It was a bad moment. One of those moments where you wish you didn't exist. Or the earth could break beneath your feet and swallow you whole. I won't be exaggerating if I told I was thinking of what could happen if I got Alzheimer right now. Wouldn't it be a bless, that's just what I thought then. That you can't feel guilty about something you don't even remember, right!

What hope is

If you can only live for those happy surprising moments, for the unplanned gifts of life, if among your mistakes, the expected and the unexpected, you keep hoping for one right thing, that happens without much of your interference, and if that thing happens, if you were lucky enough for it to ever happen to you even if just once, I think you'd know that it's worth it to live waiting for it, not that it should be the only thing you wait for but that when you can't think of anything else, when all the doors seem shut in a way, this could be your only hope, this could be your way out. If the only thing I can remember when the nights are dark is when one day they weren't, one day the night was glowing for me with no explanation then I shall live my life waiting for some other chance, where the stars could be in my favor. Again. -Mariem Sherif

I was wrong. I’m not a ship. It still hurts.

I'm sorry, 28:2:2017, 10:03pm

The saying goes like this. You can not damage a wrecked ship. I think that’s what I intended. To destroy myself so much that nothing else would hurt. Nothing would have that ability in the first place. So I took my hand, made it hold a knife then stuck the knife in my own heart thinking that this way you can’t do it to me. So I loved you when it was wrong and chased the dreams that were too hard and chased the wind that only I could see and stuck their pain in my heart. I’ve sinned. I’ve lost and I’ve been broken so what else can hurt. Sometimes I chose to leave you before you did or take the initiative to make fun of myself so no one else would or so if someone did, it’d sound like it’s okay.

You see, I had a plan. It said the more you long for something, the more you should wear your heart on your sleeve. It said vulnerability was a synonym for strength. You see, the plan said you should put your heart out there for other people to see. Show your mind to the people like you don’t care of what they’d say. Talk out loud. Laugh loud. Live loud. Do not find a shelter in silence. But what happened is that people knew. People heard. People judged and never left you alone. I think I looked like I was trying too hard. I think they knew I was weak. I think wearing my heart on my sleeve wasn’t really the best idea. Because they’d use it every time. No one accepts rawness these days. No one I’ve met. No one would choose this heart yet. I still think they want me to hide. Or maybe I’m not wrecked enough not to. I’m sorry. I’ve taken the wrong way. I was wrong. I’m not a ship. It still hurts.

لم يترك لنا الليل سوي تذكرة تزداد كلما ازداد ظلامه بأن قلبنا هذا قلب حزين.

مريم شريف

May 2 2009

من احسن ما قرئت مؤخرا فاصل للدهشة رواية لمحمد الفخراني .. بعد ما قريتها حسيت اني لازم اوصل المعاني اللي حسيتها ليكم. بالذات الناس اللي معايا في الكلية D:

دا جزء من الرواية بحبه جدا و اظن انه هيخليكم تفكروا شوية في اتجاه مختلف..

“هناك ناس ربما لم يجربوا من حياتهم من مشاعر البشر الا شعورين فقط.. النجاح والحب مثلا.. هولاء في رأي "سماح” يستحقون الشفقة لأنهم لم يتورطوا في المشاعر الانسانية بما يكفي ليكونوا بشرا. لم يتورط أحدهم في الكره. الفشل. الحقد. الرغبة في قتل الآخرين، حتي في ممارستهم الجنسيه يفعلون هذا بلا كلمة “قبيحه” أو جنون خاص.. يفعلونه في الظلام / تحت الاغطية__ بكبت وأدب جم.. بالاتيكيت_ بالشوكة والسكين.. يمشون علي رصيف الحياه في ملابس نظيفة واحذية طويلة. لم ينعجنوا بدنس الحياة وقذارتها.. هادئون. راكدون_ مرتاحو البال_ واثقون علي طول وعرض الخط.. عاقلون جدا. ناجحون.محبوبون. محترمون. قادرون علي حب الجميع بلا استثناء، يتمنون لهم السعادة، الخير، دوام الصحه.. لم يحس أحدهم ابدا بالكره نحو امه، لم يركل أخته في بطنها. لم يسب أباه.. لم يجربوا الغضب ابدا.. هولاء في رأي “سماح” لم يتورطوا بانسانيتهم بما يكفي.. ناصعوا البياض. ليس بينهم وبين الرب أسرار يخجلون منها.. لم يمنح أحدهم نفسه الفرصة ليربت الرب قلبه ويقول له : سامحتك.. تحب “سماح” الصوفي القديم الذي يقول ان طاعة الرب أحيانا تكون سببا في غضبه كما يجترئ ناصعوا البياض بهذه الطاعة علي الرب. يتبجحون. يملؤهم الزهو والغرور ويفتحون اعينهم في عين الرب بجسارة.. بينما قد يكون لك سر صغير مع الرب يجعلك تنظر له بأدب معتذرا طول حياتك وتنتظر __ هذا الانتظار الذي يحبه الرب__ ان يمد يده في اي لحظه يربت قلبك ويهمس في اذنك : سامحتك.. الاثم هو أول تأريخ البشر.. أيكون الغفران هو التأريخ الأخير؟؟؟"

