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#Can't believe I was 17 or so at the time wow!
notenoughmuses · 2 years
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alt! c:
Ooof so many to choose from....Shall I start from my early beginnings in 2005/06 (I was 11 when I found a Proboards called Flaming Passions (A horse and wolf rp site). It died out in my when I was 16/17 from low activity and older people posting super smutty things that shouldn't have been posted per Proboards rules) where one my horse characters unlived herself via a cliff cuz all her friends were dead ?
SOOO let's go with 9 years ago, I played Grantaire from Les Miserables. Under the name Sobergrandr. I dug up this old starter:
Sitting upright, his back too straight for his comfert. His black curley hair was the only thing that was still remoltely him. He stabbed at the lettuce with his fork, taking a bite of the lightly ceasered dipped lettuce Grantaire forced himself to listen to his father drone on and on about his life and how well his new investments where going.  Grantaire stared at his father, a blank expression rested on his face. 
“Answer me Kenneth.” Grantiare scowled at the use of his name. Kenneth Grantaire Tremblay. No one had ever called him by Kenneth excpet his father. No one liked that name but his father. Grantaire had changed his legal name to exclude Kenneth all together.  So Grantaire did not answer his father who looked cross until he sighed and gave in.  “Grantaire.” Hearing his name he looked up from his plate and spoke “I’m glad your investments bode well for you father.” Grantaire replied robotically.  He’d been too used to these conversations. “You’re majoring in business. So these investments bode well for you as well.” His father told him in a matter-of-fact way.  “Art, father” Grantaire told his father. “No, you majored in bu-”
“Art, I’m going to major in art."  His father was shocked. "Going to?! You haven’t-  Grantaire could feel his father glare at him as he cut his father off. "Picked a major yet, yes.” “You’ve been wasting these past two years?!!” Grantaire wanted to flinch and run away as his father’s voice raised. He had to be strong this time. I’ve finally found my passion" His father scoffed. “I’ve been right about you since you were in first grade.” His father paused, smirking at his son’s open mouth. “Worthless piece of shit, I should disown you.” Grantiare bite his tounge, trying not to lose his cool. “Then do it, go ahead!” He challenged his father.
"Your mother would kill me if she could hear me say that, so in her memory, I won’t…Yet.“ At the mention of his dead mother, Grantaire’s expression grew dark. "The only thing keeping me here is her.” He whispered bitterly. “Grantaire-” He cut off his father. “No.  You can go to hell. Fuck off. You’ve always treated me worse than a dog. Disown me, we’d both be better off.” He told his father who stalked to the table, grabbed his suit’s collar roughly, and threw Grantaire on the floor, pounding into Grantaire who tried to curl up into a ball. “You don’t talk to me like that until you grow up. Understand?!” Grantaire tried to run from the monster, he felt his leg get caught by his hand and was drug back. He soon felt his ribs re-break, new bones break and old wounds bled. Shit, shit. That was all Grantaire could think as he started to black out.
He woke up outside near his car, Grantaire struggled to get up and stumbled into the car, got in, and drove the hour-long trip back to campus, his body bruised and bleeding, his head felt foggy as he pulled into his apartment and once inside he broke out the closest bottle and downed the whole thing, he drank another bottle and reached for a third as he sent out drunken texts.  He didn’t know who he was sending them to, nor did he care.  After the third bottle, he could barely feel any pain coursing through his system. Oh, how he loathed himself right now.  His life was just one fucked up mess.
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itstheghostofmypast · 3 months
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Must Be Love
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Corporate Worker San x (F)Reader
Summary: Love, is an emotion so deep that once earned, it could change lives. Unfortunately, neither of the two had ever had the opportunity to feel love. Well, maybe he had, but having his heart thrown back at him, made him realise that the corporate world was far too busy, far too bitter and far too cold for a hardworking boy from Namhae- it was about time he accepted the bitter taste of reality.
Genre: Hurt/Comfort/Fluff
Warnings: Languages/ Insecurities (majorly of being alone)
Word Count: 21k
Est. Read Time: 1 hr
Rating: nc-17
Networks: @cromernet @k-labels
Banner: @cafekitsune
A/N: Only God and @edenesth know how this was supposed to be a timestamp, that turned into a oneshot that is so long- that I- I swear I don't even know why San has me in a chokehold.
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"All I'm saying is that speed dating does work for some people." The brunette claimed entering the elevator with the taller man who shook his head with a pout, pressing the parking button. Sure, speed dating worked for a few people, but those few people were rarely introverts, moreover, he did not have time for love. Love was a luxury he could not afford, especially after his last encounter with the villain, he believed that distancing himself from it would keep him safe, and keep him from hurting.
"Yeah...just not my thing," he mumbled, stepping out onto the concrete floor, their polished shoes scraping against the cement, echoing in the enormous parking lot. Sighing he looked over the fence, frowning at the jam below, "I hate Mondays", muttering to himself he turned to wave off Yeosang who smiled at him, before ducking down to enter his car, lowering the window once the engine was switched on, "I'm just saying San, you can't let her get to you forever."
"See you tomorrow Yeosang." with one final wave his friend drove off, as the man himself, got into his car, buckled up and decided to speed out, it didn't matter anyway, he'd be stuck in traffic but at least it'll be quick, it was already 9 pm, the sooner he could go home, the sooner he'd be in bed, ready to succumb to the solitude and silence at his apartment. 
Unfortunately, by the time he arrived, it was already 11 pm. Cursing under his breath he walked out of the elevator, so exhausted, so tired, so done with everything. A constant ringing in his ears only added to the discomfort, as he squinted at the hallway lights. Making his way down his corridor he reached his door until pausing, turning his head to find someone sitting at the door next to his, hugging her knees- was she...crying? All too suddenly the ringing disappeared, the lights around him became much bearable, the dull greys around him morphing into something else- San, stop. Clearing his throat, he looked at her, trying to get her attention, which he only got once he 'fake' coughed.
His curious gaze met with glossy doe eyes, and a tear-stained face stared up at him. Unknown to him, she had just come to the realisation that God really did do people favours, and one of those favours was creating a being like the one standing above her, with a gaze so soft she could almost feel it, his features sharp as a feline and not to mention those shoulders, damn what a beauty. She watched him blink at her slowly before turning around and- oh. He went inside.... wow.
With a snort, she shook her head-that was anti-climactic. Of course, why would anyone even want to deal with her, especially someone like him?
San closed the door behind him, slowly walked over to the console table, and stopped to stare at his reflection, God he looked like a mess, no wonder she was staring at him like that. Running his fingers through his hair, he sleeked back his bangs, trying to calm down his nest of hair before fixing his tie and opening the door to find her in the same place, walking over to her as he cleared his throat.
"Excuse me Ma'am-" he began, pausing when she looked up at him with a frown, man, he wasn't good-looking, but he wasn't that ugly either.
"I lost my key." 
"You- what?" quirking a brow he stared at her before looking at the numerous bags and suitcases beside her, how exactly did he not notice these before? 
"I moved in today...lost my key and the landlord is out of town," mumbling she hugged her knees tighter looking away from him, frowning at the tiled floor, waiting for something, a backhanded compliment, an insult, a taunt, something to remind her of her ignorance and lack of competence. 
Sighing he rubbed his face, before staring at the door, looking at the lock pad, moving closer he stood right beside her, glancing down at her, though she was still staring ahead, frowning like a child put in time out shaking his head he began pressing the numbers on the keypad, resetting the door's lock- knowing this was no longer a used apartment, it had a generic code from number one to five, he was confused why the landlord had decided to not tell her this. On the other hand, this was common knowledge, but then again, he didn't know these things when he started, a fresh graduate with the hopes of stepping into the world with a will to change stuff- that is until the corporate world put him back in his place.
The beeping caught her attention, side eying him, most of her vision just comprised of his pant leg, craning her neck upwards, she met with the gaze of an angel, giving her a small smile as the light behind him glowed in all in angelic mercy. Was he...bipolar?
"I've reset it. Please change the passcode once you settle in."
With that he walked away, leaving her sitting there, grateful yet so confused, his calm demeanour just putting her anxiousness at bay. The soft click of his door brought her back to reality, clearing her throat she stood up, dusting her clothes she made her way to his door, clearing her throat, trying to fix her hair before ringing the doorbell.
San was almost done unbuttoning his shirt when the doorbell rang, as he paused, groaning in disdain the man glanced at the clock, it was almost midnight, what on earth did the world want from him now? Messily buttoning it back up he padded to the door barefoot, his tie hanging around his neck, annoyed at the pestering dinging of the bell as he swung the door open, glaring at whoever was rude enough to ruin his few moments of silence and bliss.
"Th-oh- sorry." she stammered, averting her gaze before bowing and thanking him, mumbling her name and scurrying away through her open door, slamming it shut, her things still outside. He stared at her, what a peculiar woman, what was her problem? Glancing down he realised most of his shirt was still unbuttoned- oh…well technically he was wearing a vest- shit did she think he was weird? A pervert? Great going Choi San. Sighing for the nth time of the night he closed the door, finally deciding to go to bed and forget whatever embarrassing things he had done tonight.
Leaning her ear against the door she weighed for it to close, praying to any entity out there that he did not assume she was weird or a perv. It's not like this was the first time she'd seen a man and technically he was still fully clothed so- God, Jongho was right, she's been single for too long. A good ten minutes later she cracked open the door, leaning out to glance at her neighbour's door, apartment number 404, well then, at least he was gone, she could pull in her stuff without any interruptions. 
.
"You traumatised- no, you harassed a woman," Yeosang mumbled, coat in hand as he entered the elevator, San following in behind, San who was also late today, San who had rushed to work today, forgetting both, his laptop at home and his coat.
"I did not." he sighed, staring at his reflection, he hadn't gotten much sleep last night - or any other of the previous nights for that matter. Usually, when he'd lay down, his body would be exhausted, but an hour in all he'd do was toss and turn restlessly, blanketed by something else, something heavy and blue, at this point he had no clue as to what to do. The room would just end up getting stuffy and within a few hours, he'd slip out of bed, have a cup of coffee, shower, change, try to eat something, anything so he could function and leave like he had a whole eight hours of sleep.
"Should've asked her how she lost the key though." the other man hummed, pressing the buttons of their floors, eying his friend who was now leaning his head against the wall, eyes closed with a pout.
"No."
"No?"
"No, she was already upset, who cares how she lost them." he sighed, straightening up once the door opened, "Didn't feel like adding salt to the wound."
"Aww...my stoic Mr.Choi is so considerate." he teased, patting the back of his friend who rolled his shoulders, before walking out, mumbling a, "I'll just take Mingi's jacket- don't bother coming by!' he turned around swiftly to point at Yeosang, who stood there behind the open doors, waving at him, "Whatever you say...." waiting for the doors too almost close for the punchline, "Perv."
.
"Will you be going out for lunch today, Sir?" Mingi asked, fingers frozen above the keyboard, peaking through his glasses as he stared at San who was locking the glass door to his office.
"Yeah...want something?" the man turned to look at his secretary - assistant, mind you- who shook his head, "Enjoy your lunch, Sir." with that he went back to typing up the due report - one that was due a day ago, he was just glad San hadn't realised that yet.
Shaking his head San sighed, "Mingi, my man, you gotta stop calling me Sir." stuffing his hands in his pockets he looked around the almost empty floor, "Also, I've submitted the report." his words caused the taller man to freeze, his curious eyes locking with a tired, blank pair, an apology simmering at the tip of his tongue but the man raised his hand to stop him, "Just...tell me next time." 
"Yes Sir."
"Creme croissant and a latte, right?" he asked as he began to walk away, being nothing more than a hero- no, an angel, for Song Mingi, oh how he wished everyone had a boss like his. Standing up and bowing a good 90 degrees he kept thanking the man until the elevator doors closed.
.
Grimacing at the bitter taste of his coffee he walked down the street, frowning at almost everything. The sun was too bright, the birds were too loud, there was too much traffic and lunch hour was packed. Holding onto the paper bag of Mingi's lunch he bit the end of the straw, staring into the windows of the shops he passed by. Why did these people look so happy? Did they not have work? What did they have that he did not?
Too lost in thought he collided with someone, though little damage was done to him, other than dropping Mingi's lunch, his coffee was fine, and so was his shirt. Sighing in relief he turned to look at the person who had ended up on the floor, about to apologise he paused, "Oh...it's you."
Falling on your butt is one of the worse things known to man or woman in her case, truth be told she hadn't seen the man, especially because of the boxes that she was holding, they were heavy and if Jongho didn't think that rock-paper-scissors was not the best solution for any problem, especially when it meant carrying heavy objects, she wouldn’t be here. She was picking up the cups that fell out of the box, luckily the one with the spoons and forks was taped up, mumbling an apology to the person before spotting the soiled package- shit.
"I'm so sorry-" she was cut off by his statement, staring up at him, oh shit. Clearing her throat she nodded before standing up, patting the dust off her clothes and apologising, "I-I'm sorry I didn't see you there. " He was about to say it's okay please stop apologising but before he could she reached for his feet causing him to bounce back only to realise she was reaching for what remained of Mingi's lunch.
"I- I'm so sorry, I'll get you a new one." she said placing it on the boxes and trying to pick them up, though he reached for them before she could, picking them up, "Please stop apologising. It's alright, you don't have to," he said as he looked at her from over the boxes. Wow, he makes the boxes look small, what else can he pick up?
"No, please you don't have to help me, I can carry them." she said trying to reach for them but he shook his head, nodding in the opposite direction, "Where were headed?"
"LET ME MAKE YOU LUNCH" 
The two stared at each other, her words causing the two to stare at each other before he cleared his throat, averting his gaze and she shook her head trying to explain, "I mean for the one I dropped, I have a cafe- technically it's not open yet but you-you can be the first official nonofficial customer."
"Ah...okay," whispering he turned to look at her again and nodded, following her as she began to speed walk in the direction of his office- oh it was close by? They stopped at a closed shop just a block away, the windows covered with newspapers, including the glass door. Craning his neck back he stared at the name, a giant board of the name - oh it's a cafe? 'Jiyuu'.
Freedom, huh? He followed her inside, only to abruptly stop when she turned around "I can hold it-"
"Just tell me where to keep it,” he asked before walking towards the dusty counter, placing the boxes on it and turning to her but she zoomed into the kitchen mumbling, a 'Please stay here, I'll be right back'. 
He stood there, idle, hands in his pockets, staring around the semi-decorated place, wasn't shabby, and wasn't over the top modern as well. It was close to his work too, maybe he'd try the coffee here. Speaking of coffee, how did a simple cafe owner- one that was still closed- afford an apartment like his? Someone cleared their throat, earning his attention. 
"Here you go," she mumbled, "Sorry again." handing him the paper bag- it was bigger than the one he had for Mingi.
"Thank you." nodding at her he pouted, "I told you, it's okay." with that the two stood there, awkwardly standing, staring at anything but each other, the hustle and bustle of outside muffled through the newspaper-covered glass windows, the golden glow just adding to the calm atmosphere. He hadn't felt like this in a while he had not been able to hear his thoughts in a good while, it bothered him, the slow atmosphere, there was no rush, and even time had a pace of its own. A melancholic serenity, he was slowly beginning to enjoy until his phone rang, causing him to jerk back to reality, only to realise she was busy unboxing, when did she move away? Did she just let him stand there, staring at the wall? 
"I- thanks again." clearing his throat he nodded at her, earning a gentle smile, "Thank you too." with that he quickly made his exit.
That day, Mingi received more than just a croissant and a latte, he got a whole Danish pastry, a cold coffee and more assorted baked items- No, San did not tell him how he got them, he just told him it was his treat. That day, San had finally witnessed something, felt something so similar that he felt goosebumps, felt the hairs at the back of his neck stand, yet, other than his internal conflict, the world around him was at a pace so strange, one that was slowly pulling him in, something he was deathly afraid of, yet, he welcomed it, just a little bit. That day she finally made a friend, other than Jongho, even if it were comprised of him just being nice to her, she'd accept that, everyone was falling in love, and at least she was no longer falling behind.
.
A week, it had just been a week since the two had come to know about their existence and he had realised how even though he'd address her with her first name she'd use Mr.Choi. Perhaps she would do so out of respect, or perhaps she was scared of him. Either way, what he did not expect was for her to knock on his door, drenched to the bone, shivering as she tried to give him that usual smile 'Everything is A-okay!'. He could see right through it, and even though he had decided to not meddle in others' affairs, he still somehow found her sitting on his couch, clutching onto a mug of tea, one of his spare towels wrapped around her shoulders.
That is not what baffled him, what truly amazed him was how this strange woman just barged into his apartment, wet as a cat caught in the rain and had brought up a proposition, much similar to the one Yeosang would bring to the table during the yearly board meetings, making San want to strangle him most of the time.
"So, in reality, you want me to drop you off at your place of work and you'll pay me...with coffee?" He asked, watching her sit on his extremely expensive leather couch, sleek black, matching the monochromatic theme of his living room, and her damp clothes were not doing the leather any favours.
"Yes- I mean, No- I mean a coffee and something to eat, whatever you like! I read that business and corporate people love a good brew and I'll be targeting them too so-" she went on and on, playing with the hem of her damp cardigan, but he raised a hand to stop her, her eyes widening at the gesture, oh god, was he going to throw her out? Jongho did tell her that this was a bad idea.
"Why are your clothes wet?"
"O-oh." her face flushed at the question, her gaze flickering to her lap as she cleared her throat, "It started raining on my way back...and I didn't have an umbrella."
"But the forecast.... mentioned it." he sighed, rubbing his face with his hands before stopping to glare at her, "Did you not take one or did you forget it at the cafe?" his words were cold, but held some form of warmth to them, though his hard glare softened at her meek response.
"I left it at work, Mr.Choi."
"Go home." was all he said as he stood up and walked over to the main door, turning to catch her staring at him with wide glossy eyes, of course, she wouldn't get the hint, "We leave at sharp 6 am”.
.
"So... this is just what neighbours do?" Yeosang glanced up from the documents, of course San had blocked the funds for the marketing department, this man's sulking was affecting his work ethic too- by work ethic, he meant how he was holding Yeosang's big marketing plans.
"Hmm? Oh yeah...I guess, why?" he asked still reading through the other proposals, not really thinking about it or her. Honestly, he had assumed she would've tapped out within a week, though this past month he was impressed by her persistence. Some days he'd just step foot outside to find her standing in front of her own door, holding onto her handbag, only to smile at him. How on earth was she able to pull off the heart-stopping smile early in the morning? He still didn't know how, he'd just nod silently, sometimes mumbling a good morning, but his lips wouldn't quirk up the slightest.
