#Because before I moved here we only visited for Thanksgiving which is a pretty American food centric holiday
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Family visiting for graduation and when I started a story with 'so I made rice without burning it for the first time' my uncle from the Dominican Republic reached across the table from three people away to high five me
#I lived with him and my aunt for like six months during the pandemic#So I got very used to Dominican and Puerto Rican food from that side of my family#And they unfortunately got very used to my white ass being confused and baffled by rice and plantains for the first couple weeks#Because before I moved here we only visited for Thanksgiving which is a pretty American food centric holiday#Fucking obsessed with tostones now though. Still afraid to try making them#My grandma makes them all the time they're so good
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Lost in the Lights Ch.4 | Brittana
Posting early today since the Steelers game has been postponed so many times I've lost all concept of time LOL. Anyway, I get a real kick out of everyone that mentions they're a Steelers fan in their reviews. Wave that Terrible Towel for me too (I left mine in American, such a rookie mistake).
Also Happy late Thanksgiving, hope everyone had a safe holiday with lots of laughs.
Available on ff.net (x) ao3 (x)
It’s Wednesday morning and Brittany’s walking with Kurt to their first class of the day when McKinley High’s mascot comes running down the hall at them. They barely get out of his way in time as he continues whooping down the hallway. Students around cheer but Brittany just stares blankly, trying to understand what that was all about.
“That guy does his Spirit Run every year around this time,” Kurt explains.
“Spirit Run?”
“Yeah. It’s really just an excuse for him to run around the halls like a crazy person,” Kurt says, “You’ll probably see it again at least three more times this week.”
“You guys really go all out here,” Brittany mentions as she and Kurt begin to walk again without fear of getting trampled.
“Told you,” Kurt shrugs, “Homecoming is one of McKinley’s biggest events.”
“Small towns are so weird,” Brittany chuckles.
“They are, but I do love a good theme,” Kurt replies then gasps as he turns to her, “Have you given any thought to who you’ll be going with?”
Brittany laughs a little louder, but then stifles it when she sees Kurt look at her in confusion.
“I wasn’t going to ask anyone,” She says with a shrug.
Kurt’s baffled and stops mid-step, “What? Why not?”
“I don’t really have anyone in mind,” Brittany answers simply, “Why? What’s the issue?”
“You have to have an escort, Britt,” Kurt urges, “You’re apart of the Homecoming Court now, you can’t just attend the dance alone.”
Brittany rolls her eyes at how serious he’s making it all sound, “Why not? What’s going to happen to me if I don’t go with anyone?”
Kurt stammers, “Uh…nothing I guess but it’s not something people usually do. You’re pretty popular, Britt, why don’t you use that to your advantage like everyone else here? I’m sure you’d find a date easily if you asked around.”
“Okay fine,” Brittany smirks, “Do you want to go with me?”
Kurt gives her a look, “I’m flattered but I already agreed to go with a group from Glee Club.”
“Well look at that. I tried,” Brittany fakes defeat, “Guess I’ll be going alone then.”
“But –“
“I’ll be fine, Kurt. You said it yourself, nothing will happen to me if I go alone,” Brittany chuckles as she enters the classroom.
Kurt just sighs and follows after Brittany.
\\
The day goes on as usual for Brittany until she arrives to her Home Room class for third bell. It’s one of her favorite parts of the day; half of the bell is spent on studying and using your time wisely before everyone’s released for lunch. It’s kind of her time to wind down from all the info-intake, but sometimes she tries to get a jump on homework so she doesn’t have to do much after practice.
It’s also the class before her final one of the day which she gets to spend with Santana.
She has barely walked through the door when her teacher hands her a note saying she’s needed in Ms. Pillsbury’s office. She recognizes the name from when Santana mentioned her awhile ago, but Brittany frowns as she looks over the note.
“Am I going to miss lunch?” She asks but the teacher just shrugs and tells her to get going.
She doesn’t actually know where the office is so she ends up wandering around downstairs until another teacher spots her for looking lost.
“Hey, where are you supposed to be?” They demand.
Brittany just hands over the note like it’s a hall pass, “I’m not sure where her office is.”
She smiles innocently and it’s enough to have the teacher relaxing. Thankfully they offer to lead the way to where she needs to be without any further questions.
When she finally gets to the office, she knocks gently at the glass. There’s a red-haired woman sitting daintily behind a desk polishing off her stapler with a wet wipe. Kind of odd, but Brittany doesn’t question it as a pleasant smile fills the woman’s face upon seeing her standing there.
“Brittany, hi! Please come in,” She says and motions for the blonde to have a seat, “I’m Ms. Pillsbury, I’ll be your designated guidance counselor and college advisor.”
“Hi,” Brittany nods behind a polite smile as she goes to sit, “Am I in trouble or something?”
“No, no. Of course not,” Ms. Pillsbury assures her.
Brittany’s only a little relieved by that.
“I’ve been trying to make my rounds in meeting with all the Seniors just to make sure that everyone’s on track with deadlines for college applications,” She explains, “I have a little information on you from your old school, but I just wanted to check in and introduce myself properly since you’re new here. How are you finding McKinley so far?”
“It’s nice,” Brittany answers softly.
She doesn’t know what it is about the guidance counselor’s office that makes her feel nervous. Maybe because she spent so much time in it at the beginning of the year? She was always being checked on because of her ailing dad, it always made her feel so uneasy.
“I see you’ve been making quite the splash with the Titans,” Ms. Pillsbury says kindly, “It’s great to see a new student getting so involved. I’m sure the team is happy you’re here.”
“Yeah,” Brittany shrugs; she’s not exactly sure how to answer that especially after taking her stance on slushie facials. They work better as a team on the field but there’s still a little tension.
“So plans for college,” Ms. Pillsbury continues once she sees she’s not going to get anything else out of Brittany.
Brittany shifts uncomfortably in her seat, her hands tightening around the spine of her binder. Talking about her future like this always puts her on edge for some reason. She knows her parents – mostly her dad – always wanted her to go to college after high school, so she wants to honor that. She wants it for herself too, but it’s kind of overwhelming sometimes, especially when she feels like sports are the only thing she’s good at.
That’s not true – she’s a whizz in math and science – but does she really want to make a career out of it? She has no idea, it’s probably a good idea that she figure that out soon though.
All she knows is that GPAs are important and hers isn’t the best it could be. Her grades really took a hit when her dad passed away, but she was able to finish her Junior year relatively strong considering everything that happened. Maybe she’ll be okay?
“It says here that you’ve already taken the SATs twice,” Ms. Pillsbury notes, “Your scores are very good.”
Brittany nods again, “Yes, I sat the exam just before I moved here. I figured that I would be too focused on getting adjusted to a new school to study again.”
“That’s smart,” Ms. Pillsbury smiles, “You’re ahead of many Seniors here, it’s nice to see someone taking the initiative.”
“Yeah,” Brittany just shrugs, “I’m hoping that I can get a scholarship for playing football or something. I know it’s kind of a long shot for someone like me. It’s super rare that a female football player gets a scholarship.”
“But it isn’t impossible, I think that’s the important part so don’t doubt yourself. You could very well get a scholarship for your talents on the field,” Ms. Pillsbury assures her, “It says in your file that you’ve had scouts attend your games at your old school: one for the Florida State and another for Auburn. That’s really impressive, Brittany.”
“Thank you,” Brittany blushes. She remembers those game and how nerve wracking it was for her knowing that a win could determine her future – could determine if she were getting into a good school or not.
“I know Coach Beiste is in contact with a few recruiters and college coaches that are more local if that interests you?” Ms. Pillsbury suggests, “Maybe you’ll have some luck there as well? I know she’s quite close to the coaches at Louisville and Ohio State which are both on your list here.”
“That would be so cool, ” Brittany perks up at the prospect.
Now that they’ve moved, she kind of wants to stay close to home if she can. Maybe she’ll be able to get on Ohio State’s radar or maybe Notre Dame? It has been a crazy dream of hers to play college football at one of the top schools in the country, but she doesn’t know if she’s being realistic.
“Very cool,” Ms. Pillsbury smiles, “Well, I don’t want to take up too much of your time during your study hour so if you ever have any questions or just want to come by for a chat, I’m always here.”
“Thanks Ms. Pillsbury,” Brittany grins before heading back to class. It was a random meeting, but Brittany feels surprisingly lighter after speaking with her – like there was this reassurance she didn’t know she needed. It was completely different from the visits that she’s used to.
\\\\\
Although Spirit Week really seems like five days worth of nonsense, there is still the usual schoolwork and practice that Santana needs to focus on too. So after Wednesday’s Cheerios practice, Santana and Quinn head to the Lima Bean to get some homework done before they fall too far behind.
This year, they only have one class together but unfortunately that’s the only class that they’re caught up on. Instead, they grab a circular table by the window and work on their own things in a comfortable silence. Before either of them knows it, they’ve been there for two hours already and have gone through multiple coffees each – Santana’s on her third, Quinn has switched to tea.
Quinn sits back and goes to stretch a moment later, “I think I’m done for the day.”
Santana blinks her weary eyes, “Same. This bookwork on U.S. Government is melting my brain. Let’s pack up and – “
“Wait,” Quinn whispers and holds out her hand to stop Santana, “Look who’s here.”
When Santana follows Quinn’s line of view she instantly looks away at who’s there talking to the barista.
“We never see her here,” Santana comments disbelievingly.
“Right?” Quinn starts to smirk, “This is perfect.”
Since their talk over the weekend, Quinn’s been in Santana’s ear about her progress in becoming friends with Brittany despite Santana telling her to butt out. She’s been trying to explain that she’s not going to all of a sudden ask her over for a sleepover so they can braid each other’s hair and make friendship bracelets. It takes time, especially for Santana considering she’s not exactly the best at making new friends.
And that’s kind of where Quinn comes in.
“I swear to God, Fabray, if you do anything embarrassing I’m gonna – “
“Hey Brittany!” Quinn calls out sweetly, loud enough so that Brittany – and anyone else in earshot – can hear.
Santana goes ten shades redder and sinks low in her chair, “I hate you so much.”
“What?” Quinn questions innocently, “Friends say hi to other friends when they’re out in public so don’t be rude.”
Santana lets out a sarcastic laugh, “Bullshit. You and I both know what you’re up to.”
“I’m not up to anything. Just be normal,” Quinn whispers out quickly, “She’s coming over.”
Be normal, Santana thinks as she stifles another laugh. How can she be normal when Quinn is yelling out this girl’s name from across the café like they’re best friends? They’ve talked maybe twice and it wasn’t much of a conversation but rather just greetings exchanged.
It’s like Quinn’s just trying to embarrass the crap out of her.
Santana tries to keep a straight face in hopes that the blush fades soon. Hopefully her tan complexion is enough to mask her embarrassment.
“Hey guys,” Brittany greets casually, “How’s it going?”
Quinn looks to Santana to see if she’ll answer. She rolls her eyes when she sees that Santana’s just giving her a death glare instead.
“Going well,” Quinn replies first, “Did you just get out of practice?”
Brittany sighs tiredly and goes to brush her hair behind her ear, “Yeah. Very tiring, but that’s why I’m here. I’m so close to a nap but I still have a ton of homework to do by tomorrow. Looks like you guys do too.”
Santana remains weirdly silent so Quinn gives her a subtle kick from under the table, “So much, but we’ve just finished up. Santana and I were actually just talking about tomorrow’s Spirit Day. Right, Santana?”
Santana gives Quinn one last narrow of her eyes before she’s putting on a smile, “Right, Quinn.”
“What is it again?” Brittany asks as she looks to the brunette with her pretty blue eyes.
Santana’s breath catches before she croaks out, “Crazy Hair Day.”
“That’s right,” Brittany chuckles before she teases, “Another super original one. Have you got any ideas for what you’ll do?”
Santana feels a little more at ease, “I’m trying to talk Quinn into dying her hair pink.”
Brittany’s brows shoot up as she looks to Quinn, “Awesome!”
“I’ll probably just wear mine down,” Santana adds which has Quinn rolling her eyes.
“Why do I have to dye my hair when all you’re doing is wearing yours down?” Quinn huffs.
“Because,” Santana retorts, “No way I’m doing anything crazy to all of this. Do you know how much these extensions cost?”
Brittany laughs at their dynamic, “I mean, it totally works! You’d look so different without your usual high pony. I can’t wait to see.”
Quinn sends a stealthy glance over in Santana’s direction. Santana makes a point not to look.
“What about you?” Santana asks Brittany, “What are you going to do differently?”
“I don’t know,” Brittany shrugs, “I probably won’t comb it or something. Although, the hair dye does sound pretty cool.”
Santana laughs at Quinn’s eye-roll just as the barista calls out Brittany’s name.
“Oh! That’s me,” Brittany jumps, “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”
Santana and Quinn say their goodbyes, but once she’s out of hearing range Quinn practically lunges across the table in excitement.
“She was flirting with you,” Quinn points out around a smirk.
Santana looks at her in disbelief, “Where the hell did you see flirting in all of that? Besides, wasn’t the point of all that to make a friend?”
“Come on,” Quinn gives her a look, “It was pretty obvious.”
“You’re delusional,” Santana chuckles.
“And you’re still date-less,” Quinn then sits up straighter, “Wait. I have an idea.”
“I already know what you’re going to say,” Santana shakes her head, “It’s a no. It’s a hell no.”
“You didn’t even give me a chance to state my case.”
“Yeah, because it’s bound to be ridiculous,” Santana replies. She glances over in Brittany’s direction as the blonde goes to sit at a table by herself. Santana pushes away that little feeling of hope before she’s turning back to Quinn, “She and I barely talk outside of class. It would be so weird and awkward, she’d never agree to it. Not to mention that it would be completely predictable.”
“Predictable?”
“Well yeah,” Santana answers like its obvious, “The only two girls nominated that are also – you know – and they just so happen to be going together? No. I’m not going to give this school any more reason to talk shit. I’m not falling for that trap.”
Quinn rolls her eyes, “What are you talking about? What trap?”
“You don’t think this is weird?” Santana questions, “A girl being nominated for King? That’s never happened before. Is it not a red flag for you?”
Quinn sits back again in her chair and sighs, “Honestly Santana, I don’t know what it is. I don’t know if she’s genuinely been nominated or if it’s something else. I don’t think we’re gonna find out until Saturday.”
Santana sighs too, “I just don’t want her to get dragged into all my crap, you know? I don’t want them to mess with her like they’ve messed with me.”
“Yeah,” Quinn nods sadly, “I know but maybe it’s different this time? Brittany’s…she’s a lovely person and really tallented. Who knows, maybe that’s why she’s being nominated? Maybe her being an awesome quarterback and leading the Titans to so many wins has distracted people? Maybe this is real? I don’t know.”
Santana bites her lip. She wishes she could be that optimistic, but she’s been burned too many times. It’s hard for her to see the good anymore. She just hopes for Brittany’s sake that Quinn’s right this time.
“But,” Quinn adds, “What I do know is that Cheerios don’t go to these things by themselves – especially ones that are nominated.”
Santana tenses her jaw. She hates all the social rules she has to follow just because of her status. She hates how popularity is everything in place like Lima. For once, she just wants to be herself but everyone makes it so damn difficult.
Still, she has her obligations.
“If you can’t go with Brittany,” Quinn starts, “Who will you go with?”
She glances one last time at Brittany sitting alone studying before she finally answers, “I’ll find someone.”
\\
And Santana tries valiantly to do so.
Once she gets home from the Lima Bean, Santana lies on her bed and scrolls through her contacts but nothing jumps out at her. Actually, it’s not the fact that no one jumps out – it’s the fact that she can’t bring herself to stoop down to that level again and go with a guy.
She can’t pretend anymore, no matter how bad she wants to avoid it all and go back to how things were a couple years ago where all she had to do was hide behind some guy in order to avoid how she truly felt. No one questioned her, no one doubted if any of it was genuine.
If she were to go with one of the many guys listed in her contacts, she would be doing just that – reverting. She feels guilty just thinking about it, but she knows it would be easier going back on what was said about her rather than actually living up to it.
Honestly, she doesn’t know which is scarier: pretending to be someone she isn’t again or finally owning up to who she really is. She just hates hearing the I knew it or I told you; it makes her feel so see-through, vulnerable. She can’t have that, she can’t have people at this school thinking they know her when they really don’t, but what is she supposed to do?
Continue to hide from the truth? Hope that everyone forgets?
Santana continues to scroll through her phone hoping that maybe she’ll find the answer to all her troubles amongst the boys’ names.
She doubts she will and that’s the biggest problem of all.
\\\\\
The next day, Brittany gets home a little earlier from football practice to find her mom helping Pete with his homework in the dining room. He instantly lights up when she enters the room and rushes over to hug her hips.
“Hey Petey,” Brittany chuckles, “You doing homework?”
“He just finished up,” Whitney smiles lovingly at the pair, “Got every question right.”
“No way!” Brittany gasp and goes for a low-five, “Mr. Smarty Pants in the building!”
Pete gives her an enthusiastic slap to her palm, “Should be rewarded with ice cream, right?”
Brittany’s brows rise and they both look over to their mom as she mimics him, “Right?”
Whitney just laughs, “Don’t you need to shower or something, Britt?”
“Showered at school,” She grins triumphantly.
“You can do that?” Pete looks up at her in awe.
“Totally.”
“Well,” Whitney sighs, “Let’s go then! Tonight’s the Bonfire, isn’t it?”
Brittany nodded as she put down her bag in its usual place by the front door, “Yeah, but it’s not until later. I’ve got time for an ice cream run.”
“Can I go to the bonfire too?” Pete asks as they all make their way outside to the car.
“Mom said no, remember?” Brittany tells him gently as he climbs into his seat, “It’ll be too late for you.”
“Bummer,” He frowns. Brittany gets in the passenger side and Whitney goes to start the car when he asks, “Will Santana be there?”
Brittany’s a little surprised that he remembered her name but answers anyway, “Yeah, probably. Why?”
Pete doesn’t answer for awhile, “Just wondering. She’s nice.”
Brittany nods, “Yeah. I think so too.”
She goes to flip though the radio stations, but Santana’s mention reminds her of how she felt seeing the Co-Captain for the first time that morning.
Like they discussed at the Lima Bean, Santana had worn her hair down. Brittany almost didn’t recognize her, she looked that different. More relaxed maybe? Who knows, but Brittany caught herself staring several times which would’ve been embarrassing if Santana noticed. Her hair was a lot longer than Brittany thought and any time Santana would brush it behind her ear or twirl the tips of it with her fingers, Brittany could smell the scent of her shampoo wafting off of her.
It was super distracting.
That scent was committed to Britany’s memory, because that scent was now Santana. Whenever she caught a whiff of it, Santana’s smiling face popped up in her head. As much as she thought that was really cool, it kind of worried her because she knew what was starting to develop and she couldn’t have that.
Crushes are meant to be on people she might actually have a chance with. Not pretty, straight Cheerleaders who could probably get anyone they wanted in the entire school.
“So are you two going together?” Whitney wonders and Brittany’s eyes nearly bug out at the question, more importantly how casual it sounded.
