#you know how there are certain actors who simply refuse to kiss men because of fragile masculinity | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blankdblank · 4 years

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Hobbit Soulmate Pt 19

It’s been a while but here is the next part. Kind of simple but it gets the story out of limbo zone and into the meatier part of the flow i wanted to get to anyways. :D

All –

@himoverflowers, @theincaprincess, @aspiringtranslator, @sweeticedtea, @ggbbhehe4455, @thegreyberet, @patanghill17, @jesgisborne, @curvestrology, @alishlieb, @jogregor, @armitageadoration, @fizzyxcustard, @here2have-fun, @lilith15000, @marvels-ghost, @catthefearless, @imjusthereforthereads, @c-s-stars

X all Rich. A - @abiwim, @deepestfirefun, @thestorybookmistress

@evyiione, @deepestfirefun, @rhaenaatargaryen

…

Back to the routines you melded easily feeling a bit colder with your father now gone too back to fulfill the final leg of his contracted season before stopping in the end of August to fly out to New Zealand to be with you. A brief week was what you had to deal with yourself alone and groggily on your feet you had finished packing up. The bulk of all you needed in hand for your flight out to LA. It was a shock but with the press and such noteworthy people knowing your name and singing your praises you got landed for a magazine shoot that would land you out there to fit nicely with a spot on a show far from memorable no doubt.

All the same you had to lower your phone when you had told Lee, who was beside himself with worry on his film as the dates neared. The show bits would be the first to film and in the few days you would be in town just like his blankie he wanted to cling to you to get through it. The flight went easily and just as soon as you’d landed it was off to work no matter if you were near to needing a wall to hold you up.

Dolled up in the $600 dress they let you keep, purple with a bell like layered skirt that dipped low in the front you didn’t care of people were staring. Tall heels didn’t help but hell the $300 pair were yours for free and with bag and violin case in hand you finally checked into your hotel and promptly headed down again to hop onto a cab to meet up with Lee.

A tall blonde in platform boots reaching up to the thigh in a leather two piece with freckled shoulders you would know anywhere had the already gawking fellow stage actors drop their jaws more as you said, “Bitch..”

Turning with wide eyes and a minor pout Lee I hard sharply watching your crouch to get a better look at his boots and say, “Damn it all, if you didn’t have such big feet I would be stealing these when filming was through. Legs for days and they still make you taller. Selfish.”

Chuckling lowly he offered a hand to steady you as you rose again and turned to say, “Everybody, this is Jaqi.”

“The infamous girlfriend,” rippled around the room and in the sea of awed people who had caught your show and others who had seen bootleg copies of it filmed and shuffled around you were quickly honed in on by the director who added a minor non speaking role to your resume. Lee was timid on the dancing aspect but with you on site his confidence burst out and that cemented the tiny unasked favor to keep the young star calm through this harrowing role to debut in. A spot in the crowd at the shows and a flicker of a spot at a barbecue later you mingled and blended in causally.

All between your three hour stint at another set for filming and Lee’s stolen bouts of cuddling before you were off to England you were glad you made it to the proper plane on the right day to make it just on time.

School was amazing, just like a glove you melted back into it and soaked in all you could of what you had aches for at having to graduate from Julliard so soon. Yet the London Ballet was different. An hour train, both ways there and back with long rehearsals in a sea of women and men built far different than you hard didn’t come close. It was stunning how amateur they imagined you and how much harder they pressed you to become more like the others when you had surpassed a great deal in skill even on your first day.

All the same the title role got gifted to their perfect star and you graciously accepted your minor role allowing you to nap more once you weren’t needed any longer in the month long show. To then it was paying your dues until you’d fit the mold but to the people expecting so much more from you after hearing such heartwarming compliments on you those buying tickets let it be known they didn’t care they demanded more than a five minute blip for the ticket fees. And of course the press heaped on when they caught wind only adding to your lulling urge to keep up in this place.

Not even mentioning the friends of your grandparents who had far from subtly hinted on higher challenging role set for someone with your pedigree and training leading to your latest role.

“Woof.” You stated taking another bite of your revenge triple order of chips after the first show you had been put into one of the three main female lead roles as a compromise to the noise about your place in the company. “Pedigree, they actually said pedigree, I’m a dog now.”

Dean’s cousin smirked stating in a pinch of your cheek while Richard hid his smirk behind his pint raised for a sip, “And what a cute doggy you are.”

In the roll of your eyes and Dean said, “You didn’t even share the best part.”

“Ooh,” rippled around the table making Chris smirk as he sat beside his brother with a refill on his drink. “Just grow five inches, and I could be their lead all the time, that’s what he,” in a cocky shake of your head and careless swipe of your hand you mimicked the snooty accent of the casting director, “If you could just grow five inches that would be swell and we would not be in this mess.” After a disgusted grunt you said, “I can’t grow five inches, no clue how I would, magic beans or buttons I guess that do that.”

One of the guys smirked, “I can grow five inches,”

And his brother patted his back, “And your bird is so proud of you for that.”

After another bite finishing off the chip you mumbled over your packed cheek behind your raised hand, “Besides, I got hired because I’m this size. I can’t grow or I’d lose the job.”

Dean, “The dream job.”

Another teen smirked saying, “Yes the mystery job none of us can know of yet.”

In a faked whine his brother said, “I hope it comes out soon. The wait is killing me.”

You rolled your eyes and Dean said, “Lads, we shall have to be patient and simply watch our dear Bunny puff up until it explodes out of her.”

Richard chuckled asking, “Is it really that terrible dancing there?”

Lowly you sighed, “It’s not. I love it, it’s just the people in charge. And honestly, ballet is so different, from anything else. Theater, singing, playing the violin, even musical theater. It just,” you sighed again, “I just really hope this film goes well, because, I mean, ballet was never my end all be all career. It fucking hurts. All the time, and you have to look a certain way and act a certain way and then there’s the director expecting favor for their ‘gifted roles’ I love ballet, but I don’t think I can do another season here.”

Dean, “Well if you word it right you know your grandparents would hire you.”

“I know. And I do like it at the Bolshoi Company. They offered for after I graduate Oxford for a season. Even when they bring the team on tour of the States.”

Chris, “That sounds better, they would be family.”

“And it’s Bolshoi, not trying to be like Bolshoi. I can be as fucking short as I damn well please and as long as my ass gets up higher than the girls in line under me who gives a flying fuck.”

The men chuckled and raised their glasses making you giggle and lift yours to clink them together, Dean led them in saying, “Here, here.”

Richard, “Have you called your dad about it?”

You nodded after your sip, “He’s happy for me, says to do what makes me happy. Told Gramps when he called the other day, he thinks a season off would do me good. Gran is livid beyond words that I would be treated like this. And now they have this show to honor their careers in January they want me to be a part of. Whole company is insisting, apparently someone had been sending them the press on my career from New York, so, yay.”

Chris, “Not mad at you I hope,”

You shook your head after another sip, “No. they said the same about her when she came to the States as a teen visiting her mom, then she went back home and blew their critics away. Just pent up, stuff.. Plus she said something about a show coming up she wanted me to join them for.”

Dean, “Well we love you no matter what you choose to do.”

Your grin split wider in the nudge of an elbow from one of them making the men chuckle again as you ate another bite of your fish refusing to starve yourself to date the anorexia mongering men in charge of casting.

Richard smirked in tossing his shirt away after his ungrateful plop onto the bed making you smirk in his attempt at alluringly sweeping his hand over the bare spot beside him. In a giggle you climbed in beside him and melted into his offered kissing tug to lay you out against him. “I love you.”

“I love you.”

In a low hum he said, “I’m glad you’re finding what you’re comfortable with. I just wish I could have been around more to help you through it.”

“Ugh,” you scoffed making him chuckle deeply, “You have your play to prep for. Of which I am not missing opening night.”

“Don’t-,”

“Hey, I am not missing it for the world.”

“We only have two weeks left, I’d rather focus on-,”

After stealing a kiss you said, “I’d rather focus on you in those tights of yours,” making him smirk, “And those puffy shorts and that cinched shirt with all those buttons-,”

“So many buttons,” be murmured against your lips then claimed another kiss while he folded around you.

Inspiration. That was why you were here. A one night only show with most of the audience being the cast of an upcoming indie film ‘Billy Elliot’ formerly a play called Dancer now set to be captured for the big screen. And all centered around a boy and his growing love for Ballet and the struggles he faces fro it in a mining town in the 80’s.

The ending called for a rendition scene capturing him grown and performing in Swan Lake with a great amount of hard earned prestige and admiration from his fellow dancers. It would only be a snippet of the full show, and yet to prep the young cast and their assigned on screen relatives they would sit through the classic show of which the Bolshoi Ballet would be performing, all around you as Odette/Odile, the role that Sir Ian had put you on the map for. Press would be there and it would be recorded for the film to remind the cast of the performance and to be sold separately as well.

All the same between shows with the London company you had fit in two rehearsals with all of your company and the managing team watching you flow in effortlessly with their chosen cast all thrilled to see you again. On the big night you could hear the chatter outside of the few well known actors settled to the film waited for by the press to snap pictures as you moved past them with the dancers to get warmed up. Truly you could do the role in your sleep, and honestly you wished you had gotten more sleep but grumbling to yourself while another dancer stepped on your back helping to pop your hip while in full splits you pressed your forehead to your crossed hands hoping you wouldn’t have to dance another night with the throbbing bother.

A painful pop later and up you got hugging the dancer gratefully before moving on with her to help the male lead pop his back after his lingering stiffness from the long flight he was finally recovering from fully. Painted and feathered up with slippers laced you tapped your toes one at a time behind you testing the tips of the new slippers on their give while you waited for the cue to enter onto the stage for the opening curtain.

Hours of stolen pictures and the dazzling scene of ‘adult Billy’ leaping onto the stage in his feathered pant body painted glory later the curtains closed again at the final scene. A pause came then the applause erupted from even the most initially bored children who had sat through the show. The mixer after found you showered and with a smile wearing your expensive dress and heels. All round you speaking with others the cast mingled until a wide grin split across your face as Julie Waters walked up to you after you had finished speaking to a set of dancers who were leaving to get some sleep before their next flight.

“Hello,”

“Hello,” you replied.

“I was wondering if I might as you some questions?”

Anxiously you answered with a broken giggle, “Absolutely,” after a momentary clearing of your throat you said, “What’s on your mind?”

Your held grin and gentle nods egged her on in asking her full list broadening her view of the art form and how the studies are handled and how a teacher would actually handle courses. Though the more you shared with the after lesson regimens and show effects on you it took away the glamour of things easing her own version of a teacher who was nowhere as strict as those monitoring in prestigious ballet companies fitting more to the town it was set in.

The boys were the last to come up, with the girls all having been so eager but with Dean and your friends coming up to talk to you Jamie Bell, the young Billy, especially loved hearing how you and Dean had struggled into dance lessons at Oxford and you also in Julliard while working steady jobs. Emails were traded for questions to be answered as they would come up later. And somehow you had managed to wiggle your way under Richard’s arm in an unaccountable shower and change into one of his shirts while he slept in his briefs not even caring to pull anything else on after his day of rehearsals and your show after he insisted on attending.

More and more Richard seemed to be worried about how the time apart would go after the last time when Tiffany had found him in a night of weakness while September neared. But after sharing his own call with his agent where he had heard of casting for a certain Elven Prince he was laughed out of and nudged away from trying for he came home to share the news only to see you bite your lip and explode himself in excitement for you at finding out what role you had gotten. Even in not being able to join you on the filming of a lifetime he was thrilled you could experience it with your father and hoped to sneak out for a visit himself.

It was secured, once you had told your grandparents about the job to explain why you couldn’t fly out to Russia for a season at the company they leapt at the chance to help you feel more secure in your dream job even they were excited for you to have earned. A large patch of land with seven cottages sprawled in a ring across it, the smaller ones split into separate apartment suites all joined in a stone courtyard with a fire pit and outdoor cooking area meant for plenty of guests was where you would call home.

It all looked so picturesque and near to dream like you were almost certain the pictures were a lie and you would walk into a raccoon’s nest without a roof and only half the walls and a giant wasps nest in the chimney. Honestly that would help to ease you into the role, if something outside the job was wrong so you couldn’t mess it up. If anything else went wrong then you had an amazing chance of this working out perfectly for you. Wine and dining was your final goodbye on the weekend after your final classes you bit your lip and entered the airport gate Chris had dropped you at with a tight hug Richard couldn’t give while warming up for the second night of his play.

24 hours including boarding time you were to be stuck on this plane and once again you poured through your tolkien collection well worn with taped spines and a shoddy glue job on a few of the pages coming apart at the seams with notes scattered throughout widening your smile. Richard’s play had gone wonderfully and you couldn’t help but keep smiling all through it even if he wasn’t the lead. You could almost see his future self leading an ensemble of his own when companies would have more faith in his name to draw in ticket sales and you’d be lying if you didn’t want to miss all the days in between his shoot to stardom. It hurt not having him here but all the more it was perfect to have your dad here, just a matter of weeks now and he would be joining you.

It was annoying how early you had shown up, that was your impression, but a check in call after having to adjust the date of training camp on the original date you had arrived not wanting to risk a fee to shift the date. Two full weeks you were early and outside the gate Peter and Fran chuckled helping you load your bag into the open trunk and guide you into the backseat beside their two children.

Chuckling to himself Peter stated, “For all the eagerness in the world I for one am glad you arrived early. Now we can give you the full tour. The workshops, our model scales and also through camp we can show you some of the locations we’ve scoped out for certain cities and traveling shots you would love. But first, I think we should take you for some food. There’s a great place by the studio lot, and we can help you stock up on some grub after, the house you mentioned it is furnished?”

“Gran said it would be. If not it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve slept on the floor.”

Fran, “You aren’t sleeping on any floor. If it isn’t we are taking you home with us until it can be furnished.”

“I couldn’t-,”

Peter, “Can and will. Your first time in New Zealand you need some family to show you round and keep an eye out through camp, I know your dad will surely appreciate us treating you like the family you are.”

That made you smile wider and while Fran asked you on if you had brushed up on Tolkien your books were brought up and even out for the lunch in the small eatery they had brought you to. A small hole in the wall with ample space on the booth table for you to show them plenty of your notes, all of which were consulted again when you were shown through the workshops stirring more and more elated squeaks from you.

And it truly was perfect, two story log and stone cabin style home with an amazing view stunning Peter as well who said, “The other cottages are yours as well?”

“Ya, they said it was the only one with enough space. Though what I need twenty five acres for I have no clue. It’s not far, guess I could find a bike shop for some wheels.”

Peter, “Well if you’re up for renting I know a few of the younger guys had said they were finding trouble locating rentals.”

