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spookysmujer · 4 years

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Family is Forever, O. Diaz

Summary: The past comes to haunt you and your family with Oscar.

warnings: angst, domestic!Oscar, swearing,physical abuse, attempt sexual abuse, child endangerment

word count: 4.8K

requested by @alliemariee15

a/n: Thank you for requesting and being so patient! This sweetheart requested this a month ago and has been nothing but understanding, so thank you so much! I went harder than I intended to with this, hehe. Also big thank to everyone as I’ve hit 1K followers!!! Please don’t forget to follow this blog, heart/like/reblog my content as well as leave some comments, pretty please :) Also turn on the notifs for when I post something new!

taglist: @clemmingstylins0n @fairygardenss @firebenderwolf @spookysnena @princesstiffxoxo @mbaku-babygirl @chellybear98 @multiyfandomgirl40 @i-just-wanna-live-gc (please let me know if you wanna be added or removed!)

(gif belongs to @merakiaes 🌟)

A life long dream of yours since freshmen year in high school was to move somewhere along the East Coast and for sometime that was the goal that you were working hard towards.

And then Oscar Diaz happened. It was sophomore year when he ‘claimed’ you. You weren’t so into him as much as he was into you but he never stopped trying to get you and by some twisted fate of luck, he got you. Not long after officially dating, you got pregnant with your son, Abel. It didn’t matter that you were only 16 or the fact that Oscar had joined a gang. You two made it work.

That was 6 years ago, your son has grown into a very intelligent little boy. He is a carbon copy of his dad at that age, his thick black locks that are curled on top of his head has to be your favorite feature of his. You hadn’t got to see Oscar with hair like so since he’d already been sporting the shaved cholo look from when you two began dating.

A lot has happened over those 6 years. Both good and bad.

It was only a few weeks into summer after graduating high school that Oscar was arrested for drug possession. It completely wrecked you. At that point it seemed obvious that he would be the one you’d spend the rest of your life with. All that seemed to shift on the night when the police knocked on the door. The loud, echoing pounding and a 2 year-old Abel seemingly frightened.

When Oscar opened the door he didn’t try to resist arrest for he knew this day would come. You held your son close to your chest as he called out for his papa.

You took him to visit Oscar whenever he’d ask and let him talk on the phone with him every chance you got. Nothing could get between you and your family, not even prison. And when he was released after 4 long years, the heavens rejoiced and so did the two of you. With lots of rolling in the sheets.

That’s why you’re now in a PartyCity store looking for the right unicorn balloons for your soon-to-be 4 year old daughter’s upcoming birthday. When you found out you were pregnant again only 2 weeks after Oscar had been released, the both of you laughed, not surprised one bit. It was no secret that you wanted more kids together so it was fate to add a little girl, whom you named Ella, to the mix.

“Ma, can we go now? We been here forever.” Abel sighs as you make another round in the same isle you were in just a few minutes ago.

The corners of your lips lift as you know he has your patience, which is zero to none. He’s been a champ for most of the morning but once you had been running back and forth between stores, he began to lose his patience quickly.

Your daughter sports a mean muggin’ face, much like her father. “I wan mah balloons!” She is standing in the cart, staring at her brother. The look of ‘I am going to get my way’. Abel only rolls his eyes and groans as she turns to sit in the cart and look at which balloons she wants.

“Cute kids.”

A voice sounds from in front of you, you smile and turn to thank the stranger but you are met with no stranger. A very familiar face. One that put you through hell, one that definitely was not suppose to be within a 100 feet of you.

When Oscar was in prison you were absolutely loyal to him. Not once did you lose faith in your relationship. Even when you had your hardships such as the times Oscar got doubtful that he would never get out, he’d ask you to move on. Though it was never a thought at all. You share a child together, you’re bonded for life.

But to the streets if your man is serving time then you’re fair game. That’s just how they ran things but to hell if you were gonna let that happen. That never stopped other dudes trying to get with you. And there was one particular one that never stopped trying, Tomas. He became obsessive with you. He wanted you, he wanted to be the man that Oscar couldn’t be for you at that moment. But you never gave in because for you Oscar was it.

“What are you doing here? You know the obligations of your restraining order.” The calmness in your voice shows no fear but you know the lengths he’d go when it comes to you.

Tomas only chuckles to himself as he digs his hands in his pockets, “That expired this morning at 10. But I’m just visiting some homies, ain’t know you’d be here.”

You watch him intently as pull your son closer to you. Thankfully Ella has her back to you so you could have a hold on her should he try anything, “Yeah well, I don’t want nothing to do with you so I think it’s best if you just go on about your day and your life far away from here. Oscar has been out for a while now so I wouldn’t be so stupid and try something.”

He takes a few steps forward which makes you automatically step back, one hand locked on your son’s shoulder and the other on the shopping cart. “Calmate, I’m just passing through, preciosa.” A chill runs down your spine as he caresses your face with the back of his finger making you flinch.

Abel grabs onto you and holds you tightly as Ella watches the man stand close to you, “Mama, who is this?” She asks excitedly as she pulls herself up from sitting. You look to him and her as he turns towards your little girl.

“Hi, I’m Tomas, a friend of your mom’s. And who are you?” Your heart rate is increasing, your nerves are scattered all over the place, worried something may happen. Your daughter’s curiosity has worried you since she could talk.

She smiles as he waits for her answer, “Ella, it’s my birthday soon! I’ll be this much!” Ella holds up 4 little fingers and covers her mouth with her other hand, laughing due to Tomas’ pretend shocked expression.

“I have to go. Please stay away from me and my family.” You hoist your son into the cart, despite his protests that he can walk. You step back quickly and spin the cart around.

Ella is complaining that you didn’t get all the balloons but you hush her. After checking out you ask a worker to escort you out. He kindly helps you load your car as you get your kids in.

