affirmationsndisassociations - Tumblr blog

affirmationsndisassociations · 1 year

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Some days are better than others. I’ve been down lately because I have been denied disability due to my lack of a paper trail ; the irony being that my poor mental health is the reason for these gaps. I lack the organization and ability to communicate needed in order to make, maintain and utilize Doctor appointments. This in turn leads to me getting angry and frustrated and not continuing the process.

This also affects how I handle other things. Like groceries. I always make sure my kid is stocked but forget to grant myself the same luxuries. It doesn’t help that I been struggling with my binging again lately. 🐷. Today I had both the money and mental capacity to stock the fridge. I was smart enough to fill it with fruit and veggies this time.

I also impulse bought a juicer

Oh wait… I think I feel the air of hyper fixation coming on… great

#psychosis #mental health #schizoaffective #actually bipolar #actually paranoid #seriously schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #living with bpd #medication #manic rn #binge

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affirmationsndisassociations · 1 year

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Anxiety nails update. Somehow the nail separated from the soft tissue so it keeps cracking. Continued cracking means continued picking. I’m hoping I can get my shit together before my Vegas vacation in May

#psychosis #mental health #schizoaffective #actually bipolar #actually paranoid #actually mentally ill #anxitey #stim #ocd traits

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affirmationsndisassociations · 1 year

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You know you lost the battle for the day when you just eat out of the big bowl :( insult to injury if you make complete trash (in mass quantity) even though you’ve been putting in work to your diet. Tonight is a whole box of pasta with Tuna egg and mayo which I have no doubt I will eat all by myself

Today was a day. My husband is getting sober (coming up in 2 months alcohol free) and my toddler is going thru a phase where he doesn’t want me anywhere near him. Literally shrieks “Go away mama!!” at me over the slightest inconvenience and I have to stay out of the room for 5 minutes unless I wanna deal with the meltdown. We are trying so hard to gentle parent but

all I feel is defeated lately.

Like I get what both of them are going thru but Between my husbands dower mood and my kid being so hostile towards me, it’s just suffocating feeling like all I am in this house is an annoyance.

I’ve also been struggling to take my antipsychotics lately

Lordt help me

#psychosis #mental health #actually bipolar #schizoaffective #seriously schizophrenic #living with bpd #sobriety #mommylife #momlife #terrible twos #ed recovery

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affirmationsndisassociations · 1 year

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I started another instagram today. I’m pretty sure this is my 6th. I feel like I’ve become a slave to the aesthetic of my main feed. Like it’s all become performative, even though I’m being authentic. Authentic or not. I’ve chosen to make it all about one aspect of me which in itself feels, inauthentic. My other accounts are like this as well. I have a horror account, a makeup account, a pregnancy/baby account 2 fitness accounts and 2 abandoned accounts with this newst account I’m trying desperately to keep it casual and just show all of me. All aspects. All niche hobby’s…

But who would wanna see that overstimulating clusterfuck.

In other news my nails have finally grown back enough to stick fakes on. Learned dip nails all by myself just to avoid the anxiety of taking them busted hooves to the salon. Maybe for Valentine’s Day.

#psychosis #mental health #schizoaffective #actually paranoid #seriously schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #living with bpd #actually bipolar #social media #instagram

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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Wanna know what anxiety looks like?

#mental health #anxious #anxienty #schizoaffective #actually bipolar #actually paranoid #psychosis #seriously schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #living with bpd #obsessive compulsive behavior

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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Me: Hey, brain, could I have a good manic episode? Y’know, the ones where I get a bunch of stuff done and I feel high on life?

My Brain: Yeah, like this? *has manic episode where I feel like I have to fight for my life and connect all the Clues*

Me: No, I meant a nice one.

My Brain: Like this? *has a paranoid episode and hallucinates people in my home*

Me: …

My Brain: Like this? *has depressive episode*

Me:

My Brain: Like th-

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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I needed to read this today. I feel like I’m disappearing

I’m dissociating but also stoned so I’m levitating out of this dimension

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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My cousin who I’ve never really had any relationship with added me on Facebook. The sent a wave so I asked what they’re up to. They responded with “chillin, you” on tinder this stale response would get you blocked and I have no clue how to respond.

