#you tried not spiraling?
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Photos: 1. Blossoms on I think the plum tree, taken on film; 2. Jake Oettinger grappling with Miro Heiskanen while Jason Robertson and Roope Hintz look on; 3. Flowers and shadows at midnight.
#having like eight different mental breakdowns rolled into one atm and like don't even know how to talk about them#like where do i start. it started eight months ago. it started two years ago. it started 35 years#ago.#i said i would have * done by tonight bc it would open up some job opportunities but every time i look at google docs i scream#i may need to handwrite it#and people at * being like oh you look tired. well i am tired. you people make me very tired. but you do not care#and it's like how much of this was preventable vs how much is just someone pulling out that last loadbearing block in the jenga tower of my#sanity and now it's all falling down#i made a list last night to compare things that would make me sad about doing * vs things that fill me with hope and curiosity and quiet joy#the hope/curiosity/quiet joys list was a lot longer#i swear every third text message i send beryl is like hi. i'm spiralling. again. but then i'll say to someone else and theyre like wow have#you tried not spiraling?#well i love to do that personally but every time i try something massively destabilizing happens#it's so interesting (it's not interesting)#angela sent a wonderful prompt about sleep deprived demon summoning#and being as i am on that shit i thought ok what if cale summons a demon due to sleep deprivation#but the demon is simply his younger self. happier#less ground down. more bright-eyed. easier to smile. doesn't feel the weight of expectation#voice like you hear in a recording of yourself five years ago and it's you but it's not you#it's him but it's not him because it's also a little evil. what if you hadn't looked the other way#what if you said something. what if you found your voice. what if you let your heart grow open rather than grow cold.#the demon of a cale who is less serious and more open less selfish and more giving#and he calls devon in the night and devon ends up at his house with two cales the one he loves and the one he always wishes he'd known#before the nhl ground it out of him#and then devon has to decide who does he keep the now cale he loves or the old happier gentler cale#and as i was contemplating thaf i thought hm. it's possible i'm sublimating some things there#like i am to be clear a way happier and more well-adjusted person overall than i was five years ago#but rn i'm also an animal with its leg in a trap growing increasingly desperate and frantic#fresno oilers.txt
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i wanted to make an alternate more canon-compliant butterfly Howdy... similar but Different! the wings were a pain in my ass!
#tried to keep the basic vibes of the og look#incorporate the eyespots and all that#i just wanted to do this since the og look bothers me!#it was made for an au and so i leaned more towards a realistic butterfly look#this was a fun challenge!#i lied i hated it. coloring this made me want to toss my tablet in the trash#getting the wings to mesh.... Ugh....#scribble salad#yassified howdy <3#so much fluff to contain!!!#i imagine that he got sally to tailor his shirts and stuff so his fluff could Fit#i think his apron would be blue now???#basically it and his blue striped shirt switch colors!#since he's already Very blue / cool colored#in my mind the spiral part of his wings is a little 3d and slightly Plush!#he's got some Texture to 'em!#as you all can see im a fan of gradients and Dots
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chilaios telepathy compilation. btw.
also these ones arent telepathy i just think its fun that they defend eachother + are on the same page about alchohol :
#chilaios#theres probably/definitely more instances of them doing telepathy but ive already stalled so much time for doing my work so#yall can add the ones i missed#dungeon meshi spoilers#????? i guess??????#anyways this is why im insane about that “laios... you get it right?!” line because like. he usually does get it. they get eachother.#theyve reached a point where they can have a whole PLAN sorted out by looking at eachother.#of course chil would desperately hope that LAIOS would be the guy to understand#laios the one chil understands. laios the one who tries so hard to understand chil. laios the one who brings chilchuck out of his spiraling#when no one else will.#of course HE would get it. of course. LAIOS will get it. LAIOS will see through that weird fake. he doesnt see him that way.#..........right?#OH i want to convert some people with this actually so im gonna main tag#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#: ) hello dungeon meshi fandom. in front of you is a table with the papers required to convert into a chilaios shipper. you have 30 seconds#to sign them and if you dont i will personally apologize for wasting your time
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Having this half formed thought about how Buck will do anything to save a relationship except fight for it and Eddie will fight for ones he doesn’t even want just so he doesn’t fail at them and let the other person down.
