20 Facts

So, got tagged by @poeticallyordinary and I loved hers so much that couldn't not do it. So here we go, 20 facts about me. I guess, I'll just list the most commonly asked questions lol. 1. I am a veteran of the US Marines. 2. I have never done drugs, nor will I ever do drugs of any kind. However, I do smoke cigarettes, and have smoked for a while now. 3. I have seven brothers and sisters. 4. I am 24 years old, and I am Aries. 5. I have been married and divorced. 6. No kids yet. :P 7. I write poetry out of experience, and have never taken any classes on the subject of writing in any form. 8. My favorite poet would have to be @tylerknott and a special shout out because I love his work @forpoetry. 9. You can find me in Riverside, CA every Monday night at Back to the Grind to hear my slam poetry. And yes, I always have stage fright haha. 10. I am currently in the process of publishing two books. One poetry, and one epic novel. 11. I do not write full time, my day job is bucking hay at a feed store for horses and other ranch related jobs. 12. I'm originally from AZ, and moved out to California to pursue dreams and aspirations. 13. To pass the time I play video games. Mindlessly. It's amazing lol. 14. I overcome the feeling of being alone, trapped, scared, or otherwise unhappy or uncomfortable, by keeping one thing in mind: "Never try, just do what you have to. To make yourself happy, at no ones expense but your own. To smile, and to laugh no matter what. To be your absolute best every day." 15. I do not believe in depression. Only in restraints. In chains. Things that you let others, or yourself, weigh your own self worth down with. I have chains, but I believe only in the possibility of breaking them. 16. I am not very religious. I believe in all higher powers, and was raised Christian. However, me and the big guys are not on speaking terms. Only a mutual respect for one another. 17. I have two horribly adorable puppies right now. 18. I am straight. (Apologies lol) 19. I have been in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman for the past year now. 20. I am a writer, and more so, I am breathing the possibility to change the world. One word at a time. There ya go. :) Always feel free to ask me about anything at all. I am still currently dealing with surgery, and trying to find the inspiration to write new material has been hard since I have been feeling very low lately. However, recovery is going splendid and I will hopefully return to writing at full speed very soon. Have a wonderful day y'all. :) I tag @forpoetry @raesuunn and @sarahmariepardy

Absence

My apologies for not replying to all of you who have asked about my book, I have been recovering after an emergency hernia surgery that has been keeping me down. I will hopefully get back to everything in the next couple of weeks or so. Thank you all for your support.

Semper Fi

“The eagle born to those who pledge their lives in honor. Smiled upon by god, Freed from chains and iron collar.

It held aloft on unity, By history revered. For preserving peace through strength his wings now reach across 200 years.

And for each of those and one year more, God has smiled upon the corp. From Barbary costs to eastern sand By sword or gun or by bare hand.

So it has been and shall be weighed. Though many are born, Few are made. And faithful always we shall remain.

We are dogs, To loose when war is raged.”

Marines.

Forged in fires lit on the battlefield of New Providence, And fueled by the blood spilt in every war zone since. Always faithful, Always ready. Each a rifleman with enough tenacity to make one man feel like a hundred.

Every Marine, Hallowed in the ways of our traditions. Clean bodies, Filthy minds, The highest of morale And the lowest of morals of all animals.

And yes we are, Animals. Devil Dogs, Leathernecks. Through valleys of death we fear no evil, For we are the baddest mother fuckers in the valley. We are the shadow of death.

Raised with two battalions, Beneath the cracking roof of Tun Tavern, We swore to give victory when defeat wasn’t an option. With the courage to endure just a moment more.

Never retreat, And never surrender. No matter how great the threat…

I will hold.

The greatest words you can hear, If you ever find yourself on hells door. Behind a Marine, Who will put a smile on his face, A blade on his rifle, And his body between you and our enemy.

I will hold.

For I am the deadliest weapon in the world. No better friend, And no worse enemy. I am the darkness that makes the devil stay in hell, And the light that comes in peace, Pleading with absolute honesty;

“If you fuck with me, I will kill you all.”

