extra — que me paso?
➝ fernando is heartbroken. but the show must go on.
➝ word count: 3,7k
➝ warnings: alcohol consumption, angst, puppets
➝ author's note: for all intents and purposes, all dialogues between fernando, alberto and the el hormiguero team are in spanish, however, translated for easier reading. i'm sorry for breaking your heart again, marco. tagging @christianpulisic10, @alonsogirlie and @enaticosencantados as requested.
Staring into space, the words repeated inside Fernando's head.
— We've gone too far — Charlie said, her eyes full of tears, her wet hair falling over her green uniform.
“But does that mean, too far?”, he asked himself, as his mind replayed the moment when he watched, paralyzed, the woman he loved slipping through his fingers and disappearing from the suite.
He couldn't remember feeling such pain before in his life. Not even with all of the heartbreaks and injuries he’d suffered in the course of his life, this one felt different. Fernando didn't understand how or why, but what had happened in Japan had cut him more deeply than any wound he’d ever suffered.
Maybe it was the fact that he said those three words with complete conviction that he would be reciprocated. Maybe it was the fact that he saw love in those beautiful blue eyes. Perhaps it was the fact that they had walked such a long path, filled with so much strife and pain, only to find more sadness and frustration.
In his hands, the phone's screen lit up with a notification. However, the simple eye movement made Fernando's heart ache again. It wasn't a message from the woman who was smiling, hugging her cat, in the background of the device. And if it wasn't her, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.
— Fer?
He looked up to find Alberto sitting right next to him, staring at him with a worried expression.
— What? — Fernando muttered, turning off the cell phone screen.
— You're thinking about her again, aren't you? — his friend asked softly.
He snorted, feeling defeated. There was no point in denying it, Alberto knew him like no one else. There was a reason that his name wasn’t listed in Fernando’s contacts as Alberto or his nickname, Galle, but hermano. He was the brother life had given him.
— I am.
The friend pursed his lips.
— Hasn’t she answered you?
— No — Fernando muttered.
— Not even the note at the factory?
— She read it, saw me at the door of the engineering office, and threw it in the trash.
— Oh — Alberto said quietly, seeming to absorb the impact of Charlie's attitude. Something that Fernando was still trying to do, even if it filled his chest with inexplicable anguish — So, you don't think it’s time to…
— No — the driver said, not waiting for him to finish the question. He already knew what Alberto was going to ask him and Fernando was absolutely sure of the answer — I'm not going to give up on her.
— Fer, Charlie doesn’t…
— She'll talk to me, I know she will — he replied — I'll convince her to talk to me.
— And how do you intend to do that?
— I — Fernando began, before being interrupted by the door to the green room opening Sara, the show's producer, came in, her curly hair tied on top of her head and a friendly expression on her face.
— Could you come with me, Fernando?
Forcing a smile, the driver got up, brushing past Alberto in silence and following Sara out of the room. While she was talking about the segments that would be recorded that afternoon, they passed by a window, where the Madrid landscape lay gray and melancholy.
It was exactly how Fernando felt.
Charlie was like the sun and Fernando bitterly regretted having hidden from her shine for so long. It had only been in the last few months that he started to realize how she brought color and joy to his life. Simply getting a message from her wishing him a good morning was able to make all problems disappear from Fernando's day. There were no clouds when she was around, let alone rain or cold.
Charlie was light. Charlie was warmth. Charlie was life.
— Alejandro, can you put the mic on him? — Sara said, bringing him back to the present.
— Of course — the dark brown-haired man replied, approaching him with a nervous little smile. Fernando couldn't help noticing that his hands were shaking as he clipped the microphone to the collar of the white shirt he was wearing underneath his black leather jacket.
— Are you okay? — the driver asked, which made the man look up, his eyes wide with shock, as if he couldn't believe Fernando was talking to him.
— Me? Yeah, I'm fine.
— You're shaking — he said seriously.
