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#CIA CLOWN
ms-boogie-man · 2 months
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Former CIA Director John McLaughlin: ‘Thank God for the Deep State’
Beyond his thanking god for the deepstate — which an admission of corruption btw, everythingy this clown says is a lie
… a lie
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Angie/Maddie🦇❥✝︎🇺🇸
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cosmik-homo · 1 year
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The thing with how I see CIA Two in my head is like. I haven't engagex with any tv or extended canon Gallifrey politics or depictions of this era buy I think it's like. I don't know if it's my belief in the doctor in general or the Draft Dodger projecting or whatever but I think however much they force his hand to work for them and do what they want, the can't entirely control him. He is gonna be a part of things he'd rather not and move them along by supporting but I don't think he would let himself be out in a position of directly violating his personal beliefs or directly harming people more than he finds acceptable. They can control him but they can't control him, y'know.
#not to be a guy who always talks about things through other things but i think 6B Two would be Hawkeye Pierce core.#you can trap a doctor in your war machine but you can't make him respect it. he'll do what he has to in this trapped position#because he believes in fixing timelines for the better and whatnot. he will not stop being individualistic and flipping off the timelord#leadership. and similarly to Hawkeye it's not that hes A Pacifist entirely. he will steal someone's blood for the bit.#he'll deal destruction to daleks!! he'll endanger lives for the good of the whole!#if they ask him to kill? to coup? to supress freedom for petty political interests? he will go Or What. what're ya gonna do? kill me#I'm hlf convinced the give him back Jamie just to have rhe bargaining card of having someone he cares about#he's a gremlin and I think he does have a darker capacity and it will probably pop up more pressed by the CIA#but. look at the doctor's relationship to their Atrocities post time war. it's very much a Because They Thought It's Right#they're willing to do terrible things if they dont have a choice but if its just for the political gratification of the timelords?#and the choice is this or regeneration? cmon theyre gonna flip em off and jump off a cliff backwards and ya know it.#and again Hawkeye 'trapped clown' Pierce. two is going to be So annoying on purpose during missions and fuck up timelord interests#also just like. i think he will do bad thjngs he will be conflicted with! but like in a 12 way goddamit not a WAR INCARNATION way#he IS the doctor and he put meaning into thst title
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livinwa · 4 months
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Hm. so elective surgeries to achieve a certain aesthetic/effect are common in Clown World, then? Are these accessible/paid for by the clown government, or is there a sort of social status/class aspect to the amount of modifications and commitment to the bit any given clown has?
- CIA
Thry are common, yes, but assuming clowns can have a government is foolish. While they do have a "government" its infront if the true monarchy/matriarchy/patriarchy, under a king, queen, quing, or simply a council, as there are separate clown kingdoms.
The procedures can be an indication of some status, depending on how ludicrous the gag is, say, paddleball boobs, those include a separate procedure of stretchification, to include the boing. The more procedures to give oneself the gag = the higher up the one has climbed to achieve the joke.
Truly happy clowns with no procedure can and have been at higher classes, hence the ranks are based on who is happiest. Kind jest, having achieved everything he has ever wanted and needed, has never once fallen from his place as king, and while clowns live a long lifespan, he is on a next level, without any sort of procedures to change how he has looked throughout the times.
Though queen squeky, of poetic humor, is what one may consider a clockwork clown, a living breathing astronomical device that has undergone as many procedures on a pulled handkerchief, turning her into something strong within her kingdom of cogs and inventions. To what she has originally looked, is long lost, but she remains queen because of the happiness she has brought unto herself.
Quing dunce, of the practical humors, has had only minor procedures committed, the loosing of her bahonkas one of them. And turning her face into a blank mask of a sad clowns. They have no need for the procedures, not unlike king jest, they have simple procedures.
Th currency within the kingdom differs from trades to coins, but within certain places, (usually visited by the higher classes), is those that take only humor. To convince the surgons that your humor is good and would only be amplified via the procedure.
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stupittmoran · 2 months
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Top 10 headlines the media didn't tell you this week, Repost & FoIIow for more
Idaho House passes bill to give pedophiIes the death penalty.
Tucker Putin Interview breaks 200 Million views in just one week on 𝕏.
Epstein victims sue U.S. government, accusing the FBI of allowing and enabling his s*x traffıcking for two decades.
Impeachment clause to be used against Trump found hidden in Ukraine Funding Bill.
Kanye West's latest #1 album removed from Apple music store.
New report finds Obama CIA had foreign allies spy on Trump Team, triggering Russia Collusion Hoax.
France passes law that could punish anti-vaxxers with 3 years in prison and a fine of 45,000 euros.
Biden Homeland Security Secretary Mayorkas impeached for border failure.
FBI whistleblower who exposed Biden Ukraine corruption now being charged by Hunter Biden 'investigator.'
Biden refuses cognitive test, first president in history to do so. Is Biden's incompetence a national security threat?
If you appreciate this Top 10 recap, remember to Repost and FoIIow me for another week in a clown world 🤡🌎
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wemblingfool · 8 months
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I want to see a TMNT series where while Shredder is a criminal mastermind, a master strategist, and one of the greatest and most powerful fighters in the world, he is not immune to the weirdness around him, and tends to have fairly normal and reasonable reactions of "what. the. @$%&." to it all.
And he comes to absolutely hate the turtles, because he can never fully account for their absurdity. Because how? How to you effectively plan for four mutant turtle ninja teenagers and their rat master?
You set a trap for them, and they never show up. You think they cleverly saw through your bait, but unbeknownst to you, they're fighting an insane homeless guy who lives in the sewers and has a thing for rats.
You set another trap for them, and this one is perfect. You've taken into account everything you know about them. Will they split up? Will they bring the rat? Will they bring that hockey clown? You've thought of it all. You're even prepared if they bring a robot or maybe even an alligator.
What you didn't anticipate though is you're now suddenly getting thoroughly stomped by the giant-ass orange alien dinosaur man they found on the way over. Because how? How do you plan for that?
He can deal with Interpol, the CIA, the police, covert strike teams, and just about anything the various governments throw at him, but his global criminal empire is crumbling because of the buffoonery of four teenage mutant ninja turtles.
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1americanconservative · 8 months
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Sept 2023
Top 10 headlines the media didn't tell you this week, Repost & FoIIow for more.
