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saltyfishdream · 16 days
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Nah the aged 17 one is just total ASMR script
percy, aged 15: ....annabeth.....is sitting.....right next to me 😧 illegal😳😳 but.... i like it🤭??
percy, aged 16: OHMYGOD 😱😱 ANNABETH WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM 🤯 ????😨 MOM PICK ME UP I SMELL SCANDALOUS😳😳 IM NOT EVEN LOOKING GOOD EITHER😭😭😭 lord forgive ME😭........yeah im having fun 😁
percy, aged 17: *sound of lock breaking at 3am*.......hey girlfriend✌️ yeah no worries come in 🥱 next time, knock maybe? yep ly👍.......k this is slightly annoying by now but i still love it 🥰
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saltyfishdream · 16 days
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Headcanon Nico has a hyperfixation on Kuromi and his room (in the Underworld or at camp) has loads of Kuromi plushies and Will still buys the same Kuromi plushie every time he goes shopping for supplies in town.
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saltyfishdream · 22 days
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saltyfishdream · 22 days
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The name Sherman Yang got me laughing to death like ok but the Hong Kong equivalent to Khan Academy is a guy called Herman Yeung
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saltyfishdream · 24 days
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Kazuha x Reader (Hogwarts AU)
Tags: reverse hurt/comfort, triggered by weather, coping with grief, gn!reader, implied past Kazuha/Friend
Words: 3.8k
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The Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom was empty for only you and Professor Minci. You gulped nervously as she started to talk about your consistent “trolling” grade, which you still had to stifle a few laughs from hearing. You grew up in a Muggle family, and of course, the Internet.
She continued with how she tried to put you with other “high-achieving students” (Diluc and Kaeya) to get your grade up or making you sit on your own (after she found that you three together were the perfect stew for chatter) but they “probably weren't the best ways for you”.
“So that's why I'd like to introduce you to your peer tutor,” She finished. Peer tutor? You don't dare raise a brow at the idea even though you wanted to. You were sure that Diluc and Kaeya’s grades dropped that term because of all the chatting in class. Would you distract that peer tutor so much you'd forget about studying in the first place?
A knock on the door stopped your train of thoughts.
“Come in.”
You were first met with red eyes. Not as dark and piercing as the crimson in Diluc's, but a shade closer to the warm flame in the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room despite the fact that he was a Hufflepuff. His hair was white for only a few red strands, which was brushed to his right.
“Kadehara,” Professor Minci continued, “Will be your student tutor this term…”
She went on with a lot of details (like how good a student Kadehara was? Or he's a sixth year who didn’t drop the subject?) that you mostly missed, before noticing that it was almost time for dinner and ushered you two out of the room.
Kadehara said, “[name], are you fine with calling me Kazuha? I'm not really used to being called by my last name–”
You only blurted out the thing that was hanging on your mind from the moment you saw him. “You should put less stress on yourself, or even that red part of your hair will turn white at this rate if you insist on tutoring me.”
Kazuha's eyes widened for a second, probably from confusion.
“A-Ah no, I just bleached and dyed my hair! Kind of, actually. I wanted to dye it all red but the dyeing spell didn't work as well as I'd imagined,” he let out a few dry laughs, even though he didn’t look anything close to feeling awkward or already hating you.
You could feel the warmth creep up your face. Those rumors about the guy who found his hair whitened overnight was total bullcrap! Why would’ve you believed it? Are you fricking stupid? And had to make that tutor think you’re stupid in non-DA stuff? You ask yourself, almost embarrassing yourself in front of Kazuha again by nearly hitting yourself in the head with an imaginary rolled-up newspaper.
And so you both got back to your own tables without saying a word.
.ೃ࿐
“Isn't it time for you to go to that student tutor?” Kaeya asked. You groaned, looking up from the magical equivalent of a Rubik's cube in your hands, the only difference between both is that it keeps tricking you into the wrong steps by changing its colors and giving you riddles then roasts you for not solving the puzzle. It was a Saturday morning and the last thing that you had the mood to do was tutoring.
