#Armageddon is almost upon us
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Fish: A Good Omens Sex Meta Thing
A deep dive meta on fish and that deathless death.
NSFW under the cut. TW: Mention of Satan's attacks on Crowley. Also for those who asked me for more on the Ineffable Husbands and trauma-informed partnership.
Aziraphale, listen to me. The supernatural world? It's a mess. Life under the sea is better than anything they've got Up there...
This is basically the requested "Crepes 2" but you don't have to have read that first. I did link it at the bottom if you have not and you're interested in more meta like this one. Thanks for reading. 💕
Couples. Romantic and/or sexual partners who have an understanding of a mutually-agreed upon level of commitment to one another and their relationship. Frequent celebrators of special occasions.
"A team-- a group; group of the two of us." A couple.
Special occasions. Notable life events celebrating milestones and past days significant to a couple's relationship.
"For special occasions." Why Aziraphale bought one dozen cases (144 bottles) of Chateauneuf-de-Pape in 1921, as he either tells or reminds Crowley on the walk to the bookshop in 2008. Only "a few bottles" were still left at that time, according to Aziraphale, after 87 years of Crowley and Aziraphale celebrating special occasions enough times as an unofficial couple between 1921 and 2008 to have drank almost 144 bottles of the wine they only drink on special occasions.
Wedding anniversary. A special occasion; the "big one" of a married couple's special occasions. Celebrated annually by married couples as a romantic day that honors their commitment to one another. In S2, the day of The Meeting Ball is the night that Armageddon: Round Two gets underway. It is also the wedding anniversary of...
Mutt and his beloved spouse. The lovely magician who owns Goldstone's Magic Shop in 2023 and his beloved spouse, who is dry-witted, trans and had on a dress the color of Crowley's eyes at The Ball. Paralleling characters to Crowley and Aziraphale.
Anniversary. For partners who are not married, usually celebrated as a day of significance in their romantic relationship, chosen for its importance to them. Almost always related to a "first" in the relationship, like the day they first met or on which they had a first date.
"This is The Big One, Crowley..." What Satan (while impersonating the voice of Freddie Mercury) said to Crowley about Armageddon while assaulting him in 2008, on the night Armageddon: Round One began. Crowley was supposed to be having dinner with Aziraphale at the time.
The 1.01 sushi scene. Our re-introduction to Aziraphale in 2008. A series of indicators that we learn throughout the course of the season teach us that Crowley was supposed to be with Aziraphale in the Japanese restaurant on this night before he was delayed by Hell, assaulted by Satan, and forced into helping to start Armageddon.
Various scenes in S1 show us that Crowley always comes up on the same side of Aziraphale if he is approaching him from behind when meeting him but we don't yet know that in the first scenes of 1.01. As a result, we might not immediately realize that the reason why Aziraphale opens his eyes and looks to his left after hearing a miracle chime in this scene is because he expected that it was Crowley arriving to meet him after having been running late. In reality, it turned out to be Gabriel on his right-- which Aziraphale first sees in a mirror and which will be mirrored in additional scenes in the show (Crowley dragged to Hell in 1827 and the Gabriel statue on the other side of Aziraphale, etc.). Dialogue from the scene set the next day in St. James' Park that we will look at later on in the meta also confirms that Crowley was supposed to be with Aziraphale in the 1.01 sushi scene.
The sequence of scenes at the start of the 2008 minisode also sets this up by giving us Crowley alone first and letting us revel a bit in how fun he is and like him even more. The contrast with Hastur and Ligur establishes for us that Crowley is about a trillion times smarter and more enlightened than these guys. It's the second scene with Satan, though, that exists to show us that while some of the demons are just idiots, demonic life for Crowley is actual hell.
The "Bohemian Rhapsody" he so endearingly rolled up blaring in The Bentley comes back and now takes on a nightmarish tone as Crowley receives instructions from Satan while driving The Bentley and we learn that Satan can possess him at will and Crowley's sunglasses-- even in the dead of night while driving alone-- start to make more sense. They're a defense mechanism but he's actually defenseless in the face of this threat. It's from watching Satan get in-- through the radio, taking over the music, speaking through the voice of a non-evil entity, jumping through the air and through Crowley's sunglasses through his eyes and into his mind and rendering his body immobile while he's driving The Bentley-- that we are taught the core of what it means to be a demon in Good Omens.
The demons belong to Satan, in Satan's view. They are part of his collective of souls who exist to serve him. They are not individual people existing independent of him. There is no such thing as bodily autonomy in Hell.
What Satan does to Crowley in 1.01 is a metaphor for sexual assault. It's a forcible attack on his body against his will and without his consent. Though the scene is mercifully short, we are left with the awareness that it is short for reasons of the plot in this instance-- because Armageddon is beginning and the purpose of the attack in this moment is to give Crowley directions on delivering the antichrist baby. The scene, though, shows us that Satan can do this to Crowley whenever he wants and Crowley-- an otherwise very powerful being-- has no known defense against it. Crowley is unsurprised by it and that, plus all his various defensive layers already in existence in 1.01, show that it has happened before. Crowley has been on Earth for 6,004 years in 2008 and the implication here is that these assaults have been happening periodically the entire time and are among the issues most responsible for the PTSD symptoms he shows throughout the show.
It's off of this assault, though, that we segue into our re-introduction scenes of Aziraphale in the present and they are, at the start, the exact opposite of this nightmare that Crowley is living. As Crowley is attacked in his car on a dark road alone at night and then has to narrowly avoiding killing a man in an oncoming truck, we move over to Aziraphale's world, not yet realizing that this is the world that Crowley lives in when he can get away from Hell-- that it is actually their world together.
Aziraphale is presented with the sushi from his friend who has prepared it specially for him and we listen to Aziraphale thank him. The Italian of "Bohemian Rhapsody" (symbolic in this moment of Dante's Inferno and Hell) gives way to Aziraphale speaking Japanese (symbolic of mindful living.) The tone is all kind and gentle-- respectful and peaceful. We then get what is, really, the exact opposite of what just happened to Crowley, which is Aziraphale taking a slow breath with his eyes closed, inhaling the scents of the brine of the fish and vinegared rice and the herbs, and centering himself in the present moment as part of the experience of enjoying his meal.
The immediate contrast is drawn between Satan-- Crowley's rapist, who terrorizes him-- and Aziraphale-- Crowley's partner, who loves him, and with whom he has the kind of consensual, mindful, sensual experiences he was supposed to be getting up to on this night when Armageddon began instead.
In S2, the importance of the sushi scene from 1.01 returns as it is mirrored during the attack on the bookshop. Once again, Crowley is away from Aziraphale when he should have been there by that point and Aziraphale is worried about him. Present instead is, once again, Gabriel. This time, Gabriel has undergone a bit of a Jim journey. (Aziraphale offering him hot chocolate instead of tea in 2.01 was also set up by the sushi scene, as it's off of Gabriel being grossed out by the "rose matter" tea, showing again how important the scene is.) In S2, Gabriel is with Aziraphale again, this time pushed back further into the bookshop, and where are they in the bookshop-that-represents-Aziraphale during the sushi scene mirror? They're upstairs, on the landing.
Specifically, they're just inside the top of the stairs in front of a room, the door to which we are shown several times in S2 but which we have not yet seen open.
We have gone into the room next door to it-- that's the guest bedroom, where Gabriel stayed during the season. By process of elimination and out of an idea of convenience here, the room we haven't been inside of that is located at the very top of the stairs is almost certainly Aziraphale's bedroom. So, we've gone from S1 and having Gabriel show up unexpectedly while Aziraphale mistook him for Crowley while he and Crowley were supposed to be having one of their sexy meals together to S2 and Gabriel now there in the mirror scene in front of their bedroom, drawing a bit of a correlation between what these two scenes are both about.
There's also something symbolic to the idea that S2 uses invitations and doors and rooms in the bookshop to symbolize Aziraphale himself and who he lets in and whose voices he is, for better or worse, listening to at different times-- with his mental health crisis being symbolized by the bookshop being essentially overrun to a point that anyone can now get in. The one room that is shown to us but the door to which never is opened in S2 is the bedroom door. The bookshop can get overrun and others can get deeper into it than we've seen before-- demons in the living room, Maggie and Nina and Gabriel upstairs and in the back kitchen table area like the family they've become-- but the bedroom door stays closed because only Crowley and Aziraphale are allowed in there. No one but them can open the door. Metaphorically-speaking... and probably literally as well.
As the sushi scene is paralleled in S2, we get Shax there bullying Aziraphale. Shax is jealous of Aziraphale and his relationship with Crowley and she also fails to understand it because she sees Crowley as a demon like her and presumes he's as dark as she is, having no idea that Crowley's demonic schtick is an act to survive. She gives voice to these questions (and to Aziraphale's most illogical self-doubts-- but self-doubt is never logical...) when she asks:
"Aziraphale, what *are* you? Crowley's emotional support angel? The softest touch? The one who went native? Do you need more big, human meals, Aziraphale? Shall we send up *the sushi*?"
Shax is actually doing something here, language-wise, that the show first did with Hastur in 1.01, and that's making them both useful idiots when it comes to language. Remember Hastur's mistranslation of "ciao" as Crowley leaves the graveyard with the baby? What Crowley said was, as we know, Italian-- Hastur got that bit correct-- but instead of translating it in his mind as meaning the "hello"/"goodbye" that "ciao" means in Italian, he confused it with its homophone of "chow", which he said "means 'food'." It does but in an informal way or in reference to food given to animals.
This is darkly ironic in the scene because of where Crowley is headed in the next scene-- and where he's supposed to be during both scenes. He's supposed to be "chowing down"/having food-- having dinner-- with Aziraphale and food is, as we'll learn over the course of the 2008 minisode, euphemistic for sex in Ineffable Husbands Speak and symbolic in relation to it in the show itself overall. Instead, Hastur isn't entirely wrong when he translates "ciao" as "chow"-- and he might have done so unconsciously in his mind because he knows Satan is going to contact Crowley with instructions soon. He sees Crowley as "chow"-- in the sense of food fed to the animal that is Satan.
In 2.06, while Crowley is taking Maggie and Nina to safety outside the bookshop, Satan is mentioned when Shax demands that Gabriel and Beez be given to her to take "as gifts for Our Master Satan." Dagon-- Head of the Dark Council and not known for mincing her words-- replies that Satan "wouldn't want them... maybe as hors d'oeuvres." Not a single person in the room-- which contains almost every major non-human character in the show shy of Crowley-- disagrees with this assessment. Rape is not about sex-- it's about power-- but in a show that uses food as euphemistic for sex on several different levels, Dagon's comment is chilling.
It not only takes the attacks on Crowley that are already a metaphor for sexual assault and codes them through food in such a way that the feeling you get from the 1.01 Satan scene-- how it comes with an implication that the assaults aren't always a delivery of instructions-- is correct and that, unsurprisingly, Satan is a rapist in every way possible, but it also sees someone who would know in Dagon state that Satan would not actually care that much about Gabriel and Beez. He'd rape 'em, sure, is what Dagon is saying. He's Satan. But they would be just hors d'oeuvres. They're not who he's really fixated on.
The Grand Duke of Hell who betrayed him and their former Supreme Archangel partner are not interesting to Satan is Dagon's statement and not a single person in the room challenges that. No one says anything about it and the scene is deliberately structured so Crowley is not in the room when it's said to create this reaction in the others... the implications of which are just horrible where Crowley is concerned.
Back to Shax in the bookshop attack scene...
Shax parallels Hastur here because they are using her lack of language skills to highlight something to us by what it is that she doesn't understand. Much like with Hastur unintentionally spelling out what's really going on through mistranslations of words, Shax is trying to bully Aziraphale and she's tossing insults at him that are, actually, in the alternative meanings of what she's saying, the answers to the very questions she's been asking.
"Aziraphale, what *are* you? Crowley's emotional support angel? The softest touch?..." In insulting Aziraphale, Shax is using Crowley's mental health issues as a way of insulting both of them here, which shows how Hell obviously isn't exactly the most trauma-aware place. She's obviously saying that Crowley is comparable in mental health issues to humans (whom the demons see as beneath them) who have a need for emotional support animals. Like Hastur with the "chow", there's an animal comparison being drawn beneath the words used here but instead of the ominous lead-in to Crowley being attacked in 1.01, in S2, we have it about Crowley and Aziraphale, not Crowley and Satan.
So, Shax is calling Aziraphale Crowley's pet, right? And then she calls Aziraphale "the softest touch", which is a phrase meaning someone who is really gullible. What Shax doesn't realize is that the other, human-derived meanings of what she just called Aziraphale are the answer to the question of what Aziraphale is to Crowley.
In British slang, "pet" is a term of endearment. To pet someone is to touch and kiss in a way meant to be sexually arousing-- as in, "heavy petting."
The softest touch. This is, quite literally, the definition of a caress.
In S2, Aziraphale pats his and Crowley's pet-- The Bentley-- but he pets Crowley. The only time he tries to actually pet The Bentley is when he's semi-jokingly making it a sexual metaphor for Crowley. It underscores that Shax is almost there in getting it-- she's just not quite understanding the meaning of her own words-- which are words that, like Hastur's ciao/chow moment, exist to tell *us* something in how we look at them more than to tell the character speaking something.
In effect, we get a whole scene in S2 that parallels the 1.01 sushi scene by defining some more what it's really all about through Shax not quite fully getting it. What is Aziraphale to Crowley? is her question and the answer is the softest touch, just in the other meaning from the way that Shax says it. Aziraphale is kind to Crowley and gentle with him. He's the mindful sushi night in the face of the horror chow of Hell. They love each other. It's soft and sweet and that's why Shax has trouble understanding it-- it flies in the face of what she thinks the demon Crowley would want because of the reputation Crowley has sold everyone on regarding who he is, which isn't who he really is at all.
"The one who went native. Do you need more big, human meals, Aziraphale? Shall we send up *the sushi*?" Aziraphale is the angel who "went native"-- he lives a mostly human existence with Crowley alongside the humans. Shax clearly doesn't eat that much as no one has ever called sushi a "big meal" lol but besides that bit of humor aimed our way, this is more tying of food to sex. Aziraphale likes food and he likes sex and in Ineffable Husbands Speak-- which Shax does not speak-- food is euphemistic for sex. What's unnerving about this scene in this moment is that it plays like the later scene between Maggie and Shax does-- as if Shax is reading the thoughts of the character she's bullying and lobbying them back at her. She might well be doing this here and that's why the sushi comes up-- Aziraphale is thinking about it because Crowley should be here and isn't and Gabriel is right near him instead and it reminds him of 2008. (This wouldn't be the only callback to S1 in this sequence, either; there's Aziraphale explaining the fire extinguishers to Nina not that long after this.) Either way, it's writing designed to directly correlate this part of the bookshop attack with the 1.01 sushi scene to further underline what the 1.01 scene is about.
Okay, so, let's look then at why we're so into repeating bits of this sushi restaurant scene in GO and what it tells us about Crowley and Aziraphale's story by what other scenes it ties to...
As the 1.01 episode continues, we get another scene pretty soon after the sushi scene which adds another layer to this by recontextualizing our understanding of the sushi scene-- that's their lunch at The Ritz the next day, in which we learn that Crowley is rather into watching Aziraphale eat and Aziraphale loves it. This then helps to explain Aziraphale's look in the sushi scene when he turns to look in the direction of where he thinks Crowley will be on the left, before it clicks that Crowley is not there and he sees, instead, Gabriel on his right via the mirror on the wall.
Aziraphale hears the chime with his eyes still closed. His eyes are then still on the food when he reopens them and he hasn't had time to see that Crowley is not beside him before he turns in that direction and this is the expression on his face as he does:
That is a pretty sexy little look that was indisputably supposed to be given to Crowley...
In the later scene where they're at lunch at The Ritz, we come in on their meal at the end of it. Aziraphale is on the last forkful of his dessert and we get the idea of kinky lunch from what we see on the tail end of it. But before it? Back at the start of the episode, set the night before? We see that everything that happens the next day at The Ritz actually happens because they weren't able to be together the prior night. It will also help us to understand how Crowley knows about "the fascinating little restaurants where they know" Aziraphale in the St. James' Park scene.