#firefighting being the one exception for buck#he’s just waiting to be left and tries to ask for as little as possible to stave it off as long as he can#and eddie feeling like it’s his responsibility to make things work#and make it work by himself really#neither of them actually do the give and take thing with their significant others#and so imagining buck standing up to say i want this and i will have the hard conversations with you and build it with you to eddie#and eddie saying your wants and needs are not a burden#i can hold you up#we can hold each other up#ugh#buddie#thought spiral
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Is blue talking to fell?
Blue: YEAH. HE'S MY FRIEND.
Blue: SOMETIMES DEALING WITH DREAM AND INK CAN BE TOO MUCH, SO I GO HANG OUT WITH HIM.
Blue: (PLEASE DON'T TELL THEM I SAID THAT)
Phone contact: vermillion bitch (/paff)
vb (texting): running late srry bb
Blue (texting): BB?? LIKE BABY BLUE??
vb (texting): yeah
Blue (texting): THAT BETTER NOT BE WHAT I AM IN YOUR PHONE CONTACTS
vb (texting): i would never
Blue (texting): PERISH
#swap sans#best friend dynamic#also tried to convey the 'was about to have an anxiety/panic attack but friend said something that interrupted the spiraling' on Swap's fac#get your hand away from your eye socket that ain't good for you man#I FORGOT PART OF THE BANDANA#it's fine it won't fit with the text#maybe it's behind his head or Swap partially unraveled it or something#queue
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merrill dragon age isn't The Character in terms of being the guy with the juiciest backstory details or protagonist material but she is The Person. The Heart. she was working on one of the most important researches of elven history and no one believed in her. not her keeper, her teacher and mother figure. nor her clan, the only family she's ever had. nor hawke's friends, the only people who were surrounding her for six years. the only person who can actually place their faith in her is hawke but if they don't she won't mind. she is used to it, being on her own. and, despite everything, she believes in people. she knows it matters. better than anyone.
she has never heard a nice word from fenris, but she still tries to cheer him up from time to time. she has never heard a nice word from anders either and she still feels for him. varric annoys her when he tries to distract her from the eluvian, but she appreciates it because she knows he means well. aveline refers to her work as senseless and potentially dangerous for the city, but she is still happy for her when she falls in love.
if hawke sides with mages in the last straw merrill is the first to support them. "I believe in you, hawke", she says, when everyone else is consumed by doubt. and then she's the only one who openly suggests sparing anders. so he can put things right.
she knows the feeling. when you're on your own and everyone thinks you're beyond salvation, undeserving of compassion or understanding. and this is the best she can offer for people she cares about: her unconditional faith, her sympathy, a second chance. the things she was desparately looking for and never had. she believes in people because she knows: there's no one else to believe in them
#going through my screenshots and every time i see 'i believe in you hawke' i want to explode#she's an unacknowledged genius but also she's the brightest person in kirkwall with the heart of gold#and i wish we talked about her smartness and willingness to discuss and defend her opinions more#but she's also genuinely such a good person. not in the 'haha silly pretty and clueless naive girl' way#but in the 'thoughtful and caring and compassionate woman who tries to learn from her mistakes and deepest regrets' way#her banters are full of these themes. believing and second chances and atonement and it just makes me feel things#if i were to put it all in this post it would be practically endless because i really lack the ability to shut up#spiraling back into my merrill brainrot. i love her i love her i love her so much#merrill#dragon age
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Do u have more tim angst. Pls i need it. Plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls
As I've seen quoted before, come get your angst juice:
Tim loved being Robin. He got to be a hero (the exact same mantle of his favorite heroes, Robin I and II). He treasured all that Robin was: the goofy colors, the quips, the ability to defeat those with powers when he had none, flying through Gotham's skyline, and solving cases. He centered his entire life, his entire being, around that title. There was no before and after for Tim. It's all he's ever known.