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الواحد هناك من زمان كدا؟!

و إن كان الملاذ الوحيد الذي تملك لا تصلي له، فكيف تسأل راحة ورضا..

"To set yourself free from frustrations, you have to know that falling is sometimes inevitable. " ❤✨ @mariemsherifagain

Setting yourself free from frustrations

There’s a power in all the disappointments that one could not overcome . A power that holds you a prisoner inside a cell of imaginary limitations . A power given to those disappointments when we didn’t object when they seemed to be in control of our minds. I sometimes think that if my disappointments were to speak ,that’s what they’ll probably be saying : “ What you failed to do before , you’ll fail to do again . Your love didn’t work out before because you are probably not meant for love . You lost your last job because you fail at creativity. You lost your friend and didn’t know what you did wrong , maybe it was everything you did .” In the back of my head frustrations continue to make a fuss. They continue to raise this feeling of guilt , of regret but one that only succeeds at keeping me away from any possible productivity . At a point we think that these frustrations can only stay in the back of our head , can only reach out for our hand to make it stop from studying , can only reach for our ears to whispher the one advice it knows best , do not speak to the person you like , do not get into a relationship , you screwed it up the last time . I’ve seen it with my own eyes how crippling can frustrations be .I’ve known what they do . Frustrations keep you cautious , too cautious to live sometimes. They keep only the bad memories alive in your head and in a miraculous way hide all your past achievements . And In a way, for some people frustrations make sure to give life to all their past mistakes and kill all their past glorious moments because in addition to that it has another mission , to let them be convinced that these mistakes is all they could ever be . There’s a thing known as fear and it’s true that some life traumas leave us so broken we can’t even remember what healing felt like but there’s always going to be a reason that can get you back to try a second time . Before all it has to be one’s will to live life as it should be and not just in a way where you try to count your steps so as to not fall because that’s not what living should be like. To set yourself free from frustrations , you have to know that falling is sometimes inevitable. That whatever it’s that has happened that weighed down your heart was not the first thing to do so and probably won’t be the last but you have to survive it the way you survived more things before. You have to know that you must give yourself a second chance . You have to forgive yourself , otherwise you won’t ever move on with this life . Frustrations are sometimes a beast that fights brutally. They want to win your life and leave you dead. They want to tell you there’s no room for change where you are and you can only be where you are. They want to tell you that it’s not getting any better. Your life won’t get any better so stop now. Don’t try. Give up. Frustrations are sometimes a mother that you’ve let down and wouldn’t seem like she’d forgive you. They’re sometimes a sin that leaves you thinking there’s no way back to repentance. They’re sometimes some mistakes that got you to lose and now are inaugurating in your mind dark places of a Motto that screams you are not good enough. Frustrations are a double edged weapon but truth is you can always choose which edge you want to aim at yourself. It’s not easy. Most of the times it’s not. But instead of letting the night that’s shaded with the moon’s light and your heart’s demons swallow you whole, why not stare at the ceiling and ask yourself if there’s a chance you can do better. Why not read a book that acknowledges your frustrations and along with all your proofs that you think are saying that you are failure, the book gives you a hundred more proofs that confirm how someone has been through what you’ve been through and have survived it and so will you. It’s easier to talk than to work but that’s exactly it. Actions speak louder than words and you won’t know that what I’m saying is true until you get up and try it to yourself. Until you get up and try to untie some of the ropes that holds you stuck in the past and realize that the scars left from the ropes are okay to stay Because those, those are the lessons you’ve gained. Do you think you are the only one who stay in bed thinking he’ll never get up, thinking there’s no point in waking up. No you are not but we try to get up. We try. Maybe by reminding yourself that you are nothing but a human who is definitely prone to mistakes ,almost always, you’ll know how to forgive yourself . And maybe by reminding yourself that also because you are a human , you’re capable of great things that you are yet to discover .Maybe that’s how you get yourself to move again towards some hope or some dream you once had ,even if frustrations let you believe less in dreams. And dear , you have to know that when you try , there’s no guarantee that your attempts will meet their goal . You can fail again that’s for sure and your heart might so easily be broken another time but it’s not like your heart was not to be broken in this life and by breaking it you broke the rules . We come in this life knowing that life itself is a risk . Everything you do in it is a risk but there are risks that might get you places and risks that will certainly get you nowhere and those you take when you choose to stay where you are shackled by frustrations and fears. Remember dear that to solve a problem you have to first admit you have one and to set yourself free from some dismay , you have to first know how many things could have possibly happened if you didn’t let such frustration restrain you , so don’t let it do that . Winston S. Churchill said :“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” and i think we all have to keep that in mind.

