#^ that haha should be read as incredibly pained btw. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lune-hime · 3 years

Note

Hi! Are you still writing? If not then disregard this, but I was wondering if you could write the first meeting between Logan and reader that was mentioned in Blast from the Past? I think there was something about a skateboard and a torrential downpour if I’m not mistaken haha. Thanks so much! And I love your fics btw :)

Hi! I am also a big fan of your writing too! :) Thank you so much for being incredibly patient with me on this request. I apologize for how long this has taken me to get out, preparing for graduate school has left me with much less time to write than I anticipated. I’m sorry for the wait, but I hope you enjoy the first meeting of dear reader and Mr. Kitty Claws <3

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Zzzt.

Do tell me, please, why you presently found yourself alone at sunset (which-by the way-you couldn’t even see through the thick, gravely, storm clouds) on a remote hiking trail, optimistically ignoring the forecast for torrential rain, with only a windbreaker, backpack, and your longboard tucked under your arm?

Zzzt.

I mean, really, this is how young women like you got chloroformed, dragged through the bramble, and stabbed on the stale and musty floorboards of a serial killer’s cabin.

Zzzt.

And you can’t even fucking skate on a mountain trail.

Zzzt Zzzt.

Did I mention no cell service either? Oh, and how about that creepy dead, freshly killed deer a few minutes back on the side of the trail?

Zzzzzt-zap.

This time your sharp reflexes and highly precisioned energy electrocuted two mosquitos out of this dimension before they could land on your collarbone.

I get it though, mosquitoes and the sky teetering on the edge of cracking open aside, this was what you needed right now. This is where you needed to be right now, even if this was the world’s most questionable hiking trip.

Canada was indeed everything you needed and more. Sure, you had to constantly use dingy porta-potties and lactic acid inducing manual labor while you were working in the field. But it was rewarding and interesting and most of all it gave you a break from..well...you.

It seemed a bizarre decision by your family to pack up and leave for another country, even if it was only one border away. From their perspective it was hard to comprehend why a woman in her mid twenties in the summer of her first year of graduate school at NYU would want to galivant around in the remote corners of British Columbia. She should be networking with scientists and politicians she’s met during her internships, attending lavish banquets for anthropological research, and of course extending her plus-one invites to her loving, supporting, family.

You audibly scoffed at their idealistic fantasy.

Charles and your friends at the mansion couldn’t have been more encouraging. When the professor had told you about the opportunity to work at archeological dig sites of ancient excavated First Nations villages in the farthest Canadian wilderness from New England yachts and neon kissed skyscrapers, you couldn’t say yes fast enough.

You mentally chanted to yourself that this was a much needed reset as the clouds hungrily followed the crunching of your boots against deceased maple leaves. The looming canopy of conifers seemed to gain density as your steps dodged the slugs that emerged from the dirt to worship the incoming blessings of rain. You let the creaking of the wind against the broad trunks of the pines and the grayed blanket of air wash the stress from the work week away and lull you into a false sense of calm.

The first droplets of rain tapped against the ferns in a gentle percussion as you weaved over precariously growing roots. You used your free hand to fling your hood up and zipped your jacked as far up as it could go in preparation for more precipitation. Through the thin fabric your ears picked up a rustling in the brush that was definitely too grounded to be the wind.

Playful, hoarse grunts erupted from the ferns as two grizzly cubs rolled out of the bushes and onto the path in front of you. Your eyes threatened to pop out of your head as you watched them tumble through the pine needles and bite at each other’s ears.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Curses looped across your mind as your breath began to quicken in the eerie silence that now overtook the forest. Azure energy crackled along the spaces between your fingers as they twitched in fear.

Shit , you were a city girl. And they never offered classes on how to defend yourself from threatening wildlife at university or the mansion. Are grizzlies the kind you need to play dead with? Or climb a tree? Fuck you couldn’t even climb the stairs half the time without getting winded. One thing you did know, however, was if the babies were here than their mother-

It happened so quickly that your mind struggled to keep pace with your fingers. An unmistakable breathy growl manifested to your right as the mother in question charged you. Your flight instinct was first to kick in as you scrambled backwards down the trail. You only got a few feet until the slick bark of the tree roots caused you to slip and tumble to the ground. Your board flew out of your grip as your butt hit a particularly plump root. You winced at the pain but didn’t have much time to nurse your fall when the lumbering beast was almost on top of you.

You choked out a cry as you sloppily turned over and began struggling to get to your knees. You felt yourself being lifted by your backpack as the bear’s teeth ripped through the canvas of your bag and threw you off the path. You flailed on your descent, landing on your stomach as hot tears began streaking down your terrified face. You felt yourself being shaken by the straps as she roughly tugged you from side to side. With a vigorous scream you flipped to your side, adrenaline contorting your fingers to expel electric energy. A boisterous crack sent shockwaves through the canopy. Angrily your assailant bellowed at the discomfort of your energy webbing itself through her face. She snorted but lurched forward once more, her jaws a ghost on your neck. Her hot breath barely dusted your cheeks before energy shot outwards from your hands that shielded your face from becoming dinner. A pained yelp followed by another crack met your ears as you placed your buzzing palms down. The bear and her babies were hightailing it off in your opposite direction. Instant guilt washed over you as you noticed the bald spots woven through her copper fur where your energy had badly burned her.

As you began trying to calm your spinning mind you glanced up, squinting through the droplets, to see that the crack you had heard was your energy raking through the treetops and searing them straight off. The gateway you had made for the rain now left you damp and wallowing in your painfully heaving chest, sore ass, and shame for hurting another creature.

Logan let out a sigh as the muscles of his shoulder blades stretched with the roll of his arms. His axe was weighty in his hand as he leaned down to pick up another piece of birch trunk and placed it on his chopping block. Arms up and axe over his head, he prepped himself for his swing and brought the axe down with a thunderous clap.

His brows furrowed at the commotion. Indeed, the wood was now evenly split, but the chopping block was still in one piece. He momentarily contemplated the limits of his strength when crows flew from their pined perches.

“That’s definitely not normal.” He muttered to himself. He focused all of his senses in the direction of the commotion when his ears picked up a scream. Instantly he ran to his pick up truck, forgetting he still clutched the axe in his hand. Once he was in the driver’s seat he chucked it into the back as he slammed his foot on the gas, wheels kicking up dust as he sped down the dirt road.

Logan drove until the first trailhead emerged from the thicket. He felt his claws nipping at the skin of his knuckles as he slammed the door and jogged across the soggy dirt. The screaming had ceased, but Logan could smell the musky stench of a bear nearby. Sure enough as he went deeper and deeper into the forest he saw sets of fresh tracks squelched into the mud. Retracing the animals’ steps he let out a breath of relief at the woman who was beginning to sit upright.

Halfway through dragging yourself upward you heard heavy footfalls on the path. Your head whipped towards the sound in dread, not mentally prepared for another attack. Your wide eyes met with those of a man; his sorrel tresses were dislodged from flying through the crisp breeze, his flannel was casually only buttoned mid chest, and lord his hands.

Your mouth fell agape at the metal daggers that resided between his knuckles. Their metallic sheen was amplified by the raindrops that cascaded down them. At first, you felt tinges of fear that he was the axe murderer that you had always been warned about. But in those eyes you could only read concern.

Logan picked up on your uneasiness and put his hands out in front of him in a non threatening gesture. The energy that still flickered about your body did not go unnoticed by him as he put the pieces of what must have happened together. The stench of bear, the booming, a hole in the trees, a young mutant lying on the ground in the aftermath of defending herself. He willed his claws ever so slowly back into his hands as he watched you become entrapped by his anomaly.

He was like you and you were like him.

“You’re-” You began, still gawking at his mutation. Logan was used to people ogling at him in fear, disdain, and abhorrence and even with you being a mutant he wouldn’t have put it past you to react the same. But your initial alarm had washed off with the steady stream of rain and what was revealed was a mixture of relief, apprehension, and curiosity.

“Mhm.” He simply answered with mutual acknowledgement. He battled with taking a few paces forward to help you up but he didn't want to stress you out any more than needed.

“What are you doing in my forest?” He asked as he watched you groan and finally sit up.

“What are you, the fairy guardian of this place?” You mumbled, riding out the final waves of your panic. Logan cocked an eyebrow in mild amusement. He waited while you rolled your wrists and checked yourself for any bleeding or sprains. You were satisfied with suffering only a few cuts to your cheek and arms where sticks had kissed just beneath your skin. The dull ache of where your tailbone struck the root took the place of your endorphins.

“Can I help you up?” Logan asked softly as he kept his hands visible and empty. You answered him with an apprehensive stare as you contemplated. You figured if he really wanted to hurt you, especially after realizing your powers, he would have already. When you nodded Logan walked towards you and offered you his hand.

“Are you gonna zap me?” He lightly chuckled before you could connect your palm with his. His comment offered a small smile from you.

“No, unless you try something.” Your quip faded into a grunt of discomfort as his strong arm pulled you to your feet.

“You alright? You don’t look like that bear took any chunks out of you.” He inquired as the warmth of his hand left your grasp.

“How did you know it was a bear?” You asked with a knitted brow.

“I heard you scream and saw bear tracks on my way here.” He responded simply. You hummed and let out a shaky exhale when the coil in your lower back tightened as you attempted to stretch it.

“I’m fine, just shaken up. I’m more worried for the bear…” You trailed off as your guilty conscience overcame your thoughts. Even when you could have become their next family meal, you had reservations about using your mutation to hurt others. Logan huffed in disbelief at your selflessness.

“Seems like you didn’t really have much of a choice. What else could you do; its not like PETA will ever find out.” He shrugged. You kept your guard tilted high but even gilded iron defenses couldn’t keep you from observing his handsomeness. In the newfound proximity you wandered the hazel pathways of his irises in the company of the distinct smell of cigar and pine. He wore the rugged boyishness of a young man in his smooth skin and wolfish smile. It clashed ever so lovely with the maturity that embodied his stance and sturdy build.

To any dismay you could have had, the roses that bloomed on your cheeks did not go unnoticed by him. Alluring curiosity spread across his face. He wouldn’t deny that-despite your disheveled hair, the dirt that coated your jaw, and the aura of a wet puppy-he found you beautiful. Any seductions that ran through his mind aside, he liked to think he was chivalrous enough to push the brakes on a girl who just got mauled by a bear.

“So, wanna explain why you were electrocuting a bear on a remote hiking trail?” He pressed as he shifted his weight to one side, bringing his boot to prop up and rest on a protruding root. You gulped, your pride about getting lost still dangling from a few frayed threads.

“Do you wanna explain why-uh-you’re also here on this remote hiking trail?” You countered and crossed your arms. Your voice quaked with residual nerves that were the opposite of threatening.

Logan stared at you through the rain. The clouds were weeping more intensely now and their tears kissed his dark lashes.

“I have a summer cabin. Gonna answer my question before we both end up taking showers out here?” He replied with a tinge of annoyance as his hair grew slick with the incoming rain.

In the space that filled your gap in speech, a vivacious thunderclap steam rolled through the sky. As if on cue, the rain absolutely poured through the leafy umbrella above you and instantly began soaking the two of you.

“Shit!” Logan exclaimed at the now sticky feeling of his flannel to his chest. You flipped the hood of your raincoat up as quickly as you could, but not before your head was thoroughly waterboarded.

“WHAT NOW?” You shouted over the roaring water. Logan’s brow furrowed under the assault of droplets.

“My car is parked not that far from here.” He yelled with a nod in the direction he came from. You bit your lip nervously at the thought of following a strange man to his vehicle.

“How do I know you’re not some weirdo?” You contended.

“We’re both weirdos, sweetheart.” The term of endearment slid so effortlessly on the remark about your mutations and left your cheeks hot against the cold rain. “You can trust me, or you can get soaked out here. Your choice.”

What other option did you really have? Your mutation couldn’t protect you from freezing nor could you send sparks into a wet log to create a fire. He obviously knew this area well, he made sure you were unhurt, and he was like you. You took solace in all of these notions and reminded yourself that you could use your abilities as a last resort.

“Fine. But metal is a great conductor for electricity just so you know.” You warned and Logan cracked a half smile. He then began jogging up the trail.

“WAIT.” You called and he halted in his tracks. You ran over to the brush and sifted through the ferns to tuck your longboard under your arm. Logan did not have the time to question the absurdity of you bringing that with you on a hike but a look of perplexity was evident on his glistening features. He ran at a much slower pace than he would have had he been alone. He made sure he could hear the squelching of your footfalls as you pushed through the stinging at your tailbone and followed him back to his truck.

He unlocked the rusty vessel swiftly and the two of you plopped onto the pleasantly dry seats. You threw your longboard on the floor of the passenger’s seat and heaved a sigh of relief to be out of those woods. You immediately slipped your soggy shoes and socks off. While you peeled your drenched raincoat from your form, you glanced around the interior of the car.

Not trashy-save an empty beer bottle and an orange Reese's wrapper.

No guns. You figured he didn’t need a gun with claws like those.

A worn, auburn leather jacket hanging off of one of the back seats.

“At least you don’t have an axe.” You chuckled more to yourself than him. Logan comically averted his eyes ever so slowly to the back seat. He sighed when he didn’t see the weapon in question for it must have fallen under the seat.

Logan's car was getting an all natural, no expenses paid power wash as the two of you stared in awe as the rain slid down the windshield in swift rivers. It left zero visibility outwards aside from the running water.

“I...don’t think you can drive through this.” You stated the obvious.

“No shit.” He replied, his voice laced with a velvet rumble off of the metal frames of the vehicle. “We’ll have to wait it out.”

You nodded and couldn’t fight the large shiver that sprung from your lower back all the way up to your ears. Your torso may have been kept dry but your head was soaked and so were your legs. Logan arched his back to reach behind the driver’s seat to grab his jacket from the back.

“Here.” He offered gently, straightening it out and laying it on your lap.

You blinked at his simple act of kindness. Grabbing the smooth leather, you brought your knees to your chest and layered the jacket over your body from your legs to your shoulders. Heat rose to your cheeks as it did the rest of your body as you curled into his jacket.

“Thanks.” You said and gave him a grateful smile. “Aren’t you cold too though? You didn’t have a raincoat on.”

“I’m fine. One of the...perks of my genetics.” He replied in dismissal of your concern.

“Damn, kitty claws and not being able to feel the cold? You lucked out, dude.” You commented with a light hearted tease. Joking made you feel less vulnerable, less stupid for putting yourself in this situation. Logan rolled his eyes at the frilly name for his adamantium blades.

“I know your mutation before I even know your name.” You commented with a small chuckle.

“Logan.” He answered, the velvety gravel of his voice rippling through the rain at the windshield.

“Nice to meet you, Logan. I’m Y/N.” You said and held your hand out expectantly. When you locked gazes, both of you were temporarily enamored in the chromatics of your eyes. He seemed to realize this before you and smoothly took your hand in his without ever wavering his eye contact. He gave your hand a quick shake and withdrew it back into his lap. His palm was so warm against your clammy skin. It made you wonder how the rest of him felt.

“I honestly didn’t expect to meet anyone out here, let alone another mutant.” You exhaled at the lingering impossibility of the situation.

“That's why I’m here, usually it's pretty barren people wise. That brings me back to my question; what are you doing out here?” He pressed. As he waited for an answer, he shifted to relax into the corner between the seat and the window, amber eyes alight in the dimmed shadow of the rain. You fiddled with the worn hem of your makeshift blanket for a few moments, letting the waterfall outside fill the silence.

“Today was supposed to be a relaxing break from work. Evidently it didn’t turn out that way.” You exhaled and leaned your head back on the seat’s headrest. “I saw this park along the way to one of my work sites and thought it looked like a good place to be alone. Now I know to research bear population concentrations before going anywhere.”

Logan understood. That’s the whole reason he lived half of his life as what some would proclaim as a hermit. Partially to save others from getting hurt by him and partially to keep himself from getting burned by the unknown mistakes of his past and the anonymity of his stolen memories. He wasn’t your dad so he wasn’t going to hound you too much about it. But, even if you held the power to break the trees with a thunderclap, he couldn’t help the protective feeling that bubbled up his throat for the sweet woman next to him.

“Do you always charge head on into places you know nothing about? And with a skateboard?” His words betrayed his increasing fondness for your adventurous spirit.

You didn’t come all the way to Canada to be lectured. (Well, besides in your internship.) The question could have been taken as aggressive, judgmental, or prying even. But in his tone was genuine curiosity framed underneath the light scolding.

“I thought it would be fun to learn how to longboard while I’m out here for the summer.” You confessed and sent a testing look this way. He let out a rich chuckle.

“And a hiking trail is the ideal place for that.”

“I thought maybe there would be a bridge or paved path…” You scowled at his sarcasm.

“I get it though, we all need alone time. And there’s not a better place than the forest to do that.” A sigh tailed his sweet comment. You were grateful for it, for despite his banter, he didn’t make you feel like a stupid kid. Not entirely, at least.

“You’re not from around here then?” He continued.

“No, I’m from New York actually. I’m here on a grad school internship.”

“Ah, a city girl. That explains the blind enthusiasm.” The corner of his mouth turned up in a cocky half smile. Your glare only grew in intensity at his teasing.

“Long way from home.” He noted and you hummed in agreement.

“Is your degree in wildlife conservation?” He threw you one final lithe jab.

“Haha.” You said pointedly, but you couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across your lips at his handsome amusement. “No, cultural anthropology, actually.” Logan let out an impressed whistle.

“What about you? Are you one of those people who abandoned their life to live off the grid?” You asked tentatively, realizing the conversation had been solely focused on you.

“Not exactly. I’ve got a couple cabins across the country-like summer and winter homes. When I’m out here, I work at the lumber yard. When I’m in Alberta, I work at a bar.” He responded as he wiped the condensation from his side of the window, a hopeless attempt at checking through the wall of rain.

“So you’re both a lumberjack and a bartender? Wow, eclectic.” You praised his line of work.

“More or less.” He left out that the only things he tended to at the bar were bloodied knuckles after embedding them into his opponent's gut during each cage match.

You chatted idly as the rain continued to wash away the hectic afternoon. You talked about your work, about your home. He talked about his cabin, about his travels through BC and Alberta. Between your lips the two of you wove personal stories but excluded intimate details. He was still a stranger, after all. Even if the complexity of his humble nature and mysterious lifestyle made him one of the most compelling strangers you had ever met.

As the storm raged on and time flowed in waves at your windows, you began to doze off. Logan resigned to resting his eyes himself while keeping his ears peeled for a let up in the rain or any disturbances.

Until he heard your little grunt of discomfort.

In your sleep your head had grown heavy and lolled to the side at such an angle that Logan was sure you would wake up with an insane neck cramp. As gingerly as he could, he rolled up your now dry raincoat, gently placed his hand on your cheek, and propped your head onto the makeshift pillow. His eyes softened at the utter peacefulness of your relaxed form; the way your eyelashes embraced your plump cheeks, and in your tranquility the erasure of any semblance of the past few hours.

“What?” You whispered, pretty eyes now meeting his in groggy sweetness. Logan blinked in surprise but didn’t take his eyes off of you. He felt delicate wings against the chambers of his heart.

“Stop looking at me like that.” He warned lightly. Under your honeyed look his nerves felt like they were being bathed in a pleasant hum. He wondered if your energy could feel like this.

“You’re a secret softie.” You declared with a sleepy giggle. Logan pursed his lips at the cute accusation, but didn’t deny it.

“Go back to sleep, bub.” He said lowly. You let the warm tambour of his voice mixed with the crisp pitter patter of the rain send you back to sleep.

When the storm would finally pass, Logan would drive you back into town. You would part ways, then, not knowing the impact you would have on each other’s lives mere months later after the summer rain bled into the crimson fall and arrived on Xavier’s School’s winter doorstep.

#fanfiction #marvel #marvel fanfiction #xmen #x men fanfiction #logan #logan howlett #logan howlett x reader #logan x reader #wolverine #wolverine x reader #reader insert #marvel x reader #Marvel x Y/N

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silversatoru · 3 years

Note

Hello! I saw that you’re taking requests. I hope this is the right place to request, I’m new to tumblr haha.

Could I request, Megumi x F!reader, heavy angst breakup sex? The rest of the details are completely up to you if that’s okay!

