I am ashamed of being seen.
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I know it won’t hurt so much forever, but I also know that even though it won’t hurt as much; it’ll still last forever.
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To be loved is to be changed; or rather to be loved is to be seen.
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fell in love with your acc
Thank you so much for your support! This account is really my safe space and the place I go to whenever I’m feeling down. It’s so good to hear that I’m not the only one who feels as deeply as I do!
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There is an intimacy that comes with being understood; but it’s rare and some may never experience it at all.
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Last night I was on the bathroom floor crying, praying, and begging.
But for what?
I don’t know.
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When it stops feeling like “everybody’s on your team; but nobody can read your mind” and just starts feeling like no one’s on your team, and nobody can read your mind.
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It is a gift that you understand everyone but in the end you are doomed because no one will ever understand you in the same way that you understand them.
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I grieve who I was a year ago, who I was a month ago, and who I was yesterday; I even grieve who I will be tomorrow.
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They ask me if I loved you
I lie,
“Yes, I did.”
What I really mean is,
“Yes, I do.”
I still love you.
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It’s not what I’m holding on to.
It’s who I’m holding on to,
it’s you.
It will always be you.
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I’m always the lover they could’ve known
Never the lover they wanted to know
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When I go out I can’t help but wonder if people can feel my eyes on them as I can feel theirs on me.
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I’m always half-present.
Half stuck on the past,
the one I can never go back to,
or even run from.
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Everytime someone calls me beautiful I hear it in your voice.
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I knew I loved you when I didn’t choose the window seat on the train to avoid your gaze.
I wanted to look at you instead.
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And when they leave the only thing that remains is the realization that I have destroyed and betrayed myself for nothing.
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