By: -Mariem Sherif

I want to love you. I want to love you the way immortals do.

@mariemsherifagain

There’s nothing as attractive as someone doing something he absolutely loves.

Mariem Sherif (via mariemsherifagain)

#Notetoself It’s one of two, either you do yourself a favor and believe in yourself or do the world a favor and at least try not to make others doubt themselves.

Mariem Sherif (via mariemsherifagain) @mariemsherifagain quote of the day ❤💗

And someday you'll look back at your younger self and be proud of how it handled things so gracefully, you'll wonder how It did all that though but the good part will be that you'll get back up again, putting in mind that you can't let your younger self down, putting in mind that you did it before And you will do it again, you've always been a master and it's time to survive again.

@mariemsherifagain

Do you remember when we first met? I thought I had wandered into a dream.

J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings:The Fellowship of the Ring (via wnq-anonymous)

Wait for a new article soon 💃

I hope the next time you see a guy who doesn't put the cigarette down you don't rush and tell him that cigarettes can give him lung cancer, instead I hope you ask him why he smokes. I hope the next time you see a girl eating more than she should you don't tell her that obesity can affect her health badly and she should try and adjust her diet now, instead I hope you ask her if there's a void she is feeling and she thinks she must fill it somehow. I hope the next time you see a woman with a chair beside her, you don't ask her if the chair Is empty so you can take it, instead I want you to ask her if she's waiting for someone, because maybe she is, maybe she has been waiting for someone her whole life. I hope the next time you find a boy using drugs you don't tell him that drugs will end his life, instead I hope you ask him where does it hurt boy. I hope you ask him about the pain he wants to numb. I hope the next time your mind tries to pour some of the information it knows into someone else's ears, you remember that most people are aware of the facts. Truth is they are done with the facts. It's the true listener they lack the most. I hope you remember that people who throw themselves in hell are not courageous, they're just wrecked, thinking that maybe fire is just the last perfect step they're missing.

I hope you remember that those who throw themselves in hell are not courageous, they just lost their heaven somewhere. I hope you ask them about that. When did it happen. How did it happen and I hope they answer you and that you don't fear their teary eyes and I hope their loud voices don't push you away Because if you stayed, if you put up with it for how long it persists and actually stayed, if you put your hands over theirs and told them you're here and stayed, believe me this is how you really save people.

@mariemsherifagain

2.1.2017

Art by Hernan Marina

On days I wake up And everything feels a little more like you, A little more than it should sometimes And on days I wake up But can't even recall How you looked like And I still Haven't decided Which of the two I hate the most

@mariemsherifagain

You smell like my next heartbreak.

@mariemsherifagain

I knew I did from that first moment we met. It was… Not love at first sight exactly, but - familiarity. Like: oh, hello, it’s you. It’s going to be you.

Mhairi McFarlane - via 5000letters (via perfect)