softpascalito
if its dark, look out
lea / 24 / they/she/he / MDNI / i write (almost) all pedro chars and some rpf! come find me on ao3 or twt :) masterlist
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MY HIGHEST ANTICIPATED BOOK OF THE YEAR NGL 🩷🫡
The Crush comes home June 2024 ❤️
ARC announcements coming soon! If you’re not already following me on Insta, TikTok, or Threads, please do! 🫶🏻
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I asked you cause I’m in a big uni crises and I try to take as much inspiration as I can (🫠🫠) I was thinking of changing my course to one where I can study also film/acting since it’s always been my passion. I tried something else like chemistry cause I was so damn afraid my parents wouldn’t approve of something more “creative” though that’s definitely my passion. After having a big breakdown for hating my actual university course they reassured me that I could do anything I want! So I decided to change completely and follow my passion🥹 what were you thinking of doing after your degree?
Also I’m so damn sorry for having sent you three different asks😭
Send as many as you like!
I'm sorry to hear about your little crisis but if it's any consolation, i think a lot of students struggle with finding the 'right' thing to do 🫂
It honestly depends on your situation, maybe with a genuine explanation of how you feel, your parents would still support you in a new major? I got very lucky in that sense, I work part-time but I also have amazing support from my family regarding a creative major.
If it's what you think is right for you, I'd say go for it! With film and acting, i feel like you never really know where exactly you'll end up anyway but personally, I also think I wouldn't be very happy in a traditional 9-5. I personally love being able to write essays about the things that i love and be creative myself and film school allows both those things because, well, im a sucker for films and other media 😅
And remember there's always the option to go back or switch again and usually no one way is THE right one so don't stress yourself too much 🩷 I hope any of that made sense 🫡😅
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https://www.tumblr.com/softpascalito/746580555974443008/babeee-what-universitycollege-are-you-attending
oh no sorry I didn’t mean the name! I just meant what course, didn’t want to stalk you LMAOO❤️
ahaha you're all good!
my major is film and i get to pick my courses in- and outside of it so i'm learning lots of on-set knowledge about cameras, production, lighting and such but there are also courses where i get to do more niche things like build sets, talk about other media (i wrote two papers about tlou!) and learn about film history ☺️
its honestly pretty fun (and occasionally very stressful lol but what isn't) 🩷
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Babeee what university/college are you attending at?
hellooo! im not gonna tell you the name for privacy reasons (please dont stalk me lol) but its a university in germany that offers several art majors, mine is film (so i basically just talk about pedro pascal a lot) 😇
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soooo… I read on your twitter that you have of….were you joking or…👀… cause girl I seriously approve of this, I was genuinely thinking about it
oh no i was serious! im not very active on there anymore and i keep it seperate from my fan accounts for several reasons but i think its a valid side hustle for anyone who wants to do it!
i personally did mostly bikini pics and such and i liked that i was able to have full autonomy about what i wanted to do or not do! ☺️
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okay I might remember wrong but aren’t you into piss kink?? if you’re not feel free to completely ignore this (sorry🫠🫠) if you are then PLEASEEE I need some recs for fic with that kink I’m desperate 😫
haha hello!
i wouldn't say im super into it (at least not in person??? i think?? i haven't tried it) but i love reading about niche kinks occasionally!
i wrote one p!ss kink piece with dieter, you can find it here on ao3 or here on tumblr!
i'd also recommend laptime by @kkcauseway with joel! 🩷
pretty sure there's a few more floating around on ao3 (often with the watersports tag) and on tumblr, anyone who knows them feel free to add to this post!
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hello babes! i am looking for a beta reader for a longer angst/romance joel fic (that ill be working on in the coming weeks? months??) Its set after the first game so knowledge of tlou and specifically joel would be great, english skills too! If youre interested, please dm me 🩷
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I also remember you being in the same discord channel as me time ago and you were always so sweet and sending cute photos and you looked like such a genuine person with beautiful vibes 🥹
that's such a lovely thing to say raaah! it sounds like we don't share any discord anymore but feel free to reach out if you ever wanna chat again! sending lots of love! 💜
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Hiii I might remember wrong but did you have one of Pedro’s shirt? Like the lakers one? if not does anyone know how to get them or how to make them?🥺
Hello, lovely anon! Yes, I do have one! I have the one he has in yellow in purple, I bought it from a vintage store in LA! I think there are some sites offering reprints though I personally haven't purchased any of those. Otherwise, check thrift stores or sites like ebay or vinted, depending where you live! 😊
Rate the fit 🎖️
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We got your back - Chapter 4
Summary: You work as a new DEA agent alongside Peña and Murphy. A not-so-kind colleague reveals more about you than you would like. You also realize you can sleep better if you're not by yourself. You're not the only one with that realization.
