#(ive deleted the dating apps lmao) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tojisun · 19 days

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hihi, im a mootie (i think i am???? idk even what that word truly means but we talk!) and im too worried to message u this normally, so im sending it anonymously. this way, u dont have to feel obligated to respond at all. and if ud rather i not be personal/emotional/vent like this, lmk and ill stop!!

but i hate it here so much. i matched w this dude on hinge, and he asked me if one of my friends in a group photo i had was single. and like dude i initiated it too, like i liked his profile first, so im never doing that again. i always felt like the uglier friend in the group, so honestly this experience just confirmed that. this worsened my already crappy self-perception and -esteem.

but whatever! i have to force myself to realize that i have low chances of ever experiencing someone attracted to me and in love w me

ok bye i'm so sorry !!!

hi my love!! im so sorry for just seeing this now :((

nono, im open and super ok talking to u guys like this! im glad and thankful that u trust me w this, its just that im.. not as equipped to talk about this without rambling bc this is smthn i carry around too

im the fat friend. ive always been the fat friend. if its not my weight, just the fact that one of my exes even used me as a rebound bc he cant get w my friend just sucks yk?

and it took soooo much effort to learn to love myself—im not even done learning it tbh. i still dont have the self-esteem to feel like im treated right. but along the way, i just gave up thinking about how others perceive me as long as im doing things for myself

i wore clothes i enjoy, decided to try different makeup styles, cut my hair as short as i want even if my mom said itd make my face look bigger bc i always wanted short hair. and somehow just doing things for myself made me feel pretty. and i carried this elation, letting it triumph over ppl’s perception

but thats also bc im not looking for relationship. it was a different battle when i was. i felt like i was always coming short of the beauty standard, and some men in datings apps would really make you compete with ur friends

this thing that u experienced? happened to me too—me and my friend even matched w him at the same time by accident. when my friend wont reply to him asap, he came to me and asked abt her. i unmatched right away and even deleted my profile LMAO

but uhm. ig what i want to just say to u (like what i told myself) is: dont let HIM make you feel that you’re ugly, or even the uglier friend. he just sucks, i promise you this.

there are probably other men im sure who are swiping for u. but dont let their attention dictate how u feel about urself too bc everything, i think, should come from urself. as long as YOU feel right in your own skin, with your own clothes, then yea you are beautiful

im so sorry u felt this way and i hope no one ever feels this way bc god we are all beautiful. not for any other reasons, just that we are

#anon #ask #this felt like talking tomy younger self omg

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madzenhaisof · 1 year

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Happy new year mother fuckers. So last year was a roller coaster and I was super happy and the most depressed I’ve ever been and I just started this year off with depression. But we are done. If anyone has read abt if my post most of it has been linked to women and all it brings is depression. I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know why but some reason I got it in my head that I was going to get a new years kiss today. Funny right now I’m crying because I don’t know if I’m unattractive or just have no rizz cause it’s been so long since I’ve tried a women or done anything with a women so I’m just too old and dont know what to do. But I have goals to achieve and I can’t keep feeling this lonely and messed up abt women. So I’m done. I’m asexual now, instead of trying to lose my virginity I’m going to try and break the record. Which is apparently 107 years lmao so I’m going to have to try really hard. Only problem is that I’m so honey all the time. But I guess masterbating is my main source of pleasure now so it doesn’t matter so I’m just going to use that as my outlet. I have a flesh light which is suppose to feel close to the real thing so hopefully I’m good on that lol. I’m serious too. I deleted all my dating apps and can’t take being anxious all the time. I’m just going to live my life because it’s my life and I don’t want to feel like this. I already buried my emotions once for other reasons I don’t want to become that closed off from the ppl I love so I have to just get away from the people that make me feel like I want to die and that’s sadly women I hit myself so much. I’m asexual only person I want to give me pleasure is myself I’m done, that’s my god damn resolution. No more tears. Just business. That’s what’s important. I know Ive sayid things like this before I think anyways but I mean it I really do. I’m done I can’t no more. I felt so low when I wanted to feel happy. So much darkness over came me. I can never let that happen again I cannot I dont want to be sad anymore. It’s just too late for me I wish it wasn’t but here I am with nothing but loneliness . Im just going to cry the rest out. Thanks to listening as always

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girlwithfish · 1 year

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my blog and spotify are little mirrors of me. my blog is too personal only my bf knows it and no one else in my life(irl~) knows i have a tumblr lol. i used to have two friends in hs one being my ex for a brief period who knew my old blog but that was a long time ago hopefully they never kept track of it and followed all my account changes and url changes lmao and my spotify is soooo me and real i wonder if anyone ever stalks it and what impression they get from me. i have like 500 playlists 200 public it is such a pain but it is sooo me so many random playlists i dont remember making nd i wonder what was happening at the time in my life. i want to delete and remake my acc sometimes but i am also attached to my spotify. ive def given my spotify out to ppl before back when i used to have friends in hs or when i dated around i hope no one has ever followed me still from that like old tinder matches thats so embarrassing or like. my ex bc i kept the same spotify since high school weirddd. i prob would be embarrassed for someone Irl to see my spotify like once my sister went thru mine and thought it was weird. plus im never gna be like those ppl who put their first and last full government name as their spotify username so ppl can find them so easily Lol so my spotify is quite private.. i like my profile too much to just start over but if i did id want to archive it not just delete bc ilike it a lot. next thing that is a mirror camera roll and notes app but those are private for my eyez only but weird when i scroll thru camera roll and see the different months on the scroll bar and see what i had screenshotted some outfits music and stuff sunsets ugly photos of mundane stuff all this stuff. Stuff and things scrapbook mirror etc

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emeraldbabygirl · 2 years

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um i watched the whole jungwon and niki studio choom thing. terrifying truly, so much to unpack but what performers, the choreo and presence was solid 10/10.

AND IM SO SORRY I KNOW ITS AN EPIPEN THING BUT MY MAN KAIN LOOKED SO DAMN FINE FINE UGH HE KNOWS HE LOOKS GOOD. I love that he’s really promoting these kids as a backup dancer from them, such a sweet thing to do

#i know its enhypn ok i call them epipen #it started as a joke cause i didnt know how to spell enhypen cause i wasnt paying no attention #ever since i found out kain is a dancer for them ive slowly payed more attention #yes its so i can see kain leave me alone #oh but niki still hasn't messaged me back on that dating app lol #course i deleted it but he matched with me and nothing ugh discount wonhyuk why lmao #enhypen #jungwon #niki #also they are so young #why they all babies #they're good performers so props to them

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wetslug · 4 years

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#the system on the bumble app where the girl must reach out first is cool for str8 dating but it doesnt help me out asjkdjaskdkas #pwease force one of us to start conversations #make the top do it ajskdjaskdajs #and that aint me sis!!!!111 #also ive literally gone thru all the wlw within 50km of me so i think im gonna have to try societys nemesis as well...tindr.com #last time i tried to download tindr i had to admit to a girl that i couldnt drive and i got so embarrassed i deleted the app LMAO #yea i can drive now but my mom has to be there because its only a learners

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corpseflowerqueer · 2 years

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😐 man who told me I could practice flirting with him leaves me on delivered for like hours straight consistently and I'm annoyed by it

#this has has happened so many times theres no way that the odds of me talking to multiple men that rarely look at their phone is 100%#they just definitely have very little interest in me so ive decided i will not try anymore ♡ peace and love #and i also have no energy to try with anyone else so i am now deleting my dating app accs.#might actually get tinder again when im back home for the summer bc there are Way More ppl there and it isnt as white lmao #ill also likely be very bored between working and doing absolutely nothing so.