10. CIA paid off analysts to say COVID didn't originate in the Wuhan lab.
9. California Senate Approves $300 Weekly Checks for Unemployed Illegals.
8. Maui residents say the government is working on deeming Lahaina a 'natural disaster' area in order to take their land.
7. Senator Warren threatens to lnvestigate Elon Musk for following government orders, not providing Starlink to Crimea, avoiding escalating war.
6. Election software used in 36 states have contracts with a hidden clause that allows election staff to 'override' results of an eIection.
5. Federal judge declares Biden’s program for “undocumented immıgrants” ILLEGAL.
4. Hunter Biden lNDICTED on guŋ charges after sweet heart deal falls through.
3. Electronic voting machines expert says Georgia counties destroyed 1.7 million ballot images and drop box surveillance videos in violation of the law.
2. Albuquerque Federal Judge BLOCKED New Mexico Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham’s suspension of the 2nd Amendment in the state.
1. Pennsylvania judge grants 'presidential immunity' for President Trump to address the integrity of our election without liability, further proving Fani Willis' case has no merit. If you appreciate this Top 10 recap, remember to Repost and FoIIow me for another week in a clown world
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ladykinrannoch · 3 months
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Kate has never been protected by the royal family. It was considered acquired by the monarchy from the beginning.This family does not deserve this woman. I'm sorry, but that's my point of view. They prefer to protect these two clowns, and they have done so from the beginning. Nothing is done against them. I hear talk of a long game from the RF, but that sounds more like weakness or worse, betrayal. I have the impression that this is a double game that will seriously backfire on them.
I agree only on one thing that Catherine (not Kate) has been hampered in her ability to defend herself/speak out in the absence of publicly visible defence from the BRF. What the other two have got away with, tarnishing her reputation is reprehensible.
If we go back to the days of London PR before the wedding. All Skippy followers knew that it was a set up with backers. The only fool who did not appear to understand what he was doing was the idiot prince. He now has himself in a terrible mess, and maybe only now is realising the gravitas of what he has done. And it appears the backers are no longer supporting them. Hence all the merching and pap walking and taking five minute gigs to hand out awards. They are degraded to rent a royals, and to be honest will slip into obscurity more and more with each passing year. Despite That One sending out millions of media releases and pap alerts all the time.
H is terribly unhappy, self-medicating with goodness knows what and already with an addictive personality trait having abused alcohol and drugs from a young age, he is in my opinion a lost cause. The backers have realised that every stone thrown at the BRF only makes it stronger and more popular. So the duo have been abandoned not just by the family but by whoever wanted to destabilise the monarchy, whether that was WEF, Russian oligarchs, the CIA or any number of parties who stood to benefit from the collapse of the monarchy in Britain.
Let's be clear, MI5 and MI6 have a dossier. And William has full access to it. You don't think he makes regular visits there to jolly them along on there work. Anytime he has visited has clearly been for a specific briefing. You can be sure that despite running and hiding in Canada and then flying to the US, that the intelligence services knows exactly what they are doing. All the time.
How do you think that 12 minute conversation went with Charles? Money - No more. Children - No not until we see them back here in Britain. Want to come home? - No not until you divorce from that vile woman. I reckon Charles called his bluff on all these things. They tried to blackmail the BRF into giving them big chunks of money over naming Charles and Catherine as the racists via that vile Scooby Doo's book. That was no accident. That was on purpose.... Hazbeen came to get the money and got sent home without a penny. Because absolutely no sane person believes that either of them are racist.
So my point is, just because we don't see things happening played out in the media does not mean that the BRF are not doing anything. Personally I think that behind the scenes, the BRF are making Montecito a living hell for them. Just by withholding any bail out or financial support is enough. But it may extend beyond that and it may be why they are getting no deals. What big honcho in LA wants to annoy the BRF? I can tell you very very few...imho.
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callofdudes · 2 months
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Please bestie, I need platonic Alex Keller headcanons I beg of you 😭😭😭
I'm here to deliver for you in trying times bestie. Stuck at home from work in a blizzard so here I am for you. Hope it suffices and you enjoy. 🫡 @itsscromp
Alex Keller Headcanons:
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I imagined Alex was one of those clowns in school. I think when he was younger he was respectful but also a hog for attention. He always got really happy when the teacher picked him in class and would pout if some other kid got "his answer".
I'm not terribly sure about family headcanons. I feel he fits as either an only child or as a younger brother to an older boy. (Possibly a twin) If he had any siblings I could see him as the middle child, an older brother, him and a little sister.
Alex's parents raised him as a gentleman. You think his manners came from the military?? Even when he was in highschool he called women he respected ma'am on the regular.
Alex watched a lot of spy movies when he was younger. Jason Bourne, Jack Ryan, R.E.D. A bunch of those kinds of movies. But Alex didn't originally want to be CIA.
He also really liked superheroes. (Lovingly borrowing a headcanon from Scromp) He really liked Mega Man and other super heroes like that. Probably watched Ben Ten or something. (Sang the power Rangers theme song)
I think unlike the others Alex's run to the military was as an accidental second hand decision.
He had incredible grades in school but when his brother was called for Mandatory service. Alex was still too young when his brother went to serve a couple years. Instead of going to college and getting a different job he went to serve mandatory years as well.
Alex gives me Texas man vibes, but he doesn't have the accent. So I don't think he grew up there, possibly from California or Georgia. Somewhere warm.
Alex wanted to serve alongside his brother but he was deployed while Alex was in his first stages of basic training.
Alex is a very sociable guy so he doesn't have trouble making friends. However, upon a certain incident he did lose a lot of his confidence. Around people he knows he's a butterfly in flight, but doesn't like attention on the leg.
Alex was super attached to his older brother but when he got past that part he did enjoy his time in the military.
Obviously the first person he wants to introduce you to Is his brother and his parents. He'll introduce you with so much pride.
In my mind I see Alex's parents as your typical Georgia or Texas conservative dressers. But they aren't those types of conservatives. They were worried for him when he was younger, but if their son showed up with a man on his arm they wouldn't bat an eye.
And obviously they love you. Alex's dad is the guy who says that even as a guest, in the house you take on some household priorities. Nothing big, but probably expects some help with yardwork and that you'll help his wife with dishes.
