EASY AND BUDGET FRIENDLY DINNER IDEAS || What's for dinner? 

BUDGET FRIENDLY GROCERY HAUL || Walmart and Kroger Grocery Haul #budgetf...

I was just to the age where I could form memories; where I could try and put several items together in my brain and come up with some sort of a reason to why things were happening, or what would happen if I did one thing vs another. I was just starting my life, just starting my childhood, and just like that I was forced to grow up. To see and do things that only adult women have to do; I had no idea why the abuse or grooming was happening to me; by someone who my family trusted. I didn’t know what I did so wrong that made me a target, that made me disposable, that made me the chosen one. There were other girls in my family they got to live a normal childhood, they were able to develop normally and figure out events on their own at their own pace; when they were ready. Sometimes I was told I was “special” other times I was told that I would never have what other kids had because I wasn’t “special” enough. I wasn’t good enough, I was born into a broken family, to a mother who wasn’t ready to be a mother and a father who didn’t want me; therefore in the eyes of my abusers I was disposable. I felt unlovable, and still to this day struggle with people showing me emotions especially if they are directed towards me or my life’s story. Life wasn’t fair then, I didn’t have a say, I didn’t have a voice. I suffered the ramifications of abuse in every aspect of my life. I behaved recklessly, I dabbled in drugs and alcohol, I had failed relationship after failed relationship, I never thought my life mattered in the grand scheme of things; it took a lot of work to get me to where I am today. I wouldn’t want to relive any of my past, but I am so fortunate that some people didn’t give up on me, long after I had given up on myself; it was my thought of owing them something, or not wanting to let them down for giving me a chance, a job, a friendship, etc that kept me going and growing. I want you to know that the road ahead of the abuse is not sunshine and rainbows and once the abuse is over it’s never really over, but if you put in the work the results are more than worth the effort. 

Before you parent, before you yell, before you nag, before you explode on your kids; think of the scar you’re leaving; the hurt you’re about to inflict on that child. The fight or flight system in that tiny body that will engage as soon as you raise your voice, much less your hand to them. Your children become who you are and who you want them to be. If you yell they will yell. If you bully they will bully; your language becomes their language; if you want to raise good people be a good person. If you want to raise a calm, well rounded person you know who you need to be. The work starts with you. You are parenting yourself just as much as you are parenting your children. It took me a few years to realize that I had to reparent myself completely while figuring out how to parent my children. I am more detailed in parenting myself and my children and I give us all a little more grace. I apologize almost every single day for the mistakes I made that day, and I learn from them. You will learn that every child needs to be parented differently and it is truly difficult to find what works for each individual; you can do it, you got this; you just have to ask yourself first am I about to be the best parent I can be in this situation. You always have the option to take a minute to regroup or calm down, you can’t take back the hurtful words once they are out of your mouth. Just some random thoughts for today.  

Welcome

I’m so glad you’re here. I hope you have found this page well into your healing journey or at a time in your life where you feel peaceful and full of hope. If that is not where you find yourself that is okay too. Everyone’s journey has a starting point. 

My name is Tasha, I’m a married, elder milenal, mom to 3 small children and one sweet black lab. Life has led me to this place; I guess somewhere in the middle of my healing journey. I survived decades of abuse and neglect; my childhood was a dumpster fire, much like most of this year (2020) I sat down at the end of 2019 and like every year I made a list of what I wanted to accomplish/work on during the upcoming year; little did I or anyone know we would be in for a year that would be full of so much pain and destruction. 

Healing is a strange thing. It takes constant work to achieve and maintain; and it is always evolving. We will deal with so many obstacles in life that will require us to make the decision to start yet another healing journey. Once you overcome an obstacle and find that peace; it is unlike any feeling you’ve ever felt before, and you will want that peace and outcome again. Maybe that is what keeps us going. 

For me personally, I gave up many times; but once I finally made it through a good portion of this journey I knew I had to share my story, and I had to help others find their strength, gain understanding, acceptance, and forgive in order to receive their own freedom. I don’t hold any credentials, or extended education in counseling; but I do have experience in pain and surviving events that should never happen to a child; events that follow you throughout your life; and make it difficult to develop into a functioning adult. I want to share what has helped me, along with my story of finding my voice and changing what I considered a life sentence that was handed to me, to complete freedom and forgiveness. 

This journey has been difficult, crazy, unimaginable, but most of all educational and amazing. 

Thank you for listening to this long post, I hope you will join me in the comments and I look forward to meeting you. 

Until next post!

Tasha   

It’s no secret 2020 has been one kick in the teeth after another... I think it is time for some healing on so many levels. I will be starting with some personal healing and this process is something I want to share, hopefully it will be helpful to someone, inspirational or even give someone the motivation to start their healing journey too.