standing in front of an ornate old door, their arms around each other and grinning at the camera. Freddie looked excited but Daniel looked proud, holding her tight presumably before she went to her first class.

“He was so proud of you,” Della said, smiling. “Wouldn’t stop talking about how smart you are and how talented. His boss at work told him to knock it off after a few days when he still wouldn’t shut up about how his girl was the best pianist the world had ever seen and she was training at Oxford.”

Freddie blushed, gazing wistfully down at the photo. The two of them looked so young. That had been back in 1938 when the war still felt like a pessimistic maybe instead of an unfortunate definite. Daniel was as handsome as ever, blond hair combed neatly for the occasion and his finest suit on. More than anything, Freddie missed getting to see that smile on his face. It was different in pictures to how it had been in real life. He’d always smiled in a strange, unique way, one corner of his mouth tugging slowly upwards before the other rushed to mirror it at the last moment. He’d had the most gorgeous smile Freddie had ever seen. She’d told him often that that smile of his was the first thing she’d fallen in love with.

She moved on after that, scarcely making a comment about any of the photos they passed. And after a few pages Daniel started appearing in an RAF uniform, and then Freddie in the uniform Rosie had always known her in. War had broken and the pair of them were off to face it together.

“The beginning of the end,” Freddie whispered.

She left Rosie to it after that. She didn’t want to look any more, she said - had already seen the photos a hundred times, anyway. And everyone could hear the tears in her voice so they let her be as she sat on the floor and occupied herself with the dogs, wrapping her arms around Bruno for comfort and then giggling as Earnie demanded his fair share of attention.

After Freddie closed the door behind Paul and Della, she turned and her smile dropped straight off her face. The next thing anyone knew, she was sprinting up the stairs.

Alma sighed, going after her immediately. She mumbled, “Oh, Wils,” as she went.

Rosie looked to Felix helplessly and found him staring at his clasped hands in his lap. After a moment, however, he must have felt Rosie’s eyes on him, for he looked up with a sad smile. “She’s being sick,” he explained quietly.

“Oh,” Rosie replied, equally as quiet. “Right.”

“She’ll be alright,” Felix went on, a reassuring note to his voice. “Happens sometimes when she’s stressed or sad or overwhelmed, and Daniel’s parents tend to have the effect of all three on her these days.” He smiled once more. “Gets it from her mum.”

Rosie recalled Millie saying something similar a couple of months ago when she, Freddie, and Jem had all been violently hungover after drinking two bottles of whiskey between them. But he didn’t say as much aloud, mostly for fear of worrying Freddie’s parents further by telling them she was liable to do it on base, too. Instead, the two of them lapsed into silence until Freddie and Alma returned some time later, Freddie smiling sheepishly at Rosie before ducking her eyes away.

Alma directed Freddie to sit down on the couch and turned a smile on Rosie. “Rosie, darling, will you go and pour some wine?” she asked, stroking Freddie’s hair as she sat down beside her.

“Yes,” Rosie replied instantly. “Yeah, sure, of course.” He hurried into the kitchen, fumbled for the bottle and poured it out into four glasses, then carried them in two to a hand by the stems and passed them out.

“I think we’ve earned it,” Alma joked softly as she accepted hers from him, “don’t you?”

Freddie tipped half of hers back in one go before wiping her eyes. “Is my makeup smudged?” she asked no one in particular.

Alma cleaned up what little mascara had landed on her cheekbones and smiled. “You’re perfect, my love.”

Freddie laughed just a little bit. “Sorry for causing a scene.”

“You’re dealing with it better than I would,” Rosie said with a quiet chuckle and a smile, then froze with his wine glass halfway to his mouth as he realised what he’d just confessed. But he couldn’t try to cover his tracks because it was true. If Freddie was killed he didn’t know what he would do, but causing a scene every now and again was the very least of it.

Mercifully, Freddie laughed anyway, and Alma shot him a wide smile sidelong.

“I don’t want to go back tomorrow,” Freddie confessed after a long moment. She tipped back the rest of her wine and continued, “I want to stay here for a while.”

“Tip your job and come home,” Felix suggested. “You can go back to university.”

Freddie laughed. “But I like my job. And it’s important.”

“You’ll just have to come back and visit then, won’t you?”

“I want to stay for a week,” Freddie declared in place of replying. “I don’t want to leave the dogs and my bedroom and you both again. Or my clothes. Not yet.”

