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their-we-go · 2 days

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Kodiaks, 1479 words, rated G:

Dean hasn’t left the room for a while. Couple days, maybe.

But she’s got no case and no car. No real desire to hit a bar, either. Not that a town like this one would have the right kind.

So she’s sitting in the room’s only chair, cleaning her sawed-off for what’s gotta be the fifth time this week. The TV is on, and she isn’t watching.

The room looks about exactly like the other hundred and one motel rooms she’s stayed in this year. Except it’s a single, and there’s only one pair of Kodiaks by the door.

It’s been a little over a week. Eight days. Not so long, if you think about it. Not really. She’s gone longer without seeing him. Like, the first case she ever worked on her own took a good two weeks. More with driving time. And Sam was fine then.

Sam’s fine now.

He’ll be fine .

It’s just—she doesn’t like the thought of him walking alone to school. It’s a long walk on busy roads that don’t have sidewalks. And the area’s a little rough. Tim Carter from Calc swears up and down he was mugged on that stretch a couple summers ago. Half the things he says are bullshit, but he’d looked scared when he told her that, and she’s never seen him walk down that road without his brother with him.

She knows the look Sam would level at her if he knew she was worrying like this. Can picture it in her head, the thinned lips and the flat stare. Unimpressed.

But he’s a small kid—because fourteen is still a kid, no matter what he tells her. And no matter how tough he is and smart he is, sometimes the other guy is just—bigger. And he’s always meaner.

Dean’s getting good at getting mean.

Sam isn’t.

So it goes.

She’s been debating picking up the phone for the last hour and a half. Just to check in. Say hi. Make sure some asshole hasn’t beat him to a pulp on the way home.

She just called yesterday. Dad answered, though, and she had to hang up.

She’s still thinking on it when her own phone rings out loud on the nightstand.

She grabs it before it can ring again.

“Hello?”

It’s the first word she’s said in a long couple days. Her voice is low and rough and cracked down the middle.

“Hey, Dee.”

She sits down on the bed and hides her grin from the wallpaper.

“Hey."

“How’s the case?”

Right. The case.

“Oh, you know.” She picks at the bedspread. “I’ve, uh. Got him on the ropes.”

Sam hums.

“You figure out what’s doing it?”

“Yeah, yeah. Rugaru. Real ugly son of a bitch.”

“You’ll get him.”

“You know it.”

There’s quiet on the line. Dean clears her throat.

“How about things over there? You, uh. You good and everything?”

“Yeah,” Sam says. “Yeah, I’m—good.”

There’s a smile in his voice.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

There’s more and she knows it. She waits.

It’s not long before Sam blows out a breath that crackles over the line.

“You remember Liam?”

She remembers him, alright. He’s only the guy that Sam’s been talking her damn ear off about for the last month and a half.

“Name rings a bell or two.”

“Shut up. You know him, right?”

“I know him.”

“He kissed me.”

He says the words quiet, like he’s afraid they’ll break.

Dean blows out a breath.

“Is Dad there?”

“Haven’t seen him since this morning.”

“Alright,” she says, and settles back against the headboard, “tell me about this kiss, then.”

“What about it?”

“Anything. Did you like it?

“ Dean .”

“What? Fair question.”

“Yeah, Dean.” The eyeroll is audible. “I liked it.”

She nods in the empty room.

“Was he—a gentleman?”

Sam snorts.

“Sure. He offered to walk me home and laid his jacket over puddles.”

“Smart ass.”

“Jerk.”

She sits there, smiling into the receiver.

“He was good, though. Nice.”

“Good. Hope he knows what he’s in for if that changes.”

She smacks a fist into her palm a couple times, and Sam laughs.

“Pretty sure he knows, Dee.”

“He better.”

They’re quiet again. Dean sighs.

“You were careful, right?”

He takes a second to answer.

“No one saw us.”

“Sammy—”

“Hardly anyone ever goes behind the gym, and—”

“ Outside ?” She scrubs a hand over her face. “Sam, please. You gotta be more careful.”

He scoffs.

“What, like how you’re careful?”

“ No .” The word springs out of her. “You better be a helluva lot more careful than me.”

“Dean,” he says, and his voice goes hard. “No one. Saw us.”

This could be a fight, if Dean made it one.

“Okay,” she says instead. “Okay.”

Neither of them says anything for a minute. Then Sam sighs.

“Katie was asking about you.”

Katie. Sweet girl. Doesn’t really know what she wants from Dean, but sweet.

“What’d you tell her?”

“The truth.”

Dean laughs.

“That I was monster hunting in bumfuck Indiana?”

“That you had a fight with Dad and he kicked you out again.”

Fuck.