“Answer, answer, answer.”

You’re chanting quietly to yourself as you pull out of the parking lot to head home. Your heart is thudding in your chest like wildfire, you need to hear Oscar’s voice, even if he says he is busy you just want to have his calming voice soothe you.

A few rings in, “Hola, mamas. Where are you?”

You slump back into the seat, his voice on the sound system has an instant effect on you. You exhale a deep breath, “Papa, it’s me! I miss yew!”

Ella shouts and you smile as you hear Oscar laugh, always so happy to hear their voices, “Mija! I miss you and your mano, where are you guys?”

“We just leave the store! I meet mama’s man friend.” You quickly shush your daughter and hang up the phone call. You can’t be mad at her because it’s not like she knows better or the fact that you forgot to tell to your kids not to mention seeing Tomas to their dad.

She whines that you ended the phone call, “Babygirl, you can’t tell daddy about that man, okay?” You look in the rearview mirror to get a look at her as she has her arms crossed over her chest and gaze away from you. “Mija, look at mommy please.”

When she finally does take a look at you, she keeps her lil Spooky face on, “That was mean and papa will be mad you did that.”

“I know, I shouldn’t have done that. Just don’t talk about that friend we saw because then daddy will be really mad at mommy. Please?”

Ella’s features soften a bit and turns happy when you tell her that you’ll stop to get ice cream on the way back home. Both kids cheer with happiness as you pull into McDonald's drive thru.

Oscar has sent some texts asking about the abrupt end to the call and what Ella was going on about, but you made up the excuse that there was terrible reception and that she has been spilling nonsense since this morning. He brushes it off and you sigh in victory.

You finally get home, very weary of your surroundings though you don’t think Tomas would be so naive to try anything knowing you were with the Santos leader. Oscar gets home not long after you, thankfully he didn’t bring up the phone call and you went about your night.

“Com’n son, time to bathe. Vamanos.” Oscar calls out from the hallway. Abel stands but moves slowly from the living room, so focused on the big screen, “Abel!” Your son scurries off. He is always last to shower because he is so glued the TV all the time.He has learned what comes next if there is a 3rd time being called. “Coming!”

The stress of Ella’s birthday is taking a toll on you because she is a very specific little girl and the slightest detail on a decoration will have her stomping her feet and pouting her lip for days. You’re definitely raising a perfectionist.

Oscar stands in front of the bathroom mirror as he uses a razor to clean up his facial hair as well as to keep an eye on Abel who loves to let the bath get too bubbly or he’ll doze off and considering it’s nearly 10 PM, it’s a possibility.

“How was shopping with Mama today?” Oscar asks as he zeroes in on getting a clean cut. Abel doesn’t answer right away as he ponders telling Oscar about his whole day or skipping on the part about meeting Tomas and how you were not so happy about it.

With Abel as the older child he is more aware. Unlike Ella who couldn’t pick up on the unsettling feeling Tomas had given off, Abel knew that this man was trouble. And his dad always taught him to protect his family. Family is forever and is the most important thing. Always to protect his family if his dad couldn’t.

“It was okay. Ella was whining, papa. She didn’t like the balloons mama picked out at one store so we had to go to a whole other store! I was tired of looking at pink and purple unicorns. Then that man that came up to us was..”

Abel stopped talking as he realizes he let it slip out. And Oscar heard him loud and clear. He waits for Abel to continue talking but nothing comes from behind the shower curtain. Abel begins to cry, scared that he’ll get you in trouble. Oscar opens the shower curtain to see his son with his knees to his chest, sobbing.

Meanwhile, you are oblivious to what is happening. Your son keeps his face hidden as Oscar reaches to turn off the flowing water and sits on the side of the tub, watching his son. What is he afraid of saying that is making him this anxious?

“Abel Cesar Diaz, what’s going on? Hm?” Oscar taps his sons knee and the big, dark orbs that resemble his father’s peer up. Oscar can be the typical Hispanic father that tends to be disciplinary but he has learned that talking helps a lot as well.

So Abel explains to his dad what happened at the store with your friend. About how you didn’t look like you wanted him around and how scared you seemed. He explained how the man looked at you and how he didn’t think he was good news.

The veins on Oscar’s neck and forehead begins to bulge the more his son explained about Tomas. Oscar is aware of who he is. When he was in Corcoran his homies always kept him up to date of the streets. And it upset him when he had to hear about this pendejo from the Santos rather than from you. But after you two had a heated conversation over the phone, your next visit you explained. And when Tomas kept persisting you, you finally had a restraining order and more protection from the Santos until Oscar got out.

Oscar comforts his son and tells him that he isn’t upset with him. “Hey, you protected your mom, so you did your part and I am proud of you.” He helps him get dried off and ready for bed. After tucking his son in, he checks on Ella who is softly snoring on her bed. He smiles that she has finally gotten use to sleeping alone. He closes their bedroom door and stands in the hall for a moment, sighing and wiping the tiredness from his eyes, making his way to you.

You’re hunched over the table looking over a tablet that carries the plans for the birthday party as well as thanksgiving since that’ll be in a month. “Want a beer?” You ask Oscar as he sits across from you but he waves you off.

“Tell me about that stunt Tomas pulled today.”

Your eyes meet his and you freeze for a moment. Your chest is rising and falling as you try to figure out something to say, “He ran into us at the store. I told him to leave me alone and that’s all that happened. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just..”

Oscar’s jaw clenches as you stare at him, your heart skipping each beat the longer he stares and doesn’t say anything. “And you didn’t tell me again because? Had to hear from Abel. Again, Y/N? Someone is bothering you, you tell me. You let me handle that shit. That’s why our call suddenly ended? Making the kids fuckin’ lie to me too?”

