seekasilverlining-blog
vul·ner·a·ble /ˈvəln(ə)rəb(ə)l/
"To each his own beautiful."
I seek a silver lining as much as I can.
I tend to write my heart out, and you'll see here its pieces.
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I noticed that I have only been writing and posting here about pain from, and feels for this boy. Let me tell you all the good things that he is.
(Part 1)
He was a Junior when I met him
And I, a Senior
Who would’ve thought
that fate would bring us together
by a mismatch with partners for Teacher’s day.
Dread him at first
Typical spoiled-looking kid,
but with a great sense of humor
By the end of the day
we were acting like we’ve known each other for years.
I was at a rough time
Fresh from a breakup
He was a ray of sunshine
in that dark part of my life
Like a flower bloomed
in the middle of a drought
I believed he saved me
by a friendship I rightfully needed at the time
His almond eyes
My favorite things to see
Gems reflecting a glistening soul
with long dark eyelashes
under dark, bushy eyebrows I envy
A beautiful sight each and every time
They once held genuine happiness
Doors to a beautiful realm
I witnessed them sparkled
And I witnessed them transform
into cold, empty stones on his face
So many times, too many times
I watched them carry hurting tears
A glowing soul cast into the dark
Gems turned into coals
The life sucked out of them
But I still look at them
in the way I always did
And once in a while I still find him in there
And I never did once lose hope
That one day he will be happy again
And I want to witness that too
Those eyes made mine see
Another perspective I never imagined
A new sight from a person so different
from the others
But they only saw me as a norm
Never really looked at
Never really seeing me
And that’s the first hurt
- a.i // To be continued…
#story#spilled ink#thoughts#friendship#love#i miss you so much#i love you still#excerpts from my life#excerpts of stories#excerpt from a book i'll never write#writers#writerscorner#writers creed#words#writers corner#new post#prose#poetry#spilled thoughts#spilled words#spilled poetry
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Written a little more than 2 years ago was one of my first realizations on the truth about you; only a year and 7 months after we’d met and I already wrote things like this. Nonetheless, we stayed our course through hard times. Damn, we’ve been friends for more than 3 years. But I learned not to rely on you on the same level ever again. I cared too much for you that I didn’t mind myself. I turned your pain into mine, all while carrying the weight of our friendship (that turned out only matter to me) on my shoulders. We could’ve gone for 4 this year, but I’ve started tidying up the mess we’ve both made in my life. Maybe I’ll pass this year.
- a.i // it's so hard to be (the only one) emotionally invested in a friendship
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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) dir. Michel Gondry
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Wrong send
“Sorry. I’m so sorry”
Words that suppose to make you feel better
Words that are supposed to soothe the pain
Words that are capable of healing
Words that should not be said in vain
“Sorry. I’m so sorry”
Love, i hope you meant it when you said it
Because these are words, and words are precious to me
They promise me healing
They promise release
They aren’t meant to be picked and scattered like reckless people do
They should be picked when they’re perfect so they picture each word for you
“Sorry. I’m so sorry”
Those are the words you chose to say
When I gave you a precious chance to take all the pain away
Ask me, love, if it worked on me, if you meant it to
Because i don’t know if it did, i don’t know if it could
“Sorry. I’m so sorry”
It’s not okay, I’m not okay, love
I don’t even know if you did or didn’t mean it;
I saw the pain coming from afar
But didn’t know it would be this heavy to bear
“Sorry. I’m so sorry”
Me too, love, me too
Because I now know what to do
I did what i could but
I’m sorry, I have to let go
- a.i // May 17, 2017 journal entry
#poetry#prose#exerpts#spilled ink#spilled thoughts#spilled words#spilled poetry#spilled prose#love#unrequited love#apology#excerpts from my life#excerpt from a book I'll never write#excerpts of stories#writings#writing#writers#writer#writerscorner#writers creed#writers in tumblr#sorry#long reads#writer in tumblr#new post#new read
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1. People will love you, but you must remember, they are human. And being human means they are going to make mistakes. Sometimes great, sad, heartbreaking, devastating mistakes that hurt more than anything. And they will still love you despite making these mistakes. But love does not make them immune to this.
2. The people you love will not always be around and you cannot always be around for them. This does not mean you and they are now temporary things to each other. It does not diminish what is between you in any way at all. So try your best not to hold this against them or yourself.