Is she reading my thoughts? Brittany wonders.
Pete pipes in next, “Yeah, are you?”
Honestly, Brittany never really considered Santana as an option. The girl is probably the hardest person to read and that’s coming from Brittany who is excellent at reading people…on the football field.
If Santana’s somewhere on the spectrum, it would be news to Brittany.
“Uh…no,” Brittany finally answers, “I doubt she’d want to go with me. I bet she has so many guys lining up to be her date though, she’s very popular.”
“How do you know she won’t want to go with you instead then?” Pete wonders innocently, “Maybe she’s tired of going with boys?”
That has Brittany chuckling, “Maybe but I’ll probably just go by myself and meet up with my friends. I don’t mind not having a date, just means I can dance with everyone else’s.”
They seem happy with that answer so the rest of the car ride is quiet aside from Pete singing along with the radio. Brittany just stares out the window wondering if her brother might be on to something about Santana though.
It’s probably a shot in the dark, but the longer she stews on it the more curious she becomes.
\\
Brittany’s always loved Bonfires; she likes the way the smoke lingers on her, the feel of the heat of the flames on her cheeks, how the glow of the fire has this sort of hypnotic effect. She really gets the expression a moth to a flame because she can so relate to the way it pulls you in.
She has seen Mike and Sam around, along with the other guys from the team but she makes a point to stay near the fire instead. It’s a lot colder than it was when she went out for ice cream earlier and she kind of regrets not wearing something thicker underneath her letterman jacket.
It’s not until after Principal Figgins makes a few announcements that she has to gather with the team for their grand entrance. It all seems a bit backwards since they’ve already been mingling for the past thirty minutes, but she just goes with the flow and follows after Kurt until they’re dismissed to join everyone else again. It’s then, that Brittany spots Santana hanging around the chairs she was sitting in before the Titans were called over.
To Brittany’s surprise, Santana sits alone. And like a moth to a flame, Brittany finds herself wandering over without a second thought.
“Hey,” Brittany greets with her hands tucked in her jacket pockets, “Where’s your other half?”
Santana looks away from the dancing flames and blinks like Brittany had just interrupted some deep thought, “Who? Quinn?”
“Yeah,” Brittany smiles as she sits next to Santana, “You two are always together.”
Santana chuckles, “She’s chatting up Mike I think. She’s on the hunt for an escort to Homecoming.”
“I’m sure Mike’s loving that,” Brittany laughs.
“Oh yeah?”
“Totally,” Brittany nods, “He has the biggest crush on Quinn. Don’t tell her I said that.”
“Oh, she knows,” Santana replies, “I don’t know why they won’t make it official already. They’re fooling no one.”
Brittany laughs again and thinks back to all the times she’s overheard Mike talk about Quinn like she put every star in the sky. It’s cute, she thinks, they’re cute. It makes her wonders why they’re dragging their feet if the feelings are mutual.
Her thoughts are interrupted though when she sees Santana shiver.
She’s still wearing her uniform so it’s no wonder why she’s cold but at least she has her Cheerios jacket on too.
“You guys not allowed to wear pants or something?” Brittany asks jokingly.
Santana shoots her a playful glare, “I would’ve worn my warm-ups if I knew it was going to drop 40 degrees. It wasn’t this cold when I got here earlier.”
“I know right?” Brittany agrees as she tries to use the collar of her jacket to cover her ears, “I don’t like it.”
Santana chuckles as she sees Brittany trying to hide further into her jacket, “Okay it’s not that cold. We’re literally sitting by a fire.”
Brittany just shrugs and looks back at Santana. Again, she’s kind of captivated by her. With her hair still down, falling in gentle waves over her shoulder, and the glow of the fire casting shades of burnt orange…Santana’s kind of beautiful.
Crap, Brittany thinks and goes to shake away the thought.
Instead, she goes to ask a question that’s been eating her up since her chat with Pete. Really, she just wants to shut down that nagging feeling of hope in the pit of her stomach and confirm that Santana’s already been easily swept up by some other eligible, more realistic option for a date.
“So what about your date hunt?” Brittany prompts timidly, “You have an escort already too?”
“No,” Santana’s smile falters and there’s just the barest of a crinkle between her brows as she looks back at the flames.
Brittany’s shocked by the news.
“I wouldn’t go with anyone if I could,” Santana mentions quietly, “But it’s kind of tradition that a Cheerio doesn’t go unattended.”
“This school and its traditions…” Brittany sighs with the shake of her head.
Santana frowns, still looking away from Brittany, “Yeah. It’s so stupid.”
Brittany watches Santana, trying to read what’s hidden beneath the surface but she’s at a loss. Santana can be so cryptic sometimes, her walls so impossibly high. It’s hard for Brittany to get a read on her so she just has to ask instead and hope Santana graces her with an answer.
“I take it the hunt isn’t going very well?” Brittany wonders.
“Not at all,” Santana answers with a deep sigh.
Brittany wonders what that is. The way Santana looks is similar to the first time Brittany ever saw her back at Puck’s End of Summer party. She remembers seeing Santana and Quinn sitting by the pool – she’s never seen a girl looking so sad at a party. Back then, she wanted to go over and ask her why she was so sad but that was probably the alcohol giving her a false sense of confidence.
But knowing more of Santana now and seeing her look that way makes Brittany feel kind of sad too. She’s not sure how to console Santana, if that’s even what she wants from someone, so instead Brittany tries to make her laugh.
“Wow, you struggling to find a date?” Brittany teases gently, “There definitely isn’t any hope for the rest of us.”
“Why’s that?” Santana asks with her expression even.
Brittany gulps; maybe she’s making it worse?
“You’re just…” Brittany fumbles for the right words but all she can think of is how Pete described Santana earlier, “You’re nice. It’s kind of hard to believe that someone like you is still dateless.”
Santana looks like she’s about to laugh, “Nice? I don’t think anyone’s ever said that about me unless they’re referring to my ass.”
Brittany begins to feel flushed because well, yeah that too but that wasn’t what she was referring to.
“You are though,” Brittany assures her, “You brought me the work I missed that one time. You assigned a locker to me when Coach Sylvester wouldn’t. You brought me that awesome – but weird colored – juice when I wasn’t feeling well. Not to mention how you handled JBI before I knew who he was…”
Santana just shakes her head though the smile begs to form.
“You’re nice Santana,” Brittany tells her this time.
Santana bobs her head from side to side like she can’t decide if she agrees with Brittany.
“Well, a lot of other people would disagree,” Santana says finally, “I’ve…burned a lot of bridges in the past so nice isn’t going to cut it unfortunately. Pretty sure Quinn nabbed the last available Titan and I sure as hell won’t go with one of the Hockey players. If there are any Titans left they’re either pigs or too gross for me to even consider so that’s that.”
Suddenly Brittany feels her senses heighten and her heart rate spikes, because a thought just crossed her mind and although her head is telling her to keep quiet about it, her heart tells her to go for it. She’s caught in the middle, but then she hears her dad’s voice in her head saying, “You won’t know unless you try.”
So she decides to shoot that shot in the dark and hope for the best.
“What about me?” Brittany offers hesitantly. She feels her heart jump to her throat and it’s taking everything in her to come off cool and casual.
Santana looks at her curiously, “What about you?”
Of course she’d want me to spell it out for her, Brittany thinks with a chuckle.
“Well, I’m not on the Hockey team.”
She can see the moment Santana catches on.
“Last time I checked I was a Titan too,” Brittany continues, “And I don’t have a date.”
Santana blinks at Brittany like she can’t believe her ears, “But…you’re a g – “
“I swear, if you say girl…” Brittany laughs.
“What?” Santana stammers out a laugh too, “You are!”
“Okay, and?” Brittany asks, “What’s that have to do with anything?”
Santana shakes her head and lets out a wry laugh, “Two girls can’t go to a dance together.”
Brittany rolls her eyes at that reasoning, “Who said?”
Santana’s lips part but nothing comes out. Brittany smirks.
“You don’t have an escort and I don’t either,” Brittany explains, “From what I hear, Cheerios tend to go with Football players and since I’m apparently the only Titan without a date still it would make sense for us to go together. Unless you’re considering me one of the gross ones you wouldn’t dream of going with?”
Santana averts her gaze, “You’re not.”
Hope starts to swell within Brittany, “Well then…we’re not really breaking tradition, are we? It’s like finding a loophole. You’re still a Cheerio going with a Titan, it just so happens that we’re both girls.”
Santana takes a moment to reply but when she does, she sounds a lot more nervous than before and Brittany worries that she’s made her uncomfortable by asking.
“I – I’m just…” Santana stutters, “I’m not…”
Brittany waits for Santana to finish but she’s so tripped up on her words that she can’t get anything out. The blonde kind of gets what Santana’s trying to say judging by the look of discomfort and takes the awkward rambling as all the assurance she needs.
“Santana, you don’t have to be gay to go to a dance with another girl,” Brittany jokes trying to lighten the mood.
Santana just stiffens, “Uhm.”
“I wasn’t going to go with anyone either,” Brittany continues to ramble, “Seems like you and I are the only ones that have that in common.”
“Right,” Santana mumbles.
“Yeah so,” Brittany chuckles, suddenly feeling way more nervous than before, “Maybe we can just go together as friends?”
“Friends?” Santana repeats. It seems like she only knows how to say one word at a time now.
“Yeah, friends,” Brittany chuckles, “You’ve heard of them, right?”
“Y-yeah,” Santana stutters.
“Okay, well all of mine already have dates and since everyone wants to put such a big emphasis on having an escort, you’re the only one left that I’d feel comfortable going with. Not that I consider you a last resort,” Brittany quickly amends, “I just thought we could help each other out, you know?”
Santana looks shocked, “Really?”
“Well yeah,” Brittany shrugs. She pushes away the doubt trying to worm its way in. She can’t remember the last time she felt this nervous to go out on whim, “So what do you say? Do you want to go together?”
“As friends?”
“Yes Santana,” Brittany chuckles, “As friends.”
“Okay,” Santana smiles and for a second she starts to act normal again, “Yeah. That’s cool.”
“Awesome!” Brittany beams.
She feels so relieved now and thinks that went a lot better than she thought but she can still sense a little hesitance on Santana’s end which makes her a little nervous. She goes to tuck her hair behind her air just to give her hands something to do.
“So…” Brittany drawls out, “I should probably get your number then? For outfit coordination purposes, you know just so we don’t accidentally match or something.”
When she sees that faint smirk on Santana’s lips, Brittany feels a little better about asking.
“Wow, you always this smooth when getting a girl’s number?” Santana teases.
Brittany instantly rolls her eyes at the sarcasm.
She’s been told that she’s charismatic and maybe a little accidentally flirty, but she honestly isn’t trying anything with Santana. She wouldn’t do anything to make her uncomfortable – she knows what straight girls are like around the not-so-straight ones so Brittany’s always cautious with how she comes off.
Even if her cheeks burn a little, she’s glad Santana still has jokes and decides to make one of her own too.
“Don’t worry, Santana,” Brittany smirks as she hands over her phone, “If I was going to hit on you, you’d know it.”
Santana blushes hard but Brittany just misses it as Santana fishes out her phone from her bra, “Here. Let me get your number too.”
\\\\\
By Friday, word surprisingly hasn’t gotten around that Santana is going with Brittany. She knows she hasn’t told anyone – not even Quinn yet – so Brittany must’ve been staying quiet too. She’s kind of thankful for that, even if she didn’t explicitly tell Brittany not to.
But that isn’t the only thing she hasn’t explicitly told Brittany.
“Santana, you don’t have to be gay to go to a dance with another girl.”
Brittany’s words flash in Santana’s head like warning lights. She doesn’t know why she’s surprised by the statement; they’ve never talked about her sexuality before. Then again, it’s not something she loves to bring up in casual conversation nor is it something she flaunts.
She’s just shocked more than anything that Brittany doesn’t know yet considering how invasive everyone is at school.
\\
Santana’s in the locker room with Quinn getting ready for the Pep Rally when she finally tells her best friend the news.
“So I found a date,” Santana mentions before the rest of the squad joins them, “Well technically, the date found me.”
Quinn perks up, “Who?”
She can barely contain the smirk when she looks over at Quinn, “McKinley’s star QB.”
“No way!” Quinn gasps. A wide smile fills her face and makes her cheeks bunch, “That is so great, Santana. This is happening so much faster than I thought! God, I’m so surprised. Mike told me that she wasn’t going to go with anyone. I wonder what made her change her mind? Wait, what changed your mind?”
Santana wonders that too and a little part of her holds out hope that it was because she told Brittany she was having trouble finding a date. That gets Santana thinking; she couldn’t find a date because she didn’t want to go with a boy – and now the only girl at school that’s an option for her thinks she’s straight.
The fucking irony.
“So there’s just one small problem,” Santana notes without answering Quinn’s questions.
“What?”
“She…doesn’t know,” Santana says cryptically.
Quinn’s confused, “Doesn’t know what?”
“You know,” Santana prompts then goes to whisper, “She thinks I’m straight.”
Quinn’s jaw drops, “Wait. What?”
Santana just nods.
Quinn shakes her head, “No seriously, what?”
“I don’t know,” Santana says as she slumps down on the bench next to Quinn, “Is it weird that I’m disappointed? I mean, I know I don’t smell like a golf course or wear flannel 24/7 but like…really? I thought everyone knew by now?”
Quinn’s at a loss too, “The one time your reputation doesn’t come through for you.”
Santana let’s out a bitter laugh at that and looks to the floor, “What’s the point of being outed to literally everyone in this whole fucking town if I still have to come out to people myself?” Santana feels a lump instantly lodge itself in her throat and it becomes impossibly hard to swallow back. Her eyes feel hot and stingy, “They did it for me once and now that it would actually benefit me, no one wants to say anything? I thought people here loved talking shit about me behind my back? Where are they all now?”
She doesn’t notice that streams of tears have begun to run down her cheeks until Quinn’s wrapping an arm around her. Santana’s vision blurs as the sobs hit her hard. She hasn’t let herself cry about what happened in so long, maybe that’s why she broke so quickly at its very mention? She’s glad they’re still alone though, she’d hate for the rest of the squad to see her like this.
“Santana,” Quinn tries but it’s the only thing she can get out right now. She doesn’t know what to say that’ll make this go away so she just holds Santana upright and keeps her steady.
“I’m fine. It’s fine,” Santana stammers as she takes a deep, shaky breath. When she finally believes her own words, she pushes to straighten up so she can wipe her face.
Quinn looks at her worriedly before she turning away so that Santana can continue to calm herself down. She knows how Santana gets when she fusses over her, so she tries to give her some space.
“I thought I could make jokes about it,” Santana mentions awhile later, “I guess I’m not ready yet.”
“It’s okay,” Quinn smiles apologetically. She waits a moment before suggesting, “Maybe look at it as a positive? Brittany’s one person you get to come out to on your own. You can do it however you want and I’m sure she’d be very understanding.”
That actually calms Santana a little. She thinks about her abuela and how she was the only person she came out to on her own terms and it completely blew up in her face. But with Brittany, she knows it would be different. She knows Brittany wouldn’t shut her out.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Santana nods, “I can control it this time.”
“Exactly,” Quinn gives her a pat on the knee, “Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up. The girls will be here any minute.”
\\
When the Cheerios take to the gym, they do their usual routine of getting the crowd hyped up for Principal Figgins as he goes through with the usual announcements and Fall teams introductions. It’s all business for Santana as she works the crowd – that is until the Titans are called out and she feels something shift.
Brittany leads the team while wearing that award winning smile of hers. The rest of the guys pump their fists and cheer, motioning for the crowd of students to get louder as they spread out and get people amped up for their performance with the Cheerios.
It’s nothing special; the Cheerios and the Titans do something together every year for the Homecoming Pep Rally. It’s usually the same routine since it’s easier for the Titans to follow along when all they have to do is pair off with a Cheerio and groove to the music.
Santana sees the Hockey guys sulking off to the side – no one ever gets that loud when they are announced – and she finds herself smirking at how pissed they look. For a team that sucks so bad and swears that Hockey rules the school, they rarely get any applause that isn’t forced.
Brittany then surprises everyone by doing a no-handed cartwheel and it has the crowd in awe. Even Santana’s jaw drops a little as she watches Brittany stick the landing in one smooth motion before skipping over to stand next to her.
“Impressive, Pierce,” Santana comments as she shakes her pompoms.
Brittany lifts her shoulder as she moves easily to the rhythm of the song, “I use to do gymnastics.”
“Of course you did,” Santana chuckles as she keeps up with the choreography, “Is there anything you can’t do?”
“Recite the alphabet backwards, parallel park, color in the lines…” Brittany lists playfully.
“Very funny,” Santana rolls her eyes. She goes to do a high kick before she’s dancing again next to Brittany, “You ready for the game tonight?”
“Totally,” Brittany nodded resolutely, “Should be fun. Are you?”
Santana lifted her shoulder similarly to what Brittany did before, “I’m interested to see how you do. We haven’t won a Homecoming game in years, so...”
Brittany giggled, “Well, I work pretty well under pressure so...”
Santana smirked as the routine ended, “We’ll see.”
\\\\\
To say that there’s a lot of pressure on Brittany to bring in a win is an understatement. After everything that happened with her stance on slushie facials and the way she spoke so highly of herself when it came to winning, Brittany kind of dug herself a hole. Not that she would take back anything she said – she was very serious when she vowed she could take the Titans to the Championships.
She knows she can, that’s why she’s so confident about it.
It’s just whether or not a select few members of the team are going to get with the program so that they can really start to thrive, because no matter how good she is – one person doesn’t win games.
There’s still Karofsky and Azimio being absolute pains in her ass then there’s Finn with his need to remind Brittany of every little thing that’s never been done purely because no one’s ever tried making any changes.
People here are just so set in their ways – happy to carry on with their so-called traditions although they suck. She can see the subtle changes in others on the team though – like very, very subtle changes – so she’ll take that as progress for now.
\\
The game against the Westvale Wizards ends up being a complete blow out. The Titans crush the Wizards in every aspect; so much so that Brittany started to feel a little bad about the score differentiation.
Home: 28 Away: 3
She doesn’t feel that bad though because she broke many personal records tonight and that’s bound to get some media attention. Not that it’s what she plays for, but her meeting with Ms. Pillsbury has her thinking about scouts and her future. She hopes she’s enough to grab their attention.
Westvale didn’t offer too much competition compared to going up against Carmel High, but a win is a win. It’s just what the team needs for morale and it’s a great way to end Spirit Week and put everyone in a good mood for the Homecoming Dance. Apparently, the last time the Titans won a Homecoming game was nearly six years ago so it’s yet another record Brittany gets to claim as they move on to being 6-1.
\\
After giving out handshakes to the other team, Brittany makes her way off the field for some water and finds Santana lingering by the sidelines along with the other Cheerios. The rest of them are getting packed up but Santana’s just watching Brittany as she draws near.
Brittany sees her holding a green Gatorade cup in her hand and it puts a smile on Brittany’s face.
