TORONTO, ON - FEBRUARY 7: Mitchell Marner #16 of the Toronto Maple Leafs celebrates his goal against the Dallas Stars with teammates Auston Matthews #34, Matthew Knies #23, TJ Brodie #78 and Morgan Rielly #44 during the third period at Scotiabank Arena on February 7, 2024 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. (Photo by Mark Blinch/NHLI via Getty Images)
“One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat. I said, "Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?" And he says to me, "Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?" My cousin was a weird guy.”
TORONTO, ON - OCTOBER 14: Auston Matthews #34 of the Toronto Maple Leafs celebrates his third goal of the game against the Minnesota Wild with teammates TJ Brodie #78, Morgan Rielly #44, Tyler Bertuzzi #59 and Mitchell Marner #16 during the third period at the Scotiabank Arena on October 14, 2023 in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. (Photo by Andrew Lahodynskyj/NHLI via Getty Images)