#why the fuck arent we at the goth club
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Franz kafkas tears are visible on this letter written to his father :((
#goth blog#blog#daily blog#goth#gothic#roo is dead#cemetery#goth poetry#halloween#goth punk#franz kafka#kafka#daily kafka#sad thoughts#sad poem#sad poetry#writer#writers#why the fuck arent we at the goth club
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Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.2
Also yes this is a 5 part story arc, why do you ask, no I’m not “avoiding real life work”
Main Chat
Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW THERE ARE THOSE WHO WOULD COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF BED AT AN UNGODLY HOUR FOR THE SAKE OF SOME JEWELRY AND FORCED INTO AN ADVENTURE
Wu Xie: And we are just so grateful you are above all that.
Zhang Qiling: You were fully awake and insisted we pack and go as soon as possible in case there was, and I quote, “more weird shit happening we can cash in on.”
Wu Xie: I mean it’s kind of interesting that the Zhang family sent a car for us. We could have driven. So what is going on there, I wonder?
Wang Pangzi: YOU KNOW FOR A PARANOID AND CONNIVING LITTLE SHIT YOU STILL RADIATE OBLIVIOUS BAMBI ENERGY
HATE TO BE THE ADMIRAL ACKBAR HERE BUT ITS DEF A TRAP MY BOY
WHY DO U THINK WE ARE MESSAGING AND NOT TALKING DUMMY
WERE YOU IN A TOMB ON THE DAY THEY TAUGHT PPL STRANGER DANGER
BUT NO NO YOU WERE ALL “LETS GET IN THE VAN WITH THE FREE CANDY AND PUPPIES I BET WE’RE GOING TO THE CIRCUS”
THIS IS THE LAST STRAW IM LOJACKING YOU FOR REAL THIS TIME, SHOULDVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO
Zhang Qiling: I agree, in this particular case, with Pangzi. You should not have gotten in their vehicle while we were still inside the house. It forced us to follow you into the van to prevent separation, and they seemed to be expecting that. I don’t know whether Zhang Rishan intended this, but I don’t trust him.
Wu Xie: :( I got excited and didn’t think it through. I’m sorry.
Wang Pangzi: DONT YOU GIVE US THE BIG EYES WE ARE IMMUNE
MOSTLY
SPEAKING OF IMMUNE ITS REALLY FUCKIN COLD IN HERE AND UR STILL SICK, PUT YOUR JACKET ON STUPID
Wu Xie: oh relax, I’m fine. No fever at all today, remember? I feel a lot better, too.
Wang Pangzi: YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE BUT TO HAVE XIAO GE INTERVENE
Zhang Qiling: It is odd to say this, but Pangzi is right again. You are barely back on your feet and could easily get worse again. Wu Xie. Jacket. Now.
Wu Xie: Oh fine. Teaming up on me, I see. Happy now?
Wang Pangzi: FUCKING ECSTATIC. NOW BACK TO HOW WE MAY BE PULLING A LI CU
Wu Xie: If it is an abduction, it wouldn’t be them moving against the whole Wu family—not with Uncle Erbai in charge. Zhang Rishan strikes me as someone who doesn’t make a move unless he is sure of his plan, and this is all a bit last-minute to be a big shift. Besides, they let Xiao Ge keep his sword and we still have all our phones.
Wang Pangzi: TOOK AWAY MY EXPLOSIVES THO THE BASTARDS
Zhang Qiling: In fairness, you were waving them around and yelling that if they tried anything it was going to be “yippeekiyay motherfucker all up in this bitch.”
Wang Pangzi: IT SOUNDS LESS COOL COMING FROM YOU. I THINK I SEE THE TEAHOUSE?
Wu Xie: me too. That’s Zhang Rishan on the steps. This must be urgent. Everybody stay shiny.
Zhang Qiling: I will be getting out first. Wu Xie in the middle, Pangzi at the rear.
Wang Pangzi: AND WHAT A VIEW;)
An hour later…
Main Chat
Wu Xie: Is everyone okay? I tried knocking but nothing is getting through, these are some solid walls.
Wu Xie: guys???
Wang Pangzi: OOPS PHONE WAS ON SILENT AND I WAS BUSY YELLING AT THE CEILING
IM PRESENT AND PISSED OFF
Zhang Qiling: Apologies, I was trying to break down the door.
