Just looked at the 'for you' tab and fucking hell, I thought I hadn't been missing much from my timeline but there's loads of stuff in there from people I follow, that has never come through to my dash?!w

idk if i'm way off the mark on this, but the way some people are responding to that Guillermo del Toro interview about the decline of studio animation is a bit frustrating to me. specifically the bit where he talks about "emoji animation" and how everything is over-animated and pushed too far and things are rarely allowed to not be ultra-cartoony (y'know, because animation always needs to be marketable to children who are never trusted to have attention spans, right?). like, i think he's generally correct about it! but some folks are taking the wrong message away from that.

i've seen people going off about how "soulless" and "corporate" various recent examples are, and talking about these pieces of media as though they're the result of some kind of personal failing or lack of skill/range on the part of the animators, and it's just like. do people realize that's the only animation you're usually allowed to DO in the industry, unless you get incredibly lucky and land yourself on a project/studio that's unusually cool?

when i was in college for animation it was literally drilled into us nonstop that everything had to be pushed more, that exaggeration was not a guideline or a sometimes-treat but a hard rule that always had to be applied regardless of what was going on, because the viewer couldn't be trusted to pick up on subtlety and we sure as hell couldn't be trusted to convey it. you ever wonder why there's such a specific vibe to a lot of self-directed student films, particularly ones that are focused on character acting/interaction or deep emotions and introspection (especially when there's minimal/no dialogue)? it's because for a lot of young animators, they haven't had the freedom to experiment with realism and subtlety up to that point and they're likely not going to have it again for a while (or at all, unless their career path leads to higher positions where they might have more creative direction over the things they work on. which also becomes a lot less likely if they're anything other than a cishet white dude, for what it's worth).

i would LOVE to see more nuanced, realistic, understated motion and acting in animation. i WANT more characters to be able to express what they're feeling through natural body language and facial cues and for scenes to allow me to breathe instead of spelling everything out in giant bold flashing text all the time. what del Toro wants to see changed in the animation industry sounds great, and i hope others join him in seeking to revamp what modern animation is allowed to be.

but as things currently stand, and as they've stood for a long while now, most artists doing the grunt work on the shows and movies you see are completely at the mercy of corporations and networks who have a vested interest in producing a very specific kind of marketable and cost-efficient media all the time. (and by extension that style is ALSO what's taught in most animation schools, because their job more than anything is to grind you down into a perfect little sweatshop worker who will bend over backwards to meet quotas and get your work approved and not question the higher-ups, even if you have little to no personal investment in the projects you're working on, so that the studios who employ you can maintain their good reputations or whatever)

anyways idk what my point was here, this really just sorta became a rant and my views have undoubtedly been coloured by my own personal experiences (this kinda shit is largely why i dropped out before my last year of animation school, for the record).

i guess just be kind to folks in the animation industry? they've had it fucking rough nonstop for well over a century (the majority of them are still not unionized and there's HUGE pushback against doing so in many places). i assure you they are doing their best to infuse the latest uninspired illumination flick or weird spinoff kids' show with literally any amount of soul they can. you don't have to like the stuff that gets produced by any means! be a hater! i'm certainly not gonna stop you. just remember where these creative decisions come from and why these conditions exist, and consider that when YOU watched something and thought "hmm that could've been done better", you can bet your ass someone actually working on it probably thought the same thing but couldn't do anything about it. these things WILL change as the industry itself improves, but in the meantime folks have to pay their rent, and that usually means doing what they're told and working in a way that will minimize revisions and meet quotas so they can keep their jobs. it sucks, but it is what it is.

So I had a really bad dream today.

Going through tags about yourself is always kinda weird, but. It's meloncholy when the blog people are talking about isn't really around anymore. By your own choices but. The memories attached to it are then kind of flitty and detached because of that. Like you don't think about them anymore.

I saw posts where people were talking about me and like, sad that it seemed I was gone. Wondering what had happened or if I was still active somewhere.

