#won't stress it though
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The more things change, the more they stay the same - Sun won't let their little hunter mope, not when flustering them is much more fun <3
@naffeclipse One favorite coming up! They're each other's favorite <3
#post let luce#my art#fnaf sb#fnaf sb au#cryptid sightings#cryptid!sun#naffeclipse#sun: you're our ✨ favorite✨#y/n: how did you say that out loud#also rest assured it's the only art post today#next one probably Friday unless work tomorrow leaves me with enough time and motivation#might do safe next bc it's not a comic and thus nice to have in between#won't stress it though#you know they're coming; YOU aren't safe#fun fun fun#y/n as soon as sun has his back turned: *writes 'cheesier than even the cheesiest fondue' on a post it and sticks it in their book*
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#twisted wonderland#my art#ruggie and yuu only became friends bc they were forced to work numerous shifts at the mostro lounge together#even though he won't admit it he mothers her like crazy LMFAOAOAOA#he gets stressed out bc shes constantly being surrounded by Men and all men r wolves u shldnt trust them so easily yuukun
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VARGASTOBER - day 1 : edgar vargas
#vargastober2023#vargastober#THESE ARE LIKE SO RUSHED BUT I REALLY WANTED TO DO SOMETHING .....#the rest of these probably will be small doodles too .... i don't have time for anything else ughhh ugly crying#ALSO i want to thank everyone for the support i got today ! WOAH SO MANY NOTIFICATIONS !!#everyone here is so sweet i love this fandom ...#i'm like actually super excited over this project even though i know i won't have the time to make something pretty and detailed .....#i hate school so much ugh#but for now .... here .... *hands you this drawing* have this .... i hope it's enough .#ohhh he's so dear to me . like . for real .#fun fact i know almost every line of his part on issue 2#i just keep repeating it !! it's fun to say the dialogues out loud !#i went to a party today . oh so tired .#really stressing days ! sighhh .#LET'S JUST PRETEND IT'S STILL OCTOBER 1ST OKAY .#man i should be sleeping . see you tomorrow .#hope i can do at least a small doodle for nny . sighhhh !!#vargas#vargas zarla#edgar vargas#zarla s#doodles
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i think the main issue in arguing with zionists is that, well, they believe in zionism! if israel did deserve to exist, then the genocide and injustice in palestine could be argued for (not like it should be, but it certainly could) -- and zionists believe israel deserves to exist.
i, unfortunately, have a large amount of experience interacting (personally) with zionism and zionists. most of those i've talked to feel for the palestinians, and the violence they are facing, but they fail to realize (or they staunchly deny) the very, very active part israel and the IDF have had in that -- and how it's representative of what the nation has always done.
at the same time, they focus more on israeli hostages than palestinian ones -- and i know, of course, that these zionist jews i've interacted with are either israeli or have loved ones in israel, and so have a very personal stake in the safety of israeli hostages (which may very well be friends or family members), but i find it strange how much emphasis they put on hamas' cruelty in taking hostages while the IDF is doing the same thing (in essence; the exact details of who's doing it worse are important to note, but not relevant right now, because folks should realize that their side is being at least as cruel as the enemy's).
recently i was drawn into an argument with an israeli zionist (who, unfortunately, is very close to the action and tragedy by being israeli), and she was incredibly offended by my anti-zionism and my opposition to israel's abject cruelty to palestinian citizens, as it seemed (to her) like i was bypassing the cruelty hamas has enacted on israeli citizens -- which is very telling. i've noticed that we as jews have the tendency, whatever the situation may be, of focusing more on our pain than the pain of others, even if we are the ones hurting them. that person has every reason to be scared and hurt, and i'd be lying if i said her response wasn't at least somewhat sympathetic, but her pain in this horrible, violent conflict does not invalidate the pain on the other side. jews, throughout this recent crisis, have consistently not talked in depth about the constant losses in palestine -- am i suddenly being callous by focusing on those losses, and not our own? (YOUR PAIN AND THEIRS AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, YOU DOLT! sorry...)
because it all comes down to believing in israel! my mom has always told me about how beautiful it is there, about her time living on a kibbutz... and sure, it might be nice. i can't argue with that. but why is it that our nationalism for israel is so strong, so virulent? i have not seen patriots as loyal for any other country. and when you criticize israel, israelis feel like you're criticizing their entire existence -- and many non-israeli jews do, as well. because zionism has been built so deep into the modern religion! it's made to be a necessary piece! belief in it is the default!
