Hospital Hellhole
Where are the open windows in hospitals?
Hospitals are exactly like corporate cubicle farms, where you see the windows in your office, but theyre never open.
So, no fresh air ever gets in.
Stuffy, recirculated air with zero outside fresh air + constant either central indoor heating or air conditioning + a bunch of sick ass people stuffed into one building isnt exactly a recipe for holistic health.
Nor is it meant to be.
Its actually a veritable hotbed for communicable diseases, viruses, infections, germs and bacteria to develop, spread and grow.
Idgaf about how "well the hospital is ventilated" -- you need fresh air, jackass!
Good luck ever getting it at a hospital.
They'll just parade you around bare ass in a drab ass drag ass light blue gown that doesnt even close all the way in the back yet have the nerve to talk about how "functional" it is.
They'll parade your literal bare ass through the hospital hallways so you can "walk around" -- but nevah outside.
Yeah okay.
There are windows, why cant I open them?
Because you cant.
The air inside a hospital is endlessly recirculated, stuffy as hell and filled to the brim with germs, bacteria, viruses and pathogens given that a hospital is, y'know, a building full of sick ass people.
Who in the hell thinks this is a good idea?
Exactly noone as hospitals are designed to mentally break you, dehumanize you and give you a different illness then the one you checked in with or make whatever your current issue is worse.
Being in a building with no outside fresh air and no open windows full of sick, dying, dead, incapacitated, vomiting, diarrhea, coughing, sneezing, wheezing, bleeding people isnt supposed to make anyone else sicker?
Yeah okay.
You need fresh air even in the best of circumstances forget about when youre sick.
You need to be in nature as it literally heals us, even their studies confirm that.
You need fresh, unrecirculated air from outside.
You need the sky, the sun, the grass and the trees.
But what do you get?
A dark, drab, sterile, lonely room with a large ass loud ass TV in it, a phone, a bed that you will be stuck in for most of your stay, a bathroom and a window you cant open.
Sounds exactly like prison.
Being stationary -- unless you are a literal invalid or completely physically incapacitated -- is awful for you.
They know this.
They know that being stationary in bed can cause DVT (deep vein thrombosis), blood clots, embolisms, poor blood circulation and bloodflow, swelling, edemas, muscle atrophy, weight gain, bed sores.
Not to mention depression, lack of mental sharpness and acuity, lethargy, anxiety, fatigue, listlessness, hopelessness, dread...
Its almost like its by design, isnt it?
Hospitals should be near parks or be built inside of parks.
All patients that are literally physically capable of going outside for fresh air and natural sunlight should do so, or if possible, should be taken outside in wheelchairs.
Blinding white bright ass unnatural fluorescent lighting has repeatedly been proven to deplete our melatonin levels, disrupt our natural circadian rhythyms, disrupt our sleep, cause insomnia and other sleep disorders -- so why is the lighting in hospitals so fucking bright???
Why do you think?
They dont want you well.
If you happen to get better after being hospitalized, its an unintended side effect.
The goal is to find -- or make up -- other things that are wrong with you so they can feed you further into the many tentacled medical industrial complex.
More diagnoses, more pills, more injections, more shots, more IVs, more surgeries, more specialists, more tests, more false positive results.
Just the way they intend it.
If youve ever visited someone in the hospital or ever been hospitalized yourself, youve probably experienced a general feeling of feeling run down, fatigued, sore, tired, like you were coming down with a cold, feeling out of sorts and out of it if you were inside a hospital for a few hours or more (days, weeks or even months).
Thats by design.
Patients should be outside every day, breathing fresh air, getting natural sunlight, touching fresh grass, hugging and sitting by trees, looking up at the clear blue sky, soaking up the sun, picking flowers and soaking up natures natural healing properties.
Nope, you get to walk up and down a ridiculously overilluminated bright ass fluorescent hallway with drab muted colors surrounding you, machines beeping, nurses having bored conversations at lunch, doctors being self-important and your bare ass cheeks on full display in your gown that doesnt "quite fully close all the way in the back."
You should be letting butterflies land on your hand, picking sunflowers, laying against trees, walking barefoot in grass, staring up at the sun and soaking up the individual rays, taking deep breaths of the fresh air all around you, looking at the clear blue sky, observing some of the cloud formations, lying on your back on the grass and staring up at the big blue sky supervised by hospital staff for about an hour a day.
That should be happening every day in every hospital.
It could be done in shifts.
Even a small park or garden even on hospital grounds or property would suffice.