His anger is beginning to bubble over. You take slow breaths to keep your temper under control. With the past couple days you’ve been having, you had no energy to start arguing back. “I never told them to lie, I asked them to not mention it. It’s not lying, technically..”

“Oh, don’t give me that shit. Don’t be technical with me, that puto should know better than to be approaching you and even my own son could feel how much he bothered you. It’s a good thing I’m raising my son right to protect his mama.” Oscar stands and paces the kitchen.

“Babe, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you..again. I had no idea that he would be there, you think if I knew that I would have went out today?”

Oscar leans against the counter, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration, “I don’t know why I didn’t hear anything from the compas. Everyone knows, including him, he got a target on his head for what he did. This is why I tell you carry that gun in your purse. My kids were there. And I love you to the fuckin’ end, amor... but had something happened to one of them, a bullet would be in your fuckin’ head.”

He leaves you in the kitchen by yourself and you’re shocked at his words. Oscar has been a dad since he was a teenager, since the two of you met. You knew the lengths he’d go for Cesar, but for his kids? He’d take out anyone including you as he stated. You let out a shaky breath.

You decide to give him sometime alone. He’s the most upset you’ve ever seen him and he is rightfully so but you weren’t sure how to fix it. You do what you think any man cannot resist, seducing them. At least this way you can ease into him forgiving you.

But when you enter your shared bedroom he is tucking his two kids in on your bed. You quirk your eyebrows up in confusion. Did he know you well enough that you’d use seduction to get his forgiveness? Oscar turns to see you standing in the doorway, “Why are the kids in here?”

“Heading out, I want them by you while I’m out.” He is shuffling around the room gathering things. The usual: keys, phone, wallet, gun, extra mag. You watch him as he looks to you, “Where exactly are you going, Oscar?”

He breathes out through his nose and that’s enough for you to know. You don’t open your mouth to bicker as he is standing in front of you now, looking down at you with eyebrows creased together, “He ain’t getting near you or my kids again. Don’t leave the house or room, lock the bedroom door and don’t unlock it til I call you.”

Oscar steps away but stops to turn and pull your face towards his.He presses his lips to yours. You melt into it instantly, your hands grasping his forearms. The kiss deepening for a moment as your hands move up to cup his face. When he pulls back you are breathless. Craving more.

Then he is gone.

The house is quiet as you lay awake waiting for your boyfriend to return. Your fingers running through your son’s hair. Something you love to do and Abel loves you doing it too. Ella not so much though. She’s a verbal lover rather than a physical lover, the thought making you chuckle. How different your two kids are.

You’re pulled from your thoughts as you hear some shuffling from the living room, grabbing your phone you wait for it to ring with Oscar’s name but it never does. So you call out to him, “Babe?”

When you get no response you climb out of bed and quietly tip toe towards the bedroom door to get a better listen, maybe he is testing you to see if you’d listen to what he said about not unlocking the door until he calls.

The buzzing of your phone pulls your attention and you see Oscar’s name pop up with the cutest picture of him and the two kids. You sigh in relief, unlocking the door and stepping out to an empty hallway.

“Oscar?” You call out and switch on the light but he isn’t there. You click the answer button and bring the phone to your ear. “Babe?”

“Hey, this puto is hiding, still nothing just checking on you. The kids still asleep?” When the words leave his lips, you close your eyes and feel a tear slide down your cheek. When you open them, Tomas is standing at the end of the hall, leaning against the wall watching you.

You hold the phone to your ear as you watch him put a single finger close to his lips signaling to be quiet about his presence. You could tell Oscar about him, then you could run to the room and lock the door. Quickly hide the kids in the bathroom for their safety and tell Abel to call his dad because so long as your kids are safe that’s all that matters. But what if he is quicker than you? What if he goes straight for the kids?

“Snoring like bears per usual. We’re okay, just be safe and Oscar?” You pause for a moment as Tomas gives you sickening, sinister look stalking towards you until he is standing right in front of you, his hands brushing against your exposed waist as you’re in a crop top. “Si?” Oscar answers you.

Tomas’ hands grab your chin and lifts it for you to look up at him, “When you find him, put a bullet right between his fucking eyes.” Tomas smiles and swipes his thumb on your lower lip, making you flinch.

Oscar chuckles, “You’re turning me on, mamas. Not much of him will be left. I’ll see you soon, te quiero.”

“Te quiero.” You say in a whisper as the line cuts. You try to step back but Tomas is quick, as you suspect he might be. He grabs ahold of the back of your head and into your hair. He pulls it back roughly with his body now pressed against you. “You have no idea how much I still want you. I think of you every single night. I remember how close you were to giving it to me. Hm.. you remember how badly you wanted me?”

You want to throw up, the feeling of him against you and his words makes you feel repulsed. His grip is iron-like and he is not letting up not until he gets what he wants and it’s obvious he wants you.

“P-please. M-my kids, let me close the door. Just let me at least close it.” Your bottom lip is trembling uncontrollably and the tears have been spilling over since the phone call with Oscar ended. He analyzes you. Are you trying to make an escape? He walks forward, pushing you back towards the bedroom door. And with his free hand reaches back to close the bedroom door, you look over shoulder at your sleeping kids as the door closes. Sending a little prayer for their safety.

He grabs your face and plant a sloppy kiss on your lips. You drown under him, not knowing how to win in this situation.

“So what do you do now?”

Oscar voice causes his chest to vibrate which is right up against yours. He has your arms pinned under his, “Hm, I kiss you to distract you!” You tilt your head upwards to plant a chaste kiss on his lip. He smiles into the kiss and pulls his head back, “You gonna be kissing random dudes who run up on you, hm?”