She'd followed him silently, usually not speaking unless spoken to, but he could sense that she had many stories to tell, but perhaps his heart was already too full, sinking into this blue and her stories and words would just ruin any chances he'd have to stay afloat. Hence, they'd only exchange pleasantries when he'd see fit, but he'd thank her, every time he'd drop her and she'd ask him to stay for a minute, only to run inside with her things and come back running with a coffee and a paper bag. Each day it would comprise of something new, and she'd just say it's her trying new recipes, though she never made the coffee, it was made by him, someone named Jongho, he didn't know much about Jongho, only that he played a vital role in her life- so she had someone too, even if potential. And for once he was glad to have kept his walls up high as he had, though this silent pitter patter of his heart, from every time she'd smile at him annoyed him, every time she whispered before closing the door, " Have a good day, Mr.Choi", it just made the pound of flesh in him shiver with an unwanted excitement.
"San?"
"Huh?"
Clicking his tongue, Yeosang leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms as he scanned the man across the table. His shirts were pressed to the crisp, his usual four-in-hand tie knot, now a full-blown Windsor knot, he'd brought back the waistcoat as well, a choice that was long discarded and his hair, gelled back to perfection—definitely just neighbours. 
"What~" he whined, slumping against the chair, almost like a child throwing a fit, a side only Yeosang would see, usually he'd mock him, but he knew San got like this when he was bound by one of his man internally conflicts, which is why he chose to keep the observation to himself and nod at the clock, "Your neighbour must be waiting, it’s almost time."
"What- oh yeah." nodding he quickly grabbed his things, slinging his bag over his shoulder, almost out the door before he stopped and turned around, "Yeo?"
"Hmmm?"
"Re-evaluate and send in the budget again."
"F*ck you, Choi."
.
"So..." she asked, looking around the interior of his car, "Nice car." Must've cost a lot is what she wanted to say next, but knowing him, he would've asked her to get out at that very moment- incorrect, Choi San couldn't even glare at her properly, let alone tell her to walk home.
"Thank you..." he mumbled, driving onto the main road, not really knowing how to continue the conversation, Yeosang would've made fun of him, telling him he couldn't even do 'small talk', but it's not like he had much in common with her, other than working near each other and living in the same building, on the same floor.
"I uh...thank you for dropping me home." she tried to push onto the subject, maybe he'd talk to her if she pestered him, that's how she had gotten Jongho to become her friend- not the best tactic, but it had worked once, why wouldn't it again?
"No problem." his responses were short, again, not out of malice, he just didn't know what to say to her, with his sister, it usually comprised of him being a baby to her or her bossing him around but that was different, they were siblings, they could argue about stupid things and get over it, but with her- she was...different, she was soft, she was sensitive and delicate, like a butterfly on a flower. Though she'd be one of those he'd avoid, not wanting to fall into its beauty and grace, too distracted to take note of the world around him. No longer was he willing to fall, or at least imagine to do so.
Parking the car he cleared his throat, waiting for her to move, but he was greeted by silence. What the hell- he turned to find her asleep, hugging her purse close, leaning against the door. 
If this was extremely dangerous and careless of her, he might have found it cute- why on earth- HOW COULD SHE JUST FALL ASLEEP LIKE THIS? What does he do? Does he tap her shoulder? Shake her? Wouldn't that be touching her without consent? Should he call her by her name? Yes, he should, and with that intention he had turned to her once more, only to notice the small frown etched on her features, she looked.... tired.
Jerking awake she sat up properly, blowing the hair out of her face, blinking around, where- was she in the car? Whipping her head to look at the driver's seat she found him sitting there, tying away on his phone, his hair a bit dishevelled but everything else was pristine about him, as it was in the morning. His face was illuminated by the blue light, only accentuating his sharp features, to this day she wondered how someone like him would even bother talking to her.
"Good morning" he turned to look at her, catching her mid-stare, as she choked on her words, about to blurt out an apology but he cut her off, "Don't apologise, it’s something I did by choice, anyway, I got through with most of my emails for the day now so that's good. " He locked his phone before finally switching off the car- he was wasting gas for her? "Did you rest well?" 
She could only nod at his question, as he got out and closed the door, she clumsily followed after clutching onto her things as he made his way to the elevator, locking the car, the beep echoing across the parking lot.
He held the doors open for her, waiting for her to run in as she placed her handbag down, turning to him with a pout, only to be met by a frown- was he angry? Of course, he was, but he did say he stated by choice so why did he-
"Do you realise how dangerous that was? Falling asleep in someone else's car?" his words were direct, cold to the brim, "It's extremely foolish. Just because we know each other doesn't mean you can do that! We're just neighbours, nothing more and even if we are carpooling this isn't safe. Would you do the same in an Uber or a bus? Do you realise this is just carelessness? It's just not how you live in the city or elsewhere for that matter-" he spat, turning to meet her with an intense glare, only to lock eyes with a misty pair, pausing when she dipped her head, "I'm sorry, I know. " 
"I-I'll be careful next time. Mr.Choi." whispered, her fingers gripping the leather of her bag, he was right, they were just neighbours, nothing more, nothing less, more importantly, this formal arrangement of carpooling was only temporary, maybe she should just take the bus from now on. Jongho was wrong, she wasn't mature enough for this, and she couldn't do this on her own, her fiancé was right, she was childish and clumsy, a little girl living in a fool's paradise at best, too used to being a daddy's little princess. 
San watched her walk out of the elevator, though he was too petrified to say anything, his own reaction had confused him. Why was he so upset? He was the one who let her sleep? It wasn't like him to raise his voice like this, especially at someone he would compare to a butterfly. What was wrong with him? He was never this bitter. Just like that, he watched her walk into her apartment, the soft click signalling her to lock it. No, he did not receive the usual "Goodnight Mr.Choi."
But then again, did he deserve it? With a heavy sigh, he closed the door, staring at his empty apartment, feeling...guilty? Well, he did just...it wasn't wrong but...groaning in defeat he turned around and walked out of his apartment slamming the door shut behind him.
.
 Pushing up her glasses she frowned at the screen, what kind of schedule was this, all the buses left before sunrise, way before San would even leave, and they’d leave later as well. In addition to those issues, the bus wouldn’t drop or pick her up near the café, the bus stops were around five blocks away from the shop. Groaning she slammed the lid shut, what if she just walked every morning? Maybe she shouldn’t have moved here, leaving her comfort zone, forcing Jongho along with her- he was a fool, he’d always had too much faith in her and that had always been the problem. At this point, she had once again wasted her parents’ money and potentially risked Jongho’s life savings too.
With a heavy sigh, she picked up the laptop and placed it on her desk before coming back to bed, laying back down as she stared up at the ceiling, letting her sullen thoughts lull her to sleep. Only to sit awake when the doorbell rang, looking around her room before it rang again, groaning she laid back down and covered her ears, waiting for it to stop. And it did, much to her pleasure, only the next thing to ring was her phone, she slammed her hand around for it and picked it up without checking the ID, “Jongho I swear if you’re calling me because you have a new brew idea, I’ll stab you with a spork.”
For a second she was met with silence, causing her to pull back and squint at the caller ID, before gasping and pressing it against her ear, “Mr.Choi I’m so so-“
“Sorry? Mhmmm…I know, so am I, please open the door so I can do so formally.”
That night, was the first time she had received a formal apology from a corporate worker, one with a proper 90-degree bow, followed by a soft apology. She opened the door to find him standing there tall before doing so, standing back up and showing her a bag, “I hope you like Chinese takeout.”
“I do.” With that she moved to the side, thanking God that she had cleaned her apartment the day before, asking him to make himself comfortable as she set the table. That night Choi San finally decided to learn a bit about her, not too much, he didn’t want to get involved in anything other than carpooling, this dinner was just a mere apology for his sudden outburst anyway. He looked around the lounge, the comfortable sofa was different from his, well most of this place was, it had colour, little trinkets that represented who she was, by the window were some succulents, but there was no television to be found, weird.
Once the table was set the two began to eat quietly, that is until she began, “You didn’t have to get dinner Mr Choi, and it's too much-
“I did.” He cut her off, clearing his throat to continue, “I…my outburst was uncalled for, I know it may seem confusing, but I wasn’t upset that you fell asleep, I was …concerned for your safety, I know you just moved here…but I…” he trailed off, especially at the way she was looking at him, like a kid staring at superman, he felt small under her intense stare, no, he wasn’t who she thought he was, he was no saint, he was no saviour, he was no one special. Shaking off the feeling, he mumbled, trying to change the topic, “Why did you move here anyway?” This was a bad move, he had asked something personal, he should’ve just asked her how he liked it here or how was work going, this question just meant that the answer would get him inside for her life, insight, he perhaps could function without.
Unfortunately, after a few stories in he was hooked, the finance director was up till midnight, not because of his work, no, because one story led to another and he listened intently, letting her do all the talking, perhaps because he wanted her to feel as if she was heard, or perhaps her story sparked some form of joy.
"Lee Soohyuk?" he choked on his lettuce wrap, thanking her when she handed him a can of soda. Gulping it down before clearing his throat as he looked at her, watching her clean her side of the table with a tissue, she was done eating. Or was she not eating in front of him?
"The...the famous corporate lawyer? Damn, I've seen him...once? Twice I think." he blinked at her, noting how she had gone quiet before he gave her a small smile, "He's not that smart you know...he was also wrong." 
"What?" she paused her cleaning session to look at him, "He wasn't though, he was right Mr.Choi, I'll always be my parent's little princess, I can't even function alone, I dragged Jongho in this and lord forgive how his dad invested in med school for him and he ended up becoming a barista because of me- I couldn’t even afford a place of my own- I'm still living in an apartment owned by my parents!" slamming her hands on the table she glared at the food, "He was right, I was useless and immature then, I'm equally useless now, other than Jongho now I depend on you - which I won't I promise I'm looking for a solution but the schedule and drop points are so chaotic and-" her words caught up in her throat, being pushed down by a sob as she slumped back in her chair, pressing her palms over her eyes, no crying, crying is for the weak, for those who are spoiled, for those who give up. Too busy trying to think of what breathing exercises Jongho had taught her, she didn't know when he had come to her, until he placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze causing him to peak up at him.
"Well, I don't know what you were like before...but...I won't say you're useless...Mingi was born here but he still rides his cycle here, and lives with a flatmate," pulling his hand away leaning against the table, stuffing his hands in his pockets- too much skinship is bad- "I... have you ever like managed your resources? Like do you have a plan? An agenda or something?" 
Shaking her head she wiped her eyes, sniffing like a little girl who got scolded, "I- I thought of buying this apartment from them....and then...then...I don’t know."
Nodding San smiled at her, "So you do have a plan. You just need some help figuring it out." reaching over for a tissue he plucked some out of the box before handing them to her, "Let's get your priorities organised first. Make a payment plan or something like that, your business started off well, which means you know how to work that out, you just need help in the...other stuff. Take a leap of faith."
"What if I... fall?"
'Then I'll catch you'. 
This is what he had wanted to say that night but chose to smile at her, telling her people learn from their mistakes, no matter how small. Fortunately, she had made a friend that day, one who would guide her through, one who also told her to forget about the bus schedule and that they'd still carpool. Unfortunately for him, he might have stepped into a boundary he was desperately trying to avoid. Either way, Friday night dinners slowly became a tradition, a place of dining alternating, a Friday at his and a Friday at hers- something that when he told Yeosang, all the prince-ly man did was stare at him before leaving the office without another word, ignoring San yelling at him,
"WE'RE ONLY NEIHBOURS! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?? YAH KANG YEOSANG!"
.
Cursing to himself he ran down the stairs, Yeosang's laugh echoing around the staircase, "It's not like you're late for a date!" he yelled only for San to turn and glare at him, stopping dead in his tracks, "I'm late to pick her up from work."
"Ah yes, because her being there makes traffic jams a bit more bearable!" he yelled from the end of the staircase laughing when San flipped him off while driving by.
She stood there, leaning against the ceramic pot, the guard didn't let her in, saying she had to mention who she was here to see and even though she had said Mr.Choi, she really didn't know which department he worked in, which is why she was asked to wait outside.
So, here she was, standing in the middle of the rain with her umbrella, staring at the cars zooming past her, the security guard inside the glass cabin giving her an apologetic smile once in a while.
Sighing she looked at her shoes, the pavement not doing much to stop the water from sliding onto the road. The pavement was getting busier too, most people just got free and as much as she loved the city, she wondered, at any given moment alone if this was a risk worth taking. A slight shove from a passerby had her stumble a few steps forward, stopping right at the edge of the pavement, not even a sorry was thrown in her direction.
She turned to glare at the woman running away in heels before a honk caught her attention, turning to spot the familiar car as it slowed down, the door opening for her as the driver moved back onto his seat, quickly she got in, making sure to close her umbrella and shove a plastic bag around it ungracefully, turning to smile at the driver, "hi-"
"Why are you here?" he spat, frowning at her before flicking on his blinker, "It's raining and I said I'll pick you up no? I didn't say you'd pick me up from work."
Sighing she shook her head, "Sorry Mr.Choi." She said that a lot, more often than either would like, it would make his heart clench every time and Yeosang would call him a bastard every time he'd mention this to him in his daily narratives.
"I- what I mean is...I was a bit late so I texted you, you didn't have to come all the way here and stand in the rain out on the street." his words softer than before, as he stopped at a traffic light, glancing at her from the rear-view mirror, watching her pout.
"I- my phone died...so I didn't know and, I was waiting but then when you didn't come...I was worried...about you so I came here and- "She was worried about him, something within him pulled at his heart, she was waiting for him? But before the feeling could settle in, her usual nonstop chatter began, shaking him out of his fever dream, "What's your department by the way, they wouldn't let me in! Said there were so many Chois! Did you know that!?? I mean Jongho is a Choi too, and then there Choi Minho- he's cute, I like him, I like Shinee...do you?"
"I...." unsure of which question to answer first he frowned before he began to drive shaking his head at her, "I’m the director of the finance department." he sighed earning a chuckle, side-eying her only for her to stop and clear her throat. He nodded at her, ignoring her first half of the statement, though the latter portion had the tips of his turning red.
"Sorry, that would just explain your expensive taste, Mr.Choi...would explain the Windsor knot too." 
.
She stood in front of his door, checking the time once more, it was almost seven and his car was still in the parking lot. Yes, she had run down the flight of stairs to check if he was still there. She had called him too but his phone was switched off so she did the next best thing, called Jongho.
"JONGHO-"
"It's seven- no, wait- listen your monstrosity it��s not even seven yet, what do you WANT." He yelled, causing her to pull the phone away from her ear, whining an apology.
"Mr.Choi won’t answer my calls or open the door what do I do??"
"My poor baby." he cooed at her in a taunting manner, "maybe you finally did to him what the pressure his job couldn’t."
"What? What do you mean?" she asked before deciding to take matters into her own hands.
"Corporate pressure was nothing compared to you, I'm sure he's at peace now-"
"OH, SCREW YOU, I'M IN." with that, she hung up, entered his apartment and marched towards his room- the only place in his apartment she hadn't seen. Knocking on his bedroom door she slowly peeked in, only to be met by a room filled with clothes lying around, the curtains drawn close and the heater on full blast. Stepping in, careful not to step on the clothes she walked over to a heap of blankets on the bed, resting her hand on it as she gently shook it, "Mr.Choi." 
The lack of movement just had her worrying even more, as she leaned closer pressing her ear against the cotton, hearing his laboured breathing, shaking her head she announced, "Mr.Choi, I'm gonna pull these off!" with that she ripped off the two- no three quilts he was cocooned in earning a gasp as he quickly sat up, hugging himself shivering in cold sweat.
He stared at her with surprised eyes, "W-what are you- shit, what time is it?"
"Forget what about the time, you're burning up." pressing her palm over her sweaty, warm forehead she frowned, taking in his flushed face, pushing his hair back so she could take a better look at him, then glanced down at his ...sweaters. 
"How many layers...."
"I was cold." he whined, closing his eyes when she carded her fingers through his hair, trying to fix his hair, basically pushing it out of his face, "Of course you are...I'm going to get you something to drink...probably do something else about the fever. You take off your ...layers until then, okay?" she asked tugging at his sweater, earning yet another uncharacteristic whine - or maybe this is who he really was, she was just used to him acting all strong and mighty.
"Okay," he mumbled before reaching for the blanket again only to slap his hand away. Pulling his hand away with a gasp he gave her an offended, traumatised look.
"No." was all she said before going over to turn off the heater and opening the window to let out the stuffiness, "I'll be back in ten minutes and I better see those off you, understood?"
Wow, since when did she become all assertive? He thought to himself but only nodded at her instructions, it had been a while since someone had actually put in the effort to take care of him. This is what a good neighbour would do right? He'd take care of her too, right? He had already helped her make a payment plan that she was using to buy off the apartment her parents owned, he had met Jongho too, a nice but horrible fellow, but one that could push her and keep her on track, much like San he believed in her, claiming that
'If they didn't get her engaged with a man six years older than her, she would've had time to grow. Soohyuk wasn't bad but he was 26 and she was 20, he had a set plan, and she didn't even know what she wanted to major in- I don't blame either of them, marriage isn't a business transaction.
He watched her leave the room, glancing at the handbag on his side table, he'd seen her grow though, a few more months and the apartment would be hers, plus the cafe was getting good traffic so there was no real issue there. Though Jongho did threaten him, reminding him of how influential she was even if she wasn't on her parent's payroll anymore, any funny business would mean his career was over.
Slowly he began to take off the layers just doing what she had asked then falling face forward on the pillow, listening to the clinking of the pots and pans.
She arrived back to him with a tray in hand, for a busy man she always marvelled over how clean his kitchen was, but then again he did remind her now and then how cleaning was a good way to destress. Starting at the sweaters on the floor, the ones he had discarded because of her instructions- guessed the cleaning was only limited to the kitchen.
Shaking her head as she made her way through the maze of blankets and clothes, she placed the tray on his side table, slowly pushing her bag off the table. Sliced fruit and lots of water, followed by some Advil. He wasn't shivering anymore, so that was good, "Mr.Choi!" Turning to him she smiled, "Have some break...fast-" Good lord that some back, like that, was...wow.  
"What?" pushing up on his hands he turned his head to look at her only for her to cover her face, with her hands squeaking, "WHY DID YOU TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHES?"
Scoffing he sat up, his headache just adding to his bratty attitude, "Because you yelled at me too and I'm still wearing my pants." Why was she being like this, she was so mean, she even left the window open, he was so cold, his neck and shoulders hurt and it was all because of that damn window, "My shoulders are killing me because of the window you left open too!"
"I-" Lowering her hands she looked at him, sitting on his knees, staring at her with a pout, what a man-child.
"First of all, sit properly, and eat, have the medicine it'll help with the pain and" Bending down she picked up a discarded shirt, handed it to him, "Window stays open or you take a cold shower."
That was all it took for the big boy to sit there, eating his sliced apples, which were never-ending, until he realised, she was slicing up even more, and an Advil later he began to come back to his senses, clearing his throat as he tried to roll his shoulders to ease the discomfort, which ended up being futile.