Wang Pangzi: SO THIS MAY NOT BE THE TIME TO SAY I TOLD YOU SO BUT WHILE WE’RE HERE
Wu Xie: fuck Pangzi, I know, okay??
I’m an idiot, I’m so fucking stupid. It’s not like it’s the first or fiftieth time I’ve put you two in danger, either.
Wang Pangzi: HEY HEY WHOA NOW
STOP SAYING RUDE SHIT ABOUT MY FRIEND
ITS GONNA BE OKAY
DESPITE KNOWING THIS WAS A BAD IDEA I STILL COULDNT PREDICT HOW MUCH CHAOTIC LUCK THIS FAMILY HAS
DAMN IT I HATE WHEN HEI XIAZI IS RIGHT ABOUT THINGS
Zhang Qiling: I’m sorry. This is my fault. My line has a ruthlessly pragmatic streak and they’ve clearly wanted to test us separately to see why the necklace reacted to our arrival like that. It does not excuse Zhang Rishan trapping us in these separate rooms.
Wang Pangzi: UHH BITCH I SAID THIS FAMILY NOT YOUR FAMILY
THIS AINT ABOUT THEM
YOUR FAMILY IS ON MY SHIT LIST EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
THIS FAMILY MEANT US OBVS
UGH ANY SIGN OF THE BASTARDS?
Zhang Qiling: no. Wu Xie?
Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie, answer me.
Wang Pangzi: WU XIE
TIANZHEN
PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE DAMNIT YOU'RE SCARING XIAOGE
Zhang Qiling: I’m going to try breaking down the door again.
Wu Xie: Hello, Wang Pangzi and Zhang Qiling. My apologies for the rather inhospitable circumstances, but this seemed expedient considering the unknown qualities of the necklace. I could not be sure who was causing what, or what could happen next, and thus have temporarily set you in separate rooms for the sake of everyone’s safety.
Wang Pangzi: WTF GIVE HIM BACK HIS FUCKIN PHONE ZHANG RISHAN I KNOW ITS YOU YOU PRETENTIOUS ANTIQUE
WE DESTROYED THIS PLACE BEFORE AND WE CAN DO IT AGAIN
Zhang Qiling: Your concerns for everyone’s safety are noted. Thank you for whatever you believe you’ve done right here.
Now. If you release us immediately and return Wu Xie to us, we will consider leaving without direct personal retribution.
Wang Pangzi: WHAT HE SAID AND ALSO YOU SUCK
Wu Xie: I regret that this has happened, I hope to make it up to you in the future. For the purpose of today’s needs, however—I will have my men escort the two of you out if you so desire, but unfortunately Wu Xie will need to stay until we have finished examining him.
Wang Pangzi: EXAMINING??? YOU FUCKING PERV HANDS OFF HE MAY BE THE BELLE OF THE BALL BUT HIS DANCE CARD IS SPOKEN FOR
I SWEAR I DID NOT GO THROUGH TEN YEARS OF THIS STARCROSSED CLUSTERFUCK FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND STEAL MY FRIENDS BF
Wu Xie: There is no call for rudeness. He will not be harmed. The artifact was responding to him directly. It has not lit up like this in over 200 years, and I need to understand why it is responding, and responding to someone who is not our kin, which it has never done before. This could have implications for everyone in my family if it could protect someone at the right moment.
Wang Pangzi: OKAY BUT CONSIDERING OUR TRACK RECORD IN THIS BUILDING AND THE SITUATION AT HAND Y’ALL ARE ABOUT TO NEED PROTECTION
Wu Xie: The testing would be going better if Wu Xie wasn’t worrying himself unnecessarily over where you both are, it’s making our readings difficult.
Wang Pangzi: OH GEE SO SORRY YOUR KIDNAPPING VICTIMS ARENT THRILLED TO BE HERE TO SAMPLE YOUR CREEPY JEWELRY BOX BUT THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM
Zhang Qiling: Zhang Rishan. I appreciate that you must think of our family first in your decisions. As must I. I hope you can appreciate what that means for decisions I make.
Wang Pangzi: HEHEHE SO TRUE BESTIE
YOU PISSED OFF THE WRONG GOTH TODAY BUDDY BOY
Zhang Qiling: A compromise: we stay with him as you run your tests. That will calm him and assuage Pangzi’s concerns and prevent me from…testing the limits of your lifespan.