“Sure, long as they don’t eat the pipes and such,” making him chuckle as you let out a weak giggle, “We could have a sort of Tolkien campground out here.”

Peter, “Exactly, nice and private and we could send out vans for you all to make it easier. I’ll make some calls. I know Ian and Sean would love the peace and views especially.”

Fran gave you a smile as you led the way into the largest cottage to bring in the food to fill the fridge and cabinets in the cozily furnished home in which Peter set down your bag and his wife said, “Now, tomorrow at seven sharp we’ll take you in for all the molds and final measurements and we can get you started on the weapons and movement training.”

Peter, “No worries our other size doubles are here early as well.”

And that was it, you were in new Zealand. Cocoa in hand you welcomed your first sunset and tried to sleep on your chosen bed, the second largest, as the room with two King beds pushed together clearly was your dad’s. You had your own bathroom and somehow the texts and emails off to friends and family had calmed you down enough to sleep.

Molds were first, with hair braided back your whole face was coated in blue goop you tried to remain as un giggly as possible until it was peeled off. Face, neck, ears, hands and even your feet were molded with every inch measured easing the varied sketches of the fifty possible characters you could play in varied locations to be joined by a great number of the crew when casting extras had run thin for certain locations. Sweats and a tank top were your go to with new converse nearly worn through by your second week of physical training where everyone could see just how toned you had made certain to build yourself up to ensuring you could survive the filming.

Straight from the airport exhausted actors in vans were unloaded for their tours while you worked with a few of the stunt doubles on a complicated fight scene in varied actor’s places. Eyes landed on you and familiar low chuckles had your final sword swing planting faked into the chest of a goblin before your head turned from the chuckling stunt actor and you smirked in your stroll over to Ian already walking out to greet you. A tight hug later and one by one each actor beginning with the Hobbits were introduced to you noting your spreading grin, with Elijah being he widest.

Peter, “And for Frodo, Elijah Wood. I take it you’re a fan?”

In a giggle at his weak chuckle looking you over you replied, “Oh I have a friend that will die hearing I get to work with you.” Subtle squeaks came out in introducing Sean, David and Hugo. John gave you a nod of his head, clearly uninformed of your role just yet and at the wide eyed brunette beside him you said, “Hey Orlando,”

Peter, “You know each other?”

“Oh ya, year or so now,” you looked to Orlando again, “Let me guess, Legolas?”

After clearing his throat he nodded, “Yes,”

Curiously between you Stuart Townsend looked you over in his own introduction as Aragorn before he asked, “So, who are you playing?”

Peter laughed saying, “Haven’t named all her roles yet, for now, it’s a surprise.” Making you giggle again and head back to rehearsals.

Changed into workout clothes the men started on their own movement courses while you continued with Peter and the stunt men finalizing the fight scenes to train the men on later the guys kept stealing glimpses of. Lunch however freed you up for a chance to possibly meet with John again only to turn around and grin seeing Orlando with another quick grin. “Hi,”

Giggling you replied, “Hi.”

“Listen, I, um, meant to call…”

With a nod you teased, “You mean after we made out in the theater for hours and you promised you would?” at his nip at his lip you nudged his arm, “Hey, water under the bridge. You’ll be seeing a lot me, near daily I bet, I would love to be friends. Certainly would help things.”

“Yes it would.” Anxiously he wet his lips, “So who are you playing?”

Widening your grin you said, “You’re just going to have to wait and see there pointy eared princeling.” Winking at him in your path around him making his eyes narrow a moment in watching you trot over to John beside Peter, the pair of whom were already talking about you. That was the beginning of a timid friendship, to your charms he certainly had fallen with Ian and Peter smoothing the way and by dinner at your home the guys all excitedly inspected and accepted a suite at you had all gathered around the fire pit Peter helped to teach you how to use it and the outdoor kitchen properly. That first dinner began it all and friendships started to brew up with the puzzling female in their midst making all but the amused John wonder just what role in the testosterone packed film could be taking.

All the same the men in archery, swordsmanship and movement came between your cherished horseback lessons enabling you to bond with the steeds you would be working with through the films. The more you got into training camp it became obvious something wasn’t fitting, as talented as he was the actor for Aragorn had to be older. A few minor traveling scenes had been filmed with no dialog at all and the 87 year old future King had to be recast. Visiting Peter on your day off you were privy to the table of headshots and resumes, a single ‘ooh’ from you and with a smirk Peter and Fran felt their own personal preference confirmed and the calls were made.

Within two days the new hire was on the ground and curiously looking you over beside Peter and Fran when you went to pick him up from the airport. An excited ‘hi’ later and he was wrangled up as you had been and invited to the dinner that night at your campground for the cast he loved at once. Ample space for himself and his son when he could be brought out for a visit while being close to the main cast. Still he was curious why you were in your own house alone until Fran had mentioned your dad was coming to film as well in a couple weeks.

Instantly in your aiding him through catching up on the history and any physical training he would need freshening up on a solid bond was formed and by the third day he had fully taken you on as a baby sister assigning himself to look after you until your dad got there. But nothing was funnier than hearing how you and Orlando had known one another explaining why he was still so awkward around you.

Though the final week of training camp when you should have been getting word from your dad on his arrival your stomach couldn’t seem to unclench and an odd day of silence from you came after headlines of an oil rig hit by a terrible storm. Again you had to take a moment off in the hall to calm yourself down after another hour had passed without word. Silently Peter kept hold of your phone you didn’t want to leave alone allowing you to pull yourself together, glad you weren’t alone but still hating that you had refused to take the day off at the news. His eyes rose when Viggo slipped away from a stunt rehearsal to ask, “Something’s wrong with Jaqi?”

Inhaling sharply the Director answered lowly, “That oil rig on the news,” Viggo nodded with curiously furrowed brows, “Her dad was on it.” He lifted her phone, “Hopefully he’ll send word soon they got out safe. Swears she just needs a moment. I tried to get her to stay home.”

Viggo, “She’s certain it’s his rig?” Peter nodded and nipping at his lip the actor went back to his scene seeing you inhaling sharply in a trot back up onto the cushioned platform the guys were on, only now having a hint that you would be doubling for John at your ax you had been rehearsing with for the past few days. Pink eyed you nodded to the stunt men readying to go again lulling the men back to regretful silence wondering what was going on until two hours later at lunch your phone rang and Peter called you over taking you into a side room.

Against the wall you slid down in tears talking to your uncle who had spent the night having your dad flown out to Texas to be seen at a hospital there. Still in scans to see what was wrong with his burned and swollen arm he swore he would call again before he would head back to their house to pack the rest of his things from the house there added to his bags he had loaded onto the escape ships when the rig caught fire to fly out to you. Information through Fran was traded to confirm the flight number and times before you were given the phone to sniffle your way through hearing your dad fresh back from a scan saying he had a minor arm sprain he had to be given a brace for and mild burns on his arm. Fully able and willing to just get to you after his days of hell in the middle of the ocean. Tightly in Peter’s arms you were held until you calmed fully and wiped your cheeks to join the others for lunch where the reason for your tears had bubbled out leaving all the men eager to spread the love and eagerness to welcome your dad as well.

Pt 20

#Richard Armitage x Reader OC #Lee Pace x Reader OC #lotr

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janamelie · 5 years

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LGBT+ Characters

What This Isn’t

A claim of “proof” of the sexuality and / or gender identity of any of these characters. We don’t need that or anything else to “justify” shipping.

What This Is

A reference post to collate instances in canon which could indicate LGBT+ characters. In the case of regulars, I won’t include every instance as it would simply take too long.

Rimmer

As I was saying… :p

Honestly, Rimmer is so obviously LGBT+ to me that I don’t know where to start. How about his reaction to Ace in “Dimension Jump”?

RIMMER: "Commander Rimmer!" I ask you. "Ace!" Barf city. I bet you anything he wears women's underwear. They're all the same, this type, you know, Hurly-burly, rough-n-tumble macho marines in public, and behind closed doors he'll be parading up and down in taffeta ballgowns, drinking mint juleps, whipping the houseboy.

KRYTEN: Sir, he's you! It's just that your lives diverged at a certain point in time.

RIMMER: Yes, I went into the gents and he went the other way.

KRYTEN: I assume, sir, you are making fatuous references to his sexuality. If I may point out, if --

Or how about Low Rimmer? Surely Rob and Doug could have got their point across a little less graphically?

Or if you prefer something less rapey, this passage from “IWCD”. Unlike the show, Rob and Doug had more time and leeway to explore the characters and this is what they chose to include for Rimmer:

“Rimmer began to regret his outburst. He didn’t like to see his other self upset, and he even contemplated briefly going up to him and giving him a manly embrace. But in a brief moment of homosexual panic, he thought his double might get the wrong idea. Not that he would, of course, because he was him and he knew for a fact he wasn’t that way sexually tilted; so obviously his double wasn’t and obviously his double would know that he wasn’t either, and it was simply a manly embrace meant in a sort of mano a mano kind of way…Perhaps he was tired…Two or three days in bed and he’d be his old self again…Who cared if his copy saw it as a sign of weakness? He’d suggest it anyway.” Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers, Grant/Naylor, pg 233.

And this from the end of the “Better Than Life” novel, when Holly - whose IQ has been restored - comes up with a way to bring Lister back from the dead (no, not as a hologram):

“Rimmer stood in the hatchway and his face yielded to a grin, which in turn gave way to laughter. Not his normal hollow braying empty laughter, this was an altogether different noise. This was a noise his vocal cords had never been called on to make before.

It was the laughter of joy.”

Better Than Life, Grant/Naylor, pg 218.

I know some fans read Rimmer as asexual and you can certainly make an argument for that, most obviously in “Marooned” where he describes his younger self as not “particularly highly sexed”. Of course, that wouldn’t preclude him also being homoromantic or biromantic.

Lister

No-one’s denying Lister’s obvious attraction to and affection for women, but that doesn’t mean that he can’t be bisexual or pansexual. In fact, his “I’m not gay!” protestations in “Duct Soup” is a fairly common way for people attracted to more than one gender to describe themselves if they don’t feel comfortable using labels. Given that he was talking to Chloe!Kochanski to whom he’s attracted, it makes sense that he’d prevaricate like this.

And then of course, in the very next episode “Blue”, he dreams about kissing Rimmer. It’s not only the fact of this, it’s the subsequent scene drawing a direct comparison between him missing Rimmer and Kochanski missing her Dave - her boyfriend. And despite the ending of this episode, when Lister actually meets Rimmer again, he’s delighted. Until he realises it’s not HIS Rimmer and even so, he gets used to nano-Rimmer and they eventually become quite chummy.

Not forgetting the chemistry between him and Ace, of course.

Kryten

I know he's a mechanoid, but no-one has any problem reading his relationship with Mechanoid - and later Blob - Camille as romantic and Camille literally says herself that both she and her husband Hector are actually androgynous, which makes Kryten - at the very least - panromantic.

And that’s before we get to his very obvious love for Lister which he states himself in “Back In The Red”.

Holly

Holly was actually conceived as a female character and became male due to Norman Lovett’s original casting. Sources: “Stasis Leaked” by Smegazine writer Jane Killick and “The Unofficial Red Dwarf Programme Guide” by Smegazine writers Chris Howarth and Steve Lyons.

With Hattie’s replacement casting and later Norman’s return, Rob and Doug may not have intended to create a trans or genderfluid character, but that’s what they ended up doing.

Holly is also bisexual - male Holly was attracted to Hilly and female Holly to Ace.

George McIntyre

It was actually Rob and Doug’s audio commentary on the pilot version of “The End” on “The Bodysnatcher Collection” which alerted me to this possibility. I know it’s a stretch but I’m including it precisely because I’m indifferent to George as a character and it makes no difference to me whether someone believes this one or not.

During George’s speech at his “Welcome back” party, he says “I don’t want you to think of me as someone who’s dead, more as someone who’s no longer a threat to your marriages - I think Joe knows what I’m talking about!”

We see a man and a woman laughing and the woman playfully pokes the man in the arm. He stops laughing and looks a bit sheepish.

Rob and Doug comment confusedly to the effect of “Shouldn’t it be the other way round? This is one of the things we had no control over at this stage.”

Come on, Rob and Doug. Not only does this scene appear intact in the final televised version of “The End”, you also included extra background on George in “Infinity Welcomes Careful Drivers”, showing the events leading up to his death. Unlike the hologram he replaces, Frank Saunders, there is no mention of George having a wife or indeed any partner, so as far I’m concerned, we shippers can read whatever we choose into this scene. We would regardless, but the way canon leaves it is particularly open-ended.

Deb Lister and Arlene Rimmer (“Parallel Universe”)

See previous entries. If their male counterparts are LGBT+ then so are they, plus I always got that vibe from the performances anyway.

Camille

Yes, everyone uses female pronouns for her as that’s how she presents to the crew, but she says herself: “We’re androgynous, but I suppose you could call [Hector] my husband.”

Noel Coward Waxdroid (“Meltdown”)

Mr Coward was gay in real life and his fictional incarnation here greets Rimmer with “Delighted to meet you, dear boy!” I rest my case.

Nirvanah Crane

And arguably the entire crew of the Holoship according to her speech: “It's a ship regulation that we all have sexual congress at least twice a day. It's a health rule … Here it is considered the height of bad manners to refuse an offer of sexual coupling … We are holograms. There is no risk of disease or pregnancy. That is why in our society we only believe in sex -- constant, guilt-free sex.”

Does that sound as though they’re fussy about the genders of their partners? It certainly doesn’t to me. So:

Captain Hercule Platini

Commander Randy Navarro

Commander Natalina Pushkin

Commander Binks

Sam Murray

From the Series V DVD booklet:

“Briefly revived in “Holoship”, it came as a surprise that Sam was male. In the original pilot script - and Series 1′s deleted funeral scene - deceased crew member “Sam Murray” is said to be dating “Rick Thesen”. Possibly Red Dwarf’s first gay couple?”

Cop (“Back To Reality”)

I’m sure it wasn’t written as such and maybe he didn’t intend to, but the way Lenny Von Dohlen plays his character’s reaction to the Voter Colonel just pings my gaydar.

Frank Todhunter (“The End”)

I know the conversation in “Duct Soup” (which also includes a reference to a gay crew member nicknamed “Bent Bob” *cringe*) where Kochanski tells Lister that the Todhunter in her dimension was gay is played off as something she made up to take Lister’s mind off his claustrophobia, but she never actually says as much. There’s nothing to say that at least part of what she was saying wasn’t true.

Ackerman (Series VIII)

In the Series VIII DVD documentary, actor Graham McTavish says he was playing Ackerman as someone who enjoys sex with women “or at a pinch, men dressed as women”. So onto this list he goes.