Relationships: Javier Peña x F!Reader
WC: 10k+
Tags/Warnings: Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, mention of canon-typical violence, family issues, they arent specified but reader is implied to be from a dysfunctional family, literal sleeping together, one bed trope if you squint, tac vest javi, nightmares, cuddling, protective javier peña, mention of drugs
AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist
notes: we are back! sorry this took me so long, i started into the year super positive and motivated but then my best friend decided to fucking die so life hasn't been very slay. i hope you babes are doing better and enjoy the chapter <3
(i cope with humor, can you tell?)
Chapter 4
“She could no longer think, nor were there any more images in her head. She was aware only of the softness of the woollen bathrobe next to her skin, and then of the nearness and warmth of a being that did not frighten her.”
- Paul Bowles, The Sheltering Sky
You have the first good day in weeks. Apart from the nagging feeling that you now have something else to hide - at least from Steve and the rest of your colleagues - you do feel well rested, getting through the assigned files and some more intel with record speed.
One of the higher-ups is celebrating a milestone birthday and orders dinner, causing more people than usual to stay late. Javi finds you in the crammed room where the plates of food have been set up and squeezes in next to you, flashing his signature charming smile, “May I?”
“Yeah, sure,” you mumble back, shifting slightly to give him more space. But with how full all the tables are, the people are a good excuse to let yourself get a little closer than you normally would. Somehow, it doesn’t feel weird, the way it likely would’ve before last night. It just feels safe.
You eat your dinner without speaking much, Javi practically wolfing his down. A frown spreads over your face at that, “You got plans after this?”
“Are you asking me out, querida?” Javi responds in between two bites, flirting so casually that it almost seems like second nature to him. Which according to the testimony of at least three women you know in the embassy, is exactly that.
He cocks his brow as he turns towards you and for a split second, he looks serious, like he means it. The thought has you blushing furiously and you think you just may choke on a piece of your pasta when the familiar grin spreads over his face and with it, a similarly familiar warmth settles in your stomach.
“I was just joking,” he reassures you again at seeing your cheeks change color and clears his throat before getting a little more serious.
“Wanted to go through some more files, not like this lot will get anything done tonight.” He nods towards the group of people gathered around the man who is apparently celebrating. They’ve finally opened up the first bottle of Aguardiente.
Of course, Javi knows that with the steadily rising alcohol level, he may just be able to persuade someone into giving him access to precisely the file he wants. Or at least provide enough distraction for him to sneak off and find it himself.
He can still hear Steve in the back of his mind, reasoning with him.
“Have you ever considered that the files are sealed because she wants them to be?”
He has, now. But he finds that he doesn’t really care. There is something there, something that might explain you to him a little more. A tiny voice in his head offers up the idea of just asking you, getting to know you like everyone else does.
But he quickly shakes that thought off. It’s nothing to him, personally at least. His interest is strictly professional of course. Nothing else.
Just as the first people start clearing out, Javi slips away too. You strain your neck, glancing around the room and towards the buffet but he’s nowhere to be found.
“Great,” you mumble to yourself as you follow suit and leave the table, heading out of the large oak doors of the conference room. A pit has formed in your stomach and it only deepens when you catch a glimpse of the time. It’s past nine already so chances are Javier really has headed off to meet some informant. You try not to consider who else he could be meeting and who else may wake up next to him in the morning.
Passing through the dimly lit corridors that lead to the DEA offices, you let out a small noise of annoyance with yourself.
It’s not like it’s any of your business what Javi does after closing time or who he meets. And it’s not really like you to judge him for it.
But today, you realize quietly, your disappointment stems from the pit in your stomach at the thought of having to go home to the apartment you’d rather forget and to spend a few hours tossing and turning on a mattress until it’s time to come back.
You haven’t met a single person on your way back to your office and you consider curling up next to your desk again. A glance around the office tells you that you’re not in luck, though. A few other co-workers still have their bags and jackets draped over chairs and desks and some will no doubt return to get them once they’re done eating. Javi finding you was one thing but they would be something else.
