#yet again i am surprised at just how many brainworms i have
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How do you stay so consistent with the characters? I’ve never once read a line in your fics that seems out of character, everything is so seamlessly integrated. second part of this ask
First of all, this is a massively impactful compliment about my characterization(s) and I will be thinking about it for probably 10-12 business days so thank you for that!
Secondly, I really wish I had a better answer for you, but I truthfully don't know! I'll give some general things I've noticed I tend to do with characters, though?
In my other response to your ask about the writing process and outlines I mentioned having a character's timeline established in order to inform their actions and I think that might be the biggest factor in consistent characterization? Although TME features by far the most complicated versions of Eve & Vil I've ever written, I still have a sense of what happens to the characters before the first chapter in every other story.
In Borrowed Boots, the way that Ox acts around Eve in terms of visibility (being careful about being caught, being mindful of safety in ways that Eve may not be) is shaped in part by her experiences with Anna and how the fallout of that impacted her life in Reno- consciously or not, she's trying to help Eve avoid that same kind of social alienation. In Eve Undone, Eve doesn't recognize her attraction to Villanelle as more than platonic because she has no frame of reference for real attraction: her parents are strict and Catholic, so it made 'sense' to follow in their footsteps and marry Niko, a strict, Christian man & pastor. Even if I don't have an outline/timeline for these renditions of their past (TME has 10+ pages, My Sweet Girl and Thin Walls have nothing because it's so straightforward), they still shape the characters and how they'll react to different events.
I think in all of my stories but especially TME (and definitely My Sweet Girl's later chapters) I take advantage of the formatting to control how the reader interacts with the story's information through the characters' perception. The obvious is simple: writing events and facts.
[Eve notices that Villanelle's hair is in an elaborate style of braids that come together at the back of her neck and wonders if she did it herself.]
This is both a description of Eve's physical actions (noticing) as well as her internal thoughts (wondering).
Most of the time I'll format explicit thoughts/inner monologue stuff with italics as a clear indicator- maybe they're asking themselves a question, or mulling something over:
[Why Alana? Why not me?]
I'll use it to also act as a memory, too:
[If you can call what she does journalism.] isn't just Villanelle's thought, it's an echo of something Eve said previously.
It can get really fun when there are a few more complexities: in Oksana's chapter, she doesn't have the perception of events that an adult might have because she's a child- but you, the reader, do. You know Vilen is dead, but Oksana doesn't fully understand that that's what happening, so she wants to wait for him to wake up. I think this makes it both more impactful and more in line with the character of Villanelle as an adult because it fleshes her out more and kind of builds on that Show, don't Tell aspect I talked about in the previous response. I'm Showing you that Oksana is a child through how I write her (not having a complex vocabulary, not understanding certain words, having a childlike innocence, etc) instead of simply Telling you that she's a child but writing her in the same way that I would write her as an adult. While Oksana and Villanelle are the same person, they're different characters that are in some ways pieces of the other. Oksana- the child who was beaten, starved, forced by desperation to eat human flesh, and watched her uncle die- has nightmares about all of that, but Villanelle- the woman who was formed around Oksana, top of her class in medical school, ultra-successful surgeon, highly sophisticated serial killer, revered and respected psychiatrist- doesn't, because they didn't happen to Her, they happened to who she isn't anymore.
Another aspect of this is character beliefs and truths! A super good example is from My Sweet Girl is when Nelle is at the peak of her psychosis.
There's no more rigidity or consistency of formatting here! Her perception of everything is distorted because she's in psychosis, therefore everything (thoughts, internalizations, memories) is formatted as an objective truth. Pink is another character's [Helene's] dialogue from previous chapters, yellow is a previous thought, and green is something that the reader knows is impossible... but to Nelle, it's just reality. In a less extreme example from TME's Bill chapter, Eve doesn't think to herself [I should have listened to him], it's formatted as an objective truth [She should have listened to him] because in Eve's perspective it's not a thought, it's the truth. I think this has the power to massively impact characterization because it offers another Showing aspect into their thoughts and feelings without being Told about their thoughts and feelings.
And! Physicality is a huuuuge thing I rely on. I don't Tell you that Eve is uncomfortable, I Show you her fidgeting, wringing her hands, crossing her arms, pacing, avoiding eye contact. Unless it's happening through the phone or with some other obstruction in the way, conversations are so much more than dialogue!
I hope this kind of answered your question? I think before typing this all out I was of the mentality that the way I write characterizations is pure vibes but maybe there's a lil more to it oops.
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Todays rip: 12/03/2024
Hella Pummel
Season 7
Featured on: Rips of Christmas Present
Ripped by venula
youtube
Requested by xinos! (Request Form)
God, man - trying to pick favorites from the Jay Eazy takeover of January 7th feels like pulling teeth. It's truly just as Mr. Eazy said - "Shawty's cute AND her circle too" - in that so many of the event's rips are all bangers in their own ways. There's of course You Are Book Smart, the rip I covered back as the event wrapped up, which still stands out as one of the event's most creative in execution - yet in terms of picking out pure BANGERS from the event, Hella Pummel had tons of competition (including one you might've seen floating about here on Tumblr if you're in Splatoon circles). And while I don't really have any attachment to Undertale Halloween Hack itself, getting the rip requested really opened my eyes to just how fun of a listen it is. In xinos' own words, "there's something so infectious about it that it gives me brainworms".