You pretend to have forgotten about the whole thing. “Tutor? What tutor?”
“The sixth-year who bleached his hair with a spell,” Diluc said, hands subconsciously turning his own cube.
“Ugh, thanks for the reminder.”
That conversation a few days ago had left a much sour taste in your mouth than you'd imagined that you were dreading seeing Kazuha again. Now every time you think of anything related to hair or peer tutoring (which Diluc and Kaeya are very unhelpfully mentioning in every conversation) you would cringe for the next hour about it– even Scara telling everyone that your face keeps turning into a tomato isn’t as embarrassing as that!
Don't know what to do next? Too bad. The words showed on your cube while it made obnoxious booing sounds. Note to self: get self a set of wizarding chess that is not from Dori.
You put the cube down for it to reshuffle in a flurry of colors and launch itself into Kaeya’s hands.
And for once the cube was right. You didn't really know what to do next, go to the library and face Kazuha or think of some random excuse that can convince Professor Minci to let you off the hook.
You left the common room. You knew that Kaeya and Diluc would literally drag you to the library if you stayed for a while longer, and they weren't sick of making hair-dyeing references yet while you were more than sick of the conversation with Kazuha. 
Speak of the devil, he was standing next to the Fat Lady waiting for you.
“Oh, you're finally here.” He said with a smile as if the conversation didn't happen at all. “I thought you… forgot… or something…” Kazuha’s voice trailed off further as he went.
It was so awkward that you hoped that the floor would open up like the stairs did and swallow you whole (which it sadly didn't yet).
It took something like a million years and 20 tokens for you to generate a response, “It- I… lost my book. And notes, so, uh…” 
You haven't even gotten to the part of calling off the tutoring session because of that when Kazuha replied, “That's fine, there are copies of textbooks in the library… it's really a blessing, isn't it?”
You could do nothing but nod and pray for whoever Merlin is to get you out of this cringefest.
.ೃ࿐
You both go to the library in total silence. There weren’t many students in the halls early on a Saturday morning. But you just can’t relax from the lingering threat of awkwardness. You and Kazuha each grabbed a seat at the left third row as a copy of the DA textbook automatically flew to your desk and opened itself on the first page.
“Ah, right. Would it be a bit inconvenient if you don’t have your own notes with you?” He asked while handing you a piece of paper. Yep, it’s the paper you’ve never seen ever since you’ve been to Hogwarts. You put it on your side of the table, your mind as blank as how it looked. “I never had any notes for DA,” you confess. Kazuha exhales deeply. “From now on,” He stated, “You have to start writing your notes.”
You groan. 
“This subject is no fun…” Mumbling under your breath, you take your spare pencil out from your robe pocket, “I have no idea why Diluc and Kaeya could pass without even studying…” They were telling you to “blame everything on the pre-war Ministry” while you were still struggling with who did what. You were that day years old when you knew that Tom Riddle had never been the Minister of Magic.
Kazuha shrugged. “Most Muggle-borns like me have to study it the hard way. I mean– you’ve never known about the society and history and whatever shit we have here so you need, like, plenty of time to get used to it.” He puts his hair down and ties it back up, not giving a care about how he was swearing out loud. In the library.
You begrudgingly force your eyes back to the parchment and textbook. “How much do you mean by ‘plenty of time’? It’s been a term and I’m still trolling every single DA-related assignment.” Holding the urge to gnaw on the end of your pencil back, you finally write down the words “DA notes” on the paper. 
“Can you tell me what the first chapter is about first?” He asks, gesturing to you to close the textbook. You stare at him with the same blank expression as if his head were the DA textbook. The air solidified around you. How on Earth would you know? You’ve never really touched the textbook, and he’s talking about the first chapter? Finally, you confidently tell him your answer which is definitely right. “It’s about how to defend yourself from the Dark Arts!”
Kazuha laughed– not dryly, but fortunately heartily. “Can’t say you’re totally wrong,” He said, a hint of amusement in his voice, “But I think it’s a sign for us to go through this chapter together.”
