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killemwithkillness · 8 months

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My MC and I have a very simple agreement: She inspires me by being the absolute unlikable bitch that I wish I could be someday, and I repay her in trauma.

Every 21st century piece of writing advice: Make us CARE about the character from page 1! Make us empathize with them! Make them interesting and different but still relatable and likable!

Every piece of classic literature: Hi. It's me. The bland everyman whose only purpose is to tell you this story. I have no actual personality. Here's the story of the time I encountered the worst people I ever met in my life. But first, ten pages of description about the place in which I met them.

#make your characters bad people #its more interesting and compelling #if i wanted to read about self righteous people i would just go back to church #but fuck those guys

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killemwithkillness · 8 months

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08/26/2023

Tmw you just spent two full days last week mapping out a character's 30 year long backstory and now you've changed one thing so you have to go back through and change a bunch of shit again. Fml

#wip #work in progress #writing in progress #debut novel #author #writer #writing #fantasy writer #political fantasy

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killemwithkillness · 8 months

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Every storyline about doubting your faith depicts loss of religion as this tragic thing that must be overcame by renewal of faith, but for a lot of people, losing their religion is a beautiful, liberating journey. I wish there were more stories like that.

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killemwithkillness · 8 months

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08/21/2023 | Script

As I'm outlining, I think the difference between a script and a story is finally clicking in my brain. And I think (hope) my book is finally starting to sound like the latter.

Just finished outlining Chapter 4. I'm very excited about it.

#debut novel #debut author #political fantasy #political drama #fantasy #fantasy book #wip #work in progress #book writing #author #novelist #writer #writing

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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Citadel Oracle Character Spread: Syphra

Suit Stats

Court: 6

Academy: 1

Crowd: 1

Troupe: 1

Card Explanations

The Forgotten | Missed Opportunities, Fear of Failure

In the halls of Burchwade Keep roams a shadow; the eldest Strivelyn daughter, forgotten by her father, her brother, and rest of the city.

The Spymaster | Knowledge, Distrust

She listens at keyholes, gathers information, sends out spies. Her father has dubbed her Little Shadow because she is everywhere, but no one thinks to look for her. By the time they do, she will have already struck.

The Aspirant | Ambition, Diligence, Setbacks

Her younger brother will inherit the title of city's High Overseer, not for any deed he has done or any great attribute of mind or disposition, but simply because he was born a man. And Syphra, with her cunning mind and ambitious spirit, was not.

The Archer | Biding Your Time, Planning Ahead

In the chambers of Burchwade Keep sits a phantom; Syphra Strivelyn, watching, waiting to claim the city as her own.

The Heir | Unseen Potential, Hesitation

Inheritance at her fingertips, the pieces are falling into place as she set them up to do...

The Catalyst | Radical Changes, Taking Control

...But can she make the one last sacrifice to win the game?

The Fate | Accepting Help, Guidance

Even after the game is over, a war lies ahead. Historically, she has worked alone. But if she wants to win, she needs allies. And she must choose them carefully.

The Witch | Experimentation, Rebellion

Change requires radical action. Not everyone likes it. They will either overpower hope, or be left in the dust of the past.

The Queen | Determination, Sacrifice

Sacrifice does not always mean throwing oneself onto the fire, she learns. It might mean choosing to leave behind the flames she once gave everything to sustain (even to the point that they burned her), and plunge into a future unknown.

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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I feel this applies to writing/art in general.

idk who needs to hear this but,,,every piece of fandom content you make should be self indulgent. you should be creating because it gives you happiness and nothing less. you aren't a machine meant to only give to other people. the enjoyment should always come before the validation.

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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08/11/2023 | The "Savior King"

It's funny how when I was a Christian everything had to be an allegory for God. Every moral lesson had to be on the nose or else you were in the dangerous realm of "glorifying sin".

There are themes of messages I don't believe in anymore all throughout my old manuscript that I now have to rework. The biggest being that of the "Savior King" (A bit of a deus ex machina that appears in the second book.) He was supposed to come in and fix things for my characters, to make things easier. He was a testament to what I believed at the time, a condescending message of hope to my audience: "Fear not, reader, Someone is coming to save us. If you just believe."

But I don't believe that anymore. Not in a morbid way (well, maybe in a bit of a morbid way) but more in the way that it's simply not realistic. As a species, we cannot count on anyone to pick our asses up and save us from ourselves. That is, except for us.

And here I see blooming a new theme for Ellis. He is not a Savior. He is simply a man; Doing the work, caring for his fellow humans. Breaking generational traditions, becoming better than the people who came before him, despite the fact that to call it an uphill climb would be an understatement. These types of people are the true saviors. Not because they are perfect, or because they sweep in and fix absolutely everything. But because they do the best they can to leave the world a better place than they found it.