Wu Xie: I accept that this may temporarily impact our relations, but am hopeful that you will come to understand that sometimes I need to make certain choices for this family that are…difficult. I will come to let you—One moment. Something seems to be happening.
Babysitters Club Chat
Wang Pangzi: OH SO WE ARE GONNA JUST POLITELY SIT WITH WU XIE AS STRANGERS POKE HIM WITH NEEDLES ARE WE HUH WELL LOOK WHOS BEING A HELPFUL LITTLE LAB ASSISTANT
Zhang Qiling: I’m attempting to convince him to let us out. Of course we will not simply sit there. Some lying to gain trust is necessary here.
Wang Pangzi: UR BEIN A SHADY BITCH XIAOGE AND ITS HOT
THATS WHY YOUR TATTOO IS SO BIG ITS FULL OF SECRETS
ALWAYS KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU TO—WAIT WHAT WAS THAT SOUND??
At the same time…
Bonnie and Clyde Chat
Xie Yuchen: …so, this is not what I expected to find.
Hei Yangjing: yeah kiddo is a bit freaked out:/ this sucks. I mean I get that they are concerned blah blah blah necklace goes brightbright but maybe we should go find the other two
or at least find a way to let Wu Xie know we are here, that room he’s in looks like a dungeon and not in a good way
Xie Yuchen: Does it look like I’m able to do anything right now? Also, I’m fairly certain they won’t be harmed. Zhang Rishan may be callous, but he isn’t stupid.
Hei Yangjing: r u kidding
he split up Romeo and Juliet, then left Romeo with a sword—seems pretty stupid to me
Xie Yuchen: Yeah I’m not going near that. He made his bed with that choice. What can you see? These Neanderthal guards are blocking my view.
Hei Yangjing: uh so there’s like a lab table situation
Wu Xie isn’t tied up, a good sign in this context
I can’t see what those people are holding, they’re talking a lot and some asshole just grabbed Wu Xie’s arm, looks like maybe they are putting in an IV?
The necklace is—oh. Oh shit.
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danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)
-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.
-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.
-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??
-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)
-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.
-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.
-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)
-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(
-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.
-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)
-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...
-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know
-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.
-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)
-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.
-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights
-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.
-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu
-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.
-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.
-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...
-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.
-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??
-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???
-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.
-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3
-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!
-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(
-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!
-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.
-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...
#sanchoyorambles#danny phantom#me on the first post:#its not a liveblog!#me this time: it kinda is. but not in the same format as my tmm one#i like doing one post for a handful of eps bc it saves time#and crowds my blog less#and also i just like talking abt what im watching lol#dp thoughts
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A reaction post to this piece of trash 1. You felt great bc you just drank a junkie 2. The voice over is pissing me off, almost as much as pink haired girl fake southern accent 3.johnathan Davis should be ashamed his voice is coming out of that douchecanoe 4. He really looks like kiera knightly 5. His fake pale skin looks worse than Rosalie from twlight 6. The costume designer had to be about 15 and had an unhealthy obsession with hot topic, and had never been to a rock concert before 7. Why is it dawn and he's outside? 8. Hello. They are witches... didn't the screenwriters read the books??? 9. This David should be older.. like who cast this 10. The fucking voice over again.. I seriously hate Townsend voice 11. Again who the fuck cast these people.. 12. Ok I know I read this book when I was like 14.. so like 22 years ago, but I remember lestats creation story happening way differently... 