You can’t help but laugh as he gives you a mischievous look. “Well if it works for me to distract them long enough, then yes!” Oscar rolls his eyes and nods his head to proceed with his defense lesson since you weren’t so keen on firearms, he’s teaching you physical defense.

“Fine, fine. So let’s say the kiss does distract the perp, if you have him in this kind of position? Jab here with all your might.” He points to his side right below his rib cage. “There’s a nerve that’ll cause them to tense up and give you a few seconds. That’s when it matters the most, those few seconds. So think before you do.”

You look at the spot Oscar had pointed to, you jab your fingers there and he tenses up like he says would happen. He curls over and you step back and laugh, making your quick escape.

That moment plays in your head. The kissing is a distraction, he has one of your arms pressed against him and it’s the perfect opportunity. Then the thought of how you asked Ella to pick up her toys that laid on the kitchen floor earlier infiltrates your memory as she never did considering she fell asleep.

You allow him to seep his tongue into your mouth and when you do, you feel him release the grip on your hair. This is the moment. With your fingers pointed, you dig your hand into his side, right below the rib cage and he retorts back. The same way Oscar had. You use your shoulder to push him into the wall which gives you enough space to move away from him.

Tomas recovers quicker than you hoped. So when you were going to leap over the pile of toys, hoping he would trip over them, you feel a grip on your hair once more and you’re sent flying back. The pain stinging your scalp, you yulp when you hit the ground. He is on you and his body suffocating you, “You stupid bitch! Pull that stunt again and I promise you’ll regret it.”

His hand hits your cheek and you cry out as you try to get him off you. The fear setting in as his hand reaches to his belt, the clinking of the metal making you terrified of what is to come next.

But it’s the sound of a gun cocking that stops Tomas trying to unbuckle his belt. He looks back towards the sound just as you do too. You’re heart breaks into a million pieces to see you 6 year old son holding a gun in his hand. His grip on it perfect, ready to fire. His stance, arms out and legs spread apart ready for the recoil.

“Son, go back in the room, please. Just go back to your sister.” Your voice trembles as Abel keeps his eyes on Tomas. In the moment, he resembles his papa more than ever.

Abel shakes his head no, “Get off my mama. I know how to shoot a gun and I’ll shoot you, get off her now!” He sounds like his dad too, you can only sob.

“Mommy?” Ella’s voice sounds from behind Abel. Which distracts him. Tomas takes this opportunity to get the gun away from Abel, “No!” You cry out.

Despite the ache in your body, you sit up and jump on Tomas’ back just before he can reach your son, Ella is screaming scared as Abel runs to his little sister and stands in front of her. You hold onto Tomas with all your might, the strength of a mother is like no other, “Abel, go! Get your sister and run, baby! Run to Tio Cesar’s friends house, go!”

Tomas manages to get you off and slams you back into the wall. The blow stunning you, you have the wind completely knocked out of you. The back of his hand hits your face which causes you to fall over. You cry out as you see him step towards your kids. The fire of the gun sounds and Tomas cries out in pain holding his arm.

“Y/N!” You hear Cesar followed by footsteps. He is kneeling besides you as the Santos enter the house to check it out. “My babies, are they okay?”

“Mama!” Abel calls out as he drops the gun and runs to you, you hold your arms open to embrace your son. Your brave baby boy. Fearless much like his father. Ella joins quickly and you squeeze them tightly.

They sob in your arms as you sit on the floor, the pain radiating throughout you numb from the love your kids are giving, “Y/N! Baby?!” Oscar’s voice booms through the house as he approaches you. He pulls Cesar away as he falls to his knees besides you. His arms envelopes all 3 of you.

Ella turns into her father’s chest, he can feel her thudding heartbeat. Tears stream down his face as he felt he let down his family but as the Santos grabbed the injured Tomas and dragged him out of the house, both of you sigh in relief that the worst is over.

“Mijo, you did it again. You protected your family and papa is so proud of you. You..” Oscar can’t form anymore words as he hugs his son and plants kisses on his head. You stand from the ground and use Oscar’s arm as support.

“Cesar take the kids to the bathroom, make sure they’re okay, por favor.” The younger Diaz nods and whisks away the little ones. Oscar pulls a chair out for you to sit, he kneels in front of you and examines the damage.

You look to him, eyes feeling puffy from the crying, “I’m sorry, I didn’t listen. I put our kids in danger and you’re right, I should have a bullet in my fucking head. I’m sorry, Oscar.” Your head falls as you sob hard, the hyperventilating causing hiccups.

“Baby, none of that shit matters. My kids are okay and you are now. He can’t do anything to hurt you anymore and I promise, you didn’t do nothing wrong. We’re lucky we’re raising a smart boy. I love you.” He wipes your face dry with his shirt and stands, pulling you into his warm, safe embrace.

You all take a shower and cuddle into the bed. Abel and Ella rest in between you and Oscar, embracing each other. Ella has her tiny head on her brother’s chest, forever his sister’s keeper. Oscar sighs as he intertwines your hands together, you look up at him as he gives you a soft smile.

This morning you woke a happy family and tonight you lay down a stronger one.

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sleepymouses · 4 years

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tagged by @littlepetbee, thank uuuu <3 i spent way too long thinking about htis lol,

Rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, tag a bunch o ppls to do it too (if y’all want to, supes no pressure or anything!)