“Well, you didn’t disappoint,” Santana says once Brittany’s close enough. She hands the cup over to the blonde, “Great game, Pierce.”
Brittany’s smile grows as she sets her helmet down on the bench so she can take the drink, “Thanks. It was a team effort.”
“And always so humble too,” Santana notes with a chuckle.
“Really couldn’t have done it without your amazing cheers though,” Brittany winks just before she nods over at the squad, “Great stuff.”
Santana looks behind her and shrugs, “It was a team effort.”
Brittany can’t help but laugh at that, “Of course.”
Santana can be so damn cute sometimes without even trying – at least, Brittany doesn’t think she is. Really, Brittany can’t understand how she got so lucky with getting to be Santana’s date. Well, not her date date.
Brittany’s pretty sure that’s off the table.
She’s just honored that she gets to go with someone she genuinely likes to be around. It’ll be cool to hang out with Santana in a different setting other than Miss Holliday’s classroom or practice or in passing in the hallways.
Which reminds her…
“So about tomorrow,” Brittany mentions a little timidly. She plays with the paper cup in her hand, “Did you want to meet there? Or I can pick you up if you want? You’ll have to text me your address. Although, fair warning: I’m not very good at directions. The whole in 300 feet turn left thing always confuses me like how am I suppose to know how much that is…” Brittany pauses when she sees Santana start to raise her brow, “I’m rambling, sorry.”
Santana chuckles, “How about I pick you up at yours? I already know where you live anyway.”
Brittany nods, “Okay, yeah.”
“Doors open at 7:30,” Santana mentions, “I can come by around 7?”
“Yeah,” Brittany grins, “That sounds good to me.”
“Cool.”
“Yup.”
“Yo Pierce!” Mike calls out to her from where the team has started to gather for a post-game huddle, “Get over here!”
Brittany tosses up her hand in a wave before turning back to Santana, “Sorry, I better get over there. Thanks again for the drink.”
Santana just nods, the same small smile playing at her lips.
It makes Brittany smile too and for a second it makes her trip up on her words, “Uh…so I’ll see you tomorrow then?”
Santana nods again, “Yeah, text me. Congrats on the win again.”
Brittany’s smile widens before she’s jogging over to the huddle. She wasn’t all that jazzed for the dance at first, but now that she’s going with Santana she starts to feel the excitement build.
Now, she can’t wait for tomorrow night.
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Odes to Old Gods
I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad.
Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April.
Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too.
I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post.
A few quick caveats:
This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos.
It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.
I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.
Things I have survived in 2020:
- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.
- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.
- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.
- The fires in Australia.
- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s.
- Losing Kobe Bryant.
- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.
- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose.
- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.
[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]
- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family.
- Losing my health insurance.
- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.
- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.
- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.
- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.
- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.
- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option.
- Being diagnosed with hypertension.
- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.
- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.
- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.
- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection.
- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.
- The actual election.
- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.
- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.
- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.
- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.
- Missing Christmas with my extended family.
- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.
That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.
Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:
- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job.
- Hypertension! More on this later.
- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night.
- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.
----
This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.
----
There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.
----
In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:
”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”
I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January.
Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.
In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:
“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.”
In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.
Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while.
In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice.
----
This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.
----
This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.
I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.
----
I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too.
“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.”
#Happy New Year#end of the year wrap up#summary#year summary#mental health#high blood pressure#Hypertension#loss#grief#challenges#success#keep fighting#quotes#Hagrid#Harry Potter#poem#one flew over the cuckoo's nest#edna st. vincent millay#on thought in harness#ken kesey#plumpy#candyland#Neville Longbottom#tattoos#family#friends
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what’s you and your bf cute story?! (If you want to share you don’t have to)
AH! I will always gush.
Okay so. 2016 was a big year for me. I graduated high school and moved into college, (A small private college in my hometown that no one I went to school with went to, so it was nice), and the same day I moved into college, my parents moved multiple states away. Thanksgiving break, that wasn’t a huge issue, Christmas break made it more pronounced that I had no friends and knew no one, and by the time summer break rolled around, I was bored and had nowhere to go because I didn't have a car or keys to get back into the apartment building (limited key fobs were given to the residents. I didn’t have a car so whenever I wanted to leave I had to take the garage door opener from my dad’s car if he was home or hope someone would be home when I got back.)
I talked to my cat so often I understood her meows. So.... I downloaded tinder. Not to date, just to talk to people. Seriously. I cannot stress this enough. I just wanted to talk.
I end up getting a job as the first month goes on, I match with a bunch of people and have interesting conversations. Then one day, I match with a “Josh” and our first messages were these (Before I deleted tinder, I downloaded all our convos to my laptop so I could keep them):
Josh:
Choose your own Tinder Adventure!
A:Cheesy pickup line
B:Dirty pickup line
C:Genuine compliment
D:Polite conversation
E:Lemme smash
F:Random bird fact
G:Other
Me:
Can I pick two or just one?
Josh:
You're pretty cute, so I'll give you two.
Me:
Lol well thanks. I'm going to go with A and D
Josh:
Dang girl, if you were a fruit you'd be a fineapple,
Me:
lmao wow xD
Josh:
Thank you, thank you. So what do you want to chat about? Movies, music, hopes and dreams, the fact that bees are dying at an alarming rate?
Me:
Anything and everything. You pick. This doesn't just have to be my tinder adventure
SO. We start talking. And one day I forgot to hit send and we didn’t talk for a day or two and he actually reached out to make sure I was okay because he hadn’t heard from me. And I was like. omg. I was stupid and didn’t press send. We progressed to Snapchat and eventually to texting.
Over the course of these convos, the boy asked me out three times. The first time I was like “I didn’t have my schedule yet, I’ll get back to you when I do” and just never brought it up again because. Ew. Tinder. And then he asked me out again, but I actually did have plans. And the third time I actually asked him out and here’s why:
We had been talking after I got out of work and I had stopped to pick up pizza from a place near our apartment complex. He asked what place, I told him. He said that was near where he works. I asked where he worked and he described the area around where I worked (which was literally down the street from my house. Literally 5 min commute) and then I was like. “Lol you know this shopping complex? The apartments behind it?” and he said yes. And that was when I learned he worked across the street from my house. Like, I look out on the balcony and can see the building. So, I thought, shit. I told him where I live, have to go out with him now.
So, we set up a date. He takes me to the Melting Pot, which if you haven't been, its amazing, but also hella expensive. As someone who’s dating experience had been super lame dates to the Newport Creamery or walks around town, this was blowing it out of the park. We talk so long that we missed the first showing of Spiderman: Homecoming that we were going to, so we decide to catch a later showing and end up walking around a bit to kill time. We get to the movies, watch the movie, and we go to drive home. On the way home, this song that I had sent him weeks ago comes on his spotify and we both sing along. We get to my door, I end up giving him a hug, and I go back upstairs to get my ass yelled at for getting home at one am and not telling my parents I’d be home late after going out with a stranger.
Fast forward to the next week, date 2. We go to a sushi restaurant that I’d always wanted to try, and then we go to this Farmer’s Fair in his area and he makes a bet that if there’s a car with an American flag we hold hands. No flag, I won the bet, he still held my hand and bought me a lil fake flower (we go back to this fair every year and he gets me a new one. I have a collection growing) and he takes me to this tent full of blue ribbon bunnies because I have four bunnies at home. We have some fun, it gets super fucking hot outside because its July. Then, we go to the other part of our date, mini golfing. I somehow got multiple holes in one, to the point where he asked if I was hustling him. And then we were waiting on the bench for a hole to free up and I asked him how serious he was about this and he told me “Serious enough to ask when you go back to school and if I can visit while you’re there.”
My heart does a skippy-skip and we finish the game and get some ice cream. While we’re sitting, we talk a bit more, we make it facebook official, and then when we get back to my apartment that night, we kissed. Only after all of this is over does the boy tell me I was his first date ever and his first kiss ever.
But, the rest, as they say, is history. We’ll be starting year four next month, and he’s been with me through my mood swings, moving to and from college, moving houses, my dad dying, and just... a lot. He’s honestly one of the best things to walk into my life, and you all know I’m not super religious (I joke about joining the religion of the Jedi), but I pray to God I never fuck this up.
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Commission #2
For @nelwynp. Based off a very very old ficverse from wayyyyyyy back in the day called “Freckles” which may or may not be found on LJ. Makoto/Nephrite.
Commissions are still open!! Check out the details here or all the other commissions currently available here!
Long distance relationships are statistically known to suck, and honestly, I wouldn’t have considered myself the rose-coloured glasses type. The real world doesn’t care that you’ve probably, maybe, already gotten your share of crap thrown at you, starting from the death of your parents, and think maybe it should cut you a break. I knew the chances of Nick and myself making it were slim. He would be busy, surrounded by strangers a whole two states away. Sure, we’d known each other since we were kids, and maybe by now, he had become the one constant in my life-- my North Star, perhaps-- that forever friend who’d seen me at my worst and didn’t care in the least. And maybe--- maybe, finally, I’d finally told him those three words that had been nagging at the back of my subconscious for the last year of our acquaintance. He’d said them back, and it was only then that I realized how much I’d needed to hear and say them.
Still, I saw him off on that cloudy morning with dry eyes and homemade eggs Benedict-- that is to say, that I fed him and double-checked to make sure that he had not misplaced anything important. The apartment that he’d been living in was stripped bare, and all of his worldly goods were in the trailer of the U-haul which would take him to his new home. I was plugging his phone into the car charger in the front console when his arms wrapped around me from behind, and turned me to face him.
Nick has always been a good-looking guy, in that sort of rugged, All-American way, with broad shoulders and a great smile, and I’d learned at some point in our long acquaintance that he gave the best hugs-- the type that lifts you slightly off your feet and makes you feel like some type of dainty damsel even when you’re six feet tall in heeled boots. It’s no different now, and maybe I hung on for a moment too long, myself. He’s not much of a cologne guy, but his sweatshirt smells like laundry soap and I’m pretty sure he’d used my shampoo that morning again, because his hair’s super soft-- and the flowery scent is not nearly as girly on him as it is on me.
“Call me when you get there.” I hope to Hell, of course, that the fact that my voice is muffled against his neck disguises the unsteadiness.
“I’ll call you every day.”
I wouldn’t hold him to it, of course, but I didn’t say anything to that effect, and I watched as he drove off, and then headed off to the gym for a punishing three-mile run on the treadmill followed by a full hour of kickboxing to a playlist of angry girl rock, and if I cried in the shower afterwards, no one needed to know that.
He did call that night, though. And the night after. And the night after that. And soon, it had become a routine, and maybe I should have given him more credit the whole time. Before I knew it, two months had passed, and he flew down for a long holiday weekend, and after we’d christened three separate rooms in my apartment, we got caught up in person. I’d heard so much about his new place and the people he’d met at his new school that I probably could’ve picked his favourite and least favourite professors out of a crowd.
This became a thing, and so for two years, we did the long distance thing. He heard about the awful day when the stand mixer went rogue and how I was still picking bits of cake batter out of my hair two hours later. I heard so much about one particularly persnickety city inspector on a project he worked on that I learned to hate the guy as much as Nick did. Our reunions were sporadic, rapturous and never long enough, though half the time we eschewed actual dates in favour of staying in and just being ourselves together-- watching movies, working out, buying groceries and cooking meals, falling asleep so close together that it was hard to tell where one of us ended and the other one began.
We spent that first Thanksgiving at my place-- Friendsgiving, really, cooking a huge meal in a too-small kitchen, inviting all of our old friends. I shooed Nick and James out of my kitchen and chatted with Raye as she snapped a bowl of green beans for me and sounds of the football game filtered in through the living room. She was a ball of nerves-- James would be meeting her very formidable, very rich, very conservative father when he went over to her home for Christmas. Said father would not be amused to find his only daughter not only dating, but actually fully living in sin with a mouthy city boy-- when Nick had moved out, James and Raye had gotten an apartment together. Amy and Zach had arrived a bit later, because he’d had to pick her up from the hospital where her shift had run over. Kevin and Mina, on the other hand, were at her parents’ house out of state. She’d texted me all types of sad face emojis about how the cranberry sauce had come out of a can and the mashed potatoes had come out of a box, but I had no sympathy. She had parents who cooked for her for Thanksgiving, didn’t she? Besides, if she really cared about food over time spent with them and Kevin, she would have told them that she had Ebola and came over to my place instead.
At any rate, against all the odds, we somehow managed to make it work, and two years, three months and six days after that first time that I told him I loved him, he was on his way down to visit again. I’d gone up to see him get his Master’s degree two months ago and he’d taken me out around the town to celebrate with his friends and classmates. Some of them had met me before, but to those who hadn’t, he introduced me as his girlfriend, and from the easy acceptance, I knew that everyone present had some idea of our history. It had been a wonderful weekend, but I was a bit nervous about seeing him again today. Something had come up, very recently, and I wasn’t sure how he would take it.
At first, I had thought nothing of the symptoms. Fatigue and a bit of nausea doesn’t tend to alarm anyone right off the get-go. Everyone knows restaurant hours are brutal, and as an apprentice chef, any task, no matter how mundane or unpleasant, might get assigned to me on any given day. Certainly, I might get to spend one day arranging delicate edible flowers and a compote of ripe berries around and on top of fancy panna cottas, but the very next, I might be doing nothing but washing dishes and running out garbage. The kitchen I work in specializes in a rotating seasonal menu, and at the time, calamari was in season. Certainly it is delicious deep-fried with casino butter and lemon wedges, sprinkled with sea salt and cracked black pepper, but it’s definitely not as appealing raw, slimy and fishy-smelling. It’s enough to make anyone lose their appetite doing prep early in the morning. But then I was late. And not to work, if you know what I mean. One week stretched into two, then three. The nausea didn’t go away, even when my day consisted of making large quantities of bourbon vanilla buttercream frosting for strawberry white chocolate cakes. It was a week ago that I picked up two different pregnancy tests from Walgreen’s. Both results had come back to tell me what I kind of already knew, deep down, and I was honestly terrified down to the bone.
I had always wanted to have that maybe-stereotypical home and family someday-- the cute house with gingerbread trim and the white picket fence and the garden full of old-fashioned flowers, a husband who loved me and our children and went to baseball games and dance recitals with equal enthusiasm. I wanted to be able to be the mom who baked cupcakes for the bake sale and cookies for the big jar on the kitchen counter, and volunteered to chaperone field trips to the science museum. That had been my own mother, from those distant reaches of old memories, and though I’d lost her, I knew that it was in me to keep her legacy alive.
But I had not intended to do so when I had just started my career, unmarried and still living in a tiny college-campus apartment, with a boyfriend who lives two states away, who might not even want kids. God! That was a discussion we’d never even had.
The door swings open, though, before I could think about it any more. Nick has a key to my place, of course, as I do to his. Sometimes he calls, but sometimes he just arrives, like today, a little ahead of schedule. I’m caught up in one of those long, tight hugs, a warm and familiar hand cupping the back of my neck, and maybe he feels a hint of desperation in my kiss. When he pulls back, his eyes are warm, but full of concern. “Everything okay, Freckles?”
“Ugh. Can you not call me that? We’ve talked about that.” Oh, Gods... A baby with his brown hair and my green eyes. His dimples and my freckles. I can almost picture a little girl, toddling on chubby legs, riding on his shoulders, picking dandelions in the yard and blowing the fluff away in the wind. I’d teach her to bake chocolate chip cookies and read her stories where the princess saved herself and buy her pretty dresses for picture day and sturdy jeans for playing outside in. I loved her already, but she wasn’t supposed to even exist.
“Habit. And you scrunch your nose up when you’re mad, and I shouldn’t like it, but I do.” Nick presses another, shorter kiss to my mouth, then tips up my face. “But you seem a bit out of sorts. What’s wrong?”
“How could you tell if I’m out of sorts or not when you literally just walked in two minutes ago?” It’s an evasion, and I’m sure he can and will spot the bullshit and call me out on it.
“Because I’ve known you since we were kids, and you don’t have to say or do anything for me to know when you’re out of sorts.” Nick pulls me gently over to the love seat, and sits me down, keeping one of my hands in his as though he expects me to bolt at any moment. “Everything’s okay, right? You didn’t have anything particularly horrible at work this week that I recall from our conversations.”
No, this week hadn’t been bad. Breaking down chickens is fairly mindless work once you get the hang of it. And the resulting bone broth is wonderful for someone who finds it difficult to keep food down some days. Nick deserves the truth, of course, and maybe the ripping-off-the-bandaid approach is best. I shut my eyes to his all-too-perceptive, all-too-loving gaze, and set my teeth.
“I’m pregnant.”
His hand tightens on mine and his next inhaled breath is sharp, but I plow on. “I know it’s not expected, and I know we were careful, but… it is what it is. You don’t have to worry, though. I’m not some delicate little miss who’s afraid of raising a child. The executive chef at work loves me, as he should, and I’m sure they’ll work with me when the time comes for maternity leave. And in this day and age, it’s not a big deal to be a single mom. I’m keeping this baby and she’s going to get the best life that I can give her, growing up.” I don’t know why I was so certain I was having a little girl. But she already existed, to me, and at that moment in time, she was probably only the size of my pinkie nail. “She will never doubt, for a moment, that she’s loved.”
“Of course not.” Nick finally speaks, and his voice is an awed, slightly choked-up whisper. I sense him moving, then one big, warm hand rests on my still-flat stomach, followed by the press of his lips. “We’re having a baby. Wow. Okay, so I guess I should get on with what I’d already planned to do, even though I’d planned for this to be a lot more romantic.” Belatedly, I realize that not only has he moved, but he is down on his knees in front of me, one hand on my stomach, the other one digging into a pocket, and then he pulls out a small black velvet box, flicks open the catch.
I’m not much of a jewelry type of girl-- I wear the same earrings, every single day, but working in a kitchen greatly limits the practicality of going around with bracelets and rings and do-dabs. Still, stereotypical though it might be, I’d always wanted that classic diamond solitaire engagement ring from my husband-to-be, and now, when it’s staring me in the face-- princess-cut and set in platinum, I find myself speechless.
“Lita Oakley, love of my life, will you marry me?”
Of course he doesn’t mince words. In a lot of ways, I guess we’re past that point. But I draw my hand back a moment before he can slide that ring on.
“I don’t want you to propose to me because I’m pregnant and you feel obligated. You’d end up regretting it, and that would kill me.” We didn’t live together now, but if we did someday, and then it all went south, and I had to walk into an empty house bereft of his presence and his things and even the way he’d always kick his shoes off any which way by the door rather than make sure they’re put up where no one can trip over them, I knew it would break me in a way that hadn’t been possible since my parents’ deaths.
Nick rolls his eyes, though, and huffs out a breath before digging deeper into that little velvet box, all the way underneath the white satin. He takes out a crinkled paper receipt, and unfolds it, and drops it on my lap. “You are so stubborn. Do you know that? Take a look at that receipt, will you? Just… humour me.”
