#won't be getting any sleep i guess
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Help! I just beat the AWE dlc for control. And it was the scariest one. And it's late at night. And I'm home alone. And something just fell off the wall in my parents bedroom. Fuck my life.
#control#remedy control#video games#personal#this is why i don't play or watch scary things#it was such a good game though#but not to be played at night#that's my bad#won't be getting any sleep i guess#RIP me
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that's a weird dog
#wordstag#notwordswordstag#neptune wgen it's being normal about that eclipse thing#drawn at late oh clock it's like 2am right now . I think I'm gonna darken the eyes in the morning#or I won't. You never know with this guy.#anyhow I'm in bed now and I'm sooooo cozy.#ok so [mr beasts] this drawing was a 'let's use all the brushes in the sketching section & see what happens' thing#I think we're going 2 do another one w/ a smaller canvas size because I wanna . Try something. & this canvas was way too big#(<-I've been using the same canvas 4 like . Ages. And some IDIOT refuses 2 just move the sketches over(#literally whoever invented patterns on clothing should go explode . Do you have any clue#it's ok though . Fun exercise in whatever it's called. Perspective. If it was evil. ( I am failing the exercise)#ummmmmmm I thibk that's all. Spent way longer on this than I meant to. But the REAL criminal here was anzu because#That was supposed 2 be a warm up. Of sorts. I don't really do warm ups much if I'm going 2 be honest#trying 2 get into the habit but me drawing is more like . I'm going to draw 5 things in one sitting take it or leave it#ok guess who just . Fixed it.#I could point out like a million other things wrong but I'm not going to [smug cat picture] I'll leave that up to your imagination#ok umm how many tags is that . Not enough ? I want 2 do those whatever u wanna call those things again#yyou know. Peeks in my inbox.#ddude I might want to uh. I might want to crop this thing.#landscape is fun and all but seriously I can't#whatever. Officially a tomorrow me issue. Guess who's headed to sleep baby.#tomorrow neptune here I ended up cropping it after all.cod bleAmerica.ca.#anyhow I don't think I mentioned the . The Animal?
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those past few days are really testing my patience with some of the takes and opinions i've seen on the internet and i'm so fucking done with all of this i just want to delete all my accounts from everywhere and live somewhere in the woods (as far away from russia as i can) and to never come in contact with another human being again
#i'm so exhausted i just have to rant even tho nobody will care#i have some trouble sleeping because i'm either waiting for another attack to happen#or reading the news about dozens of missiles flying at my country#or hiding in the bathroom while listening to explosions because it's supposed to be the safest place in our appartment#and then i open social media and see all the destruction and casualties and deaths that happened overnight#and at the same time i see people adoring and praising and defending russians and their culture and language#and creaming themselves because of their “mysterious russian soul”#and telling ukrainians that they are stupid and toxic and that what they feel about their killers and occupiers is wrong#well newsflash y'all#russian culture is nothing but blood and death#russian language is nothing but blood and death#it's not just fucking putin doing all of this shit#he wasn't there when ukrainian nation and culture and language were oppressed for literal fucking centuries#did russia invent human cloning for putin to be all those soldiers at the frontline and all those people building drones and missiles?#open your fucking eyes and think for a fucking second#i go to sleep every night fearing that i may not wake up#and then in the morning i see people admiring russians and foaming at the mouths defending them#and then also fucking michael sheen of all people sending his love to them#and i become so insanely pissed#get a fucking reality check#i'm so sick of people excusing russia and its actions#once again guess i'm a walking big bad angry ukrainian stereotype#well that's what war does to you#i won't wish for anyone to experience this but also it may be the only thing that makes some people aware of what a rotten thing russia is#i'm so done and i don't want to feel all of this and i don't want to be a human and i don't want to have thoughts#maybe it's for the best if a missile flies into my room so i won't have to be here any longer and witness all of this shit#(it's a thought i've been having lately and ngl it kinda scares me)#ukraine#russia is a terrorist state#btw i've just discovered there's a limit of 30 tags
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youtube
#diana's music diary#good evening I haven't been on tumblr all day oops#not really been busy I've just kind of been chilling in bed#feel a little nauseous but it's not that bad... got some stuff delivered earlier that I'm excited to try! probably won't until tomorrow#I've not been tired all day despite being on barely any sleep... gonna try and get through it but if I nap I nap I guess...#I have to do some do chores later but after that I can sleep whenever.. might stay up though idk I don't like sleeping as late as i have @@#yesterday was good? I think? I honestly barely remember what happened... I think hung out with my partner and did lessons with her?#everything else was a blur though... :/#anyway... more umineko music! fun :3 !! let's make today good and try to remember it if it is!!