— It's not every day that I put a microphone on my childhood idol — the man said, before handing over the transmitter for Fernando to clip to his pants. As he looked at the young production assistant, Fernando felt strangely old, as if he had only just now realized that he was 42 years old. He didn’t often feel his age, especially when he was with Charlie. She was able to bring the fresh-faced 22 year old Formula 1 rookie out of him. She was able to bring out the boy full of dreams, desires and plans for his own future.
All of them had Charlie included.
— Pablo just finished his monologue and he's going to introduce you, okay? — Sara said, and Fernando nodded. Taking a deep breath, he tried to focus on what he needed to do. He was used to performing as an athlete, and this was no different. “Promoting the Las Vegas Grand Prix, talking about the performance this year and the search for the third championship”, Alberto repeated in his head.
— Today, who comes to have fun at El Hormiguero is the two-time Formula 1 champion and Aston Martin driver, Fernando Alonso!
The audience's applause was the cue for him to enter the studio, an artificial smile screwed on his face. After greeting Pablo warmly with a hug, he walked to the stand, waving to the audience before taking his seat. When the music ceased in the studio, Pablo turned to him and smiled.
— Welcome, Fernando, how are you?
— I'm good — he said, with a smile.
— It's been a long time since you've been here, hasn't it?
— Yes, I think I last came in person in 2019, and then only by video call.
— And a lot has changed since then, hasn't it?
— Yes, a lot — Fernando said, trying to remember where he was in his life the last time he was there. He had just competed in the Dakar and was back in Formula 1, despite all the resistance from his family and Linda, his girlfriend at the time. At that moment, she seemed like a distant memory, a flash overshadowed by…
— But they certainly changed for the better — Pablo continued — You spent two years at Alpine and then, with Vettel's retirement, you took over his seat at Aston Martin. And from there, you started stringing up spectacular results.
— Yes…
— This season, there were three wins, in addition to seven podiums, all in your first year with the team — Pablo said, eliciting applause from the audience. Fernando gave a small smile, a bittersweet feeling rising in his chest.
— Yes, it was indeed an excellent first year, better than I could have imagined. The car is very good and the team is brilliant, so it's impossible not to have a good season.
More applause, more smiles. Until that moment, a perfect interpretation of the happy and successful driver who was there to promote the Las Vegas Grand Prix on Spanish television. A performance worthy of a Goya award.
— The next race is in Las Vegas, right? — the presenter asked.
— That's right, we're heading back there.
— There were races in Las Vegas before?
— Yes, there were some in the 80s, but on a much smaller circuit. Now we're going to race on a new circuit, designed for today's cars.
— And what do you think of this new circuit?
— Well, at first I thought it would be a slower circuit, just like Baku, because it is a street layout, with many turns and a long straight but it has several straights, and it is extremely fast.
— Fast in which sense? — Pablo asked, laughing — It's because you have a different concept of fast than we do, you know?
— I think it is possible to hit 360 kilometers per hour, considering the DRS and the clean air of the other cars.
The presenter and the audience seemed impressed, some even scared, by this information. After questioning about the layout, the difficulties and the reason why they would be racing on Saturday night and not Sunday, Pablo adjusted the round-framed glasses on the top of his nose.
— And what do you expect from this race? — he asked.
— I believe we have everything to make a good fight against Mercedes and Red Bull. Both myself and the team's engineers are optimistic about the simulations and data we already have from the track and we have everything to have a very positive weekend in Vegas.
The television host smiled broadly at him.
— Well, since you mentioned engineers, we have a few things to show you today. Laura, please.
Turning his face to the projector screen to his left, Fernando felt his chest sink as a video played on the giant screen, repeated on the smaller studio monitors across the soundstage.
— Are you ready? — he heard his own voice say through the studio's audio system. In the projected image, he was looking into the passenger seat of the DB12, at Silverstone. Charlie was seated next to him, her bangs barely visible under the edge of a black helmet with a visor strip that had the Pirelli Logo with the words “Hot Laps”.
— Of course I am! — she replied, smiling — Don’t go easy on me, either.