For we are the last to leave, And the first to go. We leave no man behind. That, Is a tradition more sacred than life. If we die, We will take a thousand with us. And if you should be so graced to look upon the scenes of heaven, You will find the streets are guarded by United States Marines.

Honor before Glory.

Death before Dishonor.

For God and Country I will end your life.

Surreal

It was the night, That your name found a home in the Drum beat of my chest.

The first night, In a long list of nights that I found pleasure in the conversation, Instead of in a position. Found a smile amongst the dust of things I hadn’t worn in forever, And that I’m not as smooth as I think When I am stutter stepping My way through melting, At how beautiful you were.

That night, You were gorgeous.

You were endless lifetimes Wrapped in a moment of everything On my hearts playlist. Putting my soul on shuffle, And the way you steal my breath on repeat. As if every night, Is your way of reminding me how many Ways you have loved me.

I love you too.

From your insecurities To your imperfections. The way you laugh To the ways you make me smile. Your anxiety, That opens doors You’ve never wanted unlocked. To your brightness, Your warmth, Your everything; That takes my nightmares, My scars, My walls, My every last bit of my darkest parts of me.

And loves them.

That night, You were beautiful; Finding comfort in a monster.

To a shipwrecked soul, You were my lighthouse.

My strongest sail, And I just want to give you The most reliable vessel to carry you Anywhere you want to go. Your heart, My destination. We can discover places that Young love couldn’t find. Sail across stars on seas of your dreams, My dreams, And the rhythm of heartbeat waves. Love is in the air, And it’s direction is endless.

Call it impossible, But even this sinking ship found its way To the safety of your shore.

And tonight, I’m watching the sun set behind your eyes Long after the days gone. Waiting for us to drift away together. Today’s adventure is over, Wonderful as always.

But tonight, You are beautiful. Endless. Loved.

It is here, Amongst the ruins Of my greatest failures. Do I also find, My absolute potential.

Andrew Rayne

Cowboy Trucks

There’s trucks, Then there’s cowboy trucks.

Straight piped like it has a pair. A clutch that could drop it Into four low, And pull your ass out of hells shit house Faster than the time it takes You to make her wet.

It’s been all over these roads.

Holds the curve tight because it knows how to drive, Ease on the gas, Smooth to wild when it throws down. Full throttle. 240,000 miles of making her clutch onto anything she can get her hands on.

Dirt roads rough, Paved roads smooth, Cummins knows exactly how to shake the whole damn cab and make her move. Front to back, Side to side, 325 horses grinding just beneath her thighs.

God damn.

Four wheel drive, Just ask and it can tear it up on any road you’ve been wanting to try. Slide your hand over the shaft and shift it into any gear you need. 1st is slow, 3rd to go, And if you really want to see how fast these Wheels can get you gone. Shove that clutch in, Open the throttle, And slam into 5th like it’s the first time you’ve ridden a 12 inch lift.

Stock.

Don’t worry baby, This ol’ truck won’t blow it’s head any time soon. Work it hard because that’s what it’s used to. Ain’t no load to heavy, Ain’t nothing to dirty.

Cake those doors with enough mud to change the paint. Windows down at 110, It’ll cake us both in dirt and wet And do it again.

Round 2, Round 3 it don’t slow down. Go another round all day, Everyday.

Trust me I know.

Because there’s trucks. And then there’s my truck.

I awoke, Exhausted from the rain that kept me up All night. It was the endlessness. The constant drumming that seemed to Hammer its way into my chest. The way every muscle in my body Tried to escape a prison skin And dance to the sound of freedom. I breathed in, Knowing that at least my lungs were On my side as I lit a cigarette. I just wanted to suffocate everything. It hasn't rained in years.

Andrew Rayne

I can never give up. With these hands which have always Been wrought with dust and smoke. They've hammered away at defeat, Broken through impossibilities, And carved their own image of myself. My hands, Heavy with the weight of always holding me up, Have never let go.