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last night in the flat i've been living in for my whole life, more than 23 years. the night of tears
#i'm super sensitive to stuff like that and imma total wreck rn#i guess i won't get any sleep this night coz i'll cry till my alarm wake me up
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unfortunately i've now slept with 2 out of 5 of my friend's band members and the other three think it's hilarious and keep calling me their groupie
#the first was an accident#the second was a coincidence#but the third will be a pattern and i know exactly which one i'm gonna sleep with next#the bassist started calling me their groupie after the first one and it was funny#now that i've got two he's been really quiet#like okay number 4 you won't be laughing when it's your turn 💀#im only half joking#highest score possible is 4/5 and then i guess i'll just rotate around again lol#(my bestie is dating the frontman)#might as well right? hoe era#one cheated on me and one accidentally broke my heart#the next one's a nonbinary cowboy!! lemme ride yeehaw!!#lovely mumblings#cori rambles#i think this is all made funnier that they don't really have any fans who didn't already know them#so all their shows are packed with friends and family#like damn they skipped the getting a fandom part and got the hoes almost immediately
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waiting for my calming tea to kick in
#alskdhsjkdjfj VERY exciting week ahead of me!!#many emotions!!#need to calm down and sleep!!#i'm Stressed but it will be sooo fun and it's all gonna be good and i won't lose anything and i won't get me and my bestie lost. manifesting#bc of finals i didn't get ANY time to plan this trip and i hate going somewhere without a plan but oooops guess we're gonna improvise🤷🏻♀️#okay i really have to go to sleep aldjfjsjjf byeee good night have an amazing week everyone💞#AND HAPPY SHINEE COMEBACK TO ALL SHAWOLS MWAH💙#agnes talking
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Y’all will never be able to guess what I was drawing today
#🐉🎮.txt#i don't. want to post it yet.#a) because it's super late and i want to sleep#and b) the series the game is connected to has a… messy history#i don't want to say all my thoughts on the series because that would take a long time#but i guess to summarize:#i followed them for a pretty long time and it was like? only within the last year or so that the bad things started to come out about them?#i don't support them and probably won't ever buy any of their games; but i don't wish their any ill either#the people who make games/content inspired by the original series I basically view as completely separate (most of the time)#considering how little contact the fan game developers had with the creator#that's my thoughts on b#and finally c) . it may be a bit too cringe for this blog /j#I’m a little embarrassed of it tbh……#not because i think it looks bad but like. just a nerves thing methinks#. if this post gets 10 notes maybe i'll post it. maybe
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It's not the city that it was, when you were 23 or nine or even 17. The plastic subway seats, those haven't changed. But there are buildings that don't fit right in the skyline. Like condos and bike lanes, a topographic shift.
Someone is pissing in the street; that hasn't changed. But all those neon lights, they're not as bright on 8th as you remember. The sidewalk feels too grey, a long walk home that you don't think is anywhere but here.
#January 23 2023#Sunday night mental breakdowns are the best.#Like I need to be up early for work depression!brain. Can we just not right now?#I guess I'm staying up to an ungodly hour reading fanfiction for a show I've never even seen.#Instead of any of the three scifi novels I picked up today that I've been wanting to read for a while.#Probably for the best. I might manage a few hours of sleep this way.#Instead of crying into my cough drops about robots.#Daneel is no Mike though. Maybe I should just reread the last bit of TMiaHM again and get ALL THE FEELINGS out.#I will never not be EMOTIONALLY DESTROYED by that ending.#All this talk about suing over AI disrespecting copyright and I'm over here with my Chinese Room comparisons.#Thinking about epiphenomenalism and brains in jars and what makes a true AI less human? Nothing I'd say.#Clearly I won't survive the eventual robot uprising.
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so…. my cat is having an episode and won't go in the kitty carrier so i have to spend the night at my mom's until she stops freaking out… yay.