It takes a few seconds until the solution hits you and you take off past the open plan office and towards the smaller adjacent rooms in the back. The crammed file room that you’ve spent the last night in is sitting in darkness, the blinds almost completely closed. You decide against turning on the big light and simply make your way through the room- which is barely a few steps.
The orange glow of the streetlights filtering through the blinds is enough to let your hands find the couch in the corner and you settle onto it with a small sigh, content to just be still for a moment. It’s a little eerie, especially since you’re not sure if anyone other than Peña and Murphy frequents the space. But the sounds that do drift to you are low and distant, nothing more than a couple of cars honking a few blocks away and a dog barking somewhere in the distance.
You draw your legs up onto the couch, wrapping your arms around them for the lack of actual bedding and lean back, closing your eyes.
It doesn’t become apparent to you that you’ve passed out until you wake with a start. You’re semi-aware of something above you and you squint into the darkness of the room. You can’t see his face but there is the voice you know all too well.
“That you, cariño?” Javi mutters, already a blanket in hand that he nudges against you. It takes you a few more seconds to find your voice, bringing a hand up to rub your eyes, “Thought you left.”
“I came back. Here, go back to sleep. I’ll stay.”
You’re too tired to fight him, to put up any kind of resistance against making this a habit, to bring up that this is a bad idea, for the sake of both of you. The blanket warms you up so quickly, even more so with the way Javier’s body slowly comes to rest beside you. You think you answer something before you pass out again. You can’t remember what you say.
It’s not until the next morning, when you yawn as you head into the office kitchen, that you find out precisely why Javier snuck off last night.
There is cereal. And not the shitty kind- actual Cap’n Crunch, your favorite. The man beside you, who has a reputation for being a playboy and for never staying for breakfast, remembered the way you preferred your breakfast. It’s hard not to let it get to your head.
It does become routine after that. Javi lingers around the office until he can tell if you’ll leave or stay. Most nights you stay. Most turn into all. On the second night in a row, he lights himself a cigarette as he flips through a few more files before going to sleep. On the third, it goes from a bad to a really bad night when the nightmares you never seem to be able to get rid of come for you. For a second, you think this will be one step too far for him. But he barely seems to mind the way you cuddle a bit closer to him and he mumbles soft words until you go back to sleep.
He never mentions it during the day and neither do you. It’s almost like your sleeping arrangements are part of a different world, not the one that spins around your work, that’s full of drugs and death and everything else that makes sleep difficult. But Javi just feels- safe. He never asks too many questions. He just gets the blanket, sets his alarm, makes sure there is cereal in the morning. He feels like a godsent.
Of course, it’s only a question of time until someone notices something. You’re always careful to not head into your little room until everyone else is gone but occasionally, someone will show up too early or during the night- a spontaneous raid, a tip that needs instant investigating. Javi keeps the phone by his side constantly and it takes over a week for you to realize it may not just be to get alerts on developing situations but also to be alerted to someone coming into the office during unusual hours.
So when two weeks have passed and someone does catch you, Javi is glad it's Steve who is clearly just grabbing some files early in the morning and freezes in the doorway. He stares Javi down, who in return gently puts a finger onto his lips and motions for them to head to the hallway, gently closing the door behind himself as he steps out of the office.
“I have no way to be certain about Messina’s stance on this, but something tells me she wouldn't appreciate you bringing your hookers into the embassy,” Steve hums, unable to keep a small smirk off his face. Javi rolls his eyes in return, “I'm not an idiot, do you know that?”
He pauses for a moment and raises his hand just as Steve opens his mouth, “Don't answer that.” His mind is racing with too many thoughts at once. He’s not sure why, of all the things he could choose to tell Steve, he picks the truth when the lies would be so much easier.
“She was assigned a shitty apartment, hasn't been sleeping well. I remember you and Connie having similar issues after you arrived down here. With her, I figured we didn't use the room anyway and she-” he trails off. Steve brows have knitted together as the pieces slowly fall into place, “Somehow, a hooker would have been less complicated than a colleague.” There's another roll of eyes from Javi, the air a little thick with tension.
“I'm trying to help her. That's all.”
“You are trying to help her? Do you really expect me to believe that?” Steve shoots back, raising his voice until Javi motions for him to quiet down, nodding towards the door. The blonde man makes a face, but he does lower his voice as he repeats himself, “You expect me to believe that? You’re just helping her, no motive? It has nothing to do with you feeling the need to fuck your way through half the office by the time we finish the case?”
