RIP Lisa Swallows you would’ve loved I’m Not Okay (I Promise) by MCR

Sneak Peek!

Merry Christmas, everyone! You know what’s my gift to everyone for the jolly season?~~ Angst!~~~ Just angst :) like, straight-forward pain :) With who? Mwehehehehe... Guess who’s gonna suffer this time? This shit is 38 pages--I can’t believe this. Why do I do this to myself LOL

Since this work is so long, I’ll give a bit more sections of a sneak peek than usual, consider it the christmas spirit?

DISCLAIMER: these sneak peeks are subjected to change in the actual fic when I post it!

current 🏷: @nadav-ii, @carinacassiopeiae, @kendrex13, @roppongiperfume, @thesongstressayre, @kimigiri09 (it’s unfortunately not tagging you? i can only make a link to your tumblr)

wanna be in the taglist? check out this post !

first section of a sneak peek!

“... Did something happen at practice recently?”

He abruptly stands up before he walks to the ledge of the higher concrete structure, his back to you. You have no idea what his face looked like at the moment, but after a moment of tense silence, he finally lowered his head as if he thought hard about something.

“... You wouldn’t understand.”

And with that, he jumps down, not even bothering to use the ladder to get down. A harsh screech of the bulky door was the only indication that Aomine left the rooftop to no doubt sleep somewhere else. Silence follows. 

“I wouldn’t understand… huh…” you whisper out to no one in particular, staring at the city view obstructed by the safety fencing around the rooftop. You bite your lip in hopes of tamping down the awful feelings threatening to bubble out of you—the powerlessness in helping the person you love; the frustration of him never opening up to you; the lost isolation of being constantly left in the dust. This wasn’t the first time he did this to you, always storming off in his own tantrum when you confronted him on these matters—you weren’t a stranger to them at all. So why… why do you feel this way now?

You rapidly blink in hopes of regaining your composure, the kind that would pretend everything was okay and that his words didn’t really hurt you at all.

Yet, even when your lips begin to quiver uncontrollably, your eyes take on a glint of determination, your mind made up.

I want to understand him.

next section!!

You hone your focus on your modern history worksheet on your lap instead, hoping that staring at the printed figure of Yamagata Aritomo hard enough could somehow transport you into Meiji-era Japan and escape your current predicament. Still, you’re grateful that you have the chance to sit next to him at the usual rooftop once again. You don’t know how exactly you two agreed to come up to share the space again, but when you decided to come up to the rooftop on a whim, Aomine was already there. All he said was a lazy “yo” before he went back to reading his issues, which you took as a way for him to tell you that he didn’t mind your presence. And you settled yourself a few feet away from him, making yourself comfortable on the concrete before settling down your bag. Hence, leading up to this point… which you sort of regret being here now.

No matter, if you’re already here, you might as well actually start studying for your high school entrance exams. Normally you’d also turn to Aomine to scold him to take his studies just as seriously, but when you habitually turn to face him and open your mouth… you stop.

and one last one~

“... What’s your game?” he says, clearly thrown off guard, He opts to look away from you to stare at the window by his desk. “... Did I not make it clear last time?”

“Yeah, yeah… I know.” You give a sad smile before your grin grows unnaturally wider to hide your vulnerabilities. “You were unusually honest. So honest, it threw me off.”

No more… I’m not opening my heart to you any longer.

“Are you here to just embarrass me or something for revenge?”

“No one has that type of deplorable thinking like you,” you chastise, seemingly back to your old self. “Besides, we’re friends, first and foremost, and I can’t ignore a friend in need. You were probably starving yourself like an idiot, or something.”

Aomine was still facing the windowsill, but at your words, his eyes flitted to look at you once more. “... You sound like Tetsu.”

“Oh wow!” you gasp, putting a hand to your mouth in surprise. “How’d you know we’re dating?”

He whips his head to you. “What?! What the hell are you talking about?—”

“Kidding,” you interrupt him before he gets too explosive on you. “You can’t be that much of an idiot to not be able to call out that bluff.”

“Screw off.”

The end of an era (Javier x reader angst)

So, as previously mentioned, I had this idea for a full fanfiction about the reader who is in a relationship with Javier who gets closer to Charles while he’s in Guarma and then the reader feels torn between the two and so I thought I would post bits and pieces of it (seeing as I don’t have time for another fully fleshed out fanfic) so here’s a chapter about how the reader is once Javier returns and they are in Beaver Hallow and she feels a distance between her and Javier as he grows more erratic and mean towards half the camp. Lots of angst and a lil fluff ahead….

You watched as Micah conversed with your lover Javier, not bothering to hold back a frown as you thought of Micah digging his claws into your love. Javier was a good man, a great man. He was kind, and brave and always stood for the right thing, that was, until recently. He followed Dutch blindly and grew more angry and confrontational towards Arthur, John and Charles in particular, going as far as to accuse John of betrayal when speaking to Bill and Micah. He grew short with you when you tried to make him see sense, that perhaps Dutch was no longer behaving in the interest of the gang and was losing his way, but Javier refused to see it, refusing to believe the man who saved his life and took him in could be capable of turning on his family.

You approached Javier and Micah, smoothing your hands over your legs nervously.

“Javier, could I have a word with you please? In private?”

Javier glanced up at you. “Later amor, later” he said.

You breathed out as you looked down at the ground. “Please?”

Micah growled, stabbing the table with his knife. “He’s busy sweetheart, he’ll deal with you later.”

You paused, waiting for Javier to defend you. The Javier you knew would have jumped to defend you, hell, he had punched Micah for insulting him a few months ago. You shot Javier a pleading look but he refused to meet your eyes and you stormed off, going to check on Karen as you left him to talk with Micah.

The gang was falling apart. Doubt and divide filled the camp, Molly was dead, shot by Susan. Hosea, Lenny, Sean, they were all gone, and when Javier and the others returned from Guarma, they had brought a sadness with them that had failed to leave the camp since. It didn’t help that Beaver Hallow was a horrible place, surrounded by angry Murphree Brood gang members looking for revenge since Arthur and Charles had cleared their people out of the camp.

You had tried to help Karen over her addiction to alcohol, but since losing Sean, she was a lost cause.

One of your few remaining friends, Charles had taken to helping Rains Fall and his tribe out and you had been helping him, until Javier had returned. Things had been strained between you both as a result, perhaps because Charles had always harboured feelings for you, and Javier’s return had meant you had stuck by your lover instead of going to Charles.

Everything was wrong. Everything was broken and after checking on Karen, you went to the edge of the camp, allowing yourself a moment to cry.

“Hey Y/N, everything ok?”

You wiped your tears before turning to see Arthur. He was thin, his eyes bloodshot and he had not been able to shift a nasty cough he had for weeks now. He was sick, with what you didn’t know, but seeing your friend in such a condition was hard to watch.

“Oh, Arthur, hello, yes I’m fine thank you, are you alright?”

Arthur stood next to you and stared down at you. You hated when people asked you how you were when you felt this way, it seemed to drive you to tears more, and you didn’t do much of anything but cry lately.

Arthur sighed as he looked out to the mountains. “I’m alive, for now at least, that seems to be about as well as the rest of us are doin’ at the minute, listen is Javier treatin’ you right? I notice he’s been acting up in camp, you don’t have to tell me anythin’ darlin’ I just want to know you’re safe.”

You nudged him affectionately, before looking at the ground, feeling tears sting your eyes.

“He’s just, I just wish he could see Dutch’s faults, and Micah, always talking in his ear, he’s poisoning him Arthur, I know he is. But he just thinks I’m nagging him, trying to isolate him from his friends, he can’t see I’m just worried because I care. I don’t know what to do Arthur, I don’t know if even loves me anymore Arthur, I seem to annoy him all the time.”

You felt Arthur’s hand on your shoulder. “I know darlin’, half the damn camp are actin’ like fools and they can’t see the woods through the trees nowadays, Javier ain’t like the others though, he ain’t stupid like Bill, or mean for mean’s sake like Micah, he’ll see sense. He loves you, I know that, always has, that love ain’t goin’ anywhere darlin’ you just, stay strong.”

You hugged Arthur softly, but as you did, he was seized by a coughing fit, you patted his back and waited for it to ease, the force of it practically taking his breath away.

“Oh Arthur, I have a recipe for a tonic that might ease that coughing a little, will you let me make you some, please? It’s the least I could do.”

He shook his head. “I’m fine darlin’ please, don’t trouble yourself.”

You took his hand in your own. “Please Arthur, please let me help, you’re my friend, let me help you.”

He paused before nodding. “Ok, ok fine, just don’t trouble yourself too hard for it.”

You nodded before going towards your tent. As you approached, you saw Javier talking to Charles as he tried to mend the carriage.

“What’s your problem brother?”

Charles looked up at Javier from where he was kneeling. “No problem.”

“No you got a problem, look at how you’re acting” Javier retorted.

You walked closer, watching Javier and Charles argue was painful to watch.

“I don’t have a problem, do you have a problem?” Charles asked.

“I don’t know yet” Javier threatened.

You stood between them. “Javier stop, just leave him alone, please, please, look at me, leave it, please” you begged him.

“Use your brain friend, use your brain” Javier said, ignoring you.

“I’ll use my brain, and you use yours” Charles replied, calm as always.

“Oh, you wanna die?” Javier threatened, causing you to reach out and touch his chest. “Javier! Stop, please, will you stop this?”

Javier continued to ignore you. “You’re making a dumb choice man” he told Charles.

“I made no choices” Charles answered, standing up as he faced Javier.

Javier reached around you and spat at Charles’ feet before storming off.

You stood there in disbelief, you had never seen Javier behave so cruelly to those he called friends before. Charles wiped his shoe on the ground as he shook his head.

“Are you alright?” you asked him.

“Fine” he answered.

You looked at him for a moment. “I’m, I’m so sorry Charles, I’m sorry” you said and finally your tears fell as you gripped the side of the carriage, feeling the onset of emotion hit you.

Charles instinctively reached out to you, touching your arm softly. “It’s alright Y/N, it’s not your fault he’s like this.”

You frowned as your tears fell. “I don’t know what’s happening Charles, this isn’t like him, he isn’t cruel. He isn’t a bad man, but whatever happened in Guarma has changed him. I can’t even talk to him anymore, he won’t listen to me, he thinks I’m trying to cause problems, he doesn’t even see me half the time. He’s slipping away and I can’t, I don’t know how to fix this.”

You wanted nothing more than to throw your arms around Charles but Javier had already threatened him, if he saw you hugging him, god knows what he would do to the poor man you cared for so deeply.

Charles gave you a look of sympathy, he wasn’t sure what to say in truth. Javier had changed. His behaviour was inexcusable and Charles wasn’t sure how best to comfort you.

“It will be alright Y/N, things will work out, he’ll see sense, he’s just, confused.”

You nodded, touching his hand on your shoulder gently. “Charles, you are too kind to me, I don’t deserve you. I’m sorry for Javier’s behaviour, if he, if he threatens you again, will you please let me know?”

Charles smirked. “I think I can handle myself against him Y/N, but if he keeps making you cry, not sure I’ll be able to hold myself back from giving him a piece of my mind.”

You sighed, not wanting your friends and lover to fight anymore. You decided to try and speak to Javier.

He was whittling down by the river alone and he barely looked up at you when you sat by his side.

“Javier, what did Charles do to warrant such threats?”

He pressed his knife against the wood harder. “Always sneaking off against Dutch’s orders, working with others, been with us less than a year and he’s already disloyal.”

“He started helping Rains fall when you and the others were gone, he doesn’t mean any harm, he’s a good man, like you, you know that.”

Javier huffed. “He should be staying with us and only us, instead of sneaking off to others.”

“He didn’t deserve your anger Javier” you said quietly.

He stood up and went to leave. “Fine, take his side, go against me.”

You stood up and grabbed his arm, holding him back. “No wait, please Javi, don’t go, don’t shut me out, I love you, I want to understand you, please don’t shut me out again.”

He paused, staying put. He looked up at you. “You have to trust me querida, you have to trust Dutch, if we trust him, he’ll get us out of this mess and we can escape this life and be together, get married, have babies, just like you wanted.”

You moved to hold his hands softly. He made everything sound so good, so achievable even now.

“Javier, I know you love Dutch, I know you trust him and I know you think you owe him for saving your life, but, lately, Dutch’s choices have been more and more erratic, whatever happened in Guarma, it wasn’t good, for any of you I can see that. But I think it might have changed Dutch for the worst. I don’t think he’s the man you think he is, I don’t think he’s the same man who saved you.”

Javier snatched his hands back from yours. “You don’t know him like I know him. I trust him, I listen to him, he’s always gotten us out of trouble.”

“And what of Davey? Jenny? Mac, Sean, Lenny, even Hosea Javier, Dutch’s plans led to their deaths.”

Javier frowned. “You’re blaming him for their deaths? It’s the life we live y/n, it’s tough, people die. It isn’t Dutch’s fault.”

“His plans are getting more and more rushed, nonsensical, please Javi, you must see that.”

“I trust him” Javier repeated.

“And what of me? Don’t you trust me anymore? Do my words mean nothing anymore? Don’t you love me anymore?”

Javier faltered, his hands going to your face. “Of course I love you mi amor, of course I trust you. That’s why I’m doing all of this, that’s why I’m keeping to the plan, because I love you, because I want you safe, can’t you see that? Everything I do is because I love you, it’s all for you.”

“I wish you could see Javi, I wish you could see the truth, you have to believe me when I say, when the chips are down, Dutch will save himself, and only himself. We need to start thinking about our own lives” you said quietly.

Javier pulled away again, frowning at you. “Are you trying to get me to choose between you and Dutch?”

“I hope it doesn’t come to that, truly I don’t. But I wish you could see that I want you to be safe, Dutch wants you to help him for his own gain, why would I say any of this unless I loved you? Do you think I enjoy this? Do you think I want you to choose? I just want you to see sense Javi, please.”

Javier threw his hands up. “Unbelievable. Arthur and Charles are poisoning you against me, I have to go, Dutch wants me for something. I’ll make sure I don’t tell anyone about this conversation, I suggest you do the same, Susan’s pretty trigger happy when it comes to traitors.”

You flinched at that, it felt like a threat. Your lover, your Javier, calling you a traitor for wanting him to be safe.

That night you went to sleep alone in the tent you shared with Javier. It felt cold without your lover by your side, and you held the blankets closer to you as you tried to reclaim some warmth.

Hours later, when you were half asleep, you felt arms reluctantly close around you. You felt Javier hold you close, breathing in your scent.

“I hate fighting with you mi amor. I love you so much, I wish you could see that, there was a time when you believed that querida” he whispered.

You turned, resting your hands on his around your waist. “I do believe you love me Javi, as I love you. I love you so much.”

He leaned forward, kissing you gently. “You’ll see hermosa, I’m going to get us out of this life. I’m gonna marry you and give you the life you deserve.”

You cuddled in closer to him. “Just survive long enough for that to happen my love.”

With that you fell asleep together in each other’s arms.

You woke in the middle of the night to a strange feeling something was wrong. Javier was still asleep next to you so you ventured outside your tent. You walked to the edge of the camp where Charles was tending to Taima. As you approached, you saw he was loading his things onto her. He turned to face you, giving you a sad look as your eyes widened.

“Charles, are you leaving?”

He nodded slowly. “I can’t stay here anymore y/n, the gang is, well, all but gone. I have a chance to move on with Rains Fall’s people, a chance at peace.”

You nodded slightly, understanding why he would leave. “You were going to go without saying goodbye?”

Charles blinked as he looked down. “I thought, I thought it might be easier, I didn’t want to make things harder than they needed to be by saying goodbye.”

“So you thought leaving without saying goodbye would make things easier?”

He met your stare. “I’m sorry hummingbird.”

You stepped forward. “Charles, I’ll, I’m sorry, sorry for everything, sorry for all of this” you told him.

“It’s not your fault. None of it is. You were, you were the best part of this gang, you made me stick around with people longer than I have before, I don’t want to leave, but it’s too dangerous.”

You nodded before throwing your arms around him, his warmth enveloping you as he held you back.

“I’ll miss you Charles, so much.”

He held you close, you felt his lips against your neck as he held you and finally, he stepped back.

“Y/N, come with me, I know you love Javier, but I could keep you safe. I love you, I think you know that, that you’ve always known that. Come with me and we can escape together, live a life of peace” he asked you, holding you at arms length.

You considered it, a part of you loved Charles too, if Javier hadn’t returned from Guarma, you saw a life between you and Charles but Javier was here, and you had loved him for so long, and he loved you, despite it all. Could you really leave him for Charles?

You touched his chest, he was so broad and warm, even the touch of him made you feel safe.

“I’m sorry Charles, I can’t leave Javier. If he, if anything happened to him, I could never forgive myself, I’m so sorry, if things were different, I would run away with you in a second, I would start a life with you. You are a good man Charles, the best and I wish I could, I wish I could be there for you, but I love Javier, and I have to stay loyal to him, I’m so sorry.”

Charles nodded solemnly. “I understand hummingbird. I understand. Please stay safe. I wish you every happiness, I hope you find everything you want in this life, you are a great woman, you deserve to be happy.”

He kissed your forehead before he mounted Taima. You touched his leg affectionately before stroking Taima’s nose softly.

“Goodbye girl, I’ll miss you terribly too, such a good girl” you told Taima who nudged at you.

“Charles, be safe, I wish you every happiness too, if I don’t see you in this life again, I’ll look for you in the next. Goodbye” you told him.

He nodded once before finally leaving. You watched him go, until he was nothing but a spec in the distance. 

Javier was all you had now.

Wow, that was way more depressing than i initially intended! These RDR2 feels are bloody heartbreaking! I have a plan to do a second part of this (which won’t be as depressing...... i hope) sorry for hurting anyone, i feel like nobody needs angst writing at the minute, but i couldn’t help it, my fingers just kept typing, i couldn’t control it!

I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: vii, viii

"What? They can't just break up like that!" you gaped, shaking Renjun's shoulder lightly to exaggerate your point. Renjun rolled his eyes before clicking his tongue, "oh come on, you didn't see that coming? Their relationship was bound to end at some point, y/n."

You were both binge watching the ninth season of The Big Bang Theory at your house, originally planning to study and do chemistry homework  together, but being the procrastinator you were, you ended up getting distracted. Hence, why the two of you are sitting on your bed watching one of the most heartbreaking episodes on The Big Bang Theory while munching on some pizza,

“But they were so cute together! My Shelamy heart can’t take this, Injun!” you shook your best friend aggressively as you continue to whine, ignoring the sighing boy who was contemplating on why he was even friends with you in the first place. “He even got a ring for her, if that isn’t the cutest thing ever then I don’t know what is,” you groaned, collapsing on your bed as the thought of someone giving you a wedding ring made your heart flutter.

“Always the hopeless romantic,” Renjun sighs, running a hand down his face as if to say ‘I’m so done right now’. “Disgusting,” he teased, letting out a soft grunt once he felt you throw a pillow at the back of his head. “Shut up, nerd. You still have to find your soulmate, why not let your magnificent best friend mourn over the fact that she’s gonna be single for the rest of her life and let a girl dream?” you joked, earning a dark glare from Renjun.

Ouch, why did that hurt? It was your own joke after all. 

“Don’t say that you sadist. You need to stop making jokes bout the bad things in life, that’s not very healthy.” Renjun lectured, his hand coming up to pinch your cheek hard. You frowned, pulling his hand away from you as you chuckled nervously. “You know me, Jun. Humor is a coping mechanism for everything. I’m mad at you when you mock me for simping over Timothée Chalamet when he starred on Little Women? I use sarcastic humor as a revenge.” 

“I feel frustrated for failing that test because the damn substitute teacher wouldn’t believe me that I didn’t skip school instead of spending the whole day in the infirmary with a twisted ankle, watching Goblin with the nurse? I use sardonic humor to snap back at said teacher.”

“I get sad for accepting the fact that I am going to be single for the rest of my life? I use dark humor to cope with it instead of curling up in a ball and eat ice cream for the rest of my life and get Type 2 Diabetes.” you shrugged shamelessly as Renjun gaped at you, rubbing his temples to slowly process on your words. “Okay, firstly,” he started.

“One, Timothée Chalamet in that movie was desperately simping over a girl who clearly didn’t deserve him. Come on, tell me you didn’t get annoyed when he keep saying the l word at Jo despite her spilling her feelings out and rejecting him countless of times.” Renjun inhaled, his eyes boring widely into yours, his words speaking nothing but facts. “I get that but-” you started before the older boy cut you off, “I’m not done yet.”

“Secondly, that substitute teacher wasn’t even a teacher. She was an ear raping machine, no one liked her. Also, I gotta admit spending a whole school day watching the Goblin arguing with The Grim Reaper instead of spending excruciating hours writing your wrist off and trying not to snooze in the middle of Mr. Lee’s math lecture would’ve been the most luxurious thing a student could ever ask for”. And I am pissed off you got injured and left me there in class, suffering all by myself.” he laughed, flicking you on the forehead teasingly.

“Lastly, if you want to say something bout Jaemin, you know you could’ve just say so instead of sugar coating it.” Renjun sucked in his lips, smacking you with the pillow you threw at him previously, mentally preparing himself to comfort you knowing that you’re bout to go on another rant of how much you missed Jaemin. But if it helps you feel better and take another small step to moving on, then he’ll listen to you rant til his brain implodes.

You frowned, letting out a soft chuckle. “You know me too well, Jun.” you felt tears lining up your eyes, you leaned your head up, trying to blink the tears away. “It’s not helping when he’s literally next door. Or in the same school as I am, or in the same planet.” you leaned back to lay on your back on the mattress, your pillow hugged tightly to your chest as you let out a heavy, frustrated sigh.

Renjun patted your knee, silently urging you to continue to let out your thoughts. You couldn’t advert your gaze away from your ceiling, “He used to be so sweet before this whole soulmate ordeal,” you began with a sniffle. “Honestly, middle school was one of the best eras of my life. When me and Jaemin were just clowns on crack playing Five Nights At Freddy’s and goofing off, it still makes my heart flutter when I think bout the memorable moments we shared in middle school.” you closed your eyes as a flood of memories clouded your mind.

  7th grade, an iconic year for your friendship. “Y/N!” Jaemin called out from the other side of the classroom, causing you to turn to him in the middle of your little gossip session with your friends. “You wanna play truth or dare with us?” he asked with a sweet smile, a few of your classmates gathering to the back of the class to sit down in a circle. You nodded in excitement, ditching your friends in hopes you get a spicy dare.

You sat in between Lia and Jeno, rubbing your hands together as you waited your turn to either give or receive a truth or dare. “Jaemin! Truth or dare?” a boy whose name you can’t recall asked with a mischievous smile. Jaemin rolled his eyes before answering “dare” with a bold, cocky smirk, eyes practically challenging his classmate to give him an extreme dare. The boy stopped to contemplate before turning to him with a cheeky chesire grin.

“Since you’re so close to Y/n, why don’t you sit on her lap?” the boy snarled, causing your classmates to let out whistles and soft “ooo”s around you. You raised a brow, “wait a second, that’s not fair. This is his dare not mine, why am I the one being sat on.” you whined as Jaemin tried to hide his flustered expression of sitting on his best friend’s lap. “Well, it’s a dare either way, he’s gotta do it whether he wants to or not.” he stuck his tongue out at you as you hissed back.

“Fine.” you mumbled as Jaemin laughed and tried to conceal his flustered expression and sat on your lap idly, his hands in between his legs as you try to restrain yourself from wrapping your arms around his waist and making things even more awkward than it already is. “What’s the big deal? You wanted me to sit on her lap, why are you so shocked?” Jaemin laughed as a few of your classmates just stared at the two of you in disbelief. 

“How are you not uncomfortable with a guy sitting on top of your lap?” your friend asked from across the group circle. You shrugged, raising your brow as Jaemin lets out a laugh, shrugging in response as well. “Is it wrong for a person to sit on their best friend’s lap?” Jaemin asked with a raise of his brow, a teasing smile evident on his face as your friend struggled to find the words to say next.

“I must admit, you are quite heavy. I don’t think my legs are going to last long with your heavy, tall giraffe-like body.” you laughed, causing Jaemin to turn his head back at you with a glare, letting out a small sinister smile. ”That sounds like a ‘you’ problem, y/n. Suffer.” he spoke in a bittersweet tone.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you had Mr. Na Jaemin sitting on your lap? For how long? All because of a dare?” Renjun paused, rubbing his temples to process this whole information. He knew Jaemin was a shameless and rather affectionately touchy boy, but he didn’t know that he was willing to accept such a gutsy dare. Yet again, this is you, he’s talking bout. The person who kept going for two years despite being rejected and gossiped left and right.

You shrugged, sitting up on the bed. “I was like, 11 years old. What do you want me to do, Huang? Born to be the family disgrace.” you grinned proudly, wiggling your brows as you placed a hand under your chin to pose dramatically. “You shouldn’t be proud of that. Weird flex but okay,” Renjun sighed heavily, raising a bottle of coke to his lips.

You inhaled as you began to spill another memorable moment from your childhood. 

If there was one thing you and Jaemin had in common, it was that you both have absolutely no shame when flaring your dramatics.

It was 5th grade, you assume, when you and Jaemin had your first indirect kiss. It was a disturbingly iconic moment for the two of you, considering years after the incident you two kept doing it as if it were a part of your daily routine. You were at that age where kids around you were starting to take notice bout the soulmate concept. Teachers began explaining how the soulmate system worked during science class, causing you to involuntarily look at Jaemin from time to time to catch his disgusted expressions.

Often, snickering at the boy sitting in front of you who was gagging and mimicking the teacher as she explains. Sticking his tongue out in disgust when they started explaining the left tattoo concept. Jaemin sighed heavily, his hand stretching out to grab the water bottle on his table. His finger raised to push the lid off with a small pop, drinking without hesitation.

Jaemin looked down as he closed the lid and his brows furrowed at the oh-so-familiar name label on the lid of said water bottle. Written on the pink label with a sailor moon picture on the side was Y/N L/N. Jaemin almost threw up when he turned to you slowly, making you look up from your notes to give him a questioning nod at his horrified expression.

The little boy raised the water bottle to show you your little sailor moon label, making you raise your brow questioningly, as if to say, ‘what’s wrong with my sailor moon label?’ 

Crud, he forgot you were using the same water bottles your parents got you when you were both shopping at the thrift store.

Your eyes widened in realization when Jaemin pointed at himself and your bottle, trying not to scream in terror and get a scolding from your strict science teacher. ‘Did you,’ you mouthed, pointing an accusitory finger at the boy sitting in distress in front of you. ‘Drink from my,’ you continued, using your other hand to point dramatically at yourself then to your bottle that was still in his hands. ’My bottle?’ you asked with wide terrified eyes.

Jaemin practically gulped nervously, nodding in response. You both took a moment just staring into each other’s terrified expression, before mouthing ‘what the heck?!’ or ‘oh crud’ repeatedly, as to not gain your teacher’s attention.’You drank from my water bottle, Jaemin?!’ you mouthed, rubbing your hands against your face in distress. ‘How am i suppose to drink now?’ you whined, facepalming now that Jaemin had placed your water bottle back on your desk.

‘How am I suppose to live now knowing your spit is basically in my body? ‘ Jaemin shudders in response, grabbing his throat with disgust laced across his face. ‘Gross, I have your germs in my mouth.’ he stuck his tongue out in disgust, fake gagging as you rolled your eyes.

Renjun just gave you an incredulous look, his mouth gaping open, trying to decide whether to laugh or shake his head profusely. “Gosh, you two were born to be so dramatic. Seriously, while other people are having a mental breakdown over doing algebra, you two were in the back of the class making lovey-dovey faces because you two had your first indirect kiss.” Renjun laughed, clapping his hands as he howled back in laughter.

You sat up and whined, smacking your best friend with the pillow you were hugging earlier, causing him to laugh even more.”Oh god, I wish I came here sooner to witness that.” he wheezed, dodging your hits with his forearms as you continued to smack him on the face, chanting “shut up, Huang!” repeatedly in shame.

“I couldn’t drink from that bottle for months! It was my favorite bottle, too! The fact that Jaemin brings that bottle to school everyday was just traumatizing for the both of us! Instant trauma,” you groaned, leaning back dramatically against the mattress. Renjun laughed, smacking you with a pillow. “How did that even happen?” he asked incredulously.

“Some kid decided it would be funny to switch our bottles.” you pouted, stretching your arms across the bed like a starfish. “Did you two do anything bout it?” Renjun asked, his brows raising in amusement, practically eating your hilarious story up like it was a tub of candy. You sighed, looking away for a moment before mumbling under your breath.

“Jaemin said we should’ve replace the water in his water bottle with tap water from the bathroom, but I didn’t want to risk the guy getting a tummy ache so I spat in his drink instead.“

Renjun howled with laughter, a hand coming to hold his stomach as he leaned his head back laughing. “Why would you- Oh my god, this is gold. I can’t-” he wheezed, tears lining his vision as his tummy started to ache from laughing so hard. “Shut up! I was like, nine years old at the time. At that exact moment I felt no remorse for my actions whatsoever but now that I said it, it makes me feel even worse!” you whine, your feet kicking Renjun off the bed.

He landed on your carpet floor with a loud thud, his laughter subsiding into giggles. “That’s the chaotic energy everyone in this generation wants to have, holy shit, why wasn’t this documented ? This could’ve gone down as one of the most iconic moments in history. Honestly, whoever that kid who switched your bottle was, he’s that hero that doesn’t even need a cape.” he jokes, sitting up to earn a death glare from you.

Oh, if looks could kill, right now.

“Whatever, you sadist. Enjoying your time as you watch me suffer in despair.” you swung your arm over your eyes dramatically, feeling the mattress sink, assuming that Renjun had climbed onto the bed once again. “Come on, tell me another one. I promise I won’t laugh,” Renjun raised his pinkie finger with a soft smile. You raised your brow at him with your lips in a frown, causing Renjun to shrug innocently, “too much.”

You inhaled, your mind delving deep into the loving memories you had with Jaemin throughout your life. Your heart clenched at the next story you were bout to tell, the memory making your heart wanting to reach out for his even more. “Well, there was this one time-”

  Ninth grade. Senior year of middle school. The previous day, you danced under the rain as Jaemin watched you from under the bus stop, hiding for shelter as you jumped around the empty cold streets. The fresh smell of rain hitting your nostrils as water made your clothes clung to your skin. Unfortunately for you, the next day you immediately got sick with a fever.

Receiving countless of text messages saying either ‘I told you so’ or ‘lucky bitch, you get to miss our physics test’ from Jaemin. You were shivering under the layers of blankets and hoodies you were wearing, stirring awake every hour due to how cold or thirsty you felt, tossing and turning every now and then. You turned when you heard your bedroom door opening, wondering who it was considering both your parents were busy at work at this hour.

Your eyes widened to see Jaemin, a coat hanging over his arm as he closed the door, and a plastic bag filled with delicious warm soup that you could smell from a mile away. “I can’t believe you left me to suffer all alone in school, I swear you purposely didn’t listen to me because you didn’t want to do that boring test.” Jaemin whined, a pout evident on his lips.

“Nana!” you exclaimed in a giddish tone, making grabby hands at him. Jaemin chuckled as he walked closer to your bed, sitting on the corner of your bed beside you, leaning his back against the headboard. He lays his coat on the chair behind your study desk, putting the plastic bag of food on your lap when you sat up. “Eat up. The sooner you get better, the sooner I can hug you to death for leaving me today.” He jokes.

You smiled, opening the plastic container inside to smell the scrumptious soup inside. “Chicken noodle soup, your favourite.” he spoke in a soft tone, smiling lightly at you. You grinned, grabbing the plastic spoon that came with it. “What? No soda on the side?” you grinned cheekily, earning a soft pinch to your cheek by your best friend. “Don’t you dare make song references in front of me as if you didn’t listen to me bout dancing under the rain yesterday, look where it got you now.” he tuts, shaking his head in a motherly manner.

“Geez, sorry, mom.” you teased, beginning to consuming your soup. “You’re sweating a lot, that’s a good sign.” Jaemin pushed a strand of hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear, the sudden action causing you to pause from your eating for a brief moment, before shrugging it off. “I’ll probably feel be back to normal in a day or two.” you shrugged, gulping down a spoon full of soup.

“You’re gonna need to change, take your hoodie off.” Jaemin exclaimed, pulling your almost finished soup away from you. You let out a loud, “huh?” in response, your eyes widening at his sudden statement, trying to see if he was joking but no, Jaemin was dead ass serious.

“Take your hoodie off.” Jaemin ordered. “Jaemin!” you exclaimed, pulling your blankets up to your chin, protecting yourself from him. “You’re not gona get any better with wet stinky clothes on you, Y/N.” Jaemin rolled his eyes, walking over to your closet to grab a really baggy shirt of yours, tossing the big fabric over your face. You sat up and pulled the shirt off of your face to see Jaemin strip the white hoodie he was wearing over his body.

Your eyes caught the black shirt he was wearing underneathe had tugged up along with his hoodie, exposing his toned stomach to prove the results of how much time he spent working out at the gym with Jeno recently. 

You squeaked at the action, looking away with a small blush tinting your cheeks. “Jaemin, what are you-” you flushed, taking the risk of looking at Jaemin again with a flustered expression to see your best friend standing in front of you with his white hoodie clutched in his hands. “Change your clothes, you’re gonna get even more sick if you lay there with wet clothes. You ran out of hoodies, use mine, instead.” he spoke sternly.

“Jaemin, I don’t think that that’s really necessary-” you let out a small squeak when Jaemin’s face came close to yours, his hand laying on your forehead and the other laying on his own. “You’re fever’s getting even worse. Change clothes and finish your soup while I get a warm towel ready, Y/n” He spoke, turning to leave your room, shutting the door behind him, unaware of how red your face must’ve been at the sudden contact.

You felt your heart beat increase at the actions that had happen before you, Jaemin’s hoodie resting on your lap, his strong cologne filling your senses, causing you to flush red even more as you tugged your wet sweaty clothes off and changed into the shirt and hoodie Jaemin picked out for you. You bit your lip when you could practically feel his scent engulf your whole being, your face becoming more red.

Did he always smell this nice?

The fresh smell of cinnamon and comfort was the only thing you could say to describe the indescribable scent of your best friend. You felt your heart flutter at the thought of constantly wearing his hoodie, but your thoughts were quickly interrupted when Jaemin came into your room with a bucket filled with warm water and a towel in hand.

“Lay down, y/n” he ordered, sitting on the bed beside you as you sunk down on the bed, pulling your bed sheets up to your nose so he wouldn’t see how red your face is. Jaemin didn’t think much of it when he dipped the water in the warm water, squeezing the water out to leave the towel warm and soaked, laying the warm towel on your forehead.

“You really didn’t have to do this, you know.” you bit your lip, sighing at the contact of his fingertips grazing against your skin as he layed the towel gently on your forehead. “I know, but you’ll probably die here if I don’t,” he chuckles. dipping the towel again once it got cold, squeezing the water out before placing it back on your forehead. “Does that mean you care bout me, Na Jaemin?” you smirked. “That’s quite embarrassing.” you teased.

Jaemin rolled his eyes softly at you, pinching your cheeks before cooping your nose. “There’s nothing embarrassing for a guy to care for his girl.” he commented simply. It felt like an arrow of pure adoration had struck through your heart. Well, that comment backfired. Wait, what does he mean by ‘his girl’?

“I’m your girl?” you spoke after a moment of hesitation, feeling your heart race against your ribcage once again. Jaemin chuckled, flicking your forehead teasingly, “not like that, you cheeseball.” he grinned, booping your nose once again before removing the towel from your forehead.

“Get some sleep, I’ll be right here when you need me. That is, unless your parents kick me out for staying too long.” he giggles, carressing your hair with his calloused fingers. “They’ll never kick you out, you live literally next door, Nana.” you giggled, nuzzling against his touch. Jaemin chuckled, putting the towel into the bucket before leaning in to give you a sweet kiss on your forehead.

Your eyes widened at the sudden act of affection, causing Jaemin to grin shyly. “You just look adorable, right now.” he mumbles under his breath before standing up and walking towards the door. “Go to sleep! I’ll be watching TV if you need me!” Jaemin exclaimed before closing the door with a soft click.

I don’t know bout you, but you knew you couldn’t sleep after his sudden display of affection.

You didn’t even realize tears were slowly streaming down your face until you let out a soft sob, Renjun’s figure coming close to comfort you. You felt Renjun’s arm wrap around your back, his hand coming up to your head to lean it against his shoulder. You sniffled, trying to swallow the sob that’s waiting to erupt from your mouth.

It was like day one all over again, with you crying your eyes out and Renjun comforting you by your side with food and movies. You shut your eyes tight once you felt that familiar burning sensation on your wrist, your heart aching and stinging against your chest. Renjun noticed your pained expression, his hand quickly yet gently coming up to see your left wrist, his eyes widening at the sight. “I’ll get you an ice pack, okay?” Renjun asked worriedly, carressing your soulmate mark as if it would soothe the burning sensation.

You nodded, crying even more as Renjun quickly bolted out your room, his footsteps echoing down the halls. You sniffled, trying to wipe the tears away with your palms, but like an endless waterfall, it never stopped. Nor did the pain in your heart.

Renjun came back with a sympathetic expression plastered on his face, coming up to you and gently placing the frozen packet of peas he found in your freezer on your glowing red tattoo. Renjun softly shushing you and caressing the back of your hair, his own heart aching to see his best friend like this. He couldn’t count the many times you had cried to him bout Jaemin since the dinner with your parents.

The countless amount of times he would press a cold surface onto your left burning wrist.

The countless times you would rant how your heart was begging for Jaemin’s stupid presence.

The countless times he wanted to punch Jaemin for not showing a single ounce of guilt and for how oblivious the younger boy is to how much he had been inflicting your pain.

You fell asleep in Renjun’s hold, the pain on your wrist subsiding into a dull ache, your heart beat in your ears.

Jaemin practically dragged his bag on the floor as he entered the room. His mood decreasing as the seconds go by, his eyes dark with exhaustion and pain. Lately, he hasn’t been focusing properly on the tasks in front of him, his mind was always somewhere else when Coach was discussing strategies for next week’s game.

He was always spacing out to the sound of his own heart beating in his ears, his eyes setting on a certain object in the corner of the room he was in, his body freezing in place as his whole head was in a haze. He’s gotten a countless amount of scolding for spacing out in the middle of practice, the endless amount of times Coach would get a student to hold a volley ball from the storage closet, ready to hit him with whenever he spaces out during practice matches.

Today, he was on his breaking point, he recently failed his History test, then got another scolding from Coach. Hell, he was called to the office in the middle of class, the Coach’s heavy frown never bringing ease to his now tense figure. 

Jaemin collapsed on his bed with a soft thud, trying to keep his breath under control as his Coach’s words echoed in his head, his head buried into the soft fabric of his pillow. He tried to keep his mind from overthinking Coach Kim’s words adding into his stress.

“Na Jaemin, recently, I’ve become aware of how much you’ve been a little... distracted, lately. I’m sorry to say but as Captain of the whole team, you need to be on full focus for the game. If you can’t do that then I’m afraid someone else will.”

Jaemin gripped his pillow tightly, his breathing deepen as he tries to calm himself, his heart beat increasing. He squeezed his eyes tight, the look of disappointment in his team’s expression was all he could think bout for the rest of the day. His heart feeling heavy in his chest.

“I know, I know, this seems too far but, we can’t afford to lose the school winning streak all because of our captain spacing out because of who knows what! I know I sound delirious for saying this, but we can’t risk this.” 

Jaemin remembered the heavy feeling of promising his Coach that he will get his problems sorted out right away so it wouldn’t interfere in the way of winning the game. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if the endless hard work he puts into playing football the past two years went to waste when the position he trained so hard to earn was taken away just like that.

Jaemin sniffled, sitting up as he tries to shake those thoughts away. His eyes blurring slightly at his Coach’s words repeating themselves inside of his head. He stood up, stretching his arms out to release the tension in his muscles, as he tries to delve into a more positive state of mind. His eyes closing in concentration.

‘Don’t think so negatively, Jaemin. You can do this, just stay focused at the task at hand and worry bout this weird pain after the game.’

Jaemin unconsciously walked towards his window, an exhausted groan eliciting from his mouth. ‘You’ve got this !’ he thought with determination, calming his thoughts as a content smile stretched across his face. Jaemin opened his eyes slowly, his bunny smile immediately dissipated into a deep frown, his eyes widen slightly at the sight from the window across his.

You were with Renjun on your bed, doing what looks like cuddling in each other’s warm embrace. You were sitting in between Renjun’s legs, your back facing Jaemin, making him unable to see your expression. Your head was leaning against Renjun’s shoulder, his hand coming up to caress the back of your head. Jaemin’s eyes never left your figure being in such an intimate position with Renjun.

Jaemin felt his own blood boiling, his previously sour mood returning in an instant, his heart beating in his ears as his eyes stared daggers into Renjun’s head. He watched as Renjun’s eyes gaze contently to your figure laying comfortably on his, his fists clenching even more at the sight. That is, until Jaemin snapped out of it with a shake of his head. 

What was wrong with him?

Why was he feeling so angry bout seeing you cuddling with someone like that?

Yet again, when was the last time you cuddled him like that. Jaemin pulled his curtains to cover the sight across him, walking to the bed, running a hand through his hair. before leaning back to lay down on his mattress with his back facing his white sheets.

Jaemin sighed as he got lost in his own thoughts once again. When was the last time he cuddled you? Or held your hand? His head turned to the side, eyes scanning the picture frames he hung up on the walls of his room, stopping at the picture you took on your trip to Busan during winter back in 7th grade.

In the picture, you had Jaemin wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a gentle embrace. Your smile wide and your expression filled with laughter as Jaemin's happy one focused on the camera. Your eyes weren't on the camera, though, they were on him.

Cheeks and noses warm and red from the cold snow, clothes stained with the snow you played with to make snow angels and snowmen, your smile so wide, Jaemin could almost hear your bright laughter from the picture itself. As if he was reliving in that exact moment.

When did you stop smiling like that?

Jaemin realised he never noticed how forced your smiles became, how you use humor to mask every single emotion, how no matter how tired you are, you always manage to joke bout the littlest things to make him crack a smile.

"Why are you sad?" Jaemin asked as he drove you home one day, you glanced up at him with exhaustion glossing over your pupils, showing how pained you were for a split second, before you crack into a loving eye smile.

"I'm not sad, silly. I'm just tired of Mrs. Lee getting up in my ass yelling at my ear as if she was begging for my head to explode and have blood erupting out of my neck like a distorted volcano pms-ing." you joked, causing Jaemin to let out a soft laugh.

"You have the weirdest thoughts, I swear." he shook his head, his eyes glancing at you for a split second before returning to the road. "You're not normal yourself, Nana. We're all clowns in this generation, don't act like its a weird thing." you laughed, smacking his shoulder lightly.

Jaemin raised his brow at you, "me? A clown? You're practically born in a circus." he chuckled. "Says the person who says 'wow' every five seconds for the simplest of things. Post Malone basically wrote that song off of you, you should sue." you giggled, causing him to giggle.

"I am praying to God so that he could add at least add more braincells into that silly head of yours." Jaemin laughed. "God made me to be a clown, I must live on with my purpose, Nana." you added with a wink. "And a simp, too." you giggled.

Jaemin rolled his eyes at the memory, smiling at your terrible attempt at flirting. But his smile turned into a concerned expression once he remembers how pained your eyes looked at the time. As if you were holding pent up frustration, pain and emotion behind the humor.