I've gotten sentiments like that before. But like... usually it was asks sent to me, or thing directly from friends who said they missed my art. It's appreciated, and still baffling, but I guess that can feel kind of put-on for my feelings compared to... making a post talking about me, thinking I'll never see it. Making that post and like.... missing me in it. Talking about me nicely.

I've never experienced that feeling before. That like... true sweetness and appreciation and humbling kindness.

I'm thinking maybe a lot of people feel that way about my blog. Thinking about me on occasion and wondering what happened, or where I am. Not because they think I died or something but, because they liked me.

I always wanted to leave a mark on this community. By that I mean like, general tumblr but also specifically the ego fandom. A huge part of the reason I left is because from my perspective people weren't really digging what i was making. Maybe I felt i was an unpopular artist in the community, or that my work was kind of unliked compared to others. I felt constantly that I was making things that I loved and was super excited about, but people around me were never as excited, and didn't really care about the things I made. (And yk, to clarify, i felt like that looked bad on *me* not the people looking at my stuff)

I think the ego/mark fandom is generally less to actually interact with content or the people making it, ((at least compared to the other fandoms I've been in.)) I didn't know about the possible differences when I joined, so I just saw people not engagin with my art in the way I wanted and I assumed my art just suddenly wasnt enjoyed anymore.

I wanted to make a mark. All the art that I made, for me was about expanding on the stories and ideas about characters I loved. I wanted so badly for those ideas to be shared and talked about and remembered. Like I was a part of something. Egos was likr one of the first fandoms i ever joined that wasnt already "over".

When I left I really wanted to dissipear. I was in a very bad place for a lot of reasons but mainly i was upset and flustered and I wanted to get away from the blog because the size it had gotten to really scared me and made me anxious. I was having trouble motivating myself to create and I feel like there was a lot of resentment over my art that I now feel guilty for.

I felt at the time like dissipearing was impossible. Like this blog would somehow always follow me? I also thought that pretty much no one would care. That they would miss the art i drew but not me, like no one would care if it wasn't about the Content. But I'm m realizing. Maybe I really did dissipear. Maybe people wondered where I went. Maybe I just dropped off the map, completely went away, like I wanted to, but... maybe not everyone just ignored it, didnt notice or didnt care like I expected.

I've been going back and reading stuff about camp UA, how I apparently brought so many kids and people together and. At the time I didnt notice. I remember people telling me that, butbit never actually sunk in. It felt fake, like just nixe words. There were people asking about me after I left, sad I wasn't around. Friends lately started to tell me recently that from their perspectivesl I was really well loved in the fandom, that I was extremely popular even though at the time I didn't feel like it at all. Seeing things occasionally about my curly haired yancy or my trans abe etc and. People still recognizing i influenced these things, seeing my joys and my ideas still circulate, even though I felt like I had made no fandom impact at all. Even if its small it's there. And combining all of these things...

I don't know. It's really nice. Now that I have some distance, to actually view the things I did and see the influence maybe I didn't realize I had. To see actual good things that came out of my blog. People...cared? Maybe they always cared and I just didn't have the perspective to recognize it. Like...joy that I've caused people. People calling my queer posts "classics", or that they made them feel good in their identity. People referencing specific ego posts i made, people missing me and wondering where I'd gone. People in old posts mentioning me by name, like I was a recognizable friend of the "family". People clearly...liking me. I don't know. Caring? Seeing me as me and not just an art funnel. I never felt that way while I was making art. I feel now like I had so many blindspots while I was running this blog and I'm not even sure why.

It feels incredibly selfish, to be honest. Super high and mighty and self aggrandizing that I'm saying all this. like..."ohhh i didn't get the response i wannnted :( and that made me saaaddd :((((" like, I don't deserve any specific treatment. I'm not "owed" any response from people. I'm not even owed recognition after the fact. I'm not owed care or interest or any of this.

...but still people care, they liked me? Maybe I did add to the community? Maybe I made things and posts that braught people together and had community effects, that people had fun and got excited over the things that i made...? Even if it was things i didnt intend, or in a way I never intended.