“What about Millie?” Alma asked her. “Hm? You don’t think she’d miss you?”

Freddie huffed, knowing this was true but not wanting to accept it.

“You have to give her her presents from us. And she’s got presents to give you from her parents, remember? And her parents will think you’re rude if they don’t get a thank you letter, which you won’t be able to send if you don’t open them.”

Reluctantly, Freddie smiled.

“And are you really going to send poor Rosie back on his own?” Alma went on. “I think that would be rather rude of you, Wils. And then what about Meatball -”

“Alright!” Freddie exclaimed, starting to giggle. “I get the point! Goodness, I was just saying it would be nice to get to spend a little bit more time at home and all of a sudden you’re starting a campaign to get me out as soon as possible.”

All three of the room’s other occupants laughed. “Come on, schatz,” Felix said, slapping his thighs and pushing himself to his feet. “I don’t know about you but I think I need one more piece of cake before Christmas is out, and I don’t want to have to eat it alone.”

Freddie smiled, standing up and following him into the kitchen. “Of course you won’t be eating it alone,” she told him. “We don’t get cake on the base.”

#my writing #watm #mota #hbo war #masters of the air #masters of the air x oc #masters of the air fanfic #masters of the air fanfiction #rosie rosenthal #robert rosie rosenthal #rosie rosenthal x oc #rosie rosenthal fanfic #rosie rosenthal fanfiction #rosie rosenthal x reader #hbo war x oc

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fashionbooksmilano · 10 days

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Martin Parr Short & Sweet

intervista di Roberta Valtorta

24ore Cultura, Milano 2024, 128 pagine, 70 ill., 25,5x29cm, ISBN 978-88-6648-768-5

euro 26,90

email if you want to buy [email protected]

Catalogo della mostra di Milano al Mudec Photo dal 10 febbraio al 30 giugno 2024 In collaborazione con Magnum Photo (Parigi)

La mostra Short & Sweet presenta oltre 60 scatti, scelti e selezionati da Martin Parr, accompagnati da elementi installativi e wall paper, con l’intento di ripercorrere la sua lunga carriera. Attraverso i progetti più noti si mette in luce il suo inedito stile documentario, rivolto alle incongruenze sociali e culturali del mondo occidentale, in particolar modo europeo, che produce una cronaca fotografica senza filtri e fuori dalla retorica. A partire dalla serie giovanile in bianco e nero “Non-Conformist” (1975-1980) ambientata a Londra e nelle periferie dello Yorkshire, e “Bad Weather”, in cui Parr si è gettato sotto gli acquazzoni in Inghilterra e Irlanda per documentare le reazioni delle persone a questo clima; fino ai celebri progetti a colori come “The Last Resort”, oltraggioso e amaramente ironico reportage condotto dal fotografo sulle spiagge di Brighton, sobborgo balneare di Liverpool, nella metà degli anni 80, e “Common Sense”. Con un’intervista all’autore di Roberta Valtorta, una delle maggiori studiose di fotografia in Italia.

05/05/24

#Martin Parr #Short & Sweet #photography exhibition catolgue #Mudec Milano 2024 #photography books #fashionbooksmilano

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bignaz8 · 4 days

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The amazing story of Tovrea Castle in Phoenix Arizona and the shattered dreams of the man who built it.

In 1903 Frederick and Lizzie Warner homesteaded 160 acres of land and built their home on a beautiful hilltop in the desert southeast of Phoenix along VanBuren Avenue and 52nd street. Along with their son they eventually held title to 320 acres and in 1928 Lizzie sold 277 acres of that homestead to Alessio Carraro.

Alessio Carraro, an Italian immigrant and San Francisco businessman came to Phoenix with his family in 1927. Carraro had hoped to develop a prestigious hotel and resort when he purchased 277 acres of prime desert land from the Warner family east of Phoenix in 1928. He saw great potential in the property, which offered beautiful mountain views and fronted the main route from Phoenix to what was once the popular Papago Saguaro National Monument.

Carraro's plan for the land was to build a grand hotel and use it as the center piece of a first-class residential development that would be called "Carraro Heights." The hotel, he dreamed, would provide him a steady flow of potential home buyers.

The hotel, which took the shape of a three-tier castle, was built without any specific plans. Carraro made it up as he went along. Two granite knolls were leveled with dynamite and a third was blasted open to form the bed for the basement. Much of the granite was crushed and made into concrete blocks for the foundation. The building was framed with wood and covered with stucco sheathing.

