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jmagnabo92 · 1 year

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The Return of Snuffles

Part 12 of Mirror Talks. AO3

When Harry's upset by the events of the eavesdropping on Christmas Eve, he transforms into Snuffles allowing he and Sirius to spend the holiday having Padfoot and Snuffles adventures.

***

When Sirius enters Harry’s first bedroom, he’s expecting to see a very upset Harry. What he sees instead is a black Samoyed Puppy (barely over two years old in dog years) with green eyes and marks that look like Harry’s glasses and scars. Very clearly this dog is Harry.

What the fuck?

Sirius quickly steps into the room, leaving the door open (thanks to Harry’s confession about hating being locked in), Sirius could stop Kreacher from entering and give Harry the comfort of the open door.

“Harry? Kid?” Sirius asks.

Harry nods and looks at him pleadingly. He’s obviously upset, and uncertain about being in trouble at the transformation. Any other time Sirius would give him trouble for breaking his rule on being an Animagus, but right now, he’s more concerned about the fact that Harry is suddenly Snuffles, again.

“I’m not upset with you,” Sirius starts. “I just want to help you feel better.”

Harry whines and Sirius slowly approaches him. “Can you turn back for me so that we can talk?”

Harry whines and shakes his head.

“You can’t turn back, can you?”

Harry shakes his head.

Sirius frowns, “Is it because you don’t want to turn back?”

Harry nods.

Sirius sighs, “Alright, then. I’ll just talk, and you can, er, listen for now.”

Another nod as Sirius sits beside him and begins to pet him.

“You’re a gorgeous puppy, you know,” Sirius states. “Not that I ever doubted that you would be. You’re made of the two very gorgeous people.”

Harry snorts.

“Anyway, er, I don’t want to lie to you – they were listening to us the whole time. Molly’s giving them a long lecture I’m sure and has plans to punish them for the rest of the holiday, which will keep them away and too busy to spy on us, but it doesn’t change what happened,” Sirius states.

Harry whines.

“I know – I know. It’s unfair that they spied on us, and they know things that you probably never wanted them to know. About your feelings, about your life before, about anything that you didn’t share with them for a reason. You have the right to share or not share anything in your life and now, they took that away from you.”

Sirius is so angry at the other kids, but he needs to reassure Harry, or he won’t change back to himself.

“But that doesn’t mean that you have to talk to them about anything that you told me. You can just pretend that they don’t know and eventually, they’ll forget the details that you didn’t want to share. They may apologize, they may pity you for a while, but it’ll go away. And I’ll talk to them to make sure that they do their best to not treat you any differently.”

Harry seems to understand with his slight nod.

“Feeling better?”

Harry nods, again.

“So, why don’t you change back?” Sirius asks, hopefully.

Harry shakes his head. Evidently, still upset enough to want to be Snuffles. Sirius understands the impulse. He’s spent enough time as Padfoot to understand the lure of dulled feelings when you’d otherwise be overwhelmed.

“Alright, then,” Sirius sighs. “I suppose that I could just talk about what I was thinking during the discussion – if you’d like?”

Harry nods, looks up at him, pleadingly.

Sirius nods, “Don’t worry, I’m not upset at you for any of it, but well…”

***

Sirius had talked late into the night about his thoughts during Harry’s long explanation of how he almost died half a dozen times in two years and continued discussing the specifics of things that worried him. In an effort to make him feel much better, Sirius discussed his favorite moments that Harry thought were embarrassing or funny before turning into Padfoot and falling asleep.

When he wakes on Christmas morning, he’s dismayed and surprised to find Harry still as Snuffles. Sirius transforms and says, “Morning, kid or should I say, pup. You have to change back now.”

Harry shakes his head.

“You can’t enjoy Christmas as a dog.”

Harry snorts and wiggles his head as if to ask, ‘Says who?’

“It’s not that fun being a dog all the time,” Sirius tries. “I’ve been there – there’s all sorts of downsides…”

Harry, having none of it, jumps on Sirius knocking him back and tickles him with his dog breath and licking his face all over. A moment later, he jumps off the bed, barks, and rushes out the door and down the stairs.

“Kid!” Sirius yells, but it’s no use. Figuring it’s easier to rush after him as Padfoot, Sirius transforms and follows Harry down the stairs and into the kitchen where the Weasleys, Hermione, Remus and Tonks are currently trying to figure out who the dog is and incorrectly assuming that it’s Sirius. As soon as he enters the kitchen, everyone turns to him.

“Sirius?!”

When he transforms back into himself, he hears Remus say, “I told you that this dog isn’t Padfoot. I know him rather well.”

