#why am i AHHHHHH now
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Suddenly hysterical (in a bad way????) Okay???
#solution to hysteria is always shower. always#i already made dinner so ill eat after#and maybe itll be ok..??#is this bc i had a caramel macchiato this afternoon#i never buy fancy sugary coffee#its like. a rare treat for me#i usually just go for americano or flat white. im v boring ik#BUT I SAID. oh no a trear#but that was like FOUR HOURS AGO#why am i AHHHHHH now#(this week this week this week is sm im going back to my parents house. ew. might be finding out abt that job#my boss comes back from vacation. its just alot all at once and i rlly just wanna nap#AND i didnt end up going thrift shopping today bc i got sad again and embroidered for like 4 hrs instead#what i really want is to go to the el cheapo thrift shop that isnt bougie but like dirt cheap like a proper secondhand store#i cannot get there by transit its technically in mississauaga#so i would need to borrow my mother's car#which means she would want to come#which means i cannot shop in the men's section for fun patterned button downs#BLEGH BLEGH BLEGHHHHHHHH#do u undersrand how much i want fun patterned button downs and also an old man blazer#NOTHING IN THE WOMENS FITS MY SHOULDERS PROPERLY OK#the duality of fran#if i could wear mens pants with my hips i WOULD
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Hey, what the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK??
"12 years ago"
"Open your mind!"
Ice Queen counterpart's ice cream machine is a portal???
#that statue is Betty & no one knows why its there or who she is? UM Hello???? why is Betty here?#also why is Cake so in tune with the magic running into this world?#also LSP is really hot & so was that cutie who was planting all the plants; a LOT of these characters are really hot#WHAT IS GOING ON???? I have so many questions & I gotta sleep ahhhh-#im losing my minnnnd also Fionna is really hot & nd coded fr#I have to go to sleep how am I supposed to now? ahhhhhh-#mine#op#Adventure Time: Fionna and Cake#adventure time#atimers#adventure time fionna and cake#adventure time spoilers#fionna and cake#fionna & cake#fionna and cake spoilers
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time to abolish wind chill
#the wind chill made it -50 when i was walking to my class this morning ! bitch why!!!#i love my middle of nowhere Canada but girl wtff every January we can’t catch a break 😭😭#legs pink looking like they came fresh out of the freezer ! i was so scared my toes were stuck together bc I couldn’t wiggle them in my boot#fjsjcmsncmdbfm ahhhhhh#but I am warming up by the fireplace now !
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oh we have a one piece tab now. thats neat i guess
#jst rambling#uh. i dont know why thats there now out of every other thing but win for op fans#that i am not#i havent been saying alot about the layout changes i dont want to comment on them on here. ill rb stuff but its like. ahhhhhh#yeah...............
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Omg okay, but yknow how Sheev only ever goes by Palpatine from the age of like, 16 or something? What if Hego is the only one allowed to call him Sheev. What if, what if their versions of pet names are using each other's first names, because they're the only ones who wouldn't die from doing so
#plagatine#your honor i love themb#theyre so horrible and evil and i love that for them#just!!#the very first time hego calls sheev by his first name sheev is all like#'i hate you so much right now why am i so turned on oh no'#all in the span of like#three minutes#and so he turns it back on hego and uses *his* name#and hegos like#'i know i started this but oh no. oh no.'#ahhhhhh
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just watched a documentary about New Romantics and wanted to learn about music and fashion but the documentary basically ended with "then heroine came and it destroyed the scene" with the people from that time mentioning their bad trips and how lucky they were to have survived while so many others didn't
oh BOI now I am sad and angry and feel fucked up and want to cry :')
#why does it always revolve around drug abuse T.T#punk goth new wave new romantic glam rock AHHHHHHHHH i cannot stand it#personal opinion ofc <3#but I'm just really really against drug abuse when ppl are literally dying and all that awful stuff q.q#i just wanna enjoy thr music and fashion but nooooo here's the depressing part of it#how am supposed to go about my day now knowing so many people died bc of heroin back in the days?#T.T why am i like this ahhHHHH#rant#tw drugs#tw drug abuse#tw heroin#tw alcohol
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hmmmmm…. it is going poorly
#WARGGGGGG#i am stuck again#i have all these moving pieces but it is so tricky to connect them :<#like the A plot is about the main character trying to regain her psychic abilities but there’s a bunch of background information and I’m#not sure where to put it or if it’s unessecary#originally the novel starts with a funeral but now becuase I’ve restructured the plot the funeral has become less relevant now ahhhhhh#do I even need it anymore?#i spent so long on it and that’s the main part of what my advisor read when I was pitching this#are they gonna be like wtf is this if I bring them something totally different 😭#i am laying face down on the FLOOR#why is this so HARD
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weird random stream of consciousness, but I'm on mobile so I can't do a readmore
I'm watching new girl and Nick said something about how it sometimes is REALLY not fun to be there for schmidt but u have to do it anyway. and im like...these characters are all so crazy and quirky like. Nick has to be SUCH a pain to be friends with. Schmidt has to be SO annoying. They're all so high maintenance in their own ways and they have to take care of each other....and they do it ?? Like and they don't really consider one another to be burdens even when they need a LOT of help and attention. and it just......makes me think. yk?