It makes me miss it, you know. It makes me feel, it makes y heart swim with kindness and appreciation and gratitude and LOVE and. Everything everything. It makes me teary eyed, heart full to bursting alone in my room, completely pathetically. I shared things, maybe. Things that maybe meant something. And people cared? Some of them, at least? A few people were effected, really? A place that caused me so much strong anxiety a year+ ago but. I still do miss it. People are so nice. And for what? Why do I deserve it? Everyone's so nice. The blogs i saw over and over, my friends and mutuals in the community, that I never talked to because I was small and a freak and anxious and too self concious about myself. They were so nice. People are so, so nice.

Thank you to anyone at all that ever did that for me? That asked about me after I was gone, that left me sweet messaged or comments, joined in on some thing i was doing for fun, made art of my posts, told me that i braught you joy. Connected with me. Or tried. I love you.

Idk im a weird fuckin. Emotional sap and also I gotta tell you I'm sick and haven't slept in like 13 hours so. Sorry for random long posts on ur dashboard I'm extremely sensitive.

Maybe I'll link to some other blog where I'm making art someday. Idk. I just miss the nice people in the community and the connection and. I wanted to thank you. I hope i did make an impact. At least a little.. I really really hope I did

14, 16, 24 for shipping ask

14. Has a fanbase ever made you ship or not ship something? Why?

Yes. Both. When I started watching Teen Wolf many many MANY years ago I like many others shipped Sterek (because they had interesting interactions, and because I enjoyed the squabbling, and because I thought it would be funny to see outside reactions). But once the fandom started becoming unbearable by hating on Scott, and on Braeden, and by acting like Stiles was the only interesting character, I kinda... soured on the ship.

Now, with years of distance I'm kinda okay reading a fic or two on occasion. But I also - in the name of my SANITY - first remove from the the search stuff like: Bad Friend Scott McCall, and Bad Alpha Scott McCall, and Scott McCall Bashing.

It removes quite a depressing number of fics.

As for fandoms that have made me START shipping stuff? Well I guess that would be the Supergirl fandom who made me start shipping Supercorp despite the fact that I dropped the show before Lena showed up. The fandom on here kept me well informed about the goings-on of the show and once I started watching a bunch of the scenes between Kara and Lena? Yeah, totally made me go through a bunch of pretty excellent fanfics.

There have also been some shipper fandoms that have pulled me into watching the shows in question but I wouldn't say they necessarily made me start shipping the couple itself (I have just as often not started rooting for the couple that brought me to the story as I've kept shipping it once I truly got to know them).

16. Are there any ships you just can’t/don’t understand? What are they?

There are a lot of ships I dislike, some that I utterly despise. But for the ships that make like... question marks appear above my head as if I'm a cartoon character?

I think that's left specifically to things where someone ships a canonically gay/lesbian character with someone from the opposite sex, or a canonically aromantic character with anyone at all (asexual characters are free game as long as the asexuality gets respected).

Some examples would be the frankly horrifying idea of shipping Clary with Alec from Shadowhunters. Like whyyyyy? Or more recently, the fact that people are shipping Kate Bishop with Yelena *whines pathetically*.

24. What is your favorite canon ship?

Of all time?

Parker and Hardison. Without question. They are my one example of a perfect canon relationship that I couldn't possibly love more than I already do.

They had absolutely beautiful development, they had Hardison respecting Parker's choices. He never pushed, he never acted like Parker's friendship was the lesser option. There were hundreds of little sweet moments that showed just how much Hardison cared about Parker, and just as many moments that showed how Parker cared about Hardison even if it was harder for her to express early on.

And they're simply just so incredibly adorable. Just look at them.

And they're BACK. And I love them so much.

The Incredible Hulk (2008)

So, it's no secret that Edward Norton got dropped and swapped for Mark Ruffalo in the MCU. That said, there is a small scene at the end of the movie that does connect, as well as some more recent references back to both the Abomination and Samuel Sterns, make it still a necessary part of this insane quest.

Plus, Edward Norton is a good actor and I enjoyed the movie the first time, so might as well.