I do. It’s from some jeweler in his state, and the price of the ring of course makes me wince a little. It’s definitely not cheap. But then I read it a little closer, and see the time stamp on the top. It was purchased at 4:26 PM on the sixth of December, two whole years ago. Perhaps six months after he’d moved away.
“I got it as soon as I could afford it, and I’d been saving up for a while. Probably not very well-thought-out of me, when everything was so up in the air. But I’d always known that we’d be here together, someday, and I’d be asking you to marry me. Anyway, it’s got nothing to do with the fact that you’re pregnant and everything to do with the fact that I’ve loved you for as long as I can remember, and there’s no one else in the world for me, and it’s too late to return this ring, anyway.” He pulls it out of the box, and I see something shining, trailing from it. “I know you can’t really wear rings, working in a kitchen. So I also got a necklace that you can wear this on, if you’ll just say yes. Please say yes.”
“How are we going to do this?” I blurt out, as that other infamous symptom of pregnancy-- emotional hormonal tears-- makes its appearance. I blink and try to sniffle them away, but Nick simply puts the ring on my finger, silvery necklace dangling from it, and gets up to his feet, pulls me gently to mine. “You live so freaking far away.”
“Not anymore I don’t.” He tugs me close, and kisses me again. “My lease is up in a month. I figure I can get another U-haul, and con the guys into helping out. I’m pretty sure that the people can put a good word in for me to get hired in somewhere local-- dumb jock notwithstanding, I worked my ass off these last few years and have the credentials and grades to prove it. Since my lease is up in a month anyway, might as well look for a new place to live. Some place that can be baby-proofed, and definitely not a top floor apartment with a janky elevator like here. Can’t have my pregnant fiancee struggling up five flights of stairs every day.”
He makes it seem so simple, really, as he pulls me in for what promised to be an extended cuddle session.
But maybe-- maybe it would be.
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Flashes; Chapter Nine
Summary: Playboy Jensen Ackles is hurting his television show’s image. Every time he promised to get his act together, it’d last for about a week before pictures emerge of him half-drunk with some broad on his arm. Fed up and desperate, his agent decides their only hope to save some face is to write up a contract with a nobody girl who could use the money while getting to play the role of Jensen’s girlfriend.
It was only for a year and it was only for the photos.
But feelings don’t always follow the rules, do they?
Warnings: swearing, slight angst
Word Count: 2032
CATCH UP HERE
FEEDBACK IS LIFE.
Chapter Nine
T-Minus twelve days until Thanksgiving. Well, the American one that is.
You had been dreading this day more than any other day. Today was the day Jensen, Cliff and yourself all flew down to Dallas to spend his two-week filming break with his family. Even though both Jensen and Henry had suggested that you should make another pit spot in Ohio to visit your mother, you know, to make it more “authentic,” but you had said that you needed time to think about it. Really the defining moment would be how things went over with Jensen’s family before you even thought about bringing your mom into this.
Because when all is said and done, it’s still just a piece of paper that is getting one of you paid and the other off easy.
“Miss Y/L/N, do you want me to take your bags?” Cliff asked you, pulling you out of your circling thoughts.
The flight into Texas had been just as smooth as when you flew in Vancouver and your thoughts had been just the same; a giant mess of emotions and different scenarios. None of which ever worked in your favor. Your stomach was so tight that when the stewardess came through and asked about snacks, you could barely make words without feeling like you were going to throw up.
“No, no,” you offered a half assed smile to your favorite body guard. “I think I can handle pushing my own suitcase for once. You already do so much for me Cliff.”
The huskier man returned the gesture and you hoped that he knew that you meant he really did a lot for you. Sometimes you felt like it was a little too much.
“Y/N,” Jensen glanced at you while the three of you stepped past the threshold of the plane and into the more crowed airport. “Are you feeling okay? You look a little green.”
A solid glance in his direction, you knew that he was getting a huge kick out of your apprehensiveness right now. “You know damn well, Ackles, I don’t do well with meeting the parents.”
“You told me the other night that you literally only met your high school boyfriend’s mother,” you didn’t have to see him to know that he was wiggly his eyebrows condescendingly at you. “And we all know how long ago that was.”
If there weren’t so many people around you would have smacked him hard. Who knew how that would look to the press; the last thing you needed on this trip was Henry calling you up and bitching about how the public was viewing your relationship as on the “rocks.”
“And she hated me.”
“Maybe she had a good reason too,” he teased.
You poked your tongue out at him before going back focusing on not losing Cliff, who was a good couple of steps in front of the two of you. Another silence fell over the group as you continued to make your way to the rental vehicle section where Cliff had gone ahead and reserved an SUV similar to the one that was sitting in the parking lot of your apartment in Canada.
Once you reached your destination, you and Jensen hung back while Cliff approached the counter and took care of the rest of the details before you could be on your way to the Ackles estate. Seriously, you heard Jensen on the phone the other day – he actually called it the family estate.
“Just breathe,” Jensen spoke to you, lazily throwing and arm around your shoulders. “I swear, there is nothing like some real southern hospitality. Even if my mom hates you, she sure as hell isn’t going to let you know it.”
“Well that’s reassuring,” you moaned, shoving his arm off of you and heading towards Cliff who had a set of keys in hand.
You heard Jensen laugh, but chose to ignore it out of spite of his lack of empathy to your feelings towards meeting his parents. He was a freaking actor who knew who to work the room when he felt out of place and unwanted; you were pretty sure the man could smile at a stranger and they would feel like their life had changed, while you on the other hand wore your emotions on your sleeve. Especially the ugly ones.
Your “boyfriend” continued to crack some jokes at your expense while Cliff drove south before hoping on the highway. Both men had told you that the trip would only take about twenty minutes or so and you could tell by the lack of silence happening with Jensen, that he was either actually trying to make you feel better or was just trying to hide that fact that he was just as nervous about your meeting his mother and father for the first time. Hell, who knew if you would be seeing them again during the course of this contract.
“Home sweet home,” Jensen exclaimed happily, unbuckling himself before the car was even in park. The man was practically jumping up and down like a child going on a field trip to the zoo. “Man, I can already smell my momma’s cooking.”
“I hope you get fat,” you joked, still eyeing him carefully, afraid that he would stop, drop and roll his way out of the car before too long.
The house was large and painted a beautiful shade of canary yellow, but not mansion like; more like someone at a point in time had a large family and everyone needed their own room kind of large. The front door was a very bright red, something that you could spot the moment you turned from the main road onto the private dirt road. It looked like they owned quite a bit of land and from the flower bed that surrounded the wrap around porch, you could make the assumption that Mrs. Ackles had quite the green thumb.
Jensen pouted at you before throwing his door open the moment the car wasn’t in motion. You, on the other hand, took your sweet time slugging your way out with purse in hand. When you heard the front door swing open and a loud squeal, you couldn’t help but break out in a nervous sweat.
“Oh, my sweet baby,” a blonde woman who looked to be about in her sixties crooned loudly throwing her arms wide while running down the steps to where Jensen and yourself were standing at the trunk of the car. “I’m so happy you are here, darlin’.”
The smile kept growing on Jensen’s face as he met his mother half way. “Momma,” he cooed, wrapping her up in his arms and picking her up a good two inches off the ground. “I’ve missed you.”
“Shoo,” she swatted at him when he placed her feet back on the grass. “You don’t miss yer momma enough to be able to call her and tell her that you are dating someone again?”
That was your queue to step forward and put on your brave face. Jensen’s smile didn’t falter when he turned towards you and gave you a wink. “Momma, this is Y/N.”
The petite blonde woman grinned widely at you before stepping away from her son and wrapping your up in her bear hug. “Now don’t you be a stranger,” you could feel her smile into your shoulder as she kept you close barely allowing your arms to move from your sides. “My home is yours. And despite what Jensen may have told you, please, call me Momma.”
That was going hurt when the time came.
“Oh, well, nice to meet you Momma,” you said awkwardly while shooting Jensen a look from over his mother’s shoulder. “Thank you so much for letting me stay here.”
As she pulled away, she waved her hands in front of her like the thought of you staying anywhere else was just complete and utter nonsense. “Please, I’m not stupid in thinking ya’ll are these innocent high school kids.”
Both you and Jensen opened your mouths in protest, but Momma’s next sentence had them clamped tighter than a mousetrap. “I’ve seen the pictures darlin’.”
Despite feeling more flustered than you had when you first saw the photo in question, Jensen’s mother continued, “I’m sure Joshua won’t mind carrying the bags up to Jensen’s old room for the two of you and Cliff can go get some much needed rest in the basement,” she stated turning towards Cliff. “We have you all set up down there – think of it like your own lil’ apartment.”
Cliff gave Momma a much appreciative nod before popping open the trunk and pulling out all the bags. As soon as you even tried to lean in the direction of your favorite polka-dotted suitcase, Jensen’s mother had the both of you scooped up in her arms and pulled in the direction of the house.
“Now I want the two of you to head right on upstairs and get washed up for dinner,” she spoke sternly, like she had been dealing with elementary aged children all day. “Food will be on that table at six o’clock sharp. So that means no monkey business.”
You stood there blushing immensely at the foot of the staircase, only allowing you to cautiously nod your head. You got the feeling that Jensen’s mother really knew how to run a house. “Yes ma’am.”
“Good,” she praised you with a pat on the back, followed by a gentle shove towards the staircase.
Jensen hadn’t stopped smiling since the plane had landed on his native Texan soil. “It’s so good to see you again Momma.”
“I know baby,” she reached a hand up and clapped it against her son’s cheek. “I know this is short notice, but Mackenzie ran into Danneel at the market and told her that you would be in town for the holiday.”
All traces of playfulness that had been there moments prior were completely erased from Jensen’s face as he stared at his mother. You knew that Momma couldn’t see him as well as you since she was still on the ground floor, having turned away from him to adjust a family portrait on the wall next to the stairs; one that looked to be from Jensen’s high school days. The both of you had started your journey towards your shared room, but the quick change in facial expressions told you that Danneel was not a name that he wanted to hear.
“I guess the two of them got to talking and Mack asked her over for supper,” Momma continued with her grin, turning her attention back towards her son.
Her smile slipped a bit when she saw the look on Jensen’s face, something that you could only describe as the look you get when you just saw a careless driver hit your new puppy; so you hurriedly jumped in.
“Thank you so much Mrs. Ackles – I mean Momma,” you resolved, grabbing Jensen by the arm and giving him a tug to follow your lead up the stairs. “I promise, after we get a little more settled, we will be down at six on the nose.”
You barely gave her anytime to say anything else before you yanked her son away from her point of view and up the rest of the stairs. Just as you were about to make an educated guess on which room was the one that you two would be sharing for the next thirteen and half days, Jensen gripped your forearm harshly.
“What the fuck Jay?” you seethed, jerking your arm away from him.
He turned to you, his face still written with pure hatred and something that looked a close to embarrassment. “I can’t be in the same room with that woman.”
The two of you were awkwardly still standing in the middle of his hallway, all you could do was hope that no one was just hanging out in their room at this time because it looked like Jensen wasn’t budging. With a heavy sigh, you rubbed your arm and asked him the question you knew he didn’t want to answer.
“Okay, who is this woman?”
“She’s my ex-girlfriend.”
TAGS: @supernatural-bellawinchester, @luciathewinchestergirl, @supernatural-teamfreewillpage, @nanie5, @kbl1313, @wanderer-08, @squirrelnotsam, @allonsy-yesiwill, @mirandaaustin93, @jerkbitchidjitassbutt @docharleythegeekqueen @sandlee44 @chameleah @dean-is-my-superhero @hellolarry34 @internationalmusicteacher @maralisa124 @spn-ficfanatic @mannls @like-a-bag-of-potatoes @angelessquirrel @appleslicesandmustard @ilovesebastianstanmore @mlovesstories @aeonian-forever @faithfullpanicmoon @shawtygonemad @itssmallerontheoutside-13 @theplaidshirtmadness @laqueus-ludovicus @jhudawnareeves @applepielyf @gemini75eeyore @missbosstown @kristina818 @hayleighr4 @superwhomerlockinuum @ria132love @shutupiminlooove
#flashes;#Jensen#Jensen Ackles#jensen x reader#jensen x#Jensen x You#dean winchester#dean#Jared Padalecki#jared#sam winchester#dean and sam#misha#Misha Collins#castiel#campnano#fanfiction#fandom#fanfic#spn#spn fanfic#supernatural
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Culture and Translation - S01E05 and SKAM+ Clip 2
I will come back to the rest of the episode 2 clips, as well as episode 3 and 4. I just wanted to get this out of the way before @lightsandlostbells catches me off guard with a Skam España recap again. 😉
CLIP 1: Zaorejas goes international
Hometown: I remember this also coming up in some discussions of og Skam. In Spain, there was a big population shift from the 50s to the 70s where people moved from the small villages they came from, to the cities. Naturally, people kept the ancestral family home and didn’t sell it. So, when Cris is talking about visiting her hometown, it’s more her family’s hometown. She was probably born in Madrid, after the population shift.
Long weekend: the 12th of October fell on a Friday this year, so episode 5 fell on a three-day weekend. The 12th of October is a national holiday in Spain, and yes, it commemorates the anniversary of Christopher Columbus’ first arrival in the Americas. It used to be called Día de la Hispanidad (Hispanic Day), so as to celebrate… Spain’s… Connection to Latin America. Anyway. The name was changed to Fiesta Nacional (National Holiday) in 1987. We also celebrate Constitution Day on the 6th of December, which is similar to July 4 in the US and May 17 in Norway.
Eva was planning on studying Physics and Biology over the weekend. That means she’s on the Science track of Baccalaureate.
Zaorejas: Cris’ family hails from Zaorejas, in the region of Guadalajara. This village has 133 permanent residents as of 2017. If you wanted to do sightseeing, it has the remains of a Roman aqueduct, Roman roads and a Celtiberian archeological site.
Hulio: Hulio is a well known Spanish meme that people I consulted decided should stay, rather than be substituted for a similar meme in English. Read more about Hulio here.
Guiris (tourists): Guiri actually means any non-Spaniard, whether they are actually tourists or staying in Spain for a longer period. You’re more likely to be called guiri if you’re from the US, Canada or north of the Pyrenees. It doesn’t matter whether you’re fluent in Spanish, but it helps not to have an accent (which is, in fact, what keeps Cris and Nora from getting called guiris themselves, lol).
CLIP 2: Good luck on that sex!
Break in August: the 15th of August is a national holiday in Spain, it commemorates the Assumption of Mary. It fell on a Wednesday in 2018, so Jorge and Eva spent a Wednesday through Sunday break together. They apparently managed to evade their parents too.
Casa en la sierra (“mountain house”): Madrid is both a city and a region (or an autonomous community, if you want to read more about this). Lucas’ family originally hails from the northern part of the region of Madrid, which lies atop a mountain range. As Jorge says, you can simply take a regular bus up there, and it’s not too expensive to visit. I actually figured that, if there was a cabin episode, it’d take place at “la sierra,” but I thought they’d take the train.
Se van a cagar con la que vamos a liar (“they’ll shit themselves with how hard we’re bringing it”): the latter half isn’t quite a word-for-word translation, but the meaning is the same. I just wanted to point out another instance of poop-related emphasis.
Waterparties (“wet blanket”): I pointed that out when the clip came out, but Cris is pulling a specific type of English language-related humor that we’re pretty fond of here. She has literally translated the word aguafiestas as “waterparties.” An aguafiestas is a wet blanket. I thought of subbing it as “manta mojada,” but figured it’d be too much. See more examples of this type of humor here. As English becomes more ubiquitous everywhere, people are given to use English even when there’s a perfectly serviceable Spanish word. Which results in this sort of humor: translating even Spanish words that make no sense in English.
A tomar por culo (“fuck me in the ass”): I mean, I could’ve translated it as “fuck me,” but Cris literally says “in the ass,” so. Basically, when something goes to shit in Spain, you can say it’s gone to take it up the ass. Or you can say it’s gone to shit, too. We’re very anal-oriented as a country.
Coño (“fuck”): “Coño” literally means cunt, but it is used here as “fuck.” I don’t think it comes up through the season, but I will translate it as cunt if it’s ever used to mean a literal pussy.
Que se os dé bien (“hope you two do great at it”): this is pretty much the literal translation. It’s awkward because Cris herself has no idea what to say. It’s not… really a thing we tell someone who announces she’s going to lose her virginity, to say the least lol.
CLIP 3: The sex talk
Taurus: Viri is not actually a Taurus. She shares her birthday with Paris Jackson, 3rd of April, which makes her an Aries. We’re all very confused about this.
Pero ni de coña (“sike”): The literal translation would be, “but, not even as a joke,” which is too long and awkward. I think “sike” is cuter and has the same effect.
Tampoco te pases (“don’t take advantage either”): I haven’t checked other subs, but I think this could be translated either as “don’t go that far (as to pinch me)” or “don’t take advantage (of the situation by pinching me).” Hope the meaning was clear with my choice!
Macho (“Dang”): Macho just means… macho. As per Collins, “You use macho to describe men who are very conscious and proud of their masculinity.” But we often use it as an interjection, like dang, that wouldn’t be considered a swear word. Amira is really good at using these.
Not a culture and translation note, but I’m curious. How many people walked away from this clip with the impression that Nora has admitted to having had sex? I’ve heard opinions for yes and no.
The Coach x Selena Gomez collection includes many types of apparel and accessories, but not shoes. So I can’t say I’ve seen those shoes, Viri. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ For what it’s worth, unlike other Vildes, I think Viri was actually fucking with them. She couldn’t think of anything that got her horny, so she joked that the Selena Gomez line is just that hot.
CLIP 4: Mr. Coitus Interruptus
No jodas (“Stop that”): Jorge actually says, “don’t fuck around,” as in, don’t wake me up by playing music.
You don’t want to know how many times I had to listen to the song before I could make out that what Lucas was saying before he opens the door is simply, “¿Hola?” Also, I’m pretty sure Lucas’ string of sorries is an homage to Tarjei’s delivery in the og clip. I believe at this point we’ve been made aware that Alejandro Reina likes him some Isak/Even, right?
CLIP 5: Jorge tests my patience with slang
Abrefácil mis cojones (“Easy-open my balls”): “Cojones” is actually stronger than balls. I’d translate it as bollocks, but that’s British slang, and I want to try and keep to American slang, lest this becomes a total mess of dialects.
It’s been a full season of many, many great Lucas moments, but heaven help me, I still think his sausage craving is one of his finest moments. I even requested that Movistar+ made a gif of it. I am probably the only person using it, but I can’t find it in me to care.
Lucas ha tenido movida con sus padres (“Lucas got into a fight with his parents”): Fight might be too strong. I think “ha tenido movida” is close to “had an argument,” but sometimes we make choices in the name of less characters per line, on a show where everyone wants to talk at top speed, and Jorge wants to speak strictly in slang.
Además, que no se va a cantear. Fijo que nos deja a nuestra bola. (“Besides, he’s not going to be out of line. He’s gonna give us space for sure.”) “Cantearse” means to behave in such a way that you’re calling attention to yourself, being inconvenient, generally being a pain in the ass. “Ir a nuestra bola” is to do our own thing, by ourselves. Presumably, without Lucas “canteándose.”
