Dear; People of Tumblr!

It’s been awhile, far too long. Years even.

I’m now 29 years old (29 forever btw!) & life is, well not much farther ahead then when it was when I last posted. Sad to say.

On the bright side, I’m looking forward to Christmas coming up here soon! The most wonderful time of the year right;)

Ps, I’m addicted to iced coffee! 🤤 just can’t get enoughhh.

Anyways it’s good to be back,

My blog is going to be focused around self healing, mental health, addiction, homelessness & suicide awareness, plus also my own personal cute sexy selfies;)

So if any of that intrigues you, please by all means, follow me ladies & gents! ♡

Dear Diary;

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror

I can’t take the person staring back at me;

I’m a hazard to myself...

Don’t let me get me;

I’m my own worst enemy

It’s bad when you annoy yourself..

So irritating

Don’t wanna be my friend no more,

I wanna be somebody else.

So doctor doctor won’t you please prescribe me somethin’

A day in the life of someone else ✞

Dear Diary;

I’m heartbroken. ANOTHER one of my friends has lost the battle to addiction. </3 She passed away the other day on February 17th, 2021. She had only just turned 30 a few months back. My heart breaks for her family & friends, & especially her little son.

She didn’t know it, but she helped save my life nearly 10 years ago when I was at the early years of my addiction problems.

Though we weren’t that close I met her back in 2012 at Fanshawe College, we were both taking the Personal Support Worker Program. It was then that I learned she was on the methadone program & what it actually was & how it worked. (she was very open about it with the class because she had been doing really well on it, had all her carries & was working to taper off it.) You could tell she was proud of herself, & knew methadone had helped her tremendously & wanted to vouch for it, show that it can work! She didn’t know it at the time, no one really did aside from a few family members & friends but they didn’t know the severity of it, they thought I’d gotten & stayed clean but in reality I’d just gotten better at hiding it. I was actually struggling quite hard & wanted to stop but I didn’t know how. I thought of trying methadone but my family was so against it. So I kept trying on my own to get clean but I would always relapse within a week or two. Eventually I decided I couldn’t do it anymore, I wanted to quit but I knew I obviously wasn’t going to be able to without some help. So I bravely went up to the local methadone clinic all by myself at age 19 & got myself signed up for the program, & after a month into it I managed to stay clean (aside from weed) for 5 years! & during those 5 years I had the most beautiful baby boy I could ever ask for, & he’s now 5! & I don’t believe any of those amazing 5 years would have happened had I not gotten on to methadone, & had it not been for Courtney. I will miss seeing your beautiful face & big blue eyes around town & your silliness & laughter you brought. I wish we could have spent more time together, maybe one day.. but for now, fly with the angels girl & may you finally Rest Peacefully Beautiful ✞

Dear Diary;

I just recently finished watching the first series of a new show on Netflix called “Behind Her Eyes” & I could say so much about it, but I’ll keep it short & simple & spoilerless ;)

All I’ve got to say is that it was amazing. I literally binged watched the whole 6 one hour episodes back to back in one day I was so engaged. It’s an interesting complex story about a girl who meets a married man & soon begins an affair (basic drama right?) but this is anything but, the show is so much deeper then that. It evolves around lucid dreaming (which I’ve experienced & very similarly to how the show portrays it) I think that’s partially why I absolutely loved this show because I could really relate, because I don’t know many others I’ve met who can. I have no idea if there will be a second season but I’m going to take a guess & say no, just because it ended off so perfectly (& I don’t mean in like a “happily ever after” perfect, just a good ending to a very twisted mysterious series. If you haven’t watched it you definitely should!

Dear Diary;

My past DISGUSTS ME - That’s how I know I’ve changed.

Dear Diary;

Did you know that I only just realized that Tumblr was a blog after watching the Netflix show “Hotel Cecil” about the disappearance of Elisa Lam, who was an avid Tumblr blogger. Check out her posts, it’s under “nouvelle-nouveau” R.I.P Elisa Lam, & thank you for helping me too find another way to express myself, somewhere I can’t misplace or lose forever like an actual physical diary (I’ve lost all my diaries from my past & it sucks) & even though I enjoy the actual writing with a pen on paper, this is much easier & I don’t have to worry about what I do with it after. Just simply click “post” & it’ll be on here til the end of internet atleast!

Dear Diary;

I don’t know how many times I survived myself without telling anyone.

mjm ♡

I’m so thankful for my amazing man & all that he does for me, I’m such a lucky girl & I need to appreciate him more. He’s the one for me & I know it ♡

Look at these beautiful mini roses he got me for Valentine’s Day (our 3rd one together) he’s such a sweetheart.

I usually believe in “killing them with kindness” people can’t stand when you act like the bigger person, or they feel like an asshole.

“The strongest people are the ones who are still kind even after the world tore them a part.”

— Raven Emotion

Dear Diary;

Did anyone else as a child have crushes on any cartoon characters? Even some that weren’t even “human”, or am I the only one?

Some of my cartoon crushes I can think of were:

- Andy from “What’s With Andy?”

- Timmy Turner from “Fairly Odd Parents”

- Harvey from the “Sabrina the Animated Series”

- Aldon from “Braceface”

- Max from both Goofy Movies (I believe he’s a dog?)

- Simba & Covu from “The Lion King” movies

- Even “Shrek” himself, an ogre!

If anyone else has had crushes on any cartoon characters who were they, from what show? These aren’t even all of mine, just the ones I can remember right now.

Dear Diary;

Is there a cure for procrastination? I’ve always been one to push things off & wait til the last minute, but it’s never been that much of an issue for me before, even in school - aslong as I had a deadline I would have it done by then, & if I didn’t have one I would make one for the latest date as possible. The problem now, especially with the Corona Virus, is that I don’t have many deadlines, & can’t set any because the future is so unsure right now, I have no idea if we’ll be in lockdown a month from now, so it’s very hard to set up appointments & make plans & such. Hell, as of right now I don’t even know when I’ll get to see my son again, it’s already been about 2 long months! Anyways because we’ve been in & out of lockdown since last year it’s made it hella easier to push off our responsibilities & such, therefore I’ve become an even BIGGER procrastinator then I’ve ever been! Seems even the simplest of tasks I can’t even finish anymore...