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PCW Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One

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[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Blue background. The top of the Capitol Building occupies the left hand side of the television screen.

Centered in the middle of the screen: “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.”]

P-SPAN Announcer (off screen): The P-SPAN Network bring you long-form public affairs programming from the nation’s capital and are a public service of…

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Logos of twenty three different cable and satellite television companies replace the Capitol Building and P-SPAN graphic.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): …your television provider.

[ON SCREEN GRAPHIC: Returns to the blue background with the top of the Capitol Building occupying the left hand side of the television screen with “P-SPAN. THE POLITICAL CHANNEL.” centered in the middle of the screen.]

P-SPAN Announcer (v/o): P-SPAN. The Political Channel.

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Political Championship Wrestling Extreme Election Night 2020-Part One Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon Wauseon, Ohio Taped Tuesday November 3rd, 2020 Thursday December 31st, 2020

Announcers: ‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave AGE: 50 / HT: 5’ 11” WT: 195 HOME: Philadelphia, PA HAIR: Brown / STYLE: Like Ronnie Dunn / FACE: Goatee DRESS: Brown suit without tie

Colleen Crowder ‘Low Level New York Times Reporter Trying to Make a Name for Herself’ AGE: 38 / HT: 5’ 5” WT: 142 HOME: New York City, NY HAIR: Black / STYLE: Curly / FACE: Narrow face with rounded jaw, turned-up nose, faint freckles, and thin lips. Bulging blue eyes, thin eyebrows. DRESS: Black pants suit

SHOW OPEN The crowd starts out with a “PCW! PCW!” chant to start the show.

‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave comes out with a lifesize cardboard cut-out of Shania Twain and says, “Welcome to PCW- Loose Cannons LOCK AND LOAD!”

The crowd continues the “PCW” chant- much to the annoyance of Suave’s real life co-host Colleen Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “We are coming to you tonight from Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon in Wauseon, Ohio at the northeast corner of the intersection of Airport Highway and Shoop Avenue,” Suave continues. “I am Johnny Suave. This hot piece of cardboard is Shania Twain and tonight we find out who will be the PCW CEO for the next four years- current PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) or challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance).”

Crowder glares at and then elbows Suave in the side at the omission of her introduction.

Suave responds in the most unenthusiastic way possible.

Johnny Suave: “Oh. And this is Colleen Crowder- a low level New York Times reporter trying to make a name for herself.”

Colleen Crowder: “Really? Do you have to say it like that?”

Suave ignores her and quickly moves on. He introduces a video clip from 2016’s Extreme Election Night when Trump defeated the Progressive Alliance’s Hillary Clinton.

(REPLAY: Extreme Election Night 2016- Donald Trump (American Patriots) vs. Hillary Clinton (Progressive Alliance) -It’s not looking good for Trump.

The mainstream media and the Washington DC establishment have interjected themselves into this match at every opportunity including Don Lemon of CNN, the Washington Post’s Eugene Robinson and Dana Milbank, and the New York Times’s David Brooks and Paul Krugman. Even some members of the American Patriots, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, former Jeb Bush, and Mitt Romney charge the ring on Clinton’s behalf and a huge scrum explodes. Trump finds himself swallowed up by a mass of humanity as members of each group literally throw each other out of the way to get to him.

Cut to Paul Ryan. He’s whistling while he ever so subtly tries to inch away from the ring, hoping that no one can see him subtly trying to inch away from the ring. Mitch McConnell? He’s gone from ringside and nowhere to be found. The rest of the establishment? Sitting in their seats reading the Wall Street Journal or on their phones making plans for their golf getaway.

Then…

-Deplorables ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, ‘Red Solo Plastic Cup’ Ray McAvay, and Charlie Blackwell stream to the ring followed by forty other people. Bryan hops up on the ring apron. He drapes Dana Milbank’s neck over the top rope and drops to the floor causing the Washington Post columnist to whiplash off the ropes and onto his back. McAvay wields a Big Bertha Driver and takes down Chuck Schumer (Progressive Alliance) and Lindsay Graham (American Patriots). Mitt Romney sees McAvay using the driver to pole axe his way through the crowd. He wisely uses discretion and decides to slip out of the ring. Blackwell jumps into the ring wielding a steel folding chair and starts taking people out left and right: Paul Krugman, Don Lemon, and Jeb Bush.

The American Patriots, Progressive Alliance, and media contingent still in the ring decide to hastily exit stage right leaving just Trump, Hillary, McAvay, Blackwell, Bryan, and the forty-odd Deplorables inside.

Blackwell and McAvay re-station themselves outside the ring and the Les Miserables surrounding the squared circle. The ring steadily clears and when it does, leaving just Trump and Hillary inside, there’s an unpleasant realization for one side.

Johnny Suave: FIGURE FOUR LEG LOCK!

Clinton eventually has to submit to Trump’s figure four leg lock submission and Trump becomes the new PCW CEO.

Crowder complains… again… that Russian referee Corrina Romanov interceded on Trump’s behalf and cost Hillary Clinton the match.

“Who will leave here tonight as the CEO of PCW?,” Suave continues, again ignoring Crowder. “Will Donald Trump (American Patriots) book himself another four year stint at the top of the political universe? Or will Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance) put an end to Trump’s run and take PCW in a different direction?”

Colleen jumps in to point out polls indicate that Joe Biden will win tonight and win very easily.

Johnny Suave: “Because your polls was so correct four years ago.”

Suave then eats another elbow from Crowder.

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The entrance music brings out the owner of PCW Dawn McGill as she makes her first appearance of the evening, much to the enthusiastic fanfare of the overwhelming majority inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon.

PCW Owner Dawn McGill

But not Colleen…

Colleen Crowder: “She’s the real problem! She just doesn’t get it.”

The camera pans around the arena. First…

The Deplorables/Les Miserables section of the bar: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay, ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan, McAvay’s wife and one half of the famed West Texas Adult Entertainment duo Dark and Stormy, Stacee (Dark) Perry. Paige ‘Stormy’ Reynolds is also there along with Bert the Janitor and General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs- all on their feet cheering wildly.