Big Meat (“Only The Good”)

I don’t blame you if you’ve blocked this one out as I find the scene almost unwatchable, but he’s the big prisoner who takes to the idea of being Cat’s “bitch” unexpectedly quickly.

Katerina Bartikovsky (“Back To Earth”)

Credit to @clueingforbeggs for noticing that in “Pete Part 1” Ackerman claims to have been “having jiggy-jiggy with the Science Officer’s wife” and connecting that with Katerina being a Science Officer. There’s nothing to say that the Joy Squid didn’t conjure up the image of an actual crew member.

But maybe the ship has more than one Science Officer? Well, the way it’s said makes it sound as though there is only one but in “Holoship” Kryten gives Rimmer a mind patch from two officers, one of whom is Science Officer Buchan. There is no mention of Buchan’s gender so who’s to say they aren’t also female?

Begg Chief (“Entangled”)

“We prefer the ship of green. And the sexy light man with the lady legs so long and luscious!”

Chancellor Wednesday (“The Beginning”)

Actor Alex Hardy says in Series X DVD doc “We’re Smegged” that he was playing the relationship between his character and Dominator Zlurth with a homoerotic undercurrent and you can see it subtly in his performance.

Dolphy (“Cured”)

All I’ll say about this one is that if Messalina had behaved towards Lister as Dolphy does in this episode, nobody would have doubted that she was into him.

Ziggy (“Timewave”)

Proof that LGBT+ characters in this show work a lot better when Doug isn’t intentionally writing them as such. Sorry.

Feel free to add any examples I may have missed.

@lord-valery-mimes @aziraphale-lesbian @notalwaysweak @feline-ranger @downonthepharm-red-dwarf @hologrammette @rosecathy @cazflibs

#red dwarf #red dwarf slash

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especially-heinous-ada · 5 years

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Dr. Chilton’s Date

“Anonymous Request:

I just discovered your stories and I *love* them! Could I get a fluffy Chilton story based off the prompt "Just pretend to be my date"???”

I loved this idea and started writing immediately. Dr. Chilton doesn’t get enough love, in my opinion, so it was fun to think about how he might actually catch a break, for once. Lol.

Anyway, before I give away too much about the story, here we go!

There Dr. Chilton stood, his eyes scanning the room. Analyzing the aggregate of the guests attending Dr. Lecter’s most recent soiree. Positively boring, the whole lot. Then again, he tended to find all people who didn’t wish to kill him rather dull. He let out a single chuckle at the thought.

When did I become such a masochist? He thought, raising his glass to his lips and taking a sip through the remnants of his smirk.

“Enjoying yourself?” Dr. Lecter addressed Frederick with a droll smile. Frederick nearly choked on his drink, he was taken so off guard. Hannibal Lecter had a way of sneaking up on people that Dr. Chilton found to be completely unparalleled. Then again, Dr. Lecter was unparalleled in nearly every regard, Frederick thought resentfully.

“Ah, yes.” He responded once he’d taken a split second to regain his composure. “Quite the party you’ve got going on here.”

“I haven’t seen your date.” Dr. Lecter observed, cold eyes trained on Frederick with a pitying expression. It was then that Frederick remembered he’d RSVP’d that he would be bringing a plus-one. It wasn’t so much that he thought he’d have a date as it was that he refused to let Dr. Lecter know he’d be attending yet another of his parties solo.

“Neither have I.” Frederick laughed halfheartedly. “She must be running late.” He felt the cold eyes continue to examine him for a few powerful moments before Dr. Lecter’s expression lightened with a smile.

“Well, she’d better hurry, or she’ll miss dinner.” He winked. As Lecter walked away, Frederick felt himself exhale. There was a certain intensity that he exuded, which Frederick couldn’t quite explain. It always put him on edge. He downed the rest of his drink and approached the bar, knowing he’d need some more liquid encouragement to make it through the rest of the night.

To be honest, Frederick wasn’t entirely sure why he kept coming to these things, he admitted to himself as he reached the bar, carefully measuring another glass of red wine, filling it to the brim.

“Now that’s how you pour a glass of wine.” Said a woman’s voice from beside him. She chuckled, and irritated, he turned to face her. When his eyes fell upon her, he froze. She was positively divine. He took half a beat to recover his thoughts and cleared his throat.

“Yes, well, I need it to get through a party as pretentious as this one.” He said bitterly, before taking a large gulp. The woman laughed again, and the sound was so pleasant, it had an almost musical quality to it.

“I agree.” She said, accepting the bottle from Frederick as he offered it to her. It made an amusing glug-glug-glug as she quickly emptied the remainder of its contents into her glass. She turned to the crowd to people-watch. It was her favorite part of any party. “Anyone interesting here tonight? Because I’ve seen not-a-one.”

“Neither did I, until you showed up.” Frederick offered as a subtle flirtation. Or perhaps, it wasn’t so subtle. What if she was put off by it? He regretted his choice of words almost instantly. She offered no verbal response, but a small smile tugged at her lips and her gaze fell upon him from the corners of her eyes.

“Sweet of you.” She responds. “I’m Ana. What should I call you, Mister…?”

“Doctor.” Frederick corrected. “Doctor Frederick Chilton.” He offered her his free hand.

“Ooh, a doctor.” Ana said, eyebrows raised. There was a lilt to her voice when she said the word ‘doctor,’ and it made Frederick unsure as to whether it was intended as flattery or mockery. “What kind of doctor?”

“Doctor of psychiatry. I’m the administrator for a hospital for the criminally insane. The criminal mind is fascinating.”

“Mmm.” Her voice had that same lilt to it, and she took another sip of wine. He cleared his throat.

“Yes, well. It’s not as impressive as it sounds.” He replied hurriedly, not wanting to seem too infatuated with himself.

“You don’t have to seem so modest.” She interjected. “With an important position like that, you’re allowed to brag.” The pace of Frederick’s heart quickened. She was an unusual woman, indeed. Usually, women found him rather pretentious. He turned his head, looking across the room for some sort of idea of how to respond and saw that Dr. Lecter was headed in his direction once more. He quickly whipped his head around and looked at Ana. His eyes darted to the wine glass in her left hand. No ring on her finger. Perfect.

“I know we’ve only just met, but can I ask you to do something for me?” He muttered hurriedly. Ana’s brow furrowed in confusion, but she nodded.

“Sure. Within reason.”

“Could you just…pretend to be my date?” Ana’s eyes darted to where Frederick had gazed off across the room just prior to his request. Quickly, she noticed Dr. Lecter’s form approaching, and she understood.

“Just follow my lead.”

Frederick nodded gratefully.

Suddenly, she threw her arms around his shoulders, running her hands through his hair. Then, she leaned into him and pressed her lips to his. Shocked, it took him a moment to realize that he should kiss back, but he recovered smoothly. He kissed slowly, tenderly. Like he’d been in love with her his entire life. She, however, slipped her hands down, then pulled him closer into her by his necktie, and her tongue slipped into his mouth. Taken aback yet again, he moaned his reaction, though it was muffled by her enthusiastic kisses. At once, it was as if nothing else in the world existed but the two of them, and the sensation of his heart pounding wildly in his chest.

That feeling didn’t last long, however, as a man cleared his throat nearby. Ana slowly released her grip of Frederick’s necktie and smoothed down the front of his suit jacket before she stepped aside, turning to face the source of the intrusive noise. One hand slipped across his low back and rested itself on his waist, and she smiled brightly.

“Sorry, am I hoarding Frederick’s attention all to myself? I just can’t help myself, sometimes. He’s such a busy man, I find it hard to spend enough time with him!” She gave a shy little chuckle, but she knew exactly what she was doing. Frederick found himself in awe of her performance. He tore his eyes away from her to look at Dr. Lecter. Beside him stood Will Graham and Jack Crawford, who had apparently just arrived. Late, as always.

“You’re Dr. Chilton’s date.” Said Jack, though it sounded more like a question than a statement.

“Oh, my goodness. Has Frederick not told you about me?” Ana asked, turning to him and giving him a frown of indignation. He opened his mouth once to say something, but before he could come up with anything, she turned her head back to the three men in front of them. She reached out and grasped Jack’s hand firmly, giving it a shake.

“I’m Ana. And, yes. I am his date.” She met his eye and spoke with confidence. Frederick grew fascinated by how easily and convincingly Ana was able to lie to people she’d never met before. She was a force to reckoned with, that was for sure.

“Jack Crawford.” Jack introduced himself. He seemed satisfied at her solid handshake, and she turned to Will, in much the same manner.

“Will Graham.” He introduced himself quietly. Then she turned to Dr. Lecter.

“And you’re our host, if I’m not mistaken?” She asked, grasping his hand firmly, as well.

“You’re certainly not mistaken.” Dr. Lecter responded with a charming smile, though it didn’t reach his cold, calculating eyes. His smiles never did. “I must confess, when I received Dr. Chilton’s RSVP saying he’d be bringing a plus-one, I assumed he was only bluffing to save face.” Frederick made a fist at his side, then released it, sliding the hand to rest on Ana’s hip.

“Well, as it turns out, you’re not right about everything.” He said smugly, lifting a self-satisfied brow as he watched Dr. Lecter’s expression grow darker. God, it felt good to prove him wrong, just once. The smile returned to Lecter’s face nearly as quickly as it’d faded.

“It appears you’re right about that.” He conceded with false humility, before turning and walking away.

“It was nice to meet you, Ana.” Jack said with a smile and a nod, before following Dr. Lecter. Will simply gave a single wave and did the same. After the group was out of earshot, Ana turned to Frederick.

“How was I?” She asked with a bright smile and a chuckle. Frederick put a hand on each shoulder and beamed with happiness.

“You were amazing.” He said gratefully. “You’re a great actor.”

“Obviously.” She said, rolling her eyes playfully. “I meant my kissing.”

“Oh.” Frederick responded, a blush rising in his cheeks. “Um, very great.” Ana stepped closer to Frederick, smiling knowingly at his bashful response. She took his necktie gently in her hand once more.

“You wanna do it again?” She looked up into his eyes, tweaking a brow suggestively. He stammered nervously for a moment before finally being able to muster a quiet ‘yes.’

As Ana’s lips pressed against his once more, Frederick felt grateful, for the first time, that he’d been invited to one of Dr. Lecter’s parties. He’d have to send him a thank you card later, he thought, smirking, before kissing her back deeply.

#frederick chilton #dr. chilton #my oc #request #hannibal #fill

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funkymbtifiction · 7 years

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QuickTypes: Assassins (musical)

UNOFFICIAL TYPING BY: ancientseaofnightandstars

**Note: these typings are for the characters as presented in the musical only, and are not intended to be a reflection on the real people**

**Also, SPOILERS, in a way. It’s history, and so pretty much foregone conclusions, but the ways of getting there could be considered unique to the show.**

John Wilkes Booth [ESTP]

Before his death, Booth’s expensive lifestyle was noted by the Balladeer– his “rings and fancy silks”. He got David Herold to help him take down his diary entry through intimidation, and was quick to take what chance he could to defend himself and his actions. After his death, in the plot of the show, he often pushes his fellow assassins to action, even just to make something happen, (encouraging Zangara to try to kill FDR, trying to provoke Czolgosz to break the bottle, pushing Lee to shoot Kennedy). He’s very aware of everything going on and the opportunities he has to apply said pressure, and can often be reckless with it (Se). When trying to convince people to do things, (the Balladeer, Lee, etc.), Booth’s first tact is usually to appeal to emotions, (in contrast to the Balladeer’s Te logic). He often displays a group mentality and has plenty of superficial charm to win people to his side (Fe). However, if that doesn’t work quickly, Booth’s charm breaks down, revealing a blunt and calculating mind, with highly personalized logic (Ti). During his flashback, we see him caught in the grip of inferior Ni, fearfully, mournfully, and incorrectly seeing only one possible outcome for the country in the wake of the Civil War. (Plenty of low Fe in this scene as well, out of control and mourning in the wake of the war, spurring him to reckless action.) In most of the rest of the show, his inferior Ni is better developed, giving him a vision into the future and the social impact all the assassins have in it.

Charles Guiteau [ENFJ]

Guiteau has an extremely cheery demeanor, and exudes warmth. He says how he feels, though sometimes the emotion is forced, such as in the flashback to his execution. He enjoys attention and is very focused on the people around him. He wants others to be impressed with him and often looks for their approval (Fe). Guiteau believes that God has a purpose for his life, and often hints that it’s his goal to become President. He tends to see a metaphorical vision of something before he sees the thing for itself, (the office of president is representative of the endless possibilities of life, execution is “going to the Lordy”, etc.) He has confidence in his own impressions of what the future will hold (Ni). Guiteau likes niceties, wine lists– the finer things. He’s also quick to jump on opportunities in his environment, (approaching Garfield, trying to steal a kiss from Sara Jane Moore), though they’re not his focus (Se). Guiteau’s inferior Ti isn’t well-developed in the show, as he often doesn’t see the logical flaws in his own attempts to move closer to his goals. However, he can occasionally sum things up in logical, rather than emotional, fashion. (“I think you should get another job.”)

Leon Czolgosz [INFP]

Czolgosz has a lot of emotion inside, but isn’t highly expressive of it. He loves Emma Goldman, but when pressed about it, it’s either a quiet, simple “I am in love with you” or a way for him to show his love through action, (protecting her, following her on her tour, walking her to the station and carrying her bag). His motivation to kill McKinley comes from identification with the plight of the poor (Fi). Czolgosz adopts Emma’s view of the world quickly, making it his own. In killing McKinley, he hopes to make a philosophical statement about the oppression of the poor (Ne). Overall, Czolgosz sees his life through his personal experience, but filtered through his adopted philosophy (Ne-Si). His act of killing McKinley at the Exposition is decisive and simple, with the aforementioned goal of making a nationwide statement (Ne-Te).

Giuseppe Zangara [ISTJ]

Over his life, Zangara has developed a personal mythology about the world based solely on his subjective experiences– the smart and the rich rode by him without a glance, and now he has this pain in his stomach, and so the pain must be caused by those who have wronged him (Si). He’s practical in his assassination attempt, (avoiding the cold, and so changing from Hoover to FDR, etc.), and is often very blunt and brash in communication (Te). Zangara is adamant about his American identity, refusing to be seen as something he’s not. In the end, he doesn’t care who he kills, so long as his victim is one of the “kings”– the oppressors (Fi). His fears come from irrational thoughts of conspiracies and connections, but at times he is capable of intensely poetic and metaphorical language, such as when speaking in Italian to convince Lee (inferior Ne).