13. Why does living lestat look like a drunk Joaquin Phoenix playing johnny cash.. 14. And why the hell is his fangs ALWAYS out... 15. Oh look.. let's take something that was a key plot point in why lestats so fucked up... except the violin player isn't a female.. uggg. Read the book 16. Oh wait... lestat doesn't play the violin... that would have been his lover 17. Why can't we stick with one color pallet for dead lestats skin? 18. Bc hiding the switch to the secret room in the wall under a trunk isn't obvious at all 19. And obviously who ever cast Townsend didn't remember that lestats is french... that accent is not French 20. I honestly think lestat has on more eyeshadow than I do 21. Awkward bdsm scene where murius says we have the same mother. 22. And murius gets jealous bc mommy didn't pick him 23. Why does Townsend accent keep changing? 24. That time Jessie was all of us, falling in love with a fictional character 25. Wtf why does Jessie get her own voice over 26. Given the sound track, why are we playing the song from ghostbusters.. 27. And then lestat looks like the genie head from pee wees playhouses 28. Well now we know where twilight stole that weird fast movement effect.. And why do vampires moving sound like snake rattles and skidding noises 29. Blending... omg his,face isn't the same shade as his neck... or his hands... 30. Again, 22 years later.. I'm pretty sure he couldn't fly until after he wakes akasha 31. And still not some gypsys violin. 32. Why is he listening to his own music? I mean yea he's a narassistic bastard 33. Why are they whispering... no one else is there. I'm seriously over changing the volume to watch this.. I'm having flash backs to 94 when I snuck out of bed to watch interview with the vampire in the middle of the night 34. His eye bruising is really bugging me.. like put some cucumbers on your eyes man. Maurius is older.. And his designer bags arent near as heavy 35. Why do the vampires all look like 90s euro trash? I mean yea they are in London so they are technically euro trash.. but it's like really bad euro trash 36. Akasha has eye teeth fangs... no one else does... why???? 37. Seriously forgot how much I love this album.. I should have just skipped this train wreck and listened to this cd.. 38. Not gonna lie kind wish i could set people on fire with the flick of my wrist.. 39. Oh johnathan Davis... you are a horrible scalper, nice cameo though, I mean it's the least they could do 40. Why do all these groupies keep volunteering to be killed.. And what happened to that girls face 41. A London goth... aka Jessie looks like a 13 year old MySpace scene girl trying to do her eye liner 42. Who the hell was the mua.. Seriously pick a foundation 43. Again.. lestat is not super man... he can't fly like that 44. Omg omg omg.. I just realized Townsend was the basis for Kristen Stewart's Bella swan.. emotionless and moody 45. Only thing the make up ppl can do continuously is make sure Jessie scratch is still there. 46. ANd seriously, disturbed would never settle for opening for this douchebag.. 47. So much manic panic 48. Townsend is not good at lip synching. Didn't he just spend a whole night listening to his own songs in his coffin? 49. Why do all the other vampires have cavemen foreheads? 50. Like were the speed movement effects done by the same people that did the matrix? 51. Hey akasha that's some pretty spiffy high school drama club stage entrance you got there. 52. Why does she sound like she's talking into a fan? 53. I know that akasha is Egyptian... but she's been a statue with out blood for how long? She really shouldn't be that tan. 54. Oh wait.. it's that one deftones song that is on everyone's bdsm dungeon play list... I loath that about this song 55. Can we please read a book.. in tale of the body thief lestats becomes human and has sex for the first time in hundreds of years... vampires don't have sex.. they are basically like the angels in dogma 56. Hey Jessie took the voice over microphone back.. 57. Why does maharets eyes glow.. she's a fucking witch... uggggg 58. Fire the make up artist... day walker lestat should not be that pink 59. Kingdom of corpses would be a great band name 60. Oh wait did lestat just realize the crazy vampire bitch is crazy and that's why she's been a statue for all these years... 61. I forget.. is that blonde baby faced thing supposed to be louis.. Bc no.. 62. Again.. 22 years ago.. is one of these chicks supposed to be Pandora or lestats mom.. is one of the guys supposed to be Armand... what was the point of having random vamps in the movie and never naming them. And if that grey haired guy or the blonde one are Armand or louis seriously read a fucking book 63. Everyone else gets bit on the neck.. Jessie why you trying to be sexy letting him bit your breasts.. 64. Townsends face looks like bad cgi. Like his eyes are black holes 65. Where the hell is maharets twin sister.. 66. Akasha has some serious ab muscles to be holding that arched back pose for so long damn girl. 67. Can we remake this and let Giles from Buffy be david.. 68. Yes bc when you become a vampire you automatically get bruises around your eyes... Seriously Jessie looks like she rubbed her eyes and forgot she had on make up 69. Maurius just seems like that creepy pedo dude.. 70. Oh and then the ending scene is totally stolen from that spice girls music video. Seriously I'm going to have to get my books and re read them all.. Bc I don't know why I wasted an hour on that piece of shit. 15 years clearly wasn't long enough.