and, from the inside looking in, i can't be surprised that many jews take anti-zionism as being antisemitic -- because, to them, israel and zionism stand as the pinnacle of safety and support for the jewish people. it is impossible to argue with them about anything above that base layer, as the base layer itself serves as a foundation: so long as a jew thinks that israel is right, deserved, and necessary, no proof will sway them into hating israel. it's just impossible, and that's very frustrating.
for me in particular, i find it very frustrating, as this single idea has turned so many people i know to support a genocidal entity. they believe in and support israel, so they stand with it now -- even if they condemn its current actions, they neglect how those actions are just an extension of its inherent existence -- whether they think israel's doing the right thing or wrong thing right now, they don't really care at the end of the day, because israel, to them, is necessary in keeping the jewish people alive. they stand with it, thinking that jews can only stand at all if they do.
but a genocidal crutch is no crutch at all: it only breaks us more. zionist jews make me so mad, and the worst part is that i could never express that to them in a way they'll understand.
#melonposting#anti-zionism#israel#i am so madddd and frustrated and stressed#with the whole camp thing going on my parents will inevitably find out (and soon!) that i'm anti-zionist#and given their age and proximity -- they're so deeply entrenched in zionism that i can't even hope to sway them#it's so sad and scary (i don't want them to be mad at me -- even though that really isn't the important thing here)#but it's also philosophically bizarre... like these people have good principles!#it's just this one tiny stupid thing (believing in israel) that's effectively turned them into bad people!#<- it's weird saying something like that. because i don't think they're bad people. but they're zionist.#part of it is that they're my parents and i love them but also... they're so good otherwise. a single thing went wrong.#(okay well not a single thing but it's generally minute things y'know?)#i don't wanna hate my parents. and i don't want them to hate me. can they please for the love of god stop#(takes every jew i know by the shoulders and shakes them back and forth) PLEAAAASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOPPPPPPP#anyway it's very hard for me to do work because i have this on my mind.#how do i break it to my parents that 1. i won't be working at camp this summer and 2. it's because i hate zionism?#i'm not cut out for situations like these ughhhhh why did i have to post that stupid anti-zionist instagram story in march#i could've just chosen not to take the job on my own accord and have enough time to come up with an excuse for my parents#whatever. too late for that. i dug my grave and now must lie in it#i guess it's character-building?? :')
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It is so hard for me to just let go of tasks I've delegated and I am being so so brave right now.
#I did end up making two extra cakes because no one had planned dessert#I already let go of the dinner aspect even though it is absolutely not what I would have done at all#(they are just getting sams club pizzas and I am so courageous)#also I'm worried they won't bring enough punch#and I don't know if anyone is making a non-spiked punch#gritting my teeth and trying NOT to make extra punches#'Doc I wonder if this is why you sometimes get stressed out have tried letting things go' FIRST OF ALL HOW DARE YOU#dear mother I cannot delegate#some dumb greek bitch has overcome me with longinbg for everything to be perfect or at least my fault
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I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up
#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice#i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever#ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame#gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :<#i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely-#-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things.#i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly'#i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now#months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child.#i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m#but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake.#i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is#i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again#this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life-#will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often#college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye#i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me
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a quite simple outfit, trying to use the little blue and white apron thing (which is actually a dress I think, that I just leave un-buttoned in the back and added an apron-like tie to lol)