Dean knocks her head back against the headboard. Squeezes her eyes shut.

Sammy wasn’t—

Sammy’s never supposed to know.

“How’d you, uh. Why do you think that?”

“I’m not dumb, Dee.”

He’s quiet. And she’s quiet too.

“I know that.”

Quiet.

Then:

“And it’s the only time you ever leave without saying goodbye.”

Dean screws her eyes shut and wills her voice to stay whole.

“Sammy, listen. I’m—I’m coming back, alright?”

“I know.”

“I mean it. As soon as he cools down, I’m right back there. Bugging the hell outta you, just like always.”

“I know.”

There’s quiet over the line again, and Dean doesn’t know how to fill it.

“What did you do, anyway?”

“Oh,” she says, “same old.”

She’s making a mockery of their family. She’s making a fool of herself. She’s getting too old to pull this shit. Doesn’t she know what she looks like?

And she isn’t Sam’s goddamn mother.

Well, I’m more his father than you’ll ever fucking be .

The words had sat on her tongue, barred in by her teeth. They’re still there. Acid in her throat.

“Wish Dad would send me away,” Sam mutters.

“Don’t.”

She means it.

There’s a reason Dad’s never kicked him out, no matter how often they get into it. No matter how many fuck-yous Sam throws at him, with all the hate in his fourteen year old bones.

Because John knows that if he tells Dean to get lost, she’ll do it. But she’ll come back. Every time. It might take a while, but eventually she’s always going to snap back to her place at her father’s side. A rubber band nailed down at one end.

But if he tells Sam to get out, he will leave and stay gone.

John knows it. Sam knows it.

Dean knows it.

And she knows it’s coming, one of these days. A big, heavy train, barrelling its way down the tracks. Rumbling the dirt beneath her feet. And she knows there’s not a damn thing she can do to stop it.

It’s not gonna be today, though.

“Listen, you can stick it out for another three days.”

“Three days?”

“I’ll be back before then, promise. You can time me.”

“Think Dad’ll let you in?”

“I think you will,” she says. “And I think I can take the old man.”

“Dean…”

“I bet he won’t even remember kicking me out. Honest.”

Sam’s quiet for a minute.

“Three days?”

“Three days. Start a timer on your Casio.”

He laughs.

“On your mark…Get set… Go .”

The dial tone sounds, and empty fills up the room.

---

Dean’s bunched up in the back seat of the Impala. Even single rooms get pricey after a while, and the cash ran dry a week ago.

It’s been two years since Sammy left.

It’s been a month since she’s seen Dad.

They’ve waded into the sticky part of summer without her noticing, and it’s hot out here, even at night. The window is rolled down a couple inches. Just enough that she can hear snatches of the freeway when the wind is right. Honks and tires and the woosh of metal through air.

Proof of life.

Somewhere, anyway.

Here, against the leather of the car that still doesn’t feel like hers, that all feels very, very far away.

She kicks off her heavy boots and hears them thud somewhere to the left of her. The sound is loud and hollow in the empty car. In the empty night.

Then she turns to her side and squeezes her eyes shut. Runs her right hand over her left one.

Wonders, not for the first time, if loneliness can make you sick. She wonders if you can die from it.

Maybe you can.

She doesn’t, though.

a single room and phone call in the springtime of '97

(a scene from my butch dyke dean and gay sam fic, Kodiaks)

#my writing #sorry it's sad #she's gonna be okay though #butchdeanverse

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their-we-go · 2 days

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a single room and phone call in the springtime of '97

(a scene from my butch dyke dean and gay sam fic, Kodiaks)

#my art #butchdeanverse #id in alt text #lesbian dean winchester #gay sam winchester #spn fic #spn fic rec #spn fanart #young dean winchester #dean winchester

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their-we-go · 2 days

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♡ Set of 6 vintage-inspired queer pins, available now at my shop ♡

#hawking my wares #my shop #queer small business #buttons #queer #queer buttons #pride pins #vintage pride pins

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their-we-go · 5 days

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retired dean feeling the morning sun on his skin

#my art #yes i used david harbour as a reference #yes u can tell #spn #fanart #supernatural #dean winchester #retired!dean #spn season 16 #spn fanart

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their-we-go · 11 days

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50+ Queer Movie Recommendations

Hi! I'm Ray, and I love queer movies. Here are all of the ones that I've seen that I can think of, including some favourites and some not-so-favourites.

Please feel free to ask me about particular movies or to recommend new ones that aren't on here yet—I'd really love to hear your suggestions!