Inside, Carraro went for many recycled materials. The maple flooring throughout the hotel came from a house in Phoenix that was being torn down. The kitchen cabinets were made from mahogany and oak salvaged from the Phoenix National Bank, which was being remodeled. And, a vault from the bank was turned into a basement wine cellar.

Outside, Carraro had developed a spacious desert garden, filled with more than 300 different varieties of desert plants.

The hotel was just about finished as the 1930 Christmas season approached. Carraro celebrated by installing 1,000 red, green, yellow and blue lights on the split-rail fence that surrounded the property and topping the arched gateway with a 10-foot electric tree. The display won The Arizona Republic Newspaper’s holiday decorations contest and the newspaper called the entry a "brilliantly lighted castle in the desert." It was the first time the building was publicly referred to as a castle, a label that would last to this day.

Alessio Carraro's dream of a resort hotel and a subdivision of fine homes was shattered a few months later. For some time, Carraro had tried unsuccessfully to buy the 40 acres adjacent to his land that would serve as an important buffer between his property and a stockyard and the meat packing plant of Edward Tovrea. Edward Tovrea and his wife Della secretly wanted to buy Carraro’s castle and use it for their home. When the acreage finally was sold, it went not to Carraro, but to the owner of the nearby packing company, Edward Tovrea.

Tovrea promptly put up sheep and goats pens on the 40 acres right next to Carraro’s castle. That was the end for Carraro’s dream. He realized that no one would want to stay in a hotel, buy land and build a nice home next to a flock of sheep. All attempts to negotiate with Edward Tovrea and his wife Della were futile. In June of 1931, Carraro accepted an offer from a real estate agent for his castle, the hotel and much of the property. Unknown to him, the buyer was none other than Della Tovrea.

The Tovrea’s quickly turned the castle hotel into their home and moved in before the end of the year. The following year however, Edward Tovrea suddenly died. Della later married William Stuart, the publisher of the Prescott Courier, and they lived in the home until his death in 1960.

Della stayed on living in the castle alone. She always had a terrible fear of someone breaking in and locking her in the big safe that Carraro had gotten from the Phoenix National Bank. Della had workmen remove the doors from that safe so she could never be locked inside.

One dark and cold winter night in 1969 two men did break into the castle and surprised Della in her kitchen. Della struggled and was beaten and one of the men fired a shot at her which thankfully missed. The bullet hole can still be seen today in the kitchen. Della in a panic ran outside in the frigid cold and rainy night to ring the caretakers bell. Then she hid for hours outside in the elements. Della caught pneumonia that night and died a few weeks later on January 19th, 1969.

Relatives of Edward Tovrea moved into the castle following Della’s death and lived there for many years.

Today, the interior of the castle is virtually as Carraro constructed it. It appears to have been marred only by areas of deterioration from water damage, vandalism and, in some cases, the removal of small items such as door handles. The exterior, too, is generally intact, but suffered from years of neglect. Most of the window sashes have been replaced with single pane reflective glass and two additional layers of stucco surfacing have been applied to the original walls.

In 1994 the city of Phoenix drew up development plans for the castle to include a fully restored first floor that would illustrate how each room would have been used as a hotel and how it actually was used as a home. Historical artifacts were obtained as they were located. And, today there are tours and exhibits of the castle for visitors.

For nearly 90 years now, the grand Tovrea Castle has stood out among Phoenix historical and architectural wonders. Thousands have admired it from afar, awed by the imposing picture it forms atop a small desert hill in the heart of an urban setting. Few were ever beyond its fenced surroundings and permitted inside its granite walls. Today, visitors can enjoy the castle in all its splendor.

The city of Phoenix, which acquired the landmark and some of its adjacent property in 1993, came up with an exciting plan to open the three-tiered castle and the sprawling Carraro Cactus Gardens that surround it to the public.

Work to restore two of the historic garden sections at the Tovrea Castle were completed in August 2000. The city restoration has transformed one of the sections back to the Carraro era with its dense cactus plantings and varied species. The other garden area has been restored back to the Tovrea area featuring a reflecting pool, patio and formal garden.

The garden restoration work was completed in 2000. Exterior restoration of the Castle itself was completed in 2001. The ambitious plans, developed by the city's Historic Preservation Office and Parks, Recreation and Library Department, included three key elements -- the purchase of as much of the 43-acre compound as possible, the restoration of the castle and the redevelopment of the gardens.

