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valreadsfics · 2 years

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molting

♡ pairing: chan x reader

♡ description: the room was full of silent, dead air. the ceiling was becoming less interesting by the moment, but you couldn’t tear your eyes from it.

♡ length: ~1k

♡ warnings: a bit depressing, a few food mentions, symptoms of depersonalization disorder (dpd)

the room was full of silent, dead air. the ceiling was becoming less interesting by the moment, but you couldn’t tear your eyes from it. the last few hours were spent thinking things over, turning them around in your mind like a rock tumbled in a stream. the edges were smoother, worn down from time, but altogether unrecognizable compared to what it once was.

you, too, felt unrecognizable. felt as if the world itself was the stream and you were the pond, turning over and over, losing some facets and gaining others, never sure of what would remain the next month, year, decade of your life. things had changed so quickly even in the last year of being with chan, you couldn’t even recognize the you that was in the photos from that long ago.

you looked back at the wall of your shared apartment, the polaroids taped up on the wall. ones of chan and you, out on dates. one of felix, when he’d insisted on baking for your anniversary (and chan reminded him that it was his and yours, not felix and yours, which you thought was funny). one from jisung’s birthday when you’d planned a surprise party and jeongin had smushed jisung’s face into the cake. a collection (at minho’s request) of soonie, doongie, and doori. (of course, a few of kkami, bbama, and berry as well, but nowhere near as many.) a multitude of memories, showcased on the wall, of moments you’d spent with chan and his little family. in each one, you found it hard to recognize yourself, felt like you were looking at a stranger. you knew, somewhere inside you, that it was you; you remembered these moments, remembered being there for them… but the images on the wall appeared more like a stranger’s diary, a collage of moments in someone else’s time.

your eyes trailed back up to the ceiling as you continued to half-heartedly count the specks on the paint. the door opened, and you saw (the top of) chan’s curly hair poked over the edge of the sofa. he greeted you, “hi, y/n, i’m home~”

you could’ve teased him with an ‘obviously,’ but you didn’t have the heart. “hey, welcome back.”

he stepped closer after toeing off his shoes, lifting a brown sack and shaking it. “i brought dinner.”

you weren’t sure what he brought, but you figured it was good. any food is good food. you smiled, but it doesn’t quite make it to your eyes. he set the bag down, and flopped on top of you on the couch. a wheeze escaped you, “ugh, you’re heavy.”

“rude!” he said, only being playful, his dimples on full display. “you hungry?”

you nodded, even if you didn’t feel that hungry at the moment.

there was a smile on his face, a little tender, a little soft. it fell slowly, as he started to take in your features, the moment he’d walked into. you, on the couch, staring at nothing, not as playful as usual… chan knew he could be a bit exuberant at times, strong, loud gestures and broad strokes of affection. he reeled himself in back to the slow molasses moment, pressed a cheek to the top of your head, rearranged you and him to hold you close. he could recognize this from a mile away. he knew you too well for it to pass unnoticed.

“you’re hurting, aren’t you?” he asked.

you nodded.

“same stuff?”

you nodded.

he sighed, but said nothing. not a sigh of disappointment at you, a sigh that the world could not be a little more tender to you.

“you don’t deserve it, you know,” chan said. “and you shouldn’t let it sit so deep in your heart.”

your voice came now, sounding strange in your own ears, “i know.”

“why do you let it eat you up?” he asked.

“because that’s all i know.” you looked down at your lap, at chan’s arms around you. “all i know is letting things eat me up until i disappear completely. once i come back, i’m a different me, and i don’t recognize it.”

he listened, but said nothing.

“every few weeks, i molt. i become a different, adjacent me. you still see me as the same one, but inside things are different. all of my guts are in the wrong spots, my feelings in incorrect proportions, my thoughts in a code i haven’t deciphered yet. and right when i get everything back where it goes, when i get everything balanced, when i crack the code…”

“it changes again,” he finished for you, in understanding.

you nodded.

“and then i start all over again. and… i’ve become so good at camouflaging it that people start to believe that the signs of my molting are instead indicators of who i am. they see the shedding skin and tell me i look thinner. they see the cracked exterior and tell me i’ve become more open. they see the blood and tell me i look pretty in red.

“i look in the mirror and i no longer resemble myself. i feel like i wear myself as a costume, as a means to appear like i am normal. i look at the reflection and don’t recognize it. who is that stranger? who is that creature, with the sunken eyes and the blood? surely that can’t be me.”

the silence fell again, thick but not heavy. your words floated off into the room, before disappearing completely.