Alex will cook with his mother. And oh you see where he gets it. He's the guy whose mama's boy love takes presidents over other duties. He just wants to be with his mom.
You'll be allowed to join in with a casual soccer game of kicking the ball around with his brother. They're an incredible family and accept you as one of their own the moment they see you.
He loves to decorate it though, and has stickers from several incidents, or young military hostages that he could distract. So in a way it was a blessing.
However, he didn't talk to women as much anymore. Platonic relationships are a breath of fresh air.
His parents used to have to wrangle him in when he got his first girlfriend. Constantly sneaking out to meet up with her. And while a respectful kid, after a certain sneaking out the girl's father was not happy to get the story the next day.
After Alex got his leg, dating seemed to be swept off the table. He had all the qualities, tall, very handsome, strong. But the leg usually got people staring, and all the charisma went out the window.
He barely got hookups anymore. (Yes, he was that guy for a while, and he isn't proud of it.)
Alex has participated in the Invictus Games before and it was a whole lot of fun.
Alex's show for women comes in the form of how respectful he is of Farah's boundaries. While he is happy to assert where he stands. If Farah had told him not to go when he did, he still probably wouldn't have listened.
Alex experiences phantom limb and phantom pain. Most times he has to weather the pain, but whenever he experienced phantom pain in the beginning he'd pass out from it.
He is very active and loves to play soccer. (Is very prepared to get yelled at for calling it soccer instead of football)
In all honestly Alex does want to get close to the other 141 members. He's close with Gaz, Price and Y/n. Soap trusts pretty easily and likes Alex because Farah likes him. Ghostie is a challenge though. He's up for it.
Protein shake man all the way. The day isn't started without a protein shake or a hearty meal. He loves his meat but is also all for leaning into the greener side of his diet to help him feel refreshed.
An incredible cook. If you go back to his house for leave you will be well taken care of, I promise you.
All of his relationships are tended to as he sees fit. He's definitely more of an acts of service guy. If you need something done, he will show you his love and appreciation by getting it done. Garbage is full?? On it. Feet sore? He'll take care of that for you.
Alex is a family man, but he also understands the sentiment that the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. And he holds his friendships with his brothers in high stakes.
Has a very smooth and charismatic air about him the majority of the time. He's well spoken and confident even if he doesn't have control of certain situations.
Just. Don't. Mention. The. Leg. 😁🔪
While he isn't really strong at other acts, physical affection like pats on the back or brief hugs do as well.
Tries to make Scream movie references to Ghost, like the ever popular "Sydney call" or other classic scenes. Is gleefully delighted when Ghost understands most of the references.
If you live somewhere known for its giant spiders *cough cough* he will not go. You are not getting him on that plane. Nada, zilch wiggle room on that one partner.
Probably uses comic book lines he likes a lot. Recites them like those cheesy scenes in movies where the leader of a group gives a heroic speech about kicking ass and staying loyal.
Gets called Price's son and honestly? A compliment.
Going back to acts of service, Alex also feels his love language as acts of service. Whenever he needs to let his leg breathe and get off his feet he takes off the leg and relaxes. And icing on the cake? If you feel comfortable, come over and massage his leg. Oh he'll keep you forever.
Will often do the robot dance to try and make you laugh, loves to dance with you in any setting.
You're never too old to go trick or treating. Alex comes off as the fun uncle that I could see dressing up as a Frankenstein and takes his nephews/nieces along with him for some fun around the block.
Clubber for life 🤟🏻😜 Seriously though, getting him tipsy enough and he'll challenge anyone insight to a drinking off. Will almost always lose. Especially against Johnny or Ghost.
If a girl won't call him a smoking handsome man, platonically please inflate his ego. It's like an air mattress and eventually it deflates to the point that you can feel the floor. Please fill his air mattress with compliments.
His tattoos include homages to his family. And his old squads and friends. Got a special tattoo for you over his left wrist with your initials and something that reminds him of you. (A flower, a hat, etc)
You know those bikes that you can lay down on and pedal almost vertical with the handlebars on the sides?? Photo. Yeah, he owns one of those. Will let you ride it. Yes it is fun.
Tried to grow his beard like Price's once so they could really be twins. Price for offended and now they have a rule that their beards/moustaches are not allowed to overlap like that.
Overall, very interesting man. A fun man, a funny man, loves some attention on him but not his leg. Please not make fun of him, yes he wants a girlfriend, yes he's sad and single but slaying every day of the week. Yes you are his best friend for life and if you try to abandon him he'll eat your legs off 😌.
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My last post about Agent 47 being a Tumblr Icon proved popular, so here's more Tumblr approved 47 facts.
47's wife has technically killed him twice. Both times it was so he could come back to life later and kill his actual target. Diana could walk right into his living room, stab him with a butcher's knife, and he'd just go "well, who are we killing today honey?"
47 once had to get close to his target by disguising himself as a giant flammingo mascot. One of his target's bodyguards, a furry, tries to start a conversation about it. 47 could not end that conversation quick enough.
One time, 47 tried to disguise himself as a realtor to get close to his target. All of his attempts to sell the house to his target involve advice on how to kill someone in those rooms. The target never questions this. Later, both the target and 47 stumble across a month's old crime scene. 47 goes full detective mode and delivers a full paragraph detailing what happened and how the victim died, before remembering he's supposed to be a realtor right now and brushing it off.
One time, in order to get close to a target, 47 got a job interview at a bank. His response to every question involves more or less just flat out admitting that he kills people for a living. They hire him on the spot.
47 has read his universe's version of the Twilight novels. He also killed the author of said Twilight knockoffs, but not before criticizing his writing and complaining about a plot point he didn't like.
47 once infiltrated a secret meeting of international spies, billionaires, and supervillains by walking right past the guards in his regular iconic suit, as everyone took one look at him and assumed he was supposed to be there.
Agent 47 canonically has an aura of death that hangs over him that only psychics can see. When an actually psychic meets him for the first time, he panics and all but pushes 47 out of his establishment.
47's most used alias, Tobias Rieper, as an instagram account. It's filled entirely with travel pictures from places he's visited while killing people.
Agent 47 inexplicably looks identical to one of the most popular fashion models in the world, Helmut Krueger. This doesn't hinder his ability to disguise himself as literally anyone in the world though.