You start reading the chapter with him, the memories about the incident last week slowly fading to make way for the words in your textbook. The whatever “grim consequences of the Wizarding Wars” didn’t seem as hard as they seem to be, and even better– you finally remember the name Tom Riddle gave himself. (Hint: it’s not Dildo-lover Rat Mom or anything dildo-related) Kazuha seemed to be a way better teacher than Professor Minci– his voice was calming, but didn’t sound boring when he spoke and scribbled down concepts on his parchment.
“You see? It’s not as hard as you’ve imagined!”
Towards the end of the session (did time pass that quick?) you were at the end of the first chapter. There was still half an hour before lunch starts and you were too lazy to go back to the Common Room yet, so you decided to chat for a while while waiting.
“First year DA used to be more fun,” Kazuha sighed, “They had At least that’s what I heard from my seniors.” He puts his own quill and parchment away.
You say, “Define ‘fun’. If you’re talking about some lame Auror droning on about how he peaked in his teenage years and gave his wand to a dead man in the end, don’t count me in.” You weren’t even sure if Harry Potter did ever come back to Hogwarts to do some speech or whatever for the first years–but it’s most likely true if Kaeya told you. Very big thanks to the trust issues everyone you knew gave you after last week. 
Books in the distance flew back onto their shelves, dust falling down onto your table.
“I mean- yeah, Auror Potter did come back to introduce DA for first years, but, that was like, a couple of years ago. And if I were you, I wouldn't say that he's lame.” Kazuha’s round, autumn-like eyes fell, staring at the dust.
The air was lead. And you both were suffocating in it.
A gust of wind blew the invisible lead, along with the dust away. “Anyways, they used to have lessons on the actual stuff besides all those theories. Combatting Boggarts? Check. Resisting Unforgivables? Check. Professors who make up ninety-nine percent of the Dark Arts themselves? Check.”
He kept on talking about how they postponed all that cool stuff to the third year. You would’ve looked forward to fighting off evil creatures but you were more stuck in Kazuha’s reaction to what you said. You had to blurt and now you don’t think he’s feeling totally good with that. Great.
You headed your own ways without a word.
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It has been two months since Kazuha started tutoring you, always sitting at the left third row in tutoring sessions. Your DA grades were getting better– definitely not the best, but having four assignments in a row without a “Troll” was progress. You started to control your big, fat mouth in front of him as well. You didn’t want to risk embarrassing yourself or having him look at the dust again.
Kazuha was a great guy as well– a cool sixth-year that you could rely on. When you met him out of tutoring, he would wave, or stop for a chat with you, slightly blushing when his friends hooted or whistled behind. His kitten– which perched on his shoulder like a Pikachu– even stretched itself to you when you met Kazuha, begging for a boop on the nose. He sometimes talked about his misadventures as a first year which always made you laugh, but you could sense the hint of something else in it, whether in his gaze or tone.
You were walking alone on the path next to the Great Lake on a sunny afternoon. Diluc and Kaeya were busy talking to Dehya about joining the Quidditch team next year and they told you not to wait for them.
The blonde with the red strand in his hair, sitting next to the lake while putting a maple leaf on the calm water surface. With a gentle swish of his wand the leaf sailed away, leaving two lines on the lake. “Didn’t you watch the Quidditch match?” You ask.
He said, “No, I didn’t.” Before putting another maple leaf onto the water. 
“Come on! You totally missed out on how Gryffindor whooped the butts of all those Slytherins! It took, like, three whole hours before Heizou finally caught the Snitch!” You sat next to him, looking at the maple leaf floating on the water.
Kazuha fidgeted with his wand like how you would spin your pen in class. “I… used to love watching Quidditch, but…” He lost hold of its wand, luckily catching it before it fell into the water, “The person I usually watched playing left. So, yeah.”
“Left in terms of graduated?” You ask.
“You can say it like that.”
He stopped putting leaves into the lake.