“it gets so exhausting, trying to figure out everything, and it never gets easier. i never can seem to learn the right way around, the best way to solve it. i’m just…” you started, then your voice cracked a bit. “i’m so tired. i don’t know who i am, anymore.”

chan spoke up after a long time, truly listening and understanding your words before responding. “it is you.”

“what?”

“the person i see in front of me. that’s you. that’s my love, my precious y/n.”

you couldn’t meet his eyes for a minute, but the tender smile lingered long enough that you finally did look.

“i’d recognize you anywhere. over and over again.”

his next comment was rather soft and doting. “i can recognize you. you molt, you change, you metamorphose right in front of me, but… i see it. all the steps in-between the last and the newest. you’re always you.”

“but what happens if i change too much?” you blurted. “and you can’t recognize me?”

chan shook his head immediately. “that’ll never happen. you’re always my love.”

#bang chan x reader #bang chan x y/n #chan x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #stray kids drabbles #;;val.note #;;bangchan #;;hurt.comfort #;;comments-#i hope this is ok! i know it's a little depressing but i've not been doing the best #so i ended up writing some channie comfort bc i need some myself tbh!#anywho lots of love.. rbs and comments are appreciated <3

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seldomsee · 1 month

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I can't stop thinking about this post

#my art #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #people commented on the op's laios icon but imo it was more something Marcille would say

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butchfalin · 5 months

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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

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froody · 3 months

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#tiktok comments

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titleofpersonage-p01 · 2 months

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#palestine #free palestine #israel #israel is committing genocide #i understand both sides of the argument in the comments #but the fact that this can even be some what believable is concerning in itself #always remember that an “us vs them” narrative is dangerous #we cannot deny that innocent lives are being slaughtered #i just want this war to be over #but thats not something thats going to be easily done

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suiheisen · 10 months

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i watch baseball for the side quests (ps: this baseball player also makes fruit cocktails midgame)

#please… when he started decorating it with sunflower seeds #when the commentators were like: he actually tried to pour water in the moat #;_______; i love #baseball can not be a real sport #my fave moment is still mantis-chan perched on victor robles’ cap. the tandem we deserve #but this. this come close #the nhl should let opposing players in the penalty box build a snowman together #lourdes gurriel jr #arizona diamondbacks #baseball #mlb

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wild-moss-art · 8 months

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This is why I read the reddit comments

#on like one of those am I the asshole update subs. I fucking love those #this one was swill tho comment op is right #art philosophy tag

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dishsaop · 6 months

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the worst part about being an adult is thay its no longer socially acceptable to just roll down a really big hill and then run back up it and roll back down again. "oh is this a syphilis metaphor" passerby would ask. "is this for a tick tock". no i just wanna come home covered in dirt and scratches and bask in the the solace of childlike mirth

#m text #everyone rbing this without the addition and commenting 'op did you mean sisyphus' yes. yes i did #'where did the discord screenshot reblog go did you delete it' well in the 10mn after posting it someone had a funnier reblog #so i was like oh. ill delete the less funny one i did for the funnier one #and then. guess what got big.

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pirateprincessjess · 4 months

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Men are being very normal about the new Godzilla design

#something being pink shouldn’t make you this mad #I’ve had to delete so many comments about “Godzilla being woke now it is unhinged #chill #TW transphobia #transphobia

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miseria-fortes-viros · 8 months

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yoooo guys these wings my dad made look INSANE i can’t wait to try them tomorrow

#helenaposting #icarus #icarusposting #guys there is more to this post PLEASE check the notes i cannot handle one more chicken wing comment #<- person who did the chicken wing thing on purpose and now is regretting it

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actual-changeling · 6 months

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In the spirit of encouraging people to comment on fanfics while also making it easier to do so, I feel obliged to share a browser extension for ao3 that has quite literally revolutionized the comment game for me.

I present to you: the floating ao3 comment box!

From what I've seen, a big problem for many people is that once you reach the comments at the bottom of a fic, your memory of it miraculously disappears. Anything you wanted to say is stuck ten paragraphs ago, and you barely remember what you thought while reading. This fixes that!

I'll give a little explanation on the features and how it works, but if you want to skip all that, here's the link.

The extension is visible as a small blue box in the upper left corner.

(Side note: The green colouring is not from the extension, that's me.)

If you click on it, you open a comment box window at the bottom of your screen but not at the bottom of the fic. I opened my own fic for demonstrative purposes.

The website also gives explanations on how exactly it functions, but I'll summarize regardless.

insert selection -> if you highlight a sentence in the fic it will be added in italics to the comment box

add to comment box -> once you're done writing your comment, you click this button and the entire thing will automatically copied to the ao3 comment box

delete -> self explanatory

on mulitchapter fics, you will be given the option to either add the comment to just the current chapter or the entire fic

The best part? You can simply close the window the same way you opened it and your progress will automatically be saved. So you can open it, comment on a paragraph, and then close it and keep reading without having the box in your face.

Comments are what keep writers going, and as both a writer and a reader, I think it's such an easy way of showing support and enthusiasm.

#alex yells at the void #ao3 #archive of our own #ao3 stuff #fanfic comments #fandom

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valreadsfics · 2 years

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♡ genre: non idol au, librarian!chan, all fluff

♡ pairings: chan x reader, changbin x reader, seungmin x oc (kind of)

♡ word count: ~1.5k

♡ description: you didn't even want to go to the stupid library to begin with, but unfortunately, your best friend needed a movie and you both couldn't find it online.

♡ warnings: none, as far as i know

originally, you were just going to borrow your best friend’s card, but upon hearing they had nearly double the fines that you’d had at the start of your life, you had no choice but to get a new card for a different branch. you walked in with the intent of this being an in-and-out thing, since you had places to go and people to see. places being your house, and people being the pizza guy, but who was asking?

you walk up to the vacated desk, full of unmanned computers and scanners, waiting for someone to help. there was a bell with a sign that begged you to ring it for service, but you would rather die than do that. so, you waited. you looked around at all the people, seeing a couple people walk by. a guy with some sapphire blue hair holding a stack of books about cats, holding hands with another man with soft, blonde hair, complaining about said cats. another guy, down the aisle, sitting comfortably in one of the chairs, nose pushed into the latest chronicle of some book about dramas.

a voice, deep and warm, shook you from your thoughts, “um, sorry, how can i help you?”

your eyes snap back to the person behind the desk, and immediately you’re startled. in front of you, a guy with a thousand watt smile and crescent-moon eyes, dimples in his cheeks as he smiled. thin, golden wire rim glasses perched low on his nose, he still smiled, and you realize you had been asked a question.

“oh, uh. i needed to get a library card.”

“yeah, sure!” the guy responds, smile getting larger if that’s possible. you search for a name tag or some indication of who this is as you spout absent information for the librarian to fill in. finally your eyes catch the ID card laid on the desk from when the librarian had hurried up to help you. christopher.

after a few minutes, christopher hands the finished card to you, smiling, “now all i need is for you to sign it and then you’ll be all set.”

“thanks,” you reply, still lost in the concept of the librarian boy in front of you. christopher hands you a permanent marker, and you sign.

“if you need any help, feel free to find me, or... i think seungmin is also working today.” between the two, you already preferred christopher, but the two didn’t need to know that.

you hurry along, going to get the dvd you came to rent. it was your dumb best friend’s idea to rent it to begin with, since they couldn’t find it anywhere else and their internet was broken. they were waiting outside in the parking lot to drive back to their house to watch it with you.

you search through titles, reading the spines of them as you go, finger trailing down the sides. you regretfully discover they’re sorted not by alphabet but by ISBN number. searching for what felt like hours, your fingers finally reach a copy of ponyo. jesus... why did things take so long... you pull the dvd out and another hand reaches close to pull another dvd out. you squint at it as it’s removed from your sight. the shining. your eyes follow the dvd up to the owner of the hand, seeing a tanned guy with a fierce expression. he was wearing a white tee shirt that was probably a size too small and showed off more of his body than you’d typically deem acceptable, his brown wavy hair falling towards his eyes.. despite the fierce expression, there was a hint of softness to his eyes.

the guy speaks, a warm, rough voice, “i’m sorry, did you want this one?”

“n-no!” you quickly say. “uh. i just... uh...” didn’t know how to explain yourself. “s-sorry.”

a small smile pulls at the guy’s lips, “it’s alright. what movie did you pick?”

you simply offer the case to the guy, too afraid of saying something else dumb.

“ponyo... i haven’t seen this one.”

“it’s really good. one of my favorites.”

“i’ll have to see it sometime,” the guy says. “maybe we can do a movie exchange.”