#i just want to sleep in my own apt in my own bed but i guess not..#can't help but feel like the eclipse has cursed me or something#or mercury retrograde lol feels like nothing has been going right#hopefully by tomorrow she won't be scared of me any more#she is getting older and everything makes her upset more easily
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#tag talk#watched “it follows” and I shouldn't have. didn't know it was horror going in but after a few minutes I did and I should have stopped#I'm apparently still not 100% past self-terrifying as a form of self harm. I knew I shouldn't have and I kept watching anyway#you know. most people don't know what terror is. they know fear. they know worry. they know anxiety.#terror is something different. I wish I could describe it but you really only know it when you have felt it.#that freezing up of your body. I guess some people get terror in different ways though. I freeze. others fight or flight. I just freeze.#that sense of helpless anticipation as you experience the certainty that the object of your terror is approaching. inevitably.#why fight it? you fucking can't. no matter what you do it'll always get you. it's stronger. more powerful.#hmmm. csa moment oops. I am tempted to make a joke here but I don't want to deflect from my issues.#I have trauma and I wish I didn't. I have hurt that I don't even consciously remember but my body does.#I do not have emotional trauma in the way that people have survivors guilt and feeling like it was their fault. any of those surface emotion#not calling it shallow. but like. it's like when you don't look at the needle and you don't even notice the skin prick but you feel it#you feel it hit your vein and you feel that deep body response that Something Is Not Right.#like when I got my wisdom teeth pulled and I elected to not go under for it so I was numbed but conscious for it.#part way through my body started uncontrollably shaking (well. sort of controlled. I'm good at that).#I didn't feel the pain. I wasn't afraid. but my body was feeling objective physical trauma and I had the response anyway.#I don't remember really. I don't have the surface level pain responses to the trauma.#but deep down my body knows something is wrong and I can't stop my bones from shaking even though I don't feel the pain.#hmmm. I should talk to my next therapist about this.#Lear chased off our last therapist when I was having my dissociative week after watching The Hunt.#which. tbh good riddance she was not equipped to handle us in the slightest. and we're talking to our friend/gf(?) again which is really nic#she and Lear had a few solid conversations too. which was funky cause before he snapped he didn't want anything to do with her#but we kinda had a moment where he realized he's just as fucked up as I am just differently.#anyone reading these tag talks might remember so I won't go over it again.#anyway. I'm not sleeping tonight. I think I should start taking the full pill instead of just the half. but it's just suppressing symptoms#I'm acting up because of my inner state. or maybe my inner state is tumultuous because of my outer condition? idfk#either way I'm suffering over here#not a sui risk but damn#I'm gonna finish patching the pair of pants I've been not working on for the past months
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Wow it's great to imagine that one week from now I'll already have 4 hours of my 14 hour flight behind me ♡
#please deliver onto me the sweet relief of death i crave#but i started looking at it more positively#that's 14 hours of not having to do Anything#my usual lifestyle but no need to feel guilty#just sit around and watch my silly little shows or stare into the void without feeling bad for not living my life any better#i mean sure. it would be much more pleasant if i wasn't trapped with so many other people in a giant tube that i cannot get out of#and if i could walk around or lie down#but i guess this is fine too#korean air wasn't too uncomfortable on my flight here so i guess it won't be too bad#i just keep worrying about this for no reason#why worry about being sleep deprived and having to stay awake for ~40 hours if there's nothing i can do about it anyway#it's nothing i haven't done before either. I'm a pro at being utterly exhausted and traveling#i just really hope the flight isn't delayed and i can get a fucking train home once we've landed#(arguably the more concerning part. DB is already stressing me out and i can see a complete breakdown of the whole public transportation#system because of DB around christmas. but this is fine. no use being worried about it. if all else fails I'll spend the night at the#airport and try to book a bus on Saturday that gets me as close to my hometown as possible so my mother can pick me up somehow)#void screams
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nothing I do matters and nothjng I do ever will matter
#One of those ppl that is not capable of having any effect on the world#Too limited.#So maybe I should shut up#Woke up too early#Too sick#How can I do anything#Guess what I won't get anything done even if I have time#Running out of money#Tried to Do Something#This morning#And flopped#Of course#Can't even think to write#And I got like 6 hours sleep#Most ppl can FUNCTION at that point
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#feeling like my boyfriend doesn't care that much about me and it hurts lol#all i do is work and i hardly spend time with him and then every time i do there's some problem or argument that he always escalates#to the point where he actually hit me when we were on our trip so that's nice and i have a bruise to remind me every day#that he retraumatized me#i work from 7am to 11pm and i get home and i still have to do everything for him#because HIS legs hurt#even though I've been literally crying over how unbearable MY pain is it's like he thinks I'm making it up or some shit#i just feel so invalid. i don't feel cared for#he won't even get off the game when i get home and let me watch an episode of tv with him#it's always... wait for me to finish my game that i just started that's going to take 20+minutes#BUT I NEED TO BE ASLEEP#so fuck me i guess. even though he gets to be at home all day long playing video games and watching TV but i can't have my#i can't have my one fucking episode of family guy before i have to go to sleep and he KNOWS i have sleeping problems#and that if i don't go to sleep right away I'm hardly going to get any sleep and it affects me really badly#I'm so tired and hurt i just want to sob my eyes out#i literally genuinely do everything for him and he literally does not even the bare minimum for me#i just want to feel loved...