The video cut to the moment when he stepped on the accelerator, accelerating down the straight to the sound of the 680-horsepower V8 engine and Charlie's laughter. She squealed with joy as her hands tightened on the leather seat in a vain attempt to keep herself stable as Fernando contourned the Village.
— Come on, is that all you can do? — she asked in a loud voice, trying to overcome the roar of the engine, looking at Fernando with a mischievous gleam in her eyes — I thought you were a two-time world champion!
— If you say so — the driver muttered, hitting the Wellington straight, the numbers on the car's dashboard skyrocketing. The loud rumble made her put her hand on his arm, pulling away as he slowed briefly to round Luffield and head toward Copse.
Hearing her laughter, Fernando watched as the two rocked side to side as they passed Maggots and Becketts. Charlie looked completely fulfilled there, urging him to go faster even in corners where he was being more conservative. She was intense, direct, deep and passionate about what she did.
No wonder he couldn’t help but fall in love with her. It was as easy as breathing.
The applause from the audience brought Fernando back to reality, meeting the curious look of Pablo, who had a slight smile.
— Well, we've seen this lady several times with you during the season, accompanying you during the weekends, talking to you before the races and even on your social media, like on your birthday...
— Yes, that’s Charlie. Well, her name is Charlotte, but her nickname is Charlie — the driver replied, giving a small smile when he saw the photo he had posted to his Instagram. She was posing with the cake she had requested to come to their table on the night of his birthday, in Belgium, the words “happy birthday, asshole” written in chocolate syrup.
— She's your engineer, right?
— Yes, my race engineer.
— And what does she do, exactly?
— Well, all drivers have race engineers, who are the people who inform us about what is happening on the track, the condition of the car, whether it will rain or not, a bridge between the driver and the outside world.
— So she's the one who tells you everything, basically the voice in your head when you're driving?
— Something like that — Fernando replied, chuckling.
— But this isn't the first time you've worked together, is it? You two worked together at McLaren before your sabbatical, didn't you?
— That's right — he said, looking at the photo they'd retrieved of the two of them talking, both dressed in black and white and with less than happy expressions in their faces. Her hair was blonde then, and she had a different haircut, without the fringe bangs she had now. She looked like a different person — We worked together at McLaren for four years. She was my performance engineer at the time.
— Well, that explains a lot the closeness between you that we can see on television…
— Yeah, it does — Fernando replied — The fact that we had worked together helped a lot in my arrival at Aston Martin, since I came from a team with a different project, a different vision, different equipment, while she had been there for a longer time.
— And is it always this quick for an engineer and a driver to get into this sort of marriage, so to speak? Or is it something particular to you, because you already know each other?
The word marriage made his stomach churn.
— Well, the truth is that there is no formula to make a partnership like this work. Other drivers use different ways to maintain this relationship. Lance, my teammate, for example, likes to go cycling with his engineer, Ben. I know that Hamilton likes to run with his and Ocon likes to travel to the circuits with his.
— And what do you do with Charlie?
“We fuck”, he thought, smiling to mask his discomfort.
— A little bit of everything — Fernando finally answered — We eat together, travel together and we are always in touch, even when there's no race.
— Did you ever fight?
— Sometimes.
— So it's like a real marriage — Pablo said, making the audience laugh and Fernando give a weak smile — And, between us, being married to a beautiful woman like her shouldn't be difficult at all, right?
The driver laughed, nodding.
— She would hate you saying that, Pablo.
— Uh, why?
— Nothing annoys Charlie more than that.
— Being called pretty?
— Being summarized as just a pretty woman, because she is so much more than that.
Pablo’s expression lit up with curiosity.
— Oh, tell us more.
— Charlie is extremely intelligent, intuitive and observant. She is not satisfied with points or podiums, she wants victories, championships, trophies. She is ambitious and has the same hunger to win that I have and that, in a way, brought us together. And that makes her one of the best race engineers in Formula 1, if not the best.
— A strong statement, Fernando…
— Not to mention what she’s like as a person, outside of work. She's funny, loving, and caring, plus she has amazing taste in music. Anyway, she is much more than a pretty face and I admire that about her. I admire her and am proud to have her by my side — he finished, the last sentence making something ache in his chest. Charlie wasn't there for him anymore, she never would be, as much as he wanted her to.
