The fact that Joe Morelli is so minor that every poster identifies him by his weapon and yet his themes ARE the films themes, the fact that he's playing the stereotypical 'one last job' career killer but with actual depth because dammit he loves and is fundamentally unable to say no to goncharov, the fact that his theme has leitmotifs from katyas and andreys because he, on the basest level, mirrors their unwillingness to say no to the beastly man that made them all who they are (for better and for worse, in sickness and in health), the fact that he - as one of our two actually italian characters in this italian mob film - is killed on the steps of the cathedral he was married in (cmon you guys why are you sleeping on the intersection of faith and deceit), the fact that it was his father in laws fucking ice pick-

Goncharov Blorbo Classifications

Blorbo - Goncharov (I know this one’s is a little obvious but bear with me)

Skrunkly - Mario. I look at him and he is So Shaped. He’s a murderer. He is Baby.

Scrimblo Bimblo - Sofia!!!! YALL SLEEP LN HER AND SHE DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER TBH SHES MORE THAN A LOVE INTEREST SHE LITERALLY REPRESENTS THE CRUSHING WEIGHT OF GRIEVING WHO YOU USED TO BE

Glup Shitto - Valery. He’s got like three minutes of screen time but I’ll never shut up about him

Poor Little Meow Meow - Ice Pick Joe, and no I will not be taking criticisms at this time

Horse Plinko - Andrey. I just wanna watch him bleed. Just a little bit.

Eeby Deeby - the god damn clocks

please :(

okay i’ll tell you the long but loving story of how me and rob started dating :’)