“No, that would be Harry. Who’s somehow managed to transform spontaneously and is refusing to turn back,” Sirius states, crossing his arms and looking at Harry with a frown. Harry whines before moving to the offered food from Ginny.

“He’s so cute!” Ginny gushes, and Harry, clearly pleased, wags his tail. “Such a good doggie!”

“He’s not supposed to be a dog – let alone a cute dog,” Sirius states, bothered by Harry’s refusal to be human. “I still don’t even know how he managed it because he was already Snuffles when I got to his room last night and he won’t transform back.”

“Are you sure he can?” Remus asks. “There was more than one time when we couldn’t and if Harry’s doing the same thing he did when he was a baby…”

“I’m sure that he can – he just doesn’t want to,” Sirius states. He gives Remus a look trying to explain why Harry’s heightened desire to escape into Snuffles, and he gets it. There’d been more than one time (especially recently) where Sirius had turned into Padfoot and refused to change until he could handle his emotions and could deal with them as a normal human being.

“Ah, I see. In that case, maybe he just needs some more time,” Remus offers. “Puppy time with Padfoot.”

“Lucky me,” Sirius mutters, half-heartedly. It wasn’t like he didn’t miss the time that he played with Harry as a puppy way back when, but he hadn’t expected Christmas (their first Christmas together) to be about puppy playtime. As if to encourage this line of thought, Harry moves away from Ginny (who had kept feeding him) to Sirius and licks at his hand, looking up at him, pleadingly. “This kid, I swear,” he says, fondly.

Sirius moves to transform when Molly says, “Wait! I know it’s your choice, but are you sure that it’s a good idea to encourage this?”

Sirius could tell that Molly is genuinely offering some concern, and not trying to push her views on his parenting at all, so he needs to explain – especially given his rather stern rule about having to wait until seventeen to even attempt it.

“After what happened yesterday, and what’s been going on in his life, I think he just needs to the break. A break from having to deal with complicated, unhappy emotions. Being a dog helps with the overwhelming emotions,” Sirius explains, noting the ashamed faces on the kids’ faces. Good. “I think being Snuffles for a day or two will really help him in the long run. Don’t worry, I’m still going to talk him through the difficult bits that caused him to retreat, but I think right now – this is what’s best for him. He can turn back anytime he wants, so it’s obvious that he wants to be Snuffles this Christmas.”

Molly nods, uncertainly, as Harry pulls on Sirius’ sleeve, evidently wanting Padfoot back. “Alright, alright. Happy Christmas everyone.”

With that, he’s back to Padfoot and follows Harry throughout the house and teasing and playing. Remus conjures a few dog toys and the kids, given the day off for the holiday, also attempt to play with them for a little while.

Until, of course, they head to St. Mungo’s. Harry can’t go as a dog and stubbornly refuses to change back so instead Remus and Tonks modify their looks to take Harry and Sirius in their dog forms to the park.

***

Sirius can’t help that he’s happy despite being Padfoot for Christmas. He and Harry enjoy running around in the snow, playing with the various toys that Remus had conjured and enjoying the photos that he and Tonks keep randomly taking. He couldn’t wait to put them in another album – Padfoot and Snuffles Adventures.

Seeing Tonks flirting with Remus, Sirius and Harry decide to mess with them by sneaking around behind them and knocking them into the snow before barking and running away slightly.

“Oi! You mutts! Get back here!” Remus yells.

Tonks is too busy laughing since she doesn’t care about falling in the snow since she’d already fallen twice just on the way to the park. “They’re having fun – it’s nice.”

“Uh-huh, you just don’t care because you were already wet from the snow,” Remus retorts as he gets up and dusts the snow off of himself.

Tonks smiles, “Oh, come on, it’s just a little snow and Padfoot hasn’t been out of the house in months.”

Although not true, Sirius is quite glad that she’s defending him.

“Fair, and it is the holidays,” Remus states, smiling. “Guess if anyone deserve some fun it’s these two.”

Sirius barks, cheerfully, as Harry tosses the tug-o-war rope at him. Evidently, his kid wants his attention.

Remus smiles, “Go play with Snuffles, Padfoot. He wants your attention.”

Sirius shakes his head playfully just as Harry digs into the snow to cover him with it because he wasn’t playing with him. Barking, he chases after Harry, who takes off, and reminds him that he’s getting a bit old for all this because he’s not even close to catching him.

Damn, his kid has far too much energy, but at least he’s having fun.