You sit in silence with him for a while. Before you leave upon seeing Diluc and Kaeya in the distance.
.ೃ࿐
Another Saturday morning. It's raining so heavily that you thought that someone was pouring buckets of black water down from the roof. Breakfast was over already and you were running late for tutoring so you had to ignore the sensation in your gut.
You grab your textbook and notes and make a mad dash to the library, passing the practically waterfalls of rain along the corridors. You look at your usual seat. He wasn't there yet despite you being already– you look at the clock– ten minutes late.
Huh. That's weird. Maybe he decided to go to a new table today for the view? You look into the dark, barely-illuminated depths of the library. Nope. Not searching by yourself. 
You go up to the front table and ask the librarian Pela if she had seen Kazuha.
Pela shakes her head, before picking back up the doujinshi she was reading.
Feeling like sticking out like a sore thumb, you go back to your usual table. Maybe he just overslept like you did and he was on his way here.
Another ten minutes pass. No sign of Kazuha. You open your textbook and start studying Chapter Nine. But no matter how many times you read it, the words just rebound from your brain and back into the textbook.
You close it a bit too loudly in frustration. Where was he?
“Mmnh?” Kazuha appears in the corridor next to your table, black circles under his puffy eyes. He forces a smile and says, “Sorry for being late, I pulled an all-nighter last night and got to bed at five AM. I got myself some coffee, so… don’t worry too much about me.”
He sets his stuff down on the table and immediately starts explaining the chapter.
“… So Aurors had to undergo strict tests…” He kept speaking, eyes on the textbook. His voice was raspy– not Scara’s oh-im-so-dark-and-mysterious type, but rather the type you get when you catch a cold or have stayed up the whole night crying.
Maybe he caught a cold after pulling an all-nighter. Just maybe.
His words fuse with the pattering of the rain on the windows outside. You can’t comprehend anything he was saying while your mind is running a hundred miles per hour wondering what’s wrong with Kazuha even though you know that it’s technically not your business. You don’t even bother asking yourself to focus– your head was just too occupied with these thoughts.
He didn’t notice the fact you weren’t listening at all. “Nowadays, Aurors still have to- to… fight against… the remaining power of Tom Riddle’s followers…” He said, trailing off at the end of the sentence. You look at him. Then at the textbook, where a whole chart of different events with the corresponding years with the title “Major Breakthroughs in Defending Post-War Magical Britain from Death Eaters” occupied two whole pages.
Kazuha was covering his eyes with both his hands, his elbows resting on the table. You can hear his muffled sniffling.
Well, that was definitely more than a cold.
“Kazuha? Uh- you ok?” You felt stupid asking this question. He is visibly not OK, cold or not. The ball of panic erupted in your head. Is this supposed to be normal? Think, [name], you have to think… Why is he like this? What can I do?
Your pencil feels slippery, and if you keep the tip pressed on your notebook you’d be drawing a seismograph.
You had never seen him like this. Like, of course, you guys just met two months ago and you expect him to be vulnerable in front of you? But you always saw him as the “cool senior student”. 
A flash of lightning.
You ask, “What happened?” as if your head has been struck by a Stupefy. It came out as a whisper.
Kazuha rested his head on the table, not looking at you.
The roaring of thunder broke in the library, not helping with anything at all.
“It- it’s just the weather…” He turned his back against you, conjuring a piece of tissue paper.
You put your pencil down. “Yeah, awful weather, isn’t it?” You say without even thinking, your voice sounding dead.
Lightning struck again, momentarily painting the room in white.
Kazuha closes the textbook. “I’ve always hated rainstorms,” he says, his voice still breaking, “They… they took him away. In the middle of a rainstorm.”
Your train of thought gets cut short by the thunderclap. “I’m… sorry for that.”
“No, y-you don’t have to. It’s not your fault.” The feeble candlelight flickers, illuminating his face. Fresh tears were streaming down his reddened cheeks, his red eyes looking like the Great Lake under the sunset. His light hair was slightly disheveled, which he brushed towards one side. “It’s just that… I never thought that they would be that cruel.”
