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grief-honey · 5 months

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when my grandma died i was only 8

i became familiar with the stages of grief before i even knew how to properly tie my shoes

i used to convince myself that she wasn’t really dead

images of her breaking out of her mausoleum would come into my mind every day

i imagined her walking down the street, a blanket around her shoulders

shivering from the cold

trying to find her way back home.

i looked for her during every car ride

hoping we might pass her wandering.

we never did.

i’m 23 now,

and i still look for her in older women i see in public

hoping i might see shared features

or the same glasses

maybe a similar voice.

i’ve never found her

but i don’t think i’ll ever stop looking

#dealing with grief #stages of grief #grief poem #original poem #stream of consciousness #my writing #online journal #childhood story #childhood trauma #trauma processing

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grief-honey · 1 year

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one day you’re fourteen and listening to your favorite song after a hard day.

but that hard day turned into hard years and now at 22 you can’t listen to that song anymore.

it reopens your wounds but feels like the soft hug you needed back then.

it’s a mix of emotions your brain can’t handle, so you listen to the opening chords and press skip, hoping one day you never feel like you did when it was your favorite song again.

#original writing #diary entry #i feel old #existential thoughts #childhood trauma #this post is about frank iero #LOL #she’s the prettiest girl at the party and she can prove it with a solid right hook #stomachaches

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grief-honey · 1 year

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hate yourself // tv girl

#lyrics #lyric art #lyric edit #lyric quotes #lyric aesthetics #digital art #tv girl #french exit #tv girl french exit #indie music #indie albums #tv girl lyrics

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grief-honey · 1 year

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seven // taylor swift

#taylor swift #taylor swift lyrics #folklore #lyric art #lyrics #lyric edit #lyric quotes #lyric aesthetics #aesthetic lyrics #sapphic #wlw

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grief-honey · 1 year

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scott street // phoebe bridgers

#lyrics #lyric art #lyric edit #lyric quotes #lyric aesthetics #digital art #phoebe bridgers #stranger in the alps #indie music #phoebe #scott street #phoebe bridgers lyrics

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grief-honey · 2 years

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your dog // soccer mommy

#soccer mommy #clean #indie rock #lovers #valentines aesthetic #love aesthetic #lyric edit #lyrics #lyric art #lyric quotes #lyric aesthetics #digital art #soccer mommy clean

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grief-honey · 2 years

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right where you left me - taylor swift // new scream - turnover

#lyrics #lyric art #lyric edit #lyric quotes #lyric aesthetics #lyric parallels #taylor swift #right where you left me #evermore #turnover #peripheral vision #indie music #indie rock #shoegaze #femcel

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grief-honey · 2 years

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grief-honey · 2 years

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if there’s one thing i’ve learned about myself in my 21 trips around the sun it’s that i’m a martyr by nature.

what part of me loves sacrificing myself for others and why?

some people call me selfless but i think masochist is a better word

it’s like my body keeps score of how many people it’s thrown itself under a bush for. how many people have walked, trampled, crushed it in their search for themselves, or more often, love. i’m the sponge that soaks up their toxins so their lives can be poison-free

i don’t want to be that person anymore. for the first time in my life i feel like my martyrdom is a choice and not a given

i am mine and mine alone

#just reflecting #diary #diary entry #poetry account #existential thoughts #psychological #inner work

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grief-honey · 2 years

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heat lightning // mitski

happy laurel hell eve!

#lyrics #lyric art #lyric edit #lyric quotes #mitski #laurel hell #red aesthetic #red and black aesthetic #aesthetic lyrics

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grief-honey · 2 years

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stop smoking (we love you) x high to death // car seat headrest

#car seat headrest #twin fantasy #furries #lyrics #lyric art #lyric edit #lyric quotes #lyric aesthetics #lyric parallels #digital art #gifs #will toledo #cigarette #cigarette aesthetic

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grief-honey · 2 years

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dealer // lana del rey

#lana del rey #blue banisters #lyric aesthetics #lyric art #vaporwave #vaporwave aesthetic #aesthetic lyrics #cute aesthetic #y2k aesthetic #y2k nostalgia #2000s style

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grief-honey · 2 years

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i want you to love me -fiona apple

#lyrics #lyric art #lyric edit #fiona apple #fetch the bolt cutters #i want you to love me #renaissance #renaissance aesthetic #art #renaissance art

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grief-honey · 2 years

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sometimes i think that i only romanticize my mental illnesses because they’re the only part of me that hasn’t changed. the only thing that stays consistent in my life, the only thing that has stayed no matter how bad things have gotten.

i want to hate it.

i wish being mentally ill felt like my enemy. and sometimes, when things are bad enough, it does, but—

more often than not the weight in my chest feels like home. who am i without it? what will it take to patch over the hole that will be left in its absence?

#mental illness #mental health #writing #diary entry

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grief-honey · 2 years

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today i thought about the first time i ever experienced body dysmorphia.

i was 4, and my grandma had just bought me a puffer jacket for the winter. it was white and the faux fur on the sleeves and hood had scattered flecks of silver tinsel in it. i looked at it and i loved it, it reminded of me a disney princess.

until i put it on.

i remember that she gave it to me one morning before school, and was urging me to wear it since it would be cold. i did as she said and put it on while looking at myself in the mirror. i remember looking down at my torso and breaking into tears that only worsened when i looked back up to my reflection. my grandma kept asking what was wrong and all i could say was “it makes me look big.”

i look back on that memory, now 21, and wonder where that thought process could have even came from. i was just a kid, barely even out of the toddler stage, and i was already experiencing dysphoric feelings about my body.

i wish that i could tell 4 year old me that was the last time trying on clothes ever made us cry. i wish i could tell her that the feeling she had while trying on that jacket was the last time she ever felt it. i wish i could tell her that we didn’t feel that way every day, all the time, all these years later

#poetry #short story #childhood story #childhood #body diversity #body dysmorphic disorder #body dysphoria #eating disoder recovery #eating disorder #mental health #poem #original works #original writing

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grief-honey · 3 years

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