-Bylthe baird, if my body could speak

You share with them your trauma bc you trust them. And even then, all they do is compare whatever semi negative life experience they have to it as if it’s some kind of competition. Then when you have a falling out, your trauma is their new kink 🤔

Real telling when your friends who “empathized” with your CSA trauma turn p*dophile apologist after your friendship falls apart 🤨

You are not a bad person for struggling with jealousy, hatred, disgust, or any other emotions we perceive as ugly. You are allowed to feel. 

I've been looking at your posts for a while, and though you haven't posted anything recently I suppose I wanted to make a confession of sorts because maybe it might be something that means something to someone else. But I suspect I could have BPD, and even if I don't I know my RSD can get pretty severe. I ended up cutting off an ex-friend for talking about ghosting some of my other friends. They would joke and say it was their NPD, but the vents they made after the fallout of us leaving (and when they were talking bad about my friends beforehand which was the reason I left) they had said something to the effect of "I don't like you anymore but I still want you around". But being their friend felt like to keep their interest everything had to be about what they liked at any given time. They regularly put out boundaries second or last to whichever person was keeping their main focus at the time, even if the people they put on the forefront were actively hurting us. The regular shit-talking about things other people did, that they also did was a regular occurrence. We were their friends for a long time, we saw them get into relationships and then complain about their partners. When I did cut them off, I lost friends who were also friends of theirs. That was what hurt the most about leaving. I wanted to keep those friends before they decided they didn't want to be mine anymore, the reason being was because I hurt my ex-friend's feelings. One of them I didn't get the chance to tell my side of the story, the other I poured my heart out with the details. The biggest summary of this that maybe you could put on your blog that might be meaningful to someone is: If you cut someone out of your life, consider cutting out people close to them as well. Not only will those people potentially open you up to more hurt, but there's a chance no matter what you say, they will put the hurt feelings of the ones that hurt you or the people you care about over the ones that were hurting first. It's not worth explaining everything that hurt you, to be blamed for not communicating and fixing things because you were never a priority to any of those people, and your hurt comes second to enabling someone else.

I'm sorry that happened to you, I've had similar things happen and its never easy.

You're absolutely right too. Sometimes cutting off one person means cutting off the people who they surround themselves with.

It sucks, but a lot of people are inherently selfish and only care about what they want to care about, never really thinking about anything outside of themself.

From what you've said, it doesn't sound like you're that kind of person.

I hope things get better for you, and that you find people who will think about you and treat you as a person.

Take care :)

Can't stop thinking about how it's so easy for them to not talk to me, yet I become physically ill at even the idea of not having them around

I’m something people use until they don’t need me anymore. Not something people love for long.

Imagine being a lying manipulative piece of shit and saying it’s “mean” to be an abuse victim

This is the post I’m referring to specifically.

Interesting to see those manipulative posts making rounds blaming people for their own low self esteem and claiming that their traumatic life filled with abuse and loneliness is their own fault, comparing it to having “main character syndrome”.

Just feels like op hates trauma victims and finds them annoying, and not wanting to feel guilty for feeling this way, has passed the blame onto the victims saying it’s their own fault they feel unloved and hurt. Real abuser type shit.

Anyway, if you feel unloved and hurt and lonely, you’re valid. If you have a low self esteem and feel like the world is crumbling around you, you’re valid. If your whole life has felt like a tragedy because of all the pain that’s been inflicted upon you, you’re valid.

It’s not your “ego” it’s not feeling “special” it’s genuine traumatic events sculpting your perception of yourself. We are only a reflection of what others have done to us. Our brain chemistry is literally fucked all to hell because of the massive amounts of trauma and abuse.

If people around you have made you feel unloved or unloveable through abuse and manipulation, that’s not your fault. If people around you have traumatized you and made you feel like the scum of the earth, it’s not your fault. And it’s ableist to insinuate otherwise.

We can’t just magically erase life long trauma that has literally influenced absolutely every aspect of our lives, and we shouldn’t be expected to do so just because some neurotypical fuck thinks we’re annoying for being justifiably upset and hurt.

Interesting to see those manipulative posts making rounds blaming people for their own low self esteem and claiming that their traumatic life filled with abuse and loneliness is their own fault, comparing it to having “main character syndrome”.

Just feels like op hates trauma victims and finds them annoying, and not wanting to feel guilty for feeling this way, has passed the blame onto the victims saying it’s their own fault they feel unloved and hurt. Real abuser type shit.

Anyway, if you feel unloved and hurt and lonely, you’re valid. If you have a low self esteem and feel like the world is crumbling around you, you’re valid. If your whole life has felt like a tragedy because of all the pain that’s been inflicted upon you, you’re valid.

It’s not your “ego” it’s not feeling “special” it’s genuine traumatic events sculpting your perception of yourself. We are only a reflection of what others have done to us. Our brain chemistry is literally fucked all to hell because of the massive amounts of trauma and abuse.

If people around you have made you feel unloved or unloveable through abuse and manipulation, that’s not your fault. If people around you have traumatized you and made you feel like the scum of the earth, it’s not your fault. And it’s ableist to insinuate otherwise.

We can’t just magically erase life long trauma that has literally influenced absolutely every aspect of our lives, and we shouldn’t be expected to do so just because some neurotypical fuck thinks we’re annoying for being justifiably upset and hurt.

My one abusive ex fp fucking told someone I used his trauma to manipulate him LMFAO what is with abusers lying about you to make you look bad when it’s THEM doing the shit to you. Like this motherfucker is the one I opened up about my past abusive relationships which led to me developing cptsd and he’s the one who used MY TRAUMA AGAINST ME. It makes me sick to my stomach the narratives abusers say about their victims to make it seem like they were the victim.

Isn’t it funny how people with the biggest, most inflated self image, the ones who constantly punch down and talk shit about people, are always the most talentless blank slates that have to steal personality traits from others since they literally can’t think for themselves.

It’s giving insecurity 💅

you can certainly try to convince yourself you were in the right for what you did, but the fact of the matter is that you will never BE right.

It’s not my fault you feel guilty.

You feel guilty because what you did was bad. Instead of trying to convince yourself that you’re in the right, try being a better person.