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errorryx · 6 months

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blood moon – part three

read on ao3 | read part one | gemcyt/life series, 3.2k words

for this update, i scrapped an old scene that provided context but was otherwise very boring. if you're curious, there's a longer explanation available in my ao3 notes.

—

Bdubs woke up in the late morning to the sound of several people arguing in the next room. He recognized Grian and Cleo’s voices, so he got up to see what all the fuss was, only to run right into Pearl in the hallway.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Pearl said in a low voice. “I was just…”

“Snooping around?” Bdubs attempted to deliver this line with an intimidating glare, but he only managed a yawn.

“What? No, of course not! I just wanted—I wanted to talk to you, actually.”

“Why’s that?”

“Grian said you were an expert on building. I had a few questions for you.”

“Really?” He brightened. “What else did he tell you about me?”

“He said if I had any questions about making a base, I should go to you first.”

“Well, he’s absolutely right. I know everything there is to know about building. I built this base we’re standing in now, you know. It’s called a crastle.”

“It’s lovely,” Pearl said. “Probably my favorite base! Don’t tell Grian, though.”

“Oh, you flatterer.” Bdubs waved her off modestly. “I do my best. So what were your questions?”

“Do you know what a chimney is?”

…A chimney. Right. Yes, he definitely knew what that was. “It’s the top part of a fireplace,” Bdubs said with perfect confidence.

“And what’s a fireplace?”

“Why, it’s the place you put fire, of course!”

Pearl looked baffled. “Why would you need a place to put fire?”

This stumped him for a few moments. Why would anyone have a place for fire in their home? “It’s a very complicated question,” Bdubs said. “I could explain it, but it would take all day, and I’m sure you’d find it very boring.”

“Right, of course.” A small smile appeared on Pearl’s face. “I wouldn’t want to take up all of your valuable time.”

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

“I guess I want to know why you’ve all started building bases for yourselves in the first place,” Pearl said. “They’re very lovely, but I don’t understand what they’re for, exactly.”

“Oh, of course! You’re a pearl, so you’ve probably never had a space just for yourself, right?”

Pearl blinked. “I guess not.”

“When me, Cleo, Tango, and Impulse first got here, we found lots of old ruins,” Bdubs explained. “That’s where we got all our books. Let me see, where is it…” He got up and looked through the nearby bookshelf. “Here it is! Man-Made Wonders of The World.”

He presented the book to Pearl with a giddy smile. Pearl took it, flipping through the first few pages with delicate hands. “What’s a man?”

“It’s short for human,” Bdubs said. He was very proud of having figured that one out on his own. “They’re a type of life-form that used to live here on this planet a long time ago. Cleo thinks they’re extinct, because otherwise we would have found one by now.”

“And they built all these? Without gem technology?” Pearl’s eyes widened. “Where are these structures? Have you seen them all?”

“Well, that’s the problem,” Bdubs sighed. “This planet’s really big, and none of us have a working ship anymore. If we had one, we might be able to explore, but it would be a long journey on foot, and Cleo doesn’t believe me when I tell her I can make sure we don’t get lost.”

“That’s a shame,” Pearl said, so quietly that Bdubs almost missed it.

“Wait a minute!” he said. “You must have had a ship to get here, right? Where is it?”

Pearl looked very much as if an agate had just walked in and caught her goofing off. “Well, you see—”

“Bdubs!” Cleo called from the other room. “What are you shouting about?”

“Coming!” Bdubs answered. “Don’t go anywhere,” he told Pearl, before poking his head into the other room.

He was greeted with the sight of two unfamiliar gems, a rose quartz and a peridot, the latter of whom seemed to be attempting to hide behind Grian. (It wasn’t working.) “These are Lizzie and Mumbo,” Cleo told Bdubs. “They came here with Pearl, apparently. Pearl was just here a second ago, but…”

“Oh, she was talking to me!” Bdubs said. “We were having a wonderful little conversation about bases.” He glanced back into the hallway, but Pearl had already disappeared. “Huh. She must have wandered off.”

“Seems to be a habit of hers.” Cleo didn’t look too happy. “You entertain our guests for a minute, and I’ll go make sure she’s not rifling around in our storage.”

“Sure thing!” Bdubs’ arms instinctively went to perform the diamond salute, but he knew Cleo hated when he did that, so he disguised the gesture by clapping his hands together. “So how did you guys all get here? Where’s your ship?”

“They claim there’s no ship,” Cleo said on their way out of the room. Her tone of voice clearly indicated that she didn’t believe them.

“It crashed,” Lizzie told him very solemnly. “Horribly. Went up in flames and everything. Big disaster.”

“Funny coincidence,” Bdubs said, “that’s exactly what happened to ours.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Pearl through the window, in the process of sneaking away. She met Bdubs’ gaze for a split second, and gave him a wink before vanishing from view.

—

Scott was out in the garden when Jimmy heard a visitor knocking at their door. Usually he waited for Scott to tell him what to expect, but it had been a while since they’d had any surprises, and besides, Scott rarely gave him a straight answer when it came to the future. So instead of waiting for him, Jimmy got up and opened the door by himself.

“Hi! You’re Jimmy, right?” Pearl stuck out her arm, and he took it, bewildered. “I just learned about handshakes from Bdubs. Did I do it right?”

“Probably,” Jimmy said with a shrug. “I wouldn’t know. What’s up?”

“You fuse a lot, right? I wanna talk about fusion.”

She must have seen Flower Agate at the party last night. “Yeah, sure. Come on in.” Jimmy stepped aside to allow Pearl to enter. She took a few steps, only to be stopped by the sudden appearance of a wall of ice between them.

“No,” Scott said evenly from where he stood at the back door, his arm outstretched. “Not happening.”

“Scott, what’s going on?” Jimmy backed away from Pearl, who looked just as confused as he felt. “Is something wrong?”

Scott ignored him. “I can’t tell what you’re planning,” he said to Pearl, “but it won’t work. You’re going to get yourself and a lot of other gems hurt.”

“What are you talking about?” Pearl asked. The ice only came up to her waist, but she didn’t try to step over it. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.” Her voice trembled on the words.

“Maybe not, but you will.”

“Is this about a future vision you saw?” Pearl said. “Just tell me what it was, that way I can—”

“I’m not taking that risk,” Scott said. “Just stay away from me and Jimmy.”

“Hey, wait a minute!” Jimmy interrupted. “Can’t we talk about this? I’d rather have nobody get hurt, if that’s an option.”

“You and I can talk about this,” Scott told him. “But you—” he turned his attention back to Pearl, “—need to leave.”

Before Pearl could respond, Scott pushed the ice wall further forward, forcing her out the door. It slammed shut, and he hurried over to lock it.

“What has gotten into you?” Jimmy asked him. “Wouldn’t it have been a better idea to talk it out with her? What harm can one pearl do?”

“You really have to ask that question? You’ve met Joel.”

He couldn’t argue with that—Joel had caused a lot of trouble when he’d first arrived. But for the brief time they’d spoken, Pearl had been perfectly pleasant. “Can you at least tell me what’s going to happen?”

“I can’t,” Scott said.

Jimmy rolled his eyes. “Yes, you can.”

“No, I can’t. There are too many possibilities right now. We’ll have to wait it out and see how things end up.”

Jimmy loved Scott, he really did, but sometimes he made Jimmy want to tear his hair out. “Then what’s the use of future vision if we still don’t know what to do?”

Scott didn’t answer him. Jimmy looked down to see a small ring of ice encircling the hem of his skirt.

“Sorry, sorry,” he said hastily, reaching to pry Scott free of the ice. He set him down on the couch. “Forget I said that. How about tonight? Can you see what happens tonight?”

“We go to the party,” Scott said slowly. “We fuse again. It’s—I think there’s a new fusion? It’s hard to see as Flower Agate.”

“So that’s good, right?” Jimmy asked. “We’re safe.”

“I think so.”

“We’re safe,” Jimmy repeated, with more confidence this time. “We’ll be fine.”

He hoped Scott believed him. He wasn’t sure he believed himself.

—

Mumbo was at a party with a bunch of rebel gems, and people were fusing.

At least, that’s what he thought they were doing. Pearl had warned him this would happen, but it was one thing to hear about it and quite another to see it for himself. Right now, the sapphire and the lapis lazuli were involved in a dance that made Mumbo want to politely avert his eyes—yet at the same time, he couldn’t look away.

“This is…a lot,” he said.

“Yeah,” Pearl agreed. “Are you freaking out? It’s okay if you’re freaking out. We can go back to the ship.”

“No, it’s alright!” Mumbo couldn’t imagine going back to the ship and letting this happen without him. “We can stay.”

The sapphire and lapis finally fused, and he got to watch in real time as their forms merged into one. It was slow and confusing and oddly beautiful. He let out a gasp when the ball of light finally solidified into a single figure, which stood taller than most of the other nearby gems.

“I’m trying to be supportive of Gri,” Pearl said. “I know he likes this. When he fused yesterday, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so…”

“Happy?” Mumbo guessed, searching for Grian in the crowd. He found him talking to a blue gem, with Scar somewhere off in the distance. Maybe Grian didn’t always fuse with Scar, then. Maybe he liked to branch out. “He seems really at home here.”

He’d officially reunited with Grian that morning, which had been wonderful, but…strange. Tense. Mumbo had been expecting everything to promptly return to normal once they found Gri, but it was becoming more and more obvious that that would not be the case. Even worse, Pearl seemed to be in denial about it, and Mumbo had been taking cues from her for long enough that he had no idea what to do.

His attention was pulled to the nephrite and green jasper he’d met earlier, who were—well, if the previous fusion dance had made Mumbo want to look away, this one made him want to bury his head in the ground. Still, he watched. He’d never seen anything even remotely like it. He couldn’t imagine himself ever making moves like that, but perhaps he could manage a twirl or two. Would he have to take off his limb enhancers?

“I don’t know what else to do,” Pearl said. “Do you think if I fused with him, it would convince him to choose us instead of them?”

“Huh?” The second fusion dance had reached its culmination, but a third and a fourth had started up. Mumbo managed to tear his eyes away for a moment to look at Pearl. She had taken on an odd in-between color, which corresponded with the sun’s current position most of the way below the horizon. “Beg your pardon, did you say you were thinking of fusing with Grian?”

“I might as well try.” Pearl got to her feet. “I’ll just go ask him. No big deal, right?”

Mumbo was fairly certain that Pearl and Grian fusing would be a recipe for disaster, but he doubted Pearl would listen to him. “He’s been talking to that blue gem for quite a while now. You might be interrupting something.”

“I don’t care.” Pearl was fully red now. “We’re losing him. He’s in love with this planet. If we don’t offer him something better, he’s going to realize he prefers it to us.”

“Surely there’s a better way than—”

Pearl had already begun walking away before he could finish. Mumbo didn’t follow her. He’d seen enough of Pearl in her red state to know there wasn’t anything he could do except watch the disaster unfold in front of him.

“Boys,” a very sarcastic voice said behind him.

Mumbo looked up to see Rose Quartz—no, Lizzie—taking a seat in the grass beside him. “What’s a boy?” he asked.

“Not sure!” Lizzie said. “I heard Cleo say it earlier, just like that. I think it’s an insult.”

“Boys,” Mumbo repeated, trying to mimic her derision. He watched Pearl storm up to Grian and grab his arm, pulling him away from the blue quartz. “I really don’t understand pearls.”

“Me neither,” Lizzie said, with a little huff of exasperation. “Want a flower? I’ve been picking off the petals for fun.” She passed Mumbo a small white blossom with long petals, the stem severed halfway down.

Mumbo methodically plucked every third petal as he watched Pearl and Grian’s conversation from afar. He didn’t dare approach them, but he couldn’t help but wonder what they were saying.

—

“What are you even saying?” Grian said, throwing up his hands. “Have you gone mad?”

“Am I not good enough to fuse with?” Pearl asked. “You’ll fuse with spinels and quartzes but not me?”