Colleen Crowder: “And so are they. They’re the problem too!”

Next…

The Conservative Inc. section, the American Patriots/Never Trumpers/country club set (Bill Kristol. Charlie Sykes. Jonah Goldberg. David French. Tom Nichols. David Reaboi. Jennifer Rubin. David Brooks, Ben Sasse, Mitt Romney, Rick Wilson, George Conway, John Kasich. and S.E. Cupp)- are on their feet as well but not cheering all that wildly.

Finally…

Then there’s Progressive Alliance section. Professor McCarthy waves his ‘good book’ (the good book that tells us things that are correct or incorrect to say, think, or believe) in the air while his Flock- The Green World Order (Peta from PETA, GreenPete, ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee, and PeaceNick), the Young Jerks (Zenk Cryger, James Idahola, and Anna- the foul-mouthed sidekick), the Deep State (One and Two), Emily S. List, and Code Pink- all sit in their seats not happy to see McGill step out on stage.

McGill smiles and acknowledges the crowd.

Her smile goes away the second Nancy Pelosi (Progressive Alliance) and Mitch McConnell (American Patriots) walk out and join her.

Nancy Pelosi (CA-Progressive Alliance and Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots)

COMPROMISE AGREEMENT Dawn has a microphone.

Dawn McGill: “WELCOME EVERYONE TO P-C-W’S EXTREME ELECTION NIGHT 2020!”

RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

McGill proclaims PCW is back and the faithful jammed inside Hack’s Rusty Nail Saloon cheer her on.

Crowd: “Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)! Thank you Dawn (clap clap clap-clap-clap)!”

Dawn McGill: “This show belongs to YOU! The people! This show is made by the people for you- the people!”

More wild cheers and thunderous applause.

Next, she tells the PCW faithful that she needs to make a quick announcement before Extreme Election Night 2020 gets under way.

McGill surprises many in the crowd when she announces that she’s reached a compromise agreement with Pelosi and McConnell and Joe Biden and Donald Trump will NOT wrestle each other in the main event tonight. Cue boos. McGill herself does not look all that pleased at this development either.

“Tonight’s main event will be ‘Stars N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott of the American Patriots with Donald Trump in his corner versus ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels from the Progressive Alliance with Joe Biden in his corner versus Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition for the PCW Title,” McGill explains.

Suave wonders if Mitch McConnell (KY-American Patriots) sold out Donald Trump by agreeing to the compromise agreement?

Dawn McGill: ��Per the terms and conditions agreed to with Ms. Pelosi and Mr. McConnell, the PCW CEO will be named after the match in the same way it used to be- by the owner of PCW which in this case. . .”

McGill turns to Pelosi and McConnell and smirks.

Dawn McGill: “. . . is me.”

Pelosi’s smile suddenly goes away.

The crowd again expresses their support of Dawn McGill.

Crowder protests. Suave points out that former owner Bubba Jackson was the one who chose Barack Obama not once but twice. “I’m sure Dawn McGill can make a well-reasoned and fair decision here. I trust her a lot more than would trust your colleagues,” Suave declared.

Yeah, that doesn’t go over well. But before Crowder can work up enough righteous indignation to respond…

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

VOICES OF ‘REASON’ …CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter come out and walk to the ring and gives the PCW fans a chance to express their righteous indignation.

Colleen Crowder: “It’s about time voices of reason come out and set these idiots straight.”

Tapper and Stelter both climb in.

Tapper reassures Crowder that ‘she’s not alone’ in having to put up with people who are unable to accept reality.

Jake Tapper: “There are some people that are so mendacious, I wouldn’t put them on the air, period. Like Kayleigh McEnany…”

Stelter shakes his head and mutters “she’s the worst.”

Jake Tapper: “These are just people who tell lies the way that most people breathe-”

*WHAM!*

Crowd pop.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP! IT’S KAYLEIGH McENANY!”

And her steel folding chair. The crowd roars as Tapper falls to the floor. Stelter turns around and…

*WHAM!*

…he’s face down on the mat.

More crowd popping follows and causes Crowder to become even more indignant.

Colleen Crowder: “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!”

A referee suddenly races down to the ring.

Colleen Crowder: “WHAT?”

Johnny Suave: “WE’VE GOT AN IMPROMPTU MATCH!”

Colleen Crowder: “NOOOOOO!”

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MATCH #1-HANDICAP MATCH

Trump Spokesperson Kayleigh McEnaney vs. CNN’s Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter

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**DING-DING**

Both Tapper and Stelter remain on the mat.

Jim Acosta runs in…

*WHAM!*

…and joins them.

Don Lemon rushes down…

*WHAM!*

…yep, same result.

Kaitlan Collins…

*WHAM!*

…down and out.

Johnny Suave: “HERE COMES JEFF ZUCKER!”

The President of CNN rolls into the ring. He’s pissed and starts shouting at McEnaney.

The result?

*WHAM!*

Zucker finds himself careening through the ropes to the outside.

Crowder goes full on apoplectic now. “SHE CAN’T DO THAT!” she shouts at the top of her lungs.

McEnaney throws the chair down and drags Tapper on top of Stelter. She sticks her foot on top of the pile.

ONE.

TWO.

THREE!

**DING-DING-DING**

WINNER: Kayleigh McEnaney @ :30

Johnny Suave: “Kayleigh McEnaney just wiped out CNN!”

McEnaney grabs the microphone. She calls what just happened tonight “a therapy session for a broken network” Then McEnaney drops the chair and leaves.

Colleen Crowder: “Kayleigh McEnaney doesn’t get to determine what the truth is- that’s our job. We determine the truth. We determine the narrative. We determine the news the people need to see. We determine the way that the people should react.”

Johnny Suave: “Just like pro wrestling.”

Suave winks. Colleen just glares at her broadcast partner.

Johnny Suave: “That’s the problem. Most people would rather you just report the news and let us figure out how we feel about it.”

Crowder starts to respond. Suave cuts her off and runs down the rest of the card for tonight.

ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

MICHIGAN SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Gary Peters (Progressive Alliance) vs. John James (American Patriots)

SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE FACTION WAR GAMES HOUSE MATCH: Progressive Alliance vs. American Patriots

PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Kathryn Randall Collins (Progressive Alliance) vs. ‘Alaskan Rogue’ Sierra Whalen (American Patriots) vs. ��Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (American Heartland Coalition)

MAIN EVENT/PCW TITLE MATCH: ‘Starz N. Stripes’ Kevin Scott (American Patriots) vs. ‘Mr. Hollywood’ Kevin Daniels vs. ‘Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

PCW CEO Donald Trump (American Patriots) and challenger Joe Biden (Progressive Alliance)

Finally, either Donald Trump or Joe Biden will be chosen to become the CEO of PCW for the next four years.

Crowder says all the ingredients are there for a blue wave to sweep through PCW. Suave responds that we’ll find that out soon enough and sends it back to the ring for the second match of the night.

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MATCH #2-ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Martha McSally (American Patriots) vs. Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance)

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McSally returns after losing two years ago to Krysten Sinema at Extreme Election Night 2018. Can she pick up her first PCW win over former astronaut, and husband to Gabrielle Giffords, Mark Kelly? Or will Kelly continue the recent trend of Progressive Alliance wins in Arizona?

**DING-DING**

Johnny Suave: “And we are underway!”

Kelly and McSally circle. Wicked chop hits McSally and then she takes a headbutt from Kelly. Whip to the ropes – scoop slam to McSally by Kelly. Another whip to the ropes – McSally ducks – off the opposite ropes – Kelly evades a right hand – belly to back suplex to McSally. Cover. McSally kicks out. Kelly with a headlock – McSally reverses and takes down Kelly. McSally waits – and spears Kelly to the mat. Cover One – two – kick out. Waistlock by McSally – Kelly reverses and takes McSally down with a judo takeover. Leg drop by Kelly. Cover. One – two – NO! McSally gets the shoulder up. Kelly drags McSally up and pops her with a steel folding chairshot. McSally looks done. Kelly hooks the leg. One – two – NO! McSally kicks out before the 3.

Colleen Crowder: “That’s it! I’m calling the match for Mark Kelly!”

Johnny Suave: “The match is not even remotely close to being finished-“

Colleen Crowder: “Nope! It’s over!”

Kelly swings the chair again – McSally dodges. She goes springboard off the ropes and kicks the chair into Kelly’s face. Right hand by McSally drops her and the fans fire up! Kelly back up – McSally with a waistlock. Kelly escapes – but runs into a roll up. One – two – Kelly slips out in time and then decks McSally with a front kick. Cover. One – two – NO! McSally gets her shoulder up in time. McSally goes to the ropes and rushes at the champion. Kelly greets her with a chop that literally takes McSally right off her feet! McSally scrambles up – Kelly measures and SUPERKICK! McSally collapses to the mat. Cover. One – two – NO! And then a spinning knee from Kelly and again, McSally is down. One – two – NO! McSally miraculously escapes again. Kelly reels McSally in, but McSally wrenches free, only for Kelly to waistlock, spin and LARIAT! Hook of the the legs. One – two – NOOOOOOO!

Johnny Suave: “McSally kicked out at the very last second! It’s not over yet!”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope. We’ve already called it. The match is over.”

Shaking his head, Kelly methodically rolls out of the ring and pulls a table out from under. He sets the table up in the ring and brings McSally back to her feet – McSally fights out of a grapple and chops Kelly. Arm drag takedown by McSally and she goes top rope. Then…

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! THAT’S ARIZONA SECRETARY OF STATE KATIE HOBBS!”

Hobbs (Progressive Alliance) to ringside. She goes to McSally and shoves her off the top rope. McSally flies and goes through a table.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Now it’s Kelly’s turn. Kelly sets McSally up on his back. Gory Special sends McSally face first to the mat and shook the ring. Kelly covers. One….two….THREE!!

WINNER OF ARIZONA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Mark Kelly (Progressive Alliance) @ 7:54

The referee hands Kelly the medallion.

Johnny Suave: “McSally did everything she could. Katie Hobbs’s interference helped swing the match to Mark Kelly.”

Crowder is blatantly cheering on the result. She’s going full on gloat.

Colleen Crowder: “What did I tell you Johnny? We called the match and we were right! Blue Wave baby, Blue Wave! First Martha McSally, next Lindsey Graham.”

Suave expresses skepticism about Graham losing tonight.

Colleen Crowder: “The polls and our narrative say Graham’s going down.”

CALIFORNIA DREAMING California Governor Gavin Newsom. No mask. Dining out with some ‘friends’ inside a swanky restaurant while normal Californians are subjected to strict guidelines against large gatherings and ‘staying home.’

Newsom makes a plea for Joe Biden to bring PCW to California.

Suave notes that Dawn McGill is on record as stating that as long as she’s the owner, PCW will never set foot in California.

Gavin Newsom: “Joe. When you win later on tonight and become the new PCW CEO, don’t forget that California is open for business!”

In the background, an endless parade of moving trucks pass by.

Newsom says forget holding PCW shows in rednecky bars out in the middle of Nowheresville USA-California is the place PCW should be. He hails California as the home of Silicon Valley, Hollywood, the Pacific Coast, Disneyworld-

Johnny Suave: “Closed. Employees laid off.”

Gavin Newsom: “And-“

Johnny Suave: “Choking regulations that is driving business out of the state.”

Several moving trucks honk as they drive past.

Suave also notes an average California home costs $440,000 (two–and–a–half times the average national home price of $180,000) and that the average monthly rent is about $1,240 (50 percent higher than the rest of the country-$840 per month).

Behind Newsom, Elon Musk looks at him with disgust. Then he leaves and hops on a moving truck.

Gavin Newsom: “With all that, it’s no wonder that California is the place to be. So come to California, PCW. And, oh, make sure you bring your checkbook…”

Suddenly, the electricity goes out and the restaurant is left in total darkness.