— Putting it that way, I think we're going to have to have her here sometime, aren't we? — Pablo said, turning to the audience. Fernando forced another smile, trying to hide his own pain.
The rest of the recording was a blur, the questions and jokes mixing with the memories of Charlie inside his mind. Everything reminded him of her, from the comments about cats to the moment when Trancas, one of the puppets, asked if he had ever forgotten an important date, like a girlfriend's birthday. The bouquet of English roses he had sent to Charlie's suite on the morning of October 23rd was proof that he would never be able to do this.
At the end of his guest appearance, Fernando said goodbye to the show’s production team and got into the car with Alberto, who suggested that the two of them go somewhere to eat, which he accepted, without paying much attention, his eyes lost in the streets of Madrid. Stopping the car in front of a bar that he didn't bother to see what it was, the two sat down at an empty table, being promptly served. After Alberto asked for sparkling water and a board of jamón and cheese, the waiter turned to Fernando.
— And you, sir, what do you want?
Usually he asked for water or juice, even a soda when he wanted something different, but always without alcohol. However, he needed something stronger than Coke that night.
— I'll have a beer — he said flatly.
Fernando didn't tell how many glasses of beer he had drunk until the end of the night, much less how he got back to the hotel they were staying in downtown. Still in the clothes he'd worn on the recording of the show, he was sprawled on the bed, staring at the ceiling. In his head, Charlie's laugh echoed like a distant memory, her smile wide as she held the team trophy at Suzuka.
He needed to hear her voice again. He needed her.
Picking up the phone, Fernando tapped the screen a few times until he found Charlie's number in the contact list. Pressing the green button next to her nickname, the long beeps made his heart sink. She hadn't answered any of his calls so far, why she would…
— Hello? Fernando? — he heard Charlie say on the other end of the line. His heart leapt in his chest, his mind slow to process an answer. After so much time trying to talk to her, the driver had no idea what to say — Are you there?
— Charlie — he drawled in a slurred voice — You answered me…
— You called me at two in the morning, I thought it might be an emergency.
— It's an emergency — Fernando said, the words slowly coming out of his mouth.
A few seconds of silence passed.
— Fernando, are you drunk?
— Yes…
— You never drink — Charlie stated.
— I wanted to drink today.
— Why?
— I was missing you — Fernando murmured.
She sighed on the other end of the line.
— You know you can't drink. It's not good for you.
The driver was silent, processing Charlie's words. There seemed to be concern in her tone. But why was she worried?
— It's not like you care...
— Of course I do, Fernando — she replied on the other end of the line, seeming outraged by that idea — I care so much that I'm going to send a message to Alberto now...
— He was with me — Fernando replied.
— And he allowed you to drink that much?
— He's not my mother.
Charlie was silent for long seconds, looking like she didn't have any arguments to rebut him.
— And why did you call me? — she finally asked, making him sit on the bed.
— Because we need to talk.
— Fernando…
— It's no use saying we don't need it, Charlie, we need to talk and sort it out.
— But we can't do that over the phone...
— Why not? — Fernando said, in a harsh tone that, in a way, reflected the pain he felt — You refuse to look me in the face since that night in Suzuka. You barely talk to me during debriefs. You ignored my note at the factory and the flowers I sent you for your birthday.
— But I thanked you...
— Do you know how many flower shops I had to call to get that bouquet? More than seven! — he continued, feeling his eyes fill with tears — I don't know what to do to show you that I'm serious.
— Fernando, please — Charlie said quietly.
— Why don't we settle this now? — the driver questioned, feeling his voice crack.
— Because you're drunk, Fernando, and it’s late — Charlie exclaimed — You shouldn’t even be awake right now, never mind having a serious discussion about our relationship.
— I'm perfectly in a position to discuss our relationship.
— For God's sake, it's two in the morning!
— Fuck, Charlotte! — he yelled, tears streaming down his face — It doesn't change anything! It doesn't change the fact that I want to give you everything. I want to give you a home, a family, a future. I want to give you my days and my nights and everything in between.