No tenía ni zorra (“I had no fucking clue”): “Zorra” will come up later in the season again and again and again, and it’d usually mean “slut” or “whore” at its strongest, but again, it’s used here for emphasis. This sentence can also be “no tenía ni zorra idea,” but as Lucas does here, you can omit the word “idea” (idea/clue) and it carries the same meaning.
Nada, tío, ya sabeh, hay un amigo en mí (“No biggie, dude, you know, you’ve got a friend in me”): Not that you’d be able to tell, but Hugo is pulling a Cuban accent when he says this. I believe I’ve mentioned in one of these posts that Spaniards just love talking in other accents and doing voices to be silly.
Fuet: This is fuet.
CLIP 6: The boy squad channels your uncles at Thanksgiving
Eva is snacking on sunflower seeds. Sunflower seeds are the basic snack to munch on if you’re a Spaniard. You can buy them pre-shelled and coated in different flavors, but by far, the most popular option is to buy them shelled with a coating of salt. You pop them open with your teeth and taste the salt, then eat the seed. Sunflower oil is also the second most popular cooking oil in Spain, right after olive oil, of course.
One of the books in the shelves is a collection of Grimm Brothers tales! There’s no significance to this, I just think it’s cute.
Conversaciones de cuñados sobre fútbol (“Rednecks chatting about football”): I already posted about this when the clip dropped, but I have since learned that the “cuñado” phenomenon most closely resembles Thanksgiving Uncles, as seen in this Onion article: Nation's Uncles Enter Last Stage Of Prep For Thursday's Thanksgiving Debates. Again, football is soccer to you Yanks, but I’ll be damned if I ever refer to it as soccer, even if these subs use American slang.
Te vas a cagar, chaval (“You’re gonna shit yourself, boy”): Lucas gets in on the shitting action! Heartwarming.
CLIP 7: Jorge gets petty
Jorgito: Much like Jorge called Eva “Evita” a few episodes ago, Lucas now calls Jorge “Jorgito.” #JustBroThings
Te voy a reventar (“I’m gonna kick your ass”): I decided to be charitable, but what Hugo tells Lucas is that he’s going to bust [his ass, presumably]. #JustBroThings
I tried Shazaming the song to find out which game they’re supposedly playing, but no luck. Sorry.
CLIP 8: ☹️
Again, I did my best to try and identify the bus Eva takes, because that would tell us where Lucas’ family is from, but the shots are filmed and edited in such a way that you can never get any identifying information. Cockblocked (like Eva and Jorge).
EXTRA CLIP: Amira’s time to shine!
There’s no real reason for Amira to be sitting away from Cris and Nora, by the way, other than they need her to for the random dude to approach her. Just in case you thought there was a CULTURAL reason behind it.
La oreja está muy rica (“The pig’s ear is really tasty”): The server doesn’t actually specify it’s pig’s ear, but that is definitely what he’s talking about. See Wikipedia for more details.
Romeo y Julieto (“Romeo and Juliet”): I kept it as Romeo and Juliet, but Amira very clearly says JulietO, as in, the dude version of Juliet. She’s being sarcastic about she and the Zaorejas random being a love match, and I don’t think there’s any, let’s say, HOMOPHOBIC undertones to the sarcasm, so I didn’t try to go for a dude name, but your mileage may vary here.
Es que es un canteo (“it’s over the top”): “Canteo” comes up again! In this instance, it would mean behaving (wearing a hijab) in such a way that you’re calling attention to yourself.
Pones a huevo que te pregunten cosas (“You’re inviting questions”): I couldn’t come up with a slangy equivalent, but Cris means that Amira is setting herself up to be asked questions. Hope the shorter sentence I picked conveys Cris’ meaning all the same.
Love that the Zaorejas random is credited literally as Chico Zaorejas (Zaorejas boy).
Social media:
Just a note, since it comes up in a previous episode, but I’m doing these out of order. It seems that everyone calls the English teacher “Johnny” (written as Yoni), so as to make the pun “yo ni me ducho, yo ni me peino” (I don’t shower, I don’t comb my hair). I picked Aidan because I thought it would read as “I don’t,” i.e. I don’t shower, I don’t comb my hair, etc.
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Dad Letter 050921
9 May, 2021
Dear Dad--
A bit of excitement this morning, Zach said a ruby-throated hummingbird flew up to our living room window and looked in, as if to say, “You haven’t put the feeders out yet, assholes, and I’m going to have to speak with your supervisor.” Zach later said he was tempted to pelt down the hallway and scream the news at me (the quarantining has left us in a very easily-thrilled state) but for the fact that I was in the bathroom doing my morning glory at the time. But I trust his sighting; it’s not like some other bird is going to fly up, so tiny, and hover at the window, and you’re going to mistake it for a ruby-throated hummingbird. If it’s wee, hovering, and ruby-throated, it’s a ruby-throated hummingbird. I didn’t think they’d be around this early because the mornings are still cold as hell here, and our heat is still kicking on. But we don’t seem to be going below freezing any longer, and I guess that means the hummers are back!
I grabbed my hummingbird feeders (all two of them), rinsed them off and filled them with nectar in about five minutes, and hung them on their hooks outside, and now I’m just waiting. It doesn’t seem to matter that I have a job, I’ve been fully vaccinated, and, in a way, I’m about to get my whole life back; hummingbirds are still cool as fuck. I still haven’t captured a closeup photo of a ruby-throated one yet; that’s my next wildlife photography goal.
So, yeah, not to bury the lede, but I got my second Covid vaccination on Tuesday. Woke up at 5:00, in the car by 5:30, parked at WalMart by 5:45, first in line for them to open the doors, first in line at the pharmacy check-in window. The same pretty black woman with long flowing hair tinted cobalt blue gave me my shot as gave me the first one. I thanked her for giving me my life back, and waited in a chair for a few minutes to make sure I didn’t experience sudden and irreversible death syndrome, then went home to enjoy the day off work. I ended up having a milder reaction to the second shot than I did to the first one. After the first Covid vaccination, it felt like many angry large guys had punched my arm. After the second shot, it felt like just a single large guy had punched my arm.
And that’s...it, then? That’s the whole of my experience with Covid-19? Still have to wear masks in public and at work. Perhaps the Chinese buffet will reopen soon!
Oh, because Zach also got his second vaccination on Friday, we felt it was time to have a social event again. A plan formed between us and plant scientist guy and his husband, and we agreed to meet inside their place for a lasagna that Zach would make. We hung out several times last year, but we always stayed out of their house because of quarantine, and just enjoyed the use of their nice patio and back deck. This time, though, for the first time, Zach and I were to come over and go inside their house for a meal without anyone wearing masks. (They’ve both been vaccinated for a little while now.) Zach prepared the lasagna, and because of his anxieties about screwing it up and making everyone hate him, he started making it that morning, and worked on it all day. He puts so much love, and so much thought, and so much effort into his culinary projects! The lasagna ended up being very good, and everybody ate more than was good for them. (Except me, I ate exactly the proper amount.)
We ended up being there for well over three hours, and for some reason, despite it being fun, it feels like an accomplishment, too. I suppose we were worried whether, after a year of quarantine, our ability to engage in persiflage and small talk would have atrophied to the point of withering away completely. It did not! And the reason we clicked with these fellows and took such delight in their company last year became the same reason why we clicked with them and took such delight in their company yesterday. They’re ridiculously fun to be around. I shall try not to sound too snotty here, but dangit, Zach and I are smart, and the hilarious sarcasms and lovely, twisted, bitter observations that we use to entertain ourselves, as we travel through life, are entertaining to the plant scientist guy and his husband, just as theirs are to us. I feel more at ease when I can use my whole vocabulary, and whenever I use a word with plant scientist guy (His name is Bryan.) that he doesn’t know, it bugs him, and he’ll look it up, and he’ll tell me that he did so. (In the life of an English major, there are few confections that taste as sweet.) The last time it happened was when I used the culinary term “mise en place” to describe Zach’s lasagna preparations.
Bryan and Andrew have a nice house, and they have some lovely cats, and they just got a bargain on a new TV that’s larger than the state of Rhode Island. I think Andrew said it was 75 inches across, or some such. I’d really like to see what Close Encounters looks like on a TV that big. They assured me I could play it if I brought it over. I think they said they got it for half price, and that’s good, because otherwise it would have cost more than a squadron of F-35s from Lockheed Martin.
And holy shit, almost forgot, they’re giving us their dining table. I’m not sure how it came up, but they mentioned they wanted to get rid of it, and I happen to want a nice dining table, and this one is much, much nicer than anything I could afford. (This would be their table that we ate the lasagna off of yesterday.) And there’s a reason why I want a nice dining table! Actually a few reasons. Firstly, they’re good for eating off of, and I don’t have one yet. Second, when I got hired by the casino, they said they were going to give me a $500 bonus for signing on. (It would have been $1,000 if I’d been hired full time, but for the moment, I’m doing this job part time.) Now. Let us get in the Way Back Machine and set course for Chicago, about 1997 or so. I had been living in Austin and working for Progressive for about a year at that point. Stacy and I decided to fly up to Chicago to visit our high school friend Karen. And while we visited Karen, she took us to the Chicago Art Institute. And while we were at the Chicago Art Institute, we ate at their McDonald’s. And when we ate at the McDonald’s, we sat on ...these chairs.
These chairs! They were shaped like a standard-issue chair, just like one you’d describe if an alien asked you what humans sit on. Four legs, square seat with a comfortable groove for your fat American ass, straight back with a few vertical slats, only these were made entirely of brushed aluminum. The whole thing was very sturdy, and kind of gorgeous to look at--as chairs go--and I loved how easy it was to move around because it weighed almost nothing, because it’s aluminum! I’ve always wanted some chairs like that. Well, you can get those shits on Amazon.com for $200 a pair. I’ve never spent the money on them because I want four of them, which would be $400, and technically, I don’t need them, or a table, to be able to eat food. But when I found out I was getting the $500 signup bonus at work, I thought I might use it to get four of those brushed aluminum dining chairs and a table. You can see my problem: If I only have $100 left over for the table, the table will be cheap, and shoddily constructed, and made from dried pasta, and it won’t last very long. Gotta spend at least $250 if you want a decent, grownup sized table.
But not any more, now Bryan of the Plant Sciences and Andrew of the Soil Sciences (they were obviously made to go together) are going to give us their dining table. It’s a big heavy wooden affair, and it’s circular, about 48” across, which is a good size, and the circle splits down the center and pulls out so you can add a leaf that makes the table EVEN BIGGER, enough for 6 people if needed. And Bryan is such a fucking Rasputin that he’s only going to give it to me on the condition that I NOT give him any money for it, just because that makes my bourgeois skin crawl. I had to plead, “Shit, let me at least give you the hundred for it!” Nope, he practically promised to poop on it and set it on fire before he’d accept money for it. Oh, and he wants to refinish the top so it looks newer. Oh, and he wants to volunteer his SUV to transport it to our house. Needless to say, in front of a table full of guys, I almost cried yesterday. I regret that they’re trying to eat healthy, because now I want to bring them a different thank you pie every day.
So, when the casino gives me the $500, I’ll order the chairs. (This is adulthood, isn’t it? Getting excited about furniture.) And whenever the table appears, I’ll have a great dining room setup. And we can keep the table round most of the time, and make it large and ovular for special occasions, like Thanksgiving, to make extra room for the food. Needless to say, this is a watershed moment in my personal journey.
In short, everything is going mostly okay! More details next week, all my love to you both!
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On the Weird Melancholy of the Holiday Season
“It’s been awhile since I’ve written something that wasn’t a) for work or b) song lyrics. But, I finished work an hour early today for what feels like the first time in 2020, and so what the hell. Let’s talk about The Inevitable(?) Sadness of the Holiday Season!
I’ve been thinking about this subject a lot lately because, well, for pandemic reasons, political reasons, economic reasons, etc. (really, take your pick, or even mix and match!) this holiday season has been the hardest, darkest, and saddest of many people’s lives. I’ve also been thinking about it a lot because of this video, which you should probably watch instead of reading the rest of whatever I’m about to write:
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If you watched the video and are still reading, thanks! If you didn’t watch the video, in short: it explores the melancholic feeling that many of us feel around the holidays through the lens of Christmas music. And, since music is the thing I use to try to understand most of what I experience of the world, it really spoke to me. Then, I fed that feeling a bunch of caffeine and started slapping the keyboard! Here we goooooooooooo--
Okay, I mean, sure, this year might be a particularly rough one, but at least in terms of music, the holidays have always been at least a bit melancholic. Sure, you’ve got your “Jingle Bells,” (not even originally written about Christmas) and your “All I Want For Christmas (Is You)” (pop music written to make money), but on the other hand, you’ve got “White Christmas” (sad), “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” (sadder), “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” (the original lyrics are *dark*), and my favorite Christmas record A Charlie Brown Christmas, which, while evocative, is mostly instrumental versions of particularly sad holiday songs (”Greensleeves” is a song a morbidly depressed Taylor Swift might have written had she lived in the 16th century). And I personally feel like that sadness permeates the Charlie Brown soundtrack: after all, it’s not as if Charlie’s story is, generally speaking, a particularly uplifting one. Then there’s Joni MItchell’s “River,” which is...*sigh*...let’s just not talk about it.
I would argue that this music isn’t the cause of holiday melancholia, but rather a result of it. The holidays are the time of year when we’re all supposed to come together, agree to be the ideal versions of ourselves we spend the rest of the year failing to be, eat good food, shower each other with gifts, and, if we’re lucky, not have to go to work for a few days. And, most years at least, I get to do all of those things, and it’s great. But...it’s also sad? Somehow?
Well, I can’t speak to the genesis of anyone else’s holiday melancholy, but I have Some Thoughts. First: if you celebrate Christmas in particular, I think it’s important to note that it is a distant descendant of the Roman festival of Saturnalia. Old-school Saturnalia was, in one sense, one of those good old ancient Roman thrown-downs, where the social order was inverted, slaves were served by their masters, everybody got hella drunk, and, presumably, Santa Claus circled above the Italian peninsula all night long waiting for someone to invent a chimney he could fit down.
In another sense, though, Saturnalia was an acknowledgment of the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year. It was a festival of lights held in defiance of the dark, a collective societal prayer for the return of the sun, the return of spring and summer, and, of paramount importance, the return of the growing season before everyone starved to death. Though of course there are a lot of variations on this theme, such holidays (not parties, but literally “holy days”) existed and continue to exist throughout the world, to mark the time of year when things are darkest, and to motivate people to come together to stave off that darkness with light, whether that light be candle flames, strings of LED bulbs, or a simple show of kindness to a person in need.
Understanding the holiday season, and Christmas in particular through this history has been really helpful to Adult Me. I was raised as a Lutheran and attended church until I moved away from home to attend college, but pretty quickly decided that organized religion wasn’t really for me as soon as the social pressure to participate in it was removed; and that’s not to say that organized religion is de facto bad or wrong, just that it wasn’t really for me, though it might be for others, and that’s fine.
I’ve been careful to refer to “the holidays” in this post instead of “Christmas” when possible, to acknowledge that this time of year means a lot of different things to a lot of different people, but if you’re reading this as an American, you are absolutely aware of the connection between Christmas as A Thing Americans Do and Christianity, even if not everyone who celebrates Christmas is a Christian. In my younger adult years, newly separate from the religion I had grown up with, I had a really hard time squaring the “gather ‘round the hearth” ethos of Christmas and all the highs and lows of emotion that come with that with the subtext that the whole thing was to mark the birth of Jesus Christ: did I even have a right to have Christmas Feelings anymore if I was now, for all intents and purposes, a dirty heathen?
Back then, learning about Saturnalia and other traditions that have existed and still exist worldwide around the winter solstice helped me to understand the holiday season not as something that was *necessarily* tied to a particular religious tradition, but instead as something that was more universally human, and that had just happened to be presented to Young Me through the particular lens of Christianity.
It’s not exactly popular, post-Enlightenment, to suggest that we are fundamentally tied to, and dependent upon, the rhythms of earth, and yet it seems as if everyone feels this one thing, to a greater or lesser degree: as the middle of summer intrinsically feels like a time of carefree prosperity, the middle of winter intrinsically feels like a time to batten down the hatches, to gather ‘round the fire for warmth, and to wait with bated breath for summer to come around again. This might “simply” be the shorter days, or the colder temperatures, or it could be something more profound or complex, but the existence of the holiday season, I would suggest, proves that we feel it.
So, that brings me back to the holiday season and melancholy.
I love Christmas. Even as a dirty heathen, it’s my favorite holiday of the year. I love the lights. I love putting up a Christmas tree. I love the songs (even the sad ones). Everyone really is a little nicer (unless you’re at the mall). I love playing in the snow. I love sledding. I love going home to visit my family, because it’s often the only time each year that I get to see them. But I also love Christmas because it’s hard to imagine the winter solstice without it. I could make it through summer without the Fourth of July. October without Halloween would be a little boring, but whatever. Thanksgiving could disappear tomorrow and, for the most part, the only thing I’d miss would be gaining five pounds at the end of November every year. I’m not sure what December would be like without Christmas to look forward to. I’m not sure how January first would feel without a New Year’s Eve to impart the promise of better days to come. But I don’t like to think about it.
I think the holiday season means so much to so many people precisely because seven hours of sunlight a day is not enough. Because the temperatures plummet as soon as the sun falls below the horizon. Because the snow piles up. Because all the trees and plants have lost their leaves and the wolves are (figuratively) at the door. We modern humans try to dissociate ourselves from the rhythms of the natural world, because they’re inconvenient, or because they’re inconsiderate, or because they cut into our profit margins...but we know all of this, on some level, every year when December comes around.
December is the end of something, and at the end, we understandably hope for a new beginning. The Christmas lights, the presents, the travel to get home for the holidays: it’s all an expression of that hope, the hope that we’ll win out against the darkness. And we do. For awhile. But never forever. And I think that’s where the melancholy comes from, at least for me.
The holidays exist because the melancholy exists; not the other way around. Joy and sadness intermingled. I think it will always feel that way for me this time of year. And I think that’s okay, because in a sense, that makes the holiday season the most human time of all: when our backs are to the wall, our instinct isn’t to run, or lash out, it’s to band together, to reconnect, and do everything we can to help each other get through. And I find that to be a truly comforting expression of humanity confronting its own finitude.
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Random Update Time! October/November 2017
Random update time!
Over the last two months I’ve saved up quite a few cool things to show you!
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The weekend after I got back to Japan from my trip to America, it was the Chosa Festival!
Usually it’s always really warm and sunny for the festival, but this year it was pouring rain. I thought they would have probably cancelled the festival, but Mabs and I went to check just in case, and it’s a good thing we did!
I love the excitement of the Chosa Festival when it’s a nice sunny weekend like it had been for the last couple of years, but I also really enjoyed the mysterious sort of atmosphere that the rain gave the festival.
The chosas lit up their plastic coverings and looked like lanterns, and almost everyone was carrying a clear umbrella.
