iamdefinitelyaperson
I am definitely a person
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Hera: you must give this apple to the fairest of us
Athena: make your choice, Paris
Aphrodite: who do you prefer?
Paris: sorry, great ladies, but i'm gay
Paris: *give the apple to Hermes*
Hermes: ...
Aphrodite: wait-
Zeus: well, there is nothing we can do, let's go home and leave the boy alone
THE END
#greek mythology#incorrect greek mythology#trojan war#alternative ending#hera#athena#aphrodite#paris of troy#hermes#zeus
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I have headcanon that Agamemnon was like Clytemnestra as a person.
There is an opinion that it was a political marriage for an alliance with Sparta, but he conquered Mycenae already after the wedding of Helen and Menelaus, so it would be superfluous.
Besides Clytemnestra had three older sisters so as Menelaus' older brother Ag could marry one of them earlier. Also he could marry Helen - world prettiest woman (its a very strong boost to status and prestige) at the same time (they are twins). Being such selfish, prideful and avaricious as he was shown in iliad (Chryseis part) he must try to get her for himself as the oldest Atreides and the heir of Mycenae and the future most powerful anax of Greece.
And also legend said that Helen and Menelaus were married for 10 years when abduction happened while Iphigenia was 12-14 years old at the start of the Trojan War to be a bride - that means Agamemnon and Clytemnestra were married no later than the Helen and Menelaus' wedding.
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Isis: [to the gods, who are gathered around a coffee maker] So... who broke it? [Nobody says a word] I'm not mad. I just want to know.
Nephthys: I did. I broke-
Isis: No, no you didn't. Horus?
Horus: Don't look at me. Look at Set.
Set: What? I didn't break it.
Horus: Huh. That's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Set: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Horus: [leans in on him] Suspicious.
Sekhmet: If it matters - probably not - but Hathor was the last one to use it.
Hathor: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Sekhmet: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Hathor: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles; everyone knows that, Sekhmet!
Nephthys: Ok, ok! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Isis!
Isis: No! Who broke it??!
Set: [looks at Osiris, then at Isis] Isis... Osiris is been awfully quiet.
Osiris: REALLY??
Set: Yeah! Really.
Osiris: Oh, my Ra!
[everyone starts arguing at one another except Isis]
Isis: [to the camera] I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. [turns to look at the gods as they continue to argue, then looks back] Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
#egyptian mythology#incorrect egyptian mythology#egyptian mythology memes#egyptian gods#incorrect egyptian gods#isis#nephthys#horus#seth#sekhmet#hathor#osiris
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Ganymede: ah! my food is too hot!
Zeus: you're also too hot but i still want to eat you
Hera: *trow a fork* one dinner! just one dinner!
Hebe: really, right in front of my salad?
#greek mythology#incorrect greek mythology#greek gods#incorrect greek gods#incorrect quotes#ganymede#zeus#hera#hebe#zeus x ganymede
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Set:*pulls back curtain while Horus is showering*
Set: Are we–—stop screaming, it’s me——are we out of lettuce?
#egyptian mythology#incorrect egyptian mythology#egyptian mythology memes#egyptian gods#incorrect egyptian gods#incorrect quotes#seth#horus
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Horus: I can’t feel my leg.
Set: [stabs Horus' leg]
Horus: [screams in pain] WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT!?
Set: You’re a liar!
#egyptian mythology memes#egyptian mythology#incorrect egyptian mythology#egyptian gods#incorrect egyptian gods#incorrect quotes#horus#seth
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Loki: Woah, look, Angrboda! Mistletoe! You know what we must do, right?
Angrboda: *sighs* Just one time only
Angrboda: *lifts him to pick the mistletoe*
Loki: *slaps Baldr with it*
Baldr: WHY do every time finding a mistletoe you do this shit?!!
Loki: lmao
#norse mythology#incorrect norse mythology#norse gods#incorrect norse gods#incorrect quotes#loki#angborda#baldr
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Imhotep: yeah but what if we take a mastaba and put another smaller mastaba on top of it, and another one on top, and so we have a stack of mastabas on top of each other
Djoser: how much coffee did you drink?
Imhotep: i can see time
Imhotep: also i haven't slept three days, help
#ancient egypt#history#ancient history#imhotep#djoser#djoser's piramid#egyptian memes#incorrect history quotes#incorrect quotes
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Hephaestus: did you sneak into my house again?
Ares: come on, i haven't sneaked into your house in two weeks
Ares: by the way, you ran out of peanut butter
#greek mythology#incorrect greek mythology#greek gods#incorrect greek gods#incorrect quotes#hephaestus#ares
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Osiris: if i die how much will you miss me?
Isis: it's cute that you think that death can free you from this relationship
#egyptian mythology#incorrect egyptian mythology#egyptian gods#incorrect egyptian gods#incorrect quotes#osiris#isis#osiris x isis
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