Midnight at Noon

If I could, I would show you how it felt when gravity ripped away the rain Before it could wash away my sins. How I ground my teeth to ashes, As howling winds froze my scars into a forever; Bearing the lacerations from the lightning that always seemed to be close enough to hurt me, But never close enough to shatter my existence.

I’ve never been soaking wet, But I could tell you how I’ve been drowning on the idea of tying an anchor to my ankles and letting it drag me into an oblivion beneath the waves. How I have never been sucked into a twister, And still find myself suffocating on this dream where I’m choking on every lie I’ve ever said. “I’m fine.” “I’m happy.” “I’m strong.” “I’m…”

I’m not depressed. That isn’t a lie, I’m honestly not depressed; Because depression has never graced me with the reflection of its gaze. I’m not depressed, Because I’ve never had the chance to get caught up in the hurricane. I’m not depressed, Because I can’t be.

If I could, I’d tell you what it’s like to be, The eye of a storm.

I’d tell you how I've stricken men with thunder that would strip you of your will to live. How some of those men were friends, And how you should probably know that lightning can remain in your body for years and kill you at the touch of a hairline trigger. And trust me when I tell you, That you wouldn’t have thought they were depressed; Until you walk in to find their eyes staring up at the ceiling, Crawling with red blood and salt stains when they were searching for an answer. I’d tell you that, Sometimes depression likes to hide behind Happier expressions, Calmer complexions, And it's only in its own reflection that the realization of your hearts recession, Depression can be a bitch.

You'll race through your whole life, And then, Like a truck head first into a wall that they'll call an accident. Like a backfire with shattered glass they'll call it suicide.

Like when you try and talk to people about the fact you've wrecked your car more times than you could remember, Or how you just fixed the mirror hiding in your closet, And you just stutter step your way into shutting up because depression....

Sometimes depression doesn't let you know it's there.

And then everything just stops.

My Mother is Insane

My Mother, 
Held me for the first time 
April 3rd, 1993.

On that same day, 
She understood that she’d never leave her home town; 
Yet still found time To make me believe, If you can run fast enough you can go anywhere.

In 1995, 
I was pronounced dead after 
I decided I wouldn’t drown without her. 
Whenever my heart feels like seeing what it looks like on the outside of my chest, I can still hear her pounding it back into life Hours after everyone else had given up

My Mother, 
Is the greatest inspiration in my life.

In 1996 
My Mother tore apart a chain of lies 
So tight I can still see the bruises on her neck; 
Ripped open a cage door 
So heavy with abuse, I can hear our past echoing in my head With the sounds of a slaughter house. 


My Mother saved me from a man, Who had the audacity to say he loved us. Who fixed himself on broken needles, Empty bottles, And a promise wrought with the claw marks of To many highs. Where the only lows came in the dead of night, Where my mother, At nineteen, Could listen to the soft sputtering of his heart And hope it would fall cold. 
Hold me in her arms and whisper fairy tales In my ear hoping I’d remember The way stars could shine when They finally tore through the clouds. 


At nineteen, She raised me to believe in myself.




They say that if you repeat something enough times, 
It doesn’t mean anything anymore. They say insanity, Is just doing the same thing over and over And over and over And over and over And over the wall And over the obstacle And over the fall And over the everything that’s over you. My mother was insane; But it means everything to me.

Keep going, I believe in you. Keep going, I believe in you. Keep going I believe in you. I believe in you. I’m proud of you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love…

The way my mother has been the most Influential, And insane person in my life.

In 2015 I divorced my wife.
 It’s been a year, And my mom has hooked me up with precisely 4 girls, A dating site account, And a notion that no matter who I’m with better Love me as much as she does.

She still reads romance novels, So by respect of trying to understand just how Insane my mother really is, I’ve read at least half. In all, I can say that love is the most complex, And simple theme of insanity.

I will do… because I love you.

At seventeen years old, April 3rd, 1993 My mother told me, “I will do Anything, Because I love you.”