#the queen of the damned#lestat de lioncourt#prince lestat#the vampire lestat#lestat#this piece of shit#korn#johnathan davis#twilight#matrix#movie review#vampire#rocknroll#why did i watch this#shitty#mua#manic panic hair dye#hot topic#euro trash#obviously
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Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 8]
And here we are at the end. I hope you’ve all been enjoying the ride, because it’s about to get a whole lot weirder in this, the final chapter.
Warnings this time around: a whole lot of drug use, some underage drinking, DUI but it’s okay because Tiaa is a vampire, bestiality, and an attempted sexual assault. Also did I mention drug use? There’s a lot of drug use.
Recap: Tiaa met a panda bear named Snoofles on her way to school (please don’t think too hard about this) and learned that she can now talk to animals, among other abilities. Thanks to a vague new ability of hers, she accidentally made her mean classmate Lauren get struck by lightning while they were in a verbal spat. Edward finally decided to leave Bella for Tiaa and the two celebrated by having sex in the middle of the school. Bella walked in on them and got upset.
Chapter 1
Previous chapter
hey guys sory its been so long since an update, i hav been so busy latley. sooooo..i had a fight with my old beta but i have a new 1 now an she is helpin me byut she is on vacaton this wk and next so i promise i will sort the spellin mistaks out wen i can!
Did she refuse to beta your fic after you stole her poster of Gerard Way?
Chapter 8 - the Kidnap
I sat alone in the changes rooms, i was all most naked and looked awsome with my exotic lithely hair falling down over my face like a curtan of soft yellow cream with bits of purple in it but I didnt care how beautifull or eqxisite I was any more.
Tiaa doesn’t care how beautiful she is, but she had to start the sentence off by reminding us all how beautiful she is. And that she looks awesome. And her hair is exotic.
Whatever that means.
Edward was gone. he had left to follow Bella to stop her from killin herself and i was SO mad.
Wait, are you mad Edward is attempting to prevent Bella from committing suicide?
how coud he leave me like that after sayin bella was a cow and he didnt like her no more?
That doesn’t mean he’s fine with letting her make attempts on her own life, Tiaa.
I was pissed! and the tears were falling down my face like a tepid summer rain of misery and woe.
I love this goddamn sentence.
So i went home and skipped school and sat in my room in my black corset and leather panties and i smoked some drugs and started to weep.
To be fair, this is a really solid stoner-goth aesthetic she has going.
…wait, hold up, leather panties?
Leather panties?
dave came in and made a big smiley face.
He’s in a really good mood for someone whose brother was murdered hours ago.
"hi tiaa! I didnt no you were home! how was school today?" (he didnt notice i was smokin drugs he thougt my cigarete of pot was a chapstick)
Okay, for the sake of argument, I’ll buy that Dave visually mistook a spliff for chapstick… but can he not smell that she’s smoking weed?
"it sucks!my life sucks and i want to DIE!" i scremed and my eyes glitered with beauty.
Love how Tiaa is suicidal but still needs to make sure we know how pretty she is at all times. Reminds me of the bit in “My Immortal” where Enoby was flirting while sobbing.
"u teenagers and ur problems, LOL!" he said laughing a lot, and i knew he thougt i was just some silly kid wineing about homework and dumb boys and stuff.
Well, replace “homework” with “getting raped by the relative of a caregiver, turning into a vampire, and accidentally seriously injuring a classmate” and Dave’s on the money.
he didnt no i had killed a man and lost the love off my life and had made lauren get hit by lighting and that all the kids at school thougt i was a freak becase my face and bodys were so diffrent from everyone elses.
Do I really need to tell this girl to stop humanizing her rapist? She killed him in self-defense! It was one hundred percent justified! C’mon, Tiaa, don’t be so hard on yourself.
Also, nobody cares about Lauren.
"dave your a good person but ur SO FUCKIN DUMB! YOU ASSHOLE!" i shouted at him and i threw my ashtray at his head WITHOUT TOUCHING IT (i could make stuff move when i was angry now...it was so weird! why did this have too happen to me!)
Well, yeah, that is weird, but I don’t get the woe-is-me attitude about it. Telekinesis is a really cool ability. Also, turns out Dave is literally so dumb that you can be an obvious nonhuman smoking weed in bed while screaming about wanting to die and he’ll take you for an ordinary teenage girl holding a tube of chapstick.
"haha, i guess your right" he laughed (he thougt i was joking, i wasnt spoiled or anythin)
…so did the ashtray miss?