3. We are all carrying a heavy burden of disappointment within us, as we are regret. This is unfortunately something that becomes part and parcel with living. Being disappointed in each other and carrying pain that is caused by another is simply a part of being human. Simply a part of existence. Remember this when someone disappoints you, that you too have been temporary to someone.
4. The more aware you are of the depths of your regret, the more the chances you will make mistakes. The truth is, if you feel enormous amounts of guilt for what you have done and do not forgive yourself, you will eventually find yourself in a circle of despair that leads to depression and getting nothing.
5. Remember the same regrets have also along with the darkness caused some unforeseen wonderful things and people to happen in your life. This is the truth behind person growth. All of us experience devastating pain and learn our most valuable lessons from it. And it is in times of great suffering that we learn these things.
6. You should forgive, not always because people deserve it, but because you deserve to let go and move on to bigger, better, more beautiful things. And I am not just talking about people. I am talking about you. You must forgive yourself for anything and everything if you are truly going to move on and let go.
(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)
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Sometimes, I resent that my heart invests so deeply. I’m upset that I can’t just walk away.
(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)
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You lose her when you make her feel like an option when all she ever did was make you a priority.
You lose her when you keep her at arm’s length when all she’s ever done is choose you.
You lose a little more every time that you confuse her and draw lines that are too blurry to see.
Because everything she’s ever felt has been in black and white.
You lose her every time you lie to her.
You lose her when you don’t commit. When all she’s ever done is pick you.
You lose her every time you leave her and she feels a little empty.
You lose her every time you use her. Physically or emotionally.
You lose her when you pull away and act like it’s nothing when you return.
You lose her when you tell her to leave then get angry at her going.
You lose her when you play games. Like how you ignore her text just to blow up her newsfeed.
You lose her when you let her in just to push her away.
You lose her when you tell her you like her but not enough to do anything about it.
You lose her every time she fights for you but it’s only her fighting.
You lose her when you tell her that you love her but everything you say is a contradiction of how you act.
You lose her when you don’t answer and as she’s left staring at her phone.
You lose her when you give someone else the chance to treat her the way you aren’t able to.
You lose her when she’s finally had enough and it breaks her to walk away.
(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)
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💖💖💖
You are a story made of journeys and scars and pain and there is something incredible about you. You may not see it, you may not feel it, you may not even believe it, but you are hidden beauty of the most incredible proportions. And the truth is, you need someone who helps you see it. You see, the wrong people, they would like nothing more than for you to never see how incredible you are because how else would they be able to control you?
Others will want you to believe you are less. Pull you down to their level and belittle you. They want you to think you are anything but the sun that you are. They pull at your flaws and make you believe how lucky you are to have them because who else would put up with flaws like this? Who else would be okay with your scars and with the baggage you carry with you?
Well I have news for them. YOU. YOU will be okay with the baggage you carry. You will not just put up with your flaws, you will love them. YOU will be the best thing that has ever happened to you or the worst and that is your decision. You need to surround yourself with people who have big hearts, big souls and understand you, and the hidden beauty you are. People who revel in your beauty, rather than bring you down. People who understand that you are a warm, bright thing full of love that needs to be shared.
Find yourself. Find yourself in books and stories and TV shows and movies and the night sky and the forest and the walks in the rain and everything else that makes you feel beautiful, even if it is for a moment, for a second, for a day. Then find the people who never let you forget that, who always help you shine.
You are hidden beauty. You just need to see it, darling. You just need to see it.
(Source: thoughtcatalog.com)
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I never wanted to get tired and just give up on everything.” she whispered softly. Her voice shaking as if she’ll end up in tears. “I never wanted to just close my eyes and sleep forever without fighting for what my heart truly believes in. I never wanted to give up hope. I never wanted to get tired of love. Yes…especially love.
ma.c.a // I want to feel it again (via vomitingwords)
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“btw I have a song for you been thinking about telling you this lately and I think this is the perfect time for i’m clearing my mind and whatnot”
June 9, 2017 - stumbled upon this song on a playlist i haven't listened to for a while, a song that came from you. And I shouldn’t have pressed ‘play’ that night, but it’s still okay that I did. Something shifted inside me the moment I listened to that song, and I don't know if it's good or bad.
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