And yeah, I can't say I disagree - mashups like this that modify both songs used to make them really fit together, stuff like Guilty Eyes Creeper, have a sort of hum-along-ability to them that's hard to get out of your head. It's in large part thanks due to how Jay Eazy's songs, primarily Mega Man as used in this event but his other stuff as well, are sort of the perfect blend of being genuinely funny in terms of lyrics whilst having an infectiously catchy beat and flow. But Hella Pummel then also employs the fantastic little trick covered in Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and the days of high quality rips?, where the vocals are given just a slight amount of compression on top, giving them a sort of nostalgic texture and meshing more naturally with the source track used. In having Jay Eazy's part play along with the already catchy Puma Pummel, slowing down and speeding up, leaving reverb and such where it best fits the mashup, the rip feels incredibly harmonious on the whole as a result, with the vocal filter in particular reminding me of Jevil's voice samples in Deltarune in particular.
There's of course the unsung hero of the rip, the surprise appearance of classic YouTube video Epic Rap Battle: Nerd vs. Geek by Rhett & Link for the rip's chorus. What connection the song has to Jay Eazy isn't really something I can comment on (I suppose both have ties to making geek culture into listenable music?) but it serves as an incredibly fun 180 in the rip's high point. The continuing use of the rap beat iconic to Jay Eazy rips throughout the rip keeps it all feeling cohesive even through its different phases, and several small voice samples of the guy are interjected here and there to maintain that Eazy flavor - including putting his best ever bar, "I think my money is gay / There's too many men on top of one another", in the fade-out section at the rip's end.
Hella Pummel is the kind of rip that speaks volumes for itself, yet likely got overlooked by far too many people due to the sheer quality of the event as a whole. I again can't say I have any knowledge of Undertale Halloween Hack itself, but I'm incredibly happy that venula included its distinct music amidst her many sources for Jay Eazy rips during the event. Much of Hella Pummel's competition was rips also made by her, and I am incredibly happy to see that Jay Eazy has such a strong soldier aboard the SiIvaGunner team.
#todays siivagunner#season 7#siivagunner#siiva#venula#Youtube#Bandcamp#jay eazy#undertale#utdr#undertale halloween hack#uthh#deltarune#mashup#mashups#rhett and link#good mythical morning
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Comte AU Event
Aight because I have Comte brainworms (is this a surprise to anybody I sure hope not), there’s something I’ve just been thinking about a lot ever since completing one of the story events a month ago:
The cover art being very sexy aside, I naturally did Comte’s story event and I have yet to move on. Namely because of one specific line. (Disclaimer: Keep in mind I don’t mean to say I’m an expert, I just translate for fun--I don’t have the same prowess as an official linguist. That being said starts the circus music let the show go on)
"...it amazed me. You never stopped trying, never stopped helping others or gave up on them--even while every day was a living hell for you."
This is the line I want to dive into, but before I can really talk about it, we need proper context.
Event spoilers below:
This event is a little different since it’s an AU, so the mansion and its residents don’t exist. (Comte lives in the mansion on his own, but it’s not the same one we know.) Instead Comte, Leo, and Arthur are stand alone suitors who have turned MC into a vampire. Because MC has no clear memory of how and/or why it happened, MC is seeking vengeance against her paired hottie--and fully intends to end their life one way or another.
Aside from how sexy revenge is and how much I love the enemies to lovers trope, Comte’s entire storyline gave me more life than I can humanly convey. Here goes nothing!
So it begins with MC knocking on his door and Comte answers it and literally just stares at her silently like some kind of Furby. MC starts out by saying she’s been trying to narrow down the bastard that ruined her life and her search has finally brought her to his doorstep. She basically demands the truth from him and he just keeps. Staring owlishly (lmao). He eventually relents and tells her that a conversation is much better held inside, and invites her into his home to talk.
She's sus as hell but enters the house, and he asks if she's had blood. This stops her in her tracks, shook, and her monologue drifts to explain a few things. When she woke up years ago, a new vampire, she had instructions to approach the Rouge/Blanc dispensary for what she needed. The staff there told her that everything was paid for, and she continued to receive support from an unnamed benefactor. She asked them for the identity of this person, but they were beholden to customer confidentiality. As such, she's been searching for information to narrow down her target for years until she finally found him tonight.
Despite the years it doesn't mean she's any more comfortable with her new existence. She notes that she still tends to stick to drinking Blanc--only drinking Rouge (in other words, blood) when she has no other choice. When Comte puts the Rouge on the table, she becomes notably unsettled. She's thirsty, but she won't concede to his request that she drink it; she refuses.
(I feel like he can probably tell because he's her sire/because of his experience with vampires). Comte--naturally--refuses to let her go hungry, so he knocks it back and kisses her to get her to drink it. He lets go as soon as she's swallowed it, and doesn't resist when she shoves him off. She rails at him about how awful he is for doing that, he agrees. She asks if he was the one that killed her parents, he confirms with blasé indifference. She's fuming quietly, but she notes that he doesn't really look happy or triumphant about it. What he's saying isn't reaching his eyes; his gaze is distant and sad. And it's confusing her. Isn't he supposed to be the enemy?
She's lost in her thoughts and unresponsive until there's a loud cry from outside the house, the shriek of a nearby owl. She snaps out of her daze to see that she still has his hand in a vice grip from when she shoved him off, and his skin is blanched--she cut off his circulation from the pressure. She releases him, startled, but he says nothing.