I'm not going to be able to stop myself from comparing Norton's Hulk to Ruffalo's, so I'm just going to be direct about it. Both have a sadness but Norton's is more desperate and striving, where Ruffalo's is more depressed and resigned. While I like Norton's acting, I actually am glad in this case they switched to Ruffalo (all the drama notwithstanding- I'll actually say it sounds like Norton may have gotten a raw deal from the studios) because I think Mark fits better with the team. Mark Ruffalo's strength is he CAN blend into the background and NOT be forgotten. He can be part of a team, not the star, and yet you still care about him, still WANT to know what happens to him.

Norton can't. His acting demands attention from the audience and I mean that in an absolutely positive way. When Edward Norton is on screen, you CANNOT pay attention to anything or anyone not directly interacting with him. For someone normally so softspoken, his presence is commanding and I cannot see how that would have jived with the rest of the Avengers' cast.

All right, on to the movie.

I've got to start off discussing the grittiness again. That's the word that just stands out to me on these re-watches: the first movies are gritty. They're dark. The banter is there but there is an undercurrent of living in a rotten world . I'm watching for when this changes and shifts, because I know it does. I didn't have that feeling when I went to The Marvels or when I've been watching Loki- Season 2. (Yes, I am also watching new stuff because I live in the real world and want to discuss that stuff with friends and could never complete my ENTIRE MCU GOD DANG IT challenge in a timely fashion.)

Thinking about it, these first two movies feel like they fit in the Venom universe more than the actual MCU. Hmm.

On a more comic note, I joked with a friend that the title of this film should be changed to "The Incredible Running Man." The amount of shots just of people running, especially at the beginning, is crazy.

Tim Roth as Emil Blonsky/the Abomination is really compelling. I found this doubly interesting as I noted how much smaller (stature wise) he is than many of the other soldier actors. His fire as a fighter stands out even though he's NOT the epitome of brawn.

The writers depictions of women in this movie frustrated me this round. First of all, I count 3 females TOTAL. We have Liv Tyler as Betty Ross, we have the 1 female soldier (that's it- we get one people) and she's outright called a bitch by Blonsky's character, and we get Marianna, the ONE (again- really- there were no other female actors?) female at the factory. I'm sure there will be some excuse about this making Betty stand out or whatever (never mind that that doesn't stop them from having plenty of male actors in movies where the female hero is the focus). But what doubly frustrates me is that Betty is supposed to be this super scientist and yet she does really dumb stuff. The big one for me on this was when they pawned the necklace to be able to travel to Sterns (because they only had $40) and she BUYS A DIGITAL CAMERA. Guys, this was 2008- digital cameras weren't cheap. Phone cameras SUCKED at that time, if you even had one. Why would she EVER have spent that money? Because the director wanted to have her look at a photo later, that's why. (I want just 1 single mom on a budget in ever writer's room to say things like "They wouldn't do that, you morons.")

I liked the use of the smartwatch with the pulse tracker both when I first watched it and now. That is a factor I kind of wish they would have kept in some way- though I know they went more with the "I'm always angry" method.

Time for a sidebar- there's a LOT of internet discussion about what it means to be worthy in terms of wielding Thor's hammer. I haven't stumbled as much into discussions about anger and Hulk's "powers." The closest was the discussions about the scene in She-Hulk (which I haven't seen at all, except for that clip where he's trying to teach her how to control it and is frustrated at how easily she manages). I think anger is an emotion that doesn't get dissected enough. It's usually labeled as bad and thrown in the bin. But anger can be good- it can propel someone to make changes or stand up for what's right. This movie does a great job of showing that a LOT of Hulk's anger only really rears up when Betty is in danger. It's a protective impulse, not a destructive one. Obviously, unchecked, it's terrible and terrifying but within proper contexts, anger can be its own superpower.

This one overall did feel a bit slower on the re-watch, but I do think the fact that I now know it doesn't connect as much to the others made me impatient. It's still a solid film and worthy to see if you haven't.

Note for me:

Directed by: Louis Leterrier