One time, a bunch of nuns in stripper outfits showed up at 47's hotel to blow him the fuck up with a rocket launcher. He was inexplicably completely unharmed by the explosion.
One time, a mad scientist tried to test his mind control device on 47. 47 resisted it so hard that the scientist dropped dead from the psychic backlash.
One of his regular outfits for missions is a clown suit.
47 has a reputation at his agency for killing people in the most ridiculous and over the top ways possible. It got to the point that another assassin tried to imitate 47's style, which backfired so badly that the assassin accidentally killed everyone in the building, including himself, and let the target get away completely unharmed.
47 once manipulated another assassin into killing his targets for him. Unfortunately, said assassin was so bad at his job that 47 had to do everything for him, from adjusting his sniper rifle so he could actually fire it, to getting the targets into his line of sight so the assassin would actually see them.
47 once stopped a depressed person fresh off a bad break up from an abusive relationship from committing suicide by following him around the globe and beating him unconscious every time he tried to kill himself, all without the guy ever actually noticing him. 47 only stopped when the guy decided he must have a guardian angel looking out for him because he keeps falling asleep whenever he considers going through with the deed, deciding he owes that angel an honest attempt to getting his life back on track again.
Agent 47 has a friend in the CIA named Agent Smith, who keeps getting kidnapped and held prisoner at all the locations 47 is doing missions in. 47 keeps having to rescue him because Smith usually has good intel on his targets. Smith considers 47 his best friend, while 47 holds Smith in open contempt.
47 is a millionaire, but he cannot spend any of his money on luxary items due to his life style. His profession means he's constantly moving to new homes and can only live safely in sparce homes with nothing but fast food to tide him over. His suits are his only affordable luxary, as anything more lavish could expose his location and get him arrested or killed. He's a millionaire who has to live like a broke king thanks to his triple digit body count. It's only when Freelancer happens that he finally gets his own home.
47 is a pro at Dance Dance Revolution, but only when he is dressed like a ninja.
And finally, 47 has canonically killed countless fascists, pedophiles, billionaires, and even anti-vaxers who run MLM pyramid schemes. Up to 365 of them and counting, in fact.
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needfantasticstories · 6 months
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3 excerpts from a WIP dedicated to @la-sera and her gorgeous Downfall Duo Art
(The whole thing is long, so I wanted to share the parts you'd probably like best.)
1 - Chain vs Ghirahim and Yiga Clan
2 - Legend goes crazy looking for Rulie
3 - Delayed reunion with Rulie
Blood and Blade (4820 words) by SkipBreaker Chapters: 1/? Fandom: The Legend of Zelda & Related Fandoms Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Sky/Sun (Linked Universe), Flora/Wild (Linked Universe), Malon (Legend of Zelda)/Time (Linked Universe) Characters: Sky (Linked Universe), Wild (Linked Universe), Hyrule (Linked Universe), Time (Linked Universe), Link (Legend of Zelda), Wind (Linked Universe), Warriors (Linked Universe), Twilight (Linked Universe), Yiga Clan (Legend of Zelda), Ghirahim (Legend of Zelda) Additional Tags: Linked Universe (Legend of Zelda), Sky (Linked Universe)-centric, Hyrule (Linked Universe) Needs a Hug, Sky (Linked Universe) Has a Bad Time, BAMF Legend (Linked Universe), Ghirahim Being Ghirahim (Legend of Zelda), Hyrule (Linked Universe) Has a Bad Time, Hyrule (Linked Universe) Has a Blood Curse, Good Older Sibling Warriors (Linked Universe), Mentioned Cia (Legend of Zelda) Series: Part 2 of WildSkyRule Summary: Ghirahim continues his quest to revive his master. Others have the same goal.
In Wild's Hyrule
“Traveler! Legend!” Four shouted in warning. 
“Oh look, I’ve found a little bird,” Ghirahim laughed. 
Legend? Sky turned to see Legend on the ground, knocked on his back by two pillars of earth the Yiga blademasters had shot up from the ground. They lifted their blades to strike him, but Legend was already swinging his leg to sweep their feet. He seemed to be holding his own. So who… 
Another shout from the road nearby, far more desperate, drew his eye. 
"Traveler!" Sky yelled. His heart beat too fast, the sound pounding in his ears. 
 Hyrule struggled desperately, pinned against the demon’s chest. The young traveler’s shield magic barely kept the barrage of black diamond blades at bay, but he was quickly wearing out from the effort. 
“Let him go!” Sky screamed as Ghirahim slowly stepped backwards, “Rulie! Thunder!”
One of Ghirahim’s arms released Hyrule as he reached for something at his side, giving Hyrule just enough room to slip an arm out and raise it high to cast Thunder. 
But the demon yanked his hand back and looped thin, crimson ropes over his wrists with rapid precision, like a spider weaving silk on a fly. 
“No!”  Legend yelled when he toppled both Blademasters and saw his successor, his little brother, trapped.  
Hyrule gasped and writhed as the red rope touched him, and tightened. Sparks of his Thunder spell fizzled and died as it throbbed with dark purple light. 
Hyrule grew pale and his eyelids drooped, half-closed, as magic drained from him. The rope cinched his wrists tighter together as the daggers turned outward, circling defensively around the demon and his prey. 
“Get off him!” Legend roared, but red flashes appeared in a circle around the Vet. When he tried to run past, two Yiga soldiers intercepted his path before he could gain enough speed with even a single step, and they shoved him back into the Blademasters. They wrestled him, grappling over tempered blade
“No!” Hyrule yelled, his eyes flashed open in terror for Legend before drooping again as the red ropes pulsed.
“What do you want with them?” Twilight demanded, searching the demon’s barrier for weak points and finding none. Goddesses, I miss Midna! She would strangle this clown and we’d be halfway to the stable by now.
“Oh, they don’t know about your ability, little fairy?” Ghirahim crooned in Hyrule’s ear. 
Hyrule closed his eyes tight, trying to hide his terror. He shook his head, then yelled as fast as he could, “He wants my bl–mmmph!” His words cut off as Ghirahim clapped a spindly hand over his mouth and chin. 
“You really never told them! Ha ha ha! How fortunate! I suppose that will be a mystery for the heroes to puzzle over on their own.”