Natsume yuujinchou (a teenage orphan who sees spirits/monsters sets out to free the spirits who were bound in magical contract by his grandmother after he inherits a powerful book, aided primarily by a spirit who appears as an exasperated fat cat (who is just as fun as he sounds). Titular character is like my Fave boy in the whole world, he’s so kind and soft despite all the hardships he’s faced, the series has very gentle pacing/character development, and each episode is a carefully crafted lil story that have often moved me to tears, chuckles, or outright chinhands of fondness as u watch natsume slowly find a home in the world and amongst the humans &spirits around him. big focus on friendships, there’s like no romance with any of the main characters, lots of cool different creatures (most of whom arent all that scary once u get to know them), its just literally everything i could ever dream for in a show and it exists! <3)

Leverage (team of modern day robin hoods ruin rich peoples’ lives via delightfully crafted spy cons to give back to the regular folks the rich people hurt. Extremely good, strong found family vibes, and v cathartic)

Brooklyn 99 (follows diverse cast of character who make up a NY precinct. Hilarious, immensely wholesome & groundbreaking, & probs the most lighthearted crime show besides like psych tbh)

Blackspot/Zone Blanche (spoopy french/belgium crime series set in a small village way out in the mountains surrounded by misty, mysterious and murdery woods. eerie and atmospheric, but also like one of my fave characters (everyone calls him teddy bear) keeps a pet guinea pig at work, so it’s not entirely grim and bleak)

Longmire (a modern western crime drama centering around the titular sheriff and others in their small town wyoming county, well written and lot of chracter development revealed alongside some really good case mysteries bc i love trying to figure out whodunits apparently based on a book series well adored by dads btw)

who is your favorite character in 2? (leverage) ahhh,,, this is hard... Eliot maybe? like Hardison is baby ofc, but i relate to elliot a ton (i think if i was on a team i would want to be the hitter tbh?) and love the subversion of so many action hero tropes that he is, also endlessly amused by how very put upon he is despite all his rad/random skills

who is your least favorite character in 1? (natsume yuujinchou) oh seiji matoba for sure, he can go eat a mouldy tree stump. absolutely evil nasty dude

what is your favorite episode of 4? (blackspot) the end of the road. great opening, didnt end up too devastating unlike a lot of the cases, Hermann was gr8, cool twist i hadnt super expected in the plot which was neat.

what is your favorite season of 5? (longmire) probs 1, walter reeally started to piss me off being Such A Man in later seasons, also me being extremely anxious about Henry and his life choices later, that creepy stalker storyline starting up with Someone and when Someone else in the main cast got died really suddenly and upsettingly later on as well, also when a weird relationship started between some of the characters that i really aint feeling so. before all that happened was nice (also sorry if this is super vague, im trying to avoid spoilers)

who is your favorite couple in 3? (B99) Besides Jake/Amy and Holt/Kevin (bc oviously theyre gr8) uh.. i know it was a long time ago and didnt last very long, but i thought rosa and marcus were really sweet? it brought another layer out to her character, even when they broke up that helped rosa starting to show emotional vulnerability and all, even tho it ended it was still just, idk, i liked them.

who is your favorite couple in 2? (leverage) Does trio count, cos Parker/Eliot/Harding 4 life yo

what is your favorite episode of 1? (natsume yujinchou) i have sooo many faves ahhh!!! i dont think i could pick just one on pain of death, every episode is acrefully cosntructed gem all on its own and i have too many that i love and adore to pick jsut one :((

what is your favorite episode of 5? (longmire) Dog soldier!! ive rewatched that one a ton, so so many good bits, really satisfying resolution of the case despite the shitty system that was revealed, and i rmr getting chills by the end the first time i saw it.

what is your favorite season of 2? (leverage) i guess season 1? just, idk, everything being set up and watching all these grumpies/less grumpies who have no plans to stay together start working together as a baby team, and just the joy of seeing their first heist together with the first plot twist, just.. such a delight, but all seasons that ive seen so far were all excellent, it’s a stellar show

how long have you watched 1? (natsume yujinchou) oh idk exactly, like years and years man... defs the longest out of all on this list

how did you become interested in 3? (b99) i think it was just on netflix way back in season 1 and i started watching it, loved it and never stopped? i think that might have even been before it got rlly popular lol

who is your favorite actor in 4? (blackspot) i dont rlly know any of these french peeps? but teddybear’s one of my fave characters, so hopefully the person who plays him is also cool, in which case hubert delattre (if not, Suliane Brahim does a v good job as the lead)

which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? (natsume yujinchou, leverage or longmire) um... real torn between natsume and leverage here, they’re both such lovely gems that do found family so, so well.. leverage is a team of modern robin hood-esque spies with brilliant writing and exciting heists and multiple delightful plot twists every episode and great character building and so much catharticism in ruining evil rich peoples lives.

but natsume’s title character is one of my very favorite characters ever, hes been through so much but he becomes the most kindest and thoughtful boy ever, and its so, so soft and gentle in its development of characters and their slow build of getting to know each other and becoming friends, and the interactions with the paranormal world are very rarely entirely malicious/scary, and there’s pretty well no romance, at least like no romance for plot/with the main characters anyways, and there’s lots of female characters who have important roles but arent sexualized/killed off for man feels/exist for romo (which sadly cannot be said about a lot of media, especially manga/anime tbh, even leverage does not win entirely on that front).. its defintiely my favorite anime ever (i dont watch loads, but literally no other one can ever come close to topping its perfection),

i guess tho, leverage is over, and natsume is still technically ongoing, so i guess for that then i have to go with natsume?