"I'm sorry for not informing you, I think I switched off my phone after sending in my sick leave." sighing he leaned back against the pillows, shaking his head when she was about to cut another apple, "Please. I'm full."
With a pout, followed by a suspicious glance she nodded, placing the fruit back down and taking his empty plate off his lap. Leaning closer she pressed her hand on his forehead, he was still warm but it was better than before mumbling, "It's alright, Jongho can handle stuff better than me anyway."
Letting out a soft chuckle, his fingers gripped her wrists gently, pulling her hand away from his skin, "That's funny, I remember him telling me how he desperately needs you to deal with all the customers and manage stuff," he whispered, only then realising how close the two were to each other, with her leaning on the bed, her knee pressing onto the mattress next to his leg, "I can see that you really can." 
"I..." averting her gaze she mumbled a thank you before asking, "How's the pain?" slowly pulling away as she sat back down, but his fingers still held onto her, though he didn't notice, he was holding onto her, as if she was grounding him to reality, or some form of happiness that he did not want to let go, at least not now. She however noticed this new profound clinginess and she'd be lying if she were to say she didn't like it, this feeling of being wanted, of being important and valued.
"Hurts." pouting he leaned back against the pillow, closing his eyes like that would turn off the headache, his thumb mindlessly caressing her skin, "Shouldn't have picked up those stupid weights...Jongho did this on purpose."
"JONGHO?"
His grip tightened when he winced at her tone, shooting her glare for which she quickly apologised, before pestering him, glad she was wearing pants as she pulled her hand away and moved closer to him, standing on her knees on the bed beside him, gripping his shoulders, "Mr.Choi, please tell me. What has he told you?"
"N-nothing." he cleared his throat, trying to scoot away but her grip on his shoulders tightened, fingers digging into the muscle, causing him to let out an involuntary moan before she completely pulled away, "I- I’m sorry did that hurt."
Groaning he hunched over, shaking his head, "No, no, it felt good...sorry." Rubbing his neck, he looked at her, taking in her flushed features before sighing, "I uh...Jongho and I go to the gym together...he asked because he wanted to go too, I already go there with a friend from work...don't worry your secrets are safe with him."
Nodding at his statement she stood up and moved pointing at the chair she was sitting on, "Sit." 
Raising an eyebrow, he looked at her, narrowing his eyes, glaring at her, almost playfully. Taking a few moments for her to get all nervous causing her to clear her throat, "I- I mean I can massage your shoulders, I- Jongho uses this oil, uses me like a free massage person too for his neck and-"
Raising his hand, he stopped her, slowly getting off the bed with a groaning sitting down as instructed before glancing at her, "Just don't strangle me, okay? He did mention how you have the death grip of a man."
If she weren't too distracted by the sight of him following her orders, she would've jumped down the window. Taking a deep breath, she pulled the oil out of her bag, yes, she carried that around in case Jongho pulled something like the old man he was.
Once she began working on his neck, fingers pressing into the knots he bit his lip, trying to hold in the sounds that were about to burst through, if this was the privilege Jongho got for being her best friend, he'd sign up too.
For about ten minutes she went on with her usual routine, only to stop when his head fell back against her belly, going limp her hold- Oh. He had fallen asleep. She stood there, holding onto his slouching form, taking in his relaxed features. She hadn't seen him this relaxed before, he almost looked...too cute. Speaking of cute, she had learned many things about him today, from how he was actually just as whiny as he pretended not to be, to how he ate almost 5 apples before stopping, she did notice how his fridge was mostly empty other than having eggs, and leftover take out. Maybe they should have more dinners together, maybe she could cook actual homemade food for him.
Slowly helping him up, he drowsily mumbled something before falling onto the bed, as she tucked him in. Glancing at the time she sighed, she'd spent most of the day here, giving him one more look she reached for his hair, brushing it out of his eyes, "Rest well Mr.Choi."
The next morning San woke up better than ever, he knew the fatigue was getting to him but he didn't stop, he probably had forgotten how to stop. That would explain why he fell sick, but who knew he lived right next door to an angel? What surprised him more was how his entire room was clean, all his clothes were neatly folded and stacked in one place, blankets folded at the edge of his bed and the water bottles no longer littered around. She really didn't have to do so much. 
Picking up his phone he checked his messages, opening hers first before Yeosang's or Mingi's
'Hope you're better now Mr Choi. Advil is on the console and I restocked your apples. Don't worry, I went to work myself today, like a big girl. You get some rest.'
Smiling at her message he leaned against the pillow, yeah, this is exactly what neighbours do.
.
"A car?"
"Yes, a car." he sighed, turning the laptop to her, "You can get one on loan, I can fix you up with a good payment plan." he smiled at her, only to frown at the way she was frowning at her lap, "What's...wrong?"
"I- No I- thank you, it really does mean a lot." she cleared her throat, trying to control her expression, he was tired of her, he had to be, "I just...are you- I mean if you feel our routine is taxing then-"
Shaking his head he closed the laptop, turning fully to face her own couch, she was sitting on his very expensive couch, crushing the very expensive cushion in her lap, but it was okay, because it was her, and this time, the after work hours, a few hours before would fall asleep had become their time, where she would go on and on about stuff, only for him to add in a few bits- not because he wasn't interested but because he wanted her to speak, he wanted her to be heard, that and he was still too afraid that if she were to find out he was but from a simple background, from a small town like Namhae, she might never come back here. He wanted to watch her grow, he wanted to watch her business grow and bloom into what she had dreamt for it to be, he wanted to help her and this was a way of helping her.
"It's not...taxing. But...you need to" Pausing to take a moment to think, he noticed how her nails were digging into the leather, shaking that thought away he sighed, "You need to be independent, I'm not saying we change our routine, but you should lax yours, you don't have to leave at 6 am every morning and you don't need to come back home at around 8 or 9. Like you couldn't go when I was sick and then took the bus." he paused, taking in her appearance, only to find her pouting at the TV - yes, he had her buy a TV too because he refused to believe watching stuff on your laptop was better than the TV, though just like every other day she'd come over and watch his TV instead saying it's boring to watch TV alone. Reaching for the remote he paused the movie, to get her to only focus on him, having her look at him, "Like I was saying, a car can help you fix that and what if you need to collect your packaging or go buy fresh produce from the farmer's market? You can't always take a cab, it's not safe- you're earning well enough, I'm not saying buy one because of me, I'm saying buy one because it's your need, you shouldn't depend on anyone, not even me."
Clearing his throat, he met her soft, warm eyes, watching her stare at him intently, before blinking slowly at looking at the laptop, her grip on the cushion loosened,
"I like...the red one."
.
"A car? I- is this 4-year plan? SAN NO." Yeosang stared at the spreadsheet before turning to San who was calmly sipping on his warm cup of coffee, the logo bright enough for Yeosang to roll his eyes, "Listen, lover boy, I get your head over heels for her, but this is a stupid idea, four years with the same car, four years and she's still paying it off- what if she wants to change the car??"
"Yeosang, she's not big on change, and four years max, the payment plan is flexible in terms of quotas she can pay, knowing Jongho he’ll make her pay it all off within two years maximum." he said as he placed his cup down, leaning against his swivel chair, earning another groan from the man across the table, "Man, just buy her a car then."
"No."
"WHY NOT"
"Because she has to learn."
"And you need to grow a pair, big enough to tell her you like her."
"I don't like her." he sighed rolling closer to his desk to turn on his laptop, eying Yeosang who looked at the papers once more, "No, you do not like her...you convinced her to buy a car, made an entire payment plan for her and told her the initial deposit fee was waved off even though YOU paid it- you don't like her my friend," standing up the marketing director walked to the door of the office, turning to glance at his friend with one final smirk before leaving, "You're in love with her."
.
"Jongho, can you get me more napkins?" she called out to the man who was busy singing in the kitchen, at this point she could just ask him to get himself recorded, she was sure Hongjoong wouldn’t say no to either of them. Rush hour was about to start and for that, she needed to prepare, even if the business was booming, they were still short-staffed, and Jongho’s lack of people skills was dragging the interview session longer than she had anticipated. Though she was partially to blame, she was often too preoccupied with work and then well… a certain suited man, from the car ride home to the apartment, to dinner. They had begun to have dinner together more frequently, she often cooked as well, the first time she took a homecooked dish to his place he almost cried at dinner, excusing himself to go to the kitchen for more ‘napkins’, though from the faint sniffing from the kitchen and how long he took there had her believing her suspicions were right, once he looked at her with puffy eyes. Though she never said anything, smiling at him like she always did, for once feeling as if she wasn’t falling behind, cupid could walk right by her and she wouldn’t mind, her heart was already on a platter for someone else, she was just waiting for him to realise this little fact. So, she too, was too busy to even go through the files, but one of these days she’ll definitely get back to it.
The little chime of the bell had her look up from the counter, smiling at the customer only to almost drop to her knees at the man who had walked in- no, he was a fairy- could men be fairies? An angel? No, what on earth was this creature, his face holding the same innocence of an angel, but when he spoke, it was as if she heard the grumble of a dragon- damn. Shaking away her thoughts she smiled at him, greeting him as he stepped closer, oh how she loved men in suits- or rather just one man, with the cute Windsor knot, she noticed how he’d changed it from his usual ones.
“I’ll have whatever you like.” He smiled at her, before looking around, “This place new?”
“Yes, Sir, it is, may I ask if you have any allergies?” she asked before punching in a combo number, to which he shook his head.
“Cash or card?”
“What does Mr.Choi use?”
“What?” she froze, looking up from the monitor to meet his smirk, well, that was new, “I’m sorry, what was that sir?”
“I said card.”
With that she quickly swiped his card, asking him to wait for a while until she came to him with his order. Yeosang wanted to tell her who he was, but the way she stared up at him like a school girl caught slipping a note in her crush’s locker forced him to stop himself, she looked almost too innocent to bully like that- perhaps he should leave the teasing for San instead.
.
You should've gotten the latest model." the man stormed into his friend's room, earning a look of surprise, leaning right to spot his secretary raise his hands in defence, Mingi was always so useless at times like this. "Dude, in a meeting." he sighed gesturing at the muted call, only for Yeosang to snort, roll his eyes and sit down cross-legged across the man, sipping on a cup of coffee, "I cannot believe you let someone like that wait in the rain for you," he mumbled as soon as San joined the call once more, back to business.
"What-" he looked up from the screen to glare at the brunette pausing at the cup, oh, "Oh you went- "Of course, I WENT- I had to check her out okay and I- you really are a d*ck, she isn't slow-witted at all, she's just cute. That's how girls are, not that you'd know you simpleton." "San your mic isn't muted" They heard a chuckle only for him to panic and Yeosang to choke on his coffee, both men apologising to their boss who just laughed it off- luckily the meeting was being held during the break, which meant this conversation could happen since they were off the clock for a while.
.
Much like any other day off, San had decided to do his basic house chores, and since his neighbour now had her own car, he didn’t need to worry about that today which was good, because he really did need to clean up. With the trash bag in hand, he walked out of his apartment, only to stop and stare at the figure hunched over by the elevator, what the- oh wait what?
 Jogging over to her he tapped her shoulder, “Are you okay?” placing the back down he crouched down to get a better look at her face, only to frown at her pained expression, “What’s wrong?”
“N-nothing, just came back from the doc’s.” she sighed before slowly straightening back up, giving him a faulty smile, “All’s good Mr.Choi….cleaning day today?” she mumbled, changing the topic as she made her way to her apartment, not really giving him any time to answer.
She was almost in bed when she heard the front door beep open, man, she shouldn't have shared the passcode. Nonetheless, she walked back out to find him standing there in her hallway, frowning at her before marching towards her, "What happened? Why were you at the doctor's?" 
"I'm fine, just a bit sick I-" pausing her eyes clenched shut, whimpering as she held onto her stomach, trying to breathe out the pain. 
"That's it, we're going to get you checked again." he declared, grabbing her wrist before she snatched it away, "NO! Leave me alone." He blinked at her, taking in the sudden outburst, somewhat offended, did he overstep a boundary? Scanning her pale face he noticed the way her lower lip trembled, was she...going to cry?
"Please..."
That was all it took for Choi San to leave, not forcing her for anything. If she wanted to be alone, fine, she'd be alone, but she didn't need to yell at him like that, and then cry, that just confused him. Maybe she was offended that he came in even though she clearly tried to avoid him, but...they'd usually just walk into each other's apartments like that, that wasn't new. His phone ringing was what had him stop the brooding session, picking up the call,
"Hey."
"You need to help your stupid neighbour."
"I...well she told me she wanted to be alone Jongho, I think she's sick but won't go to the doctor," San mumbled, a bit too desperately. 
"That..." he could practically see Jongho roll his eyes at him, "Because it's that time of the month."
"What time of the month?"
"Choi San, do you have a sister?"
"Yeah, why?"
".... she on her period man- look, I called you because we cancelled all the interviews for a new hire today but this one moron won't listen and I know he's going to go to her place so you gotta tell her."
"WAIT WHAT- she was in so much pain though." no wonder she wanted him to leave, no wonder she yelled at him and then began crying.
"Mhmmm...kay bye".
"JONGHO WAIT-" he looked at the phone and sighed, this man just wanted him to lose his mind, nothing else. He'd do this to him often, even at the gym. Like when he'd be lifting weights, that one time when San accidentally dropped a dumbell on his foot when Jongho casually told him, "Did you know she's in guys with nice butts, and apparently when I stare at a lady with a nice butt for a while, she calls me a pervert." Or the time he almost lost his footing on the treadmill while running, Jongho who was casually standing next to him, staring at his reflection through the mirror, "Glad she hasn't seen your arms, she has a thing for being put in a WWE style headlock." yet, here he was telling her that her secrets were safe with Jongho.
.
She felt someone tap her shoulder, her soul almost left her body, her scream muffled by his palm as he held her down, "It's me, it's me..." he whispered, pulling away slowly as she sat up, grabbing a pillow and smacking him with it, repeatedly, "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!"
Clicking his tongue, he snatched it out of her hand and glared at her, though he wasn't angry, his annoyed expression just confused her even more when he pointed at a brown paper bag he had placed beside her. His face flushed as he averted his gaze, clearing his throat, "Jongho said...someone's coming for an interview. This has...stuff for you...I don't know what you particularly use, so I got...most of it."
"What do you mean, I cancelled the interviews and what did you bring for me-"
The doorbell cut her off, her eyes widening in disbelief, no, did Jongho really give her address? She was fighting with the blanket, trying to get it off her when he stopped her, gently pushing her back to lay down, "It's fine...I'll interview him."
He was about to leave but she gripped his wrist, "No, Mr.Choi it's fine, you've done more than enough-"
"You took care of me last time." he smiled at her before taking something out of the paper, "Now let me take care of you." placed the item in her lap he rolled his eyes when the bell rang again, leaving the room. 
What in the name of everything did Jongho tell him? She looked at the chocolate bar, it was her favourite, and she had only mentioned it once, oh my god, did he know she was on her period? Snatching the bag from the edge of the bed she turned it over, its contents falling all over the place. Good grief.... this man...he had gotten her every product he could find. Napkins, tampons, he even bought her heating pads, and other pain medicine, by the time she was done counting the things he had gotten her she was already crying, ugly sobbing at best.
San went to the door, opening it to be greeted by a man with sharp eyes. Technically, his overall appearance was sharp, from his features to his suit- was he really wearing a suit? The only thing about him that seemed remotely soft was his hair, though he looked like a fresh graduate so why apply to a cafe, that too one that was a new seed in the market?
"Good afternoon. Is Ms.L/N here? My name is Jung Wooyoung, I had an interview appointment with her-"
"At the cafe but they were cancelled." San cut him off, leaning against the door as he tried to stare down the shorter man.
Wooyoung stared at the man in sleeveless sweatpants, who was he? Husband? Boyfriend? Some annoying friend? He could pick a fight with him, but then he needed this job, really did.
Clearing his throat, he nodded, before bowing, "I apologise for the intrusion but I thought my eagerness may have a positive impact." 
San stared at him, the perfect 90°, he'd seen that before, many times, he'd been there before too. He knew the feeling, the anxiety and dread that accompanied it, the desperation to finally achieve something. Finally, put the years and money spent on education to use.
"It's...fine, come in."
That's how Wooyoung found himself sitting on a brightly coloured couch, looking around, though he saw no signs of masculinity anywhere, so her boyfriend didn't live with her. He knew his way around the place though. Who was going to interview him though?
San walked out of the kitchen with a tray of tea, placing it on the coffee table as Wooyoung thanked him, getting up to take his mug. No, everything was too feminine so does this mean- what if this dude was a serial killer? Oh my god!?! Did he KILL HER AND IS NOW GOING TO KILL HIM? IS THIS COFFEE POISONED?? Slowly bringing the mug to his nose, sniffing it.
San raised a brow at him, what on earth was this psycho doing? He was about to ask when they heard something crash, instantly getting up he turned to leave, pausing for a moment to loom at Wooyoung, "I'll be right back, please stay here."
Oh my gosh, he was a killer! Wait, she was still alive! He could help her? What should he do? Think Wooyoung, think! Standing up he walked down the same path he did, peaking through the door left ajar.
San frowned as he picked her up, ignoring her whines, "What exactly were you doing?" he asked walking over to the bed, holding her in his arms as she covered her flushed face with her hands mumbling "The clock stopped working."
"Seriously?" quirking a brow at her he stopped walking, looking at her then at the bed, stuff scattered across it, files, pens and her laptop, "Didn't I tell you to rest?"
"I was but then I heard Mr.Jung and I wanted to read his file," she explained, leaning against his chest, mentally noting how he was holding onto her like she weighed lighter than a feather.
He clicked his tongue in protest, about to talk about how he'd handle it but the door burst open, a Mr.Jung stomping in, holding an umbrella in hand, "UNHAND HER YOU PERVERT!"
She flinched when the door slammed open, squeaking as she hugged him close, burying her face in his shirt, arms wrapped around his neck, curling into him as if he'd protect her. On the other hand, San stood there rooted at the spot, at first he was confused as to what Wooyoung was even doing until he noticed the faux bravery morph into some form of fear, his panic setting in.
Wooyoung stood there, umbrella in the air, taking in the sight before him, a man carrying a woman bridal style...oh shit they were together. Please did he Wooyoung himself again?
.
"I am so sorry Miss-"
"It's alright." she cleared her throat, never in her life did she think she'd interview someone whilst being in her pyjamas, the little hearts printed on her shirt and pants. Next to her San sat at a good distance, his face as red as the pot of a plant near the window, intently staring at the coffee table, not even listening to the two converse- he wasn't carrying her around for fun! He was just helping her! She fell off the stool because of the stupid clock and- and her back hurt so his brain just...picking her up was easier and-
"Mr.Choi?"
"Hmm?" instantly turning to her, he regretted it as quick, taking in her soft gaze, almost wanting to crumble at the feet, shit, this wasn't good.
"I said I should hire Mr.Jung, right?"
"Uh...I guess?" he mumbled, discreetly glaring at Wooyoung when she began reading his credentials too, they were good, but managing to be a distinguished student in the country's best culinary school wasn't easy.
"I- I'm sorry for intruding Sir." he cleared his throat, if he had to kiss this man's pointy polished shoes to get this job he would, "I should've known you're her boyfriend, it was a lack of better judgement on my part." He paused to look up at him, only to find the man before him malfunctioning, then glancing at the woman who looked like she was swooning, almost awake inside a dream.
"We're just neighbours!" he blurted out, not liking how Wooyoung's neutral expressions morphed into the sassiest, most judgemental look of 'Nah, I don't think so', as he hunched over the table to take a better look at the two.
"I live next doo-"
"You're hired Mr.Jung, I'll see you tomorrow at work!"
.
"Wow, that's...kinda regret not being there to see it." Jongho hummed, taking out an apron and tossing it to Wooyoung who cleared his throat, "I mean, I didn't intend to make things awkward." 
"Sure man." was all Jongho said before patting him on the back, "But until she comes back to work, you're on counter duty, kitchen is off limits." with that he walked away, leaving the new employee to sigh in defeat, looking around at the empty cafe. Considering she was 'still sick' she'd left Jongho in charge but that man was too busy not interacting with customers and staying hidden in the kitchen, occasionally singing out loud- at least he could sing.
He stared through the glass doors, looking at the people passing by, everyone with a purpose, yet, here he was still trying to find his purpose. 
The doors opened and someone walked in, phone pressed onto his ear, his coat neatly folded in half, hanging off his other forearm, the buttons of his waistcoat fighting for their lives when the man heaved out a heavy sigh, "No Mingi, the report is supposed to be sent to Mr Park from the IT department, Park Seonghwa, send it to him and get back to me." A frown was permanently etched onto his face, brows knitted together as he pulled his phone off his ear and stuffed it in his pocket, only froze when he looked at Wooyoung.
The two just stood there staring at each other for a good ten seconds before Wooyoung cleared his throat and greeted him, "We can pretend nothing happened Mr.Choi."
Scratching his neck the businessman nodded, licking his lips out of embarrassment, "Yeah...sure"
"So, what can I get you, unfortunately, the menu still comprises of the usual since I'm not allowed in the kitchen till the boss lady comes." His professionalism impressed San, honestly, he did think the guy couldn't pull it off but he was glad he wasn't mentioning yesterday at all.
"Oh umm... Jongho knows I called him-"
"Yes, yes, no need to wet your expensive pants Mr.Choi." the kitchen door opened as Jongho walked out with two giant paper bags, San's eyes scanning the change of printing, somewhat proud she took his suggestion on investing in merchandise printing.
"Here's your usual, one for Princess Mingi and the other princess who lives next door." Placing the bags on the counter he smirked at the man, who cleared his throat, trying not to look at Wooyoung whose resting b*tchface was back, comprised of the look which San easily read, 'Nice to see a clown clowning himself.'
"So, aren't corporate breaks supposed to be like...40 minutes long?" Jongho asked, leaning against the counter as he sighed, "You gonna hurry there and back or you gonna eat with her-"
"I- she has to give paperwork for you that's why she called me, I had a half day anyway." He mumbled, quickly taking out his card that Wooyoung slowly took from him, side-eying the man, who was still mumbling excuses, though all Wooyoung could hear was "We're just neighbours".
Of course, they were just neighbours.
.
Shit. Of all the times his car decided to throw a tantrum, it was now. Not only did he leave work late but it was raining, so now, Choi San sat in his car staring at the empty highway, the streetlights his only companion. Clicking his tongue, he tried to switch on the engine again, trying to press on the gas, only for the vehicle to whine in refusal. Sighing he gripped the wheel, resting his forehead against it, sighing at the coolness of the leather. What could he do? Get a cab? No, no cabs would be around right now. Call Yeosang? No, he lived in the opposite direction, he would come to help him, but he knew the man had a presentation due tomorrow. He could…call her. He didn’t want to though; things had become a bit…awkward.
Truth be told he didn’t really want to admit it, but after the Wooyoung incident, he tried to pretend nothing happened and to his amazement, she did too, their routine was as normal as ever, conversations would flow easily, though she’d still do most of the talking. Until one particular Friday night when they were having dinner at her place, she told him she wouldn’t be carpooling anymore because she had finally gotten used to driving and needed to go to other places. Although he was proud, his smile indicating his happiness and joy to see her bloom into a beautiful flower, a nostalgic and heavy blue began to spread in his chest, weighing down on his appetite, as he slowly put down the fork, pushing the plate ever so gently and discreetly, looking at her intently when she began to show him the route she’d take to the market, asking him if it was good or if there was another route. Unfortunately, was too busy looking at her to even care, to even give an honest opinion, she was glowing that night, and he could bask in her warmth forever, but there was no such thing as forever, he knew that happy endings were nonsense, especially when it came down to him. So, after that night, he had slowly begun to distance himself, making sure to leave before she’d wake up and come back later than usual, texting would just comprise of him sending one-liner responses, and he’d even cancelled some of their dinners together saying he had to stay in the office late. Yeosang had asked him a few times about her, but all he’d say was that she was busy and he didn’t want to interfere- that was true though, it was he who helped her out with all the planning and the financial agenda, it was him who supported her endlessly, who pulled her back up to her feet when she’d be close to giving up- but that didn’t mean he wanted to watch her fly away from the front row seats, no, he’d rather see his swan take flight with grace and elegance from the sidelines, he’d be there, he’d always be there, but like her shadow, after all, he too was afraid of being hurt, he couldn’t handle it, not again, after all, they were just neighbours.
A tap on the window had him jerking back into sitting properly, blinking away the blurriness he turned to the window, eyes widening at the figure outside before lowering the window, “What are you-
“Need a ride?” she smiled, trying to conceal any other emotion bubbling within her, her grip on the umbrella tightening when she noticed his frown, not responding to her question, though she could see the questions swirling in his eyes, possibly at the tip of his tongue, but she knew he’d never ask, just keep them in, let them simmer into something else, probably guilt…or anger.
“I had to do a complete inventory check today so I closed up late. Was driving by and I saw your car…” gesturing towards her own car that was parked in front of his, the hazards blinking in the rain.
“My car…broke down.” He mumbled, before reaching for his bag and nodding at her, letting her move back before coming out of the car, waiting for the rain to pour down on his already defeated parade, but that didn’t happen, for she had extended her arm to full height, tilting forward so he was covered by it, letting the water splash onto her head instead. There she went again, worrying about him, trying to rip open the bag he was gripping onto tight, not wanting anything to spill out.
.
Patting the droplets off her she pulled out a few tissues and dried her hands. He sat next to her, buckled up, laptop bag on his lap, even though she had told him to put it on the backseat but he refused, holding onto it like a child throwing a tantrum. They’d been driving silently for a while, the only sound between them was of the rain slapping against her little red card.
“Thanks.”
“For what?” she asked, trying not to speed on the slippery highway, the rain had worsened, who knew a light shower was going to turn into a full-blown storm? The problem wasn’t the rain in general but visibility was becoming an issue, well, there was this third party between them, a form of invisible wall that was keeping the two apart, or rather he was being pulled away, while she just held onto him, trying to pull him back to her, though ever so slowly she could sense that he was letting go of her hand.
He never responded to her question, just continuing with the silent treatment. Sighing out of frustration she flicked the left blinker before slowly parking across the yellow line at the side of the road, before them the road was barely visible, she thought he’d question but he didn’t he wasn’t stupid, even though he didn’t want to be here, stuck in the same space as her, too afraid he’d blurt out all he had hidden, he knew even if he took the wheel instead of her, he couldn’t see through the rain. So, the two sat in silence, as if the other wasn’t there, one of the most awkward the two had been with each other like they were strangers all over again. That is until she finally decided to take matters into her own hands,
“Are you…upset with me?”
He looked up from his lap to her, a small pout present on his lips before shaking his head and turning back to stare at his lap.
“Do you…not want to be friends with me anymore?” she knew these questions were somewhat pointless, in the time they had spent together she had learned one thing, that he was rarely bothered by her, in fact sometimes he’d go out of his way to make her feel better, make her feel safer, so what bothered her was not knowing what had he pulling away like this. She thought as she’d grown more independent, he’d be happy, proud of her progress, not this.
“No.”
Was all he said, not even bothering to look at her, instead choosing to take out his phone, maybe he could just check on work or- he couldn’t though, because she snatched it out of his hand. His head whipped in her direction, and a glare followed, “Give it back.” He spat only for her to shake her head and shove it in the pocket of her, shaking her head.
“I said give it back. I’m not joking. I’m not in the mood.” Groaning he leaned closer to her, trying to reach for her pocket but she slapped his hand off his pocket, only for him to grip her wrist, trying to hold his anger at bay.
“Not until you tell me why you hate me!” she yelled tugging her wrist out of his grasp.
“I DON’T HATE YOU!” he yelled back, turning to her completely, his laptop bag falling off his lap, God this car for so small, he barely had leg room!
“THEN WHY ARE YOU PULLING AWAY!”
“BECAUSE I CAN’T STAND AND WATCH WHILE YOU LEAVE ME BEHIND!”
“I- she froze at his words, the weight of the statement settling in around them. Letting out a sigh he turned around, rubbing his face with his hands, trying to control his breathing, trying to stop his thoughts from running around, pushing and shoving every emotion he had buried in below. For a moment he even thought of stepping out in the rain to cool down, but the gentle grip of his shoulder stopped him.
“Mr.Choi please I would never leave you behind, I-
“Oh, stop it, would you.” He scoffed, brushing her hand off his shoulder, “I’ve known you for what? Six, seven months now and you still don’t call me by my first name, I- I literally use your name and you’re so impersonal that –
“I don’t know your first name.”
Once again, they were greeted with silence, at this point the sound of the rain was the only thing keeping the two from exploding at one another, a series of bottled-up feelings, emotions that were untouched for so long, that the layer of dust on them had turned into a sheet of sand, one that had obscured rationality and logic.
“What” Taking in a deep breath he began, “What do you mean?”
Rolling her eyes at him she huffed, “Because you never told me, not once, since the day I met you the only way I found out your last name too was because the security guard greets you as Mr.Choi, and he did that the first next you dropped me home.” Taking the phone out of her pocket she placed it on the dashboard in front of him, “I don’t know why you think I’d leave you; I now own the apartment next to you thanks to you, I have dinner with you almost every other day, I let you carry me around when I’m tired, I cook meals for you not because I am obligated but because I want to, I- I ask you for help all the time with the full confidence that you’ll never say no”, pausing she looked at the road, the rain had slowed, much like the whirlpool of unkempt emotions that were stirring between them, “ and if you haven’t realised by now, I’m not very big on change. So, no, Mr.Choi, I’m not going anywhere, anytime soon.”
“San” he whispered, staring at the road ahead, much like her, too afraid to even look at her, who knew all it would take was a confession like that to calm him down, put his worries to rest, untying the bag he had knotted up so well after he had his broken heart handed back to him.
“Nice to meet you San.” Was all she said before starting the car, now driving home, after the much fearsome, prolonged storm. No other words were exchanged, but unlike before, the silence was no longer awkward or heavy, it was pleasant, a new kind of pleasant, one that oddly enough he was welcoming.
The ride up the elevator was no different, the two were walking casually like nothing had happened, though San knew something had happened, and for some reason, the bitter-sweet reality of it made him want something more to happen, he was only looking for the right moment for it to happen.
She was about to enter her apartment when he called her out, causing her to turn around and almost bump into him, when had he come so close?
“I don’t want to be just neighbours anymore.”
Facing him properly she nodded looking up at him, “I see, then what do you want?”
“I…” averting his gaze he thought for a moment, wondering if he could jump into it, or take caution and slowly see where it goes, though the little critter in his chest was begging him to let loose, his rationality projected by his fears had him second-guessing almost every micro decision he had come up with in these seconds, “I…want…more?”
“Then,” pursing her lips together she narrowed her eyes at him, moving closer to see if he’d move back, but he didn’t, he stood there, staring at her intently, shy yet so curious, she’d barely ever seen him like this before, her lips curving into a smile, “Let’s take it slow?”
He nodded a bit too eagerly at her question, earning a chuckle from her, as she turned around and pointed inside, “Dinner? Though it’s late, I can make us something light?” He had followed her inside that night, somewhat nervous about starting a new chapter in his life, yet, excited like a little boy about to win a race.
.
“Mr.Choi, there’s uhh…there’s someone here to meet you?” Mingi’s voice blared out of the speaker causing San to stop typing, frowning at the time, it was 11 am he had no meetings for the day, so why would someone just pop up, Yeosang was on leave today as well so- the door opened and he could hear Mingi calling someone out, “Miss! Wait Mr.Choi hasn’t allowed you to-
“It's…fine Mingi.” He nodded at his assistant, before his eyes locked with her, her smile radiant as ever, as she coly made her way to his desk, “Hi San.” ‘San’, she’d been using his name more often now, all night even at dinner, she’d somehow slip it in every sentence and he’d somehow slip into that gooey pool of mush every time his name would roll off her tongue.
“You- you had a day off today, right? Do you want to spend time together, I-“ he stood up, quickly trying to clean his desk though she placed something on the empty corner of the glass table, “I just came to drop off your lunch San, I made special cookies today, and if you like them, we’ll introduce them, Wooyoung even decided a name for them.”
“Oh?” he asked, his eyes sparkling at the sight of the lunch boxes, a well-fed boy was a happy boy and he was so glad she’d feed him well, even when they were ‘just neighbours’. So, knowing she was still doing that, only adding onto the perk by coming to him and surprising him at work had something within him strangling his heart in joy, “What’s the name?”
“Well…initially it was something I wanted to talk to you about if you’d be okay if I call you that, but then he said we could name them after that, but I feel like only I should be allowed to call you that.” She cleared her throat looking around his spacious office, she never thought his office would be this big or high up for the matter, not a day went by where this man didn’t amaze him.
He stopped opening the boxes to look up at her, “What do you want to call me?”
“Sannie.”
.
Things had been great, well, somewhat, although they were ‘no longer neighbours’, there was still no official label and it confused San how she was alright with that. Sure, they’d spend more time together now, she’d drop by sometimes before lunch just to drop off his lunch, but he was still San at work, and only Sannie when the two were alone. Moreover, they’d never really been…physical. Not that he didn’t want to ‘do the deed’ or something- well, technically- no he did but, this isn’t what he meant, he knew they were taking it slow, but sometimes, he’d feel the affectionate Sannie resurface and it would take everything in his power to hold him back. What if she wasn’t into that? What if she thought he was clingy overbearing or too sensitive? Would she think he’s coming on too strong if he asked ‘what they were’?
“Sannie?” she asked, poking his shoulder, “You aren’t eating, don’t like the food or the movie?” Placing her plate on the coffee table she paused the film when he didn’t look at her, “Sannie…you gotta talk to me about these things, I can’t read your mind-
“Would you like to start a business venture with me?” In front of him was not her Sannie or San, no, turning to face her with a hard face and honest eyes was a man sitting up straight, hands pressed against his knees, it was Mr.Choi.
“Umm…I…like a collaboration?”
“Yes, of sorts.”
“I…I mean I don’t really need Jongho’s permission it is just my business.”
“It is.”
“I guess…but don’t you already have a job, San?” was he planning on quitting?
“I do, but this venture is more important, I prefer it over my job.”
“Sannie, my café is doing good, but quitting your job for it, especially at the designation you’re at it’s not logical-
“Be my girlfriend”, he yelled in frustration, cutting her off before meekly averting his gaze, “Please…”
“I…” she took a minute to think before scooting closer to him, his fingers digging into the material of his pants, though when she placed her hands over his, he visibly relaxed, “I just love how you’re so uptight Mr.Choi.”
She smiled, but he only frowned at that, why would she call him by his last name? Did he do anything to upset her? Was he perhaps moving too quickly for her liking? Or should he have been more romantic- actually this wasn’t really romantic at all, he can’t believe he just did that, he should’ve thought this through, he should’ve planned properly, it had only been a month and –
His brain switched off because of the sudden pressure on his lips, hands automatically reaching to hold onto the source, she was…kissing him? His eyes closed when she slowly moved closer, helping her onto his lap as he tilted his head to deepen the kiss, taking charge, until she slowly pushed him back, his back pressing against the sofa, eyes flickering open to meet her flushed face, a small smile gracing her lips, he had smudged her lipstick- nice.
“Do I…take that as a yes?” he sighed, body completely relaxed, his hands giving her waist a gentle squeeze.
“I don’t know, maybe we should seal the deal again?”
His chuckle echoed across the room, film and food long forgotten, the only thing he could focus on was her, and slowly, he began to feel as if the gates he was trying to keep closed were merely inches away from bursting open.
.
“We need to talk.”
“Um…okay, why are you slowly letting go of the weights- Jongho, Jongho, buddy, stop.” He wheezed, looking up at his spotter who was glaring down at him, “How serious are you?” he asked lifting the weights ever so slightly.
“FOR STAYING ALIVE, PRETTY SERIOUS- JONGHO!” he gasped when the man almost let go of the weight.
“Should we…stop them?” Wooyoung asked, yes, he too had become their newest addition to their gym buddies’ group, Yeosang who was walking on the treadmill beside him shrugged, “I don’t think so, this is between them, plus knowing San took a year just to confess to her, even though he was treating her like he was her boyfriend, I believe Jongho has every right to harass him.”
“I’m serious.” Jongho warned, glaring at the man who was not only turning blue but was now drenched in cold sweat, shaking his head and pleading out an ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
“I mean her, I’ve had to pick up the pieces once and I let it go because the guy wasn’t directly involved, but you- you son of a- you have her sitting at the café daydreaming about what you’d like to eat at night. You have her calling me at night asking me what shirt you’d think she looks best in? Would you prefer her in pants or a skirt- you have her working her ass off to make you proud and so help me God if you ever even think of hurting her-
Before he could finish his monologue San threw the weights off him, heaving as he stood up, wiping the drool off his mouth with the back of his hand as he stood up straight, his breathing heavy as he looked directly at Jongho, “Never. Do that. Again. And I may be a slow-witted loser but I am no abuser- and her” he turned to look at the hoodie on the opposite bench, a blue hoodie, there was nothing special about the hoodie, but the fact that it was the first ever gift she had given him, telling him she had a matching one, so they could wear it together at home, “I don’t even think I spend a single moment of my pathetic life where I can’t be thinking about her.”
By now Yeosang and Wooyoung had gotten off the treadmills and were standing on standby just in case things escalated, but San’s confession had them staring at him in awe. Well, Wooyoung was just glad that the clown had stopped clowning himself, but Yeosang, no, he was thrilled if not glad that San had finally accepted to let himself be happy once more, he had allowed himself to love once more- even if this was just the first stage, even if they were still going through their awkward relationship stages, he was just glad to know that things were getting better for San.
Jongho looked at him before nodding, then turning to point at the weights, “Throwing gym equipment is stupid, no wonder people like you who make so much money are careless.” Clicking his tongue at him he picked up his duffle bag, “Anyway, Shakespeare, Imma hit the showers, don’t forget she’s making you pasta tonight, so you better hurry up.” He left San standing there, letting his own speech process, slowly the seed had begun to germinate and deep down he knew, he was counting on it to turn into a field, one she could run around in, laughing with joy.
.
Sighing she slowly pulled away from him, being extremely careful of two things; firstly, to not wake him up and secondly to not cause any harm to his sheets. She didn’t want to stay at his place tonight, she even told him no because he had an early meeting tomorrow, and she was on her… period, so to sleep over with her new boyfriend and possibly leak on his pristine white sheets was not on the agenda, that and the fact that the cramps were hitting hard and her back was probably broken just made it more difficult for her to find the perfect position.
So, that’s how she found herself sitting on his couch, hoping to God that the pain medicine would start working soon, or maybe it could take a few hours and San could get a good night’s rest and by the time he’s about to wake up, she’d slip right back in and-
“Are you okay?”
“SHIT” throwing a cushion at him she whined, especially when it hit him square in the face, causing him to stumble back, pouting at her, “What did I do?”
“I’m sorry, Sannie, I- I’m fine I promise, I just couldn’t sleep and your sheets are clean and-
“Yes, I am aware my sheets are clean, so you don’t have to worry-
“That’s why I am worried,” she sighed only for it to turn into a groan as she hugged herself, trying to ease the pain. Oh, he looked at her, he’d seen this before, he knew what had happened, “Do you think I’ll find it weird if you…I mean…It's normal if it happens right?”
“It's gross.” She mumbled only for him to sigh and slowly reach for her arm, “Do you want me to carry you?” he asked as if it was completely normal, umm…it wasn’t technically? He’d just carry her around when she’d refuse to do something or when he was in his playful Sannie mood- which was often only behind closed doors when the suit didn’t define him.
“nO” Quickly getting up she motioned for him to walk first, “Why-“
“JUST DO IT” she yelled only for him to quickly turn around and head towards his bedroom, no need to piss off his girlfriend during that time of the month. Huffing out in frustration she ‘readjusted’ her pants, trying to reposition the horrid excuse of a lady diaper, no, she did not want him to see this scene, it was not even remotely attractive.
Sighing she laid down next to him, what she had forgotten was how much this man loved physical affection because as soon as she turned to face him, he pulled her closer, her face pressing into his neck as he rested his chin on top of her head, an arm under her head acting as his pillow and the other one securely wrapped around her waist. Now she needed to stay still, especially when she heard him snore, he had fallen asleep so quickly, of course, he was tired, the guilt slowly settling in. She really should have gone home tonight.
Her body jerked when a sharp pain shot across her lower half, her fingers gripping his shirt as she held her breath, trying to restrict extra movements. At this point she could just wither away in pain, waiting for the meds to work before she wakes him up and he throws her out for not letting him get a decent night’s sleep.
For a few moments, her little movements continued until he abruptly pulled away and wordlessly sat up, to reach for something on his nightstand, probably his phone- man, she should really apologise and leave now, but before she could make her way off the bed he turned around and stood on his knees, slowly pushing her to lay on her front, “Umm…San?”
“Your back hurts, right?” he mumbled, gently lifting her shirt to reveal some of the skin, “I hope this helps, my sister recommended it.” With that he began to rub the ointment on her lower back, trying to mimic the similar motions she’d use while working on his neck or shoulders from time to time- yes, he had finally obtained that perk. He only stopped when she completely relaxed under his touch, smiling when he realised, she was asleep, gently pulling her shirt back down he got off the bed, tucking her in, making sure to place a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers on the bedside. Little did she know that she had been in pain all night and not just a few minutes, she dozed off sometime in between only to wake up in pain again, though he had slept through most of it peacefully, which is why when he woke up, feeling her shiver in pain, he realised getting up a few minutes before his alarm rang wouldn’t be so bad, he could use the time to help her out, so while reaching for the ointment he had also shut off his alarm, knowing he wouldn’t be going to sleep once he helped her out.
.
“Ignoring you?” he asked, wiping another cup and handing it to her as she stacked it on the rack with a pout, “Well, not ignoring, he’s just…gone quiet like he’s giving me the silent treatment.” She explained, looking to see if Jongho, who was brooming was listening to them, only to find him staring at her, “Oh I don’t know maybe he’s upset about the fact that your ex-fiancé came here since you invited him?”
“Wait- WAIT WHAT?” Wooyoung gasped, turning to Jongho who nodded, “Soohyuk wanted to see her, and she won’t tell me why, she called him here and ironically he and San had entered at the same time, and instead of introducing him to Soohyuk she just talked to him and ignored San.”
“Man, I’m never gonna take an off again, so much drama in one day.” Was all Wooyoung had said, yet the poor boy got smacked with a tissue, before watching her stomp out of the café, leaving the two men staring at her confused.
“Umm…do we stop her?”
“Nah…” was all Jongho said, the only reason he even knew about this issue was because the moment he had seen Soohyuk enter he knew something was up, what he didn’t expect was for her to go to him instead of San, and ironically, she didn’t even introduce San, which confused him even more. The moment he had looked at the other man, he noticed the way his eyes had gone blank, void of any emotion, yet he could see the one hiding behind his eyes, he knew what he was thinking, one of the many things San had confessed to him about- once the two had become official and Jongho would keep tabs on him- was his fear of being left behind, knowing that one day, eventually everyone would leave him, even her. So, yes, when she had walked past the finance director like he was a mere stranger, he knew this would trigger San, he just didn’t know in which direction the river would flow.
A knock on the door caused the two to look up, Yeosang just sighed, “At this point, you should just fire Mingi.” Shaking his head at his friend San called out to the person, permitting them to enter, usually with the glass walls and door he could see who was on the other side, but for the past two days the blinds were lowered, concealing whatever was happening inside his office, much like whatever was happening inside his heart. The door opened to reveal someone he had been avoiding for the past few days, though he never said anything to make her leave.
Yeosang looked at San’s expression morph into displeasure, turning in his seat to find the man’s significant other standing there, quickly standing up he smiled at her, greeting her before excusing himself.
Honestly, she was surprised by Yeosang’s reaction, she thought he’d be upset with her, Jongho was upset with her and considering Yeosang and San were good friends, she presumed that San might’ve just told him about the issue, though maybe he didn’t or maybe he did and Yeosang is just very good at pretending.
“You could’ve called.” Was all he had said until he found her standing right next to him, her hands gripping onto the armrests of his chair, turning his swivel chair to face her, his eyes widening at the proximity, they were still at his workplace, what if someone barged in? What if Mingi came in?
“I can’t fall behind, I’m tired of falling behind.” She said leaning closer, not to kiss him, but to make sure he was still looking at her, she needed him to understand her perspective, needed him to understand her insecurities, “He knows about you.”
Scoffing in retaliation he leaned closer and hissed, “I don’t care if he does,” eyes scanning her face for any hint or gesture of insincerity, but he couldn’t see it, or perhaps his foolish heart had convinced him once more, deceiving him into making him believe she was his.
“Then why are you upset?” her hands let go of the chair, reaching for his, but he pulled back, crossing his arms over his chest, leaning back against the chair as he stared up at her, “Falling behind? What do you mean by that, was this all a race or competition where you were trying to win him ba-
“Choose your words carefully Mr.Choi.” she cut him off, words seething with anger.
“Because they’re true?” coking his head to the side he noticed the way her hands were fisted at her sides, nails digging into her palms, “Tell me.”
“I…” letting out a shaky breath she looked at her shoes, no longer having the confidence to look at his face, “I couldn’t let him…I didn’t know what he was…going to say…I can’t lose you; I didn’t want to…he came to apologise…nothing more, nothing less. I didn’t want you to meet someone who never saw me the way you see me, what if you realised…that it wasn’t worth it anymore more…that it was a waste of time.” Walking over to the chair at the other end of the table she sat down, eyeing all his paperwork, “I…I’m sorry, I should’ve told you, I can’t hold you back just because I’m left behind all the time.”
He watched her intently, listening to each word, slowly realising what she meant, but he also came to another realisation, they were still walking on eggshells, especially around each other, choosing not to show their greys to each other, choosing to leave out the bad parts of the story, the poorly written scenes and the abrupt jump cuts, yet, this form of false perfection was what was making it worse for them, worse for him, especially when he knew that he no longer liked her. He no longer felt the same attraction- he felt more.
He was in love with her.
Turning to face her, he took a deep breath, his hands on the table, slowly reaching over to hold hers, his thumbs running soothing circles over her hands, “I…I was…I…I don’t want you to leave me too. Before you, there was someone else.”  He felt her go tense under his words, his eyes flickered to hers, noticing the settling anxiety, before he gave her a gentle smile, “Was…don’t worry, she didn’t want my heart anymore and I…I guess I didn’t want to give it to anyone anymore either. Until you came along, crying outside because you lost the key to your own apartment…I swear I was going to ignore you and leave, but…” Letting out a dry chuckle he glanced at the clock, she often did come by when it was lunch, maybe he’d take her somewhere special today, far from the office and the café, “I couldn’t, and I don’t know how…maybe because you were so patient with me, maybe I saw myself in you, I wanted to make sure you had someone to help you whenever you’d fall…but I was also scared that if I gave you my heart, you’d give it back and…f*ck Yeosang was right.” He sighed, giving up on where this was going, trying to pull his hands back but her grip tightened, causing him to look at her in surprise.
“He was…but I like it…I like that you’re a romantic, Sannie.” She smiled lacing their fingers together, “I won’t force you…but I need you to understand that I…I fell in love with you the day you unlocked my door for me… I just waited for the day you’d return the feelings…so yeah, I’ll confess, that I’ve loved you from the start.”
His eyes widened at the confession, face turning pink at the realisation, this must be love. The feeling that was brewing inside of him, ready to burst, this must be love. His whole body felt warm and fuzzy, he wanted to run to her and pull her close, almost engulfing her whole being, but his legs felt like jelly, this must be love. Though he didn’t need to get up, because she had come to him, smiling down at him as she cupped his face, her thumb stroking his cheek, he looked up at her through hooded eyes, enjoying the warmth, welcoming this nostalgic sensation, this must be love.
“I love you.” He whispered, hands gripping her waist, fingers digging into her, holding onto her as if he were afraid, she’d disappear.
“It’s about time you realise.” Letting out a chuckle she leaned closer, brushing her lips over hers, about to say something when they heard a static sniff followed by a sob, both of them freezing in act.
“Mingi…how long have you been there for?”
“I forgot to tell you your mic was on…sir.”
.
“Couple’s activities?” he mumbled, staring up from his book, his reading glasses at the tip of his nose as his girlfriend at the edge of the bed, legs crossed with a magazine in her lap, successfully stealing yet another one of his hoodies. The glow of the lamp illuminated her innocent features, though he knew behind those sparkly eyes hid some agenda that he would soon regret, even though he loved her with all his heart, he had realised long before that being an only child meant that her parents had always kept her busy, books, movies, school, other activities, even got her a Jongho- now that Jongho had completely passed her onto him, it was his job to entertain his princess in the late hours of the night.
“So…like se-
“No, you pervert- my God, all men are the same.” She huffed picking up the magazine to show him the list on the glossy, extremely bright coloured paper, the glare of the lamp just making it more difficult for him to read, “That’s a long list- I’m not going skydiving- YOU AREN’T either.”
“Sheesh, fine, but we can try cutting your hair.”
His hand instinctively went to his luxurious onyx locks, he liked his hair the way it was, and he knew she did too, from how she’d run her fingers through it when they’d be lazing around, from how she’d play with his hair when he’d lay on her lap for a little nap, from how she’d tug and pull on it when they’d be…
“Just a trim!” she broke his chain of thoughts, crawling to him and slapping the magazine on his lap, “You said you needed a trim! And- and it’ll be free!” she smiled, giving him the cutest face she could muster, though he stared back at unamused.
“No.”
“I- but- Sannie,” whining she pointed at the small text, “It’s so intimate and it’s- it’s all about trust.” Grabbing his arm she shook him violently, he almost missed the early stages of their relationship, where she was still shy and nervous around him, now she’d gained the confidence to be bratty around him, even demanding they sleep at his place because ‘You have a bigger bathtub’, incorrect, he didn’t but maybe she just liked using his shampoo- not that he’d mind, he preferred her smelling like she belonged to him, his scent carrying around her.
“How about a free massage as well?”
"There. All done." He finally opened his eyes to stare at his reflection in the mirror, confused at first, then angered, then even a bit humoured, "Um...what do u think is different with this and my usual haircut?" It was his fault, it really was, he agreed to this nonsense and now…he even fell asleep when she was working on his shoulders, but that was before she cut- no chopped off his beautiful locks.
"I... I mean it's a bit different Sannie but I-" she tried to clarify, smoothening it down, only to flatten it and…perhaps make it a bit worse, see, the thing was, during her little barber role-play, she had realised she’d trimmed a bit too much on one side, so she had to even it out and that led to umm…well
'I look like a POTATO!" her glared at her through the mirror, face red with embarrassment.
"NOOO! U don’t" whining she leaned closer to peck his cheek but he pulled away, whipping his head in her direction to glare at her, then looked at his hair through the mirror again, hands going to pull on the short hair, it was so…short, "Please, I love you, I know you said haircutting is a couple's activity but- babe I"
Hearing a sniff, he stopped staring up at her reflection, he didn't mean for her to cry, but the way she was biting her lower lip tugged at his heart. "I-"
Before he could start a giggle escaped her and he stopped, glaring at her, his face blank like the first time they met, "Ma’am, is something funny?"
"No....Mr.Potato head"
.
“Good morning Mr.Choi - what's up with this cap" Mingi looked at his boss who zoomed past him into the office, tugging on his baseball cap, slamming the door behind him as he yelled.
"Nothing Mingi, whatever happens, DO NOT let Yeosang in my office today"
"He's already there, sir."
Frowning San turned to meet eyes with a familiar brunette, his chin in his palm as he sat on San’s seat, a little smirk ever so present as he eyed the taller man, all dressed up in a nice suit, the only thing odd about him was the smudged lipstick on his jaw, which he probably didn’t even know was there and the baseball cap.
"Your girlfriend dropped you off huh? Car trouble again?'" Yeosang asked, before pointing at his jaw, “You also got a little something there Mr.Choi, guess the black waistcoat is a fan favourite, huh?”
San quickly made his way to his desk, grabbing the chair the other man was on and rolling it away from his monitor, mumbling as he grabbed a few tissues to wipe off the lipstick, he couldn’t even be mad at her because it was his idea to follow couple’s activity #43 ‘Wear a lipstick shade your partner likes’, apparently, he liked it a bit too much.
After that little entrance, they’d been sitting peacefully, with San working away and Yeosang…well he was just wasting time as usual, though at least he had yet to ask the question.
“So, what’s with the cap”, Yeosang asked as he made an intricate paper plane with another one of San's documents, they were going in the shredder anyway.
The other man, pouted for a split second before clearing his throat, "My head feels cold." continuing typing like he didn't care.
"I see." Yeosang eyed him before throwing the plane at him, watching the pointy nib smack against the man's cap, earning a glare, "So, will you bring her as your plus one to this annual fundraiser? Has she cleared all your tests? Check marks all your boxes of requirements of a partner?"
Sighing he leaned back at the thought, did she? Was she the ideal partner he asked for? Sure, she was somewhat clumsy and bratty, but then again, he wasn't the best either, he was whiney and slow-witted at times but with what they two had been through, how much they had grown, how much she had grown, of course she'd been the one, he had come to this realization when he saw her waiting outside for him in the rain, 'worried about him'.
"I'll take that as a yes," he said eying the man who was too lost in thought as he got up to leave, "By the way she was wrong."
"Hmm?" he frowned at his friend who was dusting off his clothes, "You don't look cute, you do look like Mr Potato head".
.
“San, I swear upon your Benz, if you turn off the heater, I’ll key your car.” She shivered, pulling another blanket over them as he pushed it off, trying to reach over her for the remote of the heater only to slap his hand away, “YAH CHOI SAN”
“ITS HOT! AND STUFFY! I’M SWEATING LOOK!” he lifted his sweatshirt for-  honestly, she really forgot what his point was, a bit too distracted for her own good before he huffed and took it off completely, flinging it across the room, giving her all the blankets and laying on his back, “It’s barely even winter, and look at you. I said don’t go playing in the snow, you can barely withstand a cool breeze, you thought the snow was gonna go easy on you? You’re just like Wooyoung, both of you are the same with the snow and winter.”
“Well, not everyone has the body temperature of an old, grumpy cat, Sannie.” She huffed, scooting closer to him, trying to steal his body heat, the fabric of the quilt making his skin burn.
“OLD?”
“Well, I did call you Mr.Choi out of respect too, I thought you were wayyyyyyyyyyy older than me.” Turning his head on the pillow to look at her, he made a face, rolling his eyes at the innocent smile she gave him, the tip of her nose still pink, shrugging at him. Sighing he moved closer to her, much to her pleasure.
“Take off your pants.”
“You really are an old pervert-
“Couple’s activity #136, you genius.” He huffed manoeuvring so he was under the blankets with her.
“I refuse to accept we’ve done so many.”
“We haven’t, I tore out some pages because I was not going to do couple’s yoga on the balcony.”
“Ah…I see. Anyway, still not going to take off my pants because you’re a bit needy.” She sighed, when he pulled her closer, his body heat helping her shivering body calm down.
“Well, aren’t you just an innocent peach, activity 136 says sharing body warmth is important and intimate, you can use me as a human heater and I can use you like a cooling pack.” He said tugging at the band of her pants, helping her out of them, sighing when he felt her cold legs on his warm ones, making the blanket a bit more bearable.
“Who knew Sannie was so thoughtful.” She purred, nuzzling her face in his neck, earning a huff, his arms tightening around her, squeezing her until she let out an airy laugh in protest.
“I am very thoughtful.” He sighed, feeling her relax against him.
“That you are…Mr.Potato head.”
.
Huffing out in both frustration and bliss she stared up at the ceiling, the warm mood lights in her room, feeling him flopping down beside her, the bed trembling at the act.
“Tub’s filling up. You’re also out of bath bombs”
“Your tub is bigger- how many did you use this time?”
“No. It is not…. around four” He sighed laying on his back to stare up at the ceiling with her, his hands reaching for hers, knuckles brushing against hers before she slowly tangled their fingers together, “Thank you for taking me to your event tonight…I really liked it.”
“Thank you for being my plus one.” He smiled, thinking back to how when anyone and everyone there would ask him who she was he’d introduce her as his girlfriend, the love of his life, someone he potentially wanted to spend the rest of his life with.
“Though I believe making sure I can’t walk tomorrow is going to be a problem for me at work.”
“Couple’s activity #159.”
“Did it specify tearing my favourite dress?”
“No, but the San in the mirror who used to have nice hair told me to.”
.
Two years, she had been together with this man for two very happy years, yet he still could confuse her every time he asked her something very important, such as now, right in her café, well, technically she was in the storage closet, counting and restocking when he walked in unannounced.
“Umm…is there no one there to take your order, Sannie?” she asked, looking up at him, using a carton as a makeshift seat, clipboard in her lap, she didn’t even want to do it, but once again, she had lost an epic battle of rock paper scissors from not only Jongho, but Wooyoung as well. The man above her frowned before shaking his head, ever so quiet.
“Okay…was there no one to stop you from coming back here- in an employee-only area.” She asked as he shook his head again, before sitting down beside her on the floor legs crossed, now with the different of elevation, looking up at her with a frown.
“Okay…do you…want to say something?”
“What’s your five-year plan?” he asked, rolling up his sleeves before looking at her, his hands on his knees, rubbing his sweaty palms on his pants.
“Ummm…well…what does that mean?” she asked, finally giving up on inventory to get on the floor with him, facing him, sitting in a similar position as she looked at him, noticing how he had closed the storage room door after entering, he needed privacy, so this was an important question to him.
“Where do you see yourself in Five years?”
Oh.
Her eyes widened at the question, throat drying up as she looked at anything but his face, he looked so serious, so focused, like what he had asked her was just like a business deal, well, maybe it was- but that wasn’t all it was, she knew what he meant, she knew he’d have his moments of self-doubt, he’d have moments where the crippling anxiety of having his heart smashed into pieces once more had him awake at night, he’d have his moments where he’d begin to fall, having nothing to hold onto- only this time, he had her.
“I see myself as a Mrs.Choi.”
His ears picked up the all-too-familiar name, his lips quirking up at the mention of his name, blushing like a school girl he almost squealed, leaning over to grab her hands and pull her closer, only his lack of judgement of strength had him pulling her onto his lap- or maybe that is what he wanted to do all along. All she knew was that she was merely inches away from him, his small dimpled smile gracing her with all its glory, “I think I see that too.”
“Yeah?” she giggled, wrapping her arms around his neck as she straddled his lap properly, “You see me as a Mrs.Choi?”
“No.” he smiled, locking his arms behind her waist as he noticed her small pout in confusion, pulling her even closer, until the tips of their noses bumped at the sudden jerk, “I see myself as your Mr.Choi.” His dimples deepened when she gasped, before closing the gap between them, leaving small pecks all over his face, leaving him a flustered, blushing mess as she smothered him with all the love that he had closed himself off to, all the love that was taken from him when his heart was tossed back at him, all the love she had in her that was never meant for anyone else other than him, all the love the two planned to share, for as long as they could, hoping it could bloom into something more beautiful one day.
“And I think I see you two getting out of my storage closet before I call the cops.”
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Taglist : @edenesth @mlysalt @spooo00oky @cereal-simp @yessa-vie
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mulletmitsuya · 5 months
Text
Toman groupchat
Warnings: swearing, suggestive, mentions of poop, mentions of homophobia (joke), mentions of men getting pregnant
Desc: here the boys discuss whether men can get pregnant or not and other shenanigans. this also very fucking stupid
Mikey: i just took the biggest shit
Mikey: you guys will not believe the sheer size of this thing like it's as big as my forearm
Mikey: makes me wonder how women give birth
Kazutora: ?
Draken: keep this shit to yourself what the hell is wrong with you
Mikey: how can i keep this shit to myself when i've already flushed it down the toilet🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mitsuya: what does you shitting have to do with women giving birth?
Mitsuya: never mind shouldn't have asked
Mikey: well the poop tore my butt up so imagine what babies do to vaginas
Baji: this is why i'm never giving birth. looks too hard
Draken: ...you're not a candidate to do so? you're male?
Baji: what does my gender have to do with giving birth
Draken: it has everything to do with it??? what are you talking about
Baji: wow didn't know you guys were so sexist
Chifuyu: Baji-san, gender and sex are two different things...
Baji: ?
Chifuyu: sex is your chromosomes and basically what you were born with and gender is what you identify as. so since you're male, you don't have the reproductive organs to get pregnant and have a child. only female bodied people can.
Smiley: bro you're 17 how the fuck do you not know this
Baji: never been good at biology
Smiley: you don't have to be good at it to know you can't get pregnant💀
Baji: so men can't get pregnant?
Chifuyu: well if someone born as a female transitions into a man, then gets pregnant, we can pretty much say that men can get pregnant
Baji: so men can get pregnant but not males?
Chifuyu: yeah i guess
Baji: interesting
Baji: i don't think anyone's tried hard enough
Baji: i'll get a male pregnant one day, watch
Mitsuya: wtf
Draken: is the biology lesson over?
Mikey: my ass still hurts i think i'll need ointment
Kazutora: why r u reporting this to us
Mikey: you guys are my friends
Mitsuya: no ones wants to know about your bowel movements
Baji: why do you always wanna sound smart Mitsuya. just say shit or shitting
Smiley: watch, next time he'll say defecation
Chifuyu: excretion
Mikey: excrement
Kazutora: fecal matter
Draken: guys what the fuck can we not talk about this? it's fucking gross
Baji: oho here comes the fucking poop police
Kazutora: instead of his siren going "wee woo wee woo" it probably goes "pee poo pee poo" lmao
Mikey: LMAO😭
Draken: what are you a bunch of 5 year olds??
Baji: we're 17
Draken: 😐
Mitsuya: can we change the subject? christ
Smiley: i did crack for the first time yesterday. shit was crazy
Mikey: YOU DO DRUGS???? BRO
Baji: yo Nahoya what the fuck
Draken: we're not supposed to do drugs
Smiley: who's we?? i'm doing them not you🤨??
Draken: and what's Angry gonna think?
Smiley: he doesn't need to know. and i did it to impress a girl so chill it's not a regular thing
Mikey: why would you try and impress a girl with doing crack?
Smiley: she's a drug addict
Smiley: but the sex was fire tho even though she tried to kill me halfway through
Mikey: YOU'RE HAVING SEX??
Kazutora: that's not fair☹️
Kazutora: where are you meeting women?
Smiley: outside
Kazutora: oh
Draken: why did she try to kill you?
Smiley: halfway through she started choking the shit outta me while she was on top and i almost died but also it was the best nut i've ever experienced so it's a win win
Mikey: that doesn't sound appealing at all😭
Draken: that sounds like assault actually
Smiley: idgaf a beautiful woman can do whatever she wants with me and if she wants to kill me then so be it (i'm a feminist)
Mitsuya: yeah but like, she should have asked
Smiley: we were both high off our rockers
Draken: yeah i feel like she should have asked you so you could have developed a healthy sex dynamic where you both share each other kinks before hand
Baji: oho here comes the fucking sex police
Kazutora: this time the siren would be men whimpering
Chifuyu: why men?
Kazutora: i don't think Draken would use women moaning cause of how the brothel might have traumatized him i think and he respects women too much
Kazutora: also he's gay
Draken: fuck off i'm not
Draken: and Baji say something else i dare you
Baji: what are you gonna do? have sex with me?
Smiley: you're all taking this way too seriously😁
Baji: with what Kazutora said, i'ma start blasting whimpering audios when i get a car
Mitsuya: i'm pretty sure that's illegal or something
Smiley: dawg no one wants to hear that
Baji: who wouldn't want to hear men whimpering?
Baji: especially the high pitched ones
Baji: cause you can associate them with twinks
Baji: with dual coloured hair, jingly earnings and large unsettling eyes
Baji: and maybe even a blonde with an undercut and big blue cow eyes
Kazutora: Baji what are you on about
Chifuyu: wait are you being serious or is this a joke Baji-san 😂😂😂😂
Draken: uhh
Smiley: i keep hoping you being gay is a joke but then you say shit like this
Baji: why
Smiley: i'm not fond of gay people
Baji: homophobia's got you missing out on some good head
Draken: we support and respect all identies, Smiley. don't make this a problem
Smiley: i'll ask again, WHO'S WE?
346 notes · View notes
saintjosie · 17 days
Note
As a performer, and someone who regularly has good things to say, how have you dealt with your singing voice? I'm nonbinary, and sometimes hate how deep my voice is because it's one of the predominant reasons people misgender me. It keeps me from singing sometimes as well, even privately to songs I've loved forever (I did perform "Under the Bridge" by RHCP at a public karaoke event last year, but I can't bring myself to watch the recording of it even though everyone applauded) I guess it's a specific kind of dysphoria?
I know when it comes to voice training you've been very vocal (pun intended) about it being a choice. And I've had some voice training but as an enby I prefer my speaking voice to be either neutral or natural. But talking and singing are kinda different, so I'm just curious to get your take on feeling more confident and less bothered singing as a trans person?
when i was a kid my dad told me i sucked at singing. he was a singer and a guitar player and i looked up to him so i internalized that deeply. but i didn’t stop singing because i just loved it. it felt good to sing. i would sing along to all the disney movies. i would sing songs at church. i was that little kid who was always humming something everywhere i went because i loved music and i loved making music. i didn’t think anyone would care to hear me sing because i had been told that my singing didn’t sound good but nothing in the world was gonna stop me from enjoying it for myself.
eventually as i got older people started telling me that i actually was pretty good at it. i didn’t necessarily believe them but i at least heard it from someone else. and then i tried recording myself singing into the shitty microphone that laptops had back in 2007. and wow, it sucked. like it reaaaaally sucked. it sucked to hear myself cause i had never heard myself recorded before. it sucked to hate what i hear and feel like maybe my dad was right the whole time. and i closed the laptop and cried and went to bed.
but then the next time i opened my laptop, the recording was still there. and i realized that i had listened through about 1/4th of it before i had lost hope and on a whim, i decided to grit my teeth and listen through the whole thing. and almost all of it still sucked. BUT. for one brief moment, for only a line or two, i heard what i wanted to hear: a voice that sounded good to my ears, recorded through the shitty microphone, played through the shitty speakers.
and from that moment on, i knew that i was going to learn to sing because nothing in my life so far had compared to how i felt hearing myself for the first time sing in the way that i wanted to.
it’s been 17 years since that happened and i haven’t stopped singing because i just fuckin love it. there’s music in my soul and it’s gonna come out whether or not i want it to and whether or not it sounds good.
“but josie, this is about your love for music not about gender” no it’s about both.
when you realized that you could express your gender in the way that you already knew you felt inside, you knew it was right and you decided you were gonna fucking do it, damn whatever people say.
and that’s the thing about dysphoria and why people have such a hard time describing it to each other. dysphoria comes from when you feel like the way your gender is perceived doesn’t line up with how you want to be perceived. when i have dysphoria, it’s not because i don’t look like a woman to the people who look at me, it’s because of how i see myself.
present your gender however you want and do it for yourself. and sing your goddamn heart out because you want to. damn whatever people say.
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skz-rin · 2 months
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[◉°] ... ⃕ STAY, rin.viee has made a post !
📸FROM RIN : Match 17, 2024 - 6.44 PM KST
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Liked by yong.lixx, i.2.n.8, miniverse._, t.leeknowsaurus, hynjinnnn, gnabnahc, _doolsetnet, jutdwae, and 8,624,211 others
rin.viee: HAPPY SIX YEARS TO STRAY KIDS 💓💓 벌써 6년이라는 세월이 흘렀다는 사실을 실감하기 힘들 정도로 시간이 빨리 지나갑니다. 데뷔를 기다리던 게 엊그제 같은데 이제 왔어요. 올리는 지금까지 왔고 우리 각자가 너무 자랑스럽습니다. 매년 더 성장하고 영원히 함께하자!! 우리가 성취한 것과 미래에 성취할 것에 대해 행복하고 자랑스러워합시다. I LOVE YOU 💓💓
(ps - welcome to insta @_doolsetnet & @t.leeknowsaurus!!)
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miniverse._: 6년 흠
⤷ rin.viee: 흠흠흠
gnabnahc: Happy six yearrss!!! I love youu
⤷ rin.viee: ILYYTTT 🫂🫂🫂💓💓
yong.lixx: can't believe it's been six years already 😮😮
⤷ rin.viee: I knooowww 🥺🥺🥺
t.leeknowsaurus: '우리는' 대신에 '올리는'
⤷ rin.viee: 알았어 선생님 😒
i.2.n.8: 6년 행복해 누나
⤷ rin.viee: 와 누나?? 갑자기??🤔🤔
jutdwae: 요오오오, 6주년 축하해요
⤷ rin.viee: 너도 빈빈씨 🥰🥰
_doolsetnet: Hi 👋, happy six years 😁
⤷ rin.viee: not that emoji plss 😭😭😭
hynjinnnn: six years ❣️
⤷ rin.viee: So long 💓
comments on this post have been limited
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English translation of the caption
rin.viee: HAPPY SIX YEARS TO STRAY KIDS 💓💓 Time passes so quickly that it is difficult to realize that six years have already passed. It seems like it was just yesterday that we were waiting for our debut, but now it’s here. Ollie has come so far and I am so proud of each and every one of us. Let’s grow more every year and be together forever!! Let us be happy and proud of what we have achieved and what we will achieve in the future. I LOVE YOU 💓💓
English translation of the comments
miniverse._: six years hmmm
⤷ rin.viee: hmm hmmm hmm
i.2.n.8: Happy 6 years, sister
⤷ rin.viee: Wow sister?? suddenly??🤔🤔
t.leeknowsaurus: 'we' instead of 'raise'
⤷ rin.viee: Okay teacher 😒
jutdwae: yoooo, happy 6th anniversary
⤷ rin.viee: you too binbin-ssi 🥰🥰
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💌note - Lee know's comment is highlighting the fact that she wrote '올리는' instead of '우리는' at the start of her third message changing the message from 'we have come so far and I am so proud of each and every one of us.' to 'Ollie has come so far and I am so proud of each and every one of us.' which is a silly and funny mistake !!
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wonwoonlight · 1 year
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When you're dating S.Coups from Seventeen but no one believes you.
Idol!Cheol x reader // fluff // not proofread // happy Christmas guys! A little something that would hopefully feel like a gift for you💚❤️
"Babe, you're still into them?" Gyuri shakes her head as she sees the Weverse notification on your phone. "You don't even like other idols, do you?"
You grin shamelessly and nod a yes, proudly telling them you're not interested in idols in general except for them.
"Why do you like them so much, though?" Haru asks, genuinely interested. Your personality is not exactly one for fangirling life, but you have, for reasons that they don't understand, been following Seventeen for about four years now.
And that's not even the weirdest thing.
"I told you it's because my boyfriend is in the group."
That is.
They've known you for almost a decade; and while, yes, you're not exactly best friends, you're still close enough to keep each other around since high school. And while 16 year-old you had always side eyed classmates that went too crazy on fangirling, they had never imagined it would be you saying an idol is your boyfriend with the most shameless shrug they could imagine seeing almost ten years later.
"Yeah, yeah." They laugh as they shake their head, luckily finding you amusing, if anything. "You've been saying that for how long, now?"
You share a knowing look with Hina, the only one who knows of your relationship with Seungcheol. She's your closest friend, the only one besides your family who knows of the relationship; you've introduced her to him, too, and you've actually been thinking it's time to introduce him to the rest of your clossse circle.
It's been a little past four years since you've started dating Seungcheol too, and you've both (along with the boys) decided that he's come far enough in his career and your relationship is stable enough to come out to his fans if you're ever caught.
That said, you think it's only right to start with your close friends. You're glad they've never been pushy when it comes to your relationship, and have simply accepted that whoever you've been seeing the past few years is someone you'd like to keep to yourself.
They've seen you talk with him on the phone from time to time, and it's clear how happy you are and, frankly, that's the only thing that matters. You've told them his name, but never a face to match it with. You'd talk about him from time to time too, and from the way your gaze softens everytime you do, they think it's okay not to know who he is as long it's clear he makes you happy.
"Is your boyfriend okay with you liking them?" Haru prods, finally done with the cookies she's just put into your oven. It's Christmas dinner in your place, and while you've said that you can just order in, Haru has insisted to bake her cookies anyway even if you want to order the meals. "What's his name, again? Your favorite--S.Coups?"
Hina holds back a laugh as you grin and hum a confirmation, not minding her that much. Ah, it's been quite some time since you hear someone around you refers to him by that name.
[17:22] Cheol: u home??
[17:25] Yesss. I told you I'm having a Christmas dinner with my friends, right?
[17:25] Cheol: huh right
[17:26] Cheol: do you have any idea when it'll end?
"S.Coups. General leader. August 8, 1995." You look up as Haru starts to list down the fact she's reading off some site. Gyuri plops down next to her on the sofa, giggling at the turn of events. "Real name Choi Seungcheol--huh? Wait. Is that why he's your favorite? Because he shares a name with your boyfriend?"
You blink innocently and shrugs again, not really giving them anything before texting Seungcheol you can't tell for sure when the dinner will finish.
"Is that why you keep on saying your boyfriend is in the group?" Gyuri giggles, somehow ending up looking through his pictures on twitter. "Oh wow. He does look good. Can relate why he's your favorite."
Huh.
Wait.
"I also can tell why you keep on saying he's your boyfriend." She continues, going through his instagram for some reason. "I mean, look at these pictures. Wouldn't be surprised if his girlfriend actually takes them."
You bite down a grin as you hear her talk. You did take some of those pictures, though now that you've experienced it, it's weird to listen to someone talking about your boyfriend like this.
"Right." Hina agrees with an amused grin. "Doesn't that mean that our girl right here took them?"
"Yep. I did." You laugh at your friends' grimaces, but you continue on telling them about where exactly you took those pictures even though they're not even trying to pretend they believe you.
"Girl, we love you but we can only defend you so much." Haru shakes her head in mock scolding. "I didn't know you liked them to that point. You sound like my 12 years-old sister, you know? She's been saying Kim Mingyu is her boyfriend. That guy is 13 years older than her! Thirteen!"
Kim Mingyu, huh. How did you not know Haru's sister is into Seventeen? You keep in mind to ask a favour from them and give Haru's sister a signed album for her birthday. She's like your niece, after all.
"A girl can dream." Hina shrugs like she's defending you (or Haru's sister?) and the sound of your laughter fills the room before the talk spirals from there.
It's almost three hours later when you hear your door unlocks, the four of you sharing a very confused look with each other because you definitely said you're not expecting anyone.
Fear has only started to creep in when Gyuri asks if anyone knows the code to your apartment, and before you can even answer, you hear Seungcheol’s whiny voice booming through the room.
"Babe, why are you not answering my texts? I asked if--oh. Hi."
All of you gape at him, but moreso Haru and Gyuri because what the fuck.
"Merry Christmas?" Seungcheol adds in hesitance, bringing up the wine in his hand with a sheepish smile. "I'm Seungcheol. The boyfriend."