Samuel Byck [ESFJ]

Sam is constantly sharing his emotions, positive or negative. He’s quick to assure Leonard Bernstein of his great talent, his wonderful music. He loves the warmth of love songs, the joy they bring. He’s also quick to shout at “Lenny” for ignoring him, or yell at Nixon that he feels betrayed by him (Fe). Sam’s primary concern is the immediate reality around him, or his impression of it. He feels betrayed by Nixon because he voted for him. He talks often of the way things are compared to how they were (Si). Sam’s primary concern is concrete reality, but when he does venture into metaphors, they’re remarkably profound and apt, (likening warring political parties to warring parents, and the public to a scared child). He’s not afraid to delve into theory or consider the bigger picture (Ne). He has trouble extricating his strong emotions from his analysis of events, but does feel the need to explain his case for posterity (inferior Ti).

Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme [ESFP]

Lynette is quick to act, and stresses the need for tangible evidence of love and relationships, (dismissing John Hinckley Jr.’s love for Jodie Foster because he’s never kissed or had sex with her). Her ideas of how to prove her love to Charles Manson are all intensely physical (Se). All of Lynette’s decisions are based in her love for “Charlie”, and she doesn’t care what anyone else thinks of it (Fi). She doesn’t get angry easily, but if someone crosses her personal line in the sand, (insulting Charlie), her emotions come out in reckless action (Se-Fi). Her analysis of situations is usually very blunt and matter-of-fact, remarking on the logic or lack thereof (Se-Te). All of her displayed sense of metaphor and theory is taken nearly verbatim from Charles Manson, adopted by Lynette with no further speculation (inferior Ni).

Sara Jane Moore [ESTJ]

Sara Jane is very matter-of-fact and blunt, and doesn’t tend to look past what’s in front of her (Te). She often relates events and facts to her past, and is fairly grounded in the sensory world (Si). However, her memories can be scattered, and she’s prone to jumping topics frequently in conversation (Ne). Her inferior Fi isn’t well-developed, however it’s hinted at in “Another National Anthem”, when she mentions trying to kill Ford so that she’d “know where she was coming from”, or have a sense of identity and beliefs.

John Hinckley Jr. [ISFJ]

John focuses on tangible ways to win Jodie Foster’s affections, (visiting her dorm, calling her up, etc.), but when that fails, he builds up his own personal mythology of what’s going on, based on his subjective impressions. When planning to assassinate Reagan, he studies up on Lee Harvey Oswald (Si). John is shy, but still fairly open about his emotions, good or bad. He desperately wants validation from Jodie, (Fe). His logic is very subjective and personal, (if he kills the President, he’ll be of equal standing with Jodie, and she’ll pay attention to him), but isn’t very well-developed (Ti). John expresses his love creatively through music, and dabbles in metaphor in his songs (Ne).

Lee Harvey Oswald [ISTJ]

Lee is very grounded, expects what’s happened before to happen again, (assuming Booth was with the FBI), and doesn’t jump on the philosophy train with Booth very easily (Si). He’s very up-front about what he thinks, wants practical instruction, and is based in observable logic (Te). (“Up here on the sixth floor, what would I do? Throw schoolbooks at him?”) His inner feelings of identity are fractured, which is partly how the assassins get to him– giving him an identity within a grander mythos (Si-Fi). Lee is fairly literal-minded and shows fear of future possibilities (inferior Ne).

The Balladeer [ISTJ]

The Balladeer often stresses the grander scope of history in analyzing the crimes of the assassins, and uses his knowledge of this to deem the assassins unsuccessful. (“Listen to the stories, hear it in the songs– angry men don’t write the rules and guns don’t right the wrongs…”) He’s internalized the traditional beliefs of America, (that any person can succeed if they try hard enough), and expresses that firmly in his songs. He emphasizes this, his own view of history, over the viewpoints of the assassins, because it’s what he himself knows and deems right (Si). His criticism of the assassins is often unsympathetic and matter-of fact, not allowing for much justification and simply declaring them wrong or crazy, (Te-Fi). However, he does take the time to explain the perspective of each assassin, even if this doesn’t change his moral judgment (Ne).

Note: These are based on the original off-Broadway show, which is why the Balladeer and Lee Harvey Oswald are mentioned separately. Later shows may have changed certain things that render pieces of this invalid, and certain actors may add different touches. Also, pretty much all of these people are very unhealthy examples of the types, with perhaps the exception of the Balladeer.

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bisexualrogers · 7 years

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Hello! I was reading the part of War and Peace that Great Comet was based on and decided to make a list of all the phrases/sentences in the novel that I found while listening along to the cast recording while reading that are either directly put into the lyrics of the musical, or are heavily referenced with a few changes. I have separated these findings by song, not in the order of which they appear in the novel. For some of the lines that are less directly from the novel I have put the lyrics that are connected to them in parentheses and italics next to the book quotes. It’s really really really fun to see which lyrics have a match so I hope you enjoy!

Also sorry for any formatting issues: in some songs there are huge chunks that are almost directly lifted from the book so some placement of bullet points might be wonky. And if you know of any that I missed, please reblog and add!

Pierre:

· “Zest of such a life vanished”

· “Only the skeleton of life remained”

· “His purse was always empty because it was open to everyone.”

· “He is charming; he has no sex.”

· “Hundreds good-humoredly ending their days in Moscow” (“Just one of a hundred sad old men living out their final days in Moscow”)

· “They were empty, stupid, contented fellows, satisfied with their position”

· “Pity his comrades in destiny, as he pitied himself” (I pity you, I pity me, I pity you)

· “Believing in the possibility of goodness and truth”

Moscow:

· “Faded and fading princesses still lived”

· “She played a game of boston”

· “A new book read to her while she knitted.”

· “Get the samovar ready!”

· “Whose cheeks were glowing from the cold”

· “Touching her goddaughter and favorite, Natásha, on the cheek”

· “I would simply embrace him, cling to him”

· “She loved and knew Prince Andrey, he loved her only, and was to come one of these days and take her. She wanted nothing more.”

· “You know that old Prince Nicholas much dislikes his son’s marrying. The old fellow’s crotchety! Of course Prince Andrey is not a child and can shift without him, but it’s not nice to enter a family against a father’s will. One wants to do it peacefully and lovingly. You’re a clever girl and you’ll know how to manage. Be kind, and use your wits. Then all will be well.”

Private and Intimate Life of the House:

· “Old-fashioned coat and powdered wig”

· “Letting his napkin drop”

· “Besides the couple of hours during which they saw their host, there were also twenty-two hours in the day during which the private and intimate life of the house continued.”

· “Everybody always has liked me”

· “He is old and feeble, and I dare to condemn him.”

Natasha and Bolkonskys:

· “From the first glance Princess Mary did not like Natásha. She thought her too fashionably dressed, frivolously gay and vain.”

· “She was prejudiced against her by involuntary envy of her beauty, youth, and happiness,”

· “She did not like Princess Mary, whom she thought very plain, affected, and dry”

· “Dear Natalie,” said Princess Mary, “I want you to know that I am glad my brother has found happiness.”

· “I think, Princess, it is not convenient to speak of that now”

No One Else:

· I love him alone, him, him, with that face and those eyes, with his smile, manly and yet childlike....” (“And your childlike eyes and your distant smile.”)

· “But perhaps he’ll come today, will come immediately. Perhaps he has come and is sitting in the drawing room. Perhaps he came yesterday and I have forgotten it.” She rose, put down the guitar, and went to the drawing room.”

The Opera:

· “Ladies sat with bare arms and shoulders, and noisy stalls brilliant with uniforms, glittered before their eyes” (“Bare arms and shoulders, brilliant uniforms, pearls and silk glittering before our eyes”)

· “Feminine envy”

· “Hundreds of eyes looking at her bare arms and neck”

· “A whole crowd of memories, desires and emotions”

· “The two remarkably pretty girls, Natásha and Sónya, with Count Rostóv who had not been seen in Moscow for a long time” (“Two remarkably pretty girls have not been seen in Moscow for many years”)

· “Everybody knew vaguely of Natásha’s engagement”

· “One of the best matches in Russia.”

· “Dear me, Michael Kirílovich has grown still stouter!” remarked the count.

· “Look at our Anna Mikháylovna—what a headdress she has on!”

· “He stood in full view of the audience, well aware that he was attracting everyone’s attention, yet as much at ease as though he were in his own room. Around him thronged Moscow’s most brilliant young men, whom he evidently dominated”

· “Now all the Moscow ladies are mad about him!”

· “Much exposed plump white shoulders and neck, round which she wore a double string of large pearls, entered” (“The queen of society, beautiful, barely clothed, plump bare shoulders, and much exposed neck round which she wears a double string of pearls”)

· “As soon as it rose everyone in the boxes and stalls became silent, and all the men, old and young, in uniform and evening dress, and all the women with gems on their bare flesh, turned their whole attention with eager curiosity to the stage”

· “Grotesque and amazing”

· “She could not follow the opera nor even listen to the music; she saw only the painted cardboard and the queerly dressed men and women who moved, spoke, and sang so strangely in that brilliant light.”

· “False and unnatural that she first felt ashamed for the actors and then amused at them”

· “And feeling the bright light that flooded the whole place and the warm air heated by the crowd, Natásha little by little began to pass into a state of intoxication”

· “Exceptionally handsome”

· “He moved with a restrained swagger which would have been ridiculous had he not been so good-looking”

· “His sword and spurs slightly jingling and his handsome perfumed head held high”

· “Second act there was scenery representing tombstones”

· “Shades were raised over the footlights, and from horns and contrabass came deep notes while many people appeared from right and left wearing black cloaks and holding things like daggers in their hands”

Natasha and Anatole:

· “Anatole, who was as handsome at close quarters as at a distance, sat down beside her and told her he had long wished to have this happiness—ever since the Narýshkins’ ball in fact, at which he had had the well-remembered pleasure of seeing her”

· “Semënova had fallen down on the stage”

· “Sensible and simple”

· “Boldly and naturally”

· “Strangely and Agreeably”

· “Nothing Formidable”

· “His smile was most naïve, cheerful, and good-natured.”

· “He never removed his smiling eyes from her face, her neck, and her bare arms. Natásha knew for certain that he was enraptured by her. ”

· “Looking into his eyes she was frightened”

· “There was not that barrier of modesty she had always felt between herself and other men”

· “She feared he might seize her from behind by her bare arm and kiss her on the neck.”

· “They spoke of most ordinary things, yet she felt that they were closer to one another than she had ever been to any man”

· “At first I did not like it much, because what makes a town pleasant, ce sont les jolies femmes, isn’t that so? But now I like it very much indeed,”

· “You’ll come to the costume tournament, Countess? Do come”

· “You will be the prettiest there. Do come, dear countess, and give me this flower as a pledge!”

The Duel (Note: The actual duel happened earlier in the novel before Natasha was introduced but the other lines happened within the story that we know from the musical):

· “Though the doctors warned that with his corpulence wine was dangerous for him, he drank a great deal. He was only quite at ease when having poured several glasses of wine mechanically into his large mouth

· “He felt a pleasant warmth in his body”

· “He had got married two years before—a fact known only to his most intimate friends. A Polish landowner of small means had forced him to marry his daughter.”

· “As a duck is so made that it must live in water, so God had made him such that he must spend thirty thousand rubles a year and always occupy a prominent position in society” (“As a duck is made to swim in water, god has made me as I am”)

· “All he cared about was gaiety and women”

· “The attractions of her arms, shoulders, feet, and hair and expressed his intention of making love to her.”

· “She’s first-rate, my dear fellow, but not for us” (“She’s first rate, but nothing but trouble.”)

· “You’d better wait till she’s married....”

· “Here’s to the health of lovely women, Peterkin—and their lovers” (Here’s to the health of married woman and their lovers)

· “Oh yes, it is horribly stupid”

· “Only tell me where to go and where to shoot”

· “As the adversaries have refused a reconciliation, please proceed. Take your pistols, and at the word three begin to advance”

· “Missed!” shouted Dólokhov, and he lay helplessly, face downwards on the snow.”

· “My mother! My mother, my angel, my adored angel mother.”

Charming:

· “She heard in the drawing room the animated sounds of her father’s voice and another’s—a woman’s—that made her flush. It was Hélène.”

· “How is it you’re not ashamed to bury such pearls in the country?” (It’s such a shame to bury pearls in the country.”)

· “Oh, my enchantress”

· “This is really beyond anything”

· “How can you live in Moscow and go nowhere”

· “Metallic gauze”

· “Anything suits you, my charmer”

· “Natásha brightened up and felt almost in love with this woman, who was so beautiful and so kind.”

· “The idea of throwing her brother and Natásha together amused her.”

· “My brother dined with me yesterday”

· “He is madly, quite madly, in love with you, my dear”

· “How she blushes, how she blushes, my pretty!”

· “You love somebody, my charmer, that is not a reason to shut yourself up. Even if you are engaged.”

· What had seemed terrible now seemed simple and natural.”

· “So she knows I am engaged, and she and her husband Pierre—that good Pierre—have talked and laughed about this. So it’s all right”

The Ball:

· “You know, I adore little girls, they lose their heads at once.”

· “Vanity at his admiration of her and fear at the absence of a moral barrier between them.” (I am seized by feelings of vanity and fear, there is no barrier between us.)

· “Divine! Delicious!”

· “She only felt herself again completely borne away into this strange senseless world—so remote from her old world—a world in which it was impossible to know what was good or bad, reasonable or senseless.” (I’m borne away to a senseless world, so strange so remote. I don’t know good from bad.”)

· “You are enchanting.”

· “As they danced he pressed her waist and hand and told her she was bewitching and that he loved her. During the écossaise, which she also danced with him, Anatole said nothing when they happened to be by themselves, but merely gazed at her. Natásha lifted her frightened eyes to him, but there was such confident tenderness in his affectionate look and smile that she could not, whilst looking at him, say what she had to say.” (“And during the ecossaise he gazed in my eyes, my frightened eyes. Such confident tenderness I could not say what I had to say.”)

· “Don’t say such things to me. I am betrothed and love another.”

· “’Don’t speak to me of that! What can I do?” said he. “I tell you I am madly, madly, in love with you! Is it my fault that you are enchanting?”

· “She understood hardly anything that went on that evening.” (“I don’t understand anything tonight.”)

· “Is it possible that I shall never see you? I love you madly. Can I never…”

· “I don’t understand. I have nothing to say.”

· “Burning lips were pressed to hers.”

· “But she also loved Anatole, of that there was no doubt. How else how could all this have happened.”

· “It means that I loved him from the first. It means that he is kind, noble, and splendid, and I could not help loving him.”

Letters:

· “Only not to see it, that dreadful it!”

· “’What am I to do if I love him and the other one too?’ She asked herself, unable to find an answer to these terrible questions.”

· “He is an invalid and an old man who must be forgiven.” (He’s a tired old man and must be forgiven.”)