"its so nice havin you hear tiana, your so pretty. i swear your even prettier than before!
I can’t help but feel that the amount Dave and Marie compliment Tiaa on her looks borders on inappropriate, considering she is sixteen and they are her foster parents.
and i think your boobs hav grown!"
Case in point.
"yeh i no they are like an E cup now" i said.
I guess it’s a good thing she’s a vampire, then, since I’m pretty sure vampires can’t get back problems.
Wait. Can vampires get high? Does being high feel different if you’re a vampire?
Dave smiled and patted me on the head and left.
That Dave!
I was so sick of bein treated like a kid and no one listenin to me that i got up and got dresed in a long black dress and took some pills (of drugs) and went out to the local nightclub which was called Pablo NIghtmare - it was a goth club were all the cool people went in forks.
Listen, I don’t know Washington State, but in my neck of the woods small towns don’t have goth nightclubs.
I love that she specified the pills were drugs, in case we thought they were sugar pills or something.
bella probably had never even heard of it, LOL!
If there is a goth nightclub in your small town, I guarantee you everyone has heard of it.
i met snoofles on the way and he came with me.
You’re taking the panda out clubbing?
we went to the club and got drinks and started dancing to the heavy metal music.
…I’m starting to get very confused about Snoofles. My initial impression was that he’s a regular panda bear, but Tiaa is able to communicate with him because she’s a vampire and can talk to all animals now. But I don’t think ordinary pandas go to clubs, get drinks, and dance to heavy metal music.
Although I’ve never met one, so I could be wrong.
ppl there stared at us cos i was so diffrerent looking and Snoofles was a panda, but we didnt care we were havin so much fun we were SO drunk and had taken a lot of drugs so my head was fuzzy like there was snow everywhere.
I adore the similes in this fic. No idea what Tiaa is on but I definitely know what the author means by feeling like there’s snow everywhere in your head.
"hi your called Tiana arent you? I am Jasper and I go to your school" said Jasper Cullen who was tall with blond curly hair like straw only soft and nice and not dry.
So… not like straw, then.
he was tall.
Yeah, you mentioned.
he was wearin a black pulover and red metal pointy shoes. (AN - haha, that descripton sounded beter in my head, OH WELL!)
No, it’s good, I dig it. Simple goth on top, bling on the bottom, may or may not be wearing pants? It’s a look.
"hey whatever" i said. "why arent you with that girl i all ways see you with?
"you mean my GF alice," he said and locked soddenly very sad and started to cry and bite down hard on his lips.
"what is wrong Jasper?" i said
"the problem is i dont love her like she loves me. i am gay, and thats wrong, and i feel so horible about it!"
Of course he’s gay. Look at his outfit! Look at those shoes! I can’t even see him for real and my gaydar is going wild.
"theres nothing bad about bein gay u no" i said.
"REALLY?" he sed, and looked chocked with his mouth open.
Good on Tiaa for being an ally. I love how Jasper reacts as though he’s never considered the possibility that his gayness might be alright. He’s a vampire too and has been alive for well over a century, so that’s a lot of internalized homophobia… but he’s also been around to witness the entire modern LGBT rights movement, so you’d think he might have gotten the “it’s okay to be gay” message before.
"yeah, its proper normal and Snoofles is gay and everything" i said and Snoofles waved and Jasper waves back.
If you just got a bad feeling about what might happen next, trust your fucking instincts.
he smiled and we all stared dancing together and Jasper gave us some of his drugs.
I really wanna know what they’ve been taking, because even though Tiaa isn’t human I feel like anyone who can get high should have to worry about drug interactions. Weed and alcohol is fine, but aside from that I have no idea what the hell Tiaa is on except that she described it as “pills” and a lot of drugs that come in pill form do not play nice with alcohol. She probably isn’t going to fry her liver or anything like that given that she’s essentially undead, but I doubt she’s immune to having a bad trip.
we had a relay good time and jasper met another gay guy called Vince and we all got in Snoofleses car at the end of the night and i drove around while the others all had sex in the back of the car.
A note: At this point in the story I quite literally had to stop the MST for a bit so I could pour myself a very stiff drink.
The panda has a car. The panda is having a threesome with a vampire and a human in the back of his car while another vampire drives it. This is treated as normal because the panda and his two human(oid) sexual partners happen to all be gay.