I loved the gojo one btw!

yes yes here u go!! i hope this is the kind of thing you were looking for!

burdens

fushuguro megumi x nonsorcerer f!reader

synopsis: you and megumi have been dating for a few months now, and he decides it’s time to call it quits. he’d rather break your heart than have to watch you die, but not before he gets to feel you one last time

tags/warnings: smut, angst, break-up sex, nsfw (18+), takes place in the jjk universe but reader is not a sorcerer

word count: 2484

a/n: writing angsty megumi breaks my heart every single time. i jus want to give him a hug

Megumi watched anxiously across the room as a couple nurses finished applying bandages to your arm, your eyebrows knitted together in pain as they brushed over the large gashes. He noticed the small twitches in your other hand —probably caused by a mixture of pain and anxiety. You were stupidly strong, probably one of the tenacious people he’d ever met, but he could tell that this was getting to you. All of the curses you couldn’t see, the jujutsu techniques that you didn’t understand, it was all becoming overwhelming — dangerous even.

The two of you had been on a date a few hours ago, a sushi dinner and then a walk in the park — something simple — because even the simplest things felt wonderful when he was with you. And that’s exactly how things felt today, wonderful, or at least they did before the two of you ran into a hideous curse.

He should have noticed it, picked up on it’s cursed energy, anything — but he was so terribly distracted when he was around you. So when it caught both of you off guard and wrapped it’s grotesque fingers around your fragile body, he felt nothing but guilt. Nothing but shame and disappointment in himself that he had failed to protect you yet again. Exorcising it was easy of course, but the damage had already been done — your beautiful arm had been torn to shreds by the monster. Now the two of you were sitting in a pale, white hospital room telling lies about how you were attacked by a stray dog.

Thankfully, other than the lacerations down your arm you were okay, your blood loss wasn’t too severe and the two of you had gotten here before any kind of infection could crawl it’s way into your skin.

The car ride back to your small Tokyo apartment was dreadfully quiet. You’d made several attempts at conversation but Megumi continued to shut them down, a dark shadow of expressions cast over his face. You told him several times that this wasn’t his fault, that you understood the risks of dating him, but he just kept brushing you off. He’d told you several times to “shut up” or “be quiet”, and your heart ached at his bitter words — he’d never talked to you that way before tonight.

When the two of you walked into your apartment, he was quick to slam the door shut and wrap a firm arm around your waist. He moved with a sense of urgency, forcing you back against the wall and letting hot, heavy breaths fall against your neck.

“Megumi-,” You pressed a hand to his chest, attempting to put some distance between the two of you but failing miserably — he was much too strong.

You wished you could take a peek into his head, unravel his thoughts and figure out what the hell he was thinking. He was acting incredibly out of character since the two of you had left the hospital, and your chest was starting to throb with anxiety.

He pressed a wet, messy kiss to your lips, making your heart leap into your throat and your stomach churn. You graciously accepted the kiss, of course, his lips against yours was the most blissful feeling in the world. However, as his tongue moved roughly around your mouth and his teeth bit down fiercely on your bottom lip, uncertainty crawled up your skin. Megumi was always so gentle with you, only ever touching you in the most gingerly ways, treating your body like a piece of the most priceless glass. So, why now was he gripping your skin so tightly you thought it might bruise? Why were his kisses sure to leave your lips swollen and sore?

“Please, honey, let me have you,” He suddenly spoke, stirring you out of your thoughts.

Honey, it was his favorite name for you, in fact he rarely called you by your actual name. Normally, that name sent butterflies swirling through your stomach, but this time was different. He said the word as if it left a sour taste in his mouth, as if he regretted having to call you that.

“W-what?” You looked up at him with big eyes, big eyes that he refused to look into.

“Give me permission to touch you, please,” His voice was filled with so many emotions all at once — anger, despair, regret, need, hunger — there was probably more but he was impossibly hard to read right now.

“Why are you acting like this?” You tried to plead with him, reaching up and cupping a hand around his soft cheek.

“God, just say yes. Please just say yes and then stop talking,” His voice was almost a growl as this point, so uncharacteristically resentful.

“I mean- yes? Of course? You’re always allowed to touch me. But why-” You spoke in confused, frantic breaths.

“Thank you,” He immediately cut you off after gaining consent, wrapping a stiff hand around your wrist and practically dragging you back to your bedroom.

He pushed you towards your large, queen-sized bed and then slipped his hands underneath his shirt and yanked it over his head in one long, swift motion.

“Take your clothes off,” He demanded, undoing the drawstring of his sweatpants and letting them fall into a heap at his ankles.

You wordlessly obliged, attempting to convince yourself that he needed this. He needed this and after you gave it to him, things would go back to normal — he’d just had a rough day, that’s all.

It took him mere moments to aggressively pin you underneath him, though he was tediously avoiding your injured arm. He pressed a series of sloppy, wet kisses to your collarbone, slowly moving up to your neck and leaving painful imperfections all over your skin. You winced as he began to suck on a particularly sensitive spot, nibbling hard enough to make your skin sting and burn under his tongue. He continued to trail hungry, relentless kisses down the entirety of your body, covering every inch of your skin in aching love marks. You felt like you were on fire, the subtle pain and immense pleasure beginning to cloud your head — you were even starting to forget how tense things had been between the two of you just moments ago.

Megumi sat up and stared down at you as he fumbled with his boxers, sliding them off and throwing them to the floor. He needed this more than he’d ever needed anything in his entire life — he needed to feel you one last time and then he needed to break your heart.

He reached down and ran a single, slender finger along the folds of your entrance, a fire igniting in his eyes when he felt how slick you already were.

“God, you’re too perfect,” He murmured, giving a harsh squeeze to the skin around either side of your hips, “Get on your hands and knees”.

His praise sent goosebumps up your arms and light blush across your cheeks, making things feel almost-normal. You flipped yourself over onto your knees, stretching your arms out against the bed and arching your back as hard as you could.

With absolutely no warning, he thrusted forward with incredible force, sheathing himself deep inside you and causing a strangled scream to lurch from your lungs. His head dipped low as he let out a throaty groan, his long black hair hanging lazily over his face. Sharp breaths and pained whimpers rolled from your lips, your knuckles turning white from squeezing the bed sheets so hard.

Megumi always started slow, he always whispered sweet praises into your ears, always asked if you felt okay — nothing between the two of you had ever been this rough and unforgiving. This time he set a steady pace right from the start, his hips rolling ruthlessly as he slammed himself into you. Your breaths were terribly uneven and completely muffled by the pillow your face was forced into. You gasped for air as he stroked with unbelievable force, catching the pillowcase in your teeth and biting down hard on the fabric.

His pace slowed for a mere second, and you felt his fingers intertwine themselves in your soft locks of hair. You sucked in a sharp breath, his fingers tightening into a fist and yanking your head backwards. Once his hand was secured around the roots of your hair, his strokes intensified again.

The initial pain of taking his forceful cock had subsided and replaced itself with immense pleasure, but your scalp was ablaze with a horrible, piercing pain as he tugged at your hair. The overwhelming combination of complete agony and intoxicating bliss caused a few tears to form at the edges of your eyes, threatening to spill at any moment. Your hips and ass began to ache, and you knew you’d be terribly sore tomorrow morning. The pain was starting to become more prominent and it was getting increasingly difficult to hold your back at such an uncomfortable arch.

Megumi lifted his spare hand to his forehead, swiftly wiping the small beads of sweat that were forming above his eyebrows. He panted hard, moans and strings of curse words leaving his throat as he continued to rail you into oblivion. His throbbing member was starting to go numb from the devastating amount of stimulation, and he knew he’d need to finish soon.

“Squeeze your legs,” His words were less of an instruction and more of a demand.

You quickly complied, squeezing your legs closer together and feeling your walls constrict around his full length. The euphoric sensation was enough to send Megumi falling over the edge, his head flying backwards as he ripped his member free of your warm grasp. He wrapped his long fingers firmly around himself, jerking hard as he sprayed his emanation all over your beautifully arched back. Choked moans and aggressive cuss-words flew from his gritted teeth as his climax coursed through his body in waves.

As the wonderful feelings finally started to wash away, he stared down at you with a horrible emptiness in his eyes — now came the hard part.

He stood up and wordlessly walked into your bathroom, retrieving a towel to clean you up with. He wiped it lazily over your back and then tossed it into your hamper before beginning to collect his clothes that were strewn across the bedroom floor.

“What about me?” You were sitting up now, your favorite blanket pulled up to your chin and clinging to your last shreds of hope.

You felt the need to hide your exposed body now that the two of your were done, his coldness heightening every insecurity you had.

“I have to go. Do it yourself,” He shot you a sideways glance, pulling his loose sweats around his waist.

“What? Why do I feel like you’re not going to come back?” You could no longer fight the tears that had been lingering in your eyes for hours now.

Everything was starting to make sense — you were slowly piecing everything together. His silence at the hospital, his refusal to speak to you in the car, his sudden hunger towards you, and now his unusual coldness as he practically told you to go fuck yourself. He was going to break up with you, wasn’t he? But why?

“Because I’m not. I think we should end things here”.

“So, that’s it? You just wanted to use me like a fuck-toy one last time, is that what this was?” You tried hard to keep your voice steady, but a few cracks forced their way out.

“That’s really all you were good for anyway,” His words were like a knife to the heart, “You’re nothing but a burden outside of that”.

A burden? That’s all you ever were to him? You refused to believe that, but his words were doing an excellent job at convincing you. After all, he was constantly protecting you from those terrifying monsters he called curses — maybe that really was a burden on him. You didn’t have any kind of other-worldly powers like Megumi did, so you truly were helpless whenever one of those things was around. Hell, until they were literally threatening your life, you couldn’t even see them.

“You’re springing this on me out of nowhere, Megumi. You were completely normal just a few hours ago when we were eating at that sushi place! Is this because of that curse and my arm? Because if it is I’ll just work harder! You can teach me to use those cursed tools you told me about!” Tears were streaming down your face as you screamed helplessly at him.

“You’d still be too weak even if I did teach you to use a weapon or two. Things between us just aren’t going to work, okay? Don’t make me keep saying it,” He shook his head, slipping on his shoes and walking towards the bedroom door.

“I hate you, Fushiguro Megumi,” You spat out his full name, “You could at least be honest with me. You could tell me you’re afraid of losing me, that you don’t want me to get hurt — but this ‘you’re nothing but a burden’ garbage that you’re spewing is bullshit and you know it”.

“Maybe. But if I told you those other things instead, you wouldn’t listen, would you? You’d just keep telling me that the risk of being with me is worth it,” He turned around and looked at you with heavy, pained eyes.

“Do you know how tired I am of watching the people I love die? Things would be so much easier for me if you just stayed the fuck away”.

He left after that, slamming the door behind him before you even had a chance to say anything. He couldn’t bear the idea of seeing you die — seeing a curse pop your head off or strangle your body into horrifying shapes. No matter how broken his heart felt leaving you behind, it was still better than being the reason you suffered a young, unfair death.

It turned out that you were never the burden — the real burden was being born into the cursed life of a jujutsu sorcerer. A life of risk and regret, pain and suffering, watching people die young and in the most grotesque ways. Somewhere, in another universe, Megumi liked to think that he was born into a normal, mundane life where he was able to love you endlessly and give you everything you ever deserved. And god — in his eyes you deserved the entire fucking world.

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standbyu-03 · 3 years

Text

Sober or Drunk ?

Summary : You don’t want to go to the bar ‘cause it’s too noisy. This time - after a long time you haven’t gone there, you meet a handsome guy - Billy

Pairing : Billy Russo x reader

Word count : 1043

A/N : I will have part 2 for this one with some smut 🤭

MASTERLIST

Pic not mine

It’s Saturday night. After a long long week, your colleague suggested going somewhere to relax. ‘Cause you hate bar - where is too noisy for u, so your friends pick a pub near your company all the time. Now they all wanted to go to the bar.

“Please,y/n. Let’s go to The Dawn with us. We have gone to Prague ( pub name ) like forever. Pleaseee.” They made the puppy eyes - which you can’t say no to.

“Fine. I will go with you guys this time.”

“Yay”. They all shouted

“But there’s no Jack in The Dawn. No one will know exactly what I want.” You said sadly.

“We got this babe. We can pick u some bartender, tell him you can’t drink alcohol. And made you some nice drinks. That’s easy. Let’s go.” They grabbed your hands.

Then you and your friends took a cab to go there.

When you came into the bar, it’s better than you think. The lights didn’t flicker too much. And you kinda like being here ‘cause the vibes were good, there wasn’t dark and the music’s easy to listen, not so loud.

After calling some drinks, your friends led u to the bartender, they said

“Hey,...Thomas *read the name tag*. Here is my friend y/n. She can’t drink any alcohol. So can you please make her sth sweet and yummy to drink?”

“Sure. No problem.” - He answers quickly.

“As I remember that you don’t like to dance, right ?”

You nod slightly. “ Don’t know HOW to dance, exactly.”

Your friend said, “Can you babysit this girl, Thomas ?”. They all laughed.

“That’s OK.” He giggles

After you glared at them, they picked their drink quickly and went to the dance floor.

You sit here, tried to make a conversation with Thomas - who turned out to be a cutie guy. You both chat and made friends easily. He made you a yummy apple juice - which has a yellow color.

“Now you can’t be embarrassed to sit here and just drink juice. Apple juice has a yellow color which is the same as whisky. You like it ?”

“I love it. Thanks a lot for your caring.” You answered sweetly.

Probably see you sit here alone, some dudes come close, try to make some move. A guy just laid a hand on your shoulder.

Without turning around, you say clearly

“I’m not drunk. Walk away, sir.”

It’s incredible. Just by that, some dudes already walked away from u. Thomas couldn’t stop laughing :

“You’re quite tough, girl. And sir? He must be younger than you. “

“I don’t care. They’re probably just want to make friends, or want to take me to their bed. No no not today.” You said certainly.

Thomas couldn’t stop himself from laughing.

After 30’ another man came to the bar table and sat next to you.

You turn your face to the right, look at him.

Hmm, a handsome guy!

“A whiskey, please.”

And he took a look at your drink and said

“I guess we have something in common.”

“Haha, maybe.”

He was confused “What’s wrong ?”

And he raised his eyebrow, just like asking Thomas for an answer.

“I made sth special for her. You wanna take a sip ?” He said and took another cup for this man.

“Apple juice. Are you kidding me?” The man said

You laugh, “ Yeah. My favorite. You don’t like it ?”

“Just can't believe someone come to a bar to drink a juice. Go to some “safe and sound” place like Starbuck or maybe Juicy!”. He smirks.

“Does it offend your tastes? Btw, I don't care. I don’t need you to like my drink. Drink yours.” You barked

He became silent. After some minutes he said :

“Stomach issue, right ?”

“Yeah. How can you know ?”

“I used to get some damn pain because of that.”

“Hm, now you know.”

Ha, you know that. So don’t be a jerk, man.

“I’m Billy, btw.”

“I’m y/n.”

After a while, he stood up, and he came close to you, reached his hand like waiting for you to hold it. “ Do you want to take a dance with me, honey ?”

“Don’t honey me. And by the way, I don’t know how to dance.”

“Let me show you.” Then he grabbed your hand, led you to the dance floor before you could deny it.

Oh my apple juice, I haven’t finished.

He took your hands, taught you some basic and simple moves. You didn’t know why you let your guard off when you’re around with him. Maybe he made you feel comfortable.

Then you let loose, and you both move and be closer to others .

You felt your cheeks get warmer.

“See. It’s easy.” He smiled.

This man is gorgeousss.

It’s quite fun, to be honest. You should have listened to your friends for a long time, they have begged u to come here a hundred times.

You didn't drink a drop of alcohol but you felt extremely happy and crazy... you guess it’s might be the music or maybe Billy made u have this fun.

Then he whispered to your ear “Wanna get out of here. I know you don’t like being here.”

You quickly turned around

“No, I just loved being in here.”

Then u saw sth dark and twisted in his eyes

“Don’t think you can take me to your bed this easy. I’m sober, not drunk - to be clear.”

“Oh, I know that, my dear. I just accidentally know exactly where you want to go.”

“Tell me.”

“Shooting range.”

“Wow, you surprise me again. How do you know ?”

“Ez. Cause you just spent at least 45’ watching an action movie on Thomas’s screen.”

“Smart.” You said

Then he again took your hand, led you to come with him.

You didn’t think a lot. Maybe you would be scare of him or think about maybe he can fool you to take u to any place. But you didn’t give a shit about this at all. You kept following him and let him take u to wherever he said. All you can do now is hope that he might be a good guy.

Part 2

#billy russo x you #billy russo x reader #billy russo #billy russo x yn #billy russo x y/n #ben barnes imagine #billy russo imagine #billy russo smut #my writng #the punisher #ben barnes #the punisher imagine #actor fanfiction #ben barnes smut #ben barnes imagines #billy russo imagines #billy russo fluff #fanfic

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clownmoontoon · 3 years

Note

Soooo what are the other three "seemingly emotionless monster that has decided to take care of an abandoned little girl" manga? I only know of two others: Taihai no Hanauri and Girl From the Other Side.

WELL FIRST OF ALL I HADNT HEARD OF TAIHAI NO HANAURI BUT I JUST LOOKED IT UP aND //ADDS TO READING LIST IMMEDIATELY OMG THANK U

OK SO THE MANGA I MADE THAT POST ABOUT WAS

SOMALI TO MORI NO KAMISAMA/SOMALI AND THE FOREST SPIRIT"

INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL, INCREDIBLY WHOLESOME STORY AND ART I WOULD KILL FOR BOTH OF THEM ;;;;;;

OUGHGHHG ;;;; VERY FATHER/DAUGHTER, FOUND FAMILY LIKE TOTSUKUNI NO SHOUJO!!

HOWEVER (PAIN)

THIS MANGA IS INCOMPLETE AND ... IT SEEMS IT WONT EVER BE FINISHED ;;;;

(kudos to the mangaka for putting their health as priority tho!)

DESPITE THE CANCELLATION I STILL HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT AND THINK ITS WORTH THE READ!! i was emotionally invested in these two by the end of chapter 1 haha

I READ THE FIRST 32 CHAPTERS 🌱 HERE 🌱

AND THE LAST 4 AVAILABLE CHAPTERS 🌱 HERE 🌱

u could technically read them all in the second site but i prefer the translation of the first one personally

THE SECOND MANGA IS!!

KURO (SOMATO) ^^ its usually titled this way to be easier to find since "kuro" just means "black" and makes it kinda hard to search for, "somato" is the mangaka!

a story about an orphan girl living alone and her black """"cat"""

VERY MYSTERIOUS, BEAUTIFULLY ILLUSTRATED (IN FULL COLOR!!) AND SPOOKYYY

AND KURO WOULD BASICALLY DO ANYTHING TO KEEP HIS GIRL SAFE AND HAPPY ;;;;;;

ALSO LOVE HOW THEY MIX MONSTER STUFF WITH EVERYDAY NORMAL CAT THINGS SLKDD

AND THIS MANGA IS COMPLETE!! AND A VERY VERY FAST READ IMO!! each "chapter" is just a page long!

U CAN READ IT 🖤 HERE 🖤 the chapter set up is a bit confusing but basically u wanna read the ones that are like 1-18 otherwise itll just be a single page, and then skip ahead to the next 19- whatever, etc!

THE NEXT MANGA IS!!

MAHOUTSUKAI NO YOME/THE ANCIENT MAGUS' BRIDE

i guess its not technically little girl since she's a teenager bUT STILL FITS THE TROPE IMO

this one gets a bit of a bad rep bc the marketing team and anime went sO HARD in the "romance" direction when the story itself is actually about found family and learning how to deal with (and identify) complicated emotions and navigating relationships when u are nd and so full of Trauma ™

ITS FUNNY AND HEARTWARMING AND THE ART IS STUNNING

AND HAS SO MUCH REP I DONT NORMALLY SEE IN MANGA (gays, neurodivergent, GNC ppl, poc, chubby ppl realistically drawn and not as a joke, ETC!)

and imo the most believable character growth from a character who starts suicidal and learns to value her own life after a lifetime of feeling worthless SO FOR THAT ALONE ID READ IT IF U STRUGGLE W THAT TBH

ALSO BIG BONUS THE MANGAKA IS FRIENDS (AND A FAN OF) THE MANGAKA FOR THE GIRL FROM THE OTHER SIDE AND THEY OFTEN MAKE FAN ART FOR EACH OTHER AND HAVE DONE A FEW COLLABS IM OBSESSED WITH!!