· “Princess Mary went on to ask Natásha to fix a time when she could see her again.” (“Please come see us again.”)

· “A letter from him—from the man she loved”

· “But that if she loved him she need only say the word yes” (“If you love me say yes.”)

· “He would steal her away and carry her off to the ends of the earth.” (“I will come and steal you away, steal you out of the dark.”)

· “Yes, she loved him, or else how could that have happened which had happened? And how could she have a love letter from him in her hand?”

Natasha and Sonya:

· “How was it I noticed nothing? How could it go so far?”

· “But it can’t be that she loves him!”

· “And with the decision and tenderness that often come at the moment of awakening, she embraced her friend, but noticing Sónya’s look of embarrassment, her own face expressed confusion and suspicion.”

· “Sonya, you’ve read that letter.”

· “I can’t hide it from you any longer. You know, we love one another! Sónya, darling, he writes...”

· “And Bolkónski?” she asked. “Ah, Sónya, if you only knew how happy I am!” cried Natásha. “You don’t know what love is....”

· “But, Natásha, can that be all over.”

· “Well, then, are you refusing Prince Andrey?” said Sónya.”

· “Oh, you don’t understand anything! Don’t talk nonsense, just listen!” said Natásha, with momentary vexation.”

· “But I can’t believe it,” insisted Sónya. “I don’t understand. How is it you have loved a man for a whole year and suddenly... Why, you have only seen him three times! Natásha, I don’t believe you, you’re joking.”

· “Three days?” said Natásha. “It seems to me I’ve loved him a hundred years. It seems to me that I have never loved anyone before.”

· “What can I do? What can I do, Sónya?” cried Natásha with a happy yet frightened expression.”

· “Why can’t you understand? I love him!”

· “Then I won’t let it come to that... I shall tell!” cried Sónya, bursting into tears.”

· “What do you mean? For God’s sake... If you tell, you are my enemy!” declared Natásha. “You want me to be miserable, you want us to be separated....”

· “But what has happened between you?” she asked. “What has he said to you? Why doesn’t he come to the house?”

· “But why this secrecy?”

· “I don’t know what the reasons are. But there must be reasons.”

· “Sónya, one can’t doubt him! One can’t, one can’t! Don’t you understand?” she cried.”

· “Does he love you?”

· “Does he love me?” Natásha repeated with a smile of pity at her friend’s lack of comprehension. “Why, you have read his letter and you have seen him.”

· “But you haven’t refused Bolkónski?” said she.

· “Perhaps I have. Perhaps all is over between me and Bolkónski. Why do you think so badly of me.”

· “Natásha, I am afraid for you!”

· “I am afraid you’re going to your ruin,” said Sónya resolutely, and was herself horrified at what she had said.”

· “And I’ll go to my ruin, I will, as soon as possible! It’s not your business! It won’t be you, but I, who’ll suffer. Leave me alone, leave me alone! I hate you! I hate you, I hate you! You’re my enemy forever!”

· “Natásha went to the table and without a moment’s reflection wrote that answer to Princess Mary which she had been unable to write all the morning”

· “All their misunderstandings were at an end”

· “Forget everything and forgive her if she had been to blame toward her, but that she could not be his wife”

Preparations:

· “Yes, indeed, that’s a true sage,” thought Pierre. “He sees nothing beyond the pleasure of the moment, nothing troubles him and so he is always cheerful, satisfied, and serene. What wouldn’t I give to be like him!” he thought enviously.”

· “The plan for Natalie Rostóva’s abduction had been arranged and the preparations made by Dólokhov a few days before, and on the day that Sónya, after listening at Natásha’s door, resolved to safeguard her, it was to have been put into execution”

· “Natásha had promised to come out to Kurágin at the back porch at ten that evening”

· “Kurágin was to put her into a troyka he would have ready and to drive her forty miles to the village of Kámenka, where an unfrocked priest was in readiness to perform a marriage ceremony over them. ”

· “Anatole had a passport, an order for post horses, ten thousand rubles he had taken from his sister and another ten thousand borrowed with Dólokhov’s help.”

· “Anatole, with uniform unbuttoned, walked to and fro”

· “Do you know? You’d really better drop it all. There’s still time!”

· “Fool,” retorted Anatole. “Don’t talk nonsense.”

· “Go to the devil! Eh?” said Anatole, making a grimace. “Really it’s no time for your stupid jokes.”

· “Why should I joke about it? Did I hinder you? Who arranged everything for you? Who found the priest and got the passport? Who raised the money? I did it all.”

· “Well, thank you for it. Do you think I am not grateful?”

· “Oh, nonsense, nonsense!” Anatole ejaculated and again made a grimace. “Didn’t I explain to you? What?” And Anatole, with the partiality dull-witted people have for any conclusion they have reached by their own reasoning, repeated the argument he had already put to Dólokhov a hundred times.”

· “Abroad no one will know anything about it.”

· “It’s the very devil! What? Feel how it beats!”

· “Now then! Nearly ready? You’re dawdling!”

· “Handsome lips muttered tenderly to himself.”

· “Balagá is here.”

Balaga:

· “Drunk on champagne and Madeira, which he loved”

The Abduction:

· “Well, comrades and friends of my youth, we’ve had our fling and lived and reveled. Eh? And now, when shall we meet again? I am going abroad”

· “My revels here are over. Remember me to Stëshka.”

· “Shut the door; we have first to sit down. That’s the way.”

· “Where’s the fur cloak?”

· “I have heard what elopements are like,” continued Dólokhov with a wink. “Why, she’ll rush out more dead than alive just in the things she is wearing; if you delay at all there’ll be tears and ‘Papa’ and ‘Mamma,’ and she’s frozen in a minute and must go back—but you wrap the fur cloak round her first thing and carry her to the sleigh.”

· “When they reached the gate Dólokhov whistled. The whistle was answered, and a maidservant ran out.”

· “Come into the courtyard or you’ll be seen; she’ll come out directly,” said she.”

· “Dólokhov stayed by the gate. Anatole followed the maid into the courtyard, turned the corner, and ran up into the porch.”

· “Kurágin! Come back!” shouted Dólokhov. “Betrayed! Back!”

In My House:

· “You shameless good-for-nothing!”

· “In my house... horrid girl, hussy!”

· “A nice girl! Very nice.”

· “You listen when I speak to you!”

· “Natásha did not change her position, but her whole body heaved with noiseless, convulsive sobs.”

· “It’s lucky for him that he escaped me; but I’ll find him!” she said in her rough voice. “Do you hear what I am saying or not?” she added.”

· “Let me be!... What is it to me?... I shall die!”

· “I have no betrothed: I have refused him!”

· “Your father, I know him... if he challenges him to a duel will that be all right? Eh?”

· “Were you kept under lock and key?”

· “Why carry you off as if you were some gypsy singing girl?... Well, if he had carried you off... do you think they wouldn’t have found him? Your father, or brother, or your betrothed? And he’s a scoundrel, a wretch—that’s a fact!”

· “He is better than any of you!” exclaimed Natásha getting up. “If you hadn’t interfered... Oh, my God! What is it all? What is it? Sónya, why?... Go away!”

· “Márya Dmítrievna was to speak again but Natásha cried out: ‘Go away! Go away! You all hate and despise me!’ and she threw herself back on the sofa.”

· “Márya Dmítrievna put a pillow under her head, covered her with two quilts, and herself brought her some lime-flower water, but Natásha did not respond to her.”

· “Well, let her sleep,” said Márya.”

· “But Natásha was not asleep; with pale face and fixed wide-open eyes.”

· “All that night she did not sleep or weep.”

· “She sat at the window.”

A Call to Pierre:

· “When he returned to Moscow Pierre was handed a letter from Márya Dmítrievna asking him to come and see her on a matter of great importance relating to Andrey Bolkónski and his betrothed.”

· “What can they want with me?”

· “He was not the only man unfortunate enough to be tied to a bad woman.”

· “She therefore asked Pierre to tell his brother-in-law in her name to leave Moscow and not dare to let her set eyes on him again.”

Find Anatole:

· “He drove through the town seeking Anatole Kurágin, at the thought of whom now the blood rushed to his heart and he felt a difficulty in breathing.”

· “He was not at the ice hills, nor at the gypsies’, nor at Komoneno’s.”

· “In the Club all was going on as usual.”

· “Natásha looked from one to the other as a hunted and wounded animal looks at the approaching dogs and sportsmen.”

· “Ah, Pierre,” said the countess going up to her husband. “You don’t know what a plight our Anatole...”

· “At that moment she was more repulsive to him than ever.”

· “Anatole followed him with his usual jaunty step but his face betrayed anxiety.”

· “Pierre closed the door and addressed Anatole without looking at him.”

Pierre and Anatole:

· “You promised Countess Rostóva to marry her and were about to elope with her, is that so?”

· “Mon cher,” answered Anatole (their whole conversation was in French), “I don’t consider myself bound to answer questions put to me in that tone.”

· “Pierre’s face, already pale, became distorted by fury. He seized Anatole by the collar of his uniform with his big hand and shook him from side to side till Anatole’s face showed a sufficient degree of terror.”

· “When I tell you that I must talk to you!...” repeated Pierre.”

· “Come now, this is stupid.”

· “You’re a scoundrel and a blackguard, and I don’t know what deprives me from the pleasure of smashing your head with this!” said Pierre, expressing himself so artificially.”

· “Did you promise to marry her?”

· “’I... I didn’t think of it. I never promised, because...’ Pierre interrupted him.

· ‘Have you any letters of hers? Any letters?’ he said, moving toward Anatole.”

· “I shan’t be violent, don’t be afraid!” said Pierre in answer to a frightened gesture of Anatole’s. “First, the letters,” said he, as if repeating a lesson to himself. “Secondly,” he continued after a short pause, again rising and again pacing the room, “tomorrow you must get out of Moscow.”

· “But how can I?...”

· “Thirdly,” Pierre continued without listening to him, “you must never breathe a word of what has passed between you and Countess Rostóva. I know I can’t prevent your doing so, but if you have a spark of conscience...” Pierre paced the room several times in silence. Anatole sat at a table frowning and biting his lips.”

· “After all, you must understand that besides your pleasure there is such a thing as other people’s happiness and peace, and that you are ruining a whole life for the sake of amusing yourself! Amuse yourself with women like my wife—with them you are within your rights, for they know what you want of them. They are armed against you by the same experience of debauchery; but to promise a maid to marry her... to deceive, to kidnap.... Don’t you understand that it is as mean as beating an old man or a child?...”

· “I don’t know about that, eh?” said Anatole, growing more confident as Pierre mastered his wrath. “I don’t know that and don’t want to,” he said, not looking at Pierre and with a slight tremor of his lower jaw, “but you have used such words to me—‘mean’ and so on—which as a man of honor I can’t allow anyone to use.”

· “Is it satisfaction you want?” said Pierre ironically.”

· “You could at least take back your words. What? If you want me to do as you wish, eh?”

· “I take them back, I take them back!” said Pierre, “and I ask you to forgive me.” Pierre involuntarily glanced at the loose button. “And if you require money for your journey...”

· “Anatole smiled. The expression of that base and cringing smile, which Pierre knew so well in his wife, revolted him.”

· “Oh, vile and heartless brood!” he exclaimed, and left the room.”

· Next day Anatole left for Petersburg.”

Natasha Very Ill:

· “The whole house was in a state of alarm and commotion. Natásha was very ill, having, as Márya Dmítrievna told him in secret, poisoned herself the night after she had been told that Anatole was married, with some arsenic she had stealthily procured”

· “She woke Sónya and told her what she had done”

· “She was now out of danger, though still so weak”

· “He was awaiting Prince Andrey’s return with dread”

Pierre and Andrey:

· “Prince Andrey, greatly changed and plainly in better health, but with a fresh horizontal wrinkle between his brows…”

· “Well, how are you? Still getting stouter?”

· “Forgive me for troubling you, I have received a refusal from Countess Rostóva and have heard reports of your brother-in-law having sought her hand, or something of that kind. Is that true?”

· “Here are her letters and her portrait,” said he. He took the packet from the table and handed it to Pierre. “Give this to the countess... if you see her.”

· “I much regret her illness,” said Prince Andrey; and he smiled like his father, coldly, maliciously, and unpleasantly.”

· “Well, it doesn’t matter,” said Prince Andrey”

· “Yes,” returned Prince Andrey hastily. “I said that a fallen woman should be forgiven, but I didn’t say I could forgive her. I can’t. Yes, ask her hand again, be magnanimous, and so on? Yes, that would be very noble, but I am unable to follow in that gentleman’s footsteps. If you wish to be my friend never speak to me of that... of all that! Well, good-by.”

Pierre and Natasha:

· “Natásha was standing in the middle of the drawing room, emaciated, with a pale set face, but not at all shamefaced as Pierre expected to find her. When he appeared at the door she grew flurried, evidently undecided whether to go to meet him or to wait till he came up. Pierre hastened to her. He thought she would give him her hand as usual; but she, stepping up to him, stopped, breathing heavily, her arms hanging lifelessly just in the pose she used to stand in when she went to the middle of the ballroom to sing, but with quite a different expression of face.”

· “Peter Kirílovich,” she began rapidly, “Prince Bolkónski was your friend—is your friend,” she corrected herself. (It seemed to her that everything that had once been must now be different.) “He told me once to apply to you...” Pierre sniffed as he looked at her, but did not speak. Till then he had reproached her in his heart and tried to despise her, but he now felt so sorry for her that there was no room in his soul for reproach”

· “He is here now: tell him... to for... forgive me!” She stopped and breathed still more quickly, but did not shed tears. “Yes... I will tell him,” answered Pierre; “but...” He did not know what to say.”

· “No, I know all is over,” she said hurriedly. “No, that can never be. I’m only tormented by the wrong I have done him. Tell him only that I beg him to forgive, forgive, forgive me for everything....”

· “I will tell him, I will tell him everything once more,” said Pierre. “But... I should like to know one thing....”

· “Know what?” Natásha’s eyes asked.”

· “I should like to know, did you love...” Pierre did not know how to refer to Anatole and flushed at the thought of him—“did you love that bad man?”

· “Don’t call him bad!” said Natásha. “But I don’t know, don’t know at all....” She began to cry and a still greater sense of pity, tenderness, and love welled up in Pierre. He felt the tears trickle under his spectacles and hoped they would not be noticed.

· “We won’t speak of it any more, my dear,” said Pierre, and his gentle, cordial tone suddenly seemed very strange to Natásha. “We won’t speak of it, my dear—I’ll tell him everything; but one thing I beg of you, consider me your friend and if you want help, advice, or simply to open your heart to someone—not now, but when your mind is clearer think of me!” He took her hand and kissed it. “I shall be happy if it’s in my power...” Pierre grew confused.