“His blood revives Gannon!” Legend finished for him, and found two more huge Blademasters between him and the other Links.
There was no time to process.
Wild shot three arrows at the tall demon’s head. With a flippant wave of his fingers, the hovering knives transformed into a shimmering barrier and blocked them. 
Wild switched arrows. If ever there was ever a time to use his last ancient arrow, untouched since his fight with Gannon, it was now.
 “We need to get over there!” Wild yelled, knocking the arrow and swapping for Revali’s bow. Yet each time they tried to push closer, the Yiga rushed for Wild and the others stopped to defend him. 
Wild found an opening at last, and aimed for Ghirahim’s head, exhaled, and released the ancient arrow. 
A Yiga footsoldier appeared in the ancient arrow’s path. The soldier disappeared while the rest charged. Growling, Wild pulled out electric arrows instead. At least he had 200 of those. 
Throughout this, Legend wrestled his attackers, resisting them as much as they pressed him back, his power bracelets a force equal to their size. He kept them so off-balance that each slice and stab missed, and his boots dragged them quickly at whiplash speeds, steadily moving closer to Hyrule, but the assassins clung to him desperately, grappling for his arms. Wild and Twilight tried to pick off attackers, but Legend lurched unpredictably.
As he stopped to breathe, three fresh Yiga Blademasters appeared beside Legend and the four surviving attackers. 
Twilight, Wind and Four reached them at the same moment. 
“Subdue him already, fools,” The demon groused to the Yiga soldiers.
The Links redoubled their efforts to reach the pair.
Sky looked back to Hyrule, who had slumped in the demon's arms.
“Coward!” Sky yelled, breaking from Wild, Warrior, and Time.
“So much magic in this one, Skychild!” Ghirahim sang from another direction. He disappeared from the back of their group to the crossroad far ahead. He hefted the now unconscious teen in his arms.
“No!” Sky roared, just as lightning finally flashed above and struck the sword, but in the same instant Ghirahim and Hyrule had vanished in a cloud of obsidian diamonds. His skyward strike flew through empty air. 
Always too late, Sky thought. He felt sick. Couldn’t breathe. 
“Rulie!” Legend yelled, but the distraction cost him. The Yiga swarmed him like ants. One Blademaster struck the sword from his hand and another two pinned both his arms back. A fourth blocked Wild and Twilight’s shots with a shield.
“Ledge!” Wind warned too late, and Sky watched, frozen, as two Blademasters held the panting veteran still, brown ropes in the hands of a third, before they too disappeared. 
Where is Crimson? Sky thought numbly, standing alone where Hyrule and Legend had been. He had to fly…no, to run…to find them... but where did they go? 2. Legend's Escape
When the Yiga took Legend, they had not accounted for two facts: Legend’s arsenal of weapons, and his willingness to single-handedly burn down the entire hideout wile still inside it.  
“Where did you take him!?” Legend demanded, blasting his fire rod at the Yiga soldiers dancing away from his blasts, narrowly escaping a fiery end. 
“You’re the only one we got, you idiot!” A footsoldier shouted as she fired an arrow at Legend. She missed him entirely in her panic at the creeping flames, “you’re going to die with us if you keep lighting everything on fire!”
Alone within the enemy’s stronghold, he found no reason to hold back. 
 Legend grinned, and sent another blast into their supply of bananas. The soldiers scrambled to dodge and tried in vain to put out the flames before their whole stock burned. Legend sent back a few more blasts as he ran to the next room.
No Hyrule here, only more idiots, he realized as he entered a sparse training room. He chased the few soldiers out and continued his hunt from room to room, Pegasus boots moving him past the guards who shouted at him, the more persistent ones getting a blast of fire to the face before he continued his search. They popped in and out around him, but he hardly gave them a chance to materialize before blasting them
3. Reunion
(several days later, on a second sweep of the Yiga base with backup)
Wild, Twilight, and Legend appeared at the shrine by the Yiga base in the dead of night. 
The place was a wreck. Not a single Yiga appeared to stop them. 
“What the hell did you do, Ledge?” Twilight marveled. 
Wild surveyed the damage, some wall chunks blasted halfway to the bottomless pit where Master Khoga accidentally died while trying to kill him. 
“Hey, I don’t remember doing all this, okay? Could have been someone else,”
They both raised an eyebrow at him.
“Dinraal herself wouldn’t unleash this much destruction,” Wild smiled. 
“The Gerudo don’t like them either, little vai,” he scoffed, and looked around the piles of scorched boulders for an opening. 
“Hey, Twi’,” Wild pointed at the wall to their left. The once smooth canyon wall now showed a hidden hallway passage between blasted walls.
“I’m pretty sure that was me,” Legend confessed, “That’s just what we need, actually. It’s familiar. It leads to the prison cells,” He marched that way. “I hope they didn't reset their traps. I’d hate to have to blast them all over again,”
Wild followed. 
A rumble of thunder made them all slow and look to the sky.
A bright moon shone over a cloudless night.
“You heard that too, right?” Wild asked.
“Like…Thunder?” Twilight answered.
They raced inside.
(shortly after)
“Hyrule!” 
 He froze at Legend’s familiar yell. 
There, through the doorway, ran Legend, Twilight and Wild. 
He could hardly believe his eyes, but his thoughts had already turned to what he’d been running from.
“It’s Gannon!” Hyrule yelled as he raced to meet them, “We have to go!”
Legend grabbed the projectile that was Hyrule in his arms and nearly crashed into Wild as the debris ahead exploded. Twilight threw a blue Sheikah bomb at the broken hall which Wild set off as they ran.
Around the corner, Wild yelled, “Pull in close!”
They huddled together as blue tendrils encircled and took them out of reach of the red lights popping into view all around. The Yiga didn’t even finish materializing before the Links were gone. 
They reappeared in the cold, waving grass of Hyrule field.
“Hyrule, what the hell!” Legend’s voice trembled slightly as he gripped Hyrule’s arms and took in the state of his successor: the red thread around his throat like a line of blood, the strange white clothes, the chains, and the bruises all over him, but nothing lethal. He sighed in relief. 
“Just in case,” Twilight released a fairy. 
She zipped out and rushed around Hyrule with rapid squeaks, healing the few scrapes and bruises he’d earned climbing in the rubble. 
She chittered at the red cord on his neck before flying off. 