which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? (natsume yuujinchou or b99) Natsume for sure, they’re so short its easy to power thru like half a season in an afternoon

if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? (blackspot) i would probably want to be someone who didnt live in villefranche actually haha uh, it’s a pretty spoopity place.. even some of the characters i do like make some Bad decisions that are v bothersome. Dr. Leila barami seems to have a good head on her shoulders tho, so if i Must be a character here then let’s go with her

would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? (b99 or blackspot) oh god... the cheery upbeat department at the 99 meet up with a grim, misty tiny mountain forest village with bleak day to day life, solving crimes amidst small town paranoia and weird maybe cult-related conspiracies and honestbhly something/s paranormal and menacing going on in the woods?? i just... cant see any of the characters even interacting lol, im just picturing jake’s confused befuddled face when he hears something weird but like x 10000

pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? (natsume yujinchou) hm... i mean, one of the things i love about Natsume is that there arent really any romo relationships tbh? at least not with any of the main characters in the main storyline (so far), just like the odd one-off of minor characters (and takashi’s adopted parents ofc, but that’s different). so, yeah, i cant really think of one (although i think the big fandom fave ship of takashi and his worst enemy is rlly.. nope, and i dont know what’s going on there? takashi and tanama however, that would make sense, tho it is not unlikely so i cant answer this question with them)

overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? (b99 or longmire) b99! cos ya know my annoyances with some of the stuff happening later on in longmire lol, b99 just got better n better as it went along, and it’s still going :’)

which has the better theme music, 2 or 4? (leverage or blackspot) blackspot has a real good eerie atmospheric theme which is gr8 and i love it <3 (leverage’s tune is like, elevator music/cheesy jazzy spy tune, which does suit it tho lol)

and idk, anyone bored and stuck at home who wants to do this? no pressure if ur like nah but if u wanna go ahead.... @creepy-friend-of-darkness @anna-wa @rhinky-thingz @rexbasileus @aeolian-harp @warrenkoles @softbrobarnes @damnitttana @cluelesswolf @moondoggiestyle @blloodorangeisthenewblack @my-nail-beds-suck @frankiecolours @savvylikeyeahhh @lake-effectkidx @justhugharry @casualmisandry @j4ya @galaxygalpals @thesecondwarm @dealwright @knipperdollin @curlycombover @kaspbrakeddie (and if i didnt tag u and u still wanna do this, consider yeself tagged)

#littlepetbee #long post #littlepetlouis #thank u for tagging me in these <333 sorry im rarely here to do them but i appreciate em and try to keep track when im on #heather watches things #also this was a fun thing to think about bc urgh i am so tired of same old shit day in and out these days oof #natsume #k now im real emosh about natsume ahh #leverage #also come scream at me if u watch any of these ahh #longmire #askables #black spot #b99

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demenior · 7 years

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get to know the blogger night: top ten ships you have and why they're great. [you can do five if you want i just thought you might find it hard to choose]

Top 10 Ships in No Order:

Dean Winchester/Castiel

Steve Rogers/Sam WIlson/Natasha Romanova/Bucky Barnes

Shiro/Ulaz

Jake/Cassie

Rachel/Tobias

Derek/Casey

Rose Tyler/The Doctor/Jack Harkness

Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter

Sora/Kairi/Riku

Larka/Kar

Reasons below, cut for length!

Dean Winchester/Castiel from Spn

I will always love these two. The narrative set them up so incredibly well. They were both raised by absent fathers to be soldiers and to never question orders. But where Dean started to realize the abuse his father heaped onto him and was working away from this, Castiel remained loyal to an increasingly corrupt system. Their early interactions, where Dean is afraid of the powerful creature hiding in a human body that Castiel is, and Castiel’s absolute faith in Dean and curiosity about humanity, which leads to them slowly dancing around one another and ultimately forming such a strong relationship that the forces of heaven rushed to rip them apart rather than let them realize they could create their own destiny!!! just!!! end me i love it.

They are totally a case of ‘both think the other is way out of their league’ but at the same time don’t expect each other to be perfect, and accept one another for whom they are. And one is a human with the weight of the world on his shoulders, who’s been forced into so much evil that he doesn’t think he’s capable of being loved, and the other is an indescribable force of nature and love that took a human form just to meet him :))))

I’ve long-since moved on from Spn but I’ll always be fond of the dynamic of Cas & Dean.

Steve Rogers/Sam Wilson/Natasha Romanova/Bucky Barnes (and any combination of) from the MCU

My ot4. My loves. CAtWS ruined my life and gave me this dynamic 4-some that are all broken and hurting in one way or another and find some support in each other. They’re all such wonderful characters and the idea that they could find what they need in each other just delights me. I want them all to be happy!!!

Shiro/Ulaz from Voltron: Legendary Defender

This is nearly a crackship, considering Ulaz dies the same episode we meet him.

But Shiro is nearly my ideal character-- someone striving to be good and be solid ground for others in constantly-changing, difficult times-- who also suffered unimaginable hardship and suffering. Shiro’s not a character that we see opens up much, and yet he nearly threw himself at Ulaz when they met. He argued against all possibly logic that Ulaz had to be a friend, had to be trustworthy, and even though the group had never met a friendly Galra at this point, Shiro (who, again, was held captive and tortured for a year by the Galra) was the one who advocated for him.

From there, the best part about them is the potential. Why did Ulaz free Shiro in the first place? What were his intentions? Was he honest in the things he said to Shiro or was he playing a deception and Shiro believed it?

Also, height differences. And alien differences B^J

Jake/Cassie from Animorphs

While Animorphs is primarily a story about the horrors and the consequences of war, it also deals with the rammifications of how the battlefield destroys personal lives as well.

I love all of the Animorphs kids, but we all know Jake is my special darling child. Jake and Cassie are childhood sweethearts that everyone knows like each other. Sometimes they even sit beside each other on the bus!! Even if they don’t know what to say. Just, ah, my darlings. It’s such a sweet setup. They’re going to date, get married, and be happy together forever.

Except, war happens. And Jake is forced to become someone Cassie’s not sure she can love. That’s a lie- I believe Cassie still loves Jake, but she won’t be happy with him.

Jake’s proposal, at the end, when he knows he’s about to paint his hands red with his family’s blood and win the war through attrition, and he hasn’t told anyone else yet... he reflects on all they’ve been through in 3-4 short, long years and who they are and he, he wants to go back. He wants to hope they can still have a happy ending.