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Some new Black Thunder candy bars!
This one is “Mochi Mochi Kinako Black Thunder”, it’s kinako-flavored and has mochi-flavored gummy candies inside. It was good, and the gummies were a clever way of simulating mochi.
And this is Black Thunder Volt, which is bigger and more candy-bar-shaped than the usual Black Thunders, and it has a ton of almonds inside.
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Oh! I don’t know if I ever ended up telling you all, but I chose a web design school!
I decided to go with with the first one I visited, and I’m excited to move to Osaka and start school next April!
The school gives special discounts to foreign students who can speak a high level of Japanese or a high level of English. After taking the N2 level of Japanese Language Proficiency Test last year, I had a high enough level to get the second highest tier of discounts, but if I wanted to get the highest tier of discounts, I would need to take either the N1 JLTP or get a high score on the TOEIC English test.
The N1 is a big jump in difficulty from the N2, so I decided to take the TOEIC instead! LOL
I used to use this book to teach my students who were preparing to take the TOEIC, but I thought I should look it over one more time before the test.
I had to go to Okayama to take the test, and I ended up getting to the station pretty early, so I had just enough time to make a quick run to the Aeon shopping mall and go to the store that sells all of the cute Jinbesan whale shark stuff!
I LOVE Jinbesan!! I want literally everything they sell there.
Anyway, I got myself some cute (surprisingly cheap) stuff: a cup, a small case which I’ve been using to store chargers and cords (I haven’t lost my tablet pen once since I got it!), a stationery set, and TWO JINBESAN MECHANICAL PENCILS! I’d been looking for Jinbesan mechanical pencils (I didn’t even know if that was a thing that existed, but I was checking all of the stationery stores just in case) so I was so happy to find these!!
Look how cute the inside of the cup is!
Since I’ll be moving to Osaka in the nearish future and will have to have my own dishes and stuff, I thought I would buy this to use as a water cup.
I love all of this stuff so much!
It’s so cute and I smile whenever I look at it. (〃艸〃)♡ It also reminds me of how much fun I had seeing a whale shark for the first time at the aquarium in Osaka last year! Whale sharks are the coolest!
As for the actual TOEIC, the listening section was very fast-paced; if you spaced out for a second you could miss several questions. The reading section was fine, some of the questions were trickily worded, but not difficult if you paid attention.
I definitely have a lot of respect for any non-native English speakers who can get a high TOEIC score though! I don’t think I would do very well on a Japanese test of the same level.
And last week I got my test scores back! I got a perfect score of 990 points!
I can English! ヾ(๑╹ヮ╹๑)ﾉ"
(But seriously, I feel like my ability to speak/write in English is getting worse the longer I live here.)
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As always on October 23rd, I played Final Fantasy X and had some Mountain Dew and Mentos in memory of my friend Derek.
For some reason, supermarkets and konbini in Japan don’t sell Mountain Dew, but you can find it in certain vending machines sometimes. I had to go on an adventure and just check random vending machines until I found one that had some.
October 23rd always reminds me not only of Derek, but also of how grateful I am for all of my friends.
So to all of you reading this, I just want to say, thanks! ♡
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Some before and after photos of when I cut my wig for my Halloween costume.
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Mabs and I went out for dinner at our favorite kaitenzushi (conveyor belt sushi) restaurant back in October, and for dessert I decided to have this tart.
When I ordered it I thought it was “ichigo”, strawberry, but it turned out to be raspberry, which I was even happier with, although sort of confused about. On closer inspection the menu said it was “ki ichigo”, literally “tree strawberry”, which apparently means “raspberry”.
Raspberries don’t even grow on trees! Why are they called “tree strawberries” in Japanese?!?!
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A pretty sunset over the bridge near my apartment.
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I love goldfish (really looking forward to the day when I’m settled in one place for long enough to have pet fish again), so I was so excited about this goldfish gachapon (capsule toy), but after a few minutes the plastic fish always floats to the surface of the slime and looks dead!
Not cute.
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Someone online pointed out that the Ookurikara nendoroid (second from the left) can balance on his head, so I tried it, and he actually stands up better that way than he does on his feet when he’s attached to his stand, LOL!
I thought this was hilarious, so I had to try it with the rest of the Touken Ranbu nendoroid family, and it turns out that everyone but Manba can do it.
Poor Manba...
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At the beginning of November we celebrated Mabs’ birthday!
✧*｡ヾ(๑╹ヮ╹๑)ﾉ"✧*｡
We had a chill celebration and spent all day at home playing video games.
Mabs wore her Pikachu kigurumi!
For dinner we had delicious twice-baked potatoes, carrots, and green beans (which are usually strangely hard to find and/or expensive here).
And for dessert we made a pumpkin pie!
Also if you’re wondering what that strange creature on the right side of the photo is, it’s a potato goat. (A red potato goat, specifically.) Mabs and I came up with weird food+animal creatures for each other, and hers is a potato goat.
I put my Photoshop skills to use and made some potato goats as birthday decorations, LOL.
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November 11th was Pocky and Pretz Day! (because “11/11″ looks like sticks of Pocky)
Don’t worry, we didn’t eat all of those by ourselves (only the 5 small boxes in the front, lol) The winter cocoa Pocky (middle of the back row of small boxes) and the sweet potato Pretz (on the right) were the best!
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Fall/winter is the season for baked sweet potato things (or “yaki-imo”), so these were yaki-imo dango! Yum!
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Mabs and I celebrated Thanksgiving with traditional American food this year! (Although we had to use chicken instead of turkey, because turkeys are an endangered species here and people don’t eat them)
It was a delicious dinner!
And Mabs has totally perfected the process of making gluten-free, egg-free, dairy-free pumpkin pie!
It was really good, especially with all of that soy milk whipped cream on top!
After dinner we watched the movie “Appleseed”, which is a computer animated sci-fi movie that came out back in 2004. It had a cool style that reminded me of an old video game (actually very good animation for 2004) and was overall an enjoyable watch with some interesting plot twists. (If you search “Appleseed 2004″ on YouTube, you can watch the whole movie for free)
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Last weekend Mabs and I were reminiscing about some of our old Sengoku Basara cosplay adventures in college, and we finally did something that we’ve always been talking about; we swapped characters!
This photo makes me do a double take every time I look at it; we’re so used to it being the other way around!
I had a lot of fun trying to cosplay Yukimura! Doing his makeup went a lot better than I thought it would, and Mabs’ wig actually fit me just fine.
And Mabs made such a cool Sasuke!
It would be really fun to try to swap their full outfits with all of the armor and stuff sometime!
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And here’s one more new type of Black Thunder!
“Black Thunder: Pretty Style”???!?!?
Bascially they’re fun sized, or “cute sized” as it says on the package, LOL.
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And yesterday the weather was really nice, so I got out of the house for a walk, and I took my camera along with me to take some photos of the fall leaves!
Our area of Shikoku isn’t nearly as colorful as some other parts of Japan are in fall, but I still think it’s pretty.
Taking my camera along when I go for a walk is fun, because it makes me look harder to find things that I think are pretty and worth taking a picture of.
It’s nice to slow down and look at things more closely; there’s a lot of cool things out there if you take the time to look for them.
I liked taking photos of the trees on the hills; maybe I took too many photos like this, but everywhere you look the colors and textures are a little different!
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Hope you’re all having a good autumn! 🍁
#Japan#life in Japan#Japanese food#fall#autumn#October 2017#November 2017#2017#random update time#fall leaves#long post
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here are a few snapshots from when i visited NYC on my own for the first time during american thanksgiving weekend.
my bus overheated and broke down on the way there and i was afraid i was going to have to turn around and cancel the whole trip, but thankfully they just shoved us onto another bus (after lots of customer whining) and we were on our merry way.
i got there a couple of hours later than expected and i managed to get stuck in the middle of a huge crowd for hours watching the macy’s parade, barely able to see anything at all.
eventually i made my way over to paul’s friend jake’s apartment, where i’d be staying and waiting for paul until he returned from his own thanksgiving festivities.
i navigated the subway on my own, which actually turned out to be much less confusing than i thought it would be, and honestly the city kind of just felt like a more large-scale and sprawling version of Toronto. this feeling would remain persistent throughout the trip, and by the end of it, i felt like i could move to New York and really not have much trouble adjusting. the whole vibe felt comfortable and familiar and i found myself wondering what my life would’ve been like if even only a few things had turned out differently.
i dropped my stuff off at jake’s apartment on the upper west side and decided to take a walk through central park, which was beautiful even in the chill.
i wanted to maybe go to the met or to the natural history museum, but everything was closed for thanksgiving, so i ended up wandering over to brooklyn in hopes of exploring a christmas market that was allegedly open there.
it probably wasn’t the best idea to go so far away on my own. i stopped by a mcdonalds for a buttermilk chicken sandwich (which you can’t get in toronto), and a homeless man turned around and threatened to chop me up into a million pieces and throw me in the ocean on my way out.
“you think you’re better than me? i’m the queen! i can kill you right now. i can chop you up into a million pieces and throw you in the ocean.”
everyone just stood around watching the scene unfold and literally no one intervened, so i kind of just shuffled around him mumbling “sorry, sorry, bye!” and left.
and honestly even that didn’t really phase me. what did make me upset was the fact the the christmas market turned out to be closed.
i ended up going to another christmas market at bryant park (which was adorable) before returning to jake’s apartment to take a nap and wait for paul to get back to the city.
eventually i made it to paul’s apartment and it turns out he had a whole other adjoining apartment ready for guests, so not only did i get my own room, i also got my own living room, kitchen and bathroom.
it was pretty incredible and paul was a gracious host, always up for showing me his favourite spots in the city (as well as some weird spots that he just thought were worth seeing), and for taking photos while accompanying me to all the places i wanted to see.
during the course of my stay, we went to the MET and the MOMA (lots of art - maybe too much art, as by the time we left the MOMA we were exhausted and suffering from art burnout), we went to an indian buffet and to times square (obviously) and we spent our time just walking as he pointed out various landmarks. we went to a cool video game store that seemed to have every video game ever made, we went to a strange porn shop, a couple of costume stores, a church, and various bars that constituted paul’s watering holes.
on my last night there, we ended up going to an after hours bar against my better judgment. i can’t remember the last part of the night, but i remember they were still serving alcohol and people were smoking inside. i apparently spent a lot of time talking to some guy who was allegedly charming my pants off, and paul kind of lost track of me so i’m just hoping nothing happened.
i ended up missing my bus home, as expected, but it was okay because it turns out that bus got canceled due to weather concerns anyway so i actually got a refund for my ticket.
i booked a flight home and paul and i went out for chinese food for our last meal together before returning to the apartment and spending most of the day in bed. and then i woke up super early, said bye to paul and made my way to the airport and back to toronto.
all in all it was a really fun weekend, and it was nice to feel so comfortable in such a big city. i really can see myself settling in there pretty well, especially after paul made an offhanded comment about how i can still own a room even in NYC.
i want to go back there when the weather is warmer and try to see all of the things i didn’t have time to see this time around.
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Pangs (BTVS 4.08)
This is part of my ongoing Buffyverse Project, where I write notes/meta for every episode in an attempt to better understand the characters and themes of the shows. You can find the BTVS list here and the ATS list here. Gifs are not mine.
I ended up watching Pangs twice because there was a lot to digest. It was a good episode for many reasons--Angel lurking, Spike joining the gang for the first time, Thanksgiving--but also an uncomfortable one because of the racial issues. Let’s just say this straight off: if you don’t have any POC in your main cast, you probably shouldn’t make the villains POC or attempt to have conversations about race. As far as some of the more intricate issues within the episode, I don’t claim to be an expert. So if you have some thoughts on the issue feel free to reblog and add them.
Giles: It's not fair. You know that's what she'd say. You can see her and she can't see you.
Angel: Believe me, I'm not getting the good half of the deal. To be outside, looking in at what I can't... I'd forgotten how bad it feels.
Buffy has a couple of relationships throughout BTVS, but Angel and Spike are the only ones we see her be physically aware of and really have a connection to. There are multiple scenes in Pangs where she’s off her game because she feels something...and that something is Angel, lurking in the shadows watching her. I know the plot required he not reunite with Buffy in order to entice viewers to Angel, but it’s in character. This guy loves to lurk and avoid difficult emotional conversations. He does have a point about their interactions, though...both of them are an emotional mess in I Will Remember You.
Xander finally gets a dignified job as a construction worker and Anya is loving it. My policy is to live and let live when it comes to headcanons, but personally I think Anya is about as straight as they come. She’s all about the rippling man bod (and, as some have pointed out, she’d probably mostly date women if she was attracted to them at all).
Xander’s first project is a new cultural center for UC Sunnydale, which is where we get our plot. He falls into a pit and awakens the spirit of a Chumash warrior. The warrior then infects him with multiple diseases because that’s what happened to his people. One of the diseases is syphilis, which is where we get the “his penis got diseases from a Chumash tribe” line in OMWF.
Willow: Thanksgiving isn't about blending cultures, it's about one culture wiping out another. Then they make animated specials about the parts with the maize and the big big belt buckles. They don't show you the next scene where all the bison die and Squanto takes a musket ball in the stomach.
The most emotionally affected is Willow, who has inherited her concern for indigenous peoples from her mother. Ironic that Shiela refuses to participate in certain holidays for concern of others but can’t pay attention to her own daughter. She’s bad at personal relationships but very firm in her beliefs and ideas. Willow is fighting to make some kind of peace with Hus throughout the episode while Giles is firmly for taking him down (as the one with diseases, Xander is on Giles’ side). This is one of the first times we see Giles and Willow start to clash and her begin to question his authority and wisdom.
Buffy: The thing is, I like my evil like my men: evil. You know, straight up, black hat, tie you to the railroad tracks, soon my electro ray will destroy metropolis BAD. Not all mixed up with guilt and the destruction of an indigenous culture.
I can’t really explain why, but I love when characters/the narrative acknowledges something the audience has noticed (i.e. Buffy’s interest in evil guys). Although it is a little out of place here because she hasn’t had anything with Spike yet. I don’t think we can say she’s into the dark side until it becomes a pattern, and at this point it had not. Anyway, they all go back and forth throughout the episode about what to do with Hus. Giles thinks it’s too late to do anything. I like the “Vengeance is never sated, Buffy. Hatred is a cycle...all he will do is kill” line. I also believe, as the famous quote says, ‘Hate does not drive out hate. Only love can do that.’ No matter how many times Hus takes revenge he will probably remain angry. (( Since this is Tumblr, I’ll over explain so as not to be willfully misinterpreted: I’m not saying fighting back is never the answer. Just that getting revenge is never going to make your bad feelings go away. It might make other changes, but I think hatred and anger just grow. ))
We start to see some clash between Xander and Anya because he blurts out “you don’t talk to vengeance demons. You kill them.” He prefers to ignore Anya’s past misdeeds and I don’t think he ever really reconciles them. As long as Xander didn’t see you commit evil he’s content to ignore it.
Giles: Tell me again why we're not doing this at your house.
Buffy: Giles, if you want to get by in American society you have to learn our traditions. You're the patriarch. You have to host the festivities or it's all meaningless.
Giles: And this is in no way an elaborate scheme to stick me with the clean up.
Buffy is feeling lonely and particularly protective of Thanksgiving. She’s upset her mother won’t be doing it as usual and says “everything is changing”. But she “smells a turkey and (I’m) eight years old” so she’s hoping she can keep the spirit alive herself. Buffy really is about growing up and we see Buffy move farther and farther away from childhood comforts as time goes on. Her obsession with Thanksgiving this year is her attempt to cling to the past. While Giles and Willow worry about Hus, Buffy mixes ingredients and worries about all the little cooking details.
Buffy invites Riley but he has his own plans in Iowa.
Riley: My folks are there. We always do Thanksgiving at my grandparents farm. Little place just outside Huxley. Corn and pigs.
Buffy: That sounds wonderful.
Riley: It is. After dinner, we all go for a walk down by the river with the dogs. And there's... trees, and I know what you're thinking, it's like I grew up in a Grant Wood painting.
I know Riley doesn’t exactly fit with our band of outcasts, but that’s not necessarily a bad point for his and Buffy’s relationship. Since Buffy doesn’t have that he could have been an avenue for her to gain it.
Riley: What's the line --"Home's the place that, when you have to go there -"
Buffy: "-- they have to take you in." That's what they say.
Spike attempts to go home to Harmony, but she’s “in control of (my) own power now” and threatens to stake him. He finally turns to Buffy.
Spike: I'm saying Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people.
Sensibly, the gang is still planning to turn him away until he says he has the inside scoop on the soldier boys. He’s tied to a chair and sits through all the chaos.
Spike: You won! All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do! That's what Caesar did, he's not going around saying "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it"! The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, you massacred them, end of story!
Spike: You exterminated his race. What could you possibly say that would make him feel better? It's kill or be killed here. Take your bloody pick.
Xander: Maybe it's the syphilis talking, but some of that made sense.
Giles: I made several of those points earlier, but that's fine, no one listens...
Spike’s pretty cold about what happened to the tribe, but he’s evil so it’s expected I suppose. The gang thinks he has a point about there not being anything they can do at this point and decide to fight. It was kind of a strange conclusion to the story. “Thanksgiving is a sham! So many atrocities! What can we do? Nothing. Ah well.” The message was just a little unclear and I think the story was more about plot than a political message.
The gang battle the spirits and finally triumph, but not before Buffy turns the main warrior into a bear. It was fun to watch Spike reacting to everything during the episode (and I love his smirk when Xander spills the beans Angel was there).
During the fight, Angel leaps up and breaks one of the warrior’s necks and he, according to the script, “drops like Jenny Calendar”. Anya then wonders what he’s like when he’s evil and we get one of our rare Angel-and-Angelus-are-in-fact-not-totally-seperate moments. Willow tears into the warriors as much as anyone else and feels guilty later.
Xander: I don't know. It kinda seemed right to me. A bunch of anticipation, a big fight and now we're all sleepy.
Character Notes:
Buffy Summers: Her mom is visiting Aunt Pauline for Thanksgiving this year. Buffy mentions she stole and lost Willow’s hairbrush, proving she’s still an annoying roommate--Willow is just more accommodating than Buffy/Kathy.
Willow Rosenberg: She mentions there are some great spells that work better with an ear. Giles and Willow talk about Angel losing his edge because everyone but Buffy saw him.
Riley Finn: Forrest calls him “mama’s boy” in reference to Maggie and we see he is already attached to her.
Xander Harris: He accidentally says Anya is a strange girlfriend and she lights up at the word. But he claims to be delirious.
Angel: He leads Buffy to Father Gabriel, apparently an old contact. When he first shows himself to everyone they all assume he's evil.
Spike: He explains that vampires that don’t feed become living skeletons.
#pangs#Jane Espenson#Buffy summers#willow rosenberg#xander harris#anya jenkins#spike#Rupert giles#angel#buffy/angel#xander/anya#Harmony Kendall#Spike/Harmony#Riley finn#Buffy/Riley
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October Occurrences 2019
Forgive the lateness of this post! It was an insanely busy month and I’ll try not to let this kind of delay happen again. SO MUCH HAPPENED! Details below.