The pattering sound outside seemed louder. “Tomo… I should’ve… Why didn’t I…” Kazuha muttered under his breath.
“Mind if we, uh, just,” You struggle to find the right words to say, “Talk about it?”
Kazuha nods.
“Tomo… he was a nice friend. A Ravenclaw. He was a fourth-year student when I started studying here…” 
The candles flickered a few more times, teetering at the verge of totally going out before reilluminating itself.
“I got bullied for being a Muggleborn and having a strange accent, he was the only other Japanese guy here and he stood up for me so… we became friends…” He paused.
“I should’ve stopped him from being an Auror if I knew this would happen to him… He could’ve been a good Quidditch player or potionmaker or… I was just happy for him when he told me he passed all the tests last summer but just on his very first mission…”
His voice broke again. You scooted over to him. “He sent me a letter that morning about how he looked forward to it and before I could reply, that evening it rained until the next morning and what I saw on the news was that…”
You patted his back. The wind howled, as if it were weeping as well. Leaves flew by the window, which was barely holding on to the frame. You haven’t even experienced such a storm back where you lived.
“The Death Eaters killed him but didn’t take his wand. His partner told me he could’ve survived if they didn’t fire a second spell at him…”
“They really are… heartless. More than I'd imagined. It must’ve been awful knowing that,” you say.
Kazuha continued, “It was. The first spell landed on his keychain instead… Why were they so bent on… doing this? He fought until the last moment… The keychain… we bought a matching pair at a cheap souvenir store together at Hogsmeade… it cracked when the spell hit…”
“I kept it when they sent it to me. And… his kitten… I guess it helped me keep my mind off stuff for a while.”
The raindrops sounded lighter.
“… he loved cats, but his parents were allergic so he got it after graduation when he got to rent a house with his colleagues and updated me about his life and training along with a photo of his kitten every single day… And he was a good Quidditch player but quit in his sixth year. If he were a Quidditch player maybe he would’ve still been here but not…”
The sky seemed lighter as the heavy rain faded. Kazuha fell silent. “Was he happy? About being an Auror?” You asked.
He nodded. “It… it was his lifelong dream. I had thought of pulling that ‘stealing a Time-turner’ trick in those rumors… but I guess he wouldn't listen if I went back and asked him not to become an Auror. It would’ve been selfish of me to do that but there’s just that part of me that wanted to save him…”
You think aloud, “He wouldn't have regretted anything even in his last moments.”
“Huh?” Kazuha asked.
You’ve done it again. Why can’t you take control of what you say? You stare at him, trying not to let him know that your mind is rolling down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summer.
“You are right. It was always his dream to be an Auror. And he achieved it,” He said, looking back at you.
A few drops of rain clung to the window frame, occasionally dripping down.
“It was just… never your fault, ok? Fudge those Death Eaters, I bet they get haunted by Tomo’s ghost every night that they’ve gone insane in Alakazam,” You tell him, not minding that you’re (almost) swearing out loud in the library.
Kazuha coughed out a few laughs as he wiped off his tears. “It’s Azkaban! Why must you make a Pokemon reference here?”
You put up your most innocuous smile.
The bell rings for lunch.
“Anyways, uh,” Kazuha stutters while tidying up his stuff, “Thanks but... Sorry for… just… venting to you like that…” He blushes, red creeping up from his neck to his face.
You give him a playful slap in the back. “No biggie– as long as you’re feeling fine now.”
You walk out of the library. The thick layer of clouds have disappeared, leaving only a few droplets on the trees and the birds singing.
You part ways at the Great Hall as usual.
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saltyfishdream · 3 months
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it's funny that one day you feel that life is nicely going on then the other day you think you'd be better dead
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saltyfishdream · 4 months
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Traveler: Oh hey there! What's your name?
Gaming: Call me 嘉明
Traveler: What's your English name, then?
Gaming: It's Gaming.
Traveler: It's... what?
Gaming: Gaming. I got this name for myself because I like playing video games!