“Pearl, I’m not—” Grian cast a glance at BigB, who was trying to mind his own business. It was proving to be a very difficult task. “I haven’t even fused with any quartzes yet, I’ll have you know. And besides, it’s not about what type of gem you are.”

“So why not? Spit it out.”

“I don’t think this is a good time.” Grian looked wary, but his mind was clearly made up. “Not while you’re still red.”

“That’s it, then?” Pearl threw up her hands. “You won’t fuse with me because I’m off-color?”

BigB winced at that one. “Woah, okay, I don’t think that’s—”

“Don’t you start,” Pearl snapped. “I’m talking to Grian right now.”

“Actually, I was talking to him first,” Grian said, before BigB could figure out a polite way to exit the conversation. “I know you’re still adjusting to living here, Pearl, but BigB didn’t do anything wrong.”

Pearl gave him a look of pure fury, then turned the same gaze on BigB, who immediately put up his hands in surrender. “Fine,” she said. “I get it. You’d rather hang out with your new friends.”

“Pearl, I don’t—”

“Whatever, Gri,” she said coldly, and turned on her heel, walking away into the dark.

Grian sighed. “I’m sorry you had to see that,” he told BigB.

“Did you know her from somewhere?” BigB asked him. “That really didn’t seem like a conversation between two gems that met yesterday.”

“I guess there’s no point in keeping it a secret if she wants to have loud arguments in front of people,” Grian said. “Yeah, I know her. At least, I thought I did.”

“That bad, huh?”

Grian shrugged. “Something’s going on with her, but I have no idea what it is.”

“You think it has anything to do with the whole color-changing thing?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen her do that before.” Grian stared off into the woods where Pearl had just disappeared. “I’ve never seen any gem do that before.”

“Me neither,” BigB said. “I bet if anyone knows, it’s Ren. He’s seen a lot of weird stuff.”

“You think he’d know something?” Grian looked even more worried at the prospect. “I’m not sure if I should bother him with this.”

“I can ask him,” BigB volunteered. “I don’t mind.”

He looked around at the rest of the party, finding Ren lounging in the grass by himself. He was surprised Ren and Martyn hadn’t formed Red Diamond yet, considering all the other fusions that were going on, but he wasn’t about to question it. “Hey, Ren! Can I ask you something?”

“What’s up, dude?” Ren waved him over. “Is something wrong?”

“Not with me,” BigB said. “I just wanted to ask, have you ever seen a gem change color?”

“Hmm.” Ren took a moment to think. “I can’t say I have. Not permanently, at least.”

“What about temporarily?”

“Well, that’s a different story. I’ve seen it happen a few times.”

“You have? Really?”

“Sure, have, m’dude. It’s pretty funky.” Ren sat up straight, immediately towering over BigB. “Happens sometimes on planets with different types of suns. Most gems look about the same, but sometimes a gem will go a bit—well, I don’t want to say off-color, but—”

“So it’s just a trick of the light?” BigB asked.

“Sometimes,” Ren said. “Sometimes nothing else happens, but—haven’t seen it myself, mind you, but I’ve heard certain gems will start to go a little off the rails, if you know what I mean.”

BigB laughed. “Like we all did when we got here?”

“Hey! Not all of us!”

“You’re right,” BigB said. “It was mostly you and Martyn.”

Ren sighed. “I suppose you’re not wrong. Why were you asking about color-changing gems, anyway?”

“You’ve met the new gems, haven’t you?”

“Seen ‘em, yes. Not really had a chat with any of them yet. I was planning on introducing myself, but I was worried I might intimidate them with my size.”

“You could always shrink down,” BigB suggested. “But yeah, Grian and I just talked to Pearl, and she was kind of…the wrong color? Last I saw her she was close to the same color as Grian, but this time she was red. Is that normal?”

“She was red, you say?” Ren looked alarmed. “Are you sure?”

“Pretty sure. Saw it with my own eyes. Grian said it happened last night, too.”

“That’s…not good,” Ren said. “Where is she now?”