Gavin Newsom: “…so you too can live the California dream!”

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MATCH #3- SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH:

Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) vs. Jaime Harrison (Progressive Alliance)

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Colleen Crowder: “Our polls say that Lindsey Graham is in trouble. I predict he’ll fall before the big Blue Wave that’s coming!”

Johnny Suave: “Well? We’ll find out in just a moment. Will this be Lindsey Graham’s biggest battle yet? Will Jaime Harrison bring the South Carolina Medallion to the Progressive Alliance?”

…Harrison goes waistlock – Graham elbows him away! He drives his shoulder into Harrison’s gut and drives him into the corner turnbuckle. Graham then with a forearm shot and runs at Harrison again – shoulder into the stomach topples him over. Cover. One – TWO!

Johnny Suave: “Harrison kicks out. But the surprise here is just how tenacious Lindsey Graham has been tonight about defending his South Carolina Medallion.”

Crowder calls Graham’s effort noble but futile. She still maintains that Harrison will win.

Graham doesn’t let up. Hip toss sends Harrison to the middle of the ring. Cover – One – TWO! Again Harrison kicks out. This time he rakes Graham’s eyes and whips him into the corner.

Colleen Crowder: “Here we go! Jaime Harrison is going to-“

Graham counters with a raised foot to the face. Graham waits – he launches himself at Harrison –LARIAT! Cover. One – two – THREE!

WINNER OF SOUTH CAROLINA SENATE MEDALLION MATCH: Lindsey Graham (American Patriots) @ 3:15

Johnny Suave: “And the answer is no. Crowder was not correct and Lindsey Graham wins comfortably.”

Suave turns to Colleen for her take on the match.

Colleen Crowder: “The match isn’t over yet, Johnny. We haven’t called it yet.”

Johnny Suave: “The referee just made the three count. It’s over.”

Colleen Crowder: “Nope. It’s not until we call it and say it’s over.”

JOE BIDEN INTERVIEW Shaking his head, Suave moves on. He recounts Extreme Election Night 2008 and 2012 where the then-owner of PCW came out after the main event and announced who would be the PCW CEO for the next four years.

VIDEO REPLAY: –2008. PCW Owner Bubba Jackson names Barack Obama (Progressive Alliance) as the winner and new CEO of PCW. He shakes hands with his opponent John McCain (American Patriots).

-2012. Jackson again names Obama as the winner. Obama’s opponent Mitt Romney (American Patriots) walks over and shakes hands with the returning PCW CEO.

Johnny Suave: “Then in 2016 after Dawn McGill took over ownership of PCW, Donald Trump defeated Hillary Clinton inside the ring to succeed Barack Obama. But tonight, we return to the old way.

Cut to: Outside Dawn McGill’s office.

Inside Dawn’s office. The Progressive Alliance’s Joe Biden.

Johnny Suave: During Extreme Election Night, the candidate is interviewed by the PCW owner.

The door opens. Biden and his candidate for Aide de Camp Kamala Harris emerges from McGIll’s office.

There’s a perfunctory handshake between McGill and Biden just outside her office that seems more than a little bit awkward.

Then Biden goes to the podium to talk briefly to his supporters. There’s eight of them on hand- socially distanced standing in appropriately separated circles.

Biden gives a brief statement and ends with…

Joe Biden: “We’re going to build back…um…to make better…changes so we can…change for the… better.”

He also added.

Joe Biden: “TRUNALIMUNUMAPRZURE!”

Scattered applause.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: Ladies and gentlemen. This is your next PCW CEO!

Johnny Suave: Next in to see PCW Owner Dawn McGill- the current CEO of Political Championship Wrestling, Donald Trump.

Crowder gives a thumbs-down to Trump and ‘boos.’

Cut back to outside Dawn McGill’s office.

TRUMP INTERVIEW Following Trump’s interview with McGill, he and his Aide de Camp Mike Pence exit her office- both smiling.

Trump and McGill share a more effusive handshake, again everyone all smiles.

Trump then goes to the podium and addresses the enthusiastic two hundred and fifty people who’ve crowded into a very tight area to hear him speak.

Colleen Crowder: Really? Where’s the social distancing? Where’s the masks? This is irresponsible.

Trump gives his break remarks and ends with…

Donald Trump: We are one movement, one people, and one family! Together we will make PCW great again!

Big cheers follow.

Cut back to Suave and Crowder.

Johnny Suave: “So Colleen, how’s that Blue Wave coming along?”

Colleen Crowder: “Shut up! The night isn’t over yet and we still haven’t called the Lindsey Graham-Jaime Harrison match.”

Johnny Suave: “I’ll make it easy for you. Graham has the medallion. He won. Harrison lost.”

Colleen Crowder: “But we didn’t call it-“

THE AMERICAN PATRIOT BOX Quick cut to the American Patriots’ box. The Coke Brothers-Charles and David, financiers and mover and shaker of the American Patriots, glares towards the ring from his suite. He plucks his phone from a suit pocket and punches in a number.

PROGRESSIVE ALLIANCE BOX Quick cut to the Progressive Alliance box. George Moros, big money spender and mover and shaker in the Progressive Alliance, has a sour look on his face as well.

TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH TIME Suave announces it’s time for the big three-way PCW Tag Team Title match.

First team out…

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

Pop. Big…big pop.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

The crowd erupts when the video screen shows the door to a dressing room in the back. A police escort is waiting at the door. One of the policemen knocks on the door.

Policeman: “Ms. Berg. It’s time.”

Colleen Crowder (voiceover): What do you mean it’s time? It’s time for what?

The door opens and eight male bodyguards walk out of the dressing room encircling a petite 95 pound woman and her executive assistant Melissa in the middle. The woman, dressed in a smart, dark business suit and heels, is busy talking on her cell phone. Melissa furiously scribbles down notes as the group makes their way towards the ring followed by P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit.

THUMP

THUMP-THUMP-THUMP

A huge roar greets the procession as it emerges from the back onto the stage and starts their way down the ramp. Two of the bodyguards use a fire extinguisher to create a fog like effect as the ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg walks through. Two others hold sparklers up in the air as she passes by.