In your everyday life, dont you walk outside once a day?
Even just to check the mail? Run errands? Pick up groceries? Go to work? Get takeout? Go shopping? Go to work? Meet up with friends and family? Go out to eat? See a movie? Take a walk? Go jogging?
Why is this simple freedom denied to you in a hospital?
When you need nature the most, they wont even open a window for you.
Antiseptic sterility, vomiting bleeding dying patients, coughing sneezing wheezing patients, patients with viruses, bacterial infections, open wounds, bodily fluids and emissions, mucus, phlegm, stitches, sutures, transfusions, transplants.
How would you NOT need fresh air even after one day in a hospital?
Why is hospital food so comically bad?
Youre literally back to the slop you were being force fed in elementary school but as an adult.
Since youre sick, shouldnt there be an interest in providing you with nourishing, holistic, healthy, fresh organic foods that will help heal you and aid in your recovery?
If youve ever been hospitalized, it took you back to your school days with rubbery chicken, mystery lunch meat, dry bread, nothing is seasoned, everything is out of a box, warmed over and bland as hell.
Why?
It doesnt have to be expensive!
Fresh spinach for salad is cheap, quinoa is cheap, tofu is inexpensive, steel cut oats are inexpensive, chickpeas are cheap, hummus is inexpensive, lentil beans are cheap, kale is inexpensive, kidney and black beans are cheap - these are all chock full of protein, cheap, healthy, good for you and can be prepared with fresh or cookied veggies, rice, noodles.
It doesnt have to be like this.
They want you sick and defeated.
Hospitals are literal hellholes.
Its not you.
Youre right to think they are creepy depressing prisons and incubators for all kinds of diseases and infections.
Because they are. By design.
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Over the past few months, various events or things have triggered me.
Some are minuscule, such as a sound or smell that will set off several memories. Others are more significant, a bodily sensation, an ache, cough, or the like that provokes a more powerful emotional/psychological response.
I note these reactions, a tactic I use to help ground myself. From there, I can move forward, understanding more about it (the trigger) and my relationship with it. If I can, witnessing myself is the trick; detecting what is occurring before being consumed.
The milestone of the five-year cancer-free mark is not an exemption from fear and worry. Sometimes they peak at the same level they did while amid treatment -- periodically even more so.
Nights are difficult. Anyone who has experienced a tumultuous and life-altering event can attest that this is when the little dark fears come out of the woodwork.
A few weeks ago, I returned from Samsø, Denmark (see the previous update here or blog post on cyclical.life). A small island with under 4,000 inhabitants, nestled snuggly off the Jutland peninsula. Though it has several adorable little towns, the 40-something square mile island is used primarily for agricultural purposes. To say that it is a walkers' paradise is an understatement.
When I am state-side, I often sit with these "little dark fears" only to a certain point. It wasn't a bold pursuit or some other brave endeavor that granted me the time and pace to do so on Samsø; it happened as if on its own.
One night, awoken by worries and fears, I got dressed, grabbed my raincoat, and went for a walk. It was almost a knee-jerk reaction. As I joked to a few people, the beautiful thing about an island is that you can't get lost; you ramble through fields and upon well-worn tractor paths, and sooner or later, you'll encounter the ocean.
Every evening I filled my rucksack with: a rainjacket, another base layer, extra socks, a flashlight, a field recorder, and bread, butter, and honey, just in case. Then, I'd begin walking if I woke in the night, regardless of the time and conditions, to discover that the fears were present.
State-side, if my worries and fears become too great, and my audiobook or music doesn't cut through the mix, I'll bust out trusty ol' Netflix. I didn't have such distractions there. Though I purchased a Danish SIM card for emergencies, I didn't carry my phone or bring my pre-downloaded audiobook.
Bringing the field recorder was the best decision. I didn't intend to record myself, but I'd sit on some slight rise or the beach and try to collect my thoughts and gather my ideas while talking aloud - a practice I began while in school as it helped me work out ideas. My words were wandering much in the way I was rambling physically.
I have a project in mind for the recordings. Though what follows are some excerpts and snippets I pulled that I found revealing.
*
I move forward in this place (of recovery)
A beacon pulling / a signal drawing
Being held - here
I have learned to live with the memory of you [cancer], as one does with something that echoed, a thing that came.
The lights of Aarhus could be another world - a gentle glow (western paling sky). Aarhus could be Boston from here - Mass General could be anywhere. I could be anywhere. I am here.
Birds; two, then three, then 4, and 5 (a dance that says 'we are together in this; we heal together.')
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