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fairycosmos · 2 years

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this is very random but i was hoping maybe you could give some insight? i finally accepted that im lesbian but ive been calling myself bi for 5 years now and also realized that i used it to avoid women cause i was scared to admit that i found them attractive. now im admitting it and that i never really wanted anything to do with men but.....i have no idea how to romantically approach women loool like im so lost with it, i have no idea how queer culture or anything of the sort works cause ive avoided it as much as i could until now......how does this shit work, i feel like im reealizing things too late (even tho im only 22 ) and ive missed my chance to live a happy gay life ashfkfjkf even tho i know that sounds stupid. this sounds so dumb but i dont know how to be gay lmao

oh it's suuuuper normal don't even worry about it. it's why a lot of lgbt ppl feel like they have their coming of age moments much later. or they feel like they go through a second puberty of sorts where they rediscover sexuality and romance and love, through a lens they finally feel comfortable with, for the first time. also ur soooo young it's fine it's fine it's fine. you will be fine. i know it's frustrating and it feels kind of like stumbling through the dark TBH i'm kind of in the same boat so maybe everything i have to say on the matter is kind of stunted - but yeah it's honestly so natural. i think familiarizing yourself with queer culture and media is a good first step like movies, certain communities, tv shows, online spaces, books, music and artists etc etc. and also maybe learning a bit about lesbian history in ur country if it interests you! or not that's just an idea some ppl don't care LOL anyway. i recommend finding other lgbt ppl online too, it's really cathartic and fun and it's great to have friends who r on the same wave length as you like that, even just on the internet. THEN i guess the next step would be looking for gay/lgbt scene in ur area, if there is one, and maybe checking out a few gay bars or clubs with ur friends. or just look for any sort of communal activity that is popular w other lesbian and bi women specifically and kind of learn from there as you go through adjusting and observing. there's also sometimes these lgbt support groups to help ppl find each other/cope w hard situations that stem from being lgbt so maybe you could look into those? it sounds cheesy but there literally is no wrong way to be gay at all, it doesn't even have to be a whole thing if you don't want it to be. it's truly just an aspect of ur identity. and nobody knows how to flirt or talk to ppl at first, there's no script you need to follow with women just because theyre women or anything. they're not expecting you to know exactly what to do or say right off the bat, either. it's just about trying to genuinely connect w people when the opportunity presents itself, i reckon, and seeing where it goes from there. you could try lgbt/lesbian dating apps if u want, though they can be kind of intimidating - i always delete them every few months feeling like i have no idea how to talk to women, either. it is hard ngl like it's a weird world to navigate especially when you're new to it and it's normal to feel lost and a little strange about it so don't feel like ur some outlier who didn't get the memo! none of us did! we're all somewhat estranged from each other, even ppl who grew up out and proud. just the fact that you're finally in a place of self acceptance is a really good sign and there is no set trajectory for this sort of thing at all, where you have to measure yourself up against everyone elses time scale and journey and experiences. you're doing better than you think. baby steps into getting to know the lgbt culture and scene wherever you live is more than enough. no rush <3

#anon

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notnctu · 3 years

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Hey how are you today ? :) I have a question but don't take it as a critic or anything, but, what is (are) the reason for your departure? Why do you want to log out forever from your blog ? Does your blog reminds you of negative moments who makes you uncomfortable? You don't have to answer tho, I totally respect your decisions! ♡

hello im good today ty for asking!!

let me put a disclaimer that there is nothing that makes me feel uncomfortable about being on here or that its something super serious or that i have issues with writing ff

im also gonna put it under the cut bc its super long and i overshare

reasons why i am leaving was that this blog has always been a temporary thing during quarantine, except I did not predict how big this blog would blow up to be, even surpassing the follower count on my main blog. i had left writing three years ago when i entered college because it was something that takes a lot a lot of my personal time. i only started it back up because we were all stuck at home and me and author xuxi got into nct together, started reading ff and reminisced about the 'old days' of when we would write on our separate accounts. and then we took it farther to actually just drabbling here and there out of boredom and wanted to share it with people. i fell back in love with writing after three years!!

but as you know, the world has slowly started opening back up again and some schools are reopening back to in person instruction, my school being one, and i already know that i would have no time to write. i could barely find time to write when it was online instruction lmaoo along with that, writing has become more of a chore than it being something light and fun, where i could write out my ideas for everyone to read. so i feel pressured to finish projects i promised, making it so its not something that i want to do anymore. like i always have it in the back of my mind, "fuck i need to finish ___" or "i need to write ___" :/ and so i feel like it holds me back from just living my life ig

for the reason why i want to log out and delete the app on my phone is because i chose to leave my blog up so my stories can remain. but i dont want to be on this blog or check it. as long as the app remains on my phone, i would want to click on it to check it routinely on a daily basis. i went on hiatus from feb - april? but i still checked notifications daily in the small moments i had (like lounging around, when i went on my phone before bed, when i checked my notifs when i wake, in the silences during car rides) like checking stats for this blog is so obsessive, im proud of where it has become but i guess im always checking to see if a reader left me kind words on my fic or if i received an ask from one of my anons, i just want to know all the statuses that go on lol and i feel like it distracts me because i can't let go of it. me logging out and deleting the app is my form of letting go, it's my own deactivation of the relationship i have with the blog. i just want to stop dedicating so much of my focus into it? if that makes sense

a small part of me too wants to put writing in the past... i love writing, i say that its a hobby of mine, but like seriously i love writing, it's my way of art expression bc i cant draw or paint for shit lmao i have been writing ff since i was in the 6th grade!! all throughout middle school and high school, and now some parts of college. and i just feel like i love it, but i dont want to pursue it anything more than a hobby and i also dont want to write original characters. i havent really explored writing og and i wouldnt really care to tbh and i feel adrenaline when im writing a passion piece, but i would never write if it wasn't for purpose of publishing it and esp fanfiction, i just want to conclude this part of me.