Berg and her Executive Assistant Melissa leads Banks and Walstreit out to the stage.

Jill Berg Enterprises MGR: ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg ASST: Melissa P.M.C. Banks AGE: 30 / HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 230 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Bank Statement Overdraft Kirk Walstreit – ‘Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.’ AGE: 34 / HT: 6’ 2” WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY FIN: Stock Market Plunge

Berg leads the group down to the ring. Once inside the ring, Walstreit walks around holding up a velvet painting of ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit. Why? Who knows. That’s just what he does.

Next out…

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♫ “Do you hear the people sing? – Singing the song of angry men?”

The camera pans over to the Deplorable’s section of the arena. Ray McAvay and William Daniels Bryan high five while Charlie Blackwell and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido stands up from their seat.

Crowder is not happy to see them.

Colleen Crowder: “BOOOO! BOOOOO! These Deplorable idiots are the ones responsible for Donald Trump winning in 2016! BOOOOO!”

The Deplorables MGR: Bert the Janitor ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay HT: 6’ 3” WT: 215 HOME: Fort Stockton, TX FIN: McGill Bomb Valets: West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy William Daniels Bryan– ‘The Prairie Populist’ -4 time PCW Champion. Former PCW Television Champion HT: 5’10″ WT: 180, HOME: Platte, Nebraska / FIN: Cattle Mutilation or the Crane Kick SUBGROUP: General DeBauchery, Al Cahall, Nic Koteen

Also rising from their seats, General DeBauchery- who looks like a bizarre combination of the AWA’s Colonel DeBeers and Lt. Aldo from Inglorious Basterds, sporting a black captain’s hat right out of World War II, smoking a cigar and grinning obnoxiously, Al Cahall- sporting six pack abs…oh…that’s a six pack in front of his abs and the man smoking a cigarette in violation of several anti-smoking ordinances…as usual, Nic Koteen.

McAvay and Bryan stands up and edges towards the aisle. Blackwell, and Escondido follow. Then General DeBauchery, Cahall, and Koteen. Before McAvay and Escondido start to descend down the steps towards the rail separating the stands from the floor, McAvay turns around and gestures to the Les Miserables to join him.

The Deplorables rise up from their seats and line up behind him and Escondido as the pair start their way down towards the ring.

The camera spots West Texas Adult Entertainment Legends Dark and Stormy with their protégée Starbrite, all sporting the PCW Ray McAvay “Show Up. Punch In. Shut Up. Get to Work” baseball jersey, marching along with the other Les Miserables as McAvay and the procession head down to the ring.

McAvay, Bryan, Blackwell, Escondido, and the rest reach the steel barricade around ringside. One by one, they climb through the railing down to the floor and march towards the ring.

Then finally…

WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!

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The song opens with a full minute and a half of abstract acapella tones. The wrestlers already in the ring wonder what the hell is with the music.

They’d find out soon enough after another minute of somber keyboard strikes and overlaid whale calls.

Male Voice: “My name is Brock Cole Lee. You can call me the Vengeful Vegan. And I’m here to let you know one thing. It’s time for a new force to emerge. It’s time for someone to come in and take over. It’s time for us- the GREEN… WORLD…ORDER!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Brock Cole Lee: “That’s right. Boo us all you want. The bottom line is . . . the Green World Order is here and WE’RE CHANGING EVERYTHING!”

This excites Crowder.

Colleen Crowder: “They’re changing everything Johnny!”

Johnny Suave: “They’ve been saying that since 2005. I’ll believe it when I see it.”

Lee, his tag team partner GreenPete, and valet Peta from PETA- who spends most of the trip to the ring shouting at people for eating hamburgers and other assorted objectionable food.

Green World Order Valet: Peta from PETA GreenPete HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 195 / HOME: Los Angeles, CA FIN: Harpoon (modified spear or gore) ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 192 / HOME: New York City, NY FIN: The Juicer WITH: PeaceNick

All three teams in the ring now.

*********************************

MATCH #4-PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH:

Jill Berg Enterprises: P.M.C. Banks and Kirk Walstreit (American Patriots) vs. The Green World Order: GreenPete and ‘Vengeful Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee (Progressive Alliance) vs. The Deplorables: ‘Red Solo Cup’ Ray McAvay and ‘The Prairie Populist’ William Daniels Bryan (American Heartland Coalition)

*********************************

Johnny Suave: “This is NOT an elimination match. The first team who gets a pinfall will be the new PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “GO GREEN WORLD ORDER!”

P.M.C. Banks, McAvay, and GreenPete will start. Outside the ring, The ‘Queen of Greed’ Jill Berg watches with arms folded. The Green World Order’s PeaceNick chants peaceful, pacifistic mantras while Peta continues to berate people at ringside for eating meat. The Deplorables at ringside clap their hands and cheer on McAvay and Bryan.

Brock Cole Lee and Kirk Walstreit taunt each other on the ring apron. Banks and GreenPete do a lot of talking while McAvay and Bryan confer. Banks shoves GreenPete. GreenPete shoves Banks. Head butt by GreenPete staggers Banks. He slams him down. Cover. One – two – McAvay makes the save.

Banks rolls out of the ring. GreenPete tags out to Brock Cole Lee who tells Banks to get his ass back into the ring. Banks and Walstreit talk strategy outside the ring with Jill Berg. Finally, a ten count begins and Banks returns.

Banks ties up with McAvay. McAvay gets leveled from behind by Lee. Banks decides he’s had enough and tags out to Kirk Walstreit. Walstreit rushes in – Lee gets a takedown. Waistlock by Lee – he holds on as Walstreit tries to escape. McAvay back up and he’s got a chair thanks to his tag partner. *WHAM!* Walstreit then German Suplexes Lee. Oklahoma Roll – one – two – GreenPete in for the save. Bryan tags in and he connects on a mat slam to Walstreit. He covers. One – two – BANKS MAKES THE SAVE! Lee tags GreenPete back in. Bryan and Walstreit duel – MULE KICK by GreenPete connects. Walstreit lets go – he dives for the corner – NO! GreenPete pulls him back at the last second. Lee clocks Bryan from behind with a steel folding chair and then throws him out of the ring. Banks tags in for Walstreit. GreenPete kicks Banks around the ring. Banks down. He tries to get to his corner but Walstreit stomps away with kick after kick after kick. The referee starts a five count – GreenPete stomps more. Then he goes back suplex but Banks lands on his feet. He ducks two more kicks from GreenPete and hits a DESPERATION BANK STATEMENT OVERDRAFT.