I went on two trips this month! The first was to the Bahamas and it was so great. I stayed at Atlantis (because well, that’s where my parents were staying and they kindly let me stay with them, IF YOU MUST KNOW) and while Atlantis was super nice, it really felt like what I imagine a big cruise ship to feel like. I’m not meaning that as an insult at all - it just felt sort of stiff, well maintained, with a very controlled environment. I tried lionfish for the first time (very good), drank Bahama Mamas and slid down the shark-surrounded Leap of Faith (horrifying). We ate at Jose Andres’ restaurant Fish and it was absolutely unreal. The seafood was phenomenal.
Above Photo: Parents in the Bahamas
My second trip was to New Orleans for the week of Halloween! I’ll do a full post on this one because there’s too much to say. (Full post here!)
In some upsetting news, I accidentally “recovered” my phone and lost most of my Bahamas photos. I was so upset because it was completely my own fault. I hadn’t backed up my photos to my computer yet either, so it truly sucked. I do have iCloud but I never opted to pay for the extra space so it’s been full for about a year already. Enter my saviour Marla who told me about Google Photos (which is free) and I’ve already started using and backing up almost daily. I’ve moved on from losing the photos by rationalizing it in thinking that I wasn’t meant to have those photos, they were meant to be memories.
Remember when I told you to watch Tuca & Bertie because it’s so lovely? Well, if you did, this is a really great piece about Bertie’s boyfriend, Speckle.
Can’t get enough of the Pink Lady Apple flavour of Health-Ade. So goddam tasty.
Years ago, I watched and hated the second Sex & The City movie (too xenophobic, cliched and generally terrible) but I rewatched it on a plane recently and while it’s still a bad movie, I had completely forgotten about the storyline about Carrie and Big “defining the parameters of their own relationship.” Best part of the movie! I won’t give away too much, but you may want to rewatch this stinker if nothing better is on.
We rewatched all of the Sleepaway Camp movies and they really hold up well. Such a solid series.
I did two of Nathan’s podcasts this month: one where we talked about vaping and one where we talked about what annoys Nathan and my Joker thoughts! I had a lot of Joker thoughts. Quick summary? IT BLEW. I feel like the world grieves for broken men and I do not wish to.
I tried pumpkin-flavoured Kit Kats and although a little gross at first, they really do taste like pumpkin. And after two or three bites, become delicious.
In keeping with autumn flavours, I tried the pumpkin cream cold brew from Starbucks (I know, despite this one instance, I am still trying to stay away from the corporations that are slowly eating away at society as we know it). Anyway, the drink was only MEH. It’s wild how we’ve made milkshakes acceptable for adults to drink at 8am.
I’m not sure if I’ve already shared this tip, but I have THE greatest advice for someone who’s trying to avoid a cold from starting. You know that point right before you get a cold, when your throat feels a little tingly and sensitive? And you know that a cold is coming right around the corner? All you need to do to avoid this from happening is buy the blue Listerine and gargle with it once in the morning and once before bed and gargle for about 30 seconds each time. I SWEAR TO GOD THIS WORKS. But only with the blue Listerine. I’ve tested this theory twice now and it absolutely works, someone give me a medal for curing the common cold. (And if you really don’t believe me, buy the travel size before you commit to the larger bottle, geek.)
Riverdale is BACK! The season premiere episode dealing with Luke Perry’s death was so good and so sad and that’s all I have to say about that. As for the more recent episodes of Riverdale? The latest Halloween episode was pure and complete madness and I love how nuts it’s becoming.
I started watching the new season of This Is Us and I think I figured out what’s wrong with this show: every character on it is almost TOO in love with their partner. It’s enough already, we get it, love exists. The show is so wildly saccharine now. Maybe it was always that way and I never noticed before? Either way, I might be passing on it this season.
I read and reviewed Abbi Jacobson’s newest book and you can see that full post over here.
I really hate cleaning shower curtains and the mold-free one that I got from The Container Store (only $10) has lasted me a full six months before getting gross. Highly recommend!
Cannot stop playing this song or this song.
J. Crew was having a pretty sweet sale and I bought this gorgeous-fitting underwire 90s swimsuit that I can’t stop praising. No one told me about underwire swimwear! So fucking flattering.
My absolute favourite place to get Halloween costume accessories is by far the Village Party Store in Manhattan. They somehow have every single thing you’d need for a costume, they’re super inexpensive and the staff is so helpful (eons better than any Spirit). I was talking about costume stuff with one of the guys who works there and he mentioned how a group of women had just come in to get stuff for their group costume: they all were going to be different Keanu Reeves characters. Is it just me or is that the greatest group costume you’ve ever heard of? He said they were definitely going to do Neo from The Matrix, Ted from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Jack from Speed, Duke Kaboom from Toy Story 4 and Sad Keanu. PURE GENIUS.
My favourite SNL sketch of the season so far, for sure.
LOVED the new season of Big Mouth. But can we pleeeeease stop with the musical episodes? NOBODY LIKES THEM.
Speaking of Big Mouth, I watched the movie Disclosure and wowza. Great movie. Can’t believe I’d never even heard of it before. Just rewatched it again with Nathan this past week. So good.
Another great NYC Halloween store is Abracadabra on 21st street. It’s a more expensive place to shop, but if you just want to browse then definitely visit this place. There are tons of interactive displays and the whole basement has incredible costumes for rent.
You can see this year’s Halloween costume over here, if you so please. In other costume news, Baby Dog was a lion. Roar.
I finally tried Mario Badescu’s Drying Lotion and whoa. I get the hype. It fucking obliterates pimples. It’s hard to sleep in since it goes on like calamine lotion and smudges everywhere if you lay face down (do people sleep like this? I sleep like I’m in a coffin & Nathan hates it because I look like a mental patient but it’s so fucking relaxing, I can’t stop), but it works really well if you can figure out a way to sleep without it rubbing off.
SO, SO excited to hear that season two of Shrill has a release date: January 24th!
Some things that I’m looking forward to this month: celebrating American Thanksgiving since I missed the true (Canadian) one last month while I was in the Bahamas, introducing Nathan to the Momofuku Thanksgiving croissant, taking Baby Dog for autumn walks in Central Park, getting my copy of Lindy West’s new book that arrives in my mailbox tomorrow, still working on doing things off of my autumn list, reading Jenny Slate’s new book, if you find yourself always losing your poppy I find it helpful to attach mine to a safety pin rather than just the regular pin that comes with it, and I’ll probably definitely see A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood even though I do think it’s unnecessary.
If you’ve got any interest in reading last month’s roundup, you can see what went down in September over here!
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Fall Movie Preview 2019
New Post has been published on https://esonetwork.com/fall-movie-preview-2019/
Fall Movie Preview 2019
Fall movie season is here! This is always my favorite time of the year to see movies. There’s such a wonderful variety of films available to see in theaters. Everything from awards season contenders, indie darlings, and exciting space adventures! Get ready to make your way to the theater because this looks like it’s going to be a great season at the movies. Let’s take a look at what’s coming soon.
SEPTEMBER
September 13th
The Goldfinch
Starring: Ansel Elgort, Oakes Fengley, Nicole Kidman, Finn Wolfhard
Bring the tissues and prepare yourself for a rollercoaster of emotions because this is gonna be a wild ride. The Goldfinch is based on the Pultizer Prize winning novel by Donna Tart. This is one of the best books I’ve read recently, but it’s quite an emotional journey. It follows 13-year-old Theo Decker after the traumatic death of his mother in an art museum bombing. It’s a haunting and powerful story about the human condition once grief becomes a prominent force in one’s life. The film is directed by John Crowley with Roger Deakins as director of photography. That’s what I call must-see cinema.
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Hustlers
Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Constance Wu, Cardi B, Lili Reinhart
Based on a New York Times article, former strip club employees band together to hustle their Wall Street Clients during the late 2000’s financial crisis. This looks a bit like the heist of Oceans 8 meets the real world story of Molly’s Game. It has quite a star studded female cast of movie/TV/and music stars and is directed by Lorene Scafaria (Seeking a Friend at the End of the World, The Meddler.)
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September 20th
Downton Abbey
Starring: Michelle Dockery, Maggie Smith, Hugh Boneville, Jim Carter
You love Downton Abbey, I love Downton Abbey. Everyone loves Downton Abbey. I can hear the theme song playing in my head just thinking of the movie being released. That’s right, the beloved TV series is coming to the big screen. Hopefully, it won’t be anything like the season 3 finale. (Real fans know the pain and struggle. We can’t go back to that time.) In the film, Downton Abbey will be visited by the royal family. I’m sure it will make for quite an impressive cinematic experience. As a fan of the show, I can’t wait to see it all on the big screen!
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Ad Astra
Starring: Brad Pitt, Tommy Lee Jones, Liv Tyler
Just two months after showing the world that he doesn’t age in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Brad Pitt is back and he’s going to space. It makes sense, fall is the only logical time to release a film in the space genre. (The Martian, Interstellar, First Man, Arrival, Gravity were all released in the fall,.) Ad Astra is all about an astronaut who takes on a mission to uncover the truth about his missing father. The film is directed by James Gray (The Lost City of Z, The Immigrant). I just hope Brad Pitt gets to wear his iconic Hawaiian shirt. Audiences demand to see it again.
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September 27th
Judy
Starring: Renée Zellweger, Finn Wittrock, Jessie Buckley, Rufus Sewell
There’s nothing like a good biographical drama. Throw in musical numbers and it’s a hit in my eyes. Renée Zellweger stars as the iconic Judy Garland in this biopic that explores her life in 1969 as she arrives in London to perform a series of sold out concerts. Word from the Telluride Film Festival is that Renée Zellweger gives a very strong performance as Judy. Could she have an awards season run on her hands for Best Actress? We’ll see very soon!
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OCTOBER
October 4th
Joker
Starring: Joaquin Phoenix, Robert de Niro, Zazie Beets
Joaquin Phoenix stars as the Joker in this standalone film that focuses on the origins of the DC villain. The film received an 8 minute standing ovation at the Venice Film Festival, which seems pretty excessive for any movie. I’m just not a movie applauder. It’s unnatural to me. I’m also not much of a Joker enthusiast so I can’t get too excited about this or the way it seemingly wants me to feel sympathy for the Joker. I don’t. He’s a terrorist. However, this is going to be a huge cinematic event. There are striking similarities to 70’s hit films The King of Comedy and Taxi Driver in the first trailers of the film. Director Todd Phillips clearly wanted to make a unique comic book film and this one will have people talking.
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Lucy in the Sky
Starring: Natalie Portman, Dan Stevens, Jon Hamm
Another space movie! Fall movie season demands it. After returning from space, astronaut Lucy Cola begins to feel withdrawn and disconnected from reality. The film is loosely based on Lisa Nowak, an astronaut who lost her grip on reality after returning to earth after space travel. One thing’s for sure, with a cast including Natalie Portman, Jon Hamm, and Dan Stevens, this one promises some impressive acting.
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October 11
Gemini Man
Starring: Will Smith, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Clive Owen
An assassin becomes the target of a mysterious government operative who can predict his every move. Soon he finds out that the mysterious operative is a clone of himself. Can Gemini Man help director Ang Lee (Life of Pi, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon) find critical acclaim again after 2016’s underwhelming Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk.
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The King
Starring: Timothée Chalamet, Robert Pattinson, Joel Edgerton
Based on Shakespeare’s Henriad, The King follows Henry V as he takes the throne after his father’s death and navigates a kingdom filled with war, chaos, and political strife. While all of that is very interesting, I think we need to discuss the hair in this movie. First of all, there’s Timothée Chalamet’s bowl cut, which is quite a situation. So very round and tragic. Why Timothée? You know you have great hair, but the bowl cut is not your look! Then, there’s Robert Pattinson’s wig. It’s kind of amazing. The hair in this movie alone is going to keep me entertained for 2 hours. The King will be in limited release theaters on October 11th and begin streaming on Netflix November 1st.
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October 18th
Zombieland: Double Tap
Starring: Woody Harrelson, Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone, Abigail Breslin
This sequel comes 10 years after the popular zombie comedy first made its way to theaters. A lot has changed for the cast since 2009. Emma Stone has won an Oscar for La La Land, Jesse Eisenberg received a nomination for The Social Network, and Woody Harrelson has appeared in several projects including the Oscar nominated Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri and the critically acclaimed series True Detective. That doesn’t stop this cast for returning for a sequel! This time around, the team is back in the American heartland to face off against evolved zombies.
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The Lighthouse
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Willem Dafoe
I was initially indifferent towards this movie, but after watching the trailer I have to see it just to solve the mystery of who spilled those beans! Willem Dafoe is going INSANE over it. “Why’d ya spill your beans?” Someone please answer him before he turns into the Green Goblin! This movie is about two lighthouse keepers who try to maintain their sanity while living in seclusion on a remote island in Maine. (It’s also about beans, I think). The cinematography for The Lighthouse has a unique old Hollywood feel that is very intriguing.
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Jojo Rabbit
Starring: Taika Watiti, Scarlett Johannson, Roman Griffin, Sam Rockwell
Taika Waititi (Thor: Ragnarok, Hunt for the Wilderpeople) directs and stars in Jojo Rabbit, an “anti-hate satire” about a young German boy whose imaginary best friend is an idiotic version of Hitler. One day, he discovers that his mother is hiding a Jewish girl in their home and Jojo’s world is turned upside down. There’s no doubt this will be controversial, but the key word here is satire. Taiki Waititi is Jewish himself and the film is obviously making fun of Nazis.
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NOVEMBER
November 1st
The Irishman
Starring: Robert de Niro, Al Pacino, Joe Pesci
Martin Scorsese’s long awaited gangster epic is finally premiering this November. The 3 1/2 hour crime drama (Scorsese loves a good 3-hour runtime!) focuses on the life of Frank “The Irishman” Sheeran a mob hitman who played a role in the disappearance of Jimmy Hoffa. Netflix is distributing the film, but it will be available to see in select theaters on November 1st for cinematic purists. It will begin streaming on Netflix November 27th. (Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Go ahead and watch a 3-hour mafia epic with your family for the holiday! It’s Martin’s gift to you.)
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Harriet
Starring: Cynthia Erivo, Janelle Monet, Joe Alwyn
The true story of Harriet Tubman and her harrowing escape from slavery that eventually led to the Underground Railroad. Cynthia Ervio is going to be amazing in this role! She was such a breakout star in Widows and Bad Times at the El Royale. Can’t wait to see her portrayal of Harriet Tubman.
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Terminator: Dark Fate
Starring: Mackenzie Davis, Linda Hamilton, Arnold Schwarzenegger
The Terminator is back. In yet another installment of the franchise that will last forever, Sarah Connor and a hybrid human must protect a young girl from a newly modified Terminator from the future.
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November 8th
Doctor Sleep
Starring: Ewan McGregor, Rebecca Ferguson, Jacob Tremblay
39 years after The Shining, it’s getting a sequel. Based on the novel by Steven King, Doctor Sleep focuses on an adult Danny Torrance as he meets a girl with similar “shining” powers and tries to protect her from a cult called The True Knot. There’s a lot of talent involved in this project, but The Shining is untouchable in terms of classic movies. There’s no need to make a sequel. Not to mention, this plot summary sounds kind of weak. Consider me very skeptical that this will be good.
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Last Christmas
Starring: Emilia Clarke, Henry Goulding, Emma Thompson
A Christmas rom-com! Let’s jump for joy because a Christmas rom com is making its way to theaters! Last Christmas is all about Kate, a depressed woman working as Santa’s elf in a department store. She keeps bumping into the same man, Tom, who may help her find happiness in the holiday season. Henry Goulding/Emilia Clarke romance+Christmas? Sounds like a recipe for the perfect holiday movie!
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Honey Boy
Starring: Shia Labeouf, Lucas Hedges, Noah Jupe
It’s no secret that Shia LaBeouf has had a chaotic lifestyle in his post-Disney days. It looks like audiences are about to find out what has gone on behind-the-scenes in Honey Boy. The film is written by LaBeouf and follows his own experiences with fame and the strained relationship with his dysfunctional father. Noah Jupe and Lucas Hedges will be playing Shia LaBeouf as a child and teen actor, while Shia LaBeouf will play his own father for a meta twist. As someone who grew up watching Even Stevens and saw Shia LaBeouf’s career progress, this is one of my most anticipated films of the fall.
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November 15th
Ford v. Ferrari
Starring: Christian Bale, Matt Damon, Catriona Balfe
American car designer Carroll Shelby and driver Ken Miles attempt to build a revolutionary race car for Ford to battle Ferrari at the 24 hours of Le Mans in 1966. The premise of this movie reminds me a little bit of Ron Howard’s Rush which is a very underrated movie that should be watched if you haven’t seen it.
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The Report
Starring: Adam Driver, Jon Hamm, Tim Blake Nelson
The Report is a political drama about an FBI agent’s investigation into the CIA’s torture practice on suspected terrorists after 9/11. Adam Driver stars in the film and he’s about to have a major fall movie season. The Report and Marriage Story (more on that one a little later) could easily get him awards buzz. In fact, I predict he’ll be nominated for an Oscar for one of those roles. Plus, he’ll be in Star Wars in December. You’ll be seeing a lot of him in the next few months.
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Charlie’s Angels
Starring: Kristen Stewart, Naomi Scott, Ella Balinska, Elizabeth Banks
Did we need another Charlie’s Angels reboot after the 2000’s movie trilogy and the ABC TV show? No. Yet there’s nothing Hollywood loves to more than to reboot a franchise we’ve just seen! This time around the angels are played by Kristen Stewart, Naomi Scott, and Ella Balinski. Elizabeth Banks is directing and co-starring in the project.
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November 22nd
Frozen 2
Starring: Kristen Bell, Idina Menzel, Josh Gad
Anna, Elsa, Kristoff, and Olaf go on an adventure to an enchanted autumn forest to find the origin of Elsa’s powers and save their land. Just when everyone finally got Let it Go out of their heads, Disney is gonna hit us with another Frozen movie. I have to admit, I’m intrigued by the concept of the autumn forest. We need more movies that take place in the fall! It should be it’s own sub-genre.
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A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood
Starring: Tom Hanks, Matthew Rhys, Susan Kelechi Watson
He’s already played Walt Disney, Captain Phillips, and Sully so it’s fitting that Tom Hanks would play Mr. Rogers on the list of “America’s favorite people” up next. The movie is all about the friendship between Fred Rogers and journalist Tom Junod. I cannot wait to see this. If you haven’t watched the documentary about Fred Rogers called Won’t You Be My Neighbor?, do it before this is released! It’s going to add so much depth to the cinematic experience.
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November 27th
Knives Out
Starring: Daniel Craig, Chris Evans, Jamie Lee Curtis, Toni Collette
When a famous crime novelist is found dead on his estate, a detective is enlisted to investigate the family. Knives Out is directed by Rian Johnson (Looper, The Last Jedi) and packed with stars. It looks a bit like Bad Times at the El Royale meets the style of a Wes Anderson movie. I’m very interested in the central mystery at play here, but I can’t lie, Chris Evans is the reason I’ll go to the theater for this.