· “Don’t speak to me like that. I am not worth it!” exclaimed Natásha and turned to leave the room, but Pierre held her hand. He knew he had something more to say to her. But when he said it he was amazed at his own words.

· “Stop, stop! You have your whole life before you,” said he to her.

· “Before me? No! All is over for me,” she replied with shame and self-abasement.

· “All over?” he repeated. “If I were not myself, but the handsomest, cleverest, and best man in the world, and were free, I would this moment ask on my knees for your hand and your love!” For the first time for many days Natásha wept tears of gratitude and tenderness, and glancing at Pierre she went out of the room. Pierre too when she had gone almost ran into the anteroom, restraining tears of tenderness and joy that choked him, and without finding the sleeves of his fur cloak threw it on and got into his sleigh.”

The Great Comet of 1812:

· “Where to?” Pierre asked himself. “Where can I go now? Surely not to the Club or to pay calls?” All men seemed so pitiful, so poor, in comparison with this feeling of tenderness and love he experienced: in comparison with that softened, grateful, last look she had given him through her tears.”

· “Home!” said Pierre, and despite twenty-two degrees of frost Fahrenheit he threw open the bearskin cloak from his broad chest and inhaled the air with joy.”

· “It was clear and frosty. Above the dirty, ill-lit streets, above the black roofs, stretched the dark starry sky.”

· “Almost in the center of it, above the Prechístenka Boulevard, surrounded and sprinkled on all sides by stars shone the enormous and brilliant comet of 1812—the comet which was said to portend all kinds of woes and the end of the world. In Pierre, however, that comet with its long luminous tail aroused no feeling of fear.

· On the contrary he gazed joyfully, his eyes moist with tears, at this bright comet which, having traveled in its orbit with inconceivable velocity through immeasurable space, seemed suddenly—like an arrow piercing the earth—to remain fixed in a chosen spot, vigorously holding its tail erect, shining and displaying its white light amid countless other scintillating stars.

· It seemed to Pierre that this comet fully responded to what was passing in his own softened and uplifted soul, now blossoming into a new life.”

#the great comet of 1812 #natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 #great comet #tgc #natasha pierre #war and peace #josh groban #lmao at the josh tag but i want this to be seen ok #dave malloy

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insecure-hbo-recaps · 7 years

Text

hella open

Previously on Insecure: Issa slept with Lawrence but Lawrence is apparently with Tasha. Lawrence told Tasha, and it didn't go well. Lawrence moved out of Chad's place. Molly's therapist helped her try to move up a level at work. Issa starts to accept that Lawrence is done.

Issa is having a red wine and chill with some random. She's wearing a purple football jersey for the occasion, which is an interesting choice. Her hair is braided down in a protective after-shampooing set of Celie cornrows like... it tickles me when famous black women publicly do stuff that is just-for-at-home and mainstream media loses their shit over it (see also Rihanna wearing sparkly bobby pins in her wrapped hair) but, Insecure is for us. I'm not so sure I can cosign this ostentatiously quirky style choice, lol.

The guy moves in to kiss her and Issa awkwardly accepts it. She continually giggles while he is trying to be sexy, past the point where he is amused by it. As an aside, this is everything:

Issa is frankly annoying him now - I get that it's weird for her to have sex with a new person after being with Lawrence for five years. The first time I had a serious long term relationship I was surprised how weird it was to begin sleeping with someone new again. It wasn't something I thought I'd have a problem with, since obviously I'd never had a boyfriend and that was the weird thing. But, it was. Issa asks to reschedule, but she has blown this dude's high - he's wearing jeans with cutouts at the knee, this is some Eric Benet California shit - he doesn't really want to try again. This didn't work. So Issa gets dressed to leave.

Dunes. Issa is about to leave for work when she catches sight of the plume of smoke she burned into her wall at last week's party. She also notices before she goes that the new property management has issued what appears to be every apartment notices for noise violations, taped to their doors.

On the way out, Issa runs into one of the bloods that crashed her party. He has a really big, weird shaped head.

It reminds me of this kid I went to high school with named Mickey who had a big oversized head that sort of came to a point at the top; so more a triangle than round head. Of course now that I've spent several years working in developmental pediatrics I know what happened there is that he should have had a helmet as an infant and his parents didn't get him one, but at the time it was just there goes Mickey with his big ass pointed head that he for some reason chooses to accuentuate with a cloth headband. (This was obviously during the Rocafella era when that was en vogue for men.) I actually think that he ended up being shot and murdered as an adult, but for the life of me I cannot remember his last name in order to check and I'm not exactly on speaking terms with my high school classmates.

Anyway, Mickey (I don't know that we ever get to hear his name and I'm going to make the executive decision that it doesn't matter) says he had fun at Issa's party and she watches him go.

Molly's law office. She's skyping with Hannah in the Chicago office as well as the TSA agent from Get Out, Quintin, a fellow lawyer in a trendy bow tie. There's a Chicago joke about the sun shining so he's going to the beach. That doesn't work here because Chicago is not an overcast city and we don't have an excessive amount of cloudy days. You're thinking Portland, Insecure writers. Idk why the actor didn't correct him, since apparently he's also from Chicago. In the summer I hang a dark blanket on the window behind my blinds because my bedroom is east facing and there's too much sun for 75% of the day. Anyway, they bond over being the token black lawyers and it's all lovely and relatable.

High school. As you may have noticed, I really don't give a shit about this storyline. I did think it was interesting that Issa ended up being the bad guy in this scenario, as the show's hero, because you are definitely tempted to take her side in this. Frida comes across as an overly Clueless White Person with her concerns that the after school program is only black children while Issa isn't bothered because she's just glad the program is full. When I watched this the first time I was uncomfortable with it because while I didn't exactly disagree with Issa's blase attitude, I did think the show made it clear enough that she wasn't doing the right thing to take it. Of course this season will make it overtly clear - more than the first season did in my opinion - that Issa's judgment is sure in the fuck not to be trusted, and this was just another way that they established that. Duly noted that white people aren't always wrong when it comes to race. Issa's attitude doesn't sit well with Frida.

Multicultural Silicon Valley start up, aka Lawrence's computery job. It looks like he's wearing one of those Untuck It shirts. Tangent. I went out with this guy who was born in the 70s because he started hitting on me when I was working on my laptop at Map Room and trying not to cry because I was texting with my new boyfriend-even-though-we'd-been-fucking-for-the-last-three-years-not-as-a-couple because he up and booked a flight for a 10 day trip to Costa Rica and didn't tell me about it til afterward. I was two La Fin du Mondes in already and when I went to close out, the random man offered to buy me another, apparently not noticing my teary eyes. Anyway, because he was born in the 70s, he was particularly preoccupied with anything young and trendy, and frequently mentioned his Untuck It shirts to me. Granted they do look expensive and well made in real life. But they're also just regular fucking shirts that charge a 300% premium because they cut them slightly shorter so that you don't have to... guess what... tuck them in. I've literally only ever seen or heard of these shirts due to advertisements during daytime CNN or MSNBC viewing so like... who's supposed to be impressed by this?

Anyway, The Generic White Guy is obnoxiously eating snack food made from crickets, and Lawrence is talking about his trip to Phuket, so we get the full range of lovely diversity at work in this cool, trendy environment. Apparently the ethnic girl next to Lawrence slept with Corny Colin, which the blonde teases her about. Ethnic Girl is not amused by it. The group discusses a company social, but Lawrence can't go because he "promised someone he'd pick up some chairs." So he's going to go to Tasha's family bbq after all. The group clearly regards Lawrence as a trendsetter amongst what's hot and what's not - a distinction I feel that certain types of black people, in certain environments, are relegated to simply because black culture is presumed to be cooler than the other prevailing cultures - and everyone is disappointed that he will not be going.

Loading dock. Molly is wearing a fabulous black skirt suit with leather trimmed lapels. She's on the phone with her mom about the vow renewal thing her parents keep bugging her about. A worker comes out with her bookcase and assumes the random black man standing nearby is there with her. He asks if he should hand it over and everyone looks at each other, blanketed by the wrongness of the assumptions all around. Molly scoffs that she's not with him, and makes to pick up the bookcase by herself.

Yes, it is exactly as absurd as you'd think it would be, and two things. Motherfuck this whole concept where black women aren't allowed or should be or expected to be the normal amount of "feminine" granted to every other woman. I had this epiphany somewhere not long after high school when I realized how panicked and backed up against the wall I felt that my natural inclination was to resist any kind of vulnerability and the realization that I didn't want to have to be "strong" all the time. That wasn't going to work for me. I am damsel in distress all the time. You will stop when I cross the street, even if I'm timing it wrong with the stop signs - when I politely give you the right of way, you will insist I cross instead. You will pause to let me pass and open doors when I do. You will push my car out of the snow. You will offer to carry the leftovers from the restaurant. I dated a guy who insisted on walking down the stairs in front of me when I was wearing high heels, just in case I tripped. Point being, with regards to this scene, I wouldn't have lifted that shit. I wouldn't have carried shit. I would have been pointedly unable to carry that box. I'd have stood there for a half hour if that's as long as it took for someone to offer to carry the box for me. But it wouldn't have. When you behave with the expectation that you are a woman and you expect to be treated like a woman, something kinda funny happens... people treat you like a delicate woman. It doesn't escape my notice that the black man the worker assumed was there for Molly is there with a white woman, whose boxes he handily carries, while Molly struggles absurdly with the bulky oblong in her five inch heels down a flight of stairs. No ma'am. Later for "strong black womanhood," in this physical sense at any rate.

Molly's fantastic apartment. She's telling Issa she's putting her therapy on hold until she finds another therapist. Naturally, therapy was hitting too close to home, so Molly's instinct was to run from the truth. They are trying to put together this Ikea ass bookcase (related to my previous tangent, whenever I need this kind of manly work done, I outsource it now. Task Rabbit is an app, y'all. That's what it's for. It's not as solid a solution as having an actual man around or anything, but on some level I simply refuse to become a handyman myself just out of sheer principle. You will not deny me my femininity this way, it is a political issue at this point to me.)

Anyway, Molly is bitching about the therapist trying to get too close "just because we both got brown titties." Issa abides this silently. I can't believe they unironically drink Carlo Rossi. I remember being a kid and trying to learn about this kind of stuff and making a note from, of all places, an episode of Intervention about what kinds of wine people actually drink. Haha! (And yes, it was the huge gallon jug of Carlo Rossi.) Issa encourages Molly to keep looking for a new therapist, which Molly flips back on Issa regarding not finding a new Lawrence either.

Issa recounts how she couldn't do casual sex because she was too stuck in her own head. I'm so glad this has never been a problem for me LOL. I don't even know what my social life would be like if I had a hang up about this issue. They decide they should be doing their "ho phase" together - but then Issa met Lawrence and he "made [her] fall in love with him and shit." Issa wants to get on Team Fuck Love, and asks Molly "can you teach me how to ho?" "Bitch that's rude... and yes," Molly replies.

Late night spot. Issa is wearing a ridiculous outfit as she ridicules the other thirsty women in the spot that are there for an apparently different kind of thirst than the one she is. Seriously, what were we supposed to think about this outfit?

Baby, no. Especially as a woman walks past wearing the exact same bad dress. She's also wearing what I'm sure are an expensive pair of espadrilles, but they are wedge espadrilles, with a red floral print. Plainly, that outfit is ridiculous. Issa suggests a vacation to somewhere where they'll be exotic. Molly doesn't care, and seems very underwhelmed by the night.

Issa is chatting with some guy, making awkward double entendres and sexual innuendos. The guy is not amused and flat out walks away from her mid conversation. The next guy at the bar keeps peeling his eyes around at everything else but Issa, finally admitting that he's only talking to her because his friend wanted to talk to Molly. Issa is the grenade. Dayuuuuum, bro. "Do you have any other friends?" he asks, which Issa doesn't dignify with a response.

Molly is talking to Sterling K Brown and is still underwhelmed with the night - the way his friend was only talking to Issa, she's only talking to him. He asks for her number and Molly coolly hands him her business card. She joins Issa at the bar, who has given up on the night and ordered a plate of wings. I get it. There's only so much humiliation you can take when you put yourself out there to pick up a random at the bar. Hell, at least Issa has a friend with her while she does it.

Tasha's house. Tasha is in bed with Lawrence with her hair wrapped gossiping about tv shows. Lawrence tries to distract her and get amorous but Tasha isn't interested in going there. She pushes Lawrence away and we are treated to more of the show-within-a-show.

Back at the Dune's, Issa (in her middle-of-the-bed pillow) can't sleep so she pulls out her vibrator. The battery dies and she spends like ten minutes walking around the apartment looking for new batteries. And, why don't you have a magic wand? True story: I held off buying any kind of sex toys because I never had any and it made me have to seek out men if I wanted to have a sexual encounter; I (it turned out, rightly) figured that if I had any sex toys it would discourage and demotivate me from meeting actual men. Guess what... I was completely correct, and my love life took a marked down turn the same year I bought a magic wand of my own. Could have been timing, coincidence, I don't know, but it was interesting. I have since incorporated it into my regular sex life. (My boyfriend-that-I-loved-so-much-I-was-always-crying was amused the first time I used it with him, calling it "violent" and "over the top" because I was "loud" and it "plugged into the wall." lol. I did nothing but laugh and concede the point, because he was right. But in other news, fun fact: it also works on men, so if you are hooking up with someone that you don't actually want to have sex with, everyone can have an orgasm with no intercourse whatsoever.)

There are a few scenes about Molly's being underpaid and Issa missing the discrimination that I'm going to skip because the point has been made already.

Lunch. Molly is on a date with Sterling K Brown. He's showing her pictures of his niece on his phone, because he's a Good Black Man looking for a Good Black Woman. Actually, given the champagne flute and the bottle on the table I'm going to assume this is brunch (mimosas, you see). Sterling K Brown is wearing an interesting outfit, what says the tribunal?

This rote-date-conversation centers around the fact that they both have ticking biological clocks, and that Sterling K Brown is not being at all ambiguous about his intentions. Molly seems uncomfortable, and isn't following this conversation as well as a woman would be if she were truly interested. I gotta say, Sterling K Brown comes off as a LITTLE thirsty... but, considering Molly really does the most when it comes to choosing a man, like... you can't empathize with her at all. Do we know this, do viewers know this? Molly is wrong and ridiculous and has no clue what she is doing, and her choosing criteria is wildly outdated, immature, and foolish. Like, there is no shrewdness to her relationship behavior at all. She is doing nothing that would prove to be in her best interests or better her life circumstances at all, even if it were just casually dating a potential husband so that you have that back up available when things aren’t going well. This is the kind of thing I might of done before I realized it may be an actual real possibility that I actually might not find the husband I wanted some day.