Jake and Cassie forever give me heartache because they both did get their best possible ending. And it wasn’t together.

Rachel/Tobias, from Animorphs

How could I talk about Jake&Cassie and not mention these two? The (arguably) beta couple who fell in love with the dichotomy of each other, who loved each other to oblivion. They wrestled with huge issues like Tobias’s body, Rachel’s bloodthirstiness and yet despite it all they loved each other until the end.

He wore a human face so she could see him mourning her before she died. Her last words to him were ‘i love you’ and he carried-- the description that he actually struggled to lift the urn always breaks my heart-- he took her ashes to spread them as his final goodbye. These poor kids didn’t deserve the harsh hand fate dealt them, but they made the best of it with one another.

Derek/Casey from Life with Derek

THEY’RE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER. DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT. HE’S A REBEL AND SHE’S A GOODY-TWO-SHOES. THEY COMPLETE EACH OTHER.

[they’re also step-siblings thru marriage and IT’S MEANT TO BEEEE]

Rose Tyler/The Doctor/Jack Harkness from Doctor Who (primarily 9th Doctor)

I love the dynamic of these three so much. There’s a huge fondness in my heart for how the three of them normalized what was, the show was hinting at, essentially an open relationship. From the show I believe it was to remain un-consummated and ‘will-they-won’t-they’ but the dialogue and body language of all three always indicated they these three were more than just friends.

More fun with aliens!! You can never go wrong!!! Also, Jack is involved and y’all should understand the huge imact that Jack Harkness had on wee Dem.

Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter from NBC Hannibal

I love the incredibly awful way these two come together, fall apart, and sew themselves up again. I love the dynamics of this show in general. But how refreshing to have leads-- antagonists, often-- who are also in love with each other but also in love with life and morality and the meanging of emotion. These two mainly went into otp status after the ending of Hannibal, in which it was confirmed that the whole series was/is essentially a long, dark, macabre urban fantasy love story/fairytale.

Sora/Kairi/Riku from the Kingdom Hearts series

Again, all childhood best friends who end up in the middle of a war that’s been happening since before they were even born. They were all naiively chasing adventure, and then found themselves seprated across different worlds, part of all sorts of manipulations and, in Riku’s case, eventually falling into darkness trying to protect the other two.

The first game started off almost setting them up to be a gross love triangle, and while elements remain, it’s actually become a story about three friends who adore each other and want to be together and protect one another.

The three of them spent three whole games trying to get back to one another. Sora gave up all of his memories and was locked in a coma for a year, Kairi lost her heart/soul and then her memories (and then she gaind them back because she loved them so much!!!), Riku eventually gave up his own body and became what he feared the most in order to protect Sora and Kairi. The three of them united KNEW Riku even when he had the face of their enemy and they all bawled at being together again and I bawled too.

I love these three so much.

Larka/Kar from The Sight

The Sight is my absolute favorite book of all times and I usually reread it at least once a year.

Romance isn’t the forefront of this story either, but love itself- in all it’s forms- is continuously shown to be one of the strongest forces in the universe.

Larka and Kar endure a lot of ordeals together, and he is pivotal in saving her life several times including her depression after most of her family dies and she is under the impression it is because of her. Kar is the only one who can bring Larka back from the dead! When she travels to the red meadow to gain answers, and wants to stay with her family where she won’t have to suffer anymore. But she returns!! Because Kar pours out his heart and calls her back!!!

And in the end, Larka knows she is going to her own death. And has accepted it. But at the last moment she looks up and sees Kar waiting for her to come back to him, so they can have a life together, and it’s her love for him that makes her fight against fate and destiny to get back to him.

And, to loosely quote the scene because it’s beautiful, “between Larka and the cliff, between hope and fairy tale, stepped reality. What really happens. Larka missed the ledge, and they all watched as she fell towards the rocks below”

And now excuse me while I cry.

#THIS IS!!! SO LONG!!!!#replies #asks #about me #get to know me meme #krakendra

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pagedesignhub-blog · 7 years

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My So-Called (Instagram) Life

New Post has been published on https://pagedesignhub.com/my-so-called-instagram-life/

My So-Called (Instagram) Life

“You’re like a cartoon person,” he stated. “Usually carrying the equal component every day.”

He supposed it as an intimate remark, the sort you may make most effective after spending a lot of time gaining knowledge of each different. You flip your hair to the proper. You best eat ice cream out of mugs. You Constantly put on a black leather-based jacket. I realize you.

And he did know me. As an alternative, he knew the cool animated film of me that I had created and meticulously cultivated. The me I broadcast to the arena on Instagram and Facebook. The witty, creative me, Always indifferent and in no way tacky or needy.

That version of me got her start online as my social media character, however over the years (and that I assume for the sake of consistency), she bled off the screen and overtook my real-Existence character, too. And when you grasp what is largely an onstage performance of your self, it could be difficult to break a person.

There has been a time after I allowed myself to be more than what may want to suit onto a 2-by means of-4-inch display screen. once I wasn’t so self-aware of how I was seen. when I embraced my contradictions and desires with much less fear of embarrassment or rejection.

Keep reading the main story Commercial

Preserve reading the main tale There was a time when I swore in the front of my buddies and stated grace in the front of my grandmother. when I wore lipstick after seeing “Clueless,” and shoes after seeing “Remember the Titans.” once I flipped my hair each way, ate ice cream out of some thing, and wore coats of all types and colorings.

When you consider that then, I have consolidated that variety — scrubbed it away, surely — to come to be one continually cool girl: one face, two fingers, one black leather-based jacket.

And so it became a validation of sorts when Joe fell for her, me inside the leather jacket. He becomes exquisite, the funniest man in our Television writing software, and my ideal cool counterpart. I may want to already see us on the screen; we made the experience.