#self#mori kei#jfashion#NOT really but like.. it's.. adjacent I guess.. forgive me .. I may try using tags again though I kind of got out of the habit ghhj#I need to be... Seen to some degree. I want to start selling clothes and sculptures again to recoup the costs of having to euthanize my cat#and stuff . but that won't be very successful if I have like.. 15 people to sell to lol...#the eternal Hermit Conflict where you hate attention and Being Percieved in general yet in todays capitalist society it is nearly#a necessity to have some form of social network or media presence especially in creative fields. etc. etc. ... kicking screaming wailing#sobbing so on and so forth.. tearfully punching the cold mossy stone walls of my evil wizard tower...#I was also thinking of maybe opening a few sculpture commission slots and maybe Tumblr Blazing that post or something#but.. again.... sobbing crying interacting with the general public oughhf ouuch -500 HP#why can't I just be approached by some wealthy 65 year old woman who is nonsensically infatuated with my art for no#reason and gives me like $10.000 a week for food and art supplies and etc. and I can go fuck off into a cabin in the middle of nowhere#in the uk and just be left alone to work on my projects without even needing to build any form of connections or social presence because I'#already set for life and can just get funding and connections whenever lol.. WHICH not to be ungrateful like obviously I still appreciate#anyone who follows and interacts with my posts. I dont mean it in a 'grrr fuck all of you imbeciles I wish I could delete my blog!!!' or#whatever hhjkjk.. I just mean it more in a like.. I am very socially inept and my mental illness gives me severe social issues so any situ#tion where I'm expected to self promote or network or interact with others generally is nightmarish and stressful for many many reasons#and if I could somehow skip that part and just go straight to being a famous author or somethin.. that would be cool. Which I know EVERYONE#hates networking and stuff but I mean like.. on a level most people could not possibly comprehend.. I am not just an 'introvert'. I am like#doctors declare me incapable of functioning in general society very poor mental health prognosis probably should have a caretaker at#some point type Hermit lol.. ANYWAY ghbhj... alas.. I also feel weird about the sculptures in terms of what to charge for them#and always have which is part of why I stopped selling them. If I charged a fair even like $15 an hour many of them would be like#close to $150+. and nobody is going to pay that for a decoration. that doesn't even factor in like.. supplies or time spent communicating/s#etching the concept (if a commission) etc. etc. I thought it'd be better to just auction them then and let people pay what they want inst#d of a set price but etsy doesnt allow auctions and is it weird to just.. link people to an Art Ebay or something lol..#AAAANYWAY.. the outfit.. I still love these shoes. they're nice and a little Older Style looking. always into pastel florals too lol#(everything is thrifted as usual. excited about the shirt because it's so puffy! it was in the halloween section though ghjhj.. like when i#s october and they make the special aisle in goodwill for 'Costume' clothes even though theyre all just normal stuff I would wear ghg)
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#just gonna drop this here#idk either i was just doodling and this happened#something something he won't go down the dark path like his brother no matter how hard it is or smth#idk man just took all my stress rn and threw this out this week has been pain#why it decided to latch onto wu? idk#though i am happy with the lighting tried something a little bit different#riu draws#ninjago#sensei wu#master wu
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nosferatu is a beautiful movie, amazing choices by everyone involved---except the main actors. they were terrible.
#I know uta hagen won't be around for another thirty years or so but stanislavski was doing good stuff in the early 1900s!#where was that naturalism!! come on!!!#instead I believed everybody was exactly who they said they were except hutter ellen and orlok#(though some of the supporting cast were treading dangerous territory too....)#apart from that...I cannot stress how unexpectedly beautiful the movie was. really.#given that it's all in weirdly-colored frames and occasionally more impressionist painting than film-accurate#it is strangely and devastatingly effective.#some of its imagery lingers even now. for example:#there's a whole section where you're flickering between the increasingly-desperate demeter; jonathon riding hell for leather#trying to beat dracula to england; mina wasting away; and renfield growing increasingly agitated in his cell#it's important to know: these flickering images are wordless. they are silent.#they are also incredibly effective and beautiful.#every shot of the ship at sea was lovely. the crowd scenes were lovely!#the actors were awful. the end.#a proscenium for our dreams
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the more i think about it, the more i am Very Much looking forward to Hunter, Echo and Wrecker's confrontation with Cid.
not just for the "Cid getting what she deserves" part
for the "Hunter, Echo and Wrecker unleashed" part.
yelling. screaming. crying. waving guns around. throwing bottles. shooting bottles. stabbing the bar top with a knife.
i want Wrecker ripping arcade games out of the walls.
i want Echo to march into Cid's office, grab the clone helmets she's displayed, take them, and then utterly trash the rest of her office. top to bottom.
i want Hunter to take the dejarik table, the exact one where Omega played to pay off their debt, where he and Omega played against each other, and i want Hunter to rip it clean out of the floor and fucking launch it at Cid's head.
i want them to release all their stresses, and their pain and heartbreak, and their rage, on that little parlour.
