What is a hotdog bun but an adorable little hoagie roll that excels at holding dick-shaped meats? You can lie to yourself all you want but deep down you know: this is a picture of a sandwich. A damn good one too, might I add. Hot dog with pineapple salsa, bacon, fried shallots, spicy chili sauce, on poppy seed bun. #hottake #shotsfired #sandwich #sandwiches #wichlife #hatewich #sandwichporn #hotdog #hotdogs #tubesteak #grilled #weiner #pineapple #salsa #bacon #shallots #eats #grub #foodpic #instafood #lunch #foodporn #foodgasm #foodredrocket (at Chicago, Illinois)

For some reason food is the one thing where I keep trying things I haven't liked over and over and expect to randomly start liking them. I mean, I've immediately given up on nearly every hobby, style update, resolution, healthy relationship, or positive lifestyle change I've ever tried, yet I still keep coming back to bleu cheese... Maybe someday I'll like you, you creepy little mold nuggets. Burger with bacon, bleu cheese, buffalo cream sauce, celery, on brioche. #sandwich #sandwiches #wichlife #hatewich #sandwichporn #burger #hamburger #cheeseburger #burgerporn #baconcheeseburger #bacon #bleucheese #buffalosauce #franksredhot #eats #foodpic #instafood #lunch #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodbleuballs (at Chicago, Illinois)

I got an infected tooth a few days ago and thus I haven't been able to eat solid food for the last 3 days. To celebrate the medication working and eating not involving excruciating pain, I decided to make a sandwich that is objectively horrible for my teeth. I have some more brisket left so I think i might up the ante and remake this sandwich on a two-day old baguette with the mayo replaced by a layer of sweet, delicious saltwater taffy. Cajun dry-rubbed brisket, havarti, jalapeno, sweet harissa mayo, on a poppy seed bun. #sandwich #sandwiches #wichlife #hatewich #sandwichporn #beef #brisket #roast #jalapenos #havarti #cheese #harissa #mayo #eats #foodpic #instafood #lunch #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodtrufflebutter (at Chicago, Illinois)

I was going to a cookout that got cancelled and now I'm trying to figure out what to do with 5 lbs of potato salad and 2 lbs of pimento cheese. Making about 20 of these guys was the most sensible plan I could come up with. Pray for me. Ham, bacon, potato salad, pimento cheese, hardboiled egg, lettuce, tomato, onion, on potato bread #sandwich #sandwiches #wichlife #hatewich #sandwichporn #clubsandwich #bacon #ham #pork #pimentocheese #cheese #potatosalad #egg #lunch #food #foodpic #instafood #grub #eats #foodporn #foodgasm #foodfingerblast (at Chicago, Illinois)

Dear Sandwich God, Hi, it's me, Hatewich. I know we haven't talked in a while seeing as how I'm not really the spiritual type and you're something I literally just made up but I need a favor. Please let all my sandwiches be as good as this one. I could really use some inspiration and your guiding presence. If you can't help with that, I'd like to ask you an alternative favor. Please, Lord, rain fiery vengeance down upon all my enemies. I mean really smite those fuckers good. Thanks Sandwich God. Deuces Flaming Hot Cheeto coated fried chicken thigh, havarti, bacon, coleslaw, on a bun. #sandwich #sandwiches #wichlife #sandwichporn #fried #chicken #friedchicken #chickenthigh #cheetos #havarti #cheese #bacon #chickensandwich #slaw #eats #grub #lunch #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodasstoass (at Chicago, Illinois)

I'm a big fan of the expression "one of these days..." I really like that it simultaneously conveys annoyance and an ambiguous threat. But I really, really like that nobody knows that when I say "one of these days..." in my head it's immediately followed by "I'm gonna strip naked and run down the street smashing car windows with a 9-iron and screaming like a goddamn howler monkey." Every fucking time. Sweet and spicy bbq chicken, bell peppers, mixed greens, green onion, on a hoagie roll. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #chicken #chickensandwich #chickenthigh #hoagie #eats #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodgummer (at Chicago, Illinois)

People of earth, It is my firm belief that if we put aside our differences, curtail our animosities, and unify around a shared love of sandwiches, we can make this a better world for all of its inhabitants. Nah, I'm just yanking ya'. We're all boned. Shredded chipotle chicken thigh, Chihuahua cheese, jalapeno, green enchilada sauce, sour cream, on a roll. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #roastedchicken #chicken #chicken thigh #chipotle #enchilada #enchiladas #sourcream #eats #lunch #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodrustytrombone (at Chicago, Illinois)

It occurred to me today that it has literally been months since I've made pimento cheese. Now that this has been rectified I assume everything else that's gone buttfuck-crazy in this world is going to promptly return to something resembling sanity... You hear that world? Hello? Anyone? Mueller? Double burger with pimento cheese, bacon, tomato, on English muffin. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #burger #cheeseburger #hamburger #bacon #baconporn #burgerporn #pimentocheese #lunch #eats #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodparaphilicinfantilism (at Chicago, Illinois)