***

Eventually, they make it back to the house, where they gather for dinner since the Weasleys have returned home. Molly had transfigured the food to be edible by dogs to make it easier for them to eat dinner, despite being disappointed that Harry wouldn’t turn back (of course, they still begged for more, which George and Ginny were happy to sneak them).

Afterward, they lounge by the fire in the sitting room. Well, at least, Sirius as Padfoot is lounging in front of the roaring fire. Harry as Snuffles, on the other hand, is trying very hard to get an exhausted Padfoot to play with him. Sirius shakes his head at Harry, who clearly doesn’t care because he keeps putting the toy on top of Sirius’ head.

“Has he been like that all day?” Ginny asks, carefully. The kids had returned from the visit with Arthur at the hospital with the news that they’d run into Lockhart and Neville, but Harry hadn’t been terribly interested. Anytime someone tried to tell him what happened, he’d run to someone else with a toy to get them to play. He keeps trying to get someone – anyone to play with him – preferably Sirius.

“Hmm-mm, he’s still technically a puppy, so energy level is higher than normal,” Remus explains. “Believe me, it took becoming about twenty-one, which is three in dog years, before Padfoot settled down. Then again, it might’ve happened a bit earlier given Padfoot’s entertaining of Snuffles whenever he could.”

“Hmm-mm, that’s interesting,” Hermione states. “That means that it depends on the animal and human life spans to determine certain things. Harry’ll be an adult in less than two years, but his animal form would still recognize him as a child version of that animal for another almost seven years.”

Remus nods. “It was always interesting because Prongs didn’t have that issue and neither did the rat, I suppose McGonagall would only be able to answer if cats’ lives are different – the whole nine lives thing and all.”

Sirius snorts. Cats’ lives weren’t any different, just dogs’ lives.

“Obviously, Sirius thinks differently. He’s always argued that dogs are thousands of times better ever since James bought Lily a cat for her end of schooling present,” Remus states, giving Sirius a smirk.

Sirius hated that cat. Despite the fact that they were all moving into the house gifted to them by James’ parents, and Sirius’ well-known hate of cats, James had insisted that he buy a gift for Lily as well. He’d bought Sirius’ leather jacket as an end of schooling present, so the kitten was on the same level and was the only thing she wanted.

Remus, now knowing that Sirius lived with James and Lily for the most part, finds the whole kitten debacle a lot funnier. Sirius growls, slightly.

“Oh, come on, you don’t find it funny that James bought the kitten despite knowing that his best mate’s literally a dog,” Remus laughs. “The best mate that practically lived with them?”

Sirius glares at him as the others laugh. Of course, he couldn’t say that it’s worse knowing that James had bought the kitten that Sirius would be forced to live with and that the kitten quite hated whenever he and Harry had their puppy days. Harry as a puppy had not understood that that he shouldn’t chase the cat around and Sirius often had to protect the damn thing. It makes him furious to think about that stupid cat until, that is, he remembers the moment that James gave Lily a basket with the kitten – the cute little bow and the way she hugged her. She always wanted a cat and believed that Sirius’ love for James and James’ love for Sirius would mean that she’d never get one.

He rolls his eyes and looks at Harry, who’s giving him a confused look. Probably because he doesn’t understand Remus’ joke since Sirius never mentioned that he technically did live with them or the cat in his stories. Although the stories that he told Harry should’ve obviously implied that Sirius was present in their home more often than not.

Sirius puts his right paw on Harry’s to convey that once Harry becomes human, again, he’ll explain more about their lives together. He’d been so focused on helping Harry through his troubles at school that he hadn’t been able to give him the stories and understanding of his parents that he clearly wants.

Harry nods and nudges his head as if to say that he understands. With the mirrors, even when Harry’s holidays end, they have the opportunity to talk about a lot of different things.

“This is insane,” Hermione states, clearly frustrated. She’d been the one most vocal about trying to get Harry back to his human self. “Why don’t you just turn into yourselves and then you can have a real conversation that isn’t done through nudges and looks?”

Harry growls at her, which makes sense because he wouldn’t want to her or any of the kids to be able to listen in, again, and the reason that he’s choosing to be a dog rather than himself is based solely on the fact that he doesn’t want to communicate while others can hear him. This way the only person that can understand Harry is Sirius.

“I think the whole reason he’s Snuffles is because he doesn’t want to talk, Hermione,” Ginny offers, obviously understanding the issue. “I mean – the only one he wants to talk to is Sirius or Padfoot. And Padfoot’s the only one that can communicate with him now, so being Snuffles is, specifically, so he doesn’t have to talk to the rest of us.”

“It’s still ridiculous.”

“Maybe it is – maybe it isn’t, but I think this should at least remind us how badly we screwed up yesterday,” Ginny states, picking up one of the dog toys and throwing it across the room for Snuffles to chase. Harry runs off after it, his tail wagging excitedly.

Sirius is glad that at least someone gets it as Harry comes bounding back to tease Ginny with the toy by running in circles around her.

“That’s not you play fetch, Snuffles!” Ginny teases. “Surely, you know this.”

Harry shakes his head, barks playfully, before taking the toy and dropping it onto the chess game, knocking over several pieces, where Ron and George are currently playing.

“What are you doing?” Ron asks, looking between the toy and Harry.

Harry nudges the toy and George taking the hint, picks it up and throws it to Ginny. Obviously not happy about that Harry runs over to Ginny and attempts to take it back, playing tug of war and losing. Sirius shakes his head, evidently, Harry’s still learning how to play this game as a dog. Thus, Sirius gets up and manages to steal it from both of them in less than a minute, choosing to run away with it.

Ginny’s yelling for Padfoot, Snuffles is barking and somehow, Sirius manages to evade all of that and run right into Fred, who gets the toy back. Damn it.

Sirius is forced to turn around and attempt to get the toy back. Fred throws it to Ginny, who throws it to George, then it goes to Bill. They continue this throwing the toy around until Harry as Snuffles and steals it, taking off towards the stairs only to run headlong into Remus.

“Do you really think that you should be running up and down the stairs?” Remus questions.

Snuffles gives him the puppy dog eyes and nods. Padfoot snorts.

“Maybe we should take them to the park, again,” Tonks offers. “Give him more space to play given how much energy he appears to have.”

“Oh, can we mum?” Ginny asks, excitedly.

Molly looks uncertain when Bill offers, “We could use some spells to disguise ourselves and it is Christmas.”

Harry’s wagging his tail, excitedly, and Molly looks at Sirius, who nods. Apparently, he’s going to go play in the snow some more.

“Alright then, I suppose it’s okay.”

***

The walk to the park had already tired Sirius out. He’s been playing with Harry as Snuffles all day, quite literally, and is overall exhausted. At least Bill manages to encourage the other kids to distract Harry by playing with him and allowing Sirius to lay in the snow beside Remus.

“Seems like you’re getting old, Padfoot,” Remus comments.

Sirius glares at him. He was not old, just a bit tired. He hasn’t been this active in months. Usually, he spends his time laying about the house just waiting for a lame Order meeting or his favorite person calling him to discuss the crazy things happening to his kid at Hogwarts.

Remus laughs, “You know glares are entirely useless when you’re Padfoot. We both know you’d rather get your tummy rubbed or pets than actually doing anything to hurt anyone.”

Sirius growls, lightly. Even though he knows that he absolutely wouldn’t hurt anyone – glare, growling or not.

“See?” Remus asks, petting his head. “Anyway, I think you’re getting old.”

Sirius shakes his head. He’s only thirty-six, that’s not old – it’s just that Harry’s fifteen and a lot more energetic than Sirius currently is. Obviously, Harry’s missing the opportunity to be the kid that he should’ve gotten to be when he was younger and living it now. He’s happy for his kid – he just wishes that he hadn’t needed to turn into Snuffles to be this happy. Poor kid.

“You know, I am a little concerned about this situation – Harry deserves the peace that he is clearly feeling as Snuffles, but it is not good for either of you to hide away as dogs just to deal,” Remus states, plainly.

Sirius whines to tell Remus that he understands. He’s concerned, too. It’s just that Harry’s been through so much – he probably needs this escape. Typically, he’d go flying, but every time he does outside of practice, the Slytherins show up to aggravate him. He’s lucky that nothing has happened to take that little bit of happiness away from him and Sirius is sure that it’s only a matter of time.

Remus sighs. “I know he’s having a tough time, and that he’s gone through a lot recently, but retreating into being a dog is concerning – it’s concerning when you do it and it’s concerning when he does it. Especially when he’s not even an Animagus, yet.”

Sirius nods, but then, gets distracted by Harry running over and dropping the toy, nudging it to Sirius to get his attention. Obviously, he wants Sirius to play with him. Sirius shakes his head and gives the toy to Remus, who throws it.

Harry looks disappointed but follows his dog instincts to go after the toy.

“I think he wanted you to play with him,” Remus laughs.

Sirius gives him a look. He’s well aware that Harry wants to play with him, he’s just tired. Especially given that Harry gets the toy and runs passed all of the kids to Sirius and drops the toy at his feet.

Sirius goes to give it to Remus when Harry stops him, growling slightly.

“Told you – he wants you to play,” Remus laughs.