Alessio Carraro, an Italian immigrant saw great potential for development and tourism in 1928 when he visited the area east of Phoenix in search of a business venture. His dream was shattered by a flock of sheep and the Tovrea- Stuart family left all of us a historic landmark for everyone to enjoy today.

#arizona #tovrea castle #history

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inamindfarfaraway · 1 year

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I rewatched “The Richest Duck in the World!” and noticed something new. It’s only a theory, but it could easily be true, and… oh my God.

Bradford Buzzard has been working with Scrooge for about two decades or more by this episode, right? He's the CEO of McDuck Enterprises. He can overule Scrooge on business decisions and has access to and knowledge of everything, including Falcon Island, the portion of money afforded to it and that it's used for magical defence. Scrooge took the time to remove that island from all maps because he was so desperate for nobody to ever be able to meddle there. This is as top-secret as it gets. But Bradford knows. Scrooge trusts him implicitly with ALL his money. That's a lot of trust!

So Bradford almost certainly knows about the Bombie. It's hard to imagine a conversation where Scrooge told him about Falcon Island and what resources it needed without telling him why it needed them; and never before this episode has the Bombie been released due to financial strain. Not even in Scrooge and his finances' lowest point, when he was blowing through savings to search for Della, resorting to draining the Money Bin, his personal store of sentimentally valuable coins. Not even with Bradford wanting more of McDuck Enterprises' money available so he can siphon it off for FOWL. There was always, always something less important than Falcon Island.

But then Louie - an inexperienced, physically weak and unskilled eleven-year-old - becomes the richest person on Earth. On his very first morning in this position, he has to compensate for his wasteful spending by taking money from the company and Bradford immediately suggests cutting funding to the Bombie's containment measures. That is the first thing he comes up with. And he agrees to it unhesitatingly without a word of warning. This is why the entire plot of the episode happens!

Even more dammingly, he has a button specifically to deactivate the magical security system on hand at that moment. Without it, the Bombie escapes in an instant. But how did such a button come to exist in the first place? Scrooge would never have asked for it. Nobody else knew anything about Falcon Island. Bradford must have made it and connected it to that magic himself. He saw that Louie was vulnerable and wasted no time engineering his fall, unleashing a lethal threat upon him that was, as far as anyone knew, absolutely unstoppable, yet in a manner indirect enough to deflect suspicion from him.

Bradford tried to murder Louie.

#and this is after killing duckworth and setting della up to get lost in space #damn #he knows how to hit scrooge where it hurts #like if you want a really angsty au. there you go #i think losing a) another younger family member who he was close to and b) one who was still a CHILD would just shatter scrooge #and louie and della had just made up and were preparing to strengthen their relationship #and now she loses her kid again but this time she knows him so she can grieve a person not just an idea #then they all find out that bradford is evil and it's vengeance time baby!#but also webby lena and violet figure out how to summon louie from the afterlife and he stays around as a ghost like duckworth #he's got 99 problems but needing to walk ain't one!#a lot of them are trauma responses though #bradford buzzard #louie duck #scrooge mcduck #bombie #the bombie #ducktales 2017 #ducktales #dt17

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myhauntedsalem · 5 months

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The History of Zombie Road

Zombie Road has quite a reputation as a place where shadowy figures and other non human entities have long been reported.

Gregory Myers of the Paranormal Task Force presents this piece on the history and deaths of one of the most haunted locations in the United States.

Within the urban sprawl of St. Louis lies a remote area called “Zombie Road”. Urban Legend tells a variety of eerie tales which include being host to ritualistic and occult practices which spawned inhuman and demonic entities while other tales tell of those who met their peculiar demise and still roam this desolate road in the afterlife.

“Zombie Road”, real name “Lawler Ford Road” is about 2 miles long through a valley of forest oak land hills and ends near the Meramec River in the Glencoe, MO area where it meets the newly established “Al Foster” trail.

The history of this area goes back to ancient Native American times where this was one of the few pathways cut by nature over the centuries through the bluffs to the Meramec River area just beyond them. It is believed that travelling ancient Native Americans used this pathway for foot travel and also quarried flint here for the making of various tools and weapons.

In the early 1800’s a Ferry (boat) was operated at the bottom area of this passage at times where a ford was located in the river for settlers and travellers to cross the Meramec River to the other side where the Lewis family owned much of the land. The origin of the road name is unknown to historians even today.