First-class of all, he notion he liked me more than I liked him, and that became perfect too because it gave me the top hand. I was above love, above emotional hardship, devoted to higher hobbies.

Periodically Joe could confront me approximately this imbalance. We’d meet at a park on Second Avenue and tenth Avenue, and he could tell me that I drove him loopy, that he couldn’t be as removed as me.

And, of the route, the reality turned into that I wasn’t removed in any respect. Over the many months we have been collective, as we went from being friends to greater than buddies, I had fallen for him absolutely. The singular syllable of his call had begun to sense permanently tucked between my molars and was Constantly on my mind.

however, I used to be reluctant to exchange my person midseason and grow to be someone who was greater open and, God forbid, earnest about love. He had fallen for the cool, indifferent me, so that’s who I remained. And he was given bored.

That’s the way it is going with half-hour Television indicates. Consistency can come to be boring. The desire-they-or-wonot-they characters need to get collectively, and at that point, the display is closing in on its finale. It’s all of the builds, and when that becomes worn-out, the show gets canceled.

Like an allergic reaction to becoming unloved, my Instagram account went into overdrive, all aimed at one target audience member: Joe. Thru loads of displays, I used to be screaming at him: “I’m here! I’m humorous! I’m at that fish taco place I confirmed you!”

The likes I were given from my followers did little to quell my crushing want for Joe’s cyber approval. “Like me once more, like me once more,” became my subconscious mantra.

however he didn’t like me, and each time he didn’t, the heartache felt like a heated bullet exploding in my gut. I might lie on the couch and snatch my belly so tightly it was as if I have been trying to expel the shrapnel from my throat. I knew no person else should extract it for me because no person knew it turned into there.

I used to be embarrassed for the human beings I saw who pined publicly on Instagram, but I additionally envied them. They have been showered with help, with reassurance. In the event that they were not absolutely cured, at least the infection appeared to run a shorter direction.

In the meantime, on every occasion I twisted my backbone, I felt that heat bullet scraping my insides. I was scared it’d fossilize there and end up permanently embedded.

So that you can self-soothe, I wrote letters to Joe — real, physical letters, pen to notepad — that felt like a few ancient ritual, using my whole hand and now not simply my thumbs. Watching his cowlick in class, I would write down everything I desired: for him to critique my writing, to stroke my hair while we watched “Lessen Your Enthusiasm” on his ugly futon, to examine his performs and believe I used to be shifting ever toward his middle.

Rather than supply him any of these letters, I burned them, trying and failing to cremate that facet of myself.

Daily, hour by means of the hour, my Instagram feed have become extra manic, nasty and petulant. Posts that have been as soon as intended as romantic gestures became tiny, pixelated middle arms.

Joe began to observe, however in preference to magically falling lower back in love with me, he became hurt and irritated. I used to be inexplicably cold to him, posting snap shots of events I threw that he wasn’t invited to, photographs of me overseas wherein I hadn’t told him I used to be studying, and pieces of artwork I made but hadn’t shared with him.

In return, he sent me messages of unvarnished honesty: “Why didn’t you invite me?” “Why are you being like this?”

Oh, it’s simply who I am. I’m a laugh, I feel nothing and I have completely forgotten you.

And so it went, and that i kept on the stunning container I used to be crafting for myself. A shoe box covered in stickers and pretend jewels. the type you would make for a puppy parakeet you have to bury. I would dream approximately Joe at night, and in the morning I’d publish some thing silvery and eye catching. It turned into Constantly simply tinfoil, although, not truth. and I prayed no one would be aware.

I published a photo of me standing subsequent to a shirt that stated “the sector Shook at Adam’s bar mitzvah, 1995,” with a witty caption about less difficult instances, before international warming. A female who follows me, with whom I’ve spoken best a handful of instances, told me it was so “on the logo.”

My emblem, in particular: funny, carefree, unromantic, a realist.

I’m just like the leader government of my own corporation, so I’m acquainted with my branding, but its fulfillment doesn’t thrill me the manner it used it. rather than feeling proven through her comment, I felt deflated. I slightly recognize this girl, and yet she is aware of me, knows my “emblem,” and I am crushed through the choice to tell her that I’m faux, that I am heartbroken.

I can’t say for positive that being more sincere with my friends or broadening my “brand” to include a chunk of depth, romanticism, and ache might have helped. What I can say is that clinging to continuity has made my skin move slowly and itch, as if I super-glued masks over my face. I idea every day approximately peeling lower back that mask, but I couldn’t; the woman it represented was anywhere, and I feared that her insides had been completely mechanized.

This yr, Joe and I are in a class together, and he’s unsettled via my presence. I haven’t spoken to him in for all time.

“What’s right, guy?” I say with the signature casualness of cool animated film me. “It’s been a minute.”

This is not the me who changed her outfit 5 instances before arriving, who coughed repeatedly until her voice had obtained the suitable quantity of rasp, who dug into her pores the night earlier than, looking to rid her body of all signs that he became nevertheless buried there, thick and toxic under her pores and skin.

If you spend 8 years constructing a house (no matter how uncomfortable or unsightly it could be, no matter how impractical or poorly lit), it will become almost not possible to knock it down. This is about how long I put into building my social media presence, into turning into the cool lady I show off on Instagram and Facebook.

I built her with out blueprints, no longer knowing that she might come to be a wall with out a doors. She has stopped me from on line courting because that could suggest I care approximately romance. She has stopped me from sporting purple, due to the fact that might suggest I’m too female. She has stopped me from being publicly heartbroken, from sobbing at the orange subway seats, from displaying up on Joe’s doorstep with the letters I wrote, because that could imply I’m no longer cool.

Maximum these days, she attempted to stop me from penning this essay, from admitting to every body that I am hurting.

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