“She got upset and ran off.” BigB pointed in the direction he’d seen Pearl disappear. Ren’s frown only deepened.

“We should probably go make sure she’s okay.” He got to his feet, then looked down at BigB and hesitated. “Maybe I’ll take your advice on that shrinking thing. Wouldn’t want to scare her.”

BigB watched as Ren shrank down to match his height. Amusingly, Ren’s gem stayed the same size, making it look huge on his chest. It was odd to be able to look Ren in the eye, but BigB found he quite liked it.

“Alright, you lead the way,” Ren told him.

“Just you and me?” BigB asked. “We’re not getting anyone else?”

“We don’t need a whole group for one pearl,” Ren said. “She’s not hostile, is she?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then I’m sure we’ll be fine!” Ren flashed him a grin. “What’s the worst that could happen?”

—

(I'll update this fic with the next part when it's done, but you can save it on ao3 if you want to make sure you catch it!)

if you read this all the way through and enjoyed, please consider reblogging!

#gemcyt #pearlescentmoon #mumbo jumbo #bdoubleo100 #jimmy solidarity #(is that the tag people use? calling him solidaritygaming feels weird to me idk)#scott smajor #(same deal it just Feels Right this way)#grian #bigbst4tz2 #i'll stop there because the rest of them don't have that many speaking lines #3rd life series #my writing #my stuff

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doctorwhoisadhd · 6 days

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hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.

as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".

with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":

1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and

2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.

(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)

now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).

to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.

(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)

#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter #ari opinion hour #this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic #which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs.#however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to #me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word #is an important barrier to consider in communication #i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very #important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me #anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language #but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the #first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again #its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category #even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic #but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter #part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs #love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs #but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him #and i would still put those in the second category #so part of it is awareness as well #so. yeah. its interesting #i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that

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pandora15 · 6 months

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life is cruel.

it's tragic, horrific, and unfair. it gives us the worst of things, causes us to feel and experience things that are so unspeakably painful that sometimes I can't even. I can't even.

and it seems even more cruel in those moments of pain and grief and loss when you see something beautiful, like fall colors, or the color of the sky at sunset, or how the holidays typically are meant to bring joy to people but all you can think about now is that every year when this time of year comes, you'll just think about how tragic it is.

and cruel.

and horrific.

and unfair.

and beautiful.

#grief #grief tw #so i'm dealing with grief intimately for the first time like. ever. and i'm having a lot of emotions #and i can't help but observe that the way i write it in fic feels. kinda like how i feel right now? in some ways?#but also like. everyone goes through it differently and there's no like correct way to process #for me i'm. okay most of the time when i have a lot of stuff to do #which is like 90% of the time #but i'm also just feeling a lot of things and trying to figure out how to move forward #especially with the knowledge that life is short and cruel and you just never know what might happen #and i can't just not do the things i truly want to do with my life because i'm SCARED #because. you never know what might happen #you never know when the end is gonna come #anyways i drove back to my apartment today and i saw beautiful fall colors on the way #and all i can think is ''how can the world be so beautiful and so horrible at the same time''#''so beautiful and so fucking CRUEL at the same time''#''and to the people who least deserve its cruelty''#anyways that's where i'm at ig #still got two classes moving and a full time job to do while all of this is happening 🙃#all things considered. i'm okay. not great but i'm doing my best #really in my post tpm obi-wan era except to a lesser degree #but i certainly have a LOT of responsibilities to deal with along with my grief so. yeah.

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good-beanswrites · 2 months

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Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.

Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!

Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...

I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm

Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.

Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.

“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.

She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store.

Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore.

“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.

It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”

She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath.

Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.

She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.

Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her.

So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death.

“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno.

“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying.

At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”

Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.

“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”

The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.

But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.

Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well?

At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe.

“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #amane and fuuta mentioned #i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂#oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk #i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that #anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0 #drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result #i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together #the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices #im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd #i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything --#i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared #but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off #not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky #i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person...#i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon #and *shes* the odd one out for craving company #then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else #i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...?#AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃#*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit*#drabbles

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