Before the fairy danced off into the night, Legend had pulled Hyrule into a ferocious hug. 
“I can’t believe we found you, Rulie,” he began with a growl that ended in a sob. 
Hyrule sat stunned for a moment, his tired mind catching up to the rush of events. He could feel his friend, smell his magic and sweat, the cool night air, the feel of the sturdy red tunic under his hands. He clutched him fiercely back. This wasn’t a dream. Hyrule grabbed fistfulls of the familiar tunic, and his chest swelled. 
“I’m sorry,” Hyrule sobbed into his friend’s neck, “I tried, but they brought him back! I couldn’t stop them. I'm so sorry!”
Legend pulled back and grabbed his face and looked at him fiercely. Hyrule’s heart tightened, ready for his wrath.
“It’s not your fault people are trying to destroy the world, Rulie,” his red, watering eyes made Hyrule’s heart ache, “We should have found you sooner. I’m sorry,”
Twilight and Wild placed a hand on Hyrule’s shoulder as well. He let Legend lean his forehead on his own, and they sat like that until both of them caught their breath as they sat in the cool grass. 
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mememanufactorum · 4 months
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Badger’s Best of 2023 sentence starters
* FEEL FREE TO SHARE AS YOU PLEASE, NO CREDIT NEEDED. CHANGE PRONOUNS OR ANYTHING ELSE AS DESIRED
All lines are from this video created by TheRussianBadger.
"I ACTUALLY EARNED ONE, MOTHERFUCKERS!"
"Those noises that were coming out of you were inhuman."
"You ever had a hotdog burger before?"
"You did NOT just come up with that word."
"I need to know if this was a riff or if this was an actual meal."
"I heard the word 'hotdurger' unprovoked."
"Dudes with nut allergies when I hit them in the head with a brick."
"YOU DIDN'T JUJU ON THE FUCKIN' BEAT."
"I don't misinform. I just lie."
"Did you just punch someone for all their coins?"
"I don't know, just blow 'em all up, I don't care."
"I just fucken hate you."
"STOP BLINDING ME, YOU ASSHOLE! I CAN'T SEE, YOU GOBLIN!"
"To the charge of wire fraud, you are pleading 'nuh-uh'?"
"Your honor, shut the fuck up. You wasn't even there."
"This conversation sounds like four raccoons with internet access."
"You wanna know how I got these GAINS?"
"I was driving through upstate New York and I saw a Tesla with the license plate 'I'M HIM'."
"That license plate made me laugh so hard that I walked up to his window and put a 12-gauge slug in his chest."
"You got me fucked up bro, I can't believe you would question if I'm real."
"Here's a picture of my nuts."
"Those are gonna be my dying words to my wife: I just want you to know… PS3 has no games."
"Chimichangas are a CIA psyop."
"If you put me in the cockpit of an apache I will Kevin Gates, put my hand on the dashboard, and start it."
"Boy I love having something with none of the same consistency as anything else in my sandwich in my sandwich."
"Dude I definitely love biting into my sandwich and then leaving with an entire pickle slice in my mouth."
"Own a musket for home defense since that's what the founding fathers intended."
"I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grapeshot. Tally ho, lads!"
"Well it's just straight up racism, and it's not even like an occasional racism, it's like, this is full blast firehose racism."
"It's the floodgate of racism! The Big Gulp of racism!"
"This shit will turn your pacemaker off."
"I point blanked that shit with a panzerfaust."
"Me going to Arby's after losing a $50,000 Marvel vs Capcom tournament."
"Me walking to the fridge to get my five day old caesar salad."
"Fresh caesar salad, already not a good start. Five days, dog."
"How does that predator missile work? Oh, you just go NYOOOOOOM."
"This Nyquil beatin' my ass, that is not THAT funny but, like, I can't stop laughing!"
"Y'all just verbally buzzered that man."
"I stole your girl, I stole your whip, I stole your shoes."
"You cannot land a KC-135 in a Kroger parking lot."
"As someone who lives in Tennessee, you can land a KC-135 in a Kroger parking lot."
"That's how I'm going to describe the size of our parking lots to Europeans without internet connections. We can land that in our parking lots."
"I call that my main menu tax."
"Bro, I can't hail a cab in Detroit for shit, bro."
"First bullet, Toyota Tacoma be like 'I ain't hear NOTHING. Y'all hear something?' Second bullet? Legalize nuclear bombs."
"Your voice literally has to wait in line to be heard."
"I'm gonna bomb your trailer park."
"Don't take advice from the dead guys."
"Smoking on that diabolical arch-necromancer pack. Those who don't ball would do well to steer clear."
"Do you know the word 'whermst'?"
"It's like where and for what purpose and why. Location, reason, background context in one word: Whermst."
"Did he just prefire me? Bro, go to jail."
"That's your first option for recourse?"
"Alcatraz, we ain't talking county jail. You're getting in there with the dementors."
"Stop calling the 3D avatar mommy."
"How do they fit this many flares in an airplane? It makes no sense. It's like a clown car but for fireworks."
"I'M SCREAMING ABOUT IT MOTHERFUCKER, STOP!"
"Hey what's up guys? I just bought a 1911 at a Red Lobster parking lot, AMA."
"Just kill me. Just take me to heaven. Just… Take me out of this reality."
"Heaven? BITCH, YOU GOING TO HELL!"
"Hey, fuckin' imagine getting friendly fired by a .50 BMG. Imagine."
"My client pleads oopsie-daisy."
"I'm sorry that your dog is not going to college now."
"Ay you ain't on your grind, son. You ain't on your bag."
"No one's Batman impression is bad."
"You sound like you're in an alley with a trench coat, what the fuck?"
"Oh my God, his Scooby-Doo villain is coming out again."
"Are you repairing our conversation?"
"Why is 'slime' such a funny yet affectionate nickname?"
"Get the fuck out of our shower."
"Why can't we just share the shower?"
"Enemy. Man. 300 meters. North. Fast. Fast. Fast."
"Fun fact: The TSA allows you to bring a live lobster through security."
"I myself have brought 432 lobsters through security."
"THAT'S THE FOURTH TIME YOU'VE SHOT ME!"
"SHUT UP! YOU JUST HAPPEN TO BE WHERE MY BULLETS ARE!"
"All units, be advised: My stummy hurt."