BTW HAVE I MENTIONED TOTSUKUNI NO SHOUJO?? BC EVERYBODY SHOULD READ TOTSUKUNI NO SHOUJO SDLJKDKJD

#somali to mori no kamisama #somali and the forest spirit #kuro #kuro somato #mahoutsukai no yome #the ancient magus bride #manga #totsukuni no shoujo #the girl from the other side #anon #clown honks #moonime #SOMALI AND MAGUS BOTH HAVE ANIME BUT IM STRICTLY RECOMMENDING THE MANGA #i just started the somali anime and i heard it comes up w its own ending so im rlly curious #MAGUS ANIME CUT OUT SOOO MUCH CUTE SHIT #LIKE INFO DUMPING CHATTY AS HELL ELIAS #AND ILL NEVER FORGIVE THEM FOR THAT #YES ITS AESTHETIC AND AS BEAUTIFUL TO LOOK AT AS A GHIBLI MOVIE bUT AT THE COST OF CHISE AND ELIAS' FUNNY PERSONALITIES SOBS #IM NOT COUNTING THE OVA IN THIS THO THE OVA IS SPECTACULAR

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 3 years

Note

No no can you elaborate on the whole The Green Knight vs Magicians Fanfic thing?? Like I’m genuinely invested

haha that is very nice of you (and ty for an excuse to talk about The Process, lmao)! basically i watched the show and wrote a post-resurrection quentin story that was in my view pretty gentle (wild geese) - it spends a lot of time in a painful headspace, so i don't think that was every reader's experience of it, but there's very little friction in the story, everyone is pretty much nice to each other the whole time, the problems of the story are all carried over from the past, and (most relevantly, for this), quentin basically does what he "should" do, and he wants what he's "supposed" to want, the entire time. the story hangs on his courage, and doesn't dwell on his faults. it was my post-4x13 catharsis story, where i wanted to scoop him up and set him somewhere safe, the story equivalent of handing him a blanket and some hot chocolate. writing that fic was like giving him and therefore myself a hug.

damage control for a walking corpse came from a different set of impulses, one of which was just the impulse to do something different: like, i'd done a sweet post-resurrection queliot reunion, so how else could i play that? i'd written an eliot story where the love confession goes terribly, which i enjoyed, but thinking about why quentin might reject eliot and why in general quentin might come back to life with a lot of anger at the world made me want to explore that from his perspective. and there was also... like, in that david lowery quote i posted, when he says, "i wanted to roughen myself up a little, i wanted to do something that had to be reckoned with in a different kind of way": yeah! that! like there was this voice in my head whispering: but what if you made it worse? no, worse than that. worse than that, even! keep going! i've said before that one of the things driving that story was writing whatever i thought was funniest, but another guiding principle was that if i got an idea that made me flinch, that meant i should put it in. i wanted to write a story that didn't pull its punches, that didn't, like, toe the line of something fucked up and unpleasant and then back down so that everyone stays appropriately sympathetic. i wanted to drive across the line in a monster truck and force myself to figure out what was on the other side. i wanted people to say and do things i didn't have an automatic resolution for. in lowery's phrase, "i wanted a protagonist who is someone unlikable," although i wouldn't phrase it that way because i think the word "unlikable" is for babies (i get what he means and forgive him but believe we should not encourage its use). but i wanted to explore things like ego and denial and vindictiveness, these ugly, embarrassing sides of ourselves that every single person has and most people don't love to look at. lowery has talked about how he put a lot of his own worst traits into gawain, and i find that really refreshing in a discourse landscape where identification is assumed to happen only on the axes of aspiration or pain. sometimes i identify with characters because they suck in ways that i also suck! i like a story that makes me wince in recognition. and i like a story that does that and then turns things around in some way (although i also like a story that doesn't!), because to me, "you are valid" is a less hopeful lesson than "you can change."

and re: "i wanted to tarnish his legend and see what changes the story would go through as a result" - i mean, yeah, i also wanted to do this with quentin coldwater specifically, largely because his prickly, flawed nature is so much of what drew me into the show and appealed to me about him specifically. if you took like an average of the quentin coldwaters that show up in fandom, that guy would be a lot nicer than the dude on the show. that is neither a bad thing nor remotely unique to the magicians, and as a reader i'm like, often down for that ride. but as a writer i am very driven by novelty, because i often need to feel like i am solving a puzzle to stay engaged, and i had, again, already written a story where he basically shows up ready to bring the best of himself; i wanted to write a story about the guy who responds to penny's attempt to show genuine empathy about the death of alice (who by that point was also btw like the one person on earth penny himself might plausibly identify as a friend) by accusing penny of being bad at sex, which is an iconic and incredibly slept on scene. it's easy to identify with quentin when he's sad or caring or brave. but i like that the show asks us to engage with him when he is petty and unwise and dickish (and i find it honestly kind of [thinky face emoji] when people very vocally relate to quentin, but not in any particularly unflattering ways). i wanted to do that, but like... more. lol. what happens to the story about quentin if quentin makes it extremely difficult, actually, to root for him? what happens if he doesn't really want to get better? what happens if he's running away harder than just reading a favorite old book? what happens if he does things he actually kind of should regret? i wanted a quentin who didn't just to come to some new understanding and feel better about himself, but who profoundly needed to change the way he was living. which i guess is part of what i liked about the green knight, too: that understanding only really counts in the end if it's paired with action. that gawain learns: the bad news is you are what have done, but the good news is you can change what you do. you can't tell that story with a character who's on his best behavior.

#i also relate to the part where lowery is like 'it's all in the text and i was excited to dig in'#bc like. it literally is all in the text... the balance is different but it's all there #but that gets into the whole thing of like how the show gives him all these things that he should feel really fucked up about but like #doesn't ever show that and doesn't ever resolve it #hits the reset button on his character growth and doesn't ever acknowledge that's what happened #so like part of the fun of that story was using the fresh trauma of his death to kind of regress him in certain ways #which i find psychologically plausible but was also a way for me to get at the stuff that is established in like #season 1 and then just never dealt with #halfway through season 1 the show comes right out and says that quentin's central problem is that he is always running from himself #in a text with like any respect at all for the rules of character and narrative and how those things work together #either his inability to stop doing that would be clearly identified as an ongoing and increasingly severe problem #or we would see how he learns to stop doing that #but on syfy the magicians...... neither of those somehow #so like it's All There in both the parts i like about the show and in the parts of the show that make me incoherent with rage #but. this was long enough already #i have another ask i've been marinating on on a somewhat relatedish topic that maybe i will wrap up later #askbox #writing tag

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ae0nx · 3 years

Text

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 8 RECAP AKA THE KYORU CHRONICLES PART 2 (plus a quick recap of eps 3-7)

aaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! I gotta get it out of me otherwise I won't be able to concentrate on work and I will be scrolling through the tag till the day I die. Everything from episode 3 of Season 3 literally hit me like an avalanche - literally cos I marathoned 3-7 over the weekend which I wouldn't advise unless you want an accelerated heartbeat - and I'm starting to realise... maybe I just wasn't ready for season 3. Despite asking for it, haha. Not gonna put as many screencaps for this one cos tumblr editing bay be trippin and I just don't have time nor emotional energy to be fighting with the picture uploads, sorry lol

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Episodes 3 - 7

I spoke before about how (despite my feelings about the characters) the English dub VAs for Akito and Shigure pair up really well audibly. And I think I feel the same way about both Yuki and Machi's English VAs! They both have the same soft spoken yet scratchy element to their voices almost like they are holding slightly back. Although, I'd argue that Yuki has been losing the element of slightly holding back as the anime has gone on which I wonder if the same would be included for Machi's performance?

I really like the presentation of Machi's trauma through her family's expectations to be perfect and how physical it is? How Yuki kind of encourages her to let it out in a healthy way? (Btw the whole chalk breaking scene in the meeting was SO FUCKING SMOOTH. YUKI IS A NERD BUT HE IS SO EFFORTLESSLY COOL A LOT OF THE TIME)

The age gap between Isuzu and Haru for sure isn't the worst age gap in this anime/manga but it's still a bit... hmm...

Episode 4:

In all seriousness, I know Akito deserves some sympathy but it doesn't change the fact that I still see her as a villain. Hurt people hurt people but it doesn't mean they should get away with it, I was honestly pleased Haru got that big confrontation with Akito to tell her WHAT'S WHAT but it was also somewhat... merciful?

Hiro's growth has been so beautiful to see, him realising there are bigger things than him from the event with Rin to his relationship with Kisa to then the birth of his little sister.

Kureno choosing to get his hands a little dirtier and paying the ultimate price for it (as far as we know so far in the anime lol) was great, he is the moon side of Tohru's sunshine.

Shigure... I still don't really get him and Akito's relationship. It's clear he's waiting for Akito to grow the fuck up but at the same time he's not creating an environment for her to grow and develop. He's decided to go with the 'tough love' route which I'm still deciding whether I like it or not tbh. Sometimes it feels necessary, at other times it feels shitty. I respect that he knows he's a scumbag and I don't deny that there are people out there who take revelry in the fact that they are awful but at the same time, him remaining unchanging despite everything feels... unrealistic. But considering throughout this story he doesn't seem affected by trauma, it's understandable, I guess?

Also... that scene where Shigure ponders about whether he should've been with Tohru is THE creepiest creeper shit he's EVER done in this series. No. 🙅🏾‍♀️

Momiji is best bunny boi regardless of how tall and 'manly' he becomes. 🐰His scene with Akito was so authentically him and he really did that shit. We love him. <3

I love the way that the curse breaking should (on surface) be a happy event considering all the trauma the zodiac went through because of it but it's presented mostly as loss as well as happiness. It's the realness of getting out of a bad relationship

Shigure basically laying it out to Tohru how Kyo means nothing in a very taunting way was an excellently painful scene and I choose violence. It was heartbreaking seeing how worthless they all saw Kyo compared to how Tohru saw him but... by this point I was just living in the pain so 🤷🏾‍♀️

The story visually showing how Isuzu is more willing to be soft after her whole ordeal through her fashion choices (e.g. the pastels, the cardigans) was really nice. And Haru being happy about Isuzu making friends with Tohru was cute!

It was nice we saw that Kazuma was still wary about whether Tohru loved Kyo for the right reasons, you'd assume after everything Kazuma would love Tohru as a match for Kyo but he's so emotionally intelligent and also just a protective Dad! Yay, good parenting!

Tohru's confession to loving Kyo was amazing however I still adore Kyo's confession a little bit more. Just a bit. Lol. However, if you add the moment later in episode 8 it trumps it completely. Ethereal goddess.

Kyo and Tohru's grandfather having a scene together was great and nice

Now that I think about it, I wish there was more a visual link in the story between Tohru adapting her speech to imitate her Dad and Momiji adopting his Mum's German accent. Albeit for slightly different reasons, it just adds to the unique connection Tohru and Momiji have. In short, I'm seeing this ship with my third eye now. I get it lol

I don't wanna screencap the scene where Kyo is haunted by both his deceased mother and deceased Kyoko and potentially deceased Tohru because it's the stuff of nightmares. But, it was a wonderfully done scene. You definitely understand fully and clearly why Kyo buried all of that trauma under his hatred for Yuki (I CAN'T WAIT FOR EPISODE 9, YOU GUISE!)

If Akito is a villain, Ren is the final boss. Although, with her type of villainy... I feel like I can kind of enjoy a bit more. She reminds me of a Greek God in the ways she master manipulates people and her desperation for control and power (I just read 'Mythos' by Stephen Fry, it's a great read lol)

It lowkey feels like every female character who's comfortable in expressing their sexuality in this story is punished in some way for it... this is an incomplete thought

Shigure as a child feeling like they should all be pitied is so... mature... I feel like I need more of an explanation for why Shigure is the way he is

Akito's ego death with Kureno? Amazing. I loved that she was at least aware enough to realise how Kureno had been coddling her all this time but again... doesn't excuse her crimes

But anyways...

EPISODE 8

Honestly? I really don't have much to say about this episode besides 3-5 points I wanna get out of my head. It's not a bad thing at all, it's just that there's still a lot left to play out from this 'arc' and this season in general that I wanna complete my thoughts on.

But I'll start with this:

Lol, isn't it funny?! Isn't it heart-wrenchingly funny how the relationship between Kyo and Tohru has kinda reverted back to how they were at the start of the series? The coldness of Kyo at the beginning of this episode (and throughout) was a bit of a gut punch considering all the light and fluffy moments that we've gotten between the two since the True Form arc.

Talking about the True Form arc, I feel like this episode is somewhat a repeat of the same emotions, same trials of the True Form arc. Kyo still 'runs away like he always has' but this time we get him being the most honest and confrontational with his own emotions and trauma than he ever has been during the course of this whole story. While trusting someone (Tohru specifically) for the first time with the whole truth of his story! He always seems to move one step forward and then three steps backwards and while it's a tad bit frustrating, it feels very... real. I'll probably complete my feelings how this arc reflects the True Form arc when we finish this section of the story in future episode(s).

Considering the fact that 80% of this episode is Jerry Jewell monologuing as Kyo and I never got bored really just sells his performance. Kyo was being incredibly cold this episode and yet the range of emotions through his performance made it feel understandable enough for you to empathise with it.

BrattyKid!Kyo to lighten the mood 😹I still wish he and Hiro had more of a relationship, I feel like they could have taught each other a lot. Well... mostly Kyo teaching Hiro tbh

Kyo rejecting Kyoka for her honesty and kindness and then later rejecting Tohru? Oh... kid...

Wow, I felt so good about that whole episode of Kid!Yuki helping Kid!Tohru get home and then it's slightly soured knowing KID!KYO was running about the streets alllll night into the morning?!?! I really did feel Kyo's frustration at not getting that win to actually do something right. And the irony of that being linked to him being unable to save Kyoka from the oncoming car?

Honestly, I don't know what my feelings are on Kyo being unable to save Kyoka. I don't even know what my feelings are on Tohru pretty much pushing that aside in favour of her feelings for Kyo. It's... complicated and I've been mulling it over in my head for the last 10+ years hahah However, if I was in Tohru's position I think I'd eventually come to a point where it feels like it's too late to really do anything about how bad I'd feel about it. Kyo's intentions weren't horrid, if anything he was just being a scared kid and he's allowed to be that. I just wish Tohru had a bit more time to evaluate it but considering she knew her mother well and assumes that wouldn't have been the full scope of what she had said, I don't have much of a problem with it in general

Lol, I love when Tohru gets a 'FUCK YOU, I LOVE YOU' moment with Kyo. 😂Another reflected scene from the True Form arc... only thing is that this time... it doesn't quite work. 😕

(Again, I love how all of these reflections are resolved in later occurences in response to the duality but I'll get to it next week when it shows hopefully)

Laura Bailey only had a few sentences in this episode but she killed it as always. Comparing her performance in 2001 to now is just... growth!

Ok, so Yuki automatically gets Best Boi in this episode for meddling and chasing after KYO of all people. Showing how he's personally done with hating Kyo. Realising Kyo is pretty much the only person who'll make his mother happy. I think he also lowkey wants to understand Kyo? But, we'll get to that next week.

....Oh yeah, Akito is there.

--------------------------------------------------------------

In total, I liked this episode even though it has me anxious for the next one. We finally get the full picture of why Kyo is the way he is! Ahhhh - a weight off all our chests, I'm sure. I kinda don't like that they put the ending theme at the end of these episodes - the joyfulness doesn't really match up with the intense theme? But, that's just a minor gripe. And hey, maybe they just want the audience to know... it's all gonna be okay :)

See you next week!!!

#fruits basket #furuba #fruits basket season 3 #fruits basket 2021

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vaguely-concerned · 4 years

Text

The Untamed Liveblog

Yes hello I watched the whole thing and wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings along the way so I wouldn’t fuckign EXPLODE! Only look under the cut if you’re prepared for a truly outrageous amount of rambling (...no really)

- I am elated to find that so far every adaptation I’ve seen has faithfully preserved the absolutely bizarre structure of the original book, I am appreciating the dedication haha

- the actor lends this version of lan wangji such an edge of youth and vulnerability right from the beginning, it breaks my heart. I don’t care how good he is with a sword, you can’t expose this pure sweet boy to the horrors of war!!!

- I am so glad I already know who all these characters are and wtf is going on, I can’t imagine watching this first time without that knowledge lol

- I love how they’ve made nie huaisang look so small and soft next to all the other cultivator, he looks like a floofy and eternally confused baby birb ;______;

- nhs citing the goldfinch as the reason he doesn’t want to die (presumably because no one will know to take care of it) TOT ur meant to be comic relief in this part of the story buddy you can’t make me cry like this yet!!!

(also the actor for wwx effortlessly sliding into being protective and reassuring and Good in a crisis. wonderful!)

- the actor for xue yang has chosen to go with the sexy baby school of evil acting normally associated with female villains and for that I can only applaud him

also setting up characters who are going to be important later on is something this show is doing better than the original haha, both the extra wen quing & ning and song lan & xiao xingcheng content is appreciated. (especially the latter suffered from ‘oh yeah those two -- actually wait who the fuck are these two again’ syndrome for me when I read the book. additional note: I am very sorry but clearly they are gay there’s no other explanation here)

- poor jiang cheng, they really haven’t given him much help in this huh. I would sort of have preferred it if they let him be ever so slightly less abrasive in the beginning, like in the book and the animated version; I’m not feeling quite as devastated over this relationship as I did in either of those.

- lan xichen’s soft knowing smile is a blessing every time. just a nice man. did not deserve this. protect.

- kudos to the actor for jin guangyao for the instinctive creeping unease I feel whenever he talks, even at this stage. he’s a wrong ‘un sir he’s a wrong ‘un

- y’know both the fact that nhs spent three days catching a bird and kept it with him undetected and that he’s the friend you go to for the good porn and managed to not only smuggle it into the cloud recesses but did so without getting caught... some wonderful subtle foreshadowing here (to make up for the very blatant visual foreshadowing that’s already been given out I assume lol)

- anyway lan ancestor lady and baoshan-sanren? gay. sad and gay. (I love how thoroughly wwx is getting to meet the in-laws btw lol how often do you have to meet your future spouse’s family from like three generations ago and take care of her rabbits for her after she’s gone, all before you even get to second base)

- fkadshfkasjdlhfsdjkfh the sheer consistency of nhs wistfully commenting on all the beautiful men surrounding him fsadfkjsdhfksd I think they might oh so subtly be hinting at some stuff here. HILARIOUS that this version, which has to maintain at least the veneer of some plausible homoerotic deniability, is a lot more overt about it than the book, which is free to be balls to the wall as gay as you please

- oh no nie mingjue just showed up my entire heart is on fire. BIG BROTHER!! so stern yet fair, so righteous, so worried y______y also can we talk about how his ‘hmmm I think imma stab it?’ approach to evil in general and xue yang in particular would have saved everyone a lot of grief later on? and he tells wwx the whole necromancy thing is probably not a good idea? (I really like how he does it too, he has so much Older Brother Energy it spills over when he talks to other kids around huaisang’s age lol. it’s good that they show his temper isn’t indiscriminate at all, he’s not angry at wwx even though his idea is provably incredibly dangerous) sole ornery voice of reason nie mingjue, also did not deserve what’s about to happen, I cry and my tears are blood

- ‘yeah okay I get that you’re mad but have you maybe considered... I didn’t do it?’ is an unusually weak opening move from jgy considering nmj literally did just see him absolutely 100% do it

- there should be a WARNING at the beginning of episodes where nmj cries so one could be PREPARED for the emotional devastation!!!!! tollest & stronkest man of the cast also stupidly pretty and heartbreaking while crying, it’s not fair

- I love how every cultivation sect’s home (except for the wens b/c they’re cartoon villains) is refined and beautiful and luxurious, even when it’s in a restrained way like the lans’... and then there’s the nie place which is like ‘please understand that this is a fuckn fortress’

- aww this doomed jiang cheng/wen quing thing is cute! too bad about... everything that’s about to happen happening huh

- oh wen ning. very hilarious that he’s known as the ~*ghost general*~ forevermore when actually... he is baby... cinnamon roll baby... too good for this world, too pure...

- how is this cgi turtle somehow less egregious than the one in the animated version lol. I quite like this bad little friend! long neck.