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Colleen Crowder: “THAT CAN’T BE LEGAL!”

Suave assures her it is and that GreenPete is down and in big trouble.

Crowd on their feet. But Banks can’t make the pinfall on GreenPete. Both men crawl to their corners – hot tags to Brock Cole Lee and Walstreit! Lee and Walstreit exchange right hands. Lee decks Walstreit with a right hand.

Outside the ring, Jill Berg strolls over and… *SMACK* unleashes a vicious spinning heel kick to an unsuspecting GreenPete and knocks him out cold.

Colleen Crowder: WHAT? WHAT IS SHE DOING?

PeaceNick looks on in horror and starts to protest. Berg calmly walks over to him and *SMACK* …you guessed it.

Johnny Suave: Getting in some martial arts training during the match?

We hear Crowder’s overly audible ‘huff’ following Suave’s remark.

Now Bryan back in and he’s looking for anyone in a green shirt. He ducks a Lee clothesline and runs the ropes. Bryan ducks a second clothesline – stops, spins around – SLEEPER! Lee spins around and tries to get Bryan off his back. Lee slams Bryan into the corner turnbuckle. And again. A third time – Bryan is scraped off. Banks give him a stomp and then clocks Lee. GreenPete in the ring and runs and SPLASHES Banks in the corner. Banks down. Cover by Bryan. One – two – WALSTREIT MAKES THE SAVE! Bryan goes after Banks. Lee scoop slams Bryan. Cover. One – two – BRYAN GETS THE SHOULDER UP!

Bryan slips through Lee’s legs and tags McAvay back in. Both Deplorables hook up Banks, then hit a double suplex. McAvay’s cover. One – two – NO! Banks kicks out. Lee shoves McAvay out of the way and hits a spinning neckbreaker on Banks. Cover. One – two – Banks again kicks out. Banks reverses a hip toss – steps back – SUPERKICK TO BROCK COLE LEE! Lee down. Banks rolls over. One – two – Lee kicks out. Banks tags Kirk Walstreit back in. Flying elbow off the top rope by Walstreit takes Lee down again. He covers. One – two – 2.999!

Johnny Suave: “RAY McAVAY MAKES THE LAST SECOND SAVE!”

McAvay goes for the cover. But two masked men hit the ring and tackle him.

Johnny Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE! IT’S LOAF!”

League of Anti-Fascists aka…LOAF Ted HT: 5′ 11″ WT: 180 / HOME: Portland, OR FIN: Chaz HT: 6′ 1″ WT: 205 / HOME: Seattle, WA FIN:

McAvay tries to fight LOAF off – but Ted throws McAvay over the top rope to the floor. Then LOAF hop over the top rope and splashes McAvay and Bryan on the floor.

Colleen Crowder: “This is payback Johnny. Payback for what McAvay and Bryan did four years ago to help Donald Trump become the CEO of PCW and it’s ABOUT TIME!”

The Deplorables come to McAvay and Bryan’s aid and LOAF has to bail out.

Johnny Suave: “But the damage is done. Both McAvay and Bryan are down.”

Not for long though, McAvay drags himself up.

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “HOLY CRAP! JILL BERG JUST TOOK OUT RAY McAVAY WITH A SPINNING HEEL KICK!”

*SMACK*

Johnny Suave: “AND WILLIAM DANIELS BRYAN, TOO!”

This makes Crowder happy.

Colleen Crowder: “Again, it couldn’t have happened to better people.”

Walstreit again goes top rope – flying ax-handle drives Lee back down. Cover. One – two – NO! Lee ejects Walstreit to the middle of the ring. Walstreit with a waistlock – Lee reverses – backdrop to Walstreit. Cover. One – two – Walstreit slips out. P.M.C. Banks runs in. He slams Lee down. Walstreit comes over. Set. DOUBLE SUPERKICKS!! Lee is out of his feet. Walstreit in – STOCK MARKET PLUNGE! COVER! ONE – TWO- THREE! NEW CHAMPIONS!

WINNER AND **NEW** PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Jill Berg Enterprises @ 14:05

Johnny Suave: “Jill Berg Enterprises win!”

Colleen Crowder: “Again, they have not. We have not called the-“

The referee hands Walstreit and Banks the PCW Tag Team title match.

Johnny Suave: “Walstreit and Banks hold up their new title belts!”

Colleen Crowder: “They can’t do that! This match hasn’t been called yet!”

Johnny Suave: “Breaking news! The new PCW Tag Team champions put on their new title belts signifying that they are, in fact, the NEW PCW Tag Team champions.”

Colleen Crowder: “Don’t you dare mansplain to me!”

Johnny Suave: “Okay. We are going to go right to our next match. A special bonus match for the Alabama Senate Medallion between the Progressive Alliance’s Doug Jones and former Auburn Head Football Coach Tommy Tuberville of the American Patriots.”

Colleen Crowder: “That’s another win for the Progressive Alliance.”

Suave rolls his eyes and waves her off.

Cut to a quick video of the match:

VIDEO-Alabama Medallion Match: Doug Jones (Progressive Alliance) vs. Tommy Tuberville (American Patriots) Tuberville is having little trouble with Jones.

Voice Offscreen: “Hold on Johnny. Stop the video.”

SHOWSTOPPERS Arriving at the broadcast table: Pennsylvania State Attorney General Josh Shapiro, Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson, and former Georgia Gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams- all from the Progressive Alliance.The group inform Suave that the show is going to be stopped for the moment.