Like, I’d normally feel pretty weird about the “promiscuous gay” stereotype being invoked, but I’m way too busy feeling weird that the author thinks it’s normal for gay guys to want to screw a panda because the panda happens to be gay too. Also, keep in mind Snoofles can only talk to Tiaa — the dudes he’s having sex with can’t understand him. I’m gonna say a panda who behaves like a human and owns a car is probably capable of consenting, but I still feel mighty weird about the idea that two dudes who perceive Snoofles as an ordinary, non-talking panda would want to have a threesome with him.
I guess the promiscuity aspect isn’t even bad considering how Tiaa and Edward have been acting with each other throughout the fic. The bestiality, though, I have trouble overlooking.
(i was drunk but cos i was a vampire it was ok to drive i had beter reflex than humans!)
Sure, but do you even know how to drive? In most states, it’s not legal to get a learner’s permit until you’re Tiaa’s age, so we’re not talking “experienced driver with superhuman reflexes,” we’re talking “superhuman reflexes, but on somebody who quite possibly has never sat in the driver’s seat of a car before.”
but soddenly somethin jumped into the road infront of us and i had to stop the car and get out. there was a man standin in the middle of the road he was tall and mussely and had black hair like the black feathers of a raven in the black darkness.
But was his black hair like the black feathers of a black raven in the black darkness? I just want to be clear on the color.
he was good looking but he looked so angry i got out my samurai sword (i often have it with me!) but somone jammed up behind me and tore it from me, there were like ten people all grabbing my body in the darkness and they put a thing over my face so i coudnt see and they tied me up!
Oh, of course, her samurai sword. Yep. Been with her the whole time.
Jasper Snoofles and Vince were too busy doing gay sex on each other to notice, i cud hear them grunting and humping and having orgasms on each other - it was so cute but now was SO not the time!
She’s being attacked by a group of ten or more people, who have overpowered her, restrained her, and blindfolded her, in the middle of the road. Three people (well, a person, a vampire, and a panda) are present and they don’t notice this happening at all.
Like… I know they’re all intoxicated and, uh, otherwise occupied at the moment, but did they not at least pause to notice Tiaa slamming on the brakes to avoid colliding with a stranger in the road?
The men who had caught me took me away and somethin hit me over the head and i was unconshous.
when i awoken i found myself in a small dark room and the tall mussel man was in front of me. i was strip down to my underwear and i was chained to a chair with some metal chains and i coudnt move.
Tiaa has superhuman strength and reflexes. She has telekinetic abilities. She can affect objects and people by touching them.
Yet she can’t get out of being chained to a chair?
I call BS.
"WHO ARE YOU YOU WANKY PERV!" i shoyted.
She sounds like Wheatley from “ITS MY LIFE!” now.
"I AM JACOB...THE WEREWOLF KING!" he yelled with his eyes rolling around in his face - he looked so mad and CRAZY!
Jacob’s a big dude who can turn into a wolf, but he’s also about fifteen and just learning about the whole werewolf thing, so I doubt he’d be “king” of anything. Also Tiaa could take him easy.
"NOOOOOOO!" I scremed and i try to broke myself free but i was under so many heavy chains so i looked into his wagging face insted.
I don’t know why she reacted so negatively to Jacob’s response. There is a longstanding vampire/werewolf feud in the Twilight universe, but Tiaa is very newly turned and shouldn’t know about any of that yet. Learning your kidnapper is a werewolf sucks, but if you’re already a vampire you’ve got an edge too.
"Watt do u want from me? why am i here?" i say and i started to cry.
"YOU MUST BE PUNISHED FOR WHAT YOU DID TO BELLA SWAN!" he shreeked and the drool was sloapping down his face just like rain only thick and foam-like.
So… not like rain, then.
"YOU ARE A HALF-BREAD!
I’ve got to change this blog’s name right away. I don’t know what I was thinking naming it “The Half-World” when I could have named it “The Half-Bread.”
Also, hold up — what did Tiaa do to Bella? Is this just about “stealing” Edward? Jacob and Edward aren’t exactly buddy-buddy, and if Bella’s single Jacob has a chance with her, so if anything I think he owes Tiaa a thank-you.