— Fernando!
— I only want one thing from you, and that's your fucking heart! Why are you making things difficult? Why can't you be happy with me? I'm not enough for you, is that it?
Charlie sighed on the other end of the line, clearly annoyed.
— This is exactly why I don’t want to discuss this with you right now.
— Why?
— Because won’t listen to me!
— And did you think of listening to me in Suzuka, Charlotte?
She sighed.
— Listen, we're going to talk about this in person, calmly, like two adults, and not over the phone after you’ve been drinking.
He stared into space in silence for long seconds.
— Are you going to run away again? — Fernando murmured.
— No, I won't.
— When? — he asked, a spark of hope lighting up in his heart. Maybe if they talked, Charlie would finally be honest with him and herself. Maybe Fernando could convince her that he was the perfect person for her.
— In Las Vegas — she replied, making him feel dismayed.
— But that's a week from now! — he whined.
— Fernando…
— Why don't you fly to Lugano? Or, I can go to your house so we can talk? I can get a last-minute flight…
— You're not going to get a flight, Fernando. You're going to take a shower, take some paracetamol and go to sleep — she replied. Her voice reminded him of the way his mother spoke to him when he was younger, which made him briefly imagine what it would be like to see her taking care of their kids — You’ll feel much better in the morning.
— Fine — Fernando finally relented, passing a hand over his wet face.
— We'll talk, but in Vegas, in person, okay?
— Okay.
— Now, go do what I told you.
— Okay — he said, in a low voice.
— Good night, Fernando.
— Good night. I love you — the driver replied, hoping to hear the same back. However, instead of the sound of Charlie's voice, he heard the beep that indicated that the call had ended.
“Maybe she doesn't love me in the end”, Fernando thought to himself, letting himself fall onto the mattress again.
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“ More than 40 dead and Lima continued in silence “
The poster pasted in the vicinity of the Palace of Justice, in the center of Lima, the Peruvian capital, expresses the indignation at the indolence of the national authorities, state powers and political groups opposed to citizen protests, in the face of dozens of deaths in cities in the interior of the country. Photo: Mariela Jara/IPS
Lima – "We are not terrorists, we are women and men from the highlands who want respect and who do not kill us for asking for early elections and a Constituent Assembly," said Rosa Cachi, an Aymara indigenous woman from Puno, in the southern Andes of Peru, where she The protests against the government of President Dina Boluarte are concentrated.
The protests are concentrated in the southern Peruvian Andes and as a result of the brutal repression, 17 demonstrators died due to the impact of projectiles fired by the forces of order, in addition to a policeman who was allegedly burned by protesters. Adding the 28 deaths that occurred in December in other regions such as Apurímac -land of Boluarte and where the mobilizations originated-, Ayacucho, Arequipa, Junín, Cusco, La Libertad, there are more than 40 victims in the first 34 days of this government of transition, a fact that the National Human Rights Coordinator has described as a massacre. The 17 deaths of civilians occurred in a single day, on January 9, in Puno, one of the Peruvian regions with the greatest poverty and located at more than 3,800 meters above sea level, with a high Aymara indigenous population. The government disqualified the protests and, through the Prime Minister, Alberto Otárola, accused them of being financed by illegal activities such as drug trafficking and foreigners, and announced that order would be restored. On Tuesday the 10th, the cabinet he presides over received a vote of confidence from the Legislative Branch despite the deaths in his to have. For Javier Torres, political analyst and director of Noticias SER, the information portal of the Association of Rural Educational Services, this decision means a political endorsement of the government of Dina Boluarte, whose only response to the protest of the population is indiscriminate repression and the establishment of states of emergency and compulsory social immobilization. This last measure was issued for three days for Puno. “There is also a kind of total impunity, because we have news yesterday (January 10) that in Puno they are looking for the relatives of the victims to give false testimonies to protect the police officers. In this scenario, what the Congress of the Republic has done seems very serious to me,” he stressed.