Since when did you try to hide everything with humor? And when did he start to be one of those people who believed that you were okay behind that bright exterior? He was your soulmate for-

Wait, a second. Your soulmate? Why was he addressing himself like this? So what if he's your soulmate? It doesn't give him the right to barge into your personal problems. You didn't want to do anything with him after that dinner party, so why would he bother to think bout you when you were probably moving on with Renjun?

Jaemin licked his lips bitterly, his brows furrowed in frustration. A hand coming up to rub his face in distress, what was wrong with him these days?

Jaemin's thoughts went to how your body slumped weakly in Renjun's embrace, his eyes glancing down at your figure in a protective manner, his hand caressing your soft hair to soothe and comfort you. Jaemin knew how this would lull you to sleep in an instant, send you in a cuddly haze in people's arms.

Why did he know this?

Because he was the first one to experience it first hand, why should Renjun experience such an endearing moment? Why should Renjun see how vulnerable you are when it comes to-

Jaemin winced as the familiar pain in his chest resurfaced, his wrist aching again. He closed his eyes, 'not this again,' he thought to himself. Jaemin leaned over his drawer, his heart aching heavily against his chest as he opened the drawer to pull out a couple of pain killers

Tags: @lixseu @morks-watermelon @cherrystay @candiednickles @12am-musings @lowkeyviv @btm-taeyong @d-nghyck @gothmingguk @luvlyjaemin @cowward @smileyyuta

Couldn't tag: @/uncovermenow666 @/cakelyn

Uncommon Ancestry 6b

Part 6a

Iida took a step back as he recalculated things quickly. He had seen the least of Midoriya's ghostly grandparents in 1A, having been running to get help from the faculty when the villains invaded, but he'd heard stories of what they'd done. There was no question they were powerful as was this one, who'd kidnapped him without Iida even noticing. And without his hatred of Stain to guide him, Iida felt a sensation he hadn't felt since the sports festival creep up on him. 

Fear. 

"What is it you're proposing?" He asked, trying to to keep his voice strong. 

The purple specter composed himself. He looked Iida in the eye and the class president of 1A felt himself lock in place. "Revenge is something I know better than most. Especially how it blinds you to certain things. Those things are what we're going to be discussing. I am going to make you understand the price of your revenge, and if you still deem it worth the cost, I will help you." 

"Of course it's worth the cost!" Iida snapped, the burning hatred driving him once more now that Stain had come back up. 

"What cost?" The ghost asked. 

That left Iida unsteady. "You just said-" 

"That there was a cost. Tell me, how are you willing to pay it if you don't even know what it is?" 

"It doesn't matter! No cost is too great!" Iida yelled back.

"That is the single stupidest, most shortsighted thing I've ever heard.” The ghost huffed. “Tell me, would you sacrifice your brother for your revenge?" 

Iida had bristled under being called stupid (not something he was used to hearing) only to be shocked by what the ghost suggested. "Of course not. I'm doing this for him!" 

"Liar." There was no accusation in the ghost's voice, merely a statement of fact. "Your brother would never want this, so it's not for him. It is to try to act out your own hatred. Say you succeed, what happens next?"

 "What do you mean next? It's done!" Iida snapped.

"What happens to your family after you go to jail for vigiliante murder?" The ghost pressed. "What will happen when your brother wakes in the hospital one day to find his precious little brother has thrown away his life, his future, dragged his family name through the mud. And all for his sake. Do you think he will be happy?" 

Why did the ghost have to put it that way? There was no way IIda could answer yes to that. 

"And then there's your parents. Your family has been in the Hero business since the beginning. This would see that generations long business crumble as the public would lose all faith in it. After all, how could someone be true heroes when they raised a murderer? And your friends will blame themselves as well, for not knowing how to stop you, for not trying hard enough to reach you, for not being enough to help. Tell me Iida Tenya, how many of them are you willing to sacrifice?" 

"None I...it's not about them!" Iida said with some desperation.

 "It's not." The ghosts agreed. "But it will destroy them just the same." 

"Then what do I do?!" Iida wailed, falling to his knees. "What do I do with all this hatred burning through my veins?" He'd been told so often to let it go, but he couldn't. It was like telling him to let go of his own blood. He didn’t want this hatred, but it had somehow become an inexorable part of him.

"You freeze it." The ghost answered, surprising Iida. "An out of control forest fire burns all indiscriminately. A cold rage can be aimed much more precisely." 

Iida felt something in his chest loosen. "What do you mean?" 

The ghost looked at him as though studying him. "Do you think Stain's life means very much to him? After all, he targets heroes with no backup. He had to know he could die during any of these attacks." 

"No," Iida was forced to concede. Self preservation wasn't on this particular villains priority list. 

"Then what does?" The ghost prodded. "What is more important to Stain than his life?"

Iida focused. He's studied Stain after all, learned everything he could about his target. "His philosophy. The idea that so-called false-heroes must be culled violently." 

"Then that's what you need to destroy." 

Iida's head shot up "What?" 

The ghost crossed his arms. "Tell me, was Ingenium a 'False Hero'?" 

"Of course not!" Iida snapped. "My brother may not have had the sheer power of All Might, but he was a pinnacle of heroes nonetheless. He always looked out for those training under him and never let them face a villain they couldn't handle. Conversely he'd put himself at great risk to protect everyone around him." 

"Then that makes Stain a giant hypocrite, doesn't it. Right now Stain has a message that can resonate with people. There are false heroes. I know of one personally myself." The ghost scowled angrily. "But Stain is a man who has literally cut off his nose to spite his face. He's not doing anything constructive, he's just throwing a massive temper tantrum and calling it 'just'." 

"To destroy him you have to destroy his message. Be the pinnacle of a hero and expose those who use the title to do evil, all the while showing how pointless Stain's own methods are. Show his for the two-bit villain he is, make any one who would hear his words sneer in disgust. Cut him down in a way that will tarnish his very memory, and cement you and your brother in people's minds as a true force of good." 

Iida laughed. It wasn’t his normal laugh. Not a nice one by any definition. It was an insane sound he wouldn't have thought himself capable of exploding from his lungs. The ghost’s plan was diabolical, a revenge far more thorough than the quick death he had planned. It would destroy not only Stain’s body, but his twisted little soul. And at the same time it broke no laws and brought no shame on his name or his loved ones. 

It was strange. Since he's gotten the news about the attack on Tensei he'd felt as though there was a tremendous weight crushing him. Now he felt almost giddy with anticipation.

"A dish best served cold, indeed." He never understood that phrase until this moment. He stood and bowed. "I thank you for your council." 

"You're quite welcome." the ghost chuckled. "By the by, if you know someone who collects pre-quirk era movies, see if you can find one called Big Hero 6. It might be worth it to view. An old series called Leverage might also be to your taste more now than it was before." 

Interesting advice. Midoriya had talked a bit about his pre-quirk era collection, mostly focusing on a quirkless hero called Batman (for obvious reasons). He may have one or both titles in said collection. 

Iida bowed again only to find himself on the streets of Hosu once more. The mansion had gone, with nothing to speak of it having ever been, save for a few fading purple-pink sparks. 

A chill went down his spine at how powerful the being who'd taken him was, and how easily that could have gone badly. Still, he had plans to make and adjust. He needed to focus on his new revenge plan and that meant excelling in this internship. He’d text Midoriya about the movies on the train ride home. It would probably bring his friend some comfort. Midoriya had been worried for him. Uraraka too. 

Iida's stomach twisted a bit uncomfortably. Now that his head was clearer he realized just how much he had been hurting those around him before he'd even done anything. He'd already be late as it was. He might as well stop by a shrine to offer a prayer of thanks to the spirit who had guided him tonight.

~

Lewis all but collapsed in relief. He wasn't sure if this was going to work. But if there was one thing a wraith could recognize it was another wraith, and that's exactly what Izuku's friend had become, wrapped in flesh though he still was. And wraiths couldn't let go of their hatred - telling them to do so would achieve nothing but fanning the flames even hotter. 

It hadn't been easy to shift himself into becoming something more akin to a protective spirit. And even then he still knew he was a wraith at his core. He could only hope it was easier on Tenya, who had been still new to his hatred. At least Tenya would never have to live with the guilt and regret that haunted Lewis every single day. And always would.

Shawn Michaels, Jeff Hardy, Rob Van Dam, Johnny Nitro, Stevie Richards x Fem Reader- “Cycle Slut From Hell”

The WWF's Attitude era was infamous and notorious for beginning to sexually objectify women, but one of the things they surprisingly didn't do during that era was have "schoolgirl matches", where WWE divas dress as slutty, naughty Catholic schoolgirls.

And in 2004, yep, you were involved in that same Catholic schoolgirl battle royale amongst other WWE divas were involved in, dressed in scantily clad schoolgirl outfits.

You were dressed in pigtails, a white crop top that reached below your tits and tied up at your chest and a little plaid miniskirt with white socks that stopped at your knees.

Britney Spears and t.A.t.U. don't have anything on you.

Seeing you in that naughty schoolgirl outfit made males, both grown men and horny underage boys, of course made males salivate.

And not just people watching this in the audience and on television, but some of the men in the WWE as well, be it wrestlers, managers, writers, etc.

Even better, this year, someone wrote a graphic novel that parodies "The X Files" titled "Revenge of the Nymphomaniac", a comic that puts the graphic in "pornographic".

It makes the lyrics to Cardi B and Megan thee Stallion's "WAP" sound like a church song.

One of your personal friends sent you that graphic novel, and there's actually characters in that comic, one character looks like a cross between Stone Cold Steve Austin and Albert from the WWE/F (the same Albert who a decade later Gangnam Style danced in lingerie with Brodus Clay), Razor Ramon and even Brian Pillman and you even showed Stone Cold, Albert and Razor the pages that had these characters that looked like them!

Wonder if the illustrators even based these characters' images on those 3 aforementioned 90's wrestlers?

Wrestlers usually have nicknames that start with "the", Stone Cold known as "The Rattlesnake", Bret Hart is "The Hitman", the Rock is "The Great One" and "The People's Champ", your nickname in the WWE and even when it was called the WWF was "The Nymphomaniac" or "the Nympho".

Since wrestlers have wrestling T-shirts and merchandise for fans to wear (Stone Cold's "Austin 3:16" shirt, The Rock's "Layeth the Smacketh Down", Hulk Hogan's "Hulkamaniac", D Generation X's "We Got Two Words For Ya" and it says "Suck it!" on the back), there's a WWF/E shirt made for you that reads "nymphomania" and it's a yellow top with red letters, parodying Hulk Hogan's "Hulkamania" shirt.

There's a scene in the comic that really sticks out, and seeing you in those pigtails in that schoolgirl match reminded some of the male wrestlers you've fucked of that scene.

Especially an idea that popped in the head of one of these wrestlers, and this wrestler is a notorious horndog whose gimmick was a ladies' man.

Who is he?

No, not Val Venis. Shawn Michaels!

Shawn said to you how seeing you in pigtails reminded him of that scene in that "X Files" parody you introduced him to, and it gave him an idea.

He explained his idea, and you didn't mind it, as long as you didn't completely recreate this certain scenario.

Rob Van Dam was still in the WWE, and that's a good thing, because he's hot.

Shawn is pushing 40 and he's still sexier than ever.

But dammit, Triple H just had to grow facial hair, and Jeff Hardy is in TNA, which is a shame considering Jeff looks hot as hell in TNA.

Although, Triple H is pretty hot with facial hair, but he looks better without it.

At least Triple H in 2004 looks better than Triple H with that Lemmy from Motorhead handlebar moustache in 2006.

However, you did call Jeff and asked him if it would be okay if he spent some freetime with you, you wanted to do something involving him, and he actually agreed.

You actually have thought of inviting some male TNA wrestlers from 2004 to what's planned for tonight, some of them are hot!

John Morrison has also made his debut in the WWE this year, and he's probably one of the few WWE wrestlers in 2004 you think is sexy, he'd get even hotter 2 years later.

Though, in 2004, he was known as Johnny Nitro.

And one wrestler you find sexy that has now finally joined the WWE is Stevie Richards, who you might remember from Right to Censor in the Attitude era (and Blue World Order from ECW).

He's grown his hair out and looks pretty hot.

Sometime after that schoolgirl match involving you, Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson and even the Fabulous Moolah and Mae Young, you had some free time and invited Shawn, Rob, Jeff, Johnny and Stevie to your personal dressing room.

That way, there won't be any neighbors hearing what's going on next door, especially if this was in a hotel room.

Your hair was tied in two cute, perky pigtails, much like the same pigtails you adorned in the schoolgirl match with Torrie Wilson, Trish Stratus and what have you.

These men you invited to your dressing room were dressed in black leather jackets and jeans.

"Hey guys, look!" Johnny exclaimed, pointing at you. "We've got a visitor!".

You told Johnny to say that since you're trying to recreate this scenario with him and a few others.

Jeff has holding the "X Files" parody graphic novel in one hand a few inches to his face, his eyes reading the page that you're going to recreate tonight.

You, on the other hand, had crouched down to the ground, your face buried in his crotch and had pulled down his pants and boxers, your mouth was busy sucking on his cock.

"Is this chick a friend of yours?" Jeff asked, reciting a Brian Pillman lookalike getting his cock blown in the comic. "I hadn't even finished pissing before she was licking the tip and begging me to let her suck it!"

Heh heh heh, suck it, Shawn Michaels thought, thinking that in Butthead from the popular 90's cartoon "Beavis and Butthead"'s voice and reminding him of D Generation X's iconic catchphrase.

I’m sure saying “suck it” made Johnny, Stevie, Jeff and Rob think of DX’s iconic catchphrase too.

Jeff changed the words from "relieving myself" to "pissing" because there's another way people can relieve themselves and it isn't from masturbating!

Jeff then handed the comic to Rob, who, along with Shawn, Johnny and Stevie, were watching you suck on his cock.

Rob took the comic and then flipped to the next page.

You had introduced him to this comic and he knew most of it, especially this scene you're trying to recreate it.

"Never seen her before!" Rob confessed.

"A daddy's girl!" Jeff admitted.

Rob was quoting a man in the comic who looked huge, hulky and burly, like a wrestler, but this man was ugly and Rob is hot.

You have sex with hot guys, not ugly ones.

It would be better if you had just typed all of this and printed it out for these men to say these lines, but whatever.

Since you've introduced Rob, Shawn, Johnny and Stevie to this comic and they have some of it memorized, although Rob was showing this page and pointing to Shawn, Johnny and Stevie what comes next while these 2 looked at this scenario, Shawn, Johnny and Stevie moved their hands to their jeans, where they unbuttoned and unzipped their jeans, their hands sliding down their boxers and pulling their cocks out.

They weren't the only ones doing this, Rob as well unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, where he reached down his boxers and pulled his dick out.

Since you have this comic memorized, especially this scene, you pulled your face away from Jeff's erection, and swarming around you was Jeff, Shawn, Rob, Johnny and Stevie's cocks all pointing and sticking out at you, some of them even had their hands on their shafts.

"Is this what you were looking for, sweetie?" Shawn asked. "Well, you've found it!"

It would've been better if this comic had gotten released in the 90's and you recreated this scenario with D Generation X in late 1998/early 1999, because DX were a gang clad in black leather of a bunch of naughty boys, but for some reason this comic gets published during a year when "The X Files" wasn't really popular and had already been cancelled.

Shawn grabs onto one of your pigtails and lifts you up from the ground, albeit he doesn't pull your hair hard.

"Don' t worry, we're all gonna have some fun!" Shawn exclaimed. "C'mmere slut, let's take a look at the goods!"

Shawn pulled a pocketknife out of one of the pockets of his jeans, where he flicked the knife open and held it to your chest, albeit not hard so he won't cut your throat or anything else.

The knife carefully tore down the top you were wearing, exposing more of your skin as it sunk all the way down the middle to the bottom of your shirt, and you wore no bra under your shirt.

The shirt he tore was a shirt you don't really like, and you're glad he tore that shirt, that's why you wore it!

Though, was it necessary for him to tear one of your shirts? You could've worn the same top you wore to the late 2004 schoolgirl match.

Meanwhile, Jeff pulled down your miniskirt and panties down to your knees, exposing your bare naked pussy.

Shawn placed the pocketknife back in his pocket, shedding your shirt he tore off of your arms.

"A nice peace, huh, guys?" Shawn asked, putting one of his arms behind your shoulders.

"Totally unfresh, totally unspoiled!" Jeff exclaimed, crouching down to your knees.

He crawled between your legs and his tongue began eating out your twat.

In the comic, some ugly guy who says "totally unfresh, totally unclean" eats out this girl's asshole, and you told Jeff not to eat your asshole out since you've made out with him (and want to make out with him in the future) and you don't want his tongue to touch something where even more disgusting bacteria filled waste comes out of that tastes bad.

Jeff isn't too into eating women's assholes either.

Shawn placed one of his hands to the side of your face.

"Y'like having my friend eat your cunt?" Shawn asked.

"Y-yes!" you stuttered and confessed.

Shawn didn't put a knife to your face like the Razor Ramon lookalike did in the comic, and thank goodness.

One of Shawn's other hands moved to your breasts, where his fingers tweaked and twisted your nipples.

"And this?" Shawn asked. "Y'like this too?"

"Aaahhh, yes!!" you moaned and confessed, leaning your head back in ecstacy over how good this feels.

Rob walked over and joined Shawn, where Rob proceeded to tweak the other nipple.

These men would all love to have turns eating your twat out and tweaking your nipples and whatnot, maybe they will!

Jeff's tongue wasn't just roaming and traveling all over your pussy, but licking, flicking and swirling on your sensitive clitoris.

You were quietly moaning little high pitched, gasp-y moans while two men were playing with your nips and another was eating your twat out.

Shawn heard some footsteps walking behind him, those footsteps being Stevie Richards walking up to him.

"Stevie, I think our friend needs warming up!" Shawn exclaimed "You in?"

"Fuck yeah!" Stevie responded.

Stevie carefully grabbed one of your pigtails, where he pulled you into his genitals, Rob and Shawn's hands slipping out of their grasps, no longer playing with your nipples.

"Make like D Generation X and suck it!" Stevie ordered you, "Got it?"

"Y-yes!" you stuttered and answered, where you proceed to suck his cock, letting his erection enter your mouth.

Surprisingly, Stevie didn't do DX's iconic crotch chop while saying "suck it", but that is soooooo 1998 (although, you miss 1998, but I'm sure some of us did in 2004!).

Though, the crotch chop and "suck it" catchphrase that accompanies it should come back, for certain reasons...

D Generation X in general should've come back and actually almost did in 2002, but the powers that be decided not to, although seeing men pushing 40 acting like immature fratboys...

"I wouldn't suck on Stevie's cock!" Johnny shouted. "He hasn't washed it in two weeks!"

"Neither have you!" Stevie barked back, looking at him. "But I'll make an effort...pass me a beer!"

Johnny handed him a can of Coors he lifted from the pack of beer he brought with him to the room, where Stevie took the can, wrapping his fingers around it.

Stevie cracked open the beer, albeit not like Stone Cold, but by putting his finger in between the tab and pulling it open.

He tipped the can and poured it over his erection, letting the beer drench his shaft.

He poured the can up and down his shaft, some of the beer dripping onto the floor and on your face.

The beer tasted disgusting and nasty, beer in general tastes bitter and stale, why does Stone Cold chug this stuff down?

Oh yeah, his character (that was his idea and made him famous).

Speaking of Stone Cold, wouldn't it be better and make more sense if Stone Cold was in the room and poured beer over someone's cock?

Although, Stone Cold isn't much to look at, in my opinion, anyway...

"There, now I've had a shower!" Stevie exclaimed.

While you sucked his cock, precum was spilling out of the slit of his penishead, you were gulping it down as well as some of the beer that drenched his shaft.

As you sucked on Stevie's cock, Rob and Shawn were next to your tits, and they went back to tweaking your nipples, but they didn't just tweak your nipples.

Afterwards, they leaned their heads in your nips and sucked them, running their tongues around in circles on your areolas.

Your areolas are so sensitive, and you'd love it if they still tweaked your nipples, though, this is nice too...

"Ohhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhhhh!!!" you cried and moaned out, Stevie's cock in your mouth.

You tried not to bite on Stevie's dick while it was in your mouth.

What follows after what you're recreating is a part that's very, very nasty, and a part that's disgusting and dangerous, so you'll skip over that part and even told these men to skip over it.

Jeff has probably spent enough time eating your twat out, so he moved himself away from your pussy.

This evening, Shawn and the rest of the wrestlers in your dressing room are roleplaying as bikers.

Since Shawn's cock was hanging out and he noticed Jeff had moved away from your twat, Shawn got behind you, where his cock slid into your pussy hole Jeff had eaten out, and started to thrust his cock back and forth inside your cunt.

That wasn't all Shawn did, he wrapped his fingers around your hair tied in 2 pigtails, gently pulling your pigtails like they're handlebars.

One of his hands pulled your left ponytail towards the left side, making your face shift there, only for his hand to pull on the right one and shift your face towards the right.

"Left...right...look, it turns easy!" Shawn exclaimed as he thrust in and out of you.

"Ohhhhh, God, Shaaaaawnn!" you moaned and whined.

He didn't just also pull on your pigtails like they're handlebars, he rotated his knuckles like he was revving up the handlebars of a motorcycle.

Rob, meanwhile, had his shaft in his hand, jerking his cock off.

"Sweet!" Rob exclaimed. "This is the first time I've ever had to jerk off to a bike!"

"Me too!" John added.

Rob, Johnny, Stevie and Jeff all walked over in front of your face, where they proceeded to jerk their cocks off right in front of you, pointing their penises at your face, hoping to aim their precum on your face.

Your eyes were closed, that way you won't get any cum in your eyes.

Precum was spilling down their shafts, but they wanted to get it on your face.

Some of it was getting on your face and dripping down your face.

You'd love it if Shawn jerked off on your face as well, in the comic, the girl doesn't have a cock inside her pussy when some guy pulls a leather strap in her mouth and uses it like they're handlebars, perhaps maybe he could.

"Shaaaaawn!" you cried out, albeit not sexually.