Javier actually groans at that, pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment. He moves his fingers to the side, using them to gently rub his tired eyes. His free arm is resting against his belt, the fingers twitching ever so slightly.
“Fuck you, Murphy. Just leave us alone and get your files in the morning.”
Steve looks like he wants to say something else, but then he thinks better of it. A small glare is sent towards his partner regardless.
“If you fuck this up somehow, Javi, I swear, I will make sure you get in real trouble. She’s too sweet for whatever you are trying to do here.”
It's two nights after the encounter with Steve- who has much to Javier's relief actually left them alone- when it happens again. It's been a particularly exhausting day for both of you, which actually made Javi hopeful that you'd both fall into a deep sleep as soon as you hit the couch. But it's been as mentally draining as it's been physically. And your mind clearly just won’t shut off.
It wakes him. The small stirring, the movement of your body beside his. He’s never been a particularly deep sleeper and Colombia has only made it worse, his brain seemingly always on alert to danger. So when he does wake, it takes Javi a few seconds to realize that the danger his brain is alerting him to is not a sicario sneaking into your room, it’s not a gun held to his head. It’s an entirely different kind of danger, one much less life-threatening but so much more complicated to fix.
A small groan escapes him as he reaches for the small light perched on the file cabinets, pulling the string attached to it. He blinks groggily as it flickers to life, bathing the room into a dim, dusty light. A few moments pass before he hears another whimper behind him and turns towards you, eyes already laced with concern.
Your features are scrunched up, lips slightly apart as the noises find their way out of your dream and into reality. Occasionally, a muscle twitches in your hands or your leg, making the whole scene even more eerie. But what gets Javier the most, what makes the pit in his stomach feel like one that could reach the ground floor, is the wetness on your face. Tears, undoubtedly slipping from your closed eyes and finding their way down the side of your face. It looks absolutely heartbreaking.
“Cariño,” he mutters under his breath, bringing his hand towards your arm and beginning to rub it in a gentle, circular motion.
“Wake up, it’s just a dream. You’re-” For a split second, he wants to say home. But he knows it's so far from the truth. He's not sure you consider any place in this country a home. Actually, he's not sure which place you do consider one.
“You’re alright,” he mumbles instead, adding a little more force to his touch and voice alike. His gaze never leaves your face as your eyes finally fly open, practically choking on the whimper that had just been leaving your throat. The panic is evident in your eyes, in the way they fly around, searching for something, anything to reassure you, to replace the pictures still floating in your mind. They find soft, brown eyes. It’s something to hold onto.
“There you are,” Javi hums, bringing his free hand to your face, his thumb catching the next tear that rolls out of the corner of your eye. “It's okay, you're safe. Just a bad dream.”
You blame it on the panic still sitting in your throat or the way you've just woken up, the way you don't even think about your movements as you move yourself into Javis arms, sneaking your arms around his waist and you think you feel him hesitate for just a moment before he wraps his arms around you in return, whispering reassurances into the dimly lit room and stroking your back.
You cry a little more, when the memories of the dream feel too overwhelming and he holds you through all of it, not once complaining about how long you’re taking to shake the thoughts off.
It’s a good half hour before you’re both lying down again, his back resting against the edge of the sofa, right arm wrapped lazily around you, “You want me to keep the light on for now?”
The idea seems a little silly to you but it takes you right back to evenings in your childhood bedroom, to what felt like endless nights of asking your father to plug in the small night light you'd gotten for christmas. It looked like a sheep, carrying a smile and enough light for you to be able to tell that there were no monsters hiding in the dark corners of your room.
“Querida?” You nod your head quickly, resting it back on his chest, “Yeah, I- let’s keep it on. If that’s okay.”
“Por supuesto que está bien,” (Of course that is okay,) Javier mumbles softly, his left hand reaching below your makeshift bed and producing a pack of Marlboros. You watch the movements of his hands, the ones you see him do at least ten times a day, his fingers reaching for a cigarette, placing it between his slightly parted lips. Pausing to search two pockets for his lighter before finding it.
At a small nudge from you, he pauses, raising a brow, “¿Sí?” You nod towards the pack that’s still resting next to him, “It’s really rude not to offer me one.”