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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LOML FIRE OF MY LOINS ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Scream -1996

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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No one tagged me. I have no friends but I love music

1. Carrollton -$uicideboy$

2. Broad ripple is burning -Margot and the infinite so & so’s

3. Red rum - Freddie Dredd

4. Giving girls cocaine -zaim

5. Stitches -orgy

6. Empire Ants -Gorillaz

7. You’re so vain -Marilyn Manson

8. Fell on black days -soundgarden

9. We think too much -lil peep

10. Right outside -Anthony Green ft. Chino of Deftones

I been a mopey little bitch lately

Playlist shuffle challenge

Put your playlist on shuffle and tell us the first ten songs

Thanks for tagging me @dynastiasimss!

1. Thank U, Next - Richard Cheese version

2. The Night Terrors - Matt Berry

3. Breakdown - Gary Clark Jr.

4. The Pink Phantom - Gorillaz, Elton John, 6LACK

5. Sappy - Nirvana

6. Nemesis - Shriekback

7. Tears Dry - Amy Winehouse

8. Little L - Jamiroquai

9. Insomnia - Nightwatchers

10. This is Halloween - Marilyn Manson (of course a goofy one had to come up)

I tag @saps-sims, @treason-and-plot, @silverspringsimmer, @cherries-jubiles, and @klauseconfessions (if you want to!)

#playlist shuffle challenge #$uicideboy$#freddie dredd #gorillaz #lil peep #marilyn manson #soundgarden

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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NEW SOULS CLUB OVER HERE!

Does anyone else feel like they’re a new soul and maybe that’s why they don’t feel right in their skin? I used to think I was abducted by aliens when I was little; like I just never quite felt “right” to the point my family knows and just goes with it. This theory though, this theory has legs. I’ve always been impulsive and lack self control like a child. I’m in my 30s and still dress like I’m 12 and my hand writing is atrocious. Everything is scary to me. I think this world is just legit brand new to me. I hope I’m able to remember this in my next life so I can compare. That is all.

#newsoul #psychosis #schizoaffective #actually paranoid #seriously schizophrenic #actually mentally ill #manic rn #ramblings

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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I learned something about myself

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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Another pre therapy sing sesh. Song out here all night by Damone

#mental health #psychosis #karaoke #actually paranoid #music is therapy #music is healing #sing along #schizoaffective #seriously schizophrenic #actually bipolar #manic depression #actually manic

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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I’m spiraling and this is where I’m at.

I really hate that feeling when you're coming into an episode. The air is off, the world feels strange, but not quite unfamiliar yet, everything you hear feels like a coded message you can't decipher, and you can feel your brain just... Detaching.

I know what I'm going into. It could be tonight, next week, or 6 months from now. But it's starting.

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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I’m crying because i thought i was the only one. I feel like static when I’m spinning like a top. Especially where my spine hits the back of my skull

Schizo-spec and psychotic people, does anyone else feel like they're vibrating? Some spots on my body feel like they're vibrating or humming sometimes. It's usually patches of skin on my arms or legs.

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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The squirrels in my neighborhood are assholes. They’ve been taunting my cats and then when they catch me watching they run away like a bad neighborhood kid. Pleasant.

Much needed as i am spiraling today. Apparently last month i forgot to pay rent. Just strait up forgot to pay for it. Then i spent $300 on a tattoo, went to a concert, and have been spending like crazy because my birthday is next month. Let’s say it together. HELLO MANIA!!! Welp, now i’m hitting the downward spiral hard. I’m struggling with the thought that i have a child and someday these moments might get to big for me to cope anymore and my love for him wont be enough. I struggle with the thought that i selfishly brought him into this world knowing it was a possibility i do that to him. I feel guilty that i knew schizophrenia ran on his fathers side too and that he might struggle like i do.

I’m struggling today. But ill make it through. Plz don’t report, just venting.

Here’s some shitty throw away art

#mental health #psychosis #actually bipolar #schizoaffective #seriously schizophrenic #schizophrenic art #high art #struggle #defeat #living with bpd #quiet borderline

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affirmationsndisassociations · 2 years

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Meditating while watching the JDvsAH trial like… knowing full well many women are like Amber because I (and more females than would admit) have been her before. Not saying it’s right. I got help, but it’s not as rare as people like to pretend it is. All these new cases of people claiming to have BPD, that means there’s gotta be an influx of toxic behavior as well. We need to speak up to end this blind eye to the fact that woman can lie.

#mental health #psychosis #actually bipolar #schizoaffective #medication #meditation #amber turd #johnny depp #depp vs heard #hot take

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