- oh NO lan wangji finally letting himself show that he’s in pain when they’re in private... i’m uwu

this beautiful boy is so long and lanky tho, I must admit he triggers my parental instinct more than the hot boy alert at this stage (but that’s fine I’m not the one who’s going to smooch him that’s wwx’s job lol)

the look of absolute disbelief and despair lwj gives when wwx thinks he’s in love with mianmian... this show is a cinematic masterpiece and I will hear no other opinion

- lwj looking at the love of his life completely missing the point: are you a joke to you (the answer is yeah)

- okay we’ve officially hit the point where everything’s about to go to hell for real, pray for me I’m not sure I can handle this again

- jiang fengmian acknowledge your other son who desperately wants your attention and affection challenge (unfinished)

- watching this scene knowing exactly what this promise means to jiang cheng and that wwx is going to break it... this is fINE

why the fuck did I do this to myself I know what’s about to happen when will I learn to quit while I’m ahead lol

- the change in subtext from the novel that EVERYONE sees wangxian coming from day one is so painful from jiang cheng’s side. this poor boy really has abandonment issues pelting him from every direction huh. tfw your idiot genius brother doesn’t even fucking realize he’s basically announcing he’s leaving your clan and your side to get married one day ;______;

- man mxtx is just so GOOD at peppering in the small private tragedies that somehow sting even worse than huge atrocities going on. the fact that madam yu and papa jiang never manage to reconcile and communicate except possibly in death... oof my friends. oooof.

- WAIT WHAT NO DON’T SHOW ME THE CHILDREN WHO’RE ABOUT TO DIE WHAT THE FUCK YOU MONSTERS

- like we’re right at the worst part now and she is an asshole... but damn madam yu’s last stand is epic tho. like a champ to the end

- wen zhuliu’s actor being able to uphold a look of tremendous boredom at all times regardless of what’s going on around him is Poetic Cinema Bitches

- jiang cheng and wei ying are holding hands on the boat... stab me in the heart... end my suffering

- you know what in this version we get to see that madam yu knew her husband came back for her and they died holding hands and not everything’s on fire yet, so far this isn’t quite as harrowing as the animated version. the dead children are fucking me up but the tone of the animated version is like a nightmare, this is less disturbing to me

also can we talk about how madam yu fought them off the whole day and night and her husband gets his ass owned within five minutes 😔 oh papa jiang

- oh okay turns out jiang cheng’s ‘I want my mom and dad’ gets to me in every adaptation good to know

they’re so young they’re bbs I don’t want to be here anymore haha

- wen ning. a sweet angel. just the goodest of boys. his sister raised him so well ;______:

- wen quing is so ethereally beautiful and also looks like she could stop a train with the force of one glance. like she’s my height but her presence is immense

- oh I see we’ve arrived at the tiny adorable flashback bbs part of this journey, let me just... just lie down somewhere huh

- outside of the central romance this is a tale about people who love their brothers very very much and it’s real sad for everyone involved

- me watching nie mingjue kicking down the doors to reclaim his own dang fortress: YEEEEAAAAH GO OFF DAGE!!! i um love him and his very handsome face

- jiang cheng dreaming about his family is EMOTIONAL WARFARE!!! how fucking dare!!!

- y’know what this isn’t a bad way of adapting the burial grounds thing! also pretty cost effective I imagine, gotta think about the budget when so much of it goes into fabulous wigs and robes

- credit where it’s due, the actor for wen chao makes his face do some shit I didn’t know human faces could do and he’s enjoyable to watch in the capacity as your friendly neighbourhood hate sink

- lwj consistently using wwx’s personal name even when talking to total strangers now... mhm this is also fine

- I can’t beliEVE this show is somehow less subtle about the gay stuff than the book, jin zixuan basically just asked lwj if he and wwx were... y’know... I guess cultivation partners would be the way to go here lol. between that and nhs more or less asking them if they were off fucking after the whole cold cave debacle... what a time to be alive even if they’re not going to kiss on-screen

- huaisang I hate to have to be the one to tell you this but your brother is an entire snacc. and yet I respect him way too much to ever proposition him, I know he is busy winning a war and being Righteous and slowly being driven mad by the ghost in his sword on top of raising his little brother, I’m not here to complicate things for him any further

I love this version of nmj so much though. this sense that he also sees the stuff that is genuinely good in jgy and has a real moment of grief that the dude just can’t seem to get away from his basic insecurity that causes him to do horrific things, even when handed other opportunities... the fact that he seems regretful and worried when asking jin zixuan how jgy is doing with the jin....... everything to do with his little brother...................... oh no he’s Soft in his private life this is awful

- poor lwj’s ‘I have a bad feeling about this’ face in this scene haha, he’s staring at this talisman like ‘I only know one person smart and dumb enough to pull this off’

- can’t wen quing just get one nice thing. one nice thing just for her. hasn’t she been through enough. give her her brother back and a nice quiet place to practice medicine and maybe some soft romance with jiang cheng eventually this show is kind of selling me on this.

- unexpectedly my favourite part of the revenge scene is just the camera switching back to lwj and jc watching in horrified silence like ‘...O___o dude this is fucked up tho right?? it’s not just me that’s messed up??’

- one is forced to wonder about wen zhuliu tho. this version reads as pretty explicitly depressed/suicidal to me, he’s kind of an interesting villain since his main traits are unquestioning loyalty mixed with unending indifference and also seemingly not too pressing a will to live

- oh nhs desperately trying to keep it together and pretend nothing’s different ;_____; this version is really driving it home that wwx is a lot of people’s only friend -- jiang cheng is mentioned to not have anyone but his sister to play with before he arrived, lwj was raised primarily on books and rules and his brother is ELATED that he has one (1) friend now, from the sheer depth of the attachment I’m willing to bet nhs hasn’t had many real friends in his life either. wwx gives and gives of himself and doesn’t know how to take help in return.

- foreknowledge is a beautiful thing; if you look at nhs when it’s revealed wwx didn’t bring his sword you can visibly see his brain kicking into overdrive haha. smart boy.

- big sister ;_______; I am an older sibling so I haven’t really had the feeling of having an older sister to look to, I see why it might be comforting now

- oh this is some real uruk-hai shit!! honestly the special effects in this aren’t half as bad as I’d been lead to fear, some of you guys just weren’t forged in the crucible of shitty sci-fi channel cgi at an early age and it shows

(honestly the weird fight stuff threw me much worse in nirvana in fire, because that series has such intricate, credible and realistic political world building and then people are flying all over the place through wire fu and it is so disorienting haha)

- oh nhs looking up at his brother like a puppy during the war council T______T baby bird boy

(between this point in the main story and fatal journey it’s very interesting how clearly nhs needs the emotional stability and safety of his brother -- who also seems to be his parental figure -- to function properly, even in his late teens. it looks like he needed more time to grow up than the rest of them even before they were all thrown into this awful bullshit. well he does have a lot of murderkitten brain to grow I guess that’s fair enough lol. wwx has some of the same thing with his sister too)

- whenever lxc and nmj look at each other it feels like the only two adults in the room meeting each other’s eyes like ‘...oh dear’

- aww lwj getting some advice from his brother. this poor kid really hasn’t been raised to handle the moral complexity of the real world huh, good thing lxc is here to lend some nuance to lan qiren’s unforgiving dogma

- oh lan zhan

- nmj’s plan to just idk somehow go in alone and fight the wen overlord mano a mano to avoid any more casualties... a spine made of steel, a heart made of gold, a head made of wood :’) truly a perfect man, good thing his brother got the brains in that family and he has some more sensible people around him

- in the face of inevitability I plead... jiang yanli... please don’t marry this asshole your son is going to be predictably insufferable

wwx has suffered through so much the last four months or so and yet his real breaking point is seeing his sister cry and can I just say -- relatable content

- NO! NO STOP HURTING HIM HE’S JUST GOOD AND HANDSOME AND DOESN’T DESERVE THIS

(could be applied to like 98% of these characters but in this case it’s nmj b/c I love him)

I do find it very funny and oddly comforting that nmj is literally so fuckn mad that it takes three times as many attacks for the evil sorcery stuff to take him down than we’ve seen used on anyone else fsdkfhasdkj too angry to die

wHY has my brain chosen for me to attach so deeply to perhaps The single most inevitably doomed person in this entire cast, at this point I’m just being cruel to myself lol

- I can’t describe how much I love the fanficiness of this story, in the best ways. the emotional fallout from the destruction of the lotus pier gets more screentime and attention than the entire sunshot campaign, and that’s exactly how I want it to be.

- they’ve been doing some great work to establish that the jin are also jeeeeeerks for such a long time, how’s that for foreshadowing

- equal opportunity traitor jgy gets his stab in lol one must respect the grift, though, he’s set himself up pretty darn good

*lxc stops nmj from killing jgy, hello darkness my old friend starts playing in the background*

fatal journey builds nicely on this fundamental thing that the nie boys take their responsibility to their people extremely seriously, it seems to be the fact that jgy so blithely talks about them as necessary casualties that really sets him off

- adlfsdfhsdkjh lxc and nmj meekly being like ‘...we could maybe... not commit war crimes? if that’s at all possible? no?’

*slaps ‘I don’t think you even tried at all’ stars on both of them* (I mean I actually do kind of see where they’re coming from a bit, they just came out of a pretty costly war and I wouldn’t feel too comfortable getting right back into it with arguably the wealthiest faction, who’s also been keeping back a bit and thus kept a lot more reserves. well played jin bastards well played)

- I could stop here. if I stopped here everything would basically be as okay as they could be and the world full of hope still. I suppose the question here is... do I love myself enough to quit while the going is good. and the answer is no I already started the next episode

- I think one incredibly endearing aspect of this version of nmj is that he has a look of faint but permanent worry about him. he walked onto the screen with a vibe of ‘...oh boy I don’t like where this is going’ and he’s just kept going ever since

in the book he’s kind of a flat character (whose one trait is Mad), I love that they’ve given him some depth and nuance here! probably partly down to the actor doing a great job, but this version has a real sort of warmth to him and also seems downright uncertain at times -- he thrives when there’s a clear goal and black and white sides, and is probably not t h r i l l e d with the weird tentative political situation after they take down the wens lol. thank god he has his little brother to make ‘bitch please’ faces over his shoulder when the jin get weird about things

anyway I’m always on the ‘nhs you are SO valid’ train, but in this version nhs is quadruple valid, in fact only mianmian is more valid in this entire world

- one of my favourite parts of this show is when wwx enters a situation and the camera takes some time to zoom in on the faces of his family and friends to convey their sense of ‘oh god what the fuck is he about to say now’ dread

- jiang yanli asking her little brother if he doesn’t want to stay with them anymore while crying is emotional kryptonite, help

this poor woman, she had to put all her points into emotional intelligence b/c god knows no one else in this family did

- hell YEAH lan zhan go break some rules!! treat yourself my guy

- hey sis if, theoretically, one hypothetically found oneself in -- for the sake of argument -- love with, as the case may or may not be, someone... how would one tell?? asking for a friend

- the whole summary of this fucking show is just ‘weaponized sibling feels’ everything hurts with foreknowledge why did I keep going

- aw no blindfolded kiss scene but here’s a scene with real earnest emotional intimacy stuff going on instead... I will joyfully take it your honor

- I do value and respect the translators giving us these subtitles so much... but they did also force me to read the words ‘bosom friend’ with my own two eyes right there and that was not very cool of them

- why oh WHY must jiang yanli, best person in the world, have been cursed with the horrible fate of being in love with the dumbest man on the planet

*jiang yanli juggling all the idiot men in her life* oh god my little brother is causing an international diplomatic incident again time to bUCKLE UP

oh ho ho you know shit is getting real when big sister gets mad I LOVE HER. suddenly you see she definitely her mother’s daughter after all lol

wwx crying because his sister just fiercely defended him in public... im uwu

- I hate jgy with all my heart but I do feel bad for him too. his barely faltering :) look while all his asshole relatives gang up on him sdfhskahf

- again the jin are dicks but when it comes to aesthetics they do go off, that’s such a beautiful shade of blue

- dsflhsdakjlfhsdakjfl sd this shot of lwj and nmj right before lxc drinks is the funniest framing imaginable b/c lwj is wearing a look of complete stonefaced

-___________-

and meanwhile nmj, who presumably has seen lxc drunk before since they’re longstanding bros, looks worried as fUCK

- awwwww I do love nhs capitalizing all of jc’s attention so the others won’t start shit with him/so he won’t get to say something publicly he’ll regret later because he’s (understandably honestly) mad at his brother for making his life even more difficult than it has to be (I have every sympathy with wwx but buddy... buddy must you make everything more complicated for your bro every darn time this is a real delicate political situation and he’s not suited for that even without your antics)

it’s a very nhs move because he comes across as slightly boorish and rude and thus leaves jc blameless and thus protected, you can get so far if you have no self respect lol

- showing us exactly how wen ning died is honestly a little too mean this is not fun

- good god this poor grandma has been through the wringer hasn’t she

- oh. oh wen ning, who never meant hurt anyone in his entire life :(

- listen okay the end is in sight just a couple more horrific tragedies to get through and then it’s the weird romantic comedy buddy cop antics of the current day timeline to ride to the end

- it cannot be overemphasized how much this lan zhan is Baby, I so desperately want to help and protect him

- I’m going to stop shouting out individual actors on this show they’re all goddamn brilliant haha (but am I tho)

- most valid person in the cultivation world mianmian

also enjoying the exemplification of nmj’s character that is ‘not sure how I feel about this dumb kid with the big mouth digging his own grave ever deeper but that girl’s got guts and I respect that’

- wen quing is getting a taste of the dangers and pitfalls of having wwx as a little brother dfhskdalfhsdaklj she and jyl should compare notes (he’s so good tho T-----T)

- how does wwx’s actor have such natural dad energy at such a young age, too powerful

- people give so little thought to how fucked up jc’s situation really is here, like he’s just being an asshole for the sake of it. spend three fucking seconds looking at it with some realpolitik in mind and realize that the clans around him have just shown that they can and will wipe out an enemy clan together if need be, and that his own sect hasn’t even gotten back on its feet after the war that almost wiped it out. like wwx is unquestionably morally right but has gone about it in such a way that it’s real fucking hard to support him without going down with him and how do you calculate that risk when you’re responsible for so many more lives than your own

also so sad about jc being so afraid this entire time that wwx would leave him like everyone else... and now he has :( jc doesn’t handle it well but then who would at this stage

- there is something so pure about a quietly horrified lan zhan getting Dad Advice from these guys (well he’s going to be needing it soon enough so)

oh the utter softness of his face looking at wwx and ah yuan ;_______; thank god, some fluff to bolster my heart before we set off into the last harrowing ordeal here

LAN ZHAN’S ENTIRE FACE LIGHTING UP AT WEI YING ASKING HIM OUT thank fuck there’s still some joy left in the universe

this poor love struck man, someone help him

lan zhan conscientiously grabbing ah yuan’s toys is fskhdfksjdlfhskjdhf

- lan zhan looking around the demon subduing cave: babe I love you more than life itself but this is tacky as hell

- crying because wen niiiiiing

- crying because sibliiiiiings

okay this is the last time the three of them will be together and nominally happy, need to appreciate it through my tears

- actually I take it back please just let the bad thing happen now so I don’t have to live in suspense anymore lol (...this probably says a lot more about me as a person than I’m strictly comfortable with)

- the fact that none of wwx’s little adopted wen family are AT ALL intimidated by him anymore is just... it’s too much to bear

again tho this book/show is so willing to let you dwell in the emotional stages of things in a very fanfic sort of way, I think it’s what makes the sad parts so much worse (and makes you feel so incredibly attached to these characters)

- I gUESS it’s a testament to jin zixuan’s character that he has any decency at all, considering who his dad is and where he was raised

I’m cracking up at their dad being the one who still doesn’t trust jgy tho lol snake recognizes snake

- jgy’s faint look of ‘are you fucking kIdDiNg me rn’ whenever all these jin douchebags talk is very entertaining. if he didn’t go on to do all that murder and incest and (probably) infanticide I’d sort of cheer for him no matter what kind of sociopath he is

- not to be a downer or anything but isn’t one month a little premature to be celebrating the survival of a baby in fantasy old timey china tho

sometimes I feel like looking back at history is just seeing a whole lot of dead children (and this is why I think that even if god did exist it would be morally inconceivable to worship him! sorry just a quick detour into my personal grudge against the inherent cruelty of the world there, let’s move on)

- it’s uncomfortable to watch even the outlines of the jin sect’s slow insidious stranglehold on power. even these random shopgoing nobodies know that nmj is Not Happy about these watchtowers and that it’s probably going to happen anyway. the jin are snakes but at least they’re clever about it and I do kind of respect that

- oh everything’s about to go so wrong I hate it

NOOOOO don’t make the zombie baby fight, nothing good will come of this

- man this is hitting me worse than lotus pier actually I’m just... crying haha

it’s almost cathartic tho... there’s something about wen quing’s dignity and certainty that really helps? I just really wish they hadn’t brought the whole little group, god I want them to be okay so badly and ah yuan will be all that’s left and. and just throw me into the ocean and let me sink tbh

- I know this is all so much black cgi smoke (pls let us see the red version again at some point btw that was cool as shit) but the emotional metaphor of wwx that you can’t take on more and more of other people’s suffering and trauma and not care for yourself because you will lose control of that at some point is just. very nicely done. (he’s a bit of an odd serial codependent for a lot of the story, isn’t he. thank god lan zhan is not a quitter)

- jin zixuan’s mom is breaking my heart a little here. this lady has been married to THAT GUY all this time and now this as well. sorry lady, I guess jgy probably Took Care Of You at some stage after this

- a) this is just real good acting for wwx. this is the perfect level of unhinged for this, even though I’m always like ‘just. just shut your mouth for one time in your life and stop digging this grave any deeper six feet should be enough for anyone huh’ at this stage of the story and b) I am cackling inappropriately at the shot-reverse-shots between wwx, jiang cheng and jgy. jiang cheng looks like everything he ever loved is falling apart around him and jgy is like ‘oh wow I didn’t even have to provide him any rope he’s doing an excellent job at hanging himself without me’

I love wwx so much but it did take him an unconscionable length of time to realize that when you set big enough things into motion you will not be able to control who it crushes along the way or who might steer it in the wrong direction. other people exist and have agency and a lot of those people are bad honey :(

- ah yes lwj being stopped by a barrier made of the physical manifestation of wwx’s trauma when he tries to reach him :’) this is okay and cool and fine

- it’s admirably obtuse of everyone to look at wwx at this stage and still think he’s in control of uh anything lol

- oh okay that went better than expected I don’t know if I’m just inured to sadness at this point

jiang cheng looking like a little boy clutching his big sister’s body is tugging at my heartstrings a bit tho

- ooooh this battle hardened intense lwj!!! I guess I can sort of see it now

- oh lan zhan 2, electric boogaloo

- finally! time for some comfort up in this hurt

- my man nmj still so fucking angry in the afterlife that anything even remotely connected to him is shaking with rage in sympathy in the real world. a mood

- fdsahfsjdklfhsdajk wwx being like ‘I can take everyone saying I was evil but how DARE you not mention I was also a snacc’

- when do you think nie huaisang really realized that his brother wouldn’t have children and that he was up for the sect leader seat next? nie mingjue seems to have known pretty far in advance himself and tried to prepare his brother accordingly, but that kid really didn’t want the job so I imagine he’d try to live in denial as long as possible

vaguely related: no other family is ever mentioned by either brother or anyone else, and nie huaisang straight out says that he is the only main disciple (I seem to remember and with the caveat that I might have misunderstood the translation) when there’s the talk of them being sent to the wen as hostages -- I suppose you sort of have to be very selective when your ancestral cultivation method is sketchy enough that you should keep that shit on the down low and you know people die young from it. so I think it’s possible if not probable that huaisang is the last of his family. isn’t that a fun little thing to think about? haha. ha. help me

- this random street vendor is an unexpected strong comedy performance, every face he makes is pure gold

- fkshafkjsdhfasd best introduction of adult nhs

- the quiet luminous love on lwj’s face whenever he looks at wwx in the present... give this man all the awards. it’s nice that wwx gets to be scared and childish and vulnerable with someone who loves him no matter what too, he’s been through some shit

- oh okay I see so the reason they chose to make fatal journey the way they did was because they already had the set built

- *nhs dropping one set of robes like that one gif from anastasia to reveal another even more luxuriously dandy-ish set under it* oh wow what a surprise to see you two down here, coincidences amirite (anyway here’s the testament to all the sins of my ancestors & a trail of breadcrumbs to lead you to the murderer of my brother)

no wait that’s slightly later isn’t it. well the point still stands

- dead!nmj is truly a mood -- “I don’t know where I am, who I am or what the fuck just happened but I do know that I am PISSED OFF”

(actually in the book I found that almost comforting -- at least the dude got to spend his afterlife doing what he loved (i.e. being angry), but this more nuanced and sympathetic version being trapped like that just. makes me very very sad)

nice of him to stick around to play a few rounds of hot or cold with his little bro’s friends tho lol. I mean from what I understand of this take on canon it’s actually the spirit of his sword and not him in person? but close enough, let me keep him as long as I can okay

- jin ling getting his dumb ass cask of amontillado’d within ten minutes of entering the tomb smh

look at your ROBES young man what is your (other) uncle going to say??