To be able to wear that R upon his own chest? He worked so damn hard. He had to peel his exhausted body off of the training mat again and again. He had to beg a grown man, Bruce, to keep living. He had to force his way into the Manor again and again when he was turned away. He stole Robin, literally nabbed the suit right out of the case, in order to fly.
He was even sent to another country, sent away by his mentor (his hero), to train. He faced off against King Snake and Lady Shiva alone!
He passed every test (even that damned 16th birthday one), every expectation, and every demand of his role.
Yet, he never actually wanted the cape. Being Robin was never about Tim. It was always about everyone else.
That is why, when Jason ripped the R from his chest, the pain felt more physical than the wounds he was given. That is why, when Stephanie briefly flew in his uniform, his emotions exploded upon each other. That is why, when Damian pranced into the room in those colors with the backing of Dick, Tim felt his world collapsing.
It is why, even though he was supposed to have given up Robin (like his predecessors did), he still calls himself Red Robin.
The mantle gave him freedom, training, and joy. He barely survived to adulthood, but it kept him going loss after loss. It was, and still is, everything to Tim. He's Robin because he's needed. He can do so much good for so many people as Robin (more than he thought Timothy Drake could do).
For Tim, being Robin is for anyone else but himself. This is why its suffocating vice grip will never truly let him go.
#dc comics#dc universe#tim drake#tim drake angst#tim needs a new mantle but he'll forever be stuck as robin#bruce continues to spiral and fuck up his kids (tim will forever be needed)#dc red robin#red robin was never a choice#the one time tim tried to leave the vigilante life he died in canon#tim knows to be robin is to be used and betrayed#i was so happy to get an ask (like kicking feet happy) thank you!!!
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i can’t keep doing this
#min draw#minbitt#masking#my autism and adhd experience#i tried way too hard to fit in#probably should've realised i was neurodivergent sooner#entering high school i studied a lot of things i struggled to maintain interest in#just for the sake of having a bigger reservoir of conversation topics#it worked! only for a short while#turns out if ppl like you they want to hang out with you MORE#having to keep up this study grind every day spiralled me into dread#i ended up with burn out in the first month of high school lmao#be comfortable#not me evaluating my performance after every social interaction i have
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the irony of cesare slutshaming juan for sleeping in brothels had me with tears in my eyes considering his very first scene in the show is him rawdogging a prostitute like his life depended on it...like babygirl we see you!!!
#like they're such whores i'm screaming!! but also so on brand when you think of it. since the real ones both were fucking sancia byeee#i believe the scene where cesare fucks that girl is just a glimpse of the show adapting the Real cesare's General Manwhorishness™ though!#if you're the borgia family enthusiast you already know that cesare has sired 7 illegitimate kids because of his romantic exploits lmao#cesare borgia i love your hypocritical ass fr like yessss#also love their rivalry so much because there's cesare who always wanna one-up juan in every aspect and be seen as the serious and driven#which is true about the hypercompetent and ambitious part!! but he fulfills his duty in the family in ways that are not conventional#meanwhile with juan...he fully embraces his hedonism and isn't ashamed of it. while he's aware that cesare outdo him in everything...#the only thing he has over cesare is his position as a gonfaloniere!! so he winds cesare up with flexing it!!!#the difference is cesare is as much as he hollers about doing everything for the family...he pretty much does it mostly for selfish reasons#his desperation for juan's position and rodrigo's attention made him sabotage the family more than persevering it etc#while juan is genuine but is reckless and incompetent but he Really tries yk? he really does! but he spiraled bc he feels weak and insecure#oh well both brothers are idiots in their own ways#i miss them fr#cesare borgia#juan borgia#the borgias#juan and cesare#text post
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day 7:
alright
#tomorrow will decide if i play blindly or if i watch a frontiers play through#for everyone watching my spiral: cool#all of you that have tried to help me: my hand in marriage is available (non-serious)#just wanted to play the first game that released while i’m in this fandom on launch#that ship sailed almost a week ago#so meh#maybe this is the push-n-pull for me having such a banger birthday? the bad w/ the good and all that#still stand by it being the best bday i’ve ever had :) i accept the way this world works#sonic the hedgehog#miles tails prower#my art#no frontiers spiral
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remember this guy? I finally found a design for him I really like :D
More designs, a poll, and also some lore under the cut
Some less polished, alternate versions :)
if you like the brown leather armor more than blue lemme know
ok so here are a few things!