i know this was super lengthy, but ive kept my reasons of departing to myself, not because its anything incredibly personal, but because my thinking process is long when it came to this decision. i chose the date sep 12 because its the start of training for my club, which requires 100% of my time and so i found that it was just a good marker of when i should take my leave.

i appreciate and i wholehearted love every aspect of this blog; my followers, my works, my mutuals, everyone's feedback, everyone's sweet and kind messages, all the interactions, the aesthetic, all of it is something i thoroughly enjoyed and actually made me so incredibly happy. this blog was my safe haven, which is the reason why i can't deactivate it. there are so many parts of this blog that i come back to just to smile (my birthday wishes, my mutuals' support, feedback on stories i worked my ass off for, stories that i am genuinely so proud of, my own shit posts sometimes lmao) this blog is a time capsule of a moment in my life where life was paused and i could literally pass every day as if they were all the same and i could write with no other distractions. and i want to come back to it someday, although it would be long forgotten and untouched, but just to look back and reminisce (again) about the 'old days'.

#asks #big big ramble #anyways #have a good day luv!!

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anestheticrage · 4 years

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Be me: Japanese honor student🎓, 15, with half a brain and even less of a plan. Hunting bitches by day and witches by night. Livin that dank only child✌️ life while mom n dad yeet all over the globe, leavin me plenty of time to forget not to make 2 lunches for myself #quirky 😜

no time for socialization or basic electronics skills ???📱??? when your best friends are an alien demon rabbit🐰👽 and the inexplicable Hole ™ in your brain. lmao, btw did i mention im ✨M✨A✨G✨I✨C✨A✨L✨

dreamin bout my 2D waifus again when familiar pink haired cancer patient dances through my brain passin out fliers: Kamihama Meguca Dating Service: Sponsored by Cult of the Magius. 250 stones per session 🤔

seems legit, Mr. Moneybags. wasn't spending my unwieldy sack of gemstones on anything else anyway. lets pull 💎💎💎

first up we have Redhead Radagast and her plethora of plants. 🌿☺️🦎

anndd, nearly dies immediately.

well not off to a great start but i guess shes pretty cute at lea- oh FUCK its her girlfriend, Tsundere Poseidon😒🔱💦, and their exasperated, straight and single Sword Mom 😔🗡️🔥. fml gonna have to save up for the next pull. might as well play a few rounds with what i got tho.

get in some good girl talk about things like school, color coded hair styles, body count, permanent soul damage, and our personal demon pacts. ya know, the usual 😚 . realize my dark backstory seems to be missing, so the girls take me to Ketchup Queen Sappho 🍅🥧 (wtf?) to molest my glowy egg stone. whatevs, more action than ive had since Kuroe 🖤 got added to the story anyway

the gang agrees it's time to hunt down the cutest rabbit pimp 🕶️🐇💵 in the city. >> say 🎵mukyuuu🎵 one more time and ill hug you so hard my backstory will pop right out, you adorable fluffy bastard. plz be my new best friend 💕

Form brand new friendship pact with Kyubae, and remember that my lil Sis 🐥 was always the best wingman for pickin up magic chicks, and kept her side of the room so spotless i forgot she existed. whoops 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ Maybe if I find her i can stop paying these exorbitant pull fees.📵💎

speaking of which: hot damn this week's featured bachelorette is a 19 year old model and magical detective🔎 with massive levels of PTSD and self loathing 🥵💙💦 more likely to stab you or dramatically jump off a rooftoop than utter a single positive comment. wow, maybe i really COULD find true love…

... if i had MORE THAN A 1% FUCKING DRAW CHANCE. 😡 smh

hard to make much progress finding sis or winning the broken heart of a hard boiled detective amidst the never ending lover's quarrel of the Trident Vine Lesbians. 💔 Sword Mom tells them if they don't behave a monster will take them away. LOL classic mom 🤣

>>>HOLY FUCK IT DID

declare all-out war on urban legends, starting with staircases ⚔️ to reunite the dysfunctional trio, and hope that I net a way better lineup with the next 10x pull. at least sad sleuth lady came to help out. they say combat is the best way to bond wi- and there she goes off the rooftop again 🙄 fml

alright that got way off track, we need a fresh start, away from all the loli drama. how bout a little B&E🔓🔨🤷🏻‍♀️ at the local house of worship to clear my head. ahh nothing like the unanswered prayers of the masses to get you in the mood for another wasted pull, and the 🔥 MIGHTIEST 🔥 headache you could ask for with a side of Double Cooked Pork 🐖🍜 (meh 5/10🧾)

venture forth into the spiritual unknown with your new human flamethrower🔥🌻🧡 and ask your favorite private eye to please, for the love of Eve, trade Meguca accounts with me~~~ Head through the eastern spirit portal to meet up with hologram propaganda sis and detective crush's evil ex, who joined a dating-app cult (#fuck) and also turned into the moon?🌕?(that's rough buddy)

get ambushed by Acid Horse on Wheels 🌈🐴 and vomit up my soul so hard that its time for a crossover episode. T U R F F F W A R R R *que operatic harmonies* 💛 Blondie with the hair drills and enough attitude and guns to fill up a noble phantasm tries to ban my account permanently, but PI heartthrob denies her admin privileges. aww babe i didn't know you cared. 😭♥️

get kidnapped by my new true love and go back to her place 😏 defs enough empty rooms to house five emotionally traumatized girls and at least two ghosts hehehe👻 XD 💚🃏💜🎸 decide to form the anti-gossip brigade and recruit my blazing sunflower after getting ambushed by the witch living in my fruit loops🥣

❌outvoted 2:1 that cults are bad. mf. fiinneee one last pull to round out the team and then I'll delete the app. cmonnn Karin 🎃~

OH HELL YEAH TWO FOR ONE.

Always wanted a daughter 💜🔨🐄 with a penchant for pissing off the local Martial Arts & Books Club and drinking suspicious liquids offered by total strangers. Well if it's good enough for her AND the sexy mayadere with enough game to seduce a mermaid, might as well get in on that myself.