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"Where'd you get that bruise--Oh," in which your Genshin lover gets a good look at the first hickey he left
Warnings: please excuse mistakes as I'm on a time crunch and also sleep deprived, suggestive but still safe for work, humorous in some parts
Other works in this series: (You say I love you for the first time)
Characters: Aether, Albedo, Alhaitham, Ayato, Cyno, Dainsleif, Diluc, Itto, Kaeya, Lyney, Neuvillette, Scaramouche, Tartaglia, Tighnari, Wriothesley, Xiao, Zhongli, gn!reader
Aether
gets flustered
"Uh-Umm... Maybe, you should..."
he wants to say cover it up but who is he to tell you what to do?
Starts to second guess if he really gave you that
Will start to think about the events of last night and deflates with embarrassment
Finally points it out, feels kind of bad that he left a mark
"It's just...distracting...I'm sorry if it hurt,"
Albedo
stares at it for the longest time.
There's a half smile, half amused look on his face, like he wants to be happy about it but doesn't want to be too obvious.
Just chuckles and points it out without any shyness whatsoever
"It's rather obvious, but do with it what you will,"
Comes up with some sort of concealing potion to help you hide it
Brews about a 100 of 'em
Alhaitham
Sort of does a double take, looks at it for a few seconds then looks you in the eye
"I'd advise you to hide it,"
he really only says that to keep things professional when the two of you go out
but in the next second he snakes a hand up your arm with a small secret smirk between the two of you
"However, I can't say that it won't happen again...Specially when..."
He recalls the events of last night at this moment, and it seems as if he's staring into your soul. He breaks away from you with a slight hum.
"...I best be going now."
He leaves you confused, but he only hurried off because he felt an urge to give you another one then and there.
Ayato
chuckles to himself
"Well, there's no hiding that I enjoyed myself,"
but gives you helpful suggestions on how to conceal it or at least make the colour less obvious, like putting ice against it, or something.
Speaking of ice, you can simply get it from the kitchen but Ayato is a tease... "I suppose my dear sister can adequately help you with that...Though what, pray tell, would you tell her?"
You kind of shrug and say that you'll tell her an animal bit you.
Ayato is amused "An animal," but there's a twinkle and hint of lust in his eyes. "Yes, perhaps that's what I become when it involves you. The statement isn't exactly a lie,"
Cyno
is silent. Not sure if he's happy about it or horrified.
Feels like a crime cause it looks like a bruise.
Does not say anything for a good minute because he simply doesn't know what to say and is talking to himself in his mind
Like Was I really the one who did that? Last night must've been...
Snaps out of his stupor when he's reminded of the events and clears his throat to catch your attention.
"Y/N...You...I...I've managed to leave a mark...on your neck..."
You absentmindedly touch it and let out a small ohhhhhhh in understanding
Clears his throat again and looks away, pretending to be busy with something. Flustered and doesn't know what else to say.
Dainsleif
Eyebrows involuntarily raise up at the marks.
Points it out immediately
"My dear, it seems that I had a favourite spot last night," and taps on your neck to let you know what exactly he means.
"I can conceal it with a little trick of mine, if you don't mind," he says he can make it invisible to the ordinary eye but some "special" people can see it, so...
"I suppose if you run into the traveller that you'd have to be honest about it. Hm? No, I don't quite mind if they know of our relationship,"
Diluc
is surprised, then apologetic
He didn't know is fully aware how rough he had been last night
Apologizes with a slight tint of red on his cheeks and can't seem to pry his eyes away from it.