#religious deconstruction #deconversion #religious deconversion #exvangelical #fantasy book #dark fantasy #political fantasy #religious fantasy #ex religious #ex christian #deconstruction #agnostic #writing #writer #debut author #wip #work in progress #fantasy wip

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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08/11/2023 | Worldbuilding

I used to dread worldbuilding. It was just another thing on my plate. But going back over what I already have written and plotted is making me realize how little I know about my own book's world. Pressuring myself to finish this book fast has

Not worked at all

Been a motivation killer

Deprived me of the genuinely fascinating task of creating a rich world to surround my characters and support my themes.

Worldbuilding is a character in itself. And I am learning to love it like the others.

#debut novel #debut writer #writing #worldbuilding #character building #plotting #book plotting #political fantasy #fantasy #fantasy book #fantasy writer #fantasy writing

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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08/04/2023 | For Myself

As I replot The Wayward Sister for what seems like the thousandth time in 8 years, I am taking the rare opportunity to truly examine each and every moving part of the story and decide what I want to do with it, instead of what I think I should do with it. Do I keep? Expand upon it? Throw it out altogether? Adjust it? It's for me to decide.

I don't think I've ever reworked it like this before. It is very freeing to not be scared of my own project, and to be putting more faith in my abilities as a writer, an artist, and a storyteller. In truth, I'm not sure where the sudden confidence has come from. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact I am now only writing it for myself, without the burden of thinking I am speaking on behalf of a "holy" (ha) God.

Before, I had my religious morals to worry about. Was I representing God correctly? Would my Christian faith shine through the story, even though it was dark? I had elements of moral good, was that enough? How dark was too dark? Would my Christian friends judge my story? Would my pastor need to draw me aside and speak to me about it once it got published? Stupid questions to someone on the outside of Christian Evangelicalism, maybe. But to me they were real concerns.

Now, it's just what I want to do. The story I want to write. The subject matter that I am comfortable with. The topics I want to cover because they align with morality defined by me. I don't mean this in a narcissistic or uncaring way; Of course I care how my work affects people, whether negatively or positively. And I still want to be extremely careful where (and how) I tread. But I truly believe that if my book (and my life, for that matter) had continued down its path, it would have harmed more people in the long run than it will now that my worldview has changed drastically.

Over the years the concept has stayed the same. It is a story of the reality of consequences, what desperate people do in desperate times, and the systems that push them to be in those positions. Now, more than ever, I see clearly what I have been trying to say this whole time. And I can say it without fear, because ultimately, it is for me. No one else.

#religious trauma #debut author #debut writer #debut novel #political fantasy #ex christian #exvangelical #writer #ex religious #fantasy writer #fantasy book #wip #work in progress

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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08/03/2023

I would pay so much money to know exactly how much time spent writing my book has actually been me just staring at a wall

#debut author #debut novel #political fantasy #adult fantasy #adult fantasy novel

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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07/25/2023 | Doubt

Doubting myself has always been my biggest roadblock. I’m trying to think of my book as just a very long song. I don’t get overwhelmed by writing songs because I trust my instinct on what should go where in the progression. If I did the same with book pacing I think I’d get pretty far.

#writing #bookwriting #debut author #reconstructing #wip #writing wip #writer #author #fantasy #fantasy book #dark fantasy book #music #lyrics #poetry #political fantasy #debut novel

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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07/25/2023

Thinking about how part of my deconstruction journey was when I added a fake religion to my fantasy book, then had the uncomfortable realization of how easy it is to just make up an entire half-assed religion on the spot because it didn’t sound all that different from what I believed in real life.

Now I’m an agnostic atheist who gives their characters religious trauma. Write what you know I guess lol

#deconstruction #religious deconstruction #deconversion #exvangelical #deconstructing christianity #religious trauma #fantasy religion #fantasy book #debut author #political fantasy #religious fantasy #adult fantasy #fantasy reader #fantasy writer

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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Citadel Oracle Character Spread: Alligra

Suit Stats

Court: 2

Academy: 3

Crowd: 1

Troupe: 1

Card Explanations

The Assassin | Ruthlessness, Conviction

Not only through her actions, but in the very center of her being, Alligra never pulls punches. She always does what she believes is right, unwilling to let societal morality get in her way. There was no other card to fully encompass her, therefore being placed at the very top of her spread.

The Brawler | Lack of empathy, Confrontation

Despite her Noble title, Alligra has always been scrappy. When we meet her, she brawls in taverns, willing to go head to head with anyone - at least, anyone but one. She uses the pain and adrenaline as a numbing agent, unwilling to feel anything at all for fear of facing that which she would rather forget.

The Catalyst | Radical Changes, Taking Control

Without Alligra, there would be no upheaval in the court of Nobles. Very few ever think to seize hold of their own destiny outside societal expectations; even fewer would dare to make it a reality.

The Vengeance | Overcoming Slights, A Choice

Is there ever an appropriate time for vengeance? Some wonder this. Alligra does not. Even if she had the answer, it would not change her actions.