If the measure of adulthood is being able to write a caption for an oversized meatball sub without immediately going to testicle jokes, I can tell you right now, I will die a child. The same can be said if the measure is having emotionally healthy relationships, having a sensible stable career, or just generally having your life together... On the plus side, my balls are fuckin huge, bro. Meatballs, smoked mozzarella, parmesan, marinara, balsamic red peppers and onions, on a hoagie roll. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #meatballs #meatball #meatballsub #smokedmozzarella #mozzarella #parmesan #balsamic #redpepper #hoagie #lunch #dinner #grub #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodtesticleabuse (at Chicago, Illinois)

I felt like I needed a counterbalance to the deluge of Lovecraftian horror that is life in this bizzarro reality we got gypsy cursed into so I made my take on one of the the most pure and good things in existence: the Cheddar Style burger from Cook Out. Double burger with bacon, cheddar sauce, and charred onion, on brioche. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #burger #cheeseburger #hamburger #bacon #cheddar #cheesesauce #cheddarstyle #eats #lunch #grub #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodreacharound (at Chicago, Illinois)

One of the things I've always struggled with is getting grilled cheese sandwiches to look good in pictures. What I've settled on is that you have to take the amount of cheese and components needed to make a really over-stuffed grilled cheese and then double it. At that point you're getting close to how much shit you need to cram inside to make it pretty. Grilled cheese with smoked gouda, cheddar, parmesan, slow-cooked sweet and savory onions, on white. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #grilledcheese #melt #grilledcheesesandwich #gouda #cheddar #cheese #melty #parmesan #onions #lunch #eats #grub #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodbobbingforpussypubes (at Chicago, Illinois)

Happy VD! I got you crabs. Blue crab cake, spring greens, spicy roasted red pepper cream sauce, on sesame seed bun. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #crab #crabs #vd #valentinesday #bluecrab #crabcakes #seafood #crabcakesandwich #eats #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #theyrenotalaskankingbutheyfeelhuge (at Logan Square)

I'm realizing that I have brief, periodic episodes where I feel like I want to become vegetarian. They seem to be the inverse of my brief, periodic episodes where I forget that Taco Bell is horrible. Now I just wish I had brief, periodic episodes that didn't make my poop weird. Crispy fried tofu, bell peppers, red onion, mushrooms, pickled carrot and cucumber, sweet and spicy garlic chili sauce, on hoagie roll. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #hoagie #dinner #lunch #tofu #friedtofu #crispy #mushroom #pickles #imnotbutthissandwichis #vegetarian #vegan #eats #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodtofu-ck (at Logan Square)

Despite the fact that I haven't watched it in over a decade, I still can't eat a Sloppy Joe without thinking of Billy Madison. This sucks because I can never watch that movie again because I'm afraid I'll realize it was a festering pile of rat shit and my entire childhood was a lie. Unfortunately It's the only sensible option. Beef and chorizo Sloppy Joes, shallot, jalapeno, fried onion, sour cream, on sesame seed bun. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #sloppyjoes #sloppyjoe #beef #chorizo #friedonions #sourcream #chipotle #jalapeno #spicy #eats #lunch #grub #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodsloppyjoe #imeanthatsoundsdirtyenoughtoworkright (at Logan Square)

I was going to try to say something about how I'm making food for the Super Bowl of the political season tonight but I realized the only way that analogy would hold up in 2018 is if the NFL decided to use live puppies instead of a football for the game. So let's just call this what it is: I'm eating some hot dogs so the amount of liquor I need to numb myself enough to watch the State of the Uniom Address doesn't kill me. I think I hope it works. 1/4 lb frank, slaw, shredded buffalo wings, sour cream and onion Ruffles, on poppy seed bun. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #whatsup #hotdog #hotdogs #tubesteak #weiner #frank #chicken #chickenwings #buffalowings #slaw #potatochips #stateoftheuniom #superbowl #superbowlfood #eats #food #grub #lunch #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodrussianhookerpissgargle (at Logan Square)

I used to live like I wouldn't make it to thirty. Now that I've fucked that up I'm living like we're teetering on the brink of an apocalypse. I feel like I'm bound to be right one of these times. Anyways, NONE OF THIS MATTERS, FUCK IT, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE. I PUT CRAB ON MY GRILLED CHEESE! Crab meat, smoked gouda, parmesan, cream cheese, shitake mushroom, green onion, on parmesan crusted sourdough. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #crab #seafood #grilledcheese #grilledcheesesandwich #melt #gouda #sourdough #mushroom #eats #food #lunch #grub #foodpic #instafood #foodporn #foodgasm #foodalaskankingcrotchcrabs (at Logan Square)

I watched Se7en while I made and ate this sandwich and I really am amazed how jaded and desensitized I've become. I mean, the bloated putrifying corpse of someone forced to eat themself to death did not detract from my enjoyment of this sandwich at all and now I kind of want to test my limits. So if you are - or know - any coroners with dubious ethics who'd be willing to let me sit in on an autopsy and attempt to eat Sloppy Joes hit me up. Parmesan-crusted chicken thigh, spinach artichoke dip, red jalapeno, on brioche. #sandwich #sandwiches #hatewich #sandwichporn #wichlife #roasted #chicken #chickenthigh #chickensandwich #spinachartichokedip #spinachdip #spinach #artichoke #jalapeno #brioche #lunch #eats #foodpic #instafood #grub #foodporn #foodgasm #foodpearlnecklace (at Logan Square)