Traveler: *is about to obliterate the person who allowed him to pick his own name
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saltyfishdream · 4 months
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Is it just me or Yanqing's storyline seems to be like the "gifted kid who grew up to become an utter disappointment" character development arc?
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saltyfishdream · 5 months
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ENTP and ISTJ
ISTJ: And how did you prepare for the presentation?
ENTP: With my brain, thank you very much.
ISTJ: ...OK. (This guy is hopeless)
ISFP and ISFJ
ISFJ: (being emo) I don't have Fe...
ISFP: It's alright *at least* you have more Fe than I do (has no Fe in their function stack)
ISFJ: ;-; That's too true...
ENFP and INTP
ENFP: I want someone to hurt me
INTP: Good. (Takes out the hair removal wax)
ISTJ and ENFP
ISTJ: I read your ESFJ x ISFP fanfic and I didn't like it.
ENFP: Come on it says Dead Dove Don't Eat in the tags if you don't like it then don't read it!
ISTJ: The taboo themes is just a minor problem.
ENFP: So what are you complaining about???
ISTJ: I have never seen so many grammar mistakes in my life.
ENFP: *dies of probably annoyance
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saltyfishdream · 5 months
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Gepard: No way Sampo I wasn't *that* drunk last night, was I?
Sampo: Come on, when you heard the loudspeaker thing in the fight club you were like, "Our lord Cocolia had spoken!"
Gepard: ...fine.
Serval: Then *Sampo* somehow convinced you to bite your own nose and at some point you thought you did...
Sampo: Then you spent the next hour shouting, "It's running away from me!!!!" after Serval said that you did bite it off.
Gepard: *mutters to himself Oh Aeons I sometimes really hate these two.
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saltyfishdream · 5 months
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TW for su*cide themes
Blade: Hello? Dan Heng? I'm on the rooftop.
Dan Heng: Get down. Now.
Blade: (jumps)
Dan Heng: I told you to-
Blade: You wanted me down *now*!
.
Blade: Hello? Jingliu? I'm on the rooftop.
Jingliu: Blade, remember. This is HSR, not Genshin. You can't move from level to level without a lift so you can't fall and so you won't even take fall damage.
Blade: ...
Jingliu: Let me do it for you.
.
Blade: Hello? Jing Yuan? I'm on the rooftop.
Jing Yuan: WHAT?! Again? Pleasedontimyourbestfrienddontdieonmedoineedacallyanqingorsomeoneelseor-
Blade: You know that I'd only be dead for a few seconds. Bye. (jumps)
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saltyfishdream · 6 months
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Practically what's happening in school fr... some teacher got bullied over a typing mistake and almost nobody pities her
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saltyfishdream · 7 months
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Percy: So when we talk to each other there's gonna be that awkward silence...
Jason: Where at some point we do nothing but stare at each other...
Hazel: And so that's why I walked on you guys making out.
Percy and Jason: Shut up!
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saltyfishdream · 7 months
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Yanqing: IMMA DEFEAT YOU BLADE-
Blade: Ah! Yanqing! You've grown so much taller! I changed your diaper when you were six months old and now you're...
Yanqing: *visible confusion*
Dan Heng: *W H E E Z E*
Blade: What are you wheezing at? Don't you see I'm having a reunion with my favorite nephew?
Dan Heng (doesn't stop laughing at all): I just remembered the time you took his diaper off and...
Blade: How many times have I told you to stop talking about how he peed on my face?
Yanqing: *shaken*
(They still duel anyway)
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saltyfishdream · 7 months
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THE LOOK ON HIS FACE
TOTALLY UNDERRATED BOMBASTIC SIDE EYE
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saltyfishdream · 7 months
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5 y/o Yanqing: cries after Jing Yuan refuses to let him join a mission*
Blade: Jing Yuan won't love you anymore if you keep crying~~~
Yanqing: cries harder*
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saltyfishdream · 7 months
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You plan on writing smut on a bus but someone sits next to you...
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