so once upon a time (2013), i was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school. one of my best friends, julia, was a year younger than me so when she came into high school at the same school as me i was sf hype!! so she liked this guy in her grade but he was apparently “the hottest guy in the freshman class” his name was rob. and stuff but i never really paid that much attention to him but it was just a crush and like a month later she had eyes for another boy, lets call him joe! and joe and rob were best friends so julia went to rob for help to get joe’s attention and all that jazz. while julia and rob were just chatting one day, rob dropped the ball that he thought julia’s friend caitlin was very attractive (dat me), so of course julia told me and i was like.. hm.... interesting. so of course i looked at his ig and stuff and was like ok... yes he is very cute. and so i remember i texted him from julia’s phone one night just chatting and eventually we started actually texting and i remember we just like texted all the time and it was so fucking cute like we were both so excited and into each other and just wanted to know more about each other. and we found out that both of our favorite shows were How i met your mother and honestly it was like the purest thing. we ended up just straight texting for a few weeks and we went on our first date to the mall and we just ran around and looked at stuff and chatted and got ice cream and it was really fun because i had never like been so myself around someone bc im a weird person but he just thought i was so funny and when we left i remember we just were texting about how much fun it was. and this was over christmas break so he decided to throw a new years eve “party” i saw party loosely bc there was like 8 people there and 0 alcohol. and like 10 minutes before midnight he took me into a separate room and played guitar for me like a song he had learned just for me and it was so cute like imagine little 15 year olds omg im going to cry, and then at midnight we kissed and it was adorable and he asked me to be his girlfriend and i said yes!!! and woo!!!! we were dating and we were each other’s first relationship. and ok yeah we ended up only dating for like less than two months but it was like the epitome of puppy love like we just did everything together and it was so much fun but like it went south very fast, because let me tell you. when i was 15 i was like severely depressed??? like i was in the midst of an ed, self harm and like really fucked up mental states and i never told rob any of this, but i remember it was like after valentine’s day and he was so nice to me and i just like literally had a mental breakdown because i couldn’t believe that someone like him would ever want to spend his time with someone so fucked up, and i know i should have communicated this to him but i was 15 and scared so i just broke up with him out of the blue because i really was so confused and sad. and then that was it for little us. we tried to stay friends but i was just so sad and he didn’t even know why. so yeah, then rob tried to date my best friend claire (unsuccessfully) and then he did successfully date my best friend julia for like 5 months in which i pretty sure i was like crying about every day bc like i literally loved him and he didn’t know and yeah i don’t blame him he was just tryna live! but yeah sophomore year ends and junior year begins and we’re still not talking. but fast forward to march 2015, it’s been over a year since we dated/really talked. we were both on a retreat for our school, and we had to talk about something that we felt gave us purpose, and i cried talking about how i felt like my tumblr gave me purpose because at the time i would spend like hours replying to messages of people who were depressed/suicidal just giving people hope and after that he came up to me and told me he missed being my friend we hugged and i wanted to cry right then and there because he still smelled the same and it was just so nice. and the rest of the retreat we were just joking like old times and then after we started texting!! and we texted literally non stop for 6 months, subliminal flirting here and there but i swore he didn’t like me (but he tells me now that he did and i hate myself for not picking up on it lol) so here we go, september 2015, the start of my senior year of high school. i was pretty upset about rob bc i was like in pain all of the time bc we were like best friends but i was in love with him and it hurt!!! bc i swore he would never wanna date again bc i hurt him and it was sad. of course my bff heather who yall know, was up to date with my issues and was TIRED of my shit and complaining, so she literally dm’d rob on instagram and was like listen... caitlin likes you a lot and its making her upset so i want you to know. and rob sent back some bullshit like “if it’s meant to be blahblah” lol i was ready to scream. but for like 2 weeks he knew i liked him and i knew he knew and he knew i knew!!!! messy!!!! but now that he knew i was a little less discreet about it so it was cute we would like pass notes and he let me wear his uniform sweater when i forgot mine at home and aw hehe. but he told me that after one of the football games he wanted to talk, and i swore he was going to sit me down and tell me that he just wanted to be friends, so we drove to a river near our school and sat on the edge of this plank thing and we just sat in the dark for a bit and then he was like yo... i know you like me. and i was like !!! fuk!!!!! and he basically said like “well, if you don’t already know, i like you too” and i remember saying “i never stopped having feelings for you” and shit like that and i remember he kept wanting to kiss me and i was so so so scared to kiss him because like i knew as soon as we kissed i’d be fucked for life like all of these suppressed feelings that i’ve had for so long would just like explode and after a few minutes of like playful fighting we kissed and it was just like...yeah. this is what i’ve been waiting for and what i’ve been praying for every night before i go to sleep. and that was september 24th, 2015 and we’ve been dating ever since. we literally just started dating again from that point and :) yes that is the story.

its just, to me this story makes me cry every time because it’s like the first time in my life that i was right about something that was so important. i spent over a whole year in literal pain because i was so in love with this person i swore would never love me as anything more than a friend, and all my friends were telling me to get over it because it was unhealthy and i was hurting myself because of it but like i just couldn’t, like i had a feeling this was something worth holding onto, because i kept telling myself like, if i feel this way after all this time then it’s something i need to keep holding onto and i was right!! the boy i was in love with since i was 15 is my boyfriend!!! he’s the love of my life!! every time i see him still i get butterflies and it’s amazing!! we were each other’s first relationship and first love and i just :’) i think it’s something worth sharing so i hope you enjoyed!!

A Tale of Two Weddings

Thursday: Arrived at LAX and waited forever for a rental car. Drove to Sawtelle to pick up Kimberly. Then drove to Target because Joe wanted to buy knick knacks. Went to Temple City and ate at Summer Rolls where I FINALLY ate nem nuong rolls that have the crispy things inside. SO GOOD. Then went to a Level 5000 boba shop for sweets.

Drove a hellish two hours to Palm Springs. I had the worst food coma. Arrived at our beautiful Airbnb. Went to the dispensary while people got ready. Got ready to go to the welcome reception at a fancy bar. The tacos were delicious. Got too high to interact. Went home and passed TF out

Friday: Drove Joe to the gym. Got coffee and and did some work. Went to the grocery store to buy things for the BBQ. Bought a lot of food but it wasn’t as expensive as I expected. Was the grill master for the day and hung out by the pool. HAPPY 30TH KIMBERLY. Popped champagne, played Dancehall music, watched people be fuckery, and just be plain fabulous. Played Taboo and lost (barely). 