YOU SHOUD NEVER HAVE BEEN BORNE! YOUR FATHER WAS A VAMPIRE AND YOUR MOM WAS A WHITCH! ITS WEIRD AND WRONG AND NOW YOUVE BROKEN BELLAS HEART! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD! HALF-BREAD!"
Well, this really does speak for itself.
This dude was insane, he was so angery he was jumpin up and down.
Sounds like my second-grade teacher. She was the daughter of a well-known Republican senator and she had to resign after she tied a kid to a chair with a jump rope. True story.
But something he said had caugt my attention
.
Good job on the punctuation.
"What do u mean my mom was a whitch?" I said.
What do you think he meant, genius?
"MY FATHER USED TO NO HER! SHE LIVED HERE IN LA PUSH AND SHE WAS A WHITCH! SHE COUD MAKE FIRE COME FROM NOWERE AND CONTROLL THE WETHER AND TALK TO ANIMALS AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF! SHE WAS A FREAK LIKE U!"
I guess this does explain Tiaa’s extra powers, but, I have to say, I don’t think Jacob gets to criticize anyone else for being freaky when he can turn into a wolf.
Of corse! It all made sense now!
It didn’t all make sense. There’s still an interspecies gay threesome that needs explaining.
I was so shocked I fainted,
and also got my periods and commas mixed up,
When i woke up Jacob was in front of me and he was NAKED! He was smilling in a proper creepy way and looked totaly weird like a greasy frog thing and his male genital item was not nice like edwards it was like a horible wet mushroom.
Honest to god I love these similes.
he stroked my knee with it and i gapsed. whatt was he going to do to me!
I think I have an idea, actually.
but sudenly before he coud come any closer the door of the room we were in burst open!
IT WAS EWDARD!
Here to save the day! And to end the fic, because this is it for “Forbiden Fruit”: BeckyMac666 left us all on a cliffhanger, so we’ll never know what happens.
I do genuinely love this fanfic. I love how it’s written, I love the similes, I love the purple prose and the melodramatic tone, and I love my girl Tiaa. It’s a truly fantastic badfic, and I’m happy I got to introduce others to it, too.
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☦︎︎☠︎︎✞
#goth blog#blog#daily blog#goth#gothic#roo is dead#cemetery#goth poetry#goth punk#halloween#tattoed hottie#tattoo#b0ndage#goth fashion#fashion#punk goth#glam punk#hardcore punk#post punk#punk#fashion inspo#fashion inspiration#goth aesthetic#aesthetic#why the fuck arent we at the goth club#goth art#goth music#glam goth#goth girl#90s
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❦𐬽𐬺𐬿꧂
#goth blog#blog#daily blog#goth#gothic#roo is dead#cemetery#goth poetry#goth punk#halloween#vintage goth#goth art#goth music#goth makeup#gothic art#glam goth#goth aesthetic#goth girl#goth boy#goth babe#the cure#why the fuck arent we at the goth club#alternative goth#goth fashion#80s music#80s#80s aesthetic#80s fashion#80s goth#80s horror
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’𝟗𝟐 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐬 ❤︎︎❤︎︎❤︎︎
#goth blog#blog#daily blog#goth#gothic#roo is dead#cemetery#goth poetry#goth punk#halloween#manic street preachers#manics#the manics#why the fuck arent we at the goth club#richey edwards#nicky wire#sean moore#james dean bradfield#nicholas allen jones#i luv nicky wire#vintage goth#goth art#goth music#goth makeup#glam goth#goth aesthetic#punk goth#glam punk#punk aesthetic#post punk
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✯❦☦︎︎᪥
#goth blog#blog#daily blog#goth#gothic#roo is dead#cemetery#goth poetry#goth punk#halloween#manic street preachers#punk goth#goth music#gothic blog#gothic art#post punk#pulp band#bauhaus#why the fuck arent we at the goth club#freaks#in the flat field#music cds#cds#cd collection#cd collector
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The view from my bed 🏴
𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭☠︎︎𐬺𐬿✯
#goth blog#oingo boingo#blog#daily blog#goth#gothic#roo is dead#cemetery#goth poetry#goth punk#danny elfman#halloween#goth babe#goth art#goth music#ska#ska music#ska fan#goth makeup#gothic art#glamgoth#vintage glamour#glam punk#glam goth#glam rock#glam#glamour#why the fuck arent we at the goth club#cd#cd collection
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