She's trying to sort out what's going on, and doesn't have enough information to really piece anything together. She wants to hate him but things aren't making sense. Why did her parents have to die in the first place? Why does he bother keeping her alive at his own expense? Even just now, what he did felt more like an attempt to get her to eat than anything else. Why isn’t he more malicious? This MC is desperate for answers, and she says as much: "What are you hiding…?"
Comte doesn't answer her, just averts his gaze and remains silent. MC decides she won't do anything until she learns the full extent of what happened the night she was turned. Furthermore, she's well aware of Comte’s status being a problem. If she goes too far without proper motive, the aristocracy could come back to bite her in the ass. (The implication here is that she's more concerned about being wrong and living with that regret, rather than any necessity to protect herself. The state of his gaze--the melancholy there--keeps eating at her. Until she knows why, she won't move forward.)
Comte is shocked that she demands to live alongside him in the mansion, but he doesn't take any issue with it. He says the mansion is pointlessly huge for one person anyway--she's welcome to stay. Either way she wins with this arrangement: either she gets the truth or she finds an effective way to destroy him by the end. And so their little cohabitation begins!
After a timeskip, MC recounts how she's been spending her days in the mansion. She's been tidying around the house, both in the hopes of finding evidence and/or in the hopes of repaying all the years of living on his assistance. He doesn't stop her, letting her do as she pleases and keeping his distance.
One day, she's about to step out into town to grab some groceries. Comte approaches at the front door, cautioning her to be safe--there have been many reports of scuffles/dangerous encounters. MC brushes him off, unsurprised he knows what's going on in town. He's very well connected to the aristocracy, and she notes that he's often at dinner gatherings and parties when he's not home. She insists she can't let her guard down, that he can't be trusted; no matter how kind he is to her face.
Another day, he asks her to attend a ball later in the week. He tells her she's under no obligation to stay with him while they're there, just that he wants her to take some time and relax--to have fun. She tries to insist that going to something like that would be more stressful than fun but he won’t hear of any protest, walking away before she can fully reject the outing. (Comte, an idiot, speed-walking out of the room: and that is what we call finessed). She sighs, thinking she'll be nothing but a burden to him given her lack of knowledge about events like that. She doesn't really know the proper etiquette or how to dance, it’s completely out of her depth.
Surprising no one at all Comte buys MC a dress and accessories to match regardless, and when she comes down the staircase leading to the front door he's awestruck. He tells her she's beautiful and she's miffed by the raw sincerity, trying to remind herself that he is eeeeevil. He knows how to talk to women given his status, he's just smooth talking... (She's trying to convince herself, essentially.)
And so they go, and she's a bit of a wallflower. He leaves her alone--doesn't want to bother her--while she sticks close to one wall. Several men ask her to dance, but she politely declines. Her monologue explains that, given what she is and the fact that she’s only living for revenge, she sees no merit in trying to court human men. She sees it as irresponsible and inevitably disastrous, and…
[Given the nature of what I am I just can't. I can't fall in love with a human man. Besides, the only person I really want to dance with is...as much as I hate it, my line of sight keeps drifting to Comte. Suddenly he looks up and meets my gaze, but I hurriedly look away--my heart pounding in my chest. Why. In a room full to the brim with people, why do my eyes keep looking for him. Whatever, time to go cool off for a bit.]
She leaves the ballroom--mortified at herself--to get some fresh air. Not five minutes into trying to figure out whatever the hell is going on with her shitshow of a life, a man appears asking what she’s doing alone. And da da da d a Zelda treasure chest sound effect he whips out a knife covered in blood and tries to stab MC. Naturally, because I’m an idiot, my first thought was:
TW: knife attack
TW: homicides by serial killer
But it turns out our local serial killer remains nameless in this event, so I can point no fingers. MC is panicking about needing to run and frozen in place from the shock, but Comte appears to pull her out of range--knife sinking into his back. He doesn’t react much to the violence as the attacker runs away, yanking out the knife and focused on checking her for any wounds. She’s still reeling from how quickly he reacted, and he reassures her (probably at the sight of her bewildered/worried look) that law enforcement is on alert in the area. They’ll find him, they’ll arrest him.
She tries to ask him why. Why would he protect her like that? His first instinct was to take the hit and ensure her safety first, and it doesn’t make sense. Comte reassures her again, joking that purebloods are sturdy. See? The wound’s already healed c:
[Even though I've been spending all this time trying to get my revenge on him, my heart stopped when he was attacked. As if to reassure me, frozen and speechless, Comte smiles gently. This person.......I can't do it. I can't kill him without meaning, without being sure of the truth.]
"...Comte, I can tell you're a good person. What happened that night, so many years ago?" Because even now, he's still protecting me. "Please...tell me the truth. I want to know."
[I know this isn't the time or place, but if I don't know I can't worry about him with a clear head.]
TW: human trafficking and drugging unconscious
Comte concedes and goes into what happened that night so many years ago. Apparently he was acquainted with her parents long before the incident, and they fell into debt as a result of gambling. He approached their home in the hopes of paying them a visit, checking up on them, only to encounter tragedy. They intended to sell their daughter off and the man they ended up making a deal with more or less slaughtered them all in cold blood. The reason MC doesn’t remember any of this was because her parents drugged her the night it happened. No consciousness, no resistance.
"In that room suffused in the odor of blood and despair, I found you, MC." Her pained, struggling cry is what led him into that room--and seeing how desperately she was fighting to survive, he turned her against all his better judgement. Feeling certain she would hate him forever for the choice he made compounded by her terrible circumstance, he bailed, leaving her instructions and resources to survive on her own.