The 1.01 sushi scene tells us that, by 2008, they sometimes sneak out to a quiet, dark place where they think they won't be seen to have dinner together.
What's most notable about the set of this scene in the sushi restaurant is the shocking brightness of one color in particular.
The scene leading into it, as we noted, is Satan's attack on Crowley in The Bentley and that scene is, appropriately, very dark. It's pitch black night outside and Crowley, in his perpetual black clothes, half-blends into the night around him. Flecks of grey and silver are the main sources of light in the scene. The same color scheme tips into the Aziraphale sushi restaurant scene-- with two exceptions. The silver grey remains (Gabriel) and so too does the thick, black darkness but there is more light in the restaurant and it shines over Aziraphale. He looks bright against the black darkness, even though he wears beige. He is the light that is missing from Crowley's scene. But that's not the shocking color to us in the scene. That's the one that saturates its way through the darkness around Aziraphale. That color is...
Pink. The color you get when you mix white (Aziraphale) into red (Crowley). Traditionally, a color of love, romance and health.
Pink plume. The energy field emanating from the bookshop when Crowley and Aziraphale performed a miracle together to protect Gabriel in 2.01. Also: part of Mrs. Sandwich's hair accessory during The Meeting Ball. Mrs. Sandwich represents sex and healthy communication in 'The Whickber Street Shopkeepers and Traders Represent The Stuff of Life' thing the show has going on.
"In the pink." A phrase meaning "in good health."
1967. Flashback scene in the 1.03 Cold Open in which Aziraphale gives Crowley holy water and they discuss their relationship-- specifically, trying to be more openly together. The scene is drenched by the pink light from the sex shops (one called the "Love Shop") that were then in the spot where Give Me Coffee or Give Me Death (symbolic of freedom) is in S2.
Jane Austen. One of the most famous writers to ever live (sorry, Crowley, but she is lol.) Writer of romance novels. A human that both Crowley and Aziraphale knew in the early 1800s. As Aziraphale brings her up to Crowley while they are talking about romance, pink floods the frame through the clothes on the extras in the wider part of the shot besides him. Pink is also present throughout this scene in general, which already parallels 1967 via it being related to set up, The Dirty Donkey and Crowley's turtleneck.
Back to the pink-dipped sushi restaurant in 2008... what else do you notice about this scene that is familiar, now that you've seen all of S1?
Maybe that Aziraphale is actually sitting at a bar? And thought Crowley would meet him there, so they would be sitting at the bar together? Aziraphale also had just spoken at the start of the scene with the restaurant person on the other side of the counter. Where have we seen one of them doing something like that before?
That other rather fish-oriented scene: Rome. 41 A.D....
Rome. 41 A.D.. Aziraphale runs into Crowley in a tavern in Rome. Crowley is miserable and not having the best day of his demon life. Frustrated by the temptations he's been sent to perform for Hell that have him enabling horrible men in the Roman military, he's lonely, tired and grouchy. This initially was worsened by the arrival of Aziraphale, whom Crowley always loves to see but who, in that moment, was a reminder of how broken Crowley felt.
PTSD. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. A psychological condition brought on as a result of experiencing the psychological shock of a traumatic event or events. Some symptoms of PTSD include disturbed sleep, difficulties feeling safe, difficulties trusting yourself and others, anxiety, depression, and intimacy issues.
"In the pink." Remember the phrase meaning "in good health'"? Not a lot of pink in the Rome scene... initially. 😉
"Salutaria." What Aziraphale says in toast as he and Crowley clink glasses. Means "to your health." Crowley clinked glasses but quickly looked away, leaving Aziraphale thrown in the moment as to why Crowley was not rejecting his presence entirely but seemed uneasy and was putting up some walls between them that he had not in this way up to this point.
So, why was Crowley doing that?
Anorgasmia. Modern, clinical umbrella term for all issues relating to disorders surrounding an individual's ability to orgasm. If physical or medicinal reasons are eliminated, however-- as they often are-- then anorgasmia is a psychological mind-body disconnect.
Not an arousal disorder. Sufferers of anorgasmia still experience desire, compounding the impact of the disorder.
Secondary anorgasmia/situational anorgasmia. The inability to orgasm unless under certain conditions, such as through self-stimulation (masturbation). The inability to enjoy partnered sex. Extremely common in rape/sexual assault survivors.
(Diagnosis for anorgasmia are related to biological sex but Crowley is able to switch that at will so he'd be both of these, which are fundamentally the same thing.)
Hot Water Boiler. Device which heats up water in a house or apartment. In S2, a metaphor for anorgasmia.
In S2, Shax is living in what used to be Crowley's apartment and asks him if he knows how to fix the hot water boiler, as it has "two yellow lights" and isn't working. The point is that this used to be Crowley's apartment. Crowley, in 2023, knows how to get beyond a bout of it. He's fixed his own metaphorical hot water boiler-- and also the literal one when he used to live in that apartment. And while he's being sarcastic because Shax won't stop hounding him and Aziraphale, he's also giving her the most sage advice he knows, as he has continuously been doing during the season. In this case, it's to self-love a bit (which is actually prescriptive for anorgasmia in our modern times as well.) That he does is suggestive of the prior issues with secondary/situational anorgasmia.
Alcohol (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). As we looked at in the Crepes meta: Surface layer: alcohol. Hidden language layer: Sex. Quite extraordinary amounts of alcohol. An extremely alcoholic breakfast at The Ritz.
Whiskey. Alcohol. What Crowley orders in a bar. Usually Talisker, which is a single-malt scotch. (Scotch being whiskey made in Scotland.)
Broken bottles of whiskey. What was in the case Crowley brought Mrs. H in 1941 at the start of the sexual metaphor that is The Bullet Catch.
Trauma-informed partner. Modern term for a romantic and/or sexual partner of a trauma survivor who is aware of the pervasive nature trauma can have on a person and who endeavors to provide a sense of safety-- physical, psychological and emotional-- for their partner and to create a relationship centered on healing and recovery, rather than one that causes further distress.
Frequently survivors of one or more forms of abuse themselves, as Aziraphale is. Not expected to be perfect but just to do their best by their partner.
Characteristics of trauma-informed relationships include kindness, empathy, mindfulness, gentleness, well-earned trust, a sense of playfulness, and a well-developed shared sense of humor. (Sound familiar? 😊)
The Bentley. Crowley's car and Linus blanket. As sexual metaphor, when Aziraphale is feeling cheeky: Crowley himself.
Driver's license. Documentation that must be obtained in order to operate a motor vehicle. Requires permission, experience, necessary skills, and willingness to learn. In London, not originally necessary to drive upon the invention of cars, until everyone realized what an absolute disaster that was. Aziraphale long ago passed his test and has had a driver's license since shortly after Crowley bought The Bentley. They did not require licenses at that time but always-eager-to-be-thorough Aziraphale made them give him a test to be sure he was truly qualified to drive.
As sexual innuendo: Crowley, we're absolutely ridiculous. You won't give up your car and I wall myself off in a fortress of books I can't part with but you've been "in my bookshop" and I've been "driving your Bentley" for an absurdly long amount of time. We even swapped bodies a few years ago. It might not actually be possible to be any more intimately familiar with a person than we are with one another and we both know I had these car keys the moment I asked for them so hand them over. No one was exactly a trauma-informed partner in those days but I was-- aren't I marvelous?😉I'll treat your car as gently as I treat you. Give me the keys or I will just keep going until I run out of car sex innuendo and I should warn you that I have lots more...
Trauma-informed partner. Aziraphale.
Mindfulness. A state of mind that focuses on being in the present moment by being conscious of one's thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations. A state of the mind being connected to the body and experiencing the present moment consciously and fully. Frequently used to help combat PTSD, anxiety and depression. Also frequently used as a therapeutic intervention for assault survivors experiencing intimacy issues.
Aziraphale and Crowley smelling the magic shop in Season 2 and Aziraphale inhaling the scent of the sushi in 1.01 are both examples of mindfulness exercises. The sushi scene is tied to sex, as the food kinky thing is a form of foreplay, suggesting a focus on sexual mindfulness in bed.
Mind-body connection. What is in need of repair in sufferers of situational/secondary anorgasmia. Sexual assault causes the body to associate a loss of control with being under threat. Whereas people who have not experienced a violation of their bodily autonomy tend to respond to sexual stimulation with a response of pleasure, those who have been hurt have bodies that are wired to react to being touched or to feeling out of control as if they are under threat again, even if they are intellectually aware that the new situation they are in is not dangerous. What is arousing for others can cause a sense of anxiety instead of pleasure. There is also the risk of flashbacks to being attacked.
Healing the mind-body connection requires a trusted partner with whom the person suffering from anorgasmia feels safe and who is willing to help keep their partner in the present moment and help them "re-wire" and recover their body through new, positive experiences.
Asmodeus. The Demonic Prince of Lust. Crowley. A persona to have in Hell to give him big reputation that didn't involve him having to kill anybody and that also acted as a cover for his anorgasmia.
"Crowley." What Crowley asked Aziraphale to call him in 33 AD, just 8 years prior to Rome. An admittance of being mad about Aziraphale.
"What am I supposed to be, an aardvark?" In Rome, as Crowley grows nervous by this wine-drinking Aziraphale who also has nothing to do for the evening that has shown up in his world on a miserable day, he responds to Aziraphale's "still a demon, then?" nervous chatter with a line of his own, asking what else he was supposed to be? An aardvark? Of course, if Crowley was not a demon, being with Aziraphale would be easier and he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place but an aardvark is not just a random animal that Crowley thought up here.
Just prior to this moment, Aziraphale had approached him with "Crawley-- Crowley" and a soft smile. It wasn't actually a mistake on Aziraphale's part but a silent question: is it still alright to call you that? Thanks to S2 and the Job minisode we can see the 33 A.D. scene- in which Aziraphale learns of Crowley's new name-- in a different way. We see it as Crowley romancing Aziraphale a bit-- responding to Aziraphale being obviously a little jealous of Crowley's reputation as the wild Asmodeus with a whisper of how he'd changed his name to "Crowley"-- something that we know now that only Aziraphale understands. In Rome, eight years later, Aziraphale is asking by saying both names if that's still something Crowley feels-- and silently saying he hopes it is by subtly asking and by flirting with him a bit.
Crowley doesn't object to Aziraphale calling him "Crowley" and that encourages Aziraphale to join Crowley, who sends signals that he wants his company, even if he's grouchy. Maybe especially because he's grouchy. He can be grouchy around Aziraphale, who is his friend and will listen.
Aardvarks. Primarily eat ants and termites. In the insect metaphor in the show, humans are ants. (The "ants go marching" of The Flood scene.) Demons were hornets in this analogy but also flies and one could assume that termites might also be a good demonic insect analogy, as termites eat decaying plant material and demolish the dying down into the ground. Since food is sexual metaphor on Good Omens and living creatures are metaphorical in multiple ways, being an aardvark then is being someone who both fucks and kills other demons and humans. Being an aardvark is actually a good metaphor then for what's expected of Crowley in Hell and he obviously has some issues with it.
He doesn't want to kill anybody and he's sitting there wearing Roman military regalia, having been sent by Hell to facilitate some death and destruction in a way that he hasn't been able to Bildad his way out of this time. Aziraphale's presence is always welcome but Crowley's crabby in this moment because he knows Aziraphale is in a place by this point where he wants to sleep with him and they just ran into each other in a tavern and both clearly have the night free and now Crowley's got to decide if he's going to tell the angel or not that he's a disaster of an aardvark.
Aphrodisiacs. A substance purported to increase sexual desire. Named for the Greek goddess of sexual love and beauty, Aphrodite, who has been depicted since antiquity usually nude and on the shell of an oyster (or, occasionally, a scallop), as both are two of the oldest purported aphrodisiacs known to man.
Oysters. History's foremost food-related aphrodisiac... though that's not really proven. A few years ago, Italian and American scientists did a joint study to attempt to prove if oysters really did increase virility. What they found was a very minor increase in testosterone in men brought on by one of the compounds of oysters (which is also found in some other kinds of shellfish.) The difference was so small, though, that the scientists determined that an individual would have to consume a lot of oysters (like, a bucketload) to notice any significant difference. In other words?
Whether it works or not is, like with almost all aphrodisiacs, in the mind of the individual. If you believe it will work, it likely will. It's mind over matter. If you want it to work, it probably will. Thematically, an interesting thing to throw in a scene involving a character deciding he's in a place to work on overcoming psychologically-based anorgasmia.
The ancient Romans were obsessed with the oyster-- particularly the soldiers of the Roman military. Much of the cultural awareness of oysters as having a reputation today as being sex-boosting food is actually rooted to the beginnings of that trend in ancient Rome. Both Crowley and Aziraphale would have been aware of the reputation of the oyster in 41 A.D. and Crowley wearing military regalia might have been one of the reasons, in particular, that Aziraphale chose oysters as an euphemism to convey his meaning.
Oysters. Fish. To eat them, you have first got to get them out of their protective shells.
Adam and Eve. The first humans and the other inhabitants of The Garden of Eden. Parallels to Crowley and Aziraphale. Eve gave Adam food-- showed him the pleasures of eating the apple. It sent them on a path of sensual exploration and Adam, freed by Eve showing him food, gave her sex in return.
The other two in Eden at the time-- The Angel of the Eastern Gate and The Serpent of Eden-- are actually no different.
Crowley tempted Eve but Crowley also parallels Eve to Aziraphale's Adam. Crowley encouraged Aziraphale to try the ox ribs and unleashed the raging hedonist that Aziraphale can be. Rome in 41 A.D. is Aziraphale then realizing just how much they are Adam and Eve. (Something that they become aware of over time and is at the root of things like Crowley dryly saying that it's "time to leave The Garden" in 2019 in S1, when they leave a park to go have kinky lunch together.)
By Rome, Aziraphale is now a devoted gourmand. He also drinks now; he's tried wine at some point in the interim years between the Job minisode and this scene. (This is the first scene in which both Crowley and Aziraphale drink and the first time we see them share a toast-- something that becomes symbolic of them as lovers in scenes in the future, like its parallel scenes in 1941 and 2019-- furthering the suggestion of Rome as the start of their sexual relationship.)
Aziraphale might be in Rome on Heavenly assignment but that's not what he mentions to Crowley, if he is. Instead, he talks about Petronius, whom he assumes from Crowley's military clothes that Crowley will know and whom Crowley does. If referring to, as we suspect, Gaius Petronius Arbiter, then Aziraphale is referring to a being so queer even the historians can't get around acknowledging it-- a courtier who was the taste and style maker of the Roman empire, and who is believed to be the author of The Satyricon, which is basically the foundation of satire in literature but also famously contains a whole chunk of it that is just basically erotica.
Some details of Petronius' life are a little vague so Good Omens is exploiting the wiggle room here to suggest that he actually did own a restaurant. In reality, Petronius wrote in The Satyricon a description of ancient Roman feasts that have been seen as maybe barely satirical because of the whole bacchanalia of the period that Petronius was satirizing. So, by 41 A.D., Aziraphale is moving in wealthy human queer circles in ancient Rome and enjoying all of the pleasures life on Earth has to offer... and he's found Crowley alone in a tavern and is throwing as many of these things together in a sentence at one time as possible to convey an overall sense of would you like to join me?
The Job minisode has already happened. Aziraphale is more than aware that Crowley was enjoying watching him eat. They're both here with the night free and blending in amongst the crowds has never been easier than it was in highly-populated Rome. Aziraphale is used to picking up humans and it's different than it is with Crowley, who is quasi-immortal like he is and his friend and somebody for whom Aziraphale has feelings. There's also something funny about the fact that Crowley is in a (literally) hellish mood and Aziraphale is pretty undeterred and still goes for it. In attitude, Aziraphale is basically like You're in a terrible mood--you need to get laid, Crowley. Lucky I showed up, isn't it? 😂
Meanwhile, Crowley is fully aware of what Aziraphale is up to. He's known since he heard Aziraphale approaching him and has been mulling over how he's going to handle it. The grouchiness isn't just about his bad day-- it's anxiety manifesting as crabbiness. To his credit, Aziraphale seems to get that even before Crowley more specifically shares the source of that anxiety.