Johnny Suave: “Stopped? But why?”

Josh Shapiro: “Look. This is the first show back. The production crew is tired. They’re getting back into the flow of things. So we will pick up the show on Sunday evening with the conclusion.”

Colleen Crowder: “When Joe Biden will become the new PCW CEO!”

Shapiro nods to Crowder.

Josh Shapiro: “When Joe Biden will become the next CEO of PCW.”

Johnny Suave: “I guess we will be back with Part Two of PCW Extreme Election Night 2020 on Sunday night! For Colleen Crowder-“Colleen Crowder: I am more than capable of saying goodbye. I don’t need a man to-Johnny Suave: Good night everyone!

Cut to:

EPILOGUE Darkened room. Dim light.

Shadows move around.

George Moros- billionaire financier of the Progressive Alliance.

The Coke Brothers- billionaire financiers of the American Patriots.

A door opens. Then closes.

Charles Coke: Sarah.

The woman is Sarah Lenti, executive director of the Lincoln Project- a group of American Patriots and former American Patriots dedicated to preventing Donald Trump from winning a second term as PCW CEO.

Sarah Lenti: What the hell is going on! I thought you had things under control.

David Coke: Sarah, I know things haven’t exactly gone to plan-

Sarah Lenti: Not gone to plan? Dawn McGill is still in control of PCW with all her ‘PCW is for the people’ bull-*BLEEP*.

George Moros tries to reassure her.

George Moros: Look. We stopped the show for the evening. That gives us time to figure this out.

Sarah Lenti: Dawn McGill is going to hand the reins of PCW to Donald Trump for another four years!

George Moros: No she won’t. Clearly, it’s time to take this to the next level.

Moros pulls out a cell phone and hits a button.

George Moros: It’s time. Operation Dominion is in effect.

[‘Trumpet Concerto No. 2 in D major – 3 Allegro assai’ begins to play in the background and P-SPAN quickly cuts away to another political event.]

1 note · View note

shirtlesssammy · 5 years

Text

15x02: Raising Hell

Then:

Cousin Oliver’s Cousin Oliver makes his grand entrance, and we love him

Now:

The ghosts of Harlan, Kansas are contained, and most of the townsfolk are corralled in the high school 5 miles away. One daring resident, Nan, decides to check out things herself, and armed with nothing but her pashmina scarf, she scouts the town. Her neighbor, Rob, is there and, let me say, if he was that much of a weirdo in life, I would have moved across the country to get away from him. EEEk.

*Gratuitous Buckleming Bullshit Alert*

Nan is stabbed repeatedly by the ghost possessing Rob. And then the ghost makes a spelling bee funny.

And we laughed and laughed.

At the high school, Cas worries that they’re benzine cover story isn’t going to last much longer. One woman already disappeared. Chief!Sam steps up and makes an inspiring speech to the frustrated townspeople.

It’s kinda awkward? I think Sam is nervous about leading (and it breaks me a little to think about the trauma that he’s processing when he made this decision to lead again.)

FBI!Dean and Belphegor are patrolling the perimeter of the ghost circle. We learn that the ghost in the opening is Francis Tumblety, a.k.a. Jack the Ripper (*Boris puts on Sam Winchester nerd glasses*: No one actually knows who Jack the Ripper was, and he’s not “cool” Dean. Anyway, go read The Five, y’all.)

Some vigilante townspeople decide to take matters in their own hands and make a plan to go back to their houses.

*First Quarterly Meeting of the Harlan Ghosts Alert*

Francis Tumblety, President, opens the meeting with an announcement that they were all kicked out of Hell by God himself. Is it just me or did Hell make all these former people WAY dramatic, like they’re all taking part in a small town theater production?

Two of the vigilantes sneak past the quarantine zone barrier and are almost immediately greeted by two ghosts. Wherps.

Our favorite witch, Rowena, interrupts Sam and Cas arguing about how to handle the restless townsfolk. Rowena throws her usual love towards Castiel. I think Cas is getting used to it. (And way to deflect your real desire to just chit chat with Sam, Rowena.) Sam asks Rowena about building another soul bomb. They need something to collect the ghosts in.

Before too much flirting can happen, they’re interrupted. There’s a situation.

Sam rushes to Dean and Belphegor. They’ve found the two possessed townspeople. Sam starts talking to them like they were just totes normal staring at them. Their eyes start bleeding black goo and our intrepid heroes realize they’re possessed. Francis Tumblety pops up and demands to be released. The people possessed are tortured from the inside --and Sam and Dean just stand there. Shoot the ghost, dudes! Make him go away! Ah, that’s for HERO Ketch to do instead! Yay, Ketch! (I feel dirty just writing those words as a joke, and will now burn both my computer and my fingers for typing them.)

Back at the high school, the brothers discuss the AMAZING and COMPLETELY HELPFUL appearance of Ketch. Ugh. Rowena asks Sam for a Scotch (I mean, she says “Dear”, that’s Sam, right?) Ketch tries to set things right with the witch, but she “hasn’t forgotten” their past. (KILL HIM, QUEEN).

Ketch learns that Jack is dead and now we’re Team Belphegor. It seems that Ketch has been tasked with assassinating Belphegor. Awkward.

Meanwhile, in Reno, Amara’s living her best life. She’s getting a massage, when her derpy asshole brother makes an appearance. (Sidenote: I’m supposed to hate Chuck, but wtf? I can’t hate Rob! It’s physically impossible to not be charmed. Aagh. Oh, wait, he liked the ending to Game of Thrones. BURN HIM. But seriously, that’s some lovely shade, and it renews my faith that they’re going to stick the landing with Supernatural.)

Cas has to handle customer service for a bit, and quite frankly, he’s a fucking saint.

Rowena and Dean talk ingredients for her soul bomb spell, and Dean plays matchmaker for her and Sam! Specifically, he tells her to “find another boy toy” when she asks about Ketch, but she was just asking to learn what’s the best angle for killing him. Dean doesn’t know that though. Dean might be going through a messy break-up but he’s still making sure his brother is happy.