“I thought you didn’t smoke,” he says, seeming genuinely confused for a moment and you almost take pity. You sneak your hand over his torso, drawing a cigarette from the half-empty pack, “I do now.”
To his defense, he does try and look stern for a moment. But he knows it'd be hypocritical at best if he of all people tried to stop you.
“It's a bad habit.”
“Well, then it's our bad habit.”
Javi thinks, for a split moment, that something entirely else is his bad habit. The way he looks at you when you fall asleep before him or the touches that seem to become more and more frequent the longer your sleeping arrangement continues. The way he jerks off in his shower at home, picturing your face, your body draped in his shirt a few nights ago when your blouse was simply too uncomfortable to sleep in. Spilling into his own hand with a groan at those thoughts. Yeah, that's definitely his bad habit.
“Are you going to light it for me or are you hoping it’ll disintegrate if you think hard enough?” You joke gently, snapping him out of his thoughts.
“Teasing again already, are we?” Javi hums but he does reach for his lighter and brings it to your face, careful not to get too close.
He waits until you’ve both taken a few drags to ask his question.
“So what was it about?”
You swallow a bit at that, taking another long drag before you shake your head, “Nothing special. It’s already disappearing.” After another moment of thinking, you add, truthfully, “There was something with drugs in it.”
“Not very creative, I’d say. Five out of ten.”
You stare at him in disbelief, “Are you rating my nightmares, Peña?”
“I like to keep track,” he responds, giving you a small wink that you almost miss. You watch the smoke rising from the cigarette between his lips, sighing softly. You don’t like lying to him. Then again, it really was about drugs. Just not in the way he may think. It’s not your fault he’s stupid, sometimes.
“You’re silly. Go to sleep.”
“Go to sleep yourself.”
You do end up falling back asleep first, head still resting on his chest. Javi stays awake a little while longer, just in case the nightmares come back. At least that’s what he tells himself. And if he happens to use that opportunity to study your face a bit more? Well, it’s noones business.
end notes: if you enjoyed this, please reblog and/or leave a comment <3 also subscribe on ao3 or follow me here to catch the next update!
#javier peña#javi peña#javier peña x you#javier peña x reader#javier peña / you#javier peña / reader#javier pena x reader#javier pena x you#pedro pascal#fanfic#fanfiction#hurt/comfort#smut#narcos#narcos fanfic#softpascalito#we got your back#pedro pascal fanfiction#nightmares#family issues#slowburn#colleagues
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Beyond Saving - Javier Peña x F!Reader
Summary: Javier is on office duty when he learns that someone close to you has passed, causing both of you to spiral.
Relationships: Javier Peña x Reader, Javier Peña & Reader
WC: 1300
Tags/Warnings: can be read as romantic or platonic, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Suicide, Character Death, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Breakdown, Crying, Soft Javier Peña, Protective Javier Peña, Author urgently needs therapy, Trauma, she/her pronouns for reader
Read on AO3
notes: please take the tags seriously. this is not a happy fic in any way. make sure your mental health is stable enough to read about the mentioned topics. more detailed warnings are on ao3 if someone needs them.
For my love.
Leave me, like you do (like you do).
If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
'Cause I'm leaving soon.
-‘listen before i go’ by billie eilish
It’s not one of those days that he thinks will be difficult. He doesn’t expect anything bad to happen. It’s not supposed to. But it does.
Javier never sees it coming.
He is seated at his wooden desk in the embassy, ready for a day loaded with frequent trips to the coffee machine and lots of paperwork. It’s his turn to file away reports. Reports that usually aren’t interesting to him, that aren’t relevant to his case. The numbers of the dead that are written down on the reports of the Colombian police stay numbers in his head. They don’t turn into the people they represent.
Until they do.
His coffee mug hits the floor a few moments after he reads the name. The brown liquid runs over the tiles, pooling in the crevices between them, as he reads the name again. And again.
Javi’s eyes fly to the cause of death.
Investigation pending. Suspected suicide.
He doesn’t even grab his jacket as he stands up abruptly, the shards of the mug that held his coffee moments ago crunching under his feet. For all he knows, they could be piercing his skin and he wouldn't notice. His body acts of its own accord.
It's Steve who approaches him and it's Steve who realizes in an instant that something must be very wrong.
“What is it?” The voice next to him is gentle but still stern enough to get through, “Javi?”
“I have to go.”