So, Aziraphale goes for it and how he does is to pick up on their way of speaking to one another euphemistically that they started in Job's courtyard and introduce food as a way of speaking about sex. This is already amusing in S1 but it's funny as fuck after S2 when we know that the ox ribs have already happened at this point and that that's why Aziraphale is going this route. Aziraphale's like how to see if Crowley wants to smash? Tell him I'm hungry wink wink... 😉
I would also like to point out that they are already in a tavern that sells food. In the wider shots of Crowley in the second half of the scene, a plate of food is on the table beside him. There are oysters *in this bar* lol. Oysters were not uncommon in ancient Rome by this point-- if this conversation were really entirely just about trying this particular kind of seafood, they could just order some from the woman who served Crowley his drink who is three feet away for the entire scene and try oysters right here.
By bringing up Petronius and another restaurant where they sell sexy fish, Aziraphale is laying down an ancient Roman, euphemistic equivalent of do you want to get out of here?
To tell Crowley that he [Aziraphale] hears that Petronius "does remarkable things *to oysters*." To ask Crowley to go to bed with him.
Specifically, to see if the food kinky Crowley wants to go with him to Petronius' new restaurant and try these oysters the human guys are so on about and then go back to where Aziraphale is staying and see if the oysters really do anything to their oysters.
With this one sentence, Aziraphale has just turned "oysters" into three specific, separate-but-interrelated things at once:
1) oysters are fish-- just the seafood itself-- as we're always also talking about the thing on the surface level as well in Ineffable Husbands Speak and this is no different. Petronius makes some yummy oysters, according to the restaurant reviews of ancient Rome, and his new restaurant is an opulent food orgasm of a place and Aziraphale correctly thinks that would be appealing to both of them. He loves to eat and Crowley loves to watch him eat and does Crowley want to go on a little date to do that-- just also with actual sex this time?
2) oysters are aphrodisiacs-- Aziraphale is bringing up the fact that everyone is talking about how eating oysters can increase your sexual desire and bring about more pleasure for you and your partner(s) in bed. Aphrodisiacs are evocative of partnered sex. Not that you can't take them for fun times on your own but most people do not so bringing them up then sets up the verbal italics of "to oysters" that lands Aziraphale's invitation, unintentionally, straight in the heart of Crowley's issues, because:
3) oysters are a partnered sex orgasm-- Aziraphale says he (Petronius) "does remarkable things to oysters" so Petronius makes delicious oysters, which are what you eat to increase sexual desire and therefore what apparently cause you to experience more pleasure for longer and to climax harder... the innuendo is that the oysters (the aphrodisiacs) do things to your oysters (your orgasm).
Surprise twist, Aziraphale...
Crowley has made sure it never occurs to anyone that he has problems in bed and that has included Aziraphale up to this point.
Crowley basically now has a couple of choices. He can gently rebuff Aziraphale's offer, hopefully without embarrassing him too much, and they can try to pretend this never happened, and then he knows that Aziraphale is probably never going to ask him again. Not an option. Who knows when else they might find each other with the night free like this again? and Crowley does want to try.
He can pretend there's nothing wrong with him and stress himself into a disaster, like he's probably tried to do with humans before but they die within a couple of decades and take the embarrassment with them but Aziraphale's going to live for ages, is really his only friend, and Crowley's in love with him. Crowley's self-sabotaging at times but he's also an optimist and a romantic, and it's those things that give him some hope that he might not be permanently broken.
Finally, there's that he can just tell Aziraphale the truth because, let's be real here, the angel wants to try it and like hell is Crowley saying no to that.
So, he doesn't.
(Note the red squiggles on his costume that look pink in the light and like a heart monitor jackhammering-- with anxiety, with arousal-- and the candle that burns a pink flame where the light hits the jug.)
"I've never eaten an oyster." Aziraphale has defined an oyster between them as an orgasm had during partnered sex and that is what Crowley is saying he's never had.
He's also possibly saying that he has never eaten an actual oyster-the-seafood, because even though they were pretty common in Rome in the era, Crowley eats less than Aziraphale does, apparently hasn't been in Rome that long, and has had, until this moment, no reason to try the fish everyone is throwing back to try to increase their sexy times as Crowley's just been avoiding any sexual situation like the plague.
This is both a leap of faith on Crowley's part and a moment indicative of just how much he trusts Aziraphale. He needs every other living being to believe he's Asmodeus but Aziraphale can have the real, unvarnished truth because Aziraphale is the only person Crowley trusts not to hurt him. He knows Aziraphale can keep his secrets and that they have their own private world where vulnerability is allowed. He knows that Aziraphale is his friend beyond anything else.
This is telling Aziraphale that he'd like to try but he's kind of a mess. He doesn't want Aziraphale to feel like it's his fault if this doesn't work and he wants him to know what he's getting into. Crowley has long harbored a suspicion, though, that it would be different with Aziraphale, which is also why he wants to give it a try. If the angel can't help him rewire himself here, no one can.
Emphasizing this is Aziraphale's reaction. If they had been talking about pizza, maybe this reaction would have fit lol but it's clearly not a reaction to learning that Crowley has never consumed one particular kind of squiggly, hard-to-eat, honestly not that great seafood. It's a reaction much more befitting learning Crowley has not experienced something far more delicious and life-affirming than actual oysters-the-seafood.
"Oh-- well, let me tempt you to--" Just consider this moment from Aziraphale's perspective for a minute...
Serpent of Eden Crowley? He is literally the spark that lit the flame of all of humanity here. By tempting Eve into free thought and sensual pleasure, he also empowered her into teaching Adam these things. As a result, Crowley is basically responsible for sex on Earth-- for all of its history. If you live in the Good Omens universe and you've ever had an independent thought, a sensuous experience, or an orgasm, you owe Crowley a thank you note.😂Every play Aziraphale has ever seen, every meal he's ever enjoyed, every human he's ever taken to bed-- all of those experiences are indirectly because of Crowley.
Aziraphale has wanted him for quite literally ever. He compares everyone else to him. No one else has ever made him feel like this. He knows they're attracted to each other but he never felt like he knew what, if anything, he had to offer Crowley. The hottest being he'd ever seen freed him from the prison of his own repression here-- what could he ever give Crowley that was worth something like that? How do you learn together and try new things and adventure together with someone who seems like they're leap years ahead of you and know all the things it took you a long time to find out?
It's at "I've never eaten an oyster" that Aziraphale realizes that the being who freed everyone else got left behind and Aziraphale can fix that. He is good at burning holes in prison walls. Protection and arming others against threats to them and healing and kindness-- that's what he does. He's been here thinking for ages that Crowley would never need anything from him that he knew how to give like this but now he sees it differently. They've shown each other already by this point that they're good at being partners but this one aspect of it always felt to Aziraphale like it would be imbalanced. In Rome, he realizes that it isn't.
Aziraphale doesn't have the vocabulary we have today for these sort of issues and Rome wasn't exactly a bastion of trauma-informed sex lol but he didn't need any of that because he's intuitively good at this. He already knows that it will be fine because Crowley doesn't know it yet but he effectively already told him that it will-- by telling him in the first place. Aziraphale knows that trust and desire are what's needed and that they have those in spades. All he really has to do here is help Crowley relax and get out of his head.
Or, as Aziraphale will put it during the 1941 sexual metaphor that is The Bullet Catch plot: "You do the shooting. I'll do all the hard bits."
What gets Crowley's attention in Rome is how utterly confident Aziraphale is. How empathetic but unpitying. Aziraphale doesn't hesitate and he trips over himself accepting the challenge-- which is awfully cute-- but it's that Aziraphale doesn't treat him like he's broken or seem to see this as daunting that works for Crowley. There is a lot of internalized shame and fear and pain associated with anorgasmia and Crowley has been stewing in this for a very long time up until Rome so for Aziraphale's response to be not dismissive of it but, instead, reassuring, was exactly what Crowley needed. Aziraphale's whole attitude is oh ok no problem should we get going now or..? While he was not happy about Crowley having had difficult experiences before because he doesn't like to think of him in pain, he was really into the idea of Crowley thinking it could be different with him.
Aziraphale really, really, really likes being the person Crowley let in enough for this. Pardon the Crowley pun here but Aziraphale has never stopped crowing about it between them in thousands of years and if Crowley weren't besotted with him, he would have murdered him over it by now. (See: an example in 1941 that we'll look at near the end of this meta and "I had to miracle in the cherries" in Good Omens: Lockdown.)
"No, that's... that's your job. Isn't it?" Aziraphale's use of "tempt" to offer Crowley sex is then something of a joke between them because neither of them are tempting each other in a demonic sense of the word at any time. They find each other tempting though, in the sense that they find each other attractive. To use "tempt" with one another is just to ask each other if they are in the mood for something, not to influence the other into doing anything ("tempt you to a spot of lunch?" and "temptation accomplished" in 2019.)
This is really established first in the Job minisode, chronologically, as Crowley didn't so much tempt Aziraphale to try the ox ribs so much as he just offered them to him and Aziraphale decided to without influence. The same is true for Crowley choosing to try sex with Aziraphale in Rome-- he's really already chosen to by not saying no and that's all before Aziraphale's "well, let me tempt you--".
When Aziraphale replies to Crowley's reaction to the "tempt" line with "No, that's... that's your job. Isn't it?", Aziraphale is teasing him a bit. He's saying he sees through Crowley's massive control issues and that he gets him. You always have to be in control but you don't always want to be. Well, today's your lucky day, Bildad, because we're partners in this now.
Or, as it's known in 2023:
Flame burning pink as Crowley smiles a little for the first time in the scene:
"Oysters! Oranges!" What Juliet (the woman selling snacks) calls out as the opening dialogue in the 1601 scene to entice prospective buyers, the only one of which really is Aziraphale. Oysters-- aphrodisiacs. Oranges-- cinematic symbol of death. Aziraphale chooses...
"Some grapes please! They look scrummy." Grapes. Fermented grapes are wine. Wine is alcohol. Alcohol is sex. We haven't a need for oysters anymore and we shun symbolic death in favor of the little death. The grapes look "scrummy", shortened version of "scrumptious", meaning both "delicious" in food terms and "sexy enough to eat" in people terms. Aziraphale eats them in front of Crowley during the scene.
Oysters. What Crowley and Aziraphale had in ancient Rome.
Oysters. What Crowley and Aziraphale had in ancient Rome.
Oysters (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). Both an aphrodisiac and an orgasm, but...
...since they don't want to bring up anorgasmia every time they're flirting or talking about sex for the rest of their very long lives... and since oysters on their own are really hard to work frequently into conversation and would get a bit old pretty quickly, they need another word.
So, based on what we've seen in the series, it evolved into...
Oysters = Fish.
Fish live in the ocean, amongst other sea creatures.
Fish & sea creatures (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). An orgasm.
Anything related to the ocean (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). A metaphor for sex.
If it is in or lives in water, it's prime material for climatic innuendo. If it has multiple meanings in English? It will be used frequently as part of wordplay. If it pertains to the ocean or lends itself to destructive adjectives (shipwrecks, sea monsters, bubbling seas and rising waves), it will absolutely be a sexual metaphor at some point.
Such as...
Wahoo. A kind of fish. Also: an exclamation of joy. For obvious reasons, Crowley and Aziraphale's favorite fish joke.
In 1941, Aziraphale seeks feedback in the dressing room on their sexual metaphor Bullet Catch performance-- that they are both more than aware of-- and Crowley agrees that it went well and dryly suggests they "chalk up a win for the side of the angel", turning the common phrase that is usually "...side of the angels" singular to reflect only Aziraphale, who is over the moon that Crowley enjoyed it and cheekily replies "wahoo!" before their flirting is interrupted by Furfur.
Decades later, Crowley gives another stellar performance-- the full, epic saga of his M-25 Orbital Disruption-- to the joyless, miserable lot in Hell and concludes it with a line that he plans to tell Aziraphale later to make him laugh:
Carp. A kind of fish. Also means: to stand around and bitch. Aziraphale telling Crowley to stop standing around getting off on grouching and go get Maggie and Nina for The Meeting Ball in S2.
Gravlax in Dill Sauce. Cured salmon. This one is special and we'll look at it in the Dill Sauce meta about the St. James Park scene soon.
Ducks. Waterfowl. Aquatic birds. This is long enough. 😂 They are a whole separate meta.
Pickled herring. A kind of fish, cured in salt. What was dumped out of the barrel by Elspeth in The Resurrectionist minisode so she could use the barrel to transport her corpse. Crowley and Aziraphale spend half the minisode dragging around a barrel that should contain fish (the little death) but actually contains a corpse (actual death)-- foreshadowing the fact that their date will end with Crowley dragged to Hell and the start of the holy water arc of misery for them.
Red herring. A dry, smoked fish that turns red as it is smoked (ooh la la...) 😉 Also: A literary device, in which something is established with the intent of it distracting the audience from something else in the story. Elspeth and her pickled herring barrel are a red herring that changes The Resurrectionist minisode story from what the audience thought it would be into what it is, distracting the audience from the fact that the story actually began with Crowley and Aziraphale meeting in a graveyard at midnight for... ah... reasons. Aziraphale also turned 'red'-- turned to Crowley's side-- during the course of the episode, even as his shot at getting him some "pickled herring" that evening went up in hellfire smoke.
"Sargeant Shadwell." The hilarious, Sean Connery-esque way that Crowley said Shadwell's name in 1967, made funnier by the fact that a shad is a type of fish... and part of the herring family and this scene itself is a red herring. It misleads the audience into thinking we have a whole new plot about Crowley leading a break in to a church that is rendered inert within a matter of minutes when Aziraphale gives Crowley holy water. Shadwell's name is basically 'Fishwell' and, for Madame Tracy's sake, I hope that's true and not ironically funny. Either way, doubtful that Crowley and Aziraphale haven't joked about his name before. Shad also phonetically sounds like 'shag', the British slang word for fucking, and Crowley's tone of voice in the scene had a ring of 'shag' connotation to it.
Kieler Sprotte/Kieler Sprotten. A German smoked herring dish. A hidden reference in the Baraqiel entry in 'The Demon's Guide to Angels...' book that Furfur had in 1941. Baraqiel is Crowley and the entry, based on what's in it, was written by Aziraphale. One of you requested a meta on Baraqiel so that's on deck for now.
Newt. A semi-aquatic salamander. They live in the water but only some of the time. Also: Newt Pulsifier, an extreme parallel of Crowley who breaks all technology he touches, loves his less-attractive-than-The-Bentley car, and falls for a being who has issues with the purpose they feel they were put into the world to fulfill. Newt gets "in the water," metaphorically-speaking, when he has sex for the first time in S1 with the Aziraphale-paralleling Anathema, which is another example of how he's a more extreme version of Crowley, whose parallel to Newt is Aziraphale helping him through his intimacy issues.
Flounder. A kind of fish. Also means: to struggle helplessly in water. "To flounder" is frequently confused with "to founder", which is wordplay intentionally being used by Aziraphale in the "Seeds of Destruction" scene in S1, which we'll look at in the requested Seeds meta soon.
Bananafish. A kind of fish. Also: the first two words of Aziraphale's magic words. Is it "bananafish" or is it "banana, fish"? It's a little unclear and possibly situational. It's also likely both and a reference to wordplay and sex via fish. "The Bananafish" is also a short story by J.D. Salinger about trauma, PTSD and suicide that correlates to S2 quite a bit but we can look at that in a more Aziraphale's-trauma-centric meta.
The 'drunk-in-the-bookshop' scene. Part of the 2008 minisode, in which Crowley and Aziraphale are drunk and talking on the surface about Armageddon but are actually flirting with each other using sea-related terminology to make some drunken sexual metaphors.