*DEANCAS ALERT*

Cas finds Dean in a room. Cas makes an awkward sports reference (HE’S JUST TRYING TO FIT IN, DAMNIT --also, I like to think he’s trying to throw a little levity into their awkward exchanges.) Dean’s pretty mad, and I’m pretty sure I read a few dozen coda fics with this exact dialog last week, lol. Dean’s mad about everything --his whole life has been a lie. Cas bites back, angry about Chuck killing Jack, but he makes it clear to Dean that what they’ve done over the years isn’t a lie.

Dean can’t believe they’ve ever had a choice in anything. Brb, crying in the corner. I’ll just leave this here for now:

Cas: Dean, you asked, “What about all of this is real?” We are.

(I can’t find it now but someone on sm compared this to “You idiot. You asshole..” and I am compromised.)

Later, Dean and Ketch walk the perimeter. Dean gives Ketch an iron chain to wear to keep ghosts away. They head to a Meat Packing warehouse, where the F in Dean’s FBI jacket disappears. Wherps. Ketch gets tossed around a bit, AND I’M HERE FOR THIS. Dean gets tossed a bit too so, no thank you. A voice tells the ghost to back off. KEVIN!

Dean tries to wrap his brain around Kevin, who was unfortunately sent to Hell instead of Heaven by good ol’ Chuck. Kevin reports that the barrier is fading, so they’re running out of time. He also boasts that he has a “bad boy rep” in Hell. You do you, I guess?

Chuck continues to be THAT GUY, hanging out in Amara’s hotel room and channel surfing. She tries to do yoga.

When he tries to convince her to jet off to another dimension, she refuses. “I am running a hot streak in craps. I like Reno. Everyone here is so not…you.” Amara senses that Chuck is…off. When she discovers his injured shoulder, she tells him that he’s weak and afraid.

Sam and Dean (and bonus Belphegor) assess the state of the barrier. Belphegor insists that the Winchesters can’t just shuttle Kevin off to Heaven. Once he’s been in Hell, he’s destined to stay there. (Can I just say, we’re basing this all off the word of a hinky demon? So IS this really canon truth, is what I wanna know?) (Boris: That wasn’t true for Bobby?)

In Reno, Chuck touches his bullet wound and hisses in pain. Sam cries out at the same time. Oof, TIED TOGETHER. Sam lies to Dean and tells him that he’s feeling better. Dean does his best inquisitive face.

The ghosts, meanwhile, are still hanging out in their weirdly vanilla home base. I can’t believe nobody’s painted viscera on the walls yet! Other Colonel Sanders stalks around, grandstanding about the failing warding and their plan to attack the weak points. Kevin flashes in. Our dear Kevin tries to act tough, but gets bullied by a bigger…ghost. (Suggestion: a ghost’s power isn’t inherently proportional to their size in life, but to their intelligence and mastery of their ghosty powers.) But WHATEVER the big, bully ghost puts a halt to Kevin’s plan to infiltrate the group pretty much immediately.

Rowena flirts (apparently, ugh) with Ketch while mixing potions in a science classroom.

As much as I love and support Rowena and want her to GET SOME whenever she damn well pleases, I find Ketch to be a tool through and through. It’d be different if she wanted something from him but…alas. There they are. They flirt with awkward magic versus science innuendo. Ketch strips a plug and jolts her potion. (Boris and I wander off, our hands shielding our eyes in second-hand embarrassment.)

Rowena races through the neighborhood with her soul trapping bespelled crystal. Other Colonel Sanders zaps in. He once had a relationship (ReALly?) with her and is appalled that she’s working for the Winchesters now. Ketch pops up and shoots the ghost while Rowena runs off. As Ketch stares off in the distance feeling very smug, the ghost zaps in behind him and knocks him out.

The Winchesters head in to the very beige suburban home to talk to the ghosts. Other Colonel Sanders threatens to kill Kevin, then sticks his hand in Kevin and starts to suck away his soul. Um. Okay, is this a ghost power now? Or is that how demons are made? Rowena uses that moment to suck several ghosts into her crystal, but it’s not enough. She’ll have to catch them one by one, practically. Kevin tells them about the barrier-busting plan, and they head out to survey it.

The ghosts manifest as little red balls of flame as they hit the barrier. Dean shoots at them like he’s playing a carnival game and is DESPERATE for the red cowboy hat at the top of the booth. Shooting them one by one is pretty fruitless, so Rowena’s called to the plate. Ketch escorts her to the front and I kinda want to punch him as he gestures for her to go ahead. Like, go eat a lemon and die, Ketch.

Rowena lets loose her ghostbuster ray and starts sucking in ghosts (through…the barrier?) but Ketch knocks her out. It turns out, he’s ghost-possessed! Sweet Dean Bean’s out of salt rounds and Ketch has the crystal now. He boasts about its power and how it’ll be the most perfect thing to break the wall. Dean shoots Ketch, knocking the ghost out of him, and Rowena sucks ‘em in.

Later, Ketch is getting loaded up into an ambulance (glad to see these random first responders are helping out right at the border of this freak gas leak). Cas tells Sam quickly that he tried to heal Ketch, but failed. Ruh roh, Cas!

Dean holds a conciliatory conversation with Ketch (to sad music) while Ketch gets hauled away. Ketch exchanges mournful glances with (EXHAUSTED SIGH) Rowena. Dodged a bullet there, Rowena.

Dean and Sam bid farewell to Kevin, who believes Belphegor’s line about Heaven’s no admittance policy. Kevin’s going to wander the world as a restless spirit, rather than head back to Hell. Belphegor zaps the warding, opening up a door-sized hole for him to go through. See you soon, we hope!

For Kevin Looks FINE Science:

Back with the gods, Amara heads out on her own. “I am willing to coexist with you, brother. …In the universe! Just not anywhere near you.” She tells him that he has little power against her now. Furthermore, he can’t leave the world without her help. “I’ve become the better me. And you are still the same. Petulant, narcissistic…” Amara is pleased that she’s been able to trap Chuck on the very world he’s trying to escape right now.