#and yeah maybe a certain trandoshan too BUT ''tHiS iS a KiD's ShOw'' so we won't get that lmao#mmmm maybe a wee bit of a wrecker vs cid though......as a treat#hunter#echo#wrecker#the bad batch#star wars#i think under different circumstances echo might hold back or not participate BUT#right now he's under a lot of stress and just lost another close brother and#omega is missing and maybe being experimented on LIKE ECHO WAS#plus all the stress of working with rex's network and trying (and probably failing too) to save more clones#i think with cid he really would just snap finally#esp when he remembers the clone helmets that she displays like trinkets
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something a little silly
(he's not actually angry at the "drugs" thing, just busy trying not to die)
oh i almost forgot
transcript of my bad handwriting:
Page 1 Panel 1: 2013, 1:38 pm (sfx: DING DING DING)
Panel 2: 9th period, 1:40 pm
Peter's internal thought bubble: "Oh shit my meds"
Panel 3:
Student 1: Hi, Mr. Parker!
Peter: mm-hm
Panel 4:
Student 1: Mr. Parker? Hello?
(Student 2: Huh?)
Panel 5:
Peter: Hm?
Student 1: What are those, tic tacs?
Student 2: No, he's doing drugs!!! (In class!)
Text pointing to Peter's hand holding his pills says "PTSD medication"
Peter: HKFGH (choking noise)
Page 2:
Panel 1:
Student 1: Are you okay?!
(Student 2: oh fuck)
Peter: COUGH COUGH
Panel 2:
(sfx: WHEEZE)
Peter: It's not DRUGS!
Panel 3, Peter cont.: Well, I mean, it is drugs, but it's prescription—it's medication. OK?
#came in through the window last night#peter parker#nadiart#fanadiart#rough art#comics#spiderman#always feel weird tagging the au stuff just cause it's so specific but... well i won't pretend i look at the peter parker tag lol#a post arguably still about a somewhat serious topic but with a more lighthearted mood#bright blue capsules = 5mg generic prazosin just fyi#he takes it starting in early 2013 to prevent flashbacks and nightmares (technically it's a blood pressure medication tho)#he takes it in morning. afternoon (at work). and bedtime. otherwise he can barely leave the house.#i was picturing this in fall after he's a little more functional but still kinda fucked#In Retrospect I'm not sure that him getting a job in 2013 makes sense though like it's a miracle he graduated from his master's program#on the other hand he strikes me as the kind of guy who works himself harder when stressed... but a few months is a very quick turnaround#maybe i should have him doing full time classes instead of pt and finish his degree over fall 2012 or smth... idk#i'll figure all that stuff out Later#anyway my approach to peter's shirts is generally anything that looks thrifted where he saw it in all its hideousness and said#''i love it''#also don't get it twisted the only reason peter even carries a water bottle is for his pills#accidentally pavlov'd himself into being hydrated but not into buying a reusable bottle lmao
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[little vent -- tldr definitely not gonna have the planned art ready for the renniversary lol.]
me: "oh hell yeah i'll have a dog-sitting "job" for the next few days, so i'll have plenty of time to work on the art leading up to friday :) "
the dogs: untrained, poorly behaved, require constant attention (not their fault but it's the reality of the situation)
so uh. i might have some simple chibi art for friday if i have enough energy between putting the dogs to bed and going to sleep hghghghgh ;;;;; i'll finish the more detailed pics as i have the time and energy :')
#(edit: just to be clear -- the 'job' is in quotes only bc in my case i'm not being paid as much as a proper job LOL LMAO. :') )#the last post abt this was more 'i'm giving myself an out if i can't do it'. now it's 'i can't do it' ksjdnksjn#i'm still gonna try to do some other things that don't require as much undivided attention as art does though...?#blah blah blah ren wouldn't want me to stress etc etc etc. still disappointing.#he came to me RIGHT when i needed him... but also... why did it have to be 6 days after my other closest main's anniv JKASN#i'm debating making the wedding the same day as the r!ren anniversary just so it's one less date to worry about LMAO ;;;;;#anyway. just venting about the fact that so much is happening Right Now and not Literally Any Other Time.#at least i'll have a little extra pocket money for a comm or two once i finish redoing his ref sheet...!!#and the reality is... i've made SO MUCH art of him over the past year. i won't be struggling to find posts to rb on the day ksjdn#i should probably get started gathering that art for the yumeship sheet though jsdnk time to dive through my tags.#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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y'all I am working on A Stain that Won't Dissolve chapter 17 and we have ascended to 'literal sickfic' where one character is kind of taking care of another and we have made it folks, we have made it to one of the hurt/comfort peaks. *cries happily*
of course it's still Alex and Sebastian so they're still like... dopes.