Whales and dolphins. Sea-dwelling mammals. Not fish but live like them, alongside them. Damn big brains. Whales, in particular, are their own metaphor in Good Omens-- above and beyond Ineffable Husbands Speak-- but, in this context, they are non-fish creatures that live in the ocean, so Crowley is equating himself and Aziraphale to whales and dolphins in the drunk-in-the-bookshop scene and calling Aziraphale smart and clever in doing so. He is too drunk to come up with how smart they are ("brains the size of... *gives up* damn big brains" lol). His point is that Aziraphale is so smart, which is so hot, and that's his point. Brain city, whales.
Off of this, a drunk Aziraphale has heard Crowley say "damn big brains" and is thinking you know what *else* is big, Crowley?
"Kraken! Oh, great, bigggggg bugger..." Totally plastered Aziraphale is undefeated at Completely Wasted Wordplay, though, and he has a mythical monster and a whole attempt at a sexual metaphor for Crowley here, thanks to whatever brain cells are still kicking around in his damn big whale brain. The Kraken is huge and we aren't just talking about smart anymore, nope... Adding to the humor is the use of 'bugger'-- The Kraken is a massive one and we're talking about both in size and in terms of quite extraordinary amounts of buggery that Aziraphale wants to get up to here...
Giant squid and octopi. Also not fish but live in the sea, much like the whales and dolphins that Crowley had just mentioned and probably one of the reasons why Aziraphale's mind then goes towards The Kraken.
The Kraken. Mythical sea monster from Norse mythology. The Kraken-- and sea monsters, in general-- are thought to be based on giant squid and/or octopi. Particularly before days when squid and octopi were understood, The Kraken was sometimes described as a "sea serpent". Crowley, in Aziraphale's sexual metaphor here, is The Kraken-- is the great, bigggg bugger who is:
"Supposed to rise up-- right up-- to the surface. At the end. When the sea boils." We're talking about Armageddon on the surface but we're talking about sex under the surface and The Kraken is a mythological being who does not exist, making this drunk conversation even funnier. Adam will manifest The Kraken into existence later on in the season-- but, prior to that, the actual Kraken was a myth. Aziraphale and Crowley both know that. Neither of them believe in The Kraken-the-sea-monster. Aziraphale is just using it as a joking sexual metaphor while they're drunk as all fuck to flirt with Crowley using their whole ocean-themed innuendo.
"The Kraken" is "supposed to rise up, right up, to the surface, at the end". The sea serpent going from the depths of the cold black sea to cresting the surface of the ocean at the end of days, which is Aziraphale using destructive sexual metaphor-- using disaster, death, apocalyptic terminology, etc. as a metaphor for sex. Armageddon is the end of days is a sexual climax. "The Kraken" rises to the surface of the ocean "at the end-- when the sea boils"-- when it becomes too hot and there's no other choice but for the sea serpent to come... to the surface. 😉
"There is a lot of 'underlying unspokenness' and it comes to the surface now and again." Michael Sheen quote describing the nature of Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship in S1 in the interview below. I'd bet serious cash he's specifically thinking about The Kraken scene.
Thanks to @procrastiel for showing me the interview.
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"Well, that's mah point! Dolphins and whales-- whole sea bubbling-- hard to keep everybody from turning into bouilla--" Crowley's response to Aziraphale's The Kraken metaphor. Actually surprisingly witty at the start considering how drunk they are (it's their damn big whale brains hitting on something every few words lol.) It is, indeed, his point that Aziraphale is talking about-- his boiling point-- but Crowley uses "point" in the other meaning here as well (as in, "that's the point of what I was saying!").
"Whole sea bubbling-- hard to keep everybody from turning into bouilla--" Everybody, eh, Crowley? 😂I thought we were talking about fish being boiled in the end of days here? (Someone ought to get Crowley and Aziraphale to make videos explaining climate change lol.) These fish and dolphins and whales seem like they could be easily mistaken for people? Like, say, you and Aziraphale, hmm?When the whole sea gets bubbling and it's just too hot in here, it might, indeed, be hard to keep you both from turning into...
Bouillabaisse. A fish soup that is frequently referred to as a fish stew, which is what a drunk Crowley calls it. The dish is French and when Crowley is too drunk to get the word out, he keeps repeating the first half of it-- "bouilla"-- which comes from the French verb "bouillir", which means "to boil". He heard Aziraphale's "when the sea boils" and his mind took it to the fish joke of bouillabaisse. To boil is, of course, to cook something in very hot water.
Crowley is too drunk to get the word out in full and repeats the "boil" part of it, getting distracted at one point and calling Aziraphale "baby" while they make hilarious, drunk, kissy faces at one another, before redirecting it with "fish stew-- anyway! It's not their fault."
A bouillabaisse features at least two different kinds of fish cooked together and served alongside one another in the same bowl.
Bouillabaisse/A fish soup or stew (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). Climaxing together/simultaneous orgasm.
"Fish stew-- anyway! It's not their fault." The end of the 'bouillabaisse' portion of the scene and yes, it's not the fault of the actual fish that will be turned into bouillabaisse when the world ends but this is also Crowley thinking of Aziraphale's earlier "hereditary enemies" comment and saying again that it's not their fault, they didn't ask for this. Tossed drunkenly into this getting sloppy sexual metaphor, it's pretty funny as it's also saying wouldn't be their fault if they turn into bouillabaisse later as who could blame them? World ending, been waiting for days, bouilla bouilla baby...
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Good thing they sobered up because they were one more bottle of Chateauneuf-de-Pape away from just speak-singing "Under the Sea" at one another. Even the sturgeon and the ray, angel! They get the urge and start to play! That's *mah point*... 😂
"Heaven will finally triumph over Hell." One of the coded things that Aziraphale said to Crowley in the 1.01 St. James Park scene. While the surface layer of this conversation is about Armageddon, they're actually talking on the hidden layer about having not been able to be together the prior night. The key bit to this that I'm mentioning here is the use of the word "triumph"...
Triumph. A triumph is obviously a great victory or success but the history of the word is interesting. It originally meant a victory parade-- a processional-- held for a victorious general upon his return to ancient Rome. It was exclusive to Rome for a time as a word and still is how historians refer to that type of processional.
By using "triumph" in the St. James' Park scene, Aziraphale correlates the would-be sushi night with Rome.
Sushi. Raw fish mixed into vinegared rice, along with other ingredients. What Crowley and Aziraphale usually go out for in the modern era on their unofficial anniversary, which is the date of the first time they had sex in ancient Rome.
1,967. The number of years between the first time Crowley and Aziraphale had sex and when they were trying to meet to celebrate that special occasion in 2008 in 1.01. Armageddon: Round One began on their 1,967th anniversary. A reference to:
The 1967 scene, in which they talk about their relationship, and "dine at The Ritz" is said.
41. The number of years between Aziraphale suggesting they could one day "dine at The Ritz" in 1967 and when they did for the first time in 2008. A reference to:
The 41 A.D. scene in Rome, which shows how they first became lovers.
Well, with one caveat...
Hellfire and Holy Water. Substances produced by the physical corporations of angels and demons which are lethal to one another's "opposite kind"/"enemy." Aziraphale's body can make Holy Water, which could liquidate Crowley into non-existence. Crowley's body can make Hellfire, which could burn Aziraphale into the same.
As such, they spent some time concerned that each other's, em, "hellfire" and "holy water" might be harmful to one another, until they disproved this theory. This historical HIV allegory is alluded to in the "angel-demon, probably explode" Discorporated!Aziraphale scene in S1 (to "explode" also meaning to "explode a theory"-- to disprove it) and also in this scene here, in The Big Damn Sexual Metaphor that is The Bullet Catch:
Aziraphale's dry "just aim for my mouth but shoot past my ear," right?
So, how did they figure out that they wouldn't kill each other?
Kingdom of Wessex. 597 AD. The Camelot scene. Crowley and Aziraphale cross paths in the time of King Arthur and are so damn over canceling each other out at work. After Aziraphale rebuffs Crowley's initial proposal of basically quiet quitting Heaven & Hell-- just doing the paperwork and phoning it in-- because he thinks Michael will figure it out (not because he doesn't want to lol), the two part the scene without a resolution... but the 1601 scene provides that resolution for us via the reveal of The Arrangement.
Back in 597 A.D., after the scene we saw, Crowley and Aziraphale got creative in trying to find a solution to their work woes and wound up experimenting with what they had been told by Heaven regarding what their capabilities were. They uncovered that Crowley could still do blessings and Aziraphale could do temptations. So long as they kept pulling power from their respective head offices, it didn't matter what type of miracle they did and no one in Heaven or Hell figured it out. This then caused them to also realize that if they were biologically similar enough to be able to do the same miracles, then odds were high that they actually wouldn't hurt one another if they had more expansive sex and they decided to try it. They're both still here so obviously the end result was nothing but wahoo. What else is suggestive of this besides the already mentioned scenes? This one, in 1941:
Excalibur. King Arthur's sword. Excalibur's Chest. The famous swords-in-the-box magic trick, on sale at Goldstone's in 1941. Swords are as much sexual metaphor as guns. Note what's between them in the magic shop in 1941 when they agree to perform The Bullet Catch together that night, after a performance by The Ladies of Camelot:
This is part of the reason why they also use performing miracles as innuendo-- besides the fact that there is just a lot of material there lol. It's because it took them 556 years after Rome but they happened into figuring out Heaven's big secret and it freed them to boff each other senseless for the last *maths* 1,426 years as of S2 lol so it's kind of irresistible. An example is Aziraphale in S2 with "the 25 Lazari miracle you and I performed together the other night" which is on the surface, sure, about the miracle they did together to protect Gabriel but which Aziraphale makes actually sound like what they got up to the other night, probably the one before Gabriel arrived. He's talking about Muriel there for the Gabriel miracle but he's saying it with a tone of: I suspect that the angel is here to verify the miracle that was Sunday night. I'd imagine alarm bells must have been ringing in Heaven constantly since. You and I raised the damn dead, old serpent...
The Bullet Catch. A sexual metaphor for both "firsts"-- 41 A.D./Rome and 597 A.D./Kingdom of Wessex-- mashed together because they were similar... but also a metaphor for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship overall.
The Bullet Catch requires them to trust one another and be vulnerable with one another. It's only possible because of how much they trust in and care for one another. Crowley's ability to fire the gun in a way that won't kill Aziraphale-- which Aziraphale is trusting him to do-- means that Crowley has to trust himself to do it. He has to believe himself capable of it and that he can relax enough to do it. He only believes this because Aziraphale believes it about him and makes him feel safe enough to focus. Aziraphale's trust in him allows Crowley to trust both himself and Aziraphale while Aziraphale's trust in Crowley allows him to let Crowley in enough to let him see his insecurities and be loved in spite of them, something Aziraphale's self-doubts and imposter syndrome keep him from doing with other people. Crowley knows he's imperfect and loves him madly anyway, something Aziraphale has trouble doing with himself and which no one else in Heaven ever has. Crowley's faith in and love for Aziraphale give Aziraphale the confidence to live more freely and feel like he's among the professional conjurers and not just on the outside of life. Their trust in one another helps them trust each other and that self-trust opens them up to experiences with each other that lead to ever-deepening trust of one another that lifts them both in a kind of feedback loop.
"Cheers for, um, getting me off the hook." Crowley thanking Aziraphale for helping him with the Mrs. H situation. He's more than aware that Aziraphale assisting with Crowley's broken alcohol bottles when alcohol = sex to them is more than a little metaphorical for their actual history and he chooses a fish reference as part of the thank you. "Cheers" is that British way of saying "thank you" but it's also obviously what people also say as a toast (which is also a word used to refer to warmed bread, which is also related to partnered sex in Ineffable Husbands Speak.) It's what Crowley actually says in 2019 at The Ritz at the end of S1 in the "Cheers. To the world." moment. Here, it's also a reference to the first time they did clink some glasses together in toast-- the "Salutaria" of ancient Rome. And what is this toast-y thank you of Crowley's for? For getting him off-- that is, for getting him "off the hook."
"Off the hook" refers to a caught fish being taken off the hook. It also became, over time, a phrase referring to communication, from the days of phones with cords. Leaving a phone "off the hook" meant that calls couldn't come through and communication couldn't be had. By 1941, the phrase would have roots in both origins and if we're talking about fish and telephones, we're talking about earlier in the evening in 1941 but we're also talking what it referenced to them symbolically about the past of their relationship. It is also absolutely why Aziraphale jumps on The Bullet Catch as his grand gesture once they get to the magic shop-- he sees a way to continue the metaphor that they're both more than aware of.
It also makes it a thousand times funnier then that poor Aziraphale essentially makes the same assumption about demonic life twice over a bazillion years apart. He thought The Bullet Catch would be a no-brainer, fun thing for them to do because he assumed that Crowley had fired a gun before, only to discover that this was now actually Rome all over again because while Aziraphale has a firearms license and a Derringer hidden in a hollowed-out book in the bookshop, this metaphor was suddenly way too on point because Crowley hasn't fired a gun with someone else around before-- in this case, at all, actually. His dry as all fuck "not as such" response to Aziraphale is well, we both know I've fired the metaphorical gun this rifle is standing in for here but yeah, no, I have no idea how to shoot this thing and I was going to miracle you safe and now those aren't working either so I have to do this for real and I'll just be over here trying not to have a panic attack...
Talking. Making sure the telephone is not off the hook is obviously always a good thing with everyone one trusts around them in life. In a relationship context, feeling safe enough to talk openly with your partner about things which make you feel vulnerable is the mark of a trust and what allows for deep intimacy. Talking in bed-- not just checking in with a partner but talking beyond that-- is a therapeutic intervention for anorgasmia, as it helps someone suffering from it to stay present in the moment. Tends to work in general but even more so if the person involved likes chat in bed as a whole, which a couple of scenes suggest Crowley does (the evolution of it into also some extra spicy chat in the "Seeds of Destruction" scene in S1 and his self-deprecating "you just say 'blah blah blah'" moment in S2.)
"We need to talk." What Crowley says in 1.01 when he calls Aziraphale from a corded public pay phone. This is the first time that Crowley and Aziraphale talk in the present, even if they're in separate locations, and the first time we've seen them interact since the opening scene of the show of them on the wall in Eden. We've spent the first part of the 2008 minisode re-introduced to them separately, not yet fully aware of how they were supposed to be together during it. Crowley doesn't wait until he's back in Mayfair after dropping off the antichrist baby-- he calls Aziraphale from the nearest payphone. He says "we need to talk", a phrase that is, for many, a relationship cliche that comes with a sense of the foreboding but we will learn from this scene also means other things to them.
For one thing, it's a code phrase that automatically triggers them to meet the next day at noon at St. James' Park. If one of them calls and says they "need to talk", they know that it means to meet the next day and when and where. This one they know a lot better than their four million alternative rendezvous spots, as we saw in that other scene in S1 when they set up meeting in the bandstand over the phone. Because it triggers St. James' Park, it means that the initial talk will be all coded in their hidden language, as that scene in 1.01 was, but that is also a form of communication for them and a kind that they actually enjoy.
For another thing, it means that they need to talk in general-- that something is happening and they need to talk about it, as was the case with Armageddon. At the time that they have this phone conversation, they don't yet know that one another already knows about Armageddon starting. We know from all the contextual clues we've already looked at here that they were supposed to be having dinner together earlier and that they also can't say that over the phone so when Aziraphale says: "Yes, I rather think we do. I assume this is about....?" there's a dryness to Aziraphale's tone because a form of talking was already on the menu. Sushi night is Rome and Rome had talking so, yeah, Aziraphale rather does think they need to talk-- to fuck-- and also Armageddon just started so they'll need to actually talk-talk about that as well at some point.
Crowley's response to what it's about, though, is destructive sexual metaphor. What do they need to talk about, on all levels, summed up by Crowley in a word?
"Armageddon." Armageddon: the actual end of the world and Armageddon: their big damn anniversary sex. The Big One. It's an apology of sorts for Hell detaining him and a request that they meet tomorrow.