Today, Looking back. Anything has become an understatement.

Most of the time, I capture people. But sometimes, my work will paint her.

Ardent: Incite

She burns brighter than the sun, I thought had all but forgotten me. Ignited a fire, That had been suffocated for so long, I was choked by it. I was buried in the ashes. And she found me. Saved me.

Where there was nothing but tinder, She incites a wild fire.

As the storm burst from my chest, And hung the rain in my eyes. She whispered to the thunder Baring away at my spine. Kissed the lightning ripping Through my throat. Caressed the ocean in my heart that dared Ask her if she was brave enough To silence the howls of a hurricane. Beneath the warmth of such ardent radiance, She has conquered waves I swear would have drowned me.

Andrew Rayne

With a new journal, comes a new book. Ardent, written for those whom burn.

If I could just wake to this smile, And dream next to her. I would never sleep cold For I'd have all the warmth and beauty of the sun Laying next to me.

Most of the Time

When people ask me, Are you a cowboy? I always say most of the time. If you're asking if I ride horses, Then I'd tell you about the time I roped a tornado and rode it across the Arizona plains. If you're asking whether or not I can rope, I'll tell you a story of how I hog tied the Rio Grande and bulldogged giant catfish for fun. Most of the time they ask if I can shoot. Depending how they ask, I can tell them how I shot every star out of the sky except hers, Or I'll tell you that I've been to war. Most of the time I am a cowboy, But sometimes I'm a twister. I destroy everything that comes near me, I'm cold and ruthless. I'm glorified to people who haven't had the displeasure of being in the eye of recklessness. I've been given names like Mathew Katrina Police Soldier White Black Murderer Psychopath Them. I think that's the worst name of all. I've been classified, Characterized Stripped down and raised up and redefined As a category of something that's been ripping through culture more violently, Than vultures following a Hurricane. More violently than them black people after somebody eats the last fried chicken. More violently than them white people after somebody hurts their feelings at school. More violently than a soldier after he tosses a grenade between the legs of a six year old, Or an officer who blames himself for not being able to drive fast enough to get to her house before the stupid son of a bitch had his way with her. Like them people, who can turn twisters into storms. Most of the time I'm a cowboy, But sometimes I'm a poet who just wants to show people that most of the time we are wrong. That most of the time we believe to much than we understand. You see most of the time I'm a cowboy, But sometimes I'm a father to the fatherless. Sometimes I'm a brother to someone I've never known, Or for fucks sake, I'll be your sister if it means that for just that moment you'd trust me when I say, I love you. I love all of you. Most of the time I'm a cowboy and that means I love big lifted trucks, dirt roads, country music, and beer. That I hate anyone who lives in the city, drives a Prius, or takes it up the ass. Is it this hat? These boots? Is it the way that undress because I'd happily strip myself down to nothing, Just to show you, That most of the time. I'm just me.

Small Talk

If I showed you monsters That would make you invest in the freedom To be oblivious; Would you still ask me about my scars? If I branded your eyes With demons that can carve iron into your chest And gut you like a slaughter house; Would you still ask me about my friends? Would you still ask me about my faith, If I ripped your heart out of your chest And buried it in your brothers broken ribs Hoping it'll beat again? Would you still ask me, If I want to talk about it? I'd show you what it looks like when You're holding the one person you can't lose in your arms, And they know they're going to die. I'd show you what it looks like, To be ripped apart, devoured, And wrenched from this world so violently Angels take you in pieces. I'd make you feel what it's like, To wrap your lips around death hoping to breathe life into them. To use your clothes like patchwork skin to keep your heart from spilling out of your stomach. I'd make you drill a hole six feet Down your throat when you finally tear your voice apart and their name becomes nothing more than a silent plea to be heard. To be known, And remembered. I'd make you tell their families why they're dead. I'd make you lie and say they went peacefully; And know they know different. I'd show you what it looks like, To be destroyed by memories. I'm sorry, Did I make you uncomfortable?