"Sold off by your own parents, attacked by a serial killer, seconds from death. I thought....I thought telling you about it would only bring you pain, that it would leave you numb from the shock and despair. That's why I kept it from you.”
"...After turning you, I was consumed by regret. I felt certain you would hate me for the choice I made. So I left." [When I don't know what to say, he keeps talking.] "But I was worried about you even so. I tailed you quietly, making sure you were getting along okay. I was fully aware you wanted to kill me for what I'd done. Even so, I wanted to check on you."
And that is where the line comes in.
"...it amazed me. You never stopped trying, never stopped helping others or gave up on them--even while every day was a living hell for you."
He admits that he fell in love with her after a point. And she’s baffled, considering she’s been looking for every reason to tear him apart--assuming he was the perpetrator when he actually saved her life. She protests immediately, asking how he could possibly feel that way after the level of vitriol and judgement she’s levied against him when he was only trying to help.
"That's not true at all. At heart, you're a very kind young lady. You haven't raised a hand against me all this time. And even when you considered me to be a repulsive presence, you were worried about me."
At this MC is conflicted--because his words are a further extension of his equanimity. He’s well aware that he brought about all the confusion by not being honest, but it’s also clear there was no ill intent involved in that decision. He was concerned; hitting her with that level of misfortune and senseless terror all at once could have been incredibly destructive to her health. (This isn’t to say he made the ‘right’ decision; I don’t think there is any right decision in the face of such a complex situation. Given he takes full responsibility for what happened and does his best to help her, I think that’s a fair response.)
This is essentially where the common rt ends. But because I’m feral for Comte and enjoy talking about him, I’ll finish up the summary and then go on to do my analysis.
After that riveting assault, MC is feeling very lost about how to move forward. Her fury at Comte’s injustice has all but evaporated, which means a complete re-evaluation of how she’s going to move forward from now on. Does she continue with her revenge anyway, still angry for the dishonesty? Or does she try something new?
If you do the premium end that means choosing to forgive Comte and climb him (as he deserves). Therefore I, being an intellectual, chose to ride him into the sunset.
The premium end begins with Comte taking her to another ball because the first one kind of went to shit and he feels bad about it (retraumatization was not in the plan...). And so MC basically does the same thing as the first time, just vibin and taking in the scenery, thinking things over. Comte’s concerned about her not having fun, so he approaches her to ask if she’s feeling okay. He makes it clear that he really doesn’t mind if she dances with someone else--even if he admitted his feelings for her. She doesn’t owe him anything, and he has no intention of imposing on her future.
"Whatever it is you choose to do, I don't mind. I just want you to be happy"
[This person is so, so gentle...His words penetrate deep and settle with warmth over my heart, my chest light.] "Comte I.......I don't want to dance with anyone but you." [I still don't know what to do about the future, but for now I think following what my heart is telling me is the best move]
"!!!....well then, if you insist..."
Comte’s just:
He’s beyond shocked, but accepts her invitation when she confirms it’s what she wants to do. Leading her in all his infinite grace, MC marvels at his ability to dance so elegantly--even with a partner who’s deadweight, like her. She also finds it astounding how easily he makes her forget what they are, how easily she just enjoys the moment; no turmoil, no lingering in the worst of her miseries. She’s just...having fun? For the first time in so very long.
[Comte murmurs in the short distance, clear remorse on his face--as though he can't help it.]
"MC, it's kind of you, honestly. That you'd give me the time of day, that you'd agree to dance with me. But I...I'm the one that turned you. There's no denying or escaping that fact. If it's you, I'm ready to accept any consequence. If you want me gone, you're free to attack me. If you just want to be as far away from me as possible--to live your life in peace and solitude--I will do everything in my power to help you."
[He said it as if he was trying to convince himself. Like he was trying to remember why he couldn't assume more of this single dance together, why he couldn't let hope emerge from this single shared moment.]
[.....I'm not that kind, Comte. I asked because it's you.....Feeling his warmth beneath my hands, I come to a decision.]
There’s a timeskip, and then MC--being the badass that she is--knocks on Comte’s door the night of the crescent moon. He lets her inside more than ready to accept her judgement, whatever it may be. MC asks about his feelings, seeks to confirm that he still loves her before she confesses herself.
"Comte. Comte you said--that you loved me right?"
"Yes that's correct...no matter how much you might hate me, these feelings won't change. I love you."
[Hearing those words again sets my chest on fire. And I decide to tell him my honest feelings.]
"I love you too. But......I've held a misguided grudge against you for so long, is it okay for me to love you now?"
[Can that misunderstanding really be forgiven? Am I allowed to love you? Comte's eyes widen, and the breathtaking gold of his eyes shimmer/waver.]
"...shouldn't that be my line? I mean even despite the circumstances, I still made the choice to turn you :o Can you really forgive me?"
"...If I'm honest, I still have a hard time drinking blood and I'm a little scared of an immortal life. But......I think if I could spend that eternity at your side, I could find the means to smile again. And....the thing is....I also want to see you smile, to make sure you remember how to smile."
".................." [Le Comte stared at me, before extending his hand. And he hugged me so, so tightly.] "MC......."
[In that single word all the raw emotion of ten years can be heard. It was an indescribable sound--one that spoke of an unimaginable, impossible love. This person loves me so very dearly.]