California Family Cookout. There's ribs, there's dominoes. You feel right at home. Lawrence shows up in some hipster ass shirt, carrying chairs as promised. Tasha is wearing a lime green midi dress with scribbled print and a lopsided sew in. It works, as long as you don't pause at the wrong moment. Why am I hating on both their outfits? Let's move on. Tasha's relatives line up to get a good look at Lawrence and he is clearly there in a capacity of Tasha's Man Friend... which he looks decidedly uncomfortable with. Well, what the fuck were you expecting, Lawrence? Why do you think she hedged around inviting you, and made it clear you didn't have to come?

Lawrence's coworker texts him, and he decides to take it as an out, telling Tasha he'll be right back. "Oh... ok," she says. Damn. Again, people were furious over the "thirsty" character of Tasha. Meanwhile I'm just over here wondering why fellow black women didn't have more sympathy for her flexibility. Some of the time when I peek back into conversations in The Community, I am reminded of all kinds of toxic shit I used to feel and believe when I was younger that I eventually had to unlearn in the interests of any kind of healthy interpersonal life. She cheerfully says she'll see him later, and he leaves.

Molly is at a cupcake shop - those are a thing, y'all, and why? I live near one that granted, makes delicious cupcakes, but they cost like fucking four and a half dollars for one REGULAR SIZE muffin tin mold cupcake! Funnily enough, they are actually named "Molly's Cupcakes." Someone calls out that they will pay for her cupcakes, and it appears to be someone Molly knows:

A guy named Dro and his ostensible wife, who playfully criticizes Molly's insistence on wearing "ugly" dark colors - it's a black greek thing. (The wife is Delta, which I presume makes Molly AKA). The married couple set up the plot for next week's episode, expositing that they are in town for the Kiss n Grind party. It's clear that Molly knows Dro from way back, and the wife is newer.

Dunes. Issa has decided to paint over her burnt wall. She's typically spastic at it, dripping paint everywhere and making a mess. While cleaning off the roller, she spots Mickey Bighead lounging by the pool and is apparently attracted by what she sees. Molly calls; Issa notes her "high pitched fakeness" as she describes the date with Sterling K Brown: although there is clearly nothing wrong with him it's obvious to the both of them that Molly just isn't into it. For SOME reason. And this is the thing that is frustrating about Molly... there's never any legitimate or tangible reason why she has no interest in normal men and normal relationships, or why she brushes off scenarios that would be good for her. Like, what is she looking for instead? What's wrong with Sterling K Brown? Why would she not be interested in him? There are no red flags - it's not his looks, it's not that he's not a professional peer, it's not his baggage as he is unmarried with no children. And perhaps that is the point the show is making - that just because she should be interested in him, that doesn't mean she has to be. In the larger context of women "wanting it all" or "not settling," the point is valid. But in a practical sense, Molly is being ridiculous and her actions are not justified. This is how bitches end up single til 40 when they wind up marrying a bald janitor in the end anyway, is all I'm saying. Making smart choices don’t always feel like the choices you want to make.

Molly is comparing her lack of interest in Sterling K Brown with the fact that Candace and Dro are happy despite the fact that Dro was a mess and never had a "five year plan." So I guess that's what her problem is. She has no idea what will make her happy and is constantly peeking in other peoples' lives like it will tell her what would work in hers. You can always find a reason why a person is lacking when you compare them to someone else because... people aren't the same.

Start up Happy Hour. Lawrence shows up and his coworkers are happy to see him. They know the workplace is one big ho fest once enough drinks start flowing. Ethnic Girl is still pointed about regretting hooking up with Generic White Guy. Which, rude.

Issa has painted over her wall, which looks really good. But then she notices she neglected the smoke on the ceiling. Knowing she can't reach it, she reckons with it and tells it, "you can't have my joy." She spots Mickey Bighead going into his apartment and concocts a plan. She pulls out her charger and takes it down to Mickey's asking whether he left it at her house at her party. He seems momentarily taken aback, but recovers smoothly enough to invite her in.

Start Up Saturday. Lawrence gets a text from Tasha wondering where he is. Ethnic Girl asks what his deal is - and I kind of hate those "work people" that you can tell their primary source of social capital comes from people they meet in and around the work environment. Like other people are wrong for having a life outside of work and are not as immersed as you are. They ask whether Lawrence is single as a waitress comes up to flirt with him. Although Lawrence says he has to take off soon, her overt interest is all it takes for him to stay for a round of shots.

Back at Mickey's they're talking about Gossip Girl. Blake Lively is the most generic white woman on the face of the planet. "Yeah, white people," Mickey says. "There's so many of them," Issa adds awkwardly. Lol. Issa daydreams a confidence boost rap to convince herself to make a move: "even if it's wack, you can still get some head!" Unflattering accidental pause moment:

Issa makes an awkward kiss move, accidentally knocking him in the nose with her forehead. It works anyway, and they start making out. The first time I watched this I was a little annoyed because while I understand Issa's excitement over her new body, her constantly barely clothed state this season just seems so gratuitous. The fact that I personally don't like her body type - not to say she hasn't done a lot of work on it! - mainly just annoyed me. And I don't enjoy her sex scenes. Molly's sex scenes and Lawrence's sex scenes are great. So it's always kind of a let down when we have to watch Issa have sex. Her bra collection is excellent though, I guess.

Mickey asks if he could titty fuck her, which Issa "respectfully decline[s]." He wants to put her legs over her head, which she is uncomfortable with. Her head is squashed into the headboard and it's terrible. To her credit, Issa asks to change positions and finds a way that suits her better. He's wearing white socks. Aw. Flashbacks.

Molly is at home, working with a glass of red. Sterling K Brown invites her to a SZA concert and she declines. He comes back with a dinner invitation which she doesn't even reply to. Whatever, Molly. But hey, she heard my complaints and hired some random men to put the cabinet together for her! There's that at least.

Start up Saturday. Everyone's drunk and Lawrence is explaining the concept of his app to the two girls. What IS "Woot Woot" exactly? Besides the fact that everyone makes fun of him when he talks about it, as far as I can tell it's some kind of group chat client? Idk. Tasha calls, and Lawrence puts the phone to his ear in the loud bar. Tasha is mildly agitated, asking what happened to him because he never came back; her family members are even now in the background asking about him. He apologizes and says he ended up drinking too much. Tasha says if he didn't want to come he should have just told her. Lawrence tries to brush it off but then admits he isn't looking for a serious relationship. Tasha is put out because he ghosted on her in front of her entire family; if he didn't want a serious thing he shouldn't have come. He embarrassed her. Lawrence apologizes in a way that still blames it on her: "I know how much you wanted me to be there." It's her fault for expecting his intentions to match his behavior, not his fault for not being up front and leading her on. Tasha tells him to stop acting like he gives a fuck about her feelings, because he "fronted like it was [something more], apologizing for shit" he knew he wasn't sorry for.

Lawrence insists he was being genuine. Tasha: "You're a fuck nigga. You're worse than a fuck nigga. You're a fuck nigga who thinks he's a good dude." And she hangs up. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the cultural conundrum facing all of us in this new technologically advanced hook up landscape we are all attempting to navigate. I don't know how it used to be before Swiper Not Swiping and casual sex became the rule, not the exception, but I also find that men are preoccupied with being "good guys" in a way that belies their shitty behavior; some kind of veneer of honesty and distance that doesn't quite square with the level of intimacy and acquiescence they are seeking from their partners. Maybe back in the day it was understood you couldn't get that level of commitment without expressly acknowledging it; I find these days men think they get to have their cake and eat it too on this issue.

Anyway, look at this shit:

Bitch, what are you wearing? Those 1980s Jessie Spano mom jeans. Her name is "Arpana" which leads me to believe she's supposed to be Indian, but I think in real life her body type would indicate she is something else. She's probably Latina tbh. (And no I'm not going to google this to find out.) Anyway, Lawrence is laughing off his conversation with Tasha well enough as he rejoins the party.

Back at the Dunes, Issa is sneaking out of Mickey's apartment. She isn't quiet enough and he wakes up, offering for her to sleep over. Super generous considering she lives literally right upstairs. As Issa grabs her phone to go, she decides she isn't actually willing to sacrifice her phone charger for this farce, so she snatches it up too. But not to fear: it turns out Mickey was aware of her ruse the entire time, as his phone has been sitting plugged into his own not-missing charger the whole time. Issa can't even be mad as she lets out a chuckle and goes. She seems pleased, at least, with this first foray into "honess."

#insecure hbo #issa rae

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Previously on Insecure: Issa slept with Lawrence but Lawrence is apparently with Tasha. Lawrence told Tasha, and it didn’t go well. Lawrence moved out of Chad’s place. Molly’s therapist helped her try to move up a level at work. Issa starts to accept that Lawrence is done.

Issa is having a red wine and chill with some random. She’s wearing a purple football jersey for the occasion, which is an interesting choice. Her hair is braided down in a protective after-shampooing set of Celie cornrows like… it tickles me when famous black women publicly do stuff that is just-for-at-home and mainstream media loses their shit over it (see also Rihanna wearing sparkly bobby pins in her wrapped hair) but, Insecure is for us. I’m not so sure I can cosign this ostentatiously quirky style choice, lol.

The guy moves in to kiss her and Issa awkwardly accepts it. She continually giggles while he is trying to be sexy, past the point where he is amused by it. As an aside, this is everything:

Issa is frankly annoying him now - I get that it’s weird for her to have sex with a new person after being with Lawrence for five years. The first time I had a serious long term relationship I was surprised how weird it was to begin sleeping with someone new again. It wasn’t something I thought I’d have a problem with, since obviously I’d never had a boyfriend and that was the weird thing. But, it was. Issa asks to reschedule, but she has blown this dude’s high - he’s wearing jeans with cutouts at the knee, this is some Eric Benet California shit - he doesn’t really want to try again. This didn’t work. So Issa gets dressed to leave.

Dunes. Issa is about to leave for work when she catches sight of the plume of smoke she burned into her wall at last week’s party. She also notices before she goes that the new property management has issued what appears to be every apartment notices for noise violations, taped to their doors.

On the way out, Issa runs into one of the bloods that crashed her party. He has a really big, weird shaped head.

It reminds me of this kid I went to high school with named Mickey who had a big oversized head that sort of came to a point at the top; so more a triangle than round head. Of course now that I’ve spent several years working in developmental pediatrics I know what happened there is that he should have had a helmet as an infant and his parents didn’t get him one, but at the time it was just there goes Mickey with his big ass pointed head that he for some reason chooses to accuentuate with a cloth headband. (This was obviously during the Rocafella era when that was en vogue for men.) I actually think that he ended up being shot and murdered as an adult, but for the life of me I cannot remember his last name in order to check and I’m not exactly on speaking terms with my high school classmates.

Anyway, Mickey (I don’t know that we ever get to hear his name and I’m going to make the executive decision that it doesn’t matter) says he had fun at Issa’s party and she watches him go.

Molly’s law office. She’s skyping with Hannah in the Chicago office as well as the TSA agent from Get Out, Quintin, a fellow lawyer in a trendy bow tie. There’s a Chicago joke about the sun shining so he’s going to the beach. That doesn’t work here because Chicago is not an overcast city and we don’t have an excessive amount of cloudy days. You’re thinking Portland, Insecure writers. Idk why the actor didn’t correct him, since apparently he’s also from Chicago. In the summer I hang a dark blanket on the window behind my blinds because my bedroom is east facing and there’s too much sun for 75% of the day. Anyway, they bond over being the token black lawyers and it’s all lovely and relatable.

High school. As you may have noticed, I really don’t give a shit about this storyline. I did think it was interesting that Issa ended up being the bad guy in this scenario, as the show’s hero, because you are definitely tempted to take her side in this. Frida comes across as an overly Clueless White Person with her concerns that the after school program is only black children while Issa isn’t bothered because she’s just glad the program is full. When I watched this the first time I was uncomfortable with it because while I didn’t exactly disagree with Issa’s blase attitude, I did think the show made it clear enough that she wasn’t doing the right thing to take it. Of course this season will make it overtly clear - more than the first season did in my opinion - that Issa’s judgment is sure in the fuck not to be trusted, and this was just another way that they established that. Duly noted that white people aren’t always wrong when it comes to race. Issa’s attitude doesn’t sit well with Frida.

Multicultural Silicon Valley start up, aka Lawrence’s computery job. It looks like he’s wearing one of those Untuck It shirts. Tangent. I went out with this guy who was born in the 70s because he started hitting on me when I was working on my laptop at Map Room and trying not to cry because I was texting with my new boyfriend-even-though-we’d-been-fucking-for-the-last-three-years-not-as-a-couple because he up and booked a flight for a 10 day trip to Costa Rica and didn’t tell me about it til afterward. I was two La Fin du Mondes in already and when I went to close out, the random man offered to buy me another, apparently not noticing my teary eyes. Anyway, because he was born in the 70s, he was particularly preoccupied with anything young and trendy, and frequently mentioned his Untuck It shirts to me. Granted they do look expensive and well made in real life. But they’re also just regular fucking shirts that charge a 300% premium because they cut them slightly shorter so that you don’t have to… guess what… tuck them in. I’ve literally only ever seen or heard of these shirts due to advertisements during daytime CNN or MSNBC viewing so like… who’s supposed to be impressed by this?

Anyway, The Generic White Guy is obnoxiously eating snack food made from crickets, and Lawrence is talking about his trip to Phuket, so we get the full range of lovely diversity at work in this cool, trendy environment. Apparently the ethnic girl next to Lawrence slept with Corny Colin, which the blonde teases her about. Ethnic Girl is not amused by it. The group discusses a company social, but Lawrence can’t go because he “promised someone he’d pick up some chairs.” So he’s going to go to Tasha’s family bbq after all. The group clearly regards Lawrence as a trendsetter amongst what’s hot and what’s not - a distinction I feel that certain types of black people, in certain environments, are relegated to simply because black culture is presumed to be cooler than the other prevailing cultures - and everyone is disappointed that he will not be going.

Loading dock. Molly is wearing a fabulous black skirt suit with leather trimmed lapels. She’s on the phone with her mom about the vow renewal thing her parents keep bugging her about. A worker comes out with her bookcase and assumes the random black man standing nearby is there with her. He asks if he should hand it over and everyone looks at each other, blanketed by the wrongness of the assumptions all around. Molly scoffs that she’s not with him, and makes to pick up the bookcase by herself.