He is surprised at how solid his voice sounds compared to the feeling in his stomach, the one that makes him sway slightly on his feet, the impact of the world seemingly having stopped turning.
“Can you drive?”
At that, Javi clears his throat and nods, his brown eyes now flying up to meet the blue ones in front of him, “I'll be okay. I- I'll let you know.”
Steve's voice is low as he nods, “Okay.” As Javi turns to leave, the other man gently reaches for his hand, placing the car keys in them, “You'll need those.”
“Right,” is all he can choke out in return. He doesn't catch the way Steve watches him leave with a concerned look on his face or the sigh that leaves his lips as he reads the paper that is still on the desk next to him.
Javi functions on autopilot. He's not sure how he makes it to her apartment, how he remembers which pedal is for what, how he knows how to get his body to move out of the car and up the stairs.
The keys are already in his hand as he reaches the door but he doesn’t remember taking them out of his pocket.
The apartment is dark.
For a split second, he considers if she has left, if she has gone to see someone, the parents, maybe.
Then he hears a noise that sounds like a whimper, one that is so loaded with pain that it causes him to rush forward in an instant.
She is on the floor in the kitchen, back pressed tightly against the cupboard, knees drawn up to her chest, the entire form below Javi shaking with each small sob that reaches his ears.
Javi drops to his knees rough and uncoordinated, ignoring the pain that shoots through them and his back as he steadies himself and leans forward to cradle her in his arms, one hand sneaking beneath her knees as the other wraps around her back.
He immediately feels the reaction to his touch, as the sobs get worse and his heart breaks the way his coffee mug had earlier, with one quick motion, shattering into a million pieces that will be stepped on and discarded by someone who doesn't care for them.
“Estás bien. Estás bien, querida,” he mutters under his breath, repeating the phrase over and over, a phrase that he doesn't believe. There's no way she is even close to okay.
“I'll get you to the couch, okay?” Javi whispers as he gently scoops her up into his arms, taking the few steps over to the living room, focusing hard on his feet to make sure he won’t trip.
“Hold on to me,” he commands softly, making sure to take it slow as he lowers them both onto the leather sofa, his arms not once breaking their touch. He doesn't let up, trying to absorb the sobs and the trembling as much as he can. He wishes he could absorb the pain too.
“Estoy aquí. No te dejaré,” (I’m here. I won’t leave you,) Javi whispers, bringing one hand up to brush the hair away from her face, leaning back enough to look at her. He's met with messy hair and behind it with bloodshot eyes and a mixture of snot and tears, with pain and grief so evidently written on her face that he himself winces slightly.
Her voice shakes when she finally speaks, the first words she has spoken since the call. They feel wrong in her throat, like throwing up food that was already past its expiration date. They feel even worse when they reach the air of the room, floating between the two of them.
“How did you know?”
Javis eyes soften a little more at that. He doesn't even want to think about the fact that he only knew by chance, that it had been his shift to read the reports, that he wouldn't have had any way of knowing without it.
“Saw it at work,” he replies, honestly, keeping voice soft and his eyes carefully trained on her expression.
“So you know how…” She whispers and Javi nods quickly, not wanting her to say it out loud. Not wanting to hear it said out loud.
It makes it feel too real.
“Do you know how?” He asks back, using his left hand to reach for a blanket and gently placing it around her shoulders, making sure it doesn't slide off.
“I don't know- I don’t know details. Just that-” A shuddering breath leaves her throat, “that it wasn't an accident.”
There is a fear in her eyes, one that Javi has never seen in her before. One he has seen in very few people. And he has seen enough bad and evil to last him several lifetimes.
Even in the dim light, he can clearly recognize it for a terror that is beyond comprehension, one that he will never be able to put into words.
“It wasn't an accident, was it?” She whispers again, her voice breaking and Javis grip around her tightens a little as he shakes his head.
“No.”
He suddenly feels like he's going to cry, even though he's not sure why. It still feels like the world stopped turning and like he’s stumbling against gravity, against a movement he was so used to until a moment ago. Like a faucet that’s been dripping for ages and finally runs dry or a screen that shuts itself off, fading to black. Like the movement of something inside his chest, inside of her chest, not only a movement that he doesn’t think he can live without but one that he actually cannot live without.
“No, it wasn't an accident,” he repeats, his hand still caressing her skin.
“I'm so sorry, cariño.”