Got ready to go out at night but wasn’t feeling the vibe of the bar. Walked around downtown Palm Springs and ended up in a weird ass karaoke bar. Got a gay Uber driver who told us we “missed” the party by a block. Wasn’t interested my dude. 

Saturday: Went to the gym. Got Jack in the Box tacos, but no curly fries. Ate leftovers and got ready for the wedding.

Holy crap this wedding is beautiful. Like out of a fairy tale book. Beautiful weather and venue. The speeches were adorable and well rehearsed(?). The speakers were articulate and authentic. Oh yea and the food was bomb.

The dance floor could use more time but I get it. Joe and Tanya had a fun bonding moment running around in circles. I was pretty drunk. Although my feet were killing me. After party at the bar. The pool was a nice feature but it was truly too cold for me to indulge. Although Joe did went to the jacuzzi while I sat by the pool and wandered around. Holy crap this place is nice. 

I was so happy to get back to my bed by the end of the day though.

Sunday: Said our goodbyes and headed back to LA. Arrived at our Airbnb and that bitch was hot. Went to Koreatown and ate at a really weird seafood KBBQ place. Was pretty good but too much seafood and shellfish for my taste. Then went to the Haunted Hayride which was pretty scary. The hayride itself wasn’t but the other attractions were. Finished the night with Wanderlust creamery.

Monday: Work day! 

The only notable thing is that Joe and I hung out with Diana after work. Ate dinner at a pretty good taco place, the nachos were bomb. Joe hung out with his new(?) friend at the pier while I went to a dispensary and went to sleep early so I can ...

Tuesday: GYM! Another work day. Left early to head home so I can drive across LA to pretty much the coolest KBBQ place I’ve been to. The decor was really interesting and the food was delicious. Please God, don’t ever let anyone let me celebrate my birthday there. Also the waiters are extremely cheery, yall gettin’ paid bank here?

Wednesday: Half day, scratched car. Ugh. Went to a fancy restaurant where I had one of the best fries I’ve ever had. Crispy and seasoned. A+. Flight was delayed and car rental was out of whack. But it saved me a couple hundred. Went home late at night and called it a night.

Thursday: Woke up and headed over to Nik’s. Hung out a bit before heading to DFW to pick up my rental and pick Jason up. Spent the day with Jason and Nik. Just did some work and shoot the shit. Took Jason back to my place for pho. Ate and then dropped him off at his place. Saw a tour of his Airbnb slum and then head back to sleep so I can again...

Friday: GYM! Worked out quite a bit. Drove to Plano to pick up Jason so we can have Caddleack BBQ. Nik stood in line for us. God the beef ribs are so good. Went home where Jason knocked TF out and I worked. Did some work before heading to Saigon Block for the rehearsal dinner. 

Ate food and saw old faces. Got macaroon ice cream sandwiches. Nik came by and we drove him to Burlington’s to get him a dress shirt and tie. Also stopped by Long Johns because nostalgia. Tried to get Nik to practice but that shit ain’t happening. Went to the Hotel where they were partying (?). Linh was loud and annoying like always. Played a board game with spies or some shit. Joe left early to hang with his friend. I stayed for a bit before heading home.

Saturday: I’m sure we went to the gym again. Nik came over to practice his speech and get his shit together. Went to the wedding venue a bit early because I had to drop Nik off. Hung out with the wedding party.

Holy crap, what a 180 from last week. Zander House. Off the highway. Not from a fairy tale. But the music and the energy was ON. FUCKING. POINT. No open bar, but you get all the Henny bottles you want. The bride and groom were wasted to level 10000. WE DEM BOYZ. Texans sure know how to party

Sunday: Help me I’m hungover. Had some pho and left. Holy shit it’s been a tiring 10 days.