"My apologies, Y/N. It looks like I was rather...careless...last night. You should wear something with a collar today...or perhaps, my coat?"
Is seriously considering repenting about it
Itto
"Whoa--"
Is legit about to throw hands but then remembers
"Oh yeah. I did that." while scratching his head bashfully
No shame about it afterwards, even has the gall to say
"I'm surprised it doesn't look worse! It was pretty wild last nig--"
You have to cover his mouth to save yourself from embarrassment
Kaeya
smirks and leans in close to brush his fingers against the hickey.
"It isn't the most flattering of marks but... it gives me quite the sense of accomplishment,"
winks, deadass tries to give you another one right away.
"How about we try that again? Just to even it out on both sides of your neck,"
is only half joking
Lyney
mischievous laugh
is more happy about it than shy, embarrassed or apologetic
"That wasn't very nice of me wasn't it?" but is still smiling
"Unfortunately I don't think I have any magic tricks up my sleeve to fix this one,"
Grabs and hugs you by the waist "I guess we'll just have to stay in, the two of us, until it's unnoticeable"
always looking for an excuse to spend alone time with you.
Neuvillette
clears his throat almost immediately when he sees it, like he choked on water
"Y/N," he starts rather sternly but falters and takes a few seconds to think.
"May I suggest wearing a scarf today?" is awkward about pointing it out so goes the roundabout way. You're so confused because it's the middle of summer.
"Well," he coughs once to try an explain to you. "I didn't have all manners of restraint last night...You were simply...irresistible,"
points it out by gently thumbing at it
Scaramouche
shit-eating grin at the sight of it
Doesn't tell you to cover it up, most likely wants you to go parading around with it.
"Tsk. What's the harm if people ask? Just be honest and tell them," he's just fucking around with your head now
but snatches your wrist and looks you straight in the eye with a confident smirk "And be sure to tell them who gave it to you. That'll teach them to back off,"
Tartaglia
laughs but is slightly apologetic
"Couldn't hold myself back, I'm sorry. How can I make it up to you?"
You tell him that the next time he leaves a hickey, he should leave it somewhere where it's more concealed.
"Oh?" sudden glint in his eyes. You might have said the wrong thing. "No take backs, Y/N,"
I think you know what or where he's thinking about
Tighnari
Doesn't say anything at first but immediately whips up a remedy for it. Some sort of green paste that helps with inflammation.
"Here," and hands you the bowl of herbs. "For that,"
He doesn't point at it but instead eyes it rather obviously
He also watches you put the paste on "Alright, just leave it for a few minutes and it should heal wonderfully,"
He doesn't exactly feel guilty but he's more worried that people will look at you weirdly.
"I suppose I'll have to be careful next time," with a sigh.
Wriothesley
laughs but bashfully face palms and tilts his head backwards
Recovers quickly and smiles apologetically
"Sorry love, couldn't hold myself back it looks like," lovingly takes your face in his palms
Can't hold his smile back "But can you blame me? I'm not gunna hide that I was way too excited,"
Suggests you to put a bandage of some sort over it.
"I'll try to be careful next time, but no promises,"
Xiao
Freezes while looking at it
For a split second is confused where you got such a mark but then flusters himself when he remembers it was from him.
"...Y/N..."
seriously does not know what to say
stands there staring at it that you finally just check in the mirror yourself. He hears you gasp and he kind of winces to himself and now feels a little guilty.
"I...didn't mean to hurt you,"
You quickly tell him it doesn't hurt, but you were just surprised.
Thinks for a moment, then mumbles, you can barely hear him "...So it's alright to do it again?"
Zhongli
chuckles, not shy about it. just amused.
"It's no one's fault except my own. I merely wasn't paying heed to how...carnal...my desires were,"
he again chuckles as he explains.
"Not to worry darling, I'm sure Bubu Pharmacy has something to remedy it. I'll be back with it in tow,"
brushes his fingers against the hickey as some sort of apology and promise that he'll fix it
End
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#genshin impact#genshin fluff#itto x reader#ayato x reader#neuvillette x reader#genshin x reader#wriothesley x reader#diluc x reader#zhongli x reader#cyno x reader#xiao x reader#lyney x reader#tighnari x reader#scaramouche x reader#alhaitham x reader
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