Yes, it is exactly as absurd as you’d think it would be, and two things. Motherfuck this whole concept where black women aren’t allowed or should be or expected to be the normal amount of “feminine” granted to every other woman. I had this epiphany somewhere not long after high school when I realized how panicked and backed up against the wall I felt that my natural inclination was to resist any kind of vulnerability and the realization that I didn’t want to have to be “strong” all the time. That wasn’t going to work for me. I am damsel in distress all the time. You will stop when I cross the street, even if I’m timing it wrong with the stop signs - when I politely give you the right of way, you will insist I cross instead. You will pause to let me pass and open doors when I do. You will push my car out of the snow. You will offer to carry the leftovers from the restaurant. I dated a guy who insisted on walking down the stairs in front of me when I was wearing high heels, just in case I tripped. Point being, with regards to this scene, I wouldn’t have lifted that shit. I wouldn’t have carried shit. I would have been pointedly unable to carry that box. I’d have stood there for a half hour if that’s as long as it took for someone to offer to carry the box for me. But it wouldn’t have. When you behave with the expectation that you are a woman and you expect to be treated like a woman, something kinda funny happens… people treat you like a delicate woman. It doesn’t escape my notice that the black man the worker assumed was there for Molly is there with a white woman, whose boxes he handily carries, while Molly struggles absurdly with the bulky oblong in her five inch heels down a flight of stairs. No ma'am. Later for “strong black womanhood,” in this physical sense at any rate.

Molly’s fantastic apartment. She’s telling Issa she’s putting her therapy on hold until she finds another therapist. Naturally, therapy was hitting too close to home, so Molly’s instinct was to run from the truth. They are trying to put together this Ikea ass bookcase (related to my previous tangent, whenever I need this kind of manly work done, I outsource it now. Task Rabbit is an app, y'all. That’s what it’s for. It’s not as solid a solution as having an actual man around or anything, but on some level I simply refuse to become a handyman myself just out of sheer principle. You will not deny me my femininity this way, it is a political issue at this point to me.)

Anyway, Molly is bitching about the therapist trying to get too close “just because we both got brown titties.” Issa abides this silently. I can’t believe they unironically drink Carlo Rossi. I remember being a kid and trying to learn about this kind of stuff and making a note from, of all places, an episode of Intervention about what kinds of wine people actually drink. Haha! (And yes, it was the huge gallon jug of Carlo Rossi.) Issa encourages Molly to keep looking for a new therapist, which Molly flips back on Issa regarding not finding a new Lawrence either.

Issa recounts how she couldn’t do casual sex because she was too stuck in her own head. I’m so glad this has never been a problem for me LOL. I don’t even know what my social life would be like if I had a hang up about this issue. They decide they should be doing their “ho phase” together - but then Issa met Lawrence and he “made [her] fall in love with him and shit.” Issa wants to get on Team Fuck Love, and asks Molly “can you teach me how to ho?” “Bitch that’s rude… and yes,” Molly replies.

Baby, no. Especially as a woman walks past wearing the exact same bad dress. She’s also wearing what I’m sure are an expensive pair of espadrilles, but they are wedge espadrilles, with a red floral print. Plainly, that outfit is ridiculous. Issa suggests a vacation to somewhere where they’ll be exotic. Molly doesn’t care, and seems very underwhelmed by the night.

Issa is chatting with some guy, making awkward double entendres and sexual innuendos. The guy is not amused and flat out walks away from her mid conversation. The next guy at the bar keeps peeling his eyes around at everything else but Issa, finally admitting that he’s only talking to her because his friend wanted to talk to Molly. Issa is the grenade. Dayuuuuum, bro. “Do you have any other friends?” he asks, which Issa doesn’t dignify with a response.

Molly is talking to Sterling K Brown and is still underwhelmed with the night - the way his friend was only talking to Issa, she’s only talking to him. He asks for her number and Molly coolly hands him her business card. She joins Issa at the bar, who has given up on the night and ordered a plate of wings. I get it. There’s only so much humiliation you can take when you put yourself out there to pick up a random at the bar. Hell, at least Issa has a friend with her while she does it.

Tasha’s house. Tasha is in bed with Lawrence with her hair wrapped gossiping about tv shows. Lawrence tries to distract her and get amorous but Tasha isn’t interested in going there. She pushes Lawrence away and we are treated to more of the show-within-a-show.

Back at the Dune’s, Issa (in her middle-of-the-bed pillow) can’t sleep so she pulls out her vibrator. The battery dies and she spends like ten minutes walking around the apartment looking for new batteries. And, why don’t you have a magic wand? True story: I held off buying any kind of sex toys because I never had any and it made me have to seek out men if I wanted to have a sexual encounter; I (it turned out, rightly) figured that if I had any sex toys it would discourage and demotivate me from meeting actual men. Guess what… I was completely correct, and my love life took a marked down turn the same year I bought a magic wand of my own. Could have been timing, coincidence, I don’t know, but it was interesting. I have since incorporated it into my regular sex life. (My boyfriend-that-I-loved-so-much-I-was-always-crying was amused the first time I used it with him, calling it “violent” and “over the top” because I was “loud” and it “plugged into the wall.” lol. I did nothing but laugh and concede the point, because he was right. But in other news, fun fact: it also works on men, so if you are hooking up with someone that you don’t actually want to have sex with, everyone can have an orgasm with no intercourse whatsoever.)

There are a few scenes about Molly’s being underpaid and Issa missing the discrimination that I’m going to skip because the point has been made already.

Lunch. Molly is on a date with Sterling K Brown. He’s showing her pictures of his niece on his phone, because he’s a Good Black Man looking for a Good Black Woman. Actually, given the champagne flute and the bottle on the table I’m going to assume this is brunch (mimosas, you see). Sterling K Brown is wearing an interesting outfit, what says the tribunal?

This rote-date-conversation centers around the fact that they both have ticking biological clocks, and that Sterling K Brown is not being at all ambiguous about his intentions. Molly seems uncomfortable, and isn’t following this conversation as well as a woman would be if she were truly interested. I gotta say, Sterling K Brown comes off as a LITTLE thirsty… but, considering Molly really does the most when it comes to choosing a man, like… you can’t empathize with her at all. Do we know this, do viewers know this? Molly is wrong and ridiculous and has no clue what she is doing, and her choosing criteria is wildly outdated, immature, and foolish. Like, there is no shrewdness to her relationship behavior at all. She is doing nothing that would prove to be in her best interests or better her life circumstances at all, even if it were just casually dating a potential husband so that you have that back up available when things aren’t going well. This is the kind of thing I might of done before I realized it may be an actual real possibility that I actually might not find the husband I wanted some day.

California Family Cookout. There’s ribs, there’s dominoes. You feel right at home. Lawrence shows up in some hipster ass shirt, carrying chairs as promised. Tasha is wearing a lime green midi dress with scribbled print and a lopsided sew in. It works, as long as you don’t pause at the wrong moment. Why am I hating on both their outfits? Let’s move on. Tasha’s relatives line up to get a good look at Lawrence and he is clearly there in a capacity of Tasha’s Man Friend… which he looks decidedly uncomfortable with. Well, what the fuck were you expecting, Lawrence? Why do you think she hedged around inviting you, and made it clear you didn’t have to come?

Lawrence’s coworker texts him, and he decides to take it as an out, telling Tasha he’ll be right back. “Oh… ok,” she says. Damn. Again, people were furious over the “thirsty” character of Tasha. Meanwhile I’m just over here wondering why fellow black women didn’t have more sympathy for her flexibility. Some of the time when I peek back into conversations in The Community, I am reminded of all kinds of toxic shit I used to feel and believe when I was younger that I eventually had to unlearn in the interests of any kind of healthy interpersonal life. She cheerfully says she’ll see him later, and he leaves.

Molly is at a cupcake shop - those are a thing, y'all, and why? I live near one that granted, makes delicious cupcakes, but they cost like fucking four and a half dollars for one REGULAR SIZE muffin tin mold cupcake! Funnily enough, they are actually named “Molly’s Cupcakes.” Someone calls out that they will pay for her cupcakes, and it appears to be someone Molly knows:

A guy named Dro and his ostensible wife, who playfully criticizes Molly’s insistence on wearing “ugly” dark colors - it’s a black greek thing. (The wife is Delta, which I presume makes Molly AKA). The married couple set up the plot for next week’s episode, expositing that they are in town for the Kiss n Grind party. It’s clear that Molly knows Dro from way back, and the wife is newer.

Dunes. Issa has decided to paint over her burnt wall. She’s typically spastic at it, dripping paint everywhere and making a mess. While cleaning off the roller, she spots Mickey Bighead lounging by the pool and is apparently attracted by what she sees. Molly calls; Issa notes her “high pitched fakeness” as she describes the date with Sterling K Brown: although there is clearly nothing wrong with him it’s obvious to the both of them that Molly just isn’t into it. For SOME reason. And this is the thing that is frustrating about Molly… there’s never any legitimate or tangible reason why she has no interest in normal men and normal relationships, or why she brushes off scenarios that would be good for her. Like, what is she looking for instead? What’s wrong with Sterling K Brown? Why would she not be interested in him? There are no red flags - it’s not his looks, it’s not that he’s not a professional peer, it’s not his baggage as he is unmarried with no children. And perhaps that is the point the show is making - that just because she should be interested in him, that doesn’t mean she has to be. In the larger context of women “wanting it all” or “not settling,” the point is valid. But in a practical sense, Molly is being ridiculous and her actions are not justified. This is how bitches end up single til 40 when they wind up marrying a bald janitor in the end anyway, is all I’m saying. Making smart choices don’t always feel like the choices you want to make.

Molly is comparing her lack of interest in Sterling K Brown with the fact that Candace and Dro are happy despite the fact that Dro was a mess and never had a “five year plan.” So I guess that’s what her problem is. She has no idea what will make her happy and is constantly peeking in other peoples’ lives like it will tell her what would work in hers. You can always find a reason why a person is lacking when you compare them to someone else because… people aren’t the same.

Issa has painted over her wall, which looks really good. But then she notices she neglected the smoke on the ceiling. Knowing she can’t reach it, she reckons with it and tells it, “you can’t have my joy.” She spots Mickey Bighead going into his apartment and concocts a plan. She pulls out her charger and takes it down to Mickey’s asking whether he left it at her house at her party. He seems momentarily taken aback, but recovers smoothly enough to invite her in.

Start Up Saturday. Lawrence gets a text from Tasha wondering where he is. Ethnic Girl asks what his deal is - and I kind of hate those “work people” that you can tell their primary source of social capital comes from people they meet in and around the work environment. Like other people are wrong for having a life outside of work and are not as immersed as you are. They ask whether Lawrence is single as a waitress comes up to flirt with him. Although Lawrence says he has to take off soon, her overt interest is all it takes for him to stay for a round of shots.

Back at Mickey’s they’re talking about Gossip Girl. Blake Lively is the most generic white woman on the face of the planet. “Yeah, white people,” Mickey says. “There’s so many of them,” Issa adds awkwardly. Lol. Issa daydreams a confidence boost rap to convince herself to make a move: “even if it’s wack, you can still get some head!” Unflattering accidental pause moment:

Issa makes an awkward kiss move, accidentally knocking him in the nose with her forehead. It works anyway, and they start making out. The first time I watched this I was a little annoyed because while I understand Issa’s excitement over her new body, her constantly barely clothed state this season just seems so gratuitous. The fact that I personally don’t like her body type - not to say she hasn’t done a lot of work on it! - mainly just annoyed me. And I don’t enjoy her sex scenes. Molly’s sex scenes and Lawrence’s sex scenes are great. So it’s always kind of a let down when we have to watch Issa have sex. Her bra collection is excellent though, I guess.

Mickey asks if he could titty fuck her, which Issa “respectfully decline[s].” He wants to put her legs over her head, which she is uncomfortable with. Her head is squashed into the headboard and it’s terrible. To her credit, Issa asks to change positions and finds a way that suits her better. He’s wearing white socks. Aw. Flashbacks.

Molly is at home, working with a glass of red. Sterling K Brown invites her to a SZA concert and she declines. He comes back with a dinner invitation which she doesn’t even reply to. Whatever, Molly. But hey, she heard my complaints and hired some random men to put the cabinet together for her! There’s that at least.

Start up Saturday. Everyone’s drunk and Lawrence is explaining the concept of his app to the two girls. What IS “Woot Woot” exactly? Besides the fact that everyone makes fun of him when he talks about it, as far as I can tell it’s some kind of group chat client? Idk. Tasha calls, and Lawrence puts the phone to his ear in the loud bar. Tasha is mildly agitated, asking what happened to him because he never came back; her family members are even now in the background asking about him. He apologizes and says he ended up drinking too much. Tasha says if he didn’t want to come he should have just told her. Lawrence tries to brush it off but then admits he isn’t looking for a serious relationship. Tasha is put out because he ghosted on her in front of her entire family; if he didn’t want a serious thing he shouldn’t have come. He embarrassed her. Lawrence apologizes in a way that still blames it on her: “I know how much you wanted me to be there.” It’s her fault for expecting his intentions to match his behavior, not his fault for not being up front and leading her on. Tasha tells him to stop acting like he gives a fuck about her feelings, because he “fronted like it was [something more], apologizing for shit” he knew he wasn’t sorry for.

Lawrence insists he was being genuine. Tasha: “You’re a fuck nigga. You’re worse than a fuck nigga. You’re a fuck nigga who thinks he’s a good dude.” And she hangs up. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the cultural conundrum facing all of us in this new technologically advanced hook up landscape we are all attempting to navigate. I don’t know how it used to be before Swiper Not Swiping and casual sex became the rule, not the exception, but I also find that men are preoccupied with being “good guys” in a way that belies their shitty behavior; some kind of veneer of honesty and distance that doesn’t quite square with the level of intimacy and acquiescence they are seeking from their partners. Maybe back in the day it was understood you couldn’t get that level of commitment without expressly acknowledging it; I find these days men think they get to have their cake and eat it too on this issue.

Anyway, look at this shit:

Bitch, what are you wearing? Those 1980s Jessie Spano mom jeans. Her name is “Arpana” which leads me to believe she’s supposed to be Indian, but I think in real life her body type would indicate she is something else. She’s probably Latina tbh. (And no I’m not going to google this to find out.) Anyway, Lawrence is laughing off his conversation with Tasha well enough as he rejoins the party.

Back at the Dunes, Issa is sneaking out of Mickey’s apartment. She isn’t quiet enough and he wakes up, offering for her to sleep over. Super generous considering she lives literally right upstairs. As Issa grabs her phone to go, she decides she isn’t actually willing to sacrifice her phone charger for this farce, so she snatches it up too. But not to fear: it turns out Mickey was aware of her ruse the entire time, as his phone has been sitting plugged into his own not-missing charger the whole time. Issa can’t even be mad as she lets out a chuckle and goes. She seems pleased, at least, with this first foray into “honess.”

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