The Bench

Wow The Bench is pretty great.

FRIDAYS

FRIDAYS ARE GREAT. FRIDAYS ARE ONE OF THE BEST. THE BENCH CELEBRATES ALL FRIDAYS AS NATIONAL HOLIDAYS. FRIDAYS ARE MEANT TO BE FRIDAY, NOT SATURDAY, OR SUNDAY, OR ANY OTHER DAY. FRIDAY IS HERE. FRIDAY IS TIME FOR REJOICE. F R I D A Y

Pelicans aren't lifeforms.

A logical conclusion

The Rather Unusual Arena Fightyplace

Well, it seems you've come here, unarmed, and expect to win in this arena of knights? Well, I have some news for you: you wont win. If you are so unknowing to not come unarmed, then you are not fit to fight in the arena; you'd have a better change punching a cow and living than even attempting to fight in the arena. If you do wish to enter on in, then do. I should mention, however, that the knights in the arena are a mix of human-like plants which are weak to fire and fists. Fists of fire, however, are even more fearsome to them, since they are weak to fire due to them having flammable substances on their outer areas. But soon after, a thief will arrive and steal everything we own; we cannot stop him, as we never have been able to. If you can defeat him, you will become an honorary plant and live in the national garden for eternity as a statue of the first flying cow.

The everlasting flight of cows

sometimes, cows fly. They fly miraculous lengths, with their pathetically small wingspan. Its a wonder they can even manage to glide with their weight. I'm surprised I'm even interested in this enough to write about three sentences about it.

Robots are not, in fact, nouns.

I don't have socks, I only have reality

toot toot toot toot toot here's my monitary value just call me XXthecloneofXX

Canned Laughter Epidemic

after a conversation of canned laughter, I happened to write this:

[canned 50's laughter which recently had a volume increase as well as a secondary track recieves a louder volume increase, causing all viewers to feel obliged to laugh along. this causes a world-wied laughing pandemic, causing all beasts of the mammalia area to gain human-like vocal chords, which they use to start laughing obscenely. After a week of non-stop laughter, the first few begin to die of starvation and dehydration. Within a few week, half of the worlds mammals are dead, and ecosystems are dying off. within a month, nearly everything is dead, living trees start to rot spontaneously. then, after half a year, the canned laughter stops, and the last living humans draws their last few breaths as the laughter dies down. that last humans then utter the now-sacred words, "ishkabibble." The world is silent. nothing is alive. thousands, if not millions, of years pass, and an alien race arrives at our now-dead planet. They look for all signs of life, but obviously find none. They notice soon after the new epidemic- the end of our solar system. The sun has increased in size significantly, as they can tell by the world's natural water reserves are boiling without human interference. They get back to their ship, but only find they have no fuel left. Within another million years, the sun goes supernovae, and our solar system is gone. Billions of years after, the galaxy known as Andromeda collides with the Milky Way, essentially creating a new irregular galaxy, and creating new life in the process; our world is born anew. The canned laughter starts over, but it doesnt stop this time. Even after electricity bills are gone, all the humans are dead, no electronic appliances work anymore, our new planet will vibrate with said canned laughter. This will be the true end to the universe]

helo

Which one is your favorite?

Do you know the rules????

Valentines Screenplay

(For the Bench's Valentines holiday special)

>see shuld fin your polymand >it'll be funded when times collide >but you ned ta fund et so can trad er bottle >traitor bottle will time comes when destiny >but dat 2 lung >lung bottle will revenge bottle for polkamun, but everything was defeat >like spihder? >spider is no hollyday >i kno dat but deafeat is spihder >the feet spider will time when battle bottle revenge polkamun traitors cheeseburger dust tiny >but 12 cheeseburger dust tiny camt traitur polymans bottle tim spihder scare! >The trader bottle battles when the dusty times come to fund the polkamun adventure >but trador bottles dusty tims not cam becas spihder stupd et al becas polymands abbentshur tims not cam! >but star crossed battle bottles fund dusty chess burger holiday pokkimin >lik uf yu cri ever tim

The Bench: The Villain

Well, no, I'm not late. No way no how. But since MelonLlama basically told you all the informations I guess it's my turn. I am the Villain! Disregard any and all acts of villainy performed by any other members of the bench. I am obviously the one true Villain. I like eggplants.

The Bench: MelonLlama

Oh no, you better stop right there. Y'know where you are? You're at The Bench. That means anything can happen. Yes, random person reading this post, that means the the possibility of a flying tyrannosaurus-rex eating mountains of bacon while I enslave all Llamas. Yes, even that IS possible here. Are you prepared to enter the mystical realm of The Ben-- TOO BAD, YOURE ALREADY HERE! I am MelonLlama, the god of melons and llamas. I am both, Melon and Llama, fused into one after... I don't even know. I'm just here. Probably for mundane yet entertaining amusement.