He heard you shout your name, but he thought you shouting his name was from you moaning, not something you wanted him to do to you.

"Shaaaawn!" you shouted, raising your voice so he can hear you "Can you take your dick out of my pussy? I want you to cum on my face!"

Shawn heard what you said, which frustrated him considering he's busy thrusting in and out of you, but he remembered how the Razor Ramon lookalike wasn't fucking that redheaded Wendy's girl lookalike when he had that strap in her mouth in that comic.

However, Shawn would love to cum on your face.

He's probably the sexiest man in the room right now.

Some of these other wrestlers (as well as wrestlers not in the room) would love to fuck you in your cunt, maybe they even can, but not for now.

Better luck next time.

"Hah!" Rob laughed "Right on the headlamps!"

"Yeah man, do it!" Jeff added "Just do it!"

Since you have some cocks pointing in your face, you tried opening your eyes, you'd love to suck on one (if not all) of these cocks at the same time.

All your eyes could see in front of you were some cocks pointing in your face, but these cocks need some and were made for suckin'!

Since your mouth was agape thanks to you moaning, you tried leaning your face into Rob's cock, trying to get Rob's erection enter your mouth.

Rob could see your mouth leaning in his dick, so he let his cock slide in your mouth, where you proceeded to suck him off, wrapping your mouth around his shaft.

You didn't just suck his cock, but swallow some of the precum that dripped down his shaft as well.

While sucking his cock (and sucking dick in general) is wonderful, you'd love it if his cum got on your face, not just in your mouth.

Though his cum has been in your mouth, down your throat, in your stomach, on your face and in your vagina, uterus, fallopian tubes and ovaries as well, implanting an egg with his seed!

This goes for some of the other men in the room as well: Jeff, Shawn, Johnny and Stevie.

Meanwhile, Shawn's cock slipped out of your cunt hole, still as erect and throbbing as ever, and he walked over in front of you, his erection pointing in your face.

Your eyes could see Shawn's dick pointing in front of you, your eyes growing wild seeing his cock.

Rob loves you sucking him off and all, but you have other things to do.

Shawn wrapped his fingers around his shaft and proceeded to jerk his cock off, his hand moving up and down his shaft over and over again.

He pointed his erection to your face, aiming for his cock to shoot at your face.

Precum was spilling out of the slit of his penishead and some of it was getting on your face.

You, on the other hand, pulled your face away from Rob's erection, his penis leaving your mouth.

"Sorry" you apologized, looking up at him. "I want you to cum on my face, not in my mouth!"

Rob was shocked and frustrated when you pulled your face away from his erection, but he understood once you confessed.

He still continued jerking off on your face, getting his cum on your face.

One of these wrestlers in the room could be behind you and pull your pigtails like they're handlebars, pretend you're a motorcycle, maybe he could even cum in your pussy!

You even gave a hand or two to Rob, Jeff and Shawn and helped masturbate them.

One by one, but not one a few seconds right after the other, pretty soon, all of these wrestlers in front of you jizzed on your face, getting their white cum all over your beautiful face.

You closed your eyes when they came, so their cum won't get in your eyes. It stings like fuck when that happens!

You sucked and cleaned their cocks off afterwards with your mouth and tongue, now you can have their cum in your mouth and swallow it!

Sometimes you even tried putting two or three cocks in your mouth.

Jeff couldn't believe that his cock was in your mouth right next to Shawn's cock, simply because Shawn and Jeff are both the sexiest men in the room.

Jeff grew up idolizing Shawn and was the Shawn Michaels to Matt Hardy's Marty Jannetty.

But Jeff has been in a few orgies involving you and Shawn as far back as 1997.

That goes for Johnny as well, he even has been called "the next Shawn Michaels" (I'm sure people said the same about Jeff) and Johnny Nitro when he was in that MNM tagteam was the Shawn to that other guy's Marty Jannetty.

You slightly regret you didn't try to suck on Jeff, Shawn, Stevie and John's cocks before they all came, but maybe next time this can happen.

This biker-themed orgy is like something D Generation X would've done in the late 90's, specifically the DX that had X Pac and the New Age Outlaws, not just the DX with Triple H and Shawn Michaels.

Confession: That "X Files" parody comic "Revenge of the Nymphomaniac" is an actual comic, Google it, especially on Google images, and you'll see the scenes I recreated.

I always thought "Revenge of the Nymphomaniac" was written in 1996, I even typed a fanfic set in late 1997/early 1998 where the fem reader licks the sweat off of Shawn Michaels and Triple H after they've had a match that was influenced by a moment from that comic, but because of this one biker scene in the comic featuring Stone Cold, Razor Ramon and Brian Pillman lookalikes (despite me thinking it was released in 1996 when Stone Cold was an up-and-coming wrestler), I wondered if these lookalikes were based on those wrestlers (which they probably were).

I looked it up and it turns out this comic was actually written in 2004.

I also thought there was a slutty schoolgirl match featuring WWE divas in 2003, not 2004.

I got the idea for this fanfic when someone online made a video of oversexualized WWE/F divas and Sexy Diva Action from the Attitude and Ruthless Aggression eras (as well as sexualized women in 90's and 2000's ECW and late 2000's/early 2010's era TNA) set to the song "Sex Machine" by Dope (a Marilyn Manson knockoff band), and there's these lyrics in that song that go "Start her motor, take your time Rev her up slowly and pull to the line", which immediately made me think of this scene from that "Revenge of the Nymphomaniac" comic.

Also, I have thought of setting this fanfic in early 1998 or even in late 1998/early 1999 when D Generation X were still a thing and looked like bikers and maybe even recreating that aforementioned scene from “Revenge of the Nymphomaniac” even though the comic hadn’t been invented yet. 

I will be with You

When you go, just know that I will remember you If living was the hardest part, we'll then one day be together And in the end we'll fall apart, just as the leaves change in color And then I will be with you, I will be there one last time now --My Chemical Romance, "It's Not a Fashion Statement, it's a Deathwish" ____ It's rare that I'm this proud of an artwork I've created. ^_^ Usually, there's some glaring issue or just an assortment of small things I'd still change if I had the patience and/or artistic ability to do it. Or even just some things that I feel like could've been done better, even if I know it did the best I could. This time? No. Not right now, shortly after it's been completed, anyway. I'm sure years down the line from now I'll look back and feel at least slightly different. But as it stands now, while I'm sure it has its faults, I am truly happy and truly proud of what I've created here and whatever faults are there aren't bothering me at all. So what then is this, exactly? This my dear Sparklers is a visual love letter to the band I discovered just a little too late but was still there for me when no one else was all the same. Earlier this month, I uploaded a different piece of art to celebrate the announcement of My Chemical Romance's Return, but even when I uploaded that one I was already thinking of doing another one, this time something that was more obviously fan art. But not just fan art as I've done for them in the past (Exhibit A, Exhibit B, and Exhibit C), but something extra-special and fun. I really did go into creating this wanting it to be as I described it above; a visual love letter to this band that I love so much and could not be happier that they're back. As such, I've squeezed in as many references as I could: 1. The female figure is molded after Helena from the album Three Cheers for Sweet Revenge 2. The male/skeleton figure is supposed to be Pepe (that's what Google said his name was, anyway), the icon and seemingly marching band conductor from The Black Parade album 3. On Pepe's hat, I replaced the usual symbol with the Candle symbol that's been featured in the band's Return artwork 4. They fade into leaves based on the line from It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish (a song from Three Cheers) that I quoted at the top of the description 5. behind them is Party Poison's mask, as featured in the Danger Days music videos 6. on the mask, I replaced one of the black triangle shapes with the hanging man silhouette from I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love 7. The rest of the background is inspired by the covers for the Conventional Weapons releases (which in my mind I count as essentially an unofficial fifth album) (Debatable) 8. Their touching hands could be an indirect reference to the line "And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down" from Demolition Lovers, a song from Bullets. That's at least one reference each (Three Cheers technically got two) for each of the main releases, plus one directly related to this new era we don't know much about yet. It's not an exhaustive "spot the reference" game, but I'm glad I was able to incorporate as many as I did. Now that I've explained them, maybe I can talk about my process without having to stop to re-explain each reference as they come up.   After some brainstorming, I got this image in my head of Helena and Pepe in this pose (inspired at least partially by this pre-existing fanart I've seen many times before) , which to me is a "renaissance dancing" pose but I'm sure there's some other better way to describe it I haven't thought of. I tried for a very long time to find a reference image of this exact pose to help me get the proportions and general anatomy right within my own stylization, but for the life of me, I couldn't find anything close enough to suit me and I really didn't want to have to settle for something else. As such, I'm sure the proportions and anatomy are off, but even so, I think I did pretty good considering. The main issues I ran into during sketching were mainly balancing the energy between the two characters--which I do think I managed in the end--Helena's skirt, as she's supposed to be holding onto it with that hand you can't see, and Pepe's torso. Originally, I was planning on doing this piece traditionally, but once the sketch was finished it almost immediately clicked into place that I'd be better served to do it digitally, considering what I wanted to do with the mask in the background already, as well as the leaf-fade. (The Conventional Weapons reference hadn't been planned yet, and it was technically only made possible later on by this piece being digital.) Luckily, doing things digitally meant that Pepe's torso was fixed pretty easily. It was too thin in the sketch, but all I had to do was select the right lines and move them out a bit in Photoshop. He's still a bit thin and not super buff, but personally I'm letting that go because...I mean, he's at least part if not all skeleton. If anyone's going to be too thin, wouldn't it make sense that it's him? Helena's skirt I did end up happy within the sketch but...we'll come back to the skirt in a moment. Pepe's...face? looked a bit odd in the sketch, but other than that, once I was happy with that foundation, I scanned it in and got to work on digitizing everything. I went over my lines for Helena and Pepe the way I normally would for something like this if a little intentionally messy instead of trying to get them super clean--as I thought that might be appropriate here--and then I paused with them to work on the mask behind them. The mask admittedly came out very poorly in the sketch, just because I bothered to look up no references for it whatsoever once I decided I was going to make this digital and I knew I could just draw half of it and flip it over. And I'm glad I didn't start trying to follow my sketch lines for it at all because looking up actual references showed me that would've been way off. While I had my reference up, I ended up going in and basically full-coloring and detailing the mask right then. That's the beauty of digital work; a lot of steps can be done basically out of order from how you'd have to do them traditionally and it doesn't matter because you can just move layers around and adjust effects later. I went with this pseudo-soft shading based on the colors and shadows I was seeing in my references, even though I wasn't sure yet exactly how I was going to shade Helena and Pepe. I figured that even if I used a different method for them that I could either go back and adjust the mask as necessary or that it wouldn't matter since the mask was part of the background anyway. Once that was done, I went back to ponder my two figures and the leaf effect that I wanted to do with them. And again, I went a little out of order here, as I ended up filling in the silhouette of Helena and Pepe with a blanket layer of gray so I could see how them blocking the mask was going to look (and I figured based on past experiences I might need the blanket layer in white later). From there, I went into working on the fading-to-leaves effect. My logic was that I'd need mostly the silhouettes of the leaves and then I'd get what I wanted after playing with layer effects or something. This assumption ended up being correct, but we're not there yet. As I worked, I kept looking at my "finished" messy lines. Something just didn't feel right. Honestly, I couldn't tell you where the idea to do this lineless look came from, but it got in my head as I was working and I kept looking at the lines I had and not being happy to just color those in as I normally would, shade it, and call it a day. I tried. I tried really hard to ignore the urge to at least try it and carry on as I was. I'd already come this far, and I'd be done so much faster if I stuck to the plan...But!! Clearly I lost that argument with myself. You know what though? I'm glad I did! I don't think I've ever done lineless art like this before, not counting my watercolor work where that's just part of the process to me. But digital? Certainly not. Human figures? Also no. I've come close in the sense that I've shaded my art before, turned off the line layers before, and thought, "oh hey that almost works without the lines because of the shading,"  but not much farther than that. Naturally, I wasn't even sure how or where to begin, so I went with what came naturally to me. I started by just filling in the lines as I normally would have, and then I went back layer by layer and went back and forth between having the line layer (with the opacity brought down somewhat already so I could sort of see what I was doing) on and off to try and balance the shapes between what they looked like with and without the lines. It's weird because if you ever try this, it's a little like having to figure out a bunch of individual silhouettes that make one whole one, except you need them to be a little more defined if you want them to make visual sense. That step and the next one, the shading, are tied in my mind for which one took me the longest. For the shading, I really just went in blind, using hard-edge cell shading, though originally I planning to come back with some soft shading in certain areas later. The soft shading ended up not happening partly because I liked it much better than I thought I would without it, and I thought the hard-edge shading made the figures pop a little more compared to the background. The thing about this was the same issue I run into with my lines nowadays; to get smooth shapes I spend a while going back and forth between putting color down and erasing it, and sometimes undoing and redoing the same line a dozen times to get it right in one stroke. But that's really my own fault for being stubborn and trying to work solely within Photoshop and not use other programs, as I know good and well I'd have less of that issue if I'd hop into Paint Tool Sai and use the linework layers in there. What can I say? I live up to my Capricorn sign by being as stubborn as a goat. Anyway. The biggest challenge to figure out the shading for was Helena's skirt. I think I would've still had issues with that though even if I colored and shaded my normal way, with the lines and everything. It's just the position it's in that complicates things. I actually did a good amount of shading in reverse here, where I'd make the base layer the shadow color and then the layer on top would be the regular color, as in some cases it just seemed easier to do that than the other way around. The part of Helena's dress around the top, for example. Or Pepe's pants (what little you can see of them). Additionally, I ended up leaving the feather attached to Pepe's hat alone and not really smoothing it out, as I thought the roughness and inconsistencies worked really well to make it seem more feathery. With enough patience and persistence and much back and forth among the various layers, I made it through all of that. I was a little concerned at first about some of my color choices and if the shading was too harsh in some places or not, but I mellowed out as I worked and ended up not making make adjustments after the fact. For instance, originally I thought I'd go back and make Pepe's...skin? closer to a true white and this fleshy off-white color was more of a placeholder, but the longer I worked with it, the more I didn't want to change it. It actually makes sense, given that his hands are normal (as they are presented in official artwork and other fan art not made by me) and that bones usually are naturally more of an off-white color. And I also think it just looks really good next to Helena's pale skin. The hands were a special challenge in regards to both shading and coloring, as hands like to be the more complicated part of a drawing more often than not, but even that I managed to get through with a lot more ease than I would've bet on. The other thing about that is that I was surprised once I got through the steps at how much better Pepe's face looked in comparison to the rest of the drawing. As I mentioned before, it looked odd in the sketch. But one I had most of the colors for him and Helena filled in digitally, the contrast or something just made it look infinitely better. (Combined with a hefty dose of earlier back-and-forth making adjustments to his jawbone area.) Originally, I thought I might use the same cell shading for Helena's eyeshadow. However, while I was still thinking of adding some selective soft shading, I added it using one of the brushes I'd used on the mask earlier. It looked so good to me that even after I tried added the soft shading with it like I planned and decided I didn't want/need it anywhere else, I kept it. And for the record, Helena's hair is kind of the wrong texture (it's officially more straight than this) and she's missing this little netted veil thing she's supposed to have, but I had a very specific vision in mind, so those were the two creative liberties I took with her design. I say it's fair game since I took a liberty with Pepe's hat to get the Return reference in. And besides, those two details being off doesn't make her totally unrecognizable if you know who Helena is in the first place. Once they were done, I spent longer than I bothered to document playing with the leaf layer I'd made earlier to try and figure out how to get the effect I wanted. Sparing you the boring details of my trial error, as I'm sure this description will be long enough without them, I eventually determined the best thing to do was to have one layer of the leaves on top set as an "overlay" layer, and another behind/beneath Helena and Pepe. Then I went back and extended my color and shading layers to extend down over the leaves, and I arranged and clipped the layers accordingly. Technically, the overlay layer wasn't necessary, but it added a little extra dimension that I really liked. By that point, it was my second day of working digitally and getting late, but I had to do one more thing before I could go to bed with my mind at ease that night. With Helena and Pepe done, I turned the mask back on (I'd turned it off so I could focus on them without it distracting me or otherwise getting in the way) and I felt like they weren't standing out enough against it. The bright yellow color was competing too much for my eyes' attention. So, after trying the "stroke" blending option in white and that looking God-awful, I added a new layer between them and the mask and manually gave them a white outline. It wasn't a perfect solution, and I knew that even then, but it was enough that I could sleep soundly knowing how far I'd gotten with the artwork. The next day I had to take a break from working on this to bust out a painting for the challenge I decided to take on this month, but I went back to this as soon as I could after that was taken care of. When I came back to it, I acknowledged that I technically could've left it as it was and call it finished. But I still didn't like how obnoxious the mask seemed for a background piece and it felt...I don't know. Almost hollow, in a way. It was a cool graphic, sure, but I wanting something more than that. Again, I'll spare you most of the nitty-gritty details. But long story short, I played around with layer effects and filters for a while until I had blurred the mask out just enough that it wasn't so obnoxious but also so looking at it directly didn't make me nauseous, and the edges were softened so it felt more like a true background piece and not just an accessory that had been plastered carelessly back there. It was only after I started saving off versions with different backgrounds--one with no background, one with white, one with black--that I realized I was missing a golden (semi pun intended) opportunity to incorporate a Conventional Weapons reference/allusion. Which was exciting because I'd previously been disappointed that I couldn't think of a good way to do that. I went back and forth on layer styles and adding texture with brushes and things for a while on that too, but you can see what I ultimately settled on. It's not a 1:1 to the CW covers, but I'm really pleased with it anyway. I did end up adding a bit more to the white outline in a few places and adding a drop shadow to Helena and Pepe so they'd pop a bit more (it almost makes them look like paper cutouts to me!), but really the only other thing I had to do after that was add my watermark. It took roughly 3 days of work from start to finish, but I was honestly surprised by how fairly smooth the process went. Especially considering the new things I'd tried along the way. I can only assume it's because of just how much my heart was really into making this piece. As I said before, I am truly proud of how this piece turned out. I love it. I love it, and I love the band that inspired its creation. Even the title says a lot here, I think. I picked this line that's repeated at the end of It's Not a Fashion Statement, It's a Deathwish, as it was a leading inspiration with the leaves and everything, and after looking at the lyrics I realized how fitting that line is for this. I discovered My Chemical Romance two years too late, two years after they broke up in 2013, but I've stuck by them ever since, and I will continue to do so, with whatever the unwritten future holds. They've changed, as anyone would over the course of six years, but they came back anyway. Even if it's just for a few shows and they're gone again. Or if it's going to be so much more than that. They. Came. Back. And that's not an easy thing to do a lot of the time. And so, I show my solidarity. I will be with you, MCR, no matter what comes next. You were there for me, and now it's my turn to be there for you, even if it as just another fan among the crowd. And that's really all I have to say on the matter. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

Break-up Era (THIS IS A LONG POST, LADS)

I have so many feelings about the break up era and I have never been able to properly sit down to express them. But since we are having a resurgence of love for that time and the reunion, I am going to give it a try. 

I may have been one of the few that was relieved when they finally broke them apart because it was beyond toxic at that point (and the whole self-harm and throwing a spanner was a Very Bad Sign). And I wasn’t sure how I was going to deal with the rest. 

I hated parts of it: the involvement of the Whites. 

Listen, I am not one who holds up that Robert was at fault for all the awfulness of the Whites. Sorry, nope. He wasn’t responsible for how terrible and just plain nasty that family could and was. I don’t even blame him for trying to get revenge even though they also had no say in his bad decision making. That was on him. They were awful before he met them. They were not good people (and I do not get how people are always like poor Whites for Robert did them WRONG because please *rolls eyes*) and I have never once felt bad for the bad things that happened to them (except for Chrissie because she didn’t deserve to die like that and they should have allowed her to be her own character but whatever whatever). 

(And while I don’t like how they used Rebecca as a character I also think she wasn’t a good person either, who never took responsibility for her own actions which were unsavory at best from the get go but was simply turned into a victim to garner sympathy and that still pisses me off but that is a whole other post.)

The rest I kinda of loved as a Robert fan.

I loved his break down so very much because it was literally 15 years in the making. I loved that his regret was written in everything he did even if it was a terrible thing he was doing. I loved that he kept trying to put the pieces back together even when you knew it wasn’t going to happen this time. Think about it, really think about how many times Robert had to patch together his life over and over again. It has been until this moment, the only way he knew how to survive. I loved that he picked himself back up - when he was left with LITERALLY NOTHING - and turned back to the only thing he knew how to do: scheme and revenge. 

Because he needed that. He needed to do all of that in order to get to where he was going. He needed to see that no amount of that was going to stop his son from arriving, was going to get Aaron back, or was going to make him feel any goddamn better. 

To be honest as a Robert/Aaron fan though, the first bit of the break up was lacking Aaron for me. I understand that they did that on purpose, of course, and at the beginning I felt that his coldness to Robert was self-defense. I got that. But then they had it going for so long without any real longing, that they had me very convinced this story would be Aaron re-falling in love with Robert because I thought he wasn’t anymore. I knew he cared about Robert but I just didn’t feel any love coming from him. 

But then came November and the birth of the icon that is Sebastian Sugden (White) and it all changed. Because Aaron was so affected by it. Not because he blamed this tiny little baby (because honestly anyone that believed Aaron COULD EVER REALLY feel that way after everything he went through has no real faith in that character and should just go away) BUT because he was looking at Robert being this dad, loving this baby and it just hit him he wanted that but he couldn’t have it. He tried so hard to keep away, too. 

He let down his guard and realized it and ran away.

THIS was when I became fully re-invested in them because I could SEE Aaron’s POV and I could see that he had never stopped loving Robert but was just fighting it and honestly I could get on his side on that, lol. 

Because my lads, my dudes, Robert was a mess and a fucking half who needed to be alone and find himself before he could let anyone love him. 

Then - and I am going to get emotional here - Christmas happened. Lads, I have never been so happy to have one of my favorite characters almost die. Because Robert was just -- he’d hit that rock bottom. He was sad and pathetic and desperate. 