Ninian Hamilton a settler from Kentucky was the first settler to occupy and own land in this area in 1803. After his death in 1856, James E. Yeatman a prominent St. Louis citizen, a founder of the Mercantile Library and president of the Merchants Bank acquired the large parcel of land that Mr. Hamilton settled and owned.

The Pacific Railroad completed their railroad line from St. Louis to Pacific along the Meramec River in this area in the 1850’s. Della Hamilton the wife of Henry McCullough, who was Justice of the Peace for about thirty years and Judge of the County Court from 1849 to 1852, was struck and killed by a train in this area in 1876.

The first large scale gravel operations on the Meramec River began at what would become Yeatman junction in this area. Gravel was taken from the Meramec River and moved on rail cars into St. Louis. The first record of this operation is in the mid-1850’s. Later, steam dredges were used, to be supplanted by diesel or gasoline dredges in extracting gravel from the channel and from artificial lakes dug into the banks. This continued until the 1970’s.

From about 1900 until about 1945, Glencoe and this area was one of the resort communities of the Meramec River’s clubhouse era. Many of the homes were summer clubhouses, later converted to year round residences then lost to the great local floods of the 1990’s.

Some say this is called Zombie Road because the railroad workers who once worked here rise from their graves at times to roam about. Some insist that they have heard old time music, seen anomalous moving lights and other ghostly sightings from that forgotten era. Another tale tells of a patient nicknamed “Zombie” who escaped from a nearby mental facility never to be seen again. His blood soaked gown was later found lying upon the old road later named after him.

Other tales include one of an original settler who met their demise upon the railroad tracks. Another includes a pioneer who lost his wife in a poker game then went back to his homestead and took his own life. Many still report seeing these lonely spirits even today.

During the age of Prohibition a nearby town housed speak-easies and the summer homes of well known gangsters. Tales tell of individuals who were dealt a bad hand by such public enemies resulting in their permanent placement within the ground or bordering river to never be seen again.

The bordering river has tragically delivered many to the other side through the years. Children and adults alike have taken their last living breath within its dangerous waters before being found washed up on its shores. Even during this new millennium, several children met their demise one day within its banks.

The railroad still shows “Death hath no mercy” as many have met their final fate upon its tracks. Local lifelong residents can still remember multitudes of tragic occurrences dating back to the 1950’s. One of these occurred in the 1970’s when two teens were struck by an oncoming train. Some of the local residents were used in search parties to find the body parts scattered about the area.

During the 1990’s a mother and her five year old child were crossing a bridge when an oncoming train met them. The mother’s last action was pushing her five year old child off the bridge. The engineer was able to stop the train and save the child. Although the mother died, this is still one of the happiest endings to a story this area will provide.

More recent past has seen this area become refuge for those wanting privacy to practice the occult and other rituals. Who can really know what true doorways to the darkness or unknown were opened here.

During the 1960’s a couple in their late teens were on top of the bluffs overlooking the road below. The male somehow lost footing and during the fall caught his face in a fork of a small tree growing out from the side of the bluff. His face and scalp remained while the rest of him fell to his death upon the road below. Others have also met their demise from the high bluffs above.

The area has also seen its share of suicides and murders. In the 1970’s a hunter stumbled across a car still running at the end the road. Closer inspection revealed a hose running from the exhaust pipe to the inside of the car with the driver slumped over the steering wheel.

One can agree that there is no lack of legends or tragedies surrounding this area which can explain the bizarre and eerie encounters of those who visit. I was one who became truly intrigued and attracted by such lore and was determined to either prove or disprove the Urban Legends surrounding it.

Missouri Paranormal Research (now a division of Paranormal Task Force, Inc.), the paranormal investigative team I belong to, investigated this area on several occasions. Our visits converted many true skeptics into true believers of the paranormal. I was one of those the first time and even remarked “This was going to be like Winnie the Pooh looking for a ghost in 100 Acre Woods” prior to descending onto the old road.

Within an hour several people observed a human sized shadow figure as it descended upon them from a small bluff nearby. It then ran onto the road, stopped, then disappeared into the darkness of the night. Throughout the night others heard unexplained voices, were touched by the unseen and witnessed the unexplained. This was one night that everyone could conclude that indeed some Urban Legends actually are real!

#history of zombie road #zombie road #ghost and hauntings #paranormal #ghost and spirits #haunted locations #haunted salem #myhauntedsalem #haunted roads

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