- hAH what did I say. pedagogic mastermind jiang cheng at it again

enjoying the fact that they chose the floofiest most benign-looking of dogs to play this ~*terrifying hound*~ so much

I have a lot of sympathy for jiang cheng, and the actor is doing a good job at aging him up here (not as good as lwj’s but then you can’t beat perfection). the way he’s calcified into bitterness and anger b/c he can’t express his emotions in a healthy nuanced way feels very... real I guess, people get like that sometimes

- I am somehow really endeared to this version of jin ling. a dumb baby, but a baby

- poor lan zhan lol “I LEFT YOU ON YOUR OWN FOR TWO HOURS AND YOU ALREADY MANAGED TO TAKE ON SOMEONE ELSE’S CURSE??? BABE!!!!!!!”

he consistently uses jiang cheng’s personal name too huh. well it is his brother in law I guess ETA: actually I’m an idiot ignore/forgive me, that’s jiang cheng’s courtesy name isn’t it. lan wangji is being salty/maybe-deliberately-maybe-not-(but-definitely-tho) distant/polite with him I think

- y’know... as I watch lwj carry the love of his life around on his back with all the tenderness in the world and I see people in the comments yell about why do you always need everything to be gay they’re just good friends you’re all crazy... I realize all over again that there really is no level of queerness they’ll ever find legitimate or acceptable. which like. feels bad, but there’s also the freedom in remembering they are always going to be assholes no matter what I do, there’s literally no need to listen to them at any time.

- I am CRACKING UP; watching this episode right after seeing fatal journey sure is a treat hahaha. nhs really must enjoy the acting on a deep level because he is hamming it up and I am living for it

“It’s nothing at all like unorthodox demonic cultivation methods!” he protests with his big innocent doe eyes, having yelled the exact same accusation at his brother within ten seconds of finding out about it dsfdskjha

- awww that’s such a sweet way of telling nhs who he is while both of them still get plausible deniability :’)

this show is making it a LOT easier to figure out nhs’ deal earlier just through visual storytelling and his reactions when lwj and wwx aren’t looking, but I guess you sort of have to do that without the benefits of selective POVs that you can do in written stories

- lan zhan’s little smirks are such a blessing

- can we talk about how INCREDIBLY rude lwj and wwx are being barging into other people’s ancestral tombs like they own the place. I know I said break some rules lan zhan but there’s such a thing as common decency too at least wipe your feet at the entrance or something

stop being big bullies!!! (nhs actually sounds a little salty at how debonair they are being lol he’s like yeah you’re doing what I want you to but you don’t have to be such dicks about it)

- nooooooo nmj don’t die ur so sexy ahaha (I jest so I do not cry godddddd my heart big brother come baaaaaaack)

I’m honestly finding it very hard to live with knowing that the last thing nmj saw in life was jgy having his little brother in his clutches D:D:D: looking at it like that... of course he came back mad as fuck, I’d probably do the same thing

- boys boys I love and support you but could you maybe not stand around talking about how this was totally a horrific murder like the murderee’s little brother isn’t standing right there?? i mean it’s useful for him but it’s kind of mean of you, I know neither of you were raised in a barn

okay there’s wwx irrepressible protective instinct that’s better. I just... nhs standing there looking small and sad and soft and lonely isn’t the whole truth but it is part of the whole truth, it’s nice to see wwx being like this even after all those years. (the physical closeness in their friendship in their youth in this version is so gooood. outside of wwx the only two people we see nhs consistently allow close or seek out closeness from is his brother and MENG YAO, who can frankly burn in hell even more than usual for the flute thing in fatal journey.)

- lan zhan contemplating the inherent impermanence of everything good in the world and then immediately getting blackout drunk -- MOOD. also I have never seen a scene where someone so obviously was about to press a soft kiss to someone’s forehead or cheek, don’t worry wwx I see you through the censorship lol

(it’s incredible how well they’ve adapted the love story considering the fact that they technically uh can’t)

- wen ning: shambles, zombie-like and disheveled with horror movie monster eyes, into frame

all of us: omg a BABY ToT

- live action drunk lan zhan is living up to the hype I am d y i n g

this poor repressed man

fjskdfsdkjhf he could do sword fighting in his damn sleep probably

I will say that leaving ‘wei wuxian was also here’ is going to scare the crap out of these poor people whose only crime was keeping well fed chickens

- they r so in love someone hold me

- this nmj!kid I am LOSING IT, this is so cute I want to lie face down on the floor and cry

- the yi city arc is my least favourite part of this story, so I’m fortifying myself to get through a couple of hours of sexy baby xue yang here

- Dad/troll teacher!wwx is in fact everything

- oooh wwx has the same weird crooked fingers as me when they’re extended! just some small Facts About Your Friendly Neighbourhood Blogger there

- this is not at all a bad take on ah quing! she qte

- ‘what’s your husband look like?’ song lan, crying: beautiful

- xxc you didn’t think it was a little weird the dude wouldn’t tell you his name -- even a name -- all this time. honestly

I know you’re in a bad place and this is sort of a rebound thing from your actual true love but stop letting him gaslight you like this buddy :(

- time for some MASSIVELY FORESHADOWING PARALLELS my friends

- I don’t know if I’m just a heartless monster but I honestly don’t care that much about anyone but ah quing in this little sideplot lol (probably my complete disinterest in xue yang tainting everything else)

- xue yang and jgy: the ‘sad backstory dude still inexplicably extra mass murder’ club

- godddd I’m so bored I’ve listened to this guy cackle ~*madly and evilly*~ for three episodes now when will it fucking end

- lan jingjy you are VALID

- fhsdkfhsdkj can’t get over baxia being like ‘OI you two stop gazing soulfully into each other’s eyes for five seconds and get on with avenging me’

must be annoying spending your afterlife in a pouch third wheeling the two most obnoxiously in love people in the world, I think this spirit sword is being admirably restrained and patient all things considered

- big brother I am so sorry you had to hang out under there all this time while this boring bullshit plot happened above you ;________________________;

I’m actually not clear on what the nie sect does with the bodies of the dead -- the saber tomb seems to be exclusively for the weapons/we see that some of the cultivators will go down there while they’re still alive to sacrifice themselves... maybe they go in the walls? I guess nhs is breaking tradition in a lot of ways tho so who knows!

- ‘from what I’ve seen he’s not so bad’ wei ying he smilingly asked you to use POWs for target practice I’ll allow lxc to be this dumb but you really have no excuse

- this duckling in red is a gentleman and a bro, one to watch

- wwx seductively arranging himself in the open window to cover his panic fsdkjfhsda

- lot’s wife WISHES she had the level of salt jiang cheng does

- ‘if they ask me any weird questions I don’t know the answers to I’ll have to pretend to be a total psycho’

lan zhan, dragging his husband with one deadpan face: I’m sure that is going to be a huge feat of acting for you babe

- NIE HUAISANG FALLING INTO FRAME AND LAUNCHING HIMSELF FROM ONE PERSON TO ANOTHER LIKE A GORMLESS WET RAG, I STAN ONE (1) BOY

‘but new problems appeared’ how is he such a mood

again tho you can give your unknowing accomplices so much space to investigate if you just don’t bother with self respect or dignity at any stage of the journey lol

- fjshdfkjlsahd that beat of lan zhan clearly taking a moment to contemplate the idea of wei ying confessing his love naked in public there

- uncle and nephew bonding time T________________T

- fsakfhsadkjlfhsad I can’t deal with this mission impossible ass music in the background as a little paper gingerbread man scoots around the palace

whoever animated this was clearly having a lot of fun, I love the little details like his dangling legs and him rubbing his lil paper bum after landing

- poor qin su, one of the most screwed over people in this whole show. at least in the book he didn’t mean to

- ah su, you’re being very unreasonable about this, what is a little incest between friends

- straight culture is this being chill to keep in the adaptation but god forbid anyone got a loving queer kiss at any point (not blaming the showrunners at all, they’re clearly stretching the limits as far as they will go and maybe a bit more at a few points)

- YES SISTER CALL HIM THE FUCK OUT I always felt like she’s known something was a little off for a long time but never could put her finger on what exactly

- ‘can you still not let me go’ hey jgy you piece of shit who’s keeping whose head in a weird serial killer cabinet here

- THANK YOU FOR BRINGING HIS HANDSOME ALIVE FACE BACK TO MY SCREEN IF ONLY TO MAKE ME SAD

- he’s so beautiful and righteous and strong 😭😭😭😭 dage come back to us

(makes even more sense that he’s so pissed off about what jgy did if he’s already shown clearly that he’ll shut down the people fucking with him if it’s brought to his attention. he gave you every opportunity you little oh-it’s-never-really-my-fault worm of a man)

- another nmj about to cry warning needed here help me

dON’T FUCKING TOUCH HIM YOU SLIMY FSKJLDHFKSJDHFSKDJLHF

the nie traits are undying loyalty, rage, and the intergenerational trauma of watching your parental figures succumb to death and madness through the same cultivation path you practice

- my cause of death: nmj’s eyes shining with unshed tears

this version has that edge of vulnerability to him, you suddenly do realize he was once just a kid watching his dad die a horrifying death and then having to take on all that responsibility and raising his brother

nie boys unfailingly devoted to the people under their protection I’m gonna go bury myself under a tree or something

- I’ve had to turn the volume down so I can barely hear anything b/c my emotions are too big to for my dumb body to contain already I can’t listen to this

- extremely sad but also a little funny that part of the reason nmj died was that he had no interest whatsoever in the arts. ‘music is music right?’ says local jock

- I’ve just been whimpering the last twenty minutes this is awful

- huaisang’s voice breaking on ‘big brother, it’s me’... sdlakhgsdjklfhsadjkghsdkjlfhdskljhgsdalkhgsdklgjhsdjklhgkdjslhgjskd I’m going to the bottom of the mariana trench and I’m staying there goodbye

- I can’t wait to watch nie huaisang end this putrid trash man’s whole career in the most devastating way possible tbh

- I’m just so SAD T______________________________T I hate jgy so much my heart burns with it I’m so glad he’s about to get some dramatic irony shoved up his -- but I digress

- haha poor jin ling standing there watching all this messed up shit like ‘O.O thanks i’m nine’

- I wish I was as good at passing the fuck out on command as nhs, I feel like it would solve a lot of my problems

- just some low key soulmate shit no biggie

- wwx is basically fantasy old timey naked again here the SCANDAL except no scandal they’re clearly married

- wwx is being so much more patient with lxc than I would have found it in my heart to be at this stage. he’s like ‘lxc you are my brother in law and I truly appreciate you and everything you’ve done for me but it’s sadly up to me to gently confront you with all the ways you’ve been a dumb ho just b/c you think jgy has pretty dimples 😔’

- “You’re not qualified to talk to me” oh lwj I love you so much. I thought committing murder was forbidden by the lan sect rules but there you go

- it honestly baffles me that some people think nmj would be the strictest parental figure in this universe when a) everything about huaisang suggests otherwise and b) lan qiren is right there

madam yu has that ‘super unforgiving to her son’s face but will also tear anyone criticizing him a new one’ mixed energy too

- lqr: I raised a perfect obedient righteous cultivator

me & wei ying: you’ve ruined a perfectly good boy is what you did look at him he’s too repressed to breathe

- well their dad clearly paid enough attention to worldly matters that two kids resulted from it, I’m not quite sure where we’re going with this lxc

one’s an accident two’s a pattern etc.

- wow I was so confused about ‘confidante’ being used here b/c it makes absolutely no sense in context, and the comments helpfully informed me that it’s more accurately translated to ‘soulmate’ or something like that; that does make a whole lot more sense yeah

- bb!lan zhan kneeling in the snow is more than anyone’s supposed to have to live with tbh

- lxc being like ‘so yeah my brother will keep loving people long after they’re gone and unable to give him love back! just a fun fact there, something to think about anyway here’s wonderwall’

- soft, ever-so-slightly messy haired at home lan zhan deserves the world

- oh wwx’s shift away from thinking the truth doesn’t matter at all to realizing the truth of you being held fully and with love by one person in your life is enough as lwj plays their song ;______________________________; this is almost more romantic than a kiss scene would be honestly jesus christ

- little apple is the best of us tbh

- apologies but they have 100% started to fuck off-screen at this stage, the looks wei ying is giving him dsafasdfhsjkd

- I take it back mianmian and little apple are the best of us

- imagine just finding the light bearing lord, second peerless jade of lan in his immaculate white clothes, peeking out from between your hay bales one day

- the exponential increase in lan zhan’s blessed little smiles lately: my oh-they-fawking thesis is validated yet again

- wei ying lying through his teeth: of course I remembered your face at once who do you take me for

(lan zhan: smirks in quiet satisfaction)

- walejhgskdjhgsjdaklfhsadjkflafhsjakdsf wen ning is so cute I don’t know what to do with myself

- wei ying this is where you first asked him out of course he remembers

- lan zhan is like ‘oh shit I forgot to tell him about our son and at this point I’m kind of embarrassed to bring it up’

- I am NOT thinking about the lotus pond they made for him here, you can’t make me

- ‘the worst time in their lives’ yeah, but there was such love there too. it h u r t s

- the actor for wen ning is so good at making his expressions look deeply earnest but also a little uncanny, like moving his face doesn’t come naturally to him anymore but his Good Boyness shines through

- DRAGGED in public by his own son. rip wwx he had a good run of it before his untimely murder

- wow thank goodness sect leader yao survived all this time, his death would as we all know have been a huge loss to society as a whole

- “I’m just here to round up the numbers” I love him more than I can convey to you in words

I’m a simple person, I hear nhs’ chronically befuddled voice and a burst of pure joy is released in my heart

sdfhjksadhfsad his soft little 😕 face peeking out from behind people’s shoulders fkjsdhfsdjal

- will I ever get enough of nhs masterfully manipulating a situation through his own apparent cowardliness and uselessness? no is the answer to that it’s always entrancing to watch

nhs as a teacher, nodding sagely as his disciples exchange glances: it’s never too late to go home instead of going big. saying ‘fuck this i’m outta here’ is always an option

- also nhs seemingly doesn’t use a saber at all anymore, where he at least used to have one back in fatal journey times. I’m very happy he’s trying some new things, time to break that very sad traumatic chain of dying young and furious

also him getting someone else to do the work of fixing the ward or whatever fskdfhaskdlf

teacher nhs, waving his pupils away b/c he’s busy painting or something: class dismissed. and remember, if at all possible, get someone else to do your homework for you. as long as you don’t get caught that’s an automatic A

- wwx is literally the cat surrounded by knives meme here lol

- lol lol lol wwx just removed his outer tunic thing to reveal lan zhan’s undershirt still under there and you can see lan qiren silently seethe with ‘that little hussy has seduced my nephew away from the righteous path’

(do I personally believe in slut shaming of any kind? nah it’s dumb as fuck. do I think lqr does? yeah)

- hahaha I can’t tell if nhs’ slightly glazed look here is b/c wwx did something he didn’t plan for him to do or if it’s because he’s for all intents and purposes half naked in front of them. (tbh I think there’s a case to be made in this version that he has a sort of wistful would-never-act-on-it-for-a-million-different-reasons-lan-zhan’s-furious-jealous-stare-being-foremost-of-them crush on both wwx and lwj from back when they were teens)

- WOW all these dicks inviting themselves to lotus pier!!! r u d e

- lan zhan flexing on lan qiren by raising a happy well adjusted child even while he’s mourning the love of his life: what like it’s hard

- wen ning kept that toy for sixteen goddamn years don’t touch me

- I’m crying about jin ling give me a moment. he is baby okay he’s even younger than ah yuan by at least four years

the image of him hugging the only thing he’s got left of his dad... fsdalkfhasdjlkfhsjdakhfsjdk

- lan sizhui has a crowd of good uncles/dads and poor jin ling has a crowd of utter disaster uncles and it’s very unfortunate (yes wwx is on both of those lists)

it is very sweet that it’s jiang cheng who consistently actually looks out for him, even in his feelings-wtf-are-feelings sort of way. the least disaster uncle, but only by comparison lol

- I think this ouyang kid might be duckling in red from before? LOVING the interspersed nhs reaction shots to him, anyway fsakdfh (I’m going to make it sad: how many conversations like this do you think he had with his brother as a kid? that’s fine we can both cry now I don’t want to be alone in this)

- ‘mr ning’ im Y___________________________________Y

- extremely Here for yet another full costume change from nhs hahaha (he’s changed at the boat already, god knows how he pulled that off but I’d expect no less from him)

- nhs must have been a sect leader for at least a decade at this point, and he still manages to exude such a powerful ‘kid at the adult’s table’ aura. incredible. mindblowing, inspirational

- ...oh they went with the same version of the previous jin leader’s death huh (but GOD FORBID that anyone should be openly gay amirite lol) O___O again though WHY is jin ling here, jiang cheng??????? he’s like sixteen, he’s never going to dare to even kiss anyone after this

- nhs has the look of a man who’s had to sit on this disgusting knowledge alone for years and finally gets to share that icky burden around, merry christmas everyone if I have to know about this so do you

- I don’t know if this is just me imagining things or reading more into it than what’s there, but I think nhs is actually sitting in the same pose his brother used to a lot in this part of the scene (the upright posture with palms resting at the top of the thighs/hips, fingers turned inwards/towards each other; it looks sort of... solid and self-contained, I guess)

- I would call jgy knowingly committing the incest character assassination if he’d had enough character to assassinate even in the book, I would never have put it past him

- y’know... god knows nmj had flaws (I think my immense depth of love for him in this version comes precisely from how hard he tries even while being deeply flawed. him dumb but him always trying :’) well actually he’s not dumb at all, he’s shown to be pretty darn politically savvy, I’m just having a hard time finding the right word here. ‘inflexible’ is maybe closer ), but the big defining difference between him and jin guangyao (and consequently xue yang) is that both of the latter are completely open about the fact that they see themselves as more important than anyone else -- xue yang considers one of his fingers worth more than fifty people’s lives, jgy kills twenty sex workers as a mere afterthought to his own revenge on his father. meanwhile nmj gets Messed Up by people dying under his protection to the degree that he came up with one of the dumbest plans I’ve ever heard just so he’d be the only one at risk, just so no one else would get hurt anymore. hmnghsjhfs.

- wen ning, proudly: my sister was the best doctor in the world

me, openly crying: she sure was buddy

- wwx: hey lan zhan are there any sweet patient lan ladies with an open mind around

lwj: ...why

wwx: I just think our zombie son should start thinking about getting friends, maybe even a real home

lwj, subtly relieved: oh

- JIN LING BABY BOY NOOOO D:D:D:

- nhs I need you to come in and end this man I cannot look at his awful face anymore

- ugh this garrotte sound effect is really unpleasant actually well done

- THERE HE IS!!! conveniently swooning his way into the scene again, my guy ;_______; smol and soft-looking and about to utterly obliterate a man on every conceivable level

I love every moment of the camera dwelling meaningfully on his innocent vulnerable face, this is going to be so great

it’s too bad he’s a behind the curtain sort of dude, I would kill for a poirot-style ‘I’m sure you’re all wondering why I’ve gathered you here in the library’ moment here lol

- tbh jiang cheng’s got a point about that whole ‘making huge sweeping decisions about someone else’s life and never telling them about it’ thing

wwx has sort of structured himself as a person so that you’ll never be allowed to really reciprocate his dedication and sacrifices (unless you’re lz lol), and while that is a very sympathetic trauma reaction essentially it is sort of a dick move interpersonally.

- the weight and wisdom that comes along with the scars of older wwx... you love to see it

- nhs, with effortless grace, rousing from his disney princess slumber just as the real drama’s about to begin... your honor he is simply the best

- T__________________________________________________________T big brother

- the tinge of coldness in nhs’ eyes while he watches jgy through this whole scene even as he keeps up the ‘im baby don’t worry about me’ act.............. fashdfjlksdahfslkadj, not to say askfksjhafkjsldhfkjsalhfksjaldhfkls

- to say that jgy has perhaps ‘gone overboard with this’ might be the biggest understatement of any century lxc

- watching him kneel by his brother’s coffin here I’d like to propose that Nie Huaisang has exactly the same capacity for all-consuming rage as the rest of his family, except he can’t just vent it by hitting something real hard with a haunted murder saber so he has to get creative and that was real unfortunate for Jin Guangyao

- one thing that’s always tickled me is that nhs did give jgy the choice. the people around him -- the people he claims to love -- could have been left out of it, no dishonor being brought to either his name or any of theirs... if he’d been willing to sacrifice himself. (probably a gambit where he knew that was never going to happen, but still!)