First, he’s very colorful now! This is because he’s a member of the nobility, and, being rich, he can afford color! It’s also kinda an unofficial sign of status.
he honestly doesn’t wear it for this reason, although he’s aware of what bright colors imply (to an extent). He just really likes colors XD
second, most everyone has long hair in this culture. Shorter hair is a sign of, well, slavery (which is, sadly, a thing; it’s been recently made illegal but the law is not well enforced… for reasons)
men wear their hair down and women typically cover theirs. It doesn’t need to be fully covered, although richer women usually prefer this.
I totally didn’t make all this up bc I wanted to give all my guy characters long hair XD
someday I’ll get around to posting actual official character posts or smth but for now I can’t even decide this poor kid’s name…
I could use some help so here are some ideas I’ve got
(if you wanna know more abt what kind of names I’m looking for, look below the poll)
ok sooo
I’m looking for something old and potentially Celtic? But I honestly don’t love any of these… none of them quite fit…
this guy is very joyful and bright, a bit goofy and very determined to keep everyone’s spirits up. He’s definitely a bit idealistic and naive, and he’s kinda a free spirit! He finds the world beautiful and wonderful, and kindaaa ignores flaws a bit too much. One of the key things he has to learn during the story is responsibility and duty.
So if anyone has a name that evokes that (zero pressure lol) I would be endlessly grateful
a random fact about my story: no matter what happens, I am determined to find a way to include mountain lions.
#If you can’t tell he is my fav character and I love him very much#Okayyyy here we go#my art#art#doodles#character design#original character#oc#ocs#evie’s ocs#evie rambles#evie’s ben#Imma have to change that tag if I find him a name#Also pls ignore the weirdness of the way he’s holding the bow#I should have used a ref but it was a doodle that spiraled out of control#And by the time I tried to fix his entire pose would have looked awful if I shifted his arms XD#Oh help#sorry abt the crazy infodump and goodbyeee
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#spiralling into murderous tendencies#you know how it is#💔#sometimes you've just gotta put yourself first and kill your ex-therapist via proxy because you're in a hospital for the criminally insane#Will really was in his i don't need no man phase#good for him#didn't last but props all the same#you tried#but ultimately you just simped too hard#lust gets us all in the end#hannibal#nbc hannibal#hannibal nbc#hannibal crack#netflix#hannibal netflix#will graham#hannibal lecter#hannigram#murder husbands#renew hannibal#revive hannibal
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Well!
Insurance just denied the procedure for tomorrow morning. Guess I’ll go fuck myself!
#I don’t need answers about why I’m slowly starving anyway#silly me and silly doctor for wanting to investigate.#I DID lose 5% of my body weight in 6 months. I lost 15% you fools what do you mean that doesn’t count#it’ll be okay but hoooooooo strong emotions were felt for a while#I already tried calling insurance three times and also reviewed the denial document#and I wrote instructions for tomorrow me#about which phone numbers to call in what order to check with the doctor office and then cancel the procedure and then hunt my way through#the insurance phone tree to file an appeal over the phone#and now I’m off to journal and meditate. already did a mini workout about the anger to sort that and bleed it out#and then I’ll find a good hobby to do after that#healthy coping feels so much better than spiraling#health#shh katie
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Aaand so it continues. I've started EverymanHYBRID (I'm up to 'I'm okay.'), wish me luck lmao-
#Oh Boy the spooky shit's started#When's it gonna spiral lol#Gotta say I do like the 'fitness channel that tries to prank you but now it's not a prank' idea lol-#emh#everymanhybrid#slenderverse#☆cirque stuff☆
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#are you guys not as down bad as me or what?#im very close to purchasing this movie to see if there is more of her#cries what is point i will never be her#like are you actually kidding me with that bedroom scene she has some nerve!!!!!!#wags my finger around REMEMBER i-i ain't gay!!!!#what's it like to be skinny and in a relationship bros#i want her fits#listening to 80's power ballads while making these gifs only makes the job harder#looking at her very respectfully#yeah im normal about this sure#honestly shocked no one has tried making gifs from this but i'll do it and take the bullet it's fine ill just spiral further into madness#kate mulgrew#(sighhhhh)
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Daydreaming about Aemond becoming king after the dance of the dragons and being gifted a magic mirror from some mysterious foreign noble. The noble tells him the mirror shows him his deepest desire and once he puts it in his chambers, he starts seeing Lucerys, the nephew he killed, in it.