"Homie got the dog in him with that one."
"Pulled pork? Yeah I cranked my hog today too."
"How blessed are we that I can just log on to YouTube and the first video I see is 'Master Chief teaches you how to change the oil on your 2006 Nissan Murano'?"
"That went from 'funny' to 'demonitized'."
"If your state has 90 degree corners, you probably eat corn syrup on your pancakes."
"Why do you always say 'theoretically' and it's not at all theoretical?"
"You have the world's WORST EVERYTHING."
"My boy got the object permanence of a frog."
"That boy cooked the most rare steak."
"I gotta use the bathroom or something, bro. I gotta go to college or something. I can't be with these motherfuckers."
"He went behind the tree and my brain was like 'WHERE'D HE GO?'"
"Somebody buy me a stat reset, PLEASE!"
"You should not be legally allowed to commit crimes if you're listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd."
"I'm on my Super Mario Sunshine shit."
"Are you barking at me?"
"You might wanna be a LITTLE shidded right now."
"I'd trust Gengar with my kid."
"I didn't know he was chill like that."
"No. We are not putting a controller around somebody's neck and twisting it. It's a wireless controller, you can't even do that."
"And 45 is just a caliber."
"Ranch was made by California to keep the Midwest fat because they're scared of our power."
"I refuse to believe that Kranch is real."
"Alignment charts are for the governable. I grow corn in my yard."
"Tell me the name of God you fungal piece of shit."
"I'm pretty sure that was the most sacrilegious shit I've heard in my life."
"I will pass that to the higher ups – parentheses: I do not give a shit."
"This is getting a little too fast for my brain."
"You fuckers are at a pie eating contest and I'm just like, nah son. Free pie."
"I'm about to hit 'em with the Glock-no-jutsu, on God, bro."
"Regretting a free purchase is crazy."
"THEY'RE JUST POLYGONS!"
"I've had people call me things that I wouldn't even dare say to myself."
"Take five 5-Hour Energies and enter the forbidden hour of the day."
"Those responses do not surprise me at all. I definitely expected that kind of language."
"Bro, it's goof-a-clock right now."
"The moon already isn't real."
"You think I can't kill a fuckin' banana?"
"That was a little too much rage for a potassium transportation device. I didn't mean it. You full of electrolytes."
"I'm gonna eat pizza because I like the sauce on the pizza with the cheese on the pizza."
"I could not have killed him any harder."
"Don't make me make you say some out of pocket shit."
"I've been saying out of pocket shit all day."
"By sheer artillery alone, we should have tunneled our way to Atlantis by now."
"Yo, I don't know the Tom & Jerry lore, fuck you!"
"What if you wanted to go to heaven but God said to you, 'WE'RE GONNA TRY THIS WEEK'S CRUMBL COOKIE MENU'?"
"I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE TINNITUS, WHAT?"
"Is this like punching someone in the dark? Is it like a legal loophole?"
"There's only one of me in all the world. I am one in a krillion."
"If you're a chest sleeper, you're just a fuckin' psychopath, alright?"
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stupittmoran · 5 months
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Tumblr media
Top 10 headlines the media didn't tell you this week, Repost & FoIIow for more.
Hunter Biden has been indicted in California on 9 charges.
Federal judge dismisses case to remove Trump from Arizona’s 2024 presidential ballot.
Facebook and Instagram enabled child sexual abuse, trafficking; companies boycotting 𝕏 have ads on both.
Speaker Mike Johnson tells the Biden administration no new funding for Ukraine without an audit.
French farmers sprayed manure on government buildings in protest of taxes and regulations meant to put them out of business.
Senator Rand Paul says he will debate the merit of sending our troops overseas.
University of Pennsylvania President told to resign by the board of Penn for refusing to condemn the genocide of Jews.
According to an Arizona Sheriff, illegal immigrants are being Handed $5,000 Visa gift cards, cell phones, plane tickets.
Elon Musk to bring Alex Jones back to 𝕏 after Tucker Carlson interview exposed what the establishment media, CIA have done to him.
Biden Administration's defense secretary threatens to send US families to fight in Ukraine if we do not send more aid.
Who else thinks it's time to audit the funds being sent overseas? 👀
If you appreciate this Top 10 recap, remember to Repost and FoIIow me for another week in a clown world 🤡🌎
TaraBull @TaraBull808 on Twitter/X
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mathlann · 6 days
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🩷🖤🩶 for blorbo of your choice? 👀
From this ask game. I'll actually be nice and answer for Heinrix on this one. Prepare for a long one on the first answer, lol.
🩷 Why are they your favorite?
Heinrix is unironically one of my favorite companions in Rogue Trader. Because he's terrible. But he doesn't want to be. But he's also too much of a dogmatic Company Man to really understand how awful he is/can be. He's a walking HR violation anytime a Xenos is within three star systems. He's the loneliest motherfucker on this ship. I will divorce this clown in every lifetime, that is how much I love him.
First of all, his internalized everything makes him just, so crunchy. Like, he came from some of the highest nobility in the Imperium (Tech Edition) to rock bottom, to two shakes from regaining his "place" per se (Space CIA Edition). And some part of him knows that Calcazar is the only person keeping him between here, as a "somebody" and the abyss of being just another tool-psyker. And the way his journey to discovering the Truth is also the process of systemically dismantling his own sense of importance as part of Calcazar's inner circle.... Like yeah, he was the potential successor, didn't make him less of a dispensable pawn as the rest of them! So what was it all for?
And I think too how his hidden Iconoclast core shakes out is also really interesting because "Iconoclast" doesn't 1:1 mean "good person". Like he can and does show leniency in his Dogmatism with people of similar rank/protection as him (the RT, Jae) or people he can personally sympathize with (Idira, even tho it's insulting). And his romance is genuinely sweet, if bumpy. But at the same time he has a lot of anger in his heart and that gets expressed in ways that show some incredibly unnecessary cruelty to people he thinks are lesser (Vhaebos Prisoners, Yrliet, that one random guard). And he does not acknowledge that!!! Because he's a Space Racism Cop doing his job, which gives him a "get out of examining my issues free" card and Throne take him, he's gonna use it.