When that final break up happened -- when Robert FINALLY HONESTLY let Aaron go - when they let Aaron take ownership and CHOSE someone other than Robert (even if he didn’t mean it, even if he was running away) - I literally could breath again. (Trust me when I tell you all that I just kept telling myself to hold on until Christmas. It would all get better after Christmas and damn, IT DID.)

Because this was where the good part of the break up started -- THE GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING LONGING FROM BOTH ENDS. 

I have no words for how much I loved Robert letting Aaron go and loving him quietly from afar. And it wasn’t a ploy. It wasn’t some weird scheme. He meant it. He felt and believed that he wasn’t good enough for Aaron and he loved him enough to let him find someone who was (now listen, I don’t think that but he did). 

AND I HAVE NO WORDS for how that change in Robert started to panic Aaron. Because the one constant from the time they properly got together was Robert fighting for Aaron and for them. Robert does not give up.

AND I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THE BRILLIANCE OF RYAN HAWLEY THROUGH EVERY STEP OF THAT JOURNEY. I LOVE HIM. 

Robert standing on his own and not going to Aaron, actively avoiding Aaron, being his fiend and letting Aaron get on with it (without making him feel guilty about it), watching Robert love his son and try his best even when he was failing, seeing Robert start to build a life around that and not being a part of it was literally going to kill Aaron bit by bit. 

And that s l o w realization from Aaron that, no, Robert wasn’t going to force his hand into making a choice. Robert was going to accept at face value that Aaron chose Alex and would continue to choose Alex. 

And y’all remember when that realization really hit Aaron, don’t you? That scene at the Mill after Valentine’s when Robert came to talk and Aaron had ALL his defenses up waiting for Robert to start fighting for them -- and Robert literally told Aaron that they should probably not be around each other anymore because Aaron had Alex and that was good for him. 

Danny Miller in that scene was brilliant? The way he showed Aaron’s confusion in the way Aaron just stopped moving and breathing for a good 10 seconds and then made him nod quickly and look away while saying “if that’s what you want” when like 20 seconds before he was trying his hardest to be on the offense and fight Robert a little before probably giving in to be honest was just --- argh. I loved that moment. Aaron’s feeling like he’d misstepped and just quietly panicking when Robert walked away -- I LOVED. 

Everything from then on was all about longing and denial. Mostly coming from Aaron because Robert was pretty much just sad and accepting. 

AND THEN YOU ALL KNOW WHAT HAPPENED AND ALL WAS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. 

Let me preface by saying that I love the reunion and it is amazing and perfect and I just could not ask for more, ok? HOWEVER --

Personally, I would have been happy to have had that reunion take even just a bit longer. Maybe a week or two more build up. Where Aaron broke up with Alex a little before and was revving himself up to talk to Robert about them. To have had Robert go on just one date with someone else (and not be ready because honestly y’all he wasn’t ready, lol) but that be the impetus to Aaron actively going after what he wanted and to hell with everything else.

BUT I AM NOT COMPLAINING (and may end up using that idea as a big bang story, lol). 

Soooooooo, this long ass post was just to say that the break up is one of my most favorite eras for Robert and Aaron followed closely by their reunion 2.0 era and I just love it and always will. 

I had too many feelings and to long to think about this so I apologize profusely. 

The Boys Are Back In Town

The idea came from @charilework, I hope you like it :))

So basically Charlie, Dee, Mac and Dennis are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and Frank is God...somehow

Philadelphia 1798

“God damn it, Charlie, this is all your fault!”

“I'm sorry, ok? I can't help myself, Dee!”

Dennis turned around to shout at them. “Both of you, shut up and run faster!”

“I can't run faster, do you know how hard it is not to trip over this awful dress?” Dee snapped back.

“God, I can't take your constant complaining any more!” Dennis screamed.

“I would appreciate it if you could stop using my name in vain, guys.”

They all turned their had to see a small man running behind them.

Charlie flashed him a smile. “Oh hey, Frank, when did you arrive?”

“Just a few seconds ago. What did I tell you about not making a scene?”

They took a sharp turn into a dark alley. All of them were breathing heavily except for Frank who was looking at them with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Dennis had to lean against the wall, he looked like he was about to faint. “This is all Charlie's fault!”

Frank raised an eyebrow and looked expectantly at Charlie.

“I – no, ok, guys, this is not fair, you never get in trouble for the things you do, why am I always the bad guy?”

Dee rolled her eyes. “Because we're smart about what we do, you're not!”

Charlie started to get irritated. “How are you smart about what you do? People drop like flies wherever you go, the only thing you've got going for you is that people die all the time one way or another.”

Dee shrugged. “Yeah I guess being Death has it's perks.”

Dennis was still breathing heavily. “I swear I will strangle both of you for making me run!”

Frank waved his hands in front of them. “Enough!” He turned to Mac. “Stop making them fight!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about...”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about, I literally created you so don’t give me that bullshit.”

“Uh ok, well, excuse me, Frank, I'm War, this is my job! Maybe stop complaining, you’re the one who made me like this.””

Frank pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. “What happened here? I told you you could stay if you do not make a scene, that was 22 years ago! It's like I can't leave you alone for literally two seconds! You're not on duty so behave for fuck's sake! I don't even know what I expected from you. You might be a few thousand years old but you act like little children!”

Dee pointed her finger at Charlie. “He infected the whole city with yellow fever!”

Charlie put his hands up in defence. “Ok, Dee, you're exaggerating, barely 5.000 people died, that is not 'the whole city'!”

Frank looked from Dee to Charlie and back. “But how did they find out it was you?”

Dee laughed bitterly. “Well this is where Mac comes in. Apparently he and Charlie went out and Charlie got into a fight with some people and the whole thing came out somehow. It doesn't really make sense to blame a single person for an epidemic that severe but they don't know what caused it and they need a scapegoat. Come to think of it, this reminds me a bit of the whole witch burning thing from last century.”

Mac laughed. “That was hilarious, remember when they tried to burn you at the stake that one time?”

Dee punched him in the ribs. “Yeah I remember how you sold me out to that village just so you could have a laugh! I will get my revenge for that!”

“Dee, it’s been over a hundred years, stop lying to yourself it won’t happen.”

Finally Dennis found his way back into the conversation. “Frank, listen, I suggest you punish only Charlie as we clearly have nothing to do with this, take him and leave us in peace.”

Charlie furrowed his brows. “Shut up, Dennis, you wouldn't know how hard life is when you have actual powers.”

“Excuse me, what!?”

“Come on, Famine? That has to be the lamest of the four of us.”

“That is not true, at least I make people look good when they haven't eaten in forever and they're thin and beautiful. How the hell is Pestilence better then that?”

Charlie shrugged. “I don't know man, starving people sounds pretty lame to me.”

Dennis looked around to get support from Dee and Mac but they nodded.

“Yeah, he's right.”

“Yeah he has a point.”

“Enough!” Frank's face was slightly red. “I've heard enough! Charlie, how the hell do you infect 5.000 people with yellow fever? And the rest of you, you should have looked out for him!”

Charlie grinned. “Actually it was more than 5.000 people, that's only the ones that died. Guys, I can't be tamed, I'm your wild card!”

Frank groaned. “This is not something to be proud of! You're all punished, you come home with me and maybe I change my mind in a few hundred years, until then, you're all grounded!”

A collective eye rolling, groaning and complaining began when a few armed soldiers appeared in the alley.

“There they are, get them!”

But before the soldiers could reach them, Frank snapped his fingers and they were gone. The soldiers stared at the empty ally in front of them.

207 Years Later

Philadelphia 2005

“Guys, am I the only one or are people staring at us?” Dee looked around uncomfortably while Dennis was on her right side, head held up high and with a smirk on his lips.

“They're admiring me, you're just not used to the attention.”

Mac shook his head. “No, I think Dee's right, they're definitely staring.”

“Do you think it's because of the horses?” Charlie asked. He was riding between Dennis and Mac.

Mac seemed to think about it for a second. “No...no I don't think it's the horses.”  

Dee shook her head. “Definitely not the horses.”

Dennis, irritated by the fact that the conversation had shifted from him to their horses, cleared his throat. “It doesn't matter, lets just go to the pub where Frank wanted to meet us.”

And like that they rode on their white, black, red and pale horses through Philadelphia on a sunny monday afternoon without a care in the world. After 207 years of being grounded, Frank had finally changed his mind and allowed them to come back.

The city had changed drastically and it took them a while to find their way to the bar but when they finally arrived at the familiar old brick building they all had small smiles on their faces. Finally they were back.

Frank was sitting at the wooden counter, waiting for them. “I guess you recognise this place?”

“Yeah, this is the bar we bought back in 1776...”  Mac looked around. “What's with these glowing things?”

Frank scanned him for a moment, trying to figure out if he was joking or not. “Those are neon signs.”

“Cool...and that?”

“Are you kidding me?” Frank rubbed his temples.

“No, I'm dead serious –“

“No, I'm Death –“

“Shut up, Dee, you know what I meant! So, Frank, what's that?”

“It's a TV, Mac. Jesus Christ, is it gonna be like this until you catch up with everything that happened the last 200 years?”

They nodded.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Definitely.”

Frank groaned. “I can't take this. Ok, here's the rules, you get to stay here, run the bar if you want to, don't cause drama and try not to kill everyone, you're not on duty, the Apocalypse isn't scheduled for at least the next 600 years so behave or I'll take you back with me! If there is anything you need, don't ask me just figure it out by yourselves!”

A snap and he was gone.

The first few weeks were tough. Dee had killed a guy that had started a fight with her after she'd served him the wrong drink. She'd insisted that it had been completely by accident and that her anger had gotten the better of her but Charlie had seen the satisfied smile she tried to hide.

Mac had started a total of 153 bar fights. He had made himself head of security which gave him the perfect excuse to challenge every single person stepping foot into the bar. As opposed to Dee he didn't even try to hide what he was doing, according to him it just was in his nature ‘to be that bad-ass'.

Dennis was trying to get costumers by doing what he, as Famine, did best but his plan had backfired spectacularly. The problem was that Dennis did not know what moderation meant so almost all of his victims ended up needing to go to a hospital or died right then and there from starvation.

Charlie was the only one who tried to keep his distance from people, still feeling guilty about the yellow fever epidemic in 1798. It hadn't taken long before he discovered that rats were impressively resistant to sickness so he rescued one from the basement and befriended it. However, he hadn't taken into consideration that a living rat in the bar would spread even more disease and after a few costumers had gotten really sick Dennis had him get rid of the rat, to Charlie's great disappointment.

Slowly but surely they got used to the new era and the bar became their home again. Frank spent his free time with them when he didn't have to answer prayers or cause natural disasters somewhere in the world.

The Four Horsemen were back in Philadelphia. The boys were back in town.

Die Another Day (2002)

Today Drew is forced to watch and recap 2002’s Die Another Day, the twentieth James Bond adventure. Bond is captured and tortured by some bad guys, and now 007 is out for revenge! Can Bond handle going rogue, or will MI6 shut down his quest for vengeance before it can even begin? Will Bond find those responsible for his imprisonment? Why is it so sunny in here?

Keep reading to find out…

Eli, I loved your last two recaps so much! I know there was a stretch of less-than-stellar episodes for you to wade through, but I’m so glad you enjoyed these last two romps! I still can’t believe how close you are to the end of the show, but, speaking of, I’m close to the end of an era myself. This is the final Bond film before the big reboot, and it’s crazy to think of how far we’ve come over the course of this blog! I can’t stand it anymore, the anticipation has me way too excited to lay out any other preamble!

Buttocks tight!

Screenplay by Neal Purvis & Robert Wade, film directed by Lee Tamahori

We start with a shockingly three-dimensional gun barrel sequence, and then we jump to the coast of Pukch’ŏng County, North Korea. Bond, alongside two of his fellow MI6 agents, surf into North Korea and attract the attention of a helicopter, which they quickly commandeer. This helicopter was bound for the headquarters of Colonel Tan-Sun Moon (Will Yun Lee), located in the Korean demilitarized zone, and Bond soon arrives after placing some explosives in a suitcase full of diamonds that the helicopter’s original passenger was transporting. Just to give you an idea of how comically evil a villain Moon is going to be, the first time we see him he’s beating up his anger management therapist for lecturing him. Bond is greeted at Moon’s HQ by the surly Zao, who surreptitiously snaps a pic of 007 when he arrives. Bond and Moon meet, and it’s really driven home that Moon is a rude, crude dude with a bad attitude when it’s revealed he’s trading weapons for African blood diamonds. Moon shows off the weapons Bond’s supposed to get for the blood diamonds, but turns out Zao wasn’t taking Bond’s picture just so he could add it to his scrapbook. He’s done a background check on 007, and since Bond is the worst secret agent in the world it doesn’t take any time at all for Zao to inform Moon of Bond’s true identity. Moon blows up Bond’s helicopter, but he’s distracted by a call from his daddy, General Moon (Kenneth Tsang). He leaves the killing of Bond to Zao while he scrambles to hide all the illegal weapons he’s got in the demilitarized zone before his dad finds them and he gets grounded. Thinking, “Why the hell not?” Bond triggers the explosive in the suitcase full of diamonds, causing and explosion that allows him to escape and results in Zao getting a high-velocity diamond facial. Bond escapes on one of Moon’s hovercrafts (why not) and blows up most of his headquarters before chasing after Moon as he races across the mine-laced demilitarized zone. There’s a lot of shooting, some mines get blown up and Moon fires off a flamethrower for no good reason before Bond and Moon end up on the same hovercraft and Bond kills Moon by driving the hovercraft off a waterfall. Moon’s zaddy arrives, and he’s none too pleased about his dumb kid getting killed.

General Moon has Bond waterboarded while we finally head to the opening credits. This credits sequence is… troubling. Madonna sings out the mediocre techno ballad “Die Another Day” while we’re treated to scenes of Bond being brutally tortured interspersed with CGI ladies comprised of ice, fire and electricity dance around and some scorpions just kind of crawl around and mind their own business. Also diamonds. It’s a mess, and honestly the dime-store techno bassline makes it a little hard for me to get too invested in the vignettes of Bond being beaten and sodomoized with a hot poker by a sexy Korean woman in jackboots.

After what feels like a lifetime this bit is finally over, and a bearded, bedraggled Bond is brought before General Moon. Bond has managed not to break in all the time he’s been held here, and Moon lets him know it’s time for him to go. Bond is taken to a bridge where it seems he’s going to be shot, but then Moon’s goons lower their weapons and we find out this is all actually a prisoner exchange. Bond is being traded for the bedazzled Zao, and the two share pleasantries while they make their way back to their respective governments. On the British side, Bond is greeted by Damian Falco (Michael Madsen) from the NSA and…oh, my stars and garters, could it really be? Dare I dream?

That’s right, folks, Charles Robinson is back, babey!!! And not a moment too soon! I have no doubt he singlehandedly wrestled Zao into custody after Bond was done bonering everything up. Charles Robinson didn’t become the most valuable man in MI6 by being reckless, and he leaves nothing to chance. He has Bond sedated so that he can be checked for any kind of biological weapons. M, no doubt having met with Charles Robinson to mine his formidable intellect, goes to meet with Bond through a sheet of glass. M doesn’t mince words and lets Bond know that if she’d had her druthers he’d still be getting dicked by scorpions back in North Korea. She thinks they paid too high a price for Bond’s freedom by letting Zao go, but Bond didn’t ask to be traded and couldn’t kill himself because he… I don’t know, cut out? ripped out? his cyanide capsule years ago.

M explains that an American prisoner was killed in Bond’s prison a week ago, and they think Bond broke under torture and was mined for intel by the North Koreans. M gives him a vote of confidence by entering his glass prison to let him know she doesn’t think he’ll kill her, but she tells him he’s going for an evaluation and won’t be sent into the field any time soon. Bond… Okay, listen, Bond, like, meditates or something and lowers his heartrate to the point that the monitors he’s hooked up to think he’s dead. Some medical staff rush in to save them, he jolts them with an EKG machine and makes a break for it. Just go with me here.

Bond, now officially gone rogue, heads to a hotel he’s known at and gets a shave, haircut and new suit. The hotel manager, Mr. Chang (Ho Yi), sends up a masseuse to entertain 007, but Bond knows she’s packin’ heat and Chang, who’s actually with Chinese Intelligence (maybe he and Wai Lin have worked together?), is filming him from behind a half-silvered mirror. Bond tells Chang he won’t hold a grudge over all this if Chang can get him into North Korea so he can get his hands on Zao. Chang finds out Zao isn’t in North Korea anymore, though, he’s in Havana. Bond heads to Cuba and meets up with a British sleeper agent/cigar factory owner, Raoul (Emilio Echevarría). Raoul lets Bond know he can find Zao on an island which sports and unusual gene therapy clinic. Bond heads to a hotel which sports a view of the strange island, and there he catches sight of Giacinta “Jinx” Johnson (Halle Berry), who emerges from the ocean like the second coming of Honey Ryder.

Bond and Johnson seem to really hit it off, by which I mean they immediately hit the sheets, but the next morning Bond is left alone as Johnson sets sail for the clinic on Isla Los Organos. Bond knocks out another hotel guest and uses his ticket to get a ride to the island as well. He loads his new unconscious friend into a wheelchair and brings him along to the island, where he causes a distraction by hurling the man and his chair into a wall. He then finds a secret, mirror-lined passage and slinks his way through. Johnson, meanwhile, is apparently getting a consultation for gene therapy. Just kidding, though, she immediately kills the doctor, burns the evidence of her being there and lets us know she’s definitely a spy.

Bond finds Zao in the middle of a procedure that’s meant to rewrite his DNA to make him look like a white dude right as Johnson finds Zao’s file an stops the procedure right in the middle of things and leaves Zao looking like a naked mole rat of a man. Zao wakes up and he and Bond fight, but Zao gets away while Johnson sets off a bomb to shut down the whole facility. Bond and Johnson both chase after Zao, but he gets away in a helicopter. Johnson is almost killed by some guards, who don’t seem to notice Bond, but she avoids death by disrobing and then cliff diving down to an awaiting speedboat. Bond examines a bullet which Zao was wearing as a fun, festive necklace until Bond yoinked it off during their fight. Inside the bullet are some diamonds, which Bond has Raoul examine. The diamonds are being sold by Gustav Graves, who alleges to have found them in Iceland a year ago despite Raoul being able to definitively identify them (somehow) as African blood diamonds. Hey, that sounds familiar!

Who cares about all of that, though, because the most important man in MI6, Charles Robinson, arrives at work just in time to catch Miss Moneypenny spying on a conversation between M and Falco from the NSA. Falco thinks M played a part in Bond’s escape, and Charles Robinson sagely watches on as M shoulders the weight of Falco’s threats to make things right at MI6. Bond, meanwhile looks some stuff on Gustav Graves (Toby Stephens), who makes an interest by parachuting down to meet up with his publicist Miranda Frost (Rosamund Pike) in front of a bunch of reporters (and Bond). Bond tracks Graves and Frost to a fencing… club? academy? class? I don’t know. It’s hosted by Verity (Madonna in the cameo no one asked for), who introduces Bond to Graves. Bond, despite being on the run from MI6 and, like, a secret agent, uses his real name because why not.

Bond and Graves immediately get into a cock measuring contest via proxy in the form of a fencing match, during which Bond lets Graves know he’s figured out that Graves is selling blood diamonds. Graves challenges Bond to up the stakes and the two start fighting with real swords and completely wrecking Verity’s swordfight clubhouse. Frost eventually breaks up the fight and Graves invites Bonds to a science demonstration. A bellboy gives Bond a mysterious envelope with a key in it, and he goes to an abandoned subway station to meet up with M. M’s not here to capture Bond, though, she just wants to compare notes on Graves. M warns Bond about Graves’ political connections and agrees to give him some unsanctioned help.

Bond arrives at MI6, only to find Moneypenny dead from a gunshot to the head. He takes out several attackers and is joined by Charles Robinson himself, so you just know everything’s going to be alright. But then the unthinkable, the impossible, the inconceivable happens and Charles Robinson, the unshakable foundation upon which the stability of the British government rests, is gunned down. No, I can’t accept it! I won’t! And I don’t have to, because this is all a training session taking place in the VR Zone. C’mon, you know a Q-Branch simulation is the only place a facsimile of Charles Robinson could ever be bested! Q (née R) brings Bond safely out of the VR Zone and takes him to his workshop in the subway, where Bond proceeds to touch everything like a five-year-old at a toy store. Bond is outfitted with a sonic ring that can smash unbreakable glass and, get ready for this, a car that turn invisible.

We’re due for a twist, so we get to sit in on a meeting with M and Frost, who, it turns out, is an MI6 agent spying on Graves. Frost things Graves will blow her cover, but M says that in all her time spying on Graves Frost has turned up dick all and M wants Bond to go in and shake some shit up a bit. Bond heads to Graves’ ice palace in Iceland where he’s greeted by the imaginatively named Mr. Kil (Lawrence Makoare) before Graves scoots up in his super speedy sled car thing. We get another mention of Graves never sleeping, which is a thing that just keeps getting brought up. The famous Jinx Johnson arrives while Bond heads to the bar before his DTs can get too out of hand. Bond and Johnson meet up while Zao arrives at the ice palace. He pulls Graves out of a crazy dream machine which he has to use to stay sane due to his permanent insomnia, and it turns out Graves is actually Moon post-gene alteration.

The shindig finally gets underway and Graves unveils Icarus, a satellite which can reflect Sol’s light toward Earth and function as a second sun. Bond hides out in his magical invisible car so he can snoop around in Graves’ private business, but immediately gets caught because he’s just no good at stealth. Frost saves Bond from being discovered by Mr. Kil by making out with him while Johnson Mission Impossibles her way into Graves’ inner sanctum. While Frost and Bond are busy getting busy, Johnson is doing some actual work. Unfortunately she finds Zao waiting in Graves’ dream machine instead of Graves himself, who sneaks up behind her and electrocutes her with a souped-up Power Glove.