The scene ends with Crowley placing the phone back on the hook-- indicative of understood, secure communication, the likes of which will be on display in the following scenes of the 2008 minisode.
Talking (in Ineffable Husbands Speak). Both verbal communication and physical communication. Talking means speaking. Talking also means making love.
"Trust me." What Aziraphale mouths at Crowley in 1941 to get him to be in the moment enough to be able to fire the gun. Absolutely one of the things Aziraphale said to Crowley to help him relax in Rome.
"I knew you'd come through for me. You always do."
Aziraphale pouring Crowley another glass of wine (and alcohol = sex) and the wordplay kink out here in full force as there are three levels of meaning happening at once. Surface level is about their success with The Bullet Catch earlier in the evening. Aziraphale knew Crowley would come through for him-- "come through" in the sense of he can always rely upon Crowley to be there for him when he needs him to be.
To "come through" something, though, is also to get through to the other side of something-- to have been able to pull through a difficult time or a struggle-- and refers to Crowley always coming out of dark periods and not giving up. But there's really also the third meaning, which is just the direct innuendo:
Some serious 'tone of voice' at play in this bit here performing a little magic trick and making that 'through' disappear right out of first sentence lol, turning it into: I knew you'd come for me. You always do.
Aziraphale's never going to stop being thrilled at their Roman triumph here and is still happy to remind Crowley in 1941 that they both know Aziraphale just does it for him.
"Well, you said 'trust me', so..."
Just prior to this, Aziraphale had been telling Crowley the magic words he silently said to keep the photo of them from Furfur (more fish-- "bananafish").
"Well, you said 'trust me'..." is Crowley saying "well, you said my magic words, so..." Aziraphale invoked Rome and talked to him so he got there.
"And you did." And Crowley did trust him, so it worked.
Aziraphale, though, is not just thinking about earlier that night in that moment in 1941 when he's staring off, reminiscing, before looking at Crowley like that...
...he's thinking about Rome.
"To drain the whole sea/Get something shiny..." Lyrics from Hozier's "Take Me to Church", pretty uniformly agreed as the most Crowley song that has ever Crowley songed, and which is on his official playlist in S2.
Pearls. The shiny things found in the sea. The jewels harvested from within the opened protective shell left behind by emerged oysters.
The original post referred to a bit in this one:
#ineffable husbands#ineffable husbands speak#good omens#good omens 2#good omens meta#aziracrow#crowley#aziraphale#spicy omens#tw sa#tw trauma#tw ptsd#crowley x aziraphale#aziraphale x crowley#long meta
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The Angel behind the Curtain
The Metatron. A character we don’t know a lot about in the show but has become public enemy number 1 - funny isn’t it.
I’ve been putting off doing this for a while because I wanted to dedicate proper time and research into this character - who he is, what he is doing, and how he is being used. That’s what I’ve been doing for the past week or so and boy is it long. So consider this an introduction post to a series - the main parts are still under construction and review.
But here is a shorter part that didn’t really fit anywhere cleanly and was kinda just a side tangent my brain went on - so now it’s its own part. I know some of it has been discussed before but have some new additions with a sneak peak into what is to come
and for that we are going back into the Title sequence - yes I know I talk about it way too much.
So Mr. Floating Head
Obviously this has been linked to the floating head of The Wizard of Oz before
But I want to dive in a little further now that we have more instances of this in season two
Now I’ll admit it’s been a while since I have revisited the story so there might be more parallels I missed but for now I just want to focus on the wizard - with some light parallels
We get the Metatron as a floating head up in heaven during the trial -which would have been before/during episode one - where he task the archangels with finding Gabriel - and he almost seems amused about it.
When Dorothy and the others first meet the Great Oz he will only grant their wishes upon the defeat of The Wicked Witch of the West. Once they return back after succeeding they demand the Great Oz to fulfill his promises but Toto knocks down the curtain to reveal that the Great Oz is just some man. He then uses “humbug” to grant their wishes - kinda. Dorothy though is meant to join him on a hot air balloon so they can both go home - which she misses because she was chasing Toto. But enough of that
After Gabriel is found - then fucks off - the Metatron arrives in the bookshop with most not recognizing him until he prompts Crowley to “reveal” him. He then sends the archangels away with a “wait and see” about if they had done anything wrong - kinda granting their wish with them not getting in trouble. He then goes on to offer the Supreme Archangel position to Aziraphale and says to join him in going up to Heaven.
The Metatron is admittedly a better wizard than Oz - he for the most part removes his own curtain and makes sure Aziraphale is coming with him.
But you said we were going into the title sequence and you have just rambled about some old story parallels? Okok I’m going
I've talked before (here) about how those rickety walkways represent Heaven's plans/timeline for their version of Armageddon- but for this we are going to focus on the one in the theatre
Curtains are drawn - screen is burned - the way to the Second Coming revealed
I'm comparing this moment to the Metatron finally appearing in a corporation in front of the angels and revealing his name - the curtain pulled back.
At the last second the film is burned - right before they enter the lift the Metatron finally drops the act a little and reveals the name, The Second Coming.
And now on to the sneak peak for one of the things I will be doing a deep dive into - The Book of Enoch
I know Neil has said the Metatron has always been an angel but can’t throw the whole book away when he himself pulls from it
When we go through the burnt screen we see these mountains of junk and it is revealed they are walking up one that has a throne room on top.
In Enoch 1 he is given an angel guided tour of the cosmos and sees seven glorious mountains - three to the east, three to the south, one that was taller than the rest and like the seat of a throne with trees encircling it, one of which is identified as the Tree of Life - which is said to be given back to humans after judgement
I’m sensing some parallels but for now that is it - tune in later for some more Enoch and diving into the occult
Part 2 is up!!
#did i just compare Crowley and Toto? yes yes I did#disaster puppy at it’s finest#good omens#good omens 2#good omens meta#good omens analysis#good omens theory#good omens metatron#the metatron#aziraphale#crowley
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So what is Jandelay?
One of the earliest and longer-running mysteries in Pathfinder was the identity of the mysterious Jandelay, mentioned only in the statblock of the Oliphaunt of Jandelay. In Mythic Realms, it remained ambiguous if Jandelay was a creature, an event, a plane, or some other mysterious entity, with the only hints about it being the poem carved into the base of the enormous Spindlethorn:
Jandelay, proof against the Maelstrom,
Jandelay, of green fields and faultless spires;
No sane soul born dares trespass fair Jandelay
For the Oliphaunt guards you always.
But five years later, (almost) every question about the mysterious Jandelay was answered in Planar Adventures! It’s a demiplane, but not just any old demiplane! It is a bubble of pure Law floating on the surface of the Maelstrom in stark defiance of the Maelstrom’s desire to subsume all that is back into chaos. It refuses the Maelstrom’s pull and instead exploits the source of all quintessence, drawing it out as needed in order to maintain itself for its unique purpose.
Also known as the Apocalypse Archives, Jandelay is a realm of rolling green grass fields with alabaster spires placed regularly throughout... and thousands upon thousands of stitched-together, chimeric and chaotic arrangements of various biomes, architectures, and environments. Whenever a Watcher places a Beacon of Jandelay down upon a doomed world, it marks that section of the planet for collection by the plane. When the world is destroyed by the apocalypse which summoned the Watchers in the first place, every area marked by the Beacon is torn from the world and placed on Jandelay, merged together with other marked sections with little regard for whether or not the arrangement makes sense, but the magic of the plane and the attentions of the Watchers maintains these sections even when they would have logically crumbled away or annihilated one another (such as if a section of glaciers ended up next to an active volcano). Sapient lifeforms preserved by the Watchers are combined into a Collected, a form of Outsider with the minds and memories of dozens or perhaps even hundreds of creatures, bound eternally to the stitched remains of the world they were “rescued” from and allowed to wander it, but no further.
It’s not directly stated if animal life is taken along for the ride, but what IS canon is that Watchers use their perfect memories and passion for crafting, as well as knowledge obtained from the Collected, to build facsimiles of various flora and fauna that didn’t manage to get saved, using their constructs to decorate the world-sections. Despite this adorable behavior, Watchers don’t exactly make for good company, so the Collected tend to live a lonely existence. It’s not like anyone really visits.
Any knowledge about Jandelay is understandably difficult to come across. How the Runelords learned anything about the Oliphaunt or the plane itself is a mystery that yet endures, because dimensional travel straight up does not work. Any attempt to use Plane Shift or ANY other form of dimensional travel to enter, exit, or even just travel around inside Jandelay fails if the user doesn’t succeed a DC 41 Will save (something the Watchers must be innately immune to despite their statblock saying no such thing, else they can’t escape or re-enter their own home if they roll lower than 15), and Gate or similar effects fizzle automatically without allowing a save unless the caster is Mythic or the source is an Artifact.
So to even know about it, your world will already have to be on its way out the door. You need to succeed a DC 28 Will save (or be immune to Inconspicuous) to see a Watcher, NOT freak out about it, then convince it to tell you a little about itself, and then further convince it to tell you about Jandelay... and if you want to GO there, that’s a DC 41 Will save or you simply can’t without burning another spell slot or resource to try again. And Armageddon continues to breathe down your neck as you try again! And if, by some miracle, you end up there? Well, good luck getting out with any swiftness, especially since you’d need to not only have more castings of Plane Shift, but a safe destination in mind to recollect yourself as you grapple with knowing your world is gone. That kind of thing changes a person! Is it any wonder why knowledge about Jandelay is so hard to come by, when the conditions for gaining even tiny scraps are so severe? (No, you can’t just summon a Watcher; they have far too many HD for anything lower than Gate to work)
It’s not super dangerous in the archives, at least. if you wanted, you could wait to get your slots and sanity back while looking at the past destroyed worlds. Maybe even find your own. The Watchers don’t attack creatures who merely examine the exhibits--that’s what they’re there for, after all--but any attempt to damage them and you’ll find out there’s a lot more of the creepy crawlies than you know about hiding just outside your senses.
And then there’s the Oliphaunt itself. Chaos made manifest, a mountain made flesh, a storm given purpose. It’s the Oliphaunt that protects Jandelay from all intruders, its own presence the one that imposes the travel restrictions for reasons that can only be guessed at (which means that if it’s NOT in Jandelay, one can travel there without making a save! easy, right?) and the greatest deterrent to the Proteans who’d otherwise object to Jandelay’s presence. The origins of the Oliphaunt, and of Jandelay, are stated in surprisingly plain terms: the Oliphaunt created itself, and made Jandelay soon after. Then, Jandelay itself birthed the Watchers to tend to it. The Oliphaunt is stated to be the incarnated form of the idea of the apocalypse; the manifestation of calamity and destruction on a planetary scale, drawn to observe its collection of destroyed worlds for its own inscrutable reasons.
It leads me to believe it was born shortly after the rampage of Rovagug, the collective dying gasps of thousands of worlds and gods coalescing into a single being, and it created Jandelay as a method to assure no more worlds would be forever lost and forgotten; something by no means canon, but it makes the most sense to me. What also is not canon but makes sense to me is that the Oliphaunt, as the incarnation of world-destroying calamities, should not be an entity the players can reasonably fight. We’ll see how I approach this particular challenge this Friday!
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For the record, I wish Kate well and a speedy recovery for whatever problem she has been admitted to The London Clinic for.
Because I do not believe for one second that she was admitted for "abdominal surgery." That was "planned." And needs to be in the hospital for 10-14 days, even though it's "non-cancerous."
Once you've eliminated surgeries related to cancer, then you've eliminated a whole bunch of surgeries that have long recovery times.
Hernia surgeries don't require three months of "recovery," and in the US, they certainly don't require you to be in the hospital (aka germ factories) for 10-14 days.
I suppose being in the hospital on iv antibiotics for a diverticulitis procedure is a possibility, except that the recovery from any kind of diverticulitis surgery is A LOT LESS than three months.
Easter is on 31 March 2024. Saying she won't do any public duties UNTIL April is two and a half to three months of "recovery."
And no, hysterectomies do not take that long to recover from.
Just ask Camilla.
12 APRIL 2012
The Duchess of Cornwall is to have a hysterectomy, it was announced last night.
Camilla will undergo surgery to remove part or all of her womb at the beginning of next month.
She will spend around four days in hospital then a further six weeks recovering.
The 59-year-old duchess will still go on a ten-day visit to the Gulf states with Prince Charles, beginning next Monday.
It is thought royal gynaecologist Marcus Setchell will carry out the operation at the private King Edward VII Hospital for Officers in London soon after she returns. She has cancelled a string of engagements.
That's right.
Clarence House announced when Camilla would be out of the public eye BEFORE the surgery happened. Not after she was admitted to the hospital.
Somehow Kate's "abdominal surgery" was "planned," yet William's entire schedule needs to be reworked all of the sudden? As in, announcing today that he needs to not do any public duties for a certain period of time until Kate is okay at home. Hey, it's not as if Kate has two parents who are retired. Two siblings. Other relatives. Or a nanny. Housekeeper. Other staff. Etc.
Because if this really was a "planned" surgery and not a sudden emergency, then why were KP comms teams leaking a trip to Rome less than a month ago?
And Russell Myers was leaking that Will & Kate were going to go abroad to visit the British military LAST WEEK???
Someone isn't being honest about what is going on, and it's definitely not me.
It sounds to me that The Princess of Wales had a nervous/mental breakdown and needed to be hospitalized. Except that they can't say that, so they're going with "planned" "abdominal surgery."
Because if it really was "planned" and not cancerous, then why wouldn't William be able to do an engagement here or there over the next few weeks? If the KP comms team is going to pretend that this is just a routine surgery--not urgent or emergent--then why is their behavior NOT matching the statements?
Crown Prince Haakon does engagements even when his wife, Crown Princess Mette-Marit, has been ill.
Prince Albert works even when Princess Charlene has been ill.
But William's ENTIRE schedule needs to be reworked even though Kate's parents are retired and she has two siblings nearby and other friends and relatives? (And and other helpers...)
Yup. There is another announcement coming soon.
Not one that anyone else in the world is expecting--well, except for @mysteriouslytransparentwitch and myself.
It's that Dragon energy already coming in even though the lunar new year doesn't start until 10 February. That Green Dragon is bringing lots of surprises with it.
Super cold in the USA. Volcanic eruptions in an area of Iceland that hadn't had anything in 800 years.
And Princess Basement Baby!
Because Wales fandom ARMAGEDDON is almost upon us.
And is the Wales fandom prepared for it? Nope.
#my gif#2024: Year of the Wood Dragon#kate middleton#Catherine The Princess of Wales#pr games#pr fail#scandal!#ESCANDALO!!!#Prince & Princess OWN GOALS#William The Terrible#prince william#William The Prince of Wales#british royal family#Wales fandom ARMAGEDDON#Wales fans are CHUMPS#twitter#rebecca english#Wales kid number FOUR#princess basement baby#Queen Camilla#duchess camilla
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"Tale as old as time", or how Good Omens planted a seed in my soul that's growing more and more (bettah) [1/2]
Hi everyone, I'm new here, and I just wanted to share my totally-personal-maybe-relatable experience with Good Omens, trying to figure out why it became sort of an obsession for me. This is a 9-years story so far, and - spoiler alert! - the passage of time played a major role in the evolution of my perception. (English is not my native language, so please forgive my faults!)
I first read the book about nine years ago. I was in a public library in Bologna doing research for my PhD in literature, when I stumbled upon the Italian edition. I was driven by the funny title, which was translated as "Buona Apocalisse a tutti!" (we could back-translate it to English as something like "Merry Apocalypse!" or "Happy Armageddon Everyone!"). I was Christian raised, and among all the books of the Bible, St. John's Apocalypse had always fascinated me, I guess because it was the one that most resembled a fantasy book. So I took the book from the shelf and started reading it. Soon I realized that I didn't need it for my thesis because it didn't fit the topic (I did use Coraline, Mirror Mask and Sandman, instead!), but it bewitched me right from the first lines, so I decided to put the library copy back on the shelf, purchase a copy in English and read it for pure pleasure. I enjoyed it so much that it became one of my favourite books ever. I was young and bold and had no idea that almost ten years later that story was going to mean so much to me and tear me apart.