does anyone want an excerpt from this ridiculousness, lemme know and i'll post one
#a stain that won't dissolve#thespectaclesofthor#poor alex#he got very stressed out#and his body went 'no'#and he got extremely sick#he'll be fine though#but yay i had an excuse to bring dr harvey back into the story asdlfkjsa
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If The Gentle Light had continued, what, do you think, would Yo Han's immediate thoughts/feelings have been upon seeing Ga On again?
Well. I mean. I don't really think — I know. Because I'm sometimes forced to write down the Yo Han bits that just won't leave me the fuck alone. Usually just short snippets, often ones that aren't even connected, but yeah. If I don't, they'll keep looping inside my head, slowly driving me insane.
So anon can have some Yo Han POV, as a treat:
Yo Han took another sauntering step forward, gaze wandering over Kim Ga On's terrace. Pots, plants, and various tools littered the space, but it was by no means cluttered or disorganized. Everything had its proper place, either tucked away in practical plastic crates or arranged in neat little rows. Even the plants were positioned with great care, lining the otherwise empty space — enveloping it, turning it into something more than just a terrace.
Like a small oasis of life — delicate yet vibrant — right there in the heart of Seoul.
Yo Han shook his head and walked over to the shelf placed against one of the walls, plants of all shapes and sizes crowding together inside it.
How very like Ga On, to surround himself with so much life.
And to be so desperate for something to care for that he hoarded these frail little plants, showering them with the love and affection he couldn't find an outlet for elsewhere. It seemed that Kim Ga On might very well cease to exist if he wasn't allowed to care for and nurture the living and breathing things around him, the need going beyond instinct into outright compulsion.
That innocence and selflessness was a weakness — a big, blinking target, so easy to exploit — but, at the same time, so breathtakingly beautiful it only added to Ga On's radiance.
Yo Han was frustrated by how much he adored it.
He reached out and slowly ran his finger along the leaf of one of the nearby plants. Yo Han was no expert, but it looked paler than it probably should have — closer to yellow than green. He frowned, his gaze flicking between the plants in front of him.
Almost every single one of them looked the same.
Discolored, with drooping leaves, some even edged with dry, crusty browns.
A small flicker of discomfort — of dawning realization — was all the warning Yo Han got before his chest clenched. He had no time to brace himself, the bloom of concern fierce enough to almost knock the breath out of him.
The implication was all too clear.
Kim Ga On might be withering away faster than Yo Han had anticipated.
___
Though I guess that's technically BEFORE he sees Ga On? So here's the one when he actually turns around and sees him for the first time in months:
Yo Han had pictured the moment many times over. He'd wondered — maybe even fantasized — what it would be like to see Ga On again after so many months apart. But none of those scenarios, each studied and evaluated down to the smallest detail, could prepare Yo Han for what he actually found when he turned around.
Not even once, at any point during his musings, had Yo Han thought that the first thing he would feel was a sharp, painful pang of guilt.
The eyes meeting his — those soft doe-eyes, usually so bright and vibrant — were flat and empty. They looked too big on Ga On's face, too black and bottomless against the paleness of his skin. As if there was nothing but a gaping emptiness behind them.
There was no spark. No light.
Nothing.
The world seemed to shift, just a fraction, but still enough to make Yo Han's stomach drop. The curl of dread was paralyzing.
He'd always known he was fated to eventually smother that gentle, fragile light, but he hadn't expected it to happen like this.
Not this soon.
He wasn't ready for that loss yet. He honestly never would be.
And so, for once, Yo Han didn't know what to do — or even how to react. The longer he stood there, staring into those blank eyes, the more the guilt grew. He could feel it seeping into his veins, slowly taking hold.
It hurt to breathe.
A pain which didn't ease even when something finally did shift inside Ga On's eyes. Because what Yo Han saw wasn't life, excitement, or even hope, but the heart-wrenching hunger of a desperate, half-starved creature, so weak it was a miracle it could even function.
The emptiness in Ga On's eyes suddenly made sense.