In a telephone interview with IPS, Torres stated that the government of President Boluarte rests on two pillars: the armed forces, which are her main support, and the parliamentary majority, which has granted a vote of confidence to her ministerial cabinet.
The congressmen who voted in favor are mostly from benches such as Fuerza Popular, which represents Fujimorismo, Renovación Popular and Avanza País, who are from conservative and extreme right positions and have installed the discourse that the mobilizations are instigated by terrorism and they must be totally suppressed. These groups were joined by three others such as Acción Popular, Alianza para el Progreso and Somos Perú. who also defended the argument of the recovery of public order. Faced with this decision, Torres considered that the political class does not recognize the demands of the population. “In Ayacucho, Cusco, Puno, Apurímac, political demands are raised and they are the most democratic that can be given. They ask for an electoral process and a referendum, which is what is behind asking that the president leave and that they close the congress. It has nothing to do with secessionism or with communism or with Evo Morales”, he stated. But that -he added- the political class does not want to see it because the protest is a questioning of the central power, the way in which the elites of this country govern and make decisions, that is what is in question. In his opinion, the only viable way out of the current crisis is the resignation of President Dina Boluarte, the immediate convocation by Congress of general elections and that these be held in the shortest possible time, which would be six months, as he has stated that the National Elections Jury could be possible. “That would lower the pressure on the country. There are other measures that could help, but at this moment it is the institutional solution that we have left, because the other thing is that this government continues to maintain a repressive policy that what it is going to bring is more deaths and it is not going to solve the problem ”, warned. We continue in the fight Rosa Cachi, a Puno artisan from the Quilca peasant community, responded to the IPS call while participating in a citizen mobilization through the streets of downtown Puno demanding justice for the deaths that occurred in her region and rejecting the position of the main authorities of the country that seek to delegitimize their fight.
“They tell us that we are terrorists, that they finance us from another country, that drug traffickers give us money. It is not like this. We are men and women from the highlands, we are natives, we want respect for our native people. They can't treat us this way," he exclaimed. And he continued: “I am in the streets of the city right now because we do not agree with what Mrs. Boluarte says that elections cannot be brought forward this year until 2024, what they want is to stay in power with this Congress that the people reject”. In addition to the advancement of elections, it also demands that a constituent assembly be installed to elaborate a new Constitution. “We live from our pachamama, from our water and look, so many resources from our land that they take away and it is not left for the town or for the countryside. Only at the time of the elections do they arrive saying, brothers and sisters, vote for me. Then they forget. We don't like that, it shouldn't be like that anymore," she questioned.
In addition to the advancement of elections, it also demands that a constituent assembly be installed to elaborate a new Constitution. “We live from our pachamama, from our water and look, so many resources from our land that they take away and it is not left for the town or for the countryside. Only at the time of the elections do they arrive saying, brothers and sisters, vote for me. Then they forget. We don't like that, it shouldn't be like that anymore," she questioned. Cachi, who is also dedicated to family farming, lamented the indolence of the powers of the State in the face of the deaths that occurred in his region, Puno. “We are mobilizing for our dead who are not recognized by Mrs. Dina Boluarte, the ministerial cabinet or Congress. It is an indignation for us, that is why we have come here in mourning, with black clothes. They don't have to kill us for protesting and demanding what is fair," he insisted. In Lima, citizen vigils have been held in front of the Palace of Justice, in the center of the capital, to express rejection of the government's repressive policy, show solidarity with the families of the victims and demand justice. On the 10th, the National Prosecutor's Office announced the start of a preliminary investigation for the alleged crimes of genocide, qualified homicide and serious injuries against the Peruvian president, the head of her cabinet and the defense and interior ministers, the latter responsible for the actions of the armed forces and the national police respectively. The investigations will cover the deaths during the demonstrations in December and January. Filed in: Featured Cover, Governance, Report, Latest News Latin America and the Caribbean, Crime and justice, Democracy and Politics
https://ipsnoticias.net/2023/01/gobierno-de-boluarte-en-peru-podria-incrementar-represion-para-sostenerse/
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