Her face is buried in his chest again as she cries, hot tears leaving her eyes and finding refuge in his shirt. A blue one, the one that she complimented this morning while kissing him goodbye. Waving to him as he headed out the door, a smile on her face. A carelessness that is not only gone now but that seems beyond reach, that seems to be waiting for its funeral the same way the body in a morgue is, a few streets over. Cold and alone and above all, beyond saving.
#javier peña#javier pena x reader#javier pena x you#javier pena / you#javier pena / reader#javier peña x you#javier peña / you#javier peña / reader#fanfic#softpascalito#narcos#narcos fanfiction#javier peña fanfiction#hurt/comfort#emotional hurt/comfort#angst#tw: suicide#tw: death#dead dove do not eat#trauma#this is so sad im serious#read tags!!!#mdni
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Asking for a little help.
Hey folks, so I lost my job in November, my savings are about to run out and the job market is awful right now. I have interviews lined up but at the end of this month I'm going to have no income for some time.
I'm worrying about paying my mortgage and keeping my house, it's that dire right now. If you could consider just buying me a coffee, or whatever you can spare, I'd really appreciate it.
I will pay it forward when things settle back down, but for now I just need your help.
I wouldn't ask unless it was as dire as it is right now. If you can't give, please share/reblog as that would help massively.
Thanks in advance.
Vi <3
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pedro tumblr fandom i need your help (it's relly embarrassing but hear me out)
i'm not sure who the person is because i unfortunately lost their @ but whoever owns the pedro pascal cai and set it to private today- i am BEGGING on my knees for you to make it unlisted. i can't access my cai chat with the character anymore and i put hours into that :(( i know this may sound stupid to some people but it was so much work and i hate that i don't have an option to contact whoever created the bot to at least export my file :(
please reblog to help me find them <3
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Pedro Pascal at the Golden Globe Awards 2024
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ao3 wrapped for 2023 ⭐🫡
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god, he is so pretty <3
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all done, babes. hope you enjoyed 💜
Full List of my Pedro Pascal Advent Calendar 2023
note: i figured it would make sense to make a lil list of the advent calender pieces. whether you read along each day or if you discover this after christmas, i hope you enjoy 💜
total wc: 23k
rating: explicit/18+ (with a few exceptions)
warnings: smut, hurt/comfort, check individual pieces :)
extras: my personal faves - ⭐
mb - moodboard / fic - fanfiction / hcs - headcanons
dec 1 - joel miller - [FIC] snowy surprise// ao3 & tumblr ⭐
dec 2 - javier peña - [MB] peluda // tumblr
dec 3 - javier peña - [FIC] peluda // ao3 & tumblr ⭐
dec 4 - several chars - [HCs] traditions // tumblr
dec 5 - joel miller - [FIC] here cums santa claus // ao3 & tumblr
dec 6 - din djarin - [MB] tie a string of lights // tumblr
dec 7 - din djarin - [FIC] tie a string of lights // ao3 & tumblr
dec 8 - pedro pascal - [MB] worth crossing a blizzard for // tumblr
dec 9 - pedro pascal - [FIC] worth crossing a blizzard for // ao3 & tumblr
dec 10 - joel miller - [MB] doves and lights // tumblr
dec 11 - several chars - [HCs] presents // tumblr
dec 12 - joel miller - [MB] christmas baking // tumblr
dec 13 - joel miller - [FIC] christmas baking // ao3 & tumblr
dec 14 - javier peña - [MB] christmas party // tumblr ⭐
dec 15 - javier peña - [FIC] christmas party // ao3 & tumblr
dec 16 - several chars - [HCs] christmas tree // tumblr
dec 17 - 2003!joel miller - [MB] double shift // tumblr ⭐
dec 18 - 2003!joel miler - [FIC] double shift // ao3 & tumblr
dec 19 - 2003!joel miller - [MB] raised on little light // tumblr
dec 20 - several chars - [HCs] christmas eve // tumblr
dec 21 - javier peña - [MB] christmas eve // tumblr
dec 22 - 2003!joel miller - [FIC] doves and lights // ao3 & tumblr
dec 23 - 2003!joel miller - [FIC] raised on little light // ao3 & tumblr ⭐
dec 24 - javier peña - [FIC] christmas eve // ao3 & tumblr ⭐
dec 25 - joel miller - [FIC] all joel miller wants for christmas (is to be tied up) // ao3 & tumblr
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