Time passed by, and my life went on. In 2019, when the show came out, I was eager to watch it. The book was a masterpiece, and the show proved to live up to it. David Tennant and Michael Sheen were absolutely perfect in their interpretations and made me love the characters even more. While reading the book, I had found the relationship between Aziraphale and Crowley fascinating and irresistibly funny, but I didn't sense any love vibrations between them (and apparently they weren't supposed to be there yet, as we know from Neil that the love story is canon for the series but not for the book). I didn't read anything about the show before watching it, so I was quite surprised when I realized that there was something between the angel and the demon that I hadn't noticed 5 years before. I didn't see it coming at all, and I was all like, "Wait a sec... are they FLIRTING? I didn't remember that..." It was as in one of my all-time favourite songs: "Barely even friends, then somebody bends, unexpectedly".
This unexpected twist left me somewhat bewildered: it was like I had suddenly realized that two long-time friends of mine were having a crush on each other. It was a bit odd as I was totally clueless about it before that moment, but then the season ended more or less like the book did, the way I already knew. That was cozy and reassuring, and all those longing glances between Crowley and Aziraphale were just an extra icing on the cake. At the end of the story, their love hadn't been named (yet), just suggested. That happy ending was nice, gentle and romantic, leaving their relationship open to interpretation and imagination. I turned off my TV with a deep sense of amusement and satisfaction, and kept on with my life.
Four more years passed, then a friend of mine told me that S2 was out (I'm not very good at keeping up with news myself, I admit). I knew that there wasn't any sequel of the book, so I was surprised and really didn't know what to expect, but I knew Neil Gaiman himself wrote the script, so I was confident it had to be good. And of course it was. Since my partner hadn't watched S1, I decided to rewatch it with him before starting S2. This time I KNEW that there was something going on between Aziraphale and Crowley, and the bewilderment of the first watch gave way to something different, a sort of complicity. I found myself shipping them fondly and smiling at every little clue of their untold love. "Ever just the same / Ever a surprise / Ever as before / Ever just as sure / As the sun will rise." Life was good.
[Continues in Part 2]
#good omens#neil gaiman#terry pratchett#aziracrow#aziraphale and crowley#tale as old as time#neighbour of the beast#ineffable husbands#ineffable love#grow better#david tennant#michael sheen
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written for day 13 of @remadoramicrofics, for the prompt bones.
There was whisky in the sideboard.
It was Muggle whisky. Dad’s. From some distillery in the middle of nowhere in the Outer Hebrides, sold in Harrods and delivered by Uncle Tony every Christmas in wrapping paper printed with snowmen scrabbled from the bargain bin at Woolworth’s.
It was used exclusively for celebration. For the days you wanted to preserve in amber; the days when dad was pink-cheeked and roaring with laughter, and mum was tipsy and willing to regale them both with ridiculous stories from her childhood, instead of keeping all of it locked up in some secret place they could never reach from their little suburban house. It was whisky you toasted with, and tossed back on New Year’s Eve, and looked the other way about when your daughter and her best mate got pissed as newts on it the day their OWL results came, and Jade was sick in the bin and she was sick in mum’s hydrangeas.
It was whisky for joy.
That was, perhaps, why it hadn’t been opened the day she’d announced she was married.
There was stubble on Remus’ chin, its brown - mousy, rather than wolfy - flecked with grey. His face was growing sharper; he was no giddy newlywed, content to grow fat on his loving wife’s cooking now he’d left his bachelor days behind him. His wife could cook nothing more sophisticated than supernoodles, could do nothing more than press kisses to hollowing cheeks, to the angular juncture where the jawbone meets the neck, as if to say, let me warm you up, since I cannot make you any fatter, I can at least make you warm.
‘Did you find him?’ she asked, and it shocked her to hear that her voice was so small, as if something of it had been left in the night skies, caught by a Death Eater’s curse.
Remus shook his head. His temples were grey too, and she cursed herself for not being able to coax colour back into them. Love should have done that. It had for her, had turned her back into the rainbow-lustered creature who looked so wrong in mum’s neat living room, with its doilies and its aspidistra. Her childhood had been one of scolding, for chocolatey fingers on the chintzy arms of chairs and the coffee table broken when she tripped and fell over it.
‘Hagrid upended the entire lounge,’ mum had sniffed, when she’d returned - shaking and weary-eyed - from the Burrow. That could be easily translated, provided you were fluent in Andromeda Tonks, to Nymphadora, I’m so frightened.
‘Yeah, well, he’s massive, isn’t he?’ she had replied. That meant your sister tried to kill me. You have the same eyes.
And then she had sat in the dark, a mug of tea untouched before her, the milk turning to scum as it cooled. Her thoughts were nothing more coherent than flashes. Of green light. Of the set of Bill’s jaw, knotty scars running down it. Of Muggle towns twinkling below her like stars. Of the wobble in Mad-Eye’s jowls they all used to tease him about - on the easy days in the office, before there had been a war on - formed by the ready supply of chocolate biscuits in the staff kitchen. Of the way his face had been clenched - in the way you had to know him well to notice, but which, if you did, you knew meant he was worried - just before they’d risen from the ground into armageddon.
Almost as if he’d been expecting it.
She had sat, a picture-reel flickering in her mind, and waited for the scrape of a key in the door and the weary trudge of a man who should have been too young to be weary. Who should have bounced across the threshold to meet her, a bridegroom desperate to get home to his bride.
‘Did you find him?’
Remus shook his head. He was thin. When they lay in bed together, she could run her fingers up each bump in his spine, across each rib, along the hollows of his hip bones. Like an explorer, searching for something lovely in a wasteland, for a place where the sun shone upon pale stone. For a place where she could be the sun. Let me warm you up.
‘No,’ he said, and his voice was hoarse. He had obviously used up all the vigour he possessed to yell at Harry.
He walked to the sideboard and took out the whisky. Because he didn’t know that it wasn't the time to drink it, that it wasn't the booze they brought out in times of mourning. Because he was a stranger to the house, and that was why there was tension in every bone of mum’s hands when she passed him his morning coffee at their sunny little breakfast table, and that was why she looked at Tonks as though she had brought doom into their perfect world.
That’s vampires, mum. You don’t have to worry about inviting werewolves in, she had thought. What she had said was, ‘stop being so fucking prejudiced.’
‘Your father is making plans to flee,’ mum had replied, matter-of-factly, as if she said such things every day. ‘When the Dark Lord takes over. It will not be safe for him to remain here, not when there will be two wanted paramilitaries living in the house.’ She stirred a spoon through her tea, clinking it against the side of the mug. ‘We were left alone by him last time, of course. We kept our heads down. But you and Remus have put paid to that.’
And, for once, there had been no second meaning.
‘No,’ he said. He poured the whisky into a glass, his thin fingers tight around it, as though he was hoping it would shatter and rip through his flesh to the bone. He tossed his drink back. ‘No. The Death Eaters probably got there first.’
‘Oh.’
A muscle ticked in his jaw. She wanted to kiss him, to cup his face with her hands, to graze her teeth across his stubble and make him forget. She wanted to make him warm, to make him say that he loved her, to lie down with him and count the ladder of his vertebrae, and ignore for a few tender hours the fact that their days were running out. She wanted to pretend that their number had not become one fewer that night.
‘I’m going to bed,’ he said.
He pressed a kiss - lips closed and tight - to her cheekbone. And his skin was cold from his futile toil in the night air.
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I'm a slut for some 40k lore, tell me about the funny gas mask men with the shovles
Ah yes, the Death Korps of Krieg.
Krieg is a toxic, radioactive Death World within the Imperium of Man, and it is the homeworld of the Astra Militarum's Militarum Regimentum known as the Death Korps of Krieg.
Known for their common deployment in the war zones of the Segmentum Tempestus and Segmentum Solar, the Death Korps are particularly skilled at attritional trench warfare, sieges of and assaults upon heavily fortified static positions and warfare in extreme environments known for their biological, chemical and radioactive hazards.
Why are they like this? It's simple, nuclear armageddon.
Krieg was the site of a rebellion against the Imperium over 1500 years ago, in response to the rebellion the Loyalists bombarded the surface of the world with nuclear weapons, which was then followed by 500 years of grinding trench and tunnel based warfare between the Loyalists and Traitors.
After those centuries of nuclear destruction and tunnel warfare, Krieg was reduced to a radioactive husk, and its people were forced to live Metro 2033 style in underground hive cities to survive the toxic environment.
This forged them the people of Krieg into grim, fatalistic and dour individuals, and the soldiers of the Death Korps are even more so, they selflessly wade into the most abhorrent war zones satuarated with radiation and other toxins.
The military engagement they're involved are often decades long sieges with astronomically high casualty rates, and only those of Catachan stock are comparable to the men and women of Krieg.
Almost all Imperial Guardsmen from Krieg, save vehicle crews, wear their distinctive and highly advanced respirator units that filter out toxic and radioactive particles.
These gasmasks are a relic of their world, and act as a legacy and reminder of Krieg's eternal service to the needs of the Imperium.
Oh yes, and I forgot to mention, the nuclear armageddon was not a one off thing, the Loyalists didn't just fire the nukes once, they had kept firing nukes for the 500 years they were fighting the Traitors.
Now I don't need to tell you this as it is fairly obvious, the Death Korps of Krieg are modeled after WWI German soldiers, the trench warfare of WWI, while their name means War in German.
The helmet top shares a profile with the French Adrian helmet while the bottom part is clearly inspired by the German Stalhelm.
The iconic gasmask is extremely similar to the British SBR gasmask used during the war.
The bayonet is modeled after the American M1917 Bayonet.
The Lasgun Model 98 is named after the German Gewehr 98.
The breastplate worn by Krieg Officers and Death Riders is inspired by the French Cuirassier breastplate.
The Krieg soldiers retreat when an objective proves too much, is a waste of men and materiel or is a tactical decision to ensure victory.
While this all make sense, have you actually heard of them running in fear? Became they have, on page 72 of Imperial Armor Volume 5, the 158th Regiment of the 12th Line Korps routed due to heavy heretic resistance on the second Vraksian defense line.
They retreated and even fragged their own commissars who tried to stop the retreat.
Aside from that, there are multiple instances of Krieg engineers screaming in fear as they faced Khornate Beserkers, proving that they are not unfeeling soldiers bred for war, their grim outlook is a byproduct of their environment, they aren't soldier who will march endlessly to their deaths, it just takes longer for them to break in comparison to other Imperial Guard units.
That said, I think it's important to consider that the Siege of Vraks, fall of Orpheus, and Dead Men Walking portrayals of Krieg all vary considerably, as each is an interpretation by a different author.
It is hard to picture the automatons of Dead Men Walking or the other short stories by Steve Lyons acting in the same manner as the Krieg soldiers in the routs described in Siege of Vraks.
Outside of those sources there are also occasional examples of Krieg soldiers who are pretty much indistinguishable from cadians in gasmasks.
Unfortunately Krieg soldiers caving in heretic skulls with their entrenching tool is a meme the community came up with and is not canon.
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Into the Storm
Storms berrate the helicopter as it draws near, towering waterspouts reaching into the dark clouds like pillars of the Parthenon. Rain swirls around them, flashes of lightning threten to blind the pilots, all while something darker than the clouds snakes throughout the sky.
The chopper shakes with turbulence, but the Other Yugi pays it little mind as he sits with his rival. In a rare moment of cooperation, they compare their decks, discuss their strategies, try to form a battle plan to save the world.
Finally, a geat tower appears through the wall of dark clouds and rain, a spire of white stone rising from the black, tumultuous sea. Mokuba, hanging on to the back of Isono's co-pilot seat, gasps as it comes in to view. He calls out for Seto to look, finally daring to interrupt the Duelists' conversation.
Somehow, the pilots manage to brave the winds and land atop that massive structure, before an intricate and ornate temple.
Without hesitation, Seto Kaiba and the Other Yugi exit the helicopter and approach that temple, both determined to bring this Armageddon to an end. Though Tristan and Téa both hesitate at the entrance, Mokuba marches in right behind his brother.
The temple feels ancient and brand new all at once, with all its long, stone hallways and intricately carved snake motifs, and not a speck of dust. It almost feels unreal, like a sophisticated movie set, or something in a theme park. But the oppressive feeling that permeates the air in this place is very real, making Mokuba's hair stand on end and his chest feel tight.
Seto tells him to stay close, and Mokuba wishes he could laugh. As if he could stay any closer. No, he doesn't plan to fall more than a step behind.
The group enters a massive chamber, dimly lit by standing torches but otherwise empty. The walls, floor, and ceiling of this room are carved in thousands upon thousands of perfect rectangles, each filled with the image of a different human being.
Téa gasps as she realizes what these tiles depict.
Mokuba feels his stomach sink.
The walls of this chamber stretch up, up, up into shadow, to a peaked ceiling too dark to see. And every inch of those walls is tiled in trapped, human souls.
So this is what made the air feel so heavy with dread.
Out of the rows and rows and rows of poor, unfortunate souls, somehow the Other Yugi finds that one in particular almost immediately. His eyes widen as he calls out for his Partner and races ahead impulsively, and the rest really have no choice but to follow.
Until an echoing voice stops them in their tracks as they reach the center of the expansive hall.
"You've kept me waiting, Nameless Pharaoh, Seto."
Who is this guy to use his first name, anyway?
"Still, my god feels blessed that those with strong souls have finally arrived. And you brought your friends for dessert, too. Good. My god is very hungry."
The torches flare, flooding the room with bright light. Finally, Dartz shows himself, appearing from the dim shadows as if by magic. Or some cheap parlor trick, as Seto would say.
Mokuba steps closer to his brother.
Yugi starts to argue with Dartz, to launch some speech about the value of these lives and souls, but Seto cuts him off. "You know there's no point to arguing with him, Yugi. You know what we came here for." Straight to the point, as always. Unwavering and confident as he readies his DuelDisk.
Mokuba feels a hand on his shoulder. "C'mon," Téa urges him away from his spot at Seto's side. He glances back up at his brother, with his own determined glare fixed on his enemy. Reluctantly, Mokuba follows the cheerleaders to the sidelines.
He had told Crowley he preferred his role as support. But when there's no computer to hack, no plane to save, nothing to sabotage or investigate or DO except watch and cheer, he feels helpless. Maybe if he played Duel Monsters more, he could fight too. Maybe if he wasn't so afraid of being the hero, he could have taken that Claw of Hermos when Joey fell. Maybe he could be helpful. Useful.
The Duel begins, and Seto goes first. By the end of his turn, he already has one Blue Eyes White Dragon on the field, and Mokuba feels his spirits lift a little. Yugi's first turn ends with Black Luster Soldier at the ready, and the teenager cheers.
And then Dartz begins his turn. Unfortunately, he had a fortunate opening hand as well.
He activates the Seal of Orichalcos.
A gust of wind snuffs the torches, leaving the chamber illuminated only by the teal light of the Seal of Orichalcos. The air, already thick with the anguish of countless trapped souls, feels suffocating. The temperature drops.
Across the playing field, the expression on Dartz's face changes, his lips curling back in a snarling grin. His mismatched eyes narrowed, fixating on the Duelist's with what could only be described as bloodlust.
Mokuba feels that hope fade as quickly as his brother had summoned his first dragon.
#ooc#plot#I was having trouble getting this started and was dreading writing another duel#and then also the actual final battle after this#until I was rewatching the ep and saw the way Mokuba like runs to walk in right beside Kaiba like he's actually gonna do smth lol#and I was like#hey#what if I write it from the perspective of sb who doesnt give a shit about dueling#THEN Sin had the idea to rewrite the entire duel bc the way yami and kaiba play in the beginning is kind of reckless to the point of ooc#SO#I'm using this as set up/filler in the meantime#and so I can say I wrote today and nobody needs to punch me directly in the face tonight
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Y2K’s Forgotten Heroes And The Looming Threat of 2038
I feel like sharing some information about the 90′s to people here. Particularly about Y2K, aka Internet Armageddon That Didn’t Happen In 2000 Thanks To People You Haven’t Heard Of Like My Mom.
