Catholic trauma obviously manifesting in punishing myself ✌🏻
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I'm forgetting things.
I'm forgetting places.
I'm forgetting people.
I'm forgetting the times I had,
Good or bad.
I can't make myself get up.
I can't make myself eat.
I can't make myself take a shower,
One of the most magical experiences.
I am avoiding people.
I am avoiding responsibility.
I am avoiding love,
That I crave with all my heart.
I feel like a failure.
I feel like I am all my inconsistencies.
I feel like a dog,
Curled up in a dark alley,
Trembling and jumping on any sound,
Bur still greeting people in my life
Even if I don't remember them.
#poem#poets on tumblr#original poem#poetry#adhd#anxiety#autism#i am actually forgetting. it is not a hyperbole for the purpose of this rant
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Looking back
I don't seem to remember much,
Bits and pieces of feelings,
Some pictures flying behind my eyes.
The ripping hand of nostalgia
Tearing my heart away
But I don't know why
I don't remember why.
Living with a person who forgets their name
But the only one in the house is me.
It is hard to recognize
What is true and what was a dream.
I can't seem to put the pieces together.
How will I live
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Why does everything change?
Different environment,
Different people,
Different emotions,
Different capabilities.
Nothing stays the same.
And thought this constant change,
Whyit is so hard
To accept..?
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Stopping my heart,
Forget me not
As you look away.
I hope I would make a difference,
Haunt you forever...
But I know
I will fade
From your memory
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I wonder if they look
At the same stars as me.
I wonder if I could squint my eyes
And see their face in the moon.
If only the gaping hole
That is left after my heart
Could heal...
If only I saw them once again.
Asked how they feel,
How they are doing,
And what do they like now.
Do they still make the same tea?
Do they sometimes think about me..?
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God, why do I love you so much?
God, why do you give me such a power?
The love I feel for thou
Is not dying out.
I am sorry for everything.
God, why can't you forgive me?
God, why did you save me?
If I cannot bathe in your love,
Bask in the sunshine of your mercy.
God, why do you punish me?
Please, I have changed....
#poem#poets on tumblr#original poem#religion#religious art#religous themes#Catholic#love#wlw#christianity#god
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I will wait for you
In another life.
I will try to avoid
Making the same mistakes.
I will try being the best
For you.
You deserve the best.
I wish I could show you
The love I have
For you.
I wish I could take
everything back.
I wish I could have
Another chance.
I wish I could tell
You that I love you.
I wish you could embrace
Me in warm and safe hug,
Where I know I can
Be myself
With you,
For you.
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