#curseddrank 🤢 0/24 would not recommend to a friend, 'cept maybe Ria

win alot of cash 🤑, blow up a fountain, meet the pied piper²🎶🖕, moon cult, monochrome feathers, something about liberation✊🏻; adopt temper tantrum cow girl. aces 💜🥩

Next up!!! skydiving with DJ Hammer! Jump to apparently-not-certain death after suicidal A.I. 💚💾🗼 tells you to rescue her hostage before they run out of Radiohead albums and have to move on to Thom Yorke's solo discography. save the invisible shield kitten 💚👑😿 from happiness and get chased through the internet by the sexiest homicidal Paint Pallette 💚🎨😈 since Caravaggio. (apparently green is the color of the digital apocalypse. i’m deleting Kako from my friend's list)

that’s it, fuck this app. 250 stones 💎 per-life-threatening-experience is more than i’m willing to deal with 😓 don’t wanna mess with the perfect nuclear family anyway. we've already got:

✔️the two emotionally traumatized moms with memory and commitment issues

✔️the adhd daughter with anger management problems and a giant hammer

✔️the psychologically abused scizophrenic cat

✔️and the eccentric aunt with crippling anxiety

#squadgoals

now that were done hoarding bitches, its time to hunt the witches. and the bitches makin the witches. btw did i mention the witches ARE the bitches! AND WERE ALL GOING TO DIE!? 📽️⁉️💀 wait fuck lets back up a second

This is Nemo📕 and Token🧪 and they have all the answers but prefer if you only ask vague questions in exchange for vague responses so they can fill in the rest by discussing their superior intellect 🧠 at length. not to mention they built that dating app, so of course everyone in my harem decides to be a FUCKING. TRAITOR.🤬

cept waifu prime ofc 🥰💙. [PTSD > brainwashing] 'yOu CaN bE tHe LeAdEr NoW'. i have been from the very beginning you traumatized Hinedere nightmare. maybe if you weren't so caught up collecting surrogate daughters you would've noticed IM👏THE👏ONLY👏 ONE👏PROGRESSING👏THE FUCKING👏PLOT✨

rescue the rest of dysfunctional found-family™ from selves before my adorable firebender burns down Disnihama🎡🔥😱 during her weekly anxiety attack. (love the makeover T B H)

CHAPTER 8: Magical Girl Massacre🩸🗡️

- everyone has like, the shittiest day ever

- the new Pope really needs to be extradited from the church

- make friends with a really pretty tree 🌺🌲✨

i swear, if i don't finish this god damn story in time to get that free pull im gonna beat the shit out of every mirror i find in that giant mansion that i haven't even had any time to even mention yet. 🖕🏚️ let alone EVERYTHING happening with the prequel [fuck you, I'm the star] girls 💗💜💙💛❤️️ and their multidimensional melodrama. We don't need that many repetitive af episodes to emphasize that Homo-ra is a shitty person. we've all seen Rebellion. 🙄

NO, I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT SAPPHO'S BACKSTORY, I ONLY HAVE 79 STONES LEFT AND IF YACHAN FINDS OUT I HAVEN'T DELETED THE APP YET IM GONNA HAVE TO GO SLEEP IN WITH SANA 😭💎💸😠

uhhhggggg where were we… Topple a cult and burn down Hotel Denoument only to realize that Sis was fused with the dating app servers this entire madokafuckin time (told ya she was the best wingman 😊).

Dilemma: Sis =🥚, Triumvirate of Trouble want 🐣. What do? vote now:

Help Hatch - IIIIIII

Not Do That - IIIII

What The Actual Fuck Is Going On - IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Lets just fight everyone until something good happens.

🔥🔫🔥🗡️🔥😱🔥🌆🔥😱🔥🛡️🔥💣🔥

Kill (???) the artist-in-chief of the italian reindeer murder police after teaching her the true meaning of Christmas 🎄 hatch 🐣lil Sis and realize she WAS your wingman all along🐰 MUKYUUUU! we're just gonna ignore how much trouble it would have saved if you'd just mentioned that. "yOu DiDnT aSk..."

FUCK YOU SPACE BITCH. ONCE AN INCUBATOR ALWAYS AN INCUBATOR 🖕🐇🔪

anywho, somewhere along the lines we of course summoned the Antichrist ⚙️ because why not raise the stakes to max and still not kill off a single character. Madofuckinkami, can we PLEASE wrap this up. 😩💤

feathers (not the culty kind, tfm) rain from the sky, and the power of friendship and not having the Urobutcher 🔪🩸as a lead writer saves our peacefully sectioned off alternate reality 😇

TL:DR fuck cults, real life waifus DO exist, don't sell your soul to space rabbits, or your stones to megacorporations. Enjoy arc 2 on the JP server with your shitty translation patch you filthy fuckin weebs

Yours Truly,

- Thirsty Weeb Eroha 💗💎😘

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dear-yandere · 4 years

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—ask collection!

a collection of mostly very old chats and sweet asks that i never got around to answering! thanks for the patience and love!!

beware, fairly long post... woops....

chat asks.

darling: Eu-jin is best boy. Change my mind.

vanya: i am physically incapable of fulfilling that request, how dare you do that to me... i’m biased since he’s my own oc, but i would die for my (very best) boy eu-jin... who can resist such a gentle yandere that loves you so whole-heartedly?

that reminds me! he’s actually based off of kuroyuki and gekkamaru from the otome nightshade, so if you want similar characters by any chance, do check them and the game out ♡

darling: I was watching the dub for Part 5 of JoJo's Bizarre adventure yesterday...Mista called himself Daddy and I like- sdfghjfgsdhnhnmj!! My heart can't take this--

vanya: WAIT HE DID???? i’m not even big on daddy kink and reading that made me go 😳 this is vital information to know... what episode was this??? for research purposes, of course. gotta perfect my yan! mista, after all~...

darling: for yandere songs, have you heard of the major to minor covers by chase holfelder :O? the way he delivers the lyrics in some songs (betty, all i want for christmas), added with the key changes to minor, is really fantastic, and gives a stalker-ish vibe imo! and he's a really good singer in general

vanya: i have!! a good chunk of them are actually on my personal yandere playlist, so i end up hearing them frequently when i’m writing!! i haven’t been keeping up with his uploads recently, so ‘betty’ is completely new to me and just, wow???????????? this man is an absolute god send for us “romantic” horror fans... ♡

this ask gave me such a lovely idea, though, darling: assigning yandere types/mbti based off each of chase’s minor key covers. i think i’ll do that just for you. ♡

darling @blossomiich: I reread some of your old character interaction asks and saw the one with Jotaro hugging his Darling after a panic attack and the elephant seal plush reminded me of the iconic C H O N K Y ringed seal plushie that was kinda trending and I can totally imagine Jotaro having one of those >w< that's so adorable!

vanya: i honestly don’t remember that interaction, but then again i don’t remember most things hmghng so i looked it up and

j...just imagine star plat hogging it and not letting joot cuddle with it 🥺 the duality of man...thank you for this cute image...

darling: Umm, sorry for asking this. I'm just curious because of your bio language in your header. Are you Chinese too, perhaps?

vanya: no worries!! i’m mixed guyanese (indian, chinese, & possibly black and/or portuguese), but my family only celebrates (or rather, acknowledges?) our indian descent, since the majority of our family is predominantly east indian.

my header is actually a quote from a danmei novel (and one of my all-time favorite fandoms), tiān guān cì fú (heaven’s official blessing)!