Lucerys looks different, his clothes are weirder and his room had these weird contraptions like the small black box he sees his nephew using all the time. Unbeknownst to Aemond, he’s actually seeing into the future. He tries to talk to the Lucerys in his mirror but it doesn’t seem like the boy could hear, continuing to do whatever he was doing. Not that it matters, Aemond is happy enough to be able to see his nephew everyday.
He likes being able to watch his nephew sleep or read a book in his bed while he does his own work. He likes it even more when he watches Lucerys squirm and moan in bed as he pleasures himself with his own fingers. Aemond becomes so obsessed with the mirror that he barely even leaves his chambers anymore, demanding all of his tasks be sent to him instead.
It all goes downhill when one day he sees Lucerys bring a boy home. He gets so angry when he sees Lucerys make out with this boy that he starts banging on the mirror, desperately trying to get them to stop. Soon enough, the two boys break apart as Lucerys glances at the mirror in shock. The bang seemed to have come from the mirror and to Aemond’s delight it was enough to catch Luke’s attention. Unfortunately for Aemond, it isn’t enough to get them to stop as the boy coaxes Lucerys into making out with him again.
Aemond ends up watching them fuck, he’s furious but the incident was enough to give him hope that there was finally a way for him to get Lucerys’ attention.
A few days later, while Lucerys is getting ready for a date he stands right in front of the mirror. Oblivious to the other person watching him from the other end. Aemond burns with desire, his hands itched to touch Lucerys. With his curls looking so soft and his mouth shiny and plush, the makeup making him look even more enticing.
Overcome with so much desire, Aemond reaches into the mirror and pulls.
To both of their shock, Lucerys is pulled into the mirror and straight into Aemond’s arms. The younger boy is terrified but Aemond is filled with so much happiness.
Finally. Aemond thinks.
The younger boy begs to be returned home but Aemond refuses to hear any of it. Lucerys’ pleas of home and freedom fall to deaf ears as Aemond sends out commands to prepare for a wedding and a coronation. The boy seems terrified of him but it was fine. Aemond could work with this Lucerys, better a terrified Luke than a dead one.
With Aemond as king and his beloved nephew as his Queen they could finally bring House Targaryen back to its former glory.
#lucemond#aemond targaryen#lucerys velaryon#hotd#aemond targaryen x lucerys velaryon#aemond x lucerys#house of the dragon#Lucemond world trap au#Lucerys getting reincarnated by the gods to go out and live his life only for him to get sucked back to the past#aemond viserys ii and aegon iii were the remaining Targaryens left#a lot of his advisors tried to convince him to marry his nephews instead for the sake of heirs but aemond shuts that shit down#thankfully both boys presented as alphas#oh did I forget to tell you this was a/b/o?#surprise motherfucker#aemond being sexually repressed and never realising his feelings for his nephew until after his death#so once the realisation hits aemond basically goes nearly mad with grief#aemond was two inches away from spiralling into madness when he was gifted the mirror#past Lucerys was an alpha but it seems like future Lucerys is now an omega#and aemond rejoices#aemond forces Lucerys into playing house with him as he convinces viserys ii and aegon iii to call him kepa while Luke is muña#does Lucerys want any of this? no#his own world’s aemond was equally psychotic and lucerys has years of trauma after one kidnapping from his own uncle aemond#he was so glad his uncle aemond was dead in his own world but now he’s here#this aemond might look younger but he was in no way less creepy than the future aemond#Lucerys remains trapped in the past you can’t change my mind#and they manage to have so much children lucerys is remembered as the mother reborn
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