Hina laughs as Haru slaps your arm hard, and you hiss despite the amusement in bubbling in your chest. It's only later on when Seungcheol's in the toilet that you get to finally tease them.
"Why didn't you say your boyfriend is a celebrity!"
"I told you my boyfriend's in Seventeen, didn't I?"
A/N: Merry Christmas! A little something bc I've missed writing and I got time to squeeze in today. Hope you enjoyed this ❤️💚 Gonna be busy again until right before new year so🥹 see you guys then hopefully🥰
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lemongrablothbrok · 9 months
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Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love - Earl's Court 05-24-1975 Part 17
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Okay, listen up people, Zep-heads, Jimbert shippers especially, because this video is un-fucking-believable in so many ways, and all of them good ways and I have a lot to say about it, mmkay? To start out, we have the boys coming out to do an encore, and Robert just...reclines on the platform thingy like the decadent demigod he is and eats whatever he's eating while Bonzo, the most laddish member of the group, in a fluffy robe, no less, declares that he finds football to be "a load of bollocks". Robert, almost certainly the most effeminate member of the group (I guess one might be able to argue that Jimmy - with his delicate features and willowy physique and soft speaking voice - might be a little more effeminate, but that's neither here nor there, the point still stands, and that point is that Robert is a pretty pretty princess), stands right up to defend the sport that he's so passionate about (side note: anyone know why he says "soccer" and not "football"? Because I can't think of another British person who calls it that. The first few times I heard him use it, it was during interviews with American interviewers and/or for American TV shows or publications, so I thought it was just for clarity so they know he's not talking about American football, but this is a concert in Britain with, I'm assuming, a mostly British audience. Anyone know why he calls it that?).
The song kicks off with Robert and Jimmy doing, as I referred to a few days ago on a post featuring a gif from this performance, "backwards humping", or, "the bisexual secret handshake". They are so shameless in their weird ass public courtship display that you might just miss seeing Jonesy's beautiful smile in the background (and if you do, take that video back a few seconds and freaking look at that gorgeous smile. You'll thank me later).
When we get to the first chorus, Robert freaking throws one arm around Jimmy's shoulder, pulling him close to share the microphone, and I shit you not, Jimmy's foot pops. And if that weren't enough, Robert pulls away for a second just to look at Jimmy's face and smile, only to pull him in closer again. Get a room, you dorks. Then when the second chorus comes around, they have the stupidest lovesick smiles on their faces, which are so close together they can probably taste each other's breath. Then Jimmy sort of pushes off with this shoulder nudge and one of them (Jimmy, I think? I sounds like Robert, but Robert's already in the middle of a drawn out vocal, so I think it's Jimmy) gives this soft little grunt/sigh/suspiciously sexual sounding noise. They spend a moment doing a short rendition of (I think?) James Brown's "sex machine" (worth noting/remembering here that Led Zeppelin have their own tribute to James Brown in "The Crunge", a song that gives off all the bisexual energy that's considered safe for human consumption), and then...then...
...we get to the theremin segment. The motherfucking theremin segment. The climax, if you will, of this entire performance. The part where Jimmy and Robert have hardcore sex right there on stage, right there in front of their audience, at least half of whom is probably male, and the vast majority of whom at least claim to be heterosexual, since this is the 1970s and there's very real consequences in store if you're a dude who goes around telling people out loud that one of the main reasons you go to Led Zeppelin concerts is to see and hear obscenely beautiful men fuck each other's brains out. Or even admit that you're aware that's just what's going on on that stage. Yes, this is the part where Jimmy does incredible things with his hands and long slender little fingers that make Robert moan and scream like a particularly horny banshee. Look, there's no getting around it. Even before I shipped it, I had to acknowledge (if in kind of a jokey-jokey way) that, wow, Jimmy is really dedicated to seeing how much and how hard he can make Robert cum. And Robert, in turn, is doing everything he can to let Jimmy know just how much and how hard he's cumming. Which is very much, and very hard. Some things to note are the way Robert not only mimics the sounds that the theremin is making, but also some of Jimmy's gestures, like when Jimmy puts both hands up in the air and then we see Robert doing the same. Meanwhile, the rhythm section are doing their thing, John Paul Jones' bassline providing the sort of bow-chicka-wow-wow type soundtrack to this auditory gay porn. Also, around 5:45, you can hear the bass do something that sounds an awful lot like "Achilles' Last Stand", which at this point hasn't been written yet, but that particular riff has been and will be used in concerts for quite a while before ending up in said homoerotic epic.
What really, really gets me about this performance, though, is what happens at around the six minute point, when Jimmy goes to grab his guitar back from offstage and Robert just has this look on his face. He's saying "ooh, ooh," slowly sauntering in Jimmy's direction, looking straight at him, his eyes filled with what can only be described as pure lust. This part isn't for the audience. Most of the audience can't see Robert's face with the direction he's facing, and those that can are too far away to be able to see it. He's not faking this. He's not pretending to be horny or desperate to be provocative, not in the look he's giving Jimmy, anyway. I'm not sure if the look in his eyes here is one that can be faked. Oh no. He feels it.
And then Robert gets back to singing, "Feel a little lonely, in the middle of the night. I need you darlin', to make things alright." And who is he looking directly at as he sings this? Just take a wild guess.
tl;dr: Robert and Jimmy are about as subtle as a rainbow fireworks display spelling out "WE'RE BISEXUAL DISASTERS IN LOVE"
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Note
MY VOID STATE SUCCESS STORY + HOW I DID IT <3
I was a 17 year old girl who was living in a really bad area. I really wanted to move to New York City, living in the city has always been my dream. My mental health had been really low because I was severely bullied and I started getting really bad grades and my whole life was just a mess, especially because my parents were super strict and did not believe in "depression" and instead thought it was just being lazy.
So I found out about the void this summer and after trying and trying I just couldn't get in and that affected my mental health even more. I started focusing so much on the void and forgetting about everything else, only to never get in.
One day I saw your challenge and decided to give it a try. I got this strong urge to just set the date as right then and there, and I just knew I was going to get in. I closed my eyes and just affirmed a few times and then I guess I just got in the void. I wasn't quite sure if I was in the void or not, so I just started affirming regardless.
I manifested a lot of stuff. Like a lot. From my desired appearance to living in a huge penthouse in New York City, to changing my age to 15 so I could relive my high school years, nice parents, and just so much more. Thank you so, so much. You and this whole community helped me in so many ways. I'm so proud of myself for getting the life of my dreams, because I know I deserve it. You're so nice, helping everyone, thank you.
To anyone struggling, you can do it. <3
omg wow...thank you so much for this beautiful, this is actually so amazing. i'm so extremely happy for you, i can't even put it into words. now go live your dream to life to the absolute FULLEST. ♡
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smolgloves · 2 years
Text
I made a 100 sentence starter prompt list. Do it if you want!
1). "Hey, is something wrong with your arm?"
2). "Ow! Ow! You need to let me go, or else you're going to break something!"
3). "Either you let them go now, or something bad is going to happen!"
4). "Come now child, you will wear yourself out."
5). "You possess a lot of power for someone as small as yourself."
6). "I don't get it, you should have grown back to normal!"
7). "Your kind has took everything from me, why would I ever trust you?!"
8). "Why... did you save me?"
9). "You're exhausted, you need to rest."
10). "I wish others saw you as an actual person."
11). "No one will ever listen to me at this size."
12). "Here let me help, last thing we need is for that wound to get infected."
13). "You're really not scared of me being big?"
14). "Legend says: fairy wings can grant you wishes."
15). "Come on, let them be! It's not like they stole a lot of food at their size!"
16). "Listen, if you don't calm down, we're all going to be doomed!"
17). "You've been running for so long, fighting everyday to survive, I think it's finally time you rest."
18). "I can help you get back to your world if you just trust me."
19). "There has to be a way to lift this curse!"
20). "Since when could you change your size?!"
21). "Please, you're the only one who can help me!"
22). "You don't need to hide from me."
23). "If only I could protect you."
24). "This isn't right, we can never be together!"
25). "It's not every day a tiny person lands in your food."
26). "Listen, I may be good but the rest of my kind is not, if they see you... you're dead!"
27). "You could destroy an entire city... but you didn't."
28). "My mother used to tell me horrible stories about giants."
29). "Just let me go, and I'll never steal from you again!"
30). "Here, stay close to me."
31). "Geez, your skin is like ice!"
32). "I must be drunk if I'm seeing tiny people."
33). "Humans wander in this world and never get back to theirs."
34). "If only I could be your size for once!"
35). "You're treating me like a pet!"
36). "Don't you even think about putting me in that cage!"
36). "Careful, they bite!"
37). "Oh god, I almost crushed you!"
38). "You're adorable!"
39). "I'm gonna have to put you in my pocket."
40). "Please don't pick me up."
41). "Honestly, I don't blame you for being scared of me."
42). "You can't tell anyone else about me!"
43). "Just because I'm small, doesn't mean I'm fragile!"
44). "Wow, who knew cats could be so terrifying at this size!"
45). "Where are you from exactly?"
46). "There's no time to explain, get in the pocket!"
47). "You'll be safe here."
48). "I'm sorry for shoving you in my pocket."
49). "Can you move this boulder?"
50). "You're small enough to fit in there."
51). "You can stay here until the blizzard blows over."
52). "Where can we find a shelter to fit someone of my size?!"
53). "That bird would have swooped down and got me if you hadn't saved me!"
54). "You're not mad that I snuck into your house?"
55). "Oh thank God, I thought rats invaded my kitchen!"
56). "If you ever compare them to vermin again, I'll beat the shit outta you!"
57). "I'm not letting you leave."
58). "You look like you're about to pass out."
59). "I can't believe I'm stuck here at this size!"
60). "Can we meet again?"
61). "I don't care how small you think you are, you made the biggest impact on my life."
62). "I guess you're not comfortable with me eating around you."
63). "Sounds more like stealing rather than borrowing to me."
64). "You don't have to be scared of me."
65). "Hey, look at me, you're going to be okay!"
66). "Stay with me!"
67). "I can't help you if you won't tell me the full story."
68). "There's more of you, isn't there?"
69). "You didn't deserve that."
70). "Don't worry, there's no one left who will miss me."
71). "You were born like this?"
72). "You can crash here if you want."
73). "Are you crazy? You nearly fell!"
74). "You've been terrorizing this town?"
75). "Let me give you a hand."
76). "You ripped my favorite jacket!"
77). "You need to eat something."
78). "So you're the mortal who summoned me?"
79). "If you weren't a good person, I wouldn't have trusted you."
80). "Hold tight, we're getting you out of here!"
81). "I thought I could trust you!"
82). "You know I trust you, right?"
83). "You're lucky, I was there to save you!"
84). "I'm scared of heights!"
85). "Will your wing be okay?"
86). "If you do that, you'll be small forever!"
87). "Finally, you're awake."
88). "Keep me safe."
89). "I'm doing this to protect you."
90). "How can someone as small as you survive out here?"
91). "I never meant to scare you."
92). "Can you give me a hand?"
93). "I can't believe I'm living a fairytale!"
94). "I'm not going to force you to stay here."
95). "You've done enough damage!"
96). "Get me out of this jar now!"
97). "It's okay, I'm used to being called worse things by your kind."
98). "I'll carry you where ever you need to go."
99). "I'm putting my life in your hands."
100). "Do you see me as an equal?"
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anotherkindofmindpod · 7 months
Note
I think you guys need to make a special tweet for the segment where you explain how Lewisohn literally edits (disingenuously, without parenthesis) out the part in John’s statement about Jim’s physical abuse. Because, wow: that’s a game-changer. That he felt comfortable doing so is beyond the pale. I can’t even express how it makes me feel, entirely, but I think it taps into that wrong place in everyone who’s experienced abuse. It’s infuriating, actually.
Thanks, Anon. We agree- it's infuriating! Here's the section from the transcript of the episode: ---
Daphne: He writes on page 33: It was all irresistibly magnetic. But Paul's predicament never changed: his dad didn't approve. This wasn't going to stop him, but he loved his dad and valued his own good reputation too much to openly rebel like John. It made John mad, and all the more determined to be the troublemaker Jim said he was.
Phoebe: Lewisohn then quotes John from the 1971 St. Regis interview the source of which, by the way, is given in a footnote not in the text. He quotes John as saying, Paul always wanted the home life. He liked it with daddy and the brother, and obviously missed his mother. And his dad was the whole thing. Just simple things like he wouldn't go against his dad and wear drainpipe trousers. He treated Paul like a child all the time, cut his hair and telling him what to wear at 17, 18. I was always saying 'don't take that shit off him.' I was brought up by a woman so maybe it was different. But I wouldn't let the old man treat me like that. 
Okay, the problem with this is that Lewisohn omits, with no ellipses, what we believe is a vitally important line from this classic Lennon rant. John does say the thing about drainpipe trousers, but then he adds this: 
And I was always saying, face up to your dad, tell him to fuck off! He can't hit you. You can kill him! He's an old man. I used to say 'don't take that shit off of him!' Because I was always brought up by a woman. So maybe it was different. But I wouldn't let the old man treat me like that.
Daphne: So he omits the part about John mentioning Jim hitting Paul.
--- As I mentioned in the episode, Lewisohn using John's quote to frame John as being "mad" at Paul for being weak and image-conscious is not the best judgment (are we 1000% certain John is mad at Paul here rather than Jim?) and, given what we know about Jim's abuse, in especially poor taste. The full conversation can be head HERE
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oceanlipgloss · 5 months
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These 4-71+ battles are tickling my temper
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⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗
I understand that the battles should be harder because the story is progressing, but my God, all in moderation. I'm stuck on 4-78 now and man, it's NOT fun. The battles are annoying and they're longer than my lifespan and there are 45+ angels at least and 60+ at most and they don't die fast and there are no means for proper distribution of team members and everyone in my team is popping to death and
GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
⋆ ⋆ ⋆ ´ˎ˗
16.1.2024
edit 1: you. I want to squeeze your eyeballs out with my fingernails and feed them to Shrek
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edit 2: I have no idea how many times I've repeated this godforsaken battle since yesterday, I believe, but I just finally beat it with half my team dead, and Satan on the brink of death now onto the next nightmare
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edit 3: MWAHAHAHA HERE COMES 4-79 WITH 66 ANGELS! FIRE ATTRIBUTE UNFAVOURABLE! Andre nooooo this is gonna suck
edit 4: just as expected. Screw u and ur eyeballs, angels🖕🏼
edit 5: at this point I'm just admiring the chibis. Look at his little handdddd I want to fluff his hair too, it's so curly and cute
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edit 6: and look at the puffy sleeves and tiny boots pls change them in your sprite version and tiny teddies if you can look past the pic quality and pls just look at how big the teddy bear on his head is in comparison to his body. Leraye's chibi model is one of the cutest lol
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edit 7: he angy. Me too, bby, me too. I am once again saying that I love him Sneak a peek at that small hand <3 'that angel! Kill it!'
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edit 8: almost won with 7 angels left but then Satan was out and idk whether to feel upset because Satan died on me when his ultimate meter was just about maxed out (so he would've rid me of the remaining angels) or feel hopeful because I killed 59 angels/66 and almost made it to the end with most of my team still intact...
edit 9: lost again with 2 angels left this time BECAUSE SATAN DIED ON ME AGAIN
edit 10: I stopped trying my hand at the battle. I just do not have the energy to deal with it anymore for now. I'll stick to doing daily tasks for tonight. I love collecting the rewards lol
edit 11: I'm bored. I may or may not think I'm going to buy 30 keys with pancakes to actually SPEND this time. Not for hoarding. The pancakes are bountiful, the anticipation is a pleasant kind of fun definitely not shading the battles, and I might get something of use to me, so...here we gooooo
edit 12: OH MY GOD BEEL BEEL AND YELLOW SPARKLES ON THE PULL SCREEN I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANSSSS AAAAAAAAAAH LEMME SEE
edit 13: he really finally came home this time🫶🏼he's so beautiful <3 I also adore the 'I am everywhere and nowhere. But when you're around, I think it's okay to stay.' I didn't quite expect a line like that—it sounds poetic and romantic to me. I'm going to try my best to unlock his story. I can't wait to see what having him in Secret Club would be like too, obviously
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edit 14: the glee, the gleeeeee lol my love transcended the screen This pull also gave me Eligos, he's so cute (edit: tf is that ultimate, bro? It's on par with his description from before the game was launched, but ok) And through a greater key pull earlier today gotta get pancakes I got Glasyalabolas, I love himmm his chibi and coffin look so extra, too lol but Ronové, when is it going to be your turn?
edit 15: I don't believe it. I PASSED. Only Satan and Mammon survived, but Beel's ultimate is a banger. The wonders he would do at level 89...
edit 16: screechers and spike-shitters again! Hallelujah also wow Leviathan sent his guys to kidnap MC. Meaning she will meet him soon, meaning I might get to see Glasyalabolas soon lol I AM EXCITED just let me make it past even one of these horrific battles first
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17.1.2024
edit 17: Beel's expressions in Secret Club GOD I KNOW YOU DON'T APPROVE OF ME PLAYING THIS GAME BUT HELP ME My God my God my God my—
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18.1.2024
edit 18: no but his thighs tho kinda want to hug them like a koala bear just him in general <3
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edit 19: Valefor's H-scene CG looks edible, no? watch Tumblr flag this I wonder if his scene will come first and next one would be Leviathan's. And if I tell you how much I'm looking forward to interactions with Leviathan, and to his H-scene...
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edit 20: would you look at that! What perfect timing. The difficulty is probably going to stay hellish hardcore, more so with the one lvl 89 L card of mine, but still, does this mean that I may have a sliver of a chance? It's better if I don't hope too much that I'll make it out of Chapter 4 any time soon tho. I will have to do the best I can to avoid spoilers
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But PrettyBusy is amazing, honestly—just as a good company should be—they listen to players, constantly try to integrate feedback and opinions into the gameplay, and come up with ideas to better it too. They fucked up bigtime with the Pancake Shop though, ngl. BECAUSE HOW TF AM I GOING TO STOCK UP ON KEYS AFTER IT GETS REMODELLED?
edit 21: they're helping us 'prepare' for the Attack of Kings event from now, aren't they? Pffff, like I didn't know the cards would be limited
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25.1.2024
edit 22: I stopped trying to get past that battle because first, it got too annoying and two, PB said that the difficulty of battles before Chapter 5 would be reduced in the latest update, so I waited, updated the game today, and... I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW MUCH EASIER THEY GOT. Honestly, I thought the difficulty would only be lowered a lick, but wow, it really was taken down a BIG notch fr fr. THANK YOU PB! I made it to Chapter 5, finallyyyyyy :D Also, Leviathan at the end of Chapter 4 made me really like him for the exact reason a number of people dislike him: his attitude and how he deals with MC. To be honest, everyone coddles her too much and blindly encourages her excessive tendencies, so there must be at least one person who sets boundaries and scolds her when she goes overboard—and that someone seems to be Leviathan (hopefully). I'm aware that he will end up feeling attracted to her at some point too, but he will obviously give her a hard time nevertheless and I'm all for it lol Anyways, I'm going to avoid spoilers like I avoid milk, yoghurt and cheese I hate almost everything dairy until I finish Chapter 5, so...yup!