Zao and Mr. Kil interrogate Johnson, but she ain’t a canary and she ain’t in the mood to sing, so Zao leaves Mr. Kil to slice her up with a mining laser (paging Dr. Goldfinger). Bond finally arrives at Graves’ greenhouse lair in time to save Johnson, but first he has to deal with Mr. Kil. Bond gets his ass handed to him, but the still-restrained Johnson manages to kill Mr. Kil with the mining laser. Bond sends Johnson off to find Frost and get in touch with MI6 while Bond confronts Graves and reveal he finally knows the dude is actually Moon. Frost arrives, only to turn her gun on Bond. Turns out Frost set Bond up in North Korea and she’s been a double agent the whole time. Frost is about to execute Bond, but luckily he’s got his glass-shattering ring which allows him to… well, shatter some glass. Specifically the glass floor of the green house. You get it.

Bond escapes in Graves’ super sled, but Graves brings in some North Korean generals so he can demonstrate the destructive capability of Icarus to them. Icarus hyper-focuses the sun’s like way beyond what could be useful for a farmer trying to get that sweet wheat all year ‘round, and Bond barely out maneuvers the solar death beam by driving the sled off the side of an ice shelf and using the sled’s anchor (?) to keep himself from falling into the frigid sea. Graves solves this problem by just carving off the whole chunk of ice and making a prophetically topical joke about global warming. Bond survives, though, by jumping into a Nintendo 64 surfing game and shredding away to safety.

Johnson is discovered by Frost and Zao, who inform her she’s going to die… eventually. Bond steals a Ski-Doo and makes it back to the ice palace where he retrieves his inviso-mobile, which is useful for about a minute until another Ski-Doo crashes into it. Zao uses the thermal vision of his own car to spot Bond, and the two set off on a merry chase while the now-abandoned ice castle begins to rumble around Johnson. Graves fires up Icarus and begins to melt the ice palace, but not before Bond crashes into it (the car chase is still going on, BTW). Bond tricks Zao into driving into a pool formed out of melted ice and then shoots a chandelier down onto him instead of just shooting him in the head.

Bond retrieves the almost-drowned Johnson and gets her into the warmth of the greenhouse in time to save her. The two head to a US bunker on the South Korean side of the demilitarized zone where they’re greeted by the one, the only, the legend, the icon, Charles Robinson. With a mind to rival Watson, Charles Robinson lays down the skinny in no time flat. Graves and Frost are in North Korea, and neither the American nor the British governments can go get him before Icarus is used to destroy any of North Korea’s enemies (i.e. everypony). M’s sending in Bond anyway, and Falco decides he needs a reason to be in this movie so he sends Johnson in too. The two are airdropped in, and Charles Robinson, with the sage, cautious wisdom of an old barn owl, worries that they’ll be detected. Falco’s dumbass has the nerve, the gal, the audacity to tell Charles Robinson to “relax”, so you know that sonofabitch has some comeuppance headed his way.

The missiles Falco has sent to destroy Icarus are instantly destroyed by the mirror’s solar laser, because of course they are you dumb stupid idiot. Bond and Johnson, meanwhile, have landed and stowaway on Graves’ plane. Graves calls for his zaddy to be brought down, where he reveals himself in his new white face and shows off a plastic mech suit that allows him to control Icarus via a computer mouse trackball installed in his Power Glove. He fires up Icarus to show off and make his papa proud, but General Moon tells him the other countries will nuke the hell out of North Korea to shut this shit down. Graves doesn’t take paternal rejection well and 86es his dear old dad. Bond tries to shoot Graves but his shot is deflected, resulting in a window getting blown out and the plane violently depressurizing.

Johnson manages to stop the plane from crashing, but then Frost is there to hold her at swordpoint and of course she’s wearing an ornate bra and elbow-length gloves for no damn reason. Who even cares at this point. Icarus’ death beam is still going, by the by, and Charles Robinson, with the time-keeping prowess of the White Rabbit, lets everyone know it’s headed right their way. Johnson flies the plane right into the beam’s path, giving her time to get the better of Frost. Johnson and Frost fight with blades while Bond and Graves just ineffectually punch each other. Johnson eventually gets the better of Frost and kills her (with a very saucy, “Bitch!” thrown in for good measure) while Graves gets the better of Bond and prepares to escape the falling plane. Bond prematurely triggers Graves’ parachute, which results in Graves being sucked into the plane’s engines and most definitely dying.

Bond and Johnson find a helicopter hidden in the plane, Inception style, and manage to ride it out of the exploding plane in time to avoid death by ground. Bond makes what I think has to be a weird 69 joke before the two fly off into the sky with a crate of diamonds in the back of the helicopter.

Moneypenny uses Q’s VR shades to live out a fantasy involving Bond banging her at MI6, because that’s all this movie has to say about her character, but Q interrupts her before she can rub one out. Glad everyone thought this scene definitely needed to be in this already-over-two-hours movie.

Bond and Johnson have sex on top of the stolen diamonds (imagine how uncomfortable that would be) and we’re finally done here.