like im always..so beyond terrified of asking anything of my ppl bc I don't want to be a burden. i don't want anyone to have to deal w my problems and i always feel really bad and uncomfortable when they do, and they do a lot !! bc I have sooooo much going on. and it's too much for me to handle but im sure it's too much for anyone else :/ but idk. it just makes me wish i was in new girl lmao
#shut up hanna#like and ofc i have my ppl#but i still FEEL BAD#like it feels a lot of the time like im taking more than im giving#and thats bc. i am#but maybe its like in new girl#how sometimes for an episode or even most of a season one of them needs a lot of support and attention#like when Jess is in love w nick and hes w reagan and LITERALLY everyone knows but him#everyone is there for jess yk#idk. i just am tired of needing so much support like god just let me be fine :/#but i have bpd and frequent depressive episodes. and 7 other mental illnesses#which makes me prone to really hard times emotionally at random#but rn im in a new state with a concussion and i dont have my cat and nothing is going right#like i DO need support and i CANT give as much back. not right now#but i would still do anything for my friends fr#and i like to think that when i am doing okay i am a really good friend#but maybe i am just a selfish self centered bitch actually#like the world isnt all about me why am i so self centered#ahhhhhh idk. idk. im going in circles inside my head#i made a new playlist on spotify today so thats what kind of day it is lmao#and i missed my classes again :(
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someone give me the motivation to finish the hurt/comfort annlett fic i started months ago
#writer problems#my babies are both in pain. i'm in pain. none of us should be in pain.#why did i stop writing mid-fight????#bitchy!hewlett my beloved#but also the A G O N Y i am feeling right now ahhhhhh-#annlett#shut up ace#anna my darling#edmund my dearest
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2.5 half more months two and a half more months two and a half more months
#why was february so expensive#and how do I have 3 doctors appts in march#why is the boc $250#why is recertifiying my phlebotomy CE $174#ahhhhhh#AHHHHHH#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH#i'm manifesting it i'm getting a job right here where I am and I will learn to love it and I love it now tbh and I'll get paid and i'll be#gold. i'll be gold i'll be gold i'll be gold#although my planning is gonna be all fucked up if I don't get what the recruiter said I was gonna get per hour lol#I can still make it tho#I'll use my first month's pay to figure out what's going on and then use my second month's pay to get an apt#hopefully training takes longer than it takes for me to move out tho
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Someone wanna come crush me for 6-8 hours. Not in like a sexy way. I am just like...human contact??? In a safe controlled environment???
Just like put me in a hydraulic press instead maybe
#franposting#ahhhhhh#literally i get overwhelmed in crowds i DO NOT lile bumping into strangers on the subway or whatever#but also i am such a touchy feely person#just incredibly picky and almost afraid of touch#i need it but i need control#i am INSANE I KNOE#also like i have no more younger siblings. bro 3 is now 14#i have no more free child cuddles while i read books out loud in silly voices#im just. ohhhhhhhhhhh why is touch so important why am i not a plant
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mastered the art of repression so hard I broke down sobbing at home for hours and throwing up after a perfectly good day after my new well paying job with good pay and nice colleagues and a nice wholesome dinner at my parents’ home
#stfu juls#not a joke btw.#nothing even happened. I was just in shock at the state my apartment has become after being stressed and severely depressed and broke down#and the whole past year hit me at once#I was ill and couldnt stomach food all week#ig i now know why lol#wish I was normal fr#only my niece and my dog are keeping me from kms atp#literally nothing today triggered this#it just… happened#I mean. I’m always depressed#I’m kinda taking anti deps for that#but I just got overwhelmed for no reason#it’s a lot of things#I think of what my ex told me after he cheated on me despite dating for 6 years#or well. indirectly told me#by letting everyone we knew know#that I was always hard to love#I’m never getting that out of my head am I lol#ahhhhhh#vent#i’m gonna listen to deftones until I pass out and hope I don’t wake up#and tomorrow I’ll just go to work again and continue the cycle
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why are pimples such a trial like why is the the rule not to touch my face that’s SO MUCH
#AHHHHHH#ahoys thoughts#how how why am I getting pimples now I’m barely a teenager anymore STOPP YOU WERE NEVER HERE BEFORE
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Oooooo you get sad when it’s cold and dark out and it doesn’t go away until April? Oh okay how original
#this post is to make fun of me and me alone#usually I can keep it together until Christmas Eve but it’s so rough so early this year ahhhhhh#wondering if it’s the move? it’s colder where I am now#also the sadness feels like grief and I don’t understand why#screams from the void
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Mmmmmm this time adjustment is fucking with meeeeeeee :)
#the world is unfair and unjust why is just as dark at 5 am and 5 pm now 😭😭😭😭#and they had to do this like… right before a Monday?? couldn’t we have down this on like Friday#given everyone two days to adjust before throwing us back to corporate mondays#i am awakeeeeee and it’s only 5:31 and it at least I’m no longer tired when it’s super dark out#but like ahhhhhh#also I think I still need to change to my oven and microwave clocks#also why can’t Walgreens pharmacy be open 24 hrs I need to get my perscription 🤪🤪🤪
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There’s a lunacy to all I write there’s a splendor almost if I can’t hold it back I love my voice it’s gentle and unnerving i can’t believe I threw it all away with weed and believing I was undeserving I wish to write more one day it’s maybe something I enjoy and maybe something I’m good at but until then I’ll just post here
#writing#interlude#ahhhhhh#why am i like this#writerscommunity#actually bipolar#actually mentally ill#yeah I want to die#please let me die#bipolar 1#I don’t know what I’m doing#just passing the time#I need a car#for real a car would be a game changer#you’re beautiful my dude I’m sorry you had to experience mania again#I know things are hard but you’re pretty cool and this is just sucky time but things get better with time#I wish things were better now but they are where they need to be#recovery takes time and patience#and you’re moving with bravery being a good friend to an anxious soul that wilters in isolation#proud of you for showing up#I can’t make the commute here#I know that for sure#just enjoy the experience#shine your boots off my dude#be the cool graduate from brown and walk away I disturbed because this is a good opportunity to simply
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