darling genki stan anon: Omg you're writing for free now, i didn't expect that one lol. It's a cute show innit? Not a nagi stan but I feel like nagisa has that kinda unsnapped personality that would make him peak delusional yandere material lolol like oikawa but less threatening and without his head being up his own ass 😂. Hope you're doing well!! -gsa

Gdjsjs im such a fool, i think my last ask said something about not thinking you'd write for free when i literally just pointed out kisumi on your sideblog LMAO my bad 😅 😂 also ill hold back on the gen chan requests because ive already asked so many in the past! Thank you though 🥺. Also feel free not to post this, it can just dip into my onesided chats with my lil flower 💐 so long as you receive them im fine 😌 -genki stan anon

vanya: nagisa isn’t my favorite (kisumi is), but gods if he wouldn’t make a great yandere. honestly, out of the iwatobi boys, nagi is probably the most unhinged. i wouldn’t peg him as delusional, at least not at first; i think he’s very lucid and knows exactly what he wants and how to manipulate people in order to get it!!! kisumi is fairly similar now that i think about it... i might... have a type...

please feel free to send in gen-chan requests whenever you want!!!! i’m kinda super asocial, so it’ll take me a while to answer, but i love getting asks from you since you’re so sweet and excitable!!! your little flower reads and cherishes them all!! 🥺

also darling genki stan anon: Sorry for spamming you with asks hdjkdks, u dont even need to reply im just kinda brain empty venting here whether you recieve them or not 😂 i just needed to confess that while yes i am #1 gen simp, and he is undoubtedly my fave oc of yours but that Ilya tentacle smut had me very much so highkey kinda 👀, had to re read the genki oral style drabble to bring my head back. He dont even need to worry about luca bc that man a thot. I think therin is a thot too but like lowkey, a classy thót -gsa

vanya: omg i’ve kept this one for forever mnmghngh i might’ve even answered at some other point, now that i think about it... but i just 🥺 gosh i hope i find my muse soon, because i really wanna write you a genki fic 🥺 hhhh

the ilya tentacle smut was so in character for that boy... i have no clue how to write monsters, much less tentacles, but i’d honestly do anything for him 🙏 kinky russian boy...

therin is definitely a classy thot, the kind that only bangs the finest concubines then turns around and slut shames you for banging the very same prostitutes gbfmngnfg rules don’t apply to him, in his kingdom...wish that were me tbh ✊😔

sweet asks.

darling one: i've read almost all of your dazai and chuuya fics and i love them so much!! your formatting is also super aesthetic just a question, i saw on your kofi that you also draw so i was wondering if you drew all the header arts?? bc they're all super pretty :) have a great day!

darling two: Just wanted to say love the writing and the way your format your posts is so aesthetically pleasing. One day I hope my posts looks half as good as yours because I legit can't get over how pretty and organized it looks.

vanya: omg thank you so much!!!! one of my bffs, yue, is to thank for the formatting and aesthetic choices, really! if you wanna see more of her aesthetic formats and posts, she actually runs a few blogs! you may know her as @milkscafe, formally @milkaaton! i adore her and her aes choices so much 🥺

as for the headers, i don’t draw 99.98% of them! i have drawn a couple, but they’re so few and far in between since i almost never finish my art wips haha... my older posts are lacking proper credits because i’m an absolute idiot, but i’m slowly working my way backwards to credit them all where possible! they’re all indeed super pretty!!!

have a great day yourself, my love!!

darling: THEY’RE NOT BAD CONTENT, I LOVE THEM ALL

vanya: this was in response to a now-deleted lil blurb but i kept it in my inbox because i wanted to say i love u very much and seeing this ask each time i open my inbox makes my heart skip a beat ♡

darling: Listen I love your writing, you inspired me to start it myself! I've always loved to write, and read of course but your style and concepts just stick with me. If you where to write something besides Yandere content/fandom content and started your own series? I would read the shit, out of it. I'm always nervous to interact with my favorite writers because you know, I'm afraid of the impression I'd leave but I just wanted to say this anyway! 💞💞💞🔫😳

vanya: wowowow fgfnmgnfmngfg that’s such a high compliment my brain just gmfnbgmnf go boom fogjfngnfg and thank you for the interaction, us writers truly appreciate it no matter how awkward or nervous you think you may be / come off!!!

darling one: As a writer, your post struck a nerve with me. I don’t send feedback to writers I like nearly as much as I should (and certainly not as much as I’d like in return as a writer). So, as such, I’m going to start doing that when I can, starting with you.

You are an incredible writer. You were one of the first yandere writing blogs I found and you’re still one I check in on regularly to see what you have been working on. You can portray a sense of suspense and intrigue in a natural way that many other writers - published ones included - struggle with. You delve into the darkness without it feeling forced, and you have an amazing grasp on the psyches of the characters you write for (which is a quality I adore in writing and strive toward myself).

I’m not great at ending these things so I guess.. you keep doing you? Because the you is great and I appreciate it.

darling two: hey. i'm here to tell you that from the bottom of my heart i love you and your writings. i really admire your writing skills. you inspire me. one of your posts once saved me from a nervous breakdown. thank you for everything you do. you're a wonderful person. good luck!

darling three: I wanted to tell you that thank you for writing such wonderful beautiful writings and that you take time to edit and write I hope you are taking care of yourself 💖❤

darling four: Thanks. I was having a hard time and deleted all my apps, but as soon as i opened my phone my first instinct was to look at your blog and i got my motivation back. Thanks (:

darling five: Hi ! I just wanted to say I really enjoy the stories you write and how they are detailed so well ! Stay safe and I hope you have a good day/night ! ლ(╹◡╹ლ)

vanya: ahhhh, these are very old asks mostly dating back to my “tumblr writing community is dying” post, and i’ve kept them this entire time because i’m just so starstruck. i have no clue how to reply to compliments, so i’m not sure what else to say besides that these asks made me very happy and got me through a few insecure moments!!! i’ve actually been feeling a little down about my writing recently, mostly because of lack of motivation / inspiration, so revisiting these really warmed my heart, so thank you truly ♡ i’m certainly keeping the originals in my inbox until the end of time!!

darling @monstrously-obsessed: psst, this local cryptic mom thing send all of their love for you 💕

vanya: your local herbo says she loves you very much momster 🥺 mwah

also, to the anon worried about my safety:

thank you so much for pointing that out!!! it hadn’t even crossed my mind when i made those ocs, so i appreciate your concern! i was contemplating revamping those two as is, so this is a great place to start! thank you again!!

#asks collection #not a fic #vanya rambles #[ vanya LITERALLY rambles ]#[ life's hard when you're this asocial i swear fgmnfgnmfg ]#[ now to answer concept asks ]

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masterdipster · 6 years

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anon date ask meme pt.1

I’ll be answering all the asks about the date ask meme! I wanted to answer to each and every one without flooding your feeds - if you sent in an ask, check here! So many lovely people sent asks that I’m kinda shy aaaaa >///< but thank you to everyone who sent one! This is about 29 asks, so I cut them into two parts; I’ll have part two up tomorrow!! I love all of you guys!

17, female, 5'4, my eye color is blue green and my hair is currently dirty blond soon to be red-orange. My favorite color is blue lavender and my favorite class is choir. I would have to go cliche and take you to a cat cafe, if you aren't allergic, so we could relax have some hot drinks and get to k ow each other while playing with cats. ^u^

- I LOVE BLUE GREEN EYES THEY’RE SO SOFT TO LOOK AT IMO??? dirty blonde is amaze but wow red orange is bold!!! cliches are cliches for reasons girl and if you take me to a cat cafe i swear you own me <3 1000/10 would date!!

174cm, 24yo, Female, little thicc. Favourite ice cream is vanilla bean, specifically. My favourite date would probably be a walk in the snow in winter, sit down somewhere with a cup of hot coffee/tea/chocolate and just talk about our interests. And cuddles.

thicc is beautiful :’))) also I’ve experienced snow exactly one week in my life in Japan and it fuccin killed me, I would love to snuggle with warm drinks <3 1000/10 would date!!! aaa

21, m, darkblond hair, 1m82. Brown eyes with a smidge of green in them. I'm a trained chocolatier, I play the bagpipes and i like writing (even though i never get around to actually doing it). As for a date, I can't decide between a movie, or walk through a nice forest. But afterwards a homecooked meal. I like vanila, not crazy about it but surtain brands are irresistable to me. My fav ice cream to buy is a scoop of chocolate and a scoop of banana together.

did you,,, mention that you’re a chocolatier bc you know my weakness for chocolate???? bc it worked. absolutely. wow. you had me there (and with the brown eyes aaa) yes to movie and/or forest stroll, and YES TO THE HOMECOOKED MEAL, did someone give you a cheat sheet to my heart??? 1000/10 would date wow r u real <3

I'm 16, a female and 160cm. I have dark brown almost black eyes with dark brown hair. I love reading, writing, drawing and learning new things. Since I also love food, maybe the date can be lunch or dinner in a restaurant with us talking about our interests, just to get to know each other. Then we can have desert :D Which is ice cream ofc. I quite like vanilla ice cream, but my favourite is probably Mint Choc Chip :)

your hair and eye color slay me :’)))) FOOD DATES ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM PEOPLE SHOULD ALWAYS DO THEM!!! there is something so sweet and intimate about eating good food and talking with each other, i love it. I love mint choc chip too so we can absolutely share!!!! 1000/10 would date!

24, Non-binary, 166.6 tall, fave ice cream is salty licorice or licorice, good old true creamy vanilla with real vanilla is so good holy shit. I don't do dates, I'm very bad at that. So series/movie marathons with themes, like VERY bad horror movies or low budget movies with bad acting etc. and good food is a go. i have short brownish red hair and green eyes, my hobbies include searching information of anything i ever get interested in and starting tons of projects i never get to finish

TALL! i’ve never had salty licorice, pls introduceee :DD TRUE VANILLA ICE CREAM IS THE BOMB OKAY when it has real vanilla beans, it’s amazing,,,, I’M EXTREMELY EASY TO SCARE SO MAYBE WE’LL STICK TO THE LOW BUDGET ONES YEA XD any date with good food and i’m sold, good food makes me happy and kind and loving <3 1000/10 would date

15, girl, 5’2. Heterocromic one blue eye one green and Strawberry blond hair. I love reading, drawing, gardening and baking. I take kung fu so I can protect u lol. I would take u on one of those berry picking farms where you buy what you pick, and then we’d go home and try to make a pie of some fruit, and make homemade vanilla ice cream! (I rly like vanilla ice cream lol)

I loved reading this one because with every new sentence my attraction to you just kinda skyrocketed. eye color and hair color?? queen. ur hobbies? amazing. kung fu??? yes pls my god. BERRY FARM? HELL YES. ICE CREAM WITH PIE? dead. just. dead. 1000/10 would date i love you very much

Date Challenge: 5’9”, 18, male, turquoise eyes, loves reading MHA on ao3 (or just watching it lol) and listening to movie scores. Favorite Ice Cream: Cotton Candy. Date would probably be lunch at a cafe, talking about interests and just heading home to watch cartoons all night

TURQUOISE EYES??? BEAUTIFUL. MAGNIFICENT. LEGENDARY. YOU OWN ME. Movie scores are shizz, you gotta introduce me to those!!!! and hell to the yes to that date - let’s cap it all off with a Gravity Falls marathon!!!! 1000/10 would date <3

I'm nb, 1.59m, 23 with blue eyes and short hair whose colour varies depending on what I want. Now it's red but I wanna dye it pastel pink next. I love video games and reading (so much books to read... SO MUCH.) I like coffee dates (or tea or chocolate depending on your favourite taste!), but also going out to a restaurant (crêperies are my favourite!) or chilling with each other (kinda like cats, simply being in the same room is enough for me haha). I love vanilla ice cream but my fave is mint!

I WANT PASTEL PINK HAIR AND HAVE WANTED IT FOR SO LONG!!! i plan on getting pink hair once we figure out the logistics of getting my hair bleached :’( PLEASE BRING ME TO A CREPERIE I BEG OF YOU I NEED IT DIRELY!!!! same, being peaceful in the same room is so nice and comforting?? simply being quiet with each other is a date in its own way <3 1000/10 would date!!!

I'm 17 (18 this November) l, I'm male (trans). I'm 1.70 m (5' 7 ) tall. I have brown eyes and dark brown hair (but I'm planning of painting it lilac). I love to draw and I'm actually going to study digital animation. My favourite ice-cream is chocolate with mint probably. And for a date I'll probably take you to a cafe or a chill restaurant and later to the movies.

lovely lovely lovely brown eyes <3 ANIMATION!! amazing aaaaa!!! mint chocolate is amazing, isn’t it??? lmao i love how everyone here seems to know that the way to my heart is food xD but yes, pls, do so, 1000/10 would date!!!

female, 15, hazel eyes and brown hair, 151 cm, my ideal date would just be talking while at a restaurant. ive never had any ice cream, but i would love to try it one day!