The Acolyte | New Projects, Learning

Although tough, isolated from the court of nobles Alligra is out of her element. Thrust into a world of secrets and strange religion, she is nothing but wet clay vulnerable to shaping, a newly forged blade prepared for sharpening.

The Champion | Achievement, Downfall

She has adapted to her new shape better than the potter's hands anticipated. She is now a prized weapon. But how long can something like that last?

The Warrior | Perfectionism, Burnout

Everything sacrificed. Family, love, future. She sees nothing but The Cause when she looks in the mirror. But if she lets it, burnout can turn to fresh earth and new growth.

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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The Citadel Deck - Introduction

Today I created some character spreads using the Citadel Oracle Deck by Fez Inkwright. I had never thought to use tarot or oracle decks to map out characterization before, but the cards were too perfect not to use.

I went through the suits and selected cards that I felt represented aspects of each character’s personality/decisions/situations, then arranged and connected the cards in a unique way to represent the character’s full arc.

Soon I’ll be posting my main character’s oracle spreads, along with some explanation for my thought process. If anyone else has done this, or decides to try it, I would love to see!

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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TWS Characters x Taylor Swift Albums

Alligra // Reputation

LWYMMD, I Did Something Bad, TIWWCHNT, Call It What You Want, Getaway Car

Ikan // folklore & evermore

this is me trying, the lakes, RWYLM, marjorie, closure

Syphra // Midnights

YOYOK, Anti-Hero, Midnight Rain, Karma, The Great War, Mastermind

Ava // Speak Now

Enchanted, Dear John, Haunted, Castles Crumbling, Foolish One

Vigo // Midnights

Mastermind, YOYOK, Vigilante Shit, Anti-Hero

Shaw // 1989

Style, AYHTDWS, Bad Blood, New Romantics

Quil // Fearless

YBWM, Fearless, White Horse, Love Story

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killemwithkillness · 9 months

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07/19/2023 | A History of Changes

I started my book in early 2016. Sixteen years old, both stupid and brilliant, full of false determination, naivety, and blind positivity that this was it: this would finally be the project I finished.

Sure, I’d finished things before... when I was a kid. But I was sixteen, not a kid any longer, in my mind. I was ready to take on a substantial project. One with an intricate plotline. (Not too intricate, of course, I wasn’t ready for politics or anything like that.) One with dark subject matter. (But not too dark, of course, I was a good Christian girl.) But while I wanted to represent my religion well, I was also suffering a great deal from depression, grief, and massive life changes that were uprooting me and everything I’d ever known. I was a Christian, yes, but I needed something dark in my life to help me not feel so alone.

I had come up with the idea while sketching characters with a friend. Drawing people and characters was nothing new to me. But when I drew my MC for the first time, she siezed hold of me. I needed to know her story. I needed to tell it. Book ideas would come and go over the years, just as they had before, but there was never another idea that stuck with me like this burdock of a book. It was in my veins, and I couldn’t be rid of it.

In 2017, I lost my childhood home and moved to a trailer in the woods with no wifi, and nothing but time on my hands. Every single day, I made massive excavations to the story I so dearly loved, always wanting to make it better. I killed characters, added them, deleted them, gave them traume, then added some more. I added the dreaded politics. Not because I wanted to, but because it was the right thing for the story. Didn’t know political systems well enough? I’d just have to learn. Didn’t have a genre? I’d have to make up a new one. There was no plothole I couldn’t fill, no writers block I couldn’t jump.

Late teen years turned into early adulthood, and as I changed, my book changed with me, always finding a way to associate itself with whatever struggle I was facing. The subject matter turned even darker, but sharper and more honed on issues that mattered to me. I brought friends in, started groupchats, took criticism, sought out knowledge on the science of storytelling. I learned the rules and, better, learned the benefit of breaking them.

In 2021, the last dregs of my adolescent belief system died as I escaped the Evangelical cult I was raised in, came out as queer, discovered my neurodivergence, and began rebuilding from the ground up. It took over a year for me to be able to look at my book again. It was, and still sometimes is, painful to try and connect with anything tied to what now feels like a past life and a dead version of myself. But I believe there is still worth in telling a story I have poured so much of my life into, and every passing year has proven that lived experience is the most valuable tool in a writer’s belt.

There would be many iterations of my WIP’s name until it finally became what I know it as now: The Wayward Sister, Book 1 of the Kingsburrow Duology (an Adult Political Fantasy Drama). Now more than ever I connect to its’ themes of patriarchal capitolism and religious cultism. I see it as a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts; that I instinctually included themes when I was young that would later come to be very relevant to my personal life.

I am 23 now; older and (I hope) wiser. I spend my days discovering and recovering who I am and what I believe. My book is no different. It is going through major changes, but that isn’t a bad thing. In fact, I’m more excited than ever to finally feel like I have complete control to do with the story what I want, and not what I feel I should do. I am editing the pages with a new perspective, and I’ll be honest I don’t always like what I find. But I’m going to change that. Even if it takes another 8 years.

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