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December 6th
Marriage Story
Starring: Scarlett Johansson, Adam Driver, Laura Dern
This one is gonna be majorly sad, so let’s all take some time to prepare ourselves. A stage director and his actress wife struggle as their marriage falls apart and they proceed with a difficult coast-to-coast divorce. Noah Baumbach (The Squid and the Whale, Frances Ha) directed the film which has already been receiving high praise from early festival screenings. This will definitely draw comparisons to Kramer vs. Kramer and Baumback’s The Squid and the Whale based on the trailer’s tone. The juxtaposition of the couple’s happy memories vs. the court scene at the end of the trailer is just heartbreaking. Marriage Story will be available to stream on Netflix December 6th.
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December 13th
A Hidden Life
Starring: August Diehl, Valerie Pachner, Matthias Schoenaerts
Few movies have affected me the way Terrence Malick’s The Tree of Life have. It’s certainly not a movie for everyone, but it works for me. The unconventional narrative, epic cinematography, and orchestral score are unforgettable. Critics from festival screenings have said that A Hidden Life is his best work since The Tree of Life meaning I’ll need to see it ASAP. The film is based on a true story about an Austrian farmer named Franz Jaggerstatter who refused to fight for the Nazis in World War II. The trailer looks beautiful and poetic.
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December 20th
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Starring: Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, John Boyega
The latest Star Wars trilogy will complete with The Rise of Skywalker. Taking place after The Last Jedi, the members left in the Resistance will face the First Order once again. The conflict between the Jedi and the Sith reaches a breaking point bringing the Skywalker saga to an end. I have so many questions about this movie! Was Kylo Ren actually lying to Rey about her parents in The Last Jedi? Could they really be important people? Will she turn to the dark side like this preview suggests? (I hope not). Why is Palpatine (the villain who died in Return of the Jedi) talking in all of the trailers? Thankfully, J.J. Abrams is returning as director for The Rise of Skywalker to answer all of my questions and hopefully deliver a great Star Wars film.
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Jumanji: The Next Level
Starring: Dwayne Johnson, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Karen Gillan
Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle was one of the biggest surprise box office hits in recent years, appealing to people of all age groups. It’s no surprise that The Next Level is being released so quickly after the massive success of Welcome to the Jungle. This time around, the group goes back into the game, but a few of their grandfather’s are sucked in as well. That means Kevin Hart will be playing Danny Glover and Dwayne Johnson will be portraying Danny DeVito.
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Cats
Starring: Francesca Hayward, Jason Derulo, Judi Dench, Jennifer Hudson, Taylor Swift
Forget Star Wars, forget A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, forget A Hidden Life. Disregard everything on this list. Cats is going to be the cinematic moment of 2019! That CGI? Legendary! The actors could have worn cat suits or make up like the stage play, but director Tom Hooper decided that this is the 21st century…time to try out a new technique called digital fur technology! So now this movie exists. It’s difficult to describe what this digital fur technology looks like, but it’s not cats. I will say the trailer was released with plenty of time before the movie gets to theaters so there’s hope that the finished product will look way better than the original trailer. If I’m being totally honest, I love anything musical, so I’m totally going to see this.
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December 25th
Little Women
Starring: Saoirse Ronan, Timothée Chalamet, Meryl Streep, Laura Dern
Greta Gerwig’s highly ancitipated second film is a remake of the beloved Louisa May Alcott novel, Little Women. You all know the story, but I’ll do a quick plot recap anyway. Little Women is told through the eyes of Jo March as she recounts her life growing up with her 3 sisters: Meg, Amy, and Beth. Each have their own distinct personalities, but have a very strong bond with each other. The film reunites Saoirse Ronan and Timothée Chalamet as Jo March and Laurie for a mini-Lady Bird reunion. It also contains a little Big Little Lies reunion with Meryl Streep and Laura Dern. What a great Christmas day release!
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That concludes this Fall Movie Preview! As you can tell, there are tons of movies releasing this season in all genres. What are you most excited to see this fall?
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MAQB: The Cost of Extended Training for NFL Combine; How 'Hard Knocks' Will Look This Season
News and notes from around the NFL, including how trainers are preparing for extended combine prep for players opting out of the 2020 season, what we can expect from this season's 'Hard Knocks,' how Joey Bosa's big payday could help his brother and more.
Real football practices get started this week. Let’s go …
• To me, part of the issue opt-out guys face is purely financial. Normally, it’d cost an agent upwards around $30,000 to get a player housed, fed and trained in the eight weeks leading into the scouting combine—a cost that’s gone up over the years and become increasingly vital to any player’s pre-draft process. Now, rather than eight weeks, we’re talking seven months. So I decided to turn over some rocks on this Monday, and called Pete Bommarito, who owns Bommarito Performance Systems in South Florida, as part of that.
He’s been training athletes for the combine since 2000, and doing it through his own company since 2005. And as such, the last couple weeks have been crazy for him as kids have explored opting out of their college seasons (Miami DE Gregory Rousseau told us in
this morning’s MMQB that he’ll be working out there going forward).
“We’ve already started our draft prep,” Bommarito said this afternoon. “It’s very simple, we’ve got a number of NFL free agents working, we had four going at a time last week. And with the draft prep guys, we’ll just run them with those guys. We’ve been prepared for something like this.”
So how does it work? Bommarito’s plans for the players are intricate but the idea on this is pretty simple. The opt-outs would go into training with the free agents, working half-days three days a week, and full days two days a week, from now until Christmas. After that, they’d move into the normal draft prep, leading into All-Star games and the combine (their days at that point can last 10-12 hours).
As for the cost, Bommarito says that of the aforementioned $30,000, training a player for two months for the combine runs around $15,000-$16,000. In this case, Bommarito said, the standard for training, given the slower ramp-up and longer duration, would cost around $5,000 per month. That, of course, is before you get to housing, a rental car and stipend, which are generally a part of the package agents offer players.
Bottom line: This will get costly for agents, and might not be cost-effective once you get beyond the elite kids.
Also worth mentioning: A lot of trainers are courting agents, the same agents who have been in the ears of college players the last few weeks. XPE Sports sent a plan to agents that broke its program into General Prep/Foundational Movement (Oct. 5-Nov. 13), Speed/Position training (Nov. 30-Dec. 22) ahead of combine prep, with breaks for Thanksgiving and Christmas worked in. EXOS gave agents an even more detailed plan (that one’s below), with four periods (Sept. 7-Oct. 2, Oct. 5-30, Nov. 2-21, Nov. 30-Dec.) before combine prep.
Clearly, a lot of people were ready for this.
• Had a good talk on Monday with NFL Films supervising producer Ken Rodgers, as he worked through tomorrow night’s premiere of Hard Knocks: Los Angeles, which will be a very different Hard Knocks than what you’re used to. For one, it’ll feature two teams. And obviously, the circumstances under which it’ll be staged are very different.
“Practices look different, the locker rooms are different, how they arrive to camp, the testing, everything’s different,” said Rodgers. “We’ve got the video and a look inside that’s deeper than anyone’s seen. There’ll be more intimacy than anyone’s seen inside a COVID-safe environment in any workplace in America. It’s really not just a story of the Chargers or the Rams, this is a story of an American workplace trying to get back to productivity.
“To me, it’s a document of its time.”
Of course, there are also limits. Rodgers said in a normal year, a crew of around 45 NFL Films folks would flood the Hard Knocks site. This year after negotiations with the league and NFLPA, the limit is 13 and those 13 have to stay six feet away from players and coaches at all times, which, says Rodgers, “is completely different for us.” That’s meant, for example, longer lenses and the elimination of wide lenses.
And it will mean a different show than you’re used to. How? Well, we got to that with our questions for Rodgers. Here’s more:
MMQB: How will tomorrow look different for the viewer?
Rodgers: I don’t think the product will look that different. Our focus has been to keep quality just as high. I do think the camps look extremely different. So the process looks different, if not the product. Everything at these two camps looks different this year.… It is fascinating to see how these two teams are dealing with it on a day-to-day basis. Everything is different in terms of what you’re gonna see, but I think the filmmaking, to our crew’s credit, has changed technologically, you’ll see a lot more Zoom meetings, robotic camera footage, rather than actual camera operators, but the actual quality is the same.
MMQB: So you have the same number of robo cams (12) in each facility, but are you using those more than normal because of the limits?
KR: I’d say probably the same. The addition is the Zoom meetings that we are a part of, we’re recording those. They’re actually having less meetings in the robo-filmed rooms than usual. So yes, we’re actually using them more, but they’re having less of them, so it evens out. Then in addition to that, we’re filming all these Zoom meetings, so the net gain is humongous. Between robos and Zooms, we’re leaning much more heavily on robotic-operated or Zoom-operated cameras than human-operated cameras.
MMQB: Do you guys feel pressure, given the historic nature of this?
KR: I do feel a sense of history being captured. I can sense NFL Films producers of future years watching this footage as we’re capturing it, because I experienced the same thing as a young producer watching the footage of the 1970s that was captured before I was born. I can imagine future generations of NFL Films producers who didn’t live through this crazy, upside-down football season, and this crazy upside-down year in America not really understanding what it was like. And feeling a little bit of retrospective pride that we captured it the right way, and as fully as we are capturing it.
MMQB: Has this made the relationship with the teams more vital to getting it done?
KR: Not at this point. I gotta be honest, it took trust on behalf of the players union and the teams at the beginning of the process, that we were gonna go about our business the same way the players were. So we are undergoing testing every day, we’re wearing the tracing bracelets just like the players are, we are not going out to dinner, we’re not having guests visit, our crew’s not hanging out together in hotel rooms. We’re undergoing the same protocols the players are, and once they understood that, the trust level was there. That was what was required to gain that trust.
• Interesting to see the Patriots sign ex-Texans RB Lamar Miller. There was some concern in Houston that the torn ACL he suffered last August would rob him of some of his explosiveness at 29 years old. But the sense I’ve gotten is that Houston didn’t believe he was shot pre-injury, and people there think he can still be a quality depth option for a good team. That said, it’s tough for New England to have to go this well having spent first- and third-round picks (Sony Michel, Damien Harris) on the position over the last two years, while also having vets James White and Rex Burkhead on the roster.
• This today from Packers GM Brian Gutekunst, on the season ahead for his college scouts: “As far as our scouting staff goes I think we’re kind of prepared on a number of different fronts to attack this. But I think we have to be very flexible, too, because things will change and we’re going to prepare. There’s going to be a draft, we’re going to have to acquire players, so we’re just going to have to do it a few different ways.”
One very common refrain I’ve heard from people on that side of the business the last month is that teams with well-connected scouts are going to be at a huge advantage this fall. And that makes sense. With school visits unlikely to be allowed even if there is a college season, a scout’s ability to get people on the phone and get reliable information will be paramount. Which honestly is sort of like how journalism has been the last few months. Your Rolodex is always important, and even more so now.
• I’d say ex-Patriot/ex-Titan CB Logan Ryan overplayed his hand a little in the spring, in holding firm on his expectation of getting into eight figures for 2020. That said, if I’m a team that needs secondary help now, Ryan makes a ton of sense. He’s a great team guy and brings corner/safety flexibility, not to mention a ton of big-game experience.
• One fun leftover from my conversation with Joey Bosa (as seen in MMQB)—I did ask if he thought about how his payday may have helped his brother Nick financially. “Oh yeah, and I think he’s gonna far surpass it when the time comes because that’s the kind of player that he is, and not only him but every great young d-end that comes into the league now is gonna have a bar to get to and to surpass,” Bosa said. “I’m sure it’s gonna be passed up pretty soon here. But just to do that for my brother, I mean, I can’t say enough about the player he is and the person he is, how hard he works. He’s gonna deserve every single penny he gets.” And as for how he got word over to Nick, here’s that story: “He was playing his video games, so he had to run the headset on, headset off, and he was looking at me with this face. Like, ho-lee s---. But we were all waiting on it, and he couldn’t have been happier. Calling everybody and seeing the giant smiles they had on their faces, for me, it just means more than any dollar amount. And I think in his head, he’s thinking, ‘Oh, what am I gonna get?’” Health-permitting, Nick Bosa will get a lot.
• This tweet from Joe Burrow was the one for me …
He’s overstating it a little, but I can look back at my notes from last summer and see that he was seen as no better than a third- or fourth-round pick going into the 2019 season. So if he hadn’t had the 2019 season, that’s what he would’ve been. Or he’d have had to try and get a sixth year of eligibility. Either way, that’s a pretty good window into some of the collateral damage if the college season is called off.
• Ravens LT Ronnie Stanley told the Baltimore media Monday that his contract situation is “not really in the forefront of my mind.” But it should be for the Ravens, who’ve helped develop Stanley into a top-five player at his position, and an essential piece of Lamar Jackson’s supporting cast. His draft classmate Laremy Tunsil got $22 million per year. It’s fair to think Stanley’s worth that much, too.
• We gave you the updated numbers on COVID-19 lists in the MMQB, and Monday was another good day in that regard. League-wide, one player went on the list (Titans LB Josh Smith) and one came off of it (Vikings LB Cameron Smith). Overall, that’s a good day.
• If Derrius Guice did what he’s alleged to have done, his NFL career should be over. The details, if you haven’t seen them, are horrible.
• Question or comment? Email us.
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Nocturnal Cravings At The Nighthawk Diner, Chippendale
An American style diner food in the heart of Sydney? The Nighthawk Diner serves up fried green tomatoes, fried chicken steaks, gumbo and pie in a modern diner setting. All with a giant screen playing classic movies like Raiders of the Lost Ark!
It's bucketing down with rain and hail on the night of our visit. But when Viggo messages me to ask if we are still going out for dinner, my response is "Rain schmain, we are still on!". Nighthawk Diner started as a food truck serving up burgers, fries and Cuban sandwiches. They named the food truck and diner after Edward Hopper's famous oil painting "Nighthawks". Nighthawk Diner's chef Alistair Fogg lived in North America for much of his 20s and has held various jobs such as a diamond digger, superyacht chef and taxi driver but always came back to cheffing.
We take a seat in the movie room which is spacious but I look over longingly at a blue booth and ask to move there. "Have booth, will sit," is my motto. Service is friendly from our American waiter. Comically, there's a miscommunication and everything arrives at once (we ordered two starters and four mains and two sides between the four of us).
There's a look of hushed silence before Viggo says uncertainly, "Is there more food coming out?" while the couple next to us look upon us with a combination of horror and fascination as every surface of our table is covered with food or drink. "Let's just move the sauces shall we?" says Louise trying to make room.
Boozy Shake $16
There is a list of classic cocktails as well as an option for a regular and a boozy shake. I wanted a breakfast cocktail (there's an all day breakfast menu too) but unfortunately they're out of protein balls. Louise is frazzled because she has just spent almost 2 hours driving across the Harbour Bridge in delays because of an accident so she needs a stiff drink. There are two types of shakes that they can make boozy shake: an Oreo or a salted caramel one and she opts for the former with a shot of whatever takes your fancy. In this case it's bourbon. It's delicious and I end up trying quite a bit of it (tipsy, moi?). It's rich but there is just the right amount of bourbon in this.
Miami Cuban Sandwich $17
I tossed up whether to get the Miami Cuban sandwich which I've had at the food truck and really enjoyed because the menu is quite extensive and there were other things I wanted to try but Viggo and Mr NQN were total enablers, convincing me that they also should try it. The soft hoagie roll is filled with slices of citrus pork, maple smoked bacon, house made pickles, American cheese and chipotle mayo. There's a certain gloriousness to a meal whose only vegetable involves a pickle. Your brain says, "This won't be healthy" but your mouth says "Hell yeah".
Fried Green Tomatoes $15
I have only had fried green tomatoes served in a very rich way which is breaded and fried with a thick country style gravy. This is a fresher version with four crumbed and fried slices of green or unripe tomato on a bed of sweet corn puree with a wild rice succotash and the freshness of a peach and jalapeño sauce.
Nachos in a Bag $10 and pork $4
I remember having a Fritos pie when in Chicago and this is a larger version made with corn chips instead of Fritos. It's a bag split open with the corn chips topped with Nighthawk cheese sauce and red salsa. We also added some pork for good measure because Viggo couldn't eat the gumbo and he loves pork. The pork comes in large shredded chunks - perhaps smaller pieces would be good for better distribution over the corn chips and ratios. Because you know I think about this stuff a lot.
Fried Chicken Steak $26
And then comes one of my favourite dishes. And when they set it down I think my eyes bulged out of my head cartoon style at its sheer size. It's an enormous buttermilk marinated boneless chicken breast (although seriously, it's like two or three chicken breasts in size). It is dipped in seasoned flour and then fried and then topped with a white country style gravy with plenty of ham. It's so rich and gloriously crunchy and creamy-an unashamed screw you to anyone suggesting a salad for dinner.
Louisiana Prawn and Chicken Gumbo $27
I also love the gumbo, a rich deeply flavoured stew made with prawns, chicken and Andouille sausage with herb ranch and a thick wedge of toasted sweet buttery cornbread on the side. The cornbread is spectacular - decidedly sweet but goes so well with this savoury stew.
Mash and Gravy $10
Viggo spotted the mash and gravy and wanted to try this as you don't often see the two together on a menu. "Would you like some potato with your butter?" he says spooning a creamy heap onto his plate. The brown country gravy is delicious with the buttery mash.
Cheesy Fries $9 + bacon $4 and Fried jalapenos $2
You'd think we had ordered enough but no we needed fries right? These are shoestring fries served with a house-made smoked cheese sauce to which we added some maple smoked bacon and fried jalapenos. Just because we are going for the full American experience here y'all. I would have loved some more cheese sauce on this.
Sundae Du Jour $16
It's dessert time. The sundae du jour is no shrinking violet and it's a soft serve with cream, a thick chocolate fudge Nutella sauce and deep fried Oreos. I'll just let that all sink in for a second. Yep, deep fried Oreos. And they're pretty damn good and remind me of going to the deep fried capital of the world, the Dallas State Fair where they deep fry butter, Thanksgiving dinners and cake.
Pie Du Jour $15
There was a peanut butter brittle pie that got me very excited because I love peanut butter. But we end up getting the last piece of pumpkin pie instead which while very smooth, spiced and delicious (not to mention an enormous slice) isn't quite scratching that peanut butter brittle itch that I was hoping for. Alas that will have to wait for another time because we could not fit another bite in!
So tell me Dear Reader, do you like American diner style food? Has all of your food accidentally arrived at the same time? And has rain or hail ever caused you to cancel plans?
This meal was independently paid for.
69 Abercrombie St, Chippendale NSW 2008
Tuesday to Saturday 11am–10pm
Sunday 11am–4pm
Monday Closed
thenighthawk.com.au
Phone: (02) 9319 0548
Source: http://www.notquitenigella.com/2018/09/25/nighthawk-diner-chippendale/
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meowjunie
yang ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚
real-cow-facts
cow facts!