My mom, among her teammates and people tasked with similar roles to her, never get any recognition for the work they did in keeping computers across the globe functioning in 2000. She was a project manager among a group of overstressed, underappreciated people that worked at a company called Intel that are responsible for preventing a global societal collapse in 1999. Y2K being allowed to happen the way people thought it would (and really, it was going to be worse than even Intel could forecast and they still don’t know how bad it would’ve been) would’ve undoubtedly destroyed the fabric of the internet in 1999 and 2000, and therefore, no social media platforms like this Hellsite right here. She’s actually on tumblr and has been following the Muskrat’s destruction of Twitter with mute, techie horror.
In the years leading up to 2000, the world was panicking on its tenderhooks due to the looming crisis that was Y2K. For those of you that are either too young to remember or just didn’t know about it, Y2K was a big deal. A planet-alteringly big deal. A “We don’t know how much would’ve crashed and burned in our world’s society and economy if we’d ignored it,” big deal. tl;dr: All computer software around the world wasn’t programmed to have their internal clocks transfer to January 1st, 2000. Instead, what was going to happen was every functioning computer in the world running Intel software - on New Years Eve, 1999 - would change calendars to January 1st, 1900.
This was a catastrophic prospect for everyone impacted by the computer age. People receiving social security benefits and paying off formal loans with interest rates would suddenly receive benefits and payment rates documented in 1900. NORAD, the international weather-tracking service kids use to track Santa on Christmas Eve and that warns people of natural disasters like hurricanes, would have gone dark with no timestamps to indicate major shifts in weather. Entire governments would lose all digital contact with one another. The WHO and CDC would go dark. Hospital networks would’ve gone down. The Stock Market would’ve gone to shit. No one in the world would’ve been immune. If Japan suffered a massive, horrific famine due directly to the 1929 crash of the US Stock Market before the Internet, imagine what would’ve happened if the very screens that displayed the global stock market records to major metropolitan cities around the world just... stopped working in 2000. Went dark. Blue-screened. An entire system built upon split-second trades, bids, buyouts, and reports for trade around the world would’ve shut down for a lot longer than just a split second.
By the time it was almost the year 2000, the Internet as we knew it was like a gigantic, invisible, planet-sized Rube Goldberg machine that a comparatively microscopic group of people were tasked with repairing before it could fail in ways they couldn’t foretell, without being able to live-test any of their solutions. It was “Fuck it, we’re doing it live!” to the extreme. Most of the programmers that had built the infrastructure for the Internet and computer technology as we recognize it, all the way back in the 60′s, were retired, dead, no longer working in those sectors, or simply hadn’t kept up with changes in the technology and couldn’t be brought up to speed to help in time. Even the highest echelons of the management at Intel itself didn’t really consider Y2K to be a big concern, except for my mom’s department. I still have lingering anxiety and trauma from hearing the sound of a woman’s voice shouting with panic and anger, because she was the one literally shouting into her phone to “Nah, we’ll be fine,” Luddite tech giants that NO, NOTHING WAS FINE AND EVERYTHING WAS GOING TO BE VERY BAD from the time I was born in 1992 to January 1st, 2000.
Any programs and companies relying upon Microsoft software, even Word and Excel, would have either suffered catastrophic errors, or ceased to function altogether, too. The team handling Y2K didn’t know how bad it could’ve actually gotten at the time, and they were still responsible for stopping it. To this day, my mom and the rest of the team members that worked with her can’t actually say how much of our technological lives would’ve been destroyed if they’d done nothing. The potential destruction was literally unfathomable. The global economy relied on computers and tech by the time Y2K became a major topic of concern to experts, much less casual everyday users.
This was before WiFi. This was before smartphones. HotSpots? The stuff of cyberpunk fantasies. This was before most cell phones had a text feature; you carried your cell phone and a pager separately, and if you thought character limits on Twitter were bad? lol. Ever had to make a collect call in a phone booth? Do you have any idea how badly we’d freak each other out over the thought of the germs on those things? If you couldn’t afford a collect call, which cost for every minute you were talking, you had to get creative and learn to say who you were and where you were to someone in the, “Caller, at the tone, please state only your name, beep” 3-second window of free time you got to contact someone.
You could’ve been stuck in a bad neighborhood at 3am. Taxis didn’t pick up hitchhikers like they do in New York, and you could screw off if you didn’t have cash on you; credit cards were mostly used at malls and supermarkets, and retail workers from the 90′s to this day still have the question “Credit or debit?” burned into their souls. You needed coins as well as bills and credit cards. It was still common to pay for groceries with a paper check, because you carried a checkbook around with you everywhere as an adult. There was no RideShare service with anyone but a serial killer, because yeah, serial killers loved targeting stranded pedestrians back then and that’s why nobody hitchhikes anymore. Homicidal freaks like The Green River Killer (Gary Ridgway) and BTK (Dennis Rader) were still at large and unidentified. It was thanks to revolutions in tech and computers that they were caught at all; BTK having been busted thanks to metadata and TIME STAMPS on a floppy disk.
AOL was still one of the top ISPs and email services to the United States. You would receive installation CDs for AOL in children’s cereal boxes like prizes. Dial-up was still a normal part of life. Blockbuster was renting out Nintendo 64 games along with VHS movies. DVD players were revolutionary. Barnes & Noble and Borders were still competing. The FBI still warned you at the start of a movie that piracy was illegal while almost every VHS had a “record” setting you could use with impunity. Amazon was primarily an online bookstore. J.K. Rowling was just some closeted TERF that just published her first weird, popular British fairytale about some kid that went to a school for wizards where goblins were real but black people weren’t. You could get a copy at the Scholastic Book Faire if your school library didn’t have it. MySpace wasn’t a thing. YouTube didn’t exist. Cell phones were big and sturdy enough to be used as a lethal weapon. AskJeeves was one of the most popular search engines because, fuck it, Jeeves was a dapper butler and asking him questions was fun. A phone call could disconnect you from the internet unless you paid for multiple lines. DSL was seen as the newest, hottest, next-gen concept. The World Trade Center was still standing and present in the generic backdrops of nearly every daytime or New York-based news or talk show. Mr. Rogers, Bill Nye, and Bob Ross were amazing children on PBS between episodes of Reading Rainbow and Sesame Street while people were shell-shocked over Princess Diana’s death. Pluto was still classified as a planet. Wishbone was a Jack Russel Terrier that reenacted famous literary adventures.
Germany was being cajoled into reunifying after Mr. Gorbachev agreed to take the wall down. Namibia was a new country and no longer part of South Africa. We were losing our minds over photos from the brand new Hubble Space Telescope. Yugoslavia existed. Czechoslovakia was splitting. We were learning to call the USSR “Russia” again. Yemen was being unified. The Human Genome Project had just been announced. The Cold War was finally over!
Meanwhile, my mom worked as a project manager at Intel specifically tasked with replacing and/or reprogramming any and all Intel computer software with extended time stamps past 1999, for the entire technological world. You’re here, right now, reading this very post in part thanks to her and her team’s exhaustive years of work to change and update the entire world’s software. If it required anything from Intel to function or had to co-function with Intel, it was part of my mom’s job to beat the literal countdown to January 1st, 2000.
If she and her team failed, it was lights out. She was bouncing me on her knee while fielding calls from everywhere from Silicon Valley, California, to London, England, to Beirut, Lebanon, to Tokyo, Japan. My every day around her was nothing but tech-talk when it was actually in English. Those incredibly intelligent, clever, gifted men and women from around the world spared not a single second for themselves when it came to their singular, united focus on stopping Y2K from bringing the entire global economy and communications to their knees.
My mom didn’t take maternity leave with my baby brother in 1998; she telecommuted instead in order to keep working. When she would go on business trips almost every week, she would bring me back plush toys of dolls in clean-room Intel Bunny Suits instead of stuffed animals. Stopping Y2K was too important.
And you know what happened? Nothing. 2000 rolled around, and the first thing to start were conspiracy theories that Y2K had been made up, or that Y2K itself had been its own conspiracy theory to trick users into buying new computers and software. In fact, the people responsible for preventing Y2K turned an impending global disaster into what is now known as “the first challenge of the 21st century successfully met.“
And yet, to this very day, the real people responsible for fixing everything before it had a chance to break go unmentioned and unrecognized. They never received fanfare or thanks, but scrutiny and skepticism instead. Can you imagine doing a job so well and so efficiently that the entire modern world either ignored you, or even got pissed at you because things didn’t fall apart? Their children - me included - grew up steeped in the understanding and fear that if we tried to demand more attention from them, we were stopping them from saving the world as we knew it.
So, as you finish reading this, I ask you to go out there and learn about “The 2038 Problem”. While it’s being handled differently thanks to the precedent my mom and her fellow badass, dedicated teammates set, it still has to be handled in time, just like Y2K. The original team may have been left to disappear into obscurity, so the very least we can do is thank the hard-working people that are toiling away as we speak to keep the lights on again in 2038.
#long post#y2k#the 90's#90's things#the 2038 problem#2038#millennials#computer history#internet history#modern history#tech news#tumblr stories#intel#microsoft
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Can I request some HCs for DreamXD when he has a crush on (GN) Major God of Justice!Reader who he sees a lot because Reader is always watching their disciple fight/track down Dream because they “see him as the ultimate evil” and “want to bring his victims to justice”?
Reader is distantly apologetic to XD whenever they see him, but they are definitely amused by the way their disciple keeps kicking Dream’s ass (And if XD uses the opportunity to clumsily try and endear himself to Reader, using the excuse of getting to know Reader on behalf of his disciple, well it’s not like anybody can say he’s acting extremely obvious to his face)
🏵 Your Tea Is Ready 🏵
Warnings: None
Genre:
| Star Crossed Paths |
XD can recall fondly the first night you met, he had heard from a little birdy that some God was planning on interfering with his disciples plans and he was most interested. XD held his disciples at arms length at best, seeing them more as vessels for entertainment then friends or anything of the sort. So when he discovered that Dream had crossed paths with another God he was keen on seeing how this would play out.
During the day of Armageddon he sat and watched with glee at a scene evil the devil could applaud. Yet he could not see the night through without the finale, your appearance to smite Dream, of course. Yet none came. What once an act that captivated him with an iron grip suddenly seemed lax and boring. An unfinished script was nothing to hold higher then any regular war or squabble, and as the smoke cleared he took his leave. The night nearing its dreary and dreadfully unpleasant end as he dragged himself home.
Each footstep upon his quartz parlor heavy, dragged by the weight of his boredom as he lurked around his palace. Only coming to a standstill as he laid eyes upon your form, sat comfortably in his throne, book in hand as you flip the page. Eyes never leaving the mortal words scribbled out before you. "You find mortals so boring yet you keep almost every published word, I never thought the God of creation had such fancies in mortal things." You hum, lick8ng your thumb before flipping another page.
"I wouldn't cause such chaos if I thought they were boring." Said he, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door frame. "Paint isn't much without a canvas, humans aren't anything more without... a nudge in the right direction."
You scoff, finally looking up from the page as you cross one leg over the other. Closing the book with one hand before settling it in your lap. "And the humans canvas, I recon you mean Dream." You can practically hear the smile in his voice as he speaks, "No other brush paints such fine works don't you agree?"
You roll your eyes, "He's an unmatched flame, he'll burn the canvass if you let him go wild as he does." You snap, your grip tightening on the book. "Then you should thank me that he'll be snuffed soon."
"Pardon?" You ask, your brows raised in interest.
"The game isn't over until all the pieces are gone, your pawns will have their justice." He spoke calmly, approaching with slow steps. His voice low like you were some wild animal set to snap and bite at any moment. Which to be fair, you were.
"Sacrificing your queen so early?"
"All for a laugh, I assure, you should come, watch the fools dance." He urged and he spread his arms wide as he spoke before offering you a hand.
You take it and he presses his mask to your knuckles in a faux kiss. Just low enough for you to bring your knee to meet him half way, knocking him back as he holds his face.
"To be honest, I find you much more entertaining."
#dsmp x reader#mcyt x reader#mcyt x y/n#dsmp imagine#mcyt x you#dsmp x you#dream xd x reader#dream xd x you
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I was thinking more about the coffee theory, particularly the symbolism of the coffee. Three big things that stand out.
The coffee order: oat milk latte with dash of almond.
2. The phrase: “Give me Coffee or Give me Death”
3. Metaton saying: “Does anyone ever choose Death?” “So Predictable” and Crowley saying: “He’s unpredictable”
With the coffee order two theological references stand out to me, the lesson of the almond tree and Psalms 25:7-17. First of the hebrew of the word “almond” can also be read as “to watch” and throughout the story god is assuring Jeremiah that he is always watching and intends to keep his word. “I have this day set you over the nations and over the kingdoms, to root out and to pull down, to destroy and to throw down, to build and to plant.” (Jeremiah 1:9-10) This is very ominous in the context of the story as he seeks to uproot and bring calamity upon Israel for a better tomorrow. Just like how God wanted to bring about armageddon in season one. Then later on it says, “the Lord watched (shaked) upon the evil, and brought it upon us: for the Lord our God is righteous in all His works which He does: for we obeyed not His voice.” (Daniel 9:14). Metaton is God’s voice, rejection of hin his “almond branch” is a rejection of gods will.
Then the Psalms passage distinctly reminds me of Aziraphale. In the beginning its begs forgiveness for “sowed wild oats” then says “plan only the best for me, god. God is fair and just; he corrects the misdirected, sends them in the misdirected”. At this point in good omens Aziraphale is largely seen traitor and Metaton is quite literally leading him to heaven in accordance to his plans. (I’m willing to admit this part may be a bit of a stretch though)
It’s the last three lines that stand out to me in particular. “If I keep my eyes on god, I won’t trip over my own feet. Look at me and help me! I’m all alone and in big trouble. My heart and kidneys are fighting each other; Call a truce to this civil war”
For reference heart and kidneys are often used in conjunction to one another in the bible. The heart often representing one’s spirit and psyche whereas the kidney representing one’s turmoil, temperament, and sometimes moral discernment. So take that information as you wish.
Then theres the phrase “Give me Coffee or Give me Death” a play on the phrase “Give me Liberty or give me Death.” Aziraphale is presented two positions in the situation, accept the coffee (god’s will) or go against it and receive death. As Metaton predicted he chooses coffee, almost hinting at Aziraphale following a path that’s already been planned out in front of him.
then of course theres the “so predictable” “he’s unpredictable” quotes which I think are pretty straight forward. There’s more to Metaton than meets the eye and distrust is being placed upon him.
I don’t know if this all completely makes sense but it’s been on my mind and I had to tell someone. 🤧
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...there's something you've never seen before around [Ruidus]. There is a shape that encompasses it, clear as day, like a field of energy, like something that encapsulates it. Not unlike some of the magical forcefields and such you've learned to generate, and it has a texture, like a lattice weave, an extremely powerful gathering of different magical threads that crate this textured weave that seals it off entirely... it looks more like like a cage. It's strong, distinct, something you've never seen before, unlike anything you've ever seen...
This is super fucking similar to every single description we've ever gotten of the Divine Gate. Here are all of them:
C2E141: You feel yourself rushing as strange, lattice-like imagery begins to come into view, the Divine Gate that separates the world of Exandria from the divinity that created it.
C1E115.10: From behind you, you see the lattice, the Divine Gate, pass again, and the golden net vanishes in the distance behind you as you're yanked backwards.
C1E115.09: Suddenly, you're thrust through this speeding lattice of glowing, yellow-orange energy -- an interpretation of the Divine Gate, or perhaps your mind trying to interpret what was actually the physical Divine Gate.
C1E114: You watch as the lattice of the Divine Gate begins to spread out around [Vecna's] body.
C1E106: The Divine Gate works both ways... it's essentially a large gate that prevents gods from returning to the Prime Material Plane.