HONEY!!! MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD!! WE NEED TO GET YOU TO ICE CREAM ASAP!!!!! let that be our date; let me show you the WORLD!! 1000/10 would take on a magical adventure to discover ice cream

16, trans guy, like 155cm or something, blue eyes n ginger hair, BNHA and figure skating are my special interests rn, and my fave ice cream flavour is chocolate with brownies in it. um,, date,,, is pokemon go in the woods a date?

back the fuck up, you have blue eyes and ginger hair? AMAZING. ICONIC. LEGENDARY, I LOVE YOU!!!!!! OMG we can talk about figure skating all day and have chocolate brownie ice cream, which is amazing!!!!! i deleted my pokemon go app but that’s ok, let me be ur misty and go with you as we find pokemon in the woods!!! 1000/10 would date <3

24, Male leaning genderfluid, 193cm (and also a paunch belly, I'm built like a brick house), blueish grey eyes and long brown hair that I dyed the back third green so that when I tie it back in a braid one of the strands is green. I like speculative world building and roleplaying games like DnD, and I like vanilla and all its variations and everything you can combine with it to make something delicious. For a date, I'd take you out to icecream and invite you to play DnD probably.

A BRAID WITH A GREEN STRAND!! THAT’S AMAZING HOLY SHIT!! AND YOU’RE SO BIG!! bet it would be so easy for you to carry me around xD please please please take me out for ice cream and teach me DnD, i’ve always wanted to play!!! 1000/10 would date!

For the date meme: I'm 16, female, 1.67 cm tall, blue-green-gray eyes with a little bit of amber and brown, brown-ish hair, I love reading, drawing and writing(even though I'm bad in the last two), try to teach myself dancing and piano and I love vanille ice-cream, even though I prefer cookie or stracciatella as flavours^^

oh were you the one who sent me an ask about stracciatella before?? YOU SOUND SO BEAUTIFUL OMGG <3 god i wanna learn how to dance too, we can learn together!!!!! <3 <3 <3 1000/10 would date!!

22, female, 155cm green eye, green curly hair. I love baking and making the others happy. I will take you to city u don't know, we will get lost there and explore and then eat in small cozy restaurant.

GREEN HAIR AND GREEN EYES!! ICONIC!! I accept only under the terms that we eat at more than one cozy restaurant!!!!!! i can already imagine us holding hands while misreading street signs xD and maybe you could give me something you baked?? <3 1000/10 would date!

For the date me challenge thingie!!! I’m 18, female, uhhhhh 150cm I think, short black hair (like a fluffy undercut kind), dark brown eyes, hhnnnnngggggg I love reading, movies, songs, drawing, autumn, nature, animals, tea, chocolate ice cream and a lot of other things. As for the date, I’ve never been on one, but a walk in the park or going to a carnival sounds fun!

omg undercuts are so amazing i love them <3 <3 <3 I LOVE ALL THE THINGS YOU LOVE except nature isn’t always so kind to me so I love it from afar (war flashbacks to Girl Scouts camp,,,,,) please take me to a carnival!!! PLEASE PLEASE!! I want to try this funnel cake that I keep hearing about!!!! But anyway you sound beautiful and amazing, 1000/10 would date!!!

#master speaks #master replies #personal #ask meme: date #THIS GOT VERY LONG #SO I'M SPLITTING IT INTO TWO #I'LL POST THE REST TOMORROW #I LOVE YOU GUYS THANK YOU FOR SENDING ALL THESE ASKS!!!

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kyoyz · 2 years

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🧘‍♀️ i have a tester account that has the little speech thingy for replies (💬) and it shows normally on all posts ,, i made that account a few days ago ,, and on this account ive just ,, like never had it LMAO

ive tried deleting my app cause shit wont show on my laptop as well so im coming to the conclusion i just have a broken account 😇 my shits up to date as well so ima just try to look into it more 😍😍 maybe somethings wrong with my settings

BATTLING FOR MY DIGNITY

first pic : viewing through my ac

second : viewing through tester account

#ઇ ˒˚ 𝗦𝗛✭’𝗦 𝗦𝗣𝗘✭𝗞𝗘𝗥 🔊

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lilangel5625 · 6 years

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im deleting all my dating apps lmao... i need to like let something Real come like i expect to make a genuine connection w someone i met on tinder who swiped me on the basis of ‘her face is okay’ i don't want that!!! not to sound super gay but like... i form relationships off tinder and wonder why they feel so artificial and forced and seedy... like i met my last girlfriend on tinder and the whole thing never felt real... and i think about her & others ive had things with on tinder ! i think... would this be different if we hadn't met on tinder? and probably honestly!!! u meet on tinder and its so Desperate & u both know what ur there for so nothings Exciting u don't get excited when they text like u do when u have a crush u met elsewhere!!! they don't give u butterflies the same way because its done so forced! i want real people real love! and its sad when i think abt my last gf & other girls ive met on there when i know if id like... met them like at work or through friends i still would've liked them but it would've been Real and would've worked it wouldn't have been so fake and not real nothing on tinder is real!!! any love i meet on tinder will not be long lasting because i will never be able to form a real relationship w someone that i met like that

#personal

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saintkimora · 7 years

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ok……..here is the long awaited post of what happened on saturday night! (Last Saturday night btw not yesterday night) ive been too busy to post about it until now but it is juicy

so as i said on saturday, joel and i were texting on and off that day but it was weird as usual. so after i showered i wrote out a text to him saying that even though we havent been communicating much recently i still miss him and think about him all the time and that i appreciate the chances i do get to talk to him. so i sent this message but literally the second it sent i got a message from him. like we sent our texts at the same time. so i started reading his text and it started with “perry……im really sorry but what we have isnt working out” skafjhkajdhfkjads so i felt like a jolt in my legs and had to sit down. so he sent this long ass breakup text and here are the basic points that he used

he isnt ready for a relationship/exclusivity (even though HE was the one who literally deleted all his dating apps the day after we met bc he wanted to focus on pursuing me)

he hasnt been making the effort and i deserve someone who does

he hasnt been opening up and he is aware of that bc he knows he isnt ready

i deserve someone who is in a better place in their life than he is rn/someone who has their stuff together

i dont deserve what hes putting me through

he wants time to be single and make mistakes and regret them (stupid ass reasoning btw)

he knew using texts was the wrong way to end it but he wasnt strong enough to do it in person

he apologized if i feel like i wasted my time on him/if i regret anything ive done w him (since the last time i saw him before this was when i had sex with him)

hes sorry that he isnt treating me better

not my fault at all

so yeah that was the text! i didnt even read it fully until later on like i skimmed it and called him immediately and asked if we could talk in person (ofc i got all choked up trying to ask and almost started crying over the phone) so he said yes he owes me that much so i grabbed my tissue box, tried to put on my shoes (my mom had to help me bc i was shaking too much) and drove to his apartment and then sprinted to his apartment from where i parked a block away. i got there and his roommates werent home so it was just him. he opened the door and i said hi and he let me in and it was v solemn so we went into his room and sat on his bed and this is where the drama really started