The event ends with them biting each other as proof of their bond, essentially a vow to stay together moving forward. It felt very much like the shared act of biting was a promise of love, how vampires might get married or commit to each other romantically. The summary essentially ends here.
Here’s where the semi-meta comes in, because I literally just can’t stop thinking about the implications of this event.
"...it amazed me. You never stopped trying, never stopped helping others or gave up on them--even while every day was a living hell for you."
I just...I just don’t even know where to begin with how hard this line hits. Comte’s MS conveys this sentiment powerfully too, but there’s just something about them choosing to emphasize it yet again. The reason Comte falls in love every time has to do with his MC’s strength, her ability to surmount remarkable obstacles with so much poise. She’s deeply in tune with her reality, but no less relentlessly positive. She won’t burden others with her problems, and she’ll do everything in her power to move forward in constructive ways.
Even when every day was a living hell. Both Comte and Leonardo perceive eternity to be something of a curse; an endless sentence. Whether it means suffering boredom, reliving tragedy, or going nigh numb from the loneliness--being an immortal creature isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.
And that’s exactly why I think he fell in love with this MC? I don’t think his feelings would have run half as deep if it was just anyone. He doesn’t strike me as the type to get attached easily. Because if he’s going to have a life partner, he needs someone who's going to be able to roll with whatever life throws their way for conceivable lifetimes. Somebody that loses heart quickly or is easily prone to delusion would suffer eternally, and the last thing he wants is to subject a person to that. MC gives him hope certainly, but she’s also emblematic of a kind of fortitude he both needs on a personal level and she would need to be beside him. It’s interesting because it’s a responsible choice on his part, but also just very befitting of his nature. He’s somebody that staunchly believes in the ability of good to prevail, but he’s also realistic about it. He knows doing the right thing isn’t necessarily easy; he does it because he could never live with himself if he did otherwise.
(Think about Comte’s approach with Jeanne. It meant years of being on the receiving end of hatred he didn’t deserve, but he didn’t mind if it meant Jeanne could find a way to heal. It’s not the most practical or immediate solution, but it is the most restorative option. Comte doesn’t care that he spends years living alongside Jeanne’s outspoken displeasure and even violent outbursts. Why? Because it’s all a means to a greater, better end. If he has to suffer a little discomfort, he’s willing to make that sacrifice. That’s the thing with Comte; intentionality is everything. Comte’s intention is to help. Whether that’s a short or long process, a smooth or rough process, he’s going to do what he can within his means.)
That dynamic is reflected in his respect for this MC who is filled with fury on behalf of all the life that she lost unfairly, her relentless pursuit for the truth of what happened to her. Notice, she’s more interested in truth than retaliation. She refuses to lay an intentionally violent hand on Comte until she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was worthy of being on the receiving end of that retribution. Who does that sound like? If you guessed Comte himself, then you see where I’m going with this. What MC and Comte have in common is that they have a sharp emotional fortitude that they keep under tight, rational control. They will react with sizable passion or hurt or warmth--but their externalized reaction will vary depending on the situation. If it’s a minor annoyance, they have the patience to diffuse and try to alleviate the problem. If it’s on a larger scale or it’s an egregious violation of their personhood, then they up the ante accordingly.
Think about it. MC appears on Comte’s doorstep full of righteous rage and even when he confirms what he’s “done,” she hesitates. Her emotional intelligence is telling her something isn’t aligning properly; something isn’t quite right. She forgoes immediate revenge for proper answers instead. MC and Comte have this kind of balance, where they are more than happy to hear people out--but there is a limit to that propensity. Push them too far? They’ll bust your head. I guess I’m particularly interested in the way Comte seems to yearn for that kind of identification with a partner. Somebody who has similar values: not merciless, but also won’t bend when a situation requires confrontation.
All that being said, there was one more aspect of the story that I was endlessly interested in. I’m going to link the post here, in that it’s tangentially related to this meta; it really made me better able to articulate what I mean to say.
“Never let generosity hold hostages; courtesy is an essential tool, but a cruel master.”
I’m gonna let that sink in for a moment.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot, because it’s very rare that I read something once and I’m forced to read it several more times before I begin to understand it. My interpretation of that line is to say that benevolence can showcase your good will to others; it can be a reliable proof of good character, and a way to help someone. But the problem comes when people do conventionally/perceived generous things with the explicit intent of repayment by some measure. While it is only responsible to care for others as they care for you, you shouldn’t make impossible sacrifices with the expectation that the other person is indebted to you--especially if the other party had no ability to consent to that sacrifice.
How does this apply to Comte in this event story? Er, in almost every way humanly (vampirely?) possible, in my view. Comte turns MC into a vampire after seeing her plight, largely because he gets the impression that she was fighting for her life--had impossibly survived against all odds. The situation is complicated though. MC wasn’t fully conscious when it happened, so she doesn’t have a proper understanding of how everything went down. So what does Comte do? If he can’t bear to face her or reveal the truth of how horribly she died, he at least gives her every means to survive and makes sure she’s doing okay since she’s technically an orphan now. He doesn’t interfere with her life, or demand recognition for the life he gave her. He fully understands that she wasn’t able to properly consent to his decision in that split second moment, and even if she had he doesn’t see it as a debt she owes him now. He was able to help save her life for at least a little while longer, and so he did. It was as simple as that. He had the ability, she had the need. That’s the end.