“maybe,” you say, increasingly losing confidence in this conversation.

the guy smiles again, “i’m changbin. it was nice to talk to you...” his voice was hardly above normal library volume, but seemed to resonate within your head. “i hope i’ll see you around.”

“y-yeah,” you say.

changbin hands back the dvd and walks off. you stay rooted to the spot until he’s borrowed his dvd and has left. when you look down, you see that you have...not ponyo. in your hands instead is the shining. oh no... he was gone now... there was nothing you could do.

you go back up to the desk, and christopher is there, grinning brightly again.

“find everything okay?”

other than the fact that you now had the wrong dvd and there was only one copy of ponyo in this library... “yeah.”

“i’ll just scan this and your card and then you’ll be on your way!”

“thanks,” you say. christopher does so, and waves to you as you leave.

“come back soon! we always have new dvds being cycled in and out!”

you planned to never come back to the library ever again after returning this stupid dvd....

~*~*~

but you couldn’t resist. christopher’s smile was infectious and changbin always had something funny to say or a laugh to share. after that day, you and changbin began to recommend each other dvds, and then come back the next time and discuss. this week’s choices were big hero 6 from you and insidious from changbin.

“it was so creepy!” you say. “and i felt so bad for the wife. after all that, she gains one family member, but loses another...”

“ah, yeah... i agree. but that’s part of what makes the story really emotional, even though it’s scary, right? as for big hero 6, i knew it was going to be fun... i liked it a lot. baymax would be a helpful invention.”

god... he was so cute. “yeah.”

changbin offers you another horror movie, and you offer an anime movie that came out recently. you smile at each other and part ways.

you go to christopher to get your dvd, and christopher smiles at you like he does every time. “find everything?”

“yup,” you say, smiling back.

christopher opens the dvd to check that the magnetic lock on it had been taken off, and looks surprised. he says nothing for a moment, before saying, “hang on.”

had someone tampered with the dvd? you stand and wait. christopher steps back to a desk further back behind the counter, and beckons seungmin over. they talk heatedly. in the meantime, your mind wanders again. you’d been thinking about introducing your best friend to seungmin, but you’d never got around to it. maybe if something worked out, you could double date. your best friend and christopher’s coworker, and then you and ... changbin... and christopher. was it still a double date if you had multiple dates? would they be cool with th--

“y/n?” christopher’s voice snaps you back.

seungmin was back to shelving the holds over behind the desk. christopher was offering the dvd to you. woah... how much time had passed?

“here’s your dvd.”

“th-thanks.”

what was wrong with it?

you walk out and open the dvd. everything looked fine but... inside was a little dark blue card. there was a star on the front, with your name written in it, in scratchy pen.

y/n.

the words were in pretty silvery ink.

on the backside was a message.

do you want to see a movie with me together? we could go see watcher. it’s another horror movie. tomorrow at 2?

-cb

underneath it, in neat, boyish handwriting, in a gold-ish ink, was something else.

i know that that was an offer for you, but i’ve also been interested in you and changbin. can we make it three?

-chris

both of them...? with you?

on the bottom were both of their phone numbers, each in their respective colors. how did changbin get the card inside the dvd? that must’ve taken some planning...

you text changbin first, saying that you’re interested, and asking if it was okay if christopher came too.

changbin texts back almost immediately, saying he’d be more than happy to have christopher come along. you tell christopher, and christopher responds with excitement. you’d just set yourself up on a date with two different guys...

you feel a tap on your shoulder, and turn to see the puppy-like coworker of christopher. “hey, uh, did you say yes to going out with chris?”

“y-yeah. why?”

“you know that person who drives you to the library every day?”

“what?”

“the one with the green car. they drive you here every day.”

“yeah...?”

“can you introduce me?”

you can’t help but laugh. fate worked in fickle ways. the next day, you, changbin, christopher, seungmin, and your best friend all went to see a movie. you felt on top of the world when changbin twined his fingers with yours, and your heart soared when christopher took the other and slotted your fingers together. things were looking up, all because you went to the stupid library.

#changbin x reader #bang chan x reader #changbin x y/n #bang chan x y/n #stray kids fluff #skz imagines #skz fluff #;;comments-#um !!! yeah !!! this is a fic i wrote !!! its not my best work but i really wanted to contribute something !!!#especially contributing to the chanbin x reader world because theres never enough of that shit !!!#;;reader #;;changbin #;;bangchan #;;nonidol #;;fluff #;;val.note

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