The End

~~~~~

Woof! I know way back in my introductory post I mentioned that I’d seen this movie (or at least parts of it) at some point in my checkered past, but, lemme tell ya, there was a whole lot that I’d forgotten/suppressed about Die Another Day. Just to start out with some positives, I actually really liked the design of Zao’s diamond-encrusted face, and I really liked seeing Halle Berry here. She didn’t get anything worthy of her talents to work with, but still. Then there were things that started out neat, but didn’t work in the end. I liked Frost a lot when she was introduced, but then she got reduced to a sword-wielding lunatic in a bra for the final conflict with Jinx. Icarus seemed fun, but then I remembered that this is not the first, not the second but the third Brosnan Bond film with a satellite at the heart of its narrative. We had GoldenEye, then Carver’s dumb satellite news network and now Icarus. That’s three out of four Brosnan films with satellites as key players. I love space as much as the next gay, but, I mean, get a new shtick already! Then there’s stuff that was just silly. Bond stopping his heartbeat? The Power Glove? The ice palace? The invisible car? That Madonna song? C’mon. I know you have to suspend disbelief for any of these movies, but jeez louise. And while I know I don’t normally dwell on the technical side of things during my recaps, but the special effects in this movie were very bad. If we weren’t getting some unnecessary slow-mo, we were having shots like the one of Jinx cliff diving or the truly horrendous kiteboarding scene that legitimately made me gasp when it first started. While there were definitely some fun moments and some little touches I liked, on the whole this flick is a mess and a far, far fall from the glory days of GoldenEye.

I feel I can only give Die Another Day QQ on the Five Q Scale.

We’ll see you again in a hot minute as Eli serves up a couple of fresh recaps of the next two episodes of The Golden Palace, “Say Goodbye, Rose” and “You’ve Lost That Livin’ Feeling”, and after that it’ll be time for me to move onto a brand new Bond as I tackle the next James Bond adventure, Casino Royale (and maybe you can look forward to a few special treats before then, who can say?).

Until then, as always, thank you for reading, thank you for analyzing this (Sigmund Freud) and thank you for being One of Us!

[[☾]] You’ve Already Killed Part Of Me // Lee Minhyuk

Author: @killingmebtob // Gen

Title: You’ve Already Killed Part Of Me

Characters: Minhyuk and Reader

Rating: R-21

Summary: They weren’t meant to be, but their hearts said otherwise.

Warnings: NSFW, Explicit Sexual Content, Swearing, Fingering, Unprotected Sex, Rough Sex, Teasing

Author’s Note: WELPS i should start packing my bag and hide myself far from here WHAT CAME OUT FROM MY HANDS. anyway this idea was from a friend and it is by far my favourite smut AHAHA OK I’M OUT BYE

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Your name: submit What is this?

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It was the era where gunpowder filled the air. War among countries tore families apart, be it life and death, or the duty to protect their own country. Some people were sent to their enemies’ territories as spies, while some were sent to go against those spies.

War brought them together, but fate brought her heart to his.

She woke up, feeling drowsy still. She tried to move her hand but realized they were tied tightly behind her. Looking around, seems like it was just a normal room with a bed. She glanced down and sighed in relief that her clothes were still on. She thought hard about what happened. She was supposed to be meeting Minhyuk to get information, for she was a spy against him. After getting into a fake relationship with him, she disguised herself up as a docile girl that listened to everything he said.

Just at this moment, he walked in, adjusting the end of his suit sleeves. He looked up at her and realized she was awake. “Well, the princess awakes.” He said with an amused grin. His expression looked different from how he usually was towards her, as if he was eyeing her like a predator. She glared back at him, trying to keep in character.

He took off his suit, unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt and rolled up his sleeves. “I have another date to go to, I shall not dirty my outfit.” He said before his hands were on his waist. He stared back down at her, this time with a smirk. Enough to send shiver down her spine.

“Y/N, twenty five this year, working for the government after your parents were killed in the war. You’re sent here to fish out information as a spy, aren’t you?” It sounded more like a statement rather than a question. He took his seat on the chair opposite the bed she was on. Folding his arms in front of his chest, he continued, “I was scolded by my supervisors for being dumb to let you into my life. And for that, I’m taking my revenge on you.”

“I knew that you weren’t some innocent little girl, but I just thought two could play the game, and I could use you as well to dig out some information. But then, seeing that I’m on the losing end, I had no other choices.” He continued. Rising to his height, he strolled to the side of the bed, as she whimpered in fear, clueless as at what was going to happen to her.

“Don’t worry, on the account of our memorable past, I’m giving you a chance to live. Tell me everything you know, and I’ll let you go.” He suggested a deal. She bit on her bottom lips seductively, knowing his weakness.

“Alright, I will.” She sighed in defeat. “But can you release my hands? They’re getting cramps.” She said softly, trying to win his empathy. “And I have nothing on me, so I can’t hurt you.” And he did. Reaching out for the knife, he slowly cut the strings off.

Using her fight instinct, she head butted him and snatched the knife from his hand, then tried to run towards the door as fast as she could. But Minhyuk being an experienced spy, everything was foreseen. With ease, he trapped her down onto the floor by her waist and she struggled in pain.

“You bitch. I knew you had something up your sleeves.” He said between his gritted teeth, staring down at the woman who just attacked him. She tried to claw him with her nails but he didn’t seem to budge. Smirking, he rested his knees on either side of her body, trapping her with his own body. With one hand, he effortlessly pinned her hands above her head as the other hand teased her breasts through her clothing.

She trashed beneath him, angry at herself for ending up in such situation. He buried his face into the crook of her shoulder and started kissing below her ears, knowing her weakness at the tip of his fingers. Without her hands, she couldn’t do anything but to submit to his teasing. The hand left her breast and roamed downwards, tracing random patterns on her covered thighs. She tried to kick his hand away but he forced her down with his pelvis.

Feeling how she squirmed beneath him, he felt the emotions he tried to surpass resurfacing. That very moment when he looked at her once during one of their past dates, he felt something different, something he hadn’t felt before. He thought he had pass that stage, but seeing her suffering, something in him broke. He slowed down his action, and so did her struggling. He released her hands and lifted himself off her. Standing up while panting, he waved a dismissive hand. “Go, just leave.” He mumbled, his back facing her as he didn’t know how to face her with the unwanted feelings he had.

She hesitated, her muscles didn’t seem to be alive as she stood there, staring at his back, the back of the person she tried to run away from. And now she was free to walk out of the door, but something in her stopped her from doing so. Knowing that it was the right thing to do, she forced herself to move towards the door. As she reached for the door knob, she heard him say, “we should not meet again. Because if we do, I’ll have to kill you.” He barely whispered the last part, as if it pained him to say so.

She swallowed hard, a tear struggled to be released as her hand landed on the door knob. Before she could exert the energy to twist it open, she felt a grip on her arm pulling her back. His lips were smacked on hers, the kiss was urgent but desperate. She pulled back, feeling the anger building in her. And with that, her hand was connected to his cheek with a powerful force. “You’ve already killed a part of me,” she whispered among her tears. Her both hands reached out for his collar and grabbed him towards herself, before kissing him once again.

The first time with their mask off, but their last chance to see each other. The air filled with sexual tension and desperation. He grabbed her and shoved her towards the wall, their lips connected the whole time. His hands roamed her body, trying to memorize every detail of it and to commit it to his memory. She felt him unzip her skirt from the back, and the fabric fell to the floor. She grabbed onto his shirt on his shoulder, their tongue dancing in each other’s mouth, tasting each other’s saliva.

His hands then went to the hem of her shirt, tugging it to indicate his intention to get rid of them. They separated themselves just to pull her shirt off and their lips were attached again. He got busy with his hands again as they caressed her back, searching to unclasp her bra. And soon, her bare breasts were crushed against his chest. He pulled back, eyeing her with his eyes filled with lust. Both of them panted, for the lack of oxygen. He quickly unbuttoned his shirt as she helped him with his pants, unbuckling his belt and unzipping his pants.

The boxer he wore outlined his fierce and angry member, as their eyes met again, he pushed her against the wall roughly before attacking her bare neck. It helped that she tied her hair into a ponytail that day. Both of his hands went to her breasts, teasing her nipples, causing her to moan in pleasure. He trailed kisses towards her jaw and down the valley between the breasts. His hands then found her wet clit. Hooking the sides of her panties, he pushed the last piece of her clothing down, leaving her naked.

She reached down for his cock. He hissed as she wrapped her hands around it, humping it dry with just her bare hands. He popped a nipple into his mouth as he circled her clit, making her moan his name. Slowly, he inserted one finger. After thrusting for just a few times, he inserted another, stretching her walls around his thick fingers.

“Shit, Minhyuk. More.” She moaned, her eyes rolling back at the overwhelming pleasure. He started pulling his fingers out just to push it back in roughly. Her nails clawed into his shoulder as he groaned in pain, while she moaned in pleasure.

“I’m cumming,” she announced. He then pulled out his fingers, earning a whine from her. He stared into her eyes as he licked the juices off his fingers. Claiming her lips once more, he aligned his cock at her entrance. She moaned into his mouth as the tip entered her. Slowly inch by inch, he felt himself reached the end and stopped to let her adjust to him.

“Fuck, you’re so big, Minhyuk.” She breathed out, panting for air. He so wanted to pull it out and roughly thrust back in, but he decided to go gentle today, for this will be the last meeting they’ll ever have.

Feeling her hips moving in a circular motion, he assumed she was ready. He pulled himself out and pushed back in, making her gasp She felt herself bouncing on her cock as he pushed her upwards on the wall and let gravity push her down onto him. Her back brushed against the wall, the friction heating up on her skin but she didn’t seem to care. His hands gripped onto her by her waist, his nails sinking into her skin, and she was sure that would leave bruises. He growled against her skin as the sounds she was making turned him on further. She felt him banging against the spot, and screamed his name as he did so again.

She buried her face into his shoulder and bit into his skin as he continued pleasuring her. “Cum, Y/N.” It sounded more like an order, and she cummed for him. She felt him covering her walls with his own too as she let out her juices.

No one said anything as they calmed their breathing down. After realizing what he started, he rested his arms on the wall, locking her with his arms against the wall.

“Fuck, Y/N. What are you doing to me?”

a thing i wrote for the rabbi in preparation for finishing my conversion

1. How did you get to be sitting here today - tell me your story, how you learned to love Judaism, why you aren't x-tan anymore

I grew up in Olympia, Washington. My mother was "spiritual" but not specifically religious, and took us to a Unitarian Universalist church. I think this was a good experience for me, because it connected time in church ("church") to time talking about social justice concerns, and to caring about other people in a concentrated way. The UU church fed people at a shelter and raised money for environmental causes. I think it informed my principles as a person, even though my mother stopped taking us after a while. My father, whose mother was fairly fervently Methodist, didn't like religion. As a child, I associated religion proper--the kind of Christianity that other people did, for instance--with being asked to believe in something that was impossible, and the moral logic of religion, and especially Christianity as my grandmother knew it, didn't make a lot of sense to me. I was without any kind of religion throughout high school. I often felt depressed and anxious; I was gay and trans, and even after my parents began supporting me, many of my friends faced bullying, homelessness, mental health crises, and abuse. As I learned more about war, iniquity, and imperialism, I often felt like the world as it existed was beyond help, and that too many people suffered for the world to have any order. During that time, as I participated in LGBT groups around my town, I met some friends who were Jewish and coming into what that meant to them. I had really interesting conversations around Jewish ideas of God and morality with my friend Levi, who had grown up in a very racist town in Nevada and who embraced the idea of an all-knowing God who at the same time was mysteriously and frustratingly absent and who one had to both believe in and be angry at. In college, I took a class on European Jewish literature since the 1800s and read a lot of literature (from Gluckel von Hameln to Irene Nemirovsky and Stefan Zweig and Marx and Freud) accompanied by the analysis of a very gay older professor who tried very hard to keep his analysis secular while giving us religious concepts to provide context for the significance of writers' desperation, alienation, and struggle. A central idea that stuck with me from that class was the paradox of a God who has issued laws which everyone must follow for the salvation of the world even though nobody is sure exactly how to follow them. It combined the comforting and somewhat idealistic certainty that there was a plan with the sensible conclusion that, based on the chaos and horror extant in the world today, nobody was enforcing that plan and for practical purposes humanity was on its own to solve its problems. I also was fascinated that the ideas of Marx, and the ideas of many of the people who tried to formulate socialist states from the ruins of monarchies in the early 20th century, were influenced by the Jewish messianic tradition and were part of the idea that people themselves could bring on the dawn of the ultimate, perfect era of life on Earth if we only worked together and worked hard enough. It's romantic, but I pictured Jewish socialists motorcycling across the Russian steppe (as indeed they did, when carrying news during the 1918 crisis), imagining that their work might fix what everyone else had gotten wrong. I like Judaism because it recognizes humanity's messiness and mistakes, including prophets. It notes the arguments people have had, the different views people take, the times people have seriously messed up and faced consequences for it, the times people have seriously messed up and faced no consequences. It is concerned with bodies and matter and daily practice more than with immortal souls, but also speaks about souls and love and hope. It remembers, and it watches, and it hopes for the day where the word of G-D becomes something real--something explicitly material--, and tries to work for it, but admits that there may or may not be a clear path to get there. At the same time, it motivates me to do work in the world directed outwards, toward helping people. 2. Tell me about God / spirituality / prayer. What does that all mean to you?

I like thinking of God as the connection that exists between people, and anything good, but also as something boundless, beyond good and evil, and utterly incomprehensible to human identity, morality, etc. God is in the wonder of a wave crashing down on the sand. God is the potential for good things to happen because God is the potential for anything to happen, and when someone is a human, the best potential is that humans can come together and fix something, or figure out a way to care for each other better. Prayer is also being glad to be alive, to see candles or smell smoke or feel one's arms working in the morning. I pray because I believe there's some way to tap into that sort of divine similarity I have with all other beings and all other matter and make something happen that's good. I also think there is a lot to be said for the way Jewish prayer emphasizes sensual pleasure and simple appreciation of one's material body and material existence. I think God is a way for me to understand all bodies as good, for all experiences of bodies to be divine, even if they are painful. 

3. What are some meaningful Jewish rituals / practices that you do and why are they important to you?

I observe Shabbat by avoiding grocery shopping, laundry, and travel on that day, and by trying to spend time with friends. I attend services on Friday nights and some Saturday mornings at CBE. In the last year, I have also observed the Jewish holidays of Shavuot, Tisha b'Av, Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkot, Simchat Torah, Hannukah, Purim and Pesach. On Rosh Hashanah, I made food for my friends, including two new friends from my synagogue, even though my apartment is pretty small, and tried to incorporate foods traditional to the new year like apples and honey, round challah, and other foods. I observed Tisha b'Av and Yom Kippur by fasting, and throughout the month of Elul I thought a lot about the things in my life I wanted to change and about calamities I wanted to do something to prevent or to help people recover from. I read a book recommended by Rabbi Katz (This is Real and You're Completely Unprepared by Alan Lew) in order to better approach the holiday from a mindset of introspection and reconciliation with the parts of myself I wanted to leave behind. I also took a new appreciation of the themes of Elul and Yom Kippur with me as I rewatched Angels in America, which deals a lot in Jewish reconciliation, forgiveness, and death. On Hannukah I went to friends' houses in order to eat latkes and other oily foods and also engaged in conversations about the dubious victory of the Maccabees/when a revolution becomes a repressive regime. On Purim I went to party and attended services, and thought about what it means to survive something terrible and what it means to ask for revenge or to make up a story where you get revenge, and what the difference is. On Passover I was with friends in 2017 and 2018, talking about freedom, human trafficking, refugees, motherhood and reproductive freedom, and a list of other issues that seem more relevant every year. In 2018 I also learned songs, both traditional and more recent.   In terms of everyday rituals: I try to give to people who ask for things. I try to care for people in my life who I value. I try to think critically and to better myself and to improve the world. I try to criticize tyrants. I try to be thankful for my body. I try to forgive people, and also to think carefully about when someone deserves forgiveness. I try to rigorously evaluate my standards for living a decent life and see if they are good enough. I try to remember history. I think about how the lessons of Torah relate to my life and what wisdom that text contains that I can apply to my life and sometimes make Spotify playlists related to books of the Torah. I try to read the weekly parsha and think about it critically. I read feminist books about Judaism and read fiction by Jewish authors. 4. What do you still want to learn / read about when you are Jewish?

I want to learn Hebrew so I can comfortably read in services in either language. I want to learn more about the history of Jewish people in the United States and around the world, because even as I learn more there is still a lot I have missed out on. 

5. What Hebrew name are you thinking of having? And Why? Zev as a biblical name originates from a reference to Benjamin, who is called "a wolf that raveneth". The text refers to Benjamin-as-wolf killing prey in the morning and dividing spoils in evening. But there isn't much reference to whether Benjamin actually ever does any killing, though he gave rise to the line that included Ehud, Saul and, supposedly, Mordecai. Some consider the term "ravenous Wolf" not to refer to war at all but to refer to Temple sacrifices. Benjamin is known in rabbinic tradition as being a uniquely upstanding, sin-free person, and is also notable for being the youngest son of Rachel, and the last child of Jacob. When I was considering names for myself as a fifteen-year-old after coming out as trans, I considered Benjamin (on the advice of my therapist!) because of Rachel trying to name Benjamin Benoni after her pain and death, but failing. The name represented a triumph above origin while also presenting a puzzle because the actual etymology of the name is contested--it means son of days, son of the south, etc etc. But I didn't choose Benjamin as a name then, and I don't want to choose it now, because it's too full of a story and too precise. I like Zev because, though it's technically an allusion to this character, it also just means Wolf. I like that there are aspects of Benjamin's life I could step into, but don't want to draw parallels between myself and a biblical character every time I say my name. I like wolves, and have since I was a child, because they are both powerful and dangerous but also care for one another. Researchers studying wolves have found that in the wild they are far more communal and less aggressive toward each other than they are in captivity or under stress. I think that the protective powers of the wolf, and also the familial bonds between wolves, is something I want to emulate. I want to step into a different aspect of the name than Zev Jabotinsky, whose militancy and ferocity I think are antithetical to building an enduring, peaceful, prosperous future for humanity and other species on this planet.

Bleach Arcs: Ranked

So, once again, I’m stealing this idea from @incorrctbleach​, because I wanted to rank the general Bleach arcs in the same way they did. (I know I said I was going to do a post about Bankai next, and I’m working on it, but... it’s hard.) I’m just gonna use the arc divisions that they used, so if you wanna see that post, click here.

12. The Bount Invasion arc

This arc is... Okay, I really did try to understand this arc when I was watching it, but it’s so hard to understand because it doesn’t make sense. I had no idea why they were out for revenge on Soul Society, all the characters were flat, and their abilities were horrid. Honestly, everything about this arc makes me angry. Not to mention, it ruined Ishida’s character for me for a very long time. He was represented really badly in this arc and I couldn’t bring myself to fall in love with him again until the anime returned to the Hueco Mundo arc. Plus, it dragged on for forever. I can’t really explain beyond that, and I don’t think I have to because I imagine most people hate this arc.

11. The Lost Substitute Shinigami arc

Otherwise known as the Fullbring arc. So, I don’t really hate any arc like I hate the Bount arc, but this arc fell the flattest in terms of story, to me. Again, the antagonists were extremely flat, and I didn’t have any sort of emotional response toward any of them. Not hate, not interest, not a sense of liking; they were all just... blah. I mean, Riruka was alright, I guess, but compared to the plethora of rich characters we’d gotten before the Fullbring arc, every single Fullbringer was a let down. I will say that seeing Ichigo deal with his lack of powers and the breakdown he had at the end was great, but the lack of beloved characters was a shame, as well. Their return in the end is the sole reason this arc isn’t at the bottom of the list, to be honest... Plus, it isn’t a total waste of time like the Bount arc.

10. The New Captain Shūsuke Amagai arc

I’m gonna be real, this arc wasn’t that bad. Sure, Rurichiyo was a little annoying at times, but her scenes with Ichigo were quite sweet. And, sure, Amagai’s reason for wanting to kill Yama was a bit... over-dramatic, but he was also a really neat character. Not to mention, we got to know a little more about Kira through this arc, and I came to love him as a result of that. Is it annoying that it interrupted the Arrancar era? Yeah. Did the final battle not really make sense because the fight with Aizen should’ve prepared Ichigo for anything, especially someone like Amagai? 100%. Was it aggravating that this arc took up multiple seasons and wasn’t clearly fitted into the timeline of the anime? For sure. But, it wasn’t that bad. 

9. The Agent of the Shinigami arc

Here’s the thing: you think this is horrible that this is so low on the list because it’s the first arc, however, that just means the caliber and quality of the series just kept getting better and better, to the point that I’m comfortable having this arc this low on my list. Of course, it was amazing. We got to know Rukia and see her relationship with Ichigo develop, plus the end of the arc was so brilliant with Renji and Byakuya. I don’t have anything bad to say about this arc. I mean, it isn’t as action-packed as the rest of the series, I suppose, but it’s the first arc! Honestly, it’s kind of a comfort arc, for me. It’s nice to think about the simpler days with Ichigo and Rukia. 

8. The Arrancar: The Arrival arc

There was a lot to love in this arc. Grimmjow was introduced, Shinji was introduced (with the other Visoreds), Ichigo began to come to terms with his Hollow abilities, other Shinigami came to The World of the Living, and, most importantly, we finally got back to the Aizen storyline. To be honest, the arcs that take place in The World of the Living aren’t ever as interesting to me as the ones that take place elsewhere (save for one specific arc that I’ll get to later). I think because the resources--like Reishi--are limited, it makes for a slightly duller viewing experience. Which, of course, is fine because you need the slower periods of time to offset the extremely intense periods of time. Everybody was focused on training during this arc, anyway, so it’s understandable. This arc was a good setup for the rest of the Arrancar era, but that’s about it. It’s still amazing, though.

7. The Goeti 13 Invading Army arc

I really wish this could be higher up on the list, but alas, this is where I shall put it. There was a lot to love with this arc, as well. Seeing characters fight against themselves or versions of their comrades was always interesting to watch. One of my absolute favorite sections of this arc belongs to Nozomi and Kon. I will forever be bitter that they didn’t end up together. And, how about that Hollowfied Ichigo in the end? Rukia protecting him from the (admittedly terrible and cringy) antagonist was everything. It’s very similar to the Zanpakutō Unknown Tales arc, and I love that one as well, so it makes sense that this would be amazing to me.

6. The Zanpakutō Unknown Tales arc

Gosh, I loved this arc so much. I absolutely adored everybody’s Zanpakutō spirits. I mean, how could you not? One of my favorites, and this was one of the biggest “WHAT” moments for me during the final arc, was Nanao’s. Their story was absolutely beautiful. I’m also gonna go ahead and say that the Sword Beasts part of this arc was not that bad, either. I rather enjoyed all the individual stories with everybody’s Zanpakutō spirits. Anyway, added on to all of that, the plot with Muramasa and Kōga was terribly sad. I actually felt bad for both of them by the end of it all. I don’t want to gush forever, but this arc was amazing.

5. The Arrancar: The Hueco Mundo arc

Okay, listen. Don’t kill me. I know this is everyone’s favorite arc, and I totally understand why. I don’t have any issues with it, myself. I just don’t happen to enjoy it as much as the next four arcs. It made my top five, though. That’s good, right? No, but honestly, this arc was flawless. Every single fight was perfectly executed, even the fights with the Espada I didn’t care about. The whole arc--everything from meeting Nel to the captains showing up--was extremely entertaining. To be honest, I think all the fillers that interrupted this arc is why it’s number five and not number one. If I had been more immersed in the arc, I probably would’ve enjoyed it even more, but it was pretty damn enjoyable as is. I dunno what else to say. Nel = the cutest cute to ever cute. Grimmjow = daddy. Ulquiorra = eternal sadness for me. RIP UlquiHime. 

4. The Past arc

I. Love. This. Arc. I wanted more of it. An eternal supply. A seperate series, I don’t care. I’m in love with Shinji, Urahara is my boo, Yoruichi and Soi Fon give me life, and learning how everybody knew each other was bomb as fuck. I cannot tell you how lit I was right after this arc when you see Shinji and the Visoreds walk out of their base to kick Aizen’s ass (which didn’t go very well, but I digress). After seeing all the shit that Aizen put them through, I was hollering, it was so fucking epic. It’s crazy to think that Hiyori and Yoruichi served together or that Aizen was Shinji’s lieutenant or that Mayuri served under Kisuke or that Urahara, Yoruichi, and the Visoreds were captains way before some of my favorite captains were captains. It’s just so cool to see how everything came together for them.

3. The Quincy Blood War arc

I’m not gonna lie... the beginning was slow. Like... boring, almost. And the final fight ended way too abruptly. And I didn’t get the ending I wanted (not just because of the pairings, but because of the fact that I didn’t see how everyone was doing after the ten year timeskip). But everything in between made it so worth while. The battles! Oh my goodness, I need them animated right now. All of them were so good! Namely Kenpachi’s and Unohana’s, the battle Yoruichi and Urahara fought together, and the one Byakuya and Tōshirō fought together. And almost every single character developed a crazy amount. I was so impressed with Renji and Rukia, they were insane. There were so many revelations and bombshells in this arc, as well, and all of them had me shook. I loved it. As far as the final pairings go, no I don’t agree with them, but if Renji and Rukia’s daughter grows up to marry Orihime and Ichigo’s son, all will be forgiven. Love, love, love this arc. I’d also like to add that I want to kill that Haschwalth myself for hurting Bazz-B. 

2. The Soul Society Arc

This was a hard one to place, guys. In the end, it was just perfect. Especially now that I know the Shinigami better after finishing the series. This is yet another arc where the battles were on point. Poor Ichigo fought so many people, but by the end of it all, all of Soul Society respected him and learned to depend on him. Not to make this about ships, but Ichigo coming to save Rukia killed me. I’d die that death a thousand times. Other than that, I just enjoyed meeting all the new characters and learning about them. This arc was very intense, but also serene in a way... weird, but beautiful.

1. The Fake Karakura Town arc

Is this a weird arc to have as my top arc? Hopefully not. I just can’t get over how good it was. For me to be able to see everybody fighting their own individual battles? That was like a dream. And that’s strange because, to be honest, I didn’t really like the top three Espada (although Baraggan’s abilities were the shit). Oh my goodness, and the Visoreds rolling up, ready to throw down and kick some serious ass got me so excited? By the way, when I say “The Fake Karakura Town arc,” I’m including the piece where Aizen and Gin invade Soul Society. Which means I’m including the Ichigo vs. Aizen fight. Which also means I’m including Ichigo and Rukia’s goodbye. So... yeah. All of that. That’s why this is my favorite arc. 

Anyway, let me know if you agree or disagree or, hell, make your own list and tag me! I can’t stop talking about this show. I... I have a problem. I really do.

I promise the Bankai post is coming, I just need to plan it out a little better and get it down on “paper,” so to speak, properly. Thanks for reading! 

//

“he can read a trial’s karma and ultimate fate”

ok well now you’re going from poorly thought out mind games to absolute bullshit

what the fuck does that even mean??? what karma does a trial have?? with my understanding of karma, that means Sadmad literally goes “hm i feel like letting this kid off would please the universe, as she’s innocent. fuck, you win apollo.”

-

'What is THAT supposed to mean?’ -Apollo Justice 2028

I'm wheezing the second i got mad he said exactly what I'm thinking 

-

“he can foresee how arguments will go and lead his opposition”

>leading the court is   i l l e g a l

>foreseeing arguments is kind of what every prosecutor does only they set traps. this one actually just sounds like Edgeworth’s logic applied to future tense instead of past so i guess i’ll give it a grudging pass.

>but thats Edgeworth’s power and also LEADING THE COURT IS FUCKING ILLEGAL, NOT A SUPER POWER.

-

me: [fuming]

game: [reminds me that phoenix Believes In Apollo]

me: [relaxes SOMEwhat]

-

trucy: sounds like he's chanting a prayer

me: its funny because juxtaposition 

-

I’m so fucking tired of Prosecutors being silent when the judge asks them if theyre ready

like jesus christ guys i know, we get it; youre too cool for school. just nod or some shit ok i wanna get on with my court case with a minimum of dick measuring 

-

whats frustrating is that the nickname ‘last rights prosecutor’ is actually kind of heartwarming because it means that all Nahyuta wants to do is secure the true villain of the case to punish them, thereby putting the victim’s soul at rest

BUT considering the trainwreck of emotional depth that was DD he’s probably just going to be another shithead who assaults you and calls you a moron instead of actually listening 

-

...his case info’s on a scroll. um. how delightfully foreign?

-

sadmad: why do you think she's innocent 

apollo: um well i believe in her, also its too early for me to exactly give you direct proof and also and most importantly the point of this court is to give the defendant a Fair Trial so 

sadmad: (does a Z move and performs an unfortunate bout of Voice Acting)

-

sadmad: sorry I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes since i’m new here and my court system is really different

me: oh well he’s understanding and ready to learn, that’s coo

sadmad: lawyers are sinners and i shall cut them down with my holy wrath if they dare so much as do their job in this country 

me: ...wow what was that five seconds?? he’s raring to get to those mistakes

-

judge: don’t threaten peoples’ lives

sadmad: its part of my CULTURE you fucking RACIST

judge: shit, please continue 

-

sadmad you'd better get a fucktonne more likeable in the next three seconds or I'm condemning you to your shit hell myself.