- nhs standing there in the background like ‘yeah yeah we all have horrifying family legacies buddy, we just don’t knowingly marry our sisters or arrange for mass murders over it’

- arguably killing the previous jin leader could actually count as a good deed if not for the horrifying way he did it lol. jgy all over, he could have done something helpful, *john mulaney voice* and then he didn’t he just killed nineteen innocent women while he was on a roll instead

- while it’s sort of bullshit that some responsibility is taken away from wwx in jin zixuan’s death here it’s also making a bit more sense to me like this -- seems like an uncharacteristic gamble from jgy to just idk hope wwx would lose control at exactly the right/wrong moment. wwx is still at fault for how casually he treated wen ning as a weapon when he didn’t know what the consequences could be, I’m okay with this

- jin ling and the terrible horrible no good very bad week :( protect him

wow lan xicheng let’s stand around some more letting this awful excuse for a person tell this sixteen year old boy that his parents deserved to be murdered basically, I’m sure there’s a lot more fruitful discussion still left to be had here

- talk shit about nie mingjue’s brother get hit su she hell YEAHHHHHH

big brother still looking out for him I’m fsdklfhajsdlhf 😭😭😭

- I’M SO FULL OF FEELINGS ;________________________________; at least in this version the implication feels more like he’s finally at peace? (hilariously wwx managed to purge/cleanse the saber spirit, which is the entire conflict of fatal journey haha, nhs really did get his best friend to do his homework for him yet again, INSPIRATIONAL)

- HELL YEAH FINALLY GET REKT YOU PIECE OF SHIT! PRESS F TO PAY RESPECT EXCEPT JOKE’S ON YOU I’VE GOT NO RESPECT TO PAY

They did do away with any and all ambiguity around nhs here and I’m totally cool with it, that was awesome

- I’m playing the world’s tiniest little violin right now, wow much sad fuck you and your dumb hat

- may I just say that the fact that jgy uses his last moments on earth to make lxc, a person he proclaims to love, feel as bad as possible about his now inevitable death even though it clearly wasn’t really his fault... is just proof that he has never actually loved anyone at all except possibly himself

contrast with wwx, who tells jc that he’s sorry, dries his tears in the here and now and says to let the past go because there’s nothing either of them can do about it now and there’s no point in hurting themselves over it again and again anymore. jgy has the opportunity to give a similar kindness here and instead twists and twists the knife, so lxc will be in as much pain as possible when he’s gone. he’d rather be kept alive in lxc’s suffering than let him, someone he ‘loves’, ever heal and be happy. anyway I hope hell is real shitty for you jgy

- jgy you absolute piece of shit you couldn’t let my man have TEN FUCKING MINUTES to nap in peace? after sixteen years of your fuckery? urgh bye

- nhs looking at lxc sadly when lxc can’t see him... one last ‘I don’t know’ finally closing out his arc... I love all of this so much, there’s such a nuance of... he is genuinely a bit sad about causing lxc pain but he also doesn’t regret what he did At All. (I guess most of what he’s done must be pretty easy to rationalize/justify to himself, since the vast majority of his work went into finding the horrible shit jgy has done and showing them the way home to roost, rather than creating fresh suffering from scratch. and then there’s also the whole mo family but uh well eggs omelettes amirite lol)

- lan qiren telling people not to run or talk loudly b/c they’re at a temple, even under these circumstances fhakjsldfhkjsdafhkjsaldhf

- god the casting people for this show have a perfect track record of finding heartwrenchingly cute kids my GOD

- jfdsafhaskdjfh I love how they’ve done the moment with the hat -- the way the flashback sort of indicates that nhs does recognize on a deep level that the dude he just killed was someone’s son, was after all once an innocent child, like anyone... and again, it doesn’t make him regret it. he looks tired and sort of empty, but not like he’d take any of it back. he’s seen jgy for all that he was, good and bad, and made his decision. his reaction to seeing his hands ever so slightly stained with blood is mostly ‘...eh sure’ (and he knows none of this will ever bring his brother back and I am HURTING) . just. I love him so much what an interesting character

- lan zhan raised a child who can talk about his feelings, unprecedented & wondrous

who’s chopping onions in here

- never getting over ah yuan being the best person in the world at roasting his dad

- okay okay okay I’m going to have some incoherent feelings here -- the expression on nhs’ face right after wwx asks him if he intends to be chief cultivator is just... hm. how do I describe this. it looks almost like he’s thinking ‘oh yeah I forgot you don’t actually know me anymore (yeah okay that’s my bad)’? the previous scene is about lwj and wwx, The symbolic representation of true love in this world, naming each other/knowing each other for exactly who and what they are. that’s the thematic victory in this story; to be truly known, accepted and loved for the entirety of who you are, if only by one person in your whole life. (notably all sorts of love, parental, familial, platonic etc., not just romantic/sexual) and to get his victory, nhs has had to completely forsake that because his whole plan hinged on it; he hasn’t been emotionally honest with anyone for well over a decade at this point. no one really knows or understands him, and if someone ever did he’s long dead now and never coming back. and in this one moment both wwx and nhs seem to come to the quiet understanding that neither of them are who they used to be as kids and it’ll never be like it used to be again, and reach a sort of live-and-let-live truce about it. d u d e this goddamn story

(after all part of the reason jgy is so incredibly terrified of nmj is that he’s the first person to see straight through his bullshit to who he is behind it, and that it’s u g l y back there. jgy + nmj = being known without being accepted or loved (b/c honestly he doesn’t deserve to be loved or accepted yeah there we go I said it), jgy + lxc = being accepted and loved without being known, which turns into disaster all around.)

- man this was actually a really solid adaptation, it was excellently done! they did rush a bit towards the end there (it was never explained why jgy didn’t kill sissi along with all the other sex workers in this version, for example, leaving a rather substantial plot hole, and they never reveal why exactly lan zhan had to take over as sect leader which breaks off lxc’s arc at the end), but all in all that was wonderful and even added some stuff I liked better than in the book! now please god never let mtxt write a sequel, just let them be in this happily ever after, all of them have been through enough ;________;

- also the music was truly epic! I don’t even begrudge them using some parts more often and blatantly than what’s probably necessary, I want to wallow in this love theme as much as the next person lol

- what am I going to do with hours upon hours of my life now? I don’t know either, I suppose I will just have to find some way to hobble on

#the untamed #mo dao zu shi #wangxian #nie brothers #(b/c predictably that's what most of my feelings boil down to lol)#meta #I think I might have outdone myself with this; this is a new height of aimless unproductive nonsense even for me lol #I did this instead of working on the edit of the fic I've got nearly finished because... I don't know either guys I just don't know

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taeken-my-heart · 5 years

Text

Writer Appreciation Day!

OK, technically it was yesterday, but I wasn’t able to post so today I’m just going to post a very quick thing about my love for some of my favorite authors on here.

This is by no means a full or comprehensive list of all the talented writers on this site or even all of my favorites. There are just so many incredibly talented people in the BTS fandom and I find new people on here everyday. Thank you so much to all my fellow writers who post on here.

I know what it’s like, the time, the dedication, the blood, sweat, and tears that goes into writing these stories that you feel so connected to, that you love so much. You deserve to have your work read and appreciated and just know that I’m thinking about all writers today. Your hard work is so appreciated by me!

Putting a cut to try and avoid clogging the dash.

@johobi Jo! You are such a fabulous writer. I can’t even begin to explain how much I love reading your work. I am always completely immersed. The language you use makes my English degree heart sing. You have a way with prose; your dialogue and imagery are out of this world. Thank you so much for sharing your incredible work with us and for being my friend

@dark-muse-iris Wow, the day I found your writing was a brilliant day! This website, and especially this fandom, has some really incredible writers and you are definitely cream of the crop. You are a master at your craft and a novel is just your playground. I love the thought and dedication you put into your stories, even though sometimes you feel discouraged. Your love and effort always show in everything you put out and you deserve to have more positive recognition!

@hoseokiehopie Megan! You are so, so lovely and unbelievably talented! Your attention to detail is so refreshing and wonderful. I remember when I was reading Wrong, the conflicting and incredibly painful emotions that the characters were feeling were so palpable and it amazed me that you could capture that feeling and put it so beautifully on paper. Thank you for talking to me and being my friend!

@btssavedmylifeblr Bee. Wow, you always play your talents down and give so much credit to your beta readers (which every writer should and I think is so admirable because they work hard!) but you’ve gotta stop down playing your talents, haha. You’re an incredible writer! I found your writing because of DNA and now Void has me devastated. You have an incredible command of words and know exactly what to do with them. Among the many talented writers on this list (and this world in general), you are a writer I strive to emulate because as much as you shy away from the praise, you deserve every bit of it!

@ditzymax Max, Clandestine is dirty, alluring, thrilling, taboo! My gosh, I love it! I haven’t been able to read as much as I want, but you have such a powerful command of emotion! To be able to take such a taboo topic and turn it into something so powerful is amazing, not many people can do that. Seriously! Enlightenment is actually what helped me to find you and I’m so glad I did. Thank you for being a wonderful person and friend and thank you so much for sharing your beautiful writing with us!

@avveh You probably won’t see this for a while because you’re on hiatus, but just know that I’m thinking about you and how incredible of a writer I think you are! You’re able to take your stories from heart wrenching to beautiful so easily and that is something I hope to be able to do someday! Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us; it’s always inspiring me! Thank you for being my friend!

@tayegi We don’t actually really know each other, we talked very briefly a while back but you are seriously among my top 10 favorite writers. You are so talented! I have read so much of your masterlist and just fallen completely in love. Your In Bloom series is incredible and I don’t just say that because of the smut (which was A+ quality content, btw, haha) but because your attention to detail and how easily you roped in my emotions blew me away. Thank you so much for sharing your incredible writing!

@prolixitae You are such an incredible writer! When you first posted And Action! I was completely blown away. Seriously! I don’t see that quality of writing often and I was so impressed. It’s like the English language was invented by you, that’s how well you use it. Each of your characters in your stories are so unique and so well fleshed out that they could honestly be real people. I will not be surprised if someday you’re a published author because you’re already top tier! Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us!

@iq-biased You are a wonderful writer! You write slice of life so, so well and I really admire your way with words. The way you can fully immerse me in soft or heated little moments between couples is so beautiful. The intimacy that you’re able to command, even just in simple conversations between your characters is beautiful. We’ve only been able to talk once, but I’ll always cherish that conversation because it really helped me think about a lot of things. I’ve been reading your work for a while, even before our conversation, and I’m really grateful you’re so willing to share it with us!

@kinktae Oh my gosh, all of your writing has been so incredible, but Groovy in particular comes to mind. I sobbed! The devastation of all those characters was so tangible. I felt like I couldn’t breathe at moments, just thinking about how I would feel if it were real, how people really do suffer in situations like that. It really is a powerful story and a lot of people could not have executed the idea so well but you did it so beautifully. I am absolutely loving Bitchin’ right now, you’ve got me in the palm of your hand! Haha. Thank you for sharing your wonderful writing!

@seokeros You’ve recently left tumblr and I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, but if you do, just know that Something in the Water changed me. It was so beautiful. The friendships between your characters, the gradual build up between the reader and Jungkook, the history to their relationships…incredible. You are such a gifted writer and I hope that where ever life takes you, that it is kind to you and that you find joy and success! Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us!

@kpopfanfictrash Shanna, you are an unbelievably talented writer and the amount of content you produce is astounding! I could only dream of being able to write as much as you do, and to have everything come out so quality? I don’t know how you do it. You have the wonderful ability to write so many genres well and I have loved everything of yours that I’ve read and often find myself coming back to read your works again. There is something about Romancing the Tome Yoongi that makes him really special to me, he was just so funny and sarcastic and I loved how you wrote him. Beautiful, quirky, and full to the brim of intelligence. Thank you for sharing your wonderful writing!

#writers appreciation #tags

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kazamastar · 5 years

Text

Welcome to 2019

Version 3.0 : Final Version - Wow. February and finally, the 9th is here. All of you my 488 followers can finally enjoy it (372 by the end of 2017). I’ve never been that late to write a sum up but it’s pretty obvious that if it took me so much time to do it, then deep down I didn’t want to do it. Indeed I was about to let that sink in and leave this post with the version 2.0. But I remembered I had one person to honor. And this is what this year 2018 is about : focusion on the good actions and the good people. Because spoiler alert : this year 2018 have been on some other level of shit. More than 2013, 2014 and 2017 combined.

Pic : Plot twist. No more smile. No more bowtie.

Well let’s do some quickmaths : as i said we upgraded from 372 to 488 followers (and roughly 2,241 posts). For the 9th time I have to say that I have mad love for y’all (except fake pr0n blogs, y’all aint shit). For the humans that still follow me : thank you. And I’ll have even more love for the poeple who read this until the end haha. I have to apologize because these last months my tumblr looks pretty much like a mess, between the heartbreaking lyrics, quotes, passive agressive posts than only a few people can understand ... And that’s all because of that one follower I lost (y’all understood it was an euphemism). But to be accurate, I don’t want this post to become another heartbreak post : there are already too much of them on my tumblr. Indeed, it’s one of the main contraints I forced myself to write under. Because “l’art naît de contraintes” (Art rises from contraints) like Van Gogh said. So : not another heartbreak post where I pour my heart out for a girl who won’t even read it (guess I’ve done enough with the Helsinki post). But it’s kinda difficult because this break up is the main reason my 4 last months of 2018 (and on...) have been so so awful and so much things happened because of this. But nevermind I’ll do my best. I’ll do my best because like I said, this post is more about love. This break up surely made me less human, mistrustful, but still, I’m writting because I’ve seen beautiful actions that had to be honored. But we’ll see that later. What other contraints for this 9th sum up ? A young lady I’ve met this year challenged me to write 2 good things for 1 bad that happened to me this year. I’m sorry, I failed ahah. I found more good than bad, but that 2 for 1 ratio was a bit too much ahah. Désolé ma grande ;) And because of this, I had to have a kind of draft for writting, even though I always told myself these sum up needed to be written without drafts, to keep them kinda “natural”. Looks like I’m taking this more and more seriously haha. Well, when I say that this year have been worse than my 3 worst years combined this is not a joke. Have you ever told yourself for example “Wow I left all my stuff in the car, I would be deadly unlucky if someone would break into it and stole everything !” ...Yes, that’s that level of mischance. Because this happened to me btw. And that’s the spirit of this whole year. In “Welcome to 2016″ I remember talking about “mala suerte” ... that was bullshit, 2018 is the real mala suerte. The heartbreak of this year is the worst of my whole life by far, then I’ve been close to what I dreamt of in karate, what I fight for since 2011, had 2 chances to get it this year and I still not got it by a hair’s breadth. Dad got into a crash car, hopefully only the car got wrecked. (so sad it won’t take me again to Andorra haha) People kept on deceiving me. Close friends but also unknowns.

People close to me know how much I cherish friendship. If you’re my friend and you’re not doing well, then I’m already on my way to yours to fix you. No exceptions. Even faster if it’s because of a heartbreak, because heartbroken people should never feel lonely. It’s that simple. SO when I see fuckers I have been there for through ups, downs and heartbreaks and these people are not even able to give it back to me I can’t help being mad. And I don’t act like that in order to make people give that kindness back to me, that’s not the purpose. But I do hate ungratefulness. So, I had to go through a heartbreak again and I saw people disappear again. So that’s enough lines wasted talking about these people. I also have to talk about those who were there. In 2018 I also found an awesome training partner and got closer to her clan. That’s a positive energy I really needed on that 2nd half of 2018. Par ailleurs, tu liras surement jamais ça mais je me permets une parenthèse pour te dire encore une fois Merci Julie pour avoir sauvé ma vie. This kind of old friendship is priceless to me. We can also talk about some young friendship : in march I met someone (almost my best 2018, except I didn’t manage to define an encounter good enough to define it as the best of 2018) who made me go deeper into Tekken, making me getting closer to the Tekken community in Tls. Funny how I always dreamt of this when I was a kid and this is happening. Indeed I’m living the shonen life : I’m in a group (where I met some really lovely people), I’m not the strongest but hell I do what I can to improve and that’s begining to pay even if i won’t forget the 68-0 against sensei, and like in karate I still aim to the top. It’s funny to be inside another competitive world where people don’t have all the values we have in karate. Some of these Tekken people (in the whole country, not only in Toulouse) show off, are mean to each other etc ... And also like in karate, we admire asians for being the best to do it in the whole world. What else ? I became a karate teacher. Took me a bit of time, it wasn’t hard but just took me time and dedication. I still met some great people all along this experience. I made peace with the old pals, vacays together were really incredible. Some of the sweetest days of this year. One of the sweetest day this year was the day I worked hard as hell and went back “home” to the one I love. What a lovely feeling. But I guess we didn’t lived it the same way ... Then, I also had the chance to make a karate lesson in the 1st place I’ve been taught karate !!! This was outstanding because I love to give back to those who gave me, and I love to inspire people. So, it was such a pleasure to tell these kids “I was standing where you are now. I started like you and I’ve been getting stronger and stronger. If I did it you can do it too !!!”. I truly believe some of those kids are about to be deadly strong, hopefully I’ll be done with competition haha. Talking about competition, i sadly lost my title in Andorra by mid June. At the end of the competition, I promised to come back stronger and to revenge but there will be no revenge as this competition will not be repeated in 2019. Indeed, this Andorra 2018 was a great competition and a great trip. A cool trip, great team, great mates, a lot of alcohol, a good hotel room, and love ... so much love. A deadly hangover, but a lot of love. Sadly, there would not have been love again, as 1414 who was my coach for the weekend, my partner on the tatami and in life decided to take a different path from mine. Indeed, I promised to not talk too much about that but this is all the 2nd half of 2018 is about : me trying not to drown because of this heartbreak and it feels like everything is related to that. I got cocky and forgot the 1st and only love lesson my father taught me “nothing lasts forever, mostly in love”. Damn he was right. Even my mother was right for not trusting her at the begining, and God knows she’s never right usually. I won’t even mention what that break up costed me. But as the big bro says : there were no house, no kids, no joined bank account ... Only wasted times and dead dreams now. “La mort d’un rêve” ... it’s still something painful. S. is now a dead dream. I cannot imagine my own flesh meeting some destructive people like the ones I met and going through hard times like I’m going through. I wouldn’t be able to handle it. So no more S. and no more L., and it’s a hell of a problem as I’ve always built my life around the fact that I wanted them. And it’s painful because I wanted them with her. Nevermind, no one will ever know “what a great father I could be” as 1414 said. So much dreams. Gone. My 5 brothers took care of me as much as they could and they did amazingly great. I’ll never thank God enough for putting these guys into my life. Hope they know how much I love them. That was sad to see another one of them going back to his motherland but ... what an amazing last evening in Toulouse we spent. I’ll never forget this one.

Still talking about the break up and all the bad that happened this year : tbh I couldn’t draw good lessons from all of these bad things. Really. But like I said, I’ve seen good things coming from good people. So now I need to talk about 27. First of all, 27 was right on so many levels. (yes, I use numbers to not drop real names). Those who know me know that I love to experience, live everything. I would have been better without this heartbreak but still, it taught me new things. I could understand 27 better. When she talked about hell, she wasn’t joking at all. The doubts, the negativity, the hate, self-hate ... I think that’s too much to handle. But still, she still tried to help me when she saw me going through that hell. I couldn‘t thank her enough for this and that must be remembered. This is the whole reason I still wanted to write this sum up, in spite of all the bad things that happened. It was like : a soul lending a hand to another soul. Merci. Je ne l’oublierai jamais, je t’en dois une belle. Et toujours d’une âme à une autre. Tu dis le contraire mais tu as une belle âme et je suis sûr qu’il te reste beaucoup d’amour à donner. Tu as trop à donner à ce monde (en espérant que tu me lises un jour)

Also, I could understand 26 better. [...] And 26 still have the most beautiful smile in the whole world. No transition : Najwa Zebian said that « it’s unfair that new people in my life will have to destroy walls around me they didn’t even built » (btw I love this woman, she also had a big impact on my life through her reflexions) and I can tell she’s right but … trusting people is so hard these days. I really don’t know what to think about this statement. I think I’ve always been picky about who I let close to me and I still got fucked up by my ex-lover, my entourage … It’s all about who to trust, who to let in and who to cut … And it feels like I’ve been making the wrong decisions for years.