But Comte’s emotional acuity doesn’t just end here. Even when she comes after him to kill him, he doesn’t respond with anger because he knows full well he hasn’t explained. Sure he’s sacrificing their relationship (the ability to get along on half-decent terms) but if it means she can find a reason to live, then so be it. He doesn’t lord that sacrifice over her head by any extension; he’s just sad about it because he thinks she’s a wonderful person, and he doesn’t want to be estranged from her. But in his view, her needs supercede his wants.
He doesn’t force her to do chores around the house during her stay, she does it to keep herself busy and search for the truth about his intentions. He even asks her to take breaks and look after herself first, more concerned with her well-being than the state of the mansion. At the ball, he doesn’t force her to linger around him or dance with him despite inviting her there and giving her the dress/jewelry to attend. He leaves her alone as she wishes, only glancing at her to make sure she’s doing okay. When he takes the hit from the violent stranger--a knife straight to the back--he jokes about being s t r o n k, never once blaming her for the wound he sustains no matter how brief.
He explains that he didn’t tell her the truth because it was incredibly traumatic, and it’s only in the safety of the moment--after years of having conceived of her own selfhood beyond the event--that she’s able to take the weight of what happened without falling apart. The premium end just keeps hammering this shit home. He openly tells her she doesn’t have to dance with him at all, that she doesn’t owe him anything just because he likes her. He’s aware it’s unrequited (he thinks) and he doesn’t go on and on about all the sacrifices he made for her with the expectation she’ll reciprocate. He just did what he wanted to do, nothing more. If she feels the same way by some miracle, that’s amazing! If she doesn’t, as it would be valid if not, that’s fair too; no hard feelings.
She has to be the one to invite him to dance and insist. She’s the one that smiles fondly when he’s telling her that she can choose whatever outcome she pleases, even if it means wanting to live as far as possible from him. There is no guilt trip, no expectation, and no pressure. She has the freedom to leave or stay. It is entirely dependent on her own will. For the first time in a lifetime of loss, her agency is restored to her. That’s huge.
She even admits that she feels bad about being so angry when he really was just trying to help, now that she can understand what he’s doing. And he’s openly shocked to hear it. He had no intention of expecting or asking for an apology. He understands it was his own imposition, both biting her and obscuring the truth, that led to her setting her mind on vengeance.
I’ve probably hit it home harder than necessary, but Comte just feels like the epitome of good will in the best way possible. One can argue he’s a little selfish for keeping the truth from her for so long, but honestly? Given the horrific trauma of her situation--and his personal fear of making her miserable for an eternity when all he wanted was to give her a second chance away from all that hurt--I feel like his reaction was closer to considerate and reasonable. Comte doesn’t sacrifice anything he isn’t unwilling to give, or anything that would cripple him to give. Furthermore, he doesn’t make love out to be a kind of 1:1. He recognizes that while he might know her well, she doesn’t know squat about him. And, as such, he doesn’t expect her to trust his intentions or reciprocate his feelings in any capacity. It’s just a delightful surprise when she does. When he tells her that he loves her that first time, it’s an explanation. Not a guilt trip. He knows she won’t be satisfied years of protecting her simply because “he wanted to” and he promised her the truth, so he tells her. Not only that, in the aftermath he repeatedly reminds her she isn’t bound to him. She commits to him before he relies on any kind of active bond between both of them.
I don’t know, maybe I think too hard about it, but I feel like the older I get the more I see a shortage of this kind of fine-tuned caring about the other person in a relationship. I guess I just enjoy seeing a man give a woman her health and agency without treating her wellness/happiness like it’s a burden to his life? First and foremost Comte really is concerned with her self-actualization before his feelings can have any place in their relationship. And even when he does confess his love, it isn’t a way to force her to feel indebted to him; it’s an attempt to erase any false pretenses. MC loves him, not because she has nowhere else to go, but because he’s proven himself time and again a worthy companion. Always putting her first, always worried about her feelings, paying such close attention that he sees her to the core of who she is despite her iron front--kind, beneath all that hurt. They spend so much of this event really listening to each other despite such difficult circumstances, and it leads to a deep and abiding love against all odds. And I find that incredibly moving...
Oh and, before I forget? Let me circle back for a moment:
"...it amazed me. You never stopped trying, never stopped helping others or gave up on them--even while every day was a living hell for you."
The best part about this event is that--while Comte says this about MC--this is also precisely the reason MC falls in love with Comte too, even if it’s never stated outright. Because despite how lonely and tired he may be of eternity, no matter how many troubles he’s facing himself, he never stops trying to help and support others (namely MC) in any way he can.
Drops mic
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp comte#ikevamp saint germain#ikevamp jpn spoilers#ikevamp meta#ikevamp au event#comte propaganda#fangdad propaganda#i love him so very dearly#this event just made the feelings come rushing back#can't have five minutes without comte giving me heart palpitations huh#i feel so personally attacked#anywho i hope yall enjoy this wild ride as much as i did#minnie finna peace out and sleep for 70 hrs#**dives into bed beside comte**#rambles#not incorrect quotes
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The Craftsman’s Son
[Note: Hey y’all! So, I mentioned briefly in an ask reply to @silverwindsblog that I have an OC design and layout for Icarus!!! But, since I am not an artist, I have to write a bunch of drabbles about Icarus instead!!
I intend to make this a recurring series, basically just Zagreus meeting Icarus from time to time throughout the regions... It would mean a lot to me if you guys would let me know what you think!!! I have had ceaseless brainworms about Icarus since I started Hades and found he wasn’t in it. Feel free to tell me what you think of him, I can also use prompts/feedback as ideas for more drabbles with him!]
[AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28960650/chapters/71065722 ]
[Summary: In Zagreus' many escape attempts, he runs into a mournful Shade who knows a thing or two of failed escape attempts.
Icarus wanders alone through the levels of the Underworld, too afraid to face his father, even if the man weren't cursed to never see his son again.
Zagreus once again tried to pull some strings with his father's contracts.]
~~~
Chapter 1.
The chambers in which Daedalus forgot his tools were always empty of genuine company when Zagreus arrived – no sign of the master architect before nor following confrontation with any shades commanded to cease the Prince’s forward venture.
Emptier still, were the chambers before much more threatening foes, the terror at the brink of every region. Zagreus had been hoping for Charon’s shop, but instead heard over the bubbling lava of Asphodel the familiar chime of a blessing. Even from a shade, and one who was so meticulous in life now cursed to be somewhat forgetful with his things, the improvements granted by Daedalus’ craft were nothing short of miracles.
Rounding the corner and bounding up the few stairs into that waiting chamber, what Zagreus did not intend to see was a figure already at the tool itself, examining the binding at its handle with such familiarity that the Prince would take to dismiss.
Zagreus slowed his fiery pace and entered the room calmly, though his heart pounded in wary anticipation. “There is usually no one to greet me at these things, mate. I do hope you’re not some new, frightening instillation sent by my father to keep me from getting to that hammer.”
The shade looked up then, wide eyes a dark brown that would be welcoming if not for the hollow expression they took on. The shade was that of a young man, tousled brown locks curling about his ears and in every form of heedless unkempt. The shoulder of his chiton was clasped with one firm buckle, leaving much of his torso bare, as bare as his feet on the thankfully cool stones. Not that shades could feel much, that were, but Zagreus still cringed to think of this young man wandering about the flaming coals with nothing but the skin of his toes as a barrier.
The shade spoke then, and his voice was the deep timbre of a young man past adolescence – yet it carried a wispy, wistful nature of sorrow to soften it. Zagreus’ eyes came back to his face, met those eyes. “No, it would do me no good to believe I could cause you trouble. Just passing through at the same time, so it seems. Would you… like me to fix up that blade for you?”
He gestured toward Stygius, held firmly in the Prince’s grasp, and the creak of wood and leather, the rustle of feathers suddenly drew Zagreus’ focus away from his face and now to the tattered, scorched skeleton of wings fastened to the shade’s arms. The leather straps of harness bound to his shoulders and over his pectorals was clasped with welded metal, but the wood and wax of those wings melted in bubbled white scarring – melted, combined with the skin of his muscled arms and marred back.
“You’re Icarus,” Zagreus blurted out, and instantly regretted the insensitivity. He had heard of the tragedy of Daedelus’ son, heard how the father mourned in sorrow just as much as his anger. Zagreus did not expect to meet the boy himself at all, figured he had been cast into one of the lesser shades wandering Tartarus for some crime of little achievement.
Icarus huffed a soft, bitter laugh, lips curling into a delicate smile. “I am. Does that surprise you? Son of the great Daedalus wandering about, picking up his father’s forgotten tools instead of working at his side.”
Zagreus stepped forward, comfortable now in the knowledge that he would be done no harm, but guilty curiosity swept over him in this unfortunate legend’s presence. “Not really, just… Well, I’ve never seen your father about these parts either. Always seem to miss him, I usually find his hammers to fix up my own weapons and be on my way.”
“Well, leave that to me, then. You look like you could take a rest.”
Zagreus nodded and handed Stygius over, watching as Icarus examined the blade delicately, the muscles of his tattered arms shifting as he held and hefted the blade to check for imperfections. “This will be better done by the hands of an apprentice craftsman himself, no doubt. Thanks, mate. Really.”
“It’s my pleasure, good Prince. Wouldn’t do well for you to be running forward complacent in this blade’s integrity. I’ll have it fixed up in no time.”
Icarus got to work. Zagreus watched, the clanging of metal ringing in his ears, reverberating off the cavernous chamber, the stalactites above and the stone tiled floors, the rock walls surrounding them. Despite the state of his body, Icarus worked quickly, much more surely with the tool and the blade than Zagreus had in his own attempts to improve his weapon. Being in the Underworld alleviated him of the hurts of mortals, and while the lingering scars remained, his movement was uninhibited by anything more than the remaining bulk of the wings.
“Have you seen your father about, Icarus? One day – or, er, night – I’d like to thank him for his skill. Even with only one of his tools and little crafting knowledge, I can usually make something of my weapons.”
Icarus stiffened slightly for a moment, his smooth motions interrupted with a pause. Zagreus cringed, knowing immediately he had broached an uncomfortable topic. Much like when he pestered Eurydice about Orpheus and she grew heated, Zagreus felt a guilt bloom from that curiosity that still did little to quench it.
“I have not,” Icarus replied sorrowfully. “Part of my father’s sentence here is to work without furthering his legacy. And that means I will never complete my apprenticeship.”
The Prince’s brow furrowed, laurel sizzling. “But thousands of mortals read his writings, follow his plans and skills up on the surface, surely that accounts for something? Daedalus’ legacy is everywhere, even in the walls of my father’s house. How does that make sense to be his curse?”
Icarus shrugged and held up the hammer. “He’s not the man he once was. There are flaws in even the finest of his architecture, now. And the other humans cannot copy exactly what his intentions were.”
