After being a good 1.5 years out of fandom and creative activities, I'm finally getting back into it.

It's been 1.5 years with a frozen to-do list that constantly looked at me, judging me for not working on it. But whenever I tried it was impossible. Now it feels finally possible again.

tonight's little doodles

Moodboard for Amais Rena (he/they), lead singer of alt rock band Way Way Downers @infamous-if

Playlist

i’m so tired. i’m so tired and i feel like i have no reason to be. i feel like i’m trying to be in 4 places at once and be what everyone needs to be all of the time and i don’t know what to do. i need to find a balance but i don’t know how, i haven’t had to juggle this kind of balancing act before. how do people do this

Whenever I see asian, brown, and/or black Americans reinforcing, supporting, and upholding racism, colonization, imperialism, colorism, and any other belief system that not only harms them directly but other non-white communities as well and they still want to claim that they themselves are POC and face discrimination I feel bitter disgust towards them.

Why? Please, tell me why every injustice in the entire fucking universe has been placed on my shoulders?

Hug

*hug*

currently fascinated with the concept of unrequited blackrose as per usual

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me at 12 am: okay, i really need to sleep since I have to wake up at 6am tomorrow

my brain: i recognize that but what if you had the urge to write 1.4k words worth of a messy character analysis of nozomi from liz and the blue bird/hibike euphonium

me: goddamnit

STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️

I want to write but dry January just ended and I have video games to play. My life is hard.

thinking about how lonnie only ever cared about will when he died and that was just to profit off of his death + will giving a girl he doesn't know his toy truck just because she's crying and he thinks she needs it more even if he knows joyce can't buy him another one + one of the very first things will did upon waking up in the hospital was ask if jonathan was okay + will telling them to close the gate in season two even though he's part of the hivemind and that would've killed him, too + will breaking his own heart by confessing his feelings and giving mike the painting he's spent so long on but saying that all of it came from el thus sacrificing his own wants and self to again help others + how that same selflessness and self-sacrificing nature of his is going to undoubtedly rear its head in season five again because he's at the center of it all and it all goes back to him and vecna is a creature that feeds off of n fans the flames of pain and guilt... feelin very scared n anxious in this chili's tonight over this actually 😳

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cis women really resent having to not see all men as violent or rapists. like its the worst thing for them to ever work on about themselves lol.

Half of people say that kids these days are too sensitive and half of them say they’re too apathetic which in itself seems like a contradiction but I feel like it’s just half of young people have had to shut down their emotions because it is so easy to learn about tragedy these days. I’ve been awake for a half hour and already I’ve learned about a teenager who was killed at his homecoming game last night, a young girl who died from cancer recently, and had a reminder of the school shooting where a bunch of kids died. It’s impossible to not be beat down by all of this and there are really only two results: becoming over sensitive to it all as everything gets piled on, or to turn it off