Comedies & Rom Coms

D.E.B.S (2004)

But I’m a Cheerleader (1999)

Big Eden (2000)

The Birdcage (1996)

Happiest Season (2020)

Imagine Me & You (2005)

Latter Days (2003)

In & Out (1997)

Booksmart (2019)

Victor/Victoria (1982)

The Watermelon Woman (1996)

Horror & Thrillers

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975)

What Keeps You Alive (2018)

Fear Street Trilogy (2021)

Jennifer’s Body (2009)

The Handmaiden (2016)

Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge (1985)

Rope (1948)

Arthouse Films

Mulholland Dr. (2001)

Tropical Malady (2004)

The Duke of Burgundy (2014)

Documentaries & Based on True Events

The Celluloid Closet (1996)

Disclosure (2020)

A Secret Love (2020)

Pride (2014)

Historical

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)

Carol (2015)

The Favourite (2018)

Desert Hearts (1985)

Maurice (1987)

Sci-Fi & Fantasy

Born in Flames (1983)

All of Us Strangers (2023)

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Coming of Age

The Way He Looks (2014)

The Half of It (2020)

Bottoms (2023)

Edge of Seventeen (1998)

Shelter (2007)

Boys (2014)

Do Revenge (2022)

Summer Storm (2004)

Handsome Devil (2016)

Beautiful Thing (1996)

Get Real (1998)

North Sea Texas (2011)

Heartstone (2016)

Drama

Denied (2004)

Moonlight (2016)

Call Me By Your Name (2017)

Brokeback Mountain (2005)

You & I (2014)

God’s Own Country (2017)

The Boys in the Band (1970)

Weekend (2011)

Thanks for reading, and happy watching!

#queer movie rec list #i made one of these a few years ago but i've done a lot of watching since then lol #queer movies #movies #movie recs #queer movie recs

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their-we-go · 15 days

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Do you ever think about like, the candy crush moms who were at level 1000? The game's gotta have more levels. Is there an end and has anyone reached it?

this ask got me thinking about it and so i looked it up and appearently

which is, like, almost unimaginable to me. if anyone has finished all that, then good for them! that is serious commitment

#thanks for the silly ask #it actually made me laugh when i saw that number lol #asks

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their-we-go · 15 days

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What are your favourite things about Castiel Supernatural?

Ooh excellent question! I love that, in addition to being like a literal eldritch horror, is also just a strange little gay dude. Like, that’s the dream <3

#thanks for the ask!#little cas doodle for you <3

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their-we-go · 15 days

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What’s a trait of yours you’re proud of?

What a sweet question!

Idk if it’s really a trait, but I like to think I’m a pretty good gift-giver :-)

#thank you for the ask <3 #and i gift you this wonky doodle of a present lol #asks

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their-we-go · 15 days

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Do you have a favorite poem?

I do! And here it is <3

Why I Wake Early, by Mary Oliver

Hello, sun in my face.

Hello, you who make the morning

and spread it over the fields

and into the faces of the tulips

and the nodding morning glories,

and into the windows of, even, the

miserable and crotchety–

best preacher that ever was,

dear star, that just happens

to be where you are in the universe

to keep us from ever-darkness,

to ease us with warm touching,

to hold us in the great hands of light–

good morning, good morning, good morning.

Watch, now, how I start the day

in happiness, in kindness.

#thank you so much for the ask <3 #little doodle for you <3 #asks

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their-we-go · 15 days

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What’s one meal that you’d love to have made for you by a professional chef?

Probably a BLT! It’s my favourite 🥰

#thank you for the ask <333 #little fancy blt doodle for you #asks

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their-we-go · 18 days

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Have you ever wanted to draw something but you fought due to your skill level at the time you decide not to do it

Yeah, for sure! I have about a million procreate files of drawings I've started and then abandoned because it just wasn't happening that day.

There are a couple things I try to do instead of outright quitting a drawing, though.

First, I sketch it out. Even if it's shitty, I get the sketch done, and I save it. And then I can always come back to it later when my skills are little sharper and finish it then.

Like, here's something I sketched out a couple months ago and haven't gotten around to doing properly yet:

Second, I use photo references. I don't think it's a such a sin to trace from a reference photo for your initial sketch and work from there. I often snap selfies of myself making different expressions and standing in different poses to help me get a start on a new drawing. This is especially helpful if it's an object or setting or person that I've never drawn before, and don't feel like I have the skill to draw freehand right away.

Here's an in-progress pic of a recent piece I did:

Finally, sometimes I change my goal. I know that as artists we sometimes get an image in our head of what we want the final piece to look like, and it is so frustrating when we can't bring it to life. So sometimes, I have to change the image in my mind. Like, sometimes I switch to a more cartoonish or rough style, even though I had been picturing the piece looking more realistic or polished.

Here are two versions of a piece I had in my head. I made the second one a few months after the first, after I had developed a new style that I was happy with: