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i have such a love for characters who descend into madness or villainy out of deep, deep empathy. characters who fundamentally cannot cope with the cruel realities they find themselves in and blow up about it in spectacular fashion. fallen angel type characters with tears of outrage in their eyes. characters who break before they bend, and break so badly they splatter blood all over their noble ideals. every variation on it gets me so good

Ok I know this is kinda specific but does anyone have some recs for established relationship lovesquare fics that have a conflict that goes beyond just an identity misunderstanding? Like it’s already post-reveal or a reveal alone can’t fix it? Like they have an argument or some drama happens or something and they have to solve it together as a couple? I don’t know what I’m saying but I go wild for that stuff but it’s hard to search for

"Cool ship art, unfortunately I'm interpreting it platonically" dude it's literally fine lol. Guys please. Art is meant to be interpreted. Don't call it unfortunate just because you think your interpretation differs from the artist's vision (and please refrain from using wording that implies strictly correct and wrong interpretations, it dismisses others!)

also quite obsessed with karl being as detached from the story as he is. there's nothing that makes him have to be the detective that has to be involved, but he unknowingly dooms himself by agreeing to work with the KYAL cult. every other detective basically deals with elias head on except weissman, who only meets him right before he kills him. like he's right when he says "by my choices" because everything that leads him to being mixed up with the mannix cult is himself. it's the gambling debts and the choice to do the dirty work for an organisation he knows nothing about. he's the only one that doesn't encounter that body doing police work and it's specifically because he's told to cover it up. he gets himself into the mess and eventually fixes it but the fact that esther always dies in the doomed timelines and he's always too late even if he starts wanting to change things ("till this child. esther.") it just makes me very ill

What if the organizing of the cases in the O.I.A.R being different from how they were organized in TMA with the original 14 entities is causing a remanifestation where the separations between the new entities are completely different. What if by organizing the cases and they are single-handedly driving this universes interpretations of the fears. They aren't categorizing existing things, they are creating the boundaries.

hi! i always love your MDZS/CQL takes; can i ask what are the questions you think CQL is asking, as compared to MDZS?

I haven't actually revisited either canon in ages, which is making me nervous. what questions the novel is interested in can be pretty contentious all on its own! @mikkeneko has an excellent answer in the notes here which I reccomend to everyone. My own thoughts are honestly pretty scattered- I keep on deleting things and going hm, that's not quite right.

So, for the obvious-to-me example, people reasonably zero in on the creation of innocent doctors/radish farmers who Wen Ruohan is holding hostage. In CQL it's easy to infer that Wen Qing and Wen Ning are maybe the only cultivators and almost certainly the only combatants among the Wen remnants, and their status is much more ambiguous in the novel, which I personally think is asking, essentially, "and so what? were they wrong to run, when they had a chance? Do they deserve what Jin Guangshan will do to them if they go back? Aren't they just people, actually?" Whereas the question that CQL is asking is more to the effect of "What does Wen Qing owe these people, when she is their only defence? What is she entitled to do to save them, at other people's expense? If she fucks up that moral calculus, what then? Does it matter if she's personally fond of some of the outsiders who are going to get hurt? If one of them saved her brother? Later, this question will flip to what Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng, and the parallel to Jiang Cheng's situation in particular is, I think, genuinely pretty fun. You're giving up the Wen as soldiers who've laid down their arms in exchange for Wen Qing also grappling with leadership and the question of how many horrors she can stand to look the other way on to protect her own people. one reason I keep deleting so much is that a lot cql's changes were motivated at least in part by censorship, which I think we mostly share a general and justified distaste for! but I also think that within the bounds of that censorship the creative team put a lot of work into actually doing something interesting with those changes. Or, for another example- nieyao! There's a much greater emphasis on the nmj-jgy relationship, it's unambiguously very close and they are clearly extremely important to one another, and I think that's because the cql team has a lot to say about love, trust, power, and the ways those things interact, and that reflects back on all of the other relationships in play, including Wangxian. Almost every time, when CQL chooses change a relationship they make the characters in question closer- that's true for Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, for Wen Qing and the Yunmeng contingent, for Zixuan and Mianmian, and Huaisang and Meng Yao. It's even true for Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, who have a close and trusting relationship in first life! CQL puts a much greater emphasis on "all right, so you care, what next?" How do you choose someone and then choose to be good to them? What if there's a massive power disparity between you? What if you seriously disagree about your priorities and morals? How do you trust someone who's betrayed you? When is it a stupid choice to trust at all? How do you have faith that you know someone well enough for that trust to be meaningful?

for legal reasons i would like to specify that it's not that mdzs isn't interested in these problems. i do remember wangxian's literal trust fall. cql is asking these questions all the time about everyone. also for legal purposes i'm not suggesting that cql lwj and jc love each other. but! they establish a three month wartime partnership looking for wwx and then jc immediately drops him on wwx's say-so despite apparently having a positive enough opinion of him to tell wwx he thinks they should make up twice. lan wangji will later tell wwx he thinks he should loop jc in on the second flautist! these are people trying to navigate some kind of relationship/shared interest/community, as opposed to a hateful void. cql wants to say hey, how do you go about this? while I'm here and rambling cql also puts a lot of emphasis on wwx's connection to yunmeng and changes things up so instead of feeling alienated right before he leaves our last glimpse of him there is happily picking lotuses and playing with a kid! in both stories the narrative is asking who do you protect? who do you leave behind? can you ever get it back? but the angles are very different.

if there's one thing about me it's that i love to make a Fucking Character Charts...

both misumi and hirata being yashiro's "fathers" due to how yakuza hierarchy works is so fucked up considering everything. it's not enough that there's always some man with power and influence who wants to control, abuse or just straight up kill him, he has to be a father figure, to be reminiscent of yashiro's stepfather in one way or another. always some fake parent, never someone actually caring and protective (it's specifically his stepfather too, not his "actual" dad, which was the same for aoi). misumi brings up the whole child-parent thing right before making yashiro his lover and deciding what his life is going to be from that point on. hirata brings it up in chapter 33 before almost killing him. and then you have nanahara with his very naive and sincere "i know it's not a real family, but you're supposed to protect each other and a parent shouldn't betray their child" and he's right, but it's not the reality and never has been, at least not for yashiro. there's one scene where you get a glimpse of how yashiro genuinely feels about the whole concept of "family" and it's just him looking at a mother with a little kid. there's no dad there and there is no longing for a father figure, because "father" never stood for anything good

The problem with big fandoms (using "problem" in a very loose sense here) is that it's really hard to stumble across the weird niche undertagged stuff when its being buried in five million coffee shop/royalty/high school/soulmate aus. If there are 150 works in the tag total you can look through very quickly and find anything that appeals to you. When there are over a million it is much harder to do that.

I mean this in the ace-est possible way but Dimple-in-Reigen's-body is really hot. sorry.

On the way home from work I was thinking about Rochr and Iorveth in your fic and remembered a question I had for you: there is this scene in which Roche gives an overtired and insomniac Iorveth a blowjob in a secluded room, there are knives involved, I think Breniriel is guarding the door? Anyway, Iorveth finally falls asleep and it is implied that Iorveth has been adapting poorly to feeling save and thus somehow feelt safe enough with Roche to fall asleep but not his friends /family?? I don't think they were even talking at this point in your fic, what did I miss?

Have a nice evening /day!

Well, so like, that's the premise of the fic. I'm not saying this to be an ass, this is a genuine response, because it is sort of an honor to have someone thinking about your work beyond even the time it takes to read it, but: That is the premise of the fic.

And either it works for you, or it doesn't. That's just... how fiction works. Do i think that in real life two traumatized people would actually hit it off just like that? Do I think it would work? Do I think it would be healthy? Do I think it would lead to long-term happiness for either or both of them?

I won't answer that, I will just leave that to sit for a moment. My answer is immaterial anyway, because the author's intent is only marginally relevant in some circumstances.

This is fantasy, critically, more broadly than fiction (is it a broader category? I think so). Like... one of them is an elf, and has a shapeshifting dragon as his leige and protector. Some other fantasy elements are even less realistic, but the idea is that they're plausible, for the purposes of fiction.

So this is kind of how fiction works, and fantasy in general. Do you accept the premise of this story? Do you find it plausible, for the purposes of this fictional exercise, that, to bring it specifically back to this story, two characters who have long been enemies, would find something in common like this? Two people who have been on opposite sides but were in the same conflict, who went through many of the same things, who, crucially, commanded others during this awful cataclysm of violence, who had to warp their own moral centers not only to survive but also to potentially damn others by their tragic, inevitable actions. Who have in the past bitterly fought, physically injured one another, murdered one another's comrades, and worse... but in this new peacetime, find, strangely, unexpectedly, compellingly (precedentedly, in reality!) that their former foe is the only one who truly understands what they've been through. And they can trust this former foe the way they can't trust others, because this foe gets it, because this foe knows what's at stake, fully understands what happened, has the same sense of both the fragility of society and the preciousness of its little contracts. Iorveth knows Roche would stab him in the face, not the back, and that is a kind of trust. The whole underpinning of this ship is that in the video game there's a scene where one can best the other, and in each decision tree the loser says unhinged shit about how if they have to die they're perversely glad that at least it was the other who is doing it. Because that other understands what it's worth, and is a worthy foe.

That's it, that's the ship manifesto, LOL.

So-- that's the exercise of the story, trying to draw the reader along to find this as plausible-- I did not say realistic! Plausible-- as possible. The art lies in underpinning it with realistic detail here and there-- including that after many wars in real life history, the veterans of the conflict have found more in common with their opposing veterans than with the civilians of the side they fought for-- and so on and so forth. To make it vivid, to make it relatable, to make the fantasy compelling.

And if the premise doesn't work, then the story doesn't work. That's fine, not all art is for everyone. But that's how it is. Either you accept the premise, and it works, or you don't, and you go find something else that works better for you. This is no judgement on anybody, you or me or anyone, that's just how fantasy works. A reader brings as much to it as the author, and takes as much away, and while there's an element of skill on the part of the author, a large part of it is just going to be the reader's response. Things will or won't work for you and there's nothing wrong with that, it's just another of the ways fantasy works.

(I don't know if you've missed anything, I haven't reread that scene in quite some time because I'm still working on sequels and that takes up a lot of my energy and time; same reason I rarely respond to comments, I just don't have time to both do that and make new works. I do think the blowjob with knives is a separate scene from the passing out with knives but I don't recall exactly either. It's kind of a long story. If you think you missed something, try rereading it? But if that doesn't compel you, then it's really no skin off my nose if you don't! It's fine! I'm not offended, I just don't know how else to answer that question. I don't remember the scene that well. I wrote it like a year ago or more. But I'm well aware the premise of it doesn't work for everyone, which is why there are so many people writing so many different stories.)

LOL I have more to say on this topic because I got a faintly ridiculous comment on a story recently on kind of a loosely related concept, but this is getting long and I should address it separately. Suffice to say, you got a long reply here because I have been spending some time thinking about fiction, what it is and isn't, and how it works.

Curious about what everyone's priorities and goals are. I've tried to be as general as possible and avoid intracommunity issues. Obviously we all want all/most of these things but try to choose something you feel especially passionate about, or a cause you would (or do) donate your time towards.

Please add anything I've missed (there's lots!!) in the comments.

It is very obvious to me that I like music that tells stories. (ALL music tells stories. Every song tells a story.) I like concept albums, I like musicals.

Therefore I find it very funny both that my favorite Mech’s album is one of the two that don’t have an overarching story *and* that my favorite My Chem album is the one that doesn’t have an overarching story.

My Personal Shadow Magic Headcanons - "Shadow Sickness"

I'm so autistic and lazy so here's another weirdly-worded headcanons post from me at 4 AM (lmk if I need to tag this as anything specific btw

What I'm personally calling "Shadow Sickness" is the official, prolonged version of Backlash - adverse effects that target the practitioner even outside of the duel circle and in their everyday lives. While "Backlash" refers to the immediate and spontaneous barrage of attacks that takes place after a Shadow spell, "Shadow Sickness" is the gradual deterioration of the practitioner's mind, body, and soul. True to the name, this effect likens more to an illness, a virus; something that's alive and slowly takes over until there is nothing healthy left behind. The symptoms are emotional, physical, mental, and even spiritual.

While regular Magic has life force within it, Shadow Magic is the only type of magic that can be considered "sentient". Not a thinking being with goals and plans, but something living and breathing with the most basic instincts. It's what's considered "Chaotic" and dangerous about it - the Wizard bends and controls regular Magic, but Shadow Magic can bend and control the Wizard. It is the only type of magic that can "fight back" in its own way.

This sentience is what allows for Shadow Sickness and Backlash to happen - these are purely just the results of it "fighting back". The Shadow Magic is reacting to the practitioner. It's acting by its nature by rearing its head back and snapping the hand that controls it. If the practitioner is NOT sound and secure in their mental, physical, and spiritual health, then Backlash and Shadow Sickness can cause even more adverse effects within the Wizard and as a result can suffer more severely.

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness

Symptoms of Shadow Sickness can vary between physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The "virus" affects every single aspect of the being, down to their very life. The severity of these symptoms can also vary depending on certain variables. Unlike a true virus, Shadow Sickness has no "incubation period" and can flare up at any time during which the Wizard is practicing Shadow Magic. These symptoms include:

Physical scarring (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual) - one of the only symptoms that comprise of all four categories. Scars may appear on the Wizard's body that take various shapes and forms: most commonly taken after that individual's unsolved trauma. This includes old grudges, previous serious injuries that have not healed correctly, repressed memories, obsessions and delusions, etc. No two scars look the same (i.e. two different wizards who have a fear of spiders will have scars that look entirely different from the other). Depending on the severity these scars can cause physical discomfort (tingling, numbness, pain, leathery skin, decay/cellular deterioration) and can greatly impact how the Wizard looks to others to how the Wizard can move around.