Fine.

Sirius grabs the toy, and then spins around to throw it. He and Harry both take off after it, although Harry gets there first and offers it, again, to him. This repeats until George yells, “Oi! You’re not supposed to play with each other, you’re supposed to play with us!”

Harry looks disgruntled as Sirius tosses the toy to George, who throws it leaving the two of them to chase after it. Naturally, Harry gets there first and offers it to Sirius, only to be teasing because a second later he runs and gives it Ginny.

“You’re so cute!” Ginny coos, which causes Harry to be pleased and wag his tail. Sirius would laugh at him, if not for, “And so are you.”

Sirius can hear Remus laughing at him even from fifty yards away. He growls.

“Oh, please, I’m not scared of you,” Ginny laughs as she throws the toy to Ron, distracting Harry, who takes off after it.

He growls, again. Even though they both know Sirius wouldn’t hurt her. Not after learning what happened with the Chamber of Secrets. Molly would have his head.

She laughs, again. “Come on, I can’t be afraid of a bloke that has literally spent the entire day as a dog just to keep his godson – kid or pup – happy. On Christmas. And besides, even if Padfoot’s pretty big, I know he’s not actually vicious.”

He glowers at her before he suddenly finds himself flat in the snow because Harry’s jumped on him. He growls at Harry, who yips happily and offers him the toy in a very clear play with me message.

This kid is lucky Sirius loves him so much.

***

It’s much later, Sirius and Harry are back in Harry’s room when Harry changes back to himself. Harry immediately hugs him, “Happy Christmas, Pads.”

Sirius, who’d been about to give him a what-for since it’s the first time he’s sure that Harry isn’t being overwhelmed from new instincts, melts completely. “Happy Christmas, kid.”

“I know that I deserve to get into trouble for being Snuffles, but can I – can I please just keep being Snuffles for a few days?” Harry questions, giving him puppy dog eyes.

“Oh, Harry,” Sirius sighs as he sits down on the bed heavily. “It’s not good for you to hide yourself from whatever pain that you’re feeling by being Snuffles.”

“I know – I know, but it’s the best I’ve felt for months. I mean, even flying and defying Umbridge with the DA, I just – I haven’t felt good. I haven’t been able to just enjoy life – every moment I’m always worried that something’s going to happen, and my happiness will be gone, again. I mean, I can’t write to you, I can’t visit Hagrid, I can’t make a move without someone somewhere listening in or trying to get me in trouble. I thought I was safe here with you and then, what happened… I just …”

Harry looks down at his feet, obviously upset and worried about Sirius’ reaction.

Sirius pulls him beside himself on the bed. He puts an arm around his shoulders. “I’m sorry that you’re in so much pain. I wish I could erase it for you, but I can’t – and being Snuffles only puts it off. It doesn’t erase anything; it just postpones the pain.”

“I know that. I do. I just,” Harry sighs. “When I came back to my room yesterday, all I wanted was to be able to enjoy my holiday without being pestered by my friends or seeing the pity in their eyes. I didn’t want to deal with any of what happened.”

“And are you ready to deal with it now?”

Harry shakes his head, “I was actually hoping that maybe – just a little more time?”

Sirius is extremely uncertain about this. Giving Harry permission to run away from his problems probably isn’t for the best, and yet, his heart aches for his kid, who very clearly wants the escape. Something he wouldn’t get to do once he went back to school.

“Please,” Harry begs. “I know that I have to deal with it, but just a few days. I promise by the new year that I won’t do it anymore.”

“A whole week?” Sirius questions, alarmed. “No, I am sorry, I can’t let you be a dog for a week. What about just tomorrow?”

Harry frowns, “Five days.”

“Two days,” Sirius offers, aware that he shouldn’t be negotiating with his kid on using his pseudo dog form to escape his difficult life.

“Four.”

“Three. That’s it – no more, and it really should be less,” Sirius states, sternly.

Harry grins, “Thanks, Pads. I love you.”

Sirius smiles, “I love you, too. And we will be talking about your issues in a few days when you aren’t going to escape into Snuffles.”

Harry sighs and nods. “You’re right. I should talk to you – and I want to – just in a few days.”

“And we will, just not now. Why don’t you go get cleaned up while I go tell the other Order members, so they don’t freak you that you’re still Snuffles in the morning.”

“Thanks, Pads,” Harry grins.

“Anytime, kid.”

#Sirius Black #Harry James Potter #Sirius and Harry Saturday #Sirius & Harry Bonding #Good Godfather Sirius Black #Padfoot #Snuffles #Christmas Fifth year

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