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clare-with-no-i · 2 months
Text
20 q's for fic writers
thank you sooo so much for tagging me @kay-elle-cee I unfortunately could not approach this in a completely earnest fashion due to who I am as a person, so everyone please take this slightly ersatz set of answers with all of the love I intend…which is a lot I swear…
AO3 Username: clarewithnoi (pronounced 'clare with no eye')
1. How many works do you have on A03? lol I keep orphaning stories when they annoy me but for now 37 (I think?)
2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 403,419…what is this word city
3. What fandoms do you write for? Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, others which I have not published lol
4. What are your top five fics by kudos?
not the statistics page!!!!!!! john mulaney voice that's the thing I'm sensitive about!!!!!!
one long day (all my love will make you shake) at 1,151 WOW my god I did not realize it had surpassed 1k!!! did I know that? holy shit!
I will carry you, always at 873 ok this is also shocking but I do know that my they-lived AUs tend to be more popular and they're older so they've had time to accumulate hits
foreigner's god at 701 still can't believe this <3
theogony at 682 (!!)
growing pains at 675 another they-lived AU! I really carved out a niche early on
5. Do you respond to comments? don't look at me…I always want to…I swear I just get overwhelmed…put the gun down please…
6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? uhhhh jesus idk, probably the derelict art of letting go? I don't write a lot of angst but I guess that one is on the sadder side
7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? foreigner's god! or I will carry you always! in one of them I contend with reincarnation and shared grief and second chances at life. in the other one they hook up in the DADA classroom. so it's a toss-up
8. Do you get hate on fics? not really, and given the number of public fights I've had on this account you'd think that people would take their dislike of me to ao3 more often, but everyone's been remarkably charitable in that regard. thanks guys <3
9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? only if I can exorcise personal trauma through it. or if it's 2020 and I'm dissociating in my studio apartment.
10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? no and no one say theogony or I'm turning this bus around
11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? yessiree and it was not pleasant!
12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes! a few! the ones with my permission were lovely. the ones without my permission not as much.
13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? naur…
14. What’s your all time favorite ship? it's like a three-way tie between jily, percabeth, and zelink tbh! but I've mainly read jily fic in the past few years I think. but this answer can change dependent on me developing a new hyperfixation lmao
15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? the last time I answered this question I did it as a joke and then I wrote theogony about it so I'm going to choose peace and just plead the fifth here lest I commit to another wip that'll take three years
16. What are your writing strengths? I do a lot of (an excess of) research, I'm good at description, I am funny when I want to be, I've had some really good prose moments if I do say so myself (I do)
17. What are your writing weaknesses? I am structurally a very weak writer, I can't be succinct, I don't have a great literature background so I never really know what I'm in conversation with and have limited points of reference for writing, I am very bad at writing characters who are subtle about their emotions/romantic feelings, I submit to time pressure and rush myself, the list goes on
18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've always wanted to write a fic in Spanish omgggg
19. First fandom you wrote for? either Zelink or Percabeth when I was like 12 lol.
20. Favourite fic you’ve written? theogony!
tagging @thequibblah yes I know you've been tagged already. cope <3 and @mipwrites go get 'em champ
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kindestofkings · 6 months
Text
a mastermind [1]
ryan mcmahon x reader
faceclaim:phoebe bridgers
authors note: k so this is kinda an all over the place fic but I had a lot of fun making it so ENJOY! @orangeinecstasy a fellow ryan appreciator, thanks for the brainstorming 🫡
2020
yourusername
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liked by rass75 and others
yourusername oi have you listened to NOACF yet?? theres something special in tracks 8,9,10 and 17 or should I say someone 👀
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1975fan1 wow can't believe the 1975 broke their own no collabs rule for matty's girl of the week
yourusername you seeing this ratty? Im your girl of the week 😍😍 trumanblack wait JUST one week?? yourusername yeah so short! better cheat on me quick xxx 1975adam I just dont get you two...
rass75 celebration pints?
yourusername like you need any excuse hahah
trumanblack they're ALL special tracks thank you very much.
1975_fanbase the tumblr gays just overloaded thanks!
trumanblack anything for the cause 👍👍👍
ynfan1 really not a 1975 fan but jesus christ 2005 is so amazing, I just bought the album!
bedfordanes75 studio time was sick can we please do it again
yourusername I do need a producer for my next album...
ryanmcmahon_15 just added to their story!
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replies:
elijahhewson haha man you good? bobbyskeetz new day same crush inhalerfan1 omg you being a yn is everything!
2022
the1975
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liked by yourusername and others
the1975 I'm in love with you. out now.
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rass75 🖤🖤
yourusername its good to be back boys
pollymoney so right I am in love with yourusername
yourusername stop im blushin so hard rn heheh
trumanblack loser
yourusername lover* trumanblack eh alright then
ynhealytruther ahhh I missed you guys so much, such a hot couple
1975fan1 since when have they confirmed they're dating??
ynhealytruther
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ynhealytruther this is confirmation right?? they HAVE to be dating
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ynfan1 ah I really hope not he's kinda old for her no?
1975fan2 yeah tbf it is like 10 years or something...
1975fan1 I hope so they are the definition of bi panic
1975fan2 ew hope not shes kinda ugly
ynhealytruther absolutely no yn slander excepted here! move on with your hate
yourusername
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liked by ryanmcmahon_15 and others
yourusername someone just said stop writing songs about sad things and blowjobs. best joke I've ever heard!
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trumanblack over my dead boy
yourusername pleaseeee dont tempt me with a good time 😍
1975fan1 are you guys dating?? just confirm it already
1975fan2 class music video!!
ynfan1 please date someone else, hes too old for you!!
bobbyskeetz just added to their story!
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man's (celeb) crush is in a relationship (we think) so he's turning to the drink 😔
replies:
inhalerfan1 its yourusername isn't. cause same joshjenkinson_ cause there was defo a chance before hand!
ynfanclub
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ynfanclub guys I'm at yourusernames's secret session ah! look this is her face when people asked if she was dating matty. adorble!!! and THEN HE CAME OUT AND THEY SANG JESUS CHRIST 2005
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ynhealytruther oh what a day !!!
ynhealytruther my literal parents
ynfan1 hes literal so old ewww
trumanblack
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liked by yourusername and others
trumanblack just friends.
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yourusername dw guys he checked my id AND sang robbers beforehand !!
rass75 have you two ever been serious about anything in your lives? yourusername what do you mean I'm taking this job of being matthew healy's controversially young alleged girlfriend VERY SERIOUSLY 😤 trumanblack serious is my middle name mate 😍🔥🤠😎 rass75 why did I even ask....
yourusername
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liked by ryanmcmahon_15 and others
yourusername Ireland I am in you. and loving you as per usual! my (second) favourite Irish artist asked me to stop by at his home gig 😢 so so honoured andrew <3
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ynfan1 I cant believe this, I'M GOING TO HIS SHOW TOMORROW NIGHT!!!
lucydacus parents.
ynfan2 you said it.
inhalerfan1 bestie for research purposes I need to know who's your fav??
yourusername hmmm research purposes you say .... 🤔 inhalerfan1 ahhh hi omgomgomgomg hello
bobbyskeetz huh @ryanmcmahon_15 see this?
yourusername just added to their story!
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replies:
inhalerfan1 OH FUCK YES I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!! inhalerfan1 thank you for answering my question &lt;3 elijahhewson honoured! are you here long? we've a drummer who's a big fan of yours, we could all link up for drinks ? ↳ hi! sounds so fun, I'm here till saturday actually so i've got time! presuming you guys know the best spot for a pint 👀 ↳ elijahhewson sir mcmahon knows the place!
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joshjenkinson_ just added to their story!
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replies:
ryanmcmahon_15 im never coming down from this. and I'll never stop talking about it
elijahhewson still havent recovered from the incredibly girlish scream he let out hahah
bobbyskeetz a king, ill never question him again
yourusername
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liked by trumanblack and others
yourusername psa: offically go ON THE RECORD that I am not dating anyone of these wonderful human beings that are my friends. although they are very beautiful and even hotter, we're all just a homies that are a lil bit fruity 💅
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trumanblack wait what?? I thought we were married? what am I telling the kids ???
yourusername tell em their mother is in her hot girl era and their dad's a LOSER
bedfordanes75 you are such a mystery, how does your brain work 🤔
ynhealytruther nooooooo NO say sike rn RIGHT NOW
1975fan1 yay! theres still a chance 😎
inhalerfan1 oh this is really feeding my delusions hehehe
yourusername just added to their story!
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y'all are gonna be so proud I'm off to go SOCIALISE with NEW people ahh 🔥🔥
replies:
trumanblack ooh is this the drinks with bono's sons band? ↳ yourusername you betcha, trading in the nepo baby in my life for a newer model xx rass75 I cannot believe you manifested this. go get that celeb crush ↳ yourusername welll if you insist ! ynfan1 you are soooooo me coded hahahha
AHH how we doing?? Go read part two please 🫶🏼
part 2
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blueepink07 · 6 months
Text
I really like how Yuno and Mahiru get along despite having opposing beliefs and traits.
Yuno is a realistic person, while Mahiru is more like the "romantic type", as Yuno names it.
"Yuno: Eh? Not really. I mean, Mahiru-san, you’re really the romantic type, right? Not that I have anything against that." ~ Mahiru's birthday 22/01/17
"What is the difference between you and someone else?"
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Mahiru believes in fate, finding a meaning in every single aspect of life, while for Yuno things like this are just a mere coincidence!
"Yuno: "But isn’t it a bit much to think that everything in life has a meaning? If it makes you happy to think like that then go ahead, but if it doesn’t, then isn’t that in itself meaningless?
Mahiru:…you might be right. I’ve always just lived my life like this, so I don’t really know.
Yuno: We’ve all just gone through a bunch of things in life that happened to lead us here. It’s nothing more than a coincidence. Definitely not fate or anything. Probably. Even if there isn’t a meaning, you can still be happy that it’s your birthday. That sort of thing’s all you need in life really. So happy birthday, Mahiru-san." ~Mahiru's birthday 22/01/17
Mahiru seems to believe in the existence of God (which again, is a good way to represent her strong affiliations with fate), but, in contrast, Yuno is an atheist.
"What do you think happens after people die?"
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"Do you think God exists?"
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Also, what they want to achieve or is the main priority in the future is really different!
Yuno wants a job the she likes and, for Mahiru, her main priority is to find love and have a family. Yuno even calls her old-fashioned for these dreams for the future!
"Do you have any dreams for the future?"
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"Do you like children?"
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"Yuno: …mmm, the food here is actually pretty nice. I wonder if the guard made it…Oh yeah, Mahiru-san, do you cook?
Mahiru: Hm? I do~ Cooking, washing, cleaning, I love doing all those sorts of things~ Fufufu, I passed all my self-imposed training to become the perfect wife with flying colours!
Yuno: Wow, incredible…I don’t know whether to call that old-fashioned or what…isn’t it a pain?
Mahiru: Eh~? I don’t think it’s a pain at all~It’s fun~"
And as it seems, before second trial and during this one, they currently spend time with eachother more than ever!
"Are there any fellow prisoners you are on good terms with?"
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So it's natural that they will end up influencing eachother, right?
Mahiru, especially, seems to have taken a possible advice from Yuno to heart!
In the frist trial, Mahiru was waiting for Es's judgement in order to find the answer for her question if she should still be allowed to love somebody.
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She is uncertain of what she should do, considering the circumstances. She knows that she can't live without love, but, at the same time, thinks that her actions are a sin and doesn't want to repeat her crime.
However, in the second VD, she states that Es's judgement doesn't hold much importance anymore. She is willing to die for love, wanting to experience it all over again. She respects Es, but stops seeking approval from them.
"Mahiru: So I don’t blame her. Because I also think that I... that my love isn’t wrong. I don't want to be shamed for my love.
Es: ...
Mahiru: No matter what you think, it won't change things for me. That's what I've decided."
Who do we know that doesn't care about Es's judgement? Yuno, of course!
"Yuno: I said so at the start, didn’t I? That punishing people outside of the law is boundless. And so I had no interest in Milgram.
Es: Yes, I remember. You said that you would pay my judgement no mind and remain as you were."
It wouldn't be a surprise if Mahiru consulted herself with Yuno! Yuno might have told her about her views of Milgram and the votes, which might have influenced Mahiru in deciding that she will die for her love, no matter if she will be guilty or not!
Yuno, despite that you don't socialize as much anymore, you still managed to make some changes...!
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strawb3rrystar · 7 months
Text
Star's 200 followers special !! - Prompts
See here for the characters I will write for
How to request:
(Prompt(s) - Max 2) (What kind of reader - Fem, Masc, Gender Neutral) (Character) (Any other extra things you want me to add into the fic)
How long will the event run for?
November 1st 2023 - December 31st 2023 is when I'll be accepting requests and will be writing/posting them throughout
*Please note! The crossed out ones are already taken!
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Smut prompts:
1. “Your underwear!? Why would you ask me! I, obviously, don’t have them!”
2. "Oh, my love, the things you do to me."
3. “Such a cute Puppy~ begging for cock like the well trained mutt you are."
4. “You look so good like that, my dear. On your knees, my cock down your throat."
5. "The only thing you’ll every be good for is a tight hole for me to stuff full.”
6. “You're drunk on my cock, aren’t you? You want to be stuffed full till all you can think is my cock in your needy little hole, don’t you?"
7. “Look at you. Cumming from just a vibrator, like a needy whore."
8. “Shut up and get against the wall. I’m fucking you right here in this alley, I don’t care who watches."
9. "Get over my lap. Good, I want the others to watch you get punished. I want them to know who you belong to.”
10. “Maybe you shouldn’t have dressed this way if you didn’t want someone to rip these clothes off."
11. “Don’t squirm, sweetheart. You’re my breeding bitch, now."
12. "Go on, swallow my spit. Be a good little slut."
13. "The only way you're getting off is on my thigh. And don’t you dare think of touching yourself."
14. "Two fingers, too much, baby?"
Yandere Prompts:
15. "I need you to eat. Don't make me set up the feeding tube again."
16. "Unless you want to be put in isolation again, I'd suggest you put down the knife. I'll let ____ know you can't assist in the kitchen for a while."
17. "Did you really think that would work? You know I have to put the shock collar back on now."
18. "Just remember, my hands can wrap all the way around your neck if needed."
19. "Why are you shaking, darling? Are you scared of me?"
20. "I'll take the gag off once you stop screaming."
21. "It's okay, I'll kiss all the pain away, my love. You don't have to worry."
22. "They deserved it for talking to you like that."
23. "You look so pretty in a collar, my perfect little darling."
24. "I wasn't following you, my dear. I was just making sure you were alright."
25. "Stalking? No, these cameras are to watch everything. Not just you... that would be silly..."
26. "I don't care if the ropes hurt, I'm not having you escape again."
27. "Why are you screaming? You know, no one will save you."
28. "Your friends? Darling, they've always hated you, believe me."
Fluff Prompts:
29. "Let's watch the sunset. Just you and me."
30. "I got you these flowers. I thought they matched your eyes."
31. "Are you cold? We can cuddle if you want to."
32. "I'm sorry if this isn't the romantic date you were hoping for..." "____, it's perfect."
33. "You look like you're struggling there. Want me to help?" (Dying/doing ur hair)
34. "You're so (Beautiful/Handsome/Amazing/Other compliments), baby."
35. "I hope my hands aren't too sweaty... Ah! Did I say that out loud?"
36. "Come on, we have time for one more kiss."
37. "Can you paint my nails too...?"
38. "Wow... My outfit looks like shit compared to yours."
39. "Jealous? Pfft, I'm not jealous."
40. "You're my (type of royalty), and I'll treat you like it."
41. "Let's get away from these assholes, hang out alone."
42. "I got you another stuffed animal. What? You can never have too many."
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Tagging everyone on my taglist and my mutuals so they can see!! @raphaelsqueen @kipxer @mamaemoemu @sleebykei @vixezn @thejudiciousneurotic @spongejuice and @ju1cyfru1t - Not trying to bother any of you, just want to get the word out
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gerryrigged · 1 year
Note
👀 please tell me about the dicktim time travel
Gladly! :D
Okay so I forgot - this file actually has two separate ideas because I was trying to decide which one to actually develop.
Idea 1
A happy, healthy 25-yo Tim is dropped back in Gotham a couple of weeks after Red Robin first left the city.
He's a huge shock to a 24-yo Dick struggling with, among other things, the weight of the Bat mantle, grief over Bruce, frustration with Damian, and worry and guilt over his pissed-off, grief-stricken, unstable younger brother who hasn't answered any of his calls since Dick let him ride off to god knows where, to do god knows what.
This older Tim is so…warm. Calm. Steady. (Gorgeous.) He jokes and smiles at Dick without any shadows (the way Tim used to smile at him), and hugs him without hesitation, ignoring the way Dick stiffens up like a board before slowly, slowly melting into him. (Clutching at him.)
He brushes off Damian! Doesn't take his shit, but mostly seems amused by him. Wow. Dick can't even manage that most of the time, not yet.
He drives Dick crazy by refusing to tell him any spoilers about (a) what his 17-year-old self is up to, or (b) what any of their lives are like in the future. He won't even tell Dick his new vigilante name, even though Dick knows he has to have one!
He also shuts down Dick's halting apology for his own screw-ups with swift, excruciating kindness.
"Sorry, Dick, but no," the older Tim says, eyes soft but voice firm. "Tell this to him. The next time you see him."
Idea 2
Sort of an inverse of the above, actually. Red Robin!Tim has just passed out in the desert after being run through by the Widower. He wakes up in a comfortable bed (?), unharmed (???), being spooned by Dick (???????).
Needless to say, he thinks it's a dying hallucination - or maybe he's already dead? (Is this heaven? he thinks, tracing a finger down the muscles of Dick's forearm, wrapped firmly around his stomach.)
He's torn between his still simmering anger and resentment for Dick, and a sort of manic recklessness. This is obviously not real, so why shouldn't he turn around when this dream!Dick kisses his shoulder - why shouldn't he grab Dick and kiss him back - kiss him so hard he makes a delicious little 'mmph!' noise as he's pressed down into the mattress?
Why shouldn't he grip Dick's wrists too tight, bite the stupid tempting curve of his lower lip too aggressively - because Tim just died in the fucking desert. Right after finding proof that Bruce was alive.
He failed to save Bruce. Failed to keep his shit together, just like Dick transparently knew he would. Failed to come back to Dick, to prove him wrong for not believing Tim, for choosing someone else.
(If he kisses Dick hard enough, he can keep himself from breaking apart. Right? ...Right?)
Dick figures out immediately that something is Very Fucking Wrong with his husband :/
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