YOU'RE THE ONE THAT MADE RACIST CUTTLWFISH???? LES GOOOO

I gently fucked her to death @akelei-ashes

I’m very disappointed at how little of you got the free real estate thing. Do better guys.

I finally got around to watching wilburs newest social experiment video (the lying test) and I saw someone with the username firesnap? I was wondering if that was you???

I'm gonna be a background extra in every single 100 player event this season. I'll be that extra that does nothing interesting but you keep seeing them over and over

therapist: matthew! we haven't talked in a bit, and i was curious how you were during our break?

me: shows up with an iced caramel macchiato and sunglasses, plopping down into the chair girl you will not believe what happened, your pen better be fresh you're gonna write up a storm

“Hey!  I’m gettin’ better at handlin’ my temper!  I haven’t gone on a rampage in a whole month!”

placed my order for annually - just have to now wait 4 months 😭

can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024

"Don't just throw ripped jeans away, you can repair them using these 10 cute Visible Mending techniques!!" unfortunately my friend the first point of failure for every single pair of jeans i have owned in my life has been the Crotch and Ass. Knees: fine, cuffs: fine; but 3 years in, and all that stands between the world and my astronaut-patterned taint is 0.5µm of denim worn so thin that every squat threatens to tear it to shreds like wet toilet paper. If the Tiktok craft community could figure out a way to resurrect jeans afflicted in such a way that doesn't involve adding a whole ass buttpatch like some sort of inverse assless chaps situation then that'd be great

my friend told me that her boyfriend got her a super cool rock while they were on vacation together and you would not BELIEVE my disappointment when i realized she was talking about her engagement ring

I opened my copy of The Tale of the Body Thief & immediately had to close it again because of this silly little annotation

[Stardew Valley] felt compelled to draw some ponies..

concerts should cost 3 shiny nickels and be a block away. beautiful women take my hand we're going

internat habits that are good to learn

I think we should have a turn of phrase for "I'm not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing" because more and more I'm finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.