He was empty. And Yo Han could see the hunger growing — the near-frantic need to fill that cold, hollow space. And he knew exactly what had caused it.
Exactly what Ga On needed in order to fill that void inside of him.
If Yo Han had wanted to make Ga On less dependent on him, he'd failed.
___
... I guess the short answer would be: "... oh fuck."?
Bear in mind that I currently have no plans (or time) to write another chapter from Yo Han's POV, but yeah. I hope you enjoy the snippets?
Also, to be entirely honest with you all, it fucking hurts to write Yo Han's POV, especially these emotional scenes x'D Like, I feel for Ga On when I write about him and his struggles, I definitely do. But Yo Han is too similar to me in how he deals with and processes emotions so I'm, like, in agony when I write stuff like this because I can relate to it too much.
So some of my stubbornness not to write his POV is honestly sheer self-preservation at this point x'D
#Amethystina Replies#Anonymous#Who Holds the Devil#The Gentle Light#The Devil Judge#Amethystina Writes#And it fucking hurts#Like#I cannot stress this enough#It might very well break me if I had to write certain scenes from Yo Han's POV#I COULD probably do it#But MAN#Would it hurt#Me most of all#But all of you as well#Though some of you are gluttons for punishment#So I know you probably won't be swayed by that argument xD
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Everyone Introduced in Dimension 20′s Neverafter episode 2
#dimension 20 spoilers#dimension 20#d20 introductions#neverafter#neverafter spoilers#i feel like i gotta do better to get a full view of the map sometime......#MAN i feel like such a baby getting so easily spooked by the camerawork and spooky voices and everything#VERY much appreciate the CWs listed in the description though very thankful for that#mannnnn i'm also feeling so stressed about the stepmother........ what the FUCK oh GOD don't get CAUGHT i'd felt some personal things there#also very thankful for the transformation warnings as well. i won't elaborate further#spoooooky spooky things......#also oh my god the glass armored knight was DEFINITELY cinderella#it took me a little bit to put together but i did...... i wonder if the other 'sisters' mentioned are OTHER fairytale princesses out there..#mannnnnn how am i going to survive TWENTY episodes of this#wish me luck
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🫠
So I went in to work today bc my coworker has been out sick and I'm the only one trained in his area (hard mode of my area with like 7 new responsibilities on top of the normal work I'm used to with 10 more units to keep track of and lots of areas where one tiny mistake (like forgetting to push a button) can cost days worth of work) and end of month is APPARENTLY this Thursday and they desperately need units for shipping because we are low on parts AND the guys doing the building are having trouble with a certain bit which fails all our tests, so it's all compounding into constant failures and nothing passing.
I haven't been sleeping (<3 hours of restless sleep every night the past few days, waking up in cold sweats, dry heaving every morning) because I am so stressed about getting everything out in time and without any dumb tiny errors because they just dumped this in my lap all of a sudden. also because I'm a mess and forgot if I confirmed if one valve was turned the correct way because if it isn't the entire area could flood with oil (one valve... on 37 different units!) and my memory is so dogshit that I left the parking lot and IMMEDIATELY FORGOT if I had turned one of them up or not (the process involves flipping it from drain (down) to cycle (up) a bunch to rid the line of air bubbles) and I had planned to take photos of every valve and FORGOT TO DO THAT TOO so I was up all night tossing and turning planning to get fired because I flooded the entire floor. I was all good the next morning because of fucking course I was I quintuple checked everything, but still didn't sleep that night so I am running on about 9 hours of sleep for this whole week so if I sound a little wired I apologize.
Anyway all this was to say it turns out I have been SO stressed about everything that I basically showed up, did the work I needed to do to hopefully finish testing the last 5 units on Tuesday, then puked up the slices of pizza I ate yesterday into the bathroom and took an Uber home. now I am unable to go to the party tonight because I feel like shit. I am become sad.
#I got home and immediately covid tested bc that's what my coworker is sick with and so far so good (vaccines are a blessing) but#I feel like shit and I *loathe* being nauseous#On the bright side I remembered to take pictures of the 3 units I still had in oil today so I won't be having an anxiety attack tonight#When I'm trying to sleep#I just#AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH#I am so fucking tired but I'm so stressed and wired that my brain isn't letting me sleep even though I don't have any plans tomorrow#Cruddy rambles
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