Involuntary movements (physical, mental, spiritual) - the Wizard may begin suffering from accidental and spontaneous gestures and movement that is either randomized or triggered. This can include loss of coordination, disorientation, mini seizures, jerks and spasms, etc. Other than being physically affected, the Wizard is not suffering from any medical emergencies. The individual is fully conscious and aware when this happens and depending on the severity, can recover seconds after. This is one of the only symptoms where others could be harmed due to a wayward hand that comes flying out by accident. There is also a magical version of this, where involuntary spells or bursts of magic can be cast spontaneously (hence the 'spiritual' aspects of this symptom as mana comes from the soul). Usually these magical bursts are Shadow Magic and not the Wizard's primary or secondary Magic abilities. (Another involuntary trait recorded is the Wizard suddenly switching to an ancient "Shadow Language" in mid-speech.)

Hallucinations (physical, mental) - the Wizard may begin to experience things that cannot be detected by any other individual. Usually these hallucinations start out as smells or taste first, but there are reports of the Wizard hearing, sensing, and even seeing things to start out with. Contrary to popular belief not all hallucinations are violent or even turn out to be that way, some reports even describe them as pleasant. Hallucinations vary from each Wizard even with those who share the same traumas or fears. Depending on the severity of the symptoms, the Wizard can either be fully aware or completely immersed within them. Since these are only hallucinations they cannot harm the Wizard but can cause further deterioration to the mind.

Depleted energy/"Mana Loss" (physical, spiritual) - as the Shadow Sickness takes hold, eventually the Wizard will be slowly sapped of strength and magical energy. THIS IS DIFFERENT FROM IF THE WIZARD IS SKILLED IN SHADOW MAGIC. A Wizard can practice Shadow Magic and still NOT be affected by this. Since Shadow Magic "takes", Shadow Sickness does the same and gradually depletes the Wizard's energy. Like how Backlash takes health in a duel, Shadow Sickness takes your life. This is the only symptom that is constant in all cases of Shadow Sickness. Not only will the ability to cast spells be taken away, but overall physical health will suffer as well and the individual is more susceptible to regular diseases due to a compromised immune system. This symptom only appears in the very last stages of Shadow Sickness and is the last symptom of the individual experiences in their lifetime.

Tulpas (emotional, mental, spiritual) - contrasting hallucinations, Tulpas are the Wizard's visions made real. A Tulpa (from Shadow Sickness) is a physical and magical manifestation of the Wizard suffering from the Shadow "virus". Although it is born from the subconscious of another being, it is a separate entity all its own and has the ability to make decisions and have feelings and desires. However, these feelings and desires are not really of their own and reflect the Wizard's subconscious fears and threat responses. (i.e. our Azteca Tulpa in Khrysalis that formed due to unresolved survivor's guilt. Its "goal" was to destroy us and fully consume us within itself, similar to how guilt behaves in reality). Tulpas can either be created from visions, nightmares, intense and obsessive thoughts, or even previous hallucinations.

Can Shadow Sickness be reversed, or cured?

Shadow Sickness can be reversed, yes, or more commonly halted. Unless the Wizard is fully submersed in their mental and spiritual anguish ((Malistaire even though he wasn't using shadow magic; Morganthe even though that wasn't what killed her)) Shadow Sickness can be stopped. The road to recovery varies wildly from each person so there is no set "recovery time" in which you are expected to be fully healed. It is your own journey and it is ultimately your say whether or not you are better. Clinically, recovery can be sorted between these categories

HALTED: In which the Shadow Sickness is no longer infecting the individual but the symptoms may still persist. These symptoms do not get worse or better, but the Wizard's mind is clear and their soul is at peace. Wizards may either learn to live comfortably and adapt with their Halted condition or could continue to strive for partial or full recovery.

PARTIAL RECOVERY: In which the Shadow Sickness is reversed slightly or moderately. The effects are not all the way gone but are measured to be better than when the Wizard was still infected. In this state any severe symptoms the Wizard is experiencing are now moderate or slight, or less frequent. Just like in the Halted category, the Wizard is sound of mind, body, and soul.

FULL RECOVERY: In which Shadow Sickness is totally reversed and there are no more symptoms that persist. Full, 100% recovery is actually quite rare in the Spiral and a lot of scholars consider the Full Recovery to count as "70% or more reduced" - meaning the symptoms are very slight and few and far in between. Technically this is still a Partial Recovery but due to the above fact and how difficult it is to reverse Shadow Sickness, 'Full Recovery' is an umbrella term. Some individuals even claim Full Recovery even if their symptoms are moderate, because their mind and soul are no longer diseased.

ONE LAST FACT TO LEAVE OFF WITH: Not every Wizard who practices Shadow Magic suffers from Shadow Sickness, and alternatively even the most skilled Shadowmage can develop Shadow Sickness.

okay this took days. bye hope you liked this

you know, if I had a nickel for every time a buff blue haired himbo had extremely homoerotic subtext with his genius mage tactician, I'd have two nickels—which isn't a lot but it's weird that it's happened twice.