C1E104: "Understand, in order for us to directly interfere, to seal a god like we did once long ago, we would have to tear down the Divine Gate, and that would release an entirely new armageddon upon your world."
C1E103: There before you, you see the glimmering, almost burning lattice of the Divine Gate streaking towards you at an immense speed... you brace for impact and pass through again, that warmth almost coming to a similar state of burning, but then leaving you behind.
C1E101: You got some of [the Briarwoods' research] and a lot of it dealt with ley energies. There are certain lines that stretch across, invisible lines that stretch across Exandria, where the magical powers that hold together the planes and protect it through the Divine Gate and other elements-- (Matt gets cut off here)
C1E94: You see that single bead of light ahead that grows larger and larger, and that light becomes omnipresent almost, a familiar grid of divine fire and light. The Divine Gate, ancient and placed by the gods to seal both them, the Betrayer Gods, and any entities away... the lattice of the Divine Gate shifts and darkens behind you.
C1E91: A glow begins as you rocket towards an unexpected and incredible sight: an endless and permeable tapestry, a tangled lattice of burning, divine fire, writhing and glowing as you shoot towards it with incredible speed... you impact and pass through it harmlessly, the heat fading. You glance over your shoulder and see it's gone. You just passed through the Divine Gate.
So, yeah. There's that. Ruidus appeared during the Founding, sure, but that warding could've been placed long after that, maybe during the Calamity. Paired with the fact that the Gau Drashari were directly responsible for the creation and maintenance of the Tree of Names, which itself was very similar and likely a precursor to the Divine Gate? If the Gray Assassins aren't just keeping knowledge from spreading but are also hoarding and actively seeking it for their own means, then it stands to reason that the Ashari might have had some records, stories, or other histories about it, given that they are direct descendants of the people who constructed an arcane ward around an entire planet. That could give us their motive for attacking Zephrah — and if Will was one of the people guarding that information, maybe that's why he was killed.
#critical role#critical role spoilers#critical role campaign 3#critical role c3#note watches c3#exu calamity
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Difference of Perspective
- between the audience and the characters within the story about Aziraphale and Crowley
so like looking at the s2 storyline from an audience perspective we get sooo many hints about how Crowley was a high ranking angel - like they really hammered it in hard, making sure that we got it and we are still discovering and learning of what it all means
however within the universe itself this a confirmed known fact and has been for ages - they all know who Crowley was, they know his powers - they know he’s special (in both Heaven and Hell) - and it’s not like an unsettling factor for them, frustrating maybe sure - the only thing they are nervous about (the holy water bath) is the one thing the audience knows for sure is fake but ultimately it’s the fact that as the audience we are just getting hints - half the time from other characters or situations he is forced into - and nothing as been outright confirmed besides the fact he was a Throne or higher
Aziraphale on the other hand - i feel like it’s flipped almost - he was always looked down upon by Heaven, seen as too soft - then here he comes out of nowhere (it really shouldn’t have been), stopping Armageddon, surviving Hellfire, being friends with a demon for a millennia - and he not Falling for any of it - they are nervous about him now, unsure of how to handle him
and like even the Metatron is so relieved to get him back under Heavens thumb now that the Second Coming is rolling out, he really wanted to make sure it wouldn’t be stopped - they questioned him at the miracle not just outright dismissing him (besides saraqael but they’ve been shown to be smarter than your average angel) (though yes i’ll admit it was probably more because of Gabriel’s disappearance)
whereas the audience we at least get to see his journey, his intelligence, and that when it comes down to it he will fight- and i’m not saying that we as an audience have him completely figured out cause we don’t, there wouldn’t be speculation otherwise but we know a hell of a lot more than Heaven and Hell do - (I would say something everyone knows is his ranking a principality except well wait not anymore, Supreme Archangel Aziraphale - something we as an audience know but the angels don’t, not yet at least)
in the universe Aziraphale is a mystery - they don’t know what to expect from him, they thought they knew him, underestimated him, and well look how that turned out for them - when we as the audience know a little more of what he is capable of
whereas for Crowley he is kind of brushed off by characters - like been there knew that - the archangels are dismissive of him just calling him “the demon”- though maybe that’s just a generalization thing. Shax saying that they will declare War on Aziraphale specifically despite them being a known duo at this point - the whole Metatron interaction kinda being like “i don’t have the time for you so i’m not going to waste it - I can’t control you - except with this one angel” - and i would also like to note that to the demons at least they think Crowley is using Aziraphale - that he is Crowley’s emotional support angel and pet - he is the mystery to the audience because we really haven’t seen his moral journey, for the most part he is already there so to speak when we see him kind of guiding Aziraphale in his journey
#this has just been sitting in my drafts#because I was unsure about it#but fuck it#it’s a little rough though#good omens#good omens 2#good ineffable omens#good omens rambles#good omens meta#good omens analysis#aziraphale#crowley#aziracrow#ineffable husbands#ineffable spouses
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I think I have a new favourite musical.
It's been HOURS and my jaw and belly still hurt from laughing but god, was it worth it.
We were laughing for almost two hours STRAIGHT.
It's quite ironic, but I have felt the most alive I have felt in YEARS in a musical about DEATH.
Great humour, incredible 4th wall breaking, interesting plot, well-rounded characters, main het love story actually bearable and even nice at times (a woman being shown to be intellectually equal to her mad scientist male interest? Her being socialised by her mother to become a housewife and him constantly showing her how brilliant she is, encouraging her to follow her dreams to become a doctor? All while the narrative shows that not only does he think she is intellectually his equal, she actually IS proven to be at least as genius as he is shown to be? I cannot believe I am saying this but I finally approve of a het musical couple. Armageddon must be upon us) Death who is just SO FUCKING DONE WITH ALL OF THIS SHIT and he just wants to CHILL and his (gay? bi? unclear but either works) assistant* who's been pining after him FOR ETERNITY without him ever realising it till The End? An actual GAY happily ever after between Death and his assistant??? All set to fun pop-rock music??? Where 2 of the musicians are also the 4th wall-breaking Narrators???
Cynical humour about death and dying with touches of optimism? Jewish humour? A robot created by the mad scientist called RAMBAM???
GOD WHERE HAS THIS MUSICAL BEEN MY ENTIRE LIFE???
(In a cupboard, under some stairs)
@ Israeli followers - Seriously if you like humour & musicals, I HIGHLY recommend seeing הסוף at צוותא in Tel Aviv. (It's a smaller indie production so tickets are also cheap af)
*Fun fact: the gay/bi Death assistant is played by the same actor who plays Collins in the TLV Rent production (another production I highly recommend, although with some caveats but the fantastic acting & staging transcend the shitty translation and some stupid production choices) and he is as great in this comedic role as he is as Collins.
#Israeli musicals#do i even have a tag#musicals#personal#I will reblog this tmrw so Israeli followers can actually see it as I assume normies are already asleep (unlike insane me)#but I needed to write this down now lest I forget lol#also if you want to know/hear more about my opinions abt TLV Rent - just let me know and I will gladly share them#and if you're looking for a partner to go to a musical in TLV with you - feel free to hmu. I will gladly be your theatre partner#I am in love with הסוף I feel like I will go see it at least once a block now#musical posting
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Putin’s conventional army is being defeated by a much smaller force, albeit one backed by the west’s latest technology and intelligence. His ridiculous claim that Ukraine is planning to use a “dirty bomb” – an explosive device containing radioactive material – implies he is now groping towards more unconventional methods of warfare.
This is unsurprising when we see how poorly the Russian army is performing, which presumably Putin is also seeing. Putin’s response has been to appoint General “Armageddon” Surovikin as his overall commander in Ukraine, and the dirty bomb allegation is right out of Surovkin’s playbook.
The “dirty” bomb concept is a complete chimera – a fantasy designed to terrify people in Ukraine and allow Russia to escalate its unconventional warfare. The claim has been dismissed by France, Britain and the US, and the UN is sending inspectors at Ukraine’s request to two nuclear sites to prove it is baseless . There has never been a successful dirty bomb attack. But their psychological impact is 10 times greater than their physical effect, and Putin must be hoping this will break the will of the Ukrainians.
Putin’s style of unconventional warfare relies upon making the civilian population the target rather than the opposing military. And cynically this makes sense, as his own soldiers have been found wanting against the Ukrainian army. The focus is now on attacking civilians as the soldiers fight on the frontlines: killing them on their way to work, or children on their way to school. For those injured in these attacks, the Russians then attack hospitals to prevent treatment: 500 so far in this war, according to the World Health Organisation.
Russia tested and developed its unconventional warfare concept in Syria. This included the use of chemical weapons, which the Assad regime turned to whenever defeat seemed imminent. The rebels were about to storm Damascus in August 2013 when Assad dropped the deadly nerve agent sarin on the suburb of Ghouta, killing more than 1,000 people and stopping the advance in its tracks. He also broke the six-year conventional siege of Douma with chlorine barrel bombs in 2018. Weapons like chlorine and dirty bombs are morbidly effective owing to the terror they impart, and must be fully outlawed by the United Nations and the free world.
Though I believe that global nuclear warfare is very unlikely, anything less is possible, especially if Putin’s vital territory of Crimea is threatened, which is looking increasingly likely. In unconventional warfare there is very much a “dirty” nuclear threat, which could be almost as devastating as a battlefield nuclear weapon, by turning nuclear power stations into improvised nuclear weapons – in essence a massive “dirty” bomb.
In theory the Geneva Conventions and the rules of war outlaw unconventional warfare – but Putin and his generals seem more than willing to ignore both. The new prime minister must, with Nato allies, ensure that Putin is never able to reach for his most devastating unconventional weapons.
Hamish de Bretton-Gordon is a former commander in UK and Nato CBRN forces, a chemical and nuclear weapons expert and an adviser to the Union of Syrian Medical Charities
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Sonic the Oz-Hog Act 2/12: All My Friends are Echidnapped!
Sonic the Hedgehog issue 244
AU Publication Date: 20th February 2013
Price: $6.50
Back for more, eh? Unfortunately the time has come for a shocking second installment in these monthly musings of hedgehog history. Why? Maybe it's the masochist in me. Nostalgic pertinence? Stockholm Syndrome? Whichever way, reflecting on the past can be a merciless drug. Archie Sonic is long cancelled and unlikely to be of any further significance within my lifetime, so where lies the point of writing these posts nobody would rightfully read anyway?
Lunacy. Sheer lunacy.
If this is the result of two posts, part twelve will likely be DOA. When one considers the legacy of pointless shouting matches, ego stroking and litigations this comic suffered equally as it caused, giving it any thoughts beyond apoplectic is almost self-destructive. Still, if the book's vivid international history is to ever see the light of day again, guess I must make use of whatever avenues are at hand. Thus in the epic tradition of another 12-part pop culture event, if last month's introspective retrospective on Sonic Super Special 3 was a 'Nightmare Begins' scenario, then now comes a true 'Day of Armageddon'.
It's 20th February. Among the dwindling selection of comic books available across newsagents was a new high-speed hedgehog adventure. A multi-part story many moons in the making handled by a long-time writer which saw Knuckles take front and centre. With cameos from an echidna cast, he faced off against a powerful enemy destined to change the very future of Mobius. A story only superseded by immense publication turmoil that it left writer and editor scrambling by the seats of their pants, leading to a fanbase bitterly disappointed by its depressingly dour and rushed conclusion.
But we're not talking about issue 131. An incredible coincidence to be sure, but hardly a welcome one. Instead let's take a trip forward nine more years to that very same day in 2013.
The state of Australian politics were, as ever, chaotic. Julia Gillard, the nation's first female Prime Minister, was reaching the end of her turbulent three year term in the top job. Despite legislating sweeping changes to assist disabled citizens, better internet, student education and environmental protection, her conservative detractors were ruthless. Be it newspapers, radio or self-aggrandizing musicians, their demands to "burn the witch" were loud and clear, and none more so than misogynistic maestro and onion connoisseur Tony Abbott.
It wouldn't be an Aussie summer without bushfires, and true to form, early 2013 was plentiful. Records for hottest days previously set in January 1998 were smashed. Volunteer firefighters travelled the wide charred land to tame nature's chaos, resulting in multiple deaths. Thankfully the worst had already come to pass by this point as the extreme weather gradually wound down. A difficult recovery time began for many, but with hindsight on our sides, that summer paled compared to the sheer tragedy which awaited us come October.
Life that February wasn't all doom and gloom. Millions of viewers tuned in Channel 10 to watch our home teams weave their way to gold in the Sochi Olympics. Martin Scorsese's adaptation of 'The Wolf of Wall Street' was number one at the box office. Red Hot Chili Peppers led the charge for the 20th Big Day Out concert. Stone Music Festival swept the land later, spearheaded after a last-second venue shift by the triumphant return of Aerosmith, their first Aussie tour in over 20 years. And I suppose it's worth a mention how 'Harlem Shake' toppled P!nk and Nate Ruess' dominance of the charts for a grand total of… one week.
Baauer wasn't the only one left shaking. Upon conclusion of the 20th anniversary tale 'Genesis', a discontent among Archie Sonic readers began to seep across message boards. Questions and critiques over the book's direction, plus whether editorial or SEGA were responsible, became increasingly frequent topics of fiery debate. A sentiment which reached a peak by the time Sonic Universe's 'Scrambled' arc ran its course, ultimately spilling over to the BumbleKing Forums.
In response, Ian Flynn called an official "State of the Books" topic on 11th May 2012 for fans to civilly discuss their grievances. It's important to remember the fanbase was already running on knife's edge since certain litigations were announced back in July 2010, which intentionally or unintentionally influenced several commentators. Critiques over its 48 pages ranged from slowly erasing the Freedom Fighters in favour of game characters, a meandering plot going around in circles, Sonic himself being a boring hero, a lack of Knuckles, to forced melodrama and a constant string of depressing losses (complaints fans already aired to former writers a decade earlier. Oh, the more things change…). In spite of fan disagreements, civility won the day.
Which sadly could not be said when issue 244 was released. Once it became clear the story was hastily rewritten at the behest of Collen IP to remove legally contentious cast, forum members hit the roof in an intense 34 page debate. "Convoluted and convenient", "This. Development. Sucks!" and "Empty filler" were slung around. Nor was veteran artist Steven Butler spared, yet again heavily criticized for his page layouts and character proportions. One optimistic commentator opined "Why do i have a feeling that when issue 245 comes out everybody that was worrying a lot is going to wind up loving this arc?". A resolution they'd have to find elsewhere after the thread was locked.
"Where is everyone?" Knuckles yelled on the first page as he wandered into the abandoned wasteland of Albi-erm, echidna homeland. A good question, rad red. Perhaps they're all hung over after last night's Cliff Richard in Melbourne concert.
'Endangered Species' is Archie's ultimate Monkey's Paw story. The mind boggles how this same company who infamously toppled Dan DeCarlo and set creators rights back to the stone age ended up firing their own legal team. What should read like an Outhousers article is now part of Sonic's history. Yet for all the readers upset over cast culling, plenty more made it shamelessly clear they approved the move.
Page 11's "Now then -- to clean up the garbage." became a call to arms for fans sick of the series' expansive echidna cast. After 'Return to Angel Island' set the standard, they were poised, primed, ready for latter-era Archie Sonic to continue its indulgence in some permanent eth-chidna cleansing. No matter the character or relevance to the plot, "And nothing of value was lost" echoed across BumbleKing and beyond. A selfishly spiteful sentiment people steadfastly hold to this very day.
T(h)rash would be proud.
Next Time: Swing back to March 2001, a time where Sonic faced a foe far greater than any robo scientist or machine monkey could dare compare. The very real and deadly threat that was… mass unemployment? Had things behind the scenes truly gotten that bad for Riverdale's top-selling high-speed hero? Absolutely. But for Australia, it was Friday.
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#Sonic the Hedgehog#Archie Sonic#Sonic the Hedgehog Comics#Archie Comics#Comic Books#Ian Flynn#Steven Butler#Knuckles the Echidna#Echidna#BumbleKing#Australia#2013#Musings
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