-

ema: no stress no snacks

[enters court]

ema: all stress all snacks

:( poor ema

-

ema; i think trucy’s innocent

sadmad: you will be punished

ema: fuck ok nevermind I'm sorry

BOATLOAD OF CHARM, SADMAD, I SAID BOATLOAD OF CHARM, NOT ABUSING YOUR DETECTIVE

-

this motive is stupid and youre stupid but to be fair most proposed motives in ace attorney are stupid so i guess you get a pass. a very grudging pass.

wait no never mind

apollo: thats conjecture wheres your evidence 

sadmad: a girl said it happened

apollo: well fuck 

-

i just dont get it. when franziska is a dick she’s funny but when sadmad’s a dick he's just a dick and i want to throttle him with his pretentious braid 

pls game you were going strong there; make sadmadhi funny and likeable in his dickishness (like the trilogy era guys, and sometimes Klavier) and not utterly insufferable 

I'm willing to hear you out 

-

nahyuta: I'm cutting your pay

[shrug]  i guess when you run out of ideas you just recycle edgeworth?? cause he's popular right

-

as douchey as he is sadmad is right about telling ema not to choose a side. cmon ema, just trust that apollo will figure it out. and apollo, quit begging her to choose a side! sheesh i cant believe I'm agreeing with sadmad.

-

please sadmad i hate frozen stop referencing it

-

apollo thinks stag beetles are cool and thats adorable 

-

oh hello Reunion and Turnabout, it’s been a while. 

-

sadmad: Assault in the name of the Holy Mother is Legal and Allowed also allow me to talk AND TALK AND TALK AS IS THIS GAME’S WONT 

-

“youre just a child” says the 25 year old. cram it, airy-fairy. besides, your shit princess is >14< and you let her dance around in a mini skirt and declare rulings. so double cram it.

-

“Ema, wait! I have to prove that I’m not a dick by quickly praising you so as to prove that I’m not a dick! Wait!! Seriously!! I HAVE TO BE LIKEABLE!!!”

-

again, i just dont get why its funny when Franziska whips Lotta Hart and annoying as fuck when Sadmad threatens Bonny with, um... rosary bondage i guess

-

tbf apollo is rly being aggressive on the WELL YOUU DONT THINK SHE DID IT, RIGHT??? i mean we all know she didnt but it’s your job to prove this, apollo, not coerce witnesses into siding with you. even phoenix wasn’t like that when he had to defend Maya or Maggey.

-

[wheezes]

sadmad: you lied to me

betty: lol so? dump me in hell idgaf

i like betty. she’s a dick to trucy and nobody touches my baby girl but still. love that defiance 

both sisters are p sweet i gotta say.

-

sadmad: so, you think a girl killed a guy so she could get revenge on another girl because she loathed her? how stupid. you stupid red fire hydrant pissed upon by wicked dogs. 

apollo: and you think that a magician faced with their secrets being revealed couldn’t, like, conjure up some duct tape? no? had to be death?? 

sadmad: ...;;;;;;; 

-

did bonny just meep 

-

“just be nice and quite like a good little bunny”

heehee typo

-

“I’ll yank your fucking hair out!”

“Whatever it’ll just grow back”

thats the best response ive ever heard (sobs)

good on ya polly

-

“showing up dead in the coffin was part of the prank”

um then if it was planned as such how is trucy responsible for this???

also shit guys i hope Take2 TV was willing to pay for the damage done by the falling set piece cause that shit splintered like crazy.

-

“But for some reason, he really DID turn up dead, so he kinda just stayed on the ground”

i know its inappropriate to laugh but I'm laughing so hard

-

sadmad quit calling down someone’s soul just to look cool; theyre trying to rest in peace 

-

“she signed her name to the bottom of an incriminating note” yeah for really reals that sounds smrt

“the handwriting matches yours” ah yeah the signature but not the fucking note just by looking its not the same its typed

you people are such morons

-

märchen starters

Taken from Defade’s english translations, use these as you’d like! May imply triggering content additionally because of the nature of the album. I’ve included lines from the prequel album IdoIdo too!! Have fun! Feel free to edit where neeeded. Placed under cut for length.

“And history alone remained..”

“Hey! Something’s dropped beside the well!”

“There…watch your steps.”

“Are you doing okay? Not scared?”

“Well, I’ll bring you to a nice spot today. Let’s go!”

“Sins require punishment.”

“This deserted village…is just like a graveyard…ufufu…”

“[Insert Name], fairytales always begin from the graveyard.”

“Come here to me.”

“Dig me out...”

“Such a tragic era.”

“The goal of life is to survive.”

“The goal of life is to multiply.”

“Hey! Young mister/miss!”

“Mother/Father! I’m back!”

“Welcome hom..…who are those men?”

“Don’t scream like a pig! You’re disgusting to look at!”

“Don’t make this so hard on us!”

“That brilliant era in which you’re smiling now, without hating anyone or regretting death, let’s meet there for sure.”

“I’ll kill you…”

“I wanted a friend, but I had no idea what that was…”

“Until I met you, I didn’t know the color of loneliness, nor the meaning of love…”

“I’ll put a flower in your hair.”

“Really? Make it look cute, okay!”

“Let’s go over there next time!”

“I’d like to say goodbye to my friend at least.”

“I will be the last one to bear darkness. Please go into the light…”

“[Insert name]…you’ll definitely come for me, right?”

"Come, your [father/mother/ect] is waiting.”

“Why…why wouldn’t you accept this child as a successor to this house..!”

“That topic is closed and done with.”

“I don’t want to hear it, [Insert name].”

“Is it because I’m a concubine….no, is it because this child is disabled?”

“[Insert Name]….I deeply feel for you, so much that it hurts. However I will not forgive you.”

“Aren’t you cold, [Insert Name]?”

“[Insert Name], the light is warm!”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, so sorry…”

“Even if I pray to God, my cries will never reach.”

“So I’ll embrace my sins and cease my prayers.”

“Lady/Milord [Insert Name], please remain strong!”

“You standing there, can you hear me? Then come here to me….and dig me out!”

“Kill the witch! Kill [Insert Name]!”

“You should just die!”

“Look! ….look at this comedy! Then I shall become a true 《witch》 that curses the world!”

“[Insert Name], even if you fell into hell, I’d still love you.”

“This story is fiction”

“But that doesn’t mean everything is made up.”

“『Who』 am I?”

“Ufufu…I love you, [Insert Name]. Now we’ll be together forever and ever, right? Ahahahaha!”

“Let’s take revenge, okay?” 

“It’s too late for laments.”

“Now that death has come, no matter how many regrets you have, it’s too late.”

“My [lady/lord/ect], you are alone, a corpse wandering the paths of night.”

“Come, sing for me…”

“I feel like I once loved someone.”

“I feel like I’ve been loved by someone as well…”

“It’s just your imagination.”

“I didn’t want to perish here.”

“[Boy/Girl/Child/ect], I can say the same of you, right?”

"Don’t you still have things left to do on earth?”

“The time is ripe. Come [boy/girl/child/ect], take me into yourself.”

“They killed me…they stole my future…”

I won’t let them…live on…without judgment…

“Gooooodbye! Ahahahahaha!”

“Now, come again once you’ve died a noble death.”

“Let’s continue our revenge forever and ever!”

“Helping those fools get their revenge is how we’ll get ours.”

“We can go on forever like this, because human beings can’t help but hate each other! Ahahahahaha..!!!”

“Get out! Get out!”

“Witch! Witch!”

“You’re disgusting!” 

“Don’t follow us!”

“But still, [Insert Name], I was happy.  Did you know why? Because you were with me.”

“Life has its ups and downs.”

“It’s stale bread, but did it match your tastes?”

 “I can eat this forever!”

“[Madam/Sir/Ect.], do you not know who I am?”

“What are you babbling about...?”

“My prayers don’t reach.”

“So that’s how you were sacrificed? Even against your will…”

“I understand the sad feelings of abandoned children, painfully so.”

“The breadcrumbs are…getting eaten!”

“Hey [insert name],  that’s an interesting bird!”

“Look, [Insert Name]. There’s a house over there!”

“But [Insert name], that might be a scary witch’s house…still.”

“Is anyone here?”

“This is delicious! [Insert Name], you have some too!” 

“Yeah, it’s delicious, [brother/sister/ect]!”

“Delicious! [Insert Name] if you’re not going to eat, let me have your portion!”

It’d be B-A-D if we don’t kill [her/him/them/ect] before [[her/him/them/ect] kills us!

“You won’t be able to eat us

“You’re great, [Insert Name]! Now the witch’s finished!”

“Yep, the evil witch was burnt, and now all treasure Belongs to us!”

“So every lonely old woman who live in the forest are witches.”

“Geez, children are such shameless liars. I hate them!”

“People can only be saved by faith”

“This is for the village!” 

“We’re gonna come back!” 

“It’s a war in name only, a true massacre”

“And I was sold t’ a faraway city.”

“What now~?♡”

“Geez, shut it!”

“Watch your mouth!”

“Ahhh shit!”

“There you are! Where were you!?”

“I’m sick of that, sick of being poor and hungry.”

I don’t want to feel miserable like that again!”

“I tried my hardest to live, but nothin’ ever went my way.

So in the end, what’s up with life…I don’t get it…”

“Give me back my liver.”

“I see, so that’s how you were hung.”

“Mirror, o mirror…who is the fairest in this world?”

“Nooo!! Don’t come here, geezer!”

“I didn’t really…want to do this.”

“Then why did you?”

“[Princess/Prince/Your Majesty], I can’t defy the [queen/king/ect].”

“Please, spare me!”

“Princess, I find it hard to kill you myself.”

“Then I promise you, I’ll never go back to the castle!”

You! Who the hell are you?”

“Stop screwing around! Where’s [Insert Name]?”

“I have no obligation to tell an imbecile like you.”

“I’m sorry, [m’am/sir/ect]. I can’t let anyone inside the house…”

I’ll give you one of these red, ripe apples[apfel], here you go!”

“I’m sorry, m’am. I don’t need it. I can’t take anything…”

“I’m diggin in!” 

“I see. So that’s how you were deceived?

“Wait for your fated other in the world of dreams...”

“Where is my ideal bride/groom?”

“You, dead while looking asleep within the closed glass are more beautiful than anyone else. I’ve finally found you!”

“[Insert Name], will you give me that corpse?”

“Now, those fools are going to mess up soon, are you prepared, my [princess/prince/ect]?”

“Make sure you carry it carefully.”

“If your sin was being jealous of them, wear burning boots and dance until you die!”

“What is that? Can’t you dance any better?”

“Good grief.”

“Oh? So you fell in as well?”

“This should be our first meeting, so where is this mysterious familiarity coming from…”

“Whatever.”

“Do you want to get kicked out? You dullard!?”

“But I’m working hard today as well, [daddy/mommy/ect!]!”

“Do you want me to tell on you? You dullar!”

“ If you don’t get it back, no dinner for you tonight!

“I see, you’re a pretty miserable but energetic child.”

“If you’re unsure about your revenge, I’ll give you some time.”

“ Am I dead? Is this heaven? Or my imagination? I don’t know.”

“Shoo-bee-doo-bee-doo-bee-doo♪”

“If you ever want to meet winter, just tell me ♥”

““That’s a reward for all the work you’ve done.”

“Don’t hesitate to take it.”

“See, your lazy attitude is your sin, you reap what you sow!”

“Hey, why don’t you work hard from now on!”

“No! I can’t get this off! It’s not coming off!”

“My, my, isn’t that nice. It fits you, [Insert Name]”

“Why is this happening to a good kid like you!?”

“The reason I sleep, embraced by wild roses…”

“Good evening to you all, a fine one indeed.”

“Watch your mouth!”

“The [princess’/princes’/ect] destiny is to live for fifteen years. Let [her/him/them/ect] be pricked by a spindle, fall on the floor and die!”

“So only time will tell which of us holds the greater power…”

“I’m so excited…”

“I see, so that’s why you were embraced by wild roses.”

“Do you want a kiss leading towards your awakening?”

“But too bad, I’m not your prince charming!”

“I heard a wonderful rumor.”

“I’ll overcome any kind of hardship!”

“Now, [princess/prince/ect]. Are you prepared?”

“Listen to this! I couldn’t really get any sleep recently.”

“Oh my, lack of sleep is bad for your skin.”

“How many times do I have to say it before you get it through that head of yours, brat! I’m really gonna beat you up!”

“Give it up, you chicken.”

“You already beat me up, didn’t ya, boss~

“How  dare you curse a noble [princess/[prince/ect]!”

“You are the arrogant one!”

“Don’t even think you could ever step foot on this land again!”

“[Insert Name]! Don’t ever forget this! I’ll leave you with another curse as a parting gift!

“That [woman/man/person/ect] really takes advantage of every situation.”

“Hurting a woman’s pride leads to disastrous results, huh.”

“With what kind of face did I smile? With what kind of voice did I sing…?”

“Why…is my favorite…white…[fave outfit]…so…red…?”

“That’s right I was killed…by [her/him/them]…!”

“But I can’t fake it anymore, because I loved [her/him/them] more than anyone else”

“Who was the one embraced and loved in the depths of your eyes?”

“Dear! Stop it!” 

“You want forgiveness!? Knee!”

“Hey, what’s wrong? You’re not your normal self?”

“Sit, you pig!”

“Ahahaha…now, go on your journey!”

“I’m sorry, please stop!”

“That’s right! Cry! Yell!”

“It’s painful…”

“No matter how much I prayed in faith, salvation wasn’t bestowed…”

“I won’t forgive those ungrateful pigs who judged you as a witch!”

“A wonderful treasure is hidden in the forbidden room of the golden key…”

“Women truly seek embrace for their souls, not their bodies

“Oh? So you disobeyed me.” 

“Alright. If you want to see it that badly, I’ll give it to you. You’ll be the new residence in that room today.”

“You’re a sinful [man/woman/ect], but you’re my beloved too.”

“No! Please, let me say my prayers before I die, at least.” 

“Hatred will not bring healing to sadness.”

“Let’s put an end to your comedy!”

“Save me, [brother/sister/ect], come-!”

“Are you done yet? Hurry up!”

“I can’t wait any longer!”

“What? Damn, you monster!”

“Revenge might be a twisted form of love.”

“Still, why can’t humans separate love from lust? How disgusting. Ahahahaha!”

“Even now, I don’t forget.”

“Even now, I can’t remember.”

“No, [brother/sister/ect], I have no intention of marrying anyone!”

“If I have to live on while faking love then I don’t mind dying with the truth.”

“[Insert Name]. You and [Mother/Father/Ect] even faked your identities to protect [her/him/them], and this is how it ends.”

“Hahahaha! Crucify that foolish [girl/boy/person].”

“I see. So that’s how you were crucified.”

“You did well in following your own will till the very end.”

“But would he really have wished for that at the cost of your own life?”

“No. I don’t want any of that”

“Everyone has their own circumstances and fates to bear.”

“You came to see me. That’s more than enough for me..”

“Hey, do you really not remember? Those days that seem so bright even now…”

“[Insert Name], you kept your promise, didn’t you? Even going that far...

“But… I don’t regret this at all, for this is my life.”

“Neither (《A Noble Lady》[von Wettin] Insert Something here!  ), nor (《The Daughter of the 7 th Elector》[von Sachsen] Insert something here!), I am [Insert Name].”

“Just the one who loved only you… Just【(Insert Name here!】”

“What now, [Insert name], you’ve been acting strange since a while ago. What’s wrong?

You can’t take that [woman/man/ect]’s words seriously! Let’s just forget about [her/him/them]!”

“That’s the reason for our existence, isn’t it!?

“Aaaaaaah! For crying out loud! Why won’t you understand?! Mär, you blockhead!

“It’s alright, [Insert Name]…”

“I’ve always wanted to live through the same times with you.”

“Born in a time of darkness, I met you.”

“Our attracting feelings do not cease even after death.”

“The animals in the forest…”

“It’s good.”

“Okay, I’ll work hard!”

“I’m so excited.”

“A treasure is hidden…”

You kept your promise.”

“Our time is already over.”

“Please smile In place of tears, in place of hatred, In place of partings…”

"And we will continue to circle about.”

My name is Raven Gray and I have a story to tell.

Raven is a trickster in the prevailing view of mythology of which I know very little of and profess to know even less in the era of falsified understanding and also, that there is a whole system of thought here that I can only illuminate as the aptitude of my archetype would allow, that of a guide for travelers, as I assume we all are on some level, traveling from one universal guise to the next, some thru the underworld and some in the more bracing and binding spot light of the mainstream that, in this rendition of the world and it’s ways, went thru a time of crisis and a time of change and ultimately a transformation of which this narrative talks of deeper things in the CDN context, ciphered in order to deflect the idea that I can do anything about the current problems I have and so have created this fantasy-scape in order to escape from the bondage of duality and the menace of plurality and the demonized universality that I encounter daily, no I write this as a warning and as a piece of satire and as a filament of revenge and a notation to the Goddess that I seek to serve her and in what regard does Kali require me to be a warrior on the field of battle because underworld guise is a short-form for corruption and so this is not something you can do for very long before you realize, your an outlaw in a broken system.  

Now how did I manage that?

I can’t really say so I will disclose what it was like to be sixteen at a time when context collapsed, noticeably speaking.  

My parents are my guardians and they work for the State in one capacity for another, in the medical system, coming home one day with sorrow in their eyes but saying very little.  I didn’t know what to make of this because I stay home from school, home schooled by a neighbor and only going into town once or a twice a week for supplies and to say hi to people that have ties to the rural economy, whatever that happens to be in this instance.  We are a town on the lake,and big money on the lake too, always been there, more on the American side of things, Hollywood choosing NWO as being the place to coincide with their desire for privacy.  The timber mills have been revived recently but it’s all robots, and the tourism, well, my parents kept me away from it.  They keep me out of sight, really, and it’s been like that for a long time.  I lasted one year in school and my parents pulled me out after that year.  I can’t really say what happened, it was too long ago but whatever the case may be, I had a surprise the next morning when my dad was on the phone, usually emphatic about things, curiously defeated and laconic in his ministration to me after he clicked off from her.

Do what she wants.

I always do, I said.

No, really, he said.  If she says to lick her ass, do it.

I’m sure it won’t be necessary I said but my ears burned and my mom wouldn’t let me out the door.

You look like a disgrace right now.  Go up and change your fucking shirt.  Tighter pants.  And fucking do something about your breath.  Stupid fuck.

I ignored her.  I always do because I can for some reason, something about the way I got here and the way it went at school, I live at home and I educate myself continually on anything and everything available.  I want to be a commando some day and my mom assures me I will, when she’s not bitching at me to take care of my physical appearance.  I took my time and she took it as a signal to show up, unannounced.  She’s not my real mom, I don’t have a real mom that I know about, not in the real sense of being related by virtue of exception; I seem to be exceptional and that is not my doing and not for me to know what’s been chosen for me, and why I should abide by that social selection.  She told me to not wear underwear.

I said what?

You want to be a commando right?

Oh fuck off.

She hit me with the back of her hand.

Off.

Fuck you.

What?  Do you know what could happen if you don’t go over there and it goes well.  Do you know what could happen to us?

No…what…fuck man…stop scaring me…why can’t you say something about this…I told you…

Because there is no fucking way, don’t you get it…we are on the wrong side and you aren’t on any side, don’t you understand…you read A Star Named Henry like we told you right?  Just fucking do it Raven fuck man I don’t have time for this fuckery, I have my own things to do before…

Oh God I thought but it came out of my mouth and I cautiously brought down my jeans and let my guardian pick the outfit for what was supposed to be a yard work gig followed by some kind of tutoring for a friend from Taiwan?

Just make it works she said, pointing at the thing between my legs.  What is that?

What?

That?

It’s your foreskin.

Yes.

Yes.  

Wait…

I can’t believe she did that but walking out the door, I didn’t feel undesirable even if I had to go and clean something, realizing suddenly what will happen if it’s not that way…

And as I try to learn from life, that is a lesson in being good to yourself…

I remember this time very well for what came later.  It was a crisis and people were dying.  I know because I saw them on the road, in the cars, other cars pulled up and they were just looking around and I melted by on my bike and they didn’t see me go by or at least I didn’t think so because I was up above on the roads above the highway, paved and discrete from the gravel interstice of the old mining sector and a necessary risk when going to see Addie Packer and her friend Minnie from Taiwan, a young exchange student who fortuitously, answered the door without looking this way or that, asking me how the weather was.  I was about to say…

And they held up their hands.

It’s the white terror but now it’s gray terror and people are scared about the focus of the surveillance that has taken over the public trust without scaling itself as anything.  I know what happened with Snowden but I don’t trust it in the sense that he depends on Russia for his abiding safety from the USA, maybe it is the USSA at this point…like how does this even work and so I’m not Snowden but I also recognize when people are looking at me and so they are scared, not so much about the cocaine they have hidden in the compost toilet of the cabin way up in the mining zone of Timber Town, and how that works for the people who come from LA and Berlin and Moscow to party in places that are so discrete, you would think there was something in the hillside.  I know from my sojourns there is something to think about here, and this part of the world, NWO, it’s perfect in the central sense of being central, close to the center of the Country and where the State retreated too when Canada fell apart for the last time, and the Resistance scattered, things looking dire here and so Taiwan has a certain interest in placating this particular aberration while it lasts, it’s only been two days without police on the job and we can say light entertainment on television where the death panels aren’t operating and you can’t see anything that you don’t want to, so we have to put up our own show and it was easy to see what it would be now that I’m in the mode.  Waiting in the wings was hard to do in the sense that I always knew I had a purpose, and as a frame of reference, I had to express myself and not betray any hint of the calamity happening off-screen, in non-data world and in the involuntary mixture of finances, crimes and investor confidence such as the terminal liquidity of the dollar ended and the yuan was too toxic to be spent on necessities and so things became social currency in so many ways, hence the brick of cocaine and the handguns.

We spent some time shooting that day.  I had a Mauser 9mm they had Glocks, they had an AK that had a buck to it.  They gave me a .32 to use in case something crazy happened when I went to certain people’s houses as I went to do the yard work and there was no one there.  I came home and my mother started to cry.  I turned around and said, what can I do about this and went waited on the steps of their house until they came home, surprised to see me still there after three hours in the cold, waiting for someone to come by, knowing what was at stake if I didn’t show up.  After that, and what happened, the risk to me, they sent me to Addie and Minnie to get sorted out and get in play of where I need to be when I needed to be there.  My parents had time to hide and so they did.  The team that showed up.  Couldn’t get in.  Couldn’t get it.  They could get me but they didn’t want me like that and so finally the Stressors came home and Mrs. Stressor told me that I looked like I was a wraith and I should wear baggier clothes.  But at the same time, the woodshed needed to be cleaned and so could I please go there and start?

It was a much delayed event.  Once you get sucked into this headspace you realize how macabre it is to think attention is connection, yes it is, but there is something else there too and IDK what it is.  Man cannot live on bread alone and people watching other people don’t have agency like they think because on the outside at the outset, the woman in question had control.  But I was the object of desire and there was some kind of moment of decision that had left normal parlance in the dust and so there weren’t words for how she felt and she just cried and cried and cried and said sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt anyone…

And then we had to lay down and yes, I did lick her asshole…and she paid me to do so and paid me to be around, to keep her company and to talk to people for her such as it was underworld guise to do so.  That was the code for corruption such as Canada became too corrupt, too evil and an extra-judicial State form of tribunal came from abroad and deposed the weak central authority until they ran for parts North of Winnipeg, but really Minaki, that’s where the State ended up.  Why there is always killing involved in power politics, doesn’t have to be but for some reasons, these idiots thought it was fine to take a shot at the State or what’s left of it and greased some innocent people.  No?  What is this then, and who made these friends of my family so unhappy?  I can’t tell for sure because I know nothing of the world outside my home town for not having been there in time, that is I traveled when I was young, to New York, Cape Town, Mumbai and Jerusalem, my real parents disappeared, my guardians are religious folk with ties to evangelicals but also involved in organized crime that I learned about slowly as it was obvious who I was to be if they could outlast the present regime of terrorists.

Now it’s gray terror and it’s all fucked up.  

I was going to leave the Stressor’s but Mr. Stressor told me to stay and we went out on the deck and he started up the BBQ.  I asked him what he thought and he said of what.

Of me giving you a blowjob right now.

Oh IDK about that.

No?

What did you want?

Well…

Oh I see, how about we wait for another day and involve your friend in there…

How do you mean?

Well, I’ll sketch it out for you electronically and get back to you…people need to see something to calm them during this time of uncertainty…I hate gray terror, it’s social extortion, but where is the State?

In hiding, in Minaki.

I’m as much the State of influence at 16 and doing what for this man for others to see as desperation equity, like these people want some kind of fleshly tribute and in that way all I can do is thank Google for the pop-up historicfact, Rome was run by prostitutes in the Tenth Century and the Pope was assassinated in Belgium and that was because the Swiss Guards were absent and ISIS found the pontiff and there was going to be a war, so we had a chance, but only if we got it together and got this cordon up and the State back on it’s feet.  I have to get to Minaki somehow and there are insurgents everywhere, more like irregulars that are not loyal to the Sun State such as narco-democracy is going to outwit this particular calamity in function and in form.  The only problem is, some men like this, don’t like drugs and I have to say to him, I can perform that way if I take this drug and he says, fuck this, I hate dope and what it does to people.  We go for a ride and I try to convince him.  Just let me do what I need to do, your wife did and it was fine.  I’m not letting you do this when I want to do that; I know I said, so what’s the hold up?

There is none he said.  Take off your pants and get the fuck out of the car you little fuck.

And he threw me out, in my home district, on the wavy roads with no way to get back to safety except through the cross fire of endurance and desecration because there are trucks loading and there are convoys racing and I don’t know where I am but in the woods and naked and how did I get here because he took everything off me and I will remember him for being so smug and so delirious at the same time.

I was found but not in the way I thought.  Some hikers got to me that night, hikers with lights, they were berry hunting in the dark and they were not clothed, either.  I couldn’t believe it, and it was Addie’s gofer, given who Addie was in the Party, she had perks and one of them, was a houseperson, and so that one stood in for her and the real article came out to look for me, sans pyjama and with her friend Suzette, a big Native woman that also took off the finery to escort me to safety in some kind of context zone given that physicality had taken over and we are on the knife edge of solidity and solvency and sobriety and context is portable and they hooked me up to a context machine, and it’s only been forty five minutes since I disappeared from the car, a date gone wrong, he thought he was getting his dick sucked but I thought he was going to kill me and so I ended up naked in the back of his car and I ran and now he’s got some explaining to do and his wife is currently telling him fuck off and he shrugs and they are going to have a fight that she can’t win but also she doesn’t need to given what they suggest about me.  Get Him Out of the Woods and into Town and get him working at North Works, NOW, get him out and about, the conquerors are in town and they will get to Minaki if they know where it is, it’s 60 miles separating this and the end of the Earth, get the fuck on your bike and start riding okay, it’s an old suspension model and yes you are wearing clothes but you won’t always be able to, so remember that, just do what you have to do for the conquerors, who are looking alien species anyway and have abdicated share social understanding in favor of purity of mind that is only dedicated to one thing: consumption.

Let them consume you and let them feast on your beautiful body.  You are going to be outside, it’s summer in NWO and there is lots of traffic and this is parallel conceit, you are invisible except for people that need to see you.  Go.  And yes, you can do that before you go, if it gives you courage.

No, it’s like communion.

Explain?

I can’t…it’s the breath of death, captured in a little bit of moisture between your posterior elements…

Whatever keeps you alive my sweetling…

And she kissed my mouth, Addie Packer, fucking Commie and the only reason I’m alive right now.  My guardians?

IDK where they are and I might never see them again.

On the bike, the pressure is insurmountable as long as I remember that I am who?

What?

Where?

Blowing through that push and if it gets tense, clothes are coming off in this gray terror such as I get to the top of the first hill and have an idea, from Addie Packer of course, why not just strip down mostly anyway and live it like that, and dare them to intervene, they want us lower than them anyway, this red faction in a blue town, not that it matters, I’m Gray and Blue and Red have always been fighting and black is always completely in the enforceable dimension of notoriety, Blacksburg Virginia, remember that shit from KillTube?  I have seen Kill Tube and I have isolated from that strata of insanity such as it seems on the way in that there is some kind of unearthly providential experience happening and people just walking right by me in the dark and don’t say anything and I don’t know what they are doing, but I’m naked and it’s funny to think of me riding down the dirt road in NWO, nothing on me but a backpack with provisions and trying to skirt the pressure, and the filaments of danger such as I couldn’t make the turn on the T to go left so I went straight and I went up the big hill, streaking my whole neigbhorhood, this bare bum flashing by and everyone that was out, not saying a word.

I won’t say about my front because I was endowed like a prince and it was a mystery to me, because it got in the way, trying to do stuff, I could literally sit on my dick.  No really, I had a big fucking wang and so when it came to it, Bridget the neighbor rode out with nothing on and I was like, huh, that’s what she looks like and she was huh, I knew what he looked like and I was like what the fuck am I going to do with this cos we have to ride but is there a hurry?  We are on the highway and there is a way in the woods to ride for a long stretch that is parallel to the asphalt but terminates in a swamp.  We pick the swamp route and she says literally, let’s go thru the swamp.  Both of us are naked riding bikes in the middle of the blazing hot midnight sun such as it’s sweltering, that’s why I do it, take my clothes off, you have to understand it’s a lot hotter than it used to be and she agrees, this Bridget of my life and she is like, yo, stop staring at my butt and I was like, sorry honey, I can’t not, it’s big…

What?

Don’t slap me.

Look, I have to tell you she said as we dismounted and walked our bikes into the undergrowth, looking at the onrushing headlights as if it was a dream.  Everyone is so busy they can’t see us right now but when they can, they aren’t going to be happy with anything you say, they are going to cluster around you and put thoughts in your head that they then act on and so if you don’t have the right thoughts, the Machine will kill you, or so they say, IDK, I have wrestled with it recently.  It killed my friends she said, I’m one of the few left and now I do things on the side of the road for people that remember their bodies and have compassion or just need to put on a show or like the way my body looks when it’s nude because I don’t wear very much any more and so the partisans are naked socially but clothed culturally such as they are the shock troops of an eco-movement that is heading this direction after having been routed in Copenhagen according to some kind of news source, and who got routed, for what, do they mean routed like shown the way and then pointed themselves to their destination, or eliminated from battle?

Will we ever know?

In the meantime, the eco movement isn’t touch with me, so I have to get in touch with it, and it might be the wrong eco fascists for this guy.  Angie is going to get me thru the swamp but I have to get up the lake and into town on my own.  That shouldn’t be that hard once I get onto the Winnipeg River and into one of the rich Brits have vacation properties here now and it’s all Potemkin and I know vaguely where the sore sports are, and the sweet spots and I know people think I’m the Second Coming but who cares, it’s not important what people think, it’s important I get to flesh out the necessity of content in a fractious time and illuminate my surroundings with the providence of my own time in the sun and my own passage towards grace and understanding of the necessities and duties that come with a life well lived.  A life not undone and I ask her, can I hug you before we plunged into the swamp?  

She says yes and then pushes me down for tribute.  

The Planet of the Bonobos has already started and I am the chief of their tribe.

  #amwriting #draft #underworldguisecontent