“Oh. I… think I see. Still though, surely you’re bound to run into him one time or another, picking up after him like this.”
Icarus frowned again. He resumed the work on Stygius, nearing the end of his repairs and brow furrowed in a thoughtful brood. “Forgive my bluntness, Prince, but I don’t think I could face my father even if given the chance. Here is your blade, how does it feel?” He dropped the hammer handle-first into a slim loop on his belt, the weight tugging the leather down just slightly, but seeming at home tucked against the apprentice’s side.
Zagreus acknowledged the subtle suggestion to change topics, and took Stygius. It felt lighter, somehow, and cleaner. He spun it experimentally a few times, rolling his wrist to follow the motion. It felt lighter, but more lethal. He wondered if it would be possible to pierce armor, now. “Razor sharp.”
Icarus smiled softly, a pitiful twitch of the expression registering on his sad face. “It is. Do be careful, good Prince. I… I know you are determined in your path, so I will not tell you to turn back. But do not underestimate your foes. No amount of confidence makes you impervious to error.”
“I will be careful, thank you, mate. Where will you be next?”
“Somewhere my father had been before, most likely. I hope we do not meet too often, for your success in escaping this place. I know a thing or two of failed escapes.” Icarus looked down, once again exhaling that brief huff as if he had said something painfully ironic; in all fairness, he had. But Zagreus knew it not his place to take any humor in this shade’s cruel fate.
Zagreus nodded, and rest Stygius on his shoulder, walking ahead while waving back. “Until next time then, Icarus. I wish you well in the meantime.”
To be continued...
#hades oc#my writing#send me asks!#talk to me!#let me know what you think#ziggyzagreus#icarus#daedalus and icarus#the craftsman's son#hades fanfiction#hades fanfic#hades fandom#hades game#hadesgame#hades game oc#icarus oc#zagreus#hades zagreus#zagreus hades#prince zagreus#oc writing#eurydice#hades eurydice#eurydice hades#asphodel#asphodel hades#daedalus hades#daedalus#hades daedalus#supergiant games
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Author Interview
I saw @ta1k-less post this the other day and thought it looked really fun!
Fandoms: My Hero Academia, and also technically Avatar: the Last Airbender. I feel kinda bad about the latter because my ATLA works have gotten a lot of love, but I really don’t intend to write for ATLA again beyond maybe finishing one of my WIPs.
Where I post: On AO3 as Princeliest, though I usually crosspost a link here on Tumblr, too! I used to have an FFN account that I don’t use anymore, but I really love AO3.
Most popular one shot: Dishabille for BNHA, and the Ancient Art of Jerkbending for ATLA! ATLA is a really active fandom and I wrote Jerkbending for the ATLA Big Bang, so I’m not really surprised by that, but I really didn’t expect Dishabille to get traffic! It’s a pretty niche story!
Most popular multichapter fic: While Dish Duty technically has more hits, I think the Sword of Damocles is Swinging is more popular in the sense that I am apparently actually known for writing it. That’s really heartening - I poured a lot of heart into that story, and it was also my debut for getting into fic writing!
Favorite story written so far: This is a mean question. :( I love the Sword of Damocles is Swinging unabashedly, but I’m also in the middle of writing :X and it has ended up very close to my heart as well.
Fic I was nervous to post: I’m gonna cheat and mention a fic I will be posting in the future. It doesn’t have a title yet, but there’s a smarmy Jetko oneshot that’ll eventually see the light of day. I’m nervous about it because I don’t usually write shipping - the trash fire qualities of Jetko just won me over. Plus, they kiss in it. I just feel really weird writing romance! Especially with how many ‘I don’t usually-’ comments I’ve gotten on the past!Jetko allusions in my other two ATLA fics.
Do you outline?: Hell, yeah. Pages and pages. Thing of the essay outlines you had to do in high school. Now multiply by three.
Complete: 20! :D For various fandoms, but mostly My Hero Academia. I never thought I’d get this far, actually, and I’m still going strong! (Technically 22 complete, but shhh, that’s zine stuff that’ll be published eventually.)
In progress: :X is still a WIP (though almost done) and I have tragically abandoned and discontinued an old Percy Jackson fic from before the final book to Heroes of Olympus was even out. I’m honestly kind of tempted to workshop the hell out of it and see if I can ever finish it. Aside from that, I have 8 WIPs that I haven’t finished yet but will definitely be posted at some point.
Coming soon: The final chapter and epilogue of :X, the next installement of Shinsou’s Bad Days series (titled Cute), holiday gift fics, and some cool Hawks stuff depending on when I can post zine works! Plus some oneshots I’m either gonna post randomly or save for events.
Do I accept prompts?: Hell yeah! Absolutely zero commitment from me that I’ll write them, but I’ll at least chatter excitedly, and I’ve definitely written things in the past that gave me brainworms.
Upcoming works I’m most excited for: Cute!!! I’m so excited for Cute!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s going to be the third (and final, probably, though not the last of my Shinsou ideas) installment of Hitoshi Shinsou's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Days, this time feat. Eri, and I am SO excited about it! I’m also really hyped for my ideas for a Shinsou and Aizawa fake dad-ing AU, feat. Shinsou & Todoroki trauma bonding.
Tagging: If you follow me and think this would be fun to do, please do it and tag me so I can read it! <3 (And if you love me, do it in an original post and not a reblog, haha.)
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