Charades is a lot harder if you haven't seen the movie.

I was trying to figure out how to time my run to catch the light at the crosswalk. Then I realized I could just stop running and walk.

I would like to be a tree...Living in a forest somewhere, Nurturing and housing so many animals and plants, And then after I die, the birds build a nest in my branches and the squirrels make a home in my trunk and I become a tree house.

Sports fans are some of the most brainwashed kinds of people that exist.

The only thing that you can compare to the feeling of falling with out a parachute is the feeling of falling WITH a parachute.

Ever wonder why fireflies are bioluminescent? So other bugs don't eat them.

A mirror is a poor man's TV.

Scissors beat paper, rock beats scissors, paper beats rock, lizard wins.

If you need to shave and your face is dry, use mouthwash. It's antiseptic.