And on that latter bit, the other thing I really really love about Heinrix is how much a demonstrates how much the Inquisition really doesn't work as an institution? He's an acolyte of the Ordo Xenos, and his Xenos Lore is shit, which you'd think wouldn't be the case but, look at how he interacts with nominally friendly xenos like Yrliet. You go to Commorragh and he's like "idk...we gotta maybe use their politics against them" and then kicks up a holy fuss when you do that. He approves of busting Tervantias in that gate and later feeding Marazhai (your ally) to the daemon. Like okay, the Xenos are vanquished, Heinrix is the best boy. Don't worry about the multiple 5 star meals Slaanesh is eating because of it...that's not his department anyways. (Ordo Malleus Hates Him!)
He's just a special boy to me lol.
🖤 If they weren't from their source, what fandom universe do you think they would make the most sense in?
Heinrix could very much be A Guy in Dragon age. And I don't mean in the "he's like Cullen!" way, because he's not, at all, but in the sense that he would very much be a loyalist circle mage who's very invested in the Institution of the Chantry while still being tempted to break a few rules here or there (just him tho) y'know?
🩶 Alternatively, what fandom universe would they just perish in?
Saint's Row (or GTA, but I don't play those games). He's a cop at heart, the stress would wear him down even if he won't snitch immediately.
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boaringoldguy · 8 months
Text
Clown World.
We are caught in The Twilight Zone!
ntd.com CIA Officers Paid to Change Their Position on Origins of COVID-19: Whistleblower NTD 6–7 minutes
The Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) seal is displayed in the lobby of CIA Headquarters in Langley, Va., on Aug. 14, 2008. (Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images)
Six CIA officers were paid to change their position on the origins of COVID-19, according to new whistleblower testimony.
A current CIA senior officer told the U.S. House of Representatives Select Subcommittee on the Coronavirus Pandemic that a CIA team of seven personnel analyzed the origins of COVID-19. Six of the members believed, based on the available evidence, that they could say with low confidence that COVID-19 originated from a laboratory in Wuhan, China, where the first COVID-19 cases appeared.
The seventh and most senior member of the team thought COVID-19 came from animals.
“The whistleblower further contends that to come to the eventual public determination of uncertainty, the other six members were given a significant monetary incentive to change their position,” Rep. Brad Wenstrup (R-Ohio), chairman of the panel, and Rep. Mike Turner (R-Ohio), chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, told CIA Director William Burns in a letter on Sept. 12.
“These allegations, from a seemingly credible source, requires the Committees to conduct further oversight of how the CIA handled its internal investigation into the origins of COVID-19,” they said.
The CIA was asked to provide all documents from the CIA team that analyzed the origins of COVID-19, including communications among members regarding the analysis. Mr. Wenstrup and Mr. Turner also requested documents showing the pay history of the seven members.
“At CIA we are committed to the highest standards of analytic rigor, integrity, and objectivity. We do not pay analysts to reach specific conclusions,” a CIA spokesperson told The Epoch Times via email. “We take these allegations extremely seriously and are looking into them. We will keep our Congressional oversight committees appropriately informed.” Another Letter
In another missive, the lawmakers asked Andrew Makridis, until late 2022 the CIA’s chief operating officer, to sit and answer questions.
“The whistleblower pointed the Committees to a CIA led COVID Discovery Team(s) in which you played a central role in its formation and eventual conclusion that the CIA was ‘unable to determine’ the origins of COVID-19,” they told Mr. Makridis.
Mr. Makridis, now with Beacon Global Strategies, should participate in a voluntary interview on Sept. 26, the letter said.
The lawmakers suggested that a subpoena might be issued if Mr. Makridis declines to appear. Intelligence Report
The CIA and other intelligence agencies each offered an assessment of the origins of COVID-19.
A declassified report said that all of the agencies “continue to assess that both a natural and laboratory-associated origin remain plausible hypotheses to explain the first human infection,” though a majority of the agencies believe the virus originated in animals.
The U.S. Department of Energy and the FBI say evidence indicates the virus originated in the Wuhan lab, where testing—some U.S.-funded—of coronaviruses has been taking place for years.
Two agencies, including the CIA, “remain unable to determine the precise origin of the COVID-19 pandemic, as both hypotheses rely on significant assumptions or face challenges with conflicting reporting,” the report stated.
It also said that none of the agencies think COVID-19 was developed as a biological weapon.
Former Director of National Intelligence John Ratcliffe told Congress in April that the CIA’s stance was “unjustifiable, and a reflection not that the agency can’t make an assessment with any confidence, but that it won’t.” New Bill
The report was just 10 pages and was released in response to a bill passed by Congress and signed by President Joe Biden.
Sen. Roger Marshall (R-Kan.) on Sept. 11 introduced new legislation that would compel the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) to release records on the COVID-19 origins.
“Every American deserves to know the truth about the origins of Covid-19, China’s involvement, and the ongoing cover-up,” Mr. Marshall said in a statement. “Yet, here we are after YEARS of asking for the Biden Administration to provide this much-needed transparency and they continue to stonewall our investigations and find ‘work arounds’ to dodge our requests.”
He added: “Every American should be asking, ‘Why is that?’ Our legislation requires the HHS to publicly release all agency records related to the origin of COVID-19, the cover-up of the pandemic origins, and coronavirus research, including vaccine development. It’s past time for answers—this is a matter of national security.”
The HHS includes the National Institutes of Health (NIH), which funded some of the research conducted at the Wuhan lab. Influenced
The NIH exerted “undue influence” in downplaying the idea that COVID-19 originated from the lab, a House report released over the summer said.
Dr. Francis Collins and Dr. Anthony Fauci, two top NIH officials, helped draft a paper that claimed to rule out the possibility of a lab origin.
Neither were listed as co-authors or thanked as contributors.
“After publication, Proximal Origin was used to downplay the lab leak hypothesis and call those who believe it may be true conspiracy theorists. Dr. Fauci and Dr. Collins tracked the paper through the review and publication process. And finally, Dr. Collins expressed dismay when Proximal Origin did not successfully kill the lab leak theory. He subsequently asked Dr. Fauci if there was anything more they could do. The next day, Dr. Fauci directly cited Proximal Origin from the White House podium,” the report stated.
Other records showed authors of the study were concerned that the virus may have come from the lab.
Editor’s note: This story has been updated with a comment from the CIA.
From The Epoch Times
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