It’s starting getting late so let me end up with facts nobody cares. Neutral facts : I discovered lofi this year, my hero academia (FUCKING AWESOME !!!!), Tokyo Ghoul, 7DS, sword art online (great !!), la casa de papel, stranger things, sherlock, IP MAN 3, the good place, misfits, Juice Wrld blew up this year, NAV, Dosseh ... Funny how I discovered some of the saddest love song this year haha. Bad facts : I got injuried a lot. Females still played me a lot. Indeed I realized females are cruel but I still love them. This might be the proof we don’t chose our sexual orientation haha. Then, I couldn’t train properly from Sept to Dec. Oh, I can’t listen anymore to : Nicki, Kehlani, Rihanna or Cardi B. “More life” or “Views from the 6″ are albums I can’t listen to anymore. Well, GOOD FACTS now ! : Got a karate gi from J. (outstanding move), I put the young bloods in high school at Tekken and mangas haha. I met 80′s family and it was like a dream and I’m sure I got luckied in another dimension haha. 80 and 90 are still close to perfection in my eyes. 30 is still 30, with good and bad moods. I’m in peace with the sensei. I also received one of the best gift of my life. I learned that I was able to train by myself thanks to my power of mind ! To finish, I saw that I was able to forgive and still give love, even if it was pointless and too late.

Well, 2019 has already started and this will sure be a hell of a ride (January was ... special) as now I’m like on some quicksand shit. Let’s go ! And let’s not forget those 2018 that marked this year and I’ll surely be listening to in a decade (you need to know that I still listen to all the songs in the previous sum ups !). Enjoy :)

2018 Playlist

Dvsn - The morning after

Youv Dee - Opening

Tory Lanez - 48 floors

Roy Woods - Instinct feat MadeInTYO

XXXTENTACION - SAD!

Damso - Smog X Kyle - Ikuyo

Dosseh - Cœur de pirate X Guordan Banks - Keep you in mind

Marwa Loud - Je voulais (feat Laguardia)

Bazzi - Honest X Omar Kadir - The last thing I do

Oboy - Nuit X NAV - What I need

The Magician - Love break feat Hamza

Dinos - Les pleurs du mal

⚡ Dinos - Helsinki X Logic - The Glorious Five X Laylow - Digitalova ⚡

(Albums :6lack - East Atlanta love letter X Juice WRLD & Future - Wrld on drugs X Tory Lanez - Love me now & memories don’t die)

#sum up #resume #welcome to 2019 #2019 #welcome to

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luckystarchild · 7 years

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first off i just wanna say i love lucky child, it's definitely one of my favorite yyh fics of all time! i'm just wondering how you got the confidence to write something like this? i mean, i've had a Kuwabara x oc fic in my head since 2008 and though i'm obv better at writing i'm still nervous about putting myself out there. even with lucky child to inspire me

(*I apologize for taking your Ask WAY OUT OF PROPORTION andturning it into an extended metaphor about buckets and stage fright, but I amNOT a confident person and this is the only thing I could think of that wouldaddress my feelings about confidence, nerves, and just digging deep and gettingyour work out there. Sorry again! It’s long, and I hope it’s not terrible,haha.*)

Confidence is a tricky thing. And the secret is that no oneis as confident as you think they are.

In high school I performed in musicals and plays (h*ckinyes, theater kids). In my very first musical, I idolized one of the older performers.Her name was Chelsea, she was a senior in high school, and one day backstageduring a dress rehearsal I asked her how she combatted stage fright. I hadterrible stage fright. Where did she get her confidence?

She looked at me a minute. Then she nodded at the stagemanager.

“See that bucket?” she said.

A red bucket sat by the wall, at his feet. When the stagemanager saw Chelsea looking, he pointed at the bucket and raised a brow. Sheshook her head. He turned away.

“That’s my bucket,”Chelsea told me. “I throw up every night before a performance, because I get sonervous. But I love theater. I have to push through if I want to do what I love. So every night I just throwit all up and get out there, because Ihave to.”

Then her cue came and she waltzed onstage to play the batty,brazen, beautiful Lina Lamont in Singin’In the Rain. She stole the show. And every night before curtain, she barfedinto that red bucket. The audience was none the wiser.

I’ve carried Chelsea’s red bucket in my head for years. LikeI said: I have terrible, terrible stage fright, and my anxiety is the stuff oflegend. When fright and fear threaten to choke me, I think of Chelsea. She madeit look easy, but inside, she was as anxious as I was.

Chelsea and her red bucket made me realize even the mostconfident-seeming people have their insecurities, and that sometimes, you justneed to get out there, because you haveto.

Every time I post a LuckyChild chapter, I have to do a breathing exercise. I get incredibly nervousto post—doesn’t matter how many people review, or how many people follow thestory. I will always get a pit in mystomach when I see a review alert, or when I have to unveil a new chapter. Rejectiondoesn’t feel good, and I admit I have a deep-seated fear of it.

But…I have the red bucket in my head. And like Chelsea said,I get out there, because I have to.

Lucky Child cameto me in a weird moment, at a weird time. I started writing it shortly after mygrandmother’s cancer diagnosis. I fell into the story as a distraction, and asa means of working through loss, anger, sadness, fear, you name it. It becamethis deeply personal thing, and I have to tell you…I was afraid to post it at first. I was afraid people would take thisstory of mine, in which I shared vulnerabilities and pain, and reject me. Makefun of me. Say the idea was bad and I should feel badly for writing it.

But there I was. Writing it anyway despite the fear—because therewas a story in me I just had to get out. It was a story that could help me, anda story I felt I just needed towrite. And I found I was loving writing every last word of it.

I posted it after giving myself an enormous pep-talk, inwhich I vowed to flip the naysayers the bird and give a big “fuck you” toanyone who came at me.

It wasn’t confidence that let me post LC. Rather, it was pigheaded gall and a contrarian streak a milewide that let me post LC…not tomention the memory of a red bucket I dumped all my worries into.

I knew that if I didn’t just throw the worries aside, justhaul off and write, that I’d neverget to write this thing I was starting to love.

Looking back, it seems silly to fear rejection the way I did(and silly to fear that to this day, which I do). People have accepted thestory with such kindness. I know now I had little reason to be afraid, but atthe time, the fear was overwhelming. Now I’m infinitely glad I didn’t listen tothat fear. I’m infinitely glad Chelsea let me borrow her bucket, in a way, so Icould chuck my worries into it and just getout there, because I have to.

You’ve got a story in you. You’ve had that story in yousince 2008. It’s begging to be written—and I absolutely promise you that theanticipation is one hundred times worse than actually going through with it.And I also promise that every author on the goshdarn internet is just asnervous to post their work as you. They’re just all actresses like Chelsea,barfing into buckets backstage—and their audience is none the wiser.

Basically what I’m saying is, you’re not alone in feelingless than confident. I’m with you. Writing is hard. Sharing that writing is harder. But if you want to do what you love, you’ve just gotta get out there and do it, confidence be damned.

I know you can do it, andyou can borrow my big red bucket any time you like.

Now get out there, because you have to. :)

(Also I’d read the shit out of a KuwaxOC fic, btw, so WRITETHAT FIC, WRITE THAT FIC, WRITE THAT FIC—I’m serious, we NEED more stories likethat and I am behind you 100% of the way.)

#bad advice #writing advice #weird extended metaphors #lucky child #yu yu hakusho #yu yu hakusho fanfiction #i will never stop writing #writing about writing #confidence #anxiety #nerves

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dansiddons1-blog · 7 years

Text

Unedited one thought at a time...

I'm not happy... that night I was sleeping on my friends couch never to return to my bed. I decided then to take my life. What's happening oh the pain and I piss blood another kidney stone. Kim I need a ride to hospital I am having a kidney stone. The medicine calmed me for days without the medicine I would not be writing to you for I would have taken my life. Danny want to go to beaver dam...life as I knew changed for ever. I was raped on the trip to dam in a boat did I mention I was 5 years of age. A child force to become an adult to protect my father. I was told tell your father I will kill him. This story is about my life I will be jumping through a variety of topics. I will spell words incorrectly and not be grammatically correct. Why? Because I want it to be real as possible. Not some book that has been edited and rewritten in an editors words or some ghost writer. I will not even reread what I wrote. I want you to experience the thoughts of a mentally disabled person. I make no apologies for my writing don't care if you like it don't even have a plan outline or intention. Just my thoughts as I they fire away sometimes tormenting me others bring joy. I have never written a book and don't consider this to be a book more of my thoughts at real time on paper... that is enough for tonight my medicine is making me drowsy Time for bed but it is so hot and tomorrow...see how the thoughts never stop a flywheel in my head I want to rip out. Time to prepare myself for bed and shut the flywheel off for a few hour. Tomorrow I pray it doesn't come but as sure as the sun will rise I will to. Oh tomorrow please don't come allow me the pleasure of eternal rest. Let's see what thoughts I write tomorrow twitter trump terror ptsd happiness pain pleasure investing writing starting a business writing a paper see how fast they come and their range how can I use commas worry about spelling. If you are reading you can relate auto correct is off and my thoughts are now flying fast...BAM. Tried to save found a word counter that was word 406. I thought I was going to bed. So much to accomplish how can I retire to bed. Voices won't stop words are blurred from tears. No I won't edit it. Fine don't publish it I will keep it for myself but what about others Suffering what if they can relate like I do to other books of the mentally ill but you said you had no intent Now I do I want to save people create meetings like aa for mentally disabled. See reader how they just keep coming. Wow 498 words. How many thoughts did I miss what if I miss a good one. Good one Dan what are you trying to write. Goodnight for now 10:03pm 7/17. I must keep writing the curse of the flywheel. Maybe that will be the title. Maybe I should stay up a start a blog about what...anything you have read so much pick I topic a blog away. Folly. Still going need to put iPad down fuck them I won't change iPad I would rather it not published then to edit my thoughts...can you see how the thoughts go it is crazy. My name is Dan siddons and this is my life unedited one thought at a time. If you read this far keep reading and add you unedited thoughts along with mine and together we can all help ourselves. THE MENTALLY ILL Breakfast... What is this how you are treated in a mental crisis hospital ward? The walls are cold and old made of cider blocks. How Am I going to get better here. This is not what I thought. I am freezing so cold so cold The dining room is dirty writing on the walls oh but so great full to be here away from family. The pressure they we're applying put me here. How family misunderstands us. Back to my first Backer act at a different time Streaming videos is the future should I open a website and conquer digital content market. Why must my thoughts go towards winning? I don't like jobs I want to build a business a news platform. Streaming news...maybe I will call it TJN after my parents. Or should I post this book and see where it falls... I am off to program. Investing has always had a hold I me yet I have yet to invest funny ironic. To much debt and no money. Debt the mantra for the mentally disabled. We flush our lives away when illness flares up. The countless homes relationships money lost to this terrible illness. Most mentally ill do not know anything is wrong until homeless jobless or in jail. I though want to die was normal way to think. I was so very wrong the intangibles of mental illness is devastating. No one can see it I didn't even know until my break up with Kim see how my thoughts go back to the trauma that shattered my life...why? I want to gain control of thoughts but they are smarter than me. Back to Backer Act 1 does your family know the power of your depression. I begin crying... Panic attacks are incredibly painfully you cry want to die become paralyzed with fear. Those you have can relate. Backer Act 1 this is not the way to be treated. How can I get better here. Boot camp I can see but not a hospital. They tell me I don't want to kill my self. Oh how I want to snap his neck. Some suit I meat daily behind a desk. What does he know... or is he right oh well fuck you I am going to my room and don't call for me tomorrow suit. I glance at CNBC and see a golf course. I love golfing but STOPPED. why would I stop something I love. The plight of the mentally ill. Btw I am bouncing from Backer Act 1 to present time. Read on follow my crazy thoughts. No pattern just torture back and forth past to future impossible for me to stay in present. Oh god please help. That is how my life was before medicine. My name is Dan and those were how my thoughts controlled my before medicine... Ok back to thoughts No this is how the format needs to be. No structure like how my life was. If you edit it you write it put your name on it but no one will read you are not mentally disabled. My thoughts as they happen. My name is dan I am mentally ill and want to share what I went through. 1 thought at a time before medicine before medicine before medicine b4 medicine. Read on dear reader and add your thoughts with mine to help us the mentally ill Fast forward to present day I am stabilized with the help from doctors and medicine. Without medicine I would have taken my life. Take medicine dear reader or seek help if your thoughts are how mine used to be. Yes I can write properly but why? I am no author. I am only a man writing maybe I will keep this or erase it but edit I will not. My name is dan here are more thoughts as I turn off and let flywheel spin. My life as a mentally ill person one thought at a time. Fast so fast I can barely write them Did I mention... no I will save it for another time Fast Fast Fast Faster If only I could connect brain to iPad can you imagine. It would never make sense. But to you dear reader you know how they thoughts can be. I can STOP right now and you will now my next words because our thoughts consume us control us kill US. please pick up phone and call for help I did. Tom it's dan I am about to do something stupid... Danny you are my brother and I love you. The beginning of getting help. I am on a plane heading to Miami hoping plane crashes so I can die. So let me begin my story of getting help... As the plane is taxing to the gate I am wondering who will pick me up or will I take a taxi? A text from my brother John is waiting for me. We imbrace in a hug and the tears begin to flow something I have been doing lately and will continue for the next few months. Tears tears tears. Driving to his house he questions me about using drugs and if I continue I am not welcome at his home. He searches my bag. Drugs? I don't use drugs what is going on what did I get myself involved here... Back to the thoughts the flywheel of my youth. I am no go worthless. I failed first grade almost failed a second time out of fear of being raped I faked sick and stayed how. I was sick mentally sick but no one knew I didn't even know. So I dive into reading and sports. I know everything in sports. My dad brings home a Nintendo we love it. I spend hours to escape from the thoughts. I am the neighbor hood Tecmobool champion. I stop writing for today. This is boring not convening anything. My reader I apologize. I refuse to edit or start again. I want this to be me dan siddons one thought at a time. I slept in today may my depression is about to pick up and I have no desire to continue to write as of now. You relate and please accept my apologies. I am crying because I am providing no content. I STOP....wandering if I will continue? Only time will tell. Dan siddons my existence one thought at a time. I am continuing writing I can't stop but nothing is making sense. Maybe that is good because when the thoughts get going do they make sense? Dear reader relate don't give up on me I need you right now. We need to unite to help the others suffering. See my thoughts are of helping building. Why can't I be normal get a job pay my dues retire and wait to be called home? But I am constantly driving I read many books a month I build a website just to get followers then close it. Fear no. Competition I win I am better I dive in kill the opposition then STOP. To begin a something new. My fellow reader I know you do the same. WHY? Mental illness is fickle. Isn't it. We build then flush. Build then flush. And the process repeats... Now the thoughts are flying. I said I was done for the day but the drive keeps me typing. Making sense no and yes. Read into the thoughts my new friend. They are all over. Run on sentences. Crazy punctuation. Isn't that how your mind goes when you let it. So maybe it is making sense. Either way I don't care. I am writing unfiltered unedited as they come. Not a journey not a book. Not anything just words. Maybe one writing I will be deep rich with meaning maybe not. Maybe I will erase like I do everything in my life. I have never put words on paper. As you can tell. Haha. I make no apologies I am not an author. I am dan siddons unedited unapologetic. A mentally disabled man sharing his life and thoughts. Will I provide advice no never I can't I don't know what you dear reader or going through. As I write I realized earlier I said pick up phone. I take that back. Do what you will. If your life has been like mine you consider dying as a pleasure not a loss. When things are good in the back of you mind we we know that pain will come back. I was hospitalized for 2 years maybe I will tell of that maybe not. See just my thoughts. I make no apologies for my jumping. Beginning I was going to share my beginning of getting help. Then I said I was done for the day and I am stil typing fast fast fast. Now I can't Stop. I know I am not making sense but to you dear reader I am for you go through same process. Why bring up hospital and not share that experience. Why you ask editor because I don't want to. This is raw my thoughts as there come Break in point dear reader I found skills to control thoughts but not to control my desire to die. I can write this correctly. In a more of a story form but that is not how are life works when the illness kicks in and takes over. So I will continue to write one thought at a time as I ALLOW them to come through. See allow. I have control of the thoughts. But that's a boring tale written by many. Accept for know my style for someday I may writ correctly to show I can but why? I want this raw my thoughts unfiltered unapologetic I am who I am. Yes I have written papers on investments this is not the place for that. Forgive and read and see how I let the thoughts to TORTURE me. Dan If loved ones are reading. You are my reason for writing and also the reason of this chaos. Chaos your loved one is going through or went through. The thoughts are fast and uncontrollable and torturing. Why didn't I put this in the beginning because. A point needs to be made here right NOW: rember no outline no plan. Yes the statement is contradicting I know because I am sounding like there is a plan. The thought hit me now to address you the loved one of the mentally ill. And I will not edit or replace to fit better or read better. So I guess I do have a plan. It is a plan of the Chaos of our the mentally ill thoughts. So again I make no apologies for my mistakes in English writing style. It needs to be this way because our thoughts are not fair they just come drive some to kill them I want to make a serious thought out statement. To the loved ones please I plead with you to learn about the illness of your suffer. Why? During a moment of irrational thought people of every make and model have taken their life's. Think with me for a brief moment. Jumping out a window or off a building or cliff to stop the pain yet knowing their life will not continue is counter intuitive. Evolution has not remedied this epidemic of suicide. To many are taking their lives because of unacceptance from loved ones. You loved one are our heroes... My fellow reader how is your Day? Tell me. Email me. [email protected] Let's come together and begin a crusade to help US the mentally disabled. Idk maybe a blog maybe a channel... suggestions? I will share a little story of being in the South Florida State Mentally Hospital. People are walking around like a college dorm. Are they comfortable here? I wasn't but then I ecame like them comfortable a shift happened. Funny but I enjoyed being there. I took advantage of all the help I could get. I had two of the BEST doctors. I was very fortunate for them. I thought I was going to be there for years. I feel in love with jumping in front of a train while being in jail. In jail without medicine. Did I mention I was arrested. I'll come back to that at a different time. That is all for now about the hospital. Today would be great if I went away called home by god. God allow me to live today according to your will. A prayer I repeat throughout my day. As much as I can write about mentally illness. I won't that would be boring and many have. I will continue one thought at a time. Read fast read fast. You know the thoughts they fire and they are off to the races. Maybe I will end here. Keep only for me. That can be good or bad. Only time will tell. Time. Man made and it controls us. Folly. Leave time for others let's get better together Should I just unleash the thoughts... Can you handle them. I know you can but your thoughts are hard to handle they just come and won't stop. I remember how draining they were. Some days I just selt from the mentally anguish of the thoughts. Other times I would not sleep for days. Manic maybe. I don't like this session forgive me please. Raw my thoughts should I... no lets keep these ones to me. I hated school did you? But I love to learn. I have a desire for knowledge and a willingness to earn it. Do you? What is your addiction? What drives you? Learning drives me I read I read I read I read I read I read... I currently live in a group home crazy. I started with hospital then school now living. situation make sense? Yes to us the mentally ill. The thought come in all different angles. Funny right I will have to self publish for no publisher can understand this book. But you dear reader you can I feel it. Your thoughts go and drive you MAD!!!!!! The pain? Go through it. It makes you stronger. The mantra of those who never experienced mental pain. Look at the sunshine. Fuck off. You look at it leave me the fuck alone. Be grateful of life. Fuck off I am getting serious. Walk away. Some dip shit tech in the hospital that sits on her ass all day. You don't know my pain because you sat in a training that you didn't pay attention TO!! I was just sucker punched... as I come to refocused my arms are protecting my head. As a good at him blood everywhere I thought my ear fell off. Tech graphs him. I want to knock him into another world. I walk away put my fist through the wall one of many times. I press charges police tell me I was hit 32 times fell over bench got up procecting my head. Nothing happens for 3 weeks we walk by on another. Should I snap his neck break his arm kill him... I do nothing for 3 fucking weeks I restrained myself. I am told they are moving me to another unit. Dead focus glare at doctor I say nothing. She is uncomfortable with my stare Minutes pass... Dan Dan Daniel I hate that name. What? I am not moving to another unit. She tells me to call my father. 3 hours later Cory is moved to another unit. Sad pissed off I had to have my father call to get him moved. Another hole in the wall. I was attacked 18 times fought back once. Here is why. I will come back at different time to explain not ready yet... Let's laugh at my writing style hahaha. My fellow reader. This is how it must be RAW Scattered like our lives thoughts actions feelings emotions relationships jobs... Why write any other way. I am writing to you. I feel your thoughts I know them. I went through them. Not so much these days. MEDICINE. Thank you GOD for my medicine. My name is dan siddons I have a mental illness and I am happy to share about it. The release feels so good. What take medicine away?! Ok prepare a funeral because I Refuse to go through that inner pain again. I am not happy she says with tear falling down her beautiful face. 6 month pass I cry a lot many times during the day. My friend did you cry do you cry now. I start drinking heavy to kill the pain. From morning until bed I consume alcohol Was not a drinker. Will I become one? Idk just want the pain to subside and feel relief. Present day I don't drink MEDICINE has given me life purpose direction. Not every day is good. But those pre med days I don't know how I didn't kill my self. My bedroom in Chris's house had a gun. Why I never used it I can't answer. I think the booze worked. Where should we go know? I stop writing but my drive continues to type. You fellow reader the thoughts drive you made. Family? They don't understand me. Friends I have none. Girlfriend? They hear of my past and run Run run My name is dan siddons I am not an author I am a man who suffers from a mental disability and I am sharing my life to you one thought at a time as they enter and as I remember them. Dan Dan dan I continue writing no I will stop but I can't my drive won't allow me. Dear reader the thoughts are consuming aren't they? Don't they ever tire. Their energy is incredible they even enter our dreams. Stop stop stop coping skills. I will spend the whole day replacing them. So I take medicine for quality of life Quality Of Life Yes!!! If you don't like it fuck off I will find a publisher See I as I write I am have an imaginary argument with a publisher. Oh how fun and fickle this life is. Why won't it end? My drive thoughts say I am here to impact. Impact I can't even get out of bed. How am I supposed to impact? Any sane person would have me hospitalized after reading only a few sentences But they don't understand mental illness I don't understand it. How can "they" Embrace this style write your own In your own way We will come together a help us the mentally disabled bam bam bam. The thoughts bouncing off my skull. Oh my friend I pray for you to get better. Is there a getting better or just surviving this terrible illness. Fuck it right yes FUCK IT!!!!