so i was like “can i have a hug” and he was like “yes” so we hugged and i started crying. so we hugged for a while and then we separated and i was like “ok so explain why you want to end this” so he started explaining it to me. i was crying and he was crying too but i was crying more obv! i was like bawling. his eyes were red and tears were falling and he was sniffling but he wasnt like crying hard

so he just explained that he was in a bad place when he met me and he still is in that bad place (in reference to his depression) and how its not me its him and how i deserve someone who puts in the effort and doesnt distance themselves from me and actually has the time to see me and i was annoyed bc caleb did the same thing and i am sick of other guys telling me whats best for me like *vicki from rhoc voice* how do you know whats best for me? and like obv just bc you have depression doesnt mean you dont deserve love, like he said he still liked me and wanted to be with me and how it was breaking his heart to have to do this so i did not want him to end something just bc he felt he didnt deserve me or that he wasnt worthy of my love or anything like that

so he also explained how he wasnt ready to settle down and i was like sis we arent even officially boyfriends yet, its not like im asking you to marry me and have kids lmfao and he said he wasnt ready for exclusivity so i was like “does that mean you wanna fuck other guys?” and he was like “i dont know” so ????? and he was like “im feeling conflicted” so i was like wtf is going on in here on this day

also i asked if his roommates were home and he said no he was home alone tonight and that was part of why he was feeling so bad and its like sis…..if being alone makes you feel worse then making yourself even more alone by breaking up w me doesnt seem like the best way to fix that! and i told him that i was free tonight and he couldve just invited me over if he was feeling lonely and he was like “i thought you would be busy” like sis literally the only times i am ever busy on saturday nights is when im with him!! lmao

he also said he wasnt opening up bc he couldnt/wasnt ready for it yet, but like i wasnt asking him to open up like all i wanted was for him to put a modicum of effort into our conversations just to show that he cared, like we can just keep doing fun things like im not asking him to get all deep and vulnerable with me (although i would love that too)

so we just had a very emotional time, i was crying my eyes out nonstop and he was lightly crying as well, there was lots of hugging and holding and stuff so like i was really really REALLY losing it like i was so MESSSSSSSSSSYYYY like i was just getting all in my feelings and saying all the things im gonna miss about him and like apologizing for anything i did wrong/apologizing for not being enough for him and like it was really really bad. but i was still also cracking jokes like a dumbass throughout the whole thing lmao bc i like to find the humor in things

i decided to mention that i was originally planning to ask him to be my bf officially on our next date (that plan had changed since he became cold and distant the past week or two but originally i was planning on doing it on the next date after i got back from the retreat) just bc i was being emotional

at one point he was laying on the bed and i was sitting on the edge of it crying (and covering my face bc im an ugly crier even though he’d already seen plenty of footage of me crying at this point) and he held out his arms and was like “come here” and i was like “no” and looked away and he was like “please” like that was very satisfying bc it showed that he needed comforting as well at that moment

at one point i was just laying on my side rolled up in a ball scream crying into my hands now THAT was messy. it was nice though bc joel moved in behind me and tried to hold me and calm me down. speaking of calming down! there were some points where i got like………REALLY bad like i was breathing so hard and fast it was troubling but whenever i had a wave of that joel held me and tried to soothe me and help me breathe

i even offered to have an open relationship if he wanted (bc this was during the exclusivity convo) bc i was just trying to grasp at any straws i could at the moment in the hopes of reaching an agreement or just stalling for time so i could move past his walls and get through to him. in reality i would never even consider it bc it is definitely not for me but at the moment i was desperate. he said no though bc he knows i wouldnt want that and he said he didnt want me to compromise myself for him

so then this is when we reached the turning point. so joel was laying down and i was like half sitting on the bed/half laying on him. and i said something along the lines of “you dont have to go through this alone, i wanna be there for you” and like when i said alone he lost IT! like we had a breakthrough he started bawling just like i was this whole time!! obviously it was hard for me to see him in that state but it was also kinda nice to see how much he cared

but then he started breathing really fast and he was like “i think im having a panic attack” so i was like uh oh so i was like omg do you want me to get off of you or something but he was like no stay here so i kept holding him and tried to help him ride it out. but then he choked out the words “i think im making the wrong decision” like !!!! i have never felt such a strong feeling of hope in my life! but i was just like its fine dont worry about it just breathe and btw during this event he was laying on his side so he was looking to the side while i was kinda on top of him so i was like at him. so then he turned to look me directly in the face and………………………

he said “I love you!” like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hearing that made me SO so happy so i was like “i love you too!” and we hugged and kissed and then he was like “ask me!!” and i was like “ask you what???” and he was like “ask me what you were gonna ask me before!” and i was like “OH! joel……will you be my boyfriend?” and he was like “YES!” and then we hugged again and laughed and made out and it was really really passionate even though we were both gross with tears and runny noses, like it might have even been the most passionate kissing ive ever had! it was a very emotionally intimate moment and i loved it

so then he was like “im sorry” and i was like dont worry about it lmao so then we just continued cuddling and kissing and stuff for a while. he told me that he knew i loved him back bc during my breakdown i said “i really really really really liked you” and he said he knew i wanted to say i loved you lol

he also said hes gonna try to open up more and put more of an effort in so!! that was nice

so it was hot in his room and we were all sweaty on top of being gross from crying so we showered together which is always fun. and during the shower he was very touchy and he would like press his body against mine and give little kisses on like my chest or my back which i really loved. we also did some sexual stuff too

then we got out and dried off and he finally said he would watch flavor of love with me!! so we watched a few eps and it was super fun. then we cuddled until we fell asleep holding each other which is always one of my fave parts of our dates. he was very affectionate and sweet and i really liked it. then we fell asleep and in the morning i had to go home bc i had work or something

so yeah thats it! it made me really happy that he said i love you (and that he said it to me first!!) and i made sure he knew that he could always ask me for anything he needed if he was feeling down again or something. so now fast forward to today he is back to texting me every day and being an active and engaging texter! and i went over to do homework with him on monday night which was fun! and then on friday night he invited me over at like midnight and we got checkers and then we hung out and cuddled and watched more flavor of love. and then we did some more sexual things which was really fun! he was really really into me again and he literally is the hottest guy ive ever met so i enjoyed getting to make him feel good and stuff

on friday the 13th i am taking the gsa eboard + jami w me to go see the addams family musical at his school since he is part of the pit orchestra so that will be fun! i am very happy to have joel back and i am even happier that we are officially boyfriends now! and its so so so nice to get i love you texts again!! overall i am very happy with how things turned out and i am glad i fought to make it work instead of just seeing the text and being like ok bye

#personal #I'm posting this from mobile but I had it saved as a draft on my computer #so I hope the read more is still on it #if not.....sorry lol

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