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clownmoontoon · 6 years

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I'm interested in watching Osomatsu-san, but I have a few questions, if that's ok. 1. Sub or dub? 2. How do I know who's who? I already know some of the easy ones, thanks to you. Thank you in advance! (P.s. Thanks for telling me about BNHA!)

ITS A REALLY GREAT ANIME AND IT HAS SOME OF THE BEST CHARACTER WRITING I HAVE EVER SEEN. IT IS ABSOLUTELY ONE OF MY TOP FAVE ANIMES EVER

HOWEVER

idk how old you are (or the age of anyone possibly reading this) so i feel i should say Osomatsu-san has a lot of mature themes and is CLEARLY meant for a more mature audience of the adult/college age/MAYBE later teen variety

all the main and most important side characters in the show are at least in their 20′s.

im not recommending this show to kids is what im saying haha

its nowhere near as wholesome as hero aca

ANYWAY ONTO YOUR QUESTIONS

1. Sub or Dub?

as of right now there is no dub Viz Media, who most recently did the redub of sailor moon (AND ITS FANTASTIC BTW SO IT GIVES ME HIGH HOPES FOR MATSUS), had sent out a tweet saying that the dub was going to be released some time in October of this year but …nothing happened?? my buddy @arr-jim-lad even contacted them about it, and they responded that there were no updates to mention. ://///SO right now sub is all we got haha

ITS REALLY GOOD THO SO ITS NOT LIKE A NEGATIVE OR ANYTHING BC THESE VOICE ACTORS ARE AMAZINGdef my fave voice actors of any sub ive watched (and ive watched quite a few)

2. How do I know who’s who? I already know some of the easy ones, thanks to you.

one of my fave aspects of this show is that after a few eps, despite them all having the same face, it becomes VERY EASY to tell them apart haha this is part of why the character writing is so strong imo!

but here’s a few tips and tricks to look for just in case you cant tell right away!

🌈COLORS!!!🌈

❤️Osomatsu - the eldest of the sextuplets and the show’s namesake - RED

💙Karamatsu - 2nd eldest - BLUE

💚Choromatsu - 3rd eldest - GREEN

💜Ichimatsu - 4th brother - PURPLE

💛Jyushimatsu - 5th brother - YELLOW

💖Todomatsu - 6th and youngest brother - PINK

the easiest thing to get the hang of first when it comes to noticing the matsus is def their designated colors! Even when theyre not in their trademark hoodies they can usually be seen wearing their colors somewhere on themselves so if you cant tell who’s who right away LOOK FOR THE COLORS!!

if theyre all wearing matching outfits you can look at their hair shinies bc they’ll usually be their color when nothing else is! (tho those are a bit more subtle in coloring bc ..well..shinies haha)

😄EXPRESSIONS and QUIRKS😎

each of the bros has a standard neutral expression, and some of them have fun quirks that make it very easy to tell who’s who! lets start backwards this time \(ouo)/ (mostly bc from the start the youngest bros are def easiest to recognize…besides karamatsu ofc)

this got quite long so check under the cut for all the bro details and fun collages i made for each bro bc i love this show too much! \(>u

💖Todomatsu (pinky boi)💖

he’s the designated “cute” boy, and the worst/best self-centered millennial stereotype. actually a total mean girl in disguise, and (according to his bros) a “vile monster”. i love him and he’s a cute demon. not the worst bro but pretty darn close.

neutral expression: :3voice: highest pitch of the bros and often whiny quirks: - can usually be seen w his smartphone - acts the most feminine (covers his chest if naked or topless)- always has eye shinies - two hairs sticking out on the top of his head - calls all his bros “niisan” since he’s the youngest

next up MY BOOOYYYYY

💛Jyushimatsu (YELLOW SUNSHINE LIGHT OF MY LIFE)💛

the hyper-active, forever smiling, incredibly powerful, baseball boy! if something weird and crazy is going on jyushimatsu is either directly involved or about to be. he’s always laughing, smiling and making weird jokes/noises. a very sweet boy who is entirely too powerful. He often dresses as animals, and is used as an “attack dog” to torture whichever brother he’s commanded to (usually oso). A very unpredictable boy to say the least. Its hard to imagine an ooc version of him bc there isnt much he would not do or say.HE IS MY FAVE BEST SUNSHINE BOY

neutral expression: 8Dvoice: lowest pitch of the bros but also the loudest, often making weird/nonsensical sounds/noises such as: BBBBOEHBA!! 8Dquirks: - often goes cross eyed - is incredibly strong, can lift and throw his adult brothers like nbd - never has eye shinies in the anime unless he’s about to cry - wears shorts when everyone else is wearing pants, also some times wears a traffic cone on his head- wiggly arms and sleeves too long (even when its not the hoodie, usually his sleeves are always too long haha)- only one hair sticking out on the top of his head

((MANY THANKS TO @arr-jim-lad FOR THE TILTED PIC IDEA ITS ADORABLE))

next up my second fave, NEKOMATSU

💜Ichimatsu (purple cat man)💜

the designated darkmatsu, ichi is the slow moving, constantly slouching, quietest boy who thinks cats are way better than people. the least motivated matsu, even going out to do fun things (like drinking or gambling) is some times too much trouble. for him a good time is laying on the floor and thinking about death (and also cats). a fan of torture, if the situation calls for causing trauma he’s suddenly very talkative and plays w his voice a lot. he is the second brother (after my boy jyushi) that is often called upon when one of the other brothers (or anyone) needs to be tortured. i love this boy and he is good to my fave boy god bless suujimatsu

neutral expression: B(voice: usually very low, slow and monotone quirks: - eyes always half lidded, no shinies - always slouched- messy hair (some times w cat ears)- only bro to wear track pants (w the line on the side)- has a diff cat in his lap almost every ep, but does not actually own one- two hairs sticking out on the top of his head

up next everyone’s fave otaku,

💚Choromatsu (green frog weeb man)💚

the resident brother mom and a total idol otaku, choromatsu isnt concerned w much else besides his idol obsession and proving he’s way more responsible than his brothers. he often walks todomatsu to the bathroom at night and waits for him to finish since youngest bro is scared of the dark (reminder theyre both grown men in their 20′s). he thinks he’s better suited to be the oldest brother and leader rather than osomatsu and even points it out once, with agreements from both todomatsu and ichimatsu.if anything crazy happens choro is the first to scream about it not being ok. he’s got the strongest will of all the brothers and can never be persuaded to change his mind about a situation. he’s not a fighter at all and usually chooses to stay on the sidelines even if he agrees w whatever the bros are fighting about (killing god for instance).he’s under constant stress bc he’s pretending to do his best while his brothers are terrible i love him give this poor green man a vacation

neutral expression: :voice: higher pitched, not as high as todo but still higher among the bros, and usually using it to yell @ brosquirks: - smallest pupils, no shinies (in the anime)- usually has a worried expression- wears plaid a lot- is irritated almost all the time - wont look for a job bc he’s determined to be an idol manager- no hairs sticking out on top of his head

AND NEXT MY THIRD FAVE AND EASILY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MATSU

💙 KARAMATSU 💙

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL MAN, THIS PAINFUL ADONIS OF MATSUS!! IS THAT A GLITTER CROP TOP THAT DOESNT COVER THE CHEST?? IT SURE IS!! ARE THOSE JEAN BOOTY SHORTS?? YOURE DAMN RIGHT THEY ARE!!!

karamatsu is EASILY the most recognizable matsu. w those amazing eyebrows, constant use and abuse of anime eyes, wild variety of glittery, revealing, and leather clothing its no wonder he’s called painful oh my god i love this man DID I MENTION HE SPEAKS RANDOM ENGLISH FOR NO REASON AND ITS GREATalso he’s probably the most caring brother who genuinely wants his brothers to be happy and know theyre loved very much by him ;;

if you cant immediately spot this matsu i dont know what to say to you tbqh

neutral expression: >:Dvoice: he makes his voice deep to sound cool p much all the time but its actually higher pitched than it seems quirks: - wears sunglasses, skulls, a leather jacket, sparkly everything, and p much anything he thinks is “cool”- easily the most expressive matsu just look for those eyebrows haha- puts his finger under his chin a lot - “BURAZAHS” - "heh!”- two hairs sticking out on the top of his head

and now on to the final, the oldest, and arguably the worst matsu

💔Osomatsu💔

THERE HE IS!!!! THE TRASH KING BROTHER!!!!i kid, i kid sort ofimplying that the matsus are not all trash boys is just a joke tbqhfor me osomatsu was absolutely the hardest bro to recognize when i first watched the show, and i think the biggest tip i can give for him is just to look for the red boy scratching under his nose. also the boy who looks like he would buy and sell you. he’s a pretty brilliant con man and a good fighter too, but his laziness outweighs anything that he could possibly achieve in. he’s absolute trash but in a way still lovable?? OH ACTUALLY if youre familiar w the anime Lupin the Third just look for the brother that makes the most Lupin-esque faces he’s got that classic-anime-comedy-male-lead look more than any of the other bros so that might help you recognize him!

could literally be lupin’s little bro haha

neutral expression: its like a stretched version of this :3 w teeth showingvoice: higher pitched, he plays w his voice almost as much as jyushimatsu, very playful and teasing, hardly ever serious sounding quirks: - scratching under his noise- obsessed w money and women (and never has either)- the most addicted to gambling of all the bros (this is sounding less like quirks and more like serious problems omg), favors horse races and pachinko- the “leader”, usually the one telling the others what to do (even if they rarely listen)- calls no one “niisan” since he’s the oldest - two hairs sticking out on top of his head

WOW THIS CAME OUT MUCH LONGER THAN I MEANT IT TO!! if im not careful people might think i love these trash neets or smth oh no

but ye! i hope this helps! or was at least an entertaining read haha❤️💙💚💜💛💖

#osomatsu san #osomatsu #karamatsu #choromatsu #ichimatsu #jyushimatsu #todomatsu #clown honks #moonime #THIS TOOK ME LIKE THREE DAYS TO FINISH HAHA

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tavis-of-bannorn · 7 years

Text

dragon age: inquisition relationship scale

the scaling goes from one to five, with a heart indicating potential romantic interest (or sexual partner) repost // don’t reblog!

blackwall ★☆☆☆☆

//He is indifferent towards blackwall really but they don’t really dislike one another. Blackwall finds Tavis to be ungentlemanly, slimy and doesn’t really trust him. The mysterious and misleading aspects of Tavis make Blackwall wary. Tavis knows Blackwall is lying about/hiding something but he doesn’t really touch on it... and he may poke fun at Blackwall far too often. He may think every opportunity to mess with him is fucking hilarious.XD

cassandra ★★★☆☆

// At first their relationship is full of a lot of scowls and smirks. Tavis likes to make really bad jokes just to get a reaction... or flirt just to get a reaction. Cassandra is really too easy to get reactions from for Tavis to resist teasing and being a total dork around. She doesn’t like this of course... she finds him to be skeezy, impulsive and untrustworthy, at first. Over time though... he starts showing his more serious sides and she realizes that Tavis isn’t all jokes and flirtation. He likes her well enough too. He actually comes to like Cassandra a lot the more they interact and god he finds her groans and scowls to be adorable. I think I can go as far to say they have a weird adversarial relationship similar to her and Varric? Eventually it becomes a bit cute and he gets to see what people like her are like... her faith and he grows from it.

cole ★★★★☆

//Tavis is one of the few people that really likes when Cole goes off on one of his mind reading things (unless it’s about his blood magic stuff which he promptly informs Cole to be careful with because he doesn’t want to be... y’know... murdered on the spot). He really really likes Cole and moreover Tavis is extremely curious about him. He has never really had the chance to just... chat with a spirit before so he seeks Cole out a lot. Cole tries to heal his hurts and he is like “NO NO NO like... just tell me about bunnies and kittens... it’s fine”. He spends most of his time asking Cole how he can help while picking Cole’s brain. He just wants to know EVERYTHING about this kid.

cullen ★☆☆☆☆

//Cullen is an ex-templar who still somewhat adheres to the order... Tavis doesn’t even try to get to know him... he avoids Cullen as much as he can. He likes his personality, he thinks Cullen is nice but he doesn’t risk his safety in getting to know him better. It is too dangerous... considering Tavis is y’know... a secret blood mage and also does super illegal stuff that the Templars would kill him for and destroy all his work if found out. So... nope... he isn’t going to try. Cullen can stay over there with his pretty face and Tavis will politely ignore him and flirt with him when they happen to play wicked grace.

dorian ★★★★☆ ♥

//Potential romance. In our main verse canon they have done it and gotten pretty close to... romance-ish? But... it isn’t really a romance like Dorian would have with the inquisitor. It is odd tbh... I wouldn’t call them fuck buddies they actually become pretty close emotionally and then it trails off. Tavis cares greatly for Dorian and Dorian him but it doesn’t end up going with the route that Dorian probably wants. Tavis can’t be that... Tavis is a blood mage and has a life of his own where he pretty much needs to hand his life over to to it and involve no romance (especially of a potential Tevinter magister). And... once he finds out about Dorians father and Dorians problem with blood magic... Tavis distances himself for Dorian’s sake alone. It is... actually really sad... it makes me sad because they get on so well. But Tavis doesn’t want to hurt him after that and Tavis just... does his whole... ‘they will forget about me’ thing. It makes me so sad GAHHHH He cares about Dorian a lot but it just... doesn’t work out in the successful romance spectrum. It is full of pain. Maybe with a muse it would work but... in our headcanon it is sad and doesn’t work. They go their separate ways and only converse on occasion as good friends. But there is always that... what came from the troubles of life and social constraints thing.

iron bull ★★★☆☆

//I don’t put him down as an LI because idk!!! Tbh... they have this kind of casual relationship. Tavis might eventually get kinky with Bull but it wouldn’t really go anywhere... it would just be fun because... that is how they are as friends. They don’t get that close emotionally. That being said!... They are really good friends! They get along so well! Tavis loves picking Bull’s brain for info about Qunari and getting his perspective because it’s so incredibly different from his own. He just wants to learn all of the things but Bull hits on him all of the time because he is well... because he is Tavis lets be honest... XD The change in perspective actually excites him and he wants to learn pretty much everything there is about Bull’s people and the Chargers and about Bull himself.On the field he just asks Bull loads of questions concerning Qunari and also flirting with him shamelessly. These two won’t ever stop flirting with each other... it is just how they interact. That doesn’t mean they’re fucking... this is just their banter rofl. Tavis + Bull banter ... Other companions = are you guys doing it... Tavis and Bull... no... but we should. Raise your horns!!! *high fives*

josephine ★★★☆☆

//Poor... poor Josie...Tavis kind of has her wrapped around his lil finger. At the same time he really likes her but haha he is so good at getting her to talk and so good at getting her to consider his requests. He really does take advantage of his charms with her sometimes and it is god damn shameless. Leli see’s this and threatens to beat the ever living shit out of him. (I don’t blame Leli.) But Josie isn’t an idiot... she see’s the genuine aspects within him. She is good at that and they work together a lot actually. They... actually become pretty close.

leliana ★★☆☆☆

//Legit the ONLY person in the world that scares Tavis. Tbh... he would probably be one of her secret agents just from that aspect. He RESPECTS Leli... so much omg. He thinks her work is underestimated and constantly... (quietly) tells her how he respects her efforts. She still scares the shit out of him though. They could never be friends but business partners. Leli is the only one who knows about his work in the Inquisition btw. He has considered asking her to be one of her confidants as she is the only one (depending on verse) that really knows what his work entails. She still supports him. That was enough to gain his support in turn. But srsly.... She has said multiple times if Tavis leads Josie on she will literally chop his parts off and send them to his best friends. He applauded her for gusto and smirked of course. ... He still flirts with Josie because he can’t help himself. XD But he tries to tone it down because Leli scares the shit out of him.

sera ★★★★ ☆

// Hahahaha it’s hilarious later on. Sera ignites the childlike wonder in him and he gets to just be... an absolute dork with her at all times. It is refreshing and he can just be silly. She really thought some dumb elfy elf would be more elfy. But... Tavis is the least elfy of all the elves in the Inquisition. He doesn’t even shout random nonsense at her like Solas does. When Solas does spout random elven at her ... Tavis knows what it means and quips back giving her a high five. Then promptly plans pranks on Solas with her like lizard bedrolls and putting whipped cream on his head when he falls asleep at his desk.

solas ★★★★☆

//Alright so they have some differences at first. Tavis thinks Solas is a pompous asshole even though he himself eschews the traditional Dalish way of thinking it really irritates him how Solas speaks against the Dalish and most elves in general(from his perspective). Of course... this makes it really interesting. Because Solas assumes Tavis is Dalish and Tavis doesn’t deny it because he finds the assumption amusing. That is literally his reasoning. He simply doesn’t deny it and then later is like... no I’m not actually Dalish. Eventually... Tavis is like... yeah I don’t really follow Dalish practices and have do things to actually help my people not just the tattoo’d ones. Then it gets really awkward and Tavis is like jfc Solas... I also can understand pretty much all of the elven you speak... Tavis: "I lied... I can actually understand nearly every elvhen thing you say" Solas: "Truly? I doubt that." Tavis: "You are very sassy." Solas: <sighs> Tavis: <smirks> Like that time you told Sera to stick her lizards up her ass. Solas: <silent> Tavis: <is pleased with himself> Tbh their relationship is one of my favorites because Solas’ biases really get to him but at the same time they can have really interesting conversations. They both have inquisitive and philosophical minds.They love going on about philosophy, history and stories once they get past the personality difference.

varric ★ ★ ★ ★ ☆

//Hahaha omg they have so much fun! THEY HAVE SO MUCH FUN! They play cards a lot actually. They hang out a lot. Tavis pretty much drools over his stories and Varric... (lets be honest) loves the attention. They quip, make silly jokes and really fuck with people whenever they can... especially Cassandra. Because how could Tavis pass up that opportunity. He is such an ass. Really these two just mess around and enjoy life together. Tavis and Varric are the nightlife in Skyhold. They gather people together and form the stories.

vivienne ★★★☆☆

//Hehehehe ahhhhhhhhh. They went shopping together once. Just for the winter palace. Vivienne really doesn’t like Tavis at first (no shit).... Is it that surprising rofl... he is wary of her but is willing to experience her weird world, learn and have fun fucking with her. He loves their shared salt though... he cherishes it. She knows this ... So it is kind of a back and forth mean girls salt fest between them both.

#about tavis #{I did this forever ago... never finished